I am Michelle Min, fourth semester Pacific Oaks College Human Development BA

candidate. I am a focused, committed, evolving student-of life, humanity and social

consciousness.
The decision to attend Pacific Oaks has been one of the best and most rewarding choices
that I have made thus far in my life. It has ignited within me a significant capacity for thinking
critically which has permitted me to hone a newly energized, highly enthusiastic love for
learning. It has placed me in a position of actively making continuous, forward-moving progress
and learning that I can set the bar as high as I choose in challenging myself, and still succeed in
accomplishing my academic goals. As a result, I have a refreshed and expanded awareness of
countless societal issues and of my own capabilities, in terms of my core values and actions
within my life.
The pedagogy here has taught me how to reflect and analyze my experiences and make
the most of all of them. As a woman who is a rape survivor, has struggled with alcoholism,
bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and abuse, I had a lot on my mind!
Thankfully, introspective work was not unfamiliar territory; however the writing and risktaking which was nurtured throughout all of my classes broadened my thinking and added
increased empathy, sensitivity toward others and provided specific, practical applications on how
my experiences can be translated into action. Earning this formal education prepares me to be a
more highly qualified and credible individual in the context of working with others
professionally.
The many reflective writings and studies I have completed have also been useful in
gleaning a more balanced and compassionate understanding of people, including members of my
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own family. Understanding developmental stages in life has shed new light on elements of my
upbringing in ways that have assisted me in further releasing aspects of lingering anger and other
negative emotions, which had plagued me for years.
When I was growing up, my father used to be fond of making certain analogies about our
family practices. Parenting was likened to the process of a master gardener bending and
grooming a bonsai tree to his specifications for beauty and perfection. My thoughts were
frequently, How is this possible, when the gardener is hostile, critical and drunk much of the
time?
This (along with a seemingly endless array of other negative, consuming and selfdefeating thoughts) fueled copious resentment and hostility, though they frequently went
unarticulated and were instead swallowed down like an angry ocean of alcohol. The progressive
seething within my mind eroded my sense of self and disrupted any hopes of coping with life in a
healthy fashion. My methods of dealing with rage and disappointment (directed both at my father
and toward myself) were overtly self-destructive and completely futile. Blame and self-loathing
paralyzed me and essentially stopped my growth and development for many years.
When I was ultimately ready to liberate my thinking from its own methods of oppression
and self-sabotage, new options emerged. In addition to sobriety, my studies have helped me to
find gratitude, accountability and the education which provided me with an ability to empower
myself. I am the only one responsible for my life and my level of contentedness.
I have evolved from an angry, humorless, confused, overwhelmed and suicidal daughter,
sister, friend and ex-wife, to a much more accepting and less judgmental, balanced human being.

I have learned to more thoroughly understand and practice forgiveness of myself and others, and
find deeper meaning in living in the momentum of positivity, hope and progress.
I know now that life is not about perfection, demands and obsession, but about sincere
exertion of efforts which focus on and render the greater good; those which do not cause strife,
rancor or contention. My existence is no longer about remorse of blame, it is about promoting
nurturing, supportive thoughts and actions including a practice of directing this philosophy
toward myself, so that I may successfully extend these qualities to others.
Recent personal experiences and events have been demonstrative of lifes brevity and
unpredictable nature, as well as of the glaring reality that this world has far more than its share of
pain and suffering, but they serve as powerful reminders which speak to the importance of
setting and accomplishing meaningful goals. Since starting school here my objectives have
shifted and refocused, but the consistent thread which has not waivered is of the need to live with
a renewed sense of meaning and purpose, which increases as I learn more and more.
Letting go of negativity and my limiting concerns of self, as well as recognizing how
tremendously fortunate I have been in receiving help and support in so many contexts throughout
very troubled times in my life, clarify the fact that it is both my privilege and my responsibility
to make every effort to pay forward these gifts in the most tangible ways possible. My focus has
gradually shifted from thoughts of painful incidents which have happened to me, to, What can
I do to be helpful and make my experiences useful to others?
My aspiration now in terms of my future career is to become a Sobriety Coach. In
addition to my own long-term sobriety and recovery, I believe that the action of completing my
degree from Pacific Oaks will serve as a living example that it is possible to successfully
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overcome the often debilitating fallout, stagnation and limitations of trauma, mental illness and
active alcoholism. It is my hope that this unique, socially just scaffolding of academic knowledge
and an increased sense of awareness and self-assurance will provide the basis for continuous
building and growth in my life, in order to actively share this with others who have similar needs
and experiences.