The importance of a youthgroup

by Tehilah Leonard

Shelly wont come with her parents to the congregational meetings anymore. She says they are boring and not pertinent (actuali) for her besides, there are no teens she clicked with there. Her parents fret that forcing her to attend will cause her to reject Yeshua along with the congregation. Yet they worry that she spends all her time with her secular friends and her recent attention to fashion trends, hard-rock music and worldly boys is turning her into a young woman they dont recognize. Shellys metamorphosis from a quiet, sweet child she was to a moody, trendy teen has not gone unnoticed in the youth as well, and an awkwardness that wasnt there before develops in all of Shellys relationships. Adults dont know how to address the changes in her, and her childhood friends are unsure how to approach this now blas and bored young person in their midst. Its a mess. If things continue this way, rejection, accusations and condemnation will pile up like a load of dirty laundry and soon Shelly will want nothing to do with the Kehila or with its Lord. Why does it seem that youth often stand or fall in their spiritual walk depending on whether or not they integrate into the youth culture at their Kehila? What happened to all those Godly principles and biblical lessons that both parents and Shabbat school teachers have tried to instill in their children all those years why do they suddenly fail to make an impact? In my teens, the youth group that I loved the friends that made me feel funny and valuable and equal was ripped apart by a schism in the congregation. All of the fervor in worship and prayer that I thought was a result of a deep and mature relationship with God evaporated with the stress of trying to figure out whose side I was on and which friends I could keep. My parents requested that I walk away from those I was closest too, and I spent my later teens in a youth group I felt alienated and estranged from. In reluctant obedience I gradually drew away from those I preferred and attended a youth group where the rules were stricter and the cultural background more subdued than my American culture. All the love and enthusiasm I had for my Christian faith was revealed for what it was social hype, and I felt that I was rebuilding my relationship with God from scratch. But God was faithful, and through various youth retreats and activities, He not only uncovered the shallowness of my previous walk but began to establish a newer, deeper relationship on sturdier foundations. I was confronted with His holiness and my lack. With His standards that were far above my own. It was humbling, but this foundation held strong through the storm of separation from family, Kehila and country that took place several years later when I left for college. Why are youth groups important? First and foremost, they are a place of refuge for godly teens that are rejected by their worldly peers because of their convictions. Secondly, it is a place for struggling youth to establish their identity in Christ and to find solidarity and good role models for continued faith walk. Thirdly, it is a place for worldly teens to come

and see the difference that God makes in the lives of those who follow Him wholeheartedly. Do youth groups serve these three functions? Can they be an incubator for young Christians, a road map for struggling teens, and a lighthouse for the lost? In Jewish tradition, a bar or bat mitzvah marks the moment when a young man or woman cuts the spiritual apron strings of his parents and takes responsibility for his continued spiritual walk. From this moment on, the youth will no longer depend on his parents understanding of the world, but will forge his own informed by the viewpoints he hears at home, in the Kehila, at school and among his friends. Once over this threshold, many teens become vehement in their stubborn identification with their peers. They may no longer turn to their parents for advice in day-to-day matters, they may start pushing out of the boundaries set by their parents and differentiate themselves in the way they look, act and what they believe to be true. A youth group functions as a free-zone for many of these children. In this hopefully safe environment they feel freed of their parents supervision and enforced views and free to form their own. In actuality, a good youth group will continue to build on the foundation that these young teens bring from home and encourage a personal commitment and adoption of the values in the Bible they were already taught. In some cases, the youth group will be the starting point for a whole new spiritual walk for those who have no example at home, or for those whose example is warped by wrong living. One of my sisters came to live with us when she was a teenager. She was living in a pnimiyah at the time and would come to spend weekends with our family. On Friday nights she attended youth-group meetings along with my brothers. Coming from a completely secular background, she was impressed by the many personal testimonies of Gods lovingkindness that the youth brought up in meetings. She was challenged by the moral strength and Godly principles taught in the Bible lessons, and she found deep satisfaction in relationships built on truth instead of pretense. Very soon after she began to attend youthgroup meetings, she expressed a desire to be saved. The transformation in her was astounding. Even today the fire of Godly zeal and enthusiasm burns bright in her and she is swift to welcome unsaved friends to the youth. A robust and deep youth group will balance spiritual growth and social interaction. Though not lacking in fun, relevant activities, it will draw its material directly from the Word of God. It will encourage disciplines and habits that will form the foundation of each teens personal walk daily Bible reading, prayer, and accountability. Its leaders will be quick to challenge and confront sin in the lives of the youth, but will do so privately, with compassion and tenderness (and according to the model set up in Matthew 18:15-18). Ideally a youth group such as this will be focused outwardly, on drawing others in, and not only on the internal lives of those who regularly attend. Its leaders will be culturally relevant, yet view the world through the lens of truth. They may exude both humility and confidence in their own personal walk, and can be a godly role model for those who watch them week by week.

But what happens when a youth group is not wholesome? What if it is shallow and offers a false sense of spirituality based more on experience then on truth? Can this be a good influence on teens? I believe there will be negative fallout from such an environment. In some young persons who graduate from this group into the harsh reality of modern world, their spiritual walk can quickly dry up once cut off from the oxygen hose of pleasant society. Disillusioned with the apparent lack of substance in their relationship with God, the stresses and temptations of secular life can become too appealing, or bitterness towards God may develop. Others may simply graduate to a similarly shallow church environment and never plumb the deeper depths of knowing God, satisfied with the shallow pools they grew accustomed to in youth groups. A religious youth group may be domineering, judgmental and confrontational pounding its youth with accusations, rules and regulations. A youth graduating from such a grace-starved group may view God as a harsh dictator and the Christian walk as a onerous, joyless experience. They may struggle with a judgmental spirit and have difficulty finding another fellowship good enough for them. Leaders in such a group may often inspire outright rebellion or long simmering resentment. But in all this, God is faithful, and it is He who completes the good work He began in us. No matter what youth group a teen comes out of none will be spared testing ground of adulthood. They will all be faced with the real-life pain, pressure, change and responsibility of mature life. They will none of them lack for trials that will forge their true and growing relationship with God. A solid, godly and loving youth group will give them a jump start on trusting and knowing God. But even a weak youth group will establish a hunger in them to know the true and living God. They may walk away with a warped view of who God is, but most will not turn their backs on Him. And God will bring His truth to life in the lives of each of our precious teens in His good time. What can parents do to support their churchs youth group and ensure that it is a thriving, rigorous group? Know your youth leaders invite them over for dinner, establish a relationship of trust and respect between you. Make sure the youth leader knows he has an open door to discuss your childs strengths and weaknesses with you if he needs to. Volunteer to help with youth camps, events and trips if you can. This will give you personal experience with the youth team and valuable insight into your childs behavior around his friends. It will also ease the burden on the youth leadership team. Alternately, offer to host the youth group (if you can) for a fun night of games or social activity. Ask your teen from time to time what he has learned recently from the group. The general tone of his answer might give you insight into the slant and veracity of the material they are being taught outside your home. Pray for the youth leader that he will have heavenly wisdom to speak truth, and also discernment to serve the teens well.

Dont leave serious, spiritual and moral issues for the youth leader to discuss. Take responsibility to approach these issues in your home providing your teen with a safe, respectful and open environment to raise his questions and doubts and provide biblically based responses. Monitor your teens behavior when he returns from youth events. Does he seem discouraged and edgy, or is he hopeful and content? There can be many causes for moodiness in teens, but extreme negativity after a youth meeting might indicate an unhealthy environment.