LGBT Publication 7 Booklet

LGBT Communities Experiences of Faith and Church in Northern Ireland
Experiential Learning Paper No. 7 September 2011 www.irishpeacecentres.org

A project supported by PEACE III Programme managed by the Special EU Programmes Body
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Contents
1 INTRODUCTION Structure of the Report Research Methods Conclusions NORTHERN IRELAND, RELIGIOUS DISCOURSES, AND LGBT PEOPLE Being LGBT in Northern Ireland Religious Discourses and LGBT People in Northern Ireland Theological and Pastoral Issues Equality, Human Rights and Religious Ethics The Impact of Religious Discourses on LGBT People Conclusions LGBT PEOPLES STORIES About the Participants Journeys Towards Self-Acceptance Struggling with sexual identity: Lord please change me Learning to accept yourself: How can love be wrong? Relationships with Others Relationships with family: Half of me is cut off Im one person in my parents home and another in Belfast Relationships with friends: They refuse to meet my partner elationships with other LGBT people: I just wasnt R expecting normality page no. 7 8 9 10 11 11 13 18 19 21 21 22 29
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Experiences of Church eligious understanding: I actually found them very R caring and non-judgemental conditional welcome: The acceptance broke down A when I met my partner truggling with singleness: Calling comes S before companionship ont ask, dont tell: Ive never mentioned D being gay in confession rivate faith: Theres not a welcome in P the church for me n religious language: Just because you O hear same-sex instead of faggot does not mean that you are accepted ad experiences of church: Church was like family; B their rejection felt like grief ll Souls: It was a spiritual experience to be accepted A ejecting church: On anger, and tolerance of difference R confident faith: There is no condemnation for A those who are in Christ FINAL WORDS CONCLUSIONS REFERENCES NOTES
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Dr Claire Mitchell is a freelance researcher and writer from Belfast. Until 2011, she was a senior lecturer in Sociology at QUB. She has written two books about religion in Northern Ireland - Religion, Identity And Politics in Northern Ireland: Boundaries of Belonging And Belief (Ashgate, 2005) and Evangelical Journeys: Choice and Change in a Northern Irish Religious Subculture (UCD Press 2011) as well as numerous research articles, evaluations and reports for the community sector. Dr. Gail McConnell is a part-time lecturer and tutor in the School of English at Queens University Belfast. Her research examines religion and theology in contemporary Irish culture. Having also worked in the community sector, she has significant experience recording, documenting and analysing material from group work contexts. The Irish Peace Centres Faith and Peace project. The Irish Peace Centres (IPC) faith and peace project works from within the IPC Consortium of Cooperation Ireland, the Corrymeela Community and the Glencree Centre for Peace and Reconciliation. Working with people who live by and who are affected by faith, the Faith and Peace Project works to build relationships across traditional as well as social and psychological divides, helping provide people with tools for moving from a society that has known conflict to a society that lives well with its own diversity.
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LGBT experiences of Faith & Church in Northern Ireland Foreword This is the seventh paper in the IPC Experiential Learning series and it contains the personal stories of up to 20 members of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community who responded to a public call from Irish Peace Centres for stories. The paper is a conversation about diversity and a conversation which wider society frequently finds difficult to engage in. It should be read with care and the respect that any first person reflection deserves. I salute the commitment and courage of the respondents who told their stories for the purpose of investing an often controversial discussion with real life stories of their faith, their life and their hopes. The theme chimes with IPCs human rights approach to peace-building and its widespread use of story-telling as a peace-building methodology. It is also part of Irish Peace Centres on-going examination of the relationship between faith, conflict and peace. I pay tribute to the researchers Claire Mitchell and Gail McConnell who conducted these interviews with great sensitivity and wrote them up to the high professional standard the reader will observe in this paper. I thank Irish Peace Centres Pdraig Tuama who nurtured this publication from the early discussion of the idea to its final form for publication. Most of all I thank the people who actually told their stories in the hope of advancing the cause of their sexuality and their faith and with a view to building a truly inclusive society in Northern Ireland. I commend this paper to everyone who is serious about developing a peaceful and equal society here.
Peter Sheridan OBE Chairperson Irish Peace Centres
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1 INTRODUCTION
There is no such thing as a gay Christian. End of. Cathy, one of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) participants in this study, was extremely distressed to read this comment, written by a friend on her facebook page. Cathy is LGBT and a committed Christian. In fact, 21 out of 23 LGBT people who we interviewed during the course of this research have an active faith. The aim of this report is to tell our participants stories, and explore how it feels to be an LGBT person negotiating their religious identity in Northern Ireland. Many people told us that they had encountered the sentiment there is no such thing as a gay Christian in equal measure in both the churches and the wider LGBT community in Northern Ireland. Many have been turned away from churches, some have been asked to repent and change their sexual and gender identities, and many have experienced difficult relationships with religiously devout friends and family. At the same time, many participants described an anti-religious feeling in the LGBT scene. This is related to the exclusion many LGBT people have experienced from churches, but it nonetheless meant that participants religious commitments were not valued in this sphere. As a result, most of our LGBT participants of faith have struggled to feel at home in either space. However, the vast majority of people we spoke with have maintained a strong personal faith. For many, faith was foundational in their lives. And most have found ways to reconcile their LGBT and religious identities. They have persistently sought out new ways of expressing their faith, and have created alternative spaces where they can live out their beliefs. Sometimes churches have played positive roles in their religious journeys. More often they have not. As a consequence, two of our participants have rejected church altogether. But nearly all of our participants wanted to be part of a conversation with the churches, so that they might find ways to deepen and strengthen their faith together. Indeed, as shown in the opening quote, it is a widespread misconception that LGBT people are not religious. This assumption comes from a stereotype of LGBT people as promiscuous and hedonistic behaviours that the LGBT people in this report did not see as being limited to the LGBT community. In contrast, as Conor, one of our participants, says, people need to know that gay people drive to the country, drink tea out of a flask and eat soggy tomato sandwiches too. Indeed participants in this study were keen to stress the importance of ethics and values, commitment and monogamy and the everyday context of life as an LGBT person.
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The LGBT participants in this study are not unusual for having a religious faith. There are no figures available for Northern Irelandi specifically, but we do know about the religious beliefs and practices of LGBT people in the USA, which actually has similar levels of religiosity to Northern Ireland (Ganiel 2008). In the USA, LGBT people are equally as likely as their heterosexual counterparts to have a religious faith.ii They are just as likely to believe in God and pray regularly.iii Their reasons for joining churches are also similar to heterosexual people they value the sense of community or are drawn to a particular minister.iv There are some important differences too. LGBT people are more likely to have non-conservative theological analyses, and are less likely to attend church.v Overall though, it is crucial to note that LGBT people are just as interested in faith as heterosexual people. And, as Thumma and Gray (2005: 2) point out, most LGBT people of faith want to remain part of the denominations they were raised in, because they feel at home there, even in the face of rejection or theological condemnation. This raises important questions for churches in Northern Ireland and elsewhere. Whilst some of the churches have begun to address questions of sexual and gender orientation in recent years, there is a lot of trepidation about the issue. Some religious leaders feel that they are being asked to change their beliefs to fit in with secular, politically correct social norms. But it is also an issue about which there is a lot of misunderstanding. Many religious leaders who are being asked to address this issue do not know many LGBT people. Negative stereotypes of LGBT people are pervasive in our society and make it difficult for religious leaders to know how to begin the conversation. Of course, clerical attitudes to LGBT people are diverse and complex. The authors envisage the current report as part one of two pieces of work about LGBT people and faith. The second, we hope, will give voice to narratives from within the religious sector as we invite clergy to tell their stories. For now, the current piece of work focuses on hearing stories of LGBT lives. Structure of the Report This report is divided into two main sections. The first of these is a shorter section, which provides background information about LGBT people in Northern Ireland, and gives an overview of the main religious approaches to the issue to date, including the teachings and practices of the main churches. The second section is the heart of the report and tells the stories of our LGBT participants. We have organised this section around a number of themes which arose from the interviews. These are LGBT peoples journeys towards self-acceptance, and
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the role that religion plays in these journeys; LGBT peoples relationships with their families, friends and the wider LGBT community; and LGBT peoples experiences of the churches in Northern Ireland. We asked all of our participants if there was anything that they would like to ask, or say to, religious leaders, and we conclude this section with their questions and comments.
Research Methods
We began this research by reviewing the literature about LGBT people, and about religion and sexuality, in Northern Ireland. The literature consisted of academic studies, research reports by LGBT activist organisations, and government sponsored research. Statistical information was taken predominantly from the Northern Ireland Life and Times Surveys. To gain an overview of the main religious approaches to LGBT people in Northern Ireland we undertook a combination of primary and secondary research. In terms of secondary sources, we consulted the literature produced by the churches dealing with sexuality, and followed discussion of church policy in academic and popular sources such as church newspapers, websites and blogs. As primary research we interviewed a number of clergy, some in person and others by email or telephone. We also drew on interviews that we had conducted for another research project on a related topic. vi We attended an ex-gay ministries conference, and also spoke with a counsellor who is a Christian but is affirming of LGBT people, to hear an alternative perspective. The bulk of the primary research for this report was focused on gathering LGBT peoples stories about faith and church in Northern Ireland. We wanted to gain as many different perspectives as possible and set about recruiting participants in a number of ways. We placed an ad with a call for participants in the Belfast Telegraph, on www.gumtree.co.uk (a general community website), and on www.gayni.net (a website for LGBT people in Northern Ireland). A call for participants was placed on our own facebook pages, and was re-posted by friends and acquaintances. Finally, we used our own social networks, those of the Faith in Positive Relations Fieldworker, friends of friends and contacts in LGBT activist organisations to invite people to participate. In this way we pieced together a group of participants who came from a wide variety of backgrounds. Further details about the gender, age, religion and occupation of participants are provided in section 3. Suffice to say for now, that we think we managed to recruit people with a good range of gender, age, class and religious identities. In total, 23 people responded to our invitation. We interviewed 21 people in person, one by email and one by telephone. We talked to two couples together,
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but most of the interviews were with individuals on a one-to-one basis. The exception was a group interview that we conducted with seven participants who were friends. For the interviews, we asked people to describe their religious, gender and sexual identities in their own words. And as we will see, they had different ways of describing their sexuality. We have subsumed these into an umbrella term of LGBT for the discussion as this is the most inclusive label. But any productive conversation between LGBT people and the churches should start by taking note of how people describe themselves. We also asked participants to tell us about their religious journeys, their journey with sexuality and/or gender, their relationships with friends and family, and their experiences of church. Interviews typically lasted between one and two hours. They were transcribed and then analysed to draw out the main themes. All participants names and other identifying details have been changed to protect their anonymity.
Conclusions
This research report falls within the remit of the Irish Peace Centres on Religious Ethics and Human Rights. IPC works with diverse groups and communities in assisting the move in Northern Ireland from a society that has known conflict to a society that lives well with its own diversity. This project, under the Faith and Positive Relations activities of IPC seeks to improve the tone of public discourse and engagement within Northern Ireland, creating platforms for groups to emerge from silence, rather than creating new silenced groupings. There is clearly a need for more research and dialogue about religious ethics and sexual orientation to take place, so that engagement between the religious sector and the LGBT sector can be marked by mutual respect in public discourse, and, indeed, where individuals who hold both identities can be better represented. It is our hope that a companion piece of work planned for next year, focusing on clerical voices, will help deepen the conversation. For now, we hope that hearing LGBT people talk about their experiences of faith, religion and church in Northern Ireland will provide an important starting point for dialogue.
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2 NORTHERN IRELAND, RELIGIOUS DISCOURSES, AND LGBT PEOPLE

This section provides some background information about LGBT people in Northern Ireland in general, and then focuses in on how churches have responded to questions of sexuality and equality that have been raised in recent years.
Being LGBT in Northern Ireland

Northern Ireland has lagged behind the UK in its understanding and treatment of LGBT people. Whilst homosexuality was decriminalised in Britain in 1967, it remained illegal in Northern Ireland until 1982, carrying the threat of life imprisonment (Conrad 2009). Since then, the 1998 Agreement ushered in a new wave of legislation, centred on equality and human rights. And today, Northern Ireland has one of the most advanced equality agendas in the western world, with LGBT rights included in all the legislative changes accompanying the 1998 Agreement (Osborne 2003). At a basic level, the UK Human Rights Act (1998) ensures fundamental rights and freedoms. Section 75 of the Northern Ireland Act (1998) and the Equality Act (2007) made it unlawful to discriminate on the grounds of sexual orientation in employment, vocational training and in the provision of goods, facilities and services, education and public functions. The Civil Partnership Act (2004) offering same-sex couples legal recognition of their relationship, and the Employment (NI) Order 2002, ensures that same sex parents have rights in relation to adoptive/parental leave and flexible working. In addition, people who are transgender and have applied for gender recognition/reassignment are protected under the current Sex Discrimination (Gender Reassignment) Regulations 1999 and the 2004 Gender Recognition Act. But this does not mean that it is now easy to be an LGBT person in Northern Ireland. There is much evidence to suggest that social attitudes do not mirror the legislative changes. Surveys show that Northern Ireland is a more homophobic society than Scotland, Wales or England, and that homophobic attacks have actually increased significantly since the 1998 Agreement (Jarman and Tennant 2003). Social attitudes towards LGBT people in Northern Ireland still tend to be more negative than positive. In the 2008 Northern Ireland Life and Times Survey, 44% of those surveyed said that sexual relations between two adults of the same sex was always wrong, compared to just 24% who thought that it was not wrong at all. Younger people, women and Catholics were less likely to have problems with same11
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sex intimacy than older people, men and Protestants.vii Another question asked in the 2008 survey was do you approve of allowing same-sex couples to adopt children?: 17% of those asked approved, and 54% disapproved. Attitudes that are expressed in surveys translate in very real ways into many LGBT peoples lives in Northern Ireland. Kitchin and Lysaght (2003: 494) point out that homophobic intimidation and violence take place in a multitude of different spatial arenas including the home, workplaces, schools, pubs, clubs, and modes of transport and are perpetrated by a similarly diverse set of actors such as family, friends, work colleagues, bosses, school teachers, bar staff, other customers, and so on. The LGBT people they interviewed reported name-calling, verbal abuse and threats, hate mail, staring, spitting, cold-shouldering, school bullying, vandalism of property, forced eviction, and physical attack (Kitchin and Lysaght 2003). Some had experienced these regularly and some only sporadically. Those who were most outwardly identifiable as LGBT, for instance through their dress or mannerisms, were the most likely to have been attacked (Kitchin and Lysaght 2003). A number of recent reports echo Kitchin and Lysaghts findings. For example, an unpublished report, the Foyle Friend School Survey in 1998 (cited in Breitenbach 2004) explored the experiences of young people who were attracted to members of the same sex whilst still at school. Respondents reported reduced academic achievement, feeling social isolation inside and outside of school, attempted suicide and psychiatric illness. This chimes with the findings of a study about early experiences of being LGBT conducted by Youthnet (Carolan and Redmond, 2003). This study found that most people (83%) were aware of their orientation at school although it took on average five years to tell anyone else about it (2003: 9-10). 63% said they had suffered negative experiences because of their sexuality, 44% said they had been bullied at school. 15% dropped out of school because of bullying, 9% changed school and, an incredibly high number, 29%, said they had attempted suicide (2003: 12). Reports by LASI (Lesbian Advocacy Services Initiative) and the Rainbow Project (A GBT mens health project) demonstrate that these issues continue into adulthood. The Rainbow Project surveys suggest that gay men are vulnerable to mental health problems and are more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual men. They identified a range of other issues such as experience of social stigma, depression and lack of confidence. Both the Rainbow Project and LASI reports found that LGBT people often encountered problems with the attitudes of their GPs, and that many lesbian women in particular were afraid of losing custody of their children on account of their sexuality.
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In the Youthnet study, almost three quarters of respondents indicated that they had experienced homophobic attitudes from family members, and as a result 45% felt compelled to leave the family home. 16% of young people stated that they had experienced homelessness. (Carolan and Redmond 2003: 11). Kitchin and Lysaght (2003) also talk about being LGBT in family spaces. They found mixed reactions amongst family members when people came out some good and some bad. They also point out that many LGBT people only tell selected family members and that many put a lot of effort into hiding their identity. In the workplace, whilst a Rainbow Project survey shows that attitudes are improving in Northern Ireland, it reports that about a quarter of respondents in the private and public sector continue to conceal their sexual orientation. Older respondents were more likely to conceal their identity than younger respondents. And at work, 27% of respondents had cause to make a complaint relating to their sexual orientation or perceived sexual orientation (McDermott 2011: 25). In these ways we can see that being LGBT can be incredibly difficult for many people in Northern Ireland. Contrary to the stereotype of LGBT people as loud and proud there is a lot of hiddenness, pain and fractured relationships. This raises important questions for society, for government as well as significant pastoral issues for the churches.
Religious Discourses and LGBT People in Northern Ireland

