Transactional Analysis Made Simple

(Adapted from pamphlet by the same name by Claude Steiner Ph.D.)

http://www.claudesteiner.com/ta.htm

CHAPTER 1: EGO STATES When people interact they do so in one of three different ego states. An ego state is a specific way of thinking, feeling, and behaving, and each ego state has its origin in specific regions of the brain. People can behave from their Parent ego state, or from their Child ego state or from their Adult ego state. At any one time our actions come from one of these three ego states. Parent is our Taught concept of life Adult is our Thought concept of life Child is our Felt concept of life When we communicate, we are doing so from one of our own ego states, our Parent, Adult or Child. Ideally, we determine which one we use, and at any time something can trigger a shift from one state to another. When we respond, we are also doing this from one of the three states. Transactional Analysis analyzes these stimuli and responses. THE CHILD Everyone knows that we sometimes act like children. When we are in the Child ego state we aren't just putting on an act, we are really being children. We think, feel, see and react as a child. We are acting like we are five or eight years old and only our muscles and bones are those of a grown-up. The same is true for the Parent and the Adult which are truly felt states of being, not just roles. Various types: Natural Child (Princess or Prince) = hateful or loving, impulsive, spontaneous or playful; Intuitive Child (Little Professor) = thoughtful, creative or imaginative; Adapted Child (Frog) = fearful, guilty or ashamed. The Child has all the feelings: fear, love, anger, joy, sadness, shame and so on. The Child is often blamed for being the source of people's troubles because it is self-centered, emotional, powerful and resists the suppression that comes with growing up. In TA, however, the Child is seen as the source from which the best in human beings comes - the only possible source for creativity, recreation and procreation; the only source of renewal in life. The Child can be observed in children for extended periods of time, but also in grownups in situations where people have permission to let the Child out, like at football games, parties, or concerts. The Child will appear for short periods of time in other situations, such as board meetings, classrooms or serious discussions where it may not be desired at all. In its most undesirable form it completely dominates a person's life, as in the cases of persons who are severely emotionally disturbed, whose depressed, crazy, or addicted Child will drive them to virtual self-destruction with out-of-control behavior. The Child may also appear for long periods of time in the form of depression, as in the case of people who have incurred a great loss. Example: At the restaurant Bob is in his Child after a couple of drinks and steps onto the dance floor with Sunny. His gestures and bodily language are those of a boy of eight: he moves expansively, his

arms and legs swing wildly while he sings out loud. He uses words like: "Wow! Cool! Faster!" His experiences are those of an eight year old as well. He not only talks and acts like a little boy, but he feels like one too, which is quite different from the way a person feels when they're in their Adult or Parent ego state. In church settings, the Natural Child is typically suppressed (except in Pentecostal ones). Critical Parent modes are often the most dominant, which will not tolerate Child behavior (e.g., a Parent telling a Child to stop X). Also, this suppression is usually demonstrated internally when a person prohibits herself from showing emotional or expressive behavior (e.g., quiet worship; laughing; running). Conversely, the Little Professor and the Frog (i.e., guilty, ashamed) is allowed. The Script of Clown is when a person uses their Natural Child in nearly every social interaction (cf. comedians and actors). When a persons script is Child (with a Critical Parent), the Natural Child will always rebel (cf. couples). Whenever you are stressed, tired, hurt, anxious, experience loss, or scared, your Child is activated and you will seek to be consoled by a Nurturing Parent. You will do this instinctively. Peoples responses will make you upset if they do not give you validations/strokes. Practice being a Child when you can everyday but not all the time (grocery store cart; playgrounds; color at restaurants; dance; sing; funny movies). Sex is pure Child

THE ADULT The Adult is a human computer. It operates on data fed into it which it stores or uses to make computations according to a logic-based program. (For instance, back with Bob, he switches from his Child to his Adult and figures out how many drinks he can buy and still have money for gas to get home.) The Adult computes all the facts fed into it. If the facts are up-to-date, then the Adult's answers will be timely and superior to the Parent's solution. If the facts are incorrect, the Adult computer will produce incorrect answers. The Adult has no emotions. People who hear this and who think that the Adult is supposed to be the best ego state may conclude that emotions are not good. But it only means that in order to be logical we need to be able to separate ourselves from our emotions. It doesn't mean that to be logical is the best way to be at all times. People will also object: "I am an adult and I have emotions!" and they are right. Being a mature human being or grownup is not the same as being in the Adult ego state. Little children can be in their Adults and happy grown-ups use their Parent and Child all the time. Sometimes the Adult uses information which has its source in the Child or in the Parent and which may be incorrect. This is known as contamination. When a contamination comes from the Parent it is called a prejudice. For instance, Dr. Needlepoint is a nuclear physicist who is looking for a lab assistant who can do very exacting, painstaking work with valuable equipment. In reviewing his applicants, he automatically disqualifies a black person because he believes black people are innately emotional and slow-moving, skillful with their whole bodies, rather than with their hands. This data which comes to Dr. Needlepoint's Adult from his Parent, is a contamination because he has accepted it as a fact without checking it against reality.

