myself, time alone to really find myself. Lailas words were beginning to grow old to Leon who still felt the sting of them after all that time. Laila was unhappy with the way their relationship had been going, and today she was ready to bring about a change. The wrinkles formulating on her forehead showed just that. Their relationship was everything and nothing, worth fighting for but equally worth sacrificing. It was an all-encompassing, blind love, one that allowed the other to hide, to shrink from themselves and from growth. It had suffocated Laila for years but it would not any longer. I dont want to hold on you to Laila if theres somewhere else you really want to be. I just cant understand why you wont fix whatevers wrong with you. Frustration swelled up in Leons body, his neck swelling momentarily before subsiding altogether. Leon was angry at her, angry that in spite of his patience and sacrifice she still was unhappy. However the break that she was now asking for was not the first of its kind: rather a succession of pleas for space, clear signs that she was no longer able to fight the good fight.
Leon reflected pensively on the last year and a half
of their relationship: How could he have been so blind? He had fooled himself, lulled himself into a sense of security, hinging all of his faith on the notion he was maturing as a man and ready for marriage. He was baffled at what he had allowed. The gravity of it all crashed down on him gradually as he stood there in silence. Flashes of anger arose in him before he could quell those thoughts. He had to hide his emotions from Laila and ensure that she never know them. He was angry, but a part of him agreed. There was no way he was going to let Laila know that she was right, that he too felt that there was a change needed. He placed his hand over his face instinctively and wiped his face, masking any of the emotions he felt. There would be time to process his feelings, but now was not the time. Instead Leon resorted his earlier line of questioning. Weve tried the breaks before and every time you come back just like you left before. Whats the point of it if youre not trying to work on yourself? Laila shifted uncomfortably, moving from the foot of the bed to standing up. His line of questioning was beginning to bother her. He was missing the point of it all. Leon if I knew how to figure out what was wrong with me dont you think I would?! I dont like feeling like this, not knowing what to do or what to think. All I know 2
for sure is that I need time, and I need you to be ok with
that. Ok but how much time Laila? I told you that whatever the problem is we can solve it together. I know a good counselor we can talk with, a neutral party who willLeon, listen to me! I dont want you to try and solve the problem. For once I need you to leave me alone and let me solve it. You gotta let go and let me do some things myself babe. The certainty in her tone offended Leon, so much so that he could not control his facial reactions. She was ungrateful and nave. He had sacrificed it all, cadres of girls in college, all to settle down with her and this is how she acted? Numerous opportunities had passed him by all because of his choice to stay and here Laila was telling him he did not know how to let go. It was painful and upsetting. Look Laila Im a man. If you come to me with a problem, my job is to solve it. So if youre looking for the type of man who will just stand by and let you wander around aimlessly thats not me! If you love someone you should help them, which is what I thought I was doing for you. Now youre telling me that Im stopping you from growing. Wow! Look Leon dont get mad- Too late! But you know what youre right. You just said what both of us know to be true, but only one of us has the courage to say. We need 3
time apart. Ive been fighting myself and changing who I
am to be the man people want me to be. So have I Leon. All my friends are married or have kids and so I thought that that was what I wanted for a while. I see now. Im not ready to be your wife or anyone elses babe. Unable to keep his voice down, Leon jumped off the bed angrily responding, I wasnt saying we had to get married this year, next year, or any time soon. But I was trying to let you know that I was getting ready for that life. I thought that was our goal. That was our goal Leon at one point, but that changed when you threw it in my face like that. I told you I needed space and then you tell me the same week that we need to speak with a marriage counselor! Its like you missed everything I just told you! That wasnt my intention babe. I invited her to speak to us because I know that one day we will be married and there are things we both should know. But more importantly I asked to speak to us because there are conversations we just cant have without me hurting your feelings. I want you to be honest Leon- No you dont because when I do you get defensive. Thats why Im so passive aggressive all the time around you, because I cant be myself like how I want to! 4
So you cant be yourself around me?! Then why are
you with me then? Im with you because I love you Laila and that wont change. Because I love you, Im going to let you have your space. If you arent happy with yourself, you arent going to be happy with me so theres no need for me to stop you. Tears swelled in her eyes as she stood and listened to Leon speak. She loved him so much in spite of it all. He had been her all for so long, to the point that she wondered briefly how she would fare without his help. The thought of being without her source of comfort was scary, but her instincts told her to remain firm. Leon I love you. You are the man I want and I hate to do this to you. But I just know that theres something wrong with us, something that you cant solve. For most of my adult life, Ive been in a relationship with someone. Ive always been known as the girl who dated this guy and so on and so on. Its time for me to spread my own wings and fly babe. She finished her speech emotionally as her lips pursed rapidly. She was genuinely sad, but Leon felt no sympathy. Her emotional plea angered him instead and in that instant he felt a cold streak flare through his body. He needed to be angry at her and here she was dictating his emotional response. Inside his mind told him to console 5
her, but it was overruled by that cold anger inside. If space
was what she wanted from him he would give her just that. Laila I get it and respect it. Take the time you need for yourself and this time dont try and put a timetable on growth. Its going to take some time and effort. I just want you to know that there is a risk that we could never be back to where we were. I know Leon. But we are not breaking up. We are just separated. Im not looking for anyone else. Bitch I may
be
thought
Leon
to
himself
instantaneously.
