THE TOP GEAR BRITISH PHRASES EXPLANATION THREAD

There are some X-rated phrases, so not all of it is to be read safely by kids or at work! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Phrases (sorted by episode) "Oh, cock!" person: James May episode: miscellaneous explanation: A British phrase used to express ones dissatisfaction with the situation. Similar to "Damn!" or "Bugger!". links: Urban Dictionary "I only have to imagine [the Alfa Romeo Brera] in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 6x06, Alfa Romeo Brera in the studio explanation: When a man is "nursing a semi", he has a half-erect penis. This can happen due to a stimulating situation that doesn't suffice for a full erection. In this case, Jeremy said he would be "nursing a semi" due to the sexiness of the car. As for how the term is meant literally, we don't know yet. "Semi" surely is another word for "half", and "nursing" probably means that you try to keep 'it' up by nursing it. links: Urban Dictionary thanks to: Richmondgal, Plissken, alihaig, Cobol74, Mineworksfine "My buttocks are actually kissing the cat's eyes." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x02, Audi R8 review explanation: A cat's eye is a reflective marker sunk into the road surface. What Jeremy meant is that he was sitting so extremely low in the car, his behind would hit those markers. links: Wikipedia thanks to: xicedlovexoxo, fbc, shancmf, Bean0, ladora "This is like smearing honey into Keira Knightley." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x02, Audi R8 review explanation: A phrase used by Jeremy to describe the excellence of the R8's handling. Covering Keira Knightley in honey would be one of the most desirable things a man can do, since the lady is a very attractive young actress. links: Wikipedia

"Is my car on the crab?" person: James May episode: 10x04 (Africa special) explanation: "On the crab" refers to the animal crab, which usually walks sideways. A car being "on the crab" or "crabing" therefore means that the track is not set up properly, so it moves to the left or the right even if you hold the steering wheel perfectly straight. links: Wikipedia thanks to: Cobol74, Plissken "Thunderbird 1 to the rescue!" person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x04 (Africa Special) explanation: "Thunderbirds" is a classical 1960's British science fiction television show famous for using marionettes. Thunderbird 1, a rocket with various talents, was one out of five machines used by the crew of the "International Rescue" team. Since the general plot of the show was rescueing people out of tricky situations, people sometimes refer to phrases from "Thunderbirds" when helping others. links: Wikipedia "I've got an Audi R8 right up my trumpet here." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 11x01, supercar race explanation: "Right up my trumpet" is a nicer way to say "right up my bottom" or "right behind me". Trumpet is a substitute for anus. links: thanks to: ladora, Blayde, Dogbert, Becka "It is snowing in hell." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x07, Tesla Roadster review explanation: The phrase "snowing in hell" is commonly used when a situation that noone ever expected occurs. Since hell is supposed to be a very hot place, it would be very unliklely to have snow there. Here, it was the momentarily superiority of the electric sportscar over the petrol-propelled sportscar that made Jeremy say it. links: "You don't know man, you weren't there!" person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x08 (Vietnam special) explanation: The closing words of the Vietnam special. Actually trying to express the beauty of the country as reported by visitors, Jeremy jokingly uses a phrase often used by American soldiers who fought in the Vietnam war. This is black humor, since the soldiers used this phrase to describe the horrors of the war. links: -

"We are in fact at the cutting edge of cocking about." person: Richard Hammond episode: Winter Olympics special explanation: To "cock about" means you are fooling around. The guys often refer to themselves being "three blokes cocking about". links: thanks to: Tomcatters, James May's Hair --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things (sorted by episode) "[The Wiesmann MF3] corners like a Cylon Interceptor." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 06x03, Wiesmann MF3 vs. TVR Tuscan 2 explanation: A Cylon Interceptor is a comparably tiny and therefore quick starfighter from the sciencefiction show "Battlestar Galactica". In this review, Jeremy is suprised by the Wiesmann's cornering abilities, thus he compares it to the spaceship. links: Wikipedia Boadicea wheel attachments

person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x01, police car challenge explanation: Boadicea (or Boudica) was a queen of a tribe in England AD 60. It is said that the wheels of her chariot had knives attached to them, which gave the devices Jeremy unsuccessfully used against the Stig's car their name. links: Wikipedia thanks to: Final Daihatsu, Momo63 "This is like being in an allotment shed on a very windy day." person: James May episode: 10x04 (Africa special) explanation: An allotment is a certain part of a garden-like area, which is rented out to different people who grow vegetables and the like there. The allotment shed is a small, simple shed on that land. Due to its

