Admist all happenings and hammerings worldwide .Kids.

Parents, teachers nowadays dont seem to understand the correct way of upbringing, within the social taboos and rituals. Kids, if I have one, will nurture them within the limits of limitations, largely based on the idea that the kid should be a positive icon oneself and not follow one immaterial of it being a positive or a negative one. Every parenting style may appear to have definite influences on kid's behavior. However, society also influences the result, especially for school success. The percentiles of parents fall into one of these categories most of the time. When parents are inconsistent in their parenting approach, it is very damaging to their children because they do not know what to expect as the result. Plagued by disease these days called the identity pressure; a process whereby a kid changes his attitude and the values of ethical sense in order to be accepted and to fit in with the group he approves and thinks the one to be in. Identity pressure is often a form of bullying when a kid is forced to do something to prove to be allowed to be a part of the group. The effects of identity pressure can be seen from the smallest things like fashions, hairstyles, tattoos to more serious things like teenagers smoking and drinking to show that their "cool". Most children light that first cigarette or sip that first drink to make a statement of identity and not because they have any interest in either of the activity. Each one would like their kids to be sociable, even popular, but not at the cost of their losing their identity and individuality. Friendships give kids the chance to share common experiences and interests, to become part of a group, and define who they are. Each one of us will notice that from the age of seven or eight, their kids become more pro active with regard to making friends. They gravitate towards kids who they think have similar interests or towards those they would like to emulate or be associated with. This is their way of seeking an identity and defining who they are. Moreover at times parents feel that some friendships seem to have a negative effect on their children. They find their children behaving differently with their friends, sometimes going to the extent of breaking family rules and forgetting family values. But when they try to talk to their children about it, they usually meet with resistance and it ends up in an argument. So how do parents cope? It would help if parents were a little empathetic. Most parents tend to forget how desperately they wanted to be when they were children and how awful it can be to be left out. While identity pressure and children's succumbing to it is understandable, it does not mean that parents should loosen up the rules and reins of discipline. They must be consistent and firm. It is important that parents not bend household rules and regulations, even if their children suddenly seem to think that these rules can be ignored in order to gain favour with their identification. Parents should be prepared for running battles with their children and the fact that they may not be very popular with their children when they adopt this stance. But in the long run, it is more important that children be made aware of right and wrong emphatically. If children find that parents refuse to budge no matter how much they argue and fight, they will fall in line sooner or later. When this happens, parents should welcome their rebellious child back into the fold without comment, teasing or recrimination.

If this recrimination goes around your kid,the kid will pay a high price if they don't conform. Nonconformists have to deal with physical aggression, cruel teasing and even ostracism. None of these things are easy to handle irrespective of age so identity pressure can cause a great deal of stress. While giving in to the pressure may be the easiest thing to do, it is not necessarily always the right thing to do. Parents can help their children to decide when to conform and when not to. The way to do this is not by nagging and getting into confrontations, but by encouraging the child to indulge in a little introspection. The kid needs to question and reexamine oneself, friendships to see if the balance seems unreasonably tipped in favour of others. Parents should explain to their children that friendship does not mean that friends must like the same things and do the same things at all times. If that were the case, people would just be clones of one another and there would be no individuality. A good friendship will allow you the freedom to express your own opinions and the space to follow your own pursuits. A kid must have the option of refusing to do things that the kid doesn't want to without living in fear and guilt that it will affect the friendship. This becomes more of a bullying kind of relationship than a friendship between equals. Kids should remember that friendship is a relationship of give and take. Are they giving more than they are getting? Is the kid always the accommodating one? Is the kid always the lender, the follower, the shoulder to cry on? Are these gestures appreciated and reciprocated? While life should not be measured only in these terms, there has to be a general sense of equity. Friendships must balance out somewhere. A friendship cannot always be on an even kneels. Friends are bound to stumble upon each other at some point. Friends should be able to communicate their hurt or anger to each other not immediately start to resent. It's not much of a friendship if their way of dealing with differences is to avoid confrontation and pretend that everything is fine. Basically, parents need to instill the confidence in their kids at the very wee ages , not to wait thinking the task can wait till the right tide appears, that they are individuals in their own right who deserve to be treated well by their friends and to remind them that friendship is always a two-way street. Harshit Patel.