VERBATIM The counseling process takes place at a room in an old folks house.

A young-rich man has been asked to undergo a counseling session by the management of the old folks house because he cant accept his father in his life anymore.

First Stage Attending

This is the first stage of counseling process where a counselor tries to attend his/her client in order to make something clearer. The counselor will provide a comfortable environment so that the process can be done smoothly. Dialogue A client knocks hardly at a doors room. Counselor : Come in. (a young and handsome man enter Non-verbally open the room). Assalamualaikum. (raise hand for posture to show receptive handshake)

Client : Waalaikumussalam (shaking hands with counselor arrogantly). Counselor Client Counselor Client Counselor : Have a seat, Mr.Jeffri. : Thank you. : So, what should I call you? : Just call me Jeff. : OK Jeff, please make yourself at home. (the Eye contact and facial expression counselor smiling to the client).

Client : Thank you (the client doesnt reply the smiling back). Counselor : Im Wan Najmudeen Wan Omar, your counselor for today. Wow, the condition outside there is quit cool right? It seems like the rain would fall anytime from now. Attract clients attention

Client : Yes, I think so. (the client replied hesitantly) Counselor : Dont you feel comfortable now, Jeff? Concerning of clients feeling

Client : Im just fine. Counselor : Are you sure Jeff?

Client : Yeah, Im just fine. Counselor : Ok Jeff, you dont have to worry. You can put you trust on me. As far as you can see, there is no camera in this room. There is also no recorder that can record our meeting today. Everything that you tell me will be our secret, just between us. Answer the clients anxiety and curiosity Staying confidential

Client : Yeah (nodding, but unintentionally). But I dont think that I should be here. Im not a prisoner that should attend a counseling session. I have my own career. Counselor : No Jeff, you are not. Dont think that you have attended a counseling session. Im here to help you as my friend that needs my advice. You are like my friend, not my client. Gain clients trust

Client : Whatever (sighed). Counselor : Well Jeff, Im so bored last night. I went to play paintball last night. Dont you think that game was great? Attract clients attention

Client : You play paintball? That is my favourite activity. (the client throw a smile to the counselor). Where do you play that game? Counselor : Sultan Salahuddin Club. I went there with my friend. So, where do you usually play that game? Im sure that you have a lot of friends, right? Surely you feel enjoy with them. Determine hidden feelings

Client : Yes, since I dont have any family anymore, so my friends are everything. They are my family for me. Im all alone without them. Counselor : Yeah, I see your situation now. You are all alone, right? You dont have family, you Show empathy Paraphrasing

Promoting decision making

just have your friends in your life. So, thats why we call you to come here, to give back what you should have. The one that you should take care for him when he is not able to take care for himself anymore. Client : My father? No way. I prefer to be with my friends rather than him. He had died long time ago in my life. My family suffered because of him.

Second Stage Exploration

This is the second stage of counseling process where a counselor enabling clients to examine themselves, their internal and external worlds. The counselor will encouraging client to describe their problem and expectation, to examine their own behaviour, to clarify and find meaning in their feelings and to consider how they might resolve their concerns. This will help clients in the often painful process of sharing their shame, humiliations, hopes and fantasies. Dialogue Counselor : Just calm down Jeff. I know your situation now. Thats why Im here to help you. Just tell me everything that bothers you now. Its all just between us.

Staying confidential

Client : I dont know where I should start. I never have a fathers love before. Im feeling like I was born to this world without a father. And I really dont have father actually, I just have mother and sister. My mother passed away 7 years ago, and Im the one who take care for my family after that. Now, my sister also has her own career. She can live on her own feet because of me. Counselor : You are a good son, Jeff. You are willing to take care for your family alone. But that doesnt mean that you can deny that you have a father in this world, isnt it? Respect and positive regard Ask for clarification

Client : Oh man, you really dont know what had happened to my family. There were a lot of miserable things happened because of him. Counselor : I see your situation Jeff. Just continue with everything that bothers you now. Verbal reinforcer

Client : Okay, frankly said, he is really an irresponsible father. He doesnt have any job, and always come home late at night. He is a gambler that likes to drink a lot. Oh my god, I really hate him. I feel ashamed of having a father like him. Paraphrasing

Counselor

: Okay Jeff, you said that you really hate him and ashamed of having a father like him since he is a gambler that likes to drink, right? Whats more that have been done by your father that make you cant accept him in you life anymore?

