Professional Documents
Culture Documents
1 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a Monica: What for? know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major
sip of her drink.) ...Sexually. Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things. crush on you.
Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, (Monica exits.) Rachel: I knew.
oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry... [Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.] Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought
Paul: It's okay... Frannie: Hey, Monica! I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida? Rachel: I did.
you need right now. Um... how long? Frannie: You had sex, didn't you? Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my
Paul: Two years. Monica: How do you do that? intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here-
Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out?
watch! Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who? Sometime? Maybe?
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that Monica: You know Paul? Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
fifth date? Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul. Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do. Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul? Rachel: Goodnight.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know Ross: Goodnight.
Joanne Loves Chaci.] before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years. (Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join [Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.] room as Ross is leaving.)
Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?
Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy line! Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica
matrimony. Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do has no idea what that means.)
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! something like that? Closing Credits
That's the difference! Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'. Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
and talking.] Monica: I hate men! I hate men! Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out here...
long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the into the universe. Monica: What? I-I said you had a-
words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you? Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, hear? Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?
(looks to Chandler) Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts All: Yes!
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has massaging them.) Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a
cats. Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know? great butt.
Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up
(Exits.) know it was a line! and bit ya.
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get (Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a Ross: There's an image.
it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who shopping bag.) Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody
am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.) Rachel: Guess what? like more coffee?
[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.] Ross: You got a job? Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Commercial Break Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was Rachel: I'm just serving it.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making laughed out of twelve interviews today. All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
coffee for Joey and Chandler.] Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat. Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas.
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
made coffee before in my entire life. boots on sale, fifty percent off! Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?
Chandler: That is amazing. Chandler: Oh, how well you know me... Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.)
Joey: Congratulations. Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there?
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, my parents, I've got great boots' boots! (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.)
there isn't anything I can't do. Monica: How'd you pay for them? Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't Rachel: Uh, credit card. Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza
anything I can't do. Monica: And who pays for that? Minelli-
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like Rachel: Um... my... father. End
you gotta make like a Western omelet or [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the
something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the 102 The One With the Sonogram at the End
grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although table along with a pair of scissors.] [Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]
actually I'm really not that hungry... Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us,
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want. kissing is as important as any part of it.
Squigy are here. Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?
All: Morning. Good morning. life. Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning. Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married. Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first
Joey: Morning, Paul. Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for kiss.
Rachel: Hello, Paul. the first time. Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it? Rachel: Thank you. Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the
voice so the others can't hear. The others move this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink
Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.) my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't Floyd comes out.
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much! know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the
Monica: Stop! who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. ticket.
all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn So believe me, I know exactly how you feel. Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's
raising scene in Witness. (Pause) over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are
Monica: We'll talk later. Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'... always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean,
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits) Monica: All right, you ready? we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be trying to stay awake.
you do on a real date? ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back. without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this! comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find
All: Okayyy! (They do so.) Monica: You can, I know you can! yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I Rachel: I don't think so. Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?
don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! Opening Credits
of a difference... (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that [Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a
Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs? morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.) co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which
Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,... includes some mannequins of cave people.]
we buy stuff. All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm-
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor. and they cheer.) doesn't she seem a little angry?
Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything? Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at Marsha: Well, she has issues.
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work. that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture... Ross: Does she.
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to Monica: Rachel! That was a library card! Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head
catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.. with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the
little theater in the park. Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Joey: Look, it was a job all right? you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.' scream. have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.'
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door (She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.) See?
and opens it to leave.) Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song love it! (Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is
and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden [Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel standing outstide the exhibit.)
boy, a little wooden boy..." finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.] Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.) couch? Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh,
Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime. catch up with you in the Ice Age.
okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling. Monica: You be okay? (Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with Ross: Yeah. Ross:Hi.
a hanger in your mouth. Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. Carol: So.
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you (Monica smiles.) What? Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.
remember you and Tony DeMarco? Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody. Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect...
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings. Ross and Rachel: Goodnight. So what's new? Still, uh...
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble. (Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.) Carol: A lesbian?
Monica: Big time! Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no- Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the
Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used. Rachel: Sorry- family?
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of Ross: No no no, go- Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it- Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
go to work and not think about him all day. Or else Ross: Split it? Carol: I'm pregnant.
I'm just gonna get up and go to work. Rachel: Okay. Ross: Pregnant?!
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck! Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe,
2 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
and Monica are watching Three's Company.] Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do. Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The leans back onto his hand.)
Company where there's some kind of big one had a thing for you, didn't she? Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he
misunderstanding. Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him. doesn't have to move his hand.)
Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns Ross: Aw, Mom... [Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
off the TV.) Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me? Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work.
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
through with that? something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, (Susan enters holding a drink.)
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me I told her you had a restaurant- Susan: Hi.
down. Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?! restaurant. Ross: How could I forget?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She Susan: Ross.
wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol)
need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is earlier.) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting
glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead. Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the for...?
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.) spaghetti, please? Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.) Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-
you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy. Susan: She.
glares at her.) -but, it's fine! Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our..
Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna but, were you planning on bringing up the whole special situation?
give them any more ammunition than they already baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
have. the heat off me. Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a [Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.] Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow. Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into Carol: Thanks.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring her parents at the club, they were not playing very well. Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a
me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that duck with it) Quack, quack..
twirly. And not-not in a good way. wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money! Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in
Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a horror.)
getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come. man at the altar... [Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient,
Monica: That's because as far as my parents are Monica: What's that supposed to mean? Robbie, as Rachel enters.]
concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression. Rachel: Barry?
Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony Monica: No it's not. Barry: C'mon in.
before I was born. Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sure?
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, independent, and you always have been! Even when you Barry: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here
ew ew ew ew ew! were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, for hours.
Monica: What? you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, Robbie: Huh?!
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster! and your puzzles... Barry: So, how ya doin?
All: Eeaagh! [Time Lapse.] Rachel: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!
(Rachel enters from her room.) Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to Barry: Yeah, well..
Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring? shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason
Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful. published. Other people are satisfied with staying where Greenstein's gagging.
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To
oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch get cancer. Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
cushions.) [Time Lapse.] (As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)
Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that! Mr. Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have Rachel: I dumped him.
Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to Robbie: Okay.
enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! have that problem. [Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this
Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, is going to work.]
stomped on your heart in front of your entire Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work?
family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important
the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much with the folks? decisions have to be made?
harder... Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we! Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah! exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last? here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman Carol: Marlon-
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it! named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Ross: Marlon?!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days... Susan are going to raise the baby. Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I (Stunned silence ensues.) Ross: ...As in Mouse?
had it when I was in the kitchen with... Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?! Carol: As in my grandmother.
Chandler: ...Dinah? Commercial Break Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um,
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes [Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.] how about, um.. how about Julia?
something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad... Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh? Carol: Julia..
Monica: You didn't. Ross: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Rachel: Oh, I am sorry... what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job Ross: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest
Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the done. of our lives together. Things change, roll with the
lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.) Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?
Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours. [Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in
are! Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.) the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how Phoebe: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins. Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up
you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne... Rachel: You're twins? to?
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
it. high-powered, driven career type. Barry: Oh, that's great.
Chandler: Boys? We're going in. Chandler: What does she do? Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through Phoebe: She's a waitress. Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
Monica answers.) (They all start to leave.) Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
Ross: (standing outside the door).....Hi. Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't Robbie: Me?!
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi. have any of this. Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.
Ross: Carol's pregnant. Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary Rachel: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!
Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I friend, who... my parents actually preferred. Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
found it! Rachel: The lights, please.. Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've
Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-... (Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts got plugs!
Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.) Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.
might be where I am right about now. (He enters.) Ross: ...How long was I in there? Rachel: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking
Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in Rachel: I'm just cleaning up. your finger in your eye!
perspective, huh, Mon? Ross: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help? Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the Rachel: Okay..
whole thing? broom and sits down.) Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you.
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life.
be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I nervous about Barry tomorrow? And I'm an orthodontist.
don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up Rachel: Oh.. a little.. Rachel: Wow.
to me. Ross: Mm-hmm.. Barry: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought
Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her. Rachel: A lot. we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy,
Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'? Ross: Mm. now I'm happy. Spit.
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of Rachel: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's Rachel: What?
your job is done. recently been- dumped? Robbie: Me. (Spits.)
Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.)
sonogram thing with them tomorrow. 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it
Rachel: So what are you gonna do? of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, to me.
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.
I'm still gonna be a father. and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol (Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and and Susan to the OB/GYN... Robbie: Hello?!
everyone turns and stares at him.) Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so [Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about
Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right? complicated? what to name the baby.]
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are Ross: Got me. Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
pouring wine for their parents.] Rachel: Remember when we were in high school together? Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is Ross: Yeah. Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that Rachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet Ross: Thank you!
curry taste? somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Monica: Curry. her.) ..Ross? Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?
Mrs. Geller: Mmmm! Ross: Yes, yes! Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen
3 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Willick-Bunch. Joey rehearse for a part.] I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the Chandler: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the
title? die?" weak members of the herd.
Susan: It's my baby too. Joey: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her
Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a
you making any sperm. honest man to die." terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge Chandler: Hey, that was really good! looking out after you.
that is! Joey: Thanks! Let's keep going. Monica: I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy
Carol: All right, you two, stop it! Chandler: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, home that they actually liked.
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there huh?" Paula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening
too. Joey: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..
Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen can smoke." [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out
Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders Chandler: "Smoke away." on the balcony, Phoebe is absent.]
on child abuse. (Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He Joey: Let it go, Ross.
Ross: Of course not, I'm... suggesting fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarett, Ross: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.
Geller-Willick-Bunch. takes a drag, and coughs.) Monica: Do you all promise?
Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in All: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!
doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those his cell alone. Monica: (shouts to Chandler) Chandler? Do you
names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he Joey: What? promise to be good?
gets his way! Chandler: Relax your hand! (Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to
Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? (Joey lets his wrist go limp.) rain and he taps on the window.)
Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this Chandler: Not so much! Joey: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little
moment in my life being, this is not my way- Joey: Whoah! buddy has to stay outside!
y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I Chandler: Hey! (Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it
can't do- Joey: Hey! as an umbrella.)
Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are Chandler: Alright, now try taking a puff. (Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and
we today? Any nausea? (Joey tries and visibly winces.) begins to read a letter without saying hi.)
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little. Chandler: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me. Ross: Hey, Pheebs.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about Joey: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette. Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling
the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Chandler: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this attention to our error. We have credited your account
Carol) Uh, lie back.. part, or not? Here. with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the
Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I (Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.) inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches
don't- I don't think I can be involved in this Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you
particular thing right now. thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a
(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram holding it, you feel right. You feel complete. football phone!
catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.) Joey: Y'miss it? Rachel: What bank is this?
Ross: Oh my God. Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (The intercom buzzes.)
Susan: Look at that. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.) Monica: Hey. It's him. (On the intercom) Who is it?
Carol: I know. [Scene, Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Rachel Alan: (on the intercom) It's Alan.
Closing Credits is there.] Joey: (shouting to Chandler) Chandler! He's here!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone Monica: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance (Chandler comes in, dripping wet.)
is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger. Monica: (to all) Okay, please be good, please. Just
on the phone.] (The guys stretch out their fingers.) remember how much you all like me.
Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing? Joey: That's ridiculous! (She opens the door and Alan enters.)
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here? Ross: Can I use.. either thumb? Monica: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is
Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, Alan.
attack the Enterprise. don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino Alan: Hi.
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting All: Hi, Alan.
and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old pretty good at this! Alan: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!
potato. All: Yeah. Yeah, excellent. (Everyone laughs.)
Ross: Then don't do that, alright? Rachel: (leaving to serve others) Good for me! [Time lapse, Alan is leaving.]
Phoebe: Okay! (The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Monica: (to Alan) Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. (Alan
Ross: (walks over to where Monica is Phoebe enters. She sits down without saying hi.) exits, to all) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin.
standing)Monica. Whaddya think? Joey: Y'okay, Phoebe? Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?
Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm. Phoebe: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my (Silence.)
Ross: Wh- are you welling up? bank. Monica: C'mon!
Monica: No. Monica: What did they do to you? Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking
Ross: You are, you're welling up. Phoebe: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved
Monica: Am not! mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT- him.
Ross: You're gonna be an aunt. Ross: Easy. All: Loved him! Yeah! He's great!
Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut Phoebe: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my Monica: Wait a minute! We're talking about someone
up! account. that I'm going out with?
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again... All: Yeah!
Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah Phoebe: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and Rachel: And did you notice...? (She spreads her thumb
he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are deal with them. and index finger.)
very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it! The Guys: (reluctantly) Yeah.
if-if everything works out, and you guys end up Phoebe: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was
getting married and having kids- and everything- I be like stealing. kinda crooked.
just hope they have his old hairline and your old Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping! Phoebe: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!
nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Phoebe: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair Ross: ...What shoe?
Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a
much better now. 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a
End okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, shoe, For a... while...'
not-not-mine, not-not-mine'... (Dubious pause.)
103 The One With the Thumb Monica: We're with you. We got it. Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is (Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.) against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
there.] Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think
Phoebe: (entering) Hi guys! would be like this giant karmic debt. this could be, y'know, it.
All: Hey, Pheebs! Hi! Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing? Monica: Really!
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go? Monica: (puling him up) Hey. Whaddya doing? Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the (Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be
subway and said 'We should do this again!' to exhale a mouthful of smoke.) doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
All: Ohh. Ouch. All: Oh! Oh, God! Ross: You know what I like most about him, though?
Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', Ross: What is this?! All: What?
that's good, right? Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking. Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for All: Yeah...
this again' means 'You will never see me naked'. three years! Commercial Break
Rachel: Since when? Chandler: And this- is my reward! [Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel,
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Ross: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you Chandler, and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.]
Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'. went through the last time you quit. Monica: Hi.. how was the game?
Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit! Ross: Well..
gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and All: Ohhh! Put it out! All: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!
complaining about them to you'. Chandler: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that
Phoebe: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see (He drops it in Phoebe's coffee.) possible?
other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'. Phoebe: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now! Joey: Alan.
Rachel: And everybody knows this? Monica: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date. Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that
Joey: Yeah. Cushions the blow. Rachel: This Alan again? How's it goin'? Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and Monica: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first
your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell having fun. base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
you it went off to live on some farm. Joey: So when do we get to meet the guy? Rachel: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us
Ross: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never. into a team.
parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on All: Oh, come on! Come on! Chandler: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic
a farm. Monica: No. Not after what happened with Steve. jewellers a thing or two about softball..
Monica: Uh, Ross. Chandler: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Monica: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever
Ross: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry. think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..
Connecticut? The Millners, they had this Monica: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Ross: What?
unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and Just give me a chance to figure that out. Monica: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?
rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh Rachel: Well, then can we meet him? Rachel: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be
my God, Chi Chi! Monica: Nope. Schhorry. too Alan.
Opening Credits [Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are at work.] Ross: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, we adore.
4 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Chandler: I personally could have a gallon of Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to Chandler: (returns) Yeah, alright.
Alan. yourself? End
[Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and
person (Lizzie) she knows.] your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. 104 The One With George Stephanopoulos
Phoebe: Hey, Lizzie. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it. [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.]
Lizzie: Hey, Weird Girl. Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Monica: Alright. Phoebe?
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup. Alan, he wants to speak to you. Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels? Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good
Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
"sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about
you. (She searches in her purse.) big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever you?
Lizzie: Saltines? put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd..
Phoebe: No, but would you like a thousand dollars phone back and stubs out his cigarette.) make myself omnipotent forever.
and a football phone? Rachel: (to Ross, who has wandered up) God, he's good. Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I
Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe Ross: If only he were a woman. had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey
has given her.) Oh my God, there's really money in Rachel: Yeah. enters.)
here. (They give each other a dubious look.) All: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy.
Phoebe: I know. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyond except Monica and Monica: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were
Lizzie: Weird Girl, what are you doing? Joey is watching Lambchop.] omnipotent?
Phoebe: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it. Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a Joey: Probably kill myself!
Lizzie: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something. sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too. Monica: ..Excuse me?
Phoebe: Oh, that's fine, no. Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to
Lizzie: Would you like my tin-foil hat? patch. (Does so.) live!
Phoebe: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, Monica: (entering) Hey. Where's Joey? Ross: Joey, uh- OMnipotent.
thanks. Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry..
Lizzie: Please, let me do something. you think that was wrong? Opening Credits
Phoebe: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and Rachel: I think he's across the hall. [Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching
then we're even. Okay? Monica: Thanks. (Goes to fetch him.) Phoebe sleep.]
Lizzie: Okay. Ross: (finishing changing Chandler's nicotine patch) There Monica: How does she do that?
Phoebe: Okay. y'go. Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place.
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, Chandler: (deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now. Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.
opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, Ross: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Phoebe: (waking and startling them) Oh! What what
sprays around some air freshener, and takes some Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs? what! ...Hi.
breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart? Ross: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.
drawer again, and takes another drag of the Ross: Hey, I might! Monica: What's going on with you?
cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays Phoebe: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave Phoebe: I got no sleep last night!
the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of me seven thousand dollars for the thumb. Ross: Why?
air freshener and gags.] All: You're kidding. Oh my God. Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So
dog vendor.] gum. ...What is up with the universe?! they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other
Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you Joey: (dragged in by Monica, he has just gotten out of the that they're having a good time. You have no idea how
don't wanna pretzel? shower) What's going on? loud they are!
Phoebe: No, I'm fine. Monica: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here Monica: Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel
Lizzie: (leaves) See ya. together. and me tonight.
(Phoebe opens the can and reacts.) Joey: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their Phoebe: Thanks.
Phoebe: Huh! underwear.. (Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his steps.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone Rachel: Uh, Joey.. Joey: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I
about her discovery.] Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.) told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to
Ross: A thumb?! Monica: (turns off the TV) Okay.. here.
(Phoebe nods.) All: Oh! That was Lambchop! Chandler: You got waaaay too much free time.
All: Eww! Monica: Please, guys, we have to talk. Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross,
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there Phoebe: Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not. check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight
it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little Monica: Alright, we have to talk. at the Garden, and we're taking you.
hitch-hiker! Phoebe: There it is! Chandler: Happy birthday, pal!
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that Joey: We love you, man. (Kisses Ross)
collect all five? you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say Ross: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.
Phoebe: Does, um, anyone wanna see? this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan. Joey: So?
All: Nooo! (They all gasp and clutch each other.) Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and
(Chandler lights a cigarette.) Ross: Is there somebody else? couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out! Monica: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb! change. empty."
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair! Rachel: We didn't change.. Ross: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October
Monica: Oh, why is it unfair? Joey: So that's it? It's over? Just like that? twentieth?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.
constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And really care about someone, and I just- I- (starts chewing Ross: Ohhh.
Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? her hair) Joey: What's wrong with the twentieth?
And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I Monica: Look, I- I could go on pretending- Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good
mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all Joey: Okay! costumes are gone?
those flaws, why can't you accept me for this? Monica: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated
(An awkward silence ensues.) to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you! our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm
everybody? Y'know, the way they were. just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and
Rachel: Well, I-I could live without it. Monica: I'm sorry.. her lesbian lover.
Joey: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better! Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
when Phoebe chews her hair? Rachel: (tearful) I just can't believe this! I mean, with the Chandler: (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross!
(Phoebe spits out her hair.) holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family- You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya
Ross: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think Monica: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans. say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him in the stomach.)
it's endearing. All: Oh, yeah! Right! Huh? Huh? Huh?
Joey: Oh, (Imitating Ross) "you do, do you"? Monica: Are you guys gonna be okay? Ross: What are you doing?
(Monica laughs and snorts.) Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little Chandler: (stops) I have no idea.
Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with time. Joey: C'mon, Ross!
speaking correctly. Monica: (dubious) I understand. Ross: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it.
Rachel: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.] Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?
back to work. Alan: Wow. Chandler: You got it.
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might Monica: I'm, I'm really sorry. (Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.)
get what they actually ordered. Alan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check!
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, relieved. Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
and the gloves come on. Monica: Relieved? Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check.
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight
happily starts to smoke, undisturbed.) stand your friends. people were killed.
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.] Closing Credits Monica: Wow, you worked in a mine?
Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
friends all really like? and eating ice cream.] Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped
Paula: No. Rachel: Remember when we went to Central Park and tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was
Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my rented boats?.. That was fun. totally—(opens envelope)—not worth it. Who's FICA?
friends all really like. Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking. Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what-
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes Monica: (entering) Hi. Chandler, look at that.
here? All right, a cow got through! All: Mmm. Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad.
Monica: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just Ross: So how'd it go? Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.
don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I Monica: Oh, y'know.. Ross: You can totally, totally live on this.
don't feel the thing. Phoebe: Did he mention us? Monica: Yeah, yeah.
Paula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Monica: He said he's really gonna miss you guys. (dubious Ross: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.
Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, look) All: Oh! Yeah!
dump him! Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down (They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)
Monica: I know.. it's gonna be really hard. and Ross strokes her forehead.) Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by
Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it. Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes. three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The
Monica: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm All: No no no! guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The
worried about. Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! guys.)
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke! Leslie: (looking around) Rachel?
Chandler about his smoking.] Phoebe: (shouting as he leaves) If you never smoke again Rachel: Oh my God! (Rachel, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne
Joey: Do you have any respect for your body? I'll give you seven thousand dollars! all scream and hug each other.
5 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Monica: (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see!
this on Wild Kingdom. Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans? (She runs up and takes the binoculars.)
Rachel: What are you guys doing here? Ross: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not Rachel: Hello? Who are we spying on?
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice Monica: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy?
mom said you work here, aaand it's true! there that night... It was the first frost... The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute
Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like Joey: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit. butt?
you're in a play. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you living room.] Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
are so big I can't believe it! Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing Monica: Please tell me it's his mother.
Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex. this amazing independence thing! Phoebe: Definitely not his mother.
Rachel: (to Joanne) So what's going on with you? Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, Monica: Oh, no...
Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner everything. And for what? Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor..
in his firm? (She points to herself and they all Phoebe: You are just like Jack. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza-
scream again.) Rachel: ...Jack from downstairs? (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers
Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news.. (She Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk. her mouth with her hand walks away from the
holds up here finger to show off her engagement Monica: Ah, the other Jack. window.)
ring and they all scream again.) Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then [Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey
Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there pucks kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting
(They scream.) was this, this big plant outside his window, full of tense and goes to the receptionist again.]
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over
can to each other.] in the Village.. an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend
Chandler: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing?
it to Joey.) gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's love him- over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh,
the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow. c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some
into a shop window.) Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier figured out, and now everything's just kinda like... don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I
stops to look at some women's shoes. Phoebe: Floopy? feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the Rachel: Yeah. turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the
never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta balcony.]
look) Sorry. Sorry. figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's Monica: Light still out?
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but just gonna be... un-floopy. Rachel: Yeah.
Ross stops and whines.) Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word. Monica: Oh. Maybe they're- napping.
Joey: What? Rachel: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come Rachel: Oh please, they're having sex.
Ross: Peach pit. together? Monica and Phoebe: Shut up!
Chandler: Yes, Bunny? Monica: ...Pheebs? Rachel: So, whaddya think George is like?
Ross: (points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this Monica: I think he's shy.
had- question. Phoebe: Yeah?
Joey: -Peaches? Rachel: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And
Ross: Actually, nectarines, but basically... magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans? then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.
Chandler: (to Joey) Could've been a peach. [Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are watching the [Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on
Ross: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I game.] about his first night with Carol.]
walked her to the- (looks up, realises, and points) Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the
-the bus stop... I'm fine. laughing now, are ya pal! window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Joey: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical
(They turn to stare at him.) What? Thought we bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks. feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers
were trying to find stuff. Ross: Pass it! Pass it! over here, please?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Chandler: He's open! Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal
Joanne are talking.] All: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so
Rachel: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt! (The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Ross in the face. Chandler looks concered until he Ross: Look, it's just a little more complicated...
Barry at the altar! notices...) Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second. Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing! you? That she likes women? That she left you for
Rachel: Okay. (Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV another woman that likes women?
Joanne: When are you coming home? thing.) Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the
Rachel: What? Guys, I'm not. Commercial Break twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
Joanne: C'mon, this is us. [Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are Chandler: Then what?
Rachel: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've leading Ross in.] Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the
got this job- Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me. last part)
Kiki: Waitressing? Receptionist: (holds up her hand—she is on the phone) It Joey: What?
Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied Ross: It was my first time.
um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied. Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with
the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The one—(He gets a look too)—oh.
put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies. receptionist glares at him.) Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There
Leslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
blobbies. out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any the balcony.]
are in pajamas and Monica is making something in trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face Monica: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that
the blender as Rachel enters.] is dented. vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn. Phoebe: Uh-huh.
(She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you Joey: Well, how long do you think it'll be? Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha
like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the Receptionist: (sarcastic) Any minute now. haaaah!
contents of the blender into some glasses.) Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel
Rachel: What's that? Heyy... so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley.
Monica: Weeeell, it's rum, and- [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.] Monica: What?! You slept with Jason?
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you Phoebe: You'd already broken up.
drink.) down. Rachel: How long?
Monica: We thought since Phoebe was staying Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a Phoebe: A couple hours.
over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party knock on the door.) Monica: Oh, that's nice!
thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza guy! Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and
cookie dough, we got Twister... (The phone rings Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.) the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the
and Monica answers it.) Monica: Phoebe? balcony.) Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left
Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, Phoebe: What? in your locker was really from me.
um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But Monica: Do you have a plan? Monica: Excuse me?!
we can prep the guy! Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'. Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one?
Monica: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people. Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and (To Phoebe) She was a big girl.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want. onion? Monica: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... their pants in seventh grade!
this is in reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese. Rachel: I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica
Rachel) Um, they say there's been some unusual Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my and Rachel start to squabble)
activity on your account. dad's gonna kill me! Phoebe: There he is! There he is!
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks! Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did Monica: Where?
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Phoebe: Right- where we've been looking all night!
just wanna see if you're okay. Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must Rachel: He is so cute!
Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead! Monica: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!
wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's Monica: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with All: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop
see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I curiously intelligent good looks? the—(pause)—wowww.
know is either getting married, or getting promoted, Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right. [Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]
or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit? Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one
not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, Phoebe: And-and a power tie? woman?
okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay? Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel. Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's
Monica: (pauses then on the phone) Uh- Rachel Monica: (staggered) Oh God. romantic...
has left the building, can you call back? Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back? Joey: Really?
Rachel: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross
Twister! pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and enters off camera)
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are runs to the window.) Both: Hey, buddy.
trying to find their seats.] Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus? Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to
Ross: (squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Phoebe: Big Bird's friend. his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
Uh-oh. Monica: I see pizza! Receptionist: (sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive.
6 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence Mercedes convertible. Monica: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy
of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things Ross: That guy, he burns me up. could be horribly...
considered, you had fun tonight. Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. (Angela and Bob walk in. Bob is good-looking.)
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady. Angela: Hey, Joey.
specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that. Monica: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.
my puck? Monica: Did he give you that whole "You're-not-up-to-this" [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there,
Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it. thing again? both ready to break up with their significant others.]
Ross: The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh, Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
that's, that's my puck. version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the
Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. own". two of us.
(Ross looks at Chandler for help.) Phoebe: (rhythmically) Uh-huh, uh-huh. Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a
Chandler: You gotta do it, man. (Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.) car and run over some puppies.
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, Angela: Hi, Joey. Phoebe: Eww, I don't wanna do that.
you're glue, whatever—(to Chandler)—can't do it. Joey: My god, Angela. (Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.)
(to the kid) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck. (Angela takes a seat at the counter.) Chandler: Here we go.
Kid: No. Monica: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with Phoebe: Ok, have a good break-up.
Ross: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme! her. Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Kid: No! No! (They start to fight over it.) Phoebe: Are you gonna go over there? Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had
Receptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my Joey: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too the most supremely awful day.
ER! eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY That seems pretty cool. (he walks over to her) Hey, Angela. and a latte over here, please?
PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out Angela: (casually) Joey. Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot,
the receptionist) Joey: You look good. you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway,
Ross: ...Now that was fun. Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the
Closing Credits my boobs. day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are Joey: You don't say. and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I
playing twister.] (Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.) got you...
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right Ross: So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what're you doing (Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She
foot red. tonight? talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he
Monica: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo. Rachel: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, Laundorama. Chandler: What?
and silently hands back the cushion.) Ross: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Janice: What?
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves) Guess who's doing laundry there too? Chandler: (covering) What... did you get me there?
Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has Rachel: Who? Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
to bend over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
appreciatively) don't I just join you both, here? Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.) Rachel: Don't you have a laundry room in your building? figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and
Chandler: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you
people. but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you
Rachel: Oh, okay. Will you take my place? the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' want.
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel. out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish? Chandler: That's great.
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler Rachel: Sure. (The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in
takes her place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.) one gulp.)
(Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been Angela: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now. Chandler: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can
using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm Joey: Bob? Who the hell's Bob? I get you another latte?
okay, really. Angela: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working
Ross: Green. To the green. he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month on mine.
Rachel: (on phone) I've got magic beans. (Listens) and you call yourself an actor, but Bob... (Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is,
Never-never mind. Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the and is asking her about the break-up.)
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all fun stuff, but like, talking too. Chandler: That's it?
collapse) Angela: Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said let's just be friends, Phoebe: Yeah, it was really hard.
Rachel: (on phone) Ohhh... I'm fine. so guess what? Chandler: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal.
End Joey: What? Phoebe: Ok, you weren't there.
Angela: We're just friends. [Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for
105 The One With the East German Laundry Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the
Detergent have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends? machine and begins loading it with her things.]
[Scene: Central Perk, all six are there.] Angela: What four of us? Woman: Comin' through. Move, move.
Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, Rachel: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that
deal. uh, uh, Monica. machine.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not.
just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and trying to convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend. His plan Rachel: But I saved it. I put my basket on top.
bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really
I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that take Angela back for himself.] pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds.
even comes close. Am I right? Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you. Rachel: What?
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up. Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch Woman: No suds, no save. Ok?
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that. the alphabet. (Ross arrives.)
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women Joey: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Ross: What's goin' on?
can see breasts any time they want. You just look Angela's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he Rachel: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took
down and there they are. How you get any work has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call my machine.
done is beyond me. myself an actor, but Bob is... Ross: Was your basket on top?
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The Monica: (looking out window) Oh, god help us. Rachel: Yeah, but, there were no suds.
way guys can do so many mean things, and then Joey: What? Ross: So?
not even care. Monica: Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile. Eww! Rachel: Well, you know, no suds, no save.
(Long pause.) Joey: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for Ross: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. (to
Ross: Multiple orgasms! her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me. woman) That's my friend's machine.
Opening Credits Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of Woman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it.
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there.] girls. Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date Joey: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never it.
night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night! should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please? (The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she
Joey: No plans, huh? [Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.] takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Chandler: Not a one. Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not Ross: (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right,
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice? coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel. show's over. Nothing to see here. (to Rachel) Ok, let's
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up. Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've do laundry.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with thought this thing through? Rachel: That was amazing. I can't even send back
someone. You just gotta do it. Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal. soup.
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? Ross: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle,
know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she This is a date. You're going on a date. uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need
has no idea what's happening, and then you finally Ross: Nuh-uh. detergent.
get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible Chandler: Yuh-huh. (Ross pulls out a huge box of laundry detergent.)
awkward moment when you've handed her the Ross: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, Rachel: What's that?
note. pick up some wine, what? Ross: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty (Rachel starts to load her clothes.)
man, just stop calling. underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see Ross: Rach, do you uh, are you gonna separate those?
Phoebe: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you. your underwear—you want it to be dirty? Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry
Chandler: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like Ross: (sheepish) No. spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine
we're gangin' up on her. Chandler: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener? for shirts and another machine for pants?
Phoebe: No, I mean you break up with Janice and Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, Ross: Rach, have you never done this before?
I'll break up with Tony. it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a Rachel: Well, not myself, but I know other people that
Ross: Tony? warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony? way. Ross: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok,
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not Chandler: There you go. um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your
fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or [Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third
his hunger strike, or, I don't know. meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your
Rachel: (waitressing) Does anybody want brother.] bras and your under-panty things.
anything else? Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is Rachel: (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok,
Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, he tall? Short? Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would
nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel Joey: Yep. they go with whites or delicates?
gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine. Monica: Which? Ross: (visibly nervous) Uh, that, that, that would be a
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so Joey: Which what? judgment call.
scrunchy? Monica: You've never met Bob, have you? [Scene: Fancy restaurant, Monica, Joey, Angela, and
Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Joey: No, but he's... Bob are seated at the table.]
7 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Monica: (to Joey) He is so cute. (to Angela and on Bob's shirt and is wiping it off. Joey is making eyes at Joey: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here,
Bob) So, where did you guys grow up? Angela.] and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear.
Angela: Brooklyn Heights. Monica: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I (He goes into a song and dance number.)
Bob: Cleveland. couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story. All you want is a dingle,
Monica: How, how did that happen? (Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like What you envy's a schwang,
Joey: Oh my god. noise Joey had told Bob about.) A thing through which you can tinkle,
Monica: What? Joey: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over Or play with, or simply let hang...
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. here. Opening Credits
But I'm not. [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things [Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone
Commercial Break over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty is applauding. As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.] groan and sit down heavily.]
talking.] Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's Rachel: God. I feel violated.
Joey: So, you and Angela, huh? like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel
Bob: Yep. Pretty much. the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss Janice in the eye)... boom. Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross,
the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when Janice: Ow! ten o'clock.
she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel. Chandler: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok? Ross: Is it? Feels like two.
Bob: Huh, I never really noticed. Janice: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be Chandler: No, ten o'clock.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it. right back. Ross: What?
Bob: Monica, Monica is great. (She leaves.) Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a
Joey: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
for me in bed. Sexually. eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world. Ross: Oh. Hel-lo!
[Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that
Monica and Angela are talking.] How many of those have you had? I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Monica: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific. Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million? Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
Angela: Yeah, isn't he? Phoebe: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line
Monica: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart la la la la la la. be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'
and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like Chandler: I'm fine. Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!
eight. Phoebe: All right. Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my
Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in (Janice returns from the bathroom.) league? Ross, back me up here.
bed. Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes. Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million
Monica: Wow. My brother never even told me Phoebe: Wait here. Breathe. years.
when he lost his virginity. (Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a Chandler: Thank you, buddy.
Angela: Huh. That's nice. few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler waves to Chandler, and leaves.) really beautiful women with these really nothing guys,
on how to break up with Janice.] Chandler: How do you do that? you could be one of those guys.
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling Phoebe: It's like a gift. Monica: You could do that!
off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the Chandler: We should always always break up together. Chandler: Y'think?
wound is exposed. Phoebe: Oh, I'd like that. All: Yeah!
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.) [Scene: The Launderama. Rachel is sorting her now-pink Chandler: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I clothes.] considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue...
don't think we should go out anymore. Janice. Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important Ross: C'mon! C'mon!
Janice: All right. Well, there you go. (she gets part. Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just
extremely wound up, and begins to try and calm Rachel: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies stands there.)
herself down) Stop it, stop it, stop it. now. Aurora: ...Yes?
[Scene: The laundromat.] (The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be...
Rachel: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really cart.) Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears
stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart. his throat noisily)...hi.
can actually do my own laundry, there isn't Woman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Aurora: Yes, you said that.
anything I can't do. Now come on, get outta my way. Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was
Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, (Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh...
it's like the first time I had to make dinner for back.) would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou,
myself, after Carol left me? (the buzzer on the Rachel: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls
washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we Uh, this is our cart. him back.)
have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh. Woman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it. Aurora: Chandler?
Rachel: What uh-oh? Rachel: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules! (Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk
Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the Woman: Let go! at once.)
laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry (They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could
song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's it.) dance! You had a beard!
done, uh-oh, uh-oh. Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're Joey: Whadja think?
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter? gonna have to take me with it! (Pause)
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's (She thinks it over, and then walks away.) All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could
done. Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that? dance! You had a beard!
Rachel: Come on, show me. Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red gentlemen. than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to
sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's Rachel: I could not have done this without you. see my head.
kinda pink. (Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A All: (admitting) Saw your head. Saw your head.
Rachel: Oh, everything's pink. moment of silence follows.) Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!!
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns (To Joey) Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's
still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name
happen to anyone. fine. 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way.
Rachel: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, Rachel: Are you sure? (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to
god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. Ross: No. you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.)
What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's Closing Credits Rachel: What is it?
right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do [Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an
laundry! Ross has an icepack to his head.] agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing Rachel: Oh, are you sure you're ok? Phoebe: Based on this play? ...Based on this play!
machine walks by, and laughs.) Ross: Yeah. [Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand Rachel: Does it still hurt? Chandler enters.]
in Bob's shirt, and Monica is very uncomfortable.] Ross: Yeah. Chandler: Hey, kids.
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, Phoebe: (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea. All All: Hey.
and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, your clothes match. I'm gonna do this. Phoebe: (reading Monica's palm) No, 'cause this line is
um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, (Monica and Joey enter.) passion, and this is... just a line.
and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Monica: Hi. Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost
Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could Phoebe: Hey, how'd it go? seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date
we check it in the light, please? Joey: Excellent. went.
(Her and Joey walk away from the table.) Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces Monica: Oh, right, right. How was your date,
Monica: Oh my god. for ourselves. 'Chand-lrr'?
Joey: What? Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way. Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's Monica: (notices his head) Oh, I'm sorry. anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She
like... cocktails in Appalachia. Rachel: Where's Chandler? was in the Israeli army...
Joey: Come on, they're close. Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve. (A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in
Monica: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear. (Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.) Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little Chandler: I'm free! I'm free! Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine
rambunctious with Ross. Phoebe: That oughta do it. block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and
Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, End I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm
it's—not really true, is it? sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.
Joey: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean... 106 The One With the Butt Chandler: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right,
Monica: Oh my god, what were you thinking? [Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to
Joey: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, play of Joey's to start.] Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
maybe I am a little. Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Chandler: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect
Monica: (hits him lightly) Oh! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting! evening... more or less.
Joey: Ow! Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen Aurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in
Monica: (leaving) I'm outta here. one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of Yammon.
Joey: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. impending doom... Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
He likes you. Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. Aurora: 'We' would be me and Rick.
Monica: Really? (Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud! Joey: Who's Rick?
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads (The lights dim.) Chandler: Who's Rick?
together, between the two of us, we can break Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen. Aurora: My husband.
them up. (The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to All: Ooooohhh.
[Time lapse, Monica accidentally spilled her drink a female patient.) Chandler: Oh, so you're divorced?
8 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Aurora: No. Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Aurora: It's not Rick.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole
widowed?...Hopefully? agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has day with you!
Aurora: No, I'm still married. just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie! Aurora: No, it's-it's Andrew.
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think All: Oh my God! Whoah! Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the
your husband would feel about you sitting here Monica: Well, what's the part? years to come when I'll regret asking the following
with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg Joey: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason question, but- And Andrew is?
you can count the change in my pocket? I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of Aurora: He's... new.
Aurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with order! This whole courtroom's out of order!" Chandler: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not
you because really, he's okay with Ethan. Phoebe: Seriously, what-what's the part? completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?
Chandler: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan? Joey: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back Aurora: No, that's not exactly what I was..
Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend. in!" Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for
All: What?! Ross: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part? three guys like us.
Chandler: So explain something to me here, uh, Joey: ...I'm his (mumbles) Aurora: So what do you want?
what kind of a relationship do you imagine us Rachel: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what? Chandler: You.
having if you already have a husband and a Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Aurora: You have me!
boyfriend? Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Chandler: Nono, just you.
Aurora: I suppose mainly sexual. Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. Aurora: Whaddyou mean?
Chandler: ...Hm. Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's Chandler: Lose the other guys.
Monica: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out. in it, and that's big! Aurora: ...Like, ...all of them?
Chandler: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you Chandler: C'mon, we're great together, why not?
again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story? deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally Aurora: Why can't we just have what we have now?
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this been able to crack your way into showbusiness. Why can't we just talk, and laugh, and make love,
is twisted! How could you get involved with a Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a without feeling obligated to one another... and up until
woman like this? big break for me! tonight I thought that's what you wanted too.
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but
at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the us all to the big opening? it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going
good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; Commercial Break 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy.
and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that
every guy's fantasy! getting the door.] Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this Monica: Alright, alright, alright... measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is
your fantasy? (Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.) too hard! Get out! Get out!'
Ross: No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it Joey: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer. Aurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen
is. Monica: For what? to?
Monica: What? So you guys don't mind going out Joey: Whaddya think? Today's the big day! Chandler: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of
with someone else who's going out with someone Monica: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use them, they don't exactly let each other finish...
else? whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in Aurora: Which one?
Joey: I couldn't do it. there. Chandler: ...The second guy.
Monica: Good for you, Joey. Joey: Thank you! (He goes into the bathroom.) Aurora: (gets up to leave) Well, call me if you change
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know (Chandler enters with the phone.) your mind.
that I'm going out with more people than she is. Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone. (She kisses him, he holds her, and kisses her
Ross: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, Monica: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go passionately.)
tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking- in there! Chandler: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
(They all pretend to fall asleep.) Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the (She leaves, Chandler sighs, and falls back on his bed.)
Ross: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know. bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort
Monica: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us! eyes!! Chandler. Joey is absent.]
All: Yeah! C'mon! Monica: I warned you... Ross: Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I
Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by (Rachel enters from her room.) mean, this woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful,
Richard Leakey- Rachel: Who is being loud? intelligent, unattainable... Tell me why you did this
(They all fall asleep again.) Chandler: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna again?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really (Joey enters.)
enter except Joey enter.] wanna make her breakfast. All: Hey!
Rachel: Tah-daaah! Monica: Oh, you got the whole night, huh? Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays
Chandler: Are we greeting each other this way Chandler: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
now? 'Cause I like that. Ethan, so, y'know.. (He starts to raid the fridge.) Joey: Nope.
Rachel: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did Rachel: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment? Ross: No? What happened, big guy?
the floors... I even used all the attachments on the Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. Chandler: (to Ross) "Big guy?"
vacuum, except that little round one with the 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments Ross: It felt like a 'big guy' moment.
bristles, I don't know what that's for. that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, Joey: I got fired.
Ross: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just All: Oh!
supposed to ask. wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told
Rachel: Well, whaddya think? uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to
All: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific! armloads of stuff.) the theatre, expecting to see me, and...
Monica: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be
ottoman. Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan able to tell.
All: Uh-oh... with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that. Joey: My mom will.
Monica: How-how did that happen? (She opens the door and he leaves.) Chandler: Something so sweet and...disturbing about
Rachel: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better [Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.] that.
there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for
coffee table. the phone.) Okay, everybody ready? six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great Monica: Maybe this wasn't your shot.
what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in opportunity. Ross: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot,
the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to Director: Lose the robe. y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like
compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Joey: Me? your shot..?
Let's just leave it there for a while. Director: That would work. Joey: Hard to tell, I was naked.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean,
move the green ottoman. And the robe is lost. I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe
Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta
magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna
out. and... action. run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the
Monica: You guys, I am not that bad! (Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Phoebe: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when his face.) Joey: Yeah? That's so nice! (They hug.)
I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you (Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)
(psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! doing? Monica: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.
Monica: That is so unfair! Joey: Well, I'm- I'm showering. All: Night.
Ross: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was Director: No, that was clenching. Rachel: Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out
the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy! Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, here?
Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I Monica: (determined) Uh-huh!
But hey, I can be a kook. think his butt would be angry here. Rachel: Really? Just casually strewn about in that
Ross: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before reckless haphazard manner?
The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and Monica: Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not.
away. action....and cut. What was that? Whenever. (He goes to her room.)
Monica: Why not? Joey: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to Ross: She is a kook.
Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait ask... Closing Credits
until they send you a notice. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Aurora and Chandler are in [Scene: Monica's Bedroom, she's lying in bed wide
Monica: I could do that. bed in Chandler's room.] awake.]
Rachel: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, Chandler: God, I love these fingers... Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her
and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one Aurora: Thank you. head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get
with the easy-pour spout. Chandler: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have
Monica: Why would someone do that?! ...One look at how happy they are. to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then
might wonder. Aurora: (moves Chandler's arm and look at his watch.) Oh everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee my God, I'm late. (She starts to get up.) up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She
table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot Chandler: Oh no nonononononnononono, don't go.. (He buries her head in her pillow.)
day. Little beads of condensation are inching their kisses her and pulls her back down.) End
way closer and closer to the surface of the wood... Aurora: Okay.
Monica: STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who Chandler: Don't go. 107 The One With the Blackout
am I? Aurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to.
Ross: Monica? You're Mom. Chandler: (to himself) Too bad, she's leaving. [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is introducing Phoebe,
(Monica gasps.) Aurora: (getting up and dressing) I'm sorry. He'll be who is playing her guitar for the crowd.]
Phoebe: Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! waiting for me. Rachel: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.) Chandler: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick. proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.
9 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
(applause) the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty Ross that I told you.
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats public library. Monica: About what?
about that moment when you suddenly realize Monica: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library? Joey: He's planning your birthday party.
what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a Ross: Pheebs, what about you? Monica: Oh my God! I love him!
chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very Phoebe: Oh... Milwaukee. Joey: (as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised.
much. Rachel: Um... Ross? Phoebe: About what?
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is Ross: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.' Monica: My surprise party!
inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is All: No way! Phoebe: What surprise party?
trapped inside.] Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a Monica: Oh stop it. Joey already told me.
Chandler: Oh, great. This is just... couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed Phoebe: Well, he didn't tell me.
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Joey: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing.
inside the vestibule with him. He makes a gesture Kingdom. Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to
of quiet exuberance.) Phoebe: Oh, Rachel. know everything.
Opening Credits Rachel: Oh come on, I already went. Monica: No, you are not. We tell you stuff.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the Monica: You did not go! Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when
phone with her mother. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross All: Come on. Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the
are there.] Rachel: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when
Rachel: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire (sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed. he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut
city is blacked out! Ross: Step back. up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was
Monica: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Joey: We have a winner! second to last.
Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when [Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the [Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Ross and Rachel
it's coming back on. couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.] are talking.]
Rachel: Wow, you guys, this is big. Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of Rachel: Hmmm... this is so nice.
Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right Ross: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so
mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power there, in the middle of a theme park. much a question as.. more of a general wondering...
company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't ment.
about this later? OK. (hangs up) have a line. Rachel: OK.
Phoebe: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call Rachel: There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been
my apartment and check on my grandma. (to miniature golf course. wanting to, um....
Monica) What's my number? Ross: Come on. Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)
(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.) Rachel: No, he said we were holding up the people behind Ross: Yes, yes, that's right...
Phoebe: Well, I never call me. us. Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the Ross: (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...? the roof behind Ross)
cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.] Rachel: I mean, do you think there are people who go Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow!
Chandler: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret through life never having that kind of... [Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing
model. Something... something Goodacre. Ross: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat
Jill: (on phone) Hi Mom, it's Jill. Passion is way overrated. off of Ross' shoulder.]
Chandler: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my Rachel: Yeah right. Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: (singing) I'm on top of
God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, the world, looking down on creation and the only
Goodacre! (pause) Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the explanation I can find, is the wonders I've found ever
atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of since...
idiot! those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's Commercial Break
Jill: (on phone) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the all that other good stuff. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat,
bank, in an ATM vestibule. Rachel: (sigh) OK. Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is
Chandler: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with Ross: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you. holding the menorah over the wound.]
vestibule. Rachel: You don't. Monica: (to Ross) This is just Bactine. It won't hurt.
Jill: (on phone) I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I Ross: Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future. (Ross flinches in pain.)
don't know, some guy. Rachel: Really? Joey: Sorry, that was wax.
Chandler: Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I Ross: Mmmm. Phoebe: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We
saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was Rachel: You do? should find his owner.
some guy. Ross: I do. Ross: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in
(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. (she playfully rubs his the hall?
Jill stares at him.) head and gets up) Rachel: During a blackout? He'd get trampled!
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Joey enters with a (Ross gets up, pleased with himself.) Ross: (nonchalantly) Yeah?
menorah, the candles lit.] Joey: It's never gonna happen. [Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Joey: Hi everyone. Ross: (innocently) What? Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would
Ross: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Joey: You and Rachel. be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a
Tribbiani. Ross: (acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not? strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would
Joey: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or
and these are the only candles we have, so... and now you're in the friend zone. 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is
Happy Chanukah, everyone. Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone. perfection. I loathe myself.
Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone. [Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and
lit a bunch of candles. Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]
(They all look at the window, grossed out, then groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they
flinch in pain.) closer to... hate all living things, right?
Rachel: That had to hurt! Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no Rachel: Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles
[Scene: ATM vestibule.] idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon answers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking
Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever. for the owner.
fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine.
said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make (Joey looks at him) What? What, now? Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He
contact, smile! Joey: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? seems to hate you. Are you sure?
(Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.) The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Chandler: There you go! and say, 'Rachel, I think that...' (Rachel comes into the Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name?
(He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks room behind them) Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons.
frightened.) Ross: Shhhh! Rachel: Bob Buttons?
Chandler: You're definitely scaring here. Rachel: What are you shushing? Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.
Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? Ross: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a
(offering phone) something. Listen. (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that? very bad man!
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high Rachel: Ahhhh! Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe
school with. Yeah, thanks. (takes phone) Ross: See? me a cat.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it's Rachel: Huh. (she agrees, but looks very confused) [Scene: Rachel has gone off on her own to look for the
Chandler.] [Scene: ATM vestibule.] cat's owner.]
Monica: Hello? Jill: Would you like some gum? Rachel: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did
Chandler: Hey, it's me. Chandler: Um, is it sugarless? you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here
Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Jill: (checks) Sorry, it's not. kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...
Are you OK? Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? (While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into
Chandler: Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous
he is saying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it. Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll
Gdcr. [Scene: Monica's apartment, Phoebe is singing.] hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Monica: What? Phoebe: (singing) New York City has no power, and the Paolo: (something Italian)
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay Rachel: Wow. (she exhales in amazement, blowing
Gdcr! away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics the candle out)
Monica: I have no idea what you just said. down) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey
Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone. Ross: (to Joey) OK, here goes. are playing Monopoly.]
Joey: What's up man? Joey: Are you going to do it? Ross: (rolling) Lucky sixes....
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL Ross: I'm going to do it. Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody,
GDCR. Joey: Do you want any help? this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man. is Monica.
ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Joey: Good luck, man. Monica: (smitten) Hi!
Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally Ross: Thanks. (Joey hugs him) OK. Rachel: And Joey....
garbled) Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel) Monica: Hi!
Chandler: Yeah, like that thought never entered (Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.) Rachel: And Ross.
my mind. Joey: Hey, where are you going? Monica: Hi!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time has passed. The Monica: Outside. Paolo: (something in Italian)
five are sitting around the coffee table talking.] Joey: You can't go out there. Rachel: (proudly) He doesn't speak much English.
Rachel: Alright, somebody. Monica: Why not? Paolo: (pointing at game) Monopoly!
Monica: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on Joey: Because of... the reason. Rachel: Look at that!
a pool table. Monica: And that would be? Ross: (jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from?
All: Whoooaa! Joey: I, um, can't tell you. Rachel: Oh... Italy, I think.
Ross: That's my sister. Monica: Joey, what's going on? Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly.
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Into our lives.
10 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be hits him in the head.) Monica: Nothing.
Paolo's cat! Jill: No, you've got to whip it. Mrs. Geller: Oh, maybe that's it.
Ross: That, that is funny... (to Joey).... and Rachel (He swings the pen hard, and it snaps back and almost hits (Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and
keeps touching him. him again.) talks to him aside.)
(Phoebe enters.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sitting around Monica: She is unbelievable, our mother is...
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and the table.] Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a
I couldn't find the kitty anywhere. Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat. out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, your career to cover.
Phoebe: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets Monica: Oh God!
again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... completely dark) (They hug.)
this is Paolo. Ross: Thank you. [Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about
Rachel: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe. Phoebe: Thanks. Nana.]
Paolo: (something in Italian, he is apparently Ross: Kinda... spooky without any lights. Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her
attracted to Phoebe) Joey: (does a maniacal laugh) Bwah-hah-hah! purse.
Phoebe: (smiling) You betcha! (Everyone starts to imitate him.) Ross: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know
[Scene: ATM vestibule.] Ross: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always
Chandler: (chewing gum) Ah, let's see. What next? Mwwwooooo-hah-hah... stealing them from- from restaurants.
Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish (The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making Mr. Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house.
charm, it's impish. Here we go. out. Ross clutches his chest.) (The nurse comes out of Nana's room.)
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to Ross: Oh.. oh... oh. Nurse: Mrs. Geller?
blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it (Everyone stands up. Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's
accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits up, but you have to throw a party for Monica. room.)
the wall.) Closing Credits Ross: She looks so small.
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need [Scene: ATM vestibule, the power has come back on.] Monica: I know.
to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. Jill: Well, this has been fun. Ross: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis
(Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and Chandler: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... now.
slides it back in his mouth.) and for saving my life. Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she forehead.)
I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. kisses him on the cheek) See ya. Ross: Bye, Nana.
This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! (She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door (He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams.
And now you're choking. after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the Ross shouts and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of
(Chandler starts to choke.) security camera and starts talking to it.) the room.)
Jill: Are you alright? Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, Monica: Ross!
(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a (Ross runs out too.)
sign with his hands, while obviously unable to copy of the tape. Mrs. Geller: What is going on?!
breathe.) End Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana
Jill: My God, you're choking! (she runs over and had passed? Well, she's not, quite..
gives him the Heimlich, the gum flies from his 108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice Mrs. Geller: What?
mouth) That better? [Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee Ross: She's not- past, she's present, she's back.
Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... break. Shelley enters.) Aunt Lillian: (reentering) What's going on?
that was.... Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going? Mr. Geller: She may have died.
Jill: Perfection? Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under Aunt Lillian: She may have died?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are fluorescent lights... does it get better than this? Mr. Geller: We're looking into it.
at the window. Ross and Joey are watching Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, (Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's
disgustedly.] because I met somebody who would be perfect for you. room.)
Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you Ross: I, uh, I'll go see. (He goes in)
Rachel and the stars) said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'... Nurse: This almost never happens!
Ross: (mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah, blah blah Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday? (Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls
blah... blah blaaaaaah.... Chandler: Yes please. the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the
(Rachel walks away from Paolo, laughing.) Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's- family)
Ross: Wha-What did he say that was so funny? Chandler: He's a he? Ross: Now she's passed.
Rachel: I have absolutely no idea. Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and
Ross: That's... that's classic. Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet Rachel are there.]
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God, you now...(backs out of the room) Okay, goodbye... Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so Opening Credits Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly
un-me! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.) what it is. It's your hair.
Monica: If you want, I'll do it. Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I Phoebe: Yeah, you have homosexual hair.
(Ross looks at Joey.) mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually (Monica and Ross enter.)
Phoebe: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. thought that? Rachel: So, um, did she...
(Rachel looks at her) But I won't. Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, Ross: Twice.
Rachel: God, the first time he smiled at me... y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be... Joey: Twice?
those three seconds were more exciting than three Chandler: You did? Phoebe: Oh, that sucks!
weeks in Bermuda with Barry. Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday Joey: You guys okay?
Phoebe: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not. Ross: I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone,
I've heard... (they stare at her)... oh, I see... it's Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think but I just don't feel, uh...
not about that right now. OK. that when you first met me? Phoebe: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone.
Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and Monica: I did. Ross: Nono, she's gone.
we have absolutely nothing in common, and we Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah. Monica: We checked. A lot.
don't even speak the same language but Joey: Not me. Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes.
Goooooooddddddd.... Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has college, Susan Sallidor did. feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles
gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.] Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't? her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting
Ross: Paolo. Hi. Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie,
Paolo: Ross! with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, Spellman... who also liked her, so... on a miniature golf course- I always get this really
which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same (Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little
step so he can look down at Paolo.) stops.) yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Ross: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a
know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing. me? pencil)
Paolo: Thing? Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny... Phoebe: Thanks!
Ross: Thing, yes. Thing. Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that Rachel: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning.
Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex? about him? Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once
Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... All: Yeah! Right! you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm
being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. Chandler: WHAT IS IT?! food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks
See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a gay, huh?
er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... quality. Phoebe: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not
um... All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality. Debbie. (Hands back the pencil)
Paolo: Bed? Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried [Scene: Nana's house, Ross, Mrs. Geller and Aunt Lillian
Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you guys were gonna be vague about this. are going through clothes.]
you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then (Phone rings; Monica gets it) Ross: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket.
I would be, well, very sad. Monica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Mrs. Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look
Paolo: Oh! Rome. nice!
Ross: Yeah! Se vice? Rachel: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! (Takes phone) (They open a cupboard which, amongst other things,
Paolo: Si. Bon giorno, caro mio. contains a chest of drawers)
Ross: So you do know a little English. Ross: (to Joey) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Mrs. Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there?
Paolo: Poco... a leetle. Just gotta go to Rome. Ross: (sarcastic) I don't see why not.
Ross: Do you know the word crapweasel? Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you (He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he
Paolo: No. make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet
Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome. using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a
huge crapweasel! Monica: Hey dad, what's up? (Listens) Oh God. Ross, it's shout.)
(They hug.) Nana. Ross: Here's my retainer!
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting [Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to her
below the counter with two pens dangling from with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says father.]
their chains in front of them. Jill is showing hi and kisses.) Mr. Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes-
Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.] Ross: So, uh, how's she doing? Monica: Dad!
Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours. Mr. Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I
this! Now watch, it's easy. Monica: How-how are you, Mom? wanna be buried at sea.
Chandler: OK. Mrs. Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're Monica: You what?
Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head here. ...What's with your hair? Mr. Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun.
in a circle) Monica: What? Monica: Define fun.
(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen Mrs. Geller: What's different? Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a
11 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
boat, pack a lunch... the reception. Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your
Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man. grandmother. How old was she there?
water... Gee, that does sound fun. (Rachel steps in a patch of mud) Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?
Mr. Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Rachel: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes! Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each
Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe Ross: Oh, I hope they're not ruined. other and smile)
after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'. Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise! Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica
Monica: That's probably what they'll say. Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though naked!
Mr. Geller: I'd like that. Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, Ross: (looking) Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh,
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; almost life-aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into just trying something.
Chandler enters.] an open grave) Closing Credits
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous. All: God! Ross! [Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break
Shelley: (sheepish) Hey. Look, I'm sorry about Ross: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised... as Lowell enters.]
yesterday, I, um- [Scene: The Wake, at the Gellers' house. Ross is lying on his Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. back, with Phoebe squatting over him, checking to see if Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Believe me, apparently other people have made he's injured.] Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial
the same mistake. Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the Services?
Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew! muscle's in spasm...huh. Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about Ross: What, what is it? heads. How 'bout you?
me? Phoebe: You missed a belt loop. Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what
Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a... Ross: Oh! No-n- Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great. Phoebe: Okay, it's in spasm. Lowell: I know. That's what I told her.
Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had Chandler: Really.
Lowell would've made a great couple. my golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then Lowell: Yeah.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears) Chandler: So- you can tell?
that's who you saw me with? (Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind
Shelley: What? He's cute! same slice of meat) of... radar.
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll. Chandler: Oh, no- Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Shelley: Is Brian...? Andrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter. Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to Dorothy is. Chandler: He is?
think you'd set me up with someone like him. (They shake hands. Cut to Ross emerging from a hallway, Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league. (Exits)
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your grinning inanely. He is obviously very stoned) Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian
league. Phoebe: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel? enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get Ross: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great. get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you Monica: Wow, those pills really worked, huh? End
me. ...I'm really not. Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I
[Scene: Nana's Bedroom, Ross is holding a dress love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister 109 The One Where Underdog Gets Away
out from inside the closet.] (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her) [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss,
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) Phoebe: Ooh! That's so nice... Terry.]
This one? Ross: ...Chandler! Rachel: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here
Aunt Lillian: No. Chandler: Hey. very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would
Ross: I have shown you everything we have. Ross: (hugs him) And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?
Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a gay. Doesn't matter to me. Terry: An advance?
lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy. Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my
Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she and leave Chandler.) family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and
would've told us it's the wrong one. Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of
Mrs. Geller: You're right. We'll go with the you the most. started the whole independence thing, you know,
burgundy. Rachel: (humouring him) Oh, well you know who I love the which is actually why I took this job.
Ross: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out. (Starts to most? Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible,
climb over the furniture) Ross: No. terrible waitress. Really, really awful.
Aunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes! Rachel: You! Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you.
(Ross falls back inside) Ross: Oh.. you don't get it! (Passes out and slumps across Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm
Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? (Holds out a her) doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee?
pair) (Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at
Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe. extravagant gesture of disappointment.) that.
Ross: And where she's going everyone else'll be Mr. Geller: Whaddya got there? Opening Credits
dressier? Joey: (hides the TV, but he still has an earphone) Just a, [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a
Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a uh... hearing disability. customer.]
slimmer heel? Mr. Geller: What's the score? Rachel: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time.
Ross: (forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an Joey: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility
evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you the third. that you could give me an advance on my tips?
something in a silver that may work. Mr. Geller: Beautiful! (Turns to watch with him) Guy: Huh?
Aunt Lillian: No, it really should be burgundy. (Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about
Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different game) that spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only
dress? Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you $98.50 to go.
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have maybe hand me a cracker? (Monica enters.)
something in the back. Mrs. Geller: (to Monica) Your grandmother would have Monica: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are
(He finds a shoebox (out of shot), pulls it down and hated this. going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?
opens it. It is full of Sweet 'n' Lo's.) Monica: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all. Ross: No, they're not.
Ross: Oh my God.. Mrs. Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the Monica: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them.
Mrs. Geller: Is everything all right, dear? honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and Ross: You're wrong.
Ross: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff. if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your Monica: I am not wrong.
(He reaches up higher and knocks down another money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'. Ross: You're wrong.
shoebox lid. Sweet 'n' Lo's rain down on him) Monica: That sounds like Nana. Monica: No, I just talked to them.
Commercial Break Mrs. Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with Ross: (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel someone who is critical of every single thing you say? (Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.)
are preparing to leave for the funeral.] Monica: ...I can imagine. Joey: Hey, hey.
Ross: (entering) How we doing, you guys ready? Mrs. Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Mom already called this morning to turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she Phoebe: Hey.
remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know is. Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department.
my ears are not my best feature? Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If Are you wearing makeup?
Ross: Some days it's all I can think about. you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey
Phoebe: (entering) Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't now, would you tell her? Tribbiani, actor slash model.
find my bearings. Mrs. Geller: Tell her what? Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you
Rachel: Oh, you-you mean your earrings? Monica: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Phoebe: What'd I say? detail, like your hair... for example. Phoebe: What were you modeling for?
Rachel: (sticking her foot out) Hm-m. Mrs. Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at. Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Monica: Are these the shoes? Monica: Do you think things would have been better if Monica: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those
Rachel: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy. you'd just told her the truth? "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Ross: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, Mrs. Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
or...? unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along. Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready Monica: Huh. Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so...
to go? Mrs. Geller: More wine, dear? (crosses fingers)
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed Monica: Oh, I think so. Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.
up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it? Mrs. Geller: (reaches out to fiddle with Monica's hair again, Joey: Thanks.
(They all leave.) and realises) Those earrings look really lovely on you. (Ross comes back to the couch.)
[Scene: The cemetary, after the funeral.] Monica: Thank you. They're yours. Ross: (to Monica) Well, you were right. How can they
Monica: It was a really beautiful service. Mrs. Geller: Actually they were Nana's. do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving.
Mrs. Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. (There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.) Monica: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner
(Hugs her) Y'know, I think it might be time for you Mr. Geller: Now I'm depressed! ...(To everyone) Even at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.
to start using night cream. more than I was. Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, [Scene: Central Perk, the gang are looking at old photos.] lumps?
then notices Chandler watching) Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy? Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to
Joey: What? Ross: That little naked guy would be me. have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing. lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
remarkably like Brent Mussberger. Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a now? Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still
pocket TV) Chandler: Who are those people? boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a Ross: Got me. Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.
funeral? Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads Monica: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?
Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'. Phoebe: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating
12 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar. something? here?
Monica: So you're free Thursday, then. Girl: Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Rachel: We're waiting for you to open the door. You
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh, can I come? Oh. got the keys.
Monica: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're Joey: What's wrong? Monica: No I don't.
gonna make it to Vail? Girl: I just remembered, I have to do something. Rachel: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the
Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a Joey: Oh. What? keys."
hundred and two dollars to go. Girl: Um, leave. Monica: No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?"
Chandler: I thought it was $98.50. Joey: Wait, wait, wait! Rachel: No, no, no, you said, "got the keys".
Rachel: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup. (Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the Chandler: Do either of you have the keys?
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's. subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., Monica: (panicked) The oven is on.
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her? you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are Rachel: Oh, I gotta get my ticket!
Ross: (mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.) Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.
ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, [Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from Monica: Well then get it, get it!
ooh, lesbian life partner. the gang.] Joey: That tone will not make me go any faster.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is Joey: So I guess you all saw it. Monica: (angry) Joey!
there. Ross enters.] Rachel: Saw what? Joey: That one will.
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here? Phoebe: No, we were just laughing. You know, how (Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting. laughter can be infectious. [Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.] talking to her stomach.]
Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in. Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, thinks I have VD. major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked
and I have to get it back to the museum. Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom. paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying,
Susan: What's it look like? Commercial Break because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy
Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking you don't have gills anymore.
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing
just look for it. not wanting to participate in the festivities.] to it if you want.
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you Monica: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's Ross: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach,
guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian. turking, yams are yamming. (notices Ross is depressed) ok?
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. What? (Susan enters.)
Otherwise, they don't let you do it. Ross: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in Susan: Hi, how's it goin?
Ross: (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the the kitchen. Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the
Turtle. A classic. Monica: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby. my way and stop moping. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Ross: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Ross: That's closer. Carol: I did.
Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy? (Rachel enters, excited.) Ross: Does it always, uh--?
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear Rachel: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from Carol: No, no that was the first.
sounds in there? now, shoop, shoop, shoop. Susan: Keep singing! Keep singing!
Ross: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you Chandler: Oh, you must stop shooping. Ross: (singing) Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't
really talk to it? Rachel: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff. wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already? bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.
my voice. Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this Susan: I felt it!
Ross: Do you uh, do you talk about me? merriment. Ross: (singin) Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one
Susan: Yeah, yeah, all the time. (Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of without any breasts.
Ross: Really? Chandler's face.) [Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Phoebe: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie! trying each one in the lock.]
Sperm Guy. Chandler: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the Joey: Nope, not that one.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but stuffing, but that's not funny anymore. Monica: Can you go any faster with that?
Rachel.] (Chandler leaves.) Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys.
Ross: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater You do the math.
should get some belly time too. Not that I believe tots. Monica: Why do you guys have so many keys in there
any of this. Monica: That's not a question. anyway?
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. Chandler: (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this.
totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen,
will seem a little weird, but you put your head sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I
inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll because of my disease. would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes
hear everything we say. Monica: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right
Chandler: I'd just like to say that I'm totally mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots. now. But I'm not.
behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child. Monica: I swear you said you had the keys.
to butter your head. (Ross grabs for some food, Monica slaps his hand away.) Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys
(Rachel enters.) Monica: Ah! unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the
Monica: Hey, Rach, did you make your money? Ross: Ok, Mom never hit. keys.
Rachel: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget (Ross exits.) Phoebe: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No
seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop. Phoebe: (stirring pot) Ok, all done. one say keys.
Monica: Rach, here's your mail. Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross (Short pause.)
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table. needs lumps! Monica: Why would I have the keys?
Monica: (insistently) No, here's your mail. Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have Rachel: Aside from the fact that you said you had
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table. them whipped and then add some peas and onions. them?
Monica: (gives her an envelope) Would you just Monica: Why would we do that? Monica: But I didn't.
open it? Phoebe: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to Rachel: Well, you should have.
(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.) make them, you know, before she died. Monica: Why?
Rachel: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great. Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up. Rachel: Because!
Monica: We all chipped in. Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. Monica: Why?
Joey: (to Monica) We did? (she starts to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, Rachel: Because!
Monica: (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks. sorry! Oh, sorry! Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility?
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you so much! (Chandler enters, running.) Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for
Monica: (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind
you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, Underdog has just gotten away. of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes.
you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese Joey: The balloon? Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want?
fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns. Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and
havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and
is it with you and this holiday? Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with I... I...
Chandler: All right, I'm nine years old. me? Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so,
Ross: Oh, I hate this story. Rachel: I can't, I gotta go. look, the door's open. Here we go.
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose (They walk in. Smoke fills the apartment.)
Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this over the city. How often does that happen? Monica: Well, the turkey's burnt. (checking pots)
part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is Phoebe: Almost never. Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are
the moment my parents choose to tell me they're Monica: Got the keys? or Got the keys! ruined.
getting divorced. Rachel: Ok. (Ross enters, singing.)
Rachel: Oh my god. (Everyone leaves the apartment.) Ross: Here we come, walkin' down the—this doesn't
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a [Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her smell like Mom's.
Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse. belly.] Monica: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps,
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous Carol: Anytime you're ready. Ross? (picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well,
woman waiting. He goes up to her.] Ross: Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her here you go, buddy, ya got one.
Joey: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together. stomach) Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, Rachel: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it
Girl: We did? there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, advantage, but... Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's
right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray Carol: Just aim for the bump. first choice.
cologne) Aramis? Aramis? Ross: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, Monica: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to
Girl: Yeah, right. can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid. make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just Joey: You call that delicious?
business. because Susan does it. (all shouting)
Girl: Get out. Ross: (quickly talking) Hello, baby. Hello, hello. Monica: Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Joey: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the group is coming back Chandler: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
when to spritz, when to lay back. from the roof.] [Time lapse. Everyone is upset with each other. Phoebe
Girl: Really? You don't know what that means to Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant is at the window.]
me. dog shadow all over the park. Phoebe: Ooh.
Joey: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I Rachel: What?
wearing? mean, that was just mean. Phoebe: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the
Girl: (provocatively) Nothing. Monica: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
13 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
(They all run to the window.) Rachel: Phoebe, you're on. Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?
Joey: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy! Phoebe: Oh, oh, good. David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And,
Monica: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing! Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes.
Phoebe: It's nice that he has someone. back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh! Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal
[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment,
grilled cheese sandwiches.] song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell because, well, 'cause it's you.
Chandler: Shall I carve? as an introduction) (Sung:) Phoebe: Sure.
Rachel: By all means. I made a man with eyes of coal David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more
Chandler: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who And a smile so bewitchin', phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached
wants dark cheese? How was I supposed to know a place where it's just gotta be one of those things
Ross: I don't even wanna know about the dark That my mom was dead in the kitchen? where I just like... sweep everything off the table and
cheese. (shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la... throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh,
Monica: (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna (Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.) sweeping sorta fella.
split this with me? Phoebe: (Sung) Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta
Joey: Oh, I will. ...My mother's ashes fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a
Phoebe: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish. Even her eyelashes physicist's body.
Monica: Make a wish? Are resting in a little yellow jar, David: Rrrreally.
Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, And sometimes when it's breezy... Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just
you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for? (Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, do it, just sweep and throw me.
Joey: The bigger half. Max and David, having a noisy discussion) David: ...Now? Now?
Chandler: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast Phoebe: (Sung) Phoebe: Oh yeah, right now.
here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of ...I feel a little sneezy David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and
Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, And now I- (abruptly stops) then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was
this has been really great, you know, I think Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then
because it didn't involve divorce or projectile talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift.
vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if share with the entire group? (Moves it)
you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your Max: No. No, that's- that's okay. Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.
family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the
wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You
what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that everyone else to hear! want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just
all of your Thanksgivings sucked. Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home hop?
All: That's so sweet. with a note! Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table)
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas. David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my- (They kiss, finally)
Rachel: And a crappy New Year. Phoebe: Could you speak up please? [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Chandler: Here, here! David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no
Closing Credits was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the date pact' mean to you?
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has
peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more And then he said that- you said you thought somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd
posters underneath. The captions read, as follows: Max: Daryl Hannah. ask Fun Bobby.
Bladder Control Problem David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?
Stop Wife Beating he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Monica: Yeah.
Hemorrhoids? Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?
Winner of 3 Tony Awards... she had kind of a Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.
He's finally happy with that and walks away.] Max: Hard quality. Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we
End David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is go...
beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a Joey: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!
110 The One With the Monkey kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee)
you started yelling. (Sits down) There. Now there is.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.] Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you
Ross: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to to their table) now have dates.
meet. Joey: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note! Joey: Uh, four.
(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is Ross: Four.
All: Oooh! decorating for Christmas.] Rachel: Five.
Monica: W-wait. What is that? Ross: Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off) Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands)
Ross: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi? Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I Rachel: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.
Monica: No, no, I don't. mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the
Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too store. What's an elf to do?
him? much? Ross: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing
Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some Ross: Just a smidge. there alone when the ball drops?
lab. Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very Rachel: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party,
Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a methodical. and no-one'll know who's with who.
parent name their child Bethel? Monica: I think it's romantic. Ross: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right
Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a now.
ass! Gentleman? Monica: What's the matter?
Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in Rachel: Yeah! Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out,
your apartment? Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his
Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and hands...
Carol left, so... sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate? and night, and night and day... and special occasions... the other night.
Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is Ross: Really.
age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that
(Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact. juggling thing is amazing.
Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'. Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just? Ross: What, uh... what juggling thing?
Opening Credits Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice. Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to Monica: What?! taught him that.
sing. Joey is not there.] Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact! Ross: No.
Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just
tonight. I have twelve new songs about my and I snapped. balled up socks... and a melon...
mother's suicide, and one about a snowman. Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst (Max runs in)
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman. breakup in history! Max: Phoebe. Hi.
(Enter Joey) Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?
All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy. snapped! Max: No. Have you seen David?
Monica: So, how'd it go? [Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around.
Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job. walks. He is wearing a long coat.] Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We
Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late. are going to Minsk.
last year. (He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume) Phoebe: Minsk?
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey! Max: Minsk. It's in Russia.
store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political. Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells Phoebe: I know where Minsk is.
Monica: So what are you gonna be? tinkle) Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just Chandler: Aah, y'killing me! Phoebe: So when, when do you leave?
such a slap in the face, y'know? (Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools) Max: January first.
Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing Monica: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again! Commercial Break
for New Year's? (They all protest and hit her with Ross: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right? [Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe
cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Monica: Do you always have to bring him here? knocks on the door]
Year's? Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had Phoebe: Hello?
Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my David: Hey!
don't have to face the horrible pressures of this working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- Phoebe: Hi.
holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with he threw some faeces... David: Hi! (Kisses her) What-what're you doing here?
lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the Chandler: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts
ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud! in on him for you. on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it exciting!
be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going.
as the rest of you. doing it as a favour to me. Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish! Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie. voice) Oh, why?
Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of [Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and
this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.] work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on
make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner. David: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out
All: Yeah, okay. Alright. today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out)
Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enough to simulate these conditions. David: Thank you, Max. Thank you.
enthusiasm. Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then. Phoebe: So-so you're really not going?
All: Woooo! Yeah! David: Yuh. David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
14 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
I just- you decide. Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood... Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!
Phoebe: Oh don't do that. Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen (The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to
David: Please. to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
Phoebe: Oh no no. with me. (She runs off) Phoebe: I can't believe you did that!
David: No, but I'm asking- (Ross is still taking photos) Opening Credits
Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that- Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the [Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and
David: No, but I can't- camera) Pheebs are visiting.]
Phoebe: It's your thing, and- (David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up) Monica: Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I
David: -make the decision- Phoebe: Hi, Max! hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn round and
Phoebe: Okay, um, stay. Max: Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'?
David: Stay. you. Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do.
Phoebe: Stay. David: Wow. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy.
(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!
the table) New Year.(Walks off) Monica: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Phoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on) Phoebe: Are you alright? Phoebe: Maybe nobody's tried this.
David: It was Max's stuff. (They kiss) David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has (Phoebe leads David into a bedroom) that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet
started.] Phoebe: You're going to Minsk. he's a lawyer.
Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk. Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his
me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in knuckles? That means he's artistic.
her Janice laugh) Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me. Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting
Chandler: You remember Janice. David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break on the side. And- he can dance!
Monica: Vividly. up with you, and I can't break up with you. Phoebe: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when
(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it) Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying
Monica: Hi. my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you
Sandy: Hi, I'm Sandy. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. look like naked.
Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no Monica: I wish all guys could be like him.
by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! Phoebe: I know.
your kids. No! I can't understand that!'. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are
Sandy: Yeah. That's okay, right? David: Uh, ow. telling everyone about their coma guy.]
(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for
Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder) around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He you two?
Ross: Par-tay! does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me Monica: He doesn't have anyone.
Monica: That thing is not coming in here. and you'll never forget me. Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible.
Ross: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at David: I'll never forget you. Joey: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even
a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and say woowoo.
here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns
welcome in your home? with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. on the TV)
Monica: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't You scientist guy. Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be
urinate on my coffee table. Dick Clark: (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the
Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna
than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the Times Square... put the kids to bed for this one.
courage to walk back in here like nothing (Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids) (Everyone has settled down to watch, except
happened... Joey: There y'go, kids. Chandler)
Monica: Alright. Just keep him away from me. Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this.
Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and
whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel midnight. (She leaves) Cinemax.
runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later. Joey: You seen Sandy? Rachel: No way, forget it.
(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but Joey: C'mon, she's your mom!
is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy
face is bruised. Everyone turns to look) scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you. getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?
Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you Rachel: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing. Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's
okay? Where-where's Paolo? All: (in the kitchen) What? books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane
Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight. Rachel: The bll is drrbing! without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated? Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight... Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us. you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing
a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a Joey: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out. around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about Phoebe: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that. Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's
how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I Monica: Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby! a blast.
know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my (Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes Chandler: You can say that because she's not your
hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and mom.
three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get kisses) Ross: Oh, please...
into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out (Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls Paolo: Bona sera.
having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise) Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss)
eating my dip? Phoebe: I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight. Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?
[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up Rachel: I can't kiss anyone. Monica: Last night.
somewhat, emerge from a bedroom] Monica: So I'm kissing everyone? Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last Joey: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother. of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew.
week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally Ross: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed Phoebe: Hey hey hey! She's on!
undressed an elf. but me. Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing!
Joey: Wow, that's, uh, dirty. Chandler: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you
Sandy: Yeah. it's midnight! Somebody kiss me! being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids Joey: Alrightalrightalright. (Kisses him. Ross takes a photo) Phoebe: Your mom was arrested?
are staring at them) There. Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.
Joey: Hey, kids... Closing Credits Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.] occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...
Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted Chandler: Now why would she say that's
spend the whole evening with me, but at least this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his embarrassing?
check in. diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so All: Shhh.
Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you hard to accept the fact that something you love so much Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...I just get this craving for Kung
got away from me! doesn't love you back. Pow Chicken.
Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me! Rachel: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth. Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a End Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this
camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Janice Camera! 111 The One With Mrs. Bing Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York
Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now. tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I
(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks [Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a love...
through the spyhole) newsstand.] All: Awww!
Monica: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby! Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news? Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms
(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is Monica: Why? use the phone.
obviously very depressed) Phoebe: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I
Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, right. just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't
grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) mean that, I don't mean that bad...
I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I
I am! the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of bought my son his first condoms.
Joey: (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who depression. (The gang turn to look at Chandler)
died? Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames.
(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back) Momma. [Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and
[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Monica: He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool. Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in
Everyone else is virtually in tears] (The guy walks past them) the background. It starts with Monica reading a
Fun Bobby: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, Guy: Nice hat. newspaper to him.]
so at least I'll- I get to see him again. Monica and Phoebe: (in unison) Thanks. Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit
Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm (The guy walks on) reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares
gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write Phoebe: We should do something. Whistle. again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams
'Reunited' in glitter. Monica: We are not going to whistle. played sports.
Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Phoebe: Come on, do it. [Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant
Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this Monica: No! into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then
party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that Phoebe: Do it! Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting
we- Monica: No! to Monica]
Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no. Phoebe: Do it do it do it! Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.
15 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Monica: Nah... not-not special enough. Joey: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket. Rachel: Hey.
Phoebe: Ooh! How about Agamemnon? Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, Phoebe: Hello.
Monica: Waaay too special. somebody was supposed to bring me one. Monica: Hello.
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size. Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight?
Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.] Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time Monica: No, you?
Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want... together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door) Phoebe: No, you?
(Looks at Chandler's menu) Ross: Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum. Monica: You just asked me.
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Joey: Ross, how could you let this happen? Phoebe: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a
Chicken. Ross: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a few chords) Um, Rachel can we do this now?
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's... Rachel: Okay. (Writes a little more) I am so hot!
you think? Joey: You don't think my mom's sexy? Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of Ross: Well... not in the same way... my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you
your shell just a little. Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a tell me she's not a knockout.
Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy Ross: I cannot believe we're having this conversation.
could've picked this place. giving birth to seven children? Joey: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant,
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here... that's all.
a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're (Monica and Rachel's door opens and Rachel and Paolo Rachel: (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to
ready for some tequila. emerge) present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Chandler: I know I am. Rachel: Hey. Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a
Mrs. Bing: Who's doing shots? Ross: Hey. song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um,
Monica: Yeah. Rachel: What're you guys doing out here? come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a
Phoebe: I'm in. Ross: Well, not playing raquetball! look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
Mrs. Bing: There y'go. Ross? Joey: He forgot to leave his grip size! You don't have to be awake to be my man,
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy. Ross: He didn't get the goggles! As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat Rachel: Well,sounds like you two have issues. your hand.
flustered) (She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall) Though we just met the other day,
Rachel: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda Rachel: Goodbye, baby. There's something I have got to say...
just, y'know, lost track of time. Paolo: Ciao, bela. (She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot) (They kiss. Ross is watching them) much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out,
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is Ross: Do they wait for me to do this? knocking over the mike stand)
holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's (Joey and Ross go into Monica and Rachel's apartment) Rachel: (Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay,
eye.] Joey: So are you gonna tell him? everybody. Woo!
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything? Ross: Why would I tell him? (Enter Chandler)
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and Joey: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might. Chandler: What was that?
licks her hand) Ross: Oh... Ross: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a...
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read Monica: (Entering) What are you guys doing here? Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey,
everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I Joey: Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap! alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I Monica: ...What did I ask? Joey: (Laughing) Mother-Kisser... (Sees Ross's look)
wanted to do was become a writer. [Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, I'll shut up.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.] Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know
anybody can. You just start with half a dozen Monica: Hi. you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were
European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for Phoebe: Hi. two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.
male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a Monica: What are you doing here? Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay?
book. Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen. the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here? Ross: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.] Monica: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these don't you say something?
Mrs. Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226? off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Chandler: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey,
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas') Without me? you kissed my mom!
Mrs. Bing: You okay there, slugger? Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the (People turn to look)
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a
from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend any better than he was this morning? Greek play.
he was in the other one) Monica: How would I know? I-I wasn't here. Chandler: That's very funny. We done now?
Mrs. Bing: What is with you tonight? Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! Ross: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) pajamas.) Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you
It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking. Joey is making a snack at the bar.] know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you. Chandler: Oh my God. Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you
Ross: You're good. Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you. can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a Chandler: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom? finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one
hundred million copies of my books, and y'know Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still
why? lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's doing the play. Aaah!
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I [Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in,
showing? can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men mom. Guy. His bed is empty.]
that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot Chandler: What? Phoebe: Alright, whadyou do with him?
sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred Ross: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I (There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy
twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- emerges from the bathroom)
secondary character, a, y'know, complication you your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing Monica: Oh! You're awake!
eventually kill off. happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in- Phoebe: Look at you! How, how do you feel?
Ross: When? Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this? Coma Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our Joey: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing. Monica: You look good!
hero is. Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you Coma Guy: I feel good! ...Who are you?
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples tell me?! Monica: Oh, sorry.
showing? Joey: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, Phoebe: I'm Phoebe Buffay.
Mrs. Bing: No, it's you! or else who knows what woulda happened. Monica: I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of
Ross: Please. Ross: Thanks, man, big help. you.
Mrs. Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell Phoebe: Well, we both have.
sexy... were you thinking? Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?
Ross: Right. Ross: I wasn't- I mean, I- Phoebe: Well, actually it's just from me.
Mrs. Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me. Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the Monica: I got you the foot massager.
(She kisses him on the cheek) crap I go through with my mom more than you. Phoebe: You know who shaved you? That was me.
Ross: Uh-oh... Ross: I know- Monica: I read to you.
(...Then full on the mouth) Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the Phoebe: I sang. (To Monica) Hah!
(Enter Joey) door) Coma Guy: Well,... thanks.
Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street. Ross: Chandler- Monica: Oh, my pleasure.
Commercial Break Joey: Me neither, y'know what- Phoebe: You're welcome.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Chandler: I'm still mad at you for not telling me. Coma Guy: So. I guess I'll see you around.
Joey is getting the door in his dressing gown—it's Joey: What are you mad at me for?! Phoebe: What, that's it?
Ross.] Ross: Chandler- Monica: "See you around?"
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here? Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams Coma Guy: Well, what do you want me to say?
Joey: Yeah. the door) Monica: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door) Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the Coma Guy: Alright, I'll call you.
you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, code? Phoebe: I don't think you mean that.
'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, Ross: Joey- Monica: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we
I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back!
deal? Right? door) And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and
Joey: Right. No big deal. [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except for "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.
Ross: Okay. Chandler. Rachel is writing something and Monica walks Phoebe: Y'know what? We thought you were different.
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code! up.] But I guess it was just the coma.
Ross: What code? Monica: Hey. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters Rachel: Hey. his mom.]
are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a Monica: (Reading) 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Mrs. Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to
mom, never a mom! Green'. drop off these copies of my book for your friends.
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the Anything you want from Lisbon?
picks up the paper) first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be Chandler: No, just knowing you're gonna be there is
Chandler: What are you guys doing out here? liberated from its denim prison'? enough.
Ross: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed Monica: (Reads) Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in Mrs. Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you. (Kisses
getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, 'engorged'. him and goes to leave)
um, apparently, somebody overslept. Phoebe: (Walks up with her guitar) Hey Rach. Chandler: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something
16 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
to that effect. Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. Deb and Rona? (intercom buzzer rings)
Mrs. Bing: (Reentering) O-kay. Look, it, it was What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens Carol: Hello?
stupid. to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to
Chandler: Really stupid. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Mrs. Bing: Really stupid. And I don't even know mouth? [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use
how it happened. I'm sorry, honey, I promise it will (Camera pans back to group in living room) their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
never happen again. Are we okay now? Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I
Chandler: Yeah. No. No... baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his have to buy a new one?
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like Joey: That's the rule.
and his mom's conversation through the door as voice) Hi Daddy! Chandler: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you
Ross walks up.] Ross: (waves) Hello! owe me a table!
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Joey: How'd you get to that?
door. Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was
Joey: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela
about the kiss, about everything. looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? Delvecchio
Ross: You're kidding. (playfully hits Ross) Joey: You knew about that?
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow (Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you
up and start being a mom?" annoyed) made in the butter left little to the imagination.
Ross: Wow! Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Joey: Ok, ok, How about if we split it?
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, Poc-o-nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each Chandler: What do you mean, like, buy it together?
when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a syllable) Joey: Yeah
bomb?" Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches Chandler: You think we're ready for something like
Ross: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't nose again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her) that?
say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, Joey: Why not?
am your mom?" imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean,
Joey: That makes more sense. (Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the what if one of us wants to move out?
Ross: So, what's going on now? kitchen) Joey: Why, are you moving out?
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it Monica: So, did I hear Poconos? Chandler: I'm not moving out.
out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the Joey: You'd tell me if you were moving out right
anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the weekend. Chandler: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last
spyhole) Phoebe: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together! roommate Kip...
Ross: Whaddya see? Monica: Yeah, that's a big step. Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Rachel: I know... Chandler: It's just that we bought a hibachi together,
Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking (Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected) and then he ran off and got married, and things got
away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal! pretty ugly.
us! Run! Run! Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Joey: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung roommate than me?
Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to by now? Chandler: Aw, don't do that
stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. (Camera pans back to Rachel) [Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is
Chandler and his mom come out) Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I telling her about the changes to her schedule.]
Mrs. Bing: You okay, kiddo? am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in
Chandler: Yeah, okay. Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been
Mrs. Bing: Alright. (Kisses him) totally, totally... pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her
Chandler: Nice save. (Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach) 5:30 shiatsu.
(She walks down the hall) Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I Phoebe: Ok, thanks. (assistant leaves, then walks
Ross: (Very politely) Mrs. Bing. supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks back in)
Mrs. Bing: Mr. Geller. suddenly inspired) I could call immigration! Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I
(She leaves) [Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks
(Ross knocks on Monica and Rachel's door) apartment, carrying lasagna.] out, Paolo enters)
Chandler: Hey. Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!
Ross: You mean that? little baby toes, and their little baby hands... Phoebe: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here?
Chandler: Yeah, why not. (They shake hands) So Chandler: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever! Paolo: Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh?
I told her. (Joey opens door, throws keys on kitchen table, table falls Phoebe: Well, Racquela's right, yeah!
Ross: Yeah? How'd it go? over) (Paolo speaks Italian)
Chandler: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse. Joey: Need a new table. Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so
Ross: Well, howdya feel? Chandler: You think? let's get started.
Chandler: Pretty good! I told her. [Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad Carol answers it to Ross.] Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some
idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? Carol: Hey hey, come on in! people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops!
(Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) (Ross enters, carrying lasagna) You're being naked!
But.. we don't have to go down that road. Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the [Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
Closing Credits books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna. Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the
out copies of her book to the gang.] meat. doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, Ross: (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is... Monica: And Monica knows...
and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today. Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even
and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, know!
heaving beasts'. tell me, is everything, uhh....? Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I
Monica: What's a 'niffle'? Carol: Totally and completely healthy! asked, she told me.
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in
beasts'. Carol. Then picks up a picture frame) Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in
Rachel: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist... Ross: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis? protest)
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya. Ross: Wait—oh—hey—huh, oh great now he knows,
throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be Ross: (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your and I don't know!
around when he starts writing with those! friend Tanya. (looks up frightenedly) Monica: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an
Rachel: Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it! Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex? aunt!
All: Nooo! Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm Joey: Or an uncle...
End having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan (Phoebe enters)
together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, Joey and Chandler: Hey Phoebe!
112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes that's the best I could think of), yaw... Ross: Hi Pheebs!
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross. Rachel: Pheebs!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh! Phoebe: Fine!
working on crossword puzzle, starts humming Carol: Do you want to know? Monica: Phoebe, what's the matter?
theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely Phoebe: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts.
followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you Customer: Hey, can we get some cappuccino over
gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or here?
Of Jeannie.] isn't... Rachel: Oh, right, that's me!
Chandler: No-no-no-no, we're done. (Susan enters) Joey: Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7,
Opening Credits Susan: Oh, hello Ross! come on.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the Ross: Susan... Chandler: Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the
phone in the kitchen.] Susan: So, so, did you hear? door)
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is Ross: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK! Monica: Phoebe, what is it?
that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Phoebe: All right, you know Paolo?
have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...? Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be... Phoebe: Well, he made a move on me.
layer, maybe you could scrape. Ross: (flailing arms in protest) Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, (Joey and Chandler come back)
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here! Joey: Whoa, store will be open tomorrow!
