Project #4: Defense paper

In my literacy narrative I wanted to convey that fairytales play a huge role in the way I communicate with people, write any type of genre, and even the types of books I enjoy reading. As a child my mom always read me fairytales about princesses and how the prince would come save her, and they would live happily ever after. These books would always interest me, because I wanted to live the life of a fairytale. Some people describe me as living a sheltered life. What they mean by this is I trust people too easily, and I always think people have good intensions, and bad things never happen to good people; however, this is not the case. I think this way because in all of the fairytales my mom would read me the good people always had good things happen to them, and the evil witch would always die. Thinking this way has caused me to be more open to new people and I sometimes have a tendency to talk to complete strangers. Talking to people I dont know can really put me into bad situations. For example some strangers could have the intensions of hurting me, or robbing me, or even killing me but because of reading fairytales I believe bad things never happen to good people. If I wouldnt have had fairytales in my life I would probably see the world a whole different way. Though this is considered a bad way fairytales have affected my life; they have also impacted my life in a positive way. I probably would not enjoy reading so much if it werent for fairytales. When I was in the first grade I loved reading books with pictures in them. The reason I would choose these books over the others was because they related to the fairytales my mom would read to me. As I grew older and the Harry Potter series came out I started reading those too, because just like my fairytales, this series took me away from reality. Fairytales have taught me how to open my mind and really intake the details that are in non-fictional books. The reason I enjoy

Comment [AB1]: You are not using MLA. You have no header, and your font is set at 16 rather than 12. Comment [a2]: This essay establishes its purpose in a much clearer manner.

Comment [a3]: I like how you are positioning your paper and that you are trying to justify the use of your genre upfront, but the manner that you are doing it is very confusing. Look at all the different topics you cover. Do you think that this is a bit overwhelming for your reader to handle? Also, I feel like you are bouncing between topics without any transitions. To alleviate this problem, divide your narrative into smaller topically organized paragraphs and use transitions to indicate the shift to a new idea.

fairytales so much is because I can escape real life and explore all new worlds. I love doing this because everyone needs an escape from their chaotic life every now and then. Fairytales have helped me with writing, because I have learned how to open my mind to all new ideas other people do not think about. When it comes to writing non-fiction however, I struggle a lot. The reason I struggle so much with non-fiction is because I dont get to use my imagination as much as I would like. When I was writing this fairytale I was limitless to what I could write, and it was a great feeling; because I enjoyed doing it, it was a better piece of writing. Fairytales normally includes the same basic structure. The beginning starts with once upon a time, and the end always states and they lived happily ever after. Most fairytales also include an evil witch, a prince saving the princess in distress, and magic. In the basic structure of a fairytale the princess is always saved, and the evil witch dies. My fairytale included all of these examples. My evil witch was Shakespeare, and she was eaten by the dragon she created. I also included the prince saving the princess, when prince Bible saved Princess Ashley Marie from the lonely tower, and they lived happily ever after. Lastly I included magic; I done this by having the witch cast a spell on the tower, and creating a dragon. In my fairytale I named the evil witch Shakespeare. I did this because all through high school I hated reading anything to do with Shakespeare. Even though he does write fiction, he is still too boring for me to enjoy. I also do not like the way the writers in late fifteen hundreds spoke, it is hard for me to comprehend what he is saying. I think if some of my high school teachers would have helped me understand the way people then used their language, it would have helped me understand his writing. Every time I had any assignment that

Comment [a4]: While you are trying to justify your genre, you are being very vague in doing so. All you keep telling me is that you mind is open. What exactly does this mean in terms of reading and writing? As of now, I have no concrete sense of how you are being influenced by this genre. Comment [a5]: And how exactly are you limited with non-fiction? Comment [a6]: Your opening paragraph is a page and half. This is waaaaaay too long. Long paragraphs can be confusing for your reader. Try to use smaller units of text.

Comment [a7]: I like your creativity here. Comment [a8]: In terms of literacy, what would create a happily ever after for you? Is it you reading the Bible and nothing else? Comment [a9]: Did Comment [a10]: I like that you took the time to describe your fairytale.