Despite all its political problems, one of the most difficult conversations going on in contemporary Northern Ireland is between LGBT people and the churches. There is clearly a need for detailed and sensitive research into what clergy say and do about LGBT people in their churches, and, as outlined above, we hope to carry out such research as a companion piece to this report. Whilst the current study necessarily focuses in on LGBT voices, it is also important that we hear clergy speak in their own words, and voice their own struggles and journeys. For now though, we provide a brief sketch of the dominant religious discourses about LGBT people in Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland is still a relatively religious society. Over half the population continue to attend church weekly, compared with 10% elsewhere in the UK (Mitchell 2005). Boal, Keane and Livingstones (1998) survey of Belfasts churchgoers shows that Protestants and Catholics still live in a very similar moral universe, where sex before marriage, abortion and homosexuality are viewed as immoral. Those who Boal, Keane and Livingstone classify as conservative churchgoersviii in Belfast are the most opposed to homosexuality, with 94% of Protestants and 87% of Catholics believing
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homosexual practices were wrong (1998: 108). But even the most liberal churchgoersix in Belfast were not pro-LGBT, with 56% of Protestants and 39% of Catholics saying that homosexuality was wrong (Livingstone, Keane and Boal 1998). A number of critics have argued that the sexual conservatism of the churches in Northern Ireland has been profoundly linked to the Troubles (OLeary 2009). Ashe (2009), for example, argues that ethnonationalist conflict in Northern Ireland generated a body politics that structured gender roles in a fashion that supported the political agendas of both ethnic groups. Womens roles, while often subverted by individual women, were structured around conservative ideals of motherhood, domesticity and chastity. In Ashes (2009b: 6) words, traditional family structure provides a mechanism for the biological reproduction, maintenance and socialisation of new members of the ethnic group. Similarly, Conrad (2004: 21) agrees that homosexuality has historically threatened the reproduction of the heterosexual family cell that serves as the foundation of the nation-state. The beliefs and practices of the contemporary churches in Northern Ireland are now more complex, however. There is a range of views on homosexuality in the churches that cover a wide spectrum from outright condemnation to loving acceptance. Theological and Pastoral Issues One of the most vocal, if not the most representative, theological discourses about homosexuality in Northern Ireland, is one of sin and abomination. This is epitomised by the Free Presbyterian Churchs Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign in 1977, contemporary conservative evangelical protests against civil partnerships, and, of course, the Iris Robinson interviews.x Opposition to homosexuality is based on biblical analysis that focuses on the Hebrew Bible, in particular the Levitical laws, as well as a number of New Testament verses. Same-sex relationships are thought of in terms of perversion,xi an illness that can be healed, or even in terms of being a sex offender or paedophilexii and homosexuality is seen as a marker of Gods judgment on earth. Within the religious mainstream in Northern Ireland, approaches to homosexuality and LGBT people are more nuanced. Many struggle to balance their theological belief that homosexuality is biblically wrong, with their desire to provide pastoral care to LGBT people. Indeed an emphasis on pastoral care is found within all the main denominations. The Presbyterian Church in Ireland Pastoral Guidelines on homosexuality underline that they do not wish to condemn people with same sex attractions, and hold that the Church has a crucial responsibility to create an environment of love, understanding, acceptance, patience, forgiveness, openness and grace (2007: 10).xiii
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A Listening Process within the Church of Ireland has sought to hear the stories of LGBT people.xiv In the words of the Archbishop of Armagh, we havent adequately listened to the stories of gay people; or adequately lived up to our obligations to pastoral care.xv The Catholic Church also expresses the view that LGBT people must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity and ought not to be discriminated against.xvi Practical Expressions of Methodist Belief issued by The Council on Social Responsibility in Ireland,xvii similarly plead[s] for understanding and tolerance for those whose sexual orientation is towards those of their own gender, stating that the Church should give a greater lead in the education of society, including Christians, regarding this issue, so that ignorance, prejudice and fear may disappear.xviii However, the churches opposition to discrimination, and desire to provide good pastoral care for LGBT people, sits in tension with sincerely held theological beliefs that homosexuality is wrong. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states their doctrinal position on homosexuality in unambiguous terms: Basing itself on sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered. They are contrary to the natural law [] Under no circumstances can they be approved.xix Ex-gay ministry groups, popular within evangelicalism, such as CORE in Northern Ireland, hold a similar belief that homosexuality is biblically wrong.xx They reject the idea that people are born gay, and believe in the potential for anyone with homosexual feelings to change. From this perspective, in the words of Jonathan Berry, Gods word proclaims redemption to gay and lesbian people. The focus is on Gods grace and forgiveness, reassuring LGBT people that, as Jonathan Berry says, once they come out of this lifestyle and are now living in a Godly way [] the slate is wiped clean. The Presbyterian Church in Ireland, in their Pastoral Guidelines on Homosexuality, maintain that believing homosexuality is wrong is not homophobic, and state that while sexual temptation and desire is not sin; all sexual sin falls short of Gods mark and can be forgiven (2007: 7). This moral discomfort with homosexuality shapes the context of pastoral care provided by the churches. There is a widespread view within most churches that sexual relationships are only appropriate within the context of heterosexual marriage. For example, Practical Expressions of Methodist Belief states that marriage between a man and woman should be encouraged and is the only appropriate relationship within which sexual intercourse may take place.xxii The Catholic Church believes that whilst desire for people of the same sex is not sinful, acting upon those desires is wrong. Thus, there is an emphasis on chastity, and on people mastering their own desires so that they can find inner-freedom.xxiii
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The ex-gay ministry movement goes further than requiring chastity, placing emphasis on counselling, prayer and church support in order that LGBT people might become heterosexual. Ex-gay ministries encourage people to deal with their issues in the context of singleness or marriage.xxiv The PCIs Pastoral Guidelines also underline cases where people have moved from having same sex attractions to being heterosexual, through careful counseling, a regeneration of faith, or both. The Guidelines also hold, however, that it is not always possible to change ones sexual orientation, and in these cases, people are instead required not to have relationships (6). Another difficult question relates to the presence of LGBT clergy within the churches. A Vatican document of 1961 bars LGBT people from ordination and religious vows, whist another in 2005 places specific restrictions on the eligibility of people with homosexual tendencies to be candidates to Catholic seminaries.xxvi However, there is a perception that the Catholic Church may be home to a significant number of gay priests.xxvii Similarly within the Church of Ireland, Rev. Mervyn Kingston, co-founder of Changing Attitude Ireland, a Church of Ireland pro-LGBT advocacy group, and a retired cleric, argues that there are a significant number of gay clergy in the Church. However, he says (2008a: 1) that they are relatively invisible and fear disciplinary action on account of their sexuality. As such Kingston believes that there is policy of dont ask, dont tell within the Church of Ireland. Whilst these tensions are widespread across Northern Ireland, there are sections in most of the main churches that do not have theological problems with people living LGBT lives. The most notable examples in Northern Ireland are Rev. Chris Hudson and All Souls Non-Subscribing Presbyterian Church, Changing Attitude Ireland, a group within the Church of Ireland run by a combination of heterosexual and LGBT clergy and laity, and Accepting Sexuality, which is a similar group within Irish Methodism. These affirming religious voices believe, in the words of Changing Attitude Ireland, that there is integrity in being both Christian and gay, lesbian, bisexual or [transgender, that LGBT] people are called by God to express their sexuality in loving, faithful and committed relationships, [that] same-sex orientation is a God-given reality for a large minority of people, [and that] the lives of Christian gay, lesbian, bisexual and [transgender] people can offer evidence of the fruit of the Spirit.xxviii The above paragraphs of course do not provide a comprehensive analysis of religious discourses on homosexuality in Northern Ireland. And as stated, we hope that a later piece of work will provide the depth of analysis of this topic that is required. However, it has been important to outline something of the religious positions of the churches in Northern Ireland, in order to contextualise the rest of the research. Suffice to say for now that many different approaches to homosexuality can be found between and within churches in Northern Ireland, ranging from inclusion to opposition. Much of the religious mainstream lies somewhere in between these two poles, and there are
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currently many difficult conversations taking place about how to reconcile theological and pastoral concerns. These tensions are complex, and have sometimes seemed divisive. And to date, they have often resulted in recommendations of singleness and celibacy as a way of including LGBT people in church without encouraging their sexual orientation. Equality, Human Rights and Religious Ethics The area of religious ethics and human rights with regard to sexual orientation is also fraught with tension in Northern Ireland. Given that the majority of churches remain uncomfortable with people leading LGBT lives, it is difficult for many to unquestioningly accept the new equality legislation. In fact, the only sections of society that are exempt from the Equality Act are religious organisations, where they can show they seek only to practice, teach or advance their religious beliefs. This throws up significant questions about the relationship between religious ethics, human rights and equality. This relationship is further complicated by the fact that many public figures in Northern Ireland hold religious beliefs that can seem in tension with the human rights and equality they are obliged to promote. For example, in 2007 Ian Paisley Jr. from the DUP, then a junior minister in OFMDFM, the government department charged with promoting equality in Northern Ireland, found his personal religious beliefs in tension with his public duties when he said in an interview with Hot Press that he was repulsed by homosexuality, felt that it was wrong and that gay people harm society.xxix The fact that he went on to say that these private beliefs did not necessarily interfere with his public duties created the impression that equity and human rights were being forced upon certain public figures, rather than being genuinely held beliefs. But rather than seeing their position as a dominant one, religious figures opposed to homosexuality feel that they are marginalised within wider society. They feel that they are not permitted to voice their beliefs in public. As a conservative evangelical magazine editor told Mitchell and Ganiel the fear I have is that human rights and the equality agenda are taking over, and that its going to discriminate against evangelical Protestants. Evangelical Protestantism is sidelined and scorn is almost poured upon you as some bigoted dinosaur who no longer has any part to play.xxx This has legislative consequences also, for example the Christian B&B owners who have been sued for refusing to allow gay couples to stay in a double room. As a result of the legislative changes, some of the mainstream churches are beginning to tackle equality and human rights issues more earnestly. For example, the Church of Ireland has agreed to administer the Civil Partnership Survivors Pension, allowing
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same-sex partners of clergy the same pension rights as heterosexual partners, realigning their practices with equality legislation (Kingston 2008a). None of the main churches in Northern Ireland currently perform civil partnerships, but there are debates within British Methodism for example, about the possibility of hosting civil ceremonies on religious premises and providing a liturgy.xxxi There are some voices calling for a similar debate in Northern Ireland.
The Impact of Religious Discourses on LGBT People

The religious discourses that we have outlined above have inevitably had a profound impact on many LGBT peoples relationship with faith. And this impact is what we go on to explore in depth in the next section. Before doing so, it is worth pointing out what the literature tells us about this subject to date. One of the most insightful studies of LGBT lives in Northern Ireland was conducted by Kitchin and Lysaght in the early 2000s. They found (2003) that many of the LGBT people they talked to lead quite compartmentalised lives, out in some spaces and closeted in others. As such they found that some LGBT people attended church and simply concealed their sexuality. This included some who were married and had close connections to their church through family (Kitchin and Lysaght 2004). But many more LGBT people they talked to had been made unwelcome in their churches, and had chosen to leave. As a result, Kitchin and Lysaght (2004) state that many of their LGBT interviewees were extremely hostile to churches and their teachings. For example, Tim, says, I used to describe myself as a recovering Catholic, and now I describe myself as a fully recovered Catholic. To me, theres nothing in the Catholic Church for me as a gay person. Their official stance is that they are anti-gay, they dont condone it (2004: 89). This has also presented some people with challenges to their sense of self. Anne says that religious messages of homosexuality being evil were so drummed into her in her Catholic Church, that when her girlfriend began to hit her, she initially presumed it to be Gods punishment for her sin (Kitchin and Lysaght 2004: 88-9). Although these examples relate to Catholicism, a significant number of Kitchin and Lysaghts (2004) interviewees, including some who worked on a gay helpline, said that they thought it was more difficult to be Protestant and LGBT, than to be Catholic and LGBT, in Northern Ireland. Also, Kitchin and Lysaght (2004) note that religion played less of a role in their younger interviewees lives. Younger people did not have the same sense of religious guilt and anxiety about their sexuality as their predecessors.
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Another important contribution on LGBT lives of faith is a collection of stories, Share Your Story, edited by Rev. Mervyn Kingston (2010). Here, we hear seven stories of LGBT people, in their own words, talking about their experiences of church. The first six are accounts of difficult experiences of church, particularly where people were in a relationship with a partner. People talked about being excluded from active lay and clerical roles within their churches, being made uncomfortable with gay bashing sermons, and not being allowed to have their child baptised. This not only altered peoples relationships with the institutional churches, but also their personal faith. In Mary and Janes story, one says: The Bishop did point me in the direction of a more accommodating church, but losing communion with the church that was home, that was just down the road from my house, has been painful and has shaken my faith to its core. Recovery has been very slow. I am not the same Christian as I was before much more cynical and wary (in Kingston 2010: 5). An exception to the stories of exclusion is provided by Gerry Lynch, who is a Church Warden in St. Georges Church of Ireland. In his words, I feel loved regardless of my sexuality and respected for who I am [] Some gay Christians undergo terrible ordeals because of their sexuality. But I want to affirm that it doesnt have to be that way and increasingly, it simply isnt that way. In my Parish, and indeed in the Church of Ireland, I feel loved regardless of my sexuality and respected for who I am (in Kingston 2010: 21) Kingston and Kitchin and Lysaght highlight some important issues about LGBT people and faith that provide a starting point for our own research. We proceed to explore these themes of self-image, hiddenness, exclusion and inclusion in the next section.
Conclusions
In outlining the context in which LGBT people in Northern Ireland negotiate their religious identities and faith lives, a number of issues stand out. Firstly, that although LGBT people are well protected by equality and human rights legislation in Northern Ireland, in practice, many LGBT people regularly encounter prejudice, discrimination, bullying and violence. This has implications for many peoples self-image, their physical and mental health, and their relationships with family, friends and wider society.
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Secondly, many LGBT appear to have difficult relationships with the churches in Northern Ireland. Sometimes religious opposition is stark, for example where LGBT people are cast as an abomination or as paedophiles. More often, there is a sense of discomfort on the part of the churches, a belief that same sex attraction is not natural and is a temptation that must be warded off. As a result, there is sometimes an expectation that LGBT people of faith must try to change their LGBT identity, or perhaps more typically, must commit themselves not to act upon it through singleness and celibacy. Amidst these discourses, there are also significant strands within the mainstream religious landscape in Northern Ireland which affirm LGBT people the way they are. Some churches are trying to reflect this by agreeing to disagree, whilst others are allowing a degree of ambiguity in practice, to allow differences of opinion to breathe. There is also a genuine struggle in the churches over how they might reconcile their theological opposition to homosexuality with pastoral concerns for LGBT people. And indeed there is some reluctance in the churches to engage in such a dialogue, in case they are accused of homophobia. In light of this, there is clearly a need for deeper listening to take place between the churches and LGBT people. There is a need to create spaces where people may disagree robustly, but can engage in conversation with dignity, marked by listening and mutual respect. In what follows, we hear the stories of 23 LGBT people in Northern Ireland. Many of their lives have been shaped by the religious discourses above, as well as attitudes to LGBT people in Northern Ireland as a whole. Regardless of ones beliefs about sexuality and gender identity, we hope that hearing these stories will help readers to understand how it feels to be an LGBT person of faith in Northern Ireland today, and might help bridge further conversations between LGBT people and the churches.
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3 LGBT PEOPLES STORIES