Joey sitting in living room) Susan: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be? Chandler: More coffee over here, please!
Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross Commercial Break
books? stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder) [Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going Monica: Well, what happened?
middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I to be? Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and
can find my way out of there like that! (snaps Carol and Susan: It's a... everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo,
fingers) Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should legs.)
the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey probably just go. [Cut back to Central Perk.]
grimaces) Carol: Well, thanks for the books. Joey and Chandler: Ooooohh!
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa Ross: My God.
yogurt down on table) (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Monica: Are you sure?
Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Susan... (Ross leaves.) (The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.)
Monica, still on phone) Susan: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or [Cut back to Central Perk.]
17 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes Rachel and Phoebe: I'm so sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little
with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sorry! No I'm sorry! boy is not going to grow up to be one.
sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. Phoebe: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about? Ross: (astonished) What?
(Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig! Rachel: What?
looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes Phoebe: Such a pig! Ross: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?
her head) Rachel: Oh, God, he's such a pig, Rachel: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a
Monica: Was it...? Phoebe: Oh he's like a... boy.
Phoebe: Oh, boy scouts could have camped Rachel: He's like a big disgusting... Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling)
under there. Phoebe: ...like a... Huh, am I having a boy?
Guys: Oooooo.... Rachel: ...pig...pig man! Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and
(Rachel runs over) Phoebe: Yes, good! Ok... hugs Ross)
Rachel: "Ooo," what? Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
Phoebe: Uma Thurman. did I not see this? (Joey and Chandler run in)
Monica: Oh! Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's Chandler: Wha-
Ross: The actress! because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he Joey: Wha-
(all talking indistinctly, high-fiving) looks at you... Joey and Chandler: What is it?
Ross: Thanks Rach. Rachel: Ok, Ok, Pheebs... Ross: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!
(Rachel walks away) Phoebe: The end. Joey: Hey!
Chandler: So what are you gonna do? Rachel: Oh, God... Chandler: Hey!
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! Phoebe: Should I not have told you? Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they
It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I hug)
I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better... Ross: I'm having a son. Um...
for guys to chime in) (Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her) (Ross looks scared)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, you have to tell her. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone Closing Credits
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went! how it went across the hall as the foosball game [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing
Phoebe: She is gonna hate me. continues.] Chandle and Joey at foosball.]
Ross:(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well... Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's Monica: Yes! And that would be a shut-down!
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and over there right now, so... Joey and Chandler: Shut-out!! (They both start
looking for their new table.] Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. heading for their rooms.)
Joey: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! Monica: Where are you guys going? Come on, one
about that one? (points to a table) (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. more game!
Chandler: That's patio furniture! (Monica and Phoebe leave) Joey: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!
Joey: So what, like people are gonna come in and Ross: (wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we Chandler: Yeah, get out!
think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside again?" Of course! kicked your butts. Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh?
What about the birds? Olympic standing-there team. Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit Ross: Come on, two on one. right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out)
here, eat something." Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke and I'm gone.
Chandler: You pick one. up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in! Chandler: (to Joey) One more game?
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs? Ross: What, now? Joey: Oh yeah!
Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure End
red insects suggest fine dining! that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel
Joey: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's 113 The One With the Boobies
birds! not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and
would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the
Chandler a dirty look) usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle
packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters.] looks in the same direction) each other and she drops the towel for a second and
Phoebe: Hey! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing snatches the rug off the couch.]
Rachel: Hi Pheebs! Paolo's clothes over the side.] Rachel: That is IT! You just barge in here, you don't
Phoebe: Are you moving out? Paolo: No, that's cold, that's cold, that's... knock
Rachel: No, these aren't all my suitcases. (picks [Cut to inside the apartment.] Chandler: I'm sorry!
up small blue suitcase and shows to Phoebe) This Ross: (entering) How's it going? Rachel: You have no respect for anybody's privacy!
one's Paolo's. Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec? clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing Rachel: No, you wait! This is ridiculous!
Rachel: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Paolo's on his way over. front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, Rachel: What? What?!
Phoebe: Oh! (sits down) Ok, um, ok, um, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes! Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs... Phoebe: Ooh! still see your... nipular areas.
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't (Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter) Rachel: Oh!!
known each other for that long a time, and, um, Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye. (She storms off)
there are three things that you should know about Phoebe: Oh, ok bye-bye. Opening Credits
me. One, my friends are the most important thing Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her
in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat boyfriend Roger, talking to Rachel and Monica.]
best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe it at 375 until the cheese bubbles. Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about
opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie) Paolo: Grazie. your patient who thinks things are, like, other things.
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks Roger: That's pretty much it.
have I never tasted these before?! away) Phoebe: Oops!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I Phoebe: Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel Roger: But you tell it really well, sweetie.
don't think it's fair to the other cookies on the balcony) Phoebe: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk
Rachel: All right, well, you're right, these are the Ross: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go about you.
best oatmeal cookies I've ever had. out there so she's not overwhelmed... Roger: Okay. I'll miss you.
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie. Monica: Oh, you're right. Phoebe: Isn't he great?
Rachel: I guess you don't. Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me. me. much.
(Rachel looks stunned) [Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Chandler, Joey, window.] complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky,
and Monica admiring their new table.] Ross: Hey. y'know?
Chandler: So, what do you think? Rachel: Hey. Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever Ross: You all right? Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's
seen. Rachel: Ooh, I've been better... a little weird, y'know? Vinyl.
Chandler: I know! Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so Rachel: Okaaay. (To the guys, on the couch) Any of
(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you you guys want anything else?
Chandler's new foosball table.) should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Monica: So how does this work, you going to you. Rachel: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody
balance the plates on these little guys' heads? Rachel: Oh, Ross... else?
Joey: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, Ross: What? Chandler: Okay.
let's play! Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something?
Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her
Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses boobies.
You suck! arms) Ross: You what? Wh what were you doing seeing her
(Chandler looks at Joey in amazement) Ross: Huh. boobies?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great! Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across
from the shock.] Ross: Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs) the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Phoebe: Are you okay? [Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are Rachel: Okay, okay, could we change the subject,
Rachel: I need some milk. entering.] please?
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from Monica: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right? Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies,
her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... Rachel: Oh... these are her breasts.
(Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel Phoebe: You ok? Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a
finishes thermos) Better? Rachel: ...medium...hmm...any cookies left? change.
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think Phoebe: Yep! Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so
about the other day with you guys and I was all Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
"Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I
Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed! what you need is to develop a more sophisticated mean, mittens are nice.
Phoebe: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit screening process. Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
on! Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't
(Phoebe's and Rachel's lines overlap) know? I just got to figure out what I want wanna be there when when the laughter stops.
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky.
would have happened! to be a Paolo. What'd you mean by that?
18 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting
have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling business, did you cave?
humour as a way of keeping people at a distance. would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents. Joey: No.
Chandler: Huh. Ross: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work
Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know failures! actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it!
you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents Monica: Oh! So you think I'm a failure! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman
divorced before you hit puberty. Phoebe: Isn't he good? comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that? Ross: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying... say "No thanks, I'm married."
Roger: It's textbook. Monica: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on Joey: You really think so?
(Joey enters with his dad) my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better! Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
right? Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good! Chandler: Get off!
All: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib! (Cut to later. Rachel is in tears) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, morning. Someone
Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city? Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the knocks on the door and Monica gets it.]
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Ronni: Hi.
midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for Monica: Hi...May I help you?
kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. the Weebles to wobble in. Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower,
(Sees Roger) I don't know this one. Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're since, uh, Chandler's in ours?
Phoebe: Oh, this is my friend Roger. gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going. Monica: Okay...who are you?
Roger: Hi. Phoebe: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay? Ronni: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie... mistress?
Roger. Phoebe: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon. Monica: Oh, c'mon in.
Roger: You too, sir. Monica: You're welcome. Ronni: Thanks.
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel.
the, uh, puppet guy? um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just Ronni: Hi.
Joey: Dad, dad. (Shakes his head) food, they're not love. Rachel: Bathroom's up there.
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's (He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it) Ronni: Great.
the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Monica: Hate that guy! (Throws another cookie) Rachel: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say
Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, [Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Chandler's been in the shower?
Chandler, quick, say something funny! Monica and Rachel's.] Ronni: Oh, like, uh, five minutes?
(Chandler stays stonefaced) Joey: Night, you guys. Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on (They notice that a woman is sitting by their door) time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment,
the phone.] Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered. where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.
Mr. Tribbiani: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love Joey: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you? Mr. Tribbiani: Hey. Morning, dear.
you, but it's getting real late now Ronni: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey (Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom)
Joey: (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma. Listen, I Tribbiani. Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Joey: I'm Joey Tribbiani. (She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's
Excuse me? (To his dad) Did you know this isn't Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so Joey. They both scream)
Ma? much cuter than your pictures! (Joey stares at her) I-I'm, Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with
(His dad nods. Cut to later. Joey is chopping I'm Ronni....Cheese Nip? you?!
mushrooms) Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Mr. Tribbiani: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet Nip, y'know? Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
mortician. Commercial Break Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I could
Joey: Sure. So how long you been... (Goes back [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. see your thing!
to chopping) Joey's dad is not around.] Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
Mr. Tribbiani: Remember when you were a little Ronni: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Phoebe
kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But enters.]
you the big ships? occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. All: Hey, Pheebs.
Joey: Since then?! Like, chasing their tail, (Demonstrates) or, uh, jumping to Phoebe: Hey.
Mr. Tribbiani: No, it's only been six years. I just catch a frisbee. Monica: How's it going?
wanted to put a nice memory in your head so Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my Phoebe: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing
you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible keys. and he wanted me to invite you guys.
guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love? Ronni: That's a good one! (Chandler laughs)
Joey: ...I d'know. (Joey's dad enters.) Phoebe: So what's going on?
Mr. Tribbiani: Then y'haven't. You're burning Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, Joe. Monica: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger.
your tomatoes. Joey: Dad, Ronni's here. Ross: I dunno, there's just something about...
Joey: You're one to talk. (Puts the mushrooms in Mr. Tribbiani: Huh? Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
a saucepan) Ronni: Hi. Rachel: We hate that guy.
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. Mr. Tribbiani: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you All: Yeah. Hate him.
And the worst part of it is, it's with two different doing here? Ross: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry.
women. Ronni: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my Phoebe: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe,
Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma. apartment, I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. meeting. (Hands him the hair) you out?
What's the matter with you. Mr. Tribbiani: Thank you. Uh... All: ...No, we hate him.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is lamenting to Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk? Rachel: We're sorry.
everyone about hid dad's affair.] Ronni: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found going, I don't wanna miss the last train. to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks
out your dad was leading this double life. He's like Mr. Tribbiani: I don't want you taking that thing. on the door and it rears up at him.]
actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. Ronni: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here? Joey: Ma! What're you doing here?
(Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows! Joey: Who-ah-ho. Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this (Gives him a
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just Mr. Tribbiani: We'll go to a hotel. bag of groceries) and this. (Whacks him round the ear)
stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and Ronni: (Shrugs) We'll go to a hotel. Joey: Oww! Big ring!
his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do Joey: No you won't. Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's
they have to become people? Why do they have... Ronni: No we won't. head with all that garbage about making things right?
(Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at Joey: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in
my breasts? right here where I can keep an eye on you. there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) Mr. Tribbiani: You're gonna keep an eye on us? gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
What? Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, Joey: Hold on, you-you knew?
Rachel: Did you not get a good enough look the as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my Mrs. Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think?
other day? rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend. Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard
Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's Ronni: Wow. He's strict. some of his cover stories. "I'm sleeping over at my
only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her Joey: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can accountant's," I mean, what is that? Please!
boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show stay in Chandler's room. Joey: So then how could you I mean, how could you?!
her your peepee. Ronni: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid. Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening? Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing
Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat. sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.' late." wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle,
(Door buzzer goes) Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a
Monica: Hello? you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough. hobby.
Phoebe: (Intercom) It's Phoebe. Mr. Tribbiani: What kinda change? Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what
Roger: (Intercom) And Rog. Joey: Well, either you break it off with Ronni the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about
Monica: C'mon up. Mr. Tribbiani: I can't do that! you?
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here. Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal
Joey: What's the matter with Rog? right! world, there'd be no her, and your father would look
Ross: Yeah. Mr. Tribbiani: Yeah, but this is like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I Joey: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room! that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed
hate that guy. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been
Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.] more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our
what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad. Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing? anniversary.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my Joey: I'm...happy...for you?
table. Ross is upset) underwear. Mrs. Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now
Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why Chandler: Well, you're gonna. everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was.
would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat Joey: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd
she was a lesbian? seeing girls on top of girls... want.
Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes? Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know
to fail. Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going you did. So tell me. Did you see her?
Ross: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why? out with all these women. And I always figured, when the Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.
Roger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and Mrs. Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?
self-esteem, maybe maybe to compensate for go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, Joey: With this ring? (Her engagement ring.) No
overshadowing a sibling, maybe you... thinking... contest.
Monica: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing. Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]
19 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Roger: What's wrong, sweetie? Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg. Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
Phoebe: Nothing, nothing. Opening Credits (Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. (Pats his leg. [Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.
She lies down and rests her head in his lap) Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful Chandler: Tell me it's "you and me" we.
Phoebe: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my woman.] Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff
friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. Monica: You can not do this. and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is,
In that, um, they don't. Rachel: Do what, do what? but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Roger: Oh. They don't. Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night. Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.
Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you Joey: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.
that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all dumped the guy? Lorraine: (to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate
the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little... Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little mousses to go please?
Roger: What? frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's
Phoebe: Intense and creepy. Valentine's Day! on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
Roger: Oh. Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.
Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe. any night of the year. I know I do. (Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down
Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night? with Janice.)
feel that way. Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how Chandler: So...
Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so tonight goes. Janice: Just us.
great! Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight... Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only Janice: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh
behaviour when you have this kind of reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could your shirt's been stickin' outta your zipper ever since
dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of bring a friend for her friend. you came back from the bathroom.
co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a... Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down
stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's while he zips his zipper up... other patrons look at him)
which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel How ya doin'?
them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?
Love me, I need love!'. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. Chandler: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is letting You're doin' this. who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some
everyone in on the new developments.] Ross: Hi. She said yes. dessert? A big screen TV?
Monica: So you talked to your dad, huh. Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Janice: I will go for that drink.
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns
like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she huh? around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most
doesn't know even though she does, and my little [Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting overpriced champagne?
sister Tina can't see her husband any more for their dates to show up.] Janice: Each.
because he got a restraining order...which has Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy.
nothing to do with anything except that I found do I look? (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...
out today. Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up) [Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and
Rachel: Wow. Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on get the mess. and is shocked to see Janice there.]
Waltons mountain. Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very Janice: Happy Valentine's Day!
Ross: So Joey, you okay? nice. Commercial Break
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a Chandler: ...And what did you bring? [Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice
certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go out of his apartment.]
better, you've gotta let them make their own wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Janice: Oh, I miss you already. Can you believe this
mistakes. Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice. happened?
Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to Chandler: Janice? Chandler: No... no! And yet it did. Good-bye, Janice.
turn into them. (Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It Janice: Kiss me!
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.) (Janice kisses him. Monica comes out for the
an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old Janice: Oh.... my.... God. newspaper.}
boys, or... I'll end up like my mom. Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice. Monica: Oh, Chandler, sorry.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey. [Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and (Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.)
All: Hey, Pheebs. Joey are talking.] Monica: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.
Monica: How's it going? Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the Janice: Hi, Monica.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger. window. Chandler: Ok, well, this was very special.
All: Awww. Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever Monica: Rach, come see who's out here!
Phoebe: Yeah, right. to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down. (Rachel comes out.)
All: Aaawwwwww!! Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with Rachel: Oh my god. Janice, hi!
Rachel: What happened? the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months! Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me Monica: I'll be right back.
and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous. (Joey enters from the stairs.)
think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
guy! behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, Joey: (in disbelief) Whoa.
Closing Credits come on!!! Chandler: Oh, good, Joey's home now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all there, Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
the paper and Joey enters.] discussing their bad luck with men.] (Monica comes out with her cordless phone.)
Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's going on? Rachel: Ok, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want
Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback compared to Pete Carney. you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to
express. Next stop: Rachel Green. (He goes into Monica: Which one was Pete Carney? call.
the bathroom. We hear a scream and he comes Rachel: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she
out, closely followed by Monica in a towel) to cry every time we had sex. (imitating) "Was it good for laughs obnoxiously)
Monica: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?! you?" [Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his
Joey: Sorry. Wrong boobies. Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over date.]
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. (imitating) "I win! I win!" I went Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then,
Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower out with the guy for two months—I didn't get to win once. because of the whole um, seven dog years to one
door) Rachel: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New
Monica: Hello, Joey. people! York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours,
(She whips back the curtain to reveal Joey's dad) Monica: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets. he loses like a week and a half.
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. (She whips the Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital (Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why
curtain shut in horror) watch. did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her
End Monica: There's more beer, right? lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares
Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her at them.)
114 The One With the Candy Hearts head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend Kristin: That's funny. Who are they?
cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual. Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald. woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are Phoebe: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. Kristin: You mean they're lovers.
egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect. Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
mean it.] Monica: Ok, well, what kind of ritual? Kristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know?
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you. Phoebe: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave Ross: Nope, nope, that's it.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the us. (Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is
same building. Rachel: Or? exposed.)
Chandler: Any contact? Phoebe: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always
Ross: She lent me an egg once. you know, with sticks. forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Joey: You're in! Monica: Burning's good. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their
Ross: Aw, right. Rachel: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn. boyfriend bonfire.]
Woman: Hi, Ross. [Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Phoebe: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent) Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very the sacramental wine.
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.
the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not from one another.] Phoebe: Um, that's ok! (throws it in fire) Ok. All right.
happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—I don't think Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
we need a third... to pick up quarters with my toes. Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that,
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
still in the shell? Thanks. of quarters? Monica: Can we just start throwing things in?
Ross: An egg? Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my Phoebe: Ok, yeah, ok. (she throws the directions in)
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads. Oh, OK.
"Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg." Chandler: That's OK. Rachel: (tossing things in the fire) Ok, Barry's letters.
Chandler: I think it's winning. Janice: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.
Ross: I think it's insane. could make little puppets out of them, and you could use Phoebe: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner
Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my them in your theater of cruelty. with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah.
friend. (Lorraine whispers into Joey's ear.) Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.) Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that. Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a
Joey: Think it'll work? Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do? sweater.
20 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Monica: No. up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off Phoebe: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have
Rachel and Phoebe: Eww! and eats it.) this new massage client... Steve? (pause) Anyway, he's
Rachel: And here we have the last of Paulo's Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head
grappa. women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not chef.
Monica: Hey, Rachel, isn't that stuff almost funny Monica: (taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um... hi there.
pure... Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica)
(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I
flames shoots up from it.) with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here needs a job right now, so....
Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.] talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I Chandler: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
Valentine's day? Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I Phoebe: (to Monica's tapping) Yeah, yeah!
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do Monica: Well, what kind of food is he looking for?
Year's. you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just Phoebe: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's
Chandler: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you looking for someone who can, you know, create the
back as a toilet brush. know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. entire menu.
(Janice enters.) I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep Monica: (excited) Oh my God!
Janice: Hello, funny Valentine. sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you. Phoebe: Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what
Chandler: Hi, Just Janice. (They kiss.) do you think?
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could Carol: Oh, I love you too. But... Chandler: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see
just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna! Ross: No but, no but. myself in a big white hat.
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.) Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin Phoebe: OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what!
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will. in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in,
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant.] know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you. wearing a suit.]
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living? Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already. Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been Carol: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll Rachel: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still
working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not be set. there.
listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. (A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.) Phoebe: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?
Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, Carol: Not her. Chandler: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr.
that wasn't even my major. Closing Credits Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I
Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The girls are talking with the added the "a-gogo."
the spot without you. firemen.] Rachel: Career counselor?
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as Fireman No. 3: We get off around midnight, why don't we Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to
soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was pick you up then? do.
expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh Rachel: So, um, will you bring the truck? Rachel: I don't!
hysterically.) Fireman No. 3: I'll even let you ring the bell. Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you Rachel: Oh, my god. know what you want to do. You know, you have goals.
think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over Phoebe: See, there you go, the cleansing works! You have dreams. I don't have a dream.
to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and Monica: They're nice guys. Ross: Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream"
pregnant, and, and sad. Rachel: Oh, they're firemen guys. speech.
Kristin: (reluctantly) I guess. [Scene: Out in the hall, the firemen are talking.] (Monica enters, excited.)
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come Fireman No. 1: You guys tell them you were married? Monica: Oh, I love my life, I love my life!
over and join us? Fireman No. 2: No way! Phoebe: Ooh! Brian's Song!
Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine. Fireman No. 3: Are you kidding? My girlfriend doesn't Rachel: The meeting with the guy went great?
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You know, I'm not gonna tell them! Monica: So great! He showed me where the
guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! End restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little
Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just
Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth 115 The One With the Stoned Guy right.
grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman
something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and and some bears?
major! Monica their drinks.] Monica: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, firemen are there to Rachel: (to Joey) Coffee. (Hands it to him.) Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And
handle the bonfire that got out of control.] Joey: Thank you. Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be
Fireman No. 1: What do we got there? Rachel: (to Ross) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.) great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and
Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer Ross: Grazie. make yummy noises.
shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a Rachel: And a nice hot cider for Monica. (Hands it to her.) Rachel: What are you going to make?
half-charred picture—Wow, that guy's hairier than Monica: Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach? Phoebe: (as though Rachel wasn't paying attention)
the Chief! Rachel: Yeah? Yummy noises.
Monica: You know, it's a really funny story how Monica: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser? Rachel: (pause) And Monica, what are you going to
this happened. Rachel: Oh! That's why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, make?
Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You and finds a cinamon stick.) I'm sorry! Monica: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to
don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend (She takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee and Monica be so great!
bonfire that we've seen get out of control. puts her cup down in disgust.) Phoebe: Ooh! I know what you could make! (runs
Fireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight. Opening Credits over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know!
Rachel: Really? [Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know,
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of with the stuff? (Monica doesn't know.) You know, that
busiest night of the year. coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.] thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know. (sits down)
[Scene: Central Perk.] Woman: Chandler. Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date
Janice: I brought you something. Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And place in the neighborhood?
Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you. Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce
(reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever. Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop steak, it's free.
Janice: I had them made special. by his office at the end of the day. Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I place if you're not dating a puma?
there's no way for me to tell you this. At least had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. Chandler: Who are you going out with?
there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?
don't things are gonna work out. Nothing. Rachel: (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz.... I love
Janice: That's fine. [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. you, Ross.
Chandler: (surprised) It is? Phoebe runs in, excitedly.] Ross: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's
Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't Phoebe: Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he curator of insects at the museum.
the end. has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we Rachel: So what are you guys going to do?
Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is. could all act like, you know... Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner,
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that (Chandler comes in.) and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd
happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler: Hey! introduce her to my monkey.
Chandler Bing. All: Hey! Chandler: And he's not speaking metaphorically.
Chandler: Oh, no I don't. Phoebe: Never mind. But it was going to be really good. Joey: (aside to Ross) So.... back to your place...you
Janice: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you Ross: What's going on? thinking, maybe... (gestures with hands, back and
think we keep ending up together? New Year's? All: What is it? forth) huh-huh?
Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my Ross: Well, I don't know.... (gestures) huh-huh.... but
into whose bed? numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he I'm hoping (gestures) huh-huh.
Chandler: I did, but... wants to make me processing supervisor. Joey: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet!
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your All: That's great! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face
soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. Chandler: So.... I quit. and it'll seal the deal.
You want me. You need me. You can't live without All: Why? [Scene: Ross's apartment, Marcel is hanging from
me. And you know it. You just don't know you Chandler: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job! Celia's hair, and she is screaming, trying to get him
know it. See ya. Monica: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five off.]
(She kisses him passionately,then leaves.) years. Ross: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not
Chandler: Call me! Chandler: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol that this is what I actually do. tones! Marcel...
are talking. Kristin is not there.] Phoebe: So was it a lot more money? Celia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my...
Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a Chandler: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of Ross: Alright... (lifts Marcel away)
wolverine. those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but
Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear—(noticing worrying about the WENUS. Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having
Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the (Everyone looks at him, confused.) everyone try it.]
bathroom? Rachel: ... the WENUS? Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her Chandler: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good.
coat is gone. processing term. Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh. That WENUS. Joey: It's creamier.
screwed up the first date I had in 9 years. Joey: So what're you going to do? Monica: Yeah, well, is that better?
Carol: That could be it. Chandler: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know Joey: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish,
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know?
You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head working there. (Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes
21 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
are askew, he looks beat.) Ross: I, er... fantastic!
Rachel: My God! What happened to you? (At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his Monica: I'm so glad you liked them!
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so Steve: Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them!
intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains Monica: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these.
learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You quiet, watching.) But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving
are ideally suited for a career in data processing Ross: I want to take my tongue... and... some delicious onion tartlets.
for a large multinational corporation." (Chandler is completely astounded.) Steve: Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost
Phoebe: That's so great! 'Cause you already know Ross: ....and.... all meaning. (he gets up and goes into the kitchen)
how to do that! Joey: Say it... say it! Rachel: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything?
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I Ross: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling Steve: You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.
seem like somebody who should be doing with... with... (Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve
something really cool? You know, I just always (Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica
pictured myself doing something...something. hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel
Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves
Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see Chandler staring at them.) it off as though she doesn't believe it.)
your nipples through this shirt! Chandler: (smiling)....with?? Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel
Monica: (brings a plate of tiny appetizers over) Ross: (rushing to explain) Funny story! motions, "You see!") You know, these are... they're
Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up. Joey: You're not going to believe this! like a little corn envelope.
Chandler: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about Chandler: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you Monica: (joining him and taking the taco shells) You
five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you. two kids to get together. know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.
Monica: It's supposed to be that small. It's a Joey: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy Steve: (looking in cabinets) Hey! Sugar-O's! (grabs
pre-appetizer. The French call it an from your old job called again. the cereal box)
amouz-bouche. Chandler: Again? Monica: You know, if you just wait another... six and a
Chandler: (tastes it) Well.... it is amouz-ing... Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he half minutes...
(Phone rings. Monica answers it.) answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again. Steve: Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the Monica: No, we don't. (reaches for box)
Wendy! (Listens) Yeah, eight o'clock. (Listens) fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh,
What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a
OK, great. (Listens) All right, I'll see you then. Bye. home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)
(hangs up) (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need Monica: Why don't you just have a seat here? (he sits
Phoebe: Ten dollars an hour for what? something that's more than a job. I need something I can at the table, then tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears.
Monica: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly Monica spots him.) OK... give me the Gummi-bears.
work if she'd help me out. bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Steve: (childishly) No.
Rachel: (hurt) Waitressing? Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a Monica: Give them to me.
Joey: Uh-oh. negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop Steve: Alright, we'll share.
Monica: Well... of course I thought of you! But... saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! Monica: No, give me the...
but... You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! Steve: Well then you can't have any. (she grabs for
Rachel: But, but? (slams the phone down) the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly
Monica: But, you see, it's just... this night has to [Scene: Chandler's new window office, he is showing everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.)
go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's Phoebe around.] Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. (he throws
more of a... professional waitress. Chandler: Well? some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows!
Rachel: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been Phoebe: (excited) Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the
maintaining my amateur status so that I can than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube. bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"
waitress in the Olympics. Chandler: Look at this! (he opens the curtain to a view of Monica: (furious) That's it! Dinner is over!
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I New York City) Steve: What?
waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Phoebe: Oh! You have a window! Monica: What?
Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray) Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a Steve: Why?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Girl, You'll Be A Woman beautiful view of... Monica: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years
Soon (the original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill Phoebe: Oh look! That guy's peeing! for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait
version) is playing. Ross and Celia are kissing Chandler: (walks away from window) OK, that's enough four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?
passionately.] of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down. (The oven goes off.)
Celia: Talk to me. Phoebe: (sitting) OK. Steve: (excited) Hey!
Ross: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on Chandler: This is great! (he presses a button on his [Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]
the train this morning... intercom) Helen, could you come in here for a moment? Joey: What a tool!
Celia: No no no. Talk... dirty. (An unamused woman walks into the office.) Rachel: You don't want to work for a guy like that.
Ross: (embarrassed) Wha... what, here? Chandler: Thank you Helen, that'll be all. Ross: Yeah!
Celia: Yes... (She leaves, obviously perturbed.) Monica: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you
Ross: Ah.... Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise. know... it.
Celia: Say something..... hot. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone. Ross: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.
Ross: (panicked) Er.... um..... Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation.] Phoebe: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I
Celia: What? Monica: (shouting on phone) Wendy, we had a deal! wasn't faking.
Ross: Um... uh.... vulva. (Listens) Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! (Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey
Commercial Break (hangs up) follows him.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Ross are Rachel: Who was that? Joey: (to Ross) So, er... how did it go with Celia?
there, discussing what happened last night.] Monica: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress. Ross: Oh, I was unbelievable.
Joey: (in disbelief) Vulva? Rachel: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye. (she walks away Joey: All right, Ross!
Ross: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by towards the door) Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was
surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I Monica: Ten dollars an hour. the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean,
mean, we ended up cuddling. Rachel: No. there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at
Joey: (sarcastic) Whoaa!! You cuddled? How Monica: Twelve dollars an hour. one point there were villagers.
many times?? Rachel: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk Joey: Whoa! And the... (gestures with hands)
Ross: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think around. huh-huh?
I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know? Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your Ross: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd
Joey: What's the big deal? You just say what you wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and
want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to and if that means nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...
you. Or what you think other people might be desperate) twenty dollars an hour. Joey: You cuddled.
doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try Rachel: Done. Ross: Yeah, which was nice.
something on me. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later. Rachel is waitressing, Phoebe: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie
Ross: (deadpan) Please be kidding. Monica is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve (Crystal or something?
Joey: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your Duck winner Jon Lovitz).] Rachel: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?
eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right Rachel: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?
now. coat? [Scene: Chandler's office, he's on the phone, agitated.]
Ross: OK. (closes eyes) I'm in my apartment... Monica: Hi Steve! Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it
Joey: ....yeah... what else? Steve: Hello, Monica. (to Rachel) Hello, greeter girl. is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!...
Ross: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not Monica: (to Steve) This is Rachel. (Listens) Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you
there, we're not having this conversation. (gets up, Steve: (unconcerned) Yeah, OK. something... you will care about it, because I care
walks across room) Phoebe: (overemphasizing) Mmmmmm! Everything about it! You got it? Good! (slams phone down, then
Joey: (walks to catch up to him) Alright, look, I'll smells so delicious! You know, I can't remember a time I leans back and realizes what just happened)
start, OK? smelt such a delicious combination of (Monica signals her Whooooaaaa....
Ross: Joey, please. to stop) of, OK, smells. Closing Credits
Joey: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in Steve: It's a lovely apartment. [Scene: Phoebe's massage parlour, she has Steve on
a low voice) Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I Monica: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour? the table, and is giving him an extra-painful massage.]
want your lips on me now. Steve: I was just being polite, but, alright. Phoebe: How's this? (presses down hard)
Ross: (impressed) Wow. (They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Steve: Eeeee!
Joey: Alright, now you say something. Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.) Phoebe: Sorry. How about over here? (presses down
Ross: I... ahem... I really don't think so. Rachel: What's up? hard again)
Joey: Come on! You like this woman, right? Phoebe: (whispers) In the cab, on the way over, Steve Steve: Aaaaah!
Ross: Yeah. blazed up a doobie. Phoebe: See, that just means it's working. Does this
Joey: You want to see her again, right? Rachel: What? hurt? (presses down elsewhere)
Ross: Sure. Phoebe: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Steve: No.
Joey: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you Hemp? Ganja? Phoebe: What about this? (she starts using her
going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to Rachel: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK. elbows on his back, he yells in pain)
caress my butt! Steve: (from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his Steve: Aaaaahhh!!
Ross: OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I lips) Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him
just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing Rachel: Let me, let me get you some wine! over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
this. Monica: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. End
Joey: (turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. (Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are
Go ahead. rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... (Steve 116 The One With Two Parts, part 1
Ross: Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel starts to eat them one by one, quickly)... with just a touch
your... hot, soft skin with my lips. of mints... and... (he finishes)... ginger. [Scene: Rift‘s Restaurant, as seen in Mad About You,
Joey: There you go! Keep going. Keep going! Steve: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are Joey and Chandler are there.]
22 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Chandler: This is unbelievable. It‘s been like a (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who [Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has
half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you‘d be becomes incoherent until) ..who‘s next? a doll, for they have just finished learning how to
looking like a ham right about now. Teacher: I‘m sorry, I didn‘t get... Susan is? change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebe‘s identical twin sister, is Ross: Susan is Carol‘s, Carol‘s, Carol‘s, friend... Rostins‘ pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats,
waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.) Carol: Life partner. in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then
Joey: There‘s the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Ross: Like buddies. hands the doll back to J.C.]
Miss? Susan: Like lovers. Ross: Sorry.
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable Ross: You know how close women can get. Ross: Hi. Sorry I‘m late. Where‘s, where‘s Carol?
to tell where the sound is coming from.) (The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing.
Chandler: It‘s Phoebe! Hi! Carol pat each other affectionately.) You can go. I‘ll get the information.
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes Carol: Susan and I live together. Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we
over.) Ross: Although I was married to her. should both know what‘s going on.
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all? Susan: Carol, not me. Susan: Oh, good. This‘ll be fun.
Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing Ross: Err, right. Teacher: Alrighty. We‘re gonna start with some basic
here? Carol: It‘s a little complicated. third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, Ross: A little. don‘t you get on your back? And... coaches, you should
"Excuse me, hello Miss," so now I‘m here. Susan: But we‘re fine. be supporting Mummy‘s head.
Joey: No, no... how come you are working here? Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) (Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie
Ursula: Right, yeah, ‘cause its close to where I So, twins... hah! That‘s like two births. (He struggles again.) down.)
live, and the aprons are really cute. Ouch. Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Chandler: Can we start over? [Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.] Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy?
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. I‘m gonna be over here. (Helen‘s buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler Ross: Okay, I‘m gonna play my sperm card one more
(She wanders away.) presses his button, too.) time.
Chandler & Joey: No, no, no! Chandler: And (he imitates the buzzer) to you too, Helen. Susan: Look, I don‘t see why I should have to miss
Opening Credits Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see out on the coaching training just because I‘m a
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, you. woman.
snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in. Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.] (He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before Susan: I will flip you for it.
Ross: I don‘t know whether he‘s testing me, or taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads,
just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman heads!
But, he keeps erasing the messages on my opens the door.) Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
machine, "supposedly" by accident. Nina: Hi. (Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in
Rachel: No, yeah, I‘ve done that. Chandler: Hi, Nina. Come on in. Susan‘s lap like all the other fathers.)
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to Nina: You wanted to see me? Teacher: Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep
the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the Chandler: Uh, Yes. Yes. I‘ve just been going over your cleansing breath.
crossword. data here, and little thing, you‘ve been post-dating your (Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action
Rachel: I‘ve never done that. Friday numbers. with Ross.)
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to Nina: Which is bad, because? Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening
peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending Chandler: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack. like a flower.
down to look underneath the shop‘s sign—a large Nina: Your... excuse me? (Ross comes out of character to glare into the
steaming cup of coffee.) Chandler: WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net... distance.)
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me Nina: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. [Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a
she doesn‘t look exactly like her sister. Won‘t happen again. I wouldn‘t want to do anything to hurt toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the
Joey: I‘m sayin‘ I see a difference. your... "wenus." door.]
Chandler: They‘re twins! (Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, Chandler: Mr. D, how‘s it going, sir?
Joey: I don‘t care. Phoebe‘s Phoebe. Ursula‘s... but for once he‘s lost for something to say – so she Mr. Douglas: Ohh, it‘s been better. The Annual Net
hot! nods her head to tell him that he‘s thinking correctly...) Usage Statistics are in.
(Joey and Chandler come indoors.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls Chandler: And?
Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Mr. Douglas: It‘s pretty ugly. We haven‘t seen an
talk to each other about things? Matters is playing on the TV.] ANUS this bad since the seventies.
Joey: Yeah. Chandler: It‘s not just that she‘s cute, okay. It‘s just that... Chandler: So what does this mean?
Chandler: Let‘s not do that any more. she‘s really really cute. Mr. Douglas: Well, we‘re gonna be layin‘ off people in
(They hang up their coats and scarves, then Ross: It doesn‘t matter. You don‘t dip your pen in the every department.
approach their friends on the main sofa.) company ink. Chandler: Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week,
All: Hey guys! Hey! (Marcel scampers about, interfering with the neatness.) but I slept funny, and my hair was very very –
Joey: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today. Monica: Ross, your little creature‘s got the remote again. Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson. Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. anyone?
Joey: Nope. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... [Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his
Phoebe: Morly Safer. you give Rossie the remote... office.]
Joey: Nope. (Marcel points the remote at Monica‘s television, pressing a Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair! particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
Monica: Okay, look, this could be a really long the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into (She sympathetically reaches out to fondle the inner
game. Spanish.) thigh of his left leg.)
Chandler: Your sister Ursula. Monica: Great. Nina: Are you okay?
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really. Ross: Relax, I‘ll fix it. Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am.
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today
place, uh... Spanish is "Urkel." was, err... please don‘t hate me.
Phoebe: Rift‘s. Yeah, I know. Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this? Nina: (Taking her hand away) What?
Chandler: Oh, you do? Because she said you Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me Chandler: (Suddenly bright) Would you like to have
guys haven‘t talked in like years. something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your dinner sometime?
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat? plan to keep us merry all year long? (Nina gasps in surprise and relief.)
Joey: Not from where I was standin‘. (Rachel slowly spins around, finally noticing that the lights [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you have outstayed their welcome.) coffee to Phoebe.]
standing? Monica: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your
Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don‘t get them down around New Year‘s... but obviously someone birthday?
along? forgot. Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be
Phoebe: It‘s mostly just dumb sister stuff, you Rachel: Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, alive and enjoy it with me.
know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of take down the lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from
her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was (finally noticing Monica‘s note stuck to the refrigerator) Crabtree and Evelyn?
the first one to start walking, even though I did it... How long has that been there? Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it (Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.) Rachel: Ooh, okay... good.
was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?" Chandler: Hey, where you been? (Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, I‘m sorry, I‘ve got to go. I‘ve Joey: I went back to Riff‘s. I think Ursula likes me. All I house. They look about them as Jamie removes her
got Lamaze class. ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna melt and four coat and scarf.)
Chandler: Oh, and I‘ve got Earth Science, but I'll plates of curly fries. Jamie: What is this place?
catch you in Gym. Chandler: Score. Fran: Look, you‘re cold, I have to pee, and...
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol? Joey: She is so hot! (indicating the sign) ..there‘s a cup of coffee on the
Ross: No, Susan‘s gonna be there too. We‘ve got Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything window. How bad could it be?
dads, we‘ve got lesbians, the whole parenting Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates (Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)
team. Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote Jamie: I think we have an answer.
Rachel: Well, isn‘t, isn‘t that gonna be weird? control.) Fran: What‘s she doing here?
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to Joey: Pheebs? Jamie: This could be God‘s way of telling us to eat at
go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah? home.
I, I think I‘m pretty comfortable with the whole Joey: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister? Fran: Think she got fired at Riff‘s?
situation. Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why? Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She
Monica: Ross, that‘s my jacket. Joey: So that if we went out on a date, she‘d be there. kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing
Ross: I know. Phoebe: Well, I mean, I‘m not my sister‘s, you know, swordfish. (Indicating the ladies‘ bathroom) are you
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, whatever, and um... I mean, it‘s true, we were one egg, gonna go to the, um?
grabs his own, and rushes out.) once, but err, you know, we‘ve grown apart, so, um... I Fran: I‘m gonna wait till after we order. It‘s her, right.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and don‘t know, why not? Okay. Jamie: It looks like her.
one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to Joey: Cool, thanks. (Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)
the teacher, who‘s got as far as a woman sitting (He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to Jamie: Um, excuse me.
next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.] worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned Phoebe: Yeah?
Woman: Hi, we‘re the Rostins. Err, I‘m J.C., and for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.) Jamie: Hi, it‘s us.
he‘s Michael, and we‘re having a boy, and a girl. Ross: You okay? Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and it‘s me.
Teacher: Good for you. Alrighty, next? Phoebe: Yeah I‘m fine. Jamie: So, so you‘re here too?
Ross: Hi, um, I‘m err, (has to clear his throat) I‘m Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley? Phoebe: Much as you are.
Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carol‘s (The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin Jamie: (Without moving her lips) Your turn.
bulge) ..that‘s, that‘s my boy in there, and uh, lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their Fran: Err... we know what we want.
(points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, that‘s good.
Bunch. Susan is um Carol‘s, just, com... rhythm.) Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.
23 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Fran: And some biscotti cookies. twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if you‘re ever in
Phoebe: Good choice. whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all. mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
won‘t see the face she pulls, and sits down.) Mr. Douglas: That‘s unbelievable. Monica: Okay, I think I get how to do this.
Jamie: Definitely her. Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her (Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out
Fran: Yeah. again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP
Commercial break herself, or others. logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel‘s, Phoebe is watching a Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know what‘s Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just
Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table goin‘ on inside a person‘s head. make it... make them go away? Because I can‘t, I can‘t
sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, Chandler: Well, I guess that‘s why they call it psychology, watch.
and Chandler supplying them both from a skein sir. Monica: (Remotely turning off the television) okay,
which is spread between his hands.] (Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing Pheebs, they‘re gone.
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, Phoebe: Okay.
turning off the television.) he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would Monica: Are you alright?
Monica: I can‘t believe you. You still haven‘t told not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?) Phoebe: Yeah. It‘s just, you know, it‘s this whole
that girl she doesn‘t have a job yet? [Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in stupid Ursula thing, it‘s...
Chandler: Well, you still haven‘t taken down the Susan‘s lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, he‘s going out
Christmas lights. has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Monica: Congratulations, I think you‘ve found the class a video, which is about to end.] Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, I‘m not saying she‘s
world‘s thinnest argument. Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never like evil or anything. She just, you know, she‘s always
Chandler: I‘m just trying to find the right moment, forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth. breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldn‘t
you know? Teacher: Lights please? And that‘s having a baby. Next let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldn‘t be so hard, now week is our final class. under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was
that you‘re dating. (Imitating men at their worst) (People start getting up. Ross grabs Carol‘s doll to hold it Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a
"Sweetheart, you‘re fired, but how ‘bout a quickie upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.) boyfriend who was like your best friend?
before I go to work?" Ross: Susan, go deep. Monica and Rachel: (Wistfully, shaking their heads)
(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper (Susan just glares back, as Ross‘s inappropriate joke falls No.
shopping bag.) flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...) Phoebe: Well, but that‘s what he was for me. And she
Joey: Hey. Carol: This is impossible. It‘s just impossible. you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his
Rachel and Chandler: Hey. Susan: What is, honey? heart... and then he wouldn‘t even talk to me any
(There is a loud knocking at the door through Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin‘ that. It‘s more. Because he said he didn‘t wanna be around...
which Joey has just entered.) just gonna have to stay in, that‘s all, everything will be the anything that looked like either one of us.
Chandler: You know, once you‘re inside, you same, it‘ll just stay in. Rachel: Oh... Oh, Pheebs.
don‘t have to knock any more. Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everything‘s gonna be Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or
Monica: I‘ll get it. alright. my thermos, or anything, but...
(She rises, dragging Chandler along by the wool. Carol: (Turning on Ross) OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? Chandler: You‘re not gonna lose him.
Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them. NO-ONE‘S GOING UP TO YOU AND SAYING, "HI, IS THAT Monica: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.
Monica opens the door to find Mr. Heckles YOUR NOSTRIL? MIND IF WE PUSH THIS POT ROAST Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.
standing there.) THROUGH IT?" Ross: No, come on, he doesn‘t know this stuff. If he
Monica: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles. Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath. knew how you felt.
Mr.Heckles: You‘re doing it again. (Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then Phoebe: But he‘s falling in love with her.
Monica: We‘re not doing anything. We‘re just manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it Rachel: Oh please, they‘ve been going out a week.
sitting around talking, quietly. resembles what it represents.) They haven‘t even slept together yet, I mean, that‘s
Mr.Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. Susan: I know it‘s frightening, but, big picture. The birth not serious.
My cats can‘t sleep. part is just one day, and when it‘s over, we‘re all gonna be Phoebe: Okay... Okay.
Rachel: You don‘t even have cats. parents for the rest of our lives. (Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Mr.Heckles: I could have cats. (Ross is staring blankly into space.) Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.
Monica: (Closing the door) Goodbye Mr.Heckles. Susan: I mean, that‘s what this is all about, right? Ross? (Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the
Rachel: We‘ll try to keep it down. Ross? door to Chandler and Joey‘s apartment is shut. She
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel [Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but
has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one
brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes shock is cuddling a cushion for security.] of Joey‘s shirts.)
out a nice cardigan.) Ross: I‘m gonna be a father. Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could Rachel: This is just occurring to you? (Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly
you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits. Ross: I always knew I was havin‘ a baby, I just never leans against the doorpost as though she owns the
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... realised the baby was having me. place.)
(delightedly examining the cardigan in her Rachel: (She comforts him too) Oh, you‘re gonna be Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
lap) ..oh, this is really... great! Closing Credits
Joey: Oh, no no no. It‘s for Ursula. I just figured, Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I can‘t even get Marcel to [Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking
you know, size-wise. stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid? down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now leans out of the small side window.]
dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different. Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? It‘s freezing out
fits. (Joey tires of this, so he gets up to leave.) here. Would you come back inside?
(The others have been taking all this in.) Phoebe: Where‘re you going? Rachel: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them
Rachel: Are you seein‘ her again tonight? Joey: Out. down, so... (she climbs onto the railing to reach the top
Joey: Yep. Ice Capades. Phoebe: With? of a pole) ..I‘m takin‘ ‘em down. Okay? Whoa!
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. I‘ve never known Joey: (Spreading his arms wide) Yes. (Screams.)
you to pay money for any kind of capade. Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question? (Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the
Joey: I don‘t know. I like her, you know. She‘s (Joey nods his head.) edge..)
different. There‘s uh, somethin‘ about her. Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you Monica: Oh-my-god Rachel! (Rushing out to look over
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey know... yet? the edge) Rachel!
over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You Joey: Well, not that it‘s any of your business, but, no, we (In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax
like her. Great! haven‘t, okay? and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly
(The circle freezes in apprehension.) (Joey walks toward the door, then hesitates and turns dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it back.) the Christmas lights.)
was okay. Joey: You meant sex, right? Rachel: (To Monica) I‘m okay! I‘m okay! (She knocks
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now it‘s not okay. (Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend on Mr. Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles
Joey: Okay... Well maybe now I‘m not okay with it they‘re not there.) could you help me please?
not being okay. [Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is working as Nina Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was
Phoebe: Okay. knocks, then opens the door.] talking about.
(An embarrassed silence... finally broken by) Nina: Do you have a sec? End
Chandler: Knit, good woman, knit, knit! Chandler: Ah, sure, Nina. What‘s up?
(Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel Nina: I don‘t know. For the past couple days, people have English translations...
resumes winding, tangling Chandler‘s wool.) been avoiding me and giving me these really strange Snow-ploughs are clearing the streets.
looks. Ross has got antenatal class.
Chandler: Oh, well, ah... maybe that‘s because they‘re The girls divide some Chinese takeaway.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are ah... jealous, of us. Ursula brought a toasted tuna sandwich
locked in a passionate embrace. Someone knocks, Nina: Maybe. But that doesn‘t explain why they keep and four plates of crinkle cut chips.
so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the taking my scissors. You wanna watch Laverne and Shirley?
window. Chandler‘s boss opens the door.] Chandler: Ah, well, maybe that‘s, ah, because you‘re Each couple learns how to change a nappy.
Chandler: And that‘s the Chrysler Building right getting a big raise. The ladies‘ toilet.
there. Nina: I am? We want two creamy espressos
Mr. Douglas: Nina. Chandler: Sure, why not? and some biscuits biscuits.
Nina: Mr.Douglas... (flirting defensively) ..cool tie. Nina: Oh my god! (Rushing over to give him a big hug)
(She escapes, fortunately so distracting Mr. You‘re amazing! 117 The One With Two Parts, Part 2
Douglas, that he misses Chandler‘s expression of Chandler: Oh, you don‘t know. (Presses a button.) Helen,
alarm & guilt.) could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Opening Credits
Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing Miss Bookbinder‘s raise? [Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monica
vaguely at Nina‘s shapely departure) She‘s still Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send enter. Rachel is limping and leaning on Monica for
here. her psychological profile to Personnel? support.]
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didn‘t I memo you on Nina: What? Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow.
this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from Chandler: Helen drinks. (Insincerely) Will you marry me? Ow. Ow. Ow.
her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. (Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a (They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's
Flan. quizzical look.) heard it all before.)
(Thinking quickly, Chandler desperately tries to [Scene: Monica and Rachel‘s, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our
remember anything to do with schizophrenia....) Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony and
Chandler: And err, he informed me that uh, she carefully reads the instruction manual for her television may have broken her foot or or ankle or something.
took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, set.] Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights
mentioned the word frenzy. Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything. up?
Mr. Douglas: You‘re kidding? She seems so... Rachel: Oh, how‘d she take it? (Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He attached to a clipboard.)
24 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me. arm) ..yes, she is. Rachel: Hi.
(Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat.) Rachel (as Monica): Hi, this is my friend Rachel. Dr. Rosen: Ah here, we brought wine.
Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Monica (as Rachel): Hi. Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches Dr. Mitchell: (Smiling) Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell. Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
her breath and massages her ankle.) Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take Rachel: Oh, that's great. Look at that.
Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... over) And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen. Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, how's the ankle?
Okay, in case of emergency, call? (Monica and Rachel smile back prettily.) Monica: It's uh...
Rachel: You. Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor? (Rachel discreetly coughs to warn her.)
Monica: Really? Dr. Rosen: Excuse me? Monica (as Rachel): ..well, why don't you tell them?
Rachel: Yeah. Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, After all it, is your ankle.
Monica: Oh, that is so sweet. (Touched, she puts young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot
an arm around her friend and kisses her.) Oh gosh, Rach. better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two
love you. Insurance? Monica (as Rachel): Thank you. sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay...
Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want Rachel (as Monica): Right. (They don't know what to do with their coats and
some of that. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey is waiting Monica points to the living room) STAT!
Monica: (No longer touched) you don't have for Phoebe to arrive for her surprise birthday (Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area,
insurance? party. Rachel and Monica is telling Chandler about opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks that the
Rachel: Why, how much is this gonna cost? Rachel's incident.] doctors aren't listening, then lowers her voice
Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be Rachel: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it. anyway.)
a couple hundred dollars. Monica: Uh, you left out the stupid part. Rachel: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just
Rachel: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do? Rachel: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I
Monica: Well there's not much we can do. asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes." really think it'll be fine.
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for Monica: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.
use yours. the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. Rachel: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a
Monica: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no. You know, I say we blow off the dates. wuss?
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world,
second, who did I just put as my "In case of (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, okay?
emergency" person? doctors who are cute! (Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have
Monica: (Looking around to check that no-one's Chandler: Alright, what have we learned so far? concerns of their own.)
listening, then lowering her voice anyway) That's (There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, Dr. Mitchell: So?
insurance fraud. then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Dr. Rosen: So... they sss-still seem normal.
Rachel: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are.
to go) Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow! holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit
Monica: (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) it's him.) that every time we go out... Women we meet at the
Okay, okay. I hate this. The Whole Party: (Jumping up) SURPRISE!!! hospital... It turns into...
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you. I love you. (Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan
Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine.
gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.) (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like
(tiny laugh). Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
Nurse: Why? outta me. (Meanwhile, back at the sink.)
Monica: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny Rachel: Was that the cake? Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay?
laugh) you see, I was filling out my friend's form, Ross: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush. Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.
and instead of putting her information, (tiny laugh) Monica: Come on, she'll be here any minute. Rachel: (Resenting the truth) I am not a baby! You
I put mine. (The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on know what? I swear to god, just because you get so
Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank the coffee table.) uptight every time we...
form). Rachel: I hope it's okay. Monica: Sure, every time, you're such a princess...
Monica: (Tiny laugh) yep, that's me, (tiny laugh) I (As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess Rachel: You know what?
am that stupid (tiny laugh). inside.) Monica: What?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his Monica: Oh... Rachel: You know what?
newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Chandler: (Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe." Monica: What!?
Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has Monica: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of Rachel: You know what?
come back to haunt him.] those roses. Monica: (getting angry) What!!?
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was (Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.) Rachel: Every day, you are becoming more and more
playing football with my kid. Ross: (Still annoyed) Yeah, we'll just use our special cake like your mother.
Chandler and Joey: That's nice. tools. (Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the Phoebe: Hey, what's going on? glasses of wine for the cute doctors, leaving an
baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, Ross: Oh, we just... open-mouthed Monica in her wake.)
they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Rachel: Hello! Here we go!
do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is Surprise! Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you
comin' right at me. Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my lived here?
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team. god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Rachel: (as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six
Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.
thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see,
just heave it down field. (still happy) Where's Joey? I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby! (The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, at the altar.
Joey: He should take the sack? but even he can't help...) (Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms in her
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I Chandler: Did you see Betty? chair.)
realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch (Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her Dr. Mitchell: Really?
him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna birthday has been ruined by her twin.) Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty
get there in time, so I am running, and running, [Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on
and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so who is examining his next forkful.] the table) Why don't you try the hummus?
not ready to be a father. Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do?
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant
of the most caring, most responsible men in North somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a uptown.
America. You're gonna make a great dad. prune, I'd say "get out of my office!" Dr. Rosen: Good for you.
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all? Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to
better blocking. Mr. Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if boss people around, which I just love to do.
(Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.) somebody had come to me with the idea andndash; Dr. Rosen: This hummus is great.
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby Dr. Mitchell: God bless the chickpea.
to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive? thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my Monica: (as Rachel) (Suddenly laughing) Oh, god, I
Chandler: Well, only if you order stuff. god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing? am so spoiled... That's it!
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday. Mr. Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was (The doctors don't know what to make of all this.)
Ross: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I
birthday? what this is about? mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
Joey: When's that? Ross: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering. Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.
Ross: Tonight. Mr. Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We Rachel: (as Monica) I use my breasts to get other
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that people's attention.
happening? Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that? Monica: (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.) Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just her best friend) We both do that!
Ross: You take your time. needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a (Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then father? embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the
realises.) Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but
Chandler: There it is! So what're you gonna do? you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and
anything to screw it up with Ursula. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you Michael wins.)
Chandler: And your friend Phoebe? grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed Dr. Mitchell: (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's
Joey: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll it, so tight. And that's when I knew. apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second...
understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys? (Ross is so moved by his father's charming story, that he (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on stops eating.) Monica: (as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting
my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end Mr. Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg? up to move further away from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I
of a hissy fit. Ross: No, we can go to Williamsburg. can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um...
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...) Mr. Geller: Eat your fish. there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...
[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of (Monica glares triumphantly across the room, scaring
waiting for the doctors to arrive. They enter and the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP Rachel who also stands up.)
are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney.] mode.] Rachel: Would you excuse me for a second?
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it Monica: Rachel, the cute doctors are here. Monica: (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year?
makes all the difference. Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, coming! (Talking fast before Rachel can catch her) Well, Billy
(They approach the young ladies. Dr. Mitchell (Monica opens the door for Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Geoffrey.) Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
consults Ms.Geller's admissions form.) Monica: Hi, come on in. (Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction,
Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica? Dr. Mitchell: Hey. Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers
Monica: Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her Monica: Hi, Geoffrey. backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally
25 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she cardigan) ..did this. herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and
escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. (Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardigan away.) make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs up
Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who Phoebe: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey? her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she
seems about remind him of the good old days at Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over. smooths out the identifying garment, approaching
the pagan altar.) (Ursula resumes eating her lunch..) Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Commercial Break Phoebe: Does he know? Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ursula: Who? Joey: Urse...
Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the Phoebe: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you. (Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)
coffee table, playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her Ursula: He is? Why? Joey: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to
dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her free Phoebe: You got me. call you.
hand shaking with agitation.] Ursula: Right. Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, (A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to Joey: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that
why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His him.) "listen." I've said that "listen."
father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad? Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her (The man gives up, shaking his head.) Joey: I don't get it. What happened? What about
bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him? everything you said under the bridge?
"You are...") ...dead! Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you (Phoebe is almost thrown by this.)
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until think he likes me? Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears
she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over Phoebe: No, Joey. her throat) You know you, you should just forget about
her nice furniture.) Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that
Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken? night, I was so drunk!
Ross: Good. Maybe he can switch it back. Phoebe: No. No food with a face. Joey: You don't drink.
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is Ursula: You have not changed! Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I
speaking in Spanish.) (Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles, simply glad was drunk on you!
Ross: Maybe not. to be back with her sister.) Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a Phoebe: Yeah, you too. she fends him off.)
nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.) (Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. work.
her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but Joey: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?
Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging
second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if ignores her.) out with her?
she's here. [Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions Joey: (Thinking carefully) no. No, I, I couldn't do that.
(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of
out as she limps quickly over to her friend, who worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
stands up in concern.) winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.] Joey: Then, uh, then I'm sorry.
Rachel: It's the woman from the hospital Rachel: (as Monica) Hi, remember us? (He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum,
admissions office. She says there's a problem with Nurse: (Grimacing) Mmm hmmm. while Phoebe follows, touched by Joey's good heart.)
the form. Oh, god, oh god... Monica: (as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little while Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously
Rachel and Monica: Oh god, waddawe do, ago about needing a signature on the admissions form. putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really,
waddawe do, waddawe do? Well, it turns out we need a whole new one (little laugh) really hard to get over.
Monica: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. Joey: I know...
What do they want? Find out what they want! (Little laugh) 'cause um... (He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of
Rachel: Okay (desperately hands the receiver Nurse: You're that stupid. character, smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes
over) no, you do it. Monica: (as Rachel) I am. I'm that stupid. (Little laugh.) soft and warm.)
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for Joey: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're
Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) this with a check. breakin' up or... what, but you have never looked so
Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right Nurse: Well, you know your insurance will cover that. beautiful.
down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up) Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, I know... (mirroring her Phoebe: Really?
Rachel: What? friend) ..I'm I'm just not that bright either. (Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions (The girls escape with a new form.) and kisses her. Joey gets up to leave but stops
forms. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the suddenly. Phoebe silently shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to
Rachel: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own herself, and leans back in the sofa to recover, a hand
were right. You were right! This was just not worth childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also feeling his
it. about.] lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a
Monica: Thank you. Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel better view, he thinks again, cocking his head from
Rachel: Okay, let me just change. like a father. side to side to regard her profile from various angles,
Monica: Yes. Ross: Uh-huh. then...)
(Rachel goes to her room.) Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as Joey: Pheebs?
Joey: (entering quietly) Hey. one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this. Phoebe: (Automatically) Yeah. Oooh... (she's
Ross and Chandler: Hey! Ross: Do you have a point? sprung.)
Monica: Hi. Chandler: You know, you think I would. [Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating
Phoebe: Trouble? (Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much table while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up
Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night. as possible, and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.) under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits
Phoebe: Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people Chandler: What's up with the simian? beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel
aren't there for you? Ross: It's just a fur ball. look on.]
Ross: Well did you try calling her? Chandler: Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is Ross: He looks so tiny.
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called it? (The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. Ross: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'. Joey: We just got the message.
I can't believe she's blowin' me off. Chandler: No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'. Phoebe: Is he alright?
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'? Ross: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found
watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, (The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and an 'M' and an 'O'.
she knows that it isn't his fault.) Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.) Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns [Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, 'MONKEY.'
with two plates of chicken, but she only has time who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler (Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)
to set one on the table, when...] hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled Ross: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's
Phoebe: Hey. in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross just sleeping now.
(Ursula turns in surprise.) is frantic.] Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel
Ursula: Oh! Ross: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'! like a dad yet?
Phoebe: Um you, you got a minute? (Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to stand Ross: No, why?
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively behind Chandler, followed by Rachel.) Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did
at the concept) ..working. Nurse: (angrily) You go get that animal outta here. what you had to do. That is very dad.
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is (Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The
over, side by side, to sit down. Departing way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do. tiny figure stirs.)
customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the Monica: What's goin' on? Monica: Oh, look, he's waking up!
back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as (Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...) Ross: (Quietly) hey, fella! How you doing?
Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls Chandler: Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile. (All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his
sit.) Rachel: Oh. whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross
Phoebe: So. (..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at
Ursula: Uh-huh. and Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has and Rachel recoil slightly.) resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises
visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates Nurse: Excuse me... This hospital is for people! that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great
over how best to begin.) Ross: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He dad!)
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present. watches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's Closing Credits
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, watching. Please, please have a heart! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is
while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.) (Ross's vigorous protest is attracting attention.) there. Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him. handing out some Chinese takeout. There's a small
Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos! (Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a SAP in the corner of the screen.]
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe second time, in formation.) Ross: Aqui est? (Here it is!)
smiles at being able to make her point.) Rachel and Monica: Oh, thank you. Monica: 緼 qui 閚 pidio el pollo General Tso? (Who
Phoebe: Right, like the kind you... Monica: Michael. ordered General Sal's chicken?)
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too. Dr. Mitchell: Rachel. Chandler
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the Rachel: What? been General Sal!)
counter.) Monica: (as Rachel) Monica. (Rachel points out of the window.)
Phoebe: How'd you know I was coming? Rachel: (as Monica) Oh. Rachel
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing. Monica: (as Rachel) Hi. hula hoop! (Look, look, Ugly Naked Guy is doing the
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Rachel: (as Monica) Hi. hula!)
Phoebe brightens.) (Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachel (The others rush to the window for a look.)
Phoebe: I can't believe you did this. sadly looks away...) All
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She (Joey enters, happy again.)
inside.) Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately All
Phoebe: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as Joey
26 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
(Marcel grabs the remote.) Rachel: Really. a-and the plate slipped out of my hand.
Monica: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control Monica: I mean, that's a typical guy response. Rachel: Oooooh. (reads letter) (surprised): Oh! I got
remoto. (Look, Ross, Marcel's got the remote.) Ross: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play? an interview! I got an interview!
Ross Girls: No. Monica: You're kidding! Where? Where?
(The thing is, he doesn`t like the program!) Rachel: But you could teach us. Rachel: (in disbelief): Sak's... Fifth... Avenue.
(Everybody laughs.) Guys: No. Monica: Oh, Rachel!
End [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you
girls how to play poker.] home.
English translations... Chandler: (teaching) OK, so now we draw cards. Monica: Well, what's the job?
Chandler's hand sports a plaster. Monica: So I wouldn't need any, right? Cause I have a Rachel: Assistant buyer. Oh! I would be shopping...
Joey looks at the comic strips. straight. for a living!
Rachel pays with a cheque. Rachel: Oh, good for you! (Knock on door.)
Phoebe: Congratulations! Monica: OK, look. That is Aunt Iris. This woman has
118 The One With All The Poker (Microwave timer goes off. Monica gets up.) been playing poker since she was five. You gotta listen
Chandler: OK Phoebs, how many do you want? to every word she says. (opens door) Hi!
(The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and Aunt Iris: Is Tony Randall dead?
resumes while whistling the theme from The the six of clubs. Rachel: No.
Bridge on the River Kwai.) Ross: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can't—you can't do... Monica: I don't think so.
Ross: Uh, Rach, we're running low on resumes Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it Rachel: Why?
over here. to Phoebe) Aunt Iris: Well, he may be now, because I think I hit
Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Ross: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that. him with my car.
Mechanics? Rachel: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, that's OK, I don't need Monica: What?
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for them. I'm going for fours. Rachel: Oh my God!
mechanics, those are the ones to work for. Ross: Oh, you're... (gives up) Monica: Really?
Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for (Monica comes back to the table with plates of food.) Aunt Iris: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one.
anything here, OK? I cannot be a waitress Monica: Alright, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes (walks into kitchen) Let me tell you something...
anymore, I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips, I'm and assorted crudites. everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. (to
sick of being called 'Excuse me...' Phoebe and Rachel: OOooooo! Phoebe): Nice earrings.
Ross: Rach, did you proofread these? Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'? This Phoebe: Thank y... (thinks about it)
Rachel: Uh... yeah, why? is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one Aunt Iris: Girls, sit down.
Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed syllable. It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz...(look of Monica: Uh, Aunt Iris? This is Phoebe, and that's
with your excellent compuper skills. realization) Rachel...
Rachel: (upset) Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the Aunt Iris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I am
it's on all of them? dealer... parked at a meter. Let's do it.
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a Monica: Alright, you know, we got it, we got it. Let's play [Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is
few. for real. High stakes... big bucks... seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays
Opening Credits Ross: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two in the background.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are jacks because they didn't look happy... Phoebe: Ross, could we please, please, please listen
sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe: But... I'm ready, so, just deal. to anything else?
Phoebe enter.] Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute Ross: Alright.
Monica: Hey, guys. lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... (Ross shuts off the CD player. Marcel runs into the
Chandler and Ross: Hey. three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards. bedroom and slams the door.)
Rachel: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you (Time lapse.) Ross: I'm gonna pay for that tonight.
anything? (to Monica, quietly): Did you bring the Monica: (throws down her cards) Dammit, dammit, (Knock on door. Ross opens it. Rachel enters.)
mail? dammit! Rachel: Hi!
Monica: Lots of responses. Phoebe: (to Joey): Oh I see, so then, you were lying. Ross: Hey.
Rachel: (to Monica): Really? (out loud): Sure, we Joey: About what? Rachel: Guys! Guess what, guess what, guess what,
have scones left! (to Monica): OK, read them to Phoebe: About how good your cards were. guess what!
me. Joey: Heh... I was bluffing. Chandler: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and
Phoebe: (reading): Dear Ms. Green, thank you for Phoebe: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another now they're all recommending Trident?
your inquiry, however... oh... (crumples up letter) word for... lying? Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She
Rachel: (out loud): We have apple cinnamon... Rachel: OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half
Monica: (reading): OK... Dear Ms. Green... yeah... resumes to fax before work tomorrow... (gets up to leave) hours, we have the same taste in clothes, and—oh, I
yeah... yeah... No. (crumpes up letter) Guys: Whoa, whoa, whoa! went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is
Phoebe: Wow! Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle. perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!
Rachel: What? Rachel: Settle what? All: That's great! That's wonderful!
Phoebe: (reading): Your Visa bill is huge! Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, Rachel: Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest
Rachel: (grabs the bill) Give me that! King George is giving us the land, so... story...
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.) Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for Monica: OK, great. You'll tell us and we'll laugh. Let's
Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is the game. play poker.
so great! Why won't you go out with her again? Rachel: Oh. Right. Joey: Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it,
Ross: I don't know. Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why and if you don't want to play, we completely
Chandler: Is this still about her whole 'The don't we just forget about the money, alright? understand.
Flintstones could've really happened' thing? Monica: Hell no, we'll pay! Chandler: Oh yes, yes, we could play some other
Ross: No, it's not just that. It's just—I want Phoebe: OK, Monica? I had another answer all ready. game... like, uh, I don't know... Pictionary?
someone who... who does something for me, Monica: And you know what? We want a rematch. (The guys all duck under the table.)
y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, who... who Ross: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money. Monica: Ha, ha, very funny, very funny. But I think
makes me, uh... (begins to stare lovingly at Rachel: (to Ross): So basically, you get your ya-yas by we'd like to give poker another try. Shall we, ladies?
Rachel) taking money from all of your friends. Phoebe and Rachel: Yes, we should. I think we
Chandler: ...little playthings with yarn? Ross: (pause)...Yeah. should.
Ross: What? Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have Ross: Uh, Rach, do you want me to shuffle those?
Chandler: Could you want her more? to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less. Rachel: No, no, thats OK. Y'know, I think I'm gonna
Ross: Who? Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In give it a go.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're Ross: Alright.
from Whats Happening. gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice Rachel: Alright... (shuffles cards expertly, all the guys
Ross: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... (claps hands stare in amazement)
just... (Rachel comes over, Ross lays head on three times) Commercial Break
table): Hiiii! Joey: (pause)...Yeah? [Scene: Ross's Apartment, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Hi! How are you? Ross: I'm not a nice guy. Ross: So, Phoebs owes $7.50, Monica, you owe $10,
Ross: We're fine, we're fine. [Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. and Rachel, you owe fifteen big ones.
Rachel: OK. (walks away) Ross enters with a pizza.] Joey: But hey, thanks for teachin' us Cross-Eyed Mary.
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Ross: Alright boys, let's eat. You guys, we gotta play that at our regular game.
Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. (Hands them the
enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.) pizzeria? money) But I think you should know that this money is
Joey: Shut up! Ross: You still on that? cursed.
Chandler: We're not—we're not saying anything. Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Joey: What?
Phoebe: What? Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a Phoebe: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will
Ross: Uhhhh... Joey cried last night. nice guy!" happen to he who spends it.
Joey: Thank you. Ross: You are way off, pal. Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, Joey: No, I don't think so, see Ross, because I think you happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up
alright... love her. with a movie.
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked Ross: Um.... no. See, I might've had feelings for her at one Ross: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker
like an eight, alright? time—not any more. I just—I... machine, who owes fifteen...
Ross: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read (Marcel makes a screeching noise in background.) Rachel: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man.
'em and weep.' Ross: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc? Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert
Chandler: And then he did. (Marcel puts a CD in the player.) my power over women. (hands over her money)
Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have Ross: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OK—if Monica: You know what? This is not over. We will play
never played poker with us? you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble. you again, and we will win, and you will lose, and you
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of (The Lion Sleeps Tonight starts to play. Marcel starts to will beg, and we will laugh, and we will take every last
guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? dance.) dime you have, and you will hate yourselves forever.
Like it's poker, so only guys can play? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe Rachel: Hmm. Kinda stepped on my point there, Mon.
Ross: No, women are welcome to play. are there.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there ready
Phoebe: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind Rachel: (opening mail) Can you believe what a jerk Ross for another poker game.]
of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, was being? Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now?
like... alright, what is it? Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive. That way, we don't have to go through the formality of
Chandler: There just don't happen to be any Phoebe: Ha. Ha, ha. actually playing.
women in our games. Monica: What? Rachel: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last
Joey: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black. laugh there, monkey boy.
women that know how to play poker. Monica: Please! I am not as bad as Ross. Monica: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we
Girls: Oh, yeah, right. Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident? ready to play some serious poker?
Monica: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse! Monica: That was not an incident! I-I was gesturing, Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her
27 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
face) Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack Joey: Check. coffee!
follows me wherever I go. (they look at her) Right, Ross: I'm in for fifty cents. (throws it in) Monica: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get
OK, serious poker. Chandler: Call. any?
(Ross gets up from the table.) Phoebe: I'm in. Rachel: Oh. Right. ...Oh great.
Monica: Excuse me, where are you going? Rachel: I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five Monica: What is it?
Ross: Uh... to the bathroom. dollars. (throws it in) Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me
Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or Ross: I thought, uh... it was a fifty cent limit. the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God!
do you wanna play poker? Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. (exits) five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that? Monica: Barry who you almost...?
Joey: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza. (gets (Everyone says no and folds, except for Ross, who thinks Rachel: Barry who I almost.
up) about it.) Monica: And Mindy, your maid of...?
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to Rachel: (to Ross): Loser? Rachel: Mindy, my maid of. Oh!
hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so (Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty.
you can eat then. away from the table.) (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like
Joey: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold Ross: No, I fold. (lays cards down, and gets up) you.
me over. Rachel: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are
Monica: Alright, Cincinnati, no blinds, everybody What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm eating Chinese.]
ante. (deals cards) not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it? Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the
Phoebe: (looks at her cards) Yes! (everyone looks (Ross thinks it over, finally sits down and picks up his rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the
at her) .... or no. cards.) rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy.
(Ross comes back from bathroom.) Ross: I'm in. (throws in chips) Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference
Ross: Alright. (to Rachel): Your money's mine, Rachel: How many you want? between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel
Green. Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.) ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?
Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller. (he checks it, and Rachel: Dealer takes two. (she deals herself two cards) Rachel: What?
zips up) What do you bet? Ross: Hi.
(Time lapse.) Ross: I bet two dollars. (throws it in) Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I
Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? Rachel: OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty. gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am,
'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence? (throws it in) I'm happy for them.
Chandler: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a Ross: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. (throws it Ross: Really.
'C'! in) Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I
Joey: Uh... Phoebe? Phoebe? (The other four look amazed at the large pot.) were- with somebody.
Phoebe: Yeah. Um... I'm out. (throws in cards) Rachel: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my Ross: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget
Rachel: I'm in. purse. relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh,
Monica: Me too. (Monica gets up, looks in Rachel's purse.) penis embargo?
Joey: Me too. Alright, whattaya got. Monica: Rachel, there's nothing in it. Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no
Ross: Well, you better hop outta the shower, Rachel: OK, then get me your purse. guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with
cause... I gotta flush. (lays down cards) (Monica gets Rachel her purse.) Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no
Rachel: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause Monica: OK, here you go. Good luck. heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it
I got four sixes! (lays down cards) I won! I actually Rachel: (to Monica): Thank you. (to Ross): I saw your was just this raw, animal, sexual...
won! Oh my God! Y'know what? (collects chips) I twenty-five, and I raise you... seven. Ross: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.
think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. (holds up a Phoebe: ...teen! (throws in a ten-dollar bill) Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have
chip) I think that one was Ross's, and I (Ross looks in his wallet, pulls out two dollars.) both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your
think—oh—that one was Ross's. Yes! (Starts Ross: (to Joey): Joey, I'm a little shy. best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?
singing): Well, I have got your money, and you'll Joey: That's OK, Ross, you can ask me. What? Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny,
never see it... (Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.) very often, someone who you wouldn't think
(Ross stands up.) Chandler: (to Ross): What do you need, what do you could-could curl your toes, might just be the one
Rachel: And your fly's still open... need? who...
(Ross looks down.) Ross: Fifteen. (Enter the other four)
Rachel: Ha, I made you look.... Chandler: Alright, here's ten. (gives it to him) Monica: Hi.
(Time lapse.) Joey: Here, I got five, I got five. (Ross takes the money) Ross: ...Gets interrupted. Hi!
Rachel: I couldn't be inner. Monica? Ross: Thank you. Rachel: Hi, how was the movie?
Phoebe: Monica, in or out? Chandler: Good luck. Monica: Wonderful!
Monica: (slams down cards) I hate this game! Ross: (to Rachel): OK, I am calling your seventeen. What Phoebe: So good!
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards do you got? Joey: Suck-fest.
Chandler, who hides it under the table.) (Long pause as they both look at each other.) Chandler: Toootal chick-flick.
Phoebe: OK Joey, your bet. Rachel: (lays down cards) Full house. Phoebe: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with,
Joey: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit (Ross stares at her. Thinks about it. Puts cards on table, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going
in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. face down.) really fast...
(the girls look at him, confused) Oh, I'm out. Ross: You got me. Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just
Phoebe: Ross? (Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the so long as there's a little nudity.
Ross: Oh, I am very in. kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes Monica: There was nudity!
Phoebe: Chandler? to join them.) Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to
Chandler: Couldn't be more out. (throws in Joey: (to Ross): Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a see Lou Grant frolicking.
cards) tough hand to beat. Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant!
Phoebe: Me too. Rachel. Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them! Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon!
Rachel: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we?
(throws chips in pot) What do you say... want to have the cards, you know. (looks at Rachel) But, uh... look Yes, we are.
waste another buck? how happy she is. (smiles) Chandler: They're still just friends, right?
Ross: No, not this time. (he folds) So... what'd (Chandler and Joey look at her, and then look back at him. Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
you have? They dive for Ross's hand to see what he had, and he tries Ross: That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at
Rachel: I'm not telling. (collects chips) to stop them from looking.) Aunt Rachel's, aren't you.
Ross: Come on, show them to me. (reaches for Closing Credits Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get
her cards, Rachel covers them up) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, all six are playing Pictionary a say in this?
Rachel: No..! at Monica's apartment. Monica is drawing a picture, and Ross: 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench.
Ross: Show them to me! the three guys are guessing. She draws what looks like an You're not even gonna be there.
Rachel: Get your hands out of there! No! airplane.] [Scene: Joe-G's Pizza, the guys are there.]
Ross: Let me see! Show them! Chandler: Airplane! Airport! Airport '75! Airport '77! Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this
Chandler: Y'know, I've had dates like this. Airport '79! discussion.
Rachel: (deals new hand) Boy, you really can't (Timer goes off.) Joey: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.
stand to lose, can you? Your whole face is getting Rachel: Oh, time's up. Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were
red... little veins popping out on your temple... Monica: (pointing at the drawing, upset) Bye... bye... gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened
Phoebe: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those BIRDIE. already?
pants. Joey: Oh! Ross: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a
(Ross is visibly upset.) Phoebe: That's a bird? relationship with someone exactly like me.
Ross: First of all, I'm not losing... (Monica glares at Phoebe.) Joey: She really said that?
Rachel: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing. Phoebe: That's a bird! Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she
(phone rings) (Monica sits, Rachel gets up.) said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna
Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the... Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer) be there tonight.
Rachel: (answering phone) Hel-lo, Rachel Green. Chandler: Go. Joey: 'Tonight' tonight?
Ross: (mimicking Rachel) Mee mee, mee-mee (Rachel starts drawing what looks like a bean.) Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna
mee. Ross: Uh.... bean! Bean! be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me. (covers up phone; (Rachel begins tapping the picture of the bean frantically.) monkey...
to Ross) It's about the job. Joey: (triumphantly) The Unbearable Likeness of Being! Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.) Rachel: Yes! to take care of my monkey.
Rachel: Barbara! Hi, how are you? (Listens) Monica: That, you get? That, you get? Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a
Uh-huh. (Listens) No, I understand. Yeah. Oh, oh, (Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
come on, no, I'm fine. Don't be silly. Yeah... oh, though she was about to throw it.) Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You
but you know, if-if anything else opens up, End should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase
plea—Hello? Hello? (hangs up phone, very was last used.
depressed) 119 The One Where the Monkey Gets Away [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of
(Rachel goes back and sits down. The rest don't Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
know what to say.) [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.] Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's
Monica: Sorry, Rach. Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now
Phoebe: Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's
stuff. Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal
Rachel: Yeah...(sigh)....OK. Where were we? Oh, Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's
OK... five card draw, uh... jacks or better... (Guy shakes his head) Okay. shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah.
nothing wild, everybody ante. Opening Credits Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into
Joey: Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this. [Scene: Central Perk, Monica enters with some mail.] the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices
Rachel: Yes, we do. (pause) Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven. the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto
Monica: Alright, check. Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement
28 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door Phoebe: Marcel?
leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it? Monica: Marcel?
arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Intercom: Animal Control. Phoebe: Marcel?
Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is Rachel: See? I've even called Animal Control! Both: Marcel?
a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who Ross: You called Animal Control? Phoebe: Oh-my-God!
died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him Rachel: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them? Monica: Whaaat!
over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to Phoebe: Something just brushed up against my right
Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away leg!
missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door) from me. Monica: What is it?
[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe Rachel: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us Phoebe: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.
is back at Monica and Rachel's.] that... (Marcel makes a monkeyish noise. He is sitting in the
Joey: How could you lose him? Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were corner)
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and gonna invite them to the apartment! Monica: Look, Phoebe!
then he pooped in Monica's shoe- (A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it) Phoebe: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel,
Monica: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which Rachel: Hi, thanks for coming. c'mere!
one? Luisa: (Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey? (Luisa appears on the stairs)
Rachel: I don't know. The left one. Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete Luisa: Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun)
Monica: Which ones? misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and Monica: What're you gonna do?
Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things they act all sweetness and light) Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser.
you think go with everything. Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we (In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at
Phoebe: (Entering) Hey. didn't. Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the
All: Hi. Rachel: Turned out it was a hat. gun.)
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so Ross: Cat! Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs
negative? Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat! off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up
Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel. (Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in) on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Oh no, how? Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the
Monica: He- he pooped in my shoe. no-one's seen Marcel. tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it)
Phoebe: Which one? Luisa: Marcel? Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the Ross: My uncle Marcel. Monica: Oh gosh.
time. Phoebe: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after? [Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an
the left one is lucky... exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then
Rachel: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, confiscation of the animal? cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]
what're we gonna do? Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in Ross: Marcel?
Joey: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're jail? Rachel: Marcel?
loose in the city. Where do you go? Monica: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about Ross: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's saying things quietly to yourself first? the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone.
probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy Phoebe: Yes, but there isn't always time! Rachel: Ross, you don't know that.
things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know
Room. reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have
Rachel: Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's introduced, I'm Monica Geller. a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot!
gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill me! Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green! Thank you very much.
Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You Rachel: Yeah! Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times.
guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys What do you want me to do? You want me to break my
I'll take third and fourth. in home room! foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here.
Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I Rachel: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa! (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God!
gonna do? Monica: The Luisa from home room! There, are you happy now?!
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the Rachel: Yes!! Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the
phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you. sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!
to kill you. Monica: No, none at all. Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.
(They all leave) Rachel: None. Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I
Rachel: Anybody wanna trade? Oh... Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean,
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing,
Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'? totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's
emerges.] Monica: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry! feelings...
Mr. Heckles: Whaddyou want? Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your Rachel: Ross.
Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch! Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just...
Have you seen it? Rachel: What?! Rachel: Ross.
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did Monica: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help Ross: Oh, forget it, okay?
you take it? us out here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old Rachel: Ross!
Monica: No! times' sake? Go Bobcats? Ross: What? What?
Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's (A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them.
in the hall? mine. (Leaves) They stare for a minute and then hobble after him)
Mr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it. Phoebe: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry. Both: Hey! Hey, Bananaman!
Monica: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey? [Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in (Scene 4: Everyone in the hall outside Mr. Heckles'
Mr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once... through a window and run down some stairs, then door. Ross is carrying the box of bananas. He bangs on
Phoebe: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. (They Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor the door)
move off) without noticing.] Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is
Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle. Chandler: Marcel? totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.
[Cut to Monica and Rachel's.] Joey: Marcel? (Mr. Heckles opens the door)
Rachel: (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black Chandler: Marcel? Ross: Hi, did you order some bananas?
capuchian monkey with a white face... (Enter Joey: Marcel? Mr. Heckles: What about it?
Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing and, and (They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very Ross: Gimme back my monkey.
pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks. sweaty woman emerges) Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.
Ross: Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today? Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you? Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?
Rachel: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is (Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment) Mr. Heckles: Potassium.
that wine? Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and (There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross
Ross: Yeah. You, uh, you want some? we-we were looking for something... pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Joey: A monkey. Ross: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he?
Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling Chandler: Yes have you seen any? Marcel? Marcel?
kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark? Woman No. 1: No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you (Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress.
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but know anything about fixing radiators? Everybody gasps)
before we head off to the murder capital of the Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob Ross: Marcel! What've you done to him?
North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run back the other way? Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the
something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, Woman No. 1: Of course. monkey.
y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and Joey: Oh. Then, no. Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel
stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well- (Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to starts to go to him)
Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this. her friend) Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Marcel turns round)
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here? Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)
wine) (Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances) Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Turns to Mr. Heckles)
Rachel: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey!
Ross, please don't hate me. you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door) Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to the door and into
Ross: Oh, what? What-what? Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.
Rachel: Y'know Marcel? not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have Ross: Okay, gimme my monkey back.
Ross: ...Yeah? a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey.
Rachel: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him. mileu. Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the
[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting Joey: Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something judge.
with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see here? Mr. Heckles: That's not my monkey. Just the dress is
Marcel sitting on the window ledge.] Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they mine, you can send that back whenever.
Commercial Break need our help! And they're very hot. Ross: Alright, I want my monkey.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You Luisa: No!
earlier.] have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.
mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school,
apartment. you'd really be helping us out. you couldn't've been fat.
Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry- (The women quickly shut the door) Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to and I was the homecoming queen and the class
fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start other people. president and you... were also there! But if you take
off with a monkey. I should've started you off with Joey: Marcel? this monkey, I will lose one of the most important
like a pen or a pencil. Chandler: Marcel?! people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything [Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.] please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a
29 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
chance to be the bigger person here! Take it! Phoebe: Okay, they're just talking... Rachel: What?!
Luisa: Nope. Ross: Yeah, well, does he look upset? Does he look like he Bobby: I'm twelve, I'm not stupid.
Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your was just told to shove anything? (Rachel glares at him.)
supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in Phoebe: No, no actually, he's smiling.. and... Oh my God, [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters
the ass with a dart? don't do that!! clutching his phone.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are Ross: What? What? What?! Chandler: Can I use your phone?
there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.] Phoebe: That man across the street just kicked that Monica: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing
Ross: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? pigeon! (Rachel enters.) Oh! in your hand can also be used as a phone.
Yes it will. (Marcel resists) Or we can leave it on for Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill (Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
now, that's fine. becomes a law. Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me
Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that All: Oh!... Right! back?
would be a great little outfit. Chandler: Hey Rach! Joey: Maybe she never got your message.
Ross: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you Monica: How'd it go? Phoebe: Y'know, if you want, you can call her
before, it's just I... Rachel: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that probably didn't get her messages yet.
lost your... chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Ross: Yeah, but you were the one who got him out... Ross: ...desperate, needy, pathetic?
back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, Phoebe: Not a good day for birds... Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in Rachel: Then we took a walk down to Bendall's, and I told (He calls and quickly hangs up.)
the mood for, uh, something grape? him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel... Phoebe: How many beeps?
Rachel: That'd be good. Ross: That's nice... now, was that before or after you told Chandler: She answered.
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then him to stop calling, stop sending you flowers and to Monica: Y'see, this is where you'd use that 'hello'
he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel generally leave you alone, hmm? word we talked about.
looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the Rachel: Right,.. well,.. we never actually got to that... Oh, Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got
neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and it was just so nice to see him again, y'know? It was my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm
starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here comfortable, it was familiar... it was just nice! needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, Ross: That's, that's nice twice! (Rachel enters.)
uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, Monica: Rachel, what's going on? I mean isn't this the All: Hey! Hi!
I was thinking maybe it was partially because of same Barry who you left at the altar? Phoebe: How'd he take it?
how we, um... Joey: Duh, where've you been? Rachel: Pretty well, actually... (Wandering into the
(Barry bursts in) Rachel: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he kitchen.)
Barry: Rachel. wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Monica: (wandering in after her) Uh, Rach... how
Rachel: Barry?! Is there anything wrong with that? come you have dental floss in your hair?
Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I (Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.) Rachel: Oh, do I?
think I'm still in love with you. Chandler: Yes! Monica: Uh huh.
Ross and Rachel: Oh! Rachel: Why? Rachel: (in a low voice) We ended up having sex in
Ross: We have got to start locking that door! Chandler: I have my reasons. his chair.
Closing Credits Monica: Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged to Monica: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and another woman, who just happens to be your ex-best little too loudly, didn't I?
Chandler are looking through Monica's high school friend? Ross: You-you had what?
yearbook] Rachel: All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, I Phoebe: Sex in his chair.
Monica: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the know it's stupid! I will go see him this afternoon, and I will Ross: What, uh... what were you thinking?
von Trapp kids? just put an end to it! Rachel: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each
Phoebe: Nope. [Scene: Barry's Office, the post-coital Barry and Rachel are other. There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol.
Monica: That's because I'm in front of them. recovering on the chair.] Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp. Rachel: Wow... Wow! Rachel: Please. If she said to you, "Ross, I want you
Monica: Well, high school was not my favourite Barry: Yeah. on this couch, right here, right now," what would you
time. Rachel: I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like say?
Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was that. (Ross flounders.)
just four years of parties and dating and sex. Barry: Nooo, it wasn't. Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school Rachel: Ooh, and it's so nice having this little sink here... Ross: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's,
with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there except it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi-
involved a major lifestyle choice. Rachel.] I gotta go.
Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! Phoebe: Where are you going?
ago? I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you Ross: (leaving) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a
Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I
and starts to dance around) Ooh! My butt cheek is Oh God! have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for
waking up! Oooh! Ooh! Monica: That's what you've been working on for the past keeping up with it. Okay?
End two hours?! (Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing! phone.)
120 The One With the Evil Orthodontist Ross: What was with the dishes? Chandler: Hello? Hello?
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a (Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops. As
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.] restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I she talks on the phone, an elaborate visual gag is spun
Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few out which is too difficult to describe in words.)
that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than hours. Rachel: (on phone) Hello?(Listens) Mindy! Hi! Hey,
Mr.Salty. Monica: (looking out the window) Look look! He's doing it how are you? (Listens) Yes, yes, I've heard,
Joey: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's again, the guy with the telescope! congratulations, that is so great. (Listens) Really?
got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is. Phoebe: Oh my God! (Walks to the window) Go away! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Okay. Okay, well I'm working
Ross: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with (Gesturing.) Stop looking in here! tomorrow, but if you want you can, you can, you can
corn nuts. They're craaazy. Monica: Great, now he's waving back. come by and... (Listens) Okay... (Listens) Great...
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. Joey: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This (Listens) Great... (Listens) All right, so I'll, so I'll see
You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It you tomorrow! (Listens) Okay.. (Listens) Okay...
creep out there with a telescope! creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff! (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up and sits down heavily.) Oh
Ross: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us! Monica: What kinda stuff? God. Oh God. Oh God.
Rachel: Oh, that is so sick. Joey: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, Chandler: So how's Mindy?
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way. but, like, when I'm cooking naked. Rachel: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she
Phoebe: How can people do that?... (All but Phoebe: You cook naked? sounded really weird, I gotta call Barry... (Does so, on
Phoebe walk away from the window in disgust.) Joey: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters. phone) Hi, it's me, I just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I
Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity (A pause as they look at Chandler.) figured that's where you'd be!
boots! Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know Commercial Break
Opening Credits that. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is [Scene: Barry's Office, Rachel and Barry are getting morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his
there.] married.] phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, Barry: What's the matter? Chandler.]
schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest Rachel: Oh, it's just... Oh, Barry, this was not good. Monica: Brrrrrrr!
first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We Barry: No, it was. It was very very good. (Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play Rachel: Well, what about Mindy? Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
any games... Barry: Oh, way, way better than Mindy. Joey: (entering) He's back! The peeper's back!
Monica: So have you called her yet? Rachel: No, not that, I mean, what about you and Mindy? (Rachel enters from her room.)
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, Barry: Well, if you want, I'll just—I'll just break it off with Joey: (ducking) Get down!
insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the her. Rachel: Get down?
next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the Rachel: No. No-no-no-no, no. I mean, don't do that. Not, I Chandler: ...And boogie!
guys) I'm right, right? mean not for me. Rachel: Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my
Joey and Ross: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle. Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here eyes scratched out by Mindy.
Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually for his adjustment. Monica: Relax. Y'know, she may not even know.
pressuring me to find one of you people. Barry: (into intercom) Thanks, Bernice. (To Rachel) Let's Rachel: Please. I haven't heard from her in seven
Phoebe: Oh, God, just do it! (Grabbing the go away this weekend. months, and now she calls me? I mean, what else is it
phone.) Call her! Stop being so testosteroney! Rachel: Oh, Barry..! Come on, this is all way too.. about? Oh! She was my best friend, you guys! We
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Barry: We can, we can go to Aruba! When I went there on went to camp together... she taught me how to kiss..
Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs what would have been our honeymoon, it was, uh... it was Joey: (intrigued) Yeah?
up.) I got her machine. really nice. You would've liked it. Rachel: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other
Joey: Her answer machine? (Pause as Rachel realises...) woman! I feel so..
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf Rachel: I had a bra. Joey: ..Naughty!
blower picked up. (Barry finds it draped on a cupboard and gives it to Rachel, Rachel: Right, I'll see you guys later...
Phoebe: So, uh, why didn't you say anything? they kiss as Bobby enters.) Joey: Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you. Now, Rach,
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a Bobby: Hey, Dr. Farber. when she taught you to kiss, you were at camp, and..
spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase (Rachel and Barry quickly split and pretend Barry is were you wearing any kinda little uniform, or- (Rachel
"Yes indeedy-o." examining Rachel's mouth.) exits and slams the door in his face.) That's fine,
Monica: Look look! It's Rachel and Barry. No, Barry: All right Miss Green, everything looks fine... Yep, I yeah...
don't everybody look at once! think we're starting to see some real progress here. (Joey exits.)
Ross: Okay, okay, what's going on? (Bobby looks on, deadpan.) Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will
30 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
you watch my phone? underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like—(Listens)—Thank [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is looking at
Monica: Why don't you just take it with you? you, but... that's not really the point... (Listens) The point papers.]
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second is that... (Listens) Mostly free weights, but occasionally.. Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit
date, she needs to hear me pee? Monica: Joey!! card number?
Monica: Why don't you just call her? Joey: (on phone) Yeah, my neighbor... (Listens) Yeah, the Monica: I have no idea. But look how much they
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have brunette... (to Monica) She says you looked very pretty the spent!
some pride. other day in the green dress. Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit
Monica: Do you? Monica: The green dress? Really? card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Joey: Yeah, she said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that that you bought.
Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't day. Monica: I know. It's just such reckless spending.
know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that Monica: (waves dismissively to Sidney) Nooo! Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card,
I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) [Scene: Barry's Office, Barry is preparing his tools alone as they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Rachel enters.] Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a
Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's Rachel: Hey. Got a second? Wonder Mop.
on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He Barry: Sure, sure. Come on... (Mindy enters) ...in... Monica: That's me.
starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, Mindy: Hello, sweetheart. Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again!
she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, Barry: Uh... uh... what're'you... what're'you guys doing (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
gonna call me back... here? Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping!
Monica: Don't you have to pee? Rachel: Uh, we are here to break up with you. Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing... Barry: Both of you? room) come here, Marcel-
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving coffee as Mindy: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, Rachel: Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him.
Mindy enters.] and bad things should happen to you. Monica: Ross, you've got to do something about the
Rachel: Mindy. Barry: I'm sorry... I'm sorry, God, I am so sorry, I'm an humping.
Mindy: Hey, you. idiot, I was weak, I couldn't help myself! Whatever I did, I Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Rachel: Hey, you.... So, what's up? only did because I love you so much! Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey...
Mindy: Um.. we should really be sitting for this. Rachel: Uh- which one of us are you talking to there, Barr? Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Rachel: Sure we should... So. Barry: ....Mindy. Mindy, of course Mindy, it was always Rachel: (Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!
Mindy: Now, I know things've been weird lately, Mindy. Ross: What?
but you're like my oldest friend in the world... Rachel: Even when we were having sex in that chair? Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no
Except for maybe Laurie Schaffer, who I don't talk Barry: (to Mindy) I swear, whatever I was doing, I was longer curious.
to anywhere, 'cause she's all bitter now that she always thinking of you. Opening Credits
lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a Rachel: Please! During that second time you couldn't have [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, late at night Monica is
pretty face. ....Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this picked her out of a lineup! still examining her bill as Rachel emerges from her
once, and I want a straight answer. Mindy: (to Rachel) You did it twice? room.]
Rachel: Okay. Rachel: Well, the first time didn't really count... I mean, Rachel: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that
Mindy: Will you be my maid of honour? y'know, 's'Barry. thing.
Rachel: Of course! Mindy: Okay... Monica: This woman's living my life.
Mindy: Oh that's so great! Barry: (to Mindy) Sweetheart, just gimme- gimme another Rachel: What?
Rachel: Was that all you wanted to ask me? chance, okay, we'll start all over again. We'll go back to Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better
Mindy: That's all! Aruba. than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays
Rachel: Ohhhh!! (Mindy starts to sob.) ...What? Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, we've got a bit of an that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores
What? emergency here...Jason Costalano is choking on his that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent
Mindy: That's not all. retainer. three hundred dollars on art supplies.
Rachel: Oh sure it is! Barry: Oh God... (Into intercom) I'll be right there, Bernice. Rachel: You're not an artist.
Mindy: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing (to Mindy) Look, please, please don't go anywhere, okay? Monica: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I
someone in the city. I'll be, I'll be right back. mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.
Rachel: Um, what- what would make you think (Barry exits) Rachel: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things.
that? Rachel: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you Monica: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we.
Mindy: Well, ever since we announced the see how he was sweating when he walked out of there? Rachel: (Yawning) Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'...
engagement, he's been acting really weird, and Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much you just Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I
then last night, he came home smelling like jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm take classes at the New School?
Chanel. telling you, this feels great. Rachel: (Yawning) Nooo...
Rachel: (draws back) Really. Mindy, if it'll make Mindy: Yeah... I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him. Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want,
you feel any better, when I was engaged to him he Rachel: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the and she doesn't have my mother.
went through a whole weird thing too. devil! He's Satan in a smock! [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are discussing
Mindy: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid Mindy: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at stage names.]
of! the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Chandler: How about Joey... Pepponi?
Rachel: What? What's what you were afraid of? Farber, D.D.S. Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should
Mindy: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to Rachel: Oh God. have a name that's more neutral.
you, he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the Mindy: I hope you can find some way to be happy for me. Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
side. And I hope you'll still be my maid of honor...? (The waitress brings their coffee.)
Rachel: What? Rachel: And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Joey: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know,
Mindy: I know. I know, and when he proposed to Aruba. Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big.
me, everyone said "Don't do it, he's just gonna do [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are (Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not.
to you what he did to Rachel," and now I feel so there.] Chandler: Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin?
stupid. Monica: You okay? Joey: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds
Rachel: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, Rachel: Yeah. familiar.
we are both so stupid. Monica: Really? Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Mindy: What do you mean? Rachel: Yeah! Y'know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the Joey: (Writes it down) Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty
Rachel: (offers her arm to Mindy and she sniffs) wedding, I have wondered whether I made the right choice. good.
Smell familiar? And now I know. Chandler: Might wanna try Joseph.
Mindy: Oh no. Monica: Aww... (They hug) (Joey visibly thinks 'Of course!' and writes it down.)
Rachel: Oh, I am so sorry. (Joey enters and looks on approvingly.) Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!
Mindy: No me, I am so sorry... Joey: Big day. Chandler: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph
(They hug and Joey enters.) Closing Credits Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.
Joey: (watches them for a while) Oh my. [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is there as
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are Joey: All right, I'll give you this, Mr. Peanut is a better Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top Rachel: Hey.
Chandler is still staring at his phone.] hat... Phoebe: Hey.
Ross: Four letters: "Circle or hoop". Phoebe: You know he's gay? Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring! Ross: I just wanna clarify this: are you outing Mr. Peanut? Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you
Ross: Thanks. Danielle: (entering) Chandler? and I was wondering what they were.
Joey: (entering) Hey, you know our phone's not Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Phoebe: What are you doing?
working? Danielle, everybody. Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot.
Chandler: What?! All: Hi. Hi. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Joey: I tried to call you from the coffee shop, and Chandler: What are you doing here? Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the
there was no answer. Danielle: Well, I've been calling you, but it turns out I had woman that stole your credit card?
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother your number wrong. And when I finally got the right one Monica: This woman's got my life, I should get to see
of God, I turned it off! from Information, there was no answer. So I thought I'd who she is.
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler just come down here, and make sure you were okay. Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's
glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony. Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay. up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda
Joey: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and Danielle: Listen uh, maybe we could get together later? losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a
talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, weird obsession thing.
Can I use the phone? whatever... Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for
Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!! Danielle: You got it. the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you.
Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone? (On Chandler: Okay. [Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the
phone) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, Danielle: G'bye, everybody. door.]
please. All: Bye. Monica: What d'you think?
Ross: "Heating device." Phoebe: Whoo-hoo! Phoebe: Lotsa things.
Phoebe: Radiator. Monica: Yeah, there you go! (They go in and sit down.)
Ross: Five letters. Ross: Second date! Rachel: Which one do you think she is?
Phoebe: Rdtor. Chandler: ...I dunno. (The teacher comes up to them.)
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Rachel: You don't know?! Teacher: May I help you?
Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman. Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but Monica: Oh, no thanks, we're just here to observe.
Monica: So she's a woman! So what? that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, so what? (On phone) Look, I just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that? a dance class. Spare shoes are over there.
live across the street, (walking to the window) and (They all groan and hit him..) Rachel: What does she mean?
I know all about you and your little telescope, and End Phoebe: I think she means (Imitates) 'You dance a
I don't appreciate it, okay? (Listens) Yeah, I can dance class'. Oh, c'mon, c'mon. (They put on some
see you right now! (Listens) Hello! (Listens) If I 121 The One With The Fake Monica spare shoes)
wanna walk around my apartment in my Monica: Okay, d'y'see anybody you think could be
31 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
me? the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor! (The phone rings and Rachel answers)
Teacher: (To the class) People! Last time there Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please.
were some empty yoghurt containers lying around we're, y'know, short and have breasts... Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
after class. Let's not have that happen again! Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Monica: Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks.
Rachel: She could be you. Me! Rachel: What?
(Music starts) Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones Monica: They've arrested Monica.
Teacher: Let's get started. Five, six, a-five six living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't [Scene: New York City Department of Correction,
seven eight... know. Don't wait up. (Exits) Monica is visiting Fake Monica.]
(Everyone starts to dance in unison. Monica Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're Monica: Hi.
flounders) auditioning for a Broadway show. Fake Monica: Hey.
Monica: Okay, I'm not getting this! Monica: 'Scuse me? Monica: How are you?
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) Fake Monica: There's an open call for Cats. I'm thinking Fake Monica: I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my
I'm totally getting it! we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools colour. How-how did you know I was here?
Monica: Did you ever feel like sometimes you are of ourselves. Whaddya say? Monica: Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my
just so unbelievably uncoordinated? Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with credit card you were using.
(Rachel taps into view; she is in perfect sync with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front Fake Monica: That I was not expecting.
the rest of the class) of a tap class. Monica: I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned
Rachel: What? You just click when they click. Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your you in.
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a Amish background. Fake Monica: Oh. Thanks.
partner. Monica: What? Monica: No, thank you! You have given me so much! I
(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right? mean, if it wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to
settles it) Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden
Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, shunned. Theater!
are, it. I'm with Rachel. Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one Fake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing
Monica: Great. It's gym class all over again. day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see 'Memo-'.
Phoebe and Rachel: Aww. Dead Poets' Society? Monica: I just can't believe you're in here. I mean,
Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to Monica: Uh-huh. what am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash
the front and dance with me. Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills the Big Apple Circus?
have a nightmare. himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried
the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
her. Suddenly a woman bursts in) two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that Monica: Well, not... worried, just... wondering.
Woman: It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. thought scared me more than all the other crap I was Fake Monica: There's nothing to wonder about,
Sorry I'm late, okay, here I am. Who's the new afraid to do. Monica. You're gonna go back to being exactly who
tense girl? Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend you were, because that's who you are.
Teacher: She's your partner. Mrs. Doubtfire. Monica: Not necessarily...
Woman: Hi. I'm Monica. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, tiem lapse. Everyone but Fake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what
Monica: Oh. Monica! ...Hi. I'm Mo- ...nana. Joey and Monica are there.] it is, maybe it's the Amish thing.
Woman: (Fake Monica) Monana? Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get Monica: Um, I'm not actually Amish.
Monica: Yeah. It's Dutch. into Scranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. Fake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that?
Fake Monica: You're kidding! I-I spent three They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is [Scene: Tap Class, Monica is standing by the door.]
years in Amsterdam. (Asks her something in harder on, me or him. Teacher: You by the door. In or out?
Dutch) Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt. Monica: In. (She joins in the dancing. She still
Monica: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch. Ross: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can flounders)
Teacher: And we're dancing. A-five, six, seven, nobody want him? Teacher: You in the back, you're getting it all wrong!
eight... Rachel: Oh, somebody will. Monica: Yeah, but at least I'm doing it!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering.] Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph [Scene: The Airport, everyone but Monica is there to
Ross: (Mortified) Hi. Stalin? see off Marcel.]
Chandler and Joey: Hey. Chandler: You're kidding. PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San
Joey: Where've you been? Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Ross: At the vet. slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've Phoebe: Okay. Good-bye, little monkey guy. Alright, I
Chandler: She's not gonna make you wear one of known that! wrote you this poem. Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get
those big plastic cones, is she? Chandler: Y'know, you'd think I would've. on the plane.
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me Ross: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.
phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity. would be? Phoebe: Oh!
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya. Phoebe: ...Flame Boy. Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's
Ross: She says as time goes on, he's gonna start [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember,
getting agressive and violent. zookeeper.] there's also a lot to learn.
Chandler: So what does this mean? Ross: Where exactly is your zoo? Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Ross: I'm gonna have to give him up. Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's Ross: Just, just say what you feel.
Commercial Break more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.
[Scene: Central Perk, scene continued from some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel? Ross: That was good.
earlier. They guys are sitting there like the Three Ross: Yes. Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for
Monkeys.] Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals? you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the
Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks! Ross: No-no, he's, he's very docile. plane.
Chandler: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. Dr. Baldhara: Even if he were... cornered? Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a
How can he be an adult already? Ross: Well I, I don't know. Why? moment, just me and him.
Ross: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this Dr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects? All: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely. (They just stand there,
little thing, and before you know it, he's this little Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean... then realise what he means and go to the other end of
thing I can't get off my leg. Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade? the room)
Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him? Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade? Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy,
where he has regular access to some... monkey animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm
lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta something. Otherwise it's just cruel. really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget
get him into a zoo. (Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel) about you. You've been more than just a pet to me,
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo? Chandler and Joey: He- he- he got in, he- he got in to you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes San Diego. starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you
into a Volkswagen. Joey: We, we come back from our walk and the- the leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. phone was ringing... for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him
Naturally our first choice would be one of the Chandler: ...He's in. away. Just take him.
bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... Ross: He's in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. (Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
right? But that might just be a pipe dream, San Diego! Closing Credits
because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, [Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on
knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility. San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll for a play.]
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh,
from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo. percent of the gains. that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might...
(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is dusting. She comes touch thy cheek...
Phoebe: Hey. We found her, we found the girl. to the table, lifts all the magazines and wipes under them, Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.
Chandler: What? then just puts them down again. Monica bursts in, Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)
Joey: Did you call the cops? obviously drunk.] Joey: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch. Monica: Yo- hooo! Casting Director No. 2: Name?
Chandler: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante Rachel: Where the hell've you been? Joey: Holden McGroin.
justice. Monica: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party. End
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole Rachel: Are you drunk?!
from you. She stole. She's a stealer. Monica: Noooo! (Comes closer and whispers) I'm lying. I 122 The One With the Ick Factor
Monica: Y'know what? After you're with this am so drunk.
woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I Rachel: Oh God, oh. Great, Monica, y'know what, you (Scene: Central Perk. Everyone is there.)
mean, she is this astounding person, with this, could've called, I have been up here, I've been worried... Monica: Tell him.
with this amazing spirit. (Monica is drinking from the tap) Rachel: No.
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some Rachel: Monica? Monica! Phoebe: Tell him, tell him.
cheerleader. Monica: Water rules! Monica: Just...please tell him.
Chandler: ...Take off their hats! Rachel: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, Rachel: Shut up!
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work? Chandler: Tell me what?
joke. Monica: Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today. Monica: Look at you, you won't even look at him.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Rachel: Okay Monica, what are you doing? You're gonna Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could
Fake Monica are there.] lose your job! This is not you! use another reason why women won't look at me.
Rachel: No way. No way did you do this. Monica: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a
Fake Monica: Monana was very brave. needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they dream that, uh, you and I, were...
Monica: It was so wild. We told them we were the come in! Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more Phoebe: Doing it on this table. (points at the table)
Gunnersens in room six fifteen. Only to find out than that. I'm- I'm Monana! Chandler: Wow!
32 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Joey: Exellent dream score. belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? Monica: You keep saying that.
Ross: Why, why, why would you dream that? (goes over to the kitchen to check on the dinner) No, cause Young Ethan: You know, you read about it, you see it
Chandler: More importantly, was I any good? I made lasagne. (to Rachel) Am I out of control? in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man
Rachel: Well, you were pretty damn good. Rachel: Just a touch. Mon, I don't understand. I mean, oh man, it is nothing like that.
Chandler: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm you've been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? (They kiss)
allways surprisingly inadequate. (Monica pats him I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh. Monica: Listen, uh, you told me something that was
on his lap) Monica: What? really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be
Rachel: Well, last night you seemed to know your Rachel: Could tonight be the Night? honest, then I can to.
way around the table. Monica: I don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love Young Ethan: Oh god, don't tell me, I did it wrong.
Ross: I love it, when we share. being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they Monica: No-no. Nothing wrong about that.
(Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows happen. You don't plan these things. Young Ethan: Oh.
him.) Rachel: So, did you shave your legs? Monica: Um, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm
Chandler: You're okay there? Monica: Yeah. 25... and thirteen months.
Ross: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream. Rachel: A-ha! Young Ethan: Huh!
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I [Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.] Monica: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't
was very drunk and i was somebody else's Joey: Would you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter
subconscious. doesn't mean... how old we are.
Opening Credits (Ross's beeper goes off) (They kiss)
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it's baby Young Ethan: Uh, listen um, as long as we're telling
Chandler is sitting on the table.] time. Baby time. stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I'm a little
Chandler: Hello Rachel. Joey: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, younger than I said.
Rachel: Get off. be cool. Monica: You're not a senior?
Phoebe: (points at Joey's pen) Uh, uh, gimme. (Ross dials a number on his cellular phone) Young Ethan: Oh, I'm a senior... in High School.
Can you see me operating a drill press? Ross: (on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Monica: Ok...ay.
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing? Andr?is not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Commercial Break
(Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him) Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of [Scene: Monica's Bedroom, continued from earlier.]
Ross: Pheebs, why would you want to operate a services. Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had
drill press? Joey: Services? (Ross looks at him) Oh, services. sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the
Phoebe: Just for some short-term-work. You Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's Bicentennial.
know, until I get back some of my massage clients. right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive Young Ethan: I just had sex.
Chandler: Pirates again? me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a Monica: Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me?
Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye. Young Ethan: Well, you never told me how old you
dummie. I taught this (Phoebe and Chandler enter) were.
"massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they Joey: Hey, hey. How was the first day? Monica: Well, that's different. My lie didn't make one
are. Phoebe: Oh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice. of us a felon in 48 states. What were you thinking?
Joey: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you. Chandler: See, it pays to know the man who wears my Young Ethan: I wasn't thinking. I was too busy
Chandler: (sarcasticly) Thanks Joey, that's a shoes. (Joey and Ross wonder what he means) Me. fallin'...
good idea. Phoebe: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you. Monica: Don't say it. (closes Ethan's mouth with her
Phoebe: What... I could, I could do it. What is it? Chandler: Why not? hand)
Chandler: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for Phoebe: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you. Young Ethan: ...in love with you.
a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs Chandler: What?! Monica: Really?
redused. (Ross looks at her.) It's a whole big boob Phoebe: I thought you knew that. Young Ethan: (nods) Sorry.
story. Chandler: Noho. Who doesn't they like me? Monica: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't
Phoebe: I could be a secretary. Phoebe: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone. even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm
Chandler: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if Chandler: What are you talking about? like those women that you see with shiny guys named
it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
being normal. For a large portion of the day. lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're Young Ethan: Who?
Phoebe: I could do that. like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone exept Monica is
(Ross's beeper goes off) Man Bing". there.]
Rachel: What are you playing with? (Joey and Ross laughs) Ross: (on phone) Okay, Andr?should be there in like
Ross: Oh, it's my new beeper. Chandler: I can't belive it. 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. (to Phoebe) Just
Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. They even do you. easier that way.
beeper for? Chandler: They do me? Chandler: Oh, come on. You told me about the last
Monica: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, Phoebe: You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that dream.
come quick, they're still extinct.' report be any later?' Rachel: No, forget it.
Ross: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She (Joey and Ross laughs) Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything
can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to Chandler: I don't sound like that. particularly... saucy?
do is to dial 55-JIMBO. Ross: Oh, oh Chandler... Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one
Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible Joey: Oh... Yeah, you do. there. (Camera fades to Ross, who's listening very
name for the kid. Ross: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.' carefully) Joey was there too.
Monica: All right, I'll see you guys later. (raises) (Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs) Joey: All right. (Moves closer.)
Rachel: Off to see young Ethan? Joey: (reaches for hi scones) My scones. Ross: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody,
Monica: Thank you. Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.' anybody else there.
Joey: How young is young Ethan? Young? (Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again) Rachel: No.
Monica: He's... our age. Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not Ross: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints
Chandler: When we were? true. or anything?
Monica: Okay, he's a senior in college. (Joey and Chandler laughs) Rachel: No, it was just the three of us.
Ross: College? Chandler: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, Ross: Huh!
Chandler: Whoa! And this manchild has no shut up! Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and
problem with how old you are? (Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh) then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
Monica: No, of course not. It's not even an issue. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Young Ethan are Rachel: (laughs) You know what?
Cause I told him I was 22. sitting in the couch.] Joey: What?
All: What? Monica: Did not. Rachel: There were times when it wasn't even me.
Monica: Oh, I can't pass for 22? Young Ethan: I am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I (Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each
Phoebe: Well, maybe 25-26. thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes other then recoil in horror.)
Monica: I am 26. happen. Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them)
Phoebe: There you go. Monica: How was that possible? (Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn't
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there Young Ethan: Well, think about it. It's always on the news. hear what the others say)
when the phone starts ringing.] 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe: Hey, Mon.
Chandler: Can you hear that? terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does Rachel: Mon, Ethan called again. Mon?
Phoebe: (plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah? people continue to go there? (He checks his watch.) Oh, ah. All: (shouting) Mon!
Chandler: See that'll stop when you pick up the I should go. (Monica takes of her walkman)
phone. Monica: Okay. Monica: What?
Phoebe: Oh. Uh, I'm on. (picks up the phone) (They kiss) Rachel: Ethan called again.
Phoebe: (with a deep voice) Mr. Bing's office. Young Ethan: Okay. Monica: Oh.
(Listens) No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now. Monica: Unless... Ross: Are you not seeing him anymore?
Chandler: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Young Ethan: What? Monica: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn't
Whoops. Monica: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I'm work out.
Phoebe: Will he know what this is in reference to? going to, so... Chandler: And this has nothing to do with the fact
(Listens) And he has your number? (Listens) All Young Ethan: Yeah, I'd really like that. that he needs a note to get out of gym.
right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye. (They kiss) (Monica stares at Rachel)
Chandler: What? Young Ethan: Uuh, before we get into any Rachel: I, I didn't say any... I sw... I did not say
Phoebe: Ross says hi. staying-over-stuff, there is something you should know. anything, I swear. He stopped by.
Chandler: Ah! Monica: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' Joey: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you
Phoebe: This is so fun. All right, what do we do or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?' ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?
now? Young Ethan: Well it's somewhere in between. You see, (Ross and Chandler laughs)
Chandler: Well, now, I actually have to get to in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not uh..., well I, Ross: Oh, yeah.
work. I mean I haven't ever uh... Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing.
Phoebe: Most likely. (raises and goes toward the Monica: Ethan? Could we drop it now?
door) Okay, I'm gonna be out there. Young Ethan: Yeah? Joey, Chander, and Ross: Sorry.
Chandler: Okay. Monica: Are you a virgin? Ross: It's morphin time!
Phoebe: All right. Bye bye. Young Ethan: Well, if that's what you kids are calling it Joey: Stegosaurus!
Chandler: Bye bye. these days then, yes I am. I uh, I've kinda been waiting for Chandler: Tyrannosaurus!
(The intercom buzzes) the right person. (They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do)
Chandler: (answering it) Yes? Monica: Really? Phoebe: Ooh, oh, I've gotta go. (raises) Whoa, oh,
Phoebe: Whatcha doin'? Young Ethan: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. (sits
Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk) right? down, and then raises again) Cool!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel (They kiss) Rachel: Where are you going?
are there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the [Time lapse. They are now in Monica's bedroom, on the Phoebe: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some
windows.] bed.] work people.
Monica: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, Young Ethan: Wow! Chandler: Work people? Nobody told me.
33 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Phoebe: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, but turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross (Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)
you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza. puts a blanket over her.] Dr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting
Chandler: You know, I don't get this. A month Rachel: (talking in her sleep) Oooooooooh. (Rachel team doing?
ago, these people were my friends. You know, just strokes her hand over the pillow. Ross mimicks her silently) Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi.
because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different Oh, that's nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross! Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of
person. (Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months
Phoebe: Well, then you should come tonight. You table, but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with
know, just hang out with them. Let them see what Rachel wakes up.) your contractions?
a great guy you still are. Rachel: Ross? Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in
Chandler: You think I should? Ross: I'm here. my uterus.
Phoebe: I really do, yeah. Rachel: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55
Chandler: Okay. just... Wow! seconds.
Phoebe: Okay. Ross: What? (his beeper goes off) Great, now I'm having a Ross: 59 seconds. (holds up his watch) Quartz, ha.
Chandler: Okay. baby. Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.
Phoebe: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I Rachel: What? Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss. Ross: Ooh, Ooh. Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are Rachel: What? nurses' station.
taking a break from work.] Ross: I'm having... I'm having a baby. (jumps back onto Ross: I'll get it.
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the table again) I'm having a... Where's the phone? The Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.
the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and phone? Ross: I got it—I'm getting it!
Ivory. Rachel: I don't know where the phone is. (They both leave just as Rachel enters the room,
Phoebe: You were great. But they still made fun (Ross runs from the table, over the couch but slips and falls holding a cup.)
of you. onto the floor) Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.
Chandler: What? Rachel: Ross? Carol: Thanks.
Phoebe: You know, now you're more like, you Ross: I'm hurt. Rachel: And if you need anything else, I—(notices the
know like, "Mr. Caring Boss," "Mr.", you know, "I'm Closing Credits handsome Dr. Franzblau)—do not believe we've met.
one of you, Boss," "Mr., I wanna be your buddy, [Scene: The Hallway, Ross is eagerly waiting for the others Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's...
Boss Man Bing!" to get ready, to go to the hospital.] sister's roommate.
Chandler: Then, I don't get it. Ross: Monica, let's go. Come on now people, woman in Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr.
Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think labor. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's
you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big (Chandler struts out from his apartment) obstetrician.
office, you know. You're the one that hires them, Chandler: (doing a little dance) Hey Ross, look what I've Rachel: Oh, that's funny!
that fires them... They still say you're a great boss. got going here. [Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep
Chandler: They do? Ross: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay. on Monica's shoulder.]
Phoebe: Uh huh. But they're not your friends (Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and Monica: I want a baby.
anymore. a lipstick in her hands) Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early
Chandler: I just wan't to... Ross: What are you doing? We're going to a hospital. day tomorrow.
Phoebe: No, but you can't. Rachel: What, so I can't lokk nice? There might be doctors Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.
Chandler: But I just wa... there. Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.
Phoebe: Uh uh. Ross: Joey, get out of the fridge. (Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Joey: All right, all right. (he comes out from their Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand) Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or
everyone exept him react.] Ross: What is that? (refering to the sandwich) just fall down. That's good too.
Monica: Aren't you gonna... Joey: For the ride. (A young pregnant woman enters.)
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she Chandler: Yeah, like in a cab... Lydia: Knick fan?
punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, Ross: Save it. Joey: Oh, yeah.
otherwise I just ignore it. Chandler: Okay, hating this. Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.
Joey: What about Andr? Ross: Monica, come on now. Let's go, baby coming. Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's
Ross: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who (Monica enters from their apartment, crying) pregnant)...whoa.
I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was Monica: I can't belive it, I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm gonna Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You
a little more than I needed to know. have like a nephew. know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on
(Ethan enters) Ross: That's nice. Get out Let's go, come on. a boat.
Young Ethan: Hey. Joey: All right, I'm going. I'm going. Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?
Monica: That was gonna be my opener. (They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, Lydia: The Celtics.
Rachel: (understands that Monica and Ethan looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait.
wanna be alone) Hey, did you guys check out get him.) They suck, alright?
those new hand-dryers in the bathroom? Chandler: Here we go, here we go. Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year.
Ross: I thought that was just a rumour. Rachel: Rossy, Rossy. You... waah!
Rachel: True story. End Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we
Joey: They're here already? need a father over here! We need a father!
(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom) 123 The One With the Birth Lydia: There is no father.
Young Ethan: All right, look. I've gotta tell you Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
something. I'm not 17. I only said so that you'd [Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh!
think I was cute and vunerable. I'm actually 30, I Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other
have a wife, I have a job, I'm your Congressman. Susan to arrive.] pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my Lydia: Ok.
can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. baby and she's not here. (Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)
Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I Monica: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke [Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song.
thought that was great. yet? Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]
Monica: It was. Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she Phoebe: (singing)
Young Ethan: Then, what's the problem? had already passed the mucus plug. They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,
Monica: Ethan, it's um... it's icky. (Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.) and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.
Young Ethan: Icky? You're actually gonna throw Joey: Do we have to know about that? Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,
this away because it's icky? Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a you cry and you cry and you cry.
Monica: This isn't easy for me either. I wish baby? And you cry and you cry and you cry...
things were different, I... If you were a few years Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars. (Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)
older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.
lived in biblical times, I would really... baby in a movie from the 50's. Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.
Young Ethan: No, don't say it. (closes Monica's Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in Phoebe: Ok.
mouth with his hand) the cab. (A woman passes by, carrying newborn twins.)
Monica: ...love you. Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.
(Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come
bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan contraction. they get two?
aren't finished talking to each other yet.) (Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless Chandler: You'll get one.
Ross: Are you're hands still wet? comment.) Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Joey: Uh, moist, yeah. Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it? Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40,
Rachel: Let's dry 'em again. Chandler: You have to pick your moments. if neither one of us are married, what do you say you
(They go to the bathroom again) (Phoebe arrives, guitar in hand.) and I get together and have one?
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it? Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some Ross: She's not even here yet. Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
employees's conversation. One of them is doing Monica: What's with the guitar? Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married
Chandler.] Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You when I'm 40?
Gerston: Uh, like, could these margaritas be any know, things might get musical. Chandler: No, no, no.
stronger? (They discover that Chandler is listening) (Carol and Susan arrive.) Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally
Hey, Chandler. Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been? unmarriable about me?
Santos: Hello, Mr. Bing. Susan: We stopped at the gift shop. Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Petrie: Loved your Stevie Wonder last night. Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted Monica: Well?
Chandler: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly a Chunky. Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!
numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a (throws himself over the back of the chair he was
nine o'clock. baby, you don't stop for Chunkys. sitting in)
Santos: Sure. Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker. (Rachel enters, in a formal dress.)
Gerston: No problem. (Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment.) Rachel: Hey.
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean. Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.
Chandler) Opening Credits Monica: Did you go home and change?
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you [Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna
know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and and Susan are at her side.] look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?
who's the guy with the moustache? Ross: Stopped for a Chunky. Monica: No, I haven't seen him.
Phoebe: Petrie. Carol: Let it go, Ross. Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here.
Chandler: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy (Pause) What if the baby needs him?
gonna be working this weekend. in front of Ross' face) Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is watching TV, Ross: (weakly) No. doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?
34 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Rachel: Yeah, why? are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Chandler: No reason. (turns around, makes an all the yelling, just stop it! Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.
'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes) Ross: Yeah, Susan. Phoebe: This is so great.
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my Ross: You wanna explain that?
is on the phone with her mother.] voice like this. Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up,
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not (Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.) you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my
calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic? stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces
jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What Commercial Break of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little
do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to baby who has like three whole parents who care about
Joey) Joey who? get out.] it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it
Joey: Tribbiani. All: Help! the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry,
She wants to talk to you. Take the phone. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, you were fighting.
Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow. [Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth.
no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm [Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan,
single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) with her.] who are in the broom closet.]
Hello? Carol: Are they here yet? Carol: Where are they?
Lydia: She's not much of a phone person. Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because Monica: I'm sure they'll be here soon.
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.
this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my for you, ok? Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the
baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you Carol: Ok. baby's at zero station.
know? Rachel: Ok? Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.
Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your Carol: Ok. (Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by
views on fatherhood? Uh, no. Rachel: (to Dr. Franzblau) Ok, so anyway, you were telling the shirt.)
Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go. me about Paris, it sounds fascinating. Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out
Lydia: Maybe you should. Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's
Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh? pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?
(He leaves, but then returns a moment later.) and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.
Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They go, dear. Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing.
let the players run the team. [Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.] Carol: But they're not here yet!
Lydia: Oh, that is so not true. Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait
Joey: Oh, it is. push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, for them.
Lydia: It isn't. way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, Carol: Oh, god.
Joey: It is. ho. Let's— (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to
Lydia: Isn't! was just—yeah, right. Push! Push! open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]
coaching Carol.] and is holding it at the door.] Ross: Ok, got the vent open.
Ross: Breathe. Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open? Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm
Susan: Breathe. Ross: Help! Help! Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!
Ross: Breathe. Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next Ross: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok,
Susan: Breathe. day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.
Ross: Breathe. Susan staring at her) la la la la la la. (Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Susan: Breathe. Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help! Susan: What do you see?
Carol: You're gonna kill me! [Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark
Ross: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12... her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.] vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
Carol: Count faster. Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (A janitor opens the closet door from the outside.)
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're (Listens) Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other Ross: Phoebs, It's open! It's open!
doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie. place. (Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't (Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving
Ross: Who the hell is Jordie? have to fly back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Susan: Your son. might be your only chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your
Ross: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet. legs!
We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie. (Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone [Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, All: Push, push!
girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie. makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey Ross: We're here!
Ross: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do enters.) Carol: (irked) Where have you been?
you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed on Chandler: Where have you been? Ross: Long story, honey.
Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Joey: Oh, just had a baby. Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep
Cody, Dylan fiasco. Chandler: Mazel tov! pushing. I need—(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's
Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg [Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
cramp. gone to get coffee.] Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many
Ross: I got it. Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be people in this room, and there's about to be one more,
Susan: I got it. three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life
Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get currently involved with anyone? partner, out you go!
the cramps. Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm All: Good luck!
Susan: No, you don't. not. Are you? (Everyone heads for the door.)
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out. Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to
Ross: Why? out with me. be Carol's lesbian life partner?
Susan: He started it! Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors. Nurse: Out!
Ross: No, you started it. Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he
Susan: You did! spend so much time, you know, where I do. comes.
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out Rachel: Oh. Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head.
of my body here, and you're not making it any Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
easier. life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!
Ross: But... uh...Well, for instance, what do you do? Dr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine.
Carol: Now go! Rachel: I'm a waitress. Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr.
Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot. Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when Franzblau) Oh, sorry.
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did. you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, Susan: What do you see? What do you see?
Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen... 'if I see one more cup of coffee'... Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms,
Carol: Out! Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha. we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest,
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend. and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok,
room.) Rachel: Ok. That's fine. (takes her earrings out) legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping [Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up Susan: Oh, look at that.
Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees Carol: What does he look like?
her room as well.] that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.] Ross: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o.
Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe... Lydia: So how did you know I was even here? Carol: Really?
Lydia: Oh, no. Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her? Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's
(Joey looks down at Lydia.) Lydia: No, this is a loaner. beautiful!
Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded! Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself. Ross: Oh, thanks, Pheebs!
Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a (They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)
will you? helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the [Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the
Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you game? infant.]
mean? What's that, water breaking? Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck. Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe. Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad. little guy.
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.] (Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Ross: (thinking) How 'bout Ben?
Ross: Please. This is so your fault. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated Susan: I like Ben.
Susan: How, how is this my fault? balloon animal he had brought.) Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door mentioned Ben before?
before you came along. with a credit card, with no success.] Ross: We uh, we just cooked it up.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. Susan: That's what we were off doing.
never did before I came along. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, (Monica opens the door.)
Ross: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady? the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, Monica: Hi.
Susan: You know what your problem is? You're and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a Ross: Hey.
threatened by me. closet with you. Monica: Can we come in?
Ross: Oh, I'm threatened by you? Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've (The whole gang enters.)
Susan: Yes. been waiting for this just as much as you have. Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's
(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben,
the hall, taking them into a broom closet.) this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny this is everybody.
Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe the baby, ok? Where does that leave me? Susan: Thanks.
you. There are children coming into the world in Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows Rachel: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has
this very building and your negative fighting noises who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's one of these.
35 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 1
Chandler: I know, I still am one of these. Phoebe: So how are things going with you two? Is she (Long pause... Joey looks confused.)
Monica: Ross, can I? becoming your (provocatively) special someone? Joey: Not following you.
(Monica holds Ben.) Joey: I don't know, she's, uh.... she's pretty great. Monica: Think about it.
Ross: The head, the head. You gotta... Monica: Yeah? What does she think of your little science (They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her
Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your project? gifts. Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket.)
Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I Joey: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm Rachel: OK, I'm guessing this is from...
will always have gum. also seeing a cup? (Melanie smiles.)
Closing Credits Monica: Man's got a point. Rachel: Well, thank you, Melanie.
[Scene: The Hospital, the camera is placed as Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here
though it were Ben's eyes.] sex with me. is from me.
Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be Chandler: Crazy bitch. Rachel: (picks it up) OK... ah, it's light... (shakes
some times when I may not be around, like this. Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, it)...it rattles... it's... (opens it) Travel Scrabble!
(walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm Oooohhh, thank you! (she gives it back to him)
back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you (Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another
away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still know what I mean. gift.)
always come back, like this. (returns) Monica: Joey... we always know what you mean. Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book.
(Chandler comes into the picture.) [Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(opens
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.] it)...it's a book!
third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.) Phoebe: Hey. Phoebe: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!
(The rest of the group come into the picture.) Monica: Hey. Joey: (to Rachel): That book got me through some
Monica: He is so amazing. Ross: Hey. (Phoebe sees his bags) tough times.
Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him. Phoebe: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna Melanie: There is a little child inside this man!
Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think last? Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll
that's his name. Ross: I'm going to China. die.
Phoebe: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and... (Rachel picks up the next gift.)
(screen goes blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. Monica: You're going to China? Rachel: Who's this from?
(picture comes back) Ross: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Joey: He doesn't do much, does he? we want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, Rachel: Oh... (opens it)... (sees it is a pin) Oh my God.
Ross: No, this is pretty much it. so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us He remembered.
(long moment of silence) the bo—it's—it's a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm Phoebe: Remembered what?
Rachel: You guys wanna get some coffee? gonna be gone for like, uh... like a week, so, uh, if you Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by
All: Yeah. wanna reach me, y-you can't. So here's my itinerary (hands this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window,
Ross: All right, I'll see you guys later. a sheet of paper to Monica). Um... here's a picture of me... and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a (hands it to Monica) when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he
few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.) Phoebe: Oh, let me see! (takes the picture) remembered!
Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again. Ross: (to Monica): Could you take it to Carol's every now Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane?
(The screen fades to black.) and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me? (pats his Travel Scrabble game)
End Monica: Yeah. Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a
(Phoebe puts the picture of Ross up to her face.) fortune.
124 The One Where Rachel Finds Out Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Monica: I can't believe he did this.
Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college,
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun. when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that
Ross is showing pictures of his new baby boy, Ben, Ross: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
to the group.] happy birthday before I left. (Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the
Ross: And here's little Ben nodding off... Monica: Oh no, she's out having drinks with Carl. beans about Ross's crush on Rachel. You can hear this
Monica: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy! Ross: Oh. (pause) Hey, who's Carl? entire classic scene by clicking here.)
Phoebe: Oh, look, he's got Ross's haircut! Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse. Rachel: What did you just say?
Rachel: Oh, let me see! (grabs picture) Oh, God, Ross: No. Chandler: (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck.
is he just the sweetest thing? You must just want Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the... Rachel: No, no, no.... the, um, the... 'love' part?
to kiss him all over! Ross: At the coffeehouse, right. Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah....
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this Phoebe: So you do know who he is! (laughs, Ross stares flennin....
point.) at her) Sorry. Rachel: Oh.... my God.
Ross: (quietly) That would be nice. Ross: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys. Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh,
(Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a Phoebe: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story. no-no-no-no-no....
'pfft' noise.) (Ross goes outisde on the balcony.) Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just
Rachel: Pardon? Ross: Hi. keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my Joey: Hey! Commercial Break
mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is Chandler: Hey! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
seated) Ross: (sigh)....I have to go to China. Rachel: I mean, this is unbelievable.
(Joey is looking at his check.) Joey: The country? Phoebe: I know. This is really, really huge.
Joey: Hey, Chan, can you help me out here? I Ross: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Chandler: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite.
promise I'll pay you back. Do you guys know who Carl is? It's wee.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no. Phoebe: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are
waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion Ross: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight. ever gonna be the same ever again.
dollars. Joey: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?
Joey: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time. shown any interest in you?!? Monica: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross!
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money Chandler: Forget about her. D-did you have any idea?
coming from? (gives money to Joey) Joey: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Rachel: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city,
Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Chinese food. he mentioned something about asking me out, but
Med School with some... research. Chandler: Course there, they just call it food. nothing ever happened, so I just... (to Joey): W-well,
Ross: (overhearing) What kind of research? Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don't—I don't know. Alright, just... what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go
Joey: Oh, just, y'know.... science. just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for out with me?
Ross: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that. Rachel) Joey: Well, given that he's desperately in love with
(everyone's interest is piqued, they all look over) Joey: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you. you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee
Joey: (sigh)... It's a fertility study. Ross: I know. or something.
(Rachel laughs.) Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a Rachel: Ross? All this time? Well, I've got to talk to
Monica: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross him. (gets up to leave)
donating your time. a hug) Chandler: (quickly) H-He's in China!
Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice. Joey: The country.
deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every [Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Monica: No, no, wait. (checks Ross's itinerary) His
other day and... make my contribution to the Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.] flight doesn't leave for another forty-five more
project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I Melanie: Anyway, that's when me and my friends started minutes.
get seven hundred dollars. this whole fruit basket business. We call ourselves 'The Chandler: What about the time difference?
Ross: Hey. Three Basketeers.' Monica: From here to the airport?
Phoebe: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making Joey: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit. Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're
money hand over fist! Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at never gonna make it!
Opening Credits Joey's stupidity) Monica: Rachel, what're you gonna say to him?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe Monica: (gets up) OK, how does everybody like their Rachel: I-I-I don't know.
are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's burgers? Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.
birthday.] Rachel: Oh, no, no, no. Presents first. Food later. (walks Joey: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break
Monica: OK, we got the cole slaw, we got the into living room) his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.
buns... (Everyone follows Rachel to the living room. Monica pulls Monica: Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell
Phoebe: We've got the ground-up flesh of Joey aside.) him now.
formerly cute cows and turkeys, ew... (hands meat Monica: Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How Rachel: I don't know. Maybe I'll know when I see him.
to Monica) you holding up? Phoebe: Here, look, alright, does this help?
(Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal.) Joey: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the (Phoebe gets up, holds the picture of Ross up to her
Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here. night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know face.)
Joey: We make fire. Cook meat. what I... Rachel: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get (Monica rolls her eyes.) a week until I see him. I mean, this is just too big.
invited back. Joey: Then you do. Heh, heh. Y'know, I just, I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta...
Monica and Phoebe: Ewww! Monica: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there OK, I'll see you later. (opens door)
Monica: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna for her? Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she
be late. Joey: What do you mean?
Joey: Oh, OK. Monica: Y'know, just be there for her.
leaves) Flight Attendant: Alright! Rachel: Hi.
[Scene: Airport, Ross has headphones on, and is Ross: Ni-chou chi-ma! (walks onto jetway) Flight Attendant: May I see your boarding pass?
listening to a 'How To Speak Chinese' tape. (Rachel runs into the airport, trying to catch Ross, moving Rachel: Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to
Occasionally, he makes an outburst in Chinese in people out of the way.) talk to my friend.
accordance with the tape. He is getting on the Rachel: Ross! Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.... Flight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not
jetway. The flight attendant is there.] (Rachel gets up to the jetway.) allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding
Ross: (something in Chinese) Flight Attendant: Hi! pass.
36 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
Rachel: No, I know, but I—he just went on. He's bedroom.] Ross and Julie: Can't wait.
right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I Monica: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present? Ross: Come on, they're gonna love you.
j-just... Rachel: Yeah. [Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's
Flight Attendant: No no no! Federal regulations! Monica: Oh, from who? arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with
Rachel: OK, alright, OK, um... then could you Rachel: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me. another woman.]
please, uh... just give him a message for me? Monica: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight End
Please? This is very important. get in in a couple hours? At gate 27-B?
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message? Rachel: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been 201 The One With Ross' New Girlfriend
Rachel: Uh... I don't know. thinking about it and I've decided this—this whole Ross [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season,
[Cut to the Jetway, the flight attendant enters, thing, it's just not a good idea. and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from
walks past Ross, and approaches an older man Monica: Oh, why? Ross and Rachel.]
with his wife who is also wearing a blue jacket.] Rachel: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out PHOEBE: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened
Flight Attendant: Sir? Sir? Excuse me, sir? Uh... with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know,
I have a message for you. there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna... forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something
Man: (confused) What? Monica: (gets up) No, no, no, no, no, no pressure, no kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys.
Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that pressure! Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when
she loved the present, and she will see you when Rachel: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that
you get back. you're already so... Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my
Man: (to wife): Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't Monica: I am not 'so'! OK, I was a teensy bit weird at first, god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he
know what she's talking about! There's no Rachel! but... I'll be good. I promise. came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross
Don't give me that deep freeze. (Door buzzer goes off. Rachel answers it.) was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh!
[Scene: Joey's Bedroom, he and Melanie are in Rachel: Who is it? So, that's pretty much everything you need to know.
bed together.] Intercom: It's me, Carl. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
Melanie: Mmmmmm... Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey... I Rachel: C'mon up. OPENING CREDITS
think I blacked out there for a minute! Monica: Behind my brother's back? (Rachel glares at [Scene, The Airport, continued from last season,
Joey: Heh, heh. It was nothin'. her) ... is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when
Melanie: Well, now we've gotta find something hearing from me. she sees he's coming off with another woman.]
fun for you! (she starts kissing his chest) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the RACHEL: Oh my god. Oh my god. (She decides to
Joey: (panicked) Uhhh.. y'know what? Forget apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check make a break for it.) Excuse me. Move! Move!
about me. Let's, uh... let's give you another turn. in hand.] Emergency! Excuse me! (She tries climbing over a
Melanie: (surprised) M-Me again? Joey: Seven hundred bucks! bench and falls down.)
Joey: Sure! Why not? Chandler: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit? ROSS: Rache!
Melanie: Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit Joey: Man, hell of a two weeks, huh? Y'know what, though? RACHEL: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was
basket tomorrow. I really feel like I learned something. China, you? (Hits him with the flowers.)
(Joey starts to kiss her.) Chandler: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all ROSS: It was, it was great. Oh, what happened?
Melanie: Oooh, I gotta tell you... you are nothing for her' thing? RACHEL: What?
like I thought you would be. Joey: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his ROSS: You're bleeding.
Joey: How do you mean? sight back, does he walk around like this? (Joey closes his RACHEL: I am? Oh, look at that, yes I am. Enough
Melanie: I don't know, I-I guess I just had you eyes and walks around with arms spread.) about me, enough about me, Mr. Back from the Orient.
pegged as one of those guys who're always 'me, [Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is having I wanna hear everything! (Looks at Julie)
me, me.' But you... you're a giver. You're like the drinks with her date, Carl.] ROSS: Well, where do I start? This is Julie. Julie, this is
most generous man I ever met. I mean... you're Carl: I'm just sayin', if I see one more picture of Ed Begley, Rachel.
practically a woman. Jr. in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I RACHEL: These are, these aren't for you. (to Julie)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and mean, don't get me wrong... I'm not against environmental These are for you. (Loudly, thinking she can't speak
Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping issues per se.... it's just that guy! English.) Welcome to our country.
paper from one of Rachel's gifts.] (Rachel looks bored. At this point, Ross—a figment of JULIE: (Loudly, proving she can speak English.)
Monica: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna Rachel's imagination— shows up on the balcony and starts Thank you. I'm from New York.
save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little talking to her.) RACHEL: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them
bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or Ross: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me. to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.
should I just throw it out? Rachel: Would you excuse me, please? I'm trying to have [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for
Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought a date here. Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
about it all the way there, and I thought about it all Ross: Fine, just stop thinking about me. CHANDLER: No way!
the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's (She tries, and Ross disappears momentarily. He reappears, MONICA: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and
Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross. standing closer to her.) she's gonna go for it with Ross!
Monica and Phoebe: Sure. Ross: Can't do it, can you? PHOEBE: Oh my god. This is huge. This is bigger than
Rachel: I don't know, I mean, this is just my initial Rachel: So I'm thinking about you. So what? huge. This is like, all right, what's bigger than huge?
gut feeling... but I'm thinking... oh, I'm thinking Ross: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway? JOEY: Um, this?
it'd be really great. Rachel: Well... he happens to be a very nice... guy.... PHOEBE: Yes.
Monica: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like Carl: I mean, come on, buddy, get a real car! MONICA: Guys, you got your hair cut.
friends-in-law! Y'know what the best part is? The Ross: Rachel, come on. Give us a chance. CHANDLER: Yes, yes, we did, thanks to Vidal Buffay.
best part is that you already know everything Rachel: Ross, it's too hard. PHOEBE: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you
about him! I mean, it's like starting on the fifteenth Ross: No, no, no... why, because it might get weird for don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
date! everyone else? Who cares about them. This is about us. RACHEL: (entering, out of breath) Airport, airport.
Phoebe: Yeah, but, y'know, it's... it would be like Look, I-I've been in love with you since, like, the ninth Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her. Cramp, cramp.
starting on the fifteenth date. grade. CHANDLER: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us
Monica: Another good point. Rachel: Ross, you're like my best friend. something. Quick, get the verbs.
Phoebe: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the Ross: I know. RACHEL: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me.
fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very Rachel: If we broke up, and I lost you... (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What makes you think we're ROSS: That's all right, Rache, we got the bags. Hi,
committed. gonna break up? hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is
Rachel: (confused) Huh? Rachel: Well, have you been involved with someone Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
Phoebe: Well, I mean, then what happens if it where you haven't broken up? JOEY: What up?!
doesn't work out? Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, ROSS: Everyone, this is Julie.
Monica: Why isn't it working out? you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I RACHEL: (out of breath) Julie.
Rachel: I don't know... sometimes it doesn't. mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me? ALL: Ohh. (Happily) Hi!
Monica: Is he not cute enough for you? Rachel: I don't know... I mean, I've never looked at you JULIE: Hi, but I'm not here, you haven't met me. I'll
Rachel: No! that way before. make a much better first impression tomorrow when I
Monica: Does he not make enough money? Ross: Well, start looking. don't have 20 hours of cab and plane on me.
Rachel: No, I'm just.... (They kiss. Ross walks away, and then fades out.) ROSS: And bus.
Phoebe: Maybe there's someone else. Rachel: Wow. JULIE: Oh my god.
Rachel: Wha... Carl: Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy ROSS: The screaming guy?
Monica: Is there? Is there someone else? caught behind this hammerhead in traffic! JULIE: And the spitting?
Rachel: No! There is.. there is noone else! Rachel: Right! You're right! ROSS: You gotta hear this story.
Monica: Then why the hell are you dumping my Carl: Heh... y'know? JULIE: We're on this bus, that's easily 200 years old...
brother?!? Rachel: You know what? ROSS: At least.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating Carl: What? JULIE: ...and this guy--
breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.] Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the RACHEL: And the chicken poops in her lap. Oh, I'm so
Chandler: Hey, big... airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's
Joey: Shhhh! finish your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can
Chandler: (quietly) ...spender. mean—I'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry. think about.
Joey: She's still asleep. (Rachel leaves.) MONICA: This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this
Chandler: So how'd it go? Carl: But... happen?
Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you [Scene: Airport. Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the JULIE: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
always think you're great in bed? background as Rachel waits at the gate with flowers.] ROSS: But we haven't seen each other since then.
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that Rachel: (sifting through crowd) Excuse me, pardon me, Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
question shows how little you know me. excuse me, excuse me, sorry. Hi. RACHEL: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't
Joey: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the [Cut to the jetway, the old man who the flight attendant that just kick- you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck
thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do delivered Rachel's message to gets off the plane, his wife fantastic?
all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, still upset with him.] MONICA: It's an expression.
oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade! Man: For God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel! ROSS: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is (A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her then we're gonna go see the baby.
very very close to the parade route. bags. Ross gets off next.) JULIE: And then we've gotta get some sleep.
Joey: It was amazing! And not just for her... Ross: Oh, hey, hey, I got that. ROSS: Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.
uh-uh. For me, too. It's like, all of a sudden, I'm (Ross picks up the bag... then he and the woman kiss.) CHANDLER: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna
blind. But all my other senses are heightened, Julie: Oh, thanks, sweetie. happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.
y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it on Ross: No problem. I cannot wait for you to meet my (Ross and Julie exit)
another level. friends. RACHEL: Bye. (She closes the door and everyone tries
Chandler: I didn't know you had another level. Julie: Really? to sympathize with her.)
Joey: I know! Neither did I! Ross: Yeah. [Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler enter.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Julie: You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me? ROSS: Hey, Rache, can I get some coffee?
Monica is seated, Rachel comes out of her Ross: No, no, they will. I just... uh... RACHEL: Yeah, sure.
37 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
ROSS: Thank you. PAOLO: Bon giorno tutti! JOEY: No way. I've been going to the guy for 12
CHANDLER: Hey, Rache, can I get-- PHOEBE: Ewww! years.
RACHEL: Did you talk to him? COMMERCIAL BREAK CHANDLER: He said he was going to do my inseam,
CHANDLER: Not yet. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's continued from earlier.] and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was
RACHEL: Then, no. RACHEL: Ok, Paulo, why don't you just go get dressed, definite--
(He goes to sit down next to Ross.) and then you be on your way, ok, bye-bye. ROSS: what?
CHANDLER: So what the hell happened to you in MONICA: Rachel, how did this happen? CHANDLER: Cupping.
China? I mean, when last we left you, you were RACHEL: I don't know, I just kinda ran into him last night. JOEY: That's how they do pants! First they go up one
totally in love with, you know. PHOEBE: Where? side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they
ROSS: I know, I know I was, but there was RACHEL: At his apartment. Is this juice? move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross,
always this little voice inside that kept saying it's JOEY: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure
never gonna happen, move on. You know whose because he hit on Phoebe? pants?
voice that was? RACHEL: Oh God, I know I'm a pathetic loser. ROSS: Yes, yes it is. In prison! Whatsa matter with
CHANDLER: God? MONICA: Honey, you're not pathetic, you're sad. you?
ROSS: It was you, pal. CHANDLER: People do stupid things when they're upset. JOEY: What? That's not? Oh my god.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe it was God, doing me. MONICA: My god, if I had a nickel for every guy I wish I [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica
ROSS: Look, you were right. She looks at me and hadn't--but this is about your horrible mistake. is now out and about.]
sees a friend, that's all. But then I met Julie, and I ROSS: Hi. Sorry we're late but we were--well, there was MONICA: Even Mary Tyler Moore would've been
don't know, we're havin' a great time. And I have touching. better.
to say, I never would've gone for it with her if it PAOLO: Hey, hey Ross. ROSS: I like it. I do, I think it's a Ten.
hadn't been for you. ROSS: Hey, Paulo. What are you doing here? MONICA: Thank you. My hair is very amused.
CHANDLER: Well, you owe me one, big guy. PAOLO: I do Raquel. CHANDLER: Come on, Monica, things could be worse.
RACHEL: Here's your lemonade. ROSS: (to Rachel) So, uh, he's back. You could get caught between the moon and New York
ROSS: I didn't order lemonade. RACHEL: Yeah, he's back. Is that a problem? City. I know it's crazy, but it's true.
RACHEL: Oh. Well then, you better go take that ROSS: No, not a problem. PHOEBE: Thank you.
back because they're gonna charge you for that. RACHEL: Good! I'm glad it's not a problem. ROSS: Well, I gotta go. Bye. Bye, Rache.
ROSS: But-- PHOEBE: Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass. RACHEL: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait,
RACHEL: Go go go go, come on! (to Chandler) So CHANDLER: Well, in spite of the yummy bagels and are you leaving?
then, well, what did you find out? palpable tension, I've got pants that need to be altered. ROSS: Yeah, that's kinda what I meant by "bye!"
CHANDLER: He said, he said that they're having JOEY: Hey, Chandler, when you see Frankie, tell him Joey RACHEL: Well, can I talk to you for a sec?
a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you Tribbiani says hello. He'll know what it means. ROSS: Okay. (goes out onto the balcony)
wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by CHANDLER: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that JOEY: Hey, when the doctor does that hernia test...
himself without any outside help whatsoever. code? CHANDLER: That's ok.
RACHEL: How is that the silver lining? MONICA: You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was [Out on the balcony]
CHANDLER: You have to really wanna see it. here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter. ROSS: What's goin' on?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang PHOEBE: All right. Ok, but, but you have to promise that RACHEL: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back
is watching TV.] you will not be all like control-y and bossy and Monica together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could
ROSS: Ironically, these are the guys who were about it. go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um,
picked last in gym. MONICA: I promise. second of all, what? (Ross laughs)
[cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.] PHOEBE: All right. Now some of you are gonna get cut, ROSS: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to
MONICA: Phoebes, you know what I'm thinking? and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are know, is this one of those things where you break up
PHOEBE: Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since gonna feel a thing. with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then
you've had sex, you're wondering if they've [Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is finishing with her the next day you get back together with the guy, and I
changed it? haircut.] look like a complete idiot?
MONICA: No, although now that's what I'm PHOEBE: All right, that's it, I quit. RACHEL: No. No-no-no-no.
thinking. MONICA: What? I didn't say anything. ROSS: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I
PHOEBE: All right, so what were you thinking? PHOEBE: Yeah, but this isn't the face of a person who hate him. I physically hate him. I always have. You are
MONICA: Well, I was thinking, that you gave the trusts a person. Ok, this is the face of a person who, you way too good to be with a guy like that. You deserve to
guys such great haircuts, I thought, maybe you'd know, doesn't trust a person. be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets
like to do mine? MONICA: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and
PHOEBE: Ohh! No. shorter than what we had discussed. sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up
MONICA: Why not? PHOEBE: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel".
PHOEBE: Because, I'm just, I'm incredibly anal is how he wears it. You know, someone who makes you feel good, the
and an unbelievable control freak. MONICA: How who wears it? way I am with Julie. Was there a second of all?
MONICA: No you're not. PHOEBE: Demi Moore. RACHEL: No, I think that was the whole all.
PHOEBE: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was MONICA: Demi Moore is not a he. [Cut back inside, Joey is on the phone.]
trying to spare your feelings. PHOEBE: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten. JOEY: I swear to god, Dad. That's not how they
(The phone rings.) MONICA: That's Dudley Moore. I said I wanted it like measure pants.
JOEY: (answering the phone) Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, Demi Moore. CLOSING CREDITS
hold on a second. Ross, it's Julie, for you. (Throws PHOEBE: Oh, oh, oh my god! [Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair
him the phone.) MONICA: Oh my god! cut from Phoebe.]
ROSS: (on phone) Hello? Hi. PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which one's Demi Moore? JULIE: I was thinking of doing it a little shorter, you
CHANDLER: (entering) Hi. Anybody know a good MONICA: She's the actress who was in Disclosure, know, like Andy McDowell's new haircut?
tailor? Indecent Proposal, Ghost. PHOEBE: You wanna do it right now?
JOEY: Needs some clothes altered? PHOEBE: Oh, she's got gorgeous hair. JULIE: Great! (Julie leaves)
CHANDLER: No, no, I'm just looking for a man to MONICA: I KNOW! PHOEBE: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure
draw on me with chalk. [Scene: Frank's tailor shop, Chandler is getting his pants this time. Andy McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings
JOEY: Why don't you go see Frankie? My family's altered.] and a Funeral, right?
been goin' to him forever. He did my first suit FRANKIE: How long do you want the cuffs? RACHEL: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney
when I was 15. No wait, 16. No, 'scuse me, 15. CHANDLER: At least as long as I have the pants. McDowell. Andy McDowell is the guy from Planet of the
(still confused) All right, when was 1990? FRANKIE: I just got that. Ok, now we'll do your inseam. Apes.
CHANDLER: You have to stop the Q-tip when (He slowly measures it up his leg, and Chandler makes a PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.
there's resistance! rather surprised face.) RACHEL: You're welcome.
ROSS: (on phone) Ok, ok, sweetheart, I'll see you [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from END
later. Ok, bye. What? Oh, that is so sweet. No, no, her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in
ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three. (motions from the bedroom.] 202 The One With the Breast Milk
for Rachel to be quiet) Well you didn't hang up RACHEL: How is she? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are
either. PHOEBE: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a showing off Ben to the gang.]
RACHEL: She didn't hang up either! good sign. MONICA: (entering from her bedroom carrying a
ROSS: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y-- ROSS: How's the hair? present) Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I
RACHEL: (taking the phone and hanging it up) PHOEBE: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes,
Sorry, I thought you were talking to me. good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have but I couldn't resist. (There a little pair of Nike shoes.)
ROSS: Rachel! I'll just call her back. stopped the curling. PHOEBE: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. (Ben
RACHEL: Okay! JOEY: Can we see her? starts to cry) Oh my god, oh, ok, was that too much
ROSS: (calls Julie back) Hi? Sorry, we got PHOEBE: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset pressure for him?
disconnected... her. Ross, you come on in. (They go into the bedroom SUSAN: Oh, is he hungry already?
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok. How did this happen to me? leaving Joey and Rachel alone.) CAROL: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)
How did this happen to me? A week ago, two JOEY: How're you doing? CHANDLER: You know, it's... (sees the feeding taking
weeks ago, I was fine. Ross was just Ross, just this RACHEL: I'm ok. place next to him) something funny about sneakers. I'll
guy. Now he's Rrrooossss, oh, this really great guy JOEY: Ooh, that bad, huh? Look, I can sense when women be right back. (Goes into the kitchen)
that I can't have. are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts. JOEY: (joins him) I gotta get one, too.
MONICA: Sweetie, I wanted you to have him too. RACHEL: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I ROSS: (following them into the kitchen) What are you
RACHEL: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's guys doing?
it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then me. CHANDLER: We're just hanging out by the spoons.
smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out JOEY: You gotta tell Ross how you feel. Ladle?
of here. RACHEL: Come on. How can I just tell him? What about ROSS: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the
CHANDLER: Ok, I don't care what you guys say, Julie? most natural beautiful thing in the world.
something's bothering her. JOEY: What about her? They've only been going out for JOEY: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning.] two weeks. Ross has been in love with you for like 10 ROSS: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna
JOEY: You know, I think I was sixteen. years. happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you
MONICA: Please, just a little bit off the back. RACHEL: I don't know, I don't know. have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just
PHOEBE: I'm still on "no". JOEY: Look, Rache, Rache, I've been with my share of ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
RACHEL: (poking her head in from her bedroom) women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share (They go back into the living room)
Uh, morning. Do you guys think you could close of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the CHANDLER: Carol, Carol? I was just wondering if
your eyes for just a sec? way Ross felt about you. Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
JOEY: No no no no no, (grabs his pants) I'm not CHANDLER: (entering, angry) Yo, paisan! Can I talk to CAROL: Sure.
fallin' for that again. you for a sec? Your tailor is a very bad man! JOEY: Uh, does it hurt?
PHOEBE: What's goin' on? JOEY: Frankie? What're you talking about? CAROL: It did at first, but not anymore.
RACHEL: Well, I sorta did a stupid thing last ROSS: (entering from teh bedroom) Hey, what's goin' on? JOEY: Chandler?
night. CHANDLER: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me. CHANDLER: So, uh, how often can you do it?
CHANDLER: What stupid thing did you do? ROSS: What? CAROL: As much as he needs.
38 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
JOEY: Ok, I got one, I got one. If he blows into Bye. of the lingerie.
one, does the other one get bigger? RACHEL: Did you just say Hi, Jew? JOEY: I'm gonna do it.
OPENING TITLES MONICA: Yes. Uh, yes, I did. That was my friend, Eddie CHANDLER: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is all there.] Moskowitz. Yeah, he likes it. Reaffirms his faith. fix you up with a nice hooker.
JULIE: Rachel, do you have any muffins left? PHOEBE: Ben, dinner! MONICA: I don't know what else to say.
RACHEL: Yeah, I forget which ones. ROSS: Thanks Aunt Pheebs. Hey, you didn't microwave RACHEL: Well that works out good, because I'm not
JULIE: Oh, you're busy, that's ok, I'll get it. that, did you, because it's breast milk, and you're not listening.
Anybody else want one? supposed to do that. MONICA: I feel terrible, I really do.
ALL: No thanks. PHOEBE: Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok. RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?
JULIE: Oh, you're losin' your apron here, let me CHANDLER: What did you just do? MONICA: Rachel, say that I'm friends with her, we
get it. There you go. (Ties it back up for her) PHOEBE: I licked my arm, what? spend some time together. Is that so terrible?
RACHEL: (to Julie) Thank you. (under her breath ROSS: It's breast milk. RACHEL: Yes.
to Chandler) What a bitch. PHOEBE: So? MONICA: It's that terrible?
JULIE: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at RACHEL: Phoebe, that is juice, squeezed from a person. RACHEL: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad
Bloomingdales who's quitting tomorrow and he JOEY: What is the big deal? enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be
wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to CHANDLER: What did you just do? the person that I am supposed to be with, but now,
come with me and take advantage of it? ROSS: Ok, would people stop drinking the breast milk? she's actually, but now she's actually stealing you.
PHOEBE: I can't, I have to take my grandmother PHOEBE: You won't even taste it? MONICA: Me? What are you talking about? Nobody
to the vet. ROSS: No! could steal me from you. I mean, just because I'm
MONICA: Ok, um, I'll go with you. PHOEBE: Not even if you just pretend that it's milk? friends with her doesn't make me any less friends with
JULIE: Great. ROSS: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing you. I mean, you're my...We're, we're...Oh, I love you.
ROSS: (enters) Hi, honey. child on it. RACHEL: I love you too.
CHANDLER: Hey, sweetums. MONICA: Hey, where is everybody? PHOEBE: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't
ROSS: Hello to the rest. RACHEL: They took Ben to the park. Where've you been? have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys
ALL: Hi! MONICA: Just out. Had some lunch, just me, little quality too. Oh, I really needed that.
JOEY: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go time with me. Thanks for your jacket. MONICA: Look, I know that you're in a place right
shopping with her? What about Rachel? RACHEL: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she
MONICA: It's gonna be a problem, isn't it? Here are your keys, hon. Mon, if uh you were at lunch didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl
CHANDLER: Come on, you're going to alone, how come it cost you uh 53 dollars? who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that
Bloomingdales with Julie? That's like cheating on MONICA: You know what probably happened? Someone if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just
Rachel in her house of worship. musta stolen my credit card. give that a chance, for me?
MONICA: But I'm-- RACHEL: And sorta just put the receipt back in your RACHEL: I'd do anything for you, you know that.
PHOEBE: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you pocket MONICA: I'd do anything for you.
like a dog in the street. MONICA: That is an excellent excellent question. That is PHOEBE: Wait, wait, wait, wait!
ROSS: So, uh, Jules tells me you guys are going excellent. JOEY: Mornin'. I said, mornin'.
shopping tomorrow? RACHEL: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch TODD: I heard ya.
MONICA: Yeah, uh, it's actually not that big a with? STORE GUY: All right, everybody, I'm openin' the
deal. MONICA: Judy. doors. You boys ready?
ROSS: It's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica. RACHEL: Who? TODD: Ready.
I really appreciate this. MONICA: Julie. JOEY: Yeah, I'm ready.
MONICA: You're welcome. RACHEL: What? CUSTOMER: You idiot, you stupid cowboy, you
PHOEBE: Woof, woof. MONICA: Jody. blinded me, I'm suing!
[Scene: A Department Store, Joey is selling men's RACHEL: You were with Julie? STORE GUY: Oh my god, Todd! What the hell did you
cologne.] MONICA: Look, when it started I was just trying to be nice do?
JOEY: Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Bijan for men? to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then, TODD: I'm sorry. I am such a doofus. I'm so sorry, I'm
Hey Annabelle. one thing led to another and, before I knew it, we so sorry.
ANNABELLE: Hey, Joey. So did you hear about were...shopping. ANNABELLE: My god, what happened?
the new guy? RACHEL: Oh. Oh my god. JOEY: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later,
JOEY: Who? MONICA: Honey, wait. We only did it once. It didn't mean they all...stop lastin'. Listen, uh, what do you say I buy
ANNABELLE: Nobody knows his name. Me and anything to me. you that cup of coffee now?
the girls just call him the Hombre man. RACHEL: Yeah, right. ANNABELLE: Sure.
JOEY: What's he doin' in my section? MONICA: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole JULIE: So.
ANNABELLE: I guess he doesn't know. time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find RACHEL: So. I just thought the two of us should hang
JOEY: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, out. out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really
ok? Hey, how ya doin'? RACHEL: Oh, please, you wanted to get caught. talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two
TODD: Mornin'. MONICA: That is not true! of us, though, right?
JOEY: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda RACHEL: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in JULIE: I know, I probably shouldn't even tell you this,
understood that everything from Young Men's to here? but I'm pretty much totally intimidated by you.
the escalator is my territory. MONICA: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that RACHEL: Really? Me?
TODD: Your territory, huh? stupid? JULIE: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so
JOEY: Yeah. Bijan for men? RACHEL: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me,
GUY: No thanks. you go with her to Bloomingdales? Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I
TODD: Hombre? really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now. kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.
GUY: Yeah. All right. MONICA: Hi, who's this? Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? RACHEL: Well, you're not totally paranoid.
TODD: You were saying? It's Monica. Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. Joanna, it's JULIE: Oy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Monica not as simple as all that, ok? No, I don't care what Steve RACHEL: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh
enters.] thinks. Hi, Steve. Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me,
MONICA: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and CAROL: How did we do? um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you
we were shopping all day. PHOEBE: Oh, I tasted Ben's milk, and Ross freaked out. with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you
PHOEBE: What? ROSS: I did not freak out. know, and how good you guys are together, and um,
MONICA: We were shopping, and we had lunch. CAROL: Why'd you freak out? Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I
PHOEBE: Oh, all right. What did I have? ROSS: Because it's breast milk. It's gross. hate it when she's right.
MONICA: You had a salad. CAROL: My breast milk is gross? JULIE: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a
PHOEBE: Oh, no wonder I don't feel full. SUSAN: This should be fun. movie sometime or something?
RACHEL: (entering) Hey, guys, what's up. ROSS: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just RACHEL: Yeah, that'd be great. I'd love it.
PHOEBE: I went shopping with Monica all day, don't think breast milk is for adults. JULIE: I'd love it too. Shoot, I gotta go. So, I'll talk to
and I had a salad. CHANDLER: Of course the packaging does appeal to you later.
RACHEL: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy? grown-ups and kids alike. RACHEL: All right, Julie. What a manipulative bitch.
PHOEBE: Um, we went shopping for um, for, fur. CAROL: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big END
RACHEL: You went shopping for fur? deal. Just taste it.
PHOEBE: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, ROSS: That would be no. 203 The One Where Mr. Heckles Dies
and uh, so then we bought some, (sees Monica PHOEBE: Come on. It doesn't taste bad. CHANDLER: Hey.
pointing at her chest) uh, boobs. JOEY: Yeah, it's kinda sweet, sorta like, uh-- MONICA: So how was Joan?
RACHEL: You bought boobs? SUSAN: Cantaloupe juice. CHANDLER: I broke up with her.
PHOEBE: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) JOEY: Exactly. CHANDLER: They were huge. When she sneezed,
Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras. ROSS: You've tasted it? You've tasted it. bats flew out of them.
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey is trying to SUSAN: Uh huh. RACHEL: Come on, they were not that huge.
sell some cologne.] ROSS: Oh, you've tasted it. CHANDLER: I'm tellin' you, she leaned back, I could
JOEY: Bijan for men? Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I SUSAN: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being see her brain.
was wondering if maybe after work you and I true. MONICA: How many perfectly fine women are you
could go maybe grab a cup of coffee. ROSS: Gimme the bottle. Gimme the towel. gonna reject over the most superficial insignificant
ANNABELLE: Oh, actually I sorta have plans. CHANDLER: Howdy. things?
TODD: Ready, Annabelle? JOEY: Gimme a box a juice. Well, they switched me over JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this
ANNABELLE: You bet. Maybe some other time? to Hombre. one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple
JOEY: Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a CHANDLER: Well, maybe it's because of the way you're of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she
cowboy spraying cologne. Bijan for men? dressed. had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol is dropping JOEY: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they CHANDLER: You or me?
Ben off for Ross to watch.] wanna put more people on it. You should see this guy, ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's
CAROL: Ok, and this is Funny Clown. Funny Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day. apples.
Clown is only for after his naps, not before his naps CHANDLER: What do you care? You're an actor. This is JOEY: You guys are messin' with me, right?
or he won't sleep. your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you. ALL: Yeah.
ROSS: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? JOEY: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being JOEY: That was a good one. For a second there, I was
We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like the best. I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the like, "whoa."
we're father and son. game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese. PHOEBE: You name one woman that you broke up
SUSAN: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. CHANDLER: All right, say you do that. You know sooner with for a real reason.
Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person. or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better CHANDLER: Maureen Rosilla.
RACHEL: Oh, this is so cute. cheddar. And then where're you gonna run? ROSS: Not hating Yanni is not a real reason.
SUSAN: Oh, I got that for him. JOEY: Yeah I guess you're right. (knock)
ROSS: My mommies love me. That's clever. CHANDLER: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show MONICA: Hello, Mr. Heckles.
MONICA: Hello? Oh, Hi, Ju-- Hi, Jew! Uh huh? Uh this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. MR. HECKLES: You're doing it again.
huh? Ok. Um, sure, that'd be great. See ya then. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west MONICA: We're not doing anything.
39 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
MR. HECKLES: You're stomping. It's disturbing for this girly clock or anything, which, by the way, I also these fossils are over 200 million years old.
my birds. think is very cool. PHOEBE: Ok, look, before you even start, I'm not
RACHEL: You don't have birds. MONICA: It doesn't go with any of my stuff. denying evolution, ok, I'm just saying that it's one of
MR. HECKLES: I could have birds. RACHEL: Well, what about my stuff? the possibilities.
MONICA: Ok, Mr. Heckles, we'll try to keep it MONICA: You don't have any stuff. ROSS: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.
down. RACHEL: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you? PHOEBE: Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like
MR. HECKLES: Thank you. I'm going to rejoin my MONICA: No. this much, ok? Wasn't there a time when the brightest
dinner party. RACHEL: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, minds in the world believed that the world was flat?
RACHEL: All right, bye-bye. and I'm just somebody who rents a room. And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought
CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give MONICA: Mmmmm. the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open,
me Janice. That wasn't about being picky. RACHEL: Ok, while you "mmm" on it for awhile, I'm gonna and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are
ROSS: We'll give you Janice. go find a place for my new lamp. you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant
PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler ROSS: Ok, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility
Bing." move? Opposable thumbs. Without evolution, how do you that you could be wrong about this?
RACHEL: "Oh, my, god." explain opposable thumbs? ROSS: There might be, a teeny, tiny, possibility.
JOEY: "Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, PHOEBE: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their PHOEBE: I can't believe you caved.
faster!" spacecrafts. ROSS: What?
MONICA: Stop with the broom, we're not making ROSS: Please tell me you're joking. PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief
noise. PHOEBE: Look, can't we just say that you believe in system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at
RACHEL: We won. We won! something, and I don't. least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to
MONICA: Mr. Heckles. ROSS: No, no, Pheebs, we can't, ok, because-- go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to
RACHEL: How did this happen? PHOEBE: What is this obsessive need you have to make face the other science guys? How, how are you going
MR. TREEGER: He musta been sweepin'. They everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?
found a broom in his hand. I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope. RACHEL: I am. Let me just get my coat.
MONICA: That's terrible. ROSS: Is there blood coming out of my ears? MONICA: Ok, all right. It was an accident, I swear, all
MR. TREEGER: I know. I was sweepin' yesterday. JOEY: Check it out, check it out. Heckles' high school right. I was putting on my jacket, and the thing, and
It coulda been me.ROSS: Sure, sweepin'. You yearbook. the lamp, and it broke.
never know. CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal. RACHEL: Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated my
MR. TREEGER: You never know. PHOEBE: He's even kind of cute. lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it's just magically
PHOEBE: Ok, it's very faint, but I can still sense JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're broken?
him in the building. Go into the light, Mr. Heckles! the funniest kid in school. MONICA: Phoebe, tell her!
CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe. CHANDLER: Funniest? Heckles? PHOEBE: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, but sometimes they need JOEY: That's what it says. my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.
help. That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so RACHEL: Hey Chandler. Monica just broke my
there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but was I. He was right. Would you listen to that? seashell lamp.
that doesn't mean they're not true. PHOEBE: I'd call that excessive. CHANDLER: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
JOEY: Such as? CHANDLER: Whoa! RACHEL: Ok, you win.
PHOEBE: Like crop circles, or the Bermuda JOEY: What? MONICA: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone.
triangle, or evolution? CHANDLER: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I
ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don't, uh, clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, have to get a snake.
you don't believe in evolution? well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool. PHOEBE: Uh huh. Why is that?
PHOEBE: Nah. Not really. JOEY: So, you were both dorks. Big deal. CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm
ROSS: You don't believe in evolution? CHANDLER: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on
PHOEBE: I don't know, it's just, you me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...Would you knock it the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be
know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a off? Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man.
nice story, I just think it's a little too easy. JOEY: Have you been here all night? And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will
ROSS: Too easy? Too...The process of every CHANDLER: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from
living thing on this planet evolving over millions of Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
years from single-celled organisms, too easy? too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes MONICA: You have got to get over this. You're not
PHOEBE: Yeah, I just don't buy it. noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. gonna end up alone.
ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did. CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's
buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case. crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I
like the air we breathe, like gravity. CHANDLER: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women
PHOEBE: Ok, don't get me started on gravity. sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are out there.
ROSS: You uh, you don't believe in gravity? all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction. RACHEL: Chandler, you have just described virtually
PHOEBE: Well, it's not so much that you know, JOEY: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get every man that we have ever gone out with.
like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go. MONICA: You are not a freak. You're a guy.
know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much CHANDLER: What if I never find someone? Or worse, RACHEL: She's right. She's right. You are no different
being pulled down as I am being pushed. what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she than the rest of them.
(knock) pronounced it "supposably"? MONICA: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You
CHANDLER: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's JOEY: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody. are totally different.
pissed. CHANDLER: How do you know that? How? CHANDLER: In a bad way?
MR. TREEGER: There she is. And over there, JOEY: I don't know, I'm just tryin' to help you out. MONICA: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know
that's the other one. This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Mr. CHANDLER: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue.
Heckles' attorney. He'd like to talk to you. get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be
MONICA: What can we do for you? me something? When you're married, will you invite me vulnerable, and intimate with someone.
MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. over for holidays? RACHEL: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.
According to my client's will, he wants to leave all JOEY: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna PHOEBE: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how
his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place? much you wanted to be with someone!
apartment above mine". CHANDLER: Yeah, I understand. MONICA: You made it!
MONICA: Well, what about his family? JOEY: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. PHOEBE: You're there!
MR. BOYLE: He didn't have any. Every year, all right? RACHEL: You are ready to make a commitment!
RACHEL: Ok, so let's talk money. CHANDLER: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like CHANDLER: Whoa! Don't know about that.
MR. BOYLE: All right, there was none. Let's talk this. I'll see you man. RACHEL: What you got there? Something else that's
signing. You be noisy girl number one, you be JOEY: Supposably. Supposably. Did they go to the zoo? not yours that you can break?
noisy girl number two. Supposably. MONICA: No. Um, I know you like this, and I want
MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we CHANDLER: (on phone) Hi, it's me. you to have it. I think it'll look good in our apartment.
thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how JANICE: Oh, my, god. RACHEL: Thank you.
much you can touch someone's life, without even PHOEBE: Janice? You called Janice? MONICA: That's fine.
knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He CHANDLER: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to CHANDLER: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to
hated us. This is his final revenge! comprehend? know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman,
RACHEL: Have you ever seen so much crap? ROSS: You remember Janice, right? Alison, from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's
CHANDLER: Actually, I think this apartment CHANDLER: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty, and she smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out
sullies the good name of crap honestly cared about me. Janice is my last chance to have in the past, because she has an unusually large head.
JOEY: Check this out. Can I have this? somebody. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore.
ROSS: How can you not believe in evolution? JANICE: Helloo!! Look at me. I'm growing.
PHOEBE: Just don't. Look at this funky shirt! CHANDLER: Oh, my, god! JOEY: Hey, uh, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?
ROSS: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire JOEY: Geez, look how fat she got. CHANDLER: I'll take that.
adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected JANICE: Hey, it's everybody. JOEY: You want his yearbook?
fossils from all over the world that actually show CHANDLER: Janice, you're-- CHANDLER: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice
the evolution of different species, ok? You can JANICE: Yes, I am. things about him. I think somebody should have it.
literally see them evolving through time. CHANDLER: Is it--? MONICA: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole
PHOEBE: Really? You can actually see it? JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are life was in this apartment, and now it's gone. You know,
ROSS: You bet. In the U.S., China, Africa, all over. looking at a married lady now. I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments,
PHOEBE: See, I didn't know that. CHANDLER: Congratulations. for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was,
ROSS: Well, there you go. JANICE: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. but, he was a person. You're all going to hell.
PHOEBE: Huh. So now, the real question is, who CHANDLER: You couldn't have told me about this on the RACHEL: It's really not that big!
put those fossils there, and why? phone? CHANDLER: Takin' that with you, huh?
CHANDLER: Hey, look at this. "My Big Book of JANICE: And what? Missed the expression on your face? JOEY: Oh, yeah.
Grievances." Janice likes to have her fun. ROSS: You comin'?
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. MONICA: Hey, Rache. You know what we haven't played CHANDLER: Yeah, jus' second. Good-bye Mr. Heckles.
Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey in a while? We'll try to keep it down.
Chandler, look, you're in here too. RACHEL: What? ALISON: Oh, my major was totally useless. I mean,
CHANDLER: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian MONICA: Hide the Lamp. how often do you look in the classifieds and see
guy's gay roommate comes home with the RACHEL: Monica, let it go. "Philosopher wanted"?
dry-cleaning. Well that's excellent. MONICA: Did you know I was allergic to shellfish? CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't
RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is RACHEL: Well, then, you'll just have to eat the other look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My
this tacky or what? We have to have this. lamps. head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't
MONICA: Rache, I think we have enough regular PHOEBE: Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man. get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like
lamps. ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big
RACHEL: What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of head, big head!)
40 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
END CHANDLER: C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny ROSS: Hey.
bump, it's totally useless.
204 The One With Phoebe's Husband [Ross kicks her again]
RACHEL: Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is nipples? RACHEL: Hey, c'mon, cut it out.
on the phone.]
JOEY: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin. ROSS: Hey?
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10
blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking ROSS: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was? RACHEL: What?
alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon,
stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe JOEY: I don't know, you see somethin', you hear a word, I ROSS: Can I ask you somethin'?
building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.
window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, RACHEL: Sure.
oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. ALL: Yeah, show it. Show it. The nubbin, the nubbin, the
[hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, nubbin. ROSS: Naa.
I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot
and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie. RACHEL: What? C'mon, talk to me.
enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the
pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, ALL: Huuh. ROSS: OK, what's the longest you've been in the
oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh relationship before ha, have, having the sex?
my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with
you guys. me. RACHEL: Why? Who's not having. . . Are you and Julie
not, are, are you and, are you and Julie not having sex?
[a stranger enters with flowers] ROSS: You were in a porno?
ROSS: Technically, huh, no.
STRANGER: Hi. JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just
wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go RACHEL: Wow. Is it, is it 'cause she's so cold in bed.
RACHEL: Hi, hi can I help you? through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to Or, or is it 'cause she's like, kinda bossy, makes it feel
fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it. like school?
STRANGER: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe, does
she still live here? MONICA: That is wild. ROSS: No, no, she's great and it's not like we haven't
done anything. I mean, uh, uh, we, we do plenty of
RACHEL: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a ROSS: [to Chandler] So what's it shaped like? other stuff, lot's of other stuff, like uhh. . .
message to her.
PHOEBE: Yeah, is there a hair on it? RACHEL: No, no no no, don't need to know the details.
STRANGER: Great. Uhh, just tell her her husband
stopped by. [leaves flowers on bar] JOEY: What happens if you flick it? ROSS: It's just, it's, it's me. You, you know I've only
been with one woman my whole life and she turned
RACHEL: What? [in surprise she forgets she has [Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting out to be a lesbian. So now I've got myself all psyched
the pigeon in the pot and lets it get away] on the couch.] out, you know, and it's become, like this, this thing and
I. . . Well, you just must think I'm weird.
STRANGER: Hey, how, how did you do that? ROSS: So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?
RACHEL: No, no, no, no I don't think it's weird, I think,
OPENING TITLES CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple I think umm, in fact, in fact you know what I think?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
whole gang is there.] ROSS: What?
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is
JOEY: This is unbelievable Phoebs, how can you actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women RACHEL: I think it's sexy.
be married? dance naked around you.
ROSS: Sexy?
PHOEBE: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, CHANDLER: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per
ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's chance, in the tri-state area? RACHEL: Let me tell you something. As a woman
just from Canada and he just needed a green card. there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want
ROSS: You know, you are so amazing, is there anything to have sex.
MONICA: I can't believe you married Duncan. I you, you don't know?
mean how could you not tell me? We lived ROSS: No kidding?
together, we told each other everything. RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart,
Julie's so special. RACHEL: Oh yeah. In fact you know what I'd do?
PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you,
you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross ROSS: What?
not approve. as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just
gonna have to get over it. RACHEL: I'd wait.
MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean,
you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, RACHEL: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I ROSS: You'd wait?
was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking? didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.
RACHEL: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. . .
ROSS: You see, and you thought she'd be [Phoebe enters all dressed up] then I'd wait some more.
judgemental.
ALL: Woah. ROSS: Really?
PHOEBE: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was
just helping out a friend. JOEY: Foxy lady. RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells
you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she
MONICA: Please, when he left town you stayed in JULIE: Where you goin'? tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another
your pajamas for a month and I saw you eat a man. That just means it's working.
cheeseburger. PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating
tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades. ROSS: Women really want this?
ALL: Huuh.
JOEY: The Ice Capades? RACHEL: More than jewelry. [Rachel struts off,
MONICA: Well, didn't you? extremely pleased with herself]
CHANDLER: No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns
PHOEBE: I might have. aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls. . . funny. [Scene: Madison Square Garden. Duncan's dressing
room.]
MONICA: I can't believe you didn't tell me. MONICA: I can't believe you're dressing up for him. I
mean, you're just, you're setting yourself up all over again. PHOEBE: Hi.
PHOEBE: Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything.
PHOEBE: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see DUNCAN: Phoebe!
MONICA: What have I not told you? him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the
reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to PHOEBE: Ta-da.
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the look nice for your gay husband.
fact that the underwear out there on the telephone DUNCAN: Hey.
pole is yours from when you were having sex with ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of
Fun Bobby out on the terrace. milk. [holds pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flips the PHOEBE: Hi.
lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?
RACHEL: What! DUNCAN: Ahh, look at you, you look great.
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple
MONICA: Wait a minute, who told you? [turns to thing. Ha ha ha ha. . . PHOEBE: Do I? Thank you, so do you.
Chandler who's looking sheepish] You are dead
meat. [Scene: Central Perk close to closing. Ross and Julie are DUNCAN: Thanks.
still there. Rachel is cleaning tables.]
CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret. PHOEBE: Sparkly. So, wow, this is pretty wonerful,
ROSS: OK sweetie, I'll see you later. huh. Mr. major capades guy. I, I remember when you
MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, were just, like, King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice is Nice.
kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, JULIE: See you later Rach.
having a third nipple. DUNCAN: You always said I'd make it.
RACHEL: Bye-bye Julie. [Julie leaves]
PHOEBE: You have a third nipple? PHOEBE: Yeah, well, ya know, I'm kind of spooky that
[Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross way. Wooo.
CHANDLER: You bitch. kicks Rachel in the butt.]
DUNCAN: I missed you. [they hug] I'm gonna get
ROSS: Whip it out, whip it out. RACHEL: Hey. changed.
41 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
PHOEBE: OK. again. make me feel better.
DUNCAN: Um, now. Phoebs. PHOEBE: What? DUNCAN: I love you Phoebe. [they hug and kiss]
PHOEBE: Oh, right, OK. Ole. DUNCAN: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm PHOEBE: So your brother's straigh huh? Seriously.
straight.
DUNCAN: What? [Scene: Ross's apartment. Julie is telling her live story.]
PHOEBE: Huuh.
PHOEBE: Um, the matador. [Duncan leaves] Ole, JULIE: And my second grade teacher was Ms. Thomas,
ha ha ha. DUNCAN: Yeah, I know, I. and my first grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross and Julie are PHOEBE: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be RAHCEL: Mrs., Mrs. Gobb?
setting the table.] straight? I mean, you're, you're so smart and funny and
you throw such great Academy Award parties. JULIE: No Cobb, as in cobb salad.
ROSS: Julie, can you hold this for a second,
thanks. [hands her a bowl and kisses her] DUNCAN: I know, that's what I kept telling myself but you RACHEL: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?
just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.
[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross CHANDLER: I'm goin' home.
and Julie don't notice.] PHOEBE: So how long have you known?
RACHEL: What?
CHANDLER: Uh, Julie. DUNCAN: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was
straight. I though I was supposed to be something else, [Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica
JULIE: Yeah? you know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay, I was exit]
just tryin' to fit in.