Comment [a11]: I feel like you are qualifying everything based on emotions rather than stating how texts have influenced your actions and beliefs. If you keep using your emotions as the means to assess your experiences, it will be almost impossible for you to determine anything other than how you feel. You need to invest more in how your actions, ideas, and practices have been influenced by various texts and literacy experiences. Your emotions cant tell you much about your performance.

dealt with Shakespeares writing I would have a sick feeling in my stomach, because I knew I wouldnt get a good grade. I still to this day need help with old English reading. The reason I used Shakespeare as the witches name is because in the fairytale the witch is what is holding the princess, Ashley Marie, back from a happy life, and making others happy; and in real life Shakespeares writing always held me back from getting straight As throughout high school, making English class no fun. In my fairytale I named the land that Ashley Marie was from the land of fiction. I named her land this because I am happiest when I am thinking of fictional stories, and she was happiest when she was in her home land. In the fairytale Ashley Marie is so depressed when she was taken away from her home land and put into the tower. This relates to my real life because when I am not using my imagination, I am not as happy of a person. Fiction has made me a better reader and writer because I love using my imagination, and writing fiction is a great way to use imagination. Fiction makes communicating with people easier for me because I love expressing new ideas that other people without as good of an imagination as mine wouldnt think of. Ashley Marie also hates her life when she is locked in the tower by herself, and all she does in her alone time is draw. When I am at home all alone I am not as happy as I am when I am with friends. During Ashley Maries alone in the tower all she would do is paint, and draw. When I am home alone I love to paint or do something artistic. Painting has helped me in communicating with people because it helps me express myself in ways that words cant. For example, if I am in a bad mood I can paint or draw with all dark colors; sure I can say I am sad, but it could make a bigger impact on the viewer if they see it instead of hear it. Painting also helps me write, when I look at a painting, I get new ideas, and I see that there are many different parts of a picture, just like there are many different

Comment [a12]: Emotion. Comment [a13]: Why? Comment [a14]: Dont you think it is a bit ironic that the form you are using (the fairytale) is derived from literary forms used in the renaissance?

Comment [a15]: I feel like your narrative is a bit limited. How does this speak to your experiences at home, work, and in your community? In the end, I feel like you are using school alone to define the development of your literacy. Comment [a16]: Once again, you are simply stating your emotions rather than assessing how you engage with this act or what you value about it.

Comment [a17]: Emotions.

Comment [a18]: You keep repeating this idea, but you are not really explaining what it means. When we write, dont we always have to use our imagination to some degree? What makes your experience any different? You need to illuminate this concept more. Comment [a19]: Emotions. Think about how it is that you share your ideas. Comment [a20]: Emotions. Comment [a21]: Emotions. Comment [a22]: How is this unique? Dont visual arts do this for everyone? I feel like you are being too general, and are not creating a strong enough link for how texts influence you. Comment [a23]: You are obsessing over your emotional attachment to tasks. Once again, stop worrying about your emotions and start focusing on what it is that you are actually doing and experiencing.

parts of a painting. Princess Ashley Marie names her pet dog doodle. Doodle is her best friend and she can always rely on doodle to be there to keep her entertained, and give her something to do. When I am doing homework, or when I am all alone, I doodle on scrap pieces of paper how I am feeling. This is what keeps me entertained in boring classes, or this is what helps me throughout homework. Doodling helps me writ papers, because whenever I get stuck, or cannot think of anything else to write, I doodle, and I dont know how to explain it, but after about fifteen minutes of doodling, I can get back on track with my paper. Prince Bible is the hero in my fairytale. I made the princes name bible, because in my life experiences, when I dont know what is right, or what is wrong, I always turn to the Bible to lead me in the right direction. Ashley Marie was raised knowing her prince would someday save her from her hardships, and I was raised knowing that the Bible would always save me from my hardships. The bible has helped me with communication because whenever someone didnt know what religion to follow, I could inform them of my religion. It also helped me communicate with some of my peers in my class whenever they talked about religion. The bible helped my reading, because it is a different type of literature, and different types of literature expands my knowledge of reading. The princes horses name was sport. I made this the horses name because if it werent for the princes horse it would have taken him way longer to find the princess, or he may have never found her. This relates to my life because if it werent for the sports I played like softball, and basketball, I would have learned trust way too late, or I might have never really understood what trust really means. Just like it would have taken the prince longer to find the princess, it would have taken me longer to find trust. Sports have helped me with communication, because I gained new friendships in sports, and we had to communicate during the game to make a good play, or to score a

Comment [a24]: I wish you could, because I sure cant.