The same unchecked acceptance of information can occur with information fed by the Child in which case it is called delusion. A delusion is usually based on a Child fear or hope. For instance, Sunny Kutlo was afraid of men and often sure they called her cheap behind her back. She decontaminated her Adult by checking why men looked at her and found that men looked at her because she was very beautiful rather than cheap looking. People who do not get out of their Adult come across as know-it-alls, nerds, or Spock. People who do not get out of their Adult typically cannot because they have internal dialogue which is from the Critical Parent (e.g., do not let loose; its inappropriate) or from a low selfesteem (e.g., I cant embarrass myself.). Activating the Adult is crucial in academic settings and problem-solving. Activating the Adult is important when in crisis. THE PARENT The Parent is like a tape recorder. It is a collection of pre-recorded, pre-judged, prejudiced codes for living. When a person is in the Parent ego state he thinks, feels and behaves like one of his parents or someone who took their place. The Parent decides, without reasoning, how to react to situations, what is good or bad, and how people should live. The Parent can be over-controlling and oppressive or life-giving, supportive and tender. When the Parent is overly critical it is called the Critical Parent. The Critical Parent is the pessimist. Critical Parents cannot have, or have much difficulty in having, fun. Their first response is why something is wrong or how it can be fixed. The Nurturing Parent is the defender of the Natural Child against its enemy, the Critical Parent. The Nurturing Parent consoles and encourages. Typically embodied by phrases and attitudes starting with 'how to', 'under no circumstances', 'always' and 'never forget', 'don't lie, cheat, steal', etc., our Parent is formed by external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood. One ego state can dominate a person to the exclusion of the other two. An example of this is the excluding Parent, which happens when a person is unable to use their Child or Adult. This person is at a great disadvantage because in order to be a well-functioning human being, all the ego states must be available when needed. An excluding or fixated Parent might be Mr. Peake, a history teacher: "I am a good history teacher. I enjoy telling my students how the world has become what it is now and what to anticipate in the future. I keep an orderly, well-organized class and the children respect me for it. I really like the kids in my classes, but I don't think they like me-and I don't know what to do about it. People don't seem to appreciate quality anymore. Mr. Peake has to live without the benefit of his Child or Adult and is therefore cut off from two thirds of his human potential. Mr. Peake has a Nurturing Parent, but he only feels safe to express it with his five year old nephew and his cats. In his classroom his Critical Parent excludes all other behavior. The Parent uses old "tapes" to solve problems, and is therefore at least 25 years behind the times (though it may be 250 or as much as 2,500 years behind the times.) The Parent is useful when there is no information to be computed by the Adult, or no time to use the Adult to think. The Child, on the other hand, will create novel solutions based on intuition but these solutions may not be as reliable as the factbased Adult decisions. In church settings, the Parent is the traditional ego state of people, especially older generations. Nurturing Parents are rare (come across as encouragers). Critical Parents are much more common.

The Nurturing Parent script is often a Rescuer and attracts the Child script. Critical Parents are always correcting people and ideas. Critical Parents always find the negative (though they call it, something you can do to make it better; or Im just trying to make it better). Even if they are right, being the Critical Parent is almost always wrong in any situation among other adults. They say things like I dont like X; kids these days . . .; in my day . . .. Critical Parents are demoralizing. This is why they have few friends. Most people cant stand the negativity and/or the constant pattern of being told what to do. Healing from a demoralizing Critical Parent in the home (whether from Mom or Dad or spouse) is one of the most common issues in counseling. Most of the time, the Critical Parent is easily recognizable by tone of voice and what is said. The Critical Parent gives permission to other people (e.g., go ahead; thats fine) Critical Parents are addicted to control because of a low self-esteem. The need to control their environment by being a Critical parent is an attempt to feel safe, since they do not feel safe internally. Their internal dialogue in a Critical Parent is that of a Critical Parent, and they simply explicate that internal dialogue to others.

