Running head: COPING WITH GRIEF

Coping with Grief through School Interventions

Emily A. Adams
California State University, Chico
Spring 2015

COPING WITH GRIEF

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Coping with Grief through School Interventions

The process of grieving is a complex active coping process (Leming & Dickinson,
1985, p. 89) that involves numerous stages of behaviors and feelings. Adults, as well as children
and adolescents, experience grief in different ways. If the needs of the child are overlooked by
grief-stricken family members, school staff such as teachers, counselors, social workers (Massat,
Moses, & Ornstein, 2008), and school psychologists can provide significant support while the
child is at school, and sometimes services to the family (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001). These staff
members are in the position to cultivate a nurturing environment for the child to discuss the
thoughts, feelings, and questions that arise during the difficult time (Massat et al., 2008).
Interventions can be implemented with integrity by identifying influential factors on a childs
grieving process and his/her stage of development (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
There are numerous factors that influence how a death will be mentally and emotionally
processed by a child. Cultural and religious beliefs are only briefly noted in this literature
review, however, they play significant roles in the bereavement process (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
Massat, Moses, and Ornstein (2008) state the circumstances surrounding a death may influence a
childs grief response. If the death is sudden and unexpected, the child is left to mourn abruptly.
There is little or no time to adjust to life without the loved one while s/he is still living. If the
death is anticipated, meaning it is expected in the near future, it can provide an opportunity to
prepare for the approaching loss (Elliott & Dale, 2007). It allows the grieving process an early
beginning and facilitates earlier adjustment to life when the actual death occurs (Ayyash-Abdo,
2001).
The second factor that influences the grieving process is the personality of the child.
Children who are more outgoing may be able to express their emotions verbally to process the

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grief, and perhaps, adjust sooner than others who are more shy. Children who are more
introverted or closed off verbally and emotionally may internalize negative feelings such as
anger, loneliness, and guilt. They may not seek help from an adult who is able to provide
guidance or answers to their questions. This may prolong bereavement and result in maladaptive
coping responses to death (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
The third factor is the childs prior experiences with loss. This experience includes a
serious illness or the death of a loved one, or simply what the child has been told about death. If
the childs grief response was addressed positively, and the child had a chance to mourn without
lingering feelings of guilt or anger, her/his next response to a death will exhibit more resiliency
in adjusting to life without the loved one (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
The fourth factor to influence the progress through grief is the family styles of
communication about death and mourning. If dialogue regarding death is avoided in the family,
the children may not have the ability to express their emotions about death. There is no model
demonstrating a means to discuss the topic and the feelings involved. This is especially true
when grieving parents believe they are protecting their children by hiding their own emotions
and thoughts regarding a death (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
Finally, chronological age plays a large role in how the child will heal through the
grieving process. As children age they become more aware of the permanence of death that is
acquired with a more general awareness of death. They also acquire more verbal skills and learn
to overtly express their thoughts and emotions (Massat et al., 2008).
Massat et al. (2008) describe a dual process model of grief that explains the ability for a
bereaved child to swing back and forth between focusing on the loss and avoiding the loss.
Focusing on the loss is referred to as loss orientation, while restoration orientation is the act

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of avoiding the loss. This model provides an explanation for moments when children appear to
be emotionally unaffected by a recent death of a loved one. S/he might be playing a game at
recess and seem happy or is not exhibiting any symptoms of grief for a period of time. This
restoration orientation is a break from bereavement, and allows the child to adjust to the changes
in life without the loved one and without experiencing the thoughts and feelings about the
persons death. Although it does not appear as grieving, it is still considered an important part of
the grieving process. Loss orientation on the other hand, involves facing the painful feelings of
the loss (Massat et al., 2008, p. 82).
Grief manifests itself differently across the developmental stages. For example, during
the preschool years, it is difficult to realize that death is permanent. At this age, although
children lack the verbal skills to communicate their thoughts and feelings, they respond to the
feelings of those around them and to changes in the environment. This may lead to emotional
withdrawal, refusal to eat, psychosomatic symptoms, or aggressive behaviors (Massat et al.,
2008, p. 87). Martell, Witt, and Witt (2013) stress the importance of language usage when
speaking to children about death. Using phrases such as, Grandma went to sleep/went away
may lead to false hopes and confusion about the permanence of death. Instead, researchers
suggest using words such as died, death, burial, etc. to circumvent misunderstandings
(Martell, Witt, & Witt, 2013, p. 38).
Between ages five to nine years, children may continue to assume that death is avoidable
or impermanent. They may also have heightened anxiety due to a belief that death is contagious
or that the deceased will come back as a ghost or monster (Massat et al., 2008, p. 88). They
also may have various questions regarding death. Providing answers to these questions may
facilitate growth and healing for the child. Offering developmentally appropriate information

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and support will allow the child to continue with the restorative process of adjusting to life by
playing with friends or performing well in school (Massat et al., 2008). If the child does not
receive appropriate support during this time, s/he may regress in behavior by using baby talk,
bedwetting, clinging to adults, or develop psychosomatic symptoms such as body aches (AyyashAbdo, 2001). As noted above, they may also suffer from anxiety, as well as withdrawal, or
aggressive behaviors (Massat et al., 2008).
Between the ages of nine to twelve years, children have a more developed understanding
that death is permanent, and it is something that happens to everyone. However, sometimes
there is a hope that they personally may be immortal. At this stage children are also better able
to verbally express their thoughts and feelings which can assist in the grief process (Massat et al.,
2008).
During adolescence, grief may heighten a desire for connection or intimacy. This could
lead to early or risky sexual behaviors. According to Massat et al. (2008), Grieving adolescents
are at risk for problems with eating, drinking, depression, cutting, loss of interest in friends or
activities, or a decline in grades (p. 81). On the other hand, if a caretaker dies, some
adolescents may feel obligated to fulfill family responsibilities and remain in the home (Massat
et al., 2008).
Regardless of the type of intervention, if the school staff such as counselors, teachers,
social workers, or school psychologists are to provide supportive services to a grieving student, it
is important for these adults to become aware of and comfortable with their view of death and
grieving. Recognizing their own experiences with bereavement allows them to become
empathetic and present with the childs feelings and the stages s/he is going through (Massat et
al., 2008).