CHANDLER: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on JOEY: Boy that Julie's a talker, huh?
your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright. PHOEBE: And um, and there's actually a, a woman?
ROSS: Goodnight.
ROSS: Hi everyone. DUNCAN: Her name's Debra.
RACHEL: So, it's pretty late, you're probably uh, not
ALL: Hi. PHOEBE: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been still planning on. . .
with?
ROSS: [pulls Rachel aside] I just, I wanted to ROSS: Oh, no no, I am.
thank you for our uh, our little talk before. DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were
one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, RACHEL: Oh, well, are hey, are you nervous?
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me.
go with the uh, waiting thing? But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone ROSS: Um, no, I uh, I have done it before.
experiments in college.
ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to RACHEL: Uh, OK, I mean uh, what, how are you
you, I talked to Joey. PHOEBE: Sure. gonna handle it. I mean, are, are ya gonna, are ya
gonna talk about it before hand, are you just gonna
RACHEL: What did, what did he say? DUNCAN: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, pounce?
I was born this way.
ROSS: Basically he told me to get over myself and ROSS: I uh, I don't know, I guess I'm just gonna see,
just do it, ya know. So I though about what you PHOEBE: I, I don't know what to say. I mean, you know, see what happens.
said and I though about what he said and, well, his you're married to someone for six years and you think you
way I get to have sex tonight so. . . know him and then one day says, 'Oh, I'm not gay.' RAHCEL: OK, gook luck.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. After dinner. Chandler DUNCAN: I'm, I'm still me. ROSS: Wha, uhh, what?
enters.]
PHOEBE: Why couldn't you have just figured this out six RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's years ago? with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well,
Joey's porno movie. well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Everyone is sitting around.
ROSS: Pop it in. Monica enters from bathroom.] ROSS: OK, now I'm nervous.
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK MONICA: You know, it still smells like monkey in there. RACHEL: Maybe you should put it off.
watching a video filled with two nippled people.
[Chandler puts the tape in] JULIE: That saves us a conversation. ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I
just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable,
RACHEL: Great, people having sex, that's just CHANDLER: Well, listen, this has been great but I'm ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know,
what I need to see. officially wiped. I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't
wanna mess it up, ya know.
ROSS: What's wrong with people having sex? JOEY: Me too, we should get goin'.
RACHEL: I know, yeah, sorry.
RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies RACHEL: No, no, I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean,
are offensive and uh, degrading to women and c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never ROSS: What, it's not your fault.
females. And uh, and the lighting's always just hang out and talk anymore.
unflattering. And, Monica help me out here. RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this
MONICA: Rachel, that's all we do. tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with
MONICA: Hell, I wanna see Joey. this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean,
RACHEL: Maybe that's all we do, what about Julie? women really like that.
[video starts with the cheesy porn disco music]
JULIE: What about Julie? ROSS: Really?
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard
doing it right. . . oh, never mind. RACHEL: Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were
months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like
CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good
craziest typing test I've ever seen. wanna hear everything. kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then
maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look
MONICA: All I say is, she better get the job. JULIE: Well, that could take a while. far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that
something amazing is about to happen.
ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the RACHEL: So. I mean, who here does not have the time to
job. get to know Julie? ROSS: [being drawn in by her talk] Uh-huh.
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie. RACHEL: And then, I don't know, I mean you'd pull
comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, me really close to you so that, so that I'd be pressed up,
I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just JOEY: I got time. you know, right against you. And, um, it would get kind
watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's of sweaty and uh, and blurry, and then it's just
my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r MONICA: Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go? [Rachel happening.
the paper tray. gives her a look from hell] That's fine.
ROSS: Ohh. . . Thanks Rach, goodnight. [goes back in
CHANDLER: Nice work my friend. RACHEL: OK Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, apartment]
what was that like?
JOEY: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me RACHEL: Ohh, God.
again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There JULIE: Well, in a nutshell. . .
I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I CLOSING CREDITS
am. . . RACHEL: Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh.
[Scene: The next morning on the street. Ross is
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's [Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. dancing along, Singing in the Rain is playing. Two old
dressing room. Phoebe is fixing her hair and Phoebe is signing the divorce papers.] ladies are sitting on a bench.]
Duncan enters.]
PHOEBE: So, um, have you told your parents? ROSS: Good morning.
PHOEBE: So um, so what's up, you came to see
me yesterday. DUNCAN: No, but it'll be OK, they're pretty cool, my OLD WOMAN: Well, somebody got some last night.
brother's straight so. . .
DUNCAN: Oh, yeah, um, alright, I kinda need a ROSS: Twice.
divorce. PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You END
know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had
PHOEBE: Ohh. . .K. How come? figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you 205 The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant
think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm [Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler
DUNCAN: Umm, actually, I'm getting married sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
42 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
ROSS: Man, I sure miss Julie. meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't
CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets chance for happiness. talked about this before?
wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. CHANDLER: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We JOEY: 'Cause it's always somethin', you know, like
(phone rings) like me. Please let me be happy. Monica's new job, or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla.
ROSS: You ever figure out what that thing's for? ROSS: Go over there and tell that woman the truth. ROSS: Wha--? Whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to
CHANDLER: No, see, I'm trying this new CHANDLER: All right. be the source of any kind of negative--there's gonna
screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always ROSS: Go. be a hoopla?
answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a CHANDLER: Hi. RACHEL: Basically, there's the thing, and then there's
life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned. JADE: Hi. the stuff after the thing.
(MACHINE--JOEY'S VOICE): Here comes the CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to MONICA: If it makes anybody feel better, then we
beep, you know what to do. confess something. can just forget the thing, and we'll just do the gift.
JADE: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I JADE: Yes? ROSS: G-gift? The thing's not the gift?
don't know if you're still at this number, but I was CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk. CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go
just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, JADE: How did you--? see Hootie and the Blowfish.
well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You ROSS: Hootie and the--oh my. I, I can catch them on
hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue? the radio.
nerve to make this call, so you know what I did? JADE: Thanks. PHOEBE: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the
CHANDLER: What? CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out concert.
JADE: I got a little drunk...and naked. today. ROSS: No, look, hey, it's my birthday, and the
CHANDLER: Bob here. (At Somplace Nice) important thing is that we all be together.
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to? ROSS: Ok, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed MONICA: All of us.
JADE: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, head lunch chef-- CHANDLER: Together.
partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were MONICA: Who is also in charge of purchasing. ROSS: Not at the concert.
wondering, those are my legs on the new James ROSS: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in RACHEL: Ok.
Bond poster. charge of purchasing-- JOEY: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have MONICA: Who has her own little desk when Roland's not RACHEL: Thank you.
another call. (to Ross) I love her. there. JOEY: Thanks.
ROSS: I know. ROSS: Uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when PHOEBE: Yeah.
CHANDLER: I'm back. Roland's not there. Here's to my little sister-- CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck,
JADE: So, are we gonna get together or what? MONICA: Oh, wait, and I got a beeper! huh?
CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout JOEY: Cool. (at Monica and Rachel's)
tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central PHOEBE: Let's see! CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
Perk in the Village, say, five-ish? ROSS: That's fine, I'll just wait! MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
JADE: Great, I'll see you then. MONICA: Oh, sorry. PHOEBE: Oh, it's like a skit.
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally JOEY: Sorry, sorry. MONICA: Why, it's dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an
paid off. ROSS: Monica! eggplant for Phoebe.
ROSS: Even though you do do a good Bob (glasses clinking) ROSS: Whoo!
impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you WAITER: Are we ready to order? PHOEBE: Cool.
tomorow, she's probably gonna realize, "hey, RACHEL: Oh, you know what, we haven't even looked yet. MONICA: Yeah, we switched meat suppliers at work,
you're not Bob." WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't over there on the edge of my seat. thank-you.
show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of PHOEBE: Wow, look at these prices. ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is
the wry stranger at the next table. RACHEL: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching. in the envelope?
ROSS: Oh my god. You are pure evil. JOEY: What are these, like famous chickens? CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in
CHANDLER: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I've CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to the hall.
done this. Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my ROSS: Come on.
(At Monica and Rachel's) afternoon with Jade? CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the
ROSS: (on phone) Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message Blowfish! The Blowfish!
Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico. she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this MONICA: It's on us, all right, so don't worry. It's our
ALL: Hi, Julie! woman leaving a message for you on my machine? treat.
RACHEL: (sarcastically) Hi, Julie. CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number PHOEBE: So...Thank you.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my ROSS: Could you be less enthused?
everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday. number was my number because she thinks that my JOEY: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels
PHOEBE: Um, is, is there any chance that you're number is Bob's number. like--
rounding up? You know, like from, like 20? ROSS: Hey, tell me again, what do I do when Mr. Roper MONICA: Like?
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the calls? JOEY: Charity.
concert, and the cake. WAITER: Do I dare ask? MONICA: Charity?
JOEY: Do we need a cake? MONICA: Yes, I will start with the carpaccio, and then I'll ROSS: We're just tryin' to do a nice thing here.
CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep. have the grilled prawns. RACHEL: Ross, you have to understand that your nice
RACHEL: Yeah, whoosh! ROSS: That sounds great. Same for me. thing makes us feel this big.
CHANDLER: But it's Ross. WAITER: And for the gentleman? PHOEBE: Actually, it makes us feel that big.
PHOEBE: It's Ross. JOEY: Yeah, I'll have the Thai chicken pizza. But, hey, look, ROSS: I don't, I don't understand. I mean, you, it's
JOEY: All right. if I get it without the nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper? like we can't win with you guys.
CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do WAITER: You'd think, wouldn't you? Miss? CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's
a thing. RACHEL: Ok, I will have the uh, (whispers) side salad. not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.
ROSS: Ok, sweetheart, I'll call you later tonight. WAITER: (whispers) And what will that be on the side of? JOEY: Oh, now you're tellin' us how you feel.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you're not RACHEL: Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here RACHEL: Ok, we never shoulda talked about this.
really gonna go through with this, are you? next to my water? PHOEBE: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause
CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just. WAITER: And for you? I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.
RACHEL: So uh, what are you guys doing for PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna have a cup of the cucumber soup, RACHEL: Me neither.
dinner tonight? and, um, take care. JOEY: Me too.
JOEY: Well I guess I gotta start savin' up for CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish. MONICA: Guys, we bought the tickets.
Ross's birthday, so I guess I'll just stay home and WAITER: Anything else? PHOEBE: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you
eat dust bunnies. CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. know, for all your tiaras and stuff.
PHOEBE: Can you believe how much this is gonna You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you? CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said
cost? ROSS: (using calculator) Plus tip, divided by six. Ok, that?
RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that everyone owes 28 bucks. MONICA: Well, I guess now we can't go.
um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that RACHEL: Um, everyone? RACHEL: What? Come on, you do what you want to
we don't make as much money as they do? ROSS: Oh, you're right, I'm sorry. do. Do we always have to do everything together?
JOEY: Yes! Yeah, it's like they're always saying JOEY: Thank you. MONICA: You know what? You're right.
"let's go here, let's go there". Like we can afford to ROSS: Monica's big night, she shouldn't pay. PHOEBE: Fine.
go here and there. MONICA: Oh, thank you! ROSS: Fine.
PHOEBE: Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have ROSS: So five of us is, $33.50 apiece. JOEY: Fine.
to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? PHOEBE: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna CHANDLER: Fine.
God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, happen. RACHEL: Fine.
'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross. CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback. MONICA: All right. We're gonna go. It's not for
JOEY: For Ross. PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got another six hours. We're gonna go then.
RACHEL: For Ross, Ross, Ross. promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something ROSS: Chandler!
MONICA: (enters) Oh my god. bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and CHANDLER: Yeah?
RACHEL: Hey. Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just... ROSS: Geez! Are you ready?
JOEY: Hi. ROSS: Ok, Pheebs! How 'bout we'll each just pay for what CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell
RACHEL: What? we had. It's no big deal. you I had sex today.
MONICA: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, PHOEBE: Not for you. ROSS: Whoa! You had sex today?
chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, MONICA: All right, what's goin' on? CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when
Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns RACHEL: Ok, look you guys, I really don't want to get into somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was
out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who this right now. I think it'll just make everyone biting her lip to stop from screaming.
got the job. uncomfortable. ROSS: Wow.
JOEY: If it's not you, this is a horrible story. PHOEBE: Fine. All right, fine. CHANDLER: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it
MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made JOEY: Yeah. as a good sign.
me head of purchasing, thank you very much. CHANDLER: You can tell us. (phone rings)
Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler ROSS: Hello, it's us, all right? It'll be fine. ROSS: Still doing the screening thing?
downstairs, and they think we should go out and JOEY: Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer
celebrate. You know, someplace nice. you guys don't get that uh, we don't have as much money that phone again.
JOEY: Yeah, someplace nice. (to Phoebe and as you. MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to
Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my MONICA: Ok. do.
kidney? (at Central Perk) ROSS: I hear ya. JADE: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell
ROSS: I'm tellin' you. You can't do this. CHANDLER: We can talk about that. you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl PHOEBE: Well, then...Let's. other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a
like that with conventional methods. ROSS: I, I just never think of money as an issue. guy.
ROSS: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call RACHEL: That's 'cause you have it. CHANDLER: Bob here.
Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was ROSS: That's a good point. JADE: Oh, hi.
43 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh? MONICA: Leon, Leon. Shhh! Guys. Wait, I don't JOEY: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken
JADE: Yes, yes, I did. In fact, I had sex with him 2 understand. Those steaks were just a gift from the meat care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it,
hours ago. vendor. That was not a kick back. I'll just replace them and don't we?
CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he? we can forget the whole thing. What corporate policy? No.
JADE: Eh. Yeah. All right. I just got fired. CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing
CHANDLER: Eh? PHOEBE: Oh. basketball, but I guess that's out the window.
JADE: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. (Everyone goes over to comfort Monica)
I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your WAITRESS: Here's your check. That'll be $4.12. ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk,
name. JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks? you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk
CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good. MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do. in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.
JADE: It was just so awkward and bumpy. JADE: Hi, it's me. Listen, Bob. I'm probably way out of line
ROSS: (silently mouthing) Bumpy? here. I mean, It has been 3 years, and you're probably JOEY: Hat, milk, got it.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, seeing someone else now, but if we could just have one
new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And night together, just for old time's sake, one hot, steamy, ROSS: ??? (speech garbled) Thro up a thro thro--a
uh maybe you have to get used to it. wild night... thro thro!
JADE: Well there really wasn't much time to get (Joey lunges for phone and misses.)
used to it, you know what I mean? END JOEY: Consider it done.
(at the concert)
MONICA: You know what? I'm not gonna be able 206 The One With the Baby on the Bus CHANDLER: You understood that?
to enjoy this. [Scene: At Monica and Rachel's.]
ROSS: Yeah, I know, it's my birthday. We all JOEY: Yeah, my uncle Sal has a really big tongue.
should be here. MONICA: Who da wenny-Benny boy? You the
CHANDLER: So, let's go. Wenny-wenny-Benny-Benny boy, yes. Don't cry. Don't cry. CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
ROSS: Well maybe, you know, maybe we should Why is he still crying?
stay for one song. (Central Perk)
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to ROSS: Let me hold him for a sec. There. (Ben stops crying)
them for us to leave now. Huh? There we are. PHOEBE: Hey Rach, wanna hear the new song I'm
MONICA: You know, the guys are probably thinkin' of singing this afternoon? I wrote it this
having a great time. MONICA: Maye it's me. morning in the shower.
(at Monica and Rachel's)
JOEY: Come on you guys, one more time. ROSS: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. RACHEL: Ok.
PHOEBE: Ok. One. Crankypants.
JOEY: Nooo. PHOEBE: (singing) I'm in the shower and I'm writing a
MONICA: That was amazing! CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. song. Stop me if you've heard it. My skin is soapy, and
ROSS: Excellent, that was excellent. Lovely girl, kinda moody. my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
ROSS: What guys? Oh, yeah. ROSS: There we go. All better. (gives Ben back to Monica) TERRY: Uh, Rachel, sweetheart, could I see ya for a
STEVE: Excuse me, you're Monica Geller aren't minute?
you? MONICA: There's my little boy. (Ben starts crying again)
MONICA: Do I know you? RACHEL: What's up?
STEVE: You used to be my babysitter. CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When
MONICA: Oh my god, little Stevie Fisher? How've he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves TERRY: F.Y.I.. I've decided to pay a professional
you been? Ben away, he stops crying.) musician to play in here on Sunday afternoons. Her
STEVE: Good, good, I'm a lawyer now. name is Stephanie... something. She's supposed to be
MONICA: You can't be a lawyer. You're eight. JOEY: Cool. very good.
STEVE: Listen, it was nice to see you. I gotta run
backstage. MONICA: He hates me. My nephew hates me. RACHEL: But what about Phoebe?
MONICA: Uh, wait, backstage?
STEVE: Oh, yeah, my firm represents the band. ROSS: Come on, don't do this. TERRY: Rachel, it's not that your friend is bad, it's that
ROSS: Ross. she's so bad, she makes me want to put my finger
CHANDLER: Chandler. MONICA: What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.
STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet I gonna do then?
the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones RACHEL: Ok, ok, so you're not a fan, but I mean,
who fooled around with my dad? CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you come on, you cannot do this to her.
(at Central Perk) know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to
ROSS: Hey, you guys. deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a TERRY: Uh--
RACHEL: Happy birthday. boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
ROSS: Oh, thank you, thanks. So uh, how was RACHEL: Oh, no no no no. Oh no no no no. I have to
your night last night? (Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, do this to her?
RACHEL: Oh, well, it pretty much sucked. How then away from, Monica)
was yours? PHOEBE: (singing) Lather, rinse, repeat, and lather,
MONICA: Yeah, ours pretty much sucked, oh, but, JOEY: Goo, goo, goo, waaah! rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, as needed.
I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him?
RACHEL: Oh yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, MONICA: That is so funny. Let me see that. (throws the (Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby
how's his dad? ball out the window) stuff, and Ben)
MONICA: Uh, good.
ROSS: Uh, aside from that, the whole evening JOEY: Are you ok, Ross? CHANDLER: You know, I don't think we brought
was pretty much a bust. enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?
CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys. ROSS: I don't know. What's in this pie?
JOEY: Yeah, look, we were just saying, this whole JOEY: It's gonna be worth it. It's a known fact that
thing is really stupid. MONICA: Uh, I don't know, butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi-- women love babies, all righ? Women love guys who
PHOEBE: We just have to really, really, really, not love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim
let stuff like money get--is that a hickey? ROSS: Kiwi? Kiwi? I thought it was a key lime pie. him at that pack o' babes over there. Maybe one of
MONICA: No, I just, I fell down. them will break away. No, no wait, for get them, we
RACHEL: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the MONICA: No I didn't, I said kiwi lime. That's what makes got one, hard left. All right, gimme the baby.
hickey? it so special.
MONICA: You know, a party, or-- CHANDLER: No, I got him.
RACHEL: What party? ROSS: And that's what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi.
ROSS: It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering JOEY: No, seriously.
of people, with food, and music, and, and the MONICA: No you're not. You're, you're allergic to lobster
band. and peanuts and--oh my god. CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?
JOEY: You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?
CHANDLER: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band ROSS: Ugh. CAROLINE: Hello.
are like this.
RACHEL: Who gave you that hickey? MONICA: Oh my god. BOYS: Hello.
MONICA: That would be the work of a Blowfish.
RACHEL: Oh! ROSS: Ugh. It's definitely getting worse. CAROLINE: And who is this little cutie pie?
PHOEBE: Oh! I can't believe it. I can't believe this.
We're just like, sitting at home, trying to guess MONICA: Is your tongue swelling up? CHANDLER: Well, don't, don't think me immodest,
Joey's fingers, and you guys are out like partying but, me?
and having fun, and you know, all, "hey, Blowfish, ROSS: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller.
suck on my neck". JOEY: You wanna smell him?
ROSS: Look, don't blame us. You guys coulda MONICA: All right, get your coat, we're going to the
been there, you know. hospital. CAROLINE: I assume we're talking about the baby
RACHEL: What, as part of your poor friends now.
outreach program? JOEY: Is he gonna be ok?
(Monica's pager goes off) JOEY: Oh, yeah. He's got that great baby smell. Get a
MONICA: It's work. MONICA: Yeah, he's just gotta get a shot. whiff of his head.
CHANDLER: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry
that we make more money than you. But we're not ROSS: You know, you know, actually it's getting better. It CAROLINE: I think my uterus just skipped a beat.
gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for is. It is. Let's not go. Anyone for Thcrabble?
it. JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell
JOEY: And we don't work hard? MONICA: Jacket now. you?
MONICA: (on phone) Yeah, hi, it's Monica. I just
got a page. ROSS: What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to a CAROLINE: I think it's great you guys are doing this.
CHANDLER: I'm just saying that sometimes we hospital.
like to do stuff that costs a little more. CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.
JOEY: And you feel like we hold you back. CHANDLER: We'll watch him.
CHANDLER: Yes. CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend
RACHEL: Oh! ROSS: I don't think tho. have been trying to adopt for three years. What
CHANDLER: No. agency did you two go through?
44 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!
(Central Perk) PHOEBE: (singing/screaming) You're all invited to bite
JOEY: Hey, hey, look at that talent. me!
PHOEBE: But, but this is my gig. This is where I
play. My, my name is written out there in chalk. CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. CHANDLER AND JOEY: Hi. We're the guys who called
You know, you can't just erase chalk. Carry on. about the baby. We left the baby on ths bus. Is he here?
Is he here?
RACHEL: Honey, I'm sorry. GIRL 1 ON BUS: Hey, you. He's just adorable.
TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you
Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a thinks he's too pink. is the father.
crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball
on top. GIRL 2 ON BUS: So what are you guys out doing today? CHANDLER: That's me.
RACHEL: Terry is a jerk, ok? That's why we're JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two JOEY: I'm him.
always saying "Terry's a jerk!" That's where that heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other
came from. heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff. CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts
his arm around Joey)
PHOEBE: Yeah, ok. You probably did everything CHANDLER: You done?
you could. BOTH (but to different babies): Oh, Ben! Hey,
JOEY: Yeah. buddy!
RACHEL: Ok, you know what, lemme, let me just
see what else I can do. All right, look, look. Why GIRL 1: Oh, there's our stop. CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our
don't you just let her go on after Stephanie baby.
whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't even be JOEY: Get outta here. This is our stop too.
here. You don't pay her. It's not gonna cost you JOEY: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and
anything. GIRL 2: You guys live around here too? this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing
ducks.
TERRY: I, I don't know. JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the
uh sidewalk. CHANDLER: Ok.
RACHEL: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the
cappuccino machine. CHANDLER: You know it? JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely
Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his
TERRY: You don't clean the cappuccino machine? JOEY: Hey, look, since we're neighbors and all, what do mouth.
you say we uh, get together for a drink?
RACHEL: Of course I clean it. I mean, I,I will CHANDLER: Yeah?
cleeeean it. I mean, I will cleeeean it. GIRL 1: So uh, you wanna go to Marquel's?
JOEY: Yeah.
TERRY: Oh, all right, fine, fine, fine. CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole
RACHEL: Done. GIRL 2: Where's your baby? came off.
PHOEBE: Really? CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben! JOEY: Ahh!
RACHEL: Yeah. Who's workin' for you babe? CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we
pull the cord. gonna do?
PHOEBE: Oh! Oh my god. This is so exciting. How
much am I gonna get? BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait! JOEY: Uh, uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns.
RACHEL: What? MONICA: Are you sure he didn't break it because it really CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
hurts.
PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the JOEY: You got a better idea?
people who are playing. DOCTOR: No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here
is the puncture wound from your ring. CHANDLER: All right, call it in the air.
RACHEL: Oh, no, no no. I meant that he's gonna
be paying that other woman beause she's a ROSS: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. Sorry! Hey! JOEY: Heads.
professional. Hey! I got my s's back! Which we can celebrate later.
Celebrate. CHANDLER: Heads it is.
PHOEBE: Well, I'm not gonna be the only one
who's not getting paid. PHOEBE: (singing) ... with the double double JOEY: Yes! Whew!
double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional
RACHEL: Well, but Pheebs. guitar player? CHANDLER: We have to assign heads to something.
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not STEPHANIE: Yeah. I'm Stephanie. JOEY: Right. Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because
some like sloppy second, charity band. You know ducks have heads.
what, there are thousands of places in this city PHOEBE: Right. My name was on there, but now it just
where people would be happy to pay to hear me says "carrot cake". So, um, so um, how many chords do CHANDLER: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to
play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I you know? your birthday?
play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone
puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la STEPHANIE: All of them. (on the sidewalk outside Central Perk)
la la la la....
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, so you know D? RACHEL: Hey.
ROSS: Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot.
Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into STEPHANIE: Yeah. PHOEBE: Oh, hi.
my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.
PHOEBE: Ok, do you know A minor? RACHEL: Here. I thought you might be cold.
DOCTOR: Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see
someone's having an allergic reaction. STEPHANIE: Yeah. PHOEBE: Thank you.
MONICA: Doctor, can I see you for just a minute PHOEBE: Ok, do you know how to go from D to A minor? RACHEL: Whoa, look at you, you did pretty well.
please? My brother has a slight phobia about
needles. STEPHANIE: Yeah. PHOEBE: Eight dollars and 27 cents. But not really,
'cause I put in the first two, just to, you know, get the
ROSS: Did you tell him about my thquirt gun idea? PHOEBE: Ok. Um, so does your guitar have a strap? ball rolling, and to make myself feel better.
MONICA: My brother, the PhD would like to know STEPHANIE: No. RACHEL: Do you?
if there's any way to treat this orally.
PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing
DOCTOR: No, under these circumstances it has to the chords. (makes a face) is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I
be an injection, and it has to be now. sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But
CHANDLER: (on pay phone) Come on, pick up, pick up! then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So
ROSS: Tho? Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if
(Monica shakes her head.) they left a baby on a city bus. Yes I do realize that would be RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think
a very stupid charact er. everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all
ROSS: Ohhh. you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then,
JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. whoosh!
MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller.
doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs
gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for again. because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all
me? about the money.
RACHEL: Ok, everybody, let's give a uh nice warm Central
ROSS: Ok. Perk welcome to-- RACHEL: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact,
there was actually a request for "Smelly Cat".
MONICA: Ok. Oh boy. You are doin' so good. You PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let
wanna squeeze my hand? All right, Ross, don't me work, and I hate Central Perk! PHOEBE: Really? From who?
squeeze it so hard. Honey, really, don't squeeze it
so hard! Oh, Ross! Let go of my hand! RACHEL: Uh, to Stephanie Schiffer. RACHEL: Well, from me. And I know it's not your big
money song, but it's my favorite.
CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I
we wanna pick up women, we should just go to wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary. KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your
45 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
case? It's kind of an emergency. enters.]
MNCA: [to Chandler] Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15
PHOEBE: Yeah. Here you go. CHAN: OK, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? minutes.
Is there something. . . repellant. . . about me?
KID: Thanks a lot. Hey Christine, I got it! CHAN: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her
RACH: So, how was the party? with it.
(chez Monica and Rachel)
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally PHOE: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window]
ROSS: I just wanna thank you for being there for passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
me today. And I'm sorry I,I almost broke your unattractive?
hand. RACH: What? [looks, feigns indifference] C'mon you
PHOE: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.
MONICA: That's ok. I'm sorry I poisoned you. what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put
on a little weight, I start questioning everyting. JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?
ROSS: Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed
that pencil into your hand? CHAN: Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight? RACH: Yeah, Monica's settin' me up.
MONICA: Remember it? What do you think this is, PHOE: No, not wieght... y'know, more like insulation. JOEY: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?
a freckle?
MNCA: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a RACH: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well,
ROSS: Oh. project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you. y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt
for sanity.
MONICA: Wait, what about the time I hit you in CHAN: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the
the face with the Silvian's pumpkin? way of my lying around time. CHAN: So you really OK about all this?
ROSS: Oh, man. Oh, remember when I stuck that MNCA: Please. RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press
broom in your bike spokes, and you flipped over her up against that window as much as he wants. For
and hit your head on the curb? ALL: C'mon. Let her. Yeah. all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
MONICA: No. But I remember people telling me CHAN: Alright, OK, alright. But if we put on spandex and [Ross and Julie enter.]
about it. my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.
ROSS: Hi guys.
ROSS: I hope Ben has a little sister. PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said
anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but ALL: Hey.
MONICA: Yeah. I hope she can kick his ass. holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make....
hands... meet.... ROSS: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow
ROSS: I'm gonna get a new band-aid. Hey, how morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, OK?
'bout the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken? OPENING TITLES
MNCA: Only if you say his full name.
MONICA: That was you? [Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler
comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is ROSS: [reluctantly] Can I come over tomorrow and
ROSS: They, uh, were infected. He wouldn't have there.] pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toy.
made it.
CHAN: OK, let's do it. [Monica looks at him funny] What? MNCA: Alright.
MONICA: Aw, my little nephew. Come here, little
one. There's my little baby Ben. Hey, my little boy. MNCA: Nothing, just never seen you in little stretchy pants JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
Hey, he's not crying. before.
ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
CHANDLER: (looking fearfully at Joey) Hey, he's CHAN: And we're changing. [jogs back in his apartment]
not crying. RACH: Together?
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging.
(Ben starts crying) Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes ROSS: Uh huh.
off, leaving Monica behind]
JOEY: Yes! There's still pie. RACH: Both of you?
[Scene: Back in Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy is doing situps.] ROSS: Yep.
to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with
Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today? MNCA: C'mon give me five more. Five more. RACH: Together.
JOEY: Oh, yeah, he rode the bus today. CHAN: [weakly] No. JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time,
and with me half the time.
ROSS: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus--Hey, I have MNCA: Five more and I'll flash you.
a question. How come it says Property of Human RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's
Services on his butt? CHAN: One. . . two. . . two and a half. OK, just show me something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a
one of them. really, really, really, really, really long time.
CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the ROSS: Hopefully.
ROSS: Will you hold Ben for a sec? Come here. couch. Rachel is working.]
Come here. RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys
CHANDLER: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two
Run! ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves
him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not
STEPHANIE: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt supposed to take these when we leave.
what are they feeding you? clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my
mail anymore. [Scene: A nice restraunt. Rachel is on her date with
PHOEBE: No, no, no. I'm sorry. It's "smelly cat, Michael (MICH).]
smel-ly cat". [Phoebe enters.]
MICH: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the
STEPHANIE: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat... RACH: Hey Phoebs, how'd it go with Scott last night? first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a
little nervous, I am.
PHOEBE: Better. Yeah. PHOE: Oh, um, it was nice. Took him to a romantic
restraunt, ordered champagne, nice. RACH: [distracted] How long do cats live?
STEPHANIE: Yeah?
JOEY: The guy still won't put out, huh? MICH: [confused] I'm sorry?
PHOEBE: Yeah, much better. And you know what,
don't feel bad, because it's a hard song. PHOE: Nope. Zilch, nothin', uh-uh. RACH: Cats, how long do they live figuring you don't...
y'know, throw 'em under a bus or something?
STEPHANIE: Yeah. ALL: Sorry Phoebs.
MICH: Um, maybe 15, 16 years.
PHOEBE: You wanna try it again? PHOE: Look, I, y'know, I don't mind taking it slow, I like
him a lot, y'know he's really interesting and he's really RACH: That's just great. [she picks up her champagne
STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top? sweet and why won't he give it up? and starts drinking]
PHOEBE: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of JOEY: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of MICH: Um, cheers.
Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me? the road, if ya know what I mean.
RACH: Oh, right, clink. [downs her glass]
STEPHANIE: Ok. PHOE: No, whad'ya mean? He's not British.
MICH: Monica told you I was cuter that this, didn't she?
PHOEBE: Mmmm hmmm. JOEY: Maybe he's. . . gay.
RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just,
TOGETHER: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are PHOE: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but
they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
your fault. he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my
eyes I just like... definitely felt something. MICH: Oh, that does sound. . .Ahh.
PHOEBE: That's too much. Sorry.
END RACH: Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look? RACH: I mean he just started going out with her.
207 The One Where Ross Finds Out PHOE: No, I felt it on my hip. You could tell. MICH: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment.
Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler [Monica enters.] RACH: Ah, hah-hah-hah-ho, yeah, he wishes. Oh, I'm
46 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
sorry, look at me. OK, Michael, let's talk about you. I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see
there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I [A moment of silence.]
MICH: Alright. am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure.
[hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket] ROSS: [doorbell buzzes] That's, that's Julie. Ju... Julie,
RACH: OK, OK. So, you ever get a pet with a COMMERCIAL BREAK Julie. [talks on intercom] Hi Julie.
girlfriend?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is JULIE: [over intercom] Hi honey, I've got a cab
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting answering the door in his robe.] waiting.
on the couch.]
CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. ROSS: [perky] I'll be right down.
PHOE: So, I figured it out. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.
RACH: Wait, so, you're going?
JOEY: What? MNCA: Why not?
ROSS: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this
PHOE: Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've
It's 'cause I'm not sexy enough. got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.
MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop.
JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, RACH: OK, OK.
you know what I said to Chandler? I said, CHAN: OK, stop.
"Excellent butt, great rack." ROSS: Cat. [leaves]
MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three
PHOE: Really? That's so sweet. I mean, I'm more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is
officially offended but, sweet. board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out watching a rabbi play an electric guitar on TV. Phoebe
of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. enters.]
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the
deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking PHOE: Hey Joey.
asprin. Ross enters.]
PHOE: You're right, you're right. Ah, you are so JOEY: Hey Phoebs.
yumm. [they hug] ROSS: Hey Rach.
PHOE: How come you're watching a rabbi play electric
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. RACH: Ahhhh. guitar?
Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching
and slapping harder and harder until Monica ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? JOEY: I can't find the remote. [Phoebe turns off the
pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a TV] Thank you.
serious expression, and chases her away.] RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know
there was wine. . . PHOE: So, Scott asked me to come over for lunch
[Scene: Back in the restraunt. Rachel pours the today and I did.
last of the champange bottle in her glass.] [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something,
but can't place what it is.] JOEY: And?
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs
it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . PHOE: And we did.
y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that What? Why, why are you looking at me like that?
live for like a day or something? [belligerently] JOEY: All right Phoebs, way to go.
What're they called, what're they called, what're RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you
they called? last night but I, I don't remember. PHOE: Yay me.
MICH: Fruitflies? ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] JOEY: So, so how did it happen?
RACH: Yes! Thank you. RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call PHOE: Well, I finally took your advice and asked him
me? what was going on.
[The waiter comes to the table.]
ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. JOEY: And what did he say?
WAITER: So, would you like any dessert?
RACH: Huh. PHOE: He said that, um, he understands how sex can
MICH: No! No dessert, just a check, please. be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was
ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohh,
RACH: Oh, you're not having fun, are you? mind if I check my messages? is he gonna call me the next day' and, y'know, 'where
is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really
hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his serious.
in my head. messages.]
JOEY: Wow.
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's
date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Michael? PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I
Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get mean, sex can be just about two people right there in
over him. gosh, why can't I do that? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again
leaving the message.] he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot
MICH: Oy. Look, I've been through a divorce, RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the of talking. . . I convinced him.
trust me you're gonna be fine. You just can't see it phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give
now because you haven't had any closure. me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands JOEY: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to
on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call
RACH: Yeah! Closure. That's what it is, that's has a confused expression on his face.] you again, and he got you thinking this was a great
what I need. God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I idea.
think of that? How do I get that? ROSS: You're over me?
PHOE: Um-hum.
MICH: Well, you know, there's no one way really, RACH: Ohhhhhhhh God. [climbs off his back]
it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you JOEY: This man is my God.
can finally say to him, "I'm over you." ROSS: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me?
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing up and Ross
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she RACH: Ohh, ohh. comes in. Get your Kleenex.]
looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a
cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, ROSS: When, when were you... under me? Rach. Rachel RACH: Hi.
hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair] do you, I mean, were you, uh. . . What?
ROSS: I didn't get a cat.
GUY: Hang on. RACH: Ohh, OK, OK, OK, well, basically, lately, I've uh,
I've uh, sort of had feelings for you. RACH: Oh, that's um, interesting.
RACH: Hello, excuse me.
ROSS: You've had feelings for me? ROSS: No, no it's not interesting. OK, it's very, very
GUY: What. not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent
RACH: Yeah, what, so? You had feelings for me first. completely opposite of interesting.
RACH: Hi, I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone
for just one minute. ROSS: Woah. Huh. You know about my, I mean, you know RACH: Alright, I got it Ross.
I had... you know?
GUY: I'm talkin'! ROSS: You had no right to tell me you ever had
RACH: Chandler told me. feelings for me.
RACH: I can see that. I... just one phone call, I'll
be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself. [man is ROSS: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did RACH: [hurt] What?
still reluctant] OK, you're bein' a little weird about he?
your phone. ROSS: I was doing great with Julie before I found out
RACH: When you were in China. about you.
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back.
[hands the phone to her] ROSS: China. RACH: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about
you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] RACH: Meeting Julie.
Machine. Just waiting for the beep. ROSS: Then you should have said something before I
ROSS: Julie. Julie. That. Oh God. Julie, right. OK, I need to met her.
MICH: Good. lie down. No, ya know, I'm gonna stand. I'm gonna stand,
I'm gonna walk, I'm walkin' and I am standing. OK so you RACH: I didn't know then. And how come you never
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just uh, and now wha... and now, now, now you're over me? said anything to me.
calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm
really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, RACH: Are you over me? ROSS: There was never a good time.
47 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
RACH: Ross kissed me. crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that.
RACH: Right, you, you only had a year. We only MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! RTST: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting
hung out every night. RACH: It was unbelievable! our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for
MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, already dominates most of your major
and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what
things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian well or do we need to get tissues? have you.
guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys. RACH: Oh, it ended very well. MNCA: [still chewing] Mmm-mmm.
PHOE: Oh. RTST: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing,
RACH: Hey, there was one Italian guy, OK, and do MNCA: [getting the wine] Do not start without me. Do not we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.
you even have a point? start without me. MNCA: Wow.
PHOE: Ok, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like, RTST: Aren't you going to swallow that?
ROSS: The point is I... I don't need this right now, was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, MNCA: Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm you know, a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing? RTST: Yeah, isn't that great?
happy. This ship has sailed. RACH: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And MNCA: [with false enthusiasm] Mmm.
then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it. RTST: Well, anyhoo, um, we are looking for a couple
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of PHOE: Ok, so, ok, was he holding you? Or was his hand of chefs who can create some Thanksgiving-themed
put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you like on your back? recipes. You think you might be interested?
felt for me? RACH: No, actually first they started on my waist. And MNCA: Abso...[swallows hard]...lutely. See, I love
then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair. creating new recipes. I love Thanksgiving. And, well,
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth PHOE/MNCA: Ohhhh. now, I love Mockolate.
grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it. [Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross, Chandler, and Joey are RTST: Really?
there eating pizza.] MNCA: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya,
RACH: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, ROSS: And, uh, and then I kissed her. that'll last ya till Christmas.
alright Ross. JOEY: Tongue? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and
ROSS: Yeah. Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate
ROSS: Fine. JOEY: Cool. recipes to Phoebe.]
Opening Credits MNCA: How about Mockolate mousse?
RACH: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship. [Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler PHOE: It's not, it's not very Thanksgiving-y.
are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new MNCA: Ok, how about pilgrim Mockolate mousse?
ROSS: Good. computer.] PHOE: What makes it pilgrim?
CHAN: All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of MNCA: We'll put buckles on it.
RACH: Good. [Ross leaves] ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet [Rachel enters.]
[Rachel gets up and opens the door, yelling after capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 RACH: Hey.
him.] b.p.s. PHOE: Hey.
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure. PHOE: Wow. What are you gonna use it for? MNCA: Hey.
CHAN: [doggedly] Games and stuff. RACH: Did uh, Ross call?
[Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, MNCA: [reading the paper] There are no jobs. There are MNCA: No, I'm sorry.
visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and no jobs for me. RACH: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie,
begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing JOEY: [reading over her shoulder] Wait, here's one. Uh, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be
outside the window. When Rachel regroups and would you be willing to cook naked? all, "Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to
gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She MNCA: There's an ad for a naked chef? get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff
smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you together."
the lock undone.] might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his PHOE: No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.
fingers together] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in
ROSS: Try the bottom one. [Ross enters, distraught.] arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]
ROSS: Hi. ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do?
[She opens the door and they kiss.] PHOE: Hey, oh, so, um...how'd you make out last night? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
ROSS: That, that is funny. That is painfully funny. No, wait. CHAN: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler Wait, yeah, that's just painful women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My
answers the door to find Monica.] MNCA: Wait a minute. I thought last night was great. wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes
ROSS: Yeah, it was, but...I get home, ok, and I see Julie's are too tight.
CLOSING CREDITS saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to JOEY: Hey, here's a thought, Ross. [reaches for the
myself, oh my god, what the hell am I doing? I mean, here computer]
CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I CHAN: Don't touch the computer. Don't ever touch
working out, it's over. care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am the computer.
I just gonna throw all that away? JOEY: Ross, listen. I got two words for you.
MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. JOEY: You got all that from saline solution? Threesome.
We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone MNCA: We are talking about Rachel here. You and Rachel. [Ross gives him an insulted look.]
we're groovin'. ROSS: Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and CHAN: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this,
Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie, so it's ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons.
CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. like me and Julie, me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and... Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts,
OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so [Rachel enters, carrying a tray]... Rachel. Rachel, Rachel. and I can use different colors for each column.
don't make me do anything that I'll regret. RACH: [to Ross] Hey, you. ROSS: Can't we just use a pen?
ROSS: How are you? CHAN: No, Amish boy.
MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? RACH: Good. How are you? JOEY: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're
What? ROSS: Good. more fun. All right, Rachel first.
[Julie enters.] ROSS: I don't know. I mean, all right, I guess you can
CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's JULIE: Hi, honey. say she's a little spoiled sometimes.
wonderful how much energy you have. ROSS: Hi, Julie. [nervous] Hi, Julie. Julie, um, how are JOEY: You could say that.
you? ROSS: And I guess, you know, sometimes, she's a
MNCA: Well, thanks. JULIE: Good. little ditzy, you know. And I've seen her be a little too
ROSS: [uncomfortable] Good, so everybody's here. into her looks. Oh, and Julie and I, we have a lot in
CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough Everybody's good. So, were you gonna play something, common 'cause we're both paleontologists, but
it's been for you to find work. Phoebe? Rachel's just a waitress.
PHOE: Oh, well, actually. CHAN: Waitress. Got it. You guys wanna play Doom?
MNCA: Well, you know. ROSS: [impatient] Play it. Or we could keep doing this. What else?
PHOE: Ok, all right. ROSS: I don't know.
CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your JOEY: Hey, Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses. JOEY: Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.
parents you were fired because they'd be JULIE: What? CHAN: Ok, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?
disappointed. ROSS: [to Joey] Ssshh. ROSS: [long pause] She's not Rachel.
PHOE: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica has
MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh. about a love triangle between three people that I made up. made food for Phoebe and Rachel to taste.]
Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night". MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie
CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's [Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and
shoulder to cry on. realizing the song is about their situation.] these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians
PHOE: [singing] There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a served.
MNCA: Well no, but um. guy let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too [Rachel takes a bite.]
strongly, this story isn't real. Now our Neil must decide, RACH: Oh my god.
CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the MNCA: Oh my god good?
difficulty just getting out of bed at all. one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call RACH: Oh my god, I can't believe you let me put this
Ju...Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I in my mouth.
MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . . made him up, he must decide! [Rachel runs to the sink to spit it out.]
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's (RTST) office. Monica is there PHOE: Oh, oh sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste
CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run? about a job.] like!
RTST: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is
MNCA: Alright. impressivo. on the phone with a computer hotline.]
MNCA: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I
CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If The ad wasn't too clear. pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot
you want, you could just take a nap right here. RTST: Mockolate. line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the
MNCA: I'm sorry? background? Are you watching Star Trek?
MNCA: OK. Just for a little while. RTST: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate [Ross enters with a melancholy look.]
substitute. JOEY: [to Ross] Hey, so how'd it go with Julie? Did you,
CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances MNCA: Ohh. did you break her heart?
into his room] [He pulls out a piece of Mockolate.] ROSS: Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She
END RTST: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right
Mockolate is even better than chocolate. thing.
208 The One With the List MNCA: All right. Mmm-mmm. CHAN: [in phone] So, Spock actually hugs his father?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe, [She tastes it, and obviously hates it.] [Rachel enters.]
Monica, and Rachel are there, discussing the night RTST: Yeah? RACH: Hey, do you guys have...[sees Ross,
before.] MNCA: [disgusted, trying not to show it] I love how it pauses]...hi.
48 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
ROSS: Hi. for a reason. MNCA: Oh, not at all. I have no morals and I need the
RACH: [sees his coat on] Where you goin'? MNCA: Yeah. You! cash.
ROSS: I uh, I just got back from uh, from Julie's. CHAN: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe RTST: It's like I'm lookin' in a mirror. Anyway, they're
RACH: [dejected] Oh. in that karma crap, don't you? called "fishtachios". They taste exactly like pistachios,
ROSS: No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um PHOE: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits.
the other thing. dung beetle. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you?
RACH: Well, what's the other thing, what do I [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting MNCA: Cat hair.
think? on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up RTST: Oh, sorry.
[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing the fire escape and is knocking on the window.] END
his head towards Ross.] ROSS: Rach! Whoops! Rach, hey, open up, please!
ROSS: Well, uh. RACH: [coldly] When somebody does not buzz you in, 209 The One With Phoebe's Dad
JOEY: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb
for god's sakes. up the fire escape. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica,
RACH: Really? ROSS: I just wanna read something. It's your pro list. Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking
ROSS: Really. It's always been you, Rach. RACH: Not interested. out the window.]
[Ross and Rachel hug.] [Rachel closes the drapes over the window, goes into her
RACH: Oh, god. bedroom and closes the door.] PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is
JOEY/CHAN: Ohhh. ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the
RACH: Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good. cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your size of his Christmas Balls.
ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair
around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for [Chandler and Joey enter.]
we go take a walk, just us, not them? starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with
RACH: Let me get my coat. Ben. JOEY: Hey.
ROSS: Ok. No, hey, whoa, whoa, I'll get your [Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter, confused.]
coat. ROSS: Number six: the way you smell. CHANDLER: Hey.
[Ross leaves.] JOEY: [opens the drapes] Hey, Ross! What are you doin'?
RACH: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to ROSS: Hey, Joey. You wanna open the window? RACHEL: Hey.
get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe JOEY: Oh, yeah, I do.
this. This is unbelievable. [notices Chandler's [He opens the window, Ross comes in, soaked.] JOEY: Hey, how much did you guys tip the super this
computer screen] What's that? CHAN: What are you doing out there? year?
CHAN: [nervous] What? Nothing. ROSS: I am, uh, I am...
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.] MNCA: Oh, you must be freezing. You know what you CHANDLER: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if
RACH: What's that? What? I saw my name. What need? How about a nice steaming cup of hot Mockolate? you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.
is it? [Ross runs to Rachel's bedroom, knocking on the door.]
CHAN: No, no, see? See? [the printer starts to run] ROSS: Rach, come on, open up. Rach, come on, come on, MONICA: Oh, actually this year we just made him
Hey, it's printing. [to Joey, rattled] Hey, it's Rach. You got to give me another chance. homemade cookies.
printing! [Rachel opens the door.]
[Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the RACH: No. CHANDLER: And twenty-five it is.
printer.] ROSS: No?
RACH: Well what is it? Let me see. RACH: That's what I said. JOEY: You gave him cookies?
[Ross walks back in, Rachel's coat in hand.] CHAN: Look, maybe we should go?
ROSS: Hey, someone order a coat? RACH: No, you guys, you really don't have to go, we're MONICA: Money is so impersonal. Cookies says
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me done talking. someone really cares. . . Alright, we're broke, but
on his computer and he won't let me see. ROSS: Rach, come on, look, I know how you must feel. cookies do say that.
ROSS: He won't? [remembers what it is] He won't! RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst
Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if PHOEBE: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told
you were writing? the one person that you trusted the most in the world not me a limerick.
CHAN: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not
writing. to be with you. CHANDLER: Phoebs, let me ask you something, were,
RACH: And I'm in it? Then let me read it. ROSS: No, but, but I wanna be with you in spite of all were these, uh, funny brownies?
CHAN, JOEY, ROSS: No! those things.
RACH: Come on. RACH: Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross. [to PHOEBE: Not especially. But you know what, I think
JOEY: Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her? the others] I said don't go! they had pot in them.
[Ross and Chandler stare angrily at Joey, who ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were
thinks he has come up with a good idea.] the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a ROSS: So you guys, who else did you tip with cookies?
CHAN: [through gritted teeth] Alright. [clears his list that would ever make me not want to be with you.
throat] "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel RACH: Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. RACHEL: Uhh, the mailman, the super.
was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried See, I'd never make a list.
Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The [She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to [There's a bang at the door.]
end." the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
ROSS: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to MONICA: Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.
worst writer in the whole world. wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again,
RACH: All right, you know what? This isn't funny you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little [Joey opens the door and picks up the remnants of the
anymore. There's something about me on that longer. newspaper.
piece of paper and I want to see it. [Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]
ROSS: No, you don't. MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may JOEY: Oh my God.
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate
guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and RACHEL: What?
do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of
runs across the room, reading it to herself.] mockolate. JOEY: Uhhh, I don't think you're gonna like this.
RACH: What is this? Ross, what is this? RTST: Doesn't matter.
CHAN: Good luck. MNCA: What? [Joey shows them the torn-up newspaper.]
[Chandler and Joey leave quickly.] RTST: Our FDA approval didn't come through. Something
ROSS: Ok, just, just remember how crazy I am about laboratory rats. RACHEL: Ooh, goooosh, ooh, these are cookies
about you, ok? MNCA: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. smashed in the sports section.
RACH: Kind of ditzy? Too into her looks? Spoiled? RTST: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. [hands it to
ROSS: Now that's a little spoiled. He was her] Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, MONICA: Oh look, and he did my crossword puzzle.
supposed to type "little", the idiot. listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did
RACH: Just a waitress? you? ROSS: Yeah, but not very well, unless 14-across,
ROSS: No, that, that was, I mean, as opposed to MNCA: Well, uh, I ate some. 'Gershwin musical' actually is
uh, the uh, ok. Is this over yet Rach? RTST: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. bitemebitemebitemebiteme.
RACH: Oh! I do not have chubby ankles! So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?
[Rachel leaves, and Ross follows her into the hall.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and OPENING TITLES
ROSS: No, no, wait, ok, ok, look at the other side. Rachel are there.]
Look at Julie's column. (phone rings) [Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are
RACH: She is not Rachem. What the hell's a MNCA: Hello? seated at couches. Rachel is working behind the
Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word [Ross is at his apartment.] counter.]
that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress. ROSS: Hi.
[She goes into her apartment and slams the door.] RACH: [to Monica] Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I
ROSS: No, Rach, come on. Rach! Rach, no, no! the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down. mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya
She's not Rachel, she is, she is not, Ra--Rachel? MNCA: [to Ross] Listen, I... I don't think this is the best know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Joey, and time. a-layin'.
Phoebe are there.] ROSS: Look, can, can you do something for me?
CHAN: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should MNCA: Sure, what? Ok, ok. [hangs up the phone] [to CHANDLER: Which is why geese are so relaxed this
have told her it was my diary, she never would Rachel] Music? time of year.
have made me read her my diary. [Monica turns on the radio.]
MNCA: You know, that's true. You'd be a great RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. [Ross enters with several bags from shopping.]
person to have around the day after an Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he
emergency. did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive ROSS: Hey guys.
PHOE: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this him. (With or Without You plays)
list. What a dinkus. [Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his
idea. apartment.] [Ross approaches Rachel at counter.]
PHOE: What? RADIO: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she
MNCA: What? told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if ROSS: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present.
CHAN: Oh good, I was hoping that would come you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. [Rachel is not impressed]. . I'll open it. It's a Slinky!
up. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a Remember, huh. [sings] Walks down stairs, alone or in
MNCA: This was your idea? chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and pairs, everyone knows it's. . . just a big spring. Alright,
PHOE: What were you thinking? she hopes you two will work it out. you still mad at me becuase of the whole. . .
CHAN: [squirming] All right, let's get some [Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]
perspective here, ok? These things, they happen RTST: Hi, thanks for coming in again. RACHEL: Horrible and degrading list of reasons not to
49 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
be with me? phonebook. JOEY: Monica, pigeons learn faster that you.
ROSS: How 'bout from now on we just call it the PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad [Ross approaches Rachel, away from everyone else.]
'unfortunate incident'? [Rachel walks off] Hey again? ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I
Gunther, you got stairs in your place? know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you
GRANDMOTHER: [nervously] Oh. Oh, sure, sure, uh, uh, make a list about me.
GUNTHER: Yeah. how come?
RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna
ROSS: Here, go nuts. [gives him the Slinky and PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um. stand here and make a list of. . .
goes and sits with others at the couches]
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the ROSS: C'mon Rachel.
ROSS: Hey guys. pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and,
uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey. graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation. obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you
know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the
CHANDLER: What's in the bag? PHOEBE: OK, is this really my father? day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't
do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much
ROSS: Um, just some presents. GRANDMOTHER: Is it really your fa--I can't... well of of that gel in your hair.
course it is.
JOEY: C'mon show us what you bought. . . You ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I
know you want to. PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause said.
someone's pants are on fire.
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do
from Ben to my parents, huh. GRANDMOTHER: Look, I. . . feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross
puts his hand to his hair]
MONICA: Cute. PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been
grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to [Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone]
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for me.
Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number
mom. GRANDMOTHER: Alright, that is not your father, that's of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um,
just a picture of a guy in a frame. Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you
[Ross holds up the blouse. It is extremely tacky, shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up]
with sewn-on medals hanging off of it.] PHOEBE: Oh God.
[Phoebe's grandmother enters]
MONICA: Ross, that is gorgeous! GRANDMOTHER: It was your mother's idea. Ya know,
she didn't want you to know your real father because it GRANDMOTHER: Hey.
ROSS: Yeah? hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go
along with it, but, well then she died and, and it was harder PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real
MONICA: Look at these authentic fake medals. I to argue with her. Not impossible, but harder. name.
tell ya, mom's gonna be voted best dressed at the
make-believe military academy. PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad
surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in at me. How's it going?
[Phoebe enters.] Burma where there's no phones?
PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's
PHOEBE: Hey. GRANDMOTHER: Last I heard, he was a pharmacist pretty small, you do the math.
somewhere upstate.
GANG: Hey. Hi Phoebe. GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off
PHOEBE: OK, that makes no sense. Why would the without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but,
PHOEBE: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. [sees Ross's villagers worship a pharmacist? but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who
picture frame] Oh my God, where did you get this? knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin.
GRANDMOTHER: Honey.
ROSS: Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings. PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was,
PHOEBE: [realizes] Oh. ya know.
PHOEBE: This is my father, this is a picture of my
dad. GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely
this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know
CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that real him. exactly where he lived.
comes in the frame.
PHOEBE: Oh. PHOEBE: Whattaya mean?
PHOEBE: No it isn't, this is my dad, alright, I'll
show you. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in
and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.] Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in too far. You can take my cab.
prison. CHANDLER: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed
up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you.
PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want
one that ran out on us before I was born. anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else
crash into something and wake everybody up. drives that cab.
RACHEL: How have you never been on Oprah?
RACHEL: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad.
PHOEBE: [showing her pictures] OK, look, see, Christmas. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of
this is him. My mother gave me this picture before Einstein]
she died, same guy. CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas? Commercial
[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner
MONICA: Honey, uh, this is a picture of the frame [Monica and Ross enter.] waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
guy posing in front of a bright blue screen with a
collie. MONICA: Hi. JOEY: Phoebe here with the cab yet?
PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe ROSS: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet? CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible
it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk cab. . . hop in.
to my grandmother. [turns to leave] RACHEL: No, nothin'.
JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores
MONICA: Oh, wait a minute honey. MONICA: I hope she's OK. close at 7.
GANG: Phoebs. [Phoebe leaves] JOEY: Yeah, I know exactly what she's goin' through. CHANDLER: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours
to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat,
MONICA: Wow. MONICA: How do you know exactly what she's going they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.
through?
JOEY: So anyway, I'm trying to get my boss's [Phoebe drives up in the cab]
ex-wife to sleep with me. . . JOEY: She told us.
JOEY: Hey, here she comes.
GANG: Joey! CHANDLER: So whaddya got there Monica?
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, MONICA: Just some stuff for the party.
everyone's all ears! JOEY: Hey.
ROSS: Yeah, what're you guys doin' here, aren't you
[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's supposed to be Christmas shopping? [Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat,
grandmother is sitting at the table, reading the Chandler in the front]
obituaries, and crossing out names in the MONICA: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet?
phonebook.] Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what're ya gonna do? PHOEBE: Hey.
GRANDMOTHER: Esther Livingston. [scratches CHANDLER: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff JOEY: Hey.
out name] Gone. like that?
PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm
[Phoebe enters.] RACHEL: Oh, by the way Mon, I don't think the mailman gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
liked your cookies. Here are the ornaments your mom sent.
GRANDMOTHER: Hi, Phoe. [hands her a smashed box] CHANDLER: Eeeshk.
PHOEBE: Hi Gram. Whatcha doin'? MONICA: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we JOEY: Yeah, big stuff.
just didn't give him enough.
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, just updating the PHOEBE: OK, let's go.
50 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
having their party. All the guests are stripped down this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya
CHANDLER: OK. because of the heat.] know, now he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .
PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. RACHEL: [answers door] Hi, welcome to our tropical JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool
[hands Chandler a piece of paper] Christmas party. You can put your coats and sweaters and pharmacist guy.
pants and shirts in the bedroom.
CHANDLER: OK. [reads paper] Brake left, gas PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll
right? ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a
because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet. says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know,
that be too much? I'm Franks daughter.
CHANDLER: [grabs for seat belt] Where's my
seat belt? MONICA: [carrying an ice cube tray] Ice, ice, ice squares CHANDLER: Well, so why not go knock?
anyone? Take a napkin. Alright.
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's
the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler ROSS: Monica, Monica, your guest are turning into jerky, not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's
jumps out of the car] OK. just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us?
You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week
CHANDLER: [Chandler gets in the back seat] Hey! MONICA: Really? I'm perfectly comfortable. [one of the and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
guest opens the refrigerator] Hey, hey, hey, get in line
JOEY: Hey. [Phoebe takes off, Joey and Chandler buddy, I was next. [she opens the refrigerator and leans JOEY: Phoebs, that's OK. You took a big step today.
are thrown back in the seat] into it]
PHOEBE: Yeah?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is RACHEL: [answering the door] Mr. Treeger.
preparing for the party with Ross questioning her.] CHANDLER: Yeah, and someday when you're ready,
MR. TREEGER: Uhh, you said there was a party. you'll make it past the hedges.
ROSS: C'mon, just tell me, please, please.
RACHEL: Oh, yeah, well hey, welcome to our sauna. JOEY: Yeah, and when you do, he'll be lucky to have
MONICA: For the sixteenth time, no... I do not you.
think you're obsessive. MR. TREEGER: Ahh, is it hot? My body always stays cool,
probably 'cause I have so much skin. Hey, cheese! PHOEBE: You guys. I'm sorry about your shopping.
[Rachel enters from her room]
[Ross is speaking to Monica and Rachel about tipping the CHANDLER: Oh, that's OK, we'll figure something out.
RACHEL: Oh, gosh, it's hot in here. super.]
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him JOEY: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in
MONICA: Rach, get the heat. [Rachel holds up cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, there but do you think it'd be alright if I went in and
her hand with wet fingernail polish] Ross, could anything. used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool,
you turn the heat down please? snow, kinda like a blank canvas.
MONICA: No, I will not cave.
ROSS: Sure. By the way, there's a difference [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica,
between being obsessive and. . . RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon. and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler,
Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
MONICA: Ross, the heat! ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize
the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm CHANDLER: Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!
ROSS: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50
obsessive one. [goes to the radiator and starts bucks, merry Christmas. JOEY: Really, hey, you mind if I turn the heat down?
turning the knob] OK, this way is on, so this is. . .
[breaks off the knob] off. [Gives him the cash.] MONICA: Hey, we could have used that kind of
MR. TREEGER: Oh wow, I didn't get you anything. Here's thinkin' earlier.
RACHEL: Did you just break the radiator? five back.
ROSS: Hey, Phoebs, how'd it go.
ROSS: No, no, I was turnin' the knob and, and. . . ROSS: No no, no, that, that's your Christmas tip, alright.
here it is. Oh, hey, do you think there's a chance you could fix that PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.
radiator now?
MONICA: Well put it back. MONICA: Honey, I'm sorry.
MR. TREEGER: No can do, like I told the girl, I can't get a
ROSS: It uhh, it won't go back. new knob until Thursday. ROSS: Are you OK?
RACHEL: I'll call the super. MONICA: Ross. PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I
know he's there, so, that's enough for now.
MONICA: Here, let me try. ROSS: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry
ROSS: Oh, oh that's right, I forgot about your MONICA: [to Ross] Looks like he's playin' baseball. Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica
ability to fuse metal. and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]
ROSS: You mean hardball?
MONICA: Hey, it's Funny's cousin, Not Funny. JOEY: Hey, Monica, the knob was broken so I just
MONICA: Whatever. turned it off from underneath, I hope that's alright.
RACHEL: [on phone] Hi, Mr. Treeger. Hi, it's
Rachel Green from upstairs. Yes, somebody, uh, RACHEL: What'cha gonna' do? CLOSING TITLES
broke our knob on the radiator and it's really hot in
here. Yes, it's, it's hot enough to bake cookies. ROSS: Excuse me, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here's another [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and
Well, do you think we could have a new one by 6? 50, happy Hanukkah. Will uh, will this help with the knob Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of
Wha t, no, no, Tuesday, we can't wait until getting? a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Tuesday, we're having a party tonight.
MR. TREEGER: No, the place is not open 'till Tuesday. Am JOEY: Rach, these are for you.
ROSS: OK, tip the man. I not saying it right.
RACHEL: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.
MONICA: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too MONICA: So, wait, you really did like my cookies?
bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look if worse JOEY: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you
comes to worse, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a MR. TREEGER: Oh, yeah, they were so personal, really do.
theme party. showed you cared.
CHANDLER: OK, Phoebs, your turn.
ROSS: Hey, here's a theme: Come on in, live like RACHEL: Nice seizing. . . gel boy.
bacon. PHOEBE: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you
MR. TREEGER: [to Rachel who is standing under were doing while I was getting gas?
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. The cab mistletoe] So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?
pulls up.] JOEY: Uh-huh.
RACHEL: Huh-huh, no act--no, uhh, that, that is basil.
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, PHOEBE: You guuuyys.
Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass MR. TREEGER: Ahh, if it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss
wall in the cab] ya. JOEY: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.
CHANDLER: Oh, so that's what this is for. RACHEL: Huh-hoo, yeah, no, it's still basil. ROSS: You got me a cola drink?
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. [Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is running CHANDLER: And, a lemon lime.
This is like the biggest thing ever, huh. back to the cab.]
ROSS: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should
CHANDLER: Yeah. PHOEBE: OK. get you another sweater.
JOEY: Sure is. JOEY: How far'd ya get? CHANDLER: And last but not least.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. I'm goin' in. PHOEBE: Mailbox. [Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.]
JOEY: They're ribbed for your pleasure.
CHANDLER: Alright. CHANDLER: Alright, we're gettin' closer.
[Ross and Monica trade their gifts.]
JOEY: Good luck Phoebs. PHOEBE: Uh-huh. END
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. . . here I go. . . I'm goin'. JOEY: Phoebs, what's goin' on? 210 The One With Russ
[she just sits in the cab] [The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey
PHOEBE: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of is anxiously in the lead.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are stuff, ya know. It's like, yesterday, ya know, my dad was RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna
51 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... [Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter,
morning. a drink in his hand. Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]
JOEY: I'm excited! I've never gotten reviewed PHOE: Yeah. Oh, OOOH, yeah, you know, did you notice RACH: What's the matter?
before. how he always starts his stories with, um, OK, 'I was soooo MNCA: It's Fun Bobby.
MNCA: You were so amazing as the king. I was wasted,' or, 'Oh, we were soooo bombed,' or, ummm, ooh, RACH: What, isn't he sober?
really impressed, I was. ooh, 'So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in MNCA: Oh, he's sober alright. Just turns out that Fun
PHOE: Although, you know what? You might want Connecticut.' Bobby was fun for a reason.
to consider wearing underwear next time. Yeah, JOEY: Monica, have you ever been with him when he RACH: Ohhh, OK.
cause when you sat down on your throne you wasn't drinking? [Monica returns to couch next to Fun Bobby.]
could kind of see your... royal subject. MNCA: Well, we just happen to go to alot of places where MNCA: Alright, here you go, sweetie. [hands Fun
JOEY: Here it is, here it is. [reading from you might drink. I mean, how do you go to a wine tasting Bobby his coffee]
newspaper] The only thing worse than the without having a drink? Or... or to a club, or to the... zoo. FBOB: Thanks. You wanna hear something funny?
mindless, adolescent direction was Joseph [Scene: Monica, Fun Bobby, and Phoebe sitting in Central MNCA: Oh God, yes!
Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the Perk Rachel is serving them. She brings a mug to Monica.] FBOB: There are no hardware stores open past
king. MNCA: Rach, does this have nonfat milk? midnight in the Village.
CHAN: OK, look, that is one guy's opinion, alright. RACH: Ehhhummmm, I don't know, why don't you taste it. PHOE: That is funny.
Phoebs, read yours. MNCA: [takes a sip] Mmmm, no. FBOB: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and
PHOE: OK. [reading] The only thing worse than RACH: Oh well, too late, sorry, you already had some. I'm out walkin' around the neighborhood but
the mindless, adolescent direction... FBOB: [pulls out a flask] Whattaya say we make these, uh, apparently there are no hardware stores open past
CHAN: Does anyone have one from a different coffees Irish? midnight in the Village.
paper? Ross, read yours. [Phoebe and Rachel look uncomfortable.] MNCA: Ahhh, hey honey? Don't you have to be at your
ROSS: I don't want to. PHOE: Um, cake. interview now?
RACH: Joey, honey, they don't know what they're RACH: Yeah, we're gonna... we're gonna get some cake. FBOB: Oh yeah. See you guys. [leaves]
talking about. [Phoebe and Rachel go to counter.] CHAN: Bye..... ridiculously dull Bobby.
ROSS: Yeah. MNCA: You know what? It seems like you've been making MNCA: Oh.... my... God.
JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten an awful lot of stuff Irish lately. PHOE: It's not that bad.
years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's FBOB: Well, I would make them Belgian, but the waffles MNCA: Not that bad? Did you hear the hammer
gotta be a reason. are hard to get into that flask. story?
ROSS: Oh c'mon. Maybe you're just, uhhh... MNCA: Bobby. PHOE: OK, OK, don't get all squinky.
paying your dues. FBOB: Yeah, OK. RACH: Maybe it was just the kind of story where you
JOEY: No, no, no, it.. it's too hard. It's not worth it. MNCA: Look, maybe this is none of my business, or maybe have to be there.
I quit. it is, I don't know... but, uh, I'm kind of worried about you. MNCA: But I'm gonna be there... for the rest of my life.
MNCA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said I mean, I can't break up with him. I'm the one who
Wait a minute. I believe this will change your something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made him quit drinking. He's dull because of me.
mind. [Reads from paper] In a mediocre play, made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social PHOE: Alright, don't say that. He's probably always
Joseph Tribbiana was able to achieve brilliant new drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.' been dull. You just, you know, set it free.
levels of... continued on page 153...[turns it] MNCA: So, what are you saying now? [Russ enters, walking in behind Chandler.]
sucking. FBOB: I guess I'm saying, I'll try and quit. I kinda like that RUSS: Hi.
Credits you worry about me. [they hug] CHAN: [turning around] Hey Ross.... bahhhh!
[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica PHOE: [comes back to couch, with cake] Sooo, what's RACH: Hi Russ, I've just got two more tables to clean
comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's goin' on, huh? and then we'll go, OK?
apartment.] FBOB: I am gonna try and quit drinking. RUSS: OK, I'll just sit here and... uh... chat with your,
JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a PHOE: [sad] Ooohh, why? uh.... friend-type....people.
veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put [Chandler and Joey enter.] [Phoebe walks up to Rachel, cleaning tables.]
your hands into cows and stuff. CHAN: Hey. PHOE: Rachel? Um, hi.
[Ross enters, depressed.] JOEY: Hey. RACH: Hi.
ROSS: [sullenly] Hiiiiii. MNCA: Hey. PHOE: OK, so, you know what you're doing, right?
PHOE: Are... are you OK? PHOE: Hey. RACH: Uhh.... waitressing?
ROSS: Yeah, yeah, just a tough day at work. A CHAN: Guess who's back in show business. PHOE: Well, yeah, but... no. I mean, umm... doesn't....
stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid. Whoa, PHOE: Ohh, ohh, Lorne Green? doesn't Russ just remind you of someone?
whoa, I know this jacket, this is, th--Fun Bobby's CHAN: No, no, Phoebs. You know why? Cause he's dead. RACH: [looks at him] Huh, Bob Saget?
jacket! Where is he, what. He, he's here, isn't he? PHOE: Oh, no. PHOE: [looks at Russ] Oh, yeah! No, no, no, no, oh,
MNCA: Maybe. CHAN: OK, I guess this is gonna seem kinda bittersweet oh.
ROSS: Don't toy with me. now, but... Joey, that's who. [Phoebe turns back around but Rachel is gone. Ross
[Fun Bobby (FBOB) enters from Monica's JOEY: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for enters.]
bedroom.] Days of Our Lives! PHOE: Oh, my, oh!
FBOB: Geller! PHOE: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we ROSS: What? What's wrong?
ROSS: Hey, Fun Bobby! should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme. PHOE: I, OK....
FBOB: Hey. Whoa, hey, you've been working out, CHAN: Hey, yeah... we could all sleep together and then MNCA: She's just upset because she, uh, she buttered
huh? one of us could get amnesia. a spider into her toast this morning.
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so PHOE: Hey Rach, what time do you get off? We're all ROSS: Alright.
psyched to hear you're back with my sister! gonna do something tonight. CHAN: [to Phoebe] Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be
MNCA: You and me both. RACH: Ummmm.... well, actually I'm already done, but OK. [introducing Russ and Ross] Ross, Russ. Russ,
FBOB: Hey, so what'd I miss, what'd I miss, I...I kinda got plans. Ross.
c'mon? MNCA: [gasps] You have other friends? RUSS: Hi.
PHOE: Oh, we were just trying to make Joey feel RACH: Yeah... I, uhh... I have a... I have a date. ROSS: Hi.
better. MNCA: What? RUSS: Are you a, uh, friend of Rachel's?
FBOB: Hey, do you need me to pick you up? JOEY: With a man? ROSS: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of
JOEY: No, I'm alright man. Really. RACH: What? What is so strange about me having a date? Rachel's?
FBOB: No, I'm picking you up. JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him RUSS: Actually, I'm a... kind of a.... you know, a...
JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick cause he made that list about you? date-type... thing... of Rachel's.
me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, RACH: Noooo, no, I'm not mad at him. I'm.. I'm not really ROSS: A date.
bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works. anything at him anymore. RUSS: Yeah, I'm her date.
FBOB: OK, now before I go, does anybody else MNCA: What are you talking about? ROSS: Oh, oh, you're... uh... you're, oh you're the
need to be picked up? [everyone raises their hands] RACH: I don't know. Whatever I was feeling, I'm... not. date.
I'm still gonna go. PHOE: But you guys came so close. CHAN: You know, this is actually good, because if we
MNCA: OK, I'll see you later babe. RACH: Oh, I know, I'm sorry you guys. You're just gonna ever lose Ross, we have a spare.
FBOB: Uh, public display of affection coming up. have to get used to the fact that I will not be dating Ross. RUSS: Oh, you are the, uh... paleontologist.
You can avert your eyes. [kisses Monica] [Russ enters Central Perk. He looks like Ross, except for his ROSS: Yes, yes I am. And you are a....
[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns chin and hair (it is David Schwimmer in a dual role).] RUSS: Periodontist.
their heads away from Monica.] RACH: Here he is. Hi. Guys, this is Russ. MNCA: See? They're as different as night and... later
FBOB: See ya. [exits] RUSS: [sounding like Ross] Hhhhiiiii. that night.
ALL: Bye! See you later! [Everyone looks at each other in amazement.] ROSS: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It
PHOE: Fun Bobby is so great. [Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Estelle (ESTL) is was nice, nice... uh... meeting you.
MNCA: Oh, isn't he? Oh, you know, I really think speaking on the phone.] RUSS: Ditto.
this time it may work with him. I mean, he just ESTL: Stop saying you're not talented, you're very talented. [ROss approaches Rachel at counter.]
makes me feel so good and I've been feeling so It's just with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left. ROSS: I, uh, well... I... I met Russ.
lousy this last couple of months, no job, no Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? [a knock on the door] RACH: Oh.
boyfriend. Well, at least my cup is half full. Oooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later. ROSS: Hey, I didn't know we were, uh, seeing other
PHOE: Half full of looooovvvvve. [Joey enters.] people.
MNCA: And for our two-week anniversary, he's ESTL: Well, there's my favorite client. So tell me darling, RACH: Well, we're not seeing each other, so....
gonna take me to his cousin's cabin for the how was the audition? ROSS: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman
weekend. JOEY: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback at the museum, who's curator of moths and other...
PHOE: Cabin of loooooovvvvve. for Thursday. uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that
RACH: We went through a lot of wine tonight, ESTL: Joey, have you ever seen me ecstatic? she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But
you guys. [walks over to table, holding five empty JOEY: No. so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is
wine bottles] ESTL: Well, here it is. [She almost smiles.] the deal...
MNCA: Really? I only had two glasses. JOEY: OK, uh.... listen, there's something I want to talk to RACH: Well, yeah, this is the deal.
JOEY: I just had a glass. you about. The network casting lady... ROSS: OK, well, um, have a nice evening.
PHOE: Two. ESTL: Oh, isn't Lori a doll? RACH: Um, Russ, you ready?
RACH: I had one glass. JOEY: Oh yeah, yeah, she's great, but... I kinda got the RUSS: Yeah.
CHAN: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got feeling that she was sort of... coming on to me. And I RACH: Bye.
boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug. definitely would get the part if I would've... you know... if I MNCA: Bye.
RACH: OK, so that's... that's what, two bottles? would have sent the Little General in. PHOE: Bye.
And yet somehow we went through five? ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and [Russ and Rachel leave together.]
[All look towards door Fun Bobby left through.] we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up ROSS: [upset] She's dating. She's dating.
ROSS: Oooooh. the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So CHAN: Yes, yes, but did you see who she was dating?
JOEY: [realizing what everyone else did a minute how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't ROSS: What do you mean?
ago] Ooooooh. he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, MNCA: Do you not see it?
MNCA: So what. So he drank a lot tonight. doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're ROSS: See what? I don't know what she sees in...
ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think gonna have to sleep with her. innn that goober. And it takes him, what? Like... like...
52 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
I don't know, uhh... uhhh, hello.... a... week, to he left? understand if you don't want to.
get out a sentence. CHAN: No, I don't even think he knew. Hey, would you ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the
CHAN: Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it? sleep with somebody to get a great job? first wedding.
ROSS: ....................Yeah. RACH: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with? CAROL: Look I just thought that...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is CHAN: Me. ROSS: No no no, I mean, hey, why shouldn't I be
making marinara sauce and filling every container RACH: Why would I have to sleep with you? happy for you? What would it say about me if I couldn't
in sight. Chandler enters.] CHAN: It's my game. You want the job or not? revel in your joy? I'm revelling baby, believe me!
CHAN: Hey. [Monica enters from her bedroom.] SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?
JOEY: Hey. CHAN: Hey. ROSS: Mmm hmmm.
CHAN: Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't MNCA: Morning. CAROL: Want us to go?
get the part, or... uh, Italy called and said it was ROSS: Where ya goin'? ROSS: Uh-huh.
hungry. MNCA: Bobby and I are going away for the weekend, [at Rachel and Monica's]
JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it. remember? ROSS: This is so cool. You're actually gonna be on
CHAN: Oh my God! ROSS: Ooooohhhh. television.
JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting [Monica pulls out a bag full of airline bottles of liquor.] JOEY: It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days
lady. PHOE: What's with all the bottles of liquor? of our Lives. And then I started thinkin' about all of u,
CHAN: [not knowing how to react] Oh my... God? ROSS: What's going on, is... uh, Bobby drinking again? and how these are the days of our lives..
JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like MNCA: Oh no no, this is not for him, this is for me. That MONICA: Yes! Carol and Susan's caterer had a
this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. way he's still sober but I find his stories about shoelaces mountain bike accident this weekend, and she's in a
That's actually on television. much more amusing. full body cast.
CHAN: So, what're you gonna do? [Three slow knocks on the door.] ROSS, CHANDLER & JOEY: Yes!
JOEY: Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I RACH: Oh God, even his knock is boring. MONICA: They want me to do it, which is really cool,
mean, how could I do that? [Monica answers the door. Its Fun Bobby.] seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need
CHAN: Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told MNCA: Hi. I'll be ready in just a second. the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?
me everything I need to know. FBOB: Uh, can I talk to you a minute? ROSS: Would it matter?
JOEY: I've never slept with someone for a part. MNCA: Sure. MONICA: Oh, you are so great! [kisses him] Thank
CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar [They both step out into the hall.] you!
for a cookie, takes his hand out, covered with FBOB: This is really hard for me to say. JOEY: Are you really not going?
pasta sauce] MNCA: Oh God, you fell off the wagon. ROSS: I am really not going. I don't get it. They
JOEY: Sorry. FBOB: Oh, no, no, it's about you. already live together, why do they need to get
CHAN: It's alright. Is she good-looking? MNCA: What about me? married?
JOEY: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if FBOB: I think you may have a drinking problem. MONICA: They love each other, and they wanna
I met her in a bar, or something, I'd be buying her MNCA: What these? [holding up liquor bottles] Oh, these celebrate that love with the people that are close with
breakfast. [pause] You know, after having slept are, um, for.. cuts and scrapes. them.
with her. FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a ROSS: If you wanna call that a reason.
CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. codependent relationship right now, OK? CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers'
Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a MNCA: Oh... shoot. Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living
great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, FBOB: Well, anyway, I hope we can be friends. room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi,
throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got MNCA: OK. neighbor.
Christmas. [They hug and kiss.] MONICA: Ross, I thought you were over this.
JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that MNCA: Take care. ROSS: Look, that has nothing to do with this, ok?
way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, FBOB: You too. She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of
alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if [Fun Bobby leaves and Monica goes back inside.] you'd expect me to be there.
it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, RACH: What happened? JOEY: Hey, if she were marrying a guy, she'd be like
the Little General. MNCA: Well we... we kinda broke up. the worst lesbian ever.
CHAN: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major? GANG: Awwwwwwww. RACHEL: [entering hurriedly] Did I miss it? Did I miss
JOEY: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to [Ross, Phoebe, Chandler, and Rachel all exchange money.] it?
promote it. MNCA: [holding bottles] Does anybody want these? JOEY: No, I'm on right after this guy shoots himself.
[Scene: A restaurant. Fun Bobby and Monica are CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this CHANDLER: Whoa, she's pretty.
ordering.] and pretend I'm a giant. JOEY: Yeah, and she's really nice too. She taught me
WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar? [Joey enters.] all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart
MNCA: Yes, I would like something. [looks at Fun JOEY: Hey. acting.
Bobby, changes her mind] No, no thank you. GANG: Hey! RACHEL: I'm sorry, what?
FBOB: If... if you want to drink, it's OK with me, ROSS: How'd the callback go? MONICA: What?
I've got to get used to it. JOEY: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was JOEY: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast,
MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about all over me. that sometimes you need a minute to remember your
it. [to waiter] Just some water. CHAN: So what'd you do? next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big
FBOB: So the light went out in my refrigerator... JOEY: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get pause where you look all intense, you know, like this.
MNCA: [grabs waiter as he's leaving] I'd like a the part that way. CHANDLER: Oh, ok.
scotch on the rocks with a twist. ROSS: Good for you. JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's
couch between Russ and Ross, doing a crossword caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even neurosurgeon.
puzzle.] bigger part. MRS. WALLACE: Is she gonna be all right?
CHAN: Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, PHOE: So... and? JOEY: I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we
Ross? Wanna do another one, huh Russ? OK... JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake expected. Your sister is suffering from a..subcranial
eleven letters, atomic element number 101... ends Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes! hematoma. Perhaps we can discuss this over coffee.
in ium. GANG: Allright! CHANDLER: Nice!
RUSS: Dysprosium. JOEY: Alright... I've got to go shower. [leaves] RACHEL: That's great!
ROSS: [condescendingly] Dysprosium? Try [Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Chandler exchange money again.] ROSS: Excellent!
mendelevium. Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Russ enters. Chandler and CHANDLER: For a minute there I thought you were
CHAN: And weenie number two has it. Unless, of Phoebe are sitting on the couch.] actually tryin' to smell something.
course, nine-down, Knights in White Satin was RUSS: Hi. [Monica and Rachel's]
sung by the Doody Blues. CHAN: Oh, hey. ROSS: That is so good! Do it again!
[Phoebe and Rachel are at the counter talking.] PHOE: Hi. JOEY: All right, all right. "Damnit Braverman, it's right
PHOE: You don't see it? You actually don't see it? RUSS: I guess you guys heard, Rachel dumped me. there on the chart!"
RACH: What? CHAN: Yeah, I'm sorry man. CHANDLER: That's great. All right, I gotta get to work,
PHOE: OK honey, you're dating Ross. RUSS: Oh, all she said was that I remind her too much of I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.
RACH: No, Phoebs. I'm dating Russ. somebody. You have any idea who she's talking about? ROSS: No no, that's me.
PHOE: Russ is Ross. Russ... Ross! [Chandler and Phoebe feign ignorance.] CHANDLER: Oh, yeah.
RACH: Steve... sleeve! PHOE: Oh I do, it's.... it's Bob Saget. She hates him. ROSS: Oh, hello.
PHOE: OK, noone is named Sleeve. RUSS: Oh. PHOEBE: Oh, thanks. I couldn't uh...
RACH: Phoebe, what the hell are you talking [Julie... Ross's ex-girlfriend... enters.] ROSS: Is everything ok?
about? Other than their names being similar, I'm JULIE: Hey. PHOEBE: Um, no, huh-uh. One of my clients died on
sorry, I do not see what you're seeing. CHAN: Hey! the massage table today.
[They look over at Russ and Ross.] PHOE: Hey, Julie! Hey, how are you doing? ROSS: Oh my god.
ROSS: [to Russ] For your information, it's a card JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird CHANDLER: That's a little more relaxed than you
sharp, not a card shark. not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've want them to get.
RUSS: You could not be more wrong. You could got some of his stuff that he, um.... PHOEBE: Yeah, um, she was 82 years old. Her name
try... but you would not be successful. [Russ and Julie look at each other with love in their eyes. was um, Mrs. Adelman.
CHAN: OK, I'm gonna get some more coffee The music builds...] MONICA: Oh, honey.
before the pinching and eye-poking begins. END PHOEBE: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she
RUSS: I know what your problem is. probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have
ROSS: Oh you do, do you? 211 The One With the Lesbian Wedding some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and
RUSS: Um-hum, you're jealous. [at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up] then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God
ROSS: Of... of what? ROSS: Ok. Here's his diaper bag, and his uh, Mr. Winky, was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." Oh, but the weirdest
RUSS: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor. and uh...oh, him. Hi! thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died,
ROSS: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the CAROL: So how did everything go? and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went
smallest body part you can major in. It's like day ROSS: Oh, great. Great. There was a projectile, uh, very far.
one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma. throwing up incident, but he started it. RACHEL: What do you mean?
RUSS: Hey, you listen. CAROL: Well, we've gotta go. PHOEBE: I think it went into me.
ROSS: No, no, let me finish. ROSS: Ok. [Everyone takes a step back from Phoebe]
RUSS: No, let me finish. SUSAN: [clears her throat] [Central Perk]
ROSS: No, you let me fini... CAROL: Oh, right. Um, I've got some news. It's about us. MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between
[Rachel walks up behind them.] ROSS: Oh, you and me? lamb or duck.
ROSS: Hi. CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me. CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier.
RUSS: Hi. SUSAN: The other us. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of
RACH: Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww! [turns ROSS: Ok. the Ducks.
away] CAROL: We're uh, we're getting married. RACHEL: Ok, who ordered what?
[Scene: Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler at ROSS: As in, "I now pronounce you wife and wife" ROSS: Oh, I believe I had the half-drunk cappuccino
Monica and Rachel's apartment.] married? with the lipstick on the rim.
RACH: Did Joey say what he was gonna go when CAROL: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it,
53 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
is that decaf? stuck around in me. I couldn't see that, then maybe we should call off the
RACHEL: Oh god. MR A: You're saying, my wife is in you? wedding. I don't know what to do.
JOEY: I can't believe you're so uptight about your PHOEBE: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, ROSS: I uh can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I
mom comin'. can you think of any unfinished business she might have think Susan's right.
RACHEL: I know, but it's just it's the first time, had, like any reason she'd be hanging around? CAROL: You do?
and I just don't want her to think that because I MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only ROSS: Look, do you love her? And you don't have to
didn't marry Barry, that my life is total crap, you thing I can think of is that she always used to say that be too emphatic about this.
know? before she died, she wanted to see everything. CAROL: Of course I do.
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. PHOEBE: Everything? ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide
Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her MR A: Everything. can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my
and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time. PHOEBE: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff. parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that
JOEY: Uh, Pheebs, how long do you think this MR A: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do
lady'll be with us? sleep with me one last time. it.
PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, she obviously has PHOEBE: I'm sorry, there's laughing in my head. CAROL: You're right. Of course you're right.
some kind of unfinished business. [Mrs. Adelman's MR A: [to Joey] Worth a shot, huh? MONICA: So we're back on?
voice] Sit up! [Joey nods and shrugs.] CAROL: We're back on.
MRS. GREEN: [entering] There she is. MRS GREEN: Look at this. MONICA: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I
RACHEL: Mom! RACHEL: These are from Halloween three years ago. can't believe I lost 2 minutes.
MRS GREEN: Sweetie! So this is where you work? MRS GREEN: Oh, look, here's Barry. Did he have to come [at the wedding]
Oh, it's wonderful! Is it a living room? Is it a straight from the office? JOEY: It just seems so futile, you know ? All these
restaurant? Who can tell? But I guess that's the RACHEL: No, that was his costume. See, he's actually an women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my
fun. orthodontist, but he came as a regular dentist. powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot
RACHEL: Pretty much. MONICA: Um, you guys, you know when I said before, fly.
MRS GREEN: Monica! You look gorgeous! Last "thank you, but I don't really need your help"? CHANDLER: Well now you understand how I feel
time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten. RACHEL: Actually, what I think you said was, "don't touch every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.
RACHEL: This is Joey, and Phoebe, and this is that, and get the hell out of my kitchen." [Wedding music starts, Phoebe noisily unwraps a piece
Chandler, and you remember Ross. MONICA: Really? Weird. Anyway, see, I planned of candy.]
MRS GREEN: Oh hello, Ross. everything really well. I planned and I planned and I PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Butterscotch? No
ROSS: Hi, Mrs. Green. [He gets up to shake her planned. It just turns out, I don't think I planned enough one? All right, you'll be sorry later.
hand, but she ignores him.] time to actually do it. [Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan
MRS GREEN: So, what do you think of my RACHEL: Hey, Mon, you want some help? is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by
daughter in the apron with the big job? MONICA: If you want. Ross.]
RACHEL: Oh Mom! PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. CAROL: Thank you.
MRS GREEN: If you didn't pour the coffee, no The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of ROSS: Any time. [He doesn't want to let her go]
one would have anything to drink. Liberty. CAROL: Ross. [He lets her go]
CHANDLER: Believe me, sometimes that RACHEL: She's still with you? MINISTER: You know, nothing makes God happier
happens. PHOEBE: Yeah. I guess she hasn't seen everything yet. I'll than when two people, any two people, come together
MRS GREEN: This is just so exciting. You know, I be right back, she has to go to the bathroom again. [Takes in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to
never worked. I went straight from my father's Mrs. Green's chin in her hand and says, in Mrs. Adelman's join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
house to the sorority house to my husband's house. voice] Oh, such a pretty face. PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh my god. Now I've
I am just so proud of you. MRS GREEN: This is so much fun, just the girls. You know seen everything! [Phoebe's voice] Whoa, she's gone.
RACHEL: Really? what we should do? Does anybody have any marijuana? She's gone. She's gone! Go ahead, get married. Go,
MRS GREEN: Yes. RACHEL: God! go.
PHOEBE: I know who it is you remind me of. MONICA: All right, look, nobody's smoking pot around all [At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and
Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the this food. Susan getting their picture taken.]
lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales. MRS GREEN: That's fine. I never did it. I just thought I MONICA: Would you look at them?
JOEY: Pheebs, who's Evelyn Dermer? might. So, what's new in sex? ROSS: Yeah, can't help but.
PHOEBE: I don't know. Who's Soupy Sales? RACHEL: Oh! What's new in sex? JOEY: [to a wedding guest] How's that
[at Rachel and Monica's MRS GREEN: The only man I've ever been with is your pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? [the guy nods] I
MRS GREEN: Oh my god, there's an unattractive father. wrapped those bad boys.
nude man playing the cello. MONICA: I'm dicing, I'm dicing, I don't hear anything. PHOEBE: I miss Rose.
RACHEL: Yeah, well just be glad he's not playing MRS GREEN: I mean, this is no offense to your dad, CHANDLER: Oh, yeah?
a smaller instrument. sweetie, but I was thinking there might be more. PHOEBE: I know it's kind of weird, but I mean, she
MRS GREEN: [laughing] You have some life here, RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry. You know what? I cannot have was a big part of my life there, you know, and now I
sweetie. this conversation with you. I mean, god, you just come in just feel kind of alone.
