Karina De Gracia

Western History and culture

Professor Sinclair
15 April 2016
Word count: 1561
Interview paper: Grandma Rita
Anytime I smell the sweet aroma of butterscotch and cinnamon I
am quickly reminded of my grandmother, grandma Rita. Growing up,
every Saturday she would come to visit my family and I, bringing along
with her butterscotch candies and cinnamon gum to give to us. This
was practically gold in my eyes, and I quickly established from a young
age I was quite fond of this woman. She watched silly shows with me,
baked cookies, let me braid her hair, all with a smile on her face. As a
young child, youre blessed with a precious gift of blissful ignorance.
Because little did I know the woman laughing along with me as we
played kitchen, was struggling with depression, the pain from three
failed marriages, and recovering from past abuse. Ive only recently
learned the extent of my grandmas past, and even then I dont know
half of it. But the more I learn, the more respect and amazement I have
for this woman I have the privilege to call grandma.
On a beautiful Saturday afternoon my grandma and I made our
way to Amelies French bakery, a favorite place of ours. We sat down
over a cup of coffee and delicious pastries and before I started the

interview, we began catching each other up on our lives. I told her

about my two friends Abdulahziz and big Z, two of my Muslim friends
whom Ive had the pleasure of getting to know over the past couple of
months. I shared with her my excitement about learning of Islam and
the astounding comparisons it has to Christianity. We started talking
about religion, scripture, heavy and I ended up asking her a question,
why Christianity grandma? She shared with me her past religious
experiences, Buddhist meditation being one of them, and the alarming
negative effects it had on her emotional well being. We talked about
this for sometime, and then gradually led into the real interview
questions.
The first question is: what is a good life? I asked her. She sat
there for a few moments, staring up at the ceiling as if the answers
were written in the crevices. After a few seconds she looked back at
me and said well, I suppose I can only answer this from my
perspective. I think a good life is sharing your life with a strong
community, family, and friends. You need to surround yourself with
people who care for you and make you feel safe. I think you also need
to continuously set challenges for yourself in order to grow towards
reaching your goals.
I smiled and reassured her that was a wonderful answer. Now,
given your answer, how does one go about that? She confidently
responded with the importance of actively surrounding yourself with

those types of people. Participation is key, she kept reiterating, you

have to participate in order to receive reciprocation. I took this
opportunity to praise her on how great she is at this and how I admire
her loyalty to the people in her life. I think she appreciated this, often
times she sells herself short by how amazing she is. How is happiness
defined and understood? She looked me directly into the eyes and
quoted Paul, I have learned to be content in all situations she
explained how having values such as contentment and inner peace
allows you to participle fully and experience the joy of those
relationships. Happiness is continuously experiencing and choosing
inner contentment. Its not always easy, and its nothing something
you can just put on like a shirt, it comes from deep within. Ive lived
many years without being content, and I never want to go back. I was
especially impressed with this answer. Because I couldnt agree more,
the times Ive been the happiest are the times Ive chosen to let go
and choose contentment.
I began to say this next question was pretty broad, and she could
choose to narrow it any way shed like. What are the problems as
humans we need to address? this ended up being one of my favorite
questions, solely because of her response. She passionately explained
we are in a battle against our human nature of selfishness and pride.
Almost every issue in the world comes down to the pride of man,
ironically even when it may be detrimental to our own self will.

Grandma continued to say she believes whole-heartedly all humans

need a core belief and anchor in a higher being to avoid chasing the
emptiness of the worlds material gain.
For the next set of questions, I prefaced these are more based on
her personal life, and if she didnt feel comfortable answering certain
ones, absolutely no worries. What was your worst experience? I was
hesitant to ask this, and looking back, I think most of my nervousness
came from not wanting to hear the pain she went through. Sometimes
I wish I could stay in my blissful ignorant bubble. But I sat back,
awaiting her answer. Being betrayed by an adult authority figure, and
his disregard for my personal boundaries as a child. And not having
any adults listen to me while I tried to explain what I needed help with
in that situation. Ive never felt such a deep sense of helplessness or
vulnerability. My throat throbbed as I sat listening, you could see the
pain in her eyes as she recounted such an awful event. I quickly moved
past this question, for her sake and my own.
What was your best experience? I asked with excitement. Oh,
thats a tough one, she responded, I have a lot of bests, but the birth
of my two children by far win. Its such a miracle- the birth of a new
life. Absolutely incredible. Hearing that made my heart happy, and
much needed after the previously heavy question. Do you have any
regrets? she thought about it for a second, let out a big sigh and said

yes. Not forgiving and then missing out on time with people who are
no longer around. I nodded, not quite knowing what to say to that.
Next, I asked her are you where you thought you would be?
She left out an enthusiastic shout no! My life is so much better than I
could have ever imagined. Im proud of myself for how far Ive come,
and looking back ten years ago I would have not believed Im where I
am today. We drifted off from the interview at this moment, and she
talked about how thankful she is for my parents. What is one event
you would go back to if you could and why? she responded quickly
with Ohhhhhh! and then paused with a blank stare. senior moment,
sorry she chuckled as she tried to recount what she forgot she was
saying. I would go back to the metropolitan opera in New York. Your
father bought us tickets when I was visiting them in New York, and it
was the best evening of my life. I would go back there. Without a
doubt. I smiled, hearing her talk about that with such enthusiasm
made me happy. I couldnt wait to tell my dad when I got home that
was her answer.
I then asked the final questions: What advice would you give me?
And if you could add anything to your life, what would it be? Her
answers pleasantly surprised me. She told me absolutely nothing. That
she is so content with where she is in life, ands he wouldnt change a
thing. She proceeded to tell me the importance of choosing who you
spend the rest of your life with wisely. After dealing with the heartbreak

of three failed marriages, she would never want me to go through that.

She said any other advice she would give me, my parents already
have. I told her that concluded the interview, and she said wow!
Thats it? That was a lot of fun.
I left excited she enjoyed our time together, and relieved the
heavy questions didnt get to her. My grandma is one of the strongest
women Ive ever met, I am so amazed by her grace and kindness. Each
time she answered a question, no matter how heavy, she never
seemed bitter. Even recounting the horrible even that happened to her
as a child, she spoke with such a forgiving heart. This amazed me,
because she has every right to be angry and bitter with the things
shes been through, yet she isnt. She remains joyful and content in
The Lord. My grandmas answers reminded me of Jonathan Haidt from,
The Happinesss Hypothesis, talked about in chapter five. Haidt talks
about the pursuit of happiness, and explain the concept of the progress
principle. The idea that pleasure comes more from making progress
toward goals than from achieving them. I think my grandmother is a
prime example of this, she may not have achieved all her goals, but
she plans to, and shes enjoying the process as she goes along. Im so
thankful I get to call my Rita Mullins my grandmother, and I look

forward to learning more from her each time I see her.

(thank you note)

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