exposed location and the simple construction it can squeak and rattle during heavy winds. James refers to the same sensation when his freshly mended Mercedes also does so. links: Wikipedia (allotment) Sleeping policeman person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x05 and other episodes explanation: "Sleeping policeman" is a British expression for a speed bump. The feature passively regulates traffic and therefore acts similar to a policeman without actually needing a person. The term was used in reference to Top Gears power lap board which only allows cars that can go over a speed bump without hitting the ground. links: Wikipedia "That's the face of a man who's lost his Bovril." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 11x02, Evo X vs. WRX Sti explanation: "Bovril" is a thick, salty beef extract which can be made into a drink, can be used for flavouring or spread on bread. A similar product, yet made of yeast instead of beef, is known as Marmite, Vegemite or Cenovis. Bovril was also recently used to spice up the "cocktail" Jeremy mixed in the V8 blender. links: Wikipedia Synthetic saliva person: Richard Hammond episode: 12x05, news explanation: When Jeremy temporarily loses his voice in 12x05, he sprays his throat with synthetic saliva. It provides the moistness he needs to speak for a short time, since the natural production of saliva is reduced due to his illness. links: Wikipedia thanks to: pepitko "(...) so let's move it on now to brown rice eco cars." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x07, introduction to Tesla Roadster review explanation: Brown rice is a form of unprocessed or partly processed rice, known to be eaten by people who prefer natural, unrefined foods. Jeremy uses these words to degrade eco cars as vehicles for "hippietype ecomentalists". links: Wikipedia thanks to: GullWing "The trouble is that [eco cars] are a bit like cod liver oil - very good for you, but you'd rather have a plate of steak and chips." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x07, introduction to Tesla Roadster review

explanation: Cod liver oil is an oil made from the liver of cod fish. It has a high nutritional value, but it's not very tasty. Jeremy uses it in comparison to a very tasty, yet unhealthy meal to show that an eco car may be "better" for you, but not what you'd want to have. links: Wikipedia --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------People (sorted by episode) Bill Oddie person: miscellaneous episode: miscellaneous explanation: Bill Oddie is a British actor, writer, comedian, presenter and musician, best known for his television work on wildlife. The Top Gear guys therefore use him as a running gag every time animals are involved. For example, Jeremy was called Bill Oddie by Richard for watching a bird with his binoculars or examining a dead bird in the desert in the Africa special. Also, the name was used as a rude sexual reference in the GT-R vs. Train race in Japan, where Jeremy told a female service worker at a petrol station that Bill Oddie would be able to spot her beaver (connection to Oddie through the animal, Jeremy actually talking of her pubic hair/vagina) from 100 miles away. links: Wikipedia thanks to: pepitko, Dogbert "Widow Twankey may have been glad to see the back of the salt pans, (...)" person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x04 (Africa special) explanation: Here, Jeremy was referring to James looking like Widow Twankey, a female character in the pantomime Alladin, usually played by camp men dressed in womens clothing. James's pale skin covered with salt dust and his strange clothing resembling to a womans outfit obviously led Jeremy to call him so in this episode. links: Wikipedia thanks to: GullWing, amandalea "If your name begins with 'Ar' and ends with 'thur Scargill', you might like to claim that we're wrong to blame communism for all these truly terrible cars." person: James May episode: 12x06, russian car challenge explanation: In this little wordplay, James makes fun of Arthur Scargill, former leader of the Miners Union, founder and leader of the British Socialist Labour Party. The politician would not agree to James's opinion on these cars due to his political orientation towards communism. links: Wikipedia thanks to: RedAero "The winner of the award for the most painful injury to a motoring related bodypart is Max Mosley's