RACHEL: I know. And Mom, I realize you and here, and drop this bomb on me, before you even tell WOMAN: You know, I uh, I couldn't help but overhear
Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and Daddy. What? What do you want? Do you want my what you just said, and I think it's time for you to
get the big house in the suburbs with all the blessing? forget about Rose, move on with your life...how 'bout
security and everything, but this is just so much MRS GREEN: No. we go get you a drink?
better for me, you know? RACHEL: You want me to talk you out of it? PHOEBE: Ok, that's so nice.
MRS GREEN: I do. You didn't love Barry. And I've MRS GREEN: No. [Chandler tries to warn Phoebe that the woman is
never seen you this happy. I look at you and I RACHEL: Then what? What do you want? coming on to her, but Phoebe doesn't see him.]
think, oh, this is what I want. MRS GREEN: I guess I just figured of all people you would CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't
RACHEL: For...me. understand this. even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman
MRS GREEN: Well, not just for you. RACHEL: Why on earth would I understand this? walks away]
RACHEL: Well, what do you mean? MRS GREEN: You didn't marry your Barry. I did. RACHEL: Hey, Mom? Having fun?
MRS GREEN: I'm uh, considering leaving your RACHEL: Oh. MRS GREEN: Oh, am I! I just danced with a
father. MONICA: All right people, we're in trouble here. We've wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made
MONICA: [entering] All right. Tell me if this is too only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left. Move, move, move! eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's
cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts. CHANDLER: Monica, I feel like you should have German something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have
RACHEL: Oh god. I think I'm gonna be sick. subtitles. options.
MONICA: Why? It's not like I'm putting little MONICA: Joey, speed it up! RACHEL: There's more alcohol, right?
nipples on them. JOEY: I'm sorry, it's the pigs. they're reluctant to get in the [Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
ROSS: And you had no idea they weren't getting blankets! SUSAN: How you doin'?
along? PHOEBE: Monica, how did this happen? I thought you had ROSS: Ok.
RACHEL: None. this all planned out. SUSAN: You did a good thing today.
JOEY: They didn't fight a lot? MONICA: Do you want me to cry? Is that what you want? ROSS: Yeah.
RACHEL: No! They didn't even talk to each other. Do you wanna see me cry? SUSAN: You wanna dance?
God, how was I supposed to know they were PHOEBE: Sir! No sir! ROSS: No, that's fine.
having problems? MONICA: [to Ross] All right, you! SUSAN: Come on. I'll let you lead.
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] In my day, ROSS: No. Look, I told you I am not a part of this thing. ROSS: Ok.
divorce was not an option. MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have [They dance; Carol looks on lovingly.]
JOEY: Hey, look who's up. issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if CHANDLER: [to the woman who just rejected him] All
RACHEL: I just can't believe this is happening. I you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those right look. Penis schmenis. We're all people. [She walks
mean, when I was little, everybody's parents were little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called away again.]
getting divorced. I just figured as a grownup I "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon. [at Monica and Rachel's]
wouldn't have to worry about this. CHANDLER: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna
MONICA: Is there any chance that you can look gets to ball the melon. be the first one to get married?
at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because [knock at the door] ROSS: Well, Mon, I was married.
she wants to be more like you. MONICA: Hi. PHOEBE: Yeah, me, too, technically.
RACHEL: Well, then, you know, couldn't she have CAROL: How's it going? RACHEL: I had a wedding.
just copied my haircut? MONICA: It's goin' great. Right on schedule. Got my little MONICA: All right, just trying to start an interesting
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny when my happy helpers.[everyone groans] discussion.
parents got divorced, they sent me to this shrink, CAROL: Fine, whatever. JOEY: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be
and she told me that all kids have a tendency to ROSS: What's the matter? the last to get married? [They all look at Chandler]
blame themselves. But in your case it's actually CAROL: Nothing. Ok, everything. I think we're calling off CHANDLER: Isn't Ben in this?
kinda true. the wedding. ALL: Oh, yeah!
PHOEBE: That's him. ROSS: What? END
CHANDLER: Damn. My mail order grandfather MONICA: You're still gonna pay me, right? Or something a
hasn't come yet. little less selfish. 212/213 The One After the Superbowl
MR A: Phoebe? ROSS: Carol, what's the matter? What happened?
PHOEBE: Yes, hi, Mr. Adelman. Thanks for CAROL: My parents called this afternoon to say they [Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is
meeting me. weren't coming. watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
MR A: Oh, that's all right, although you did cut ROSS: Oh my god.
into my busy day of sitting. CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this [A guy is sitting at his desk and his boss comes in and
PHOEBE: Um, do you wanna sit? whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to drops a huge pile of papers on his desk. The guy looks
MR A: Oh, no, please, I spent most of give me away and everything. dejected.]
mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can ROSS: It's ok. I'm sorry.
I do for you, my dear? CAROL: And then Susan and I got in this big fight because COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: Can't get the monkey off
PHOEBE: I don't know how to say this, but I think I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said your back? Then put it in your mouth...
when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us, and if
54 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a ROB: Anyway, I schedule performers for the childrens
beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you RACHEL: And she's not crazy?
beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all ever thought about playing your songs for kids?
around.] CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job.
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: ...With MonkeyShine the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
Beer. [MonkeyShine theme] MonkeyShine Beer, RACHEL: Oh my God.
'cause it's a jungle out there.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler
and Joey are standing around in the kitchen.] MONICA: Ah, and I mean, he's going out with her? He
[Camera pans back from the TV to show the gang can not persue this.
watching.] JOEY: Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she
ROSS: That commercial always makes me so sad. CHANDLER: Well we could just stay in and cook for can actually see Joey through the magical box in her
ourselves. [both laugh hysterically] living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean,
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve
those girls run at him, so, everything seems to [door buzzer goes off] love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who
work out OK. wants to boff the maniac.
CHANDLER: Hello.
ROSS: I meant because the monkey in it reminds ROB: You OK?
me of Marcel. ERICA: It's Erica.
PHOEBE: No, uh-uh, I'm just, I'm nervous. So, you
PHOEBE: I can see that, 'cause they both have JOEY: Ah, the stalker. know what, maybe if I just, if I picture them all in their
those big brown eyes and, ya know, the little pouty underwear.
chin. ERICA: Never mind, it's open.
MONICA: And the fact that they're both monkeys. ROB: That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her the last guy got fired.
ROSS: Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a
ya know, giving him away. backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon. PHOEBE: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for
grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their
RACHEL: Oh, Ross, you had to, I mean, he was JOEY: Let's get out of here. coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids
humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you
Malibu Barbi that will no longer be wearing white [They run out and knock on Monica and Rachel's door] gonna kiss me?
to her wedding.
CHANDLER: The one time they're not home. ROSS: I was thinkin' about it.
ROSS: Remember when sometimes he'd borrow
your hat, and, and when you got it back there'd be JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the PHOEBE: OK. [they kiss] OK, alrighty, let's play some
little monkey raisins in it. stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met. tunes. Hi everybody, I'm Phoebe
CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
CHANDLER: Yeah, well sure, when he did it, it ALL: Hi Phoebe.
was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat. . . all of JOEY: She's comin'.
the sudden I have this big attitude problem. PHOEBE: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the about grandparents, OK. [singing]
OPENING TITLES door.] Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes,
she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, ERICA: It's me. But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner,
Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.] And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready? Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
[Joey enters holding a letter] but the truth is she died and some day you will too.
CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...
JOEY: Hey, hey, check it out, guess what I got. soap he's holding]
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Joey and Erica are
CHANDLER: Rhythm? [Joey opens the door and sees Erica (Brooke Shields). Joey dining.]
gets a huge smile and Chandler squeezed the dish soap in
JOEY: No, my first fan mail. the air.] ERICA: Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing?
MONICA: [reading] 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that JOEY: Erica. ERICA: Well, here we sit, devil may care, just a little
I love you and would do anything to have you.' while ago you were reattaching someone's spinal cord.
Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' [Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross is at the Monkey
Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed please find 14 of my cages.] JOEY: Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that
eyelashes.' operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only
LIPSON: Hi, Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. I was told you showed it for 2 minites.
RACHEL: Ya know, in crazy world, that means had a question.
you're married. ERICA: Who's they?
ROSS: Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I
MONICA: This wasn't addressed to Days of Our donated last year. He's a capuchan, answers to the name JOEY: No one.
Lives, this is, this came to your apartment. There's Marcel.
no stamp on it, this woman was in our building. ERICA: Oh Drake, you are so talented, let me see
LIPSON: Ahh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has those hands. Oh these hands, these beautiful hands,
JOEY: Oh my god, I got my very own stalker. passed on. oh I could just eat them. . . but I won't.
[Ross enters with a suitcase] ROSS: Oh my God, what happened? JOEY: Good, otherwise my watch would fall off.
[laughs hysterically]
ROSS: Hey guys. LIPSON: Well he got sick, and then he got sicker, and then
he got a little better but then he died. ERICA: No, seriously. These hands. These miracle,
ALL: Hey. magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them,
ROSS: I can't believe this. touch them, maybe even lick one?
PHOEBE: Ooh, where are you off to, Travelin'
Jake? LIPSON: I'm sorry Mr. Geller. But ya know, there's an old JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather
saying, 'Sometimes monkeys die.' It's not a great saying emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
ROSS: Well, there's this, uh, paleontology but it certainly is fitting today.
conference in L.A. so I figured I'd go and then [Some guy at another table starts choking]
drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel. ROSS: Well, ya know, someone should have called me.
WAITER: Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is
CHANDLER: You know I think he will be surprised, LIPSON: I'm sorry. Look, I know this can't bring him back anyone here a doctor?
'till he realizes he's a monkey, and uh, you know, but here, it's just a gesture.
isn't capable of that emotion. ERICA: Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem,
ROSS: Zoo dollars? Dr. Drake Remore.
[Rob (Chris Isaac) enters]
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The [Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the
RACHEL: Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
again. hasn't just died.
JANITOR: Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15
PHOEBE: Oh, oh, OK, so everyone, pretend like [Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for minutes.
I'm telling you a story, OK. And, and it's really the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
funny. So everyone just laugh, now. ROSS: Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with
[Phoebe pulls out her guitar] other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?
[Everyone laughs]
KIDS: Ooohhh. JANITOR: It's about your monkey. It's alive.
PHOEBE: I know, I know. [to Rob] Hello.
PHOEBE: I know. [Scene: Restraunt. Joey and Erica are still there.]
ROB: Hi. I'm Rob Dohnen.
MONICA: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his ERICA: I don't understand, why didn't you help that
PHOEBE: Hi Rob Dohnen. stalker. What i-, what is she like. man?
ROB: I don't know anything about music, but I CHANDLER: Well, you remember Cathy Bates in Misery? JOEY: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that
think you're really, really great. was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright,
RACHEL AND MONICA: Yeah. look, I got to tell you something.
PHOEBE: Oh, wow.
CHANDLER: Well, she looks the exact opposite of that. ERICA: No, no no no, you don't have to tell me
55 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me.
Ooh, who am I to question the great Dr. Drake JANITOR: Your monkey found a new career, in the ERICA: Is this true?
Remore? entertainment field. That's all I know.
RACHEL: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because,
JOEY: But that's what... ROSS: This is unbelievable. because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me.
[throws water in his face]
ERICA: I should just be happy to be near you. JANITOR: So, what is this information worth to you, my
friend? MONICA: And then he told me he would run away
JOEY: Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss] with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]
ROSS: Are you trying to get me to bribe you?
ERICA: Hey what? CHANDLER: And you left the toilet seat up, you
JANITOR: Maybe. bastard. [throws water in his face]
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a
dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. ROSS: But you already told me everything. ERICA: Is all this true?
He-hey.
[Scene: Library. Ross show up with a MonkeyShine JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is singing.] Beer poster.] than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake,
he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him,
PHOEBE: [singing] There'll be times when you ROSS: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine he's the guy for you.
get older monkey.
when you'll want to sleep with people ERICA: Oh Hans. [They kiss]
just to make them like you. . . RACHEL: Well, so what're you gonna do?
But don't. ROSS: Hans...Hans...Yo evil twin.
Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna ROSS: Well, I guess I'm gonna call the beer company and
do, everybody try to find out where he is. JOEY: Right. Goodbye Erica, good luck in Salem. Take
That's another thing that you don't wanna do. care
CHANDLER: That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.
MONICA: Excellent! ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door
PHOEBE: OK, hi again. in her face]
CHANDLER: Very informative!
ALL: Hi Phoebe. JOEY: OK, alright, the people who threw the water.
RACHEL: Not at all inappropriate!
PHOEBE: Today we're gonna start with some songs about [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Rob are
PHOEBE: Thank you for coming everybody. barnyard animals. sitting on the couch.]
There're cookies in the back. [singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo. PHOEBE: Fired! Why?
ROB: That was great, the kids loved you. Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
And that's how we get hamburgers. ROB: The library board has had a lot of complaints
PHOEBE: Yay, I rock. Nooowww, chickens! from parents about some of the stuff in your songs.
ROB: And you know why? Because you told the [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica, PHOEBE: I can't believe it. Did you tell your board
truth, and nobody ever tells kids the truth.You Rachel, and the guys are watching Days of Our about how kids want to hear the truth?
were incredible. Lives.]
ROB: No.
PHOEBE: But. TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.
PHOEBE: I see.
ROB: How did you know there was a but? JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.
ROB: Maybe if you just played some regular kiddie
PHOEBE: I sense these things. It was either but ROSS: Well, there goes my whole belief system. songs.
or butter.
[knock at the door] PHOEBE: No. What do you, what do you want me to
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, be, like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs ERICA: It's Erica.
about like, barnyard animals. ROB: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
PHOEBE: I can do that. PHOEBE: Who's Barney.
RACHEL: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens.
ROB: Really? [Scene: Central Perk. The whole gang is there.]
JOEY: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make
PHOEBE: Yeah. out. ROSS: Well, I tracked down Marcel and get this, he's
healthy, he's happy, and he's right here in New York
ROB: Because that would be fantastic. What? You RACHEL: Well how can that be, you were just kissing filming Outbreak II - The Virus Takes Manhattan.
wanna kiss me? Sabrina?
RACHEL: You're kidding.
PHOEBE: Thinkin' about it. MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a
neuro-surgeon. JOEY: This is amazing.
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross and the janitor
are in the nocturnal house.] JOEY: Hey Erica, c'mon in. ROSS: I know.
JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, ERICA: How did you get here so fast, I just saw you in JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's
flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, Salem? makin' movies.
sightless spectre of the macabe.
JOEY: Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up? PHOEBE: OK, Rachel, I'm ready.
ROSS: Buddy, my monkey?
ERICA: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is RACHEL: OK.
JANITOR: Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in, she here, huh, huh?
few months back, inside job. Your monkey was [little kid enters]
taken. JOEY: Who?
KID: Excuse me. Is this where the singing lady is that
ROSS: Oh my God. But the zoo told me that my ERICA: Sabrina. I know about you two. I saw you today tells the truth?
monkey was dead. kissing in the doctor's lounge.
PHOEBE: Um, yeah I guess that's me.
JANITOR: The zoo! Do you believe everything the JOEY: It's not what you think, that was...
zoo tells ya? KID: [shouting out the door] She's here.
ERICA: You told me I was the only one. [throws a glass of
ROSS: That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever water in his face] [a rush of kids enter]
told me.
JOEY: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see PHOEBE: [singing] Sometimes men love women,
JANITOR: Of course they're gonna say he's dead. each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have sometimes men love men,
They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, and then there are bisexuals,
big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be though some just say they're kidding themselves.
this thing goes? a doctor. la la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
ROSS: That guy Lipson? ERICA: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know [Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking
about this? up to the movie set.]
JANITOR: Lipson knows. Do you have any idea
who else knows? JOEY: Somebody wanna help me out here? ROSS: This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey
in almost a year.
ROSS: No, I, I only know Lipson. RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on
it.] CHANDLER: What, you never look down in the
JANITOR: Hmm, Lipson knows huh? Ahh, hello Mr. shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke
Opossum, enigma of the trees, upside-down ERICA: How, how can you be here and there. in the monkey-is-penis genre?
denizen of the night, taunting gravity with...
JOEY: 'Cause it's a television show. SECURITY GUARD: C'mon people, back up please,
ROSS: Buddy, my monkey, my monkey. back up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
ERICA: Drake, what're you getting at?
JANITOR: Word on the street - well, when I say ROSS: Uh, excuse me, uh, where can we find the
street, I mean those little pretend streets they JOEY: I'm not Drake. monkey?
have here at the zoo.
ROSS: That's right, he's not Drake, he's Hans Remore, SECURITY GUARD: I'm sorry guys, closed set.
ROSS: Of course. Drake's evil twin.
56 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
ROSS: Uh, I'm sorry, you don't understand, I'm, Crossroads and that's where we hung out with Drew
I'm, I'm a friend of his. We uh, we used to live CHANDLER: Oh, right, well yeah, I graduated fourth Barrymore.
together. grade and realized I wasn't a pimp.
JOEY: Oh man, she's so smokin, she has got the
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah, and I have a time share SUSIE: Remember the class play? You, you pulled up my greatest set of. . . no guys around, huh.
in the Pocanos with Flipper. skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants.
RACHEL: Does anybody need anything?
MONICA: Ross, there he is. CHANDLER: Yes, back then I, uh, used humor as a
defense mechanism. Thank God I don't do that anymore. MONICA: Oh, I'll have an espresso. Oh acutally, I'll
ROSS: Hey, hey buddy, Marcel. Marcel. [Marcel get it. If I ask you to, you'll probably end up drinking it
doesn't react so Ross starts singing] In the jungle, [cut to Monica and Rachel walking through the set] yourself.
the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [no
reaction from Marcel, Monica and Joey urge him MONICA: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. RACHEL: That is so unfair.
on] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps
tonight. [Marcel looks over and everyone joins in] RACHEL: What what what what? PHOEBE: I know. Oh, like you would drink her coffee
a-weema-way, a-weema-way..... [Marcel runs after what you did to her with Van Damme.
over and hops up on Ross's shoulder] MONICA: Jean-Claude Van Damme. I didn't know he was
in this movie, he is so hot. [Ross enters]
[Scene: The next time at the movie set.]
RACHEL: Ya think? ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight,
SECURITY GUARD: Uh, excuse me folks this is a that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him
uhh... MONICA: The muscles from Brussels, wham bam Van for a couple of hours.
Damme, did you see Time Cop?
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with JOEY: You're blowin' me off for a monkey?
the monkey. [guard lets them in] RACHEL: No, was he any good in it?
ROSS: Hey, we can rescedule for Saturday.
ROSS: Good morning. Hey pal, look who I MONICA: Rachel, he like, totally changed time.
brought. It's your old friend Harry Elefante. JOEY: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of
[Marcel grabs the elephant doll and throws it to RACHEL: Wow, so why don't you go talk to him? pigeons.
the ground]
MONICA: Oh, yeah. [Chandler enters]
JOEY: Woah, dude, burn.
RACHEL: What, so you go over there, you tell him you CHANDLER: Hey, stick a fork in me, I am done.
ROSS: I don't get it, he seemed so happy to see think he's cute, what's the worst that could happen?
me yesterday. PHOEBE: Stick a fork what?
MONICA: He could hear me.
TRAINER: Hey don't take it personal, he's under a CHANDLER: Like, when you're cooking a steak.
lot of pressure, ya know, starring in a movie and all. RACHEL: OK, I'm doin' it for ya.
PHOEBE: Oh, OK, I don't eat meat.
RACHEL: Now just how big of a star is Marcel? MONICA: Oh Rachel don't, don't you dare, don't, don't.
Tell him I cook. CHANDLER: Well then, how do you know when
TRAINER: In human terms, I'd say Cybill Shepard. vegetables are done?
RACHEL: Excuse me. Hi.
ALL: Woah. PHOEBE: Well you know, you juist, you eat them and
VAN DAMME: Hi. you can tell.
CHANDLER: [to guys wering yellow isolation suits]
So, are you guys in the movie, or are you just RACHEL: Um, this is gonna sound kinda goofy but uhhm, CHANDLER: OK, then, eat me, I'm done.
really paranoid. my friend over there, who cooks by the way, um, she
thinks you're cute. CHANDLER: I've met the perfect woman. OK, we're
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Hey Sal, Jerry wants to sitting on her couch, we're fooling around, and then
know if the monkey's ready for the subway set? VAN DAMME: You don't think I'm cute? suddenly she turns to me and says, 'Do you ever want
to do it in an elevator?'
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which RACHEL: I, I don't know, um, do you think you're cute?
one's he? OK, we're kinda gettin' off the track here. Um, I was MONICA: What did you say?
supposed to come here and tell you my friend thinks you're
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: The one in the director's cute. So what should I tell her? CHANDLER: Ahh, I believe my exact words were,
chair. 'Flaign,en - sten'. I mean I didn't know what to say,
VAN DAMME: You can tell her I think her friend is cute. how do you know if you wanna do it on an elevator?
JOEY: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.
[back to Chandler and Susie] PHOEBE: Oh, you just know.
PHOEBE: OK. Um, how come I'm walking with
you? CHANDLER: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment.
anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no Chandler and Susie are making out on the
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so elbows. couch.]
that we can get away from the horrible flesh
eating virus, for the love of God woman, SUSIE: OK, well then who was the kid that got caught SUSIE: Oh, shoot, we gotta go, got a reservation in 30
listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'? masturbating? minutes.
SUSIE: We've got a problem. CHANDLER: OK that's not what he was doing. Alright, he CHANDLER: Oh no no no no, no no no no no no, you
was looking for his bus money. see, what I had planned shouldn't take more that 2, 3
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Tell me. minutes tops.
[a voice in the background calls for makeup]
SUSIE: I can't do Chris's makeup. She refuses to SUSIE: Oh, 200 seconds of passion. We gotta go.
acknowledge that she has a moustasche. SUSIE: Oh that's me, I gotta go.
SUSIE: But um, here's an idea, have you ever worn
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Is it bad? CHANDLER: Oh uh, o, OK. women's underwear?
SUSIE: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. SUSIE: Um, so listen, how many times am I gonna have to CHANDLER: Well, ye, yes, actually, but, uh, they
Now unless someone convinces her to let me touch you on the arm before you ask me on a date. were my Aunt Edna's, and there were three of us in
bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be there.
making out with Gabe Kaplan. CHANDLER: Well, uh, let's try one more. . . there you go,
say Ernie's, 8 o'clock. SUSIE: Well I was thinking it would be um, kind of sexy
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I'll talk to her. if you wore mine tonight, at dinner.
SUSIE: I'll be there, and who knows, if things go well,
SUSIE: I hate actors. maybe this time I'll get to see your underwear. CHANDLER: You want me to wear your panties?
CHANDLER: [to an extra in fatigues] Nice CHANDLER: No one was around to hear that? SUSIE: Could ya?
camoflauge man, for a minute there I almost didn't
see ya. [back to Rachel and Monica] CHANDLER: Well, if I was wearing your underwear
then, uh, what would you be wearing?. . . You're swell.
SUSIE: Excuse me. MONICA: So what'd he say?
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for
CHANDLER: Ahhhh. RACHEL: Agh, what a jerk. I kept talking about you and he his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
kept asking me out. I mean, naturally, you know, I said no.
SUSIE: Uh, is your name Chandler? ROSS: OK, got the music, got the dinner. Oh and
MONICA: Well, thanks anyway. check it out, I made Marcel's favorite dish,
CHANDLER: Uh, yes, yes it is. banannacake.
RACHEL: He just kept asking, and asking, and asking, and
SUSIE: Chandler Bing? asking, and asking, and asking. JOEY: Oooh.
CHANDLER: Do you know me or are you just MONICA: Rachel if you, if you want to go out with him, ROSS: With mealworms.
really good at this game? you can. Sound like a big jerk to me but if that's what you
want to do... JOEY: Yaaahhh. Ahhh, candles. What'dya thinks
SUSIE: I'm Susie Moss. Fourth grade, glasses, I gonna happen here tonight?
used to carry around a box of animal crackers like RACHEL: Jean-Claude she said yes, I'll see you tonight.
a purse. Thank you. [phone rings]
CHANDLER: Susie Moss, right, yeah, wow, you
look. . . great job growing up. [Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting ROSS: Hello. Oh hi, are you on your way ove-. Oh. No,
at the couches.] no, I, I understand, I mean a monkey's gotta work. No
SUSIE: It's nice to see you're not still wearing that it, it's no big deal, it' not like I uh, had anything special
denim cap with all the little mirrors on it. RACHEL: And then Jean-Claude took me to that place planned. Yeah OK, OK. OK, OK, bye.
57 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. SUSIE: Meet me in the bathroom. [she leaves for the RACHEL: OK, OK, that is my favorite sweater, that is
Monica and Rachel are upset with each bathroom] my third date sweater.
other. Phoebe is mediating.]
CHANDLER: I'm going to the bathroom now. [leaves for MONICA: Say you're sorry.
PHOEBE: OK, Rachel, why don't you start talking the bathroom]
first. RACHEL: OK, you wanna play? OK, let's play, let's
[In the bathroom Susie and Chandler are kissing. She play. [She grabs a jar of tomato sauce and Monica's
RACHEL: Alright, I feel that this is totally backs into a stall.] purse]
unjustified. [Monica starts making faces behind
her back] She gave me the green light, I did SUSIE: C'mon. MONICA: What're you gonna do?
nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV
set? CHANDLER: I can't believe we're doing this. RACHEL: You give me back my sweater or it's
handbag marinara.
PHOEBE: Alright Monica, if there is something SUSIE: Alright mister, let's see those panties.
that you would like to share... MONICA: You don't have the guts.
CHANDLER: Alrighty. [we see Chandler's pants drop from
MONICA: Ya know, you had no right to go out under the stall door] RACHEL: Oh yeah. Well, at least I wasn't too chicken
with him. to tell some guy I thought he was cute.
SUSIE: Ooh. Ooh. But ya know what would be even sexier?
RACHEL: That is the most ridiculous. [Monica pulls a thread on Rachel's sweater and Rachel
CHANDLER: What? dumps the tomato sauce in Monica's purse]
MONICA: You sold me out.
SUSIE: If you didn't have your shirt tucked into them. PHOEBE: Oh alright, stop, STOP THE MADNESS.
RACHEL: I did not sell you out. This is crazy. Who can even remember why this even
CHANDLER: Oh. started in the first place?
MONICA: Yes you did. Absolutely.
SUSIE: Alright. Now I would like to see you wearing [Monica and Rachel start yelling at the same time]
RACHEL: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on nothing but them. Take your clothes off.
the forehead] PHOEBE: Yes that's right. But still, I-, look at your
CHANDLER: OK, but uh, I hope you realize this means purse, look at your sweater, look at yourselves.
MONICA: Did you just flick me? we're gonna miss hearing about the specials.
MONICA: I'll help you fix your sweater.
RACHEL: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and SUSIE: C'mon hurry, hurry.
I was jus- [Monica flicks her back] Ow. That hurt RACHEL: I'll help you throw out your purse.
[flicks Monica] CHANDLER: Hey, do you want this done quick, or do you
want this done right? MONICA: I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing him.
MONICA: Quit flicking [flicks]
SUSIE: Alright, turn around. Time to see you from behind. RACHEL: Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I
RACHEL: Ow, you stop flicking. knew you liked him.
CHANDLER: OK.
MONICA: You flicked me first. MONICA: I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves [pulls
[She turns him facing the toilet and sneaks out of the stall Rachel's gloves out of her purse]
[They keep flicking each other. This turns into and gathers up his clothes.]
slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the [Scene: Back at the restroom at Marcel's.
floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy SUSIE: Oh, somebody's been doing his buns of steel video. Chandler is still in the stall, Joey comes in to go
thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up.] to the bathroom.]
CHANDLER: Well, you want me to uh, clench anything,
PHOEBE: OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass. or-... Susie? Susie. [Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey
whistles again.]
[Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear] SUSIE: This is for the fourth grade.
CHANDLER: Joey?
MONICA AND RACHEL: Ow. Ow. Ow. CHANDLER: Huh? Where, whaddya mean?
JOEY: Ma?
PHOEBE: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop. SUSIE: Whaddo I mean. Whaddya mean, whaddo I mean?
I mean underpants, mister, that's what I mean. CHANDLER: Joey!
RACHEL: Oh, what do you, you want me to stop
seeing him, is that what you want? CHANDLER: What, what's what you mean? JOEY: Chandler? What're you still doin' here, I though
you guys took off.
MONICA: Uh-huh. SUSIE: My skirt, you lifted, kids laughing. I was Susie
Underpants 'till I was 18. CHANDLER: Oh, no no no, she took off with my
RACHEL: You want me to just call him up and tell clothes.
him that you're seeing him instead? That's what CHANDLER: That was in the fourth grade. How could you
you want? still be upset about that? JOEY: Are you naked in there?
MONICA: OK. SUSIE: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell CHANDLER: Not exactly. . . I'm wearin panties.
me if you're still upset about this. [she leaves with his
RACHEL: Oh that's what you want. clothes] JOEY: Huh, you uh, you always wear panties?
MONICA: Yes. CHANDLER: Alright, I hope you realize you're not getting CHANDLER: No, no, this is the first time.
these underpants back.
RACHEL: Fine. JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first
[Scene: Monica and Van Damme are walking down time you try panties and someone walks off with your
MONICA: Fine, the street.] clothes.
PHOEBE: There we go.You know what, if we were MONICA: I can't believe this, just like 2 weeks ago I was CHANDLER: I was not trying them out, Susie asked
in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches. watching Sudden Death, now I'm on a date with me to wear them.
Jean-Claude Van Damme. Can you beat up that guy? [he
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, nods] Can you beat up that guy? JOEY: Well, let me see.
Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's
Assistant are there.] VAN DAMME: Sure. CHANDLER: No. I'm not letting you or anybody else
see, ever.
ROSS: Thanks for letting me tag along tonight MONICA: This is so wild. Ya know, I gotta admit, I was
you guys. kinda surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date. JOEY: Alright, alright. [climbs up in the next stall and
looks over at Chandler] Woah, someone's flossing.
JOEY: Forget about it. VAN DAMME: Normally, I would not do it.
[Ross enters, sees Joey in the mirror]
SUSIE: How you doin there squirmy? MONICA: Well, what made you make the exception for
me? ROSS: [to Joey who's looking over a toilet stall] Joey,
CHANDLER: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out. some people don't like that.
VAN DAMME: 'Cause Rachel told me uh, you were dying to
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really have a threesome with me and uh, Drew Barrymore. By the JOEY: Chandler's wearing panties.
exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool way, Drew has some groundrules and...
responsibilities. ROSS: What? Let me see. [climbs up in the other
[Scene: Back at Monica and Rachel's apartment. adjoining stall]
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do They are now fighting about what Rachel told Van
with casting. Damme.] CHANDLER: No, no, you don't have to see.
JOEY: So what're you guys gonna eat? MONICA: Say you're sorry. ROSS: Hi Tushie.
SUSIE: How come all I can think about is putting RACHEL: No. [hitting each other] CHANDLER: Alright, one of you give me your
that ice in my mouth and licking you all over? underpants.
MONICA: Say it.
CHANDLER: Because I went to an all boys high JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
school and God is making up for it. RACHEL: No. [hitting again]
CHANDLER: How can you not be wearing any
SUSIE: I want you right here, right now. [Monica grabs Rachel by the sweater. Rachel squirms out underwear?
of it]
CHANDLER: Right now, right here. Don't ya think JOEY: Oh, I'm gettin' heat from the guy in the hot pink
we're in kind of a public plaaaa [Susie grabs him MONICA: Rachel, you say you're sorry or your sweater thong.
under the table] They do have the shrimp. gets it.
58 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
CHANDLER: Alright look Ross I'll give you 50 INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?
dollars for your underpants. DIRECTOR: Cut.
MONICA: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash
[Some guy has entered.] VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man it.
is dying.
ALL: Hi. INTERVIEWER: Don't, I like it dirty.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, MONICA: That's your call.
Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front DIRECTOR: Cut.
of him, and leaves.] INTERVIEWER: So, uh, what are you going to do next?
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe, and is dying. MONICA: Well, I thought that I would cut up the
Chandler are sitting.] tomatos.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh. Mommy
CHANDLER: Hey Phoebs, can I have the milk INTERVIEWER: Are they, uh, firm?
after you? DIRECTOR: Cut.
MONICA: They'r alright.
PHOEBE: I'm almost done with it, keep your VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man
panties on. is dead. INTERVIEWER: You sure they haven't gone bad?
END You're sure they're not very, very bad?
[Joey enters]
214 The One With the Prom Video MONICA: No really, they're OK.
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is INTERVIEWER: You gonna slice them up real nice?
ROSS: What happened? playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
MONICA: Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne.
JOEY: One of the virus victims called in sick, so JOEY: Hey.
Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on INTERVIEWER: Aaaahhhhhhh.
the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
scene if you want to go down there and say MONICA: I'm outa here. [Monica leaves]
goodbye. JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands
Chandler an envelope. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment.
ROSS: Ahh, oh that's OK, I mean, he's probably Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch.
got, you know, parties to go to and stuff. But, ya CHANDLER: What's this? Ross is sitting at the table and answers the
know, he's moved on. Hey, that, that's the way it phone.]
goes right. JOEY: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I
PHOEBE: [sees Marcel at the window] Oh my God. CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is
it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK,
ROSS: What? What is this for? bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
["Looks Like We Made It" starts playing and we JOEY: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you PHOEBE: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.
enter a whole sequence of Marcel and Ross having back for head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of
fun in the city.] pizza I can't even count. I love ya man. ROSS: Oh really? What uh, what does he want with
her?
[Scene: The movie set. Monica and Rachel CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
are saying goodbye to Jean-Claude] CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty
VAN DAMME: [to Rachel] I'm sorry it didn't work always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box] much get down tonight.
out between you and me, [to Monica] or you and
me. Drew was very disappointed. CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the ROSS: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't
box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two
RACHEL: OK, well, bye. [kisses him] I don't know what to say. months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right
now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she
VAN DAMME: Goodbye. JOEY: Heh, what d'ya say? meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be
takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and
MONICA: Well, bye for me too. [kisses him] CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet. I should be together and, and we should get some kind
of me, message service.
RACHEL: OK, well, bye-bye again. [kisses him JOEY: Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out.
again] PHOEBE: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the
MONICA: OK. case] Thanks best bud. ROSS: Wha, OK, now how do you know that?
VAN DAMME: Perhaps, uh, the three of us, just JOEY: Put it on. PHOEBE: Because she's your lobster.
could. . .
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
MONICA AND RACHEL: Oh, no no no no no. I think something this nice should be saved for a special
occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer] PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that
VAN DAMME: Are you sure, I can crush a walnut lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what,
with my butt. JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around
everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .
MONICA AND RACHEL: No no no no. this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler]
Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet. [Monica enters from bathroom after taking a shower]
RACHEL: Impressive.
CHANDLER: I so am. CHANDLER: Hey, you feelin' better?
MONICA: But no. Maybe if I were baking.
JOEY: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life? MONICA: Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got
MONICA AND RACHEL: Bye-bye. the interview off me.
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but,
[Scene: City street. Whole gang is there once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track. PHOEBE: So, do you have any other possibilities?
seeing off Marcel.]
OPENING TITLES MONICA: Oh yeah, well there's the possibility that I
ROSS: Bye Marcel. See ya on the big screen. You won't make rent.
keep people drinkin' that beer, OK. I miss you [Scene: A kitchen somewhere. Monica is
buddy. interviewing for a job] ROSS: Monica, if you want, I can lend you some
money.
[Marcel is driven off in a limo] INTERVIEWER: Well, this all looks good.
MONICA: No no no, if I couldn't pay you back right
PHOEBE: You know, I think I want to write a song MONICA: Great. away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw
about all this. you.
INTERVIEWER: And if I want to call for a reference on your
RACHEL: Oh yeah. last job? ROSS: Oh OK. Well then why don't you, uhh, why
don't you borrow it from mom and dad? You feel guilty
PHOEBE: Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the and tense around them already. You might as well
my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow manager, Chandler Bing. make some money off of them.
your G-string?
INTERVIEWER: Alright, lets see if you're as good in person CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point.
CHANDLER: How long you been waitin' to say as you are on paper. Make me a salad. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
that?
MONICA: A salad? Really I, I could do something a little PHOEBE: What is that sparkly thing?
PHOEBE: About 20 minutes. CLOSING more complicated if you like.
CREDITS CHANDLER: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a
INTERVIEWER: No, just a salad will be fine. little flashy.
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie.
Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is MONICA: You got it. ROSS: No no, no no, it's not flashy, not for a Goodfella.
looking over him.]
INTERVIEWER: Now, I want you to tell me what you're MONICA: Man, man that is sharp. It must have cost
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, doing while you're doing it. you quite a few debloons.
this man is dying.
MONICA: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh. answers the door and lets her parents in. They
59 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
are carrying boxes.] Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of
their conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel? MR. GELLER: You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a
MONICA: Hi. tush. I'm just saying, it's right there.
RACHEL: What?
MR. GELLER: Hi. ROSS: Hey guys.
ROSS: I'm Ross Geller. Wha, I'm, God in your add you said
MRS. GELLER: Hi darling. you were pretty but wow. MRS. GELLER: Hi, darling. Where's my grandson, you
didn't bring him?
MONICA: So, what's this. RACHEL: What are you, what are you doin'?
ROSS: No, he's at uh, Carol's and Susan's today.
MR. GELLER: Some of your old stuff. ROSS: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't
believe it, uh, well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll MR. GELLER: A woman in my office is a lesiban. I'm
MRS. GELLER: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for have something to tell the grandkids. just saying.
you. We're turning your room into a gym.
MAN: Sure will. I've uh, gotta go. Take care. MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little commercial that cracks you up. [the Gellers return to
question, uh, why not Ross's room? ROSS: OK, see ya later, nice meeting you. [man leaves] watching TV and Ross goes over to Monica]
You're welcome.
MR. GELLER: Gosh, we talked about that but your MONICA: Where have you been?
brother has so many science trophies and plaques RACHEL: What?
and merit badges, well we didn't want to disturb ROSS: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the
them. ROSS: I was saving you. money yet?
MONICA: Oh, God forbid. RACHEL: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant MONICA: No, but that's probably 'cause I haven't
conversation with the interesting man, saving me? asked them yet.
[Rachel enters with a laundry basket]
ROSS: Oh, see from where I was sitting I uh. . . ROSS: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um,
MRS. GELLER: Oh, hi Rachel. Monica has some news.
RACHEL: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.
RACHEL: Hi. MONICA: Um, yeah, so uh, uhh, listen, I'm sorry I
ROSS: But, you are. didn't tell you this before but umm, I, I'm no longer at
MRS. GELLER: Oh, we were so sorry to hear about my job, I, I had to leave it.
your parents splitting up, dear. RACHEL: What?
MRS. GELLER: Why?
RACHEL: Oh, well, you know, they're just ROSS: Uh, uh, well you're, umm, you're my lobster.
separated so, you know, never know, we'll see. MONICA: Because they made me.
RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the
MR. GELLER: Well, I can't say any of us were blind date guy again? MRS. GELLER: You were fired? What're you gonna do?
surprised. Your parents have been unhappy ever
since we've known them. Especially after that ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, MR. GELLER: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little
incident in Hawaii. lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, harmonica we're talking about. We taught her well.
they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In Ten percent of your paycheck, where does it go?
RACHEL: What, what incident? the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh,
Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster MONICA and ROSS: In the bank.
MR. GELLER: Uhh, naa, no no no, I, I must be thing?
thinking of someone else, uh, maybe me. Don't MR. GELLER: There you go. So she dips into her
you have some folding to do? Go fold dear. Fold. PHOEBE: Do the claws again. savings, that's what it's there for. She's gonna be fine,
You fold. [shuffles her into her room] and if you need a little extra, you know where to find it.
ROSS: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, [pulls a quarter from behind her ear]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe let's talk, what about us?
are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is MONICA: Anything larger back there?
looking at Chandler.] RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe
PHOEBE: Do you want a refill? ROSS: No, but. . . enter.]
CHANDLER: No, I'm alright, thanks. RACHEL: No, listen to me. I fell for you and I get CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
clobbered. You then fall for me and I again, somehow, get
PHOEBE: OK. Ooh, OK, you gotta give me a clobbered. I'm tired of being clobbered, ya know, it's, it's PHOEBE: Would you stop already? Get out of the
second, I wanna get this just right. [she sticks out just not worth it. bitter barn and play in the hay.
her gut, clears her throat and sniffs her nose and
then in her best male voice. . .] Dude, 11 o'clock, ROSS: Well, but, but. . . CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the
totally hot babe checkin' you out. That was really hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400
good, I think I'm ready for my penis now. RACHEL: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with.
Accept that. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know
what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of ROSS: E-except, except that what? RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles
Wendy's. Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make
RACHEL: No, no, ACC-cept that. you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up
GAIL: I'm Gail. Chandler's bracelet]
ROSS: Oh.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks
exposing the bracelet] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
there. Joey enters.]
GAIL: I, I really have to be somewhere but it was CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks
nice meeting you. CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? in behind him]
[Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play JOEY: Hey.
Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a
a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the CHANDLER: Hey.
no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
eyesore from the Liberace house of crap. JOEY: How come you have two?
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you
PHOEBE: It's not that bad. should have just said so. CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet JOEY: Get out.
don't have to walk around sporting some reject even though I hated it say something about our friendship
from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind and how much it means to me? CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how
Chandler] much this means to you and I also know that this is
JOEY: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey]
PHOEBE: Chandler, Chandler. bracelet and you made fun of me? it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading
bracelet] best buds.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank.
jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to JOEY: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out,
around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was we're bracelet buddies.
doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off
Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. CHANDLER: That's what they'll call us.
without saying anything] That's actually good. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know,
you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a room, lifting up the couch cushions] and Ross are standing in the kitchen. Ross is
man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are filling out a check]
sitting at the couches.] JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees,
holding the couch cushions] ROSS: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever
ROSS: Would you look at that guy, I mean how you like.
long has he been talking to her. It's like, back off CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these
buddy she's a waitress not a geisha. couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much MONICA: You have dinosaur checks?
like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth
PHOEBE: I think she's OK. anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room] ROSS: Yeah, yeah I mean, you get your money and
you learn a little something, what's wrong with that?
ROSS: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and
guy's shoulder] Look at that, look at that, see how Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is MONICA: Nothin', nothin', hey you're a cheapasaurus.
she's pushing him away and he won't budge. sitting at the table] I'm kidding, I'm kidding, thank you, I'm very greatful.
60 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
playing 'Axel-F'] END
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler
and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a RACHEL: Oh my God, look there's Roy Gublik. 215 The One Where Rachel and Ross... You
box] Hey, Mon, what is this? Know
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His
MONICA: Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from name was in the paper. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and
high school. I was uh, a little bigger then. Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and
RACHEL: Where's Chip, why isn't he here yet? Joey leading him.]
CHANDLER: Oh, I thought that's what they used
to cover Connecticut when it rained. ROY: He'll be here OK, take a chill pill. [Chip pins Monica's JOEY: Alright, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no
corsage on, Monica then turns and whispers to Rachel] peeking.
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's
on this video tape? MONICA: I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob. CHANDLER: Alright, alright, but you better be
wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
MONICA: Hey, you got me, put it in. RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't,
it's too late. JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see
ROSS: [Rachel enters] Oh. two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
MONICA: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
RACHEL: Hi. CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and
ROY: Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass. pure.
ROSS: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful JOEY: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. CHANDLER: Congratulations!
Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose] ROSS: Doubtful.
JOEY: I know.
RACHEL: Oh my God. MRS. GELLER: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son.
CHANDLER: Now we can finally watch Green Acres
JOEY: What is with your nose? MR. GELLER: Your mother's right. Take her, you can wear the way it was meant to be seen.
my tux.
RACHEL: They had to reduce it because of, of my JOEY: Uh-huh.
deviated septum. ROSS: Dad, she won't want to go with me.
CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?
CHANDLER: OK, I was wrong, that's what they MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man.
used to cover Connecticut. JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one
ROSS: I don't know. you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs]
MONICA: You know what this is, this is us getting Not that one.
ready for the prom. MR. GELLER: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?
CHANDLER: [sits down] Ohh yes.
RACHEL: Oh. RACHEL: I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom,
this is so harsh. JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.
ROSS: You know what, you guys, we don't have
to watch this. ROSS: OK. Hold my board. CHANDLER: [reaches for the footrest lever] Do we
dare?
ALL: Oh yeah we do. C'mon. MR. GELLER: Atta boy. [Ross scrambles upstairs to change]
JOEY: We dare.
MRS. GELLER: Get a shot of Monica. Where's ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough,
Monica. let's turn it off. BOTH: [both extend the footrests] Aaahhhh. [both
recline their chairs] AAAAHHHHHH.
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see ALL: No, no, no.
a torso taking up the whole screen] OPENING TITLES
ROSS: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
MR, GELLER: Wait, how do you zoom out? [zooms [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and
out and we see an extremely overweight Monica MR. GELLER: C'mon kid, let's go. Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica,
eating a big sandwich] There she is. Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
MRS. GELLER: Ahh, are you hadsome.
JOEY: Some girl ate Monica. PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate
MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em. sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
MONICA: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be CHANDLER: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of never would have survived in the wild.
actually on you? the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
ROSS: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke
MONICA: Oh, you look so great. MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here is practically life-size.
comes your knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up
RACHEL: Ahh, so do you, beautiful. [they hug] and the four are leaving] ALL: Woah!
MONICA: Oops. RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye. MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller
screen, doesn't she?
RACHEL: What? MRS. GELLER: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
[Rachel enters]
MONICA: Shoot, I think I got mayonaise on you. MR. GELLER: Press the button.
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
RACHEL: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's MRS. GELLER: Which one? Which button, Jack.
not my dress. ALL: Hey.
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.
MR. GELLER: Everybody smile. RACHEL: Hey you.
MONICA: I can't believe you did that.
MONICA: Oh, dad, turn it off. ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the
ROSS: Yeah, well. TV.]
MR. GELLER: It is off.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light? the room, and kisses Ross] Ross move]
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans PHOEBE: See, he's her lobster. RACHEL: So, uh, how was your day?
over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]
CLOSING CREDITS ROSS: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun
JOEY: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter. shining, birds chirping.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is
ROSS: You look pretty tonight. watching the rest of the tape] RACHEL: Really? Mine too.
RACHEL: Oh, thanks. So, uh, what are you gonna MRS. GELLER: Dance with him. PHOEBE: Hey cool, mine too.
do this summer?
MONICA: Mom, I'm hungry. ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to
ROSS: Oh, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.
hang out, work on my music. MRS. GELLER: Dance with your father.
RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching
RACHEL: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling MR. GELLER: I may not know any of your flash dances but so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and
off her shoulders] Is my hook unhooked? These I'm no slouch on the dance floor. leaves]
things keep falling down, I can't. . .
MONICA: Alright. ROSS: Bye guys.
ROSS: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So
what're you gonna do. . . [doorbell rings] [the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers] ALL: Bye.
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here. MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack. MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV]
Tonight?
ROSS: this summer? MR. GELLER: Oh, Judy. Oh, Judy.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out
CHANDLER: Work on your music? BOTH: Oh, ohhhhh. of in front of the TV]
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard [Monica is visibly upset] MONICA: What's tonight?
61 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract, I get it, no I get it, you
RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date. stay out there. ROSS: No.
MONICA: Uh, hello. DR. BURKE: See. RACHEL: Oh, come on squeeze it.
RACHEL: Hi. MONICA: Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in 5 ROSS: No.
minutes with some sort of um, kabob emergency.
MONICA: Tonight you're supposed to waitress for RACHEL: Rub it.
me, my catering thing, any of those words trigger DR. BURKE: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey
anything for you? wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. [grabbing some wine ROSS: No.
glasses and opening the door to the party] Who needs
RACHEL: God, oh God Monica, I forgot. This is glasses? [everyone laughs] RACHEL: Oh, come on, would you just grab my ass.
our first date.
PHOEBE: You are so smitten. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are
MONICA: Yes but my mom got me this job. watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
MONICA: I am not.
PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a JOEY: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet
waitress. PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the
should ask him out. Miracle Wax.
RACHEL: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you. See Phoebe, Phoebe. MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face
grown up. man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know,
you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be PHOEBE: So. You two are totally into each other. [Ross enters]
like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 JOEY: Hi.
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, years older than me.
gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, PHOEBE: OK, so what, you're just never gonna see him
la-la-la-la-la. again? JOEY: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to
be out with Rachel?
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Dr. Burke answers MONICA: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him
the door for Phoebe and Monica.] tomorrow at my eye appointment. ROSS: That was 14 hours ago.
PHOEBE: It's James Bond. PHOEBE: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked? CHANDLER: So how'd it go?
MONICA: Sorry we're late. MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know,
eye age. foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
DR. BURKE: Ah, that's OK, come on in. Um, I'm
sorry, is Monica Geller coming? I was told she was. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel CHANDLER: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock
are returning from a movie.] of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.
MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm JOEY: She laughed at you?
DR. BURKE: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this
You look great. ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles. since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want
it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser
MONICA: Thank you. This is my friend Phoebe. RACHEL: I know, I just didn't want to wear my glasses on beam cutting through the paint?
She's gonna be helping me tonight. my first date.
CHANDLER: It's the Miracle Wax.
DR. BURKE: Hi Phoebe, nice to meet you. [Phoebe [They start kissing.]
just giggles when they shake] So, how ya been? JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
RACHEL: Monica.
MONICA: I've been great, just great. How have [Rachel enters]
you been? [tilting her head] ROSS: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you
didn't shout out my sister's name. RACHEL: Hi you guys.
DR. BURKE: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara
and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done RACHEL: Honey, I'm just checking. CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
the head tilt.
ROSS: Oh. ROSS: Hey.
MONICA: The head tilt?
RACHEL: Monica. RACHEL: Hi. Listen, I was um, thinkin' about. . .
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when
anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a ROSS: Mon. CHANDLER: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's
sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.
doin'? You OK?' RACHEL: Monica.
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
MONICA: I'm sorry. ROSS: Mon.
RACHEL: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it [Since they're alone they start kissing and Ross's hands really want to make it up to you.
too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. work their way down until they're on Rachel's butt. Rachel
[demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' starts laughing.] ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it
[bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to u. . . how?
set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of ROSS: What, what.
course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic
change. RACHEL: I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry, it's just that when dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe
you moved your hands down to my butt, it was like woah, going back to my place for um, dessert.
MONICA: [her and Phoebe tilt their heads] Oh, Ross's hands are on my butt. Sorry.
that's too bad. ROSS: Humm, that sounds, I don't, perfect.
ROSS: And that's, that's funny why?
DR. BURKE: [bobbing his head] I'll survive. [there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're
still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is crossing that line, sort of a big thing. RACHEL: What's this.
ordering a pizza.]
ROSS: I, I know it's big, I just didn't know it was uh, ha-ha CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. big.
But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, [Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye
Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our RACHEL: OK. [start kissing again and Rachel starts appointment.]
door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on lauging again]
the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up. DR. BURKE: I'm going to look into your eyes now.
ROSS: OK, my hands were no where near your butt.
JOEY: What if we have to pee? MONICA: Really.
RACHEL: I know, I know, I know, I know. I was just
CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas. thinking about when they were there the last time, I'm DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . .
sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, OK, look, woah, I promise, look down, now open your eyes, now look down.
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. I'm good, I'm not gonna laugh anymore. OK put your That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK.
Burke are in the kitchen.] hands back there. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.
MONICA: You've got to get back out there, it's ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too MONICA: Good, they feel good, in my head.
your party. self conscious.
RACHEL: Just one cheek. DR. BURKE: So, it's great to see ya.
DR. BURKE: But they're so dull, they're all
opthamologists. ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone. MONICA: You too.
MONICA: You're an opthamologist. RACHEL: Alright, just put your hands out and I'll back up DR. BURKE: You too.
into them.
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me MONICA: OK, um. Goodbye.
to be, I wanted to be a sherrif. ROSS: That's romantic.
DR. BURKE: Drops!
PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] RACHEL: C'mon touch it.
62 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
MONICA: What? australopithicus was never fully erect. starts the music system]
DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free. CHANDLER: Well maybe he was nervous. RACHEL: Oh, God.
MONICA: Thanks. So, I guess I better be going. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, [The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'.
Rachel is waiting patiently.] Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
DR. BURKE: Oh, OK, yeah. I'll see ya later.
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus ROSS: Sorry.
MONICA: Thanks again. hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got
him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just RACHEL: Ah, so what are we looking at?
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so
then they embrace in a full on kiss] long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars
will have dinner. next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're
still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.] RACHEL: It's OK, it's fine. RACHEL: Really?
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to
PHOEBE: We have got to get you lazy boys out of ROSS: KARL! work tonight.
these chairs.
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah. loincloth of one of the display models.] don't just mean tonight. [they kiss]
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. ROSS: You're not laughing.
with the three-dimensional people. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the
pictures in his wallet.] RACHEL: This time it's not so funny.
JOEY: No, inside good, outside bad.
MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle? [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull
PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll
XANADU! OH. DR. BURKE: Yep. across the fur rug.]
CHANDLER: She's one of us now. MONICA: I've not seen her since high school graduation. RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.
Oh my God, that night she got so dru. . . motional.
[Rachel and Ross enter] ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
DR. BURKE: Ya know, she's having another baby.
RACHEL: Hi you guys. RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
MONICA: I thought she just had one.
ROSS: Hey. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.]
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey. everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he
liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness ROSS: Hi.
ROSS: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
goodnight. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa. you.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
DR. BURKE: Yeah. Are we nuts here? ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their
heads. MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man RACHEL: What?
who's pool I once peed in.
RACHEL: Alright you guys, I'm takin' off my shirt. ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is outside the display watching them]
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older
lyin'. than you. CLOSING CREDITS
[Monica enters carrying food that's been delivered] MONICA: Yeah. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still
in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.]
MONICA: Stop sending food to our apartment. DR. BURKE: So.
[they're laughing along with the show when an alarm
ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up? MONICA: So maybe we should just. . . goes off]
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date DR. BURKE: Yeah, yeah, maybe. JOEY: Is that the fire alarm?
tonight.
MONICA: Wow, this really sucks. CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with? yet, we still have time.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into
MONICA: No one. a passionate kiss] JOEY: Cool.
END
ROSS: C'mon, what's his name? MONICA: Well, we don't really have to decide anything
right now, do we?
MONICA: Nothing. 216 One Where Joey Moves Out
DR. BURKE: No, no, there's no rush or anything.
ROSS: Come on, tell me. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment.
[knock at the door] Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their
MONICA: Alright, but I'm very excited about this bathrobes, eating cereal]
OK, so you gotta promise you won't get all DELIVERY GUY: Pizza delivery.
big-brothery and judgmental. JOEY: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain
MONICA: Oh, I'm gonna kill those guys. Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's
MONICA: It's Richard Burke. display where Rachel is waiting.] been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? ROSS: Rach. [Joey finishes his cereal, licks his spoon, and puts it
You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, back in the silverware drawer.]
why should that bother me? I, I love that man, RACHEL: Oh.
he's like a uh, brother to dad. CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
ROSS: I'm done.
MONICA: Well for your information he happens JOEY: What?
to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated, RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.
sexiest men I've ever been with. CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put.
ROSS: Wha, OK, I'm sorry, let's uh, why don't we find You licked and you put.
ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy? someplace else.
JOEY: Yeah, so.
RACHEL and PHOEBE: Oh God, absolutely. RACHEL: No, you know what, it's late, everything's gonna
be closed. Why don't we just do it another night? CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I
ROSS: [his beeper goes off] It's the museum mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a
again, can I, oh. ROSS: No, no, we won't. sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
RACHEL: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once. RACHEL: We won't? JOEY: Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one to
unclog the drain.
MONICA: When? ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open,
RACHEL: When I was um, 7, I crashed my bike RACHEL: OK, that's dead right? worms everywhere.
right out in front of his house and to stop me from
crying he kissed me right here. [points to the tip of [Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter JOEY: Hey, why can't we use the same toothbrush,
her nose] on stage.] but we can use the same soap?
PHOEBE: Oh you are so lucky. RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing? CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
RACHEL: I know. ROSS: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape? JOEY: Alright, well next time you take a shower, think
about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
ROSS: [on the phone] Woah, woah, woah RACHEL: Grape.
australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. OPENING TITLES
No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he
63 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. MRS. GELLER: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride? PHOEBE: Here we go.
Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table,
Joey and Chandler enter.] ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for RACHEL: [reluctantly] Uh-huh.
the both of us.
CHANDLER: Hey. PHOEBE: You're not going?
[Scene: The Gellers' kitchen. Monica, Mrs. Geller
MONICA and PHOEBE: Hey. and one of Mrs. Geller's friends are preparing the RACHEL: Uh-huh.
cake.]
JOEY: Hey. PHOEBE: What? Is it - is this 'cause of what Ross said?
FRIEND: Well, you kids take the train in?
PHOEBE: Ooh, look at you fancy lads. What's the RACHEL: No. Well, yeah, maybe.
occasion? MRS. GELLER: No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
PHOEBE: I don't believe this. Is this how this
JOEY: Well, you know that guy that's on my show FRIEND: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some relationship's gonna work? Ross equals boss. I mean,
that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch. 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped c'mon what is this, 1922?
cream all over the place]
PHOEBE: Ahh. RACHEL: What's 1922?
MONICA: Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get
RACHEL: [enters from her room] OK, ready when that mom. PHOEBE: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when
you are. men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then
MRS. GELLER: Sooo, Richard's shopping in the junior there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds
PHOEBE: Okey-doke. section. horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?
MONICA: I can't believe you guys are actually MONICA: Are we still on that? RACHEL: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .
getting tattoos.
MRS. GELLER: We just know she's got the IQ of a napkin. PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting you?
tattoos? FRIEND: She's probably not even very pretty, just young
enough so that everything is still pointing up. [Monica folds RACHEL: No.
RACHEL: Yes, but you can not tell Ross 'cause I her arms over her breasts]
want to surprise him. PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and
JOEY: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get? Joey are at the brunch.] RACHEL: You?
PHOEBE: Um, I'm getting a lily for my Mom. JOEY: Can you believe this place? PHOEBE: No. You are the boss of you. Now you
'Cause her name's Lily. march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment. on your hip. GO!!
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name
was Big Ugly Splotch? JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors [Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in
on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
JOEY: So where you gettin' it? peein' with the Rockettes.
RICHARD: How ya doin'?
PHOEBE: I think on my shoulder. [Ross enters] CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No,
seriously. MONICA: I'm a twinkie.
ROSS: What? What's on your shoulder?
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Hey. RICHARD: Really? I'm a hero.
PHOEBE: Um, a chip. A tattoo, I'm getting a
tattoo. JOEY: Hey! We were just sayin', great apartment man. MONICA: Oh, this is so hard.
ROSS: A tattoo? Why, why would you want to do JOEY'S CO-STAR: Thanks. You want it? RICHARD: Yeah, I know. I hate it too. Look, maybe we
that? [to Rachel] Hi. should just tell them.
JOEY: Huh?
RACHEL: Hi. Well hey, you don't - you don't think MONICA: Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
they're kind of cool? JOEY'S CO-STAR: Yeah, I'm movin' to a bigger place. You
should definitely take this one. RICHARD: My parents are dead.
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would
anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? JOEY: Yeah, can you see me in a place like this? MONICA: God, you are so lucky. I mean, I mean. . .
What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's you know what I mean.
like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. JOEY'S CO-STAR: Why not? You hate park views and high
Why's everyone staring at me? ceilings? C'mon I'll show you the kitchen. RICHARD: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK,
I'll go out first, alright.
MONICA: Ross, come sign this birthday card for CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I
dad. Rich is gonna be here any minute. saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK. MONICA: Alright.
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, [Scene: Mr. Geller's party. Mr. Geller and a friend RICHARD: [walks out of the bathroom and runs into
huh? are questioning Richard while Ross observes.] Mrs. Geller who is going to the bathroom] Judy, going
to the bathroom, good for you.
MONICA: Well, he's my parents' best friend, he MR. GELLER: C'mon, tell us.
has to be there. MRS. GELLER: Thank you Richard, I appreciate the
FRIEND: Yeah, is she really 20. support.
JOEY: Oh, is today the day you're gonna tell them
about you two? RICHARD: I am not telling you guys anything. [Monica jumps in the shower. Right after Mrs. Geller
enters the bathroom, Mr. Geller peeks his head in.]
MONICA: Yeah. It's my dad's birthday, I decided MR. GELLER: C'mon Rich, it's my birthday, let me live
to give him a stroke. vicariously. MR. GELLER: Honey. Honey, have you seen my
Harmon Kilerbrew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.
PHOEBE: No, I think you should tell them. ROSS: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard
MONICA: No, I don't even know how serious he is MR. GELLER: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between has a twinkie in the city?
about me. Until I do, I'm not telling them anything. friends?
MR. GELLER: I know. He's like a new man. It's like a
ROSS: I don't know, I don't think mom and dad RICHARD: Jack, would you let it go? scene from Cocoon.
would mind. Remember when you were 9 and
Richard was 30, how dad used to say, 'God I hope MR. GELLER: Look, I know what you're going through. MRS. GELLER: I just never would have pictured
they get together.' When I turned 50 I got the Porsche. You... you got your Richard with a bimbo.
own little speedster.
[Scene: The Gellers' house. Monica, Ross, MR. GELLER: Apparently, he told Johnny Shapiro that
and Richard are arriving to Mr. Gellers RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that. she's quite a girl. In fact, he told Johnny that he thinks
birthday party.] he's falling in love with her.
MR. GELLER: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends
ROSS: Alright, shall we? you can borrow the car and I cou. . . MRS. GELLER: Really.
MONICA: OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know ROSS: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence. MR. GELLER: I tell you, I've never seen him this happy.
what? Ross, let's - let's switch places. You get in
the middle. No un-, ya know, unless this looks like MR. GELLER: What? I'm kidding. You know I'd never let MRS. GELLER: So Jack, you ever think about trading
we're trying to cover something up. him touch the Porsche. me in for a younger model?
ROSS: Monica, Monica, you could come in [Scene: Tattoo parlor. Phoebe and Rachel are MR. GELLER: Of course not. With you it's like I've got
straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it. [opens deciding on tattoos.] two 25-year-olds.
door] We're here.
PHOEBE: OK Rach, which, which lily? This lily or that lily? MRS. GELLER: [they start kissing] Oh Jack stop.
MRS. GELLER: Oh hi kids. Hi darling.
RACHEL: Well I. . . MR. GELLER: C'mon, it's my birthday.
MONICA: Happy birthday dad.
PHOEBE: I like this lily. It's more open, ya know, and [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment.
MR. GELLER: Oh thank you. that's like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Chandler and Joey are returning from their
Ooh, Foghorn Leghorn, ooh. brunch.]
ROSS: Hi ma.
TATTOO ARTIST: Alright, blonde girl, you're in room two, JOEY: Can we drop this? I am not interested in the
RICHARD: Happy birthday. not so blonde girl, you're with me. guy's apartment.
64 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were Richard] JOEY: These'll go great in my new place. You know,
checking out his mouldings. You want it. 'till I get real ones.
MRS. GELLER: Well that's wonderful. . . I
JOEY: Why would I want another apartment, huh? CHANDLER: What?
I've already got an apartment that I love. MONICA: Mom, it's OK.
JOEY: Well, I can't use these forever. I mean, let's
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once RICHARD: It is Judy. face it, they're no friend to the environment.
in a while.
MRS. GELLER: Jack. Could you come in here for a moment? CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about
JOEY: Alright, you want the truth? I'm thinkin' NOW! your new place?
about it.
MR. GELLER: [enters with his bat] Found it. JOEY: I'm movin' out like we talked about.
CHANDLER: What?
ROSS: I'll take that dad. [grabs the bat] CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious.
JOEY: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was
alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got MRS. GELLER: It seems your daughter and Richard are just a fight.
enough money that I don't need a roommate something of an item.
anymore. JOEY: Well, it was a fight. . . based on serious stuff,
MR. GELLER: That's impossible, he's got a twinkie in the remember. About how I never lived alone or anything.
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a city. I just think it would be good for me, ya know, help me
roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by to grow or. . . whatever.
myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody MONICA: Dad, I'm the twinkie.
once a week to lick the silverware. CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
MR. GELLER: You're the twinkie?
JOEY: What're you gettin' so bent out of shape for, JOEY: Hey, are you cool with this. I mean, I don't
huh? It's not like we agreed to live together RICHARD: She's not a twinkie. want to leave you high and dry.
forever. We're not Bert and Ernie.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the relationship I've been in. . . I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game
way you feel, then maybe you should take it. room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in
MRS. GELLER: Oh please, a relationship. there.
JOEY: Well that's how I feel.
MONICA: Yes, a relationship. For your information I am JOEY: Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it. crazy about this man.
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
JOEY: Well then maybe I will. RICHARD: Really?
JOEY: Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.
CHANDLER: Fine with me. MONICA: Yes.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more MR. GELLER: Am I supposed to stand here and listen to
quality time with your real friends, the spoons. this on my birthday? JOEY: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of
my day to kick your ass.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Mr. and MONICA: Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. Ya know,
Mrs. Geller enter looking particularly and you even said yourself, you've never seen Richard CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on
refreshed. Monica follows looking rather happier. more times than your sister.
pale.]
MR. GELLER: When did I say that? JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?
MR. GELLER: Who's drink can I freshen?
MONICA: Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica
MRS. GELLER: Almost time for cake. up mom. and Richard are setting the table.]
ROSS: Mon, Mon, are you OK? [Everyone else enters and all start singing Happy Birthday.] MONICA: So, are you sorry that I told them?
MONICA: You remember that video I found of [Scene: Tattoo parlor. Rachel is showing Phoebe RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and
mom and dad? her tattoo.] I went running.
ROSS: Yeah. PHOEBE: Oh that looks so good, oh I love it. [Rachel and Phoebe enter]
MONICA: Well, I just caught the live show. RACHEL: I know, so do I. Oh Phoebe, I'm so glad you RACHEL: Oh.
made me do this. OK, lemme se yours.
ROSS: Eww. MONICA: Oh. Well did you get it? Let me see.
PHOEBE: Ahh. OK, let's see yours again.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica RACHEL: Is Ross here?
and Richard are alone in the kitchen.] RACHEL: Phoebe we just saw mine, let me see yours.
MONICA: No he went out to get pizza.
MONICA: Hey there. PHOEBE: Oh OK. [pulls over her shirt and shows a bare
shoulder] Oh no, oh it's gone, that's so weird, I don't know RACHEL: Oh really, OK. [shows Monica her tattoo]
RICHARD: What? how-where it went.
MONICA: That's great.
MONICA: Nothing, I just heard something nice RACHEL: You didn't get it?
about you. RICHARD: Very tasteful.
PHOEBE: No.
RICHARD: Humm, really? PHOEBE: Wanna see mine, wanna see mine?
RACHEL: Why didn't you get it?
[Mrs. Geller and Ross both enter] MONICA: Yes.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't RACHEL: What? You didn't get one.
seeing anyone is he? RACHEL: Phoebe, how would you do this to me? This was
all your idea. PHOEBE: OK, well then what is this? [shows her bare
RICHARD: Uhh, not that I know of. shoulder]
PHOEBE: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then
MRS. GELLER: Well, I was thinking, why doesn't he he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
give Monica a call? do this with needles?
PHOEBE: OK, that's my tattoo.
RICHARD: That - that's an idea. RACHEL: Really? You don't say, because mine was licked
on by kittens. RACHEL: That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I
MONICA: Well, actually, I'm already seeing finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with
someone. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.
at the bar and Joey enters.]
MRS. GELLER: Oh? PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly
JOEY: Hey. what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen
RICHARD: Oh? from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me
CHANDLER: Hey. from heaven.
ROSS: Ohh.
JOEY: Hey listen, I'm sorry about what happened. . . RACHEL: Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your
MRS. GELLER: She never tells us anything. Ross, mother is up in heaven going, 'Where the hell is my lily,
did you know Monica's seeing someone? CHANDLER: Yeah me too. you wuss?' OK, Phoebe, that is not a tattoo, this is a
tattoo. [she bends over and bears her tattoo right
ROSS: Mom, there are so many people in my life. JOEY: I know. Yeah. when Ross returns]
Some of them are seeing people and some of them
aren't. Is that crystal? CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . . ROSS: You got a tattoo?
MRS. GELLER: So, who's the mystery man? JOEY: No, we're alright. RACHEL: Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the
whole world.
MONICA: Well, uh, he's a doctor. CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of
plastic spoons] ROSS: Lemme see. [looks]
MRS. GELLER: A real doctor?
JOEY: Plastic spoons. Great. RACHEL: Well?
MONICA: No, a doctor of meat. Of course he's a
real doctor. And he's handsome, and he's sweet, CHANDLER: Lick away my man. ROSS: Well it's really. . . sexy. I wouldn't have thought
and know you'd like him. [she puts her arm around it would be but. . . wow.
65 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
RACHEL: Really? RACHEL: [holding a pillow made out of 4 inch red fur] Hey, ROSS: Calm down, I'm blow drying.
nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?
ROSS: Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff? [Rachel enters with laundry and starts folding]
PHOEBE: [looking at a water sculpture that looks like a
RACHEL: I guess. window with rain running down it] Hey, excellent, excellent MONICA: Blow drying what, you have no hair.
water-table thing.
ROSS: Hey, save us some pizza. [they go off to RACHEL: What's goin' on?
Rachel's room] JOEY: Thanks, yeah. I love this but ya know what, it
makes me wanna pee. MONICA: Your boyfriend has been in there for over
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him
Joey are playing foosball for the table.] PHOEBE: Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I
challenge. wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower,
JOEY: Get out of the corner. Pass it, pass it. ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .
JOEY: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey RACHEL: Well, you're not sixteen, you're both adults
scores] ROSS: Well uh, it's cause he had a thing with, wi-, with the now.
thing.
JOEY: Yes! And the table is mine. MONICA: GET OUT YOU DUFUS!!
JOEY: Right, I go-, I got it.
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves] RACHEL: Or ya know, he's rubber and you're glue.
PHOEBE: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. The whole ROSS: [comes out] All yours.
gang is helping Joey pack.] JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them
to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, MONICA: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the
JOEY: Hey, you guys are still gonna come visit me, uncomprehending] Heh? drain.
right?
RACHEL: Hey, nice toilet. ROSS: [in a childish voice] I hope you cleaned your
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll hair out of the drain.
be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a JOEY: No no no, behind it.
look] except when we are here. MONICA: Shut up.
ROSS: Wha-, you have a phone in here?
PHOEBE: I know you're just moving uptown but ROSS: [childish voice] Shut up.
I'm really gonna miss you. JOEY: That's right, I have a phone in here.
MONICA: Cut it out.
MONICA: I know, how can you not be accross the MONICA: Joey, promise me something.
hall anymore. ROSS: [childish voice] Mi-mi-mii.
JOEY: Yeah.
RACHEL: Yeah, who's gonna eat all our food, and [Monica goes in the bathroom]
tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What MONICA: Never call me from that phone.
the hell you doin' with my bra? RACHEL: [sarcastically] I've never wanted you more.
OPENING TITLES
JOEY: Oh no-no, it's uh, it's not what you think. [Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is
We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water [Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]
balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a
high kids couldn't even get theirs accross the piece of pie.] CHANDLER: So, whaddya say boys, should I call him?
street. [squeezes the ear of one of the slippers and it barks]
[Someone bumps into Rachel and she drops the pie in a Well, ya know what they say. Ask your slippers a
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember. guy's hood that's seated at the table. She improvises by question... you're going crazy.
using the plate as a saucer for the coffee.]
ROSS: Hey, let's bring the rest of these down to [Joey's apartment, phone rings]
the truck. RACHEL: OK, here we go. Honey, I'm sorry, they were all
out of apple pie, someone just got the last piece. JOEY: Hello.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
[Phoebe enters] CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh,
give you a hand with the foosball table? PHOEBE: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. JOEY: Hey!
You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.
JOEY: Naa, you keep it, you need the practice. CHANDLER: Listen, I'm, I'm sorry I didn't make it
CHANDLER: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the over there today.
CHANDLER: Thanks. name of France four years ago.
JOEY: Oh, that's OK. You uh, you had a thing.
JOEY: So, I guess this is it. PHOEBE: Anyway, OK, now promise you won't like, freak
out and say how great this is until I'm done, OK. CHANDLER: Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
ALL: OK. JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the
[Joey walks to the door. He stops, turns around.] apartment doin'
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny
record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat CHANDLER: Oh hey, it's, it's terriffic. I mean it's a
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat. regular space... fest.
see you again.
ALL: [congradulating her and celebrating] JOEY: Oh, well great.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the
coffee house. PHOEBE: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
do a video.
JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. JOEY: Well OK then. [oven timer goes off behind
ALL: [celebrating more] Chandler] Was that the oven timer?
CHANDLER: Yeah.
PHOEBE: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, CHANDLER: That's right my friend. It's time for...
[Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes they may even want to make an album.
back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then BOTH: Baywatch!! [both turn on TV's]
leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his [everyone is quiet, unsure if she's done or not]
apartment.] JOEY: Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin
PHOEBE: I'm done now. cancer?
CLOSING CREDITS
END ALL: [celebrating] CHANDLER: I still can't believe they promoted her to
lieutenant.
[the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]
217 The One Where Eddie Moves In JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love
RACHEL: Oh God. Ross, OK, if you care about me at all, with Yasmine Blepe.
[Scene: Joey's new apartment. Everyone you will get the pie out of the man's hood.
but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated CHANDLER: Well, how could anyone not be in love
the place with tons of tacky stuff.] ROSS: Get the what? with Yasmine Blepe?
JOEY: Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Joey. Huh? RACHEL: Pie in the hood, pie in the hood. Go. JOEY: Hey, hey, they're runnin'
I decorated it myself.
[Ross goes over behind the guy and grabs the pie out of his CHANDLER: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I
ROSS: Get out. hood as he leaves] say always keep them running. All the time, running.
Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.
ALL: No. GUY: What're you doing?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just Monica and Phoebe.]
thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh... have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be
back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by MONICA: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
JOEY: Art. his head, guy leaves promptly]
JOEY: I did. I thought it'd be great. I figured I'd have
MONICA: Art it is. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is like, time alone with my thoughts but, ya know, it turns
outside the bathroom yelling at Ross who's in the out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.
ROSS: [looking at a glass table with a panther bathroom.]
shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about
table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide. MONICA: Damnit Ross, get your butt out of the bathroom. moving back?
66 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
CHANDLER: Oh, ooh.
JOEY: You really think he'd take me? I mean, we [Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting
had a pretty good talk last night but, when I on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey JOEY: Huh.
moved out, I hurt him bad. walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
CHANDLER: What?
MONICA: I promise you, he would definitely want JOEY: Hey.
you back. JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with
CHANDLER: So uhh, how's the palace? the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is
sitting between Rachel and Ross.] JOEY: You know it's funny you should mention that 'cause CHANDLER: Well I do, but uh, Eddie makes them this
I was thinkin'... what's with the boxes? way and, well they're pretty darn good.
ROSS: I'm telling you, there's no way he's moving
back. CHANDLER: Oh, uhh, actually I uh, have some news. EDDIE: Well you guys, I'm outta here. See ya pals.
CHANDLER: But we had one of the greatest talks EDDIE: Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick CHANDLER: See ya. [Eddie leaves]
we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?
when we first started living together. JOEY: So how you two gettin' along?
CHANDLER: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself.
ROSS: Look, I know you don't want to hear this Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie. CHANDLER: Oh, I couldn't be happier.
right now but, we've seen him in his new place,
alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated. EDDIE: Nice to meet ya. JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the
orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He
RACHEL: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, JOEY: Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. [grabs moose hat] It's just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his,
you have to too. what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet? his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now
there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who
CHANDLER: But... EDDIE: At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
section. I helped him pick out a chorizo.
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the CHANDLER: There's another carton right over there.
fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... JOEY: Wow.
rommmates anymore. JOEY: Hey, this isn't about juice anymore, alright man.
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting said he needed a place and I had a spare room. CHANDLER: Alright, so what's it about?
ready to record Smelly Cat.]
JOEY: Oh, now it's a spare room? JOEY: Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine,
PRODUCER: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one? huh?
CHANDLER: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I...
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, have it to spare. CHANDLER: Well I like both eggs equally.
what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up
singers start singing smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly JOEY: Well I uh, got what I came for. [puts on moose hat] JOEY: Oh come on. Nobody likes two different kinds of
behind her] Oh woah, oh my God. I mean like, I'll uh, I'll see you guys. eggs equally. You like one better than the other and I
who was that? wanna know which.
CHANDLER: Hey Jo. When'd you start usin' mousse in
PRODUCER:They're your backup singers... beind your hair? CHANDLER: Well what's the difference? Your eggs
you. aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and
EDDIE: [annoying laugh] Is this guy great or what? you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?
PHOEBE: OH!! Oh I thought they were just
watching me. You know, like at, like at an JOEY: Yeah, yeah he is. [leaves] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross
aquarium, ya know. and Monica are fighting over the remote.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica,
PRODUCER: Alrighty. From the top. Rachel, and Ross are there.] MONICA: I wanna watch Entertainment Tonight.
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, MONICA: I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is ROSS: Tough noogies, we're watching Predators of
what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up this guy? the Serengetti.
singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly
cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just ROSS: Uh, Eddie something. He just met him. RACHEL: Would you guys stop.
not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this
cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could RACHEL: It'll never last, he's just a rebound roommate. MONICA: It's my TV.
talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really
care about the cat. [Pheobe enters] ROSS: Wha-, oh, quit it.
PRODUCER: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. PHOEBE: Hey. MONICA: Bite me.
It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a
minute to be in here. ALL: Hey. RACHEL: Oh my God.
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you PHOEBE: Oh, check it out, oh check it out. It's Smelly Cat ROSS: Well, Monica keeps changin' the channel.
love it, let's go. the video.
MONICA: Oh that's great, why don't you tell mommy
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. ALL: [cheer] on me.
Ross is on the phone.]
PHOEBE: Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. [puts the look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little
No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was tape in] OK. Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a
a velociraptor, he would have eaten the nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving
Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her [The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
room] Oh, were you takin' a nap? dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
MONICA: OK, what're we gonna do about this?
MONICA: I was. PHOEBE: Oh my God.
ROSS: Well, I guess we could tape Entertainment
ROSS: Oh I-, Oh wait, Tony can you hang on? ROSS: I know. Tonight.
That's the other line. [gets the other line] Hello.
Oh yeah she's here but uh, can she call you back? PHOEBE: I sound amazing. I, I, I've never heard myself MONICA: Not that, this, US. Oh my God, Ross, you-re,
OK thanks. [hangs up the other line] Call Joanna. sing before. I mean, except in my own head. Oh, this is so you're, it's jus-, you-, ever sin- you been here.
[back on with Tony] Hi. cool, now I can hear what you hear.
ROSS: Ow, ow, OK. Alright, alright, Mon, Mon, you've
MONICA: Did she leave a number? RACHEL: Pretty uhm, different huh? gone ultrasonic again, alright.
ROSS: Did you see me write one down? PHOEBE: Oh, I am sorry but I am incredibly talented. MONICA: I just can't stand you being here all the time.
MONICA: I don't have her number, butt-munch. [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops ROSS: Why, why, why can't you stand me being here?
by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing I don't, I, we're just, ya know, we're just havin' fun.
ROSS: Well, she'll call back, don't be such a baby. eggs.]
MONICA: Fun? Fun, you think this is fun?
MONICA: I'm not a baby, you're the baby. EDDIE: Hi Joey, what's goin' on man?
ROSS: Yeah, c'mon I mean I though, you know, I
ROSS: Look, you wanna get off my back? JOEY: Eddie. thought we're just foolin' around. Like when, uh, when
we were kids.
MONICA: You wanna get out of my face? CHANDLER: Morning.
MONICA: Ross, I hated you when we were kids.
ROSS: Wait hold on Tony, hold on. [answers JOEY: Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail.
second line] Hello. Hi, yeah no, she's right here. [looks for the mail on the table by the door, it's not there] ROSS: You hated me when we were kids?
Um hold on. [gets first line] Hi Tony, can I call you Where's the mail?
back? That's uh, that's my sister's boyfriend. MONICA: Yes. I hated you. I mean I, I, loved you in a
CHANDLER: Oh it's uh, over there on the table. 'you're my brother so I have to' kind of way, but
MONICA: Give me that. basically, yeah, I hated your guts.
JOEY: You don't keep it over here on this table any more?
ROSS: OK. ROSS: Why did you hate me?
CHANDLER: No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.
MONICA: Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I MONICA: Because, you were mean to me and you,
leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom. [she EDDIE: Alright, here you go my friend. Eggs a-la Eddie, you teased me and you always, always got your way.
starts throwing oranges at Ross who's looking huh?
pleased with himself] ROSS: And that wasn't fun for you?
67 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
Eddie's bedroom door]
MONICA: Duh-huh! [Chandler's. He's playing foosball by himself.]
EDDIE: What was that?
ROSS: I can't believe you hated me. [Joey's. Playing ping pong by himself.]
PHOEBE: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if
MONICA: Now I love you. And not just 'cause I [All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a the three of us had some beers and got to know each
have to. window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a other.
rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his
ROSS: Really? tabletop water sculpture.] EDDIE: Yeah alright, that sounds alright.
MONICA: Yeah. You're just gonna have to stop CLOSING CREDITS PHOEBE: Oh good, ok. Oh nooo, I have to go because
pissing me off. I'm late for my um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is performing Smelly group. Um tonight it's why he would not eat them on a
ROSS: I can do that. Cat.] train. Have fun bye.
MONICA: Then I won't have to kill you. PHOEBE: [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they CHANDLER: That was so lame.
feeding you? Everybody.
ROSS: So you wanna watch uh, Entertainment PHOEBE: I know, yeah. Ok, talk to him. [leaves]
Tonight? ALL: Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, it's not your fault.
CHANDLER: So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer
MONICA: Yeah, thanks. You know what? PHOEBE: Monica. guy gets a lot of tickets er?
ROSS: What? MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet. [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.
Chandler and Eddie are talking.]
MONICA: If you really want to watch that PHOEBE: Chandler.
Serengetti thing, you can. EDDIE: That's good, that's good. So, so, so who broke
CHANDLER: [reluctantly sings] You're obviously not their up with who?
ROSS: Ohh... OK. [changes the channel] favorite pet.
CHANDLER: What're you kidding? I broke up with her.
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and MONICA: Joey. She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of
Monica are hanging out.] Cambodia.
JOEY: [sings] It may not be a bed of roses.
[Phoebe enters] EDDIE: That's good man, when everybody knows that
PHOEBE: Rachel. the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...
PHOEBE: Hey.
RACHEL: [sings] And you're no friend to those with noses. CHANDLER: Well it's not Sean Penn.
ALL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Uh, Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry. EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one,
PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this OK, you guys, once more. alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating
but, that is not me singing on the video. END breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there
was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she
ALL: No. turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,'
218 The One Where Dr. Remore Dies she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And
PHOEBE: Yes. it was literally like she had reached into my chest,
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya
RACHEL: Well, how did you find out? except Ross is there watching Days of Our Lives.] know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya
know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over AMBER: Oh Drake. think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh,
this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's wasn't such a funny story, was it?
OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my DR. REMORE: I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to
first clue. have the last word. [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica,
Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
MONICA: So what're you gonna do? [Ross enters]
PHOEBE: And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can
PHOEBE: Well, I can't work with people who ROSS: I'm sorry I'm late, what happened? and the rest of the rats played moroccas. That's it,
would do this. thanks, good night.
MONICA: We, we just wanna see the end.
MONICA: Sure. RICHARD: Phoebe's got another job, right?
AMBER: I want you Drake.
PHOEBE: I mean this poor woman. RACHEL: Great set tonight Phoebs.
DR. REMORE: I know you do but you and I can never be
ROSS: What woman? together that way. PHOEBE: I know.
PHOEBE: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, AMBER: What? ROSS: Well, we should probably get going.
she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
DR. REMORE: There's something I never told you Amber. RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in
RACHEL: OK, Phoebs. But what about you? I'm actually your half- brother. the moring.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay [Everyone gasps. The show ends.] MONICA: Ya know, I was thinking. Ya know how we
attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so always stay at your apartment? Well, I thought maybe
talented but, according to the producer people, RACHEL: So what happens next? tonight we'd stay at my place.
they said she doesn't have like the right look or
something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the RICHARD: I don't know, I don't have my jammies.
one of those an imals at the pound who like siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet
nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the MONICA: Well, maybe you don't need them.
you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's ROSS: My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen.
smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels. CHANDLER: God that is good TV.
MONICA: Shut up, I'm happy.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.] OPENING TITLES
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a
CHANDLER: Hey Eddie, you uh, wanna play [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that
some foosball? is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the
a game with him.] best.
EDDIE: No thanks man, I'm not uh, I'm not really
into sports. CHANDLER: Phoebs, play with meeee. RICHARD: Oh, thank you Phoebs. That's very sweet.
CHANDLER: [stares in disbeliefe] Yeah o-, OK, PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless PHOEBE: Ok.
alright. [oven timer goes off] Doesn't matter, time guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play
for Baywatch. soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation. RICHARD: Hear that? She likes me best, and
apparently there've been a lot.
EDDIE: Y-, y-, you like that show? CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em.
After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic MONICA: Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy.
CHANDLER: You don't like that show? women and everybody has a pretty good time.
RACHEL: Phoebe's dead.
EDDIE: Wha-, n-, no. I mean it's just a bunch of PHOEBE: Why don't you play with your roommate?
pretty people runnin' around on the beach, ya [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.
know. CHANDLER: Ah he's a, he's not a big fan of foosball. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door.
He answers it to see a young woman holding a
CHANDLER: Well that's the brilliance of it. The PHOEBE: Uh oh, ooh, are we not getting along with the fishtank.]
pretty people... and the running. new boy?
TILLY: Hi.
EDDIE: I tell ya, I-, I'm gonna go read in my room CHANDLER: No he's, he's alright, just uh, he spends most
for a little while. of his time in his room. CHANDLER: Hi.
CHANDLER: Oh o-, OK man. PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the TILLY: I'm looking for Eddie Minowick.
time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
[Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. CHANDLER: Oh, uh, he's not here right now, uh, I'm
He goes to say something to Chandler in the other CHANDLER: We don't need to remedy that. Chandler, can I take a message, or, or a fishtank?
chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler
but decides not to.] PHOEBE: Oh yeah, it'll be fun. [throws a tennis ball at TILLY: Thanks.
68 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are returning.] RICHARD: What? Alright, what about my two?
CHANDLER: Oh, oh, c'mon in.
MONICA: Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you MONICA: Well, it just seems like a really small
TILLY: I'm Tilly. consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small number.
percentage.
CHANDLER: Oh. RICHARD: Right, and...
RACHEL: Hey, it's not that big a deal, I was just curious.
TILLY: I gather by that oh that he told you about MONICA: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats
me. ROSS: G'night. to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my
God, am I an oat?
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in RICHARD: Night Richard. Good luck Mon.
a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very RICHARD: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't
soul. MONICA: Alright, before I tell you, uh, why don't you tell know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept
me how many women you've been with. with women I've been in love with.
TILLY: He's kind of intense huh?
RICHARD: Two. MONICA: But you've only slept with two people.
CHANDLER: Yes. Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a
little... MONICA: Two? TWO? How is that possible? I mean, have RICHARD: Right.
you seen you?
EDDIE: [walks around corner] A little what? MONICA: Wow. Oh wow. You know I love you too,
RICHARD: Well, I mean what can I say? I, I was married to right.
CHANDLER: Bit country? C'mon in here you Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart,
roomie. now you, that's two. RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed]
EDDIE: Hello Tilly. MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush [Ross and Rachel are in Rachel's bedroom]
my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]
TILLY: Eddie, I just came by to drop off your tank. RACHEL: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you
RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean
EDDIE: That's very thoughtful of you. It's very your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
thougtful. number, just a ballpark.
ROSS: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea,
TILLY: Well, ok then. I'm gonna go. Bye. MONICA: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark. why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp
in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell
EDDIE: Bye-bye. [Rachel's bedroom] knock-knock jokes.
CHANDLER: Bye. RACHEL: Wow, I am so glad I'm not Monica right now. RACHEL: God, Ross, look, what you and I have is
special, all Paolo and I ever had was...
[Tilly leaves] ROSS: Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic
number? ROSS: Animal sex, animal sex? So what're you saying,
CHANDLER: So, we gettin' a fish? I mean, you're saying that like, there's nothing
RACHEL: Uhhhooo. between us animal at all. I mean there's not even like,
EDDIE: You had sex with her didn't you? uhm, a little animal, not even, not even like, like
ROSS: C'mon, you know everyone I've been with. All, both chipmunk sex?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey enters with of them.
several magazines and runs up to Phoebe.] RACHEL: Ok, Ross, try to hear me. Ok, I, hey, I'm not
RACHEL: Well, there's you. gonna lie to you. Ok, it was good with Paolo.
JOEY: Phoebs, check it out, check it out, check it
out, check it out. ROSS: Better not be doin' these in order. ROSS: Knock-knock.
PHOEBE: Oh, ooh, Soap Opera Digest, oh that's RACHEL: Ok, uh, Billy Dreskin, Pete Carney, Barry, and uh, RACHEL: But, what you and I have is so much better.
one of my favorite digests. oh, Paolo. Ok, we have tenderness, we have intimacy, we
connect. Ya know, I swear, this is the best I have ever
JOEY: Page 42, page 42, page 42. ROSS: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini. had.
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey 'new doc on the RACHEL: Oh honey, are you jealous of Paolo? Oh, c'mon, ROSS: Until now. [jumps on Rachel on the bed]
block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool I'm so much happier with you than I ever was with him.
picture. [later in the bathroom Monica is looking in the drawer,
ROSS: Really? Rachel runs up]
JOEY: Ooh, I look good.
RACHEL: Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a RACHEL: Oh, hi.
PHOEBE: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of relationship. All it really was was just, ya know,
your own lines? meaningless animal sex. Ok, ya know, that sounded soooo MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.
much better in my head.
JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last RACHEL: Oh my God, honey that's great.
week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.]
in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a MONICA: I know. I just can't find...
hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this CHANDLER: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.
live.' EDDIE: That's very interesting, ya know, 'cause that's
exactly what someone who slept with her would say. MONICA: You need one too?
PHOEBE: Ohh, ok, I see what you did there.
Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are CHANDLER: This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for RACHEL: Ooooh yeah.
gonna be kinda mad when they read this? like two minutes, dropped off a fish tank, and left, end of
story. [they pull out the box of condoms but there's only one
JOEY: Huh? Never really thought about the left]
writers. The scripts just kinda come to my house. EDDIE: Where's Buddy?
But you know what? This makes me look good, MONICA: There's only one.
which makes the show look good, which makes CHANDLER: Buddy?
the writers look good so how could they be mad RICHARD: Monica.
about that? EDDIE: My fish, Buddy.
MONICA: Hi. Uh, we'll be right there, we're just trying
[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is CHANDLER: There was no fish when she dropped it off. to decide something. [shuts the bathroom door]
working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]
EDDIE: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls
WRITER: Makes up most of his lines. Son-of-a-. sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
Yeah, well, write this jerkweed. by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?
RICHARD: Hey. They're just trying to decide somehting.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is CHANDLER: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...[puts
being delivered.] his hand on Eddie's shoulder] Would you look at what I'm ROSS: Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your
doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take moustache, did, used to be different?
JOEY: I fall down an elevator shaft? What the hell this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket.
does this mean, I fall down an elevator shaft? Tangellon? [picks up the fruit an tosses it to Eddie, it hits RICHARD: No.
Eddie in the chest and falls]
DELIVERY GUY: Uhh, I don't know, I just bring ROSS: Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?
the scripts. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica
and Richard are in Monica's bedroom.] RICHARD: I have a little comb.
JOEY: They can't kill me, I'm Francesca's long lost
son. RICHARD: That's it? That's the giant number you were ROSS: Oh. And what do you call that?
afraid to tell me?
DELIVERY GUY: Right. Could you sign this? RICHARD: A moustache comb.
MONICA: Well yeah.
JOEY: No. No way, I'm not signing that. RACHEL: Ok, I, I will do your laundry for one month.
RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me
DELIVERY GUY: I don't think that's gonna affect thinkin it was like a fleet. MONICA: No.
the plot of the show.
MONICA: You really ok with it? RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, I will, I will, I, hey, I will clean
JOEY: How can they do this to me? the apartment for two months.
RICHARD: Oh honey, I'm fine.
DELIVERY GUY: Er, uh, I'm just gonna go. Sorry. MONICA: Alright, I tell you what, I'll give this to you
MONICA: Oh, yay. Ok about that two. now if you can tell me where we keep the dustpan.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment.
69 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
RACHEL: Agghhh. RACHEL: Joey. ROSS: You got it.
END
ROSS: So were you in Nam? ROSS: Open up. We want to talk to you.
RACHEL: Rock-paper-scissors? JOEY: I don't feel like talkin. 219 The One Where Eddie Won't Go
MONICA: Yeah. RACHEL: Oh c'mon Joey, we care about you. [Scene: Chandler's bedroom. Chandler is
sleeping and Eddie is there watching him.]
RACHEL and MONICA: One two three. [Rachel CHANDLER: We're worried about you.
picks rock, Monica picks scissors] [Chandler wakes up]
MONICA: And some of us really have to pee.
RACHEL: Yeesss. CHANDLER: Hey Eddie. Daahh!! What're you doin'
[Joey opens the door] here?
MONICA: Fine, go have sex.
MONICA: Sorry Joey [runs to the bathroom] EDDIE: Nothin' roomie, just watchin' you sleep.
RICHARD: No. You have got it completely wrong.
John Savage was deerhunter, no legs, John Voit JOEY: Hey. CHANDLER: Why?
was coming home, couldn't feel his legs.
PHOEBE: Listen, sorry about your death, that really sucks. EDDIE: Makes me feel um, peaceful, heh-heh, please.
ROSS: No, no way. You've got it totally the other
way around my friend. John Voit was... CHANDLER: We came over as soon as we saw. CHANDLER: I can't sleep now.
RACHEL: Honey. ROSS: How could you not tell us? EDDIE: You want me to sing?
ROSS: What, what oh....[Ross and Rachel go into JOEY: I don't know, I was kinda hopin' no one would ever CHANDLER: No, look, that's it, it's over, I want you
her room] find out. out, I want you out of the apartment now.
RICHARD: Shall we? RACHEL: Well, maybe they can find a way to bring you EDDIE: Woah, woah, woah, what're, what're you
back. talkin' about man.
MONICA: It's not gonna happen. They're doing it
tonight, we can do it tomorrow. JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my CHANDLER: Hannibal Lecter...better roommate than
brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could you.
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony
schedule beforehand... or somethin. EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I
mean one night you see me and you get scared, I
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. All PHOEBE: But Joey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need mean, what about all the other nights when you don't
but Joey are present.] that show, it was just a dumb soap opera. see me, huh? What about last night when you went
and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide
CHANDLER: So, when I woke up this morning, JOEY: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever behind the door, what's that about, huh?
he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes. happened to me.
CHANDLER: I didn't realize that.
MONICA: Why? PHOEBE: Yes, I was going to incorporate that. Oh good,
here's Monica, she'll have something nice to say. EDDIE: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Because he thinks I slept with his
ex-girlfriend and killed his fish. MONICA: Um, I straightened out your shower curtain so CHANDLER: GET OUT NOW!!
you won't get mildew. What? To me that's nice.
PHOEBE: Why would you kill his fish? EDDIE: Ok, you really want me out?
CHANDLER: It's gonna be ok. You know that?
CHANDLER: Because sometimes, Phoebe after CHANDLER: Yes please.
you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish. JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole
life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's EDDIE: Ok, then I want to hear you say it, I, I want to
RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But hear you say you want me out.
watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other
TV] day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- CHANDLER: I want you out.
approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything
ROSS: Yeah. in my life. EDDIE: No no no, I wanna hear it from your lips.
MONICA: Wait, he's not here yet. CHANDLER: I'm sorry man. CHANDLER: Where did you hear it from before?
RACHEL: So, he's on the show, he knows what RACHEL: Yeah, Joey honey, I don't know if this'll mean EDDIE: Oh, right, all right, you know what pallie I
happens. anything to you but you'll always be pre-approved with us. understand, consider me gone, you know what, I'll be
out by the time you get home from work tomorrow.
ROSS: Yeah. JOEY: No, that means nothin to me.
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank
MONICA: Alright. [Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.Chandler you" to himself]
walks in to see Eddie holding a tray of cookies.]
CHANDLER: Oh, I'm fine about my problem now, EDDIE: I heard that.
by the way. CHANDLER: Uhhhaahh.
OPENING TITLES
RACHEL: Oh good. EDDIE: Pecan sandy, just made em.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are
DR. REMORE: Amber, I want you to know that I'll CHANDLER: Yeah alright. What're these, raisins? there, Joey enters wearing an old looking hat.]
always be there for you, as a friend and as your
brother. EDDIE: Uh, sure, why not. JOEY: Hey.
AMBER: Oh Drake. CHANDLER: [throws it across the room while Eddie's not MONICA: Hey.
looking] Listen Eddie, um, I've been thinking about our
DR HORTON: Hard day huh? First the medical current living situation and uh, why are you smiling? RACHEL: Hey. Whe-ell, look at you, finally got that
award, this. time machine workin' huh?
EDDIE: I got a little surprise, look. There's a new fishie. I
DR. REMORE: Some guys are just lucky I guess. named him uh, Chandler, you know, after, after you. JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them
on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you
INTERCOM: Dr. Remore, report to first floor CHANDLER: [looks in the fish bowl to see a fish cracker] know what I don't have?
emergency, stat. Well that's not an, even a real fish. No, that's a goldfish
cracker. MONICA: A mirror?
DR. REMORE: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me.
Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, EDDIE: What's you point man? JOEY: Fine, make fun. I think it's jaunty.
Dr. Wong?
CHANDLER: Ok, good night. [walks towards his room] MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job,
DR. HORTON: No, no, they only said you. You big freak of nature. you're in an awfully good mood.
DR. REMORE: Oh, ok. Alright. CLOSING CREDITS JOEY: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm
starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on
AMGER: I love you Drake. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment.] Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some
kind of cache.
DR. REMORE: Yeah, whatever. Oh no. [Ross comes out of Rachel's bedroom in her bathrobe and
heads for the bathroom. On his way back, Richard comes MONICA: Cache? Jaunty?
AMBER: Drake, look out. out of Monica's bedroom in her bathrobe.]
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper.
DR. REMORE: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ROSS: Hey. I'm gonna get some coffee.
MONICA: Did they just kill off Joey? RICHARD: Hey. [Phoebe enters]
ROSS: No. [sound of Dr. Remore's body hitting ROSS: Hey. PHOEBE: Hey.
the bottom of the shaft] Now maybe.
RICHARD: Ohh, brisk tonight. MONICA: Hey.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Everyone is
outside knocking.] ROSS: Oh man. RACHEL: Hey.
ROSS: C'mon. RICHARD: Let's never speak of this. PHOEBE: Oooh, so so so, did you read the book?
70 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
MONICA: Oh my God, it was incredible. RACHEL: No, why do we always have to do everything
according to your time table? JOEY: Ok.
PHOEBE: Didn't it like totally speak to you?
ROSS: Actually it's the movie theatre that has the time ROSS: Ok. I'll see ya later. Just think about it, ok.
RACHEL: Woah, woah, woah, what book is this? schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake
MONICA: Rachel you have to read this book. It's RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen,
called Be Your Own Windkeeper. It's about how about you stealing my wind. you'll see. Ross, you still there?
women need to become more empowered.
MONICA: You go girl. I can't pull that off can I? [Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters,
wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But ROSS: Excuse me, your, your, your wind? breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from
you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take behind the bar.]
it. RACHEL: Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if
you won't let me blow? EDDIE: Hey pal.
RACHEL: Men just take out wind?
ROSS: You, you know I, I don't, have a- have a problem CHANDLER: Ahhhh-gaaaahhh. Eddie what're you still
PHOEBE: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the with that. doin' here?
lightning bearers.
RACHEL: Ok, I just, I just really need to be with myself EDDIE: Ah, just some basic dehydrating of a few fruits
RACHEL: Wow. right now. I'm sorry. and vegetables. MAN ALIVE this thing's fantastic!
PHOEBE: Yeah. PHOEBE: Um-um, um-um. CHANDLER: Look Eddie, aren't you forgetting
anything?
RACHEL: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like RACHEL: You're right, I don't have to apologize. Sorry.
The Hobbit. Damnit! EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new
goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like [Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Ross enter.]
reading about every relationship I've ever had, CHANDLER: Maybe 'cause the last one was made by
except for Richard. JOEY: What is it? Pepperidge Farm. Look Eddie, isn't there something
else you're supposed to be doing right now?
PHOEBE: Oh yes, no, Richard would never steal ROSS: I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and
your wind. trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I EDDIE: Well, not unless it's got something to do with
don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it. dehydrating my man because right now I'm a
MONICA: No. dehydrating maniac!
JOEY: See, this is why I don't date women who read.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause he's yummy. Uh-oh. CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I
thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
MONICA: Yes. But all the other ones. ROSS: What, what's that?
EDDIE: Ah-ah-ah, you know what that is?
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how JOEY: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be
they're always like drinking from out pool of inner good. CHANDLER: Your last roommate's kidney?
power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
ROSS: Open it, open in. EDDIE: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the
JOEY: Anybody want a croan. display.
JOEY: Oh my God.
PHOEBE: Ok, this is a typical lightning-bearer [Scene: Central Perk. Joey goes up to the bar to
thing. Right there, it's like, um, 'Hello, who wants ROSS: Woah. order.]
one of my fallic shaped man cakes?'
JOEY: Look at this, how did I spend so much money? JOEY: Hey Gunther, let me get a lemonade to go.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.Joey
is there.] ROSS: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, GUNTHER: Lemonade? You ok man?
that's your total due.
ESTELLE: Don't worry about it already. Things JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard
happen. JOEY: Ahh. but they killed off my character on the show.
JOEY: So, you're not mad at me for getting fired ROSS: What, woah, woah, $3500 at porcelain safari? GUNTHER: Oh, that's too bad. How'd they do it?
and everything?
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he JOEY: I fell down an elevator shaft.
ESTELLE: Joey, look at me, look at me. Do I have spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what
lipstick on my teeth? I'm gonna do. GUNTHER: That sucks. I was buried in an avalanche.
JOEY: No, can we get back to me? ROSS: Well I guess you can start by drivin a cab on JOEY: What?
Another World.
ESTELLE: Look honey, people get fired left and GUNTHER: I used to be Bryce on All My Children.
right in this business. I already got you an audition JOEY: What?
for Another World. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment.
ROSS: That audition. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks
JOEY: Alright. Cab driver number two? by and starts watching him.]
JOEY: That's a two line part.
ESTELLE: You're welcome. [Chandler wakes up]
ROSS: Joey, you owe $1100 at I Love Lucite.
JOEY: But I was Dr. Drake Remoray. How can I go CHANDLER: Daaahhhh!
from bein' a neurosurgeon to drivin' a cab? JOEY: So what.
MONICA: Aaahhhhhhh! Aaahhhh!
ESTELLE: Things change, roll with em. ROSS: So suck it up man, it's a job, it's money.
CHANDLER: Why must everybody watch me sleep?
JOEY: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a JOEY: Hey, look, I don't need you getting all judgemental There'll be no more watching me sleep, no more
step backwards. I'm not gonna do this. and condescending and pedantic. watching.
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I ROSS: Toilet paper? MONICA: I wa-
told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any
job you can get and don't make on the floor. JOEY: Yeah. CHANDLER: Uuuh.
JOEY: I'm sorry. See ya. ROSS: Look, I'm not being any of those things, ok, I'm just [Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is
being realistic. returning from Monica and Rachel's with his
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his
Rachel are there. Rachel has just finished JOEY: Well knock it off, you're supposed to be my friend. dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
reading the book.]
ROSS: I am your friend. EDDIE: Hey man, check it out, I got some great stuff to
RACHEL: Oh, God, oh, God, I mean it's just so. dehydrate here. I got some grapes, got some apricots,
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' I thought it would be really cool to see what happens
MONICA: Isn't it. and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come with these water balloons.
along, I know it.'
RACHEL: Uhh, I mean this is like reading about CHANDLER: Get out. Get out, get out, get out, get
my own life. I mean this book could have been ROSS: But I don't know it. What I do know is that you owe out, get out, get out.
called 'Be Your Own Windkeeper Rachel'. $2300 at Isn't it Chromantic.
EDDIE: What?
PHOEBE: I don't think it would have sold a million JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
copies but it would have made a nice gift for you. CHANDLER: You, move out. Take your fruit, your
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you stupid small fruit and GET OUT!
ROSS: Hey you guys. what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's
gonna be till you get another. EDDIE: You, you want, you want me to move out?
MONICA: Hey.
JOEY: Look, I don't wanna hear this right now. CHANDLER: Uh-huh.
ROSS: Uh, sweetie we've gotta go.
ROSS: Huh, I'm just saying... EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's
RACHEL: NO! kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
JOEY: Well don't just say.
ROSS: No? CHANDLER: This is not out of the blue, this is smack
ROSS: Ya know, maybe, maybe I should just go. dab in the middle of the blue.
71 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
JOEY: They're takin all my stuff back. I guess you were
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me right. EDDIE: Yeah, you know, put chips in it, we'll make like
twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess a chip chick.
I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to
after a pause comes back in] But if you think for tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, CHANDLER: Eddie, do you remember yesterday?
one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know.
you're insane Jack! To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from EDDIE: Uh yes, I think I vaguely recall it.
buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I
CHANDLER: You want some help. could never do what you do Joey. CHANDLER: Do you remember talking to me
yesterday?
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the JOEY: Thanks Ross.
tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket] EDDIE: Uh, yes.
ROSS: Yeah. And you should hold out for something
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.] bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not CHANDLER: So what happened?
going to that stupid cab driver audition.
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know EDDIE: We took a road trip to Las Vegas man.
that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so JOEY: I went.
bucks. CHANDLER: Oh sweet Moses.
ROSS: Great, how did it go?
CASTING GUY: Excuse me, that's 50 bucks. MONICA: So on this road trip, did you guys win any
JOEY: I didn't get it. money?
JOEY: What?
ROSS: Good for you. EDDIE: Naah, I crapped out, but Mr. 21 over here he
CASTING GUY: Five oh dollars. cleans up, 300 bucks, check it out he buys me these
JOEY: What? new shoes, sweet huh?
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy
'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days ROSS: You're livin' the dream. MONICA: Nice.
of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send
over the whole script on real paper and everything. JOEY: Huh? EDDIE: Yeah. Well see ya upstairs. See ya pals.
CASTING GUY: That's great. ROSS: All right then. PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted JOEY: [movers removing a glass parrot] Oh, not my parrot. [Scene: Hallway outside Chandler and Joey's
to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash apartment. Eddie walks up.]
or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I ROSS: What?
have a background in medical acting. [Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and
JOEY: I can't watch this. Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
CASTING GUY: Ok, listen, thanks for coming in.
ROSS: [approaching the mover holding the parrot] Hey CHANDLER: May I help you?
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, hold on, hold on. How much for the uh, how much to save
at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the the bird? EDDIE: Why doesn't my key work and what's all my
expressway but uh, this time of day you're better stuff doin' downstairs?
off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word MOVER: 1200.
bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets CHANDLER: Well, I'm, I'm sorry...[Eddie forces his
up and leaves] ROSS: Dollars? You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird? head in the door] Ahhh. Have we met?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. JOEY: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register. EDDIE: It's Eddie you freak, your roommate.
Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting
around the coffee table.] ROSS: Go ahead, go ahead with the bird. Ok, do you have CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and
anything for around 200? opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey
PHOEBE: Ok, question number 28, have you ever turns around in the leather recliner]
allowed a lighning bearer to take your wind? I MOVER: Uh, the dog. [points to a big poecelain greyhound]
would have to say no. JOEY: Hello.
ROSS: Huh.
MONICA: And I would have to say pah-huh. CHANDLER: Yeah, he's lived here for years, I don't, I
MOVER: Yeah. don't know what you're talking about man.
PHOEBE: What?
ROSS: I'll take it. My gift to you man. EDDIE: No he, he moved out and I moved in.
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?
JOEY: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take CHANDLER: Well I, I think we'd remember something
RACHEL: Yeah you like totally let him wash his the dog though. like that.
feet in the pool of your inner power.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Phoebe are sitting JOEY: I know I would.
MONICA: And his puppet too. ignoring each other. Rachel walks up with two
pieces of cake.] EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well,
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm,
guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the RACHEL: Here are your cakes. look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
first date.
MONICA: We didn't order cake. JOEY: Hey no problem.
MONICA: Who?
RACHEL: No, I know, they're from me. Look you guys this CHANDLER: See ya. [shuts the door] Goodbuy you
PHOEBE: Paul. is not good. I mean we have enough trouble with guys fruit drying psychopath. So you want me to help you
stealing our wind without taking it from each other. unpack your stuff?
MONICA: Oh.
MONICA: You're right. JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, moving on, moving on, next not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do
question. Ok number 29, have you ever betrayed RACHEL: You know. have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean,
another goddess for a lightning bearer? Ok, this is...
number 30. PHOEBE: I love you goddesses. I don't ever want to suck
your wind again. CHANDLER: Welcome home man. [they hug and
MONICA: Woah, woah, woah, let's go back to 29. jump around]
RACHEL: Thank you. So are we good?
RACHEL: Not uh, not to my recollection. JOEY: A little foos?
MONICA: We're good.
MONICA: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth CHANDLER: Absolutely.
grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was RACHEL: We're good?
totally pointing at me. JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
PHOEBE: Yeah.
RACHEL: Only 'cause you took up half the circle. CHANDLER: Ah that's a cantelope.
RACHEL: Ok, let me take these cakes back 'cause they're
PHOEBE: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like gonna take that out of my paycheck. CLOSING CREDITS
I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.
CHANDLER: [enters] Ding dong, the psycho's gone. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They
RACHEL: Well not when they find out you slept are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's
with Jason Hurley an hour after he broke up with MONICA: Are you sure this time? room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in
Monica. a rather interesting position.]
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean
MONICA: One hour? You are such a leaf blower. that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. CHANDLER: Hey look, are we gonna have to bring
He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN this out every time Ross comes over?
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. HEAD!
Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.
slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.] EDDIE: [enters] Check it out man, I tore it off some
mannaquin in the alley behind Macy's. CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is watching I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did
movers take all his stuff away.] MONICA: There is no alley behind Macy's. you buy it in the first place?
JOEY: Oh hey uh, be careful with that 3-D last EDDIE: So I got it in the junior miss department, big diff. JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over
supper, Judas is a little loose. Anyway check it out man, it's gonna make a hell of a there but now, without the other ones, it just looks
conversation piece at out next cocktail party, huh pal? tacky.
ROSS: [enters] Oh my God, what's goin' on?
CHANDLER: Our next cocktail party? CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna
72 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. and everything, uh, it's just that we don't know him really
Good, STAY! Good fake dog. well, ya know, and plus he's, ya know, old [Monica gives JOEY: Oh, what about that thing he did when he
END him a glare] -er than some people, but, uh, younger than tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never
some buildings. even saw the money, it was like this. [With money in
his palm] Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our
220 The One Where Old Yeller Dies MONICA: So what, he's a little older, big deal, I mean he's seats [shakes his had and passes the dollar].
important to me. Ya know if you ask him, he might take
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. you on his Jag. [walks off] CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for
Phoebe enters to see Monica, Richard, Ross, parking the car [passes the dollar back].
and Rachel tearfully watching TV.] JOEY: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're
not doin' it just to ride in the cool car? JOEY: No problem. Hey Chandler
PHOEBE: Hey. Watcha guys doin?
CHANDLER: Ok, this could be tough. CHANDLER: I think they get it.
RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
JOEY: [Monica walks back in the kitchen] Ok ok ok ok. JOEY: Ok.
PHOEBE: Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Monica, we'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.
Yeller, it's a happy movie. [Richard enters]
CHANDLER: Ooh, you almost had it.
RACHEL: What? CHANDLER: There's the man.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is holding Ben.]
ROSS: What're you talkin' about? JOEY: He-he-eyy. [Shakes his had and passes the
ROSS: [smells Ben's butt] No no, you're fine, you're fine. dollar]
PHOEBE: C'mon, happy family gets a dog,
frontier fun. CAROL: [enters with Susan] Hello RICHARD: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep
this by the way.
ROSS: Yeah but Phoebs, what about the end? ROSS: Hi.
JOEY: Ok. He kept my dollar.
PHOEBE: What when Yeller saves saves the SUSAN: Hey.
family from the wolf and everyone's happy? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol
CAROL: Hi honey. and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
RACHEL: That's not the end.
ROSS: Oh you guys are not gonna believe what happened. MONICA: So your first whole weekend without Ben,
PHOEBE: Yu-huh. That's when my mother would what're you guys gonna do?
shut off the TV and say 'The end'. CAROL: What?
CAROL: Uh, we're going down to Colonial
MONICA: What about the part where he has SUSAN: What? Williamsburg.
rabies?
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor SUSAN: Yeah, a woman I went to college with just
PHOEBE: He doesn't have rabies, he has babies. and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled became the first female blacksmith down there.
That's what my mom said. himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but
I did tape it so it you guys want to see it. ROSS: Well, ya know, they're a little behind the times
RICHARD: Uh, Phoebe, I don't think your mom in Colonial Williamsburg.
would want you to see what's about to happen. CAROL: Uhh, we know, he already did it last week.
CAROL: Think I better go before mommy starts
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want. weeping.
watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey,
Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of ROSS: Buy mommy.
Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the
your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken CAROL and SUSAN: We love you. Buy.
THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV] yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
[Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. ROSS: Have a good time. Ok, Ben.
Richard is on the balcony smoking and CAROL: Actually, he is getting closer on the talking thing.
Monica is on the phone.] He can't quite say mama yet, but once he said yumen. MONICA: Ross.
MONICA: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, ROSS: Ooh, I, I'm so sick of missing stuff. Ya know, I want ROSS: Yeah.
Richard and I just finished and we've got him for more than, than a day, I want him for a whole
leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I weekend. No listen , I mean, I feel like- MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with
wearing?...Actually, nothing but rubber gloves. a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a
CAROL and SUSAN: Great. That would be fine. spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
[Chandler and Joey come sprinting in]
ROSS: Really? I mean, I, I had a whole speach prepared. JOEY: How come Richard looks so much cooler with
JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna one of these than me?
really be naked and we're not gonna come over. SUSAN: Oh shout, that would have been fun.
ROSS: Well for starters, you may want to light it and
MONICA: Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts and ROSS: Oh look, did, did you just see that? Did you see? He lose the spatula.
a wing. just waved, he just waved, he's never waved before,
you've never waved before. Yes he has. Very good. MONICA: You know what, I think it's cute, you trying
CHANDLER: Well, how do you find clothes that fit? to be more like Richard.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there.
JOEY: Oh, hey, Monica, we've got a question. Phoebe enters carrying video tapes.] JOEY: Not like him, per-se, just not un-like him.
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see PHOEBE: Hey. [Chandler enters with his hair full of mousse and a
other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't cheesy moustache]
look. RACHEL: Hey Phoebs, whatcha got there?
ROSS: Look it's the artist formerly known as Chandler.
JOEY: No, not that one. We're trying to figure out PHOEBE: Ok, Love Story, Brian's Song, and Terms of
who to bring to the Knicks game tonight, we have Endearment. CHANDLER: Just tryin' somethin' here, ya know.
an extra ticket.
MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and MONICA: So Joey, why didn't you grow a moustache?
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.
my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and JOEY: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the
Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the PHOEBE: Yeah, I talked to my grandma about the Old moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like
shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want Yeller incident, and she told me that my mom used to not dorks.
some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?' show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain
and sadness. You know, before she killed herself. ROSS: Yeah, you really sidestepped that land mine.
MONICA: Ok. [Richard walks in] Hey, why don't
you ask Richard? [Chandler and Joey enter] CHANDLER: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised
Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra CHANDLER: Hey.
ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose MONICA: You're meeting Richard?
between a friend who smells and one who bruises JOEY: Hey.
you who would you pick? JOEY: Yeah, we're goin' to a Ranger game.
RACHEL: Hey.
RICHARD: Wow. Well being a huge Knicks fan CHANDLER: Yeah, didn't he tell ya?
myself, I think you should take someone who's a MONICA: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you
huge Knicks fan. ditch him? MONICA: Well, he told me he was going out with the
guys, I just didn't know that you were the guys.
CHANDLER: Ok, that's Eric. JOEY: Yeah right after we stole his lunch money and gave
him a wedgie. What's the matter with you, he's parking the CHANDLER: You hear that? We're the guys.
RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out car.
to the balcony] JOEY: We're the guys.
MONICA: So'd you guys have fun?
MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to MONICA: With that moustache doesn't Chandler
the game? What? CHANDLER: Your boyfriend is so cool. remind you of Aunt Sylvia?
MONICA: C'mon. Keeps his fingers to himself and CHANDLER: Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar. Joey for 12 [Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is working. Ross
he's always minty fresh. blocks, me for 15. enters with Ben.]
CHANDLER: I don't know, Richard's really nice RACHEL: Wow, he must like you the best. ROSS: Hi, we're visitiing. It's Ben and his da-da. Da-da.
73 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
Can you say da-da? Look, I'm gonna tell your PHOEBE: It's a Wonderful Life. Yes I've heard of this. me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with
momies you said it anyway so you might as well Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not
try. MONICA: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but
Wonderfullness is baked right in. if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal
RACHEL: No luck huh? with that.
PHOEBE: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of
ROSS: Naa. A while ago I got a sah out of him, the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about ROSS: Ok fine.
which I thought, ya know, might turn into Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's
sah-condary caregiver but... Hey, would you uh, disease. RACHEL: Thank you.
would you hold him for a sec, 'cause I, I gotta take
this off. RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda ROSS: We're not done.
see it coming?
RACHEL: Oh, yeah sure, Ok. [she takes Ben and RACHEL: I didn't know that.
holds him at arms length] PHOEBE: Phoebe, just watch that, I promise it will resotre
all your faith in humanity. ROSS: Ok, then you're gonna have to understand that
ROSS: What're you doing? you're with a guy who's not gonna stop planning his
CHANDLER: [runs in] Hey, big guy, game time. future with you because he knows that we're gonna
RACHEL: Uh, I'm holding Ben. end up together and if that scares you, tough, 'cause
RICHARD: Hey, be right there. you're gonna have to deal with that.
ROSS: Yeah, well, he's a baby not a bomb.
MONICA: There's a game? RACHEL: Fine, I will.
RACHEL: Ok.
CHANDLER: Uh, yeah, I just got my pick-up sticks back ROSS: Good, 'cause I love you.
ROSS: Well just hold him like you'd hold a football. from the shop. Bring your nerves of steel.
RACHEL: Oh yeah.
RACHEL: This is how I would hold a football. RICHARD: It's the basketball playoffs.
ROSS: Yeah.
ROSS: Ok, here, here. There we go. MONICA: Listen, um honey, I appreciate this but you
don't have to keep hanging out with them for me, I mean, RACHEL: Well I love you too.
RACHEL: Ok, I'm sorry, I'm just not very good they have each other.
with babies. I mean I haven't been around them, I ROSS: Well that's the first time we've said that.
mean, you know, since I was one. RICHARD: Oh, no, honey, I mean, don't worry, I like
hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me. They're RACHEL: Yes it is.
ROSS: It's alright, it's no big deal. different than my other friends, they don't start sentences
with, 'You know who just died shoveling snow?' ROSS: Well, I'm gonna kiss you.
RACHEL: Really?
MONICA: Alright that's great, then just go. Go Knicks. RACHEL: Well you better.
ROSS: Yeah, definitely, I'm sure you'll feel totally
different when it's our baby. RICHARD: Uh, it's the college playoffs. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica
is in the kitchen, Phoebe enters.]
RACHEL: What? MONICA: Oh, then go Vassar.
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
ROSS: What? RICHARD: Uh, they're not in it.
MONICA: Did you like it?
RACHEL: You think about stuff like that? MONICA: Ok, then just go.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was
ROSS: Uhh, yeah. I mean, actually I kinda think RICHARD: Ok. [leaves] happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family
that we'll have, we'll have two babies. business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean
MONICA: Oh, why does this bother me so much? I mean I pharmacist made his ear bleed.
RACHEL: Two, two babies? don't wanna be one of those people who tells their
boyfriend they wanna spend 24 hours a day with them. MONICA: Alright, I'll give you the ear thing but don't
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully you think the ending was pretty wonderful?
the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too PHOEBE: Sure.
competitive. PHOEBE: I didn't watch the ending, I was too
MONICA: It's just that he doesn't have that much free depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it
RACHEL: Then what's gonna happen? time, ya know, and I don't know, what do I do? should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just
when you think it can't suck any more it does."
ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city PHOEBE: Does it matter? You're ultimately just gonna die
so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale. or get divorced or have to blow your pets head off. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment.
Chandler and Joey are playing Richard at
RACHEL: Uh-huh. RACHEL: [enters] Aghh. foosball.]
ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be PHOEBE: Me too. [leaves] CHANDLER: Kick save and... denied.
far enough away from our parents that we don't
have to see them all the time but close enough MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle,
that they can come over and babysit whenever we with the guys. lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any
want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher prettier?
than, let's say, Nassau county but the school RACHEL: Yeah well, Ross just made plans for the whole
system's supposedly great. century. JOEY: Man you are incredible.
RACHEL: Wow. Wow, that's great. Great. Ok, MONICA: Ya know what, I think I'm gonna go to my room RICHARD: Well, we had a table in college.
wow, you know what. and read Cosmo, maybe there's something helpful in there.
Know what, at least maybe I can learn how to do an at CHANDLER: Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball
ROSS: Huh? home bikini wax with leftover Cristmas candles. in the 1800's.
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here ROSS: [enters] Ok, what the hell happened back there? RICHARD: Nice moustache by the way. When puberty
you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am hits that thing's really gonna kick in.
gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. RACHEL: I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm
Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got MONICA: [enters] Honey. Uh, not to sound too
a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the Florence Henderson but, dinner's on the table.
Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves] taxes.
RICHARD: Ok, just one more point.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. ROSS: Well I'm sorry, I think about stuff. Ya know, I mean,
Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe you're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind MONICA: [grabs the other two bars on Richard's side
enters.] wanders. and scores] Score! Now can we go?
PHOEBE: Hey. RACHEL: Ross, you have planned out the next 20 years of CHANDLER: See, that's why we don't let her play.
our lives, we've been dating for six weeks.
RICHARD: Hey Phoebs, what's happening? RICHARD: Is everything all right?
ROSS: C'mon, what, you never think about our future?
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, murder, cancer, soccer teams MONICA: Um-hmm.
eating each other in the Andes. RACHEL: Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're
gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're RICHARD: Uh-oh.
MONICA: So you watched the movies huh? gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think
about what our childrens' names are gonna be. You know CHANDLER: Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's
PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? what our childrens names are gonna be. our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his
I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky time.
loses, Charlotte dies. ROSS: No, no, I mean, ya know, I, I read a book and there
was a girl named Emily and I thought, I thought that might JOEY: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.
RICHARD: Charlotte who? be good.
RICHARD: Well.
PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she RACHEL: What was the book?
does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin
hey welcome home from the hospital, thud. ROSS: The big book of childrens' names. about this. He is so much cooler than our dads.
[Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean,
MONICA: Alright, you wanna feel better? RACHEL: Ok, Ross, Ross, ok listen, what we have is you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is
amazing. just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm
PHOEBE: Yeah. tryin to talk here.
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: Ok, here, watch this. RICHARD: Uh, you guys see me as a dad?
RACHEL: But I do not want to have everything decided for
74 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
JOEY: Oh yeah. RACHEL: Hi. MONICA: Wow.
JOEY: Nooooo. SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while. MONICA: Weird, weird.
CHANDLER: Your just, your just clearly not CAROL: We've got a cab waiting downstairs. RACHEL: Ok, so uh, who wants the last hamburger?
familiar with our young persons vernacular. See,
when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal. ROSS: Well, this was fun. Uh, we should really do it again PHOEBE: Oh, alright, that's it, now I have to go see
sometime, wha'dya say? Ok. Alright so I've got him. him.
RICHARD: Uh-huh, yeah.
CAROL: Tuesday. MONICA: Why?
CHANDLER: No no, seriously, Joey's my dad,
Monica's my dad. I've even got some dads down at ROSS: Tuesday right. Ok, bye you guys. PHOEBE: Hamburger. McDonald's. Old MacDonald
work. had a farm, my dad is a pharmacist.
RACHEL: Take care.
RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I OPENING TITLES
are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess ROSS: Bye Ben.
I'll just see you kids around. [Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross enter
BEN: Bye. in sweats carrying rackets.]
MONICA: Nighty-nite.
RACHEL: Did, did he just, did he, did he just say, he said CHANDLER: Man, I am so beat.
CHANDLER: You're not a dad. You're not a dad. bye. He said bye. You said, you said bye to me. You said
bye to me. ROSS: Oh yeah.
JOEY: Not a dad.
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college. CHANDLER: Hey, you just wanna forget about
CHANDLER: I can't believe you got us into raquetball and hang out here?
trouble. [slaps Joey on the arm. Joey takes CAROL: We've gotta go, we've got that cab waiting.
exception and slaps him back] ROSS: Yeah alright.
ROSS: Alright, alright, ok. Bye.
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] [they sit at the couch]
So are you ok? BEN: Bye.
BIG BULLY: [walks back from the counter] Hey you're
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a ROSS: Bye. in our seats.
hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
BEN: Bye. ROSS: Oh, sorry we didn't know.
MONICA: Come here. I'll make you feel like one
of the guys. You know for a really cool guy, you ROSS: Bye. LITTLE BULLY: [walks back from the counter] Hey, we
suck at foosball. were sitting there.
BEN: Bye.
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' CHANDLER: Ok, there is one more way to say it, who
'em. ROSS: Bye. knows it?
MONICA: Yeah, well they suck too. CLOSING CREDITS LITTLE BULLY: Is that supposed to be funny?
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel is [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is CHANDLER: No actually, I was just going for colorful.
changing Ben's diaper under Ross's watching Bert and Ernie with Ben.]
supervision.] BIG BULLY: What's with this guy?
ERNIE: Oh wow, look at this nice deep hole I've been
ROSS: Ok, and then you take the poopie diaper digging. Hey Bert, isn't this a nice hole here. Hey. LITTLE BULLY: What's with you?
and you put it in the poopie diaper pail.
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where ROSS: Uh, nothing, nothing's with him. Enjoy your
RACHEL: Ok Ross, just so you know, calling it a Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've coffee.
poopie diaper doesn't make this process any cuter. looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But,
ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' [as they're walking off, little bully grabs Chandlers hat
ROSS: [doorbell buzzes] Hello. for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just from behind and puts it on himself]
the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we
CAROL: It's us. go. [starts the tape again] CHANDLER: What just happened?
ROSS: Come on up. I'm gonna get the rest of his ERNIE: Bert, Bert. Bert. Hey, what happened to my friend LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny
stuff together. [walks in his room] Bert? He was here just a moment ago. Oh no, my old friend too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.
Bert is lost.
RACHEL: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? CHANDLER: That, that is funny. Can I have it back?
Yes we can, yes we can. [finishes the diaper] PHOEBE: Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on END LITTLE BULLY: No.
and everything. Hi.
CHANDLER: No?
BEN: Hi. 221 The One With the Two Bullies
BIG BULLY: No.
RACHEL: I'm sorry, what did you just say? Did [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone
you just say hi? Oh my God, Ross, Ross, Ben just is there. Monica is watching stock prices on a ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very
said 'Hi'. business channel.] funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just,
just give him back the hat.
ROSS: Wha, what? JOEY: Hey Monica, why are we watchin' the business
channel? BIG BULLY: Why should we?
RACHEL: Ben just said hi.
MONICA: 'Cause I was going by it the other day and I saw ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at
ROSS: What, the word hi? that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and, well, Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling
sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself
RACHEL: Ye-, no, my Uncle Hi. comes up again but when it does, it's pretty exciting. up, ya know. Now Chandler...
ROSS: Great, great, and I miss that too, I miss RACHEL: Ok honey, you really need a job. CHANDLER: Stop talking, stop talking now. Let me
everything. just get this straight. You're actually stealing my hat?
ROSS: Mon, speaking of which, dad says he knows
RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I just bring it out someone you can call for an interview. BIG BULLY: You got a problem with that?
in him.
MONICA: Really. CHANDLER: No, just wanna make sure we're on the
CAROL and SUSAN: Hello. same page.
PHOEBE: Ok, right there. That, that's the third sign today.
RACHEL: Guess what. Ben just said his first word. Right there. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey
and Rachel are sitting there and Monica walks
CAROL: What did he say? ROSS: On behalf of everyone, I'd just like to say behuh. in.]
ROSS: Something about hi. PHOEBE: No, 'cause you just said dad and everywhere I RACHEL: Hey, how'd the interview go?
go today I keep getting signs telling me to go see my father.
SUSAN: That's so exciting. Like when I was walking over here and I passed a MONICA: It bit. It was a 50's theme restraunt. I have
buffet...which is my father's last name. to cook in a costume and dance on the counter. I mean
CAROL: Mommy is so proud of you. Hi. Hi. I was a chef at Cafe des Artistes. I mean how could I
EVERYONE: Ahh. take a job where I have to make something called
RACHEL: You know, actually it's more like, hi. Laverne and Curly Fries?
PHOEBE: And they were serving franks which is his first
CAROL: Hi. name minus the s at the end. And there was a rotisserie RACHEL: So don't do it.
with spinning chicken.
RACHEL: Hi. MONICA: How can I not do it? I have $127 in the
MONICA: His indian name? bank.
CAROL: Hi.
PHOEBE: No because I chickened out the last time when I JOEY: Monica, relax, go get a beer.
RACHEL: Hi. tried to meet him. So I mean coincidences? I don't think so.
MONICA: I don't want a beer.
CAROL: Hi. ROSS: Freakish.
JOEY: Who said it was for you?
75 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
the sandwich, get the sandwich doggie. [dog ignores the RACHEL: Yeah Phoebe, I completely understand.
ROSS and CHANDLER: [both enter looking down] sandwich] Good doggie get the sandwich, get the...ok,
Hhhiiii. Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your JOEY: Yeah, whatever you need. Hey, you wanna go
sandwich, what does that say? home?
RACHEL: What's the matter with you?
JOEY: Well if he's not gonna eat it, I will. PHOEBE: Ok, thanks. Sorry, again
CHANDLER: The mean guys at the coffee house
took my hat. PHOEBE: Are you crazy? [She starts the cab and pulls forward. We hear a squish
and a dog yelp.]
RACHEL: Noo. JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car
window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh. PHOEBE: [innocently] What was that?
JOEY: You're kiddin'.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting JOEY: Uhh, I'm guessing the threshold's clear now.
ROSS: It was ridiculous. Ya know, these guys, at the couch.]
they were bullies, actual bullies, ya know. We're [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey is
grown ups, this kinda stuff isn't supposed to CHANDLER: Hey. eating breakfast, Rachel has just gotten up, and
happen anymore. Monica is on the phone.]
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: Oohhh. MONICA: I wanna buy 5 shares of SGJ and I wanna
CHANDLER: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate buy them now. C'mon time is money my friend. Thank
ROSS: Hi. agent to get to wear those really cool jackets? you. Wooo.
RACHEL: Hi. [Ross turns to Rachel and they hug] ROSS: Do you say this stuff to girls? RACHEL: Time is money my friend?
CHANDLER: Ohhh [turns as if to hug someone] BIG BULLY: Hehehehey, isn't that the guy who used to JOEY: Yeah, you missed, 'Takes money to make
Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one. wear your hat? money,' and uh, 'Don't make me come down there and
kick your wall street butt.'
JOEY: Hey, woah, let's go down there and get LITTLE BULLY: And look where they're sitting.
your hat back. MONICA: Hey, I made $17 before breakfast, what
ROSS: You're joking, right? You guys just walked through have you done?
CHANDLER: Na, forget it, it's probably stripped the door.
and sold for parts by now. JOEY: Well uh, I had breakfast here so technically I
BIG BULLY: Maybe we didn't make it clear enough. saved $3.50.
MONICA: [seeing TV] Hey, I went up.
LITTLE BULLY: Yeah. RACHEL: How did you make $17.
RACHEL: What?
BIG BULLY: This couch belongs to us. MONICA: Well, my financially challenged friends, I
MONICA: My stock, MEG, it went up 2 points. Hey split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and
guys, do you realize that if I had invested my $127 CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch ZXY.
in myself yesterday that I'd like have...a lot more and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it
than that today. Ya know what, I'm gonna do it. comes to. JOEY: How come those?
JOEY: Do what? BIG BULLY: You know what I keep wondering? Why you MONICA: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush
two are still sitting here. on Eric Estrada. And ZXY becuase I think it sounds
MONICA: Put all my money in me. zexy.
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright.
RACHEL: Monica, what are you talking about? Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat. RACHEL: What happened to uh, MEG.?
You don't know the first thing about the stock
market. GUNTHER: Fellas, these guys were here first. MONICA: MEG was good for me but I dumped her. Ya
know, my motto is get out before they go down.
MONICA: What's to know? Buy sell, high low, BIG BULLY: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.
bears bulls...[on the phone] Yes Manhattan...yeah JOEY: That is so not my motto.
telephone number of the stock...selling store. LITTLE BULLY: Sorry.
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey.
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe pulls GUNTHER: There you go.
up in the cab with Rachel and Joey in the RACHEL: Hey Phoebs. Oh hey, how's the dog?
back.] ROSS: Thank you Gunther. We didn't want to have to go
and do that. PHOEBE: Ok, I talked to the vet, people are so nice
[Phoebe slams on the breaks. Joey and Rachel are upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be
thrown forward into the pillows in their laps.] LITTLE BULLY: He told on us? ok and I can pick him up tomorrow.
JOEY: See, didn't I tell ya these pillows would be a BIG BULLY: You told on us? JOEY: Good.
good idea?
ROSS: Well pal, you didn't give me much of a choice. RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
PHOEBE: Oh God, here we go. For the first time [flicks the ends of the big bully's tie]
in my life I'm gonna say 'Hi birthfather'. PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of
CHANDLER: Don't play with his things. stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does
RACHEL: We love you, we're here for you. a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping.
ROSS: I know.
JOEY: Yeah good luck, good luck. RACHEL: Ok, so Phoebe, now are you gonna call your
BIG BULLY: Alright, let's take this outside. dad and let him know that his dog is ok?
PHOEBE: Thanks. [gets out of the cab]
ROSS: Let's, let's take this outside? Who talks like that? PHOEBE: I, I don't wanna meet my father over the
JOEY: Hey Rach, you uh, you want some phone. What am I gonna say, like 'Hi, I'm Phoebe, the
sandwich? BIG BULLY: The guy that's about to kick your ass talks like daughter you abandoned. Oh, by the way, I broke your
that. dog.'
RACHEL: Ohh, what is in that?
CHANDLER: You had to ask. JOEY: Hey Phoebs, if you want, I'll do it.
JOEY: Olive loaf and ham spread, no mayo.
ROSS: Yeah. PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me,
RACHEL: No no, 'cause mayo, that would make it ok. [goes over and grabs the phone that's sitting by
gross. [the bullies grab the back of the couch that Ross and Monica]
Chandler are sitting in and tip back]
PHOEBE: [a little dog starts attacking her leg] MONICA: DON'T...be too long with the phone.
Hey, hey, no, oh oh. ROSS: Ok, ok look, see, the thing is we're, we're not
gonna fight you guys. RACHEL: She'll be a much better friend when the
RACHEL: Run Phoebe run. market closes.
LITTLE BULLY: Well then here's the deal, you won't have to
PHOEBE: No no no, doggie please. Oh, I do so so long as never ever show your faces in this coffee house JOEY: [dials the phone] It's a woman.
wanna love all animals, please no. ever again.
PHOEBE: So talk to her.
JOEY: Get him a bone, get a bone. You gotta bone? CHANDLER: I think you played the Gunther card too soon.
JOEY: [in a fake voice] Uhh, hello Miss Buffay. I know
RACHEL: Are you kidding me? [Scene: Back in the cab in front of Phoebe's dad's where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be
house.] returned to you, almost as good as new, within, within
PHOEBE: Look kibbles, bits. Oh God, alright, get 24 hours. Uh, goodbye. [hangs up]
the hell off my leg you yippity piece of crap. [Flings JOEY: Hey Phoeb's, I think you're good to go.
the dog off and jumps in the cab. The dog keeps RACHEL: Why the voice.
jumping up to the window.] Ok, alright, we have a PHOEBE: Yeah, I don't know.
problem. JOEY: [in the voice] Hard to say.
RACHEL: What's the matter?
JOEY: Well why don't you just reach out and take [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is
his trampoline. PHOEBE: I just think that this was a really bad sign, ya sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs
know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know. of hot water.]
RACHEL: Ok, here, I know what we can do. It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except
[grabs Joey's sadwich and throws it out the for my grandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not CHANDLER: Your cappucino sir.
window] gonna be around forever, despite what she says. And I
have a sister who I've barely spoken to since we like shared ROSS: Thank you.
JOEY: Hey, hey, hey no. a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I
want things to be like just right. [they both pour in packets of cappucino mix]
RACHEL: Ok, doggie get the- aahhh. Ok go get
76 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
CHANDLER: Ya know I think this is much better MRS BUFFAY: Yeah well, thanks for bringing back what's [They leave. As they're walking out, the bullies are
than the coffee house. left of him. walking in.]
ROSS: Absolutely. PHOEBE: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home. CHANDLER: Bullies, big bullies.
[they both stir thier coffee and proceed to stare MRS BUFFAY: How do you know Frank? LITTLE BULLY: Oh, look who's here, it's the weenies.
into the mugs]
PHOEBE: Just from a, from a long time ago. Is he here? BIG BULLY: Did we not make ourselves clear the other
ROSS: How come it's not mixing with the water? day.
MRS BUFFAY: Yeah. Frank.
CHANDLER:Well the package says you have to ROSS: Yes, and that's why we're here.
uh, constantly keep it moving. Stir and drink, stir FRANK: Yeah. What? [a young guy comes around the
and drink, never let it settle. corner] CHANDLER: Yes, we're standing out
ground...apparently.
[they both try to drink while continuously stirring] PHOEBE: Oh, ok, um, I mean Frank senior.
LITTLE BULLY: Let's do this alright.
JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is MRS BUFFAY: He went out for groceries.
ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from ROSS: Woah, ho-ho, whad'ya got there, a weapon?
my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee PHOEBE: Ok so will he be back soon?
house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of LITTLE BULLY: It's a nice watch, I don't wanna break it
coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there. MRS BUFFAY: Well he left four years ago so we're on your ribs.
expecting him back any minute now.
CHANDLER: Ok. CHANDLER: Alright, let's do this.
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry about the
ROSS: No. dog, everything. I'm sorry. LITTLE BULLY: Alright.
CHANDLER: No? [she turns to leave, Frank follows] [they all put up their fists and prepare to fight]
ROSS: No. Man I don't wanna have to have Joey FRANK: Hey lady. Hey wait up. How do you know my dad? CHANDLER: Question. If I don't care about my watch,
with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. can I use it as a weapon?
Ya know, and I don't wanna spend the rest of my PHOEBE: Um well I don't really. Just genetically. He's
life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say you and I kinda my dad too. ROSS: Whad'ya mean?
go back down there and stand up to those guys.
FRANK: Heavy. CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can
CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a second there do some, you know, serious damage with it.
Custer. PHOEBE: Yeah. So um, did he ever talk about me, Phoebe?
BIG BULLY: No, you can't use your watch.
JOEY: Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been FRANK: No but he didn't really talk about anything.
beaten up before? CHANDLER: Ok. [reaches in his pocket]
PHOEBE: Oh.
ROSS: Yeah, sure. BIG BULLY: Or your keys.
FRANK: Except stilts.
JOEY: By someone besides Monica? CHANDLER: Ok.
PHOEBE: Stilts?
ROSS: No. So what. So what if we get beaten up, LITTLE BULLY: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all
maybe that's just something every man has to go FRANK: Yeah, he loved stilts. One time I was upstairs, I keys and watches in the hat over there. Alright. [they
through once in his life. Ya know, like a, like a right was stealing cigarettes out of my mom's purse, and uh, all all put their keys and watches in the hat and put it on a
of passage or somethin'. of a sudden I look over and there's my dad's head bobbing mail box] Alright, c'mon man, let's do this.
past the window. He just had this big smile on his face and
CHANDLER: Well, couldn't we just lose our he was waving 'cause he was always happiest when he was [they all jump in the street and prepare to fight]
virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually on his stilts.
mine's growing back. ROSS: Before I forget, are we hitting faces?
PHOEBE: Wow.
[Scene: Outside Monica and Rachel's BIG BULLY: Of course we're hitting faces, why wouldn't
apartment. Rachel is returning.] FRANK: Yeah. you hit faces?
MONICA: [Opens the door] I need to borrow a PHOEBE: I don't know what to do with that. ROSS: Well because I have to work on Monday, I have
hundred bucks. a big presentation.
FRANK: Me neither. So you're like my big sister.
RACHEL: What? LITTLE BULLY: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show
PHOEBE: Yeah. this apartment tomorrow and uh, you know, this no
MONICA: Hi, welcome home. [pulls Rachel inside] faces thing might not be a bad idea.
I need to borrow a hundred bucks. FRANK: This is huge, you can buy me beer.
BIG BULLY: Ok, nothing from the neck up. [everyone
RACHEL: For what? PHOEBE: I'm not gonna. But you know what's cool though? gets ready for the fight] Or the waist down. Dana's
Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh ovulating.
MONICA: I've gotta get back in the game. yeah, I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'
LITTLE BULLY: Oh really, you guys tryin' again?
RACHEL: Why, when did you get out of the game? FRANK: I gotta friend named Mark.
BIG BULLY: Yeah.
MONICA: I don't know, I lost it all ok. I lost it. PHOEBE: That'll work too.
CHANDLER: Ok, so let me just get this straight. So
RACHEL: Oh no. FRANK: Cool, alright. So maybe, ya know, I could give you we're uh, strictly talking about the middle?
a call sometime, we could talk or somethin'.
MONICA: Hey, I've come to terms with it, you BIG BULLY: C'MON!
have to too. PHOEBE: Yeah, that'd be ok.
ROSS: Hey, hey, woah, you want some of this, huh?
RACHEL: Ok. Look uhh, Mon I'm, I'm really sorry. FRANK: Alright. You want a piece of this, huh? I'm standin here, huh.
MONICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, where are we on the PHOEBE: Ok, I'm in the book. CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff!
hundred bucks? [some guy runs off with the hat]
FRANK: Ok, yeah.
RACHEL: I, I don't have it. ROSS: Hey.
PHOEBE: Alright. So um, stilts huh?
MONICA: But I need it. Otherwords I'm gonna BIG BULLY: Hey.
have to take that horrible diner job. You know, FRANK: Yeah hey, you know if you want I can take you
with the dancing and the costumes. I don't wanna around back and show you where he hit his head on the [they all run off after the guy]
have to wear flame retardant boobs. rain gutter.
[Scene: Central Perk. The four guys are
RACHEL: Nobody does honey. PHOEBE: Ok. returning after getting the hat back.]
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is [Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting ROSS: God, that was, that was amazing, that was
returning the dog who is bandaged up and on the couch nervously.] incredible. You guys, you guys kicked butt.
has a plastic cone around it's neck.]
ROSS: Well we did it, we're here. We are standing our LITTLE BULLY: Us, what about you guys? Man you
PHOEBE: Hi. ground. How long does a cup of coffee take? really, bing, gave it to old Mr. Clean back there. He was
a big guy.
MRS BUFFAY: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the CHANDLER: Would you come on! Come on! [waitress
hell happened to my dog? brings their coffee] Thank you. ROSS: Yeah he was wasn't he.
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman [They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and CHANDLER: Yeah, I wouldn't know having missed
who did this would never ever hurt a dog on gulp down a few drinks] everything.
purpose. She's a vegetarian.
CHANDLER: Ah, there we go. BIG BULLY: Don't do that to yourself. Any one of us
MRS BUFFAY: What are these, stitches? could have tripped over that little girls jump-rope.
ROSS: I think we proved our point.
PHOEBE: Yeah, eight of them. That's 56 to him. ROSS: So, listen guys, are we uh, are we ok here?
You know also, if, if it's raining, you can't let him CHANDLER: You burn your mouth?
look up too long 'cause that cone'll fill up really LITTLE BULLY: We're ok.
really fast. ROSS: Cannot feel my tounge.
ROSS: Alright.
77 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the
CHANDLER: Ok so, can I have my hat back? [Rachel enters] balloons... [Chandler, remembering that Joey and Mr.
Greene are in the bedroom, throws her coat in a
LITTLE BULLY: No. ROSS: Hi honey, how did it go? cupboard] The funniest thing happened to me on the
way here. I was...[Joey peeks out]
CHANDLER: Huh. [reaches over and grabs the RACHEL: Agh, it was the graduation from hell.
hat and bolts for the door but slips and falls behind PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great,
the couch] CHANDLER: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I
scholarship. really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with
CLOSING CREDITS me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like
RACHEL: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the
[Scene: The 50's theme cafe. Monica is occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody bathroom]
working the grill, the rest are at a table.] thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from
long island would do for a Celica. MONICA: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
RACHEL: Look at her.
MONICA: So what happened? CHANDLER: Ok, think, what would Jack and Chrissy
CHANDLER: Hi Monica. do?
RACHEL: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit
JOEY: He-he-he, how's it goin'? in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the JOEY: [peeks back out] Ok, now that your coat is
divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle safely in the bedr-, [sees that the coast is clear] oh, ok
PHOEBE: Hey nice boobs. of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to we can come back out in the living room.
stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what
CHANDLER: Guys guys, check this out. the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours. MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time
that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
[Chandler puts a coin in the mini jukebox at the PHOEBE: Ok, so I guess we don't invite her parents.
table. YMCA starts playing and Monica and the rest CHANDLER: Uhh, yes, absdolutely, um. Why again?
of the staff have to get on the counter and start MONICA: Well, how bout just her mom?
singing along and dancing. After a couple of MONICA: Because that's where the party is you goon.
couruses, Chandler pulls out a handful of coins and CHANDLER: Why her mom? See this is just the staging area.
drops them on the table.]
MONICA: Cause I already invited her. JOEY: Right this is staging.
JOEY: Excellent.
END PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, did you ask Stacy Roth? CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is
the staging area.
JOEY: Oh no, can't invite her. She also steals.
222 The One With the Two Parties JOEY: [as they're walking out, Dr. Greene
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, questioningly gestures at the Happy Birthday sign over
[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.] the door] This is clearly in the wrong apartment. [they
and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is all walk across the hall]
working. Monica is wearing her costume, including PHOEBE: Ok, here are the birthday candles. Where's the
big fake breasts.] birthday cake? [Scene: Later on in the hallway between the
apartments. Chandler is showing people to the parties.]
MONICA: So, I'll get candles and my mom's lace MONICA: Ok, we're not having birthday cake, we're
tablecloth, and since it's Rachel's birthday, I mean, having birthday flan. CHANDLER: Alright you guys are off to party number
we want it to be special, I thought I'd poach a one [ushers 3 guys into Monica's apartment] and you,
salmon. CHANDLER: Excuse me? you are off to party number two [ushers four women
into his apartment. Two guys try to follow and
ALL: Ohhh. MONICA: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert. Chandler blocks them and shoos them off to Monica's
apartment] Alright fellas, let's keep it movin', let' keep
MONICA: What? JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some it movin.
goo.
ROSS: Question. Why do we always have to have MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some
parties where you poach things? [knock at the door] women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's
Ross.
MONICA: You wanna be in charge of the food MONICA: [answers the door] Dr. Greene. Oh my God it's
committee? Rachel's dad. What're you doing here? CHANDLER: Ok, they're coming, shhh. [Runs into
Monica's apartment and grabs one last girl to take to
ROSS: Question two. Why do we always have to MR. GREENE: What? The father can't drop by to see the his apartment]
have parties with committees? daughter on her birthday?
RACHEL: Ohh, thank you for the wonderful dinner.
JOEY: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas MONICA: No no, the father can, but um, since I am the
and get some beers and have fun? roommate I can tell you that she's not here and I'll pass ROSS: Thanks for being born.
along the message, ok. So bye-bye.
ROSS: Yeah. RACHEL: Ohh, thank you for my beautiul earrings,
MR. GREENE: Ohhh, you're having a parteee. they're perfect. I love you.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy
parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of ROSS: Oh, now you can exchange them if you want,
and I'm just not sure we are. some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and ok.
Chandler and Joey.
MONICA: Alright. If you guys don't want it to be RACHEL: Now I love you even more.
special, fine. You can throw any kind of party you MR. GREENE: I'll never remember all of that. So uh, what's
want. the deal? Rachel comes home, people pop out and yell stuff, [they kiss and Ross backs her into her apartment and
is that it? turns on the lights]
[Joey is staring at Monica's breasts]
CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir? ALL: Surprise.
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles
beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're [knock at the door, Monica answers to see Mrs. Greene] RACHEL: Oh my gosh, wow. Monica. Oh my god.
fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk. Mom. This is so great.
MRS. GREENE: Hi Monica.
CHANDLER: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns. MRS. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetie.
[Monica slams the door back shut]
OPENING TITLES RACHEL: Wow you, you. I had no idea.
MONICA: Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, Joey, ROSS: Really?
Phoebe, and Monica are planning Rache's birthday CHANDLER: So, basically just a Chinese guy.
party.] RACHEL: No, I knew.
JOEY: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me,
ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed. ROSS: All right.
can come.
MR. GREENE: Alright, that sounds like a two person job. MONICA: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on
MONICA: Ok, um so, I still have to invite Dillon [they walk into Rachel's bedroom] the table. Go across the hall.
and Emma and Shannon Cooper.
MRS. GREENE: Well, my goodness, what was that? ROSS: What?
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon
Cooper. MONICA: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were RACHEL: What?
Rachel and we just weren't ready for you yet.
PHOEBE: Why not her? MONICA: Right now, Joey and Chandler's, go now.
MRS. GREENE: You thought I was Rachel?
JOEY: Cause she uh, she steals stuff. RACHEL: Why.
CHANDLER: Yes because uh, you look so young.
CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and MONICA: Just go.
Joey just slept with her and never called her back. PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white
women. [they walk across the hall]
MONICA: Joey that is horriable.
MRS. GREENE: Oh, I missed you kids. Well, should I put my ALL: Surprise.
JOEY: Hey I liked her, alright. Maybe, maybe too coat in the bedroom?
much. I don't know I guess I just got scared. MR. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetpea.
CHANDLER: NO! No, I'll take that for ya.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I didn't know. RACHEL: Daddy.
MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman.
JOEY: I didn't think anyone'd buy that, ok. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces [Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and
78 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.] MR. GREENE: I think I need a drink.
GIRL 1: Alright, let me just get my coat.
RACHEL: Both of them are here, both of them, ROSS: Oh, here, I, I'll get it for ya. Whad'ya want?
both of them are here? PHOEBE: There isn't time. You must leave everything.
MR. GREENE: Scotch. They'll take care of you next door.
CHANDLER: Well, we could count again.
ROSS: Scotch. Alright, I'll be back in 10 seconds with your GIRL 1: Is it true they have beer?
RACHEL: I can't believe this is happening. scotch on the rocks in a glass.
PHOEBE: Everything you've heard is true.
ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This MR. GREENE: Neat.
is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just [Back at Chandler and Joey's party. Everyone is
put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, ROSS: Cool. dancing and having fun.]
who cares.
MR. GREENE: No no no, no no no, neat, as in no rocks. MONICA: Could you guys please try to keep it down,
RACHEL: I do. we're trying to start a Boggle tournament.
ROSS: I know.
ROSS: That's who. [Chandler and Joey stop dancing and laugh at her]
[Back at Monica's party]
CHANDLER: Look, are you gonna be ok? MONICA: You, and you, you're supposed to be at my
MR. GREENE: Oh hello Ross, where have you been? party. And Gunther! What are you doing here?
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a
choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the ROSS: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of GUNTHER: Um [gestures to dance floor]
bright side, I get two birthday parties and two the salmon mousse.
birthday cakes. PHOEBE: [enters with the three people she got out]
MRS. GREENE: Oh, scotch neat. Ya know, that's Rachel's Ok, welcome to the fu-oh.
CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan. father's drink.
MONICA: Phoebe.
RACHEL: What? ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would
you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is PHOEBE: Alright, I'm sorry but these people needed
CHANDLER: It's a traditional Mexican custard walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, me. They work hard all week, it's Saturday night, they
dessert...Look talk to Monica, she's on the food where you uh, sneakin off to mister? deserve to have a little fun. Go.
committee.
MR. GREENE: I'm getting my cigarettes out of my jacket. MONICA: Ya know, my party is fun. I mean, maybe
[Time lapse. Chandler runs out of the bathroom.] it's a little quieter, less obvious sorta fun but, you know,
ROSS: No. no. if people would just give it a chance... [volleyball hits
CHANDLER: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just her in the head from behind]
walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and MR. GREENE: Whad'ya mean no?
stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party. [Back at Monica's party]
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging
JOEY: Quick volleyball question. area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the RACHEL: You want me to see a therapist?
party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and
CHANDLER: Volleyball. I will get your cigarettes for you sir. MRS. GREENE: Sweetheart, you obviously have a
problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your
JOEY: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, MR. GREENE: Get my glasses too. father.
you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
ROSS: All righty roo. [closes the door] What a great RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an
CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge moment to say that for the first time. [goes to get the appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta
down my throat, I'm not even listening to you. cigarettes and glasses] go, I gotta go do a thing.
GIRL'S VOICE: Dennis. MONICA: Ok, the first person's most embarassing [Chandler and Joey's party]
memory is, 'Monica, your party sucks.' Very funny.
CHANDLER: Ok, that's me. [runs back] MR. GREENE: Did you know your mother spent $1200
PHOEBE: Oh no, ooh, ooh, did somebody forget to use a dollars on bansai trees. I felt like Gulliver around that
RACHEL: Listen honey, can you keep dad coaster? place.
occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom for a while.
MONICA: What? [she runs over to where Phoebe is, RACHEL: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really
ROSS: Ok, do you have any ideas for any openers? Phoebe signals for Gunther to go] I don't see anything. wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have,
I just have to do a, some stuff.
RACHEL: Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy PHOEBE: Great, I'm seeing water rings again.
that's doing you daughter' and you should be ok. [Monica's party]
MRS. GELLER: Ross, whose glasses are those?
[Back in Monica's party] MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work
ROSS: Mine. at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of
paper, here you go, and write down your most MRS. GREENE: You wear bi-focals? [Chandler and Joey's party]
embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when
you're not using the markers, you put the caps ROSS: Um-hmm. [puts them on] I have a condition, MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on
back on them because they will dry out. apparently, that I require two different sets of focals. a boat...
[Back in Chandler and Joey's party] MRS. GREENE: Did you know my husband has glasses just MRS. GREENE: He always ridiculed my pottery classs...
like that?
ROSS: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in MR. GREENE: ...and you sand it and you varnish it...
the uh, vascular surgery....game? RACHEL: Well those are very popular frames.
MRS. GREENE: ...but when all is said and done, he still
MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died ROSS: Neil Sedaka wears them. drinks out of the mugs.
on my table today.
GUY: [to Phoebe] I hear you can get people out of here. MR. GREENE: ...and her yoga and her Bridges of
ROSS: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about Madison County...
my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already MRS. GREENE: Rachel, you didn't tell me your boyfriend
dead. smoked. MRS. GREENE: ...the scotch and the cigarettes...
[Back in Monica's party] RACHEL: Yeah, like a chimney. MR. GREENE: ...and the bansai's and the chiuaua...
MONICA: Listen you guys, I don't mean to be a ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings MRS. GREENE: ...I may have only been in therapy for
pain about this but, um, I've noticed that some of one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his three weeks now dear but...
you are just placing them on. You wanna push the mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In
caps until you hear them click. [she demonstrates, fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad MR. GREENE: ...what the hell does she want with half a
Gunther starts to walk to the door] Gunther, boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with boat...
where're you going? Mr. Greene]
[Scene: The hallway after the party. Rachel is sitting
GUNTHER: I um, was sorta thinking about MR. GREENE: Are you wearing my glasses? there.]
maybe...
ROSS: Yes. [pulls them off and hands them to Mr. Greene] CHANDLER: [running out of his apartment after a girl]
MONICA: No. No you can't go. No this is fun. I was just warming up the earpieces for you. Ok, ok, you can be shirts and I'll be skins. I'll be skins.
Come on we're just getting started. Here, here's [sits down beside Rachel] Hey, how you holdin' up
your marker. MR. GREENE: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes? there, tiger? Oh, sorry, when my parents were getting
divorced I got a lot of tigers. Got a lot of champs,
PHOEBE: Listen if you wanna go, just go. ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to chiefs, sports, I even got a governor.
Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
GUNTER: No, she'll yell at me again. RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life
[Back in Monica's party. Phoebe is talking to a guy and two is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there.
PHOEBE: Alright, I can get you out. girls at the party.] Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in
some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker.
GUNTHER: What? PHOEBE: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
you out of here but it has to be now, she'll be back any
PHOEBE: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a minute. CHANDLER: Well, I relied on a carefully regimented
diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and program of denial and, and wetting the bed.
don't look back. GIRL 1: What about my friend Victor?
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party] PHOEBE: No, only the three of you, any more than that there just listening to them bitch about each other and
and she'll get suspicious. all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
79 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
lands in the flan] Wow, those things almost never come have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the
CHANDLER: Becasue it reminded you of the way true. whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole
our forefathers used to bitch at each other? END damn town?
RACHEL: It's just this thing. Every year we would MONICA: Baddest. Otherwise the song would be Fat
go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. 213 The One With the Chicken Pox Fat Leroy Brown.
Mom always hated it because the ocean air made
her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up [Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and RICHARD: What're you doing?
over the side and my dad would be upset becasue Chandler are there.]
nobody was helping and then when we did help he MONICA: Just waiting for you sweetie.
would scream at us for doing it wrong. But then [Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are
when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up, sitting on the couch.] RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
you know, and it'd get really cold, and we would all
just sort of smush under this one blanket. It never RACHEL: Ok, Chandler, Mon, there's only one bananna MONICA: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know what, the
occured to anybody to bring another one. And now nut muffin left. way you did it was just fine.
it's just...
[Rachel holds the tray between them. Chandler grabs the RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out muffin before Monica can.]
and Chandler puts her in his arms.] MONICA: If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.
MONICA: Oh, I ordered mine first.
[Scene: Monica's party. She is seeing off the last RICHARD: You're pretty much running that risk either
of the guests.] CHANDLER: Yeah, but I'm, I'm so much faster... way.
MONICA: Ok, thanks for coming, I hope you guys MONICA: Give it to me. MONICA: Ok, you see, the tag shouldn't be at the top
had fun. left corner, it should be at the bottom right corner.
CHANDLER: No.
MRS. GREENE: Alright, Monica dear, I'm gonna hit RICHARD: Oh, well that's not so crazy.
the road. Now I've left my 10 verbs on the table. MONICA: Give it to me.
And you be sure and send me that finished poem. MONICA: I'm just easing you in.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it
MONICA: Ok will do. So glad you came. to her.] RICHARD: Oh, alright.
MRS. GREENE: I think I saw Rachel out in the hall. MONICA: [She grabs the coffee cup on the table and licks MONICA: Alright, you see these little flower blossoms?
the rim.] There you go, enjoy your coffee. They should be facing up, not down, because, well, the
MONICA: Ok, let me go check. Your mom want's head of the bed is where the sun would be. You don't
to say goodbye. CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a love me any more do you.
bite of his muffin.]
RACHEL: Oh ok. RICHARD: Actually, if it's possible, I love you more.
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey you guys, you will never guess
MRS. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetie. who's coming to New York. MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna
show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
RACHEL: Ok. MONICA: [Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass
remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell [Scene: Chandler's office. Joey is there.]
[Mr. Greene opens the door to Chandler and Joeys us before he can swallow.
apartment. Ross sees him and runs to the door CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you
forcing him back in then holds onto the door knob.] PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in need something to hold you over, I can get you a job
the Navy. right here as an entry level processor.
JOEY: Ahh, you drive safe.
[Chandler is visibly upset] JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that?
MRS. GREENE: Ross, what're you doing.
RACHEL: You went out with a guy in the Navy? CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for
ROSS: I'm getting ready for the water skiing. [Mr. people realizing you have no idea what you're doing,
Greene opens the door which pulls Ross in] How PHOEBE: Yeah, I met him when I was playing guitar in hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will
are you doing? Washington Square Park. Ryan threw in salt water taffy think you're a processor.
'cause he didn't have any change.
CHANDLER: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you SCOTT: [enters] Hey Chandler, here's this morning's
going? JOEY: Hey, is that when you wrote salt water taffy man? projections.
MR. GREENE: To get my coat. PHOEBE: No. No, he is my submaring guy. He resurfaces CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey
like every couple years and we have the most amazing Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.
GUYS: No no no. three days together. Only this time he's coming for two
weeks. Two whole weeks, which means yay. SCOTT: No kidding.
MR. GREENE:Alright, alright, I can get my own
coat. RACHEL: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the
a time? processing, I'm the one they call.
[the guys form a wall between Mrs Geller and Mr
Geller and dance across the hall as he walks across] [Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't SCOTT: Where do you work?
come back.]
CHANDLER: Sorry, we're on a major flan high. JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You
MONICA: That'll teach you to lick my muffin. know how it is. One day you're processing, the next
PHOEBE: Oh no, you're not supposed to be here. day you're not so much... processing any more.
This is the staging area, you should, it's all wrong, ROSS: [enters] Hiii.
you should leave, ya know, get out. [opens the CHANDLER: I was just telling Joey about the opening
door, the guys are right there] Or perhaps you'd JOEY: Oh no, what happened? in Fleischman's group.
like a creme d'menthe.
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken SCOTT: Fleischman's group. Whatever you do, don't
MR. GREENE: I have to be heading to my chateau, pox. touch his sandwiches. Ha-ha-ha...
thank you.
ALL: Oh no. JOEY: Ha-ha. [Scott leaves] Are all you processors
PHOEBE: Oh all right, then I guess we're going dorks?
back into the hallway. ROSS: Yeah, so if you haven't already had it, chances are
you're gonna get it. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica
JOEY: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. [grabs her and Rachel are doing Phoebe's makeup.]
and kisses her to distract her. She goes limp in his RACHEL: Well I've had it.
arms. Mr. Greene leaves.] Well, ok, you take care. RACHEL: Oh, this lipstick looks just great on you.
JOEY: Yeah, I've had it.
MRS. GREENE: Oh, you kids [she caresses his face MONICA: You look fabulous honey, you really do.
and chest] Well, this is the best party I've been to MONICA: Had it.
in years. PHOEBE: Yeah? Are you sure, really. [She picks up a
CHANDLER: Had it. mirror and sees the white splotches all over her face.]
MONICA: Thank you.
PHOEBE: Well, I've never had it, I feel so left out. [Sees a RACHEL: You see, you look beautiful. For god sakes,
CLOSING CREDITS red bump on her arm.] Oh look! dim the lights.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Close up OPENING TITLES PHOEBE: I, I, I'm hideous.
of the flan on the table with birthday candles.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica MONICA: It's gonna be ok. Ryan's been under water.
MONICA: Ok everybody, it's time for flan. and Richard are in her bedroom.] He's just gonna be so glad that you don't have
barnicles on your butt.
CHANDLER: Yup, get ready for the gelatenous MONICA: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you
fun. don't have to do that. This isn't camp. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is
walks up to the door and knocks.]
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was
get a bad infection. totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and PHOEBE: Come in.
today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
MONICA: Ok, that's enough. RYAN: Hey baby, I'm back... [Phoebe is sitting by the
[He walks out of the bedroom and Monica starts to remake window in a veil.]
PHOEBE: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish. the bed.]
PHOEBE: Hey Ryan, what's up?
RACHEL: Ok, I've got one. [blows out the candles. RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and
Somebody calls out 'heads up' and the volleyball Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I RYAN: What's goin' on?
80 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
up the dice.] Here we go, double sixes, here we go... [She MONICA: This is for the scratchy twins out there. I
PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I starts to rub the dice all over herself.] Here we go, come to taped oven mits to their hands.
have the pox. mama, just getting ready to roll the dice...
RICHARD: You're strict.
RYAN: Chicken or small? RYAN: What're you doing? Are you scratching?
MONICA: It's for their own good.
PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering PHOEBE: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.
I'm a vegetarian. RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have
RYAN: You're scratching. Give me the dice. efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape
RYAN: Why aren't you at home in bed? emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your
PHOEBE: No. time.
PHOEBE: 'Cause my, my grandmother's never
had chicken pox. Please, please tell me you have, RYAN: Give me the dice. MONICA: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally
'cause oh my God, I forgot how cute you are. neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you
PHOEBE: No. Here. [Throws them on the table.] There. like it better now that everything on your desk is
RYAN: I'm sorry, I never had 'em. Ooh, double sixes. perpendicular?
PHOEBE: Ohh, ohh. RYAN: We can't scratch. You know we can't, we'll scar. RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.
RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time PHOEBE: Uhh, I can't stop thinking about it. It's just so MONICA: Very good.
machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy hard. I just wanna grab all these houses and rub 'em all
Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid over my body. [Grabs a handful of the houses.] RICHARD: Thank you.
and rub him all over my face.
RYAN: No. MONICA: You know what. Tomorrow I'm gonna do
PHOEBE: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish your clocks.
that I didn't have them now. PHOEBE: Give it.
RICHARD: You're gonna do what to my clocks.
RYAN: Can I please see your face? RYAN: No.
MONICA: I'm gonna set them to my time.
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face PHOEBE: Yeah, come on. You know you want it, you know
covered with pox. you want it too, come on. Let's just be bad, it'll feel so good. RICHARD: Well, I'm confused. I thought we shared
[She starts scratching him.] time.
RYAN: Your face could be covered with lochs, I
wouldn't care. RYAN: Oh God help me. MONICA: No no. See, in my bedroom I set my clock
six minutes fast. You wanna know why?
PHOEBE: And you hate fish. Oh. That's so sweet, PHOEBE: Now do me, do my back. Oh come on, harder.
alright. Ok, alright, you can see. This is me... [she RICHARD: Because it's in a slightly different time zone
unveils herself right as a huge lightning bolt [They get back to back and start rubbing against each than the kitchen.
crashes outside. Ryan screams in terror.] Oh, I am other. Ross and Rachel enter.]
scary. MONICA: No forget it, I'm not gonna tell you now.
RACHEL: Oh, stop that, stop that right now.
RYAN: Sorry, the lightning. Lightning was an RICHARD: No come on. Come on tell me.
unfortunate incidence. You look lovely, lovely. ROSS: You know, I might have expected this of you
Phoebe, but Ryan, you're a military man. MONICA: No. See you don't understand.
PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the
most amazing two weeks planned for us, and [Scene: Chandler's office building. Joey and Jeannie RICHARD: Come on.
almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot are talking.]
closer than this. MONICA: No. You don't have any of these cute little
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll obsessive things.
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
in a steel tube with men, thinking about this RICHARD: No that's not true. That is not true.
moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set
stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.] that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better. MONICA: Oh yeah.
PHOEBE: Ok, this is the most romantic disease JOEY: Oh, thanks, thanks. Bye bye Jeannie. RICHARD: Yeah.
I've ever had.
JEANNIE: Bye bye Joey. MONICA: Alright, well tell me one of yours.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey enters.]
JOEY: What a phony. RICHARD: Ok. Ahh. One of my things is, I always
JOEY: Hey. separate my sweat socks from my dress socks.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'? she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas. MONICA: What if they get mixed up?
JOEY: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly JOEY: Sir. RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
just putting numbers from one column into
another column. MR. DOUGLAS: Uh, listen Bing, I received your memo. So, MONICA: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate
we're not gonna receive the systems report until next this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend
CHANDLER: Well there you go. Friday? doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a
thing.
JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend
good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie. the holiday weekend with their families. RICHARD: See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come
off well.
CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast MR. DOUGLAS: I have a family, I'm gonna be here.
operations Jeannie? [Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in
JOEY: Yeah Bing, what's that about? his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler
school. Small world huh? CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough
CHANDLER: Weird world. Your kids? numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday. JOEY: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you.
JOEY: I figure my character has kids. MR. DOUGLAS: Rough numbers? CHANDLER: Why? Wh- wh- why is Mr. Douglas
looking for me?
CHANDLER: Ya know there isn't a part of that JOEY: This company was not built on rough numbers. Am
sentence I don't need explained. I right Mr. Douglas. JOEY: 'Cause he has a strong suspicion that you
dropped the ball on the Lender project.
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to MR. DOUGLAS: Have the final numbers on my desk by
think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph Tuesday. CHANDLER: Wha- wh- why, why, why does he
the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and suspect that?
Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does. CHANDLER: Uh, if you say so sir.
JOEY: Becasue at first he thought it was Joseph. But
CHANDLER: Well, invisible kids can be that way JOEY: Joseph's good, isn't he? after he asked Joseph about it, turns out it was you.
sometimes. Anyway, I just thought you should know.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you.
JOEY: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I
thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just JOEY: Hey, hey, I just figure Joseph's the kinda guy that realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could
did. likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not
feathers. possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
CHANDLER: Really? Wow. That's some pretty
powerful imaginary sperm you must have there. CHANDLER: Why? JOEY: What're you talking about, everybody loves
Joseph.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. JOEY: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If
Phoebe and Ryan are playing Monopoly.] you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a
tryin' to pull,' he'll say. brown-nosing suck up.
RYAN: You know what makes the itching even
worse? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica JOEY: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know
enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard why, 'cause he's not in your department.
PHOEBE: That you don't stop talking about it. is sitting on the bed.]
CHANDLER: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph
RYAN: Fine. RICHARD: Ooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring but uh, I can sleep with his wife.
something too?
PHOEBE: Let's just play, ok. Good, ok. [She picks JOEY: Karen.
81 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
MONICA: Alright, go on.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about ALL: Wow!
having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I
just did. grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on JOEY: Yeah, there's just one thing that might be
the wrong side. kind've a problem. See, I, uh, had to kiss this guy.
JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me
man. MONICA: Oh my God, you're a freak. CHANDLER: 'Cause he was just so darn cute.
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, RICHARD: Yeah. How 'bout that. JOEY: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this
Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.
his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, and
about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I Ryan are there. Ryan is in uniform, getting ready to ROSS: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it
have her panties right there in my drawer. leave.] up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you
just do it.
JOEY: Really? RACHEL: So uh, Ryan, were you shipping off to?
JOEY: I did do it, I'm a professional.
CHANDLER: No freakshow, she's fictional. RYAN: I really can't say.
MONICA: Then what's the problem?
JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, ROSS: So do you have like any nuclear weapons on board?
I'll uh, I'll go find something else. JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me
RYAN: I can't say. and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that,
CHANDLER: Thank you. me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa,
RACHEL: Well do you get to look through one of those like, not a good mother.
JOEY: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I those periscope thingys.
liked him. His wife, she was hot. [Chadler pushes PHOEBE: Well, come on, who cares what that guy
him out the door by the face.] RYAN: I'm sorry, but I can't say. thinks. What does Warren Beatty know about kissing
(Chandler and Monica, give her a look that says 'think
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. ROSS: Wow, it, it's neat learning about submarines. about it') Ooh.
Rachel and Ross are in the kitchen. Phoebe
is sitting at the couch with oven mits on her RYAN: I better get out of here, I'm gonna miss my flight. OPENING CREDITS
hands.]
PHOEBE: Ok, I'll walk you out. [Scene: continued from earlier]
PHOEBE: Can I please take these off? I swear I
won't scratch. ROSS: Bye Ryan. CHANDLER: Hey, what did your agent say?
RACHEL: No sorry hon, Monica's orders. RYAN: Pleasure. JOEY: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr.
Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta
RYAN: [Comes out of the bathroom, also with oven RACHEL: It was nice to meet you. figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you
mits on his hands.] Well that wasn't easy. girls come over here and kiss me.
RYAN: Take care.
ROSS: Ok, dinner's on. MONICA: What, forget it!
[Phoebe and Ryan walk outside.]
RACHEL: And there's a peach cobbler warming in RACHEL: Yeah, right.
the oven so the plate's gonna be hot but that RACHEL: So do you uh, think we can get you one of those
shouldn't be a problem for you. uh, uniform things? JOEY: Come on, I need your help here.
ROSS: Alright you kids, bye now. ROSS: You like that do ya? PHOEBE: All right. I'll do it, I kissed him before I can
do it again.
PHOEBE and RYAN: Bye. [waving] RACHEL: Oh yeah.
JOEY: You see this, this is a friend.
ROSS: Oh look, a low budget puppet show. ROSS: I'll make some calls. [Runs off.]
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, let's go. (they move in to kiss) Oh,
PHOEBE: It's such a shame you can't see which RACHEL: Ok. wait I have gum. Okay. (they kiss rather passionately)
finger I'm holding up. Good, very good, firm but tender. I'd recommend you
[Outside with Phoebe and Ryan.] to a friend.
[Ross and Rachel leave.]
RYAN: Can you believe how we spent our two weeks JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the
RYAN: Wine? together? problem?
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his PHOEBE: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things MONICA: Joey, you know, maybe your just not used
teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.] I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little,
know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that. [They kiss.] maybe that's what you need to work on.
RYAN: Oh, I spilled some.
RYAN: Taxi. JOEY: Yeah, that makes sense. (looks at Ross)
PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]
PHOEBE: Bye you. [Ryan's cab drives off. As Phoebe is ROSS: Over my dead body! (Joey looks at Chandler)
RYAN: [Puts his hands over Phoebe's ears.] I must going back in, she sees the Central Perk sign in the window
tell you, you look beautiful tonight. and laughs.] CHANDLER: And I'll be using his dead body as a
shield.
PHOEBE: What? CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and
RYAN: Sorry. You look beautiful. [Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks Richard are there]
in in a uniform.]
PHOEBE: Oh. ROSS: (entering from Rachel's bedroom) Come on out,
RACHEL: Oh I'm sorry, we're clo-... Hey sailor. honey! I'm telling you look good! (turns around, and
[They start to kiss. They try to get each other's under his breath, to the rest of the guys) Tell her she
shirts off but can't get the buttons undone.] ROSS: Is this what you had in mind? looks good, tell her she looks good.
PHOEBE: You know what, that's it, that's it. [She RACHEL: I'll say. (Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress,
rips off the mits, Ryan follows her lead.] with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge
[Ross picks her up.] skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s,
[They keep kissing and start scratching each other. Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Ross enters, takes one look, and goes right back ROSS: I'm shipping out tomorrow.
out the door.] PHOEBE: (laughing) Oh my God, you look so good!
RACHEL: Well then uh, we better make this night count.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. [He starts to carry her out.] Oh wait, I forgot to turn off the RACHEL: I can not believe I have to walk down the
Richard and Monica are in bed.] cappucino machine. [He carries her over to turn it off.] aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you
Anchors away. Oh no no, my purse, my purse, my purse, drink when your nauseous.
RICHARD: Monica, wake up. Monica. my purse, my purse, my pu rse. [He carries her to the ROSS: So don't, I don't see why we have to go to this
counter to pick up her purse.] Oh, you know what. I forgot thing anyway, it's your ex-fiancee's wedding.
MONICA: What's up? to turn off the bathroom light.
RACHEL: Because I promised Mindy I would.
RICHARD: I thought of a thing. ROSS: Alright you know, why don't I just meet you
upstairs. [Drops her on the couch and walks out holding his MONICA: Yeah, well you promised Barry, you'd marry
MONICA: Yeah? lower back.] him. (Rachel glares at her, and she retreats to safety
END between Richard's legs)
RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this
side of the bed. RACHEL: Look you guys, I have to go, I'm the
224 The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding Maid-of-Honor. And besides you know what I just need
MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this to be in a room again with these people and feel good
side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side [Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey about myself.
of the bed. enters]
(Chandler enters, sees Rachel in the dress and starts
RICHARD: Or so I would have you believe. RACHEL: Hey Joey, how'd the audition go? laughing)
MONICA: No. Big deal, so you have a side of the JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same
bed, everybody has a side of the bed. never believe who it was. clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little
action?
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my ALL: Who?
reason yet. CHANDLER: I may have.
JOEY: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.
82 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 2
MONICA: Woo-hoo, stuud! RICHARD: You really need the bassinet?
MONICA: So, I read this article in the paper the other
ROSS: What's she look like? MONICA: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at
the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.
CHANDLER: Well, we haven't exactly met, we future.
just stayed up all night talking on the internet. RICHARD: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at
RICHARD: Oh, hey. I love children, I have children. I just sushi bars.(they both start laughing at Richard's poor
MONICA: Woo-hoo, geeek! don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our joke) See, we're having fun.
lives can finally start.
CHANDLER: I like this girl, okay, I seriously like MONICA: Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you know I'm not
this girl, you now how sometimes I tend get a little MONICA: Uh-huh. even thinking about that thing that we're not supposed
defended and quipy... to think about.
RICHARD: Look I want you, now.
ROSS: Get out! RICHARD: Neither am I.
MONICA: That's Great. You know we don't need to talk
RACHEL: Nooo! about this now. Really, I mean this is, is so way, way, way, [Scene: later the bridesmaids and ushers are getting
in the future, I'm talkin' hovercrafts and apes taking over ready to start, Ross is looking for Rachel]
MONICA: Please! the planet.
ROSS: Hey, there.
CHANDLER: Well she totally called me on it, okay. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe
She said, 'cut it out, get real', and I did. are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the RACHEL: Hi.
internet.]
RACHEL: Wow! What's that like? ROSS: Are you all right?
JOEY: Come on, Chandler, I want this part soo much.
CHANDLER: It's like this, me, no jokes. (Chandler ignores him) Just one kiss, I won't tell anyone. RACHEL: Yeah, when I was in the bathroom I saw the
window that I crawled out of at my wedding, and God,
PHOEBE: All right, stop it, you're freaking me out. CHANDLER: Joey, no means no! I just started thinking that I shouldn't be here, you
know I shouldn't, people are going to be looking at me
RICHARD: Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way. All [Rachel, in her bridesmaid dress, complete with hat, which and judging me and, and thinking about the last time.
right, I'll see you guys later. makes her look like Little Bo Peep, and Ross enter]
ROSS: Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a
ALL: Bye, Richard. RACHEL: Hey! wedding, generally people focus on the bride.
MONICA: Bye sweetie, (kisses him) I love you. CHANDLER: I'm sorry we, we don't have your sheep. RACHEL: God I know, you're right.
RICHARD: I love you, too. JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the (Annoying wedding planner enters)
cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could
(Monica stares longingly at the door, after Richard eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him). WEDDING PLANNER: All rightie, everybody look at me.
leaves) Good. All right, its time. Bridesmaids and ushers let's
ROSS: Get away from me I said no! see two lines, thank you.
PHOEBE: I think my boyfriend ever so dreamy, I
wonder what our wedding's gonna be like. MONICA: (entering) Richard buzzed. He's waiting RACHEL: Okay, I'll see you after the thing.
downstairs.
MONICA: What are you talking about? What ROSS: Okay, good luck (kisses her and leaves)
wedding? JOEY: Oh, Richard's here. I should run down say bye to
him (runs out) RACHEL: Thank you, Okay, Okay.
PHOEBE: Come on, like you never talk that.
ALL: Bye. [Starts to walk down the aisle, unfortunately she
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the doesn't realize that her dress is bunched up in her
moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to PHOEBE: Bye, good luck. underwear and her butt is showing.]
get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
(Rachel, Ross, and Monica exit) COMMERCIAL BREAK
RACHEL: Afraid to ask him?