Below, we hear the stories of 23 LGBT people who shared their ideas and experiences with us. We begin by exploring how LGBT people feel about themselves. As a result of their religious upbringings, many people initially found it difficult to process their sexual and gender identities. Now, most have come to a place, or are in the midst of an ongoing process, of acceptance. And we hear LGBT people talking about how religion has played a role in these journeys. The second part deals with LGBT peoples relationships with other people. This includes their families, many of whom were families of faith, as well as friends. Some of these relationships have been difficult, and others have been affirming. We explore the ways in which religion has helped to shape these conversations. We also hear LGBT people talk about their relationships with the wider LGBT community, and also the limited role that faith plays in the LGBT scene. Thirdly, we focus on LGBT peoples experiences of churches in Northern Ireland. Some have had positive experiences. But more often, we hear stories of hurt and exclusion. We also explore how some LGBT people choose to attend church but feel they must conceal their identity, whilst others choose to practise their faith outside the formal structures of the churches. For the final section, we asked our participants what they would like to say to, or ask, the churches in Northern Ireland, and we hear their responses below.
About the participants

Of the 23 people we spoke with, 11 are female and 12 are male. The youngest person we spoke with is 19 and the oldest is 65. Overall, one participant is in their teens, four are in their 20s, nine are in their 30s, six are in their 40s, two are in their 50s and one is in their 60s. Participants come from a variety of social backgrounds. Quite a number have jobs in the charity, religious and voluntary sectors. One is a member of the clergy. A handful of participants do not work. Two more are students. Others have a variety of jobs in, for example, retail, hospitality and public service. In terms of religion, of 23, nine are from a Catholic background, 12 are from various Protestant backgrounds, one is from a Jewish family and another was raised as a Mormon. Today, two participants do not attend church and describe themselves as
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atheists. Seven people have a religious faith in many cases an extremely strong faith but do not attend any church. This includes one person who works for a religious organisation but their sexual orientation is a secret. Four attend a Catholic or Protestant church but are not widely open about their sexuality there. This includes a religious minister, who has told some people but not others about his orientation. One person attends his local Catholic Church in an open way, as well as attending All Souls. Nine participants attend All Souls exclusively. All names and other identifying details have been changed to protect participants anonymity. In fact, many of the participants were deeply concerned about participating in this research, and were worried about the repercussions their involvement might have. Some said they felt nervous about getting in touch with us. One person said they would not sleep at night until the tape had been deleted. Another worried about losing their job. This in itself demonstrates the need for greater improvement in the conversation between the churches and LGBT people.
Journeys Towards Self-Acceptance

Being LGBT and coming from a religious background had a significant impact on how most of our participants felt about themselves, at least at some point in their lives. Only four out of 23 people we spoke with expressed very little anxiety around their realisation that they were LGBT. In contrast, most participants were very conscious of the main Christian churches negative views about LGBT people, and this often made it very difficult for them to accept themselves, at least initially. Often, participants would start off on their LGBT journeys believing that their feelings were wrong. Some, looking back at their lives, say they now realise how they tried to suppress, ignore and deny their feelings. Some tried to change their orientation through prayer, counseling, dating and, for five of our participants, through marriage. A later stage of most participants journeys was where they came to accept their LGBT identity, but struggled to feel truly at ease. Some knew that their love for their partner did not feel wrong, but were niggled by feelings of religious doubt. Many of the people we spoke with had moved beyond this stage and had come to feel happy in their own skin. They were aware of mainstream religious views on LGBT people, but were convinced of the validity of more inclusive religious interpretations, and were confident that there was nothing wrong with them. Getting to this point was rarely easy, however. And for some, it has meant leaving their faith behind, or at least stepping aside from the institutional churches.
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Struggling with sexual identity: Lord please change me Tom is in his 60s and has retired from his job in business. He is divorced and describes himself as bi-curious. Raised as a Catholic, religion has had a profound influence on Toms life. He continues to practice Catholicism and has recently attended the Whitewell Tabernacle to explore different expressions of faith, which he enjoyed. Tom says he would be bereft without faith. At the same time, religion holds Tom back in relation to his sexuality. He has often found himself attracted to men, but has never acted on his feelings. He is deeply curious about these feelings and says in many ways he would like to explore them further. But ultimately, Tom says, If youre a Christian we all have the same commandments. Bisexuality wouldnt be acceptable in any Christian religion. Id be afraid to explore it because of religion. Tom is at an early stage in his journey with sexuality and is, for now, content to shelve the issue. Others have spent a longer time, in Conors words, negotiating with themselves about their sexuality. Time and again, people said that they had pleaded with God to change them, to make them heterosexual. Usually this was early on in peoples journeys, soon after they realised that they were LGBT. People talked about the agony of trying to change. Many prayed, fasted, went for Christian counseling and talked things over continually with Christian leaders often for many years. Nobody we spoke with went through this process and emerged as heterosexual. But it is interesting that so many people prioritised their religious beliefs at the beginning of their journeys, desperately trying to suppress their feelings about their sexual or gender orientation. Emma is an artist in her 40s and is a lesbian. Emma was raised as a Mormon and had an active faith between the ages of 9 and 11. She poignantly describes realising she was gay around this time, and realising that this was seemingly incompatible with her faith, as an axe through the skull moment. In Emmas words, I knew I was gay from 8 or 9. And I was being told homosexuality is wrong, a sin and you wont get into celestial kingdom if youre in one of these relationships. The dissonance starts in your mind. Youre being torn in two between this is who I am I cant help the way I am Im attracted to girls not boys and I want to have this faith and Im in this faith. You are just split in half. Its a real kind of axe through the skull type of discovery when you put 2 and 2 together and go oh so Im a sinner, Im going to hell even though Im obeying all the other rules. And it had an incredibly negative impact on me personally [] I found it very damaging.
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As a result, Emma initially tried to change her sexuality. She says, It was as if I was white and wanted to have black skin. I knew I was gay and there was nothing I could do to change it, but I still tried and I pretended, which is what a lot of people do whenever they cant reconcile the two realities you just lie to yourself. So I had boyfriends and stuff and was completely miserable. Emma carried on having boyfriends until her early 20s when she finally got engaged to an amazing guy who was everything [she] could have wanted in a person. But soon after the engagement Emma found herself falling in love with a woman and says that it just felt completely different and she knew she had to make a decision. She says, I knew Id ruin [him] if I went through with it because my heart would be somewhere else even though my mind would be with him. I knew if it wasnt going to work with him, it wouldnt work with any man. For Emma eventually rejected Mormonism, in no small part because the tension between religion and sexuality was so great. Other people, however, continued to struggle with their sexual identity whilst maintaining a strong religious faith. David is a minister in his 40s in a Protestant church. He grew up in a rural part of Northern Ireland, with a conservative Christian background. David never defined himself as gay until he was into his twenties. Until then he had dated girls from time to time, but was never attracted to them. He kept thinking I just havent found the right person. Subconsciously, David says he might have labelled being gay as something negative the thinking in much of his background was that gay people had some kind of bad experience or suffered abuse in the past, but this did not apply to him. David says all the religious leaders in my life were lovely, loving people, and it was probably the love of these people that made me not question things. Initially, David continued to repress his feelings. He prayed Lord change this, asking is there something I havent done right? Even though David says he had a clear conscience, he deliberately tested and prayed about his sexuality in a specific way laying it down before God. He tried Christian counselling. He says, one counsellor was dismissive of the reality of my orientation. A different Christian counsellor prayed with him and delved into his past, but got stuck when they realised there was no abuse or broken parental relationships. After a number of sessions, they mutually agreed that the counselling had met a dead end. Still, David continued to pray, fast and talk things over with Christian leaders. But nothing changed. At least now David says that people are not really able to argue with him about the reality of his sexual orientation he tried everything he could not to be gay.
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Robin is originally from Scotland, and has lived in Northern Ireland for 12 years. He is a community worker in his 30s and is gay. Robin came out three years ago and has been with his partner for two years. Until he was in his early 30s, Robin was married, and was also desperately trying not to be gay. Like many of the people we spoke with, Robin was raised in a Christian family. Faith was, and is, extremely important in Robins life. He was saved at eight years old, and continued to be involved with church throughout his life, in youth fellowships, Sunday School, Scripture Union, in university and later, as an employee of the Presbyterian Church. But Robin has also experienced many years of inner conflict. He knew he was gay by the time he was 13, but because he was so involved in church, he says this was simply something that I hid. I just didnt think it was an option. In his 20s Robin started to work full-time with the Presbyterian Church, in a community development role. He says, back then I wouldve said being gay was wrong and that Id never run off with another man. I thought it had to be changed. Although Robin was having casual relationships with men at this point, he was in a deep state of turmoil. He says, I still wanted a pill to stop the gay feelings. I wouldve taken that pill. Like a number of our participants, Robin got married in his 20s. His intention was not to deceive he told his future wife about his feelings for men, and she tried to help him to change. In Robins words, to me, I fell in love with her. I actually made her my saviour. I thought she was sent by God, and that God had called us together. Even ten years later, when his wife became close to another man, forcing the issue of their marital problems and Robins sexuality out in the open, Robin wanted to go to counselling and stay together. He says, I was too terrified of us splitting up and the implications of all that. We were both nave. We thought wed do the right thing and itd all be ok [God] will fix it [] It was much more comfortable for me to stay in a mainstream church where everyone seems heterosexual, and play happy families, rather than embrace the reality of what was going on. Alan is another of five respondents who got married as a result of religious pressure. Alan is a gay man in his 40s, an actor, who became a born-again Christian in his late teens. Since then he has attended a variety of conservative evangelical churches, all of which taught that homosexuality was wrong. Whilst Alan had been an openly gay teenager, he started to feel that he was being sinful and tried hard to put his feelings to one side. Eventually Alan got married which he now realises was a mistake. He now knows that what he and his wife had was simply a strong friendship, not a romantic relationship. In fact, Alan says that a number of churches actually refused to marry them, because they knew about Alans sexual orientation and thought the marriage was unwise. But Alan forged ahead because of the internal pressure that
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he had come to put on himself, that being gay was wrong and he had to change. The tragedy for Alan is not only that his marriage did not work, but that he also missed the opportunity of building a relationship with a man who he was deeply in love with just before he met his wife. In Alans words, he would have been the perfect husband, but I got very confused in my head with the whole religion thing and he ended the relationship. Learning to accept yourself: How can love be wrong? Whilst many of our participants initially tried to suppress or change their LGBT identities, most had come to a point where they accepted how they felt and who they were, at least most of the time. We saw Robin, above, trying to suppress his sexual orientation and then to fix it through marriage. But this approach did not work for him. After he was married, Robin continued to have relationships with men, usually as one-night stands so he would be able to walk away afterwards. Robin says he had a secret, hidden life. He knew he could not tell people in church the truth and was terrified that a scandal would break out. He says, I knew it was wrong, not just the recklessly acting on it, but I didnt want to be doing it, or to be gay. When Robin and his wife later came to address the issue of his sexuality, he still maintained that he wanted to change. But over time, he slowly began to accept who he was. He says, My thinking starting changing over the years and I thought maybe being gay is ok. And I wanted to sort out my actions and behaviour and not be so reckless sexually. And I thought if I could accept who I was, maybe Id not be acting out in such a reckless way the stuff that Im trying to hide from everyone else. If I could just embrace myself and be happy with who I am. Robin attended an intensive weekend of Christian counselling, for people who wanted to change. But by this point he had started to make peace with his sexuality and instead began to think about how he could change his lifestyle but not with a view to not to be gay to be a nice gay! A good gay! A respectable one to find a nice fella and settle down. Around this time Robin fell for a man working in a Christian organisation who was also struggling with his sexuality the man was evangelical but compassionate and understanding. Robin says I fell for him and thought how can this be wrong? I cant see how this is wrong. This is what Ive been looking for, I just havent been allowing myself to. He goes on to say that nothing happened with him, but I experienced those feelings and it helped me think being gay is ok, and being in a relationship too.
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However Robins decision to accept himself had implications for his role in the church. He says his church was very supportive and was keen for him to stay. But, he says, they wanted me to be gay and celibate, and secret about it. And Robin was tired of juggling his identities. He says he thought, just let me be gay. In light of this, Robin felt there was no role for me within my framework of church. I couldnt stay on as an employee, and as a result he gave up his job. Robin, however, continues to have a personal faith. He says, I know I still believe. But it is difficult for him feel comfortable at church. Even though Robin has not yet worked out how he might be able to participate in a church, he has come to reconcile his feelings about being gay and having a faith. For others, tensions between sexuality and faith were not fully resolved. Sarah is a full time mother in her 30s who describes herself as a woman in love with a woman. She was raised in a devout Plymouth Brethren home, and faith continues to play a very important role in her life. Sarah has been married twice she always wanted children but the marriages never worked as she felt deeply distressed having a physical relationship with a man. It never occurred to her that she was not heterosexual until she became close to a neighbour, who is now her partner. Sarah is divided in her feelings about spirituality and sexuality. Although she lives in relationship with a woman she loves deeply, she is still not 100% convinced that this is right before God. In fact she says she is 75-80% convinced that it is ok, and is working on the other 20-25%. She initially thought there was something wrong with [her] because she had been raised to believe that gay people are turned over to a reprobate mind and are incapable of getting saved. Sarah says these ideas have been difficult to overcome and says when you are raised to be intimidated by things you should be involved in, it can play havoc with your self-esteem. Yet Sarah continues to be a committed Christian. In her words, I very much believe in God. I very much believe that Christ died in Calvary. I very much believe that Im saved. Now whether or not God agrees with the same sex relationship or not, I dont know. I couldnt even sleep a while back for fear of dying and meeting God, being gay, because I was so confused. Sarah says she often feels afraid to veer away from the strict religious ideas of her upbringing, in case they are right. But at the same time, she is also afraid to not question them, in case they are wrong. She even sends her children to a Free Presbyterian Sunday school, purely she says because they come and pick them up. But it is also because Sarah thinks her children must learn about God she says they need all kinds of messages, not just those that they get at home.
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However, in the midst of Sarahs anxiety about her choices, there are certain things she keeps coming back to. She says she continually prays, and says my prayers always lead me back to the same place which is [my partner], with whom she feels a great sense of peace. Sarah goes on to say, I dont see how God would see this as wrong. Looking at this in black and white, I cant see how love is wrong. I cant. The more Sarah talks, we see how she has spent a long time thinking through these issues logically and Biblically. She has a Christian counselor who helps her put the Bible in cultural context, and helps her see how she can be both gay and a Christian. Ultimately she says, I dont believe God would give his son to die for the world and then despise part of it gay people, or black people or whatever. It just doesnt make sense. In the end, Sarah asserts that only she knows her own heart, and how she stands before God: I was saved at 13. You cant tell me Im not saved. Youre not in my heart. And you cant speak to people whatever way you like, and use the authority of Gods word at the end of it, just to justify how you speak to people like theyre a piece of dirt. The sense of unease expressed by Sarah was reflected in other participants stories as well. Stephanie, who is in her 40s and raised a Presbyterian, has now rejected the traditional beliefs of her childhood in favour of a more liberal faith. She is very happy in her life with her long-term partner. Despite this, Stephanie says, Ill always have a discomfort with the gay thing. Its so ingrained, its what youre born into. Sinad, a Catholic in her 50s who is transgender says, Im at a stage now with my faith where I dont need that man in the box anymore [at confession]. I can talk to the man above and be content with what Ive said to him and that hes accepted me Whether thats true or not I dont know. Other participants had been able to lay their anxieties to rest whilst maintaining their faith. For a long time, Ian, a gay man in his 30s, says he struggled to accept that it was ok to be Christian and gay, despite knowing rationally that it was. But Ians experiences outside of Northern Ireland helped him to make peace with himself. He recalls attending a service in England led by a Church of England minister who was gay, which was the first time he began to see how his faith and his sexuality could be reconciled. Another conversation he had while travelling was with an Anglican priest friend also challenged his views, after which Ian says, I decided it was time to be honest and accept myself. Rose, a lesbian in her 40s, says of her early journey with sexuality: During this time I felt this is the way God made me and God loves me, but sometimes I wondered, and doubted maybe there is something not quite right with
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it and I shouldnt. I was swinging from one to the other. Now she says, Ive got to the point where I dont care. Rose says she has also come to feel at peace about her relationship: Im very happy and I believe God has blessed us with each other and God loves us.
Relationships With Others