CHAPTER 2: VOICES IN THE HEAD As you will recall, the Parent ego state is like a tape recorder full of pre-judged, prejudiced, preprogrammed statements. These taped statements can get activated while we are in our Adult or Child and then we actually hear them as voices in our heads. The Parental tapes can feel good or bad depending on which Parent makes them. The Nurturing Parent is on the Childs side and the Critical Parent is on the Childs case. In other personality theories, the Critical Parent voices are known as the harsh superego, negative self-talk, cognitive traps, low self-esteem or catastrophic expectations. The Critical Parent makes put-down statements like: You're bad, stupid, ugly, crazy and sick; in short you're doomed, not OK. The Nurturing Parent loves the Child unconditionally and says things like: I love you, You're a winner, Youre smart, You're a princess or You're beautiful. The Critical Parent's main objective is to control the Child by preventing it from feeling good about itself. It is opposed to what the Natural Child wants. If the Child wants to be loved the Critical Parent says, You don't deserve it. If the Child wants to give love the Critical Parent says, It isn't wanted. If the Child is angry at an unrewarding job, the Critical Parent says, This is the best you can do because you are lazy. If the Child comes up with a new idea that goes against old points of view, the Critical Parent says, You must be crazy to think like that. The Critical Parent activates the Adapted Child which feels guilty, fearful and ashamed. The thing the Critical Parent does best is to make people feel not OK and to force them to do things they don't want to do. It is only useful in situations in which people oppress or take things away from each other. People can learn to cultivate and develop their Nurturing Parent, Adult or Natural Child to fight their Critical Parent. For example, in group therapy Sunny Kutlo learned about and put together Nurturing Parent tape recordings which she listened to whenever her Critical Parent tried to make her feel not OK. She also developed logical arguments against her Criticals accusations and all of this helped free her Child from the voices in her head.

CHAPTER 3: STROKES Stroking is the word used for the recognition that one person gives to another. Strokes are essential to a person's life. Without them, Berne said, the "spinal cord will shrivel up." Therefore, the exchange of strokes is one of the most important thing that people do. Strokes can vary from actual physical touch to praise or just recognition. For example, it has been shown that a very young child needs actual physical strokes in order to remain alive. Adults can get by on fewer physical strokes as they learn to exchange verbal strokes, like praise or expressions of appreciation. Because of the Critical Parent rules that govern the giving and taking of strokes (Dont give, ask for, accept or give yourself strokes) people are prevented from freely stroking each other. As a consequence, most human beings live in a state of stroke hunger in which they survive on a deficient diet of strokes, in a manner similar to persons who are starved for food. Human beings, therefore, spend a great deal of time and effort in obtaining strokes. Positive strokes, such as smiling, really listening, holding hands or saying "I love you," give the person receiving them a feeling of being OK. They are sometimes called "warm fuzzies." There are also negative strokes, which are painful forms of recognition such as sarcasm, putdowns, a slap, an insult or saying "I hate you." Negative strokes are sometimes called "cold pricklies" and make the person receiving them feel not OK. Even though unpleasant, these strokes prevent "the spinal cord from shriveling up." For this reason, people prefer a situation of negative strokes to a situation without strokes at all. This explains why some people seem to intentionally hurt themselves in their relationships with others. It is not because "they enjoy hurting themselves" but because they can't get positive recognition, and choose painful negative strokes to having no strokes. Positive strokes should be exchanged freely and people can learn to open the hearts and give and ask for strokes without shame or embarrassment. Different strokes appeal to different folks and everyone has their special secret wishes. There are many kinds of positive strokes - there are physical strokes and verbal strokes. Physical strokes can be hugs, kisses, holding, squeezing, caresses, strong or light, sexy, sensual or just friendly, nurturing or slightly teasing and so on. Verbal strokes can be about a person's looks - their face, body, posture or movements or about a person's personality - their intelligence, loving nature sensitivity or courage. In any case, people deserve any strokes they want and if they ask for them they will usually find someone who has just those special strokes for them and is willing to give them. CHAPTER 4: RITUALS, PASTIMES, GAMES, INTIMACY, WORK There are five ways people can structure their time to get strokes: 1. A ritual is a pre-set exchange of recognition strokes. The following is a four-stroke ritual: (1) "Hi!" (2) "How are your" (3) "Fine, thanks." (4) "Well, see you around. Bye!" 2. A pastime is a pre-set conversation around a certain subject. Pastimes are most evident at cocktail parties and family get-togethers. Some common pastimes are: PTA (pot luck or catered?), General Motors

