Integrity and lack thereof: what it means to be in process Only two things are ultimately indispensible for walking

the spiritual path: the ability to inquire within and find out whats true for you, and the courage to follow that conviction. A word thats being thrown around a lot right now is integrity. Unfortunately, its a word that can easily substitute for a careful, sensitive, individual inquiry into whats true. That is, its a word thats being used as a weapon against others, as a self-righteous declaration of moral judgment, and as a means to reinforce unexamined views received from the current mainstream cultural standard for right action. But, I wish to argue, integrity is something different. It consists in a deep listening to your own inner being, and the capacity to act on the basis of that listening. I wish to honor all those who are following their inner conviction. I honor everyone who leaves Anusara on the basis of their own honest inner inquiry (e.g. Noah Maze and others). I honor everyone who stays with Anusara on the basis of their own honest inner inquiry (e.g. Ross Rayburn and others). I honor everyone who is still in the process of their own honest inner inquiry. And what do I mean by honest inner inquiry? Do I mean reading everything you can find online? Do I mean talking to everyone who agrees with your point of view? Do I mean shouting your frustration to the world? Do I mean spinning all the different points of view through your head until you feel sick? No. This process requires something far too few of us have cultivated, it seems: taking the time to sit quietly, preferably in nature, and turning your attention within until all the agitated energy settles. When all the vata-deranged, whirling, heaving, reactive thoughts have subsided, when the breath becomes deep, smooth, and and even, when a bit of stillness and clarity dawns, then the real inquiry begins. It consists of gently feeling into the depths of your being, into the place from which all the feelings are arisingand beyond. It consists of a willingness to look at whatever arises without self-judgment or self-hatred, but instead with compassionate love and a spirit of fascinated discovery. Only this kind of inquiry has a chance of accessing a truth not mired in your attachments and aversions, in your samskras and fears. Even then, what you come up with may very well be shaped by deep conditioning, i.e. prejudices and biases implanted at a deep unconscious level. But no matter. Its the best you have to go on, and only by following the truth as you sense it in the deepest level of your being available to you will your path be straight and clear, leading to your own growth and a more powerful connection with the whole of reality. You MUST trust YOUR OWN experience, and by experience I mean something much deeper than the maelstrom of thoughts and conflicted emotions generated by endless wrangling of words online. This is my experience, this is the teaching of my lineage, this is my heartfelt conviction: stick to a contemplation of your in-person human interactions, and pay attention to the WHOLE of your experience in that regard. For example, if youre assessing your relationship to Anusara (but it could be anything: your marriage, your job,

and so on) contemplate all the first-person experiences youve had of Anusara: every troubling or disturbing interaction that you might have glossed over, and every bright, beautiful, and uplifting interaction that merits celebration. All of it. Turn a blind eye to nothing, whether or not it matches the pre-fabricated opinions of your mind. Then, having witnessed everything that arises in this contemplation, let your awareness come to rest. Breathe gently. Then notice: there is a gentle energetic lean deep inside. A gentle, steady lean in one direction or another. The wisdom-part of you already knows what is right for you. It quietly, implacable leans the way it leans. Trust it. I honor everyone who follows their conviction, as well as they can ascertain it. Because if they are in fact following prejudice and conditioning, acting on it will result in consequences that will signal to the reflective individual that they were not yet successful in hearing the voice of spirit (or whatever you want to call the inner wisdom). But of course its true: some believe they are following their truth (even following the truth), they believe theyre contemplating, they believe theyre in integrity, and in fact they are deceiving themselves and hurting people badly. They dont have clear self-reflection even when the shit hits the fan. What to make of such individuals? They are demonized in the online press, when what they need is a compassionate wake-up call. They are subject to delusions that are very difficult to escape from. The Tantrik tradition describes six different types of delusion that befall those on and off the spiritual path equally. These are analogized to the six realms: the demon, hungry ghost, animal, titan, human, and god realms. For example, someone addicted to feeling good, who thinks they have a special connection to the Divine (more special than other people, that is), and that they stand above the conventional moral codesuch a one is said to have a god-realm delusion. Someone who believes they are being persecuted, and is deeply identified with victim-mentality, is said to have demon-realm delusion. Someone who keeps seeking sustenance from deified teachers, and doesnt know how to tap into the fullness inside, is said to be in hungry ghost realm. There is much, much more to these teachings, but suffice to say that their purpose is to help people wake up out of deep convictions that are, in reality, deeply askew. This is my argument for tradition: we need the teachings as correctives to the delusions we fall into on the path of seeking our own truth. Its not an easy path, and its full of pitfalls. But tradition has a system of checks and balances: when the scriptures, your teacher, and your own inner wisdom all agree, youre on the right trackand you have a reliable teacher. So if youre into holding people accountable, ask whether what youve received from the teacher matches both your inner wisdom and the wisdom of tradition (what youve received from the teacher, not what youve heard about them). If not, walk away. If so, stay and do the good work. But the tripod is on shaky ground if you dont know how to get quiet enough to hear your own inner

wisdom. How about now? How about closing the computer, walking to the park, and doing some listening? What have you got to lose? May all beings be free.