As we have seen, many participants struggled at one time or another with accepting themselves. But there is a profound relationship between accepting oneself, and being accepted by others. Indeed, many of the LGBT people we spoke with have struggled to be accepted by others, whether this is families and friends or, as we shall see below, the churches. Interestingly, many of the LGBT participants also described difficult relationships with the wider LGBT community. This leaves many people in a difficult position, not quite at home in either their religious families or the LGBT community. Relationships with family: Half of me is cut off Im one person in my parents home and another in Belfast Some of the people we talked to had religious families, whilst others did not. We found there were a great variety of experiences with families, and not all could be predicted by religion. Some religious families were very antagonistic to their LGBT members, whilst other religious families were very accepting. Some secular families had problems with their LGBT members too. Most people were in a position of being partially out some family members, usually siblings, know about their sexuality whilst others, usually parents, do not. This causes many LGBT people to have to carefully manage their family relationships, which requires a lot of mental and emotional energy. Whilst Sarah, above, is developing the courage of her own convictions, she struggles constantly with the frequent judgements of her family who are extremely devout members of a Gospel Hall. Initially when she came out, Sarahs mother and brother completely disowned her. Her mother even phoned the social services to tell them that Sarahs partner was a danger to Sarahs children. She compared Sarahs choices to paedophilia. This in part helps explain Sarahs struggle to accept her own sexuality she describes herself as torn between the beliefs of her mother and her Christian counsellor, who says that being LGBT is not biblically wrong.
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Emma also finds herself marginalised within her family on account of being a lesbian. She says, My exclusion is exclusively because of my sexuality. Im not invited to family gatherings on one side of my family. I only hear afterwards and by mistake. My father and brother try to protect me from that. I went to things when I was engaged [to a man]. But Ive not been invited since they dont approve of my lifestyle. They dont speak explicitly about it. They dont need to. Im supposed to know that Im an abomination. Emma concludes that, being LGBT, you lose family members, and contact with them. Thats the price you pay. Robin has had mixed experiences with family. Both of his brothers are religious, but each has had a very different response. Whilst one brother is brilliant and sends a Christmas card to both Robin and his partner, another brother refuses to meet his partner. Robin says this brother is very fundamentalist, very black and white and recalls how hurt he felt when his brother sent a text saying he had to protect his children from such an offensive and sinful relationship. As a result, Robin says, we dont converse. Robin feels that this is a real shame because we are only a small family. Stephanie was raised in a traditional, steady Presbyterian family. Her family do not want to talk about her sexuality, although she has tried to tell them, they found it too difficult. Stephanie says I can respect that. I would adamantly protect [my mother] within her community their sense of respectability. But Stephanie is also saddened that her family cannot accept her in return. She says, half of me is cut off. I live as I am in Belfast but thats not the person Im known as [at home]. Stephanie found it particularly difficult when her partner was not allowed to attend her fathers funeral, which hurt her partner and her deeply. Some religiously devout families, on the other hand, were very accepting of their LGBT children. Liams family are Catholic and have been brilliant. Whilst his father is something of an old-fashioned Catholic, he has been supportive as are all Liams brothers and sisters. Other participants described unexpectedly positive responses from their religiously committed families. Amy is a charity worker in her early 20s and is in a relationship with a woman. She describes her family as born-again, very Christian, and they have been involved in the house church movement for as long as Amy can remember. Views on homosexuality in the fellowship Amy grew up in were very conservative, and she was worried that her parents would find her relationship difficult to accept. As a result, Amy did not tell them about it for over a year.
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However, when Amy did break the news she was very pleasantly surprised by her parents reaction. Part of this was due to the manner in which Amy came out to her parents. Amy continues to be a committed Christian and was keen to let her family know just how important her faith continued to be to her, and that she had not backslidden. So she wrote a long letter, filled with analysis of Biblical passages, making theological arguments about how being LGBT and Christian were compatible, and making a heartfelt plea to her family and friends to understand her situation. This is not to say that Amys parents automatically accepted her sexuality. Initially her mother in particular was shocked by Amys news and said we thought we were very liberal but we obviously arent. And it took a little time for her to rethink her views. Amys father was more readily accepting. Amy thinks this is partly because her parents had not been participating in church for a few years as a result of a division within their fellowship. Instead they had been meeting as church in a home group and this group contained a diversity of views on sexuality. Amy thinks that also, because her parents had been hurt by the fellowships split, her father in particular was ready to begin to challenge the conventional religious wisdom. It only took a few weeks for Amys parents to come to terms with her relationship. In fact she says, my family saw it as an opportunity for them to do some good for people, to re-educate people about homosexuality. Amy feels that her letter has opened up a positive conversation about faith and sexuality in her wider family circle. Her parents started to give copies of the letter out to other family members as well as their friends. Amy says, the response from people who have read it has been very positive. Addressing it in this way has really helped, because it goes beyond gossip and assumptions. A particularly encouraging response was from a Christian aunt who said to Amy, God is calling you to challenge other Christians.
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David, the minister who we met above, also feels called to change Christians attitudes about sexual orientation. David has told many of those closest to him, who are mostly from a conservative evangelical viewpoint, that he is gay. Because of their love for him most quickly emphasised their concern, and have gradually been able to understand something of where he is coming from, even if they do not all share the same outlook. Some however, struggle to communicate with him. David says, Whilst everybodys views may not have changed, the tone of the discussions has. Peoples opinions on the rights and wrongs may not have changed, but they have a better appreciation and awareness of the issues, an appreciation of the struggle and the agony that gay people go through. For me, it has blown away a lot of the ignorance, and that is what I want for the wider church. I want an open, honest, deeply loving conversation. I want someone who is struggling with their sexual orientation to be able to look at Christians and say theres where I will go to find help, support and understanding. It has been important for David that people know him as a person, before they see him as a gay man, and then when they find out about his sexuality at a later date, to find their views challenged by the person that they value and love. Quite a number of participants families do not know that they were LGBT, and this poses its own challenges. Ian says that his father is extremely opposed to being gay, although his opposition is not totally driven by religion it is cultural as well. Conor is in the same situation and thinks that for his parents, their potential difficulty would be as much to do with respectability and reputation in a small town as it would be to do with their religious beliefs. For others, deciding not to tell families about their sexuality was more specifically on account of their religious faith. Rose in her 40s and identifies as a Catholic and a lesbian. She is in a long-term relationship. Rose says my parents are elderly. They dont know. Theyre very devout Catholics. She says they would be devastated if they found out. Although Rose jokes about this, and says she tries to carry it lightly, she nonetheless feels that this is a large burden to bear. She is extremely sad that she is not able to participate fully in family life, or to be open about who she is in this context. Rose partner does in fact attend family gatherings as a friend, but this can become awkward, for example when the family photographs are taken. Roses partners family also does not know about their relationship. Rose says, We get on with it and just live. But [our relationship] is something that is never spoken of. Its never talked about. Its never celebrated. I get very sad at weddings. Its wonderful to celebrate love and people gather to rejoice of these two who love each other. And we can never have that. That celebration. Though some people do try
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to organise it for us. But our families wouldnt be present. And how can you have a celebration like that without your family, and your parents sitting at home wondering I wonder where [my daughter is] today? and us out celebrating and them not there. It should also be underlined that society in general has many problems with LGBT people, not just those who have a religious faith. Some participants parents who were non-religious had just as many difficulties accepting their LGBT children as their religious counterparts. Rory, a student, is 19 and is openly gay amongst his friends. However, he is not able to be open about his sexuality with his family. Neither his mother or father are practising Christians and in fact Rory says he also had to come out to [his mother] as a Christian. Rory enlisted the help of an aunt a number of years ago, to help him talk to his mother. But she did not take the news well and the issue has simply never been discussed since, which Rory says is extremely awkward. He has not yet come out to his father or grandmother. So Rory is in a very similar situation to many participants who have religiously devout families. This underlines the point that religion is intimately bound up with culture. It is important that we unpick what parts of peoples discomfort with homosexuality are underpinned by religious belief, and what parts are informed simply by the social norms of Northern Irish society which still tend to be unaccepting of LGBT people. Relationships with friends: They refuse to meet my partner Amongst those participants who were openly LGBT, relationships with friends were often a difficult issue. Many had lost friendships and had had to forge new relationships where both they and their partnership could feel respected.. Again, in some cases the loss of friendship was related to religion and in other cases it was not. Since Robin came out, he has had mixed reactions from his friends. Some have been good and supportive. But all the hostility, he says, has come from my friends who are Christians. He says that many of his friends from his former church are keen to shove their opinion down your throat. In other cases, he has remained friends with people, but the relationships are uneasy. In Robins words, I still have Christian friends. But some just want to meet me and not [my partner]. You cant fob me off if it was a girl, theyd be so excited and want to meet her. Its two years, and some of them havent met [my partner]. We invite people but you get the usual excuses. And you just think when are you going to make the effort? [] People say Im ok with it I just dont want it in my face. Were just talking about meeting people its not us talking about gay sex the whole time. Its just meeting and talking about normal things. So I think I need to just let it go
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Some of participants former friends were more forceful. Ian says he lost a very close friend on account of being gay, when she tried to talk him into healing by sending him Bible verses and giving him an ex-gay ministries book. After some time, Ian says the relationship just broke down as his friend simply could not accept him the way he was. Mark, a gay man in his 40s, had mixed experiences with friends and colleagues in an organisation that he describes as incredibly homophobic. A Brethren colleague who he had been close to told Mark that he did not want him to get divorced, and did not speak to him for eighteen months. But Mark also says that amidst all the general hostility when he came out at work, some of those with faith were some of the better ones. They knew I didnt change as a person. I was still me. Again this underlines the point that homophobia is not exclusively a religious phenomenon, and that people of faith can sometimes be the friends that are inclusive. It is interesting that some of our LGBT participants spoke about times when they themselves had been the disapproving friend. Both Ian and Amy talked about experiences they had, before they realised they were LGBT, where someone had come to them looking for acceptance, and they did not grant it. Ian remembers a man in university who came out to him as gay, and Ian recalls saying to this man that he thought that homosexuality was wrong. He says, the guy got pretty ill and left university not long after, which makes Ian incredibly sad. It has taken a long time for Ian to accept that these views were just what I was brought up with. Similarly Amy remembers when she was fourteen being asked by a friend what she thought of homosexuality. Amy says she discussed it as a fun and controversial topic, in which she took the argument that it was wrong. Looking back Amy says that now her friend has come out as gay, she realises he was looking for acceptance from her, and worries about what her words might have put him through at the time. In this way, although they feel deeply hurt by the attitudes of friends, many participants understand that their friends may initially have negative attitudes to LGBT people, just as they may have had themselves. As Ian says, everybody is on a journey in terms of their ideas about sexuality. What is difficult for participants, however, is when friends and colleagues persistently refuse to accept them when they know that as people, they have not changed. Relationships with other LGBT people: I just wasnt expecting normality Most of our participants have lost at least some friends on account of their sexuality and/or gender identity. But often, they felt uncomfortable in the gay scene in Northern Ireland and did not automatically replace their religious friends with new LGBT friends. It is a misconception that once LGBT people begin to see their sexuality
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as an important and accepted part of their life, that they are confident, out, loud and proud. In fact, the image that much of society has of LGBT people promiscuous and hedonistic was often echoed by participants, who, at least in the early stages of their journey, did not actually know any other LGBT people and described feeling very nervous at what they might find. Sarah, for example, says she did not know any gay women until she met a couple from Lisburn, whose home she and her partner were invited to for dinner. Sarah says I was dreading it. I just wasnt expecting normality. But she was very surprised with what she found: You could see how much in love with each other they were, but they werent all over each other and there werent dildos sticking out of the walls or anything, nothing major it was a very normal house. Sarah and her partner arrived for tea at 6pm and ended up staying until 4am, sharing their stories and delighting in the fact that she had at last found some other people that she could identify with. Mark says that negative attitudes to LGBT people were so ingrained in his family that it initially made him nervous about the gay community. He remembers that there was an LGBT society at university. He says, I walked up to door before first meeting. I really wanted to go in. But I couldnt for fear of being different. I didnt know anyone else who was gay for fear of my family, what my father would do to me, I didnt go in. I walked away. Mark now volunteers with a LGBT activist organisation and has long since made his peace with the gay scene. He is one of just a small handful of participants who said that they felt connected to the wider LGBT community in Northern Ireland. Most expressed how they felt distant from it. In some cases, feelings of distance were due to the kind of nervousness expressed by Sarah and Mark above. In more instances, though, participants talked about how they felt the gay scene did not really represent their ideas and values. Many said that the gay lifestyle referred to in religious circles was not a lifestyle they identified with. Ronan says that the media focuses on campness, which doesnt represent gay life for him, and he feels this is a big obstacle to gay people being accepted. Rita feels that gay people should embrace the efforts of religious people, and they should dispel the image that gay people are just marching in knickers! Conor said that he wanted people to realise that gay people drive to the country, drink tea out of a flask and eat soggy tomato sandwiches too!
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Indeed the complaint that society has a stereotype of LGBT people, reducing everything to sex, was repeated often, and by most participants. Many of the LGBT people we spoke with were in long-term relationships, some were celibate, others were single and had relationships from time to time. So participants felt deeply misunderstood when friends, family and strangers honed in on their sexual lives, assuming that they now lived in a world of casual sex and saunas, rather than dealing with them as ordinary people for whom sex was just one aspect of a multifaceted identity. In Cathys words, in Northern Ireland people are obsessed with the physical act of sex. They forget that there is love and relationship involved. Participants had different views of overtly sexualised expressions of the LGBT community. Some, like Rita above, felt that some LGBT people gave LGBT people a bad reputation. Stephanie says it seems like its just sex. Pole dancing queens dont do anything to endear people in Northern Ireland. I still have my Presbyterian reserve. I think thats damaging. It alienates people instead of inviting dialogue. Rory agrees saying that the LGBT community dont help the situation. Some of the overt sexuality in Pride fuels the fire of homophobic Christians. Not everybody agreed with these sentiments though. Liam pointed out that overt sexualisation was just as pronounced in heterosexual nightclubs and youth cultures. Heterosexual people who go to Belfasts bars and clubs are just as likely to dress provocatively and end the night with casual sex. This is just an aspect of our society, yet, Liam says, straight people are not vilified for it. Many participants felt that a lot of LGBT people were driven into the arms of the commercial gay scene. In Pauls words, If you turn people away from church what else is there for them other than the club scene? As an older, settled gay couple, me and my partner see ourselves as a family unit. Most churches cant understand this. So where else can we go? Ronan, a gay man in his 30s working in the public sector, had a more spiritual take on the question. He says wryly, I believe in the devil. Without a doubt. Maybe because we [LGBT people] have been delegated to his domain. He goes on to say he thinks that that gay people are vulnerable to the devil. This is because we are so outside, and there is such loneliness involved with being gay, that people need somewhere to go. Ronan believes there is a void for romance for gay people, romance is always portrayed as heterosexual. So as a reaction, some people choose to find a bit of fast love in a sauna, or a garden of love, or in the park. Ronan is keen to point out that he is not passing judgement on some LGBT people for how they choose to live their lives, but feels that the gay casual sex scene is very damaging for people, to their selfperception, and their self-esteem.
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Nearly all the participants talked about finding the wider LGBT scene to be quite hostile to religion, at least on the surface. In fact, Ian says, the wider gay community are shocked that as a gay person you can also be a Christian. In Robins words, Theres all that, like, put on banter. The drag queens make fun of people and religion. But weve talked to people one on one, and its surprising the number of people who have some sort of faith or have been religious. Some have totally turned against religion because of how theyve been treated, and some feel regret and really miss it now because they dont feel welcome where they went before. If youve been treated so badly youre just going to react and shun it. Rita also says she finds it difficult to tell the gay community that I am a very firm believer in G-d, that I have a strong faith. She says, this can be met with scorn and ridicule in the gay community, where its seen as modern and trendy to not have a faith. Overall, the vast majority of LGBT people we spoke with had complicated relationships with both the LGBT scene and, as we see below, with the churches. This has left many between a rock and a hard place, feeling as if they are not quite accepted by either group.
EXPERIENCES OF CHURCH
Religious understanding: I actually found them very caring and non-judgemental Rita is the only participant who had always experienced unequivocal acceptance within her religious community. Rita is in her 30s and works in the health sector. She grew up in a reformed liberal Jewish tradition, for which she considers herself to be very lucky. She was accustomed to female rabbis for most of her life, and was raised on a Kibbutz in Israel with many gay couples, some of whom had children. As a result, Rita says that being gay has been a non-issue in her life. She contrasts her upbringing to Orthodox Judaism, which has its prejudices and can be closed minded and unaccepting. Having said that, Rita has come out to two Orthodox Jewish friends, and was pleasantly surprised to find that their issues were not with sexuality per se, but with loyalty, monogamy, fidelity, commitment, children and keeping Jewish faith. Although there are exceptions, Ritas experience of the Jewish community is mainly positive. She prefers not to go to the synagogue in Belfast because women do not take part in the service. But she says has never experienced discrimination from Jewish community in Belfast who are welcoming and open.
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Some other participants spoke about the kindness of individual clergy or congregations, who they felt dealt with them positively as LGBT Christians. Paul, for example, is in his 30s, works in retail and is gay. In his 20s, Paul had been attending his local Church of Ireland with his partner, although they did not draw attention to the fact that they were in a relationship in church. When the relationship broke down Paul says I was a mess, and he turned to his minister and his wife for support. He says I actually found them very caring and non-judgemental. He ended up becoming a close friend with his minister over the course of the next year. The minister talked about how he had been trained to deal with homosexuality, by praying with people and encouraging them to change, but when he was supporting Paul practically, he said he came to see things in a very different light. Paul says his minister realised it was a broken relationship like any other. He says, it can be hard for some people to believe were just the same as everyone else, but that through their pastoral relationship, his minister made this transition. A conditional welcome: The acceptance broke down when I met my partner Many more of our participants, however, talked about the conditional nature of their acceptance at church. Some said that they felt very supported in church on the condition that they were working on their issues with regard to their sexuality. Others again said that they were accepted in church as long as they were celibate, which we discuss in more detail below. Rory, for example, says in his experience you are really welcomed in a church for two or three months and accepted for who you areand then they start to expect you to change. Rory became a Christian two years ago during an American superchurch outreach programme. Rory was open about his sexuality before this so never understood why people had a problem with being both gay and Christian. He says, when I got saved people assumed I wasnt gay anymore, and he did not realise that it was not ok until a friend informed him some months later. Rory says this church was good for learning and deepening relationship with God, but ultimately was not accepting of him, so he left. He then joined the Elim church, where he again found that his welcome was conditional on his willingness to change. The pastor emailed his friend to say he was worried that Rory was making unhealthy lifestyle choices, and came to Rorys house demanding that he attend ex-gay therapy. But Rory did not want to turn straight so, once again, he had to leave the church. Robin found his church, which was also his employer at the time, to be incredibly supportive when he first came out to the leadership. In fact he says the minister was amazing, that the church family [] helped me through, and that he felt loved and accepted. The minister took Robin under his wing, regularly inviting Robin to have lunch with his family to the point where Robin says he felt like an adopted son.
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Anytime Robin would tell someone else about being gay, however, he had to tell his minister, who would then go and speak to the person. This level of control annoyed Robin, but ultimately he feels that the minister was lovely and I think he was trying to protect me. However, the support began to break down once Robin decided that he was happy to be gay and stopped trying to change. As a result of this decision, Robin found working for the church to be increasingly difficult. Eventually he stood down from his job in the church and gradually stopped attending services which he describes as incredibly painful. When Robin began a relationship with his partner, who he has now been with for two years, his former minister found this difficult to accept. Robin remembers sending a text to his minister, wishing him Happy new year, from Robin and [partner], the minister replied by saying Dont send joint texts to me, it just reminds me what a huge mistake you made. Robin describes feeling upset and hurt as a result, as was his partner who did not share his religious background and could not believe that a minister would send such a message. Despite this, Robin has on occasion been back to his church with his partner and really enjoyed it. In fact, a few weeks before we spoke to him, Robins minister had visited his house and his partner made them tea. Robin feels this was progress, and his minister is moving, to some degree, towards acceptance. He concludes, part of me would like to go [to my former church]. I almost have a feeling like I could celebrate my faith there. Part of me would like to do that, but I just have to accept that it might take a while and it might not be there, it might be somewhere else. Madeline also feels that her acceptance in church as a lesbian began to break down when she met her partner. Madeline is in her 30s and was raised in a Catholic home where she developed a deep, questioning faith. Madeline was one of just a handful of participants who expressed little conflict between her faith and her sexuality. She says both felt equally right. At one point, Madeline was considering becoming a nun. When she went for interviews for entry into religious life, she was open about who she was and says it wasnt an issue. Despite this, Madeline decided that she would not enter novitiate, and began to work instead for a religious organisation. Although once again she was up front about being a lesbian and this was not a problem for this organisation, Madeline says it never totally sat comfortably for her. She says she felt disingenuous because she was in a relationship. She says, you use a lot of energy being aware, checking, being underground. Its exhausting. Ultimately she says, I decided I couldnt do it anymore. I couldnt in conscience uphold the Churchs teaching on homosexuality, and she left her job.