COPING WITH GRIEF

A common form of effective intervention for a grieving student is to provide individual

counseling. In this environment, children are free to express their feelings in the presence of a
trained counselor or psychologist. This setting allows the counselor and child to build a strong
and trusting relationship to encourage disclosure. The adult may be able to address any cognitive
distortions about death that may be halting the child from achieving growth throughout the
bereavement process. This includes clarifying that death is not contagious, or the person who
has died will not come back to hurt the child. This can also relieve feelings of loneliness, guilt,
and anger about a death. However, it is also very important to consider the childs cultural and
religious beliefs when responding to a death (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
Another common intervention method is the use of play therapy. This can either be
structured by the adult, where the adult plans and arranges the activities and chooses the medium
with which to play, or unstructured, where the child chooses the activity and medium. The
unstructured approach gives to child control to make decisions while in a safe environment. This
may be important considering s/he may not feel in control over any part of his/her life outside of
the therapy sessions. There are countless mediums to choose from such as puppets, artwork
including collages, painting, drawing, or scrapbooking. If the child has difficulty verbally
expressing emotions, s/he may find it easier to articulate her/his problems once they are down on
paper. Puppets can be a cathartic way to reenact a traumatic experience, such as a sudden death,
repeatedly using different outcomes (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
Bibliotherapy presents the opportunity to process grief by responding to literature or
media. This is normally used in conjunction with counseling services. Therapists can
recommend books, videos, or music and then discuss reactions of the child. This can decrease
feelings of isolation, validate their thoughts and feelings, and gain insight into their own situation

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(Martell, Witt, & Witt, 2013; Ayyash-Abdo, 2001). It can help the child realize there are others
with similar feelings and experiences. S/he can learn what others have done to overcome these
issues (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001). Parents may feel uncomfortable talking to their children about
death and dying. Certain books on the subject of death and grief responses can serve as a guide
for both parents and children (Martell, Witt, & Witt, 2013).
When a family is affected by a death, parents might find it difficult to talk about it with
the child. Parents may think they are protecting the child if they hide their feelings or choose not
to discuss the incident with the child. Therefore, they may not respond appropriately to their
childrens feelings. Involving the entire family when helping a child to process a significant
death can create a greater impact. This will aid the mourning process of the family as a whole.
There is a chance that parents may be too preoccupied with their own grief to attend to the
childs needs and recognize s/he is grieving as well (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
Assessing how each member is coping can be an important step. If one member is
maladaptively coping, it will impact the way other family members cope as well. After the death
of a parent, specifically, the emotional and psychological support a child receives from the
surviving parent is essential to how successfully the child mourns. The child is equally as
affected if the parent is not able to cope with the death. The counselor may encourage and
facilitate healthy communication amongst family members in a developmentally appropriate
way. If families do not openly communicate about a loss, it may lead the child to become fearful
of death as an adult. We can also educate the parents on simple and developmentally appropriate
communication methods they can use with the child (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
Group counseling can normalize the symptoms of grief for many children and
adolescents. It provides a safe space where peers can share commonalities with similar issues of

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loss and openly communicate feelings of anger, loneliness, anxiety, and guilt (Ayyash-Abdo,
2001). As Granados, Winslade, De Witt, and Hedtke (2009) found, adolescents in grief
counseling groups were grateful for the opportunity to dedicate time to talk about the loved one.
Group cohesion developed when students realized they all lost someone important and felt a new
sense of connectedness (Granados, Winslade, De Witt, & Hedtke, 2009). Peers can be a
powerful support to each other and encourage positive adaptation during the mourning process
(Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).
Children as well as adults engage in the active coping process of grieving (Leming &
Dickinson, 1985). It is important to recognize the different stages of a childs development to
determine the method of intervention to help him/her through the grieving process (AyyashAbdo, 2001). If the childs needs are not being met at home, school staff can provide a safe
place for the child to express his/her thoughts and feelings during this painful experience
(Massat, Moses, & Ornstein, 2008). Identifying the major influences regarding the loss are
important components when offering support to the child and family. Adults can respond by
using a number of effective intervention strategies that foster adaptive coping skills that the child
will use to build resiliency toward death and dying throughout life (Ayyash-Abdo, 2001).

References

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Ayyash-Abdo, H. (2001). Childhood bereavement: What school psychologists need to know.

School Psychology International, 22(4), 417-433.
Elliott, D., & Dale, C. (2007). Anticipatory grief and people with learning disabilities. Learning
Disability Practice, 10(6), 28-31.
Granados, S., Winslade, J., De Witt, M., & Hedtke, L. (2009). Grief counseling groups for
adolescents based on re-membering practices. Journal of School Counseling, 7(34), n34.
Leming, M., & Dickinson, G. (1985). The Grieving Process. In Understanding dying, death, and
bereavement (4th ed., pp. 476-487). New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston.
Martell, M. M., Witt, S. D., & Witt, D. D. (2013). An analysis of books for preschool children
experiencing bereavement and loss. Education & Society, 31(1), 37-52.
Massat, C. R., Moses, H., & Ornstein, E. (2008). Grief and loss in schools: A perspective for
school social workers. School Social Work Journal, 33(1), 80-96.