PHOEBE: So how's your date with your cyberchick going. [Scene: after the wedding, Ross and Rachel are in the
MONICA: Could not be more terrified. Ooh, hey, what is all that (points at the computer screen). lobby]
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously CHANDLER: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the RACHEL: Why the hell didn't you tell me!
consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she
chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum. likes art, and I like funny words. ROSS: I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do stand up
and shout 'Hey, Rachel, your butt is showing!'
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Richard and Monica PHOEBE: What does she mean by HH?
are playing with Ben.] RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think
CHANDLER: (shyly) It means we're holding hands. the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was
MONICA: (holding up a blanket) Where's Benny? in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in
(drops the blanket) There he is! (does it again) PHOEBE: Are you the cutest? front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines
Where's Benny, there he is. into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my
CHANDLER: I'm afraid I might just be. entire life is flashing before my eyes.
RICHARD: Awww! You know that's probably why
babies learn to talk, so they can tell grown ups to PHOEBE: You know, what I think is so great that you are ROSS: Rach, hey look, I remember that, it wasn't so
cut it out. totally into this person and yet for all you know she could bad.
be like 90 years old, or have two heads, or. It could be a
MONICA: Hey, you know I got a question for ya. guy. RACHEL: Oh Ross, would you stop, you got me, I'm
Just a little thing, no pressure. dating you.
CHANDLER: Okay, it's not a guy, all right, I know her.
RICHARD: Okay. MR. WINEBURG: Rachel!
PHOEBE: It could be like a big giant guy.
MONICA: Did you ever, uh, like, think about the RACHEL: Oh hi, Mr. Wineburg, hi Mrs. Wineburg.
future? JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his
fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on? MR. WINEBURG: It's so wonderful to see you again,
RICHARD: Sure I do. my dear, in fact I hardly expected to see so much.
PHOEBE: We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend
MONICA: Yeah, am I in it? is a girl. MRS. WINEBURG: You told me you didn't see anything.
RICHARD: Honey, you are in it. JOEY: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. MR. WINEBURG: I tell ya a lot things!
Women live longer than men.
MONICA: Oh God, you are about to get sooo MRS. WINEBURG: Well it's wonderful to have you up
lucky. CHANDLER: How do you not fall down more? and about, again, dear.
RICHARD: Oh, yeah! PHOEBE: Okay, ask her 'What is her current method of MR. WINEBURG: Stay well.
birth control?'
MONICA: Keep talkin'. RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone
CHANDLER: All right. (reading her answer) "My husband has said something like that to me today.
RICHARD: Well, uh, sometimes I think about is sleeping with his secretary." She's married!
selling my practice, we could move to France, MINDY: (entering) Rach! Rach!
make French toast. PHOEBE: Well at least we know she's a woman.
RACHEL: Oh, hi!
MONICA: Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're CHANDLER: I can't believe she's married.
making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the MINDY: Oh my God, I'm married!
corner? JOEY: Aw, man I'm sorry (starts rubbing Chandler's
shoulder). This must be very tough for ya, huh (and starts RACHEL: I know.
RICHARD: Like a hound? comfroting him looking for a kiss).
MINDY: I'm Mrs. Dr. Barry Hunter hyphen Farber.
MONICA: Not a basset, a bassinet. [Scene: Barry and Mindy's wedding, Monica and Richard
are standing in the lobby]
RACHEL: Yeah, I love that story. Um, I got a question for RACHEL: Insane!
RACHEL: Oh honey, I'm so proud of you, Min. you guys. Why do people keep is saying that is good to see
me up and about? MINDY: ...from the syphilis.
BARRY: (entering) Min. Oh Rach, you're still here,
at our wedding, they were packing up the chopped MINDY: Well uh, after you ran out on your wedding, Barry's RACHEL: What?!
liver about now. parents told people that you were sort of....insane.
83 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
BARRY: Yeah, what are they gonna say you didn't which incidentally worked out pretty well for me (looks for END
love me anymore. Come on. the da-doom-chesh, and doesn't get one) Cheers.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler,
and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.] RACHEL: (to Ross) She you in the parking lot. 301 The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya ROSS: (runs after her) No, Rach! [Scene Central Perk, the whole gang is entering]
doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was Joey: I'm tellin' ya that girl totally winked at me.
thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? BARRY: And once again she is out of here. Okay who had All: Did not, she did not wink at you... (sees that their
Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks 9:45? Um? sacred couch is occupied by strangers) .
into Chandler: Huh. (They all leave, dejected)
his room) RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she Opening Credits
goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not [Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Phoebe, Ross, and
(the computer bing, bongs) gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I Rachel are eating breakfast.]
promised myself that I would make it through at least Ross: I have to say Tupolo Honey by Van Morrison.
PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, Rachel: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is
the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants tonight, all I The Way We Were.
to know what's wrong? really wanted was to make it though this evening with a Phoebe: See, I-I think that one that Elton John wrote
little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we for, um, that guy on Who's The Boss.
CHANDLER: What's wrong? What's wrong? can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs?
You're married that's what's wrong. really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Phoebe: (singing) Hold me close, young Tony Dan-za.
Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins (Monica enters from her bedroom)
(bing, bong) in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She Phoebe: Hi Monica!
would..." Ross: Hey Mon!
PHOEBE: Oh, my. Rachel: Hey Mon!
ROSS: Marenge, (she just walks straight into the bathroom)
CHANDLER: What? Phoebe: Oh my God, has she slept at all?
RACHEL: (singing) "...marenge, thank you honey, and do Ross: Nope.
PHOEBE: She wants to meet you in person. the cha-cha. And while she like to be a star, Tony always Rachel: No, it's been three nights in a row.
tended bar. At the, wait, wait, everybody.." Ross: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but
CHANDLER: Hey, look, Phoebe I wanted to meet then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the
her in person too, okay, but she's married, she has ROSS: Everybody! terrace, so.
a husband. Phoebe: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in
RACHEL: At the Copa, Copa Cabana (everyone joins in) the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high
PHOEBE: What if the husband person is the The hottest spot north of Havana. At the Copa, Coo-pa squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a
wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you Ca-ban-a, music and fashion were always the passion, at opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or
don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't the Copa.... a opossum get the money to make the phone call.
meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from
when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how [Scene: later, Richard and Monica are dancing] the bedroom]
you break a hip. Chandler: Morning.
RICHARD: Okay, I'll do it. Joey: Morning, hey, you made pancakes?
CHANDLER: Okay, I'll do it! Chandler: Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do
MONICA: You'll do what? that.
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put Janice: (entering and singing) Monica and Rachel had
on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet RICHARD: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it syrup, now I can get my man to cheer up. (laughs
her! (Chandler runs and picks up his shoes) Oh, is. hysterically) Good morning Joey.
wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, Joey: (sarcastically) Good morning.
eww. (Chandler runs to the bathroom, as the MONICA: Oh my God! Chandler: Hey, you know what, here's a thought.
computer bing-bongs) No, you know what you Why don't you stay home from work today and just
have to answer her, answer her first. (Chandler RICHARD: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 hang out with me.
runs to the computer) No, no, you know what o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll Janice: Oh, I wish. Look, honey, you have that report
make some coffee 'cause its too much. (Chandler coach the soccer team. MONICA: Really? to finish, and I gotta go see my lawyer.
walks slowly into the kitchen) RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose Chandler: I can not believe that I am going out with
you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will. someone that is getting divorced. I'm such a grown up.
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica Janice: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not
and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is MONICA: You're the most wonderful man. And if you without a kiss.
trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.] hadn't of said 'if I have to' like seventeen times, then I'd be Chandler: Well, maybe I won't kiss you, and then
saying 'okay, let's do it.' you'll have to stay.
MONICA: Okay, one more, please. Come on, I'm Joey: (under his breath) Kiss her! Kiss her!
gonna get it in this time, I will. RICHARD: But you're not. Janice: I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye Joey.
Joey: B-bye Janice. So when ya' dumpin' her.
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the MONICA: Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting Chandler: Nope, not this time.
candy and hits some woman in the back of the ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have Joey: Come on, quite yankin' me.
head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one. Chandler: I'm not yanking you.
sorry. Joey: This is Janice.
RICHARD: God. I love you. Chandler: Yeah, I know. She makes me happy.
MONICA: You know what, maybe I don't need to Joey: Okay. All right. You look me in the eye and tell
have children. You know maybe I just think I do MONICA: I know you do. Me too. (pause) So what now? me, without blinking, that you're not breaking up with
because that is what society, and by that I mean her. No blinking.
my mom, has always convinced me that I...(sees RICHARD: I guess we just keep dancing. Chandler: (looks him in the eye) I'm not breaking up
two little girls dancing together) I do, I have to with her! (they stare at each other for a while, then
have children, I'm sorry, I just do. [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey, and Joey blows in his face)
Phoebe are there waiting for Chandler's cyberchick to [Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is entering from
BEST MAN: (standing up) Yo! Can I have your arrive] the bathroom.]
attention, please, Best Man, making a toast here. Monica: God, look what I found in the drain.
Thank you. (clears throat, and starts reading his CHANDLER: Where is she, Where is she? (grabs Rachel) Rachel: What?!
toast) I remember when Barry got home from his Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she? Monica: It's some of Richard's hair! (holds it close to
first date with Rachel... Ross) What do I do with this?
RACHEL: Chandler, relax, Chandler, she'll be here. Ross: Getting it away from me would be job one.
ALL: What?! Monica: It's weird, but you know what I don't wanna
CHANDLER: (noticing a beautiful blond walking in) Ooh, throw this away. I mean this is like all I have left of him,
BEST MAN: What, (to Barry) you hired the same oh, oh, that's her. gross, drain hair. Ooh! (drops it in Ross's cereal)
band I can't use the same speech. (gets a Phoebe: Ooh. Oh. It looks like, like a tiny little person
'da-doom-chesh' from the drummer) Thank you, ROSS: (seeing her also) Yeah, 'cause life's just that kind. drowning in your cereal. (Ross gives her this look, like
thank you very much. Anyway, I wish you both a 'Yeah, doesn't it', and gets up to dump it down the
wonderful life together. And Rachel... PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's drain.)
like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then Monica: God, what is wrong with me.
RACHEL: What. the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to Ross: You need to get some sleep.
do is try not to... Monica: I need to get some Richard.
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its Rachel: Monica, you broke up with him for a reason.
not a lot of women would've had the guts to come (Chandler's date walks in) Monica: I know, I know. I'm just so tired of-of missing
back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do him. I'm tired of wondering why hasn't he called. Why
it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh) CHANDLER: Oh my God! (it's Janice) hasn't he called!
Phoebe: Maybe, because you told him not to.
ROSS: (standing up) Uh, I like to, uh, to add JANICE: OH.....MY.....GAWD!! (Chandler rushes over and Monica: What are you the memory woman?
something to that... kisses her) Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and
Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or
RACHEL: Why are you adding, why are you ALL: OH.....MY.....GOD!! anything.
adding, why are you adding, why are you adding? Rachel: Well, you know I'm not surprised. I mean
CLOSING CREDITS have you seen them together, they're really cute.
ROSS: Most of you don't know me, I'm Rachel's Joey: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice?
boyfriend. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Rachel: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but
Ross enters] you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean
RACHEL: Oh dear God. what can we do?
ROSS: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for!
ROSS: Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh?
did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes Ross?
tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out (kisses Joey). Ross: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and
on Barry because she had syphilis. Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult
(da-doom-chesh) (to drummer) What are you JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition about it and accept her.
doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of Joey: Yeah, we'll call that Plan B. All right?
on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl. [Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is
84 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
reading a book in bed] Chandler: I want you to say that you like her! Ross: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed
Rachel: (she leans over and kisses him on the Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a
cheek) Honey, I was wondering.... time she starts laughing, I just wanna (grimaces and particular Star Wars thing....
Ross: Hmm? tenses up) pull my arm off just so that I can have Chandler: Princess Leia in the gold bikini.
Rachel: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform? something to throw at her. Ross: Yes!
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts Chandler: I know!
place. to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore! Ross: Yes! Wow, well, that-that was easy. Okay,
Rachel: Hmm. Joey: Yeah, then-then who's the guy that painted the you-you go.
Ross: I think I have an old band uniform from faces on the mountain? (Chandler gives him a look like 'You Chandler: Okay.
high school. stupid idiot!') Ross: Okay.
Rachel: You remember not having sex in high Commercial Break Chandler: Okay, you know, you know when your in
school, right? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are bed, with a woman.
Ross: Yeah. entering] Ross: Hmph.
Rachel: Well honey, what about you? Ross: How could you have told her? Chandler: And, ah, you know, your fooling around
Ross: What? Rachel: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal. with her. And you get all these like, mental images in
Rachel: I mean do you have any fun, you know, Ross: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal. your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl
fantasy type things? Rachel: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that? at the Xerox place....
Ross: No. Ross: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, Ross: With the belly-button ring? Oh, muhawa!
Rachel: Come on you gotta have one! personal thing between us. Chandler: I know, And then all of the sudden your
Ross: Nope. Rachel: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get
Rachel: Ross, you know what... each other everything. You know, I mean, come on, guys outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that
Ross: What? do the same thing, I mean, what about all that locker room you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't,
Rachel: ...if you tell me, I might do it. stuff. you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like,
Ross: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Ross: That's different, okay. That's like, uh 'Who dated a you're, you know. You know... (Ross just stares at
Of The Jedi? stripper?' or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island him) . You don't know!
Rachel: Yeah. Ferry?'. Ross: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me,
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Rachel: Were both of those Joey? about your Mom, what is the matter with you?
Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, Ross: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you Chandler: You said...
um, Princess Leia. know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there!
Rachel: Oooh! with her. (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his
Ross: Princess Leia, was wearing this, um, gold Rachel: Not even with your best friend. head down) .
bikini thing. It was pretty cool. Ross: Noo! [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Janice are
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. returning from their DAY OF FUN!]
there] I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and Janice: We're baack!
Phoebe: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold knowing that someone else is going through the same Joey: Hey!
bikini, every guy our age loved that. thing you are. Chandler: What are you guys doing together?
Rachel: Really! Ross: Hmph. So what you, you tell each other everything? Janice: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!! (laughs)
Phoebe: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the Rachel: Pretty much. Chandler: Really.
moment, when-when, you know she stopped Ross: Did you talk about the night of five times? Do you Joey: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got
being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you tell people about the night of five times? Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You
know. Rachel: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol. have got competition buddy.
Rachel: Did you ever do the-the Leia thing? Ross: I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think. Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh! [Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to relax her.] pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you
Rachel: Really! That-that great huh? Phoebe: ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your too Chandler. (laughs)
Phoebe: No it's just that I got this new pager and body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close Chandler: You still can't stand her can you?
I have it on vibrate. See ya! you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your Joey: I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did.
Ross: (entering with Monica in tow) Hey! happy place. Chandler: Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a
Rachel: Hi you guys! Monica: Richard's living room, drinking wine. shot.
Ross: Look who I found standing outside of the Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is
Szechwan Dragon staring at a parking meter. down the glass. And get out! that we spent the whole day together and I survived,
Rachel: Mon. Hi! Monica: I'm sorry, but that's my happy place. and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat
Monica: Hi. Phoebe: Well, okay, fine, use my happy place. Okay, I'm day at Shea Stadium.
Rachel: Why aren't you at work? just gonna, I have to ask that you don't move anything. Chandler: Well, I guess that's something.
Monica: Oh, they-they sent me home. Monica: All right, I'll try not to. Joey: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to
Rachel: Why? Phoebe: Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of be around her, which means I get to hang out with you,
Monica: Because I don't work at the Szechwan stars in the sky.... which is kinda the whole point, anyway.
Dragon. Monica: Do you think breaking up with him was a huge Chandler: Okay.
Ross: Okay. mistake? Joey: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the
Rachel: You really, really need to get some sleep, Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy coffee shop and ran into Ross.
honey. place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight Chandler: Oh God!
Monica: I know I do. flowing through the trees.... Joey: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too.
Ross: Hi. Monica: I'll bet he's totally over me, I'll bet he's fine. Chandler: Really?
Rachel: Hi. Phoebe: All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, Joey: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm
Ross: Guess what? I'm sure, not permitted in the happy place. Okay. Just-just, having sex.
Rachel: What? you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling [Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is watching the
Ross: They published my paper. fountains. And the-the calming sounds of the babbling Civil War videos]
Rachel: Oh, really, let me see, let me see. brook.... Video:April Twelve, Eighteen hundred, Sixty-One
Phoebe: Rach, look! (she holds two buns up to Monica: Okay, this isn't working. I'm still awake and now I (Monica lights Richard's cigar butt) , 4:30 A.M. on
her ears to make her hair look like the Princess have to pee. Tuesday, the United States garrison at Fort Sumter was
Leia 'do.) Oh, hi! Where is my strong Ross [Scene: Chandler and Joey's] fired upon (knock on door) it is now under
Skywalker to come rescue me. (Ross stands up Janice: So, I hear, you hate me! bombardment by....
horrified) There he is. Joey: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about (Monica answers the door)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching that. Monica: Hi, Dad, what are you doing here?
Wheel of Fortune, the puzzle is showing _oun_ Janice: A little birdie told me something about you Mr. Geller: Well, it's your mother's bridge night so I
Rush_ore.] wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me. thought that I would come into the city for a little
[Chandler enters] Joey: And you got a 'hate' from that?! Your taking a big Monicuddle. (hugs her) Since when did you start
Chandler: Hey! leap there... smoking cigars?
Joey: Wheel! Janice: All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, we've got to do Monica: I don't, I just, I just like the smell of them. So,
Chandler: Of! something about our little situation here Joey. So, this is my uh, what are you really doing here Dad?
Joey: Fortune! This guy is so stupid. (yelling) It's idea: you and me spending some quality time together. Mr. Geller: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were
Count Rushmore!! Joey: But what does that gonna do... okay.
Chandler: You know, you should really go on this Janice: For Chandler! Monica: What makes you think that I might not be
show. All right, listen, I got three tickets to the Joey: Okay. I'm in. okay?
Rangers tonight. What'd ya' say? Janice: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: Mr. Geller: I saw Richard.
Joey: I say, 'I am there!' Cool! Aw, is Ross going 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!' Monica: Oh.
to? Joey: Does it have to be a whole day? Mr. Geller: So, how are you doing?
Chandler: No, Janice. Janice: Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me. Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's
Joey: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, Joey: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room. Richard doing?
you know, we-we always go together, we're like [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are entering] Mr. Geller: You don't wanna know.
the three hocke-teers. Monica: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it Monica: No, I really, really do.
Chandler: You know, I may be way out on a limb turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard Mr. Geller: Well, he's doing terrible!
here, but do you, do you, have a problem with about the Civil War. He loved the Civ)l War. Monica: Really!
Janice? Phoebe: Monica, do you want us to take you home? Mr. Geller: Worse than when he broke up with
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks Monica: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far Barbara.
into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave) Monica: You're not just saying that are you?
around and gets startled) . Oh, hi, you know that Ross: Women tell each other everything. Did you know Mr. Geller: No, the man is a mess.
girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds that? Monica: Was he crying?
his hands up to signify she has big hair) ? Chandler: Umm, yeah. Mr. Geller: No.
Chandler: Ooh, that girl that I hate, eww, drives Ross: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she Monica: Well, do you think he was waiting 'til after
me crazy, eww, eww, oh! likes, technique, stamina, girth.... you left, so he could cry?
Joey: Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a Chandler: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why Mr. Geller: Maybe.
lot to take, you know. would they do this? Monica: I think so.
Chandler: Well, there you go. Ross: Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you Mr. Geller: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with
Joey: Oh, hey. Come on man, don't look at me like know, we outta be doing it. Do you wanna? your Mom and me. You know after we graduated
that, she used to drive you nuts before too, Chandler: We're not gonna talk about girth are we? college we broke up for a while. It seems her Father,
remember? Ross: Nooo! your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe,
Chandler: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think Chandler: Yeah, okay. like he did. Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's
this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! Ross: Yeah? nickel, because he was also strafing German troop
(Joey stares at him) Don't worry, those are the Chandler: Yeah! All right! You go first. trains at the time. However, (turns around and sees
right letters. Ross: Okay, okay, I'll go first. that Monica is sleeping and puts a blanket around her,
Joey: Look, what do you want me to say? Chandler: Okay. kisses her, picks up the cigar, and starts watching the
85 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
video) boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."
Closing Credits it starts. Joey: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is humming the Star Monica: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and totally negates the breezy.
Wars theme. Rachel enters, with her hair done up Chandler look at each other) Woman's Voice: (on machine) Hola, it's me,
like Princess Leia's, and wearing a belly dancer's Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend,
outfit, to simulate the gold bikini thing.] an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a okay.
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, paleontologist would wear? Joey: Now she sounded breezy.
and you have a really weird look on your face. Phoebe: I don't know, you might be the first one. Commercial Break
What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I Monica: Rach, did you check the machine? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier]
get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it Rachel: Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that Monica: He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's
differently? What? What? makes my calves look fat. Nevermind. seeing someone.
Ross: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's Chandler: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Phoebe: Monica, you don't know that.
(turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is) Get Up. Monica: Well, who's voice was that?
Mrs. Geller: Well what is it? Come on sweetie, Joey: All right! You can have the chair. Chandler: Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe
your like, freaking me out here. Chandler: Really! it was his daughter's.
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. Joey: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed Monica: Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it
(Rachel starts looking around and down, with a fingers) sound like Michelle?
'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.) Phoebe: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Ross: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it
End Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this easy to get a cab.
message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky? Monica: It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.
Ross: (on machine) "Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick Rachel: Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her
302 The One Where No-one's Ready up. Rachel. Rach!" green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) What?! gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?!
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting Ross: Nevermind. Ross: You don't, you don't know what your wearing?
ready to go to a banquet] Richard: (on machine) "Monica, it's Richard. Call me." Rachel: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for
Joey: All right they got water, orange juice, and Monica: Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or your big night.
what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the new?! Old or new?! Ross: Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in
fridge.) Ross: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the exactly twelve minutes. All right, come on, I'll just pick
Chandler: Taste it. double beep? something out for you.
Joey: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in Monica: What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully
the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat! again, unless we had something really important to say. dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes Shouldn't I call him back? the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"
ago. Chandler: Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's Joey: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with
Ross: (entering) Hey! really old. him, as he starts to leave)
Chandler: Hey, mister tux! Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I Chandler: What are you doing?
Ross: Why aren't you guys dressed? broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't
Joey: We have a half hour. what I did? say anything about the cushions.
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, Monica: Huh? Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
we have to be out the door at twenty to eight. Ross: I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence.
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us (Rachel starts to follow Monica into her room, but Ross Chandler: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody
two minutes to get dressed. stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we go, in the room.
Ross: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if there we go. Ross: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
you got dressed now. Chandler: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you Rachel: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless
Chandler and Joey: Okay. (they don't move) just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.
Rachel: (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in Ross: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable
look at you, all sexy. front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not sheep.
Ross: Really. touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey Rachel: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would
Rachel: Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi. flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress) like back one of these days.
Ross: Hi. Phoebe: Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys! Phoebe: Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me!
Rachel: How come you didn't come over earlier? Chandler and Joey: Sorry Phoebe. (she's wearing another dress on a hanger around her
Ross: 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man. Joey: I'm so sorry. neck)
Joey: Hey, Ross, want some cider? Phoebe: What am I gonna do? Rachel: Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight.
Ross: No. (to Rachel) So, um, let's see your pretty Ross: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What Phoebe: Well, of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi!
close, huh. Make-up's on, hair's done. gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?! Ross: Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what,
Rachel: Yeah, I just have to get dressed. Phoebe: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out what, are you doing?
Ross: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven hummus. Rachel: No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I
minutes. Monica: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say? love you. I love you.
Rachel: Yeah! Once, I figure out what I'm Phoebe: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that. Chandler: We used them as pillows when we went
wearing. Chandler: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and camping.
Joey: Glass of fat? crazy. Ross: What?
Opening Credits Monica: So, should I call him back? Chandler: (shyly) The sheep.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is acting The Guys: Noo! (Monica starts to go back into her room Ross: Hey, what you do on your own time...
nervous] and stops) NO! Joey: (entering) Where's my underwear?!
Joey: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what.
about your speech? the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable. You took his underwear?
Ross: No! Do you wanna hear it? Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too Chandler: He took my essence!
Joey: Am I in it? comfortable. Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you
Ross: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone Chandler: All right! (jumps up) just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
for giving money to the museum, I sing a song Ross: Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Joey: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.
about the wonder that is Joey. Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, Ross: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear
Phoebe: (entering) Hello. when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have tonight?
Ross: Hey! vacated the chair. Okay. Okay. Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go
Joey: Whoa! Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back commando in another man's fatigues.
Ross: Wow, hello! You look great! it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! Chandler: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna
Phoebe: Thank you! I know, though. (leaves) have to give back somebody his cushions.
Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to Rachel: (entering from her room) Is this a little too... Joey: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the
go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star. (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what happened? exact opposite to you.
Phoebe: Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny. Phoebe: Hummus. I got the hummus. Chandler: What are you, what are you gonna show
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue Rachel: Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do me my clothes?
of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, you wanna wear my black jacket? Joey: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)
I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up. Phoebe: That won't go with this dress though. Chandler: He's got nothing!
Joey: What? Rachel: No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a
Chandler: You're in my seat. just get you out of that. Come on. huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready.
Joey: How is this your seat? Ross: No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of Ross and Chandler: Oh, aaaah!
Chandler: 'Cause I was sitting there. clothes. Phoebe: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so,
Joey: But then you left. Rachel: Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress? but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All
Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I Monica: I called him. right, fine I'll be political.'
went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming All: Nooo. Chandler: What are you supporting?
back. Monica: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. Phoebe: Duh!! Christmas!
Joey: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was Ross: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I
Chandler: The big deal is I was sitting there last, like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch
so, that's my seat. if it wasn't breezy? stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the,
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting Phoebe: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs
was in there (points to the bathroom) . Soo... you're, you're in such a breezy place. Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have
Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, Monica: Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!
it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough. Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick,
dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So.. Joey: Monica, how are you gonna do that? what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple?
Chandler: All right, Ross, I just have to do one Monica: I know the code to his answering machine. Ross: Just, just, just pick one!
thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Ross: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you
Joey) GET UP!! you're dialing, you are dialing. have black, with the little strappys?
Monica: (entering) Hi. (Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they Rachel: Yeahh, but, but those really go better with
All: Hey. have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey pants. Maybe I should wear pants?
Monica: Ooh, Phoebe, you look great! wins) Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet,
Phoebe: All right all ready. Richard: (on machine) "Hi, this is Richard. Please, leave a um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't
Monica: (to Ross) Ooh, are you gonna do magic? message at the tone." know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your
Ross: That's, that's funny. Change! Machine: "You have two new messages." butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet,
Monica: Hang on a second I just got in. Joey: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if
Ross: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.' they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes
be late. Monica: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in look fat. Okay.
Phoebe: We could not, would not want to wait. 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it Rachel: But I...
Ross: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me Ross: No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick
86 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
something out so we can go. Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.
Rachel: All right. yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, [Joey and Chandler enter]
Ross: Thank you! what can I do that can show you how much, how much I Joey: Hey.
Monica: (entering from her room) Okay. I gotta want you to be there. Chandler: Hey.
call Michelle. I gotta see if that was her voice or Joey: You could drink the fat. Ross: Aww, is it broken?
not. I'm sorry, I just have to. Ross: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation. Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks.
Ross: It was, it was her voice. Rachel: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, (points to the sling he is wearing)
Chandler: Monica, I think you've gone over to the wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up
bad place. uh, that sounds interesting. and down on your bed?
Michelle: Hola! Hello. Hello? Ross: What? Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then
Monica: Okay. That was her right? Rachel: I think you should drink the fat. Chandler sold me out.
Phoebe: Definitely. Joey: Yaaaay! Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor
Monica: See there you go. Woo! We're out of the Ross: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now. much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Joey: What is this? Fruit?
Ross: Yay! Then that's what I'll do. Rachel: Monica's making jam.
(phone rings) Phoebe: Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how
Phoebe: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, been sitting out. come we never have jam at our place?
Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, Ross: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and
Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a
thing. You should get that. drinking) plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite
Monica: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was Rachel: No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go! of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot)
me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Ross: You will?! Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and
Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. Rachel: You were really gonna do that, weren't you? spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, Ross: Well, yeah. Joey: This will just be my batch.
it's that.... Rachel: You were gonna drink the fat. [Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy,
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Joey: Let's see what else he'll do! as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and
Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues
getting out of the shower, he always put a towel (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna following her.]
around his waist. I mean, what is that about? go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two Phoebe: (turns around) Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J.
Monica: (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so minutes! Monica! Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I
I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. (Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you.
Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I walking) Guy: You wouldn't return my calls, you sent back my
would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad Chandler: Stop it. Stop it! letters....
about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable (Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the Phoebe: What?
with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs phone) Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her Phoebe: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, well this is awkward.
back. wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no! Guy: Wh..
Ross: No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Richard: (on machine) Hi, this is Richard. Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe.
Monica: Okay, fine. (runs to her room) Machine: You have three new messages. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Chandler: They got a phone in there, right? Monica: Not any more! Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I
Phoebe: Okay, we're on it. We're on it. Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin am such a dingus!
(Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat speaking at the tone. Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.
pants and a sweatshirt) Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did Guy: I just, I want you to know I didn't used to be like
Ross: Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my this. Before I meet your sister I was like this normal
um this may be pushing it a little, um. period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.
Rachel: I'm not gonna gooo. beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that Phoebe: Well, I mean look it's, it's not your fault, you
Ross: You're not going to go. freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell know. I mean this is just what, what she does to guys,
Rachel: No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can okay.
correspondence. forget the whole thing. Okay, bye. Guy: Well thanks. (starts to leave)
Ross: How, how, um how can you not be going? Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed. Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a
Rachel: I'm not gonna gooo, so I think that will Monica: Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, little story. When I was in Junior High School I went
accomplish the not going. outgoing!!! through this period where I thought I was a witch. And
Ross: Um, you know, just out of curiosity... Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, there was this guidance counselor who said something
Rachel: Well, ever since I was humiliated and listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay,
yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!! 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See
know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood. Phoebe: How did you do that? what I'm saying?
Ross: Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Monica: I don't know! Guy: Not really.
I yelled. Machine: Good-bye. Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you
Rachel: It's fine. Monica: Noooo!!!! just seem to be a really nice guy, you know. Don't be so
Ross: No, but, your-your mad. Ross: (entering) Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and hard on yourself okay.
Rachel: I'm not mad. no people. Go! Go! Go! Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And,
Ross: No. Monica: Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe thanks for being so nice. Here (gives her the flowers he
Rachel: I'm just not going. they could change the message. Maybe they can change bought.)
Ross: Your not going. his number. Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of
Rachel: Right. Phoebe: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that coffee?
Ross: Okay. You know that I-I have to go. himself. Guy: Yeah, okay.
Rachel: Um, hum. Ross: Rachel!! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow! Phoebe: Okay. (they start to leave, he is still following
Ross: Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning Rachel: And I still have about five seconds to spare. her) Okay, you don't have to walk behind me any more.
you while your upset.' (kisses him) Okay, that was about seven seconds. Guy: Sorry.
Rachel: No. Ross: So we're a little late. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are
Ross: No, because your not upset. Rachel: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the entering]
Rachel: Right. way.... Rachel: Mon?
Ross: About the yelling. Ross: What? Ross: Mon?
Rachel: Right, and the humiliating. Rachel: I'm going commando, too. Rachel: (reading) 'Gone for more jars. Back later.
Ross: Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so Ross: Awwww!!! Monica Geller.'
wee, we're okay. Closing Credits Ross: Wait a minute, look.
Rachel: Um, hum. [Scene: At the banquet] Rachel: What?
Ross: We're good. Sherman Whitfield: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, Ross: Look, look, look.
Rachel: Right. London Institute. Rachel: What, what, what?
Ross: Okay. Honey? Ross: Wow! What a pleasure. Ross: It's an empty apartment.
Rachel: Yes, Ross. (turns toward him) Whitfield: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite Rachel: Oooh.
Ross: I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.
away.) it confirmed everything that I have written. Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like
Phoebe: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away Chandler: Excuse me. Hi. ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right,
from that! No! (she comes into the living room Whitfield: Yes? well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything.
carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed. Chandler: Well, your kind of sitting in my seat. (they fall onto the couch)
Chandler: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused Whitfield: What do you mean, your seat? (Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend
by that? Chandler: I mean, I was sitting there. that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes) Whitfield: But, you got up! Ross: There it is.
Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my Chandler: But, I never left the room! Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to
clothes, I'm wearing everything you own. Whitfield: But, you left the chair area. Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite Chandler: All right, that's it, give me your underwear. Ross: Hey.
of taking somebody's underwear!! End Chandler: Do I look fat?
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be Ross and Rachel: Noo.
wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going 303 The One With the Jam Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me
commando... and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling
Chandler: Oooo-ooh! Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a her a cow.
Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us
I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.] through it.
(starts doing lunges) Joey: (from bedroom) WHOAA!! Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why today?' And I, I looked at her....
lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to your parents told you not to jump on the bed. Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You
here with you two! Neither you can come to the Opening Credits never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look
party! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby. entering] matter?
Joey: Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since Rachel: Nooo!
to get dressed. 4 o'clock this morning. Ross: And it works both ways.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning? Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
person I cared about getting dressed, is the one Monica: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you Rachel: Well you know, after about thirty or forty
person that says she's not even gonna go. Look could get it wholesale. fights, you kinda catch on.
87 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
Ross: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad! Phoebe: Thank you, Monica.
coming back from a trip and she gives you two Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna Joey: Orrr, you could follow him and see where he
options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, goes.
from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid. Monica: Oh, that's what I would do, forget mine.
baggage claim. Which do you do? Chandler: That, that's what's stupid. [Scene: Central Perk]
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim. Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his Rachel: Oh my God, what happened? (points to the
Ross: (buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to cast on Janice's wrist)
actually secret option number three, you meet her get that stuff. Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun
at the gate. That way she knows you love her. Rachel: Down at the docks again? me...off...the...bed!
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right [Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Janice and him are cuddling] Rachel: Wow! Spinning that sounds like fun.
listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, Janice: Night-night Bing-a-ling. Janice: Oh, (laughs) I wish. No, you know he was just
which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him trying Ross's Hug and Roll thing.
when you want to go to sleep, you want some self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant Rachel: (turns around, not amused) Ross's what?
space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, Janice: You know what, where he hugs you and kinda
know, accidentally calling her fat or something. hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', rolls you away and... Oh... my....God.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except [Scene: Subway station, Phoebe is following Malcom
there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old by finding behind the pillars until she comes up to one
makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work. table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick with a wire mesh garbage can next to it. Malcom stops
Ross: Oh. like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and starts walking the other way and passes Phoebe,
Rachel: All right are you guys gonna come down? and she is spun off of the bed.) who quick tries to hide behind the garbage can. But,
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you. Commercial Break Malcom sees her.]
Rachel: Good luck Chandler. [Scene: Central Perk, Malcom is giving Phoebe all of his spy Malcom: Phoebe?
Chandler: Thank you Rachel. stuff] Phoebe: Yes? Yes! Oh.
Ross: Bye sweetie. Malcom: Here's my binoculars. Malcom: What are you doing?
Rachel: Bye hon. Phoebe: Oh, great. Great. You're doing great, you know Phoebe: Oh, I was just here looking for, um, my um,
Ross: (blows her a kiss) Okay the sleeping thing. real strong. Going strong. Keep going. my part of an old sandwich. Oh, here it is! Oh. (picks
Very tricky business, but there is something you Malcom: These are my night vision goggles. This is the one up out of the garbage can.)
can do. book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park. Malcom: Were you following me?
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily And these are Mad Lips, they're just for fun. Phoebe: Um, perhaps. Yes! Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I
sleepers. Phoebe: Oh, yeah. What's this? (picks up a book) was just afraid that you were still hung up on my sister.
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm Malcom: Oh, this is log I kept, recording her every Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't
like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they movement. Do you wanna here something from it? trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind
sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Phoebe: Um, not even a little bit. the pillar)
Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in Malcom: It's about you. Phoebe: Oh well, what do you know, there goes my
bed... Phoebe: Oh, okay then. identical twin sister. Just walkin' along looking like me.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his Malcom: (reading) I met Phoebe today. She was really What, is this just like a freakish coincidence, or did you
hands are) nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I know she takes this train?
Ross: I'm gonna use the cushion. was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, Malcom: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried to stop, but I
Chandler: Yeah. but kinda cool. couldn't. I'm so pathetic.
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, Phoebe: Good. So what were you thinking? Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's
cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and Malcom: I was thinking what it would be like to kiss you. partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey.
then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) Phoebe: Really? Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore,
and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And Malcom: No. 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow!
then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you. Phoebe: Oh. But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll. Malcom: See that's just something I said now, so that over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah,
Ross: Yep. maybe I could kiss you. and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Chandler: Okay, one question. Phoebe: Oh, okay. (he kisses her) Malcom: Uh-huh, I don't know.
Ross: Shoot. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight Phoebe: Yeah, just, okay, look I'm going. Um, come
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. on. Op, op, behind the pillar, which way am I gonna
right? Joey offers him some.] go?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is putting jam on his Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
muffin, lots of jam] Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Okay, sperm donor Joey: Hey.
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 Monica: Hey.
Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis. Joey: Where you going?
jam and a little spoon? Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us. Monica: To the bank.
Rachel: (Looks at him) You're so pretty. Ross: Look, you can't do this Mon. All right, if you do this, Joey: Sperm or regular?
Phoebe: (entering) Hi! I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna..... Monica: Sperm.
All: Hey, Phoebe. Monica: You're gonna what? Joey: So you're really doing this, huh?
Phoebe: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been Ross: I'm gonna tell Mom. Monica: Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135.
following me? I talked to him today. Rachel: Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right. I love you, but Joey: Sounds nice.
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. you're crazy. Monica: 'Fraid so. Brown hair, green eyes...
Are you crazy? Ross: Crazy. Joey: No kiddin', hmm.
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, Monica: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the Monica: What?
say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, ideal way to something.... Joey: No, I-I figured you would've picked a blond guy.
and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but Ross: (interrupting her) Oh, it's not the ideal way... Monica: Really? Why?
'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's Monica: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be Joey: I don't know, I just always pictured you ending
why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk ideal, but I'm so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, name
to me. 'Cause of the restraining order. you. It makes me ache, you know? like.... Hoyt.
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom. Joey: Check it out!! Jam crackers! Monica: Hoyt?
Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American Joey: It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this
no. He's just like this, this very passionate, guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven great house with a big pool.
incredibly romantic guy, that got like a tinsy bit sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Monica: Really, is he a swimmer?
carried away, you know. And we just get along Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Joey: He's got the body for it.
really well, and he's so cute. Knicks, rule!' Monica: I like that. (Joey starts laughing) What?
Ross: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule! Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We
sister's stalker. Monica: Joey, this is you! don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you
Phoebe: No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, Joey: Let me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, know.
get 'de-Ursula-ized', like you know, like I did for right. Monica: We do not have one of those signs.
Joey after he went out with her. Rachel: When did you go to a sperm bank? Joey: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you
Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. have these three great kids.
mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs) (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for Monica: Two girls and a boy?
Phoebe: Okay, I asked for the news, not the your birthday? Joey: Yeah!
weather. Chandler: And that's how you bought it? Monica: And, and, and they wear those little water
Monica: (entering) Hey guys. Joey: Noooo, that's what I was wearing when I donated. wings, you know. And they're, they're running around
All: Hey Mon. I'm kinda surprised there's any of my boys left. on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all
Monica: Joey, this is for you. (gives him a jar of Monica: Well, honey, it is pretty competitive. I mean I've three of them.
jam) It's blackberry curin. got an actual rocket scientist here. Joey: Sure! (Monica gets very depressed) But hey, you
Joey: Aww. (tastes it) Ohh! Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put know this way sounds good too.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy Monica: Yeah.
Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand) , or, up a little. Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks
or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand) Phoebe: (entering) Hellooo! at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an
Joey: Put your hands together. All: Hey. astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for
Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my Ross: How's the maniac? like a day. (hugs her again) .
last batch. Phoebe: Oh, well he's yummy. We did a little kissin'. Closing Credits
Joey: No more jam?! Rachel: Phoebe, what are you doing? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the
Rachel: Well, what happened to your jam plan? Phoebe: Oh, no, no, no, no. You know what, he's not into last of the jam]
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen that stuff anymore. He quit for me. Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold
bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new Rachel: Pheebs, this guy has been obsessed with your a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I
plan now. Babies. sister, for God knows how long, okay, you don't just give up mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger something like that. jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his
jars. Phoebe: Look, he gave me his night vision goggles and chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Ross: What are you talking about? everything. Rachel: Honey, you got a little thing on your... (points
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby. Ross: You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision to her whole face)
Ross: What? goggles? Joey: (wipes a little jam from the corner of his mouth)
Rachel: Are you serious? Phoebe: What, he's not still following her. Do you think he Did I get it?
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan is still following her? Rachel: Yeah.
was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining Ross: (entering) Hello.
myself, what is the most important thing to me in order. Rachel: Hello.
the world and that's when I came up with the baby Phoebe: What are you saying I should do? Ross: (sees Joey) Hey. (walks into the living room) Uh,
plan. Monica: I think, that if you really like this guy, you should Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Ross: Well, aren't you forgetin' something? What, just trust him. Chandler: Sure. What's up?
88 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she Joey: Come on, please, it'll be just this one more, well
thought. Probably something your already familiar needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head actually it's two.
with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the over and writes on the back of his neck) Phoebe: Two?
head with a magazine) Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A Joey: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're
End pad! A pad! so good at it. I love you.
Monica: Oh, now you want a pad. Phoebe: Okay, I'll do it, but just these three, right
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping Joey: Nooo, four.
304 The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel off Ben] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!! having dinner]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there Ross: There's my boy! Here's my boy! And here's his Barbi Janice: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
and they are watching an info-mercial that stars (Ben is holding a Barbi doll) What's ah, what's my boy Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this.
Joey.] doing with a Barbi? (hands her a present)
Host: Welcome everybody, welcome to Amazing Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it. Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact
Discoveries! Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, paper! I never really know what to say when someone
Phoebe: Oh, oh! It's on again! but with ski boots and a kicky beret. you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Joey: You guys, can we please not watch this all Ross: Yeah, it's, it's, it's cute. Why, why, why does he have Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the
right. it, again? contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer.
All: Shhhh! Susan: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You he's gonna grow up and be in show business. my dresser.
go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that Janice: Oh, you didn't have to do this.
(Joey is in the background struggling to open a he is being raised by two women, does it? Chandler: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my
cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so Ross: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should
flingin'-flangin' hard to open. thing, so am I. get.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the (cut to later in the day) Janice: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my
carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler
got to be a better way! Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster Bing would buy me a drawer.
Mike: And there is Kevin. truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, Chandler: Well, not me. But that's what's happened,
Joey: Can we please turn this off? how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur) and, ah, and, and there's more. We should take a trip.
Rachel: Noo way, Kevin. Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just Janice: We should?
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what
guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk into her cereal) couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We
cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000. Monica: (entering from her bedroom) I gotta go to work. should take a trip with your parents!
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued? Has anybody seen my left boob? Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am! Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow) you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product Monica: There it is. Joey, what are you doing? Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing.
before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm
Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably
it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton Answer the phone. say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works Joey: Hey, I only got one good arm, you know. You should Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
with any milk carton. be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater. Chandler: It doesn't scare me!
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even
2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me
I can have milk everyday. that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight. over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking
(They all start laughing at him) Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that
Opening Credits Janice? hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are Chandler: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, should just, um... (starts to leave)
sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'!
them in the chair.] tomatoes. I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and
Chandler: Well, it's official there are no good Ross: And that's bad because..., you hate chicken piccata? desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls
movies. Chandler: Noo. Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice!
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. Ross: You didn't want to share your tomatoes, tomatoes It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in
(they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.) are very important to you. advance for having chased you down the street. (runs
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like Chandler: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this out the door)
this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can couple. And this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run Commercial Break
bunny bump against my back. for your life! Get out of the building!' [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are
Joey: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Men are unbelievable. comforting Chandler]
Phoebe: Hey. Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute Rachel: Honey, this will help. (hands him a tub of ice
Chandler: Hey, man. What's up? you start to feel something, you have to run away? cream)
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says
to know why I didn't show up at the audition I his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow
didn't know I had today. The first good thing she go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid. down.
gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the Monica: Oh, you mean like that guy thing where you act Rachel and Monica: Uff.
message?! mean and distant until you get us to break up with you. Monica: That is never good.
Chandler: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, Joey: Hey, you know about that?! Chandler: Then I got all needy and clingy.
it wasn't me. Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I Rachel: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a
Phoebe: Yes, it was! It was him! Uh huh! (they all don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?
stare at her) Okay, it was me! through the tunnel, to the other side! Chandler: She said she'd call me.
Joey: How is it you? (Joey looks quizzically at Ross) Rachel and Monica: Ohh! (both grab there stomachs
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment. in pain)
know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, Chandler: Do we have any... (turns around and bumps Chandler: Oh God.
counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here? Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through Rachel: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy
(shows him her hand) with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those
Joey: Yep, that's my audition. it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. really terminal cases.
Monica: See, now this is why I keep notepads It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! Monica: You know, when you start get screwed over
everywhere. If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there Rachel: Yeah, you do.
to play. and be the most committed guy there ever was. Chandler: So, you don't think I'm terminal?
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go Rachel: Amazingly, that makes sense. Monica: Well, no, not at all, you're not terminal, you
get yourself another appointment. Chandler: You think? just, you just need some damage control.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare Chandler: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?
director told her that I missed my chance. down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind! Rachel and Monica: Nooo!
Phoebe: That is unfair. I'll call her and tell her it Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the Rachel: This is a very critical time right now. If you
was totally my fault. barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way. feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's beeper is going off] shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want
director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I her back you have to start acting aloof.
agents. use the phone again? Monica: She has to know that your not ready.
Phoebe: What a sad little life she must lead. Okay, Rachel: Sure Pheebs, you know, that's what it's there for, Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to
ooh (starts dialing) . emergencies and pretend agents. accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act
Joey: What, what are you doing? What are you Joey: Come on baby, come on! aloof.
doing? Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in Rachel: Oooh, honey, you're not a total loser.
phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, her car I'll have to patch you through.' Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there Rachel: Very nice touch. Rachel: Oh.
for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.' Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy
phone with his other arm but can't because of the scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I.
sling.) clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have Rachel:G.I. Joe? Do you really think he's gonna fall for
problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed lunch with you, how about we have lunch next.... (hangs that?
his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? up phone) Op, went through a tunnel. Joey: (entering) G. I. Joe! Cool! Can I play?
Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with Rachel: Unbelievable. Ross: Look Ben, it's a toy that protects U.S. oil
her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and Joey: Thank you so much. interests overseas!
burns down the apartment, the world does not Phoebe: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a Joey and Ross: Go Joe!!!
stop.' car phone before. Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts
Chandler: Is anybody else scared? Joey: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge to leave)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, Joey: Pheebs! There you are!
loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in. Phoebe: No it's not, sorry.
Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' Phoebe: Oh, I don't know. I mean it was fun one time. Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe!
89 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
(catches her in the hallway) time for the good ice cream now, right? been sleeping a lot lately. It's like the last desperate
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't Rachel: Yeah, it is. chance to have a family, y'know, kinda thing. You're so
recognize you wearing, in those....pants. Monica: You know what, everything's gonna be okay. sweet to wait with me.
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did (phone rings) Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. You're not
you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it. Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you allowed to have cups out here, it's a thing. (takes her
Phoebe: Yes! They called and you didn't get it! hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, cup and goes back inside)
Okay, I mean you didn't get it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. what do I do? [Scene: inside Central Perk]
Joey: It's okay, these things happen. Rachel: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know unprecedented. is cute?
what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Monica: If-if-if we ever did what you did a man would Monica: No, but he told me, he thinks your a fox.
Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes never call. Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes
your face look like that. Rachel: Yeah. him so much she put him on her freebie list.
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails Chandler: Hello! Joey: Her what?
horribly) Monica: Oh wait, you know what, I got it, I got it, pretend Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to
Phoebe: Oh, now you're sad and creepy, oh. You like you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the
know what, I, I'm sorry I quit, okay, I just quit. sleepy. other one can't get mad.
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best Rachel: Yes, and grumpy. Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship.
agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
being an actor, you can't take it personally. Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've Monica: So, Chandler, who's on your list?
Phoebe: Not personal, really, well they said that been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle
they never met an Italian actor with a worse crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Italian accent. and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Rachel: Now, you do realize that she's a cartoon, and
Joey: They actually said that? Really?! (listens) Really?! way out of your league?
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I
See I can't do this job! I... sleeping with somebody else by now. could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do Chandler: (on phone) I love you too. Joey: Hey, Monica, who would yours be?
this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just Monica: Aw, it's soo unfair. (they both start digging into Monica: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a
says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I the 'good' ice cream) list.
can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking Joey: It's just a game Mon. (makes a
work on a new accent. up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, 'Can-you-believe-her' face to the rest of the gang.)
Phoebe: Yeah okay, no if it helps you okay. Yeah. into her ice cream.] Rach, how about you?
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll Carol:G. I. Joe. G. I. Joe?! Rachel: Oh, I don't know, I guess, Chris O'Donnel,
never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the John F. Kennedy, Jr., Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and
gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey doll he chose. Parker Stevenson.
and Chandler's door, dead.) Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar? Ross: Spiderman?
[Scene: A grocery store that Janice shops in. Ross: Look, G. I. Joe's in, Barbi's out. And if you guys can't Rachel: Hardy Boy.
Chandler is on purpose, accidentally bumping into deal with it, that's your 'too bad.' Chandler: Peter Parker.
her.] Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has Ross: Thank you.
Janice: (to butcher) No, thank you. (Chandler a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman. Rachel: What about you honey, who would be on your
makes a sound and she notices him) Chandler! Ross: What? list?
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice. Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all Ross: Well I-I-I, that kind of thing requires some
Janice: What are you doing here? the time. serious thought. First, I'll divide my perspective
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. Ross: What are you talking about? canidates into catergories....
How've you been? Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag. Chandler: (coughing) What a geek!
Janice: Are you being British?! Ross: Okay, you are totally making this up. Phoebe: (entering) Everbody this is Frank! This is my
Chandler: (normal voice) No. Not anymore. Monica: How can you not remember? You made us call half-brother Frank.
Janice: Why are you shopping here? You don't you...Bea. All: Oh, hi.
live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting Ross: (remembering) Oh God. Phoebe: This is everybody. This is Ross.
for me? Susan: I've literally never been this happy. Frank: How are you?
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm Monica: Wasn't there a little song? Ross: Hey.
just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a Carol: Oh please God, let there be a song. Phoebe: Chandler.
bag off of the shelf) Ross: There was no song. (to Monica) There was no song! Chandler: Hi.
Janice: Barley? What kind of party serves barley? Monica: (singing) 'I am Bea.' Frank: Hi.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry if my friends aren't as Ross: Okay. Phoebe: Joey.
sophisticated as yours. Monica: 'I drink tea.' Joey: Hey-hey!
Janice: Where is this party? Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the Frank: Hey.
Chandler: Here in Chelsea. bathroom) Phoebe: This is Monica.
Janice: Who's party is it? Monica: '....Won't you, won't you, won't you.... ' Frank: Whoa!
Chandler: A woman's Ross: (coming out of the bathroom) Won't you dance Phoebe: And this is Rachel.
Janice: What woman?! around with me. Rachel: Hi!
Chandler: (shyly) Chelsea. Monica: A-ha!!! (they all start laughing, as Ross hides in Frank: Whoa!!
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is the bathroom) Phoebe: I'm gonna get coffee.
happening here. Either you're seeing somebody Closing Credits Frank: Hey, how do you guys get anything done?
behind my back, which would make you the [Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, Chandler: We don't, really.
biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring Rachel: Well, so, now, do you guys have a lot of big
pretending that you're seeing somebody, which himself/herself some tea.] plans?
just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying Young Ross: (singing) 'I am Bea. I drink tea. Won't you Phoebe: Oh yeah! Yeah, no, we're gonna connect,
right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these dance around with....' (spills some tea and it drips onto y'know bond, and everything.
two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks his/her dress) Ohhh! (runs away crying) Frank: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go
by) YoungMonica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars.
Chandler: Can I be that guy? up the spill) And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there] End picture of a hooker.
Phoebe: Okay, so we got some more good Chandler: You know, we don't really take advantage
rejections, lots of stuff to work on. of living in the city.
Joey: Okay, shoot. 305 The One With Frank Jr. Joey: I know.
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is drilling a hole in
Joey: I didn't get it? [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, there is lumber all over the the wall and the drill comes out the other side really
Phoebe: No. They said you 'Weren't believable as apartment] close to Chandler's head. Chandler then rushes out to
a human being.' So, you can work on that. Chandler: (entering) Hey! talk to Joey.]
Joey: Okay, what else? Joey: Hey! Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get 'ya?
Phoebe: Um, the off-Broadway play people said Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick Chandler: No, you didn't get me!! It's an electric drill,
'You were pretty but dumb.' you off? you get me, you kill me!!
Joey: Oh. Joey: No. Y'know how we're always saying we need a Joey: Calm down, do you want this unit or not?
Phoebe: Oh no wait, I'm sorry, that's 'pretty place for the mail. Chandler: I do NOT want this unit!!
dumb.' Chandler: Yeah! Joey: Well, you should've told me that before, I'm not
Joey: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to a mind reader. Hey, we're out of beer. I'm going to
really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna take it to the next step. Monica's.
have to go back to Estelle. Chandler: You're building a post office? Chandler: Fine! (goes into his room and slams the
Phoebe: Oh. Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built door, then he slams the bottom half of the door.)
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a right in. It's a one day job, max. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
better agent than she is, but at least with her I Chandler: Okay. (notices that Joey is wearing some really Monica: Hey! Where 'ya headin' in those pants? 1982?
don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out. tight jeans) My word! Those are snug. Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the
Phoebe: Yeah, no, I understand. Joey: Oh yeah. These are my old work pants, Sergio hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If
Joey: You do, thanks. Valente's. you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.
Phoebe: Yeah. Sorry. (she starts to leave) (Chandler goes to his bedroom and opens the door. Monica: Why, what's wrong with my bathroom floor?
Joey: Wait a minute. However, only the top half opens, and he trips into his Joey: Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's all.
Phoebe: What? bedroom over the bottom half.) Monica: I highly doubt that. (they both go to the
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that Joey: Power saw kinda got away from me there. bathroom)
stuff just to get out of being my agent. Opening Credits Joey: Oh yeah. If you ah, move your hamper, you see
Phoebe: (in a coy tone) Oh, you caught me. I am [Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is pacing back and what color the tile used to be. (Monica gasps) Yeah.
so busted. forth waiting for someone.] Monica: I can't live like this! What are we gonna do?
Joey: (in a really, really bad Italian accent) Rachel: (joining Phoebe outside) Hey Pheebs. What are we gonna do?
That's-ah what I suspected-ah. Phoebe: Hey! Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer) . This
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on Rachel: Any sign of your brother? old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try
the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting Phoebe: No, but he's always late. and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his
him again.] Rachel: I thought you only met him once? tight pants.)
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw Phoebe: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds y'know big sistery, Monica: That's a little more than I wanted to see.
the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store. y'know, 'Frank's always late.' Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw!
Monica: My God! Chandler, we said be 'aloof' not Rachel: Well relax, he'll be here. Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. It'd
'a doof'. Phoebe: No, I know, I'm just nervous. Y'know it's just take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's y'know Mom's dead, don't talk to my sister, Grandma's just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs
90 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
him) somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles. Frank: Well, when I tell my friends about her she will
Monica: I can't leave it! You gouged a hole in my Chandler: What's going on? be.
dingy floor. Monica: He's retiling my floor. (they both run to the [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, everyone is there,
(Joey places the toliet brush and holder over the bathroom) helping to lift the entertainment center into place]
hole, which is in the middle of the floor.) Chandler: Yo!! Spackel boy! Get up! Chandler: Okay, on three. One....Two....
Joey: Eh! There you go. Monica: Ah-ah-ah, now you started this, you will finish it. Joey: Why don't we just go on two.
Monica: You know that's nice, y'know we could Chandler: He started mine first! Chandler: Why two?
put it back there after the surgeons remove it from Phoebe: Build the unit Cinderelly, lay the tile Cinderelly. Joey: Because it's faster.
your colon! [Scene: Phoebe's, Phoebe and Frank are watching TV.] Chandler: Yeah, I coulda counted to three like four
[Scene: Phoebe's, Frank and her, are sitting on the Frank: Whoa! Big octopus. times without all this 'two' talk.
counh, watching TV] Phoebe: Yeah. (phone rings and Phoebe answers it) 'Hello. Rachel: Oh!
Phoebe: (sits up) Oh, ew! (listens) Oh my God, I totally forgot! (listens) Well can't Joey: All right, but in the future...
Frank: What? someone else do it. (listens) But, I have company. (listens) Ross: Okay!! Okay!!
Phoebe: Yeah I know what I wanted to ask you. Yeah, no look, that's all right I'll come in.' (hangs up phone) Rachel: Come on!
Um, can you roll your tongue? Because I can, and Um, Frank, I'm really sorry but I have to go to work. It's-it's Ross: Heavy thing, not getting lighter!
my Mom couldn't, and I thought y'know, I figured one of my regulars and he's insisting that I do 'um. Chandler: Okay, one...two...
that was something I got from our Dad. Frank: Hey, what kind of work do you do? Joey: So we are going on two?
Frank: What, wait, you mean like this? (does it) Phoebe: Oh! I'm a masseuse. I give people massages and All: All right!! (they lift it into place, however there is
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. You can do it to. (tries to do stuff. one small problem, the unit is so long that it blocks
it, but can't) Frank: You-you work at one of those massage parlors? some of both of their bedroom doors.)
Frank: Your not doing it. Phoebe: Well, y'know we don't call it that, but yeah! Chandler: Oh, good job Joe.
Phoebe: Oh right, yeah okay, my Mom could, and Frank: (starts laughing) Wow! That's wild! No, I had no Joey: Wow, it's big!
I can't. We don't have that.... idea. Chandler: Yeah-yeah, so big that it actually makes
Frank: When's your birthday? Phoebe: All righty. I'll be back in-in a little bit. Unless you our doors look smaller!
Phoebe: Feburary 16th. wanna come with me? Joey: Maybe, my ruler's wrong.
Frank: I know a guy who's the 18th. Frank: You mean like watch? Phoebe: Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
Phoebe: Wow, that's close. When's yours? Phoebe: No, no, you can get one yourself. It'll be on the Joey: Look it's not that bad. So what, it blocks a little
Frank: October 25th. house! Y'know what are big sisters for? of your door, a little of my door.
Phoebe: That's the same month as Halloween. So, Frank: Well, I don't think this, y'know. Chandler: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea.
um, what kinda things do you like to do at home? Phoebe: No, no, no, I wouldn't do you myself, I mean that How-how 'bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of
Frank: Melt stuff. would be weird. Yeah, no, I'll get one of the other girls to yours? (throws his shoulder into the center to try and
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is working on his list] do it. Oh, this will be so much fun! Hey! Are you excited? move it, but it doesn't move.)
Ross: Okay, I've got three of my five. Frank: Yeah! Hey, do Monica and Rachel work there? Joey: Yeah, listen, before I forget that side is still wet.
Rachel: Three of your five, what? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's bathroom, Joey and Monica [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving some guy
Ross: Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with. are admiring the new floor.] coffee.]
Rachel: Oh my God! You are giving this a lot of Monica: It's beautiful! It's like the first bathroom floor Rachel: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah,
thought. there ever was. (Chandler tries to go to the bathroom) so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat,
Ross: Yeah, it's hard okay, I only have two spots Whoa! Are you going in there for? no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? (the guy
left. Chandler: What, like a number? nods) Okay, great. (she starts to walk away and under
Chandler: All right, so who do you got it Ross: (entering) Hey! her breath) You freak.
narrowed down to? Chandler: Hi! Bye! (runs to the bathroom) (Isabella Rosselini enters)
Ross: Okay, Elizabeth Hurely.... Ross: Okay, I'm done with my choices, these are final. Ross: (to Gunther) Thank you.
Chandler: Oooh-hoo, very attractive, forgiving. (holds up a little card) Isabella: (to Gunther) Um, coffee to go, please.
Ross: Susan Sarandon. Rachel: Well, it's about time. (Ross recognises her and goes over to the couch,
Chandler: Eh, y'know what, she's to political, she Joey: Ooh, very official. mouthing 'Oh my God'
probably wouldn't let you do it, unless you donated Ross: Oh, yeah, well y'know Chandler printed it up on his Ross: Isabella Rosselini. (points to her)
four cans of food first. computer. Monica: Are you serious? (they all look) Oh my God.
Ross: And!! Isabella Rosselini. Monica: And who laminated it? Ross: Damn! I can't believe I took her off my list.
Chandler: Ooh-hoo. Very hot, very sexy. But ah, Ross: That would be me. Monica: Why? 'Cause otherwise you'd go for it?
y'know she's too international, y'know she's never Rachel: All right let me see. (grabs the card) Uma Ross: Yeah, maybe.
gonna be around. Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, Rachel: Oh-oh, you lie.
Rachel: So? and Dorothy Hammel? Ross: What you don't think I'd go up to her?
Chandler: So, you gotta play the odds, pick Ross: Hey, it's my list. Rachel: Ross, it took you ten years to finally admit
somebody who's gonna be in the country like all Rachel: Okay honey, you do realize she only spins like that you liked me.
the time. on ice. Ross: Yeah, well missy, you better be glad that list is
Rachel: Yeah, 'cause that's why you won't get [Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebe's work) , Frank is laminated.
Isabella Rosselini, geography. being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by Rachel: You know what honey, you go ahead, we'll
[Scene: Phoebe's, Frank is melting a plastic another girl.] call her an alternate.
spoon.] Frank: Ow!-Ow!-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Y'know, Ross: Okay, hold my crawler.
Phoebe: Okay so, by melting, you meant melting. ow! Rachel: Okay.
Frank: Yeah. Phoebe: Hey!-Hey! What's going on? Monica: Rach, are you really gonna let him do this?
Phoebe: So is it like art? Frank: She broke my arm. Rachel: Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella
Frank: Yeah, you can melt art. Hey, can I use your Girl: He touched my fanny. Rosselini. I'm just sorry we don't got popcorn.
phone? Frank: No, she touched mine first! Ross: (to Isabella) Hi! Hi, I'm Ross, you don't know me,
Phoebe: Um, yeah sure. Why you wanna call your Girl: That's my job! but I'm a big, big fan of yours. I mean, Blue Velvet,
Mom? Frank: So wait, what's the deal here, I can have sex with woo-oo hoo! Um, I was wondering if I could um,
Frank: No, I wanna melt it. you, but I can't touch you? maybe buy you a cup of coffee? (Gunther hands her
Phoebe: Oh, well um, not right now. Y'know I'm Phoebe and Girl: Ewww!!! change) Or maybe reimburse you for that one?
just gonna go to bed, I think the fumes are giving Phoebe: You can't have sex with her! Isabella: Aren't you with that girl over there? (points
me a headache. Girl: What'd you think I was, a hooker? at Rachel, who waves back)
Frank: (starts laughing) Yeah! Frank: No, your a masseuse, it's cool, I'm not a cop. Ross: Well, yeah, kinda. Um, but that's okay, see we
Phoebe: G'night, bro. Phoebe: Okay, Jasmine, can you, can you ask Mr. Whiffler have an understanding, um, see we each have this list
Frank: G'night. if he can wait for like five minutes. of five famous people, (gets his out) so I'm allowed to
Phoebe: Here. (gives him a fire extinguisher) Jasmine: Fine. (starts to leave, and points at Frank) I sleep with you. No, no, no, it's flattery.
Y'know, just in case. don't like you!! (leaves) Isabella: I'm sorry. (starts to leave)
Frank: Oh, excellent. (starts to melt the fire Phoebe: (turns around and hits Frank) So that's what you Ross: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Don't, don't
extinguisher's hose.) thought I did!! God! That's not what I do! just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a
Commercial Break Frank: Wait that's-that's, what that's not what you do? lifetime opportunity...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating Phoebe: Nooo! Why would you think that? Isabella: Yeah, for you. Is that the list?
breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with Frank: I don't know, I mean, y'know, this is the city y'know, Ross: Um, yeah.
num-chucks on the balcony] I just, I mean, I don't know. Isabella: May I see it?
Monica: What kind of karate is that? Phoebe: Whatever, it's the perfect end to the perfect Ross: Um, no.
Phoebe: No kind. He just makes it up. weekend anyways. Isabella: Come on! (grabs the list)
Monica: So how's it going with you guys? Frank: Oh, wait, no your right, no it was perfect and I can't Ross: But, okay.
Phoebe: So far, it kinda blows. I don't know, I just believe that I screwed it up so bad. Isabella: (reading it) I'm not on the list!
thought y'know that he'd feel more like a brother Phoebe: You really thought it was perfect? Ross: Um, see, but that's not the final draft.
y'know, like you and Ross, just like close and Frank: Well, no, maybe-maybe it wasn't perfect, but Isabella: It's laminated!
connected and.... y'know it was pretty cool, y'know, 'cause we had all those Ross: Yeah, um, okay see, you were, you were on the
Monica: Oh honey, we're close now but you-you great talks y'know. list but my friend, Chandler (Chandler waves) brought
wouldn't believe the years of-of nugies, and Phoebe: Yeah, um, which ones in particular were great for up the very good point that you are international, so I
wedgies, and flying wedgies, and atomic wedgies, you? bumped you for Wynona Rider, local.
and.... (Phoebe shakes her head like she doesn't Frank: Well y'know about the tongue thing, y'know, and Isabella: Y'know it's ironic...
understand) That's where the waistband actually how I told you about my likes and my dislikes... Ross: What?
goes over your head. Phoebe: I don't.... Isabella: ...because I have a list of five goofy coffee
Phoebe: Ah!! Frank: How-how I like to melt stuff, and how I dislike stuff house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy
Monica: Oh, we used to drive each other crazy that doesn't melt. over there. (points at a guy and leaves)
playing the shadow game. Phoebe: Right, okay, um-mm. Ross: (to the rest of the gang) We're just gonna be
Phoebe: Oh, how do you play the shadow game? Frank: Yeah, y'know I feel like I can really talk to you friends.
Monica: Oh, how do you play the shadow game? 'cause y'know you're my sister, y'know. Closing Credits
Phoebe: I just asked you. Phoebe: Yeah, I guess I do, yeah. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they are admiring the
Monica: I just asked you. Frank: Then I go feel your friend up and make you mad at entertainment center]
Phoebe: I don't have time for this. me. Joey: Y'know what?
Monica: No, that is what the game is. Phoebe: Well, I-I wasn't hopping mad, y'know. Chandler: Umm?
Phoebe: Which you just gave up really quickly. Frank: You hopped a little bit. Yeah, I really sorry. Joey: I bet 'ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole
Chandler: (entering) Have you seen Joey? Phoebe: Okay. All right, this is my favourite part of the in the center)
Monica: What's the matter? weekend, right now, this. Chandler: I've got five bucks says you can't.
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a Frank: This? Joey: Get out your checkbook, mister.
paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Y'know Phoebe: Uh-huh. Chandler: Oh, I think I have the cash.
what it's my fault really, because the couch is Frank: Oh come on we went, we went to Time Square, we (Joey successfully enters the entertainment center, and
usually where we keep the varnish. found ninja stars, I almost got arm broken by a hooker... Chandler closes the door on Joey.)
Joey: (yelling from bathroom) Hey, does Phoebe: She wasn't a hooker. Joey: You are dogged man! I totally fit!
91 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
Chandler: Yeah, you got me. (picks up a 2x4 and breaks his pencil in half) okay, bye
puts it through the handles so that the doors won't Chandler: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to Phoebe: So what are they doing?
open) I'm out five big ones! (puts the money in the ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think Ross: I don't know, something girlie.
crack between the door and frame) Here you go. you're chances are pretty good. (Eric offers to shake hands) Phoebe: (to Monica, who's entering) Hey, you're early.
Joey: Thank you. Cha-ching! (Chandler starts to All right. (Chandler hugs him.) Monica: What are you doing with the lamp?
leave) Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next [Scene: Chandler's, Chandler is interviewing Joey.] Phoebe: I'm just taking it to be re-wired.
time buddy. (Chandler leaves and closes the door) Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out Monica: Oh, well don't take it to the same place you
And the drinks are on me! things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is took the stereo, 'cause they've had that thing for over a
End the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) week.
Bye-bye. (There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr.
Joey: Don't you ah, don't you wanna ask me any Heckles)
306 The One With The Flashback questions? Phoebe: No, no, Mr. Heckles no one is making any
Chandler: Sure. Ummm. What's up? noise up here.
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there Joey: Well, ah, I'm an actor. I'm fairly neat. I ah, I got my Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice.
including Janice.] own TV. Oh, and don't worry I'm totally okay with the gay Phoebe: You don't play the oboe!
Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of thing. Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe!
you has sleep with the six of you? Chandler: What gay thing? Phoebe: Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it
Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem. Joey: Ah, y'know just in general people being gay, thing. down. (slams the door in his face.)
Ross: I'm sorry the answer there would be...none I'm totally cool with that. (in the hallway, Eric is moving in)
of us. [Scene: the hallway, Monica is coming up the stairs.] Mr. Heckles: (to Eric) Who are you?
Janice: Come on over the years none of you ever Chandler: Well okay Jerry, thanks for stopping by. Eric: Hi, I'm Eric, I'm gonna be Chandler's new
y'know, got drunk and stupid. (Joey is leaving and notices Monica, as Monica notices him) roommate.
Joey: Well, that's really a different question. Monica: Hi. Mr. Heckles: I'm Chandler's new roommate.
Janice: I'm sorry I find it hard to believe that a Joey: Hey! Eric: I-I-I don't think so.
group of people who spends as much time (Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler 'Oh my God!') Mr. Heckles: I could be Chandler's new roommate.
together as you guys do has never bumped uglies. [Scene: A bar, Chandler is entering.] Eric: But, he told me over the phone.
Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica Chandler: Hey, Mon. Mr. Heckles: He told me in person.
and Rachel got together. Monica: Hey-hey-hey. You wanna hear something that Eric: That's weird.
Monica and Rachel: What?!! sucks. Mr. Heckles: Well, I'm going to go into my new
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no time! Chandler: Do I ever. apartment now. (goes over to the door and opens it)
Joey: Okay, but let's say there was. How might Monica: Chris says they're closing down the bar. Ehh! (Eric leaves)
that go? Chandler: No way! (inside Chandler's apartment, Chandler is coming in
Janice: Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has Monica: Yeah, apparently they're turning it into some from his bedroom, sees Mr. Heckles, and screams.)
any of you ever.... almost? kinda coffee place. [Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is
Rachel: Does anybody need more coffee? Chandler: Just coffee! Where are we gonna hang out leaving.]
Ross: Yeah, I'll take some. now? Monica: Hi, again.
Joey: Hey, there's a dog out there! Monica: Got me. Joey: Hey! (goes into the apartment)
Opening Credits Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer. Chandler: (leaving to go to work) Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, three years earlier, Monica: Hey, did you pick a roommate? Monica: Thank you soo, much.
Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are there] Chandler: You betcha! Chandler: Oh, don't thank me, thank the jerk that
Phoebe: Oh, that is so unfortunate. Monica: Is it the Italian guy? never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
Ross: What? Chandler: Um-mm, yeah right! (Joey comes back into the hallway and starts to pick up
Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put Monica: He's so cute. a heavy box)
on weight. Chandler: Oh yes, and that's what I want a roommate Monica: You want some help with that?
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, I'll be that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny Joey: Oh, no thanks, I got it. (picks it up) No I don't!
back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe I'm sorry that I one. Monica: Whoa! Are you okay?
left lipstick marks on the phone. Monica: Oh look, the pool table's free. Rack 'em up. I'll be Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
Phoebe: You didn't leave lipstick marks on the back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt. Monica: It's the heat. (has her hand on his chest, and
phone. Chandler: Okay, but after that, we're shootin' some pool. then pulls it away) And-and the humidity.
Monica: Oh, then it must've been you. Bye. Rachel: (sitting at a table with some of her friends) (to Joey: That's a uh, that's a tough combination.
(leaves) waitress) Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My Monica: Do you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Phoebe: (angrily) Bye-bye! (to Ross) That's why I friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a Joey: Like you wouldn't believe. (they go into the
moved out. rum and Diet Coke, which I don't think this is. apartment) Wow! This is a great place.
Ross: Hey, y'know while we're on that, when are Waitress: I am so sorry. Monica: Thank you. Just make yourself comfortable.
you gonna tell my sister that you don't live here Rachel: That's all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to Joey: Gotcha.
anymore. get a couple drinks right, huh? Monica: This place is really my Grandmother's. (Joey
Phoebe: I think on some levels she already Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets
knows. woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her
Ross: Phoebe, she doesn't know that you sneak Farber DDS when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never
out every night, she doesn't know that you sneak Rachel: Ummm, I think it's time to see the ring again. afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, I'm
back every morning, and she doesn't know that (holds her hand out and they all scream) 87 year old woman, who's afraid of her VCR. So are
you've been living with your Grandmother's for a Friend No. 2: Oh, isn't it exciting, I mean it's like having a you thirsty?
week now. boyfriend for life. Joey: Oh, you bet I am!
Phoebe: Okay, well maybe not on those levels. Rachel: Yeah, I know. Monica: (turning around) Okay, here's your penis!
Chandler: (entering, with a goatee) Hey. Friend No. 1: What? Commercial Break
Ross: Hey. Rachel: Oh, I don't know. Well maybe it's just the idea of [Scene: continued from earlier.]
Chandler: I'm never gonna find a roommate, Barry for the rest of my life. I don't know I think I feel like I Monica: Oh my God!!! What are you doing?!!
ever. need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out Joey: You said, you wanna come in for some
Phoebe: Why, nobody good? of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely) lemonade?
Chandler: Well let's see, there was the guy with Friend No. 1: Rachel stop! Monica: So?!
the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and Friend No. 2: You're so bad! Joey: Whoa, ah!! We're you just gonna give me some
yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he Rachel: I'm serious, I really, I think I need just to have lemonade?
felt the need to make a little noise every time he some...meaningless, sex y'know, with the next guy that I Monica: Yeah huh!! Cover yourself up!
said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! see. Joey: Oh right, right.
Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing! (Chandler throws the cue ball under there table.) Monica: I don't believe this! When someone asks you
Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow? Chandler: Excuse, I seem to have dropped my ball. in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed Rachel: Yeah, so? have sex?
really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure Chandler: (picks it up) And now I've picked it up again. Joey: Well usually...yeah! Well, not just lemonade,
about, because when he called and I answered the (walks over to Monica.) iced tea, sometimes juice. Well, sorry, I just, I thought
phone 'Chandler Bing,' he said 'Whoa-whoa, short Monica: Oh my God, I went to high school with her. (to you liked me. I'm such a jerk.
message.' Rachel) Rachel! Hi! Monica: It's okay. I suppose it could happen to
Monica: (entering) Ross (who has his foot on the Rachel: Monica! Look! Hi! What do ya think? (shows her, anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still
coffee table) , foot on the floor or come over no her ring) see it.
more! Monica: Oh my God, you can't even see where the Titanic [Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is vacuuming.]
Ross: (to Phoebe) Sure, your dresser is missing hit it. Monica: Pheebs?
but this she notices. Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, he's a doctor, thank you Phoebe: Huh?
Monica: What? very much. Monica: Where's your bed?
Ross: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by Monica: Awww, just like you always wanted. Phoebe: It's not in the apartment? (Monica gives a
now, soo... Congratulations 'Come on' look) Oh no. I can't believe this is happening
Chandler: Umm, how's it going with you guys? Rachel: Thank you. So how-how 'bout you, are-are you again.
Ross: Oh, better, actually. Y'know I-I-I think I seeing anybody? Monica: What?
finally figured out why we were having so much Monica: Aww, not right now. Phoebe: Okay, enough with the third degree! I-I've, I
trouble lately. Rachel: Oh, but that's okay. don't live here anymore.
Phoebe: Oh, really? Monica: I know. Monica: What are you talking about?
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she Rachel: Yeah. Phoebe: I'm sorry, I-I-I-I don't live here anymore. I-I
doesn't really have any close friends that are just (An awkward silence) didn't know how to tell you, but y'know everybody else
hers, but last week she meet this woman at the Monica: So, I'll get-get back to my friend. knows!
gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. (points at Monica: Everybody knows!
and I-I-I think it's gonna make a difference Chandler, who holds up the cue ball as a 'Remember me?' Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I
[Scene: Chandler's, Chandler is interviewing a thing) Listen, can we please have lunch the next time I'm in forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay,
potential roommate.] the city? do you know, I couldn't sleep for like a month because
Chandler: Soo, ah, Eric, what kind of Monica: Oh, that'd be great. I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
photography do ya do? Rachel: Okay! Monica: Well, you-you coulda just turned the cushion
Eric: Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models Monica: Thanks. over.
here from time to time, I hope that's cool. Rachel: Bye! Phoebe: Yeah, I would've except I had a big spaghetti
Chandler: Yes, that is cool. Because I have Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see stain on the other side.
models here y'know......never. that woman again in my life. Monica: What?!?!
Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most [Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Ross is on the phone, as Phoebe: Okay, this is what I'm talking about, this. I-I
weekends at my sister's beach house, which you Phoebe is walking by carrying a lamp.] need to live in a land where people can spill.
are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should Ross: No real-, honey, really it's fine, just g-go with Susan. Monica: You can spill. In the sink.
probably tell you, she's a porn star. (Chandler Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, Phoebe: Aw, honey it's not your fault, y'know this is
92 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be hanging over the pool table.) Chandler: (leaning in) I'll go.
friends, and if I keep living here I don't see that Phoebe: Oh. (they start kissing again) Ross: Fine.
happening. Ross: Wait, wait, wait. Rachel: Thank you.
Monica: I love you, too. Phoebe: What? Ross: Hi Gunther.
Phoebe: Aww, good. (they hug) What? Ross: My foot is stuck in the pocket. Gunther: Yeah, we'll see!
Monica: What? I'm just said. Phoebe: What? Joey: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Phoebe: No you're not, you're wondering which Ross: No, I can't get it out. Phoebe: Hey!
cushion it is. Phoebe: Well, that's not something a girl wants to hear. Joey: Guess what?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (now) Joey is Ross: No, come on don't start. (they start kissing again) Ross: What?
watching Baywatch, as Chandler enters from his Ouch! Joey: I got a gig!
bedroom.] Phoebe: What? All: Yay!!
Chandler: So ah, whatcha watching? Ross: Stupid balls are in the way. (holds up two balls) Chandler: See, that's why I could never be an actor.
Joey:Baywatch. (They both look at each other and start laughing (Lisa Because I can't say gig.
Chandler: What's it about? almost lost it there) , and sit up. Ross hits his head on the Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say croissant. (realises) Oh my
Joey: Lifeguards. lamp again.) God!
Chandler: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... (looks at Ross: Oh well. It probably would've been the most Monica: What's the part?
the TV) Who's she? constructive solution. Joey: Well, it's not a part, no. I'm teaching acting for
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her. Phoebe: You have chalk on your face. soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
(Baywatch goes into one of those running scenes.) Ross: Huh? (the rest of the gang enters) Ross: Come on! That's great.
Chandler: Wow! Look at them run. Phoebe: Oh, Ross you're right, I don't know why I always All: Wow!
Joey: They do that a lot. Hey, you want a beer? thought this was real grass. Joey: Yeah, yeah. It's like my chance to give
Chandler: Yeah, I'll go get one. Monica: Hey, are you okay? something back to the acting community.
Joey: No, no, no, don't get up, I got a cooler right Ross: My wife's a lesbian. Ross: Y'know your probably not allowed to sleep with
here. Joey: Cool!! any of your students.
[Scene: Monica's, Monica is coming out of the Chandler: Ross-Joey, Joey-Ross. (they shake hands) Joey: (glares at him) I know!
bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Ross: Hi. [Scene: Mattress King, Monica and Phoebe are
Chandler is entering.] Closing Credits shopping for a new mattress.]
Chandler: Well, hello! [Scene: the bar, Chandler is playing pool, as Rachel enters.] Phoebe: Ugh! I don't know Monica. It feels funny just
Monica: Hey. Chandler: I can't believe you came back. being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janice's
Chandler: Do you have any beers? We're out of Rachel: Don't say anything. I don't wanna speak, I don't ex-husband, that's like betraying Chandler.
beers. wanna think. I just want you to take me and kiss me and Monica: Not at these prices.
Monica: (all depressed) Help yourself. make love to me right here, right now. Phoebe: (sees a little kid playing with a race car bed)
Chandler: You okay? (She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and It's That Time of (to kid) Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the
Monica: Phoebe moved out. Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.) other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and
Chandler: Right. Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her she makes the 'that went right over your head' motion)
Monica: I don't understand, I mean am I so hard dream, she's in her car driving back from the city) Woo!
to live, is this why I don't have a boyfriend? Rachel: What? Monica: (lying down on a mattress) Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh!
Chandler: Noo!! You don't have a boyfriend Friend No. 2: You missed the exit! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta
because....I don't, I don't know why you don't Rachel: Oh, sorry. feel this bad boy.
have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend. Friend No. 1: My God, what were you thinking about? Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know,
Monica: Well, I think so. Rachel: Um, (shyly) Barry. Chandler's your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Her Friends: Awwww!! my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make
Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the End other friends.
most beautiful woman I've ever known in real life. [Scene: Classroom. Joey is writing his name on the
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the board, but turns around before he's done which causes
bar, they are the only two in the place.] 307 The One With the Race Car Bed him to write his name with a downward curve, and he
Ross: (all depressed) Hi. Where is everybody? then underlines it, and draws the line right through his
Phoebe: Oh, it's already closed, Chris gave me name.]
the keys to lock up-what is wrong? [Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is Joey: Good evening. I'm Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be
Ross: My marriage, I think my marriage is um, is telling a story about what happened at work and the rest of teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first
kinda over. the gang are thinking to themselves, denoted by italics.] day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our
Phoebe: Oh no! Why? Ross: So I told Carl, 'Nobody, no matter how famous their Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets
Ross: 'Cause Carol's a lesbian. (Phoebe is shocked) parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.' none.) I learned that one of the most important things
And, and I'm not one. And apparently it's not a mix But of course this went in one ear and out..... in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean
and match situation. Rachel:I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint acting again, it means, you don't have a line, but
Phoebe: Oh my God! I don't believe it! Oh, you I can pretend he's Alan Alda. someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all
poor bunny. Monica:Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those intense for a moment and then gasps, the students
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts gonna become extinct? cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way,
to poor himself a drink, many drinks) I'm an idiot. I Chandler:If I was a superhero who could fly and be before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will
mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and I'd be out invisible, that would be the best. have to become much more attractive. All right,
and she'd, she'd see some beautiful woman, and, Gunther:What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. moving right along.
and she'd be Ross y'know look at her, and I'd think, I wish she was my wife. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe
God, my wife is cool! (Joey is singing in his head.) is already there waiting for the delievery guy.]
Phoebe: Aw! Hey, do you think that Susan person Phoebe:Who's singing? Joey: Hi!
is her lover? Opening Credits Phoebe: Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?
Ross: Well, now I do!! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there Joey: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like,
Phoebe: I'm sorry. including Janice, they're watching Happy Days.] 'Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you.'
Ross: Seven years. I mean we've been together Ross: Hey. When you guys were kids and you played Phoebe: Ooooh, nice.
seven years, she's the only woman who's ever Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie. Joey: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My
loved me, and the only woman I've-I've ever.... Monica: I was always Joanne. Children.
Phoebe: Aw, God Ross. Oh. (goes over and hugs Joey: Question. Was ah, 'Egg the Gellers!' the war cry of Phoebe: Oh, yay!
him) your neighbourhood? Joey: Yeah, it's this great part, this boxer named Nick.
[Scene: Monica's, Chandler and Monica are still (A commercial for the Mattress King, Janice's ex-husband, And I'm so, so right for it, y'know, he's just like me.
hugging each other.] comes on TV.) Except he's a boxer, and has an evil twin.
Chandler: Umm, this is nice. Phoebe: Ewww! Oh! It's the Mattress King! (There is a knock on the door.)
Monica: I know, it is isn't it? Joey: Booo!! Phoebe: Oh. (goes and answers the door and there is
Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is Chandler: (to Janice) Don't look honey. Change the this huge black delievery guy.)
it a hundred percent cotton? channel! Change the channel! Guy: Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from
Monica: Yeah! And I got it on sale, too. Janice: Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?
Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the half of that kingdom is gonna be mine. Phoebe: Okay.
lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear Matress King: (on TV) 'Despair fills the mattress Guy: Sign here. (hands her a clipboard)
device. showroom. My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. I'm Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right
Monica: Well, if you wanna get a drink later we so depressed I'm going to slash... my prices!! Check it out! Monica Velula Geller. It's that bedroom there. (points to
can. Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! I'm going Monica's room)
Chandler: Oh yeah, that sounds great. (starts to medieval on prices! Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress
leave) Oh, and listen, it's, it's gonna be.... Chandler: What a wank! King?
Monica: I know. Thanks. (Chandler leaves) Janice: Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say
[Scene: the bar, Phoebe is still hugging Ross.] mattresses. anything to Chandler.
Ross: Maybe this would've happened if I'd been Monica: I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler?
more nurturing, or I'd paid more attention, or I... queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will Phoebe: Is that a problem?
had a uterus. I can't believe this! sell themselves. (they all stare at her) And I'm appalled for Joey: No.
Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you don't deserve you by the way. Phoebe: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let's see what
this, you don't Ross. You're, you're really, you're so Matress King: (on TV) I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king. you got. All right ya, put 'em up. Come on. (they start
good. (kisses him on the cheek) [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the phone, everyone else shadow boxing)
Ross: Thanks. is there except Joey.] Joey: Hey, you're ah, pretty good at this.
Phoebe: And you're so sweet. (kisses him on the Rachel: 'Okay. (listens) Okay, daddy we'll see you Phoebe: Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the
other cheek) And you're kind (kisses him on the tomorrow night. (listens) Okay bye-bye.' (hangs up) Y and some off the young men weren't acting Christian
lips) Ross: We? enough.
Ross: Thanks. (kisses her on the lips) Rachel: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow Joey: Ahh!
(They pause, and they the start kissing night, I hope that's okay. (Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the
passionately, and taking off each others clothes, Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good, I'm supposed to shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
and they start to lie down on the pool table.) um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle Joey: Hey now!
Ross: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. with no seat. Sorry. (Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joey's
Phoebe: Huh? Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you. nose, causing it to bleed.)
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking Ross: Please, he refers to me as 'wethead'. Joey: Hey!!! Oww!! And I'm bleeding.
the balls to the other end of the table, but they all Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh!
bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just Joey: Okay, great.
them into the pockets.) one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I Phoebe: Wow! And I'm a vegetarian! All right, all right,
Phoebe: Okay, it's okay. do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, well I'm sorry, we'll put some ice on it.
(Phoebe jumps on to the table and lays down, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in Joey: Okay.
Ross follows her and hits his head on the light that black thing that you like. Phoebe: 'Kay, put your head back.
93 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
Joey: All right. I can't see. gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by Ross: Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and Dr.
Phoebe: All right, I have ya. Oh God. 13. (looks all confused) And that's how it's done. Great Green puts his scarf on it.)
Guy: Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller? soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed. Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.
Phoebe: Oh, it's the compulsively neat one by the Student: Hey, Mr. Trib. Ross: Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
window, okay. Joey: Hey-hey. Dr. Green: Nice hair. What'd ya do? Swim here?
Guy: Gotcha. (he and his helper walk in carrying Student: Guess what, I got an audition! Ross: (to Rachel) Okay, that's it, I can't take it
the racecar bed.) Joey: Awww, one of my students got an audition. I'm so anymore.
[Scene: Restaurant, Rachel and Ross and Dr. proud. Rachel: What? What? He's interested in you. He-he
Green are having dinner.] Student: I was wondering if you would consider coaching likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got
Rachel: Hi Daddy! me for it? here.
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no Joey: You bet! What's the part? Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie it's hopeless, okay, I'm just
table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby. Student: Oh it's great, it's a role on All My Children, Nick gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Rachel: You remember Ross. the boxer. Rachel: What?!
Dr. Green: Um-hmm. (Joey does the '232 divided by 13 bad news' look.) Ross: Look, look I'm sorry. It's just that....
Ross: Nice to see you again Dr. Green. Commercial Break Dr. Green: Ross? What's with the neck?
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel [Scene: Hallway, Ross and Rachel are returning from Rachel: He's got this thing. And I keep telling him to
but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) How's the dinner.] go to my chiropractor...
library? Rachel: You had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't just Dr. Green: You're still going to that chiropractor, that
Ross: Ugh, museum. leave it alone. man couldn't get into medical school in Extapa!
Dr. Green: What happened to the library? Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when Ross: Thank you! That's what I keep saying.
Ross: There never was a library. I mean there are there's a bug in my food. Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an
libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one. Rachel: Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting excellent doctor.
Dr. Green: You know what's really good here, the along. (Ross groans and rubs his neck) Oh, would you just Ross: Uh.
lobster. What do you say shall I just order three. see my chiropractor, already. Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Ross: Yeah, if you're really hungry. (Dr. Green Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to school Rachel: Well that's his last name.
stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke. in a mini-mall. Ross: And his first name.
Rachel: Yeah, actually Daddy Ross is allergic to (they go into Monica and Rachel's, and see Phoebe hopping Dr. Green: He's Bobby Bobby?
lobster. around.) Rachel: It's Robert Bobby.
Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to Ross: Hey Pheebs, what are you doing? Dr. Green: Oh.
lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a Phoebe: I'm, I'm freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me Rachel: And um, excuse me, he helps me.
library. with something and she shouldn't have! All right, I haven't Ross: Oh-ho please. Ask her how?
Ross: It's not a library... lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! It's a Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom? Rachel: With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter
museum! What, you're the only one around here Rachel: Um. yeah. than the other.
who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, Phoebe: I am soo dead. (goes to Monica's room) Dr. Green: Oh God!
waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. Rachel: All right, look, here's the bottom line Ross, this is Ross: Argue with that.
(nods at Ross, and mouths I don't know to the fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, I'll invite him to brunch Rachel: What? It's true, my right leg is two inches
waiter.) tomorrow and you can make nice. shorter.
[Scene: After dinner.] Ross: Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn't Dr. Green: Come on! You're just titling! (to Ross) Her
Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat. work. legs are fine!