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Struggling with singleness: Calling comes before companionship Other LGBT people chose to accept the condition of singleness set by their churches, at least for a time. In some cases this was because peoples overall experiences of church were so positive that they did not want to upset the status quo. In other cases, this was because people felt that in order to have a voice within internal religious debates, they had to keep to the rules and challenge norms through the example of their life. Conor is a Catholic in his 30s who works for a charity. He grew up as a Catholic in a predominantly Protestant part of Northern Ireland. His family were solidly Catholic, but very-open-minded with mixed circles of friends. When Conor left school he joined a Religious Order, where he stayed for eight years. He describes this as an incredibly positive experience, working, in his words, to bring the Kingdom of God on earth. Whilst he was a member of the Religious Order, and for a long time afterwards, Conor was celibate. Looking back, Conor says this may have helped him push the issue of his sexuality to the back of his mind. And it was not until he was 30 that Conor began to acknowledge his feelings about his sexuality. He says that whilst celibacy was not consciously his reason for joining the Order, I think it enabled me not to have that debate with myself and not to look at myself, and then of course no-one even asked the question why is that man single? After a time in the seminary, Conor realised he did not feel called to be in a position of leadership, whereas he had always felt very committed to social justice. He also realised that being clergy comes with restrictions. He says there are things that priests can and cannot do, can and cannot say and felt within the field of social justice I began to see that there were more things that I could do as a layperson than as a clergy. Whereas Conor, like Madeline above, left his Religious Order and ultimately rejected celibacy, other people choose to abide by the churches rules on singleness. Before David was ordained, he told his denomination of his orientation. It gave him great peace and joy that they affirmed his ordination. But it was with a commitment to celibacy. Many people in his church will now accept non-heterosexual orientation, he points out, but they draw the line at accepting people in same-sex relationships. For David, his calling comes before companionship, but he constantly longs for the latter. However, David says that he now feels that part of his calling has become tied in with his orientation. In his words, I feel I have a responsibility to help inform the discussion properly, even if my own life and relationships are restricted in order for me to be able to do so.
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Dont ask, dont tell: Ive never mentioned being gay in confession An alternative approach to religious practice, employed by some people we spoke with, was to attend church but not publicise their sexuality. Liam is an engineer in his early 20s and has been with his partner for two years. Raised as Catholic, he now alternates his attendance between his local Catholic Church and All Souls. Liam says Ive never had a hard time in church because of being gay, and says he does not remember homosexuality ever being mentioned in the pulpit. He has been a regular attender at confession up until recently, and has never mentioned being gay with the priest, despite the priest being a neighbour and knowing him well. Liam says that there are quite a few openly gay people in his Catholic Church, including some who serve as Eucharistic ministers, and that no one has any issue with it. Liam says he has heard about evangelical churches where ministers preach against gay people but Catholic priests would never want to hurt anyones feelings. When Liam came out to his mother her first response was well youll still be practising your faith, taking it for granted that there would be no problems. Liam expresses little anxiety about being both gay and a practising Catholic. For him, it is connected to fact that his church is not a very close-knit community. He says you go, you say your prayers and go home. Conor shares Liams views about the Catholic Church to some extent. But his feelings about sexuality and church are complex. On the one hand he attends mass regularly and feels comfortable there, but at the same time, says its hard to be out at church [] it obviously is an issue or I would be out with everybody. Like Liam, Conor says he has never been at a mass where homosexuality is outwardly condemned. In Conors opinion you could not find a priest who does not know another priest who is gay, so as people they dont condemn it. Having said this, Conor also says that the norms within the Catholic Church are clearly heterosexual. Moreover he says whereas priests do not necessarily denounce homosexuality, as you get higher up the echelons, the condemnations increase. More than this, Conor says that under the current Pope anti-homosexuality became a crusade, and he fears conservatism is on the rise. The issue is complicated though, and Conor says that the Catholic Church is capable of having polar opposites; of being both open and closed. Conor says that Irish Catholicism today is not about condemnation, unlike in South America or Africa where being gay is still equated with sin. But despite Catholicisms allowance for difference of opinion, Papal infallibility continues to be a sticking point. In Conors words,
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If my mother had to debate this same issue, as a liberal Catholic, theres always that bit that says well, the Pope knows more than me. Thats the problem for me. The Pope is the Pope and his voice carries so much weight in terms of spiritual leadership, as rightly it should do. But the problem is that people who havent been in my position just dont understand how would you feel if I told you not to be straight anymore? And why should I restrict who I love when nobody else has to? And thats my frustration. And thats why there is a lot of anti-religious sentiment amongst gay people because they just think these people do not listen, they do not understand. The problem is it always comes back to Papal authority, and its very frustrating that religious authorities do not understand. Conor believes that the Catholic Church is sitting on the fence with regards to homosexuality, and challenges them to begin the conversation institutionally rather than just saying I dont condemn it. For him, Dont ask, dont tell is at best an uneasy compromise. Other participants from the Protestant tradition echoed these views. Alan has attended a series of Pentecostal churches and Christian Fellowships over the course of 30 years. Alan knew he was gay as a teenager, but became confused when he found faith, after repeatedly encountering churches teaching that homosexuality was wrong. The first church he attended was a Brethren Fellowship where he was introduced by a friend who accepted that Alan was gay but advised him not to mention it at church. When he moved to another town, Alan attended a non-denominational church where the preacher told him he must put his sexuality to one side, and if he slipped up, he should keep quiet about it. Alan moved house a lot, and subsequently attended two Pentecostal churches where people guessed he was gay and offered deliverance from homosexuality. At another house church Alan described himself as very happy, but says he just never talked about being gay. Alan says I love God, but [in most of those churches] I didnt ever feel like I was loved or wanted. I was always hiding things. Now, Alan attends a Methodist Church where he says the minister is very accepting. But again, Alan has been told that he must keep it low key. The ministers view is that it is ok to be gay, but not to have a physical relationship. Alan says he does not deliberately hide the fact that he is gay in church, but he has never shouted about it from the rooftops. He says he has been forthcoming in the past but has now learned to be careful, dont tell too much. And while Alan is happy in his current church, he feels that he is not fully accepted. Some of the older people are friendly to him, but he says this might be because his being gay is simply not on their radar. On the other hand some of the more travelled members of the congregation have guessed and avoid [him] like the plague. As a result, although he loves music, Alan turned down an invitation to join the choir, because I didnt feel I was good enough. While Alan is beginning to accept that he can be both gay and a Christian, it is clear that
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not being able to be open about his sexuality at church has impacted his self-image and relationships with others. Madeline sums up the impact of dont ask, dont tell policies well when she says, Its curious because [my partner and I] havent experienced open hostility. But neither have we experienced acceptance. One of the phrases that really annoys me is I dont care or It doesnt matter to me. If a heterosexual couple said were together, were happy the response would be thats fantastic. Youd never dream of saying to a heterosexual couple I dont care or as long as you keep that to yourself. The absence of hostility doesnt equal acceptance. Private faith: Theres not a welcome in the church for me Some people have not been able to live with the restrictions imposed on them by churches, and are not comfortable attending church whilst hiding their true identities. As a result, six of the people we spoke with said that they had a faith, but did not feel able to attend church at all. They said that they would like to attend church, but simply did not feel welcome. Ronan describes himself as spiritually interested and definitely believe[s] in a higher power. He has always been attracted to a mystical type of Catholicism that emphasises figures like Padre Pio and Blessed Alexandrina Maria Da Costa. But Ronans spirituality exists in tension with his views on organised religion. In his reply to our advertisement for participants, Ronan wrote, I am severely incensed at how mainstream religions preach messages of acceptance and enlightenment, while at the same time actively exclude homosexuals. I believe we have a lot of offer to the world of religion and spirituality, but our interpretations and insights have been stifled for thousands of years. Talking to Ronan, his sense of exclusion from religion comes across very clearly. He says Ive always read a lot about the history and philosophy of different religions. And I know enough to know I am not included in them. He goes on to say though that Ill live by my own conscience [] I take my own feeling, rather than divine inspiration or man-made doctrines. When asked did he practice his religion, Ronan said, what is practice? Is it attending mass where you hear messages like be fruitful and multiply, go home and breed? This is indoctrination. In contrast, Ronan says that religious practice for him is creating things, it is about writing, which he loves to do. When he writes the subject is nearly always religious. He says there are a million different ways to be religious without asking a priest how its done.
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Sinad is in her 50s and works in the health service. She describes herself, as transgendered a woman trapped in a mans body and heterosexual. For as long as she can remember she felt different, but Sinad had a typical Irish Catholic upbringing where nobody spoke about sex. As a result, it was not until her 30s, well into her married life, before, in Sinads words, I realised who or what I am. For a long time, Sinad felt extremely guilty, wondering was I mental? Was I a pervert? If I felt like this how could I be a father? I went into despair and depression and didnt tell anyone why. I contemplated suicide. Sinads wife is wonderful and accepts it as far as she can. Her two sons have mixed feelings. Sinad is only en femme parttime and says I would love to be full-time as a woman, and to have treatments to be truly what I am. But I feel I would hurt too many people. And I would lose my family. Sinad says she has a simple faith and does not question anything too deeply. Like many other Catholics, her faith in the Church has been shaken by the abuse scandals. Although she would like to participate in church, Sinad says, I dont go to church as often as I used to. And its not because of the abuse scandal but because of this [gestures to herself dressed in female clothing]. I feel that as a person, church as I know it cannot accept me. I have been to Mass once as Sinad. And I would maybe go again. But I feel that theres not a welcome in the church for me []. It took me a long, long time to accept myself, but I dont feel that the church can readily accept me. The church people not only the clergy, but the church people. So I dont go as often now. But I still have my faith. And pray to God and go to Mass every so often. The one occasion when Sinad did attend Mass it was way out in the country. She says she participated in the service making the sign of the peace and shaking hands with no repercussions. But she left straight away after the service before people would have a chance to question. Sinad thinks it will be a long time before the Catholic Church would be able to welcome her. She says, The Church would need to make a general statement theyd do it for the gay community first of all. Were way down the scale. Were only on the first rung of the ladder. Our community is about 30-40 years behind the gay community. Sinad, however, does not single the churches out for their lack of acceptance of transgender people. In fact, she finds most social situations are difficult. She only goes to a small number of handpicked bars and restaurants. She is used to people jeering at her, being asked to leave venues and getting her car tyres slashed. At an event she attended about new justice policies, she describes people on the panel visibly moving their chairs away from her and her friends. For Sinad, her lack of acceptance in church is merely an extension of a lack of acceptance in society.
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Julie also struggles with her sense of rejection from church. Julie finds herself in a difficult position, because she is employed by a religious organisation. The organisation does not know about her sexuality, and Julie goes to great lengths to ensure that her relationship remains a secret. At the same time, Julie has a deep personal faith. She likes the theology of her religious tradition, she likes to pray, and prays regularly with her partner. At one time in her life, church attendance was extremely important for Julie. But her views have changed. Now she says, I dont feel welcome to practice [my faith] in community. I dont feel welcome into a community. It is difficult to go to church now. The minister is caught up in the church and the teaching. No matter how nice and friendly and accepting they are, deep down if it comes to it, they take the side of the Church and leave you standing. I find that very difficult. Some years ago when Julie and her partner moved to a new area of Ireland, they got in touch with the local minister, offering their services to do voluntary work, as they had done in their previous parish, but he ignored their offers. As a result of these experiences, Julie has come to redefine her faith. She says of church attendance and traditional doctrine: Ive become more and more sceptical in those things. Now Im into seeing how Jesus treated people [] its about hospitality and welcome. Although she wrestled with her sexuality early on in her journey, Julie now feels that God accepts and loves her the way she is. But she continues to be angry and saddened by her rejection from church. She is terrified about losing her job with the religious organisation, should they learn about her private life. And she very much misses the sense of community that comes with participation in church. Julie concludes, I dont think the church [loves us], but I think God does. The church is missing out on us. This is a sentiment shared by many of our participants who would love to serve in their churches, but who are barred from anything other than attendance on account of their sexuality. In Ians words, look at all the ministry people in this room have been involved in [gestures to room of former worship leaders, community and youth workers]. Gay people have so much to offer the church.
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On religious language: Just because you hear same-sex instead of faggot does not mean that you are accepted Many participants, who both attended and did not attend church, talked about how the language used by the churches has made them feel as LGBT people. Whilst participants appreciated that churches were making an effort to address issues of sexuality, they generally felt that the language used was pejorative. Ronan, for example, says the terms religious people use to talk about gay people always have a hint of contempt, even when they are trying to be politically correct. When churches talk about the gay lifestyle, Ronan says this highlights only one specific aspect of being gay what Ian Paisley Jr. calls in your face poofery and it makes the assumption that all gay people are like this. Ronan objects that this gay lifestyle does not represent him at all and is, in his opinion, a lifestyle that is destructive to how all gay people overall are perceived. Many participants spoke about the religious position love the sinner, hate the sin. And most concluded that when their sexuality was construed as sin, the rest did not feel much like love. Amy says there is a lot of politically correct language about acceptance, and love the sinner, hate the sin, but when you scratch the surface it doesnt hold true. For Amy, who had to leave her church on account of her relationship with a woman, this did not feel like love or acceptance. Mark says of Iris Robinsons infamous assertion that gay people made her sick but that she loved the sinner, I dont know that Jesus would want you to say this to me. The hatred, talking about murderers and paedophiles and homosexuals. I dont think Jesus wouldve used that language. You say hate the sin and love the sinner but it doesnt come across because youve got to look at what [the churches are doing] in society. Robin says that he wishes religious people would stop saying were all sinners, because its like an attempt to be gracious and hold the hand out, but is actually just saying youre wrong. When Ronan told his mother that he was gay, she immediately called the priest in to talk to him. Ronan has mixed feelings about this encounter. One on hand, the priest tried to reassure him that there was nothing wrong with being different, and that his sexuality didnt define him, which he appreciated. However, he gave Ronans mother a book to read, called A Stranger in the Family, which spoke volumes to Ronan. He says, the language just implied that gay people were alien, completely outside your culture, outside of your family. This was very difficult for him. He says of religious language just because you hear same-sex instead of faggot does not mean that you are accepted.
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Bad experiences of church: Church was like family; their rejection felt like grief Whilst few of our participants had positive experiences of church in the sense that they felt unconditionally welcomed, some peoples experiences were worse than others. Here, we share some stories of those who have been at the sharp end of the churches rejection. Amy, who we met above, has been with her partner Rachel for two years. Rachel is also a Christian. Their story is one of hurt and exile, as they have struggled to find a church where they are welcome. They met each other when they were worshipping at a non-denominational, charismatic church. Rachel says that she loved the church. In her words I loved the churchs vision, the people, the worship and the way it was run. I really felt part of a spiritual family. She became active in youth work there, running different events every week in the church. After some time living in secrecy, Amy and Rachel decided to tell their pastor about their relationship. On one particular Sunday, the sermon had focused on openness and unity, and they decided that this was the right time. Initially, the pastor seemed to take the news well. However, it soon became clear that this was not the case. From running events every week, Rachel suddenly found that she had been excluded from the roster for five months. When she approached the pastor to ask why, and to offer to stand down from youth work, it became clear that the church had already made this decision for her. Rachel and Amy were given an ultimatum. They were told they would have to break up if they wanted to continue to serve in the church. In this case, they were not just being asked to be celibate. Instead, Rachel says, they wanted us to go out with men. Rachel and Amy were devastated by this news. Amy says, the evangelical church is so personal, you are part of a church family, so if they have a problem with you it goes deeper. It hurts more. Rachel says for her, the rejection of the church was like grief. She felt like everything she had done and accomplished, all the work she has put in was instantly nullified all because of being attracted to people of the same sex. And for Rachel this was just the latest instalment of pain caused by churches. As a young teenager, Rachel first came out to a friend in church, who told a mentor, who then told the pastor. The pastor then phoned her grandmother, who forced her to come out to mother before she was ready. The situation escalated as her mother brought her to talk to their pastor, who made her sign written statements to say that she was not gay. For Rachel, this began a spiral of depression, self-harm and suicidal feelings.
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Adam is in his 30s and describes himself as transgender. Adam never felt that he was a girl: I loved to play football, hated dolls, I wanted to wear blue and I got annoyed when my mother made me wear dresses. Adam has changed his name and title and has been living and working as a man for five years. Adam says, Living full time as a man has not been easy, my parents are refusing to call me by my new name and I had to leave my previous address, due to serious transphobic hate crime, that I was experiencing, including kids throwing stones at me, adults and children screaming abuse at me on the street and my car and Sky dish being repeatedly vandalised. For Adam, most churches he has attended have been unable to accept his identity. As a child he attended the Church of Ireland with his mother, and eventually came to realise that God has a plan for [his] life. He says I like going to church as hymns make me feel that I am connecting to a higher power. In fact, Adams religious beliefs are the reason that he is not making physical changes to his body. He says, I have refused to take hormones or have surgery because I believe that God gave me this body, I am not exactly sure why, however if I were to take hormones or have surgery, I feel that I would be damaging my body and it would no longer be whole. Despite Adams strong faith, and his religious motivations for not having surgery, he had some distressing experiences at a number of churches he attended. In a Baptist Church, the congregation did not realise he was transgender, and when he finally told the minister, his identity was simply rejected. The minister kept referring to him as she in front of other congregation members and prayed with him that he repent from being an abomination. Similarly, at a Presbyterian Church, the minister could not come to terms with calling him Adam, to the point that I was holding up a poster in front of myself saying Hello, my name is Adam. In the end he left for his own safety when a member of the congregation said that he would strip me naked in front of a crowd of people so that everyone could see what sex I was. Cathy is a nurse in her 50s, was once married and has children. She is now exploring her attraction to women. Faith has been central to Cathys life since she became a Christian in her early 20s, and she says she has been close to God ever since. But ever since her ideas about her sexuality began to change, Cathy has struggled to find a church in which to worship. She recently attended an Elim church and became involved in their community outreach programmes, which she loved. But Cathy describes a drip drip of homophobia that deeply unsettled her. For example, at an outreach weekend, the guest speaker repeatedly made fun of gay people and adopted
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a camp gay persona when illustrating people doing things that were wrong. Cathy says I was shocked at the level of hatred being expressed. When she complained to the leadership, Cathy was told that nothing could be done about it as the pastor had not witnessed it for himself despite a video of all talks being available for sale at the back of the church. On another occasion the pastor outed a 16 year old girl to the entire congregation, based on the fact that she had written on her facebook page that she thought she was half gay. This was the final straw for Cathy who then told the pastor that she couldnt continue to lead the ministry she was involved in due to the level of homophobia. She says he was stunned, and he stated my God is not the same as your God. Cathy says, it bugs me that pastors have power to treat people so badly and dont even know theyre doing it. And the views of religious leaders, Cathy feels, shape the congregations attitudes. Cathy is tired of hearing that being gay is equivalent to being a paedophile, or that there is no such thing as a gay Christian. She says, ministers need to understand the power their words have. They dont understand the damage their words do. Liam agrees with Cathy and says these kinds of actions from the churches are so damaging for people who havent come out yet it pushes them back into hiding. Rachel, speaking from personal experience, underlines this point: Its not a question of doctrine its about people wanting to kill themselves. Ive felt suicidal. A lot of pastors are guilty of murder... because words can drive people to kill themselves. Paul echoes Rachel. He says I came out to mum on a Friday night when I was 17. I was scared that if I didnt tell her then, I may not have survived the weekend due to his suicidal feelings. Paul says that his depression at that time was partly due to his experience of church. He says that the hollow words that pastors say are like a knife to the heart of those LGBT people living through it. All Souls: It was a spiritual experience to be accepted A significant number of the LGBT people we spoke with 10 out of 23 currently attend All Souls Non-Subscribing Presbyterian Church in Belfast. Many began to attend after All Souls minister, Rev. Chris Hudson, attended Belfasts Pride parade in 2008 and spoke out publicly on behalf of LGBT people. During the course of the research, it became apparent that there is very little choice indeed available for LGBT people who want to be open about their sexuality and attend a church. All Souls, St. Georges Church of Ireland, Clonard Monastery and the Quakers were the only congregations that LGBT people said that they felt comfortable to be themselves in, without being expected to keep quiet or change.
