COMM 1080

RESPONSE PAPER #1 - CONFICT ANALYSIS (50 points)

Describe a problem in a significant relationship (family member, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend,
close relative, boss, coworker, etc.) that is ongoing or that has been resolved. Answer each question to the
best of your ability. If a question does not apply to your situation put n/a (for not applicable) as your
answer. Please include the question (or an abbreviated version) with your answer (you use this as a
template and simply add your answer). It would be helpful if you changed the font of your answer so it
stands out for me to read (e.g., bold, different color). Enjoy the experience.
20 Questions
1. Who was the other person involved?
My Mother.
2. How long did the problem go on, and why that long? (Days, weeks, months, ongoing)
Ongoing
3. In what way did you want the person to be different?
Communicate more often.
4. Describe the choices you made in the past that got you to where you are with this person and problem?
I dont know that choices are involved as much as communication flaws present in both of us. She
perceives many of my statements as being more negative as they are at the same time that I have some
trouble wording what I say on occasion.
5. As long as the problem was unresolved, what did you have to be right about concerning the other
person? [In other words: What did you tell yourself about them (true or untrue) to keep the problem
unresolved? Example: I believed that they didnt care about me. I believed that they did it on
purpose to make me mad. They are mean and thoughtless and never think of other people.]
I sometimes feel like she does it because she doesnt care, but always know such is not the case. I
never tell her that she actually means it so much as tell her how it can make me feel. I think that one way
I sometimes keep the issue going is with my timing when I tell her to communicate more often. It angers
her sometimes.
6. As long as the problem was unresolved, what did you have to be right about concerning yourself?
[Similar to the question above, only about yourself. What do you tell yourself about your own behavior
(true or untrue) that keeps the problem unresolved?] Example: I work hard and I deserve some time
to myself. I am always giving them their way. I dont deserve to be treated this way.
I often tell myself that I am always communicating my words properly even if I am not. I realize this
in the arguments and always make sure to point out my flaws to her so she knows I am not trying to say
she is the sole problem.
7. Who have you recruited to your point of view about this person?
In general, I have not seen the need to recruit people to my point of view. It is a problem between my
mother and I so I dont involve others. However, my sister often feels the same as I do of her own accord.
8. What was the pay-offs for keeping the problem unresolved?

There are no pay-offs for keeping this problem unresolved. It just creates animosity between my
mother and I. Frustration on my end. Defensiveness on hers.
9. To resolve the problem you might have to be wrong about some things. What might you be wrong about
concerning this person?
I know I am probably more flawed in the way I communicate myself than I realize.
10. What prices did you pay for keeping the problem unresolved?
The price is a continued animosity in the form of my frustration.
11. While this remains unresolved, what price is the other person paying to be in a relationship with you?
She feels the need to defend herself and feels berated.

12. What are/were you unwilling to do to resolve the problem?

Leave it be as she seems to sometimes want me to do. We cannot solve this dilemma without facing
it.
13. What would it take for you to accept the person just as they are today?
Better patience on my part. A More easy-going personality.
14. What can you do if the person never changes the way you want them to be?
Learn to be patient with them and understand their communication flaws better. Practice my own
flaws.
15. What ways do you undermine the other person=s efforts to resolve the problem?
Have too little patience when she has trouble explaining things. Have trouble letting go of the
constant communication errors between us.
16. How much longer are you willing to have it be a problem?
As long as it takes for us both to improve ourselves and learn to communicate with each other
happily. Communication flaws and personality flaws can be very hard to change.
17. If you choose to continue this relationship, and if it=s a healthy relationship for you to stay in, what is
the first step you could take to begin to resolve it?
Practice more metacommunication. Ive started using it and it seems to have started helping us.
18. If you choose not to continue this relationship, what is the first step you can take to end it in a healthy
way?
She is my mother and I live in the house with her. Im not sure ending it would be healthy for either
of us. It would hurt us both too much.

19. What was the most difficult aspect of this assignment?

Accurate self-reflection without bias.

20. What was the hardest thing for you to answer truthfully about yourself in this assignment?
That I am not as perfect with communicating my issues to her as I want to believe. That I am
impatient.