Comment [a25]: What?

Comment [a26]: All you are doing is discussing what you are talking about. You are not actually saying anything about how you communicate. Comment [a27]: This is a very general statement. Cant this argument be made for any piece of writing.

Comment [a28]: What did you do to gain new friends. It is not the sports themselves that made you gain new friends, but rather the actions you took while playing sports. What were those actions? Comment [a29]: How did you communicate?

basket. It has helped me with reading because you have to be able to read and comprehend the plays to do well in a game. In my fairytale I name the dragon Clicks. I did this because the dragon is preventing the princess from being with other people. In middle school all the kids had formed different clicks. Clicks are different groups of kids, who have common interests. To become a part of a click, and stop being an outsider, I joined the band. I played the alto saxophone, and I loved it. My saxophone was the gateway to many new friendships I never would have had without it. In my fairytale the prince overcomes the dragon, Clicks, because he put it to sleepy by playing his saxophone. In real life I overcame the clicks problem in my school with a saxophone as well. In the end I chose to write a fairytale and draw my own pictures, because fairytales have effect the ways I write, read, and communicate with others tremendously. The reason I decided to draw my own pictures is because drawing has been a huge part of understanding literature, and communication as well. However, drawing has not played as important role as fairytales. I believe all children should have the privilege of having fairytales read to them, and I could only hope it would make as big of an impact on their lives as it did on mine. I believe the genre I chose to demonstrate the reason why I communicate, write, and read the way, I do is the best one for me. One of the benefits of the fairytale genre for me is I could use my imagination to get my point across, and when I read write, and communicate with people I always use my imagination. Another benefit of using a fairytale was it was really easy to incorporate all of the things that affected my reading, writing and communication skills. For example, it was easy for me to incorporate Shakespeare, and the saxophone, paint, doodling, the bible, and many more things. There are

Comment [a30]: Really?

Comment [a31]: In almost all cases you stated how these things influenced you emotionally rather than how your values and actions were influenced.

not many disadvantages to using a fairytale to me, but one I can think of is it may be hard for people to understand my fairytale and how it relates to the way I communicate, write or read, without reading the defense paper. In the end while I was writing this paper I discovered a lot of things about my reading I never done before. I am really glad I took the time to really focus on this writing; because now I have opened new doors for my future writing, reading, and communication skills. Now I know what my strengths and weaknesses really are, and I know what weaknesses I need to spend more time on to become a more wellrounded person.

Comment [a32]: What about the audience, language choices, and narrative structure?

Comment [a33]: Such as?

Comment [a34]: Ashley, I think that you wrote a very interesting literacy narrative, and that you defense did an admirable job of explaining your genre and your content. In terms of your narrative, I really like that you took creative liberties with the story and used metaphors to convey your plot. While it was a bit difficult to figure out what some of those metaphors meant, as a whole, I found your narrative to be creative, engaging, and thoughtful. As for your defense, while you did a great job of creating a connection between your narrative and your genre, and you explicated your project well, my primary concern lies with the conclusions that you made throughout your defense. While you attempted to make insightful conclusions about the development of your reading, writing, and communication skills, in almost all of your conclusions, you simply stated what your emotional reactions were to various texts and experiences. Rather than responding emotionally, you need to invest more time in concluding how your actions have been influenced, and how your values have been shaped. For example, instead of stating that you like something or that you hate something, try to assess why you are engaged by something and how that engagement influenced your performance. In short, while you need to learn how to engage ideas in a more concrete manner and how to organize your ideas more effectively, I think you did a great job of telling your narrative, and I commend your creativity and willingness to take risks. Good job on your first project! -Mr. B