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Stephanie is a musician in her 40s and is in a relationship with a woman. She stopped going to church at 15, and never thought she would return again. However, two years ago she attended an event at All Souls organised by Changing Attitude Ireland during Pride. In Stephanies words, I never thought Id be a member of a church. Im still in disbelief that that could be. It was like a homecoming, a spiritual experience to be accepted. I was very emotional the first time I came to the church I felt fear, disbelief, acceptance. The first time I went [] I couldnt help it, I burst into tears. Tears just streamed. The hymn we sang was Be still in the presence of the Lord and just like that [clicks fingers]. It was a spiritual moment for me and very powerful. It was a homecoming coming in from the cold after many years. I could be here and not feel like a reject and a very bad person an evil person. And [now] Im a member of the church. I like that you can be free to explore sexuality and spirituality, and that you can challenge and ask questions, instead of just having blind faith. Id stopped going to church at 15. It took a long time to find that space that allows me to be who I am. Gay people have been shunned and rejected elsewhere and havent really another choice about where to go to. Its a very special place. Stephanie says that the other choice of church she has found is the Quakers, but she does not particularly enjoy it there due to the mostly silent services. There are also some things about All Souls that would not her preference, such as the music. But because she finds All Souls a breath of fresh air in this heavy fundamentalist place, Stephanie is happy for now to compromise on her own preferences of religious worship and style. Ian also attends All Souls. Ian grew up in a rural part of Northern Ireland in a conservative evangelical community, attending a Baptist and then a Pentecostal Church, where he got saved at the age of 14. All Souls is not Ians perfect church he would prefer something more lively, like the Pentecostalism he grew up with. Whilst he says I enjoy the community at All Souls, he also says it doesnt meet all my spiritual needs. But Ian has found that he is not welcome to worship in the type of church he prefers. He has written to a number of pastors and churches, explaining who he is and asking if he would be welcome to participate. He is saddened that he has not received many replies, and where he has heard back, the answer generally been that whilst he would be welcome to attend services, to participate fully and take on any significant role in the church he would have to deal with his issues. So in the final analysis, Ian says that he feels very fortunate to be in Belfast near a church such as All Souls where he can be himself.
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All Souls plays an enormous role in the lives of many of our LGBT people in Northern Ireland, many of whom say they would be lost without it. But it is also made up of a very diverse group of people who are brought together because of being LGBT rather than because of their religious beliefs and preferences. As Rita says, not all the time are my needs going to be met in a community that diverse. But Rita, who is Jewish, finds that acceptance of LGBT people at All Souls is just part of a wider ethos of acceptance. She says that this is true community. Sometimes the church doesnt fulfil my needs but it fulfils the needs of other people and thats fine. Thats what being in spiritual worshipping community is about. At the same time, however, most participants lamented the fact that their religious options were so limited. In Rachels words, Chris Hudson and All Souls, and the guys at Changing Attitude Ireland, is all that is out there for gay Christians. Its gutting. Rejecting church: On anger, and tolerance of difference So far we have focussed on how LGBT people of faith have managed, in various ways, to integrate both identities. Two of our participants, however, were no longer interested in religion and had rejected church altogether. Emma, who we met above, now describes herself as a born-again atheist and has no interest in institutional religion. She says, religion just adds just another layer to my invisibility in the world. There is no place in any of the religions Ive been involved in for my identity as a lesbian woman. When she has attended, Emma says, every service has had something in it to offend me. And not just because Im gay. Its the hatred that Ive heard, the intolerance. Emma is disturbed by the sectarianism she perceives in many churches in Northern Ireland, as well as the homophobia she has experienced in churches in general. In her words, The Mormon Church is very, very, very set on the idea of man and woman. The roles people are expected to fit into are completely gendered. Women are to have lots of babies and the man is head of household. So that I find very offensive. I think Ive blocked a lot out. I would just inwardly seethe. All these religions are Christian-based, but none of them sound like it. Its not about faith, things that are noble or good its all about social control, which is disturbing when you mix the two things up. I have been going to churches over the years to novenas and things [] Ive gone voluntarily but Ive been equally sickened every time. As we saw above, Emma has been cut off from the religious people in her family who exclude her from gatherings, and who make it clear that they think her being a lesbian is wrong. Emma is deeply scarred by these experiences, to the point where she says that twenty years after she has left the church, she still has trigger points I cant tolerate any kind of praying over my food or people bringing faith into your
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space. As a result of her experiences, Emma says, its an intolerance that I have now. I want to laugh it off but I cant still. Im still very angry about it. At the same time Emma says her views have softened in the last five years. She says, Ive mellowed, Ive found my own way. Ive found something that fits into the slot that religion created for me that need that we all have for something bigger, more than what we can see and touch. Emma has become interested in humanist ideas, Native American prayer ties and ceremonies, ideas about looking at the earth, a respect for ancestors without worshiping them. She says, I have a deep satisfaction now, similar to when I was 9 or 10. In her words, theres a hole that gets dug in you that you try to fill with something else if youve been brought up in religion, to frame your reality around that. Mark is in his 50s and is in a civil partnership. He was raised as a Catholic, but became born-again and attended a Baptist Church from his late teens, which he says kept him out of trouble at a time of political unrest in Northern Ireland. He felt that faith positively impacted upon his life. He went to church and Bible studies and felt great for it. Ultimately though, after trying to straightened out through marriage and pleading with God not to be gay to no avail Mark decided to abandon his faith and now identifies as an atheist. Mark says that his unanswered prayers for God to change his sexuality were one of the nails in the coffin for his faith. He became increasingly wary of his fellow believers attitudes to being gay. His best friend became involved in a Christian fellowship that held a meeting to pray the gay out of someone, and his friend said, if I knew I was gay, I would just kill myself. Mark said this was one of my closest friends. He was the guy who helped bring me to God. And I didnt hear any love in that. Other things were happening in his life too. In his mid-30s, a friend and colleague was murdered at the Parliament bar (a gay bar in Belfast). His workplace was unbelievably homophobic and this particular colleague had been routinely ridiculed for many years. Mark found out after his death that his colleague spent every night in gay bars in the city centre, as they were the only place he felt accepted for who he was. In Marks words, I swore an oath then, when we brought his body back and I was liaising with his mum, that I couldnt let that happen to anybody again, let somebody be so isolated and so apart. Then, I said, this has to change. It changed me as a person. People thought afterwards we were involved but we werent. I promised him that I would do something. I knew Id have to change my own life. And thats what happened. And so Mark made a decision to come out. This experience was both painful and liberating. Whilst at last Mark felt free to be himself, it also meant the end of his marriage.
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For Mark, sexuality was not the catalyst for his leaving religion, and his atheism is part of a wider religious journey. But his experiences of being gay in church certainly did not encourage him to maintain a faith. Looking back, he says that fundamentalist Christians condemning Pride and civil partnerships doesnt make sense to [him] anymore. To him, religion in Northern Ireland is about division and fear and he is deeply critical of the role religious leaders have played in the conflict. At one point Mark went to visit Iris Robinson, his local MP, to talk about his house being attacked 12 times as a result of being gay. Mark says, I was lectured by her on teenage sex and morals, a whole range of stuff, and now I know that at that very time she was having sex with a teenage guy. At the same time, Mark is not bitter about his former religious involvement. In fact Mark says that his years of faith were the pendulum in my life. He says that later in life he got involved with charities, to give something back: I got that from that period of time where I had the chance to be false in way [as he tried to straighten out] but a good decent person, with honesty, integrity. This has stuck with me all my life [] My time of having faith made me think you have to do the right thing lifes too short not to be honest. Its given me sort of moral plumbline which is an odd thing because I dont believe in God at all. In fact, those people who had rejected the religion of their formative years often expressed mixed feelings about the churches. They felt both anger at their exclusion, and appreciation for the good things about church values and a sense of community. We saw Stephanie, above, describing her experience of attending All Souls for the first time, whereas she had thought she would never set foot in a church again. Indeed, Stephanie has felt extremely angry, frustrated and judged by Christians and the churches. However, Stephanie also says, I was brought up with good values, which have stood to me in difficult times. Im glad for that. Stephanie appreciates that the churches have a right to their own beliefs, and thinks that tolerance is a two-way street. In her words, In the early 80s, sexuality hadnt yet reared its head in the church. Now they are terrified about it. They are having to deal with it because of legislation. I have sympathy for that. Religious people have oppressed gay people for generations but wed need to watch that we dont go the other way and oppress religious people for their views, for example the Bed and Breakfast business decision. Im very sympathetic to people having that freedom of faith, just as I have expression and faith too. This is something Id be careful of. Its a challenging time for the church.
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As we have seen, Ronan feels angry that institutional religion has excluded LGBT people. But Ronan too is keen to point out that anger is not his only response to religion. He says, priests are really valuable to the community and underlines that gay people need pastoral care just as much as anybody else. He goes on to say I would love it if there was some religious figure I could go and ask questions to. I would love that, to be able to get that guidance. Even Emma agrees that many LGBT people would benefit from having a more positive dialogue with the churches. In her words, Churches really need to make an effort to include the 10% of population they are currently excluding. Instead of chastising or giving a burn in hell message, to give a positive message of inclusion. Then they would have an influx. There are so many queer people here who would love to have a faith but feel excluded. A confident faith: There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ A striking aspect of our interviews was that although the vast majority of LGBT people had negative experiences of religion and the churches in Northern Ireland, nearly all of them chose not to reject their faith. Instead, they decided that God was bigger than church institutions, and that they would continue to believe. Most participants went through a process of redefining aspects of their theology, and many had to change their views on the importance of religious practice during the times that they could not find a church to belong to. But 21 out of 23 of the LGBT people we spoke to said that faith continued to play an important role in their lives. Ronan says, gay people are excluded from saving grace. But its ok though because I dont see myself as damned. Rita agrees, and says that her God is bigger than sexuality. She says, God has other things to deal with. As long as you are kind and keeping the Ten Commandments, I dont think G-d really cares who you love. Im sure he or she likes that you are in love with somebody and would celebrate that. David emphasises the theological roots of his inclusion, despite mainstream church opinion. He says, As a Christian, my theology, my understanding of who I am we are made in the image of God. Being in Christ, there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ. I already know this within my life, yet I feel condemnation from the church as we know it in Northern Ireland an undermining of my identity a challenge to who I am as a person. However, as we have seen, David feels a calling to change the views of the church, to make it a welcoming place for LGBT people.
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Conor hopes that the Catholic Church too is capable of change. Conor is confident in his own faith. The Religious Order that Conor was a member of was deeply involved in social justice work, working with people who were excluded and outcast in the poorest parts of the world. Conor says, this fighting spirit is in me. Its very liberating. Im not afraid. He says the institutional church may say Im wrong and not allowed to receive communion. But Ill make my own decision on it. His hope is that the Church will let him do what he wants for now, and will be robust enough to let themselves change again in the next cycle, similar to the way that Vatican II changed the Church in the 1970s. Indeed, Conor puts a lot of emphasis on the role of the laity as a transformative force within the Catholic Church. In his words, the Church says were the body of Christ, but were pretty much a paraplegic body. The Church needs to put the nerve endings back in, and let us decide what happens to the body. Madeline also feels strongly that the message of Jesus is one of inclusion. She says that no individual or church can assume that they are right. Instead, We have to examine our conscience. I do believe that the gospel message is very clear in terms of good news and turning things on their head. Theres something in the message that is about inclusion. We need to look to intellect to have some understanding that our understanding of sexual orientation has changed significantly over the last 2000 years. Church leaders have a responsibility to examine it intellectually and to allow that to inform their decision-making. Indeed, many of the LGBT people we spoke with felt a sense of calling to help the churches embrace change. But they also stressed that they could not do it alone. Madeline would like to see church leaders publicly challenge mainstream views about LGBT people. She says it is not good enough to privately say we have gay people in church, and, I am open, because I know these people. This is a very different thing from public support.
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FINAL WORDS
We ended the interviews by asking our LGBT participants if there was anything they would like to say to, or ask, church leaders. This is what they said: Conor: Do you understand it? Do you understand what my experience is? Tell me what is wrong with me loving my partner? Listen to me, Ive listened to you for long enough. All I really want is for clergy to understand where I am coming from. Some of them may even see their own struggles in these stories. Sarah: What gives them the right to say that a person cant go to their church because of who they are, or who they choose to be with? Theyre not God, and therefore they shouldnt act as God. Theyre a soul that needs saved the same as everybody else. Sometimes a church is the only solace a person can get, and if thats the place where you feel most intimidated Ronan: Do you not think that God is beyond sexuality? He is beyond biology, beyond human psychology, beyond every social law that we have so how can you try and pin him down and define him, when he transcends every human sphere? Alan: Churches shouldnt really make people feel like they have to pair up, or find a girl. They shouldnt make people feel forced, especially into getting married. I lost ten years of my life because of this. And if gay people are going to church, the church should clamp down on bullying by congregation members. Whether you believe God is accepting or rejecting, a gay person is a human being just like everybody else. Madeline: Theres something that flies in the face of justice when people can say that we are inclusive except for this group, this group, this group. And the next stage of the patronising we will include you, but we will minister TO you, not with you. Its very easy for the church to see themselves as ministering to LGBT, the poor, alcoholics, etc but theres nothing wrong with me. You have to include people at the same table. If its not a decision-making table, then its just all these poor misfortunes being helped. To me thats a challenge and a question of justice. Can you truly include people at every level of the church? What are the conditions of people being welcome? Or are you drawing lines around how far you can get in? Can gay people read and give out communion? Are the same things open to people who are openly gay?
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Stephanie: Dont be afraid. Fear holds people back. It is very difficult when you have beliefs, but we dont know everything. We are not God. We are on a journey. We are still exploring. Its good to learn and meet people as people first. Maybe just take part in some ordinary event where people are doing things, like going hill walking, to get to know people. Come with an open heart and listen. Amy: The hurt is so unnecessary. There are things that can be done to move the conversation on. Rita: Please look at me as a person. My feelings and my devotion to my relationship should be more important to you than who it is I am in a relationship with. My attitude towards relationships should be far more a priority. Would you prefer men to marry women they dont love? Or women to marry men who they can never be satisfied with, leading to a very unhappy existence and possibly to very unhappy children? That cant be acceptable in any faith. G-d doesnt want us to be unhappy or untruthful with ourselves. Ask me. Talk to us, over coffee or a sane conversation and youll probably realise that we have more in common than you think. Liam: There is a misconception is that being gay is choice. But no gay teenager going through the pain of coming out would choose that. Its no different than the colour of your skin. Churches dont get how much you want a relationship with God and they think they can tell you who is allowed to have a relationship with God. Mark: Why do they seek to go for the negatives in relation to the gay community? Why will they not see them people? Why are they obsessed with sex? People think if you associate with gay people, everyone will assume something that you will be tainted. Religion and faith should be bigger and better and stronger than that. How can we damage you unless you have such deep-seated insecurities yourselves? If you are confident in yourself, it shouldnt matter who you know or associate with. If you want to rely on Gods power, let God judge the people. Can we say that you dont want to be homophobic and thats at least a starting point? Emma: Dont. Stop it. Stop it right now. Have a little bit of honesty. Use your position of authority and power to preach tolerance, love, kindness and understanding a proper message of Christian faith. Do that instead of what youre doing. Go back up your hierarchy and tell those above you that it needs to happen.
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Sinad: Please accept me as I am. You go by the Bible. The Bible can be used by anyone to push any thought or opinion forward. All this thing about abomination comes from the first Testament. Christ accepts me. I know that. Why cant you? Why cant your door not be an open door? Why cant your service not be a service for me? Why do I have to feel like I am intruding? Why do I have to feel that Im not comfortable in a place I want to be? Adam: The church needs to get over transphobic verses in the Bible and realise that transgender people just want to be happy being themselves. Rose: to question themselves. Look into your heart. Why would you reject someone because they happen to love someone of the same sex? I would challenge their understanding of what love is. Its usually assumed its about the sex act. But you dont think about heterosexual couple like that what they do in the bedroom. You think about them going on holiday, going to the cinema. Julie: Have the courage to stand up in public. If someone says they have a gay couple in the church, my next question would be do you give them communion? because they wouldnt be allowed to receive it. And therefore is someone actually going to take that step? Not just to say, its ok, I understand, youre great, but Theres a law in our land about equality. But the Church is exempt. It can do what it likes. This church that Jesus talked of is about justice and peace and unconditional acceptance and theyre the ones who are exempt. Ian: I accept that people will have different views. But I just expect to be treated fairly, not in a horrible, cruel way. Robin: Stop saying Love the sinner, hate the sin. Why cant we just embrace the diversity? More openness and more grace is needed. Not tolerance I dont like being tolerated. More love and acceptance. More humility. You made me choose God or gay. I didnt want to.
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Conclusions
Because this report aims to act as a catalyst for public dialogue about LGBT peoples experiences of faith and church in Northern Ireland, it is our hope that the comments and questions voiced by our participants will form part of such conversation. We hope to deepen this conversation even further with another research report that will focus on clerical voices. As the Irish Peace Centres seek to conduct a dialogue between the religious sector and LGBT community, for now we hope that the present report may act as a starting-point for a conversation characterised by mutual respect, as well as widening public understanding of the issues at stake in such an exchange. Telling these stories was not easy for our participants, and they may be difficult for many readers to hear. However, we hope that voicing and listening to LGBT peoples experiences of faith and church is a good way to begin a dialogue that will preserve the dignities of all parties, and respect the range of views present. Indeed, it is this kind of dialogue that will help Northern Ireland to move from a society that has known conflict, to a society that lives well with its own diversity.
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Ashe, Fidelma (2009) Ashe F (2009). Iris Robinsons excitable speech: sexuality and conflict transformation in Northern Ireland. Journal of Politics, 29(1) pp 2027. Boal F, M. Keane and D. Livingstone (1998) Them and Us? Attitudinal Variation Among Churchgoers in Belfast. Belfast: Institute of Irish Studies, Queens University Belfast. Breitenbach, Esther (2004) Researching Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Issues in Northern Ireland. Belfast: OFMDFM. Available online at http://www.ofmdfmni.gov. uk/transgender.pdf (accessed 22.01.11) Carolan, F and Redmond, S (2003) The needs of young people in Northern Ireland who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender (LGBT), Belfast: Youthnet. Available at: http://www.youthnetni.org.uk/Site/29/Documents/ shout%20pdf.pdf (accessed 22.01.11) Conrad, Katherine, A. (2004). Locked in the family cell: gender, sexuality and political agency in Irish national discourse. Madison, WI: University of Wisconsin Press. Ganiel, Gladys (2008) Evangelicalism and Conflict in Northern Ireland. New York: Palgrave. Henry, L.A. (2008a), Robinson: No Regrets over Gay Comments, Belfast Telegraph, 10 June. Henry, L.A. (2008b), Iris: Gays More Vile than Child Abusers, Belfast Telegraph, 21 July. Jarman, N and Tennant, A (2003) An Acceptable Prejudice? Homophobic Violence and Harassment in Northern Ireland. Belfast: Institute of Conflict Research. Kingston, Mervyn (2008a) Gay Clergy Count: Visibility and Listening in the Church of Ireland, in Search, A Church of Ireland Journal 31: 2, pp.129-136. Kingston, Mervyn (2008b) Gay Clergy in the Church of Ireland, Church of Ireland Gazette 04.07.08. Kingston, Mervyn ed. (2010) Share Your Story: Gay and Lesbian Experiences of Church. Belfast/Dublin: Changing Attitude Ireland and the Church of Ireland Chaplaincy Trinity College Dublin. Available at: http://www.changingattitudeireland.org/ (Publications) (accessed 11.04.11).
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Kitchin, R. and Lysaght, K. (2004), Sexual Citizenship in Belfast, Northern Ireland, Gender, Place and Culture 11:1, 83-103. Kitchin R, and K. Lysaght (2003) Heterosexism and the geographies of everyday life in Belfast, Northern Ireland Environment and Planning A 35: 3, pp. 489 510 Livingstone, David, Keane, Margaret & Boal, Fred (1998) Space for religion: a Belfast case study, Political Geography, 17, pp. 145170. Magennis, Caroline (2008) Sexual Dissidents and Queer Space in Northern Irish Fiction, in Paddy Lyons and Alison OMalley Younge eds. No country for old men: fresh perspectives on Irish literature, Peter Lang Pub Inc, pp. 177-192. McDermott, Matthew (2011) Through Our Eyes: Experiences of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual People in the Workplace. Belfast: The Rainbow Project, available at workplace? http://www.rainbow-project.org/assets/publications/TOE_mcd.pdf Mitchell, Claire (2005) Religion, Identity and Politics in Northern Ireland: Boundaries of belonging and belief. Aldershot: Ashgate. Mitchell, Claire and G. Ganiel (2011) Evangelical Journeys: Choice and Change in a Northern Irish Religious Subculture. Dublin: UCD Press. NILTS Research Update, No 1, June 1999, Men and women in Northern Ireland: challenging the stereotypes. OLeary, Richard (2009) Christians and Gays in Northern Ireland: How the EthnoReligious Context has Shaped Christian Anti-Gay and Pro-Gay Activism, in Stephen Hunt ed. Contemporary Christianities and LGBT Sexualities. Aldershot: Ashgate, pp. 123-38. Osborne R. D. (2003). Progressing the equality agenda in Northern Ireland. Journal of Social Policy, 32(3), pp 339360. Presbyterian Church in Ireland, Northern Ireland Board of Social Witness: Social Issues and Resources Panel Pastoral Guidelines on Homosexuality, March 2007 Thumma, Scott and Edward R. Gray eds. (2005) Gay Religion. Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira Press.
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NOTES
iIn the Northern Ireland Life and Times Survey 2009, only 12 respondents identified
as LGBT. This number is too small to generate any meaningful, representative data on religious belief and practice.
iiData is from the Barna survey, reported in Barna Group (2009) Spiritual Profile of
Homosexual Adults Provides Surprising Insights, available at: http://www.barna.org/ barna-update/article/13-culture/282-spiritual-profile-of-homosexual-adults-providessurprising-insights (accessed 10.04.11).
iiiibid. ivDavid Gibson (2010) Why Gay Guys Are Churchier Than Their Straight Brethren,
available at: http://www.politicsdaily.com/2009/08/10/gay-christians-discord-in-thepews/ (accessed 10.04.11)