(I like Ford, Chevy, Dodge [check one], because they have a better engine, body, chassis [check one] ), Drugs (Should Marijuana Be Legalized?), or Who's Divorcing Who? (Musical Beds). 3. Games are repetitive, devious series of transactions intended to get strokes. Unfortunately, the strokes obtained in games are mostly negative. Therefore a game is a failed method of getting strokes. 4. Intimacy is a direct and powerful exchange of strokes which people crave but seldom attained because the Child is frightened away from it by hurtful experiences. Intimacy is not the same as sex, although it often occurs in sex. Sex, however, can also be a ritual, a pastime, a game, or work. 5. Work is an activity which has a product as its result. Good work results in the exchange of strokes as a side effect. Intimacy and work are the most satisfying ways of obtaining strokes. Unfortunately, intimacy is not available to most people and work is often unsatisfying when people are made to work in isolation from each other and receive no personal recognition for what they produce. Therefore, people must resort to rituals, games, and pastimes which are safer, though far less satisfying ways of obtaining strokes. For example, many marriages are an endless and boring series of rituals, pastimes and games. Frequently this is because both partners live on the basis of life scripts which prevent many men from being emotional and intimate and many women from being able to use their Adult to ask for and get the love they want. It was this type of scripting that seriously undermines the Winnertons' marriage. CHAPTER 5: TRANSACTIONS; COMPLEMENTARY,CROSSED & COVERT. Transactions occur when any person relates to any other person. In order to understand how people relate-transact-it is important to remember that there are 3 ego states. Transactions can proceed from the Parent, Adult or Child of one person to the Parent, Adult or Child of another person. The transactions in the following examples are called complementary and each involves two ego states. Here we see a complementary transaction between Adult and Adult. Every transaction is made up of a stimulus and response. The stimulus is the question: Should I buy toothpaste at the store?" And the response is: "Yes, we're out."

The stimulus in a complementary Parent to Child transaction might be: "Did you brush your teeth after breakfast like I told you to?" And the response might: "No - and I'm not going to!"

A C

A C

P A C

P A C

The following is another complementary transaction - this time Parent to Parent: Mrs. Winnerton: "I told Billy to brush his teeth this morning and he wouldn't." Mr. Kutlo: "If my kid tried that he wouldn't have any teeth left to brush." Sometimes transactions will involve three or four ego states, in which case they are crossed. In a crossed transaction the transactional response is addressed to an ego state different from the one which started the stimulus. For example, Mrs. Winnerton: Are you out of tooth paste? Billy: Why do you always bug me about my teeth?

P A C

P A C

As you can see, the question was from Mrs. Winnerton's Adult to Billy's Adult and the answer from Billy's Child to mother's Parent. This is a crossed transaction; crossed transactions are important because they disrupt communication. Communication can continue between ego states as long as transactions are parallel. This is true of all parallel transactions: Adult to Adult, Parent to Parent, Child to Parent, and so forth. This is useful to know because it helps transactional analysts discover where communication is disrupted. The rule is: Whenever a disruption of communication occurs, a crossed transaction caused it. One very important kind of crossed transaction is the discount transaction. Here one person completely disregards what the other one is saying. Discounts are not always obvious but are always unpleasant to the person receiving them and if repeated can make people quite upset and eventually make them feel crazy. For example: Sunny: "My teeth are hurting." Mr. Kutlo: "No they are not. You just went to the dentist a month ago; there can't be anything wrong with your teeth." Mr. Kutlo often answered Sunny in this discount way, and this made her very upset even though she didn't quite know why. Covert Transactions A covert transaction is when people say one thing and mean another. Covert transactions are the basis of games and are especially interesting because they are crooked. They have a social (overt) and a psychological (covert) level. For example:

