Math class jokes and humor

What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?

Geometry !
What do you have to know to get top grades in geometry ?
All the angles !
What kind of pliers do you use in arithmetic?
Multipliers !
If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many
dollars would you have?
One dollar.
You don't know your arithmetic.
You don't know my father !
Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card.
"What is this 45 in math?" asked her father.
"I think that's the size of the class," she said quickly!
If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ?
I don't know.
Why not ?
In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.
If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what
would I have ?
Big hands !
The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things
started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now, Fred," said the teacher, "you take over,
beginning with 11."
"11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred.
"What kind of counting is that'?" asked the teacher
"Who's counting'?" replied Fred. "I'm calling signals."
If you got $10 from 10 people, what would you have ?
A new bike !
Why was the maths book unhappy?
It had too many problems !
Source: http://www.schooljokes.com/maths_jokes/

Why play maths games?

To make progress in maths, it's important to master the basics. There's no
point trying to learn to add when you haven't yet learnt how to count, and
it's very hard to understand times tables when you can't yet add.
The trouble is, maths skills need quite a lot of practice before they
become automatic. Practising maths skills over and over again can be
rather boring. That's where playing maths games can help. There are so
many different games to help you master all the different maths skills that
learning maths becomes fun!
PUZZLE

Answers:

Source: http://www.tbnweekly.com/just4fun/sudoku/
Math Professors
Two math professors are sitting in a bar. One says "I am so dissapointed in people
nowadays. Hardly anyone understands math properly." The other one says "I think
you are way to hard on people and anyways what a pessimistic view of life!" The
first man says "Whatever im going to the bathroom." The remaining professor calls
over the pretty blonde bartender and says "When I call you over next time and as
you a question answer with x-cubed divided by 3" The bartender says "uhhh what?"
The proffesor says repeat after me: "x-cubed" "ex-cooooobed" "divided by 3"
"deevided by tree" So the other professor comes back from the bathroom and the
optimistic professor says "Hey your statement earlier really upset me. Look I bet I
can prove that an ordinary working girl knows high level math" The other professor
says "Alright prove it to me" The first professor calls over the blonde bartender and
says "Alright what is the integral of x-squared?" And the bartender answers "xcubed divided by 3!" as she walks away the other professor is all amazed. Suddenly
the bartender turns around and yells "PLUS THE CONSTANT OF INTEGRATION!"
Airport Security
A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the
security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is
hauled off immediately for interrogation. "I don't understand it!" the interrogating
officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar
of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!" "Let me explain.
Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000.
That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of
mind on a flight." "And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on
board of a plane?" "You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is
1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one,
the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much
safer..."
Four Friends
Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been
getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for
the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another
friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for
Monday morning. As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday
morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus,
the exam is already over. They go to the professor's office and offer him an
explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving
back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no
spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help."
The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will
allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning." When they arrive
early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture
hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no

chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the
students start writing. The first question - five points out of one hundred - is a
simple exercise in differentiation, and all four finish it within ten minutes. When the
first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam
booklet and reads on the next one: Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire
went flat?
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/mathjokes/calculusjokes.html

Source:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/babymantis/
20-spectacularly-nerdy-math-jokes1opu