vBarna
Group (2009) Spiritual Profile of Homosexual Adults Provides Surprising Insights.

viThese interviews were conducted as research for, and are reported in more detail in,
Claire Mitchell and Gladys Ganiel (2011) Evangelical Journeys: Choice and Change in a Northern Irish Religious Subculture. Dublin: UCD Press.
viiProtestants were more likely to disapprove, with 58% saying it was always wrong,
compared to 31% of Catholics. In 2008 the same number of Catholics, 31% said that it was not wrong at all, as did 47% of those with no religion. These figures show some softening of attitudes in the ten years since 1998, when 58% thought that sexual relations between two adults of the same sex was always wrong, compared to just 15% who thought that it was not wrong at all. It is, however, important to break these numbers down according to the gender and especially the age of people surveyed. Women are more tolerant of homosexuality than men. For example, in the 2008 survey, 38% of women thought homosexual sex is always wrong compared to 50% of men. Younger people are also less prejudiced than older people. Those aged 25-34 were the least opposed to gay sex, with 48% saying it is not wrong at all, and only 18% always wrong. On the other hand, of those over 65, only 6% thought it was not wrong at all and 68% always wrong. All data from www.nilts.com, See also NILTS research update no 1. 1999.
viiiConservatives
comprised 50% of Protestant churchgoers and 48% of Catholic churchgoers (1998: 24, 95).
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ixLiberal churchgoers represented a quarter of Protestants in their sample, and 14%
of Catholics (1998: 24, 95).