Perception check

Client : Since I was child, I never saw my mother be in happy situation. Most everyday she will be hit because of irrelevant reason. Can you imagine that? I still remember that night, he mad at me because I stared at him. Then he tried to hit me but my mother protected me. Because of that, my mother fell down and bleeding on her head. He innocently left the house after that, without knowing that how my mother felt at that time. Counselor : I dont blame for your feedback towards your father. It is natural to behave like that as a reflection of what had happened. But I know there is something behind what had happened right.

Genuineness

Client : I dont know what I want to say anymore. What I know is I hate him damn much. I cant see his face anymore, or else I feel like I want to kill him. Counselor : Wow, your expression shows that you are very angry with him. Its okay, I understand. But what I want to say is the feeling will not bring this problem nowhere. As a son, you will know what you have done one day.

Summarising

Client : I knew it, but what can I do? Im just an ordinary people that have feelings, just like you. Counselor : Yeah, thats true. Every normal people have feelings. My advice is, its not the feelings that control ourselves, but we have to know how to control the feelings. Well, before we proceed, let me check out what you have told me just now. You said that you hate your father and you feel ashamed Reflection of feeling

Summarising of having a father like him. Because of that, you never feel happy with your father since you was child. Then, your family suffers because of him. Is it right, Jeff? Client : Yeah, right (the client stared to the floor).

Third Stage Understanding

This is the third stage of counseling process where a counselor attempt to grasp as fully as possible the messages that client are trying to convey by both their verbal and non-verbal behaviour.

Dialogue

Counselor

: Well Jeff, dont you feel anything by neglecting your father just like that?

Confrontation

Client : Did you say neglecting? Ahh, come on. He is the one who neglected us. So, he should accept what he had done to us. He deserves to be here. Counselor : Yes, thats right. But you have to know that whatever happens, he is still your father, your biological father. He is the one who brought you into this world.

Immediacy

Client : Yes, I knew it. But what can I do. As I said just now, Im an ordinary people, I have my own feeling. I want him to realize that what he had done is wrong. Counselor : You want him to realize that what he had done is wrong. It sounds like revenge, isnt it? Paraphrasing and clarification

Client : Revenge? I dont know. Umm, maybe yes. I want him to know who am I. I want hi to know that I can survive without him. I can achieve my ambition job as an engineer. Moreover, I have a lot of money now although I have to go through a dark life with him. Counselor : I impress with you because you succeed in your life apart of being through a hard moment. But Jeff, your father is still your father. Try to learn to forgive him, and build a new life with him. Im sure that he has changed. He has no one in this world except you. Respect and positive regard

Client : You can say that because you dont feel what I feel. I still can be considered as a good son because I put him in this old-folks house. Or else, I just throw him away at any paveyard and let him live there without any shelter and food. Counselor : You said that you are a good son, but is that the characteristic of a good son? You are wrong Jeff. You cant be considered as a good child if you willing to do that to your own father. Confrontation

Client : (sigh). Counselor : Jeff, its all about your relationship with your father. He has no one in this world except you. What your father had done in the past, let it be a bad memory for you. Try to learn to forgive him.

Immediacy

Client : Its very hard for me to think about this. Counselor : Jeff, I know that you believe in God, right? So, just think about what I am trying to say. You have gone through a dark experience in your life. So do with your father, he had made a big mistake in his life. Now, you are comfortable with your life, you have a lot of money, you feel happy, but try to think about your father. He has to suffer for the rest of his life if you dont do the right thing starting from now.

