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Jonathan an allowance based on chores. I want him to know that money does
not grow on trees, and I want him to learn to earn what he keeps. For the
most part, his major milestone is earning more and more freedom. He is
getting a better grasp of morality, work ethic, and is growing socially through
Scouts. I try to let him decide what he likes, and in general he seems to be
leaning towards science. This seems to be working just fine, since all of his
grades come back fairly average to high.
While Jonathan was 10 everything seemed to run on its own. He learned
to love reading, his science, art, and math all excelled, and he was a good
sport overall. This year I did not really influence much. I let him bike a little
later (offering more freedom), I gave him an allowance, I supported his
reading and scientific development by suggesting programs, and that was
really about it. He seems to have decided for himself who he is, which
sounds like a detraction from who I am, and I am perfectly fine with that. I
would say that the biggest thing is that he is developing his own identity,
which is both fairly new and unique. He is learning who he is in contrast to
his friends, for better or worse.
I did not get to make any real choices till Jonathan turned 12. Yet again I
was the loving dictator (according to the program) as I was both stricter and
more loving than most parents. I channeled what Jonathan played on the
internet, and I reinforced what rules I had set down. One major milestone
was Jonathan developing a sense of empathy, stating when he thought
things were unfair. I capitalized on this, and tried to get him to view things
point of pushing the issue since he was not trying to wreck his car, but he
was also old enough to fix the problem himself. He also pushed the limits of
his freedom, with his car, his girlfriend, his curfew, and it is becoming
painfully obvious that he is almost an adult. Yet again, I chose to be there for
him, but I am still the strict and loving dictator. His last report stated that he
was doing very well in school, receiving all As or Bs, and I can be proud of
him for that. Over time I have released his leash and now he is free. I believe
that by being strict I showed him moral codes that he will live by, but by
being more caring than most parents he felt the freedom to become whoever
he wanted to be.
Overall I do not believe that I would change anything. Based on what I
have learned both in text and online, I know that being strict, or helicopter
parenting can be bad and can adversely affect a child. Typically that is due to
the parent wanting the child to be a clone of them. Since that was not my
goal, I do not believe that my child turned out that way. I also did not allow a
free range parenting style, since I wanted him to have the self-confidence to
succeed. That is why I chose to be strict but loving overall.
The biggest thing I learned from this project was the width of some of
the problems I might come across. I was frequently wondering did I make
the right choice and without a list of possible scenarios, I do not know. I
suppose I must have done well, and I think my child turned out ok.
As a teacher I can now apply a higher sense of empathy for the parents.
Just like me, they do not have an answer sheet. They are stumbling through
life on their first or second child, and frankly they still will not know what
they are doing by their fifteenth child. I also have a better idea of what kind
of instructional style might work best. Structure in the school is not exactly
like in the home; we have a lot fewer freedoms than parents, but the core
ideas can still be applied. A firm understanding of rules mixed with the
support of a teacher could allow a student to fully succeed in their
classroom. I would say that overall I have a better idea of how a child might
think, what kind of background they could have, and what kind of structure I
would want to implement.