bottom." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x07, Top Gear 2008 awards explanation: In this example of Top Gear humour, Jeremy Clarkson makes fun of the sexual adventures of Max Mosley. The president ot FIA, which runs the Formula 1 as well as other motorsports series, was to be seen in a video of a sado-masochistic encounter with five prostitutes in March 2008. His relation to motorsports connected to the beating he got from the prostitutes made Jeremy award him with said prize. links: Wikipedia "With Darcey Bussell on the back of his bike, James was being even more careful than usual." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x08 (Vietnam special) explanation: With this famous British dancer and prima ballerina, Jeremy refers to the stoney statue of a lady he and Richard bought for James during the Vietnam trip. links: Wikipedia thanks to: GullWing "Barbara Cartland went first." person: James May episode: 12x08 (Vietnam special) explanation: Barbara Cartland was a very successful English author of numerous romance novels. She also was known for always wearing pink clothing in countless variations. Since Richard got a pink helmet and his bike painted in pink, James refers to the lady. links: Wikipedia thanks to: L2D, Origin, surfgurl "We are now the most northern people in the world - except for Michael Parkinson." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: Polar special explanation: Sir Michael Parkinson in an English broadcaster and journalist, best known for the interview show named after him. Strongly connected to Northern England through his hometown, his accent and his attitude, he is an icon for the region. Jeremy jokingly refers to him as being as northern as it gets, even more than someone at the North Pole. He also was the 'star in a reasonably priced car' in 12x01. links: Wikipedia thanks to: MacGuffin, Plissken, matt2000, Cobol74 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Words (sorted by episode) "Cocks drive Porsches / BMWs / Audis" person: miscellaneous episode: miscellaneous

explanation: This term is used by the Top Gear guys to degrade a certain type of drivers, who according to the three guys often are to be found in cars of the above brands. First, Jeremy stated that "Cocks buy Porsches", then they agreed that cocks drive BMWs. Currently, the say that cocks have moved to Audis. Calling someone a "cock" goes along the lines of calling him a prick, asshole, dickhead, selfish idiot and so forth. According to TG, cocks use a bluetooth headset all the time, like to tailgate people and generally drive recklessly. links: thanks to: Richmondgal, amandalea, Topgearfanatic, Plissken, shellygrrl "[The Aston Martin DB9] is a proper, pukka, 100%, real, fabulous, glorious, exquisit, magnificent Aston Martin." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 4x01, Train vs. DB9 to Monte Carlo explanation: "Pukka" is a Hindi word that found its way into British English. It stands for "pure", "original" or "proper". links: Urban Dictionary thanks to: Rumer, vikiradTG2007, Mineworksfine, Blayde "I think he's been nicked by the Rozzers." person: James May episode: 4x01, Train vs. DB9 to Monte Carlo explanation: On several occasions, James refers to the police with the term "Rozzers". It is one of the many British slang words used for them. He also mentions it in 10x05 ("Oh, crikey! It's the rozzers!") and puts it on his police car in the challenge in 11x01. links: Wikipedia thanks to: shellygrrl, brydiem, Cobol74 "What they should have done is call [the Ford Focus ST] the ASBO." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 7x03, Ford Focus ST review explanation: "ASBO" is short for Anti Social Behavior Order. It is mostly given to young people repeatedly attracting attention through their antisocial and sometimes criminal behaviour. Jeremy refers to this group of people since the Focus ST would be a typical car driven by such. links: Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary thanks to: Richmondgal, Plissken, alihaig "It was so slow and wet it was actually called a 'Dino'." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 7x04, Italian supercars challenge explanation: Being "wet" is a label for being weak or wussy. In this context, it can be understood as the car being too slow to get out of the rain because of having a gutless engine. links: thanks to: Plissken, Cobol74

"It's from ASDA. You got a George car." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 7x04, Italian supercars challenge explanation: ASDA is a large British chain of supermarket stores similar to WalMart. They sell a range of cheap clothing labeled 'George' (named after chief designer George Davies). With labeling Richards Ferrari as a 'George', he refers to it as being a cheap version for the mass market. links: Wikipedia thanks to: klankymen, Plissken "I can tell you immediately that [Jeremys Maserati] is a pup." person: James May episode: 7x04, Italian supercars challenge explanation: If you buy a "pup", it means that you have been swindled, and that what you've bought either is not what you were told, is not in good condition or worth less than you paid. links: "No, it's not a kit car, it's a Lamborghini. Philistine!" person: James May episode: 7x04, Italian supercars challenge explanation: A "philistine" is a person that undervalues and/or has no clue about art, beauty, history and intellectual content in general. James is animated to call someone a philistine here because that person does not recognize the classic Lamborghini as such and thinks it's a kit car. links: Wikipedia "I was hoping to end the evening in a rather different sort of hedge, but there we are." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 7x04, Italian supercars challenge explanation: The "hedge" takes a double meaning here. On the one hand, Jeremy refers to the hedge he put his momentarily brake-less Maserati in, and on the other hand, he is using "hedge" as a slang word for the female pubic hair he had hoped to see at the strip club they were heading at. links: Urban Dictionary "It actually is as high off the ground as a badger's badger." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x02, Audi R8 review explanation: A badger is an animal as well as a British slang word for the female reproductive organs. The "badger's badger" therefore is an R-rated description of a position very low to the ground, since the reproductive organs of the female animal usually are just centimeters above it. links: Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary thanks to: Dogbert, James May's Hair "Despite the roughness [of the sea], Captain Cocksure was supremely confident in his engineering and