Level: Boss: "Let's work late, Miss Phistie, and I'll buy you dinner." Secretary: "That's a good idea; there is a lot of work to do." Covert Level: Bill: "I love your smile, Natalie. Let's have dinner and drinks and really get to know each other." Natalie: "I thought you would never ask, Bill. I've wanted to go out with you for quite a while." It is important to know the difference between the social and covert levels because in order to understand and predict what people are going to do the social level is generally useless. Based on the social level of this transaction, Mother Winnerton would expect to reach Bill Winnerton at the office in the evenings. If Mrs. Winnerton was aware of the psychological level of the relationship she'd know to call Joe's Inn. The reason we say one thing and mean another is because we are generally ashamed of our Child's wishes and desires. Nevertheless, we act on these desires while we pretend to be doing otherwise. For instance, we may use smiling sarcasm instead of a direct expression of our anger, or when scared we may counter-attack instead of admitting our fears. When we want strokes we often feign indifference, and we have trouble giving strokes to people when we want to. In fact, because lying is so prevalent between people and by politicians and advertisers, our lives are so immersed in half truth and deception that we no longer know what it is our Childs really want. We also don't expect people to be completely honest so that we never really know whether we can trust them or not. Transactional Analysts encourage people to be "straight" with one another and with themselves about their wants and feelings, rather than "crooked" and covert. In this manner people can find out what they want and, if possible, how to get it. CHAPTER 6: WHY DONT YOU, YES BUT (YDYB,) RAPO, AND THEIR PAYOFFS Now that we know what a covert transaction is, we can talk about games because the basic part of games is that they are crooked or covert. In fact, the complete definition of a game is: A game is a recurring series of ulterior transactions with a beginning, middle and end, and a pay-off. Let's look at a very common game people play: WHY DON'T YOU, YES BUT (YDYB). Why Don't You, Yes But, is a good example of how a game has a definite beginning and end, and how it has two levels. (Figure 7). Seven years after Natalie Phistie and Bill Winnerton got married, she and some friends are having a discussion over coffee while her husband is out bowling: Natalie: "I'm so upset- I just don't know what to do about Bill. He doesn't seem to be listening to me anymore and he is always running out on me." Friend 1: "Why don't you sit him down and have a serious talk?" Natalie: "Yes, I've tried that but he won't sit still." Friend 2: "You probably have cabin fever. Why don't you take a vacation from each other?" Natalie: "Yes, but we can't afford it." Friend 3: "Well, why don't you just get a divorce?" Natalie: "Yes, but what about the kids?" Friends (thinking): "1 give up, this situation is hopeless.. ." Natalie (thinking): "Nobody can help me. As you can see, this conversation is recurring. Natalie has been through it many times; her friends have been through it many times. As a matter of fact, much of their time has been spent playing Why Don't You, Yes But, and it is the type of conversation which occurs over and over again, especially in therapy groups.

It is devious and covert: on the social level, it appears to be a conversation between a person in their Adult ego state asking a question from a group of others who are also in their Adult ego states. However, you will notice that Natalie does not accept any of the group's suggestions. The reason for that is that, at the psychological and much more meaningful level, what is really going on is that Natalie is asking for strokes in a devious manner. But she needs a great deal of strokes and therefore must continue to ask for them. Further, because these strokes are being given in a roundabout way they are not as satisfying to either Natalie or her friends as would direct strokes be. This is why the game ends on a note of frustration. The pay-off of this game is that it proves to Natalie is doomed just as her father said; and it proves to her friends that there is no use trying to help people because they never accept advice anyway. A better understanding of the pay-off of a game can be gained from examining another common game, RAPO: While Natalie is talking to her friends, Bill is not at the bowling alley - but at Joe's Inn. He is sitting next to Sunny Kutlo. They are flirting. He buys her a drink and she lights his cigarette. He touches her arm and she touches his knee. Meanwhile, they are holding a deep conversation about history. They decide to visit the Old Oak tree where General Custer rested on the way to his last stand. Sitting in Bill's convertible under the moonlight while listening to "Come On Baby Light My Fire," Bill makes a sexual advance. Sunny rebuffs him coldly leaving Bill humiliated and dumbfounded. Bill is the Victim in this game with Sunny as the Persecutor. They have both played this game before and in every case what appeared to be a Child to Child flirtation at the social level was at the covert level first a come-on and then a put-down. In this case, Bill was the Victim; but he also plays the game as Persecutor. He is a philanderer who invites women to love him and when they do, accuses them of clinging. He then abruptly gets fed up and terminates the relationship. With his wife, he plays the game as the Persecutor when she asks "Do you love me?" and he answers, "Sure I love you, quit bugging me." PAYOFFS Every game pays off for the players at three different levels: 1. The biological pay-off of a game is strokes. Even though the game ended badly, both Bill and Sunny got a considerable number of strokes- both positive and negative-out of it. 2. The social pay-off of a game is time-structuring. Both Bill and Sunny filled a whole evening which otherwise might have been dull and depressing with an exciting activity. 3. The existential pay-off of a game is the way in which the game confirms the existential position of each player. Let me explain what a person's existential position is all about. People define for themselves, early in life, what the meaning of their life or existence is. Some people decide they are OK and are going to have a good life; but many others decide they are not OK and will fail. That is their existential position. For instance, Sunny was told by her father that men are no good. He implied that she would never meet a man who could love her. Because Sunny believed her father, the game she plays with Bill confirms his prediction about her life. When she walks away from Bill she affirms in her own mind that just like daddy said, men are "creeps" and no one will truly love her. This is her existential position. Games are always played with equal responsibility and interest by everyone involved in them. Bill's part in the game with Sunny is just as important as hers and he derives a pay-off from it as well. Bill and his mother, had a distant relationship in which she often distrusted him and was angry at him, which made him feel unloved and not OK. He often heard his father say "Women will get the upper hand any way they can. Watch out, son." Bill decided he would indeed watch out. When he chooses Sunny at the bar, he is aware that in all likelihood the relationship will end in failure. What he wants is strokes but he believes that either she will turn him down or that he will eventually have to turn her down. If he likes her, he will expect a rejection, if she likes him, he will have to watch out because she will come to have expectations which will eventually become nagging demands. Either way, he never risks a disruption

