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willow
creek
sacred
heart
to
Sometimes you hear someone share their story and you get the
sense that they are pioneers, scouts, groundbreakers . . . blazing
a trail that a lot of people will hike on after they are long gone.
Chris Haw is one of those trailblazers.
Shane Claiborne
Author of Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road?
This book is really excellent, and reveals the maturity that seems
to be showing itself in so many of our churches today. It is an
ideal example of non-dual thinking,the contemplative mind that
can see beyond the shadow and the disguise of things. Before
returning to the Catholic Church, Chris Haw did courageously
from the outside what so many of us cradle Catholics seldom
dobut need to dofrom the inside.
Richard Rohr, O.F.M.
from
willow
creek
sacred
heart
to
Chris Haw
ave maria press
____________________________________
2012 by Chris Haw
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any
manner whatsoever, except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews,
without written permission from Ave Maria Press, Inc., P.O. Box 428, Notre
Dame, IN 46556.
Founded in 1865, Ave Maria Press is a ministry of the United States Province
of Holy Cross.
www.avemariapress.com
Paperback: ISBN-10 1-59471-292-1 ISBN-13 978-1-59471-292-0
E-Book: ISBN-10 1-59471-350-2 ISBN-13 978-1-59471-350-7
Cover and text design by Andy Wagoner.
Printed and bound in the United States of America.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Haw, Chris, 1981 From Willow Creek to Sacred Heart : rekindling my love for Catholicism /
Chris Haw.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-59471-292-0 (pbk.) -- ISBN 1-59471-292-1 (pbk.)
1. Haw, Chris, 1981- 2. Conversion--Catholic Church. 3. Christian biography.
I. Title.
BX4705.H3337A3 2012
248.242092--dc23
[B]
2012022178
Contents
Foreword by Shane Claiborne. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ix
Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiii
Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xv
Part One: Action (with Some Contemplation) . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
One: From Mass to Megachurch. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
Two: From Class to Streets. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
Three: From Streets to Jungle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
Four: From Jungle to War. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
Five: From War to Concrete Jungle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57
Part Two: Contemplation (with Some Action) . . . . . . . . . . . . 77
Six: Murder and the Mass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85
Seven: Pagan Christianity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97
Eight: The Search for No Accent:
Or, the Impossibility of Nondenominationalism. . . . . . . 126
Nine: On Being Part of a Terrible Organization:
Or, How to Treat the Church Like a
(Dysfunctional) Family. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 153
Ten: Art and Apocalypse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 176
Conclusion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 203
Afterword by William T. Cavanaugh, PhD. . . . . . . . . . . . 207
Notes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 211
Foreword
S
ometimes you hear someone share their story and you get
the sense that they are pioneers, scouts, groundbreakers . . .
blazing a trail that a lot of people will hike on after they themselves are long gone. Chris Haw is one of those trailblazers.
His story is personalabout a suburban kid growing up in
an evangelical megachurch but winding up Catholic and living
in one of the toughest corners on earth. But its bigger than that.
Chriss life is a mirror to the Church. He reflects back to us our
blemishes and scars, and our dimples and dazzle. Chris is part
storyteller and part theologian. In fact, Id consider him one of the
sharpest young theologians in North America. But heres what I
love as much as his smartshe is also a potter and a carpenter,
a dad and a neighbor. He isnt interested in endless debates or
stale ideology, unless it has a real impact on how we live, and on
how we love. He is not stuck in academia but has his feet firmly
rooted in the street, the suffering, the real stuff of earthfor him
that is Camden, New Jersey. His hands are not just familiar with
books, but also with tools. They have calluses on them. He is
not interested in ideas alone but how our theology can actually
begin to affect our living choices. Hence, he makes his own coffee
mugs and restored his house using scrap wood from abandoned
factories. These are the types of theologians we needfor our
challenge today is not just right-thinking but right-living.