eager to get going." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x02, boats made of cars vs. the Channel explanation: Referring to James May as being "cocksure" means that he very strongly believed in what he's doing. The term is derived from the idea of an unusually large penis, making the man very confident of himself and his actions. links: Urban Dictionary thanks to: GullWing, Heathrow "This week, (...), they came up with a real hum dinger." person: Richard Hammond episode: 10x04 (Africa special), introduction explanation: A "hum dinger" is a phrase used to describe something of large importance, extraordinary difficulty and sometimes also a shocker. In this case, Richard describes the challenge of buying a trio of used cars and take them through Africa with these words. links: Urban Dictionary Piece de resistance person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 10x04 (Africa special) explanation: The term "piece de resistance" found a direct way from French into the English language. It describes the highlight of something. In the Africa special, Jeremys before-stripped Lanica was equipped with a lot of new things after crossing the desert. He describes the newly-added megaphone, which he can use for announcements as well as a siren, as the "piece de resistance" of his car. links: Wikipedia thanks to: brydiem, shellygrrl "All Adders are puffs" person: James May (writing it onto Hammonds "Oliver") episode: 10x04 (Africa special) explanation: "Puff" (or "poof")is a british slang term for someone with homosexual tendencies, or is generally quite effeminate. There's a species of African adder called the Puff Adder, hence the pun. links: Wikipedia thanks to: hidea, Nereid, alihaig "No, this is not a repeat, we really are back, you're not watching Dave." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 11x01, episode intro explanation: "Dave" is a British TV channel. It has been mentioned on Top Gear once in a while since it started broadcasting reruns of the show. links: Wikipedia "To join the police you have to be in the Masons and therefore you got a Mason's car, therefore I'm doing

the secret handshake." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 11x01, police car challenge explanation: With the "Masons", Jeremy actually means the Freemasons. This fraternal organisation with members sharing moral and metaphysical ideas is shrouded in legend. The "secret handshake" is a way to make fun of them by pretending that Freemasons recognize each other through preposterous secret signs. links: Wikipedia "What an appalling cack hole!" person: James May episode: 12x02, three powerful cars in America explanation: "Cack hole" is another word for shit hole, hicktown, a dump, an awful place and so forth. "Cack" is slang for feces and is derived from the old Indo-European word 'kakkos'. The Americans might recognize this word as 'crap' or 'caca'. James refers to the city of Reno as a "cack hole" because of being a lower-quality copy of Las Vegas. links: Wikipedia thanks to: Blayde, James May's Hair "It's nice to have the colonies here." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x05, Cool Wall explanation: Jeremy often refers to the USA and Australia as the "colonies", since both countries are based on former colonies of the British empire. links: Wikipedia (USA), Wikipedia (Australia) "What I'm thinking what if they designed [the Alfa Romeo MiTo] in Twickenham and built it in Attercliffe?" person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x05, Cool Wall explanation: In silence, Jeremy makes a joke about the name of the Alfa Romeo MiTo. It got its name from "Mi"lano and "Tu"rino, the cities where it was designed and built. Jeremy proposes that if it were designed in Twickenham and Attercliffe, it would be called "TwAt", which is a vulgar slang term for vagina as well as another word for "idiot". links: Wikipedia thanks to: Tompie913, Plissken "Chav!" person: Richard Hammond episode: 12x05, Ferrari vs. Boat explanation: A "Chav" is a young person distinguishable by wearing flashy clothing (caps, basketball shirts, baggy trousers, gold jewellery, ...), usually showing extrovert and asocial behaviour (typical person to get an ASBO). This does not apply to James in this situation, Richard however uses it as an insult to James, who is bragging about his boat. The Americans might know this type as "wiggers" (no offense!), Australians as "bogans" and "boyracers".