Reflection of feeling

Client : (the client just quiet and look downwards). Counselor : So from now, you have to think about this. Think about the Gods power. You said that you have a lot of money, you have a good job, but that entire can disappear in a split of second if God want. What you have done to your father can be considered as disobey to your parents. You have committed a big sin Jeff. Im not trying to warn you, but this is the reality of life. Immediacy

Reflection of feeling

Client : (the client still quiet, just nod upward and downward) Counselor : Are you all right Jeff? Concerning of clients feeling

Client : Oh, sorry. Yes. Im all right.

Fourth Stage Action

This is the fourth stage of counseling process where both client and counselor move to the process of solving problem. Dialogue

Counselor

: Jeff, there surely a way in every problem. First of all, dont think that you cant handle this situation. Believe in yourself.

Genuineness

Client : Yes, I get what you are trying to say. Im trying to think about this. Its very hard for me to decide on this since it involves with my past. Counselor : Im proud of you Jeff, you still can consider with this situation. Not all people are like you. I have handled a lot of such cases, and its very hard to find a person like you. Respect and positive regard

Client : Thanks. I dont need such of that compliment. You had made me feel guilty. Counselor : Its okay to feel guilty actually. Like I said, family is everything for us. Your father is also a part of your family. So Jeff, now you have two choices that you have to think deeply, whether you want to accept your father back in your life, or just let us to look after for him till the end of his life. Reflection of feeling

Promoting decision making

Client : (the client stays quiet for a while). I dont know. Counselor : Maybe you need time to think about this, right? Its okay. Im not force you to accept you father back. But I just perform my responsibility to God as well as to you, to inform you about the right and the wrong thing. Thats all, Jeff.

Reflection of feeling

Client : Yes, I just realize that. But everytime I think about my father, I will remember about what he had done to us. Thats terrible for me. Counselor : Thats a good sign actually, to show that you are respond to the normal life. You can learn to adapt with that situation, Jeff. Concreteness

Client : I have tried, but I failed. Counselor : Take the fail as a catalizer for you. What your father had done in the past, let it be a relation between him and God. Only God knows how to deal with your father. You have to realize that you will marry and get children one day. Can you imagine if the same situation happens to you one day? Reflection of feeling

Open-ended question

Client : I hope not. (the client show a sad expression) Counselor : So, like I said just now, only you can make the decision. I dont force you. If you willing to accept your father back, thats Alhamdulillah. But if not, it still okay because God still wants us to continue our responsibility to keep your father.

Promoting decision making

Client : Well, I think I need time to think about this. There are a lot of things that I have to think about. Counselor : Its okay if you want that. I understand. Take your time to think about this. When do you think you can give the answer? Arranging follow up session

Client : Give me two weeks time. When I have made the decision, I will let you know. Counselor : My pleasure. I will wait. I know that you will make the best decision.

Fifth Stage Termination

This is the fifth stage of counseling process where a client has accomplished the goals whether it set by the counselor or the client himself or herself during the evaluation. The client is ready to end the counseling session. Dialogue

Summarizing as well as reviewing the whole process

Counselor

: Okay Jeff, let us check what we have discussed during this session. We have identified your problem regarding on your situation. Then we have set some goal for you to achieve. Apart from that, there are also some solutions for your case. So, how do you feel now?

Perspective check

Client : I feel much better. I never think about my father before. I just think about what he had done. Now, there are people who concern about me. Counselor : Okay, thats good for you. Thats a function for us as human being. Apart of care for ourselves, we also have to care for others as long as it is not beyond the limit. Gives feedback and affirmation

Client : Okay, I will bear in mind about that. Thank you for understand me and for everything. Hmm, I will tell my decision in two weeks time from now. Counselor : Welcome. Thats my responsibility. I will wait for your answer. Its very nice to know and deal with you. Unconditional positive regard

Client : Okay, see you. Assalamualaikum. Counselor : Waalaikumussalam.