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is Ross: I know that!
does to a boat? difficult, but that's why you have got to be the bigger man Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor
Ross: It gives it a nice antiquey look. here. for?
Dr. Green: (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be Rachel: I'm sorry, let her?
Ross. the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it Ross: What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about
Ross: Wow. I'm sorry, when I was a kid I lost a still wouldn't make any difference, except that I could pick renter's insurance either.
bike to that. (Rachel giggles at that) your Father up and say 'Like me! Like me tiny doctor!' Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you don't have renter's
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you Rachel: Okay, well can't you just try it one more time Ross? insurance?!
please, I want to say good night to the Levines, For me? For me? Rachel: No.
before we go. Ross: Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something?
Rachel: Okay. gotta face it, okay we're never gonna get along. How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter
Ross: Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. than the other?!
his heart.) Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot (Both he and Ross start laughing)
Rachel: Aw honey stop! It's not that bad. stay in the same room together, okay, I don't wanna have Ross: Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice?
Ross: Yeah. (sees the bill) Op! Uh-oh! I think your to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry) Dr. Green: I'd love some juice. Thanks.
Dad must've added wrong. He only tipped like four Ross: Okay, okay, okay. (hugs her) I'll get the bagels. Ross: Okay. (to Rachel) Wow! This is going so well.
percent. [Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed Did you see us? Did you see?
Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy. from Monica.] Rachel: Yeah honey, I'm standing right there! Why
Ross: That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? Monica: (sees the bed) What's this? didn't you just tell him about the mole I haven't got
You're a waitress. Phoebe: Isn't it cool! Varoom! Varoom! checked yet.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he Monica: This is not the bed I ordered! Ross: Excellent!
was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving Phoebe: I know, you must've won like a contest or [Scene: Classroom, Joey is talking to his students.]
him sneezers. something! Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your
Ross: So? (Phoebe starts to make a sound like a car accelerating) careers when you'll have a chance to screw over
Rachel: So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a Monica: Phoebe! another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in
million times, he's not gonna change. (Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.) the recent, present. And I'm ashamed to say that I
Ross: You really serve people sneezers? Monica: Why is this car in my bedroom? took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role,
Rachel: Well um, I don't. Phoebe: I'm sorry, okay, I-I wasn't looking, and the store homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part,
Dr Green: You kids ready? says that they won't take it back because you signed for and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid
Ross: Thanks again, Dr. Green. it... gay thing and cast him. And now, he's got a two year
Dr. Green: All right. Monica: When did I sign for it? contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, it's all Joey's fault, daytime television, and me, me I'm stuck here
bill when Dr. Green isn't looking.) 'cause he left his nose open! teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly
Dr. Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I Monica: Did you make brownies today? to even be on TV. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. (he
forgot my receipt. Chandler: Knock, knock. gets a huge round of applause from his students.)
Ross: Oh, ah, you don't need that. Monica: (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he won't Thank you.
Dr. Green: Why not? notice the bed. [Scene: Mattress King, Monica is trying to return her
Ross: The carbon, it's messy, I mean it gets on Chandler: Hey, I'm going for sushi does anybody want.. bed.]
your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night (enters and sees the bed) Whoa-whoa, somebody missed Jester: Uh, may I help you?
blindness. the off ramp. Monica: Yeah, I talked to you on the phone, I'm the
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the Phoebe: It's Monica's bed. What? lady that got stuck with the racecar bed.
twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Chandler: Okay. (to Monica) It's a racecar. Jester: Look, it's like I told you, there's nothing I can
Huh? Phoebe: So. This has always been Monica's bed, what do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.
Ross: Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I you're just noticing now, how self-involved are you? Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the
have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too Chandler: Okay, well it this bed isn't new, how come there king.
much, it's a sickness really. is plastic on the mattress? Jester: Nobody sees the king!
Rachel: Yeah it is, it is. (to Ross) We really, really Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break Joey: Oh-ho-kay, I'm talking to the king. (starts to go
have to do something about that. down, and Phoebe offers her, her hand to comfort her.) to a back room)
Ross: I know. [Scene: Classroom, Joey is coaching his student.] Jester: Hey! You can't go back there!
Dr. Green: Excuse me, you think I'm cheap? Student: Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared (Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the
Rachel: Oh Daddy, no he didn't mean anything by across the canvas, that's not gonna be me, not me. window at Janice and the Mattress King, her
that, he really didn't. Joey: Wow! That was good. That was... (points to his ex-husband, kissing.)
Ross: Nothing I do means anything, really. pocket) Tweezers? Janice: Oh my God.
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars Student: No. (Joey fakes a scream.)
for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out Joey: Whoa. That was really good. Closing Credits
looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Student: Thanks, any suggestions? [Scene: Monica's bedroom, Chandler is playing with
Big Shot? Here, I'll tell you what, you pay the (Joey gets the evil look on his face.) the bed.]
whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady!
and throws it at Ross, then leaves) there, yelling at Joey.] Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he
Ross: Well Mr. Big Shot is better than 'wethead'. Chandler: You told him to play the boxer gay!! pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is lecturing on facial Joey: Well, I-I might've said supergay. lookin'! (honks the bed's little horn on the steering
expressions.] Chandler: You totally screwed him over. wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've Monica: Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean how could right, I'll leave. My bed's so boring.
never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a you do this? End
scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my Joey: Because, Monica, the guy's so good, and I really,
pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start really want this part.
pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've Phoebe: Well, if you really, really want it, then it's okay. 308 The One With The Giant Poking Device
just done something evil. That would be the basic [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is greeting her Father
'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it' for their brunch.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Chandler, and
(Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off Rachel: (opening the door) Hi Daddy. Ross are there, Rachel is serving brownies.]
the pretend fishhook.) Okay, let's say I've just Dr. Green: Baby. Ross. Rachel: Here you go Pheebs. Who else wants one of
94 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
my special homemade brownies? Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, Rachel bang! Oh, isn't that fun?
Chandler: I will have one. (Ross and him both do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) We're Rachel: (goes over and hits her head on the post)
take one.) gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a Look at that! (repeats) Look at that! (repeats) We all
(Phoebe takes a bite and spits it out and screams.) little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living do it. (repeats) Okay, I'm stopping now.
Chandler: Okay, I'm not gonna have one. room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into Monica: You okay?
Ross: Neither will I. (they both put back the the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Ben's head on Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if it's not a headboard, it's
brownies.) that wooden beam across the ceiling.) just not worth it.
Phoebe: No, no, it's just my tooth. [cut to later] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for
Chandler: All right I'll have one. (he and Ross Monica: (to Ben) Who's so brave, you're so brave, yes you Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a
take another brownie,) are, you're so brave. magazine.]
Ross: So what's a matter, you need a dentist? I've Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, he's fine, he's fine, let's just Janice: (entering) How's my Bing-a-ling?
got a good one. put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) Chandler: Ah, I don't know, you tell me. Anything you
Phoebe: No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, See that's a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if
I, I can't see him. to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?! you, you would, tell me.
Chandler: See that is the problem with invisible Monica: He's not gonna say anything, because we're not Janice: Why are your eyes so white?
dentists. gonna tell him. Chandler: You tell me! Maybe, it's because I was just
Ross: Why? Why can't you go to him? Rachel: We're not?! fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that
Phoebe: Because, every time I go to the dentist, Monica: No we're not. was you!!
somebody dies. Rachel: All right, I like that. Janice: Oh my God!!
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I Monica: Okay. Chandler: All right!
go to the dentist, I look down the hygienist's Rachel: So we're okay, we're okay, we're okay, (starts to Janice: How did you know?
blouse. exam Ben) aren't we? No, we're not okay, we're not okay, Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Rachel: Phoebe, what? Umm...what?! there's a bump, there's a bump. Janice: In the park?
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, first there was my aunt Mary, Monica: Oh my God! Well push it in! Push it in! Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were
and then there was umm, John, my mailman, and Rachel: I cannot push it in! there?
then my, my cowboy friend 'Albino Bob'. Monica: Okay, we're gonna need a distraction. Janice: Just those two!
Rachel: And all these people actually died? Rachel: Okay, okay, okay. Chandler: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there
Phoebe: Yes, while I was in the chair! That's why Monica: I got it! kissing!? There should be no kissing!!
I take such good care of my teeth now, y'know, it's Rachel: Okay. Janice: Oh, I'm sorry honey, I'm so, so, (nasally)
not about oral hygiene, I floss to save lives! Monica: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want haaaaa! I'm so, so sorry, I just (nasally) haaaaaa! But I,
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didn't kill anybody, you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is oh what happened was, I-I-I can't breathe. Can you
these people just happened to die when you went that you do that makes him go, (high pitched) rweee!! get me a bag, or something?
to the dentist. It's, it's, it's just ah, a coincidence. Rachel: Or. We could put a hat on his head. Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
Phoebe: Well tell that to them. Oh! You can't, Monica: A hat! Yes! We need a hat. (Janice starts to breathe into it and breathes in the
their dead. Rachel: We need a hat.. reciept, and then spits it out.)
Opening Credits Monica: Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat? Janice: The receipt.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe Rachel: Oh, oh, oh, I'll get 'Rainy Day Bear'!! (runs to get Chandler: I'll take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are
are there.] him) you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are
Ross: Thanks, Gunther. (takes the plate Gunther Monica: Because he'll know what to do? (Rachel comes you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do
serves him and Rachel comes up and kisses him) out of her room with a bear that's dressed in a rain suit.) you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you
(to Rachel) Hey! (to Gunther) Umm, can I get a Oh my God, you're a genius! still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right
napkin too? Rachel: Oh God, oh God, it's sowed on though. look, (grabs the bag) I'm gonna need an actual answer
Gunther: Oh, like you don't already have Monica: Give it. Give it. here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts
everything. Rachel: Okay. to ring)
Phoebe: (trying to bite into an apple) Ow! Ow! (Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his Janice: I don't know.
(drops the apple in disgust.) head.) Phoebe: (rushing in) Okay. If you're alive you answer
Rachel: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go Monica and Rachel: Oh!! your phone!
to the dentist, just go. Rachel: Oh, it's just like a bloodbath in here today. Commercial Break
Phoebe: All right, fine, fine, but if you're my next [Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe,
victim, don't come back as a poltergeist and like jewelery store.] and Joey are there.]
suck me into the TV set. Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do Monica: Okay, Ben, I won't tell your daddy that you
Rachel: I promise. you think these pearls are nice? had ice cream for dinner, if you don't tell about our little
Phoebe: Although, don't feel like you can't visit. Joey: I'd really prefer a mountain bike. bonking incident.
Joey: (entering with Monica) Hey, is, is, is Chandler: Janice's birthday is coming up, I want to get Rachel: Monica, number one, I don't think Ben
Chandler here? her something speacial. Come in here with me. understands the concept of bribery, and number two,
Ross: (patting his clothes like he is looking for his Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, whoa. Do you ah, want to I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey)
wallet) No, no he's not. get her something speacial, get her flowers, get her candy, What?!
Monica: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing get her gum, girls love gum. Joey: You said number two.
her ex-husband. Chandler: That's a good idea, 'Dear Janice have a Rachel: I also said number one.
Ross: What? (to Joey) So what are you going to Hubba-Bubba birthday'. I would like to get her something Joey: I know. (giggles harder)
do? I mean how, how are you going to tell serious. Ross: (entering) Hey! Everyone.
Chandler? Joey: Oh, you want something serious. Y'know what you Rachel: Hi!
Joey: Well, I was thinking about that and I, I think should do, you should get her one of those um, barium Ross: How's my little boy?
the best way would be, to not. enemas. Those are dead serious. Rachel: He's perfect, he's never been better.
Rachel: Joey, you can't keep this to yourself, if Chandler: All right. Look, I'm gonna go in here, and you Ross: (noticing the outfit he is wearing) What'd you
you know about this, you have to tell him. don't buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store) do, take him whaling?
Joey: It'll kill him. I mean it'll, it'll just kill him. Joey: (stopping him) No, no, you can't, you can't, okay, Ben: Monica.
Phoebe: Well, you could wait 'til I go to the you can't, you can't buy her pearls, you just can't, you can't, Ross: Oh my God, he just said your name, that's great!
dentist, maybe I'll kill him. you can't. Good job Ben.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, All are there except Chandler: Why not?! Ben: Monica bang!
for Chandler.] Joey: Oh God. Uh, okay, here's the thing, this is the thing, Monica: Oh that's right, that's what I'd sound like if I
Joey: (looking out the window) Ewww! Ugly okay, the thing is... exploded.
Naked Guy is using his new hammock. It's like a Chandler: What is the thing? Phoebe: Woo-Hoo! The curse is broken! I called
Play-Doo Fat Factory. Joey: Okay. I went down to the 'Mattress King' showroom everybody I know, and everyone is alive.
Phoebe: Well, I'm going to the dentist, so listen, and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband. Joey: Uh.
okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, Chandler: (shocked) What? Phoebe: What?
that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... Joey: They were in his office. Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs
All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just Chandler: Well she, she wouldn't do that, she's with, she's to the window and gasps.)
wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...... (starts with me. [Cut to later, all except Chandler are staring out the
to cry and runs out) Joey: I'm telling you man, I saw it. window at Ugly Naked Guy.]
Ross: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into Chandler: Yeah, well, you're wrong! Okay, you're wrong. Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one!
work for a few hours, some kids messed up the Joey: I'm not wrong! I wish I was. I'm sorry. Bet that And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down
Homo Sapien display. barium enema doesn't sound so bad now, huh? something that big.
Joey: What did they do? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are Rachel: Well maybe he's just taking a nap.
Ross: Well, they painted over the word 'Sapien' dressing up Ben in the entire rain suit from Rainy Day Bear.] Joey: I'm tellin' ya, he hasn't moved since this
for one thing, then they rearranged the figures, Monica: It just makes more sense as an ensemble. morning.
let's just leave it at that. Rachel: Right. Monica: All right, we should call somebody.
Monica: So, do you want me to watch Ben for Monica: Besides, it takes the focus off the hat. Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at
you? Phoebe: (running through the door) No! Oh! You're alive! all the time isn't moving.
Ross: Yes, that's what I was going to ask, thank You're alive! Rachel: Well, we have gotta find out if he's alive.
you. Rachel: See Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, Monica: How are we gonna do that? There's no way.
Rachel: Whoa! Wait! Hello! What about me? didn't I? Joey: Well, there is one way. His window's open, I say,
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the Phoebe: Yeah, well, we'll see about that. Can I use your we poke him.
background Monica mouths 'Don't worry, I'll be phone? I just wanna call everyone I know. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing
here the whole time.' to Ross.) Yes! That'd be Monica: Sure, we have no money, go ahead. darts, as Joey enters.]
great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I Phoebe: (on phone) 'Hey! You're not dead! Okay, see ya!' Joey: Hey! Y'know how we ah, save all those
know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically Ben: Monica. chopsticks for no reason we get when we get Chinese
mouths 'Yeah!' and holds up her thumb.) Monica: Oh my God! He just said my name! Did you hear food?
Joey: Hey-hey, Ross? that? Chandler: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah. Ben: Monica bang! Joey: Well, now we got a reason.
Joey: I've got a science question. Rachel: Okay, I heard that. Chandler: What?
Ross: Hmm? Monica: Did he just say 'Monica bang'? Joey: Well, we're fashioning a very long poking device.
Joey: If the Homo Sapiens, were in fact Rachel: Uh-huh. Chandler: All right.
'Homo-sapien', is that why there extinct? Monica: Oh my God! He's gonna rat me out! Joey: Hey uh, what's a matter?
Ross: Joey, Homo Sapiens are people. Ben: Monica bang! Chandler: I talked to Janice.
Joey: Hey-hey, I'm not judging. Monica: Oh-ho-ho, sweetie, sweetie, you gotta stop Joey: Oh my God, is she going back to him?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel saying that, now. It's no big deal, it's not even worth Chandler: She doesn't know. Says she loves us both.
are babysitting Ben.] mentioning, you see we all do it all the time. See watch this, Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves Ben, Ben, Ben. (goes over and starts hitting her head on was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that
it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, the post) Ow, Monica bang! (does it again) Everybody bang. twelve pack of condoms. And now I can't even return
y'know what I think he's bored. (repeats) Ben bang. (repeats) Rachel bang. (repeats) Bang, them, because she choked on the reciept!
95 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
Joey: What are you ah, what are you gonna do? Phoebe, and Ross are holding the giant poking device.] collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying
Chandler: I don't know, y'know. What, what, Joey: All right now remember, something this big and long this) threw it in the lake.
would you do? is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot Chandler: And was the curse lifted?
Joey: Well, it doesn't matter what I would do. of experience in that area. Ross: Anyway. That's when our Mom said we were not
Chandler: Come on, tell me. Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked man's life hangs to play football ever again.
Joey: All right, you're probably not gonna want to in the balance! Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game.
hear this but ah, if it was me, and this is just me, Phoebe: I'm telling you he's dead. What we are about to I mean come on, it's been twelve years.
(Chandler gets ready to throw another dart) I have here is a dead fat guy on a stick. Ross: Can I see you for a second?
would ah, I would bow out. Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's poke. (they start (they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a
Chandler: What? (turns around quickly still ready to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, moment)
to throw the dart and Joey quickly ducks and hides a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, we're Monica: (shouting) Once!!
behind the chair) What are you, what are you approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts Ross: All right, we're gonna play.
talking about? to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. They're him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle. gonna get there, though, because my Mom won't let
like, they're like a family, and if, I don't know, (They thread the needle and start poking him, he then me cross the street.
there's chance they could make that work, I know stirs.) [Scene: The Park, the gang is warming up for their
I wouldn't want to be the guy who stood in the Phoebe: He's alive! He's a-live!!! football game.]
way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, Monica: And yet, we're still poking him. Monica: Okay. Let's bring it in.
come poke a nude guy? Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device. Rachel: Wait no, honey, honey throw it to me, throw it
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross has just Ross: He does not look happy. to me.
finished putting Ben to sleep, and is entering from Rachel: Hey-hey, now he's showing us his poking device. Ross: Here you go. (throws her the ball)
Rachel's room.] Joey: Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way over Rachel: (knocking it down instead of catching it) That
Ross: Well, he's finally alseep. About that ah, here, buddy! almost hit me in the face.
bump on his head? Closing Credits Joey: All right, we have to pick captains.
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure it's ah, a [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Chandler: And then Tineals.
new bump? I mean, no offense, I've always Lionel Richie album] Phoebe: Okay, so how do we decide that?
thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child. Chandler: (singing) I'll hold you close in my arms. Monica: Well, why don't we just bunny up.
Ross: It's okay if he bumps his head, kids bump (Phoebe enters) I can't resist your charms. And love.... Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first Phoebe: (joining him) Love.... Monica and Ross: (holding both of their hands above
time babysitting, I figured you did the best you Chandler and Phoebe:I'll be a fool for you. I'm sure, you their heads making rabbit ears with their fingers.)
could. know I don't mind. Bunny!
Rachel: (confidently) I did! Chandler: (high pitched) No you know I don't mind. Monica: Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains. Okay,
Ross: I know! I'm saying you have to watch them Chandler and Phoebe:Yes! You mean the world the so um, I bunnied first so that means I get to pick first.
all the time. world to me. Oh... Joey.
Rachel: I did!! I watched! I watched! I watched Chandler:I know. Joey: Thank you.
Monica bang his head against that thing! Phoebe:I know. Rachel: Monica, I'm your best friend.
Ross: Monica did it? Chandler:I've found. Ross: Sweetie, don't worry you'll get picked. Chandler.
(Monica runs into the kitchen from the terrace.) Phoebe:I've found.... Rachel: Ross!
Ross: Monica? Chandler and Phoebe:...in you, my endless (Phoebe Monica: Phoebe.
Monica: Yeah. goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love. (they (Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her
Ross: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about both look at each other.) My endless love. (once again they team.)
Ben today? don't match tones, and they just look at each other) Ross: Sweetie, now I pick you.
Monica: No. Why? End Rachel: You don't pick me! You're stuck with me!
Ross: Well, I was just playing with him, and Ross: Okay. All right. So let's see, let's play from the
y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he trash can, to the lightpost. Right. Two hand touch, we'll
used to be really good at, but suddenly he's 309 The One With The Football kick off.
leaving out 'e' and 'f.' It's like they just ah, I don't Monica: All right people listen, I've got exactly
know, fell out of his head. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the twenty-eight minutes before I have to baste again.
Monica: Really?! guys are watching football, the girls are cooking Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Ross: Oh, and also, he's, he's walkin' kind of funny, Thanksgiving dinner.] Monica: Huddle up.
his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, The Guys: (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww! Joey: (to his team) All right, huddle up, right over
and he's in there just sort of y'know... (walks Phoebe: Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead here.
around in a circle) of watching football, you could help. Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh
Monica: Oh my God, I wrecked your baby!! (runs The Guys: We will. (they don't move) cool, this is my first huddle.
into the bedroom) Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmellows Monica: Okay.
Rachel: I hope it's still funny when you're in hell. in concentric circles. Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of
Monica: (coming out of the bedroom) You jerk! Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric Chandler?
You know how much I love that kid! (starts to circles. I want to do this. Monica: Okay, Phoebe you know what you're doing
chase Ross around the living room) (Rachel sticks a marshmellow into Monica's nose. Monica right?
Ross: Monica bang! Monica bang! (runs into one takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.) Phoebe: Yeah.
of the posts) Ow! Monica: Every year. Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch it, and you and I
Rachel: I'll get the hat. Opening Credits are gonna block.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] Phoebe: What's block?
there.] Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you know what
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down) . you're doing?
you, and I want you to let me get through it, Ross: Halftime. Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.
because it's, it's, it's not gonna be easy. Joey: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, Monica: Break.
Janice: Okay. maybe get a little three on three going? (Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I Rachel: Oh! That would be sooo much fun! the ball between his foot and finger.)
don't wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, Phoebe: Oh, can I play too? I've never played football, like Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes
y'know when my parents split up, it was because ever. to kick the ball but kicks Ross's foot instead.)
of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler. Ross: Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on!
always think y'know 'You're the reason, you are Chandler: No, no, no, I don't, I don't really wanna play. Chandler: Sorry. I'm sorry. Y'know what, we're just
the reason why their not together.' and I hated Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since gonna throw it.
that guy. And it didn't matter how nice he was, or you and Janice broke up. (Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.)
how happy he made my Dad. Chandler: That's not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe Joey: I got it. (catches the ball)
Janice: Wow! and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in Phoebe: Go! Go! Go!
Chandler: Yeah, well. It's the right thing to do. the morning. Don't say that I don't have goals! (Joey runs up field and fakes out Ross and scores a
Janice: Oh! You're right. Oh God. But, before I Joey: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, touchdown. His team all celebrates the touchdown.)
can say 'good-bye', there's something I really need if you play, you get some fresh air, maybe it'll take your Monica: Score!! 7 to nothing!
you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, mind off Janice, and if you don't play, everyone will be mad Rachel: (coming over to Ross, who is just getting up)
it's like, I finally understand what Lionel Richie's at you 'cause the teams won't be even. Come on. Are you okay?
been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, Chandler: Yeah, all right, I'll play. Ross: Come on, let's go!
it's like movie love, you're my soulmate, and I can't Phoebe: Yay!! Monica: Losers walk!
believe we're not going to be spending the rest of Rachel: Let's do it! Ross? Ross: Yeah, losers talk!
our lives together. Ross: What? Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.
Chandler: Then don't leave me! Rachel: Do you wanna play football? [cut to later, Ross's team has the ball.]
Janice: What? Ross: Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football. Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real
Chandler: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Joey: Says who? Your mom? quarterback does, and puts his hands between Ross's
Pick me! Monica and Ross: Yeah. legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up
Janice: No, you were right, you were right. I Monica: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
mean, I-I-I've got to give my marriage another have a touch football game called the 'Geller Bowl.' Ross: Yeah!
chance. Chandler: No, no, no, you say that proudly. Chandler: (from the shotgun) Hike!
Chandler: No you don't! No, no, no, I say you Monica: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and Monica and Joey: One-Mississippi. Two-Mississippi.
have to give your divorce another chance. um, it got kind've competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, Three-Mississippi.
Janice: (standing up) I'm sorry. (hugs him) I accidentally broke Ross's nose. (Rachel runs a quick slant.)
Chandler: Ohhh. Don't go. Ross: It was soo not an accident. She saw I was about to Rachel: Over here!
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, tag her, so she threw her big fat grandma arm elbow right (Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)
but Chandler doesn't let her go.) into my face. And just keep running. Rachel: (proud of her self) I almost caught that one!
Chandler: No. No! No! No! Monica: To score the winning touchdown, by the way. Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.
Janice: Honey, honey, people are looking. Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a
Chandler: I don't care! (turns around and to the game, the touchdown didn't count, because of the down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
people watching them) I don't care!! spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage nose Rachel: Wait, what am I gonna do?
Janice: Yeah, um, I'm, I'm leaving now. (tries to breaking. Ross: You, you go long.
get her leg out of Chandler's grasp, she finally Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game. Rachel: Wait, how long?
does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.) Ross: Oh yeah! Then how come you didn't get the Geller Ross: Until we start to look very small.
Chandler: You can't leave! I have your shoe! Cup? Rachel: Okay.
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with Rachel: Um, there was a Geller Cup? Ross: Break!!
one shoe) Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. [cut to later, Monica's team has the ball.]
Gunther: Rachel has those in burgendy. But our Dad said, 'nobody won that game, ' and he was sick Joey: Set....hike!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Rachel, Monica, of our fighting, so he took the trophy and.... (pauses to Ross: One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, switch! Switch!
96 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
Switch!! my first touchdown. So? Margha: (coming over) The game is over, we eat
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no! Ross: Oh Pheebs, that's great. It doesn't count. now?
(Monica throws the ball over Joey's head, it's Monica: Does so count! Chandler: No-no-no-no, the game's not over, we're
stopped from rolling away by a very beautiful Ross: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater. just switching teams.
woman.) Phoebe: Oh my God! Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that it's
Joey: Haaaaa! Hey-hey, thanks for stopping our Monica: Y'know what, that's fine, maybe you haven't better if we're on the same team.
ball. grown up, but I have. Ross: Right. Okay, let's play. Let's go.
Woman: (in a foreign accent) You are playing Ross: Oh-ho, okay. Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do
American football? Monica: Dead leg!! (kicks him in the thigh.) Dutch people come from?
Joey: Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other Ross: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from
country. win by cheating, go ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown Pennsylvania.
Woman: I'm Dutch. does count, you win. Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come
Joey: Hi-hi, I'm Joey. Phoebe: Woo-yay!! on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Woman: I'm Margha. Monica: No! Listen, I'm not gonna go through this with Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this
Joey: I'm sorry Dutch, I didn't get that last little you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you can't make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell
bit. blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that come from.
Chandler: (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna you thought you were getting mono. Let's just call this, tie Margha: Oh, my.
play football or you wanna.. (sees Marhan) Hi, I'm score and it's halftime. Ross: Enough with geography for the insane, okay?
Chandler. Ross: Okay, first of all, I don't play with cheaters, and Let's play some ball, guys.
Margha: Hello, Chandler. second of all, you know I had swollen glands!! Joey: Whoa, whoa, no, no, I-I'm not playing with this
Joey: Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan. Monica: Y'know what? I'll think you'll play. guy, now.
Margha: Margha. Ross: Oh really! Why is that? Chandler: Fine with me.
Joey: Mar-klan. [cut to Monica and Rachel's.] Ross: Okay, y'know what, let's just cut to the chase
Margha: Mar-gha. Monica: Because the winner gets this! here. Okay? Heidi, which of my boys do you like?
Chandler: Mar-haaaan. Ross: The Geller Cup. Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are
[cut to Ross and Monica.] Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a you doing? What are you doing?
Monica: Come on guys! Let's go! Come on, it's two by four? Margha: Which do I like?
second down. All: Yeah. Ross: Yeah, y'know for dating, general merriment,
Ross: Uh, hello, it's third down. Chandler: Okay, good. taking back to your windmill...
Monica: No it's not, it's second. Commercial Break Margha: Well, if I had to chose right now, which by
Ross: Wow! [Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second the way I find really weird, I would have to say,
Monica: Wow, what? half of the game.] Chandler.
Ross: It just amazes me that your still pulling stuff Ross: Okay, where in the hell did you get that?! Chandler: Yes!!
like this. Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously
Monica: Pulling what? It's second down. get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out. didn't understand the question.
Ross: Okay, it's second down. (turns away) Take Ross: That cup is mine! Chandler: Well, you don't you have Captain Hook
all the second downs you need. Monica: No it's not! You want it, you're gonna have to win explain it to her.
Monica: I heard that! it! Margha: I'm sorry, Joey, that is my chose.
Ross: Well, I said it loud. Rachel: All right, so are we not having dinner at all? Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister I'll
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.] Monica: Come on Phoebe, let's go! Come on, it's time to let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A
Margha: It is okay, if I stay and watch? get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game. mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
Chandler and Joey: Yeah! Why don't you stick Joey: It's hard, y'know, his huddle is closer to Dutch girl. Margha: I'm now thinking I would like to change my
around. You can sit right there. Monica: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running answer to, no one.
(she goes and sits down) will you be able to focus? Chandler: Wh-what?
Chandler: Well, that went well. Joey: What are you gonna do? Margha: I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All
Joey: I think so. Monica: All right, you just make sure that Chandler right, bye.
Chandler: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, catches the ball, I'll take care of the rest. Joey: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple
asking her for her number. Joey: Okay. months of sex.
Joey: Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger Monica: Break! Chandler: Y'know what, it doesn't matter, 'cause she
statement if I ask for it myself, y'know. Joey: Here you go! picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you
Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking (Joey throws the ball to Chandler) have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready,
about y'know for me, as a part of that whole Ross: Chandler! Chandler! Set, Cook!
getting over Janice thing you were talking about. (Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.) Ross: Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The
Joey: Oh, yeah, that. All right, means that much Chandler: (to Margha) Hi. clock is ticking. We have no time, and we are losing,
to ya, I'll let you have her. (just as he gets in front of Margha, Monica comes up and we are losing to girls.
Chandler: Thanks. What, let me have her?! What tackles him) Chandler: We're not gonna lose to girls.
do mean? Like if you didn't I wouldn't have a shot? Monica: Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don't see Ross: Hey! It's 42-21!
Joey: Well I don't like to say it out loud, but, yeah! that everyday, do ya? Joey: This sucks, I was just up by that much!
Don't feel bad man, we all have our strengths. Ross: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's with the tackling? Monica: Are we playing football or what? Come on
You're better with numbers and stuff. Monica: What?! I just touched him and he went over. you hairy-backed Marries.
Chandler: Math!! You're giving me math! All right, Ross: Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough. [cut to the girls huddle.]
look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the (They both stare each other down as we hear 'Let's get Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for
girl, we'll see who gets her. ready to r-r-r-rum-ble!!!') women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy
[cut to later, in Ross's huddle.] (A long football sequence follows.) date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern [Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandler's head the TV while you're making out...
to the left, okay. And sweetie.. to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance Phoebe: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass
Rachel: Yeah, I know, go long. Y'know, it's like all in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to eye too?!
I'm doing is running back and forth from the dance in celebration.] Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all
huddle. [Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a womankind. Let's kill 'um!
Ross: Well ah, you wanna just stay out there? pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in Rachel: Yeah!!! Kill 'um!!!
Rachel: Can I see that for second. front of her and intercepts the pass.] Phoebe: All right, no, well I want to kill them to, but
Ross: Yeah. [Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches their boys, y'know how are we gonna beat three boys?
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to (Another football sequence follows)
it off of Ross's forehead and Chandler catches the tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his [Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the
rebound.) waist and screaming.] ball, Phoebe flashes him, he stops and stares
Ross: Okay. Hut! Hike! [Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes
(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches camera pans down to show Rachel standing deep in the the ball away.]
him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and Joey end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the [Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and it's
knocks the ball out of his hands.) head and she looks up to see where it came from.] intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel
Joey: Fumble! [Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, she doesn't slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then
grabs Joey's shirt and rips it off of his back.) knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still
Joey: What the hell's the matter with you?! This is yells...] manages to fight through the tackle and score the
my favourite jersey. Phoebe: I love this game!! touchdown.]
Chandler: Well now you have two. Hey, I am [cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked [Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe
good at math. pretzel.] flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and
Joey: All right, that's it. Y'know I was still gonna Ross: Hey, where'd you get that? keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of
let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare Rachel: I went really long. the field.]
to feel very bad about yourself. Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is [cut to the girls huddle]
Chandler: Hey! Well, I've been preparing for that done! Monica: All right, we still have a minute and a half to
my entire life! Or something about you that's Ross: It's no surprise that your winning, 'cause you got to go, and we're down by two points. Two points.... (she
mean! pick first, so you got the better team. gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing a
Monica: All right, come on guys, let's go! Tie Monica: You're so pathetic! Why can't you just accept it, slow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook
score, and we're runnin' out of time. Forty-two!! we're winning because I'm better than you. again. Rachel, you go long.
Thirty-eight!! Hike! (the timer sounds as Monica (Ross makes a 'Yeah. Right.' sound.) Rachel: No! Come on! Don't make me go long. Use
throws the ball to Phoebe.) Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, me. They never cover me.
Phoebe: Oh I got it!! (catches the ball) Oh! Ew! y'know what, I'll prove it to you, okay. I'll trade you Joey for Monica: Honey, there's a reason.
Broken boob! Ow! Rachel, and I'll still win the game. Rachel: God, I'm not lame, okay. I can do something.
Joey: Pheebs, run! Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, that's I can throw, would you let me throw, come on this is
Monica: Run, Phoebe, run! ridiculous Monica, because I'm only down by three my game too.
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.) touchdowns. Phoebe: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.
Phoebe: Touchdown!! Touchdown!! Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your Monica: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, I'll pitch it
Ross: Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesn't afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls. to you, you throw it down field to Phoebe. All right.
count. Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey you're with Break.
Monica: After the snap! me. Rachel: Thank you! Break!
Ross: Before the snap! Rachel: I can not believe your trading me!! Monica: Thirty-two! Seventy-one! Hike!
Joey: After!! Monica: Come on Rach, come on. Let's see what's it like to (Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to
Chandler: Before!! be on a winning team for a change. Rachel.)
Rachel: Now, does it really matter? Rachel: Are you gonna let me play? The Guys: One-Mississippi! Two-Mississippi!
All: Yes!! Monica: All right then. Three-Mississippi!
Phoebe: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was [cut to the guys' team.] (They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs
97 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
away. She runs out of the park and up along the she blows on a bird call, then holds her hand, palm facing Ross: No, hi, I'm, I'm an honorary Brown Bird (does
fence, she then comes back into the park and runs out, next to her face, and then waves it like a bird flapping the Brown Bird salute.)
past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the it's wings.) Woman: What does that mean?
ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.) Ross: Just admit it Chandler, you have no backhand. Ross: Ah, well, it means that I can sell cookies, but I'm
Rachel: I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Chandler: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid not invited to sleep-overs.
Monica: No! I'm not okay! backhand. Woman: I can dial 9-1-1 at the touch of a button,
Rachel: I'm sorry, they were just all coming at me, Ross: Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl... is not a y'know. Now, go away!
and I didn't know what to do. backhand. Ross: No, please, please, um, it's for a poor little girl
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on Chandler: I was shrieking... like a Marine. who wants to go to Spacecamp more than anything in
the timer! (they both start up the stairs.) the world.
Chandler: Okay, okay, so we get to take that Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three 'P's of Woman: I'm pressing, a policeman is on his way.
stupid troll thing home! championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. Ross: Okay, okay! I'm going. I'm going. (goes across
Monica: Come on! Come on! Hurry! We're (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and the hall to knock on another door.)
running out of time! Huddle up! hits Sarah who's started up the stairs, knocking her down, Woman: I can still see you!
Phoebe: Okay. Oooh! Oh, this is our last huddle, they both watch in horror.) Ross: All right!!
yeah. [Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there discussing the [Scene: Joey's work, selling Christmas trees.]
Monica: All right, Phoebe get open. Rachel, go incident.] Phoebe: (walking up to Joey) Hey.
long. Monica: You broke a little girl's leg?!! Joey: Hey. What, what are you doing here?
Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Okay. Ross: I know. I feel horrible. Okay. Phoebe: Well, I-I thought a lot about what you said,
Monica: Break! Chandler: (reading the paper) Says here that a muppet and um, I realilized duh, all right maybe I was a little
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel got whacked on Seasame Street last night. (to Ross) Where judgmental. Yeah, (looks at the tree) oh, but oh...
goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, exactly were around ten-ish? Joey: Look now, Phoebe remember, hey, their just
leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Ross: Well, I'm gonna go see her. I want to bring her fulfilling their Christmas....
Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in something, what do you think she'll like? Phoebe: Destiny.
desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying Monica: Maybe a Hello Kitty doll, the ability to walk... Joey: Sure.
through the air, and then Rachel running (Rachel starts to laugh, and Ross notices her.) Phoebe: Yes.
underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, Rachel: I'm gonna get back to retraining. (gets up) Joey: All right.
then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey Ross: All right, see you guys. (starts to leave) Phoebe: Okay. (One of Joey's co-workers, walks by
staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Chandler: Look out kids, he's coming! (Ross continues to with a dead tree.) Yikes! That one doesn't look very
Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice) , Rachel catches the leave with his head down in shame.) fulfilled.
ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Joey: And I gotta go sell some Christmas trees. Joey: Oh, that's, that's ah, one of the old ones, he's
Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.) Phoebe: Have fun. Oh wait, no, don't! I forgot I am totally just taking it to the back.
Rachel: (in triumph) I got a touchdown! We did against that now. Phoebe: You keep the old ones in the back, that is so
it!! Joey: What? Me having a job? ageist.
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey Rachel, funny thing. Phoebe: No, no, I am against innocent trees being cut Joey: Well we have to make room for the fresh ones.
Actually, the ah, end zone starts at that pole, so down in their prime, and their, their corpses grotesquely Phoebe: So, what happens to the old guys?
you're five feet short, so we win! dressed in like tinsel and twinkly lights. (to Joey) Hey, how Joey: Well, they go into the chipper.
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain do you sleep at night? Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling that's not as happy
something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Joey: Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the trees around as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the
Rachel, then isn't the play still going. all day. Hey, Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to
(they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and trees were born to be Christmas trees, their fulfilling their play in the background) No! Nooooo!!! (she winces in
Ross grab it at the same time.) life purpose, by, by making people happy. horror and hides her face against Joey's shoulder, as
Ross: Let go! Let go! Phoebe: Really? she sees the tree spit out from the chipper.)
Monica: Let go! I'm a tiny little woman!! (Phoebe turns and looks at Monica, while Joey frantically Joey: (to the guy operating the chipper) Hey! Hey!!
Chandler: Guys! Guys! Come on! It's motions to Chandler to help him out.) (makes the 'cut it' motion with his hands)
Thanksgiving, it's not important who wins or loses. Chandler: Yes. Yes, and ah, ah, the trees are happy too, [Scene: Central Perk, all except Phoebe are there, Ross
The important thing is, (to Joey) the Dutch girl because for most of them, it's the only chance to see New is telling the gang, minus Rachel who's still being
picked me! Me! Not you! Holland loves Chandler! York. retrained, about the different cookie options.]
Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!! [cut to Gunther retraining Rachel.] Ross: ...and these come in the shapes of your
Monica: Ow!! Gunther: ...and after you've delivered the drinks, you take favourite Christmas characters, Santa, Rudolph, and
Closing Credits the empty tray.... Baby Jesus.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Rachel: Gunther, Gunther, please, I've worked here for Joey: All right, I'll take a box of the cream filled
Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there. Jesus's.
dinner.] (points to the counter.) Ross: Wait a minute, one box! Come on, I'm trying to
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more Gunther: What if you put them here. (sets the empty tray send a little girl to Spacecamp, I'm putting you down
often. Maybe there's a like league we could join or on another stack of empty trays on the back counter.) for five boxes. Chandler, what about you?
something. Rachel: Huh. Well, y'know that's actually a really good Chandler: Ahh, do you have any coconut flavoured
Phoebe: Isn't there a national football league. idea, because that way they'll be closer to the mugs. deities?
Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Y'know what, you should have the other waitresses do that Ross: No, but ah, there's coconut in the Hanukkah
Sundays and Monday nights. too. Menoreoes. I tell you what, I'll put you down for eight
Rachel: Oh shoot! I work Monday nights. Gunther: They already do. That's why they call it the 'tray boxes, one for each night.
Phoebe: Umm, this stuffing is amazing. Do you spot.' (Chandler mouths 'Okay.')
think we should bring them some? Rachel: Gee, I always heard them talk about that, I just Ross: Mon?
Joey: When they're hungry enough, they'll come always thought that it was a club they went to. Oh God, I'm, Monica: All right, I'll take one box of the mint
in. I'm sorry. (walks away) treasures, just one, and that's it. I-I started gaining
[Scene: The park, it's dark outside and Monica and Gunther: It's all right. Sweetheart. weight after I joined the Brown Birds. (to Ross)
Ross are still fighting over the ball.] [Scene: Sarah's bedroom, her room is decorated with a Remember, how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate
Monica: Let go! space motif.] them all?
Ross: No! You let go! Ross: So, this must be kinda neat for ya, huh? I mean, Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your
Monica: No! your Dad tells me that you get a couple of days off school, boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know I'm
Ross: How come it's always us left in the field and you, you ah, don't have to sell those cookies anymore. sure that's not gonna happen this time, why don't I put
holding the ball? Sarah: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl you down for three of the mint treasures and just a
Monica: I don't know. I guess the other people who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit couple of the Rudolph's.
just don't care enough. in a real space shuttle. Monica: No.
(It starts snowing.) Ross: Wow, you ah, you really like all this space stuff, huh? Ross: Oh, come on, now you know you want 'em.
Ross: Hey! It's starting to snow. Sarah: Yeah. My Dad says if I spend as much time helping Monica: Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't do this.
(They both look up, and watch it start to snow. him clean apartments, as I do daydreaming about outer Ross: I'll tell you what Mon, I'll give you the first box
Then they both start fighting for the ball again.) space, he'd be able to afford a trip to the Taj Mahal. for free.
Ross: Gimme the this! Ross: I think you would have to clean a whole lot of Monica: (she reaches out for it and stops) Oh God! I
Monica: Let go! apartments to go all the way to India. gotta go! (runs out)
End Sarah: No. The one in Atlantic City, Dad loves the slots. He Ross: Come on! All the cool kids are eating 'em!
says he's gonna double the college money my Grandma left (chases after her.)
310 The One Where Rachel Quits me. [cut to Gunther retraining Rachel.]
Ross: Huh. Well, good luck to Dad. Say, how many more Gunther: And when you have a second later, I wanna
boxes would you have to sell in order to win? show you why we don't just trap spiders under coffee
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are Sarah: The girl who won last year sold four hundred and mugs and leave them there.
sitting on the couch.] seventy-five. Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) I'm training to
Chandler: (reading the comics) Eh..., I don't, I Ross: Yeah. be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
don't know. Sarah: So far, I've sold seventy-five. Joey: Look Rach, wasn't this supposed to a temporary
Rachel: What? Ross: Four hundred, huh? Well, that sounds do-able. thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?
Chandler: Well, as old as he is in dog years, do (starts to get out his wallet) How much are the boxes? Rachel: Well, yeah! I'm still pursuing that.
you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this Sarah: Five dollars a box. Chandler: How... exactly are you pursuing that?
thing? Ross: (puts away his wallet) And what is second prize? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two
Gunther: Rachel? Sarah: A ten speed bike. But, I'd rather have something years ago?
Rachel: Yeah. my Dad couldn't sell. Rachel: Well, I'm also sending out.... good thoughts.
Gunther: Do you remember when you first came Ross: Well, that makes sense. Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've
here, how you spent two weeks getting trained by Sarah: Could you do me one favor, if it's not too much got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need
another waitress? trouble? the fear.
Rachel: Oh, sure! Do you need me to train Ross: Yeah, Sarah, anything. Rachel: The fear?
somebody new? Sarah: Could you pull open the curtains for me? The Chandler: He's right, if you quit this job, you then
Gunther: (laughs) Good one. Actually, ah, Terry astronauts from the space shuttle are gonna be on the have motivation to go after a job you really want.
wants you to take the training again, whenever. news, and since we don't have a TV, the lady across the Rachel: Well then how come you're still at a job that
Rachel: (to Chandler) Eh, do you believe that? alley said she'd push hers up to a window, so I could watch you hate, I mean why don't you quit and get 'the fear'?
Chandler: (thinks about it) Yeah? it. (Chandler and Joey both laugh)
Opening Credits [Scene: A hallway, Ross is selling Brown Bird cookies for Chandler: Because, I'm too afraid.
[Scene: The hallway of Ross's building, there is a Sarah, he stops and knocks on a door.] Rachel: I don't know, I mean I would give anything to
Brown Bird girl selling cookies, as Ross and Woman: (looking through her peephole, we see Ross work for a designer, y'know, or a buyer.... Oh, I just
Chandler come up the stairs.] standing in the hallway.) Yesss? don't want to be 30 and still work here.
Sarah: So that's two boxes of the Holiday Ross: Hi, I'm selling Brown Bird cookies. Chandler: Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28,
Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of Woman: You're no Brown Bird, I can see you through my and still working here.
America, I salute you. (Does the Brown Bird salute, peephole. Gunther: Rachel?
98 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
Rachel: Yeah. Christmas destiny are thrown in the chipper. Closing Credits
Gunther: Remind me to review with you which Guy: I-I think I'm gonna look around a little bit more. [Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is
pot is decaf and which is regular. Joey: Pheebs, you gotta stop this, I working on bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandler's.]
Rachel: Can't I just look at the handles on them? commission here. Ross: I'm, I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Spacecamp,
Gunther: You would think. Monica: (entering) Hey, guys. I'm here to pick out my and I'm hoping that maybe somehow, this may make
Rachel: Okay, fine. Gunther, y'know what, I am a Christmas tree. up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttle's Private Very Special
terrible waitress, do you know why I'm a terrible Phoebe: Well look no further, (shows her the dead one) Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey
waitress? Because, I don't care. I don't care. I this one's yours! Ahhh. jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space,
don't care which pot is regular and which pot is Monica: Is this the one that I threw out last year? one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
decaf, I don't care where the tray spot is, I just Phoebe: All right y'know what, nevermind! Everyone Sarah: Really Mr. Geller, you don't have to do this.
don't care, this is not what I want to do. So I don't wants to have a green one! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't Ross: Oh come on! Here we go! (picks her up and puts
think I should do it anymore. I'm gonna give you mean to get so emotional, I guess it's just the holidays, it's her in the chair) Stand by for mission countdown!
my weeks notice. hard. Joey: (simulating an echo) Ten, ten.., nine, nine,
Gunther: What?! Monica: Oh honey, is that 'cause your Mom died around nine...., eight, eight, eight... (Chandler hits him in the
Rachel: Gunther, I quit. Christmas? back of the head) Okay, Blast off!
Chandler: (to Joey) Does this mean we're gonna Phoebe: Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that. (They start shaking the chair likes it's flying into outer
have to start paying for coffee? (Joey shrugs his Monica: Oh. (turns and looks at Joey, who gives a space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it
shoulders.) 'way-to-go' thumbs up and smile.) in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a
Commercial Break [Scene: A Brown Bird meeting, Ross is there with the other satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering Brown Birds to see who won the contest.] and saying...)
numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how Ross: (to the girl sitting next to him) Hi there. How many, Chandler: I'm an alien. I'm an alien.
much he's sold.] how many ah, did you sell? Ross: Oh no! An asteroid! (throws the soccer ball off
Ross: ....and 12, 22, 18, four... (Chandler starts Girl: I'm not gonna tell you! You're the bad man who broke the back of Joey's head.)
laughing) What? Sarah's leg. (The camera zooms in on Sarah and she has a big
Chandler: I spelled out boobies. Ross: Hey now! That was an accident, okay. smile on her face.)
Monica: (comes up and starts looking through Girl: You're a big scrud. End
Ross's cookie supply) Ross, but me down for Ross: What's a scrud?
another box of the mint treasures, okay. Where, Girl: Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud.
where are the mint treasures? Ross: I don't have too. I can just look at you. 311 The One Where Chandler Can't Remember
Ross: Ah, we're out. I sold them all. Leader: All right girls, and man. Let's see your final tallies. Which Sister
Monica: What? (all the girls raise their hands) Ohhhh, Debbie, (looks at her
Ross: Monica, I'm cutting you off. form) 321 boxes of cookies, (to Debbie) Very nice.
Monica: No. No, just, just, just a couple more Ross: (to himself) Not nice enough. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross,
boxes. It-it-it's no big deal, all right, I'm-I'm cool. Leader: Charla, 278. Sorry, dear, but still good. Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a
You gotta help me out with a couple more boxes! Ross: (to himself) Good for a scrud. card trick.]
Ross: Mon, look at yourself. You have cookie on Leader: Oh, yes Elizabeth. Ah, 871. Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one)
your neck. Ross: That's crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Monica: (covers her neck) Oh God! (runs to the going. (does the salute) Monica: Um-mm.
bathroom) Leader: Who's next? (goes over and stands behind Ross, Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back,
Chandler: So, how many have you sold so far? who's feverishly writing on his form, and clears her throat but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the
Ross: Check this out. Five hundred and seventeen to get his attention.) deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a
boxes! Ross: Hi there! little while) 5 of hearts.
Chandler: Oh my God, how did you do that? Leader: Hi. And batting for Sarah, Ross Geller, 872. (Monica is sarcastically amazed.)
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the Although, it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies Ross: Real magic does exist.
museum just as 'Laser Floyd' was letting out of the yourself. Rachel: Wow.
planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes! Ross: Um, that is because my doctor says that I have a Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
That's when it occurred to me, the key to my very serious.... nuget.... diffency. Joey: I can't tell you that, no.
success, 'the munchies.' So I ah, started hitting the [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross are (We hear some knocking coming from the ceiling.)
NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies there.] Ross: Ah, somebody's at the door on the ceiling.
by the case. They call me: 'Cookie Dude!' Chandler: Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross. Rachel: Noo, that's our unbelievably loud upstairs
Rachel: (entering) Okay, stop what you're doing, Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her neighbor.
I need envelope stuffers, I need stamp lickers..... nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear
Ross: Well hey, who did these resumes for ya? Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes. everything.
Chandler: Me! On my computer. Chandler: (to Rachel, who's entering) Hey! How'd the Phoebe: Why don't you go up there and ask him to
Ross: Well you sure used a large font. interview go? 'step lightly, please?'
Chandler: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee Rachel: Oh, I blew it. I wouldn't of even hired me. Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so
shop and cheer squad co-captain only took up so Ross: Oh, come here sweetie, listen, you're gonna go on charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up
much room. like a thousand interviews before you get a job. (she glares apologizing to him.
Rachel: Hey-hey-hey that's funny! Your funny at him) That's not how that was supposed to come out. Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) I'll go up there, I'll
Chandler! Your a funny guy! You wanna know Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever. tell him to keep it down.
what else is really funny?! Chandler: Y'know what Rach, maybe you should just, Monica: All right, be my guest.
Chandler: Something else I might have said? y'know stay here at the coffee house. Rachel: Good luck.
Rachel: I don't know, I don't know, weren't you Rachel: I can't! It's too late! Terry already hired that girl (Phoebe exits)
the guy that told me to quit my job when I had over there. (points to her) Look at her, she's even got Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you
absolutely nothing else to do. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!! waitress experience. Last night she was teaching really wanna know how I did it, I'll show ya. When you
Ross: Sweetie, calm down, it's gonna be okay. everybody how to make napkin.... (starts to cry) swans. handed me back the card, what you didn't see was, I
Rachel: No, it's not gonna be okay Ross, Ross: That word was swans. looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye.
tomorrow is my last day, and I don't have a lead. [Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it.
Okay, y'know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are coming up the (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, I'll slow it
call Gunther and I'm gonna tell him, I'm not stairs.] down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card
quitting. Chandler: Well seeing that drunk Santa wet himself, really in slow motion)
Chandler: You-you-you don't wanna give into the perked up my Christmas. All: Oh, I got it.
fear. (They start to go into Monica and Rachel's, their apartment (We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the
Rachel: You and your stupid fear. I hate your fear. is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joey's guy answer it.)
I would like to take you and your fear.... work.) Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was
Joey: (entering, interrupting Rachel) Hey! I got Phoebe: Oh! Oh my God! with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up
great news! Joey and Monica: (jumping up from behind the couch) here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but
Chandler: Run, Joey! Run for your life! (runs out) Merry Christmas!! the rest is unintelligible) .
Joey: What? Rachel, listen, have you ever heard Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, you're the Guy: (muffled) Whoa, you are very beautiful.
of Fortunata Fashions? best! Phoebe: (muffled) Oh, thank you.
Rachel: No. Chandler: It's like 'Night of the Living Dead Christmas Opening Credits
Joey: Well my old man is doing a plumbing job Trees.' [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
down there and he heard they have an opening. (phone rings) Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of
So, you want me to see if I can get you an Rachel: (answering the phone) Hello? (listens) Yeah, this rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
interview? is she. (listens) Oh! You're kidding! You're kidding! (listens) Monica: Honey, what's the matter?
Rachel: Oh my God! Yes, I would love that, oh, Oh thank you! I love you! Chandler: I just saw Janice.
that is soo sweet, Joey. Chandler: Sure, everybody loves a kidder. All: Oh.
Joey: Not a problem. Rachel: (hanging up the phone) I got the job! Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating
Rachel: Thanks. All: That's great! Hey! Excellent! with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel
Joey: And now for the great news. Phoebe: Oh, God bless us, everyone. bad for whipping that kid's pretzel at them.
Ross: What, that wasn't the great news? [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving her last cup of Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl
Joey: Only if you think it's better than this... coffee.] Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking
(holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it Rachel: Here we go. I'm serving my last cup of coffee. with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God,
at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the (the gang starts humming the graduation theme) There it killed me.
window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie. you go. (hands it to Chandler) Enjoy. (they all cheer) Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both
Monica: Christmas cookie? Chandler: (to Ross) Should I tell her I ordered tea? of them that afternoon.
[Scene: Joey work, Joey is showing a guy a tree.] Ross: No. Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story
Joey: Okay, and ah, this one here is a Douglas Fir, Rachel: Um, excuse me, everyone. Ah, this is my last night y'know....
now it's a little more money, but you get a nicer working here, and I ah, just wanted say that I made some Ross: Hey Chandler, there's a party tomorrow, you'll
smell. really good friends working here, and ah, it's just time to feel better then.
Guy: Looks good. I'll take it. move on. (at the counter Gunther starts to cry and runs Chandler: Oh, y'know what, I'm gonna be okay, you
Phoebe: (running up carrying a tree) Wait, wait, into the back room) Ah, and no offence to everybody who don't have to throw a party for me.
wait, wait, wait! No, no, you don't want that one. ah, still works here, you have no idea how good it feels to Monica: It's Joey's birthday.
No, you can have this cool brown one. (points to say that as of this moment I will never have to make coffee Chandler: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a
the almost dead tree she has) again. party it should be him.
Guy: It's-it's-it's almost dead! [Scene: Rachel's new job, Rachel's boss is telling her what (We hear Phoebe's muffled voice through the ceiling.)
Phoebe: Okay but that's why you have to buy it, to do.] Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.
so it can fulfil it's Christmas destiny, otherwise Rachel's Boss: Now Mr. Kaplan Sr. likes his coffee strong, (We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)
there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, so your gonna use two bags instead of one, see. Now pay Chandler: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch
Joey attention, 'cause this part's tricky, see some people use line. Y'know, it's supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.
Joey: Yeah, the ah, trees that don't fulfil their filters just once. [Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachel's new job.]
99 of 398 Pages
Www.Dream2008.Cn 圣城家园 中英双字幕《老友记》收藏版 Season 3
Mr. Kaplan: (entering) How's that coffee comin,' Rachel: To be nice. Joey: Really? That's great! You and my sister, sittin' in
dear? Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for a tree.
Rachel: (jumping up from reading her magazine) no reason? Chandler: Yep, I'm in a tree.
Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan. Joey: No, only for sex. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters
Mr. Kaplan: I'm not supposed to drink coffee, it Ross: Thank you. (to Rachel) So did you ah, did you tell as Rachel enters.]
makes me gassy. Mark Something about me? Rachel: Did he call? Did Mark call?
Rachel: I know! Rachel: I didn't have to, because I was wearing my 'I Monica: No honey, I'm sorry, but the weekend's not
Mr. Kaplan: I'll bet your thinking, 'What's an heart Ross' sandwich board and ringing my bell. over yet.
intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing Ross: Uh-huh. Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs
making coffee?' Eh? Joey's Sisters: (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
Rachel: Op. of them look almost identical) Monica: I guess they're back from their date.
Mr. Kaplan: Eh. Joey: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey! (He starts to play music.)
Rachel: Oh, you got me. Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you Rachel: Music. Very nice.
Mr. Kaplan: Well, don't think I haven't noticed seeing? (We hear them start making out upstairs.)
your potential. Well, I've got a project for you Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Monica: Oh my God!
that's a lot more related to fashion. How does that Joey's sisters. Rachel: So, how are you?
sound? Chandler: Hi Joey's sisters! Monica: I am good. I finished my book.
Rachel: Oh, that sounds great. Phoebe: (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey! (Things start to get really hot upstairs.)
Mr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart. Cookie: Hey. What are we drinkin' over here. Rachel: Oh yeah, what's it about?
(they walk over to a storage closet) Phoebe: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice. Monica: I don't remember. Do you wanna take a
Rachel: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank Cookie: No kiddin,' that's the exact same drink I made walk?
you so much. myself right after I shot my husband. Rachel: Yeah, I do. (they both run out)
Mr. Kaplan: (opening the closet door revealing Phoebe: Wow. Okay, I don't know how to talk to you. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter
that it's full of tangled up hangers.) I need these (Cut to Chandler) that Chandler wrote.]
hangers separated ASAP. (she is stunned) You're Sister 1: (to Chandler) What 'cha doing? Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. How's it going. This is the
welcome. Chandler: Oh, I'm taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed hardest letter I've ever had to write. (to Chandler)
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Rachel is talking to dialer. What the hell's a matter with you? How do you think
Monica about her job.] Joey's Sisters: Oh!! Joey's going to react when he finds out that you blew
Rachel: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, it's a good thing. Why must off his sister with a letter?
my job, I hate it. we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Chandler: Well, that's the part where you tell him that
Monica: I know honey, I'm sorry. Why can't we savor the precious moments? (to one of I moved to France. When actually I'll be in Cuba.
Rachel: Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I Joey's sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have. Ross: All right, look, look, you've got to do this
should stick it out, then I think why would such a (Cut to Ross and Monica) yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name.
person stay in such a demeaning job, just because Ross: Hi. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela,
it's remotely related to the field they're interested Monica: Hi. okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door,
in. Ross: Yeah. So um, I-I heard about this ah, Mark guy that you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.
Monica: (gives her a look) Gee, I don't know Rach. ah, Rachel met today. Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and
Order up!! I got a Yentel soup, a James Beans, and Monica: Isn't that great? I ask for Mary-Angela?
a Howdy hold the Dowdy! Ross: Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He Ross: Where in Cuba?
Rachel: Oh honey, come on, I'm sorry, I didn't.... sounds like a nice, good guy. [Scene: Joey's sister's house, Chandler hits himself on
I don't mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how Monica: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know the head three times and knocks on the door three
much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking what, when he left I actually used the phrase, times. Joey answers it.]
Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom. 'Hummina-hummina-hummina.' (walks away) Chandler: (shocked) Joey,
(A guy at the end of the table starts laughing.) Ross: That's excellent. what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are
Rachel: (to him) Hi! Is my misery amusing to [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and you doing here?
you? Rachel are eating breakfast.] Joey: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry.
Guy: I'm sorry, I wa, I wa, I was just ah.... (starts Ross: (to Rachel) So, he's just a nice guy. You really think What about you?
to laugh again) this Mark doesn't want anything in exchange for helping Chandler: I'm here to see Mary-Angela.
Rachel: It's not funny, this is actually my job. him? Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in,
Guy: Oh believe me, I-I-I've been there. I had to Rachel: Well, I assume I'll have to take showers with him, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool,
sort mannequin heads at that Mannequins Plus. but y'know, that's true of any job. 'cause my Grandma doesn't know about you two yet,
Rachel: Oh well then, so I'm just going to go back (Chandler enters hungover and groaning) and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the
to talking to my friend here. And you can go back Monica: How ya feelin'? sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
to enjoying your little hamburger. Chandler: Well, my apartment isn't there anymore, Chandler: Where's Mary-Angela?
Guy: Ah, just one other thing. because I drank it. Joey: She's right in there. (motions to the living room)
Rachel: Yes?! Phoebe: Where'd you get too? We lost you after you (Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of
Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdale's and I might opened up all the presents. Joey's sisters, all wearing red.)
know of a job possibility if your, if your interested? Ross: Yeah. Joey's Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
Rachel: (looks at Monica) (to him) Do you want Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not [Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are
my pickle? alone. there.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's Joey's party.] All: Woooo hoooo!!! Rachel: I can't believe Mark didn't call. It's Sunday
Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys. Chandler: Ow, no 'woo-hooing,' no 'woo-hooing.' night, and he didn't call.
Monica: Hey Gunther. Hi. (to Phoebe) I mean Phoebe: Why, what happened? Ross: Bummer.
you're going out on a date with the noisy guy Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joey's sister. (Phoebe Rachel: (to Ross) Yeah, right. Look at you, you're
upstairs? gasps) Well, that's not the worst part. practically giddy.
Phoebe: Well, he's very charming. Monica: What is the worse part? Ross: No, I'm genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn't
Monica: I know, he's too charming, but if you two Chandler: I can't remember which sister. work out. Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.
start going out, then it's just gonna make it so Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Don't tell me men Monica: Wait a minute, why don't you just call Mark.
much harder for me to hate him. are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!! (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you
Phoebe: Well, you're just gonna have to try. Commercial Break have to sit here and wait for him, you've got to make
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] stuff happen.
Joey: I don't know, Chandler is supposed to be Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, Ross: But, you, you don't want to seem too pushy.
passin' 'em around... he's actually going to kill you dead. Monica: (to Ross) Honey, it's not pushy, he gave her
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot Chandler: Okay! You don't think I thought of that? his home number.
to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Phoebe: How can you not know which one? Ross: (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he
Jello shots.) Rachel: I mean that's unbelievable. gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?
Joey: Chandler! Monica: I mean, was it Gina? Rachel: Yeah, and you don't mind if I call, because
Chandler: Hello-dillillio!! Ross: Which one is Gina? you only want good things for me.
Ross: Oh, somebody's feeling better. Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings. Ross: That's right good things, that-that is what I said.
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue. Monica: No, no, no, that's Dina. (glances at Monica)
Chandler: (to Monica) Take off your shirt! Chandler: (to Monica) You see you can't tell which one is Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, it's Rachel Green.
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and it's a horrible which either, dwha!! (listens) Oh no, don't you apologize. (listens) Yeah, I'll
shade of green.) Phoebe: We didn't fool around with any of them. Dwha! hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work,
Monica: Oh my!! Dwha! but he was helping his niece with her report on the
Joey: Oh my God! How many of these things did Chandler: Veronica. Look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl pioneers.
you have? These are pure vodka. in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her Ross: That is so made up!
Chandler: Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to throat. Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That,
make. Monica: That was me. no, it's perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great!
Rachel: (entering, to Ross) The most Chandler: Look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!
unbelievable thing happened to me today. tend to get overly friendly, and I'm sorry. Monica: Yay!
Ross: Hi! Monica: That's okay. Ross: There you go.
Rachel: Hi! So I'm out having lunch at Monica's Rachel: That's all right. Rachel: He even offered to meet me for lunch
and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out Ross: That's okay. tomorrow to prep me for it.
he works for a buyer at Bloomingdale's and there Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a Monica: Oh, that is amazing!
happens to be an opening in his department. So I second?! Ross: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I'd
gave him my phone number and he's gonna call Ross: Hey, Joey. expect nothing less.
me this weekend to see if he can get me an Rachel: Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler) Rachel: I got to figure out what I'm going to wear.
interview! Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him) Ross: High collar and baggy pants say I'm a pro.
Ross: Wow! Chandler: Why can't we talk in here? With, with, Rachel: Yeah! Right! Okay, I'll see you guys later.
Rachel: I know! witnesses. (starts to leave) Woo hoo!
Ross: What, so this guy is helping you for no Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister. Ross: You go get 'em. (to Monica) What did I do to
apparent reason? Ross: Ah, which, which one? you? Did I hurt you in some way?
Rachel: Uh-huh! Joey: Mary-Angela. Monica: What?
Ross: And he's, he's a total stranger? Ross: Mary-Angela. Ross: 'Why don't you call him?!' Well, thank you very
Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something. Joey: Yeah. much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep
Ross: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to Monica: Y'know which one was she again? her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the
have some sex. Joey: Why don't you ask Chandler, 'cause he's the one that boyfriend!
Rachel: What!? fooled around with her. She told me you said you could Monica: Are you crazy?!
Ross: Well, I'm just saying, I mean why else really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin' Ross: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing
would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for over Janice by groping my sister. my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out
no reason. Chandler: It's gotta be the first one. for a meal.
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what Phoebe: I-I mean I, well I think I can figure it out. I guess Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she
happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to y'know I was born, and everyone started lying their asses leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow,
the beach, because Phoebe found out about this off! it‘s-it‘s 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, I‘d
lady who knew her mom and dad, and I don‘t better get cracking on this baby.
really know what happened with that. Phoebe Sr.: Noo! No! It wasn‘t like that I... Remember
how I told you how Lily, Frank, and I we were, we were Rachel: Well, I‘ll be waiting for you, just come up
[cut to Phoebe Sr.‘s house, from the last episode] close. Well, we were, we were very close. when you‘re done.
Phoebe Sr.: (to Phoebe) I‘m your mother. Phoebe: How close? Ross: Okay, I‘ll be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages.
Front and back. Very exciting.
Phoebe: Ehh? Phoebe Sr.: Well, the-the three of us we were, kind of
umm, a couple. [Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Ross is
[cut to Monica opening the door of the beach passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a
house, with Chandler trying to pick her up for a Phoebe: I don‘t even know how that would work! start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his
date.] face.]
Phoebe Sr.: Well, we were...
Joey: (voice-over) Oh, and then Monica joked that Ross: Oh. (looks at his watch) Oh-oh. (takes a drink of
she wouldn‘t go out with a guy like Chandler... Phoebe: (interrupting) I‘m not asking! coffee and resumes reading the letter)
Chandler: (to Monica) (in a funny voice) Hi there. Phoebe Sr.: Well, any how, some how I got pregnant, and, Rachel: (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps
(Monica turns her head away in disgust) and I was scared. I was stupid and sellfish, and I was 18 up, and quickly puts the letter back together,
years old. I mean, you remember what it‘s like to be pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened
Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldn‘t let it go, eighteen years old? to you? Why didn‘t you come up?
and... I don‘t really know what happened with that
either. Phoebe: Yeah. Let‘s see, my had Mom killed herself, and Ross: Done!
my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a
[cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, guy named Cindy who talked to his hand. Rachel: You just finished?
and Rachel from the last episode.]
Phoebe Sr.: Well, I‘m so sorry. I thought I was leaving Ross: Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean this-this
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Ross‘s new you with the best parents in the world, I didn‘t even hear is clearly very, very important to you, to us! And so I
girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced about your Mom and Dad til a couple of years ago, and by wanted to read every word carefully, twice!
her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel then you were already grown up. I don‘t know, you‘re here,
kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and I would, I would really, I would like to get to know you. Rachel: So umm, does it?
and the bald girl and I don‘t know what happened
there either... Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! I‘m a really cool Ross: I‘m sorry.
person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but
[cut back to Joey on the beach towel] you didn‘t even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, Rachel: Does it?
and I‘m just, I‘m gonna do the same thing to you.
Joey: Y'know what, hold on, let me go get Ross: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that
Chandler. (gets up and leaves.) Phoebe Sr.: Wait! whole ‗Does it?‘ part just another glance.
[Scene: The beach house, it‘s the same scene from Phoebe: I don‘t ever want to see you again! Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross, you just
the end of last year, with Ross in front of the two said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it
doors of Rachel‘s and Bonnie‘s rooms, trying to (She walks out and slams the door.) does or it doesn‘t, and if you have to even think about
decide which door to choose. He finally chooses it...
the one his right and goes in.] Phoebe: (walking back in with her hand over her eyes.)
Umm, where‘s my purse? Ross: (interrupting) No, Rach, no. I don‘t, I don‘t, I
Ross: (surprised) Hi! don‘t have to think about it, in fact, I‘ve decided, I‘ve
Rachel and Bonnie: Hi! [Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at decided that, that it.......does.
the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]
Bonnie: Rachel was just helping me out. My head (Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry.
got all sunburned. Monica: (closing the fridge in disgust) Shoot! We‘re out of Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While
soda. hugging her, Ross tries to find the ‗Does it?‘ part in the
Ross: Awww. letter.)
Chandler: (jumping up) Oh, I‘ll go out and get you some.
Bonnie: (to Rachel) Thanks a million. Rachel: Are you sure?
Monica: Really?!
Rachel: Oh, you‘re welcome a million. Ross: Oh, sure! I‘m sure.
Joey: Don‘t blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Mom‘s suicide note. Joey: That‘s right I stepped up! She‘s my friend and
Channel. she needed help! And if I had too, I‘d pee on anyone of
Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods you! Only, uhh, I couldn‘t. I got the stage fright. I
Chandler: Y'know what, he‘s right. There‘s ‗Yes.‘) Well, do you still have it? wanted to help, but there was too much pressure.
something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.
the pain. Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her
apartment and slams the door in Phoebe‘s face.) Chandler: (wails loudly into his hands) Joey kept
Monica: Well forget it! It doesn‘t hurt that (tries screaming at me, ―Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!!‖
to take a step) baaad!!!! Phoebe: I can‘t believe you didn‘t tell me there was a Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.
suicide note!
Joey: If you want some privacy you can use my Joey: (laughs) That‘s ‗cause sometimes I just do it
hole. Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing? through my wall to freak you out.
[Scene: The beach house, Phoebe is coming down Phoebe: I, umm, shut up! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]
the stairs all packed and ready to go.]
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.) Phoebe: (singing) ―...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are
Phoebe: Well, I‘m ready to get the hell out of the 66 colours of my bedroommmm.‖ (applause)
here! (Sees Ross and Rachel cuddling on the Phoebe: (reading from the note) ―Good-bye Phoebe and Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count
couch.) Oh. Are you? Are you?!! (they nod ‗Yes.‘) Ursula. I‘ll miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk.‖ You the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has
Ohh! That‘s so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. (they just wrote this! entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
nod ‗No.‘) But for you, yay! Ohh.
Ursula: Well, it‘s pretty much the gist. Well, except for the Phoebe Sr.: I‘ll go in a second, I-I just wanted to tell
(The rest of the gang arrives with their heads poem. You read the poem, right? you that there hasn‘t been a day where I didn‘t regret
down in shame.) giving you up.
Phoebe: Noooo!!
Ross: Hey! Phoebe: Okay, bye.
Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back
Rachel: How was the beach? into her apartment and slams the door shut.) Phoebe Sr.: No, I‘m not done. I-I-I just want you to
know that I, the reason I didn‘t look you up was, well I
Monica: Nothing, I don‘t know. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey was afraid that you‘d react, just well like, the way, the
are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross way you‘re reacting right now, and can‘t we just,
Ross: What happened? and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.] y'know, start from here?
Monica: Nothing. I‘m gonna take a shower. Monica: Pass the cheese, please. Phoebe: No.
Chandler: Me too!! (Joey hands her the cheese without looking at her.) Phoebe Sr.: Sorry. But just one last thing. Y'know you
came looking for family. I‘m family, I‘m it. Now, now
Joey: Me too. Monica: My God, you can‘t even look at me! Can you? I‘m done. (starts to leave)
Phoebe: Okay, I‘m gonna put this (her suitcase) Joey: Nope. Phoebe: But, it‘s not like we‘re losing anything.
in the car. Y'know?
(Phoebe enters.)
Rachel: Ooh, I have to go pack. (Gets up to do so.) Phoebe Sr.: Yeah, I guess you‘re right.
It really does? Chandler: (jumping up) Hey! Phoebe! We can talk to
Phoebe!! Phoebe: It‘s not like we-we know each other or
Ross: It does. It really and truly does. anything. Or that have anything in common.
Phoebe: No. I‘m-I‘m to depressed to talk.
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After she‘s Phoebe Sr.: Well, I don‘t know. I mean it‘s not like we
gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Chandler: I‘ll give you a thousand dollars to talk to us. don‘t have anything in common. I mean I like uh,
‗Does it?‘ part.) pizza.
Ross: (coming back in with Rachel) Hey, you guys! What
Ross: (finding the part) (looks up in disgust) It so do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an Phoebe: I-I like pizza!
does not!!! annual thing?
Phoebe Sr.: You do?! Wait, I like umm, the Beetles.
Phoebe Sr.: Hey! Me too! Phoebe: Oh my God, you guys are selling the
402 The One With The Cat entertainment center?
Phoebe: All right, stop it. Now you‘re just doing it [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as
to freak me out. Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the Rachel: Why? I love that thing.
process.]
[Scene: Rachel‘s bedroom. Ross and Rachel have Chandler: You want it?
just finished consummating the new relationship.] Chandler: Wow! That ripped! That ripped real nice!
Phoebe and Rachel: Oh no.
Rachel: Oh-hooo, I missed you. Joey: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and
sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide. Chandler: Ahh, Gepeto, $5,000 dollars? Are you
Ross: I missed you too. insane?
Chandler: You don‘t turn and slide, you throw it out! I‘m
Rachel: Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get Joey: Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks!
But the way you owned up to everything, it just dressed!
showed me how much you‘ve grown. Y'know? Chandler: All right look, I‘m changing it to 50 bucks,
Joey: Look, we‘re not throwing it out! I built this thing with or your best offer.
Ross: (getting miffed) I suppose. my own hands!
Joey: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself
Rachel: You have! Ross, you should give yourself Chandler: All right, how about we, how ‗bout we sell it. an accountant.
credit. I mean my Mom never thought this would
work out. It was all, ―Once a cheater, always a Joey: All right. But, you‘re gonna have to tell them. (He Chandler: (looks at him) Nooo.
cheater.‖ opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living
inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.) Joey: Oh. What do you do?
Ross: (getting angry) Umm-hmm.
Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in Chandler: I can‘t believe you don‘t know what I do for
Rachel: Ooh, I just wish we hadn‘t lost those four another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it! a living!
months, but if time was what you needed just to
gain a little perspective... OPENING CREDITS Phoebe: Yeah, I actually don‘t know...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are there.
[cut to Monica cleaning the floor in the kitchen] Monica is checking the messages.] Ross: Good, so do I
Ross: (yelling from the bedroom) WE WERE ON A Chip: (on machine) Hey Monica, it‘s Chip. Rachel: Something to do with numbers?
BREAK!!!!!!!
Monica: Yesss!! [Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat
Chandler: (entering with Joey) (to Monica) in. The cat then runs over to Phoebe‘s guitar case and
Coffee house? Ross: Who‘s Chip? starts sniffing around.]
Monica: You bet. Monica: Shhh! Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no!
Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat)
[cut back to Rachel‘s bedroom with both of them Chip: (on machine) Good runnin‘ into you at the bank Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cat‘s eyes) Oh my God.
hurriedly getting dressed] today, so ah, here‘s my number, 555-9323. Give me a call.
Later. Rachel: What?
Ross: And for the record, it took two people to
break up this relationship!! Monica: Chip, is Chip Matthews. Phoebe: Nothing. Nothing.
Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy Ross: The guy who took Rachel to the prom? Why is he Joey: What? What‘s wrong?
place, which yesterday you took full responsibility calling you?
for!! Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling
Monica: ‗Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo that this cat is my Mother.
Ross: I didn‘t know what I was taking full cute.
responsibility for! Okay?! I didn‘t finish the whole Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She
letter! Ross: Monica, you‘re so lucky! He‘s like the most popular was a cat?!
guy in school!!
Rachel: What?!! Phoebe: No, no-no, she was a human lady. This is
Monica: I know!! (calls him) (on phone) Chip? Hi! It‘s the spirit of my Mom Lily, the one who killed herself.
Ross: I fell asleep! Monica. (listens) ‗Kay. (listens) ‗Kay. (listens) Okay. (listens)
Okay, good-bye. (hangs up) Oh my God, we just had the Ross: Are you sure she‘s in the cat, or have you been
Rachel: You fell asleep?! best conversation!! (goes into her room as Rachel enters) taking your grandma‘s glycoma medicine again?
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had Ross: (to Rachel) I was just leaving. Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! I‘m sure. First of all, okay,
rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they there‘s the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for
go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, Rachel: Good! ‗Cause I‘ve got a product report to read, it‘s another, how about the fact that she went into my
and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and like eight pages, I hope I don‘t fall asleep. guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel
by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means ‗you nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mother‘s
are,‘ Y-O-U-R means ‗your!‘ Ross: Why? Did you write it? favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he
understands, but then nods that he has no clue.)
Rachel: Y'know I can‘t believe I even thought Rachel: (sees Chip‘s phone number) Wow! Look at that, Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to
about getting back together again! We are so Chip Matthews called. I wonder what he wants? the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an
over!! ―Oh my God.‖ gesture) Oh, I haven‘t seen this smile in
Ross: Well ah, actually... 17 years!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the
door and traps Chandler behind it) Rachel: (interrupting) I bet he sensed that I was ready to Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebe‘s mom has got a
have sex with another guy. huge peni...
Rachel: Oh, oh, and hey-hey-hey, those little
spelling tips will come in handy when you‘re at Ross: Well, umm, why don‘t you give him a call? Chandler: (interrupting) Let it go!!
home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with
Monica!! Rachel: Okay. (picks up phone) Are you sure you wanna [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is working as
hear this? Monica enters.]
Monica: Hey!!
Ross: Oh, I‘m sure. Monica: Hey!
Rachel: (to Monica) Sorry!! (to Ross) I just feel
bad about all that sleep you‘re gonna miss wishing Rachel: (on phone) Chip! Hi, it‘s Rachel. (listens) Rachel Rachel: Umm, when were you gonna tell me that
you were with me! Green. Yeah, umm, you left me a message. (listens) Yes you‘re going out with Chip Matthews?
you did, my roommate wrote it down. (listens) Monica
Ross: Oh, no-no-no don‘t you worry about me Geller. (listens) Ohh. Monica: Now? Is it okay if I go out with Chip
falling asleep. I still have your letter!!! Matthews?
Ross: (whispering in her ear) Oh, that‘s right! He called to
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, it‘s not that ask out Monica! That-that‘s gotta be embarrassing! Rachel: Nooo! It‘s not okay! I can‘t believe you would
common! It doesn’t happen to every guy! And it want to after what he did to me!
is a big deal!! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]
Monica: What, that little thing at the prom?
Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!! Phoebe: (screaming, angrily) ...DUMB, DRUNKEN,
BITCH!!! (applause) (happily) Thank you, thanks. Rachel: Monica! I couldn‘t find him for two hours! He
Ross: Yeah. Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to Chandler: Yeah. Yes! Yeah.
walk back and get some transmission fluid. And
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that I'll be (Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony.
for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The there as soon as I can. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Sound."
Chandler: Why can't you tell her? Kathy: I forgot my purse.
Phoebe: I wanna hear "The Sound."
Joey: 'Cause I only have one quarter, and I think Chandler: Oh.
Ross: Really? No. I mean, nah, I haven't played in my time is about to -- (he stops talking suddenly)
so long, and-and, well it's-it's really personal stuff, (They kiss, passionately.)
y'know? Chandler: Joey! Joey!!
Kathy: No, I really did forget my purse.
Phoebe: Come on, play that funky music white Joey: Yeah?
boy. (They kiss again.)
Chandler: I thought your time ran out.
Monica: Yeah! Commercial Break
Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of
Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all more -- (his time runs out for real) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from
the way up in -- No, yeah, okay. (Runs out.) earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. He's they stop suddenly.]
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his running a little late, he says he's sorry.
keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."] Chandler: No-no-no-no, this is bad! It's bad! This
Kathy: Oh. is bad!
Ross: Okay, guys.
Chandler: So I guess it's just uh, you and me then. Kathy: Horrible!
Chandler: All right! Bring it on, you...
Kathy: Oh, okay. Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?
Ross: Here we go. (Plays one note) Y'know,
I've-I've never played my stuff for anyone before, Chandler: Yeah, I think it is! Kathy: No-no-no, the kiss was good.
so it's important that-that you understand it's
about communicating very private emotions. Kathy: So what did you do today? Chandler: Okay!
(Plays another note) Y'know, umm, you
should-you should think of umm, my work as Chandler: Oh, I had an appointment to get my Kathy: No, but that's bad!
wordless sound poems. That's what I'm... haircut...
Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Here's what we do,
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh my God! Play! Kathy: (interrupting) Oh, it looks great! we-we forget it happened.
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back Chandler: ...and then it got canceled. Kathy: What?!
beat sound attached to it. Over the background
music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a Kathy: Well, I could cut it. Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even
mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a if it means we're unhappy forever. Sound good?
jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, Chandler: Really?! You do that?
breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the Kathy: Can you really do that?
sound of a loud crash.) Kathy: Yeah, I do. Of course, I learned at my
aunt's dog grooming shop, but hey, what do you Chandler: I have to; he's my best friend, and
Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that say? you're seeing him.
was, umm... terrific.
Chandler: Dog grooming huh? Okay, just don't Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you...
Chandler: Really, bitchin'! make my tail too poofy.
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Don't!
Phoebe: Wow, it was so -- wow! [Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandler's hair.] Don't! See-see, you're getting me confused, I'm
starting to urn.
Ross: Really?! I mean, really?!! Kathy: You have really great hair.
Kathy: I'm sorry. If you wanna pretend that
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public! Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is nothing happened, I can try.
running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler
Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. That's uh -- ohhh, I catches himself enjoying it too much.) Y'know who Chandler: I-I think we have too.
wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! also has great hair is Joey!
Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another Kathy: Okay. Bye.
disk. I'll be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) Kathy: Yes! Yeah! Joey has great hair! Umm, I'm
This is so nice, I'm -- I am so... (starts to break up basically done here. Just let me get this off your Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler
and leaves) neck. wonders over to and leans up against the door.)
Are you still out there?
Monica: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the (Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths
basement! "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the
and kneels at his feet.) door and they kiss again.)
Rachel: Oh, I can't believe I ever let him touch me
with those fingers. Chandler: What-what 'cha doin'? [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his
music hasn't improved.]
Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved Kathy: Checking to see if it's even.
it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus it's just, it's so Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a
different from the stuff you usually hear. Chandler: 'Kay. computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a
ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time...
Chandler: You mean like, music? Kathy: Looks good.
Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, there's a
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching (They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the Starbucks about three blocks down.
Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts phone.)
quacking.] Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch)
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh It's so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!
Chandler: Yeah, I know what you're thinkin'! Yes, the phone! The phone's making sounds! (On
yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy. phone) Hello! [cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called
song with the same crash from before. He gets
(There's a knock on the door.) Joey: (on phone) Hey dude, it's me. some applause, mainly 'cause he's done.]
Chandler: Come in! Chandler: Hey it's Joey! Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you
guys-guys-guys...
Kathy: (entering) Hey! (sees what's on TV) Oh Joey: Listen uh, I'm really sorry, it looks like I'm
God, is that Baywatch? gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the Monica: (to Phoebe) Hey, aren't you up next?
transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the
Chandler: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the car, the transmission wasn't there! Phoebe: Oh no, I'm not playing tonight.
articles.
Chandler: What? Rachel: Why not?
Kathy: So is Joey around?
Joey: Yeah, it must've fallen out a few blocks Phoebe: I can't follow Ross! It'd be like those
Chandler: No-no, he's not back yet, but he'll be back. I just figured we hit a dog. bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles.
here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. No.
Bow or stern? Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Phoebe, Ross sucks!
Kathy: I uh, don't really have a preference. You? Joey: Listen uh, could you put Kathy on, I wanna
apologize. Rachel: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he him.
just said.) ...of the boat. (The phone rings, and he Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands
Joey: Aww man! I can't believe I locked myself out Phoebe: Does Joey know? Joey: Who?
again! (He knocks on the door.)
Chandler: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think Chandler: It's me. I'm the other guy.
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and he'll understand this?
unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully Joey: What?
furnished apartment.) Monica: You obviously haven't screwed over a lot
of your friends. (They all look at her) Which we all Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last
Joey: (rushing in) Oh my God! What happened appreciate. night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to
here? Did you do all this? another and...
Ross: No the-the sad thing is, if you had told him
Chandler: I sure did. how you felt before you kissed her, knowing Joey, Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
he probably just would've just stepped aside.
Joey: Why? Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Chandler: Oh, don't say that! Don't say that.
Chandler: Well, I just thought it'd make me feel That's not true. Is it? Joey: What?!! That's even worse!!
good to do something nice for my friend.
Phoebe: I think maybe, yeah. Chandler: How is that worse?!
Joey: Well, you're amazing.
Monica: He loves you. Joey: I don't know! But it's the same!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes
over and presses a button on a remote control Chandler: Then why didn't you tell me to do Chandler: Look, I'm sorry! But there's nothing I
that opens the entertainment center doors that?!! can do, I think I'm in love with her!
revealing the TV.)
Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe. Joey: Who cares?! You went behind my back! I
Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from would never do that to you!
nowhere! That's the dream! Man, how did you Phoebe: Yeah! No, that's right. And I thought it
afford this stuff? was a really good idea. Chandler: You're right, I have no excuses! I was
totally over the line.
Chandler: Well, y'know I'm 29. I mean who needs Rachel: I know, I remember that!
a savings account. Joey: Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past
Monica: I remember you did. the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The
Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has line is a dot to you!
ever had. Chandler: God!! (Sits down in disgust.) What am I
gonna do?! Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You
Chandler: Oh, I don't know. have to believe me!
Rachel: Well, Chandler, you're gonna have to tell
Joey: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give him. Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?!
me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well,
about what you said yesterday about focusing on Chandler: Why?! Why do I have to tell him?! y'know what I will not watch your TV, I will not
one woman, I'm gonna do that. listen to your stereo, and there's a cinnamon raisin
Rachel: Because you do. loaf in the new bread maker that I'm not gonna
Chandler: You mean with Casey. eat! You know why?!
Chandler: Yeah, I know.
Joey: No-no-no, I think I'm gonna see how things Chandler: Probably because...
go with Kathy. She's pretty cool. Ross: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song
about this. Joey: Because it's all tainted with your betrayal.
Chandler: Or Casey. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV I'm not happy about you either. (The bread maker
Joey: No-no, Kathy. as Chandler enters.] dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that
bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and
Chandler: Could be Casey. Chandler: Hey! slams the door.)
Joey: No. No, Kathy. Joey: Hey! Samboucha Margarita? Closing Credits
Chandler: Consider Casey. Chandler: Is that a real thing? [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music.
Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the
Joey: Y'know what I think? I think somebody's got Joey: Well, we only had samboucha, so it is now. couch.]
a little crush on Casey. How 'bout I fix you two up?
What do you think? Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk Phoebe: Oh my God, he's lost it. He's totally lost it.
to you about something.
Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling Monica: (removing ear plugs) What?
right into place! Joey: What's up?
Rachel: Phoebe, his music could not get any
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross has just finished Chandler: It's-it's about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like worse. There are rats in the basement that are
playing.] her. I like her a lot actually. hanging themselves.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey! Joey: You do? (Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and
gets some applause.)
Phoebe: Hey! You were really great! You were Chandler: Yeah.
really, really great! Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the
Joey: Well, you're timing couldn't be better. She's girls) Yeah, I lost it. Y'know, I'm not gonna play
Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that not my girlfriend anymore. anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish
uh, you don't want to play anymore because me my set?
and y'know my talent. Is that true? Chandler: What?
Phoebe: After that? Yeah! No, I mean if I can help.
Phoebe: Well, kinda. Yeah. Yeah. Joey: Yeah, she broke up with me.
(Phoebe gets up and goes to play, Ross goes over
Ross: Pheebs... Chandler: Oh uh, when? and sits down next to Monica and Rachel.)
Phoebe: Yeah, I-I can't -- I mean y'know I was Joey: Just now, after acting class. At first I Ross: Yeah, like I could lose it.
trying to be really y'know okay and upbeat about thought she was doing some kind of scene, that's
it, I just -- I feel so dwarfed by your musical gift. why I let people watch. Rachel: What?
I...
Chandler: Oh man, I am so sorry. Are, are you Ross: I played bad on purpose guys.
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact okay?
opposite intent of my music. Y'know my music is-is (Both Monica and Rachel laugh.)
meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, Joey: Well, I've been better. But, I'm all right. So
then I... I won't play anymore. you like her huh? Monica: Okay, so you were trying to play bad this
whole time.
Phoebe: Oh no. No-no-no, don't do that! How Chandler: Yes, but I-I uh, don't have too.
could I live with myself if I knew I was depriving Ross: Yeah -- no, just that last song.
the world of your music. Joey: No-no-no, no it's uh, it's okay.
End
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are sitting Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I Rachel: Well neither do I!
and talking.] was Monica's geeky older brother.
Chandler: Y‘know what? It seems like all of the Ross: Is this about Mark?
sudden; so much has happened. Rachel: I did.
Joey: I know. Ross is getting married. Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God.
Chandler: Phoebe is, making people. Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my
Joey: Everybody‘s doing stuff! intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but Ross: Okay, it‘s not, it‘s not.
Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime?
only way people would even know I was here, Maybe? Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same
would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we fight over and over again, Ross, no, you‘re, you‘re,
have to do something. Okay? Something huge! Rachel: Yeah, maybe... you‘re making this too hard.
Joey: (snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt.
Everest! Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will... Ross: Oh I‘m, I‘m making this too hard. Okay, what do
Chandler: No-no, not something stupid, [The next clip is from The One With The Blackout.] you want me to do.
something huge. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are talking
Joey: No-no-no-no-no, I saw an ad for this video, about passion.] Rachel: I don‘t know, I don‘t know. Urrrgh! Look,
people climb that thing everyday! We could totally Ross: See, I see.... big passion in your future. maybe we should take a break.
do that! Rachel: Really?
Chandler: Why not?! I mean it‘s just, it‘s just Ross: I do. Ross: Okay, okay, fine, you‘re right. Let‘s ah, let‘s take
climbing! It‘s just, it‘s just steep! Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. [she playfully rubs his a break, (goes to the door) let‘s cool off, okay, let‘s get