links: Wikipedia, Urban Dict. (Chav), Urban Dict. (Wigger), Urban Dict. (Bogan), Urban Dict. (Boyracer) thanks to: Richmondgal, Plissken, alihaig, blinky, brydiem "They had the effrontery, the barefaced cheek, to call this a 'Super'." person: Jeremy Clarkson episode: 12x06, russian cars explanation: An "effrontery" is basically doing something shameless, while "barefaced cheek" means that you deliberately and openly (barefaced = nothing hidden) say something you know it's untrue (= being cheeky). Jeremy is talking about the Morris Marina 'Super', which he thinks is an antagonism since such a bad car simply can't be 'Super' in any way. links: Wiki (effrontery) thanks to: Dogbert, Momo63, Sprjenkins, Correspondent75 "Me dong's gonna be all soggy, isn't it?" person: James May episode: 12x08 (Vietnam special) explanation: The word "dong" takes a double meaning in this rhetorical question. It refers to the Vietnamese currency "ng" as well as James genital, since "dong" also is a slang word for penis. So officially he was talking about getting his money wet in the heavy rain, while unofficially making a penis joke at the same time. links: Wikipedia --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Random words (sorted alphabetically) Anorak explanation: "Anorak" is a term to describe someone who knows everything about a subject, like a geek, nerd, smartass, know-it-all, and so forth. It can be pejorative, but doesn't have to be. The Top Gear guys call people in the audience anoraks when they know specific information about cars from the top of their head. The idea is that people who wear an anorak (coat) are sources of said useless and boring information. links: Wikipedia thanks to: Richmondgal, Cobol74, alihaig, Terrible3 Minger explanation: A "minger" is a British term to describe something real ugly. Mostly a person, but it can be a thing as well, like a car. The Urban Dictionary offers a very nice description: "a male or female who fell out of the ugly tree at birth and hit every branch on the way down ". Cobol74 found some nice words, too: "double baggers - you would, but you'd have to put a bag over the head so as not to see the face whilst doing the deed, but in exceptional cases you'd need two bags in case one fell off!". links: Urban Dictionary thanks to: GullWing, Cobol74

Ponce explanation: a term from the 60's and originally implied the target was a pimp. More commonly used to describe men who take a bit more pride in their general appearance than one might expect from the situation or their social standing but little used these days in modern English. Characterised more politely by the modern term "metrosexual". links: Urban Dictionary thanks to: Rumer, Mineworksfine Pillock explanation: Pillock is a little used term these days, but was simply a stronger way of calling someone an idiot without swearing and incurring the wrath of either teachers or parents. Would have been in common use when the TG trio were at school as are many of the insults they accord each other. links: Urban Dictionary thanks to: Rumer, Mineworksfine Pikey explanation: A derogatory term for Romanies or gypsies. It implies little or no taste and an underlying dishonesty. For an example of a proper pikey see Brad Pitt's character in the film "Snatch". Less used these days having been replaced by the more up to date term Chav. links: Urban Dictionary thanks to: Rumer, Mineworksfine Punkah-Wallah person: Jeremy Clarkson explanation: Jeremy jokingly refers to a "Pokemon" (describing the small yellow Indian car Tata Nano) with "Punkah-Wallah". The latter actually describes a house servant during the British Raj in the 19th century, whose job it was to manually operate the cooling fans in the house. "Punkah" means fan, a "wallah" is a 'doer'. links: Wikipedia thanks to: hidea, Nereid, Heathrow something-or-other explanation: "something-or-other" (enunciated as one word) is a term mostly used in British and Australian English. It stands for something unspecified or indeterminate; Something whose name is not remembered, or is immaterial. links: Wiktionary thanks to: brydiem, Mineworksfine --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Other Giving the fingers

person: James May episode: miscellaneous explanation: Holding your fingers like James nicely demonstates there is the British version of giving someone the middle finger. In short, it means "Fuck you!". There's an urban legend that this came from the British Archer's fighting the French, but it turns out this is not true. The origin of the gesture is unknown. links: thanks to: pattyt, shellygrrl, Lupin_IV, GullWing, Topgearfanatic, klankymen, brydiem British = American saloon = sedan estate = station wagon people carrier = minivan bonnet = hood boot = trunk petrol = gasoline petrol head = someone who really likes cars, gear head tarmac = asphalt pavement = sidewalk caravan = travel trailer mate = friend, buddy naught = zero, This car goes from naught to 60 in 5.2 seconds. aluminium = aluminum, The bonnet is made of brushed aluminium. dustbin liner = garbage bag thanks to: Scrupio, mountainman, jdwud, ApexOversteer ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------