xIris Robinson, in a now infamous interview on the Stephen Nolan radio show on BBC
Ulster (06.06.08) said that homosexuality was an abomination that made her feel sick and nauseous. In a later interview she stated that Just as a murderer can be redeemed by the blood of Christ, so can a homosexual (Henry 2008a: 4).
xiIn March 2011, a Belfast church won the right to overturn an Advertising Standards
Authority ban on their newspaper advert against Pride that used the words sodomy and perverted. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-12818480 (accessed 17.04.11).
xiiFor example Iris Robinson in a Commons debate said there can be no viler act,
apart from homosexuality and sodomy, than sexually abusing innocent children (Henry, 2008b, p. 6).
xiiiPresbyterian Church, Northern Ireland Board of Social Witness: Social Issues and
Resources Panel Pastoral Guidelines on Homosexuality, March 2007.

xivThe Listening Process: Reports from the Provinces the Church of Ireland, in The
Anglican Communion Official Website, available at: http://www.anglicancommunion. org/listening/reports/ireland.cfm (accessed 10.04.11).
xvCited in Kingston (2008b). xviCatechism of the Catholic Church 2358. xviiPractical Expressions of Methodist Belief, Paragraph E4. Available at: http://www.
irishmethodist.org/about/beliefs/practical_expressions_of_methodist_belief.php (accessed 13.04.11).

xviiiPractical Expressions of Methodist Belief, Paragraph E4. Available at: http://www.

xixCatechism of the Catholic Church 2357. xxOther ex-gay ministry groups include Exodus International, the True Freedom Trust
and Redeemed Lives.
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xxiJonathan Berry (2011) Gods Word and homosexuality. Is it still relevant? Plenary
talk given at Gods Grace and the Gay Men and Women in Our Churches conference, St. Elizabeths Church of Ireland 10.03.11.
xxiiPractical Expressions of Methodist Belief, Paragraph E4. Available at: http://www.

xxiiiCatechism of the Catholic Church 2357 2359. xxivSome of these marriages may work, but very many do not. A number of former
leaders within the ex-gay movement have now come to believe that the approach is harmful. For example, a group of former Exodus leaders issued a public apology that stated Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families. They go on to say Although we acted in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame, fear, and loss of faith that this message creates. This statement was issued by Darlene Bogle, Adam Bussee, and Jeremy Marks, former leaders of Exodus International and Exodus UK. It is available at: http://www.beyondexgay.com/article/apology (accessed 06.04.11). For stories about the challenges and difficulties experienced by people as a result of their own involvement in ex-gay ministries see http://www.beyondexgay. com/ which describes itself as an online community for those who have survived ex-gay experiences. Some, like Jeremy Marks from Courage UK, argue that trying to change ones LGBT identity is a form of internalised homophobia. Jermemy Marks (2007) A Call for Dialogue From an Ex-Ex-Gay, Huffington Post 28.06.11. Available at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeremy-marks/a-call-for-dialogue-from_b_54189.html (accessed 06.04.11). Marks led Exodus UK from 1988 until 2000 when he left to set up Courage UK, a gay-affirming ministry.
xxvCareful Selection And Training Of Candidates For The States Of Perfection And
Sacred Orders: (S. C. Rel., 2 Feb., 1961). Online at: http://www.rcf.org/ (accessed 12.04.11)
xxviInstruction Concerning the Criteria for the Discernment of Vocations with regard
to Persons with Homosexual Tendencies in view of their Admission to the Seminary and to Holy Orders, The Vatican, available at: http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/ congregations/ccatheduc/documents/rc_con_ccatheduc_doc_20051104_istruzione_ en.html (accessed 15.04.11).
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xxvviiFor example, Kitchin and Lysaght (2004) point out that many of their LGBT
interviewees found the stance of the Catholic Church on homosexuality ironic, given the number of gay priests they perceive there to be. Similarly, Magennis (2008) points to the presence of gay priests in Northern Irish fiction. Fr. Pat Buckley has claimed that he knows at least 30 gay priests in the greater Belfast area, Henry MacDonald (2003) Belfast has 30 more gay priests, The Observer, 02.02.03. Available at: http:// www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2003/feb/02/northernireland.religion (accessed 14.04.11). See also John Hooper (2010) Catholic church embarrassed by gay priests revelations, The Guardian, 24.07.10, available at: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jul/24/ catholic-church-gay-priests-exposed (accessed 12.04.11).
xxviiiChanging Attitude Ireland, We believe that: http://www.changingattitudeireland.
org/ (accessed 19.03.11).

xxixHes the son of a preacher man, Interview with Ian Paisley Jr., Hot Press 11.06.07. xxxJohn was interviewed by Mitchell and Ganiel (2011) Evangelical Journeys: Choice
and Change in a Northern Irish Religious Subculture. Dublin: UCD Press. Material cited here is from his original interview transcript, which is held by Claire Mitchell.
xxxiDiscussed on the blog of Rev. Richard Hall, a Welsh Methodist minister. Available
at: http://theconnexion.net/wp/?p=10072#ixzz1JPBKPQV3 (accessed 13.04.11).
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66
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Title
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PEACE2TALK: Combatants for Peace from Israel and Palestine Intergenerational aspects of the Northern Ireland conflict Prejudice and Pride: the transactions of a conference Faith and Positive Relations: Studying Faith, Practising Peace The Evaluation of Storytelling as a PeaceBuilding Methodology Being the Other: transactions of a theological conference Series edited by Paddy Logue The LGBT communities experience of Faith and Church in Northern Ireland The Irish Peace Centres Sustainable Peace Network Irish Peace Centres Integrated Approach to Peace-Building Issues for Peace Practitioners in Interface Work in Northern Ireland
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November 2009 March 2010 May 2010 September 2010 November 2010 September 2011
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LGBT Communities Experiences of Faith and Church in Northern Ireland

Experiential Learning Paper No. 7 September 2011 www.irishpeacecentres.org

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Peter Sheridan OBE Chairperson Irish Peace Centres

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2 NORTHERN IRELAND, RELIGIOUS DISCOURSES, AND LGBT PEOPLE

Being LGBT in Northern Ireland

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Religious Discourses and LGBT People in Northern Ireland

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The Impact of Religious Discourses on LGBT People

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3 LGBT PEOPLES STORIES

About the participants

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Journeys Towards Self-Acceptance

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Relationships With Others

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