Accompanied with that idea was the realization that he had
a second chance- a chance to be single this time as a young, successful professional. This was just what he needed. The possibilities were endless. I get that. Just to let you know I want us to remain intimate with each other. I only want you to share that bond with you and vice versa. Cool? Anxious to end this talk, Laila quickly agreed. Leon shook his head in compliance, but not before a look of doubt flashed across his face. Their sexual chemistry was just one of the many things that had been malfunctioning in their relationship lately, starting right after Leons encounter with Tia almost a year back. The result: Leon begged for sex and Laila complied with the same obligatory zeal as a married housewife of fifteen years. It was one of the many things that they had never fully got to discuss and one of the first 6
things Leon hoped shed address personally during the
break. Last thing Leon. I think we should live separately. Think about it, if we are going to really give this a shot we need to be apart from each other. Leon analyzed Laila closely as she spoke, searching for any hint or clue that would betray her intentions. Laila had settled down considerably by now, no longer crying and instead speaking quite matter of factly. Leon sensed her eagerness. She was practically bursting at the seams at the thought of getting space. It upset him slightly, but he would not show it. No, that makes sense. I agree. Ill move out and get my own place by the end of the month. Ill holla at Jason and see if he knows of any one bedroom lofts or apartments that have vacancies. Cool beans. Ill start looking for a roommate or someone to help me with rent. I think Farrah might be able to move too. She was looking for another place to stay now that her lease expired. I just thought about that. Leon looked on as Laila began formulating plans, the gears in her head running feverishly. If I didnt know better, Id think that this was her plan the whole time he thought to himself. Regardless there was no time to dwell on what had just happened. It was beginning to be late and Leon had to get ready for work the next day. 7
Nadine sat on the edge of her bed, in shock at the
news she had just received from her doctor. She held her stomach cautiously as if it made a difference. The stress from everything that had taken place the last couple of weeks had caused her to pay the ultimate price. Almost instantly she began shedding tears unable to stop the flow of water as she broke down. The image of the ultrasound sat perfectly on the dresser as if it had been put right in front of her on purpose. Life had betrayed her trust: It knew all of her hopes and wishes and in the span of two weeks had managed to cause them to crumble down. It was a pain she had never felt before. Unaware of what to do she lied back on her pillows, wiping her eyes and attempting to think. She had not yet broken the news to anyone yet. The image of Wayne popped up in her head almost instantly: What would he say?! It had been his dream to have a son, someone to carry on his legacy. Waynes hopes of being in the NFL had evaporated almost overnight when in the middle of the season he tore his MCL in the 3rd quarter of the preseason game. It had been almost a month since the accident occurred and things were rockier than ever. The dynamics of the relationship had changed for the worse. Waynes sulking and bad tempered attitude only stressed Nadine, who at the time was three and a half months pregnant. She had tried to soothe the pain for Wayne, giving him his 8
space at times. Nadine decision to leave school behind to
follow Wayne was just one of the many things she regretted in their relationship. Now childless and without a degree she wondered if it had all been for nothing. Nadine looked at the phone carefully, debating her next move. She knew that she would have to tell someone what had happened soon. Unwilling to share the news with Wayne so soon, she dialed up her mother hoping she would answer. The phone had barely rung two times before Nadines mother Samone answered. What Nadine? Im getting dressed for work. I havent even drank my coffee yet. Mom I lost the baby. The doctors told me that I had a miscarriage. Uncharacteristically quiet, Samones mother sat on the other side on the phone in silence, quietly reflecting on Copyright 2016 Samuel Wright Jr Cover Design Abdus-Saleem All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means except without the permission from the author.