This is a pivotal moment in Christian history. Young people
are leaving the institutional Church in droves. Religious institutions are hemorrhaging. Headlines read of sex scandals and
ix
x Foreword
prosperity preachers gone wrong. Bad theology is everywhere.
Sick religion is epidemic.
Those things are real and true. But there is something else
also stirring, a new kind of Christianity. What we see is a new
generation of Christians who love Jesus, love the poor, and want
to see an end to war and injustice and other ugly things. Chris
Haw is one of the voices of that movement.
And heres where Chriss book is so important and unique.
Many of the young, emerging, post-evangelical Christian leaders
have jumped ship from the institutional church, choosing instead
to form renegade Christian communities and postmodern house
churches that want little to do with the big ship. They are like
lifeboatsand small is beautiful, but eventually you can run out
of food in a lifeboat.
I once heard a pastor talking about folks who wanted Jesus
without the Church, and he compared the Church to Noahs ark.
He talked about what a mess it must have been inside the ark and
how bad it must have smelled. And then he said, The Church
is sort of like that old boatit stinks inside, but if you get out
youre going to drown!
Chriss journey led him back to the Catholic Church. His story
is not an anecdote or an argument. Hes not trying to convince
us all to become Catholicbut he does celebrate the best and the
worst of Catholicism and the best and worst of Protestantism. It
seems to me he might help some of us Catholics become better
Protestants and some of us Protestants become better Catholics.
Many Catholics would do well to protest a little more. And many
Protestants have drifted so far from our history that we have
forgotten what we are protesting (after all, half the word protestant is protest). It is precisely the time to discover a new way
of being Christian.
Reflecting on why he ended up Catholic after such a wild
ecclesial adventure, Chris once said to me: At first I thought I
Foreword xi
was in a kayak, whipping downstream head-on, but then I discovered this thing is more like a rowboat, and we have to look
back in order to move forward.
Some of our denominations are like streams that have split
off the main river. And some of them have begun to dry up. If we
arent careful, we will find ourselves so far off the main channel
that its tricky to find our way home.
We dare not forget that Jesus longest recorded prayer was
that the Church would be one as God is one. He is coming back
for a bridenot a harem. With over 35,000 denominations, we
have a long way to go to fulfill that prayer. Perhaps the way forward is by looking backward.
Shane Claiborne
Acknowledgments
I
xiii
Introduction
W
xvi introduction
into one of Americas most dangerous and impoverished cities,
Camden, New Jersey.
But perhaps the oddest twist in my spiritual journey occurred
on a street corner of this crumbling city. There resides in Camden,
on the corner of Ferry and Broadway, a beautiful outpost of what
I had once considered a crumbling artifact of Christianity: Catholicism. Upon my arrival in Camden, still full of evangelical fervor,
I began worshipping at Sacred Heart Catholic Churchfirst as
a visitor, then as a friend, and finally as a committed Catholic.
Having taken this step, I often feel as though Ive walked
into an ancient, mysterious world while the current fashion,
very often, is to walk out. Sadly, I am convinced that many have
walked out of the Catholic Church for good reason, in search
of a more authentic and relevant faith. Like many today, I have
piled up any number of objections to the Catholic Church, many
of which came from my immersion in Protestant evangelicalism.
Indeed, beginning hundreds of years before my life, and increasing ever since, reasons for opting out of this Body have existed.
The recent pedophilia scandal and the ongoing controversies
regarding the Churchs teachings on contraception and the role
of women in the Church are among the frequently cited reasons
people jump ship todayto say nothing of Catholicisms many
theological curiosities.
If I did dive overboard today, my case would be common
enough. But, for reasons to be explored here, I havent. I see the
Catholic Church as a body whose problems are painfully obvious
on the surface, but with gold embedded underneath; conversely,
the Protestantism I knew was pristinely appealing on the surface, yet I found that problems emerged once I dug below. I now
find myself wishing that those who follow our current cultural
fashions had the gift of drawing from the deep well of beauty,
stability, and wisdom that still abides in the Catholic Church
despite its problems.
introduction xvii
xviii introduction
The second and larger part of the book, Contemplation
(With Some Action), reflects on my transition from Protestantism to Catholicism. The tone is more theological, delving into my
own questions regarding ritual, hierarchy, the Bible and tradition,
corruption and opulence of the Church, and so on. These are the
questions that I had to wrestle with.
In addition to considering the more classic Protestant objections against Catholicism (veneration of Mary, believing in the
Real Presence), I also decided to spend some time paying attention to more current fashionsfor example, the above-mentioned
sentiment of Hating religion (or the Church) but loving Jesus,
or, that endless echo of our current times, being spiritual but
not religious. I tried these ideas on myself, sometimes quite
fervently, but ultimately I found them lacking.
I am delighted to tell my readers that I did not write this
book owing solely to my own passion, but rather, because I was
summoned and even lobbied to write it by friends and people I
have met along the way. My last big project, Jesus for President,
and numerous other speaking engagements at churches and universities, have taken me all around the United States and even
to parts of Europe. In every place I have found Christians of all
stripes eagerly living out their faith, and often pressing for a
more durable and true manner of doing so. Many are seeking to
make sense of the border between Catholicism and Protestantism.
Cross it? Ignore it? Deride it? Start anew?
Many say that Christianity is going through a revolution
nowwhat some call the every-500-years-Church-rummagesale, wherein the Church loses its deadweight and moves into a
new era.2 Even if there is truth to this (especially if there is truth to
this), revolutionshowever much they excite mecan take some
serious turns for the worse; we easily forget that revolutionaries
often become just as bad as the dictators they overthrow. Many
new blossoms, however vibrant, may find themselves repeating
introduction xix
divisive or thin innovations of the past. In my own journey, having traversed the waves of inspiring Christian experiments, I
have discovered a paradox that I recognize as freshness in this
old Church. We would do well to learn from rowboatsto move
forward you must look backward.3 Instead of emerging, I
have chosen to converge. It will be up to the reader to decide
whether my journey offers inspiration to follow suit.
Given my unique position, I have ventured a risk that another
book on Catholicism will not cause the earth to sag to a breaking point. According to the journey thus far, my risks have been
worth it; may it be the same for you.
Part One:
Action
(With Some Contemplation)
One:
From
Mass to
Megachurch
O
even a building that looked like what one might typically call a
church. Gatherings were of an entirely different nature from
Catholic liturgy. They supposedly played videos and even clips
of popular movies at the services and sang along with songs
performed by professional rock musicians. Concert lighting and
smoke machines were often employed to enhance the experience.
And with legions of staff and volunteers, Willows youth branch
of the church, called Student Impact, could entertain teens,
teach them, summer camp them, mentor them, and exhaust them
until they fell over in giddy excitement. Their youth ministry was
replete with its own separate services, relevant songs, speeches,
topics, dramas, videos, games, retreats, and so on. On any given
Sunday over one thousand students would pour in. So, we went.
And then we kept going.
Upon driving into Willow Creeks zip-code-sized campus for
the first time, we viewed a gargantuan complex, a mall-sized,
modern sprawl. The parking lots size necessitated memory
markers; volunteers suited with reflective vests directed traffic.
I walked through the doors and into the auditorium, awestruck
at its thousands of seats, mezzanine levels, enormous stage, and
humungous, concert-like speakers. (Their updated building, a $73
million or so project, is one of the worlds largest theaters.) The
jumbotrons near the stage, listing the song lyrics and showing
soothing Christian imagery, would occasionally post announcements mid-service like, Parents of child #354, please come to
the nursery.
I was enthralled. The sheer volume of people worshipping
there spoke to me of its inherent goodness. It was successful,
doubtlessly. Its sense of joyful volunteer collaboration was perhaps the most inspiring attribute, from the traffic-controllers
to the greeters, from the video technicians to the hospitality
team. Everybody was contributing to a mission. In fact, other