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of his plan which calls for failure with women. His existential pay-off in the game of is the confirmation of the validity of his decision that he would never succeed with a woman. CHAPTER 7: RACKETS & STAMPS ROLES & DEGREES RACKETS & STAMPS The pay-offs of games are bad feelings which are accumulated and can eventually be "cashed in" at some point in life. Just like people who used to collect trading stamps at the grocery store which were pasted in a book and eventually traded for a toaster or TV trays, so do people collect psychological trading stamps to be traded in for a divorce, a suicide, a drug binge or a blow-up. For example, Bill Winnerton is collecting anger stamps that he will eventually want to trade in for a free divorce. Sunny Kutlo is collecting depression stamps toward a suicide. The fact that they are both creating situations which produce the stamps of their choice is called their racket. ROLES & DEGREES Games can be played soft or hard. For instance, the above example of the game YDYB is the softest (first degree) version of the game because it is relatively harmless. The hard (third degree) version of this game might be played by an alcoholic who "yes, buts" every suggestion of the Rescuer to his dying moment. Third degree games involve tissue damage. The game of RAPO, described above, is a second degree game. The first degree version is often played at cock- tail parties in the form of a series of flirtations and put downs, while the much more rare, third degree level of the game might end in a court room or at the morgue. The three basic game roles are Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim. Whole marriages and friendships are often based on these roles. The three roles can be arranged in a triangle to illustrate what happens (Figure 8): The game usually starts with a person who acts as if they want help (Victim): Adolph: "I should quit smoking but it sure will be hard ..." Another person (Rescuer) gets hooked into helping: Eva: "Great! I'll help you. Here's some chewing gum and I'll put away the ash trays and help you watch your weight and ..." However, the Victim is not really interested in quitting smoking: Adolph (Victim) cheats by smoking at work, in the basement at home, and while walking the dog. Eventually, Eva gets angry and switches from Rescuer to Persecutor. Eva: "You creep. You ask for my help and then blow it. You're nothing but a sneaky, smelly weakling and you'll never quit smoking!" Now Adolph switches from Victim to Persecutor, and replies: "If it wasn't for your nagging, I wouldn't want to quit smoking anyway. Go to hell !" Eva now switches from Persecutor to Victim and cries. Feeling guilty and not OK she soon switches into Rescuer. "I 'm sorry honey. Let's try it again. I'll help you. Here's some chewing gum. I'll put away the ash trays and ..." Adolph switches back into the Victim position and says, "OK - if you say so ..." As you can see, Eva and Adolph are on a merry-go-round: they go "round and 'round in this dramatic role Triangle." The above is a game of Uproar, but the triangle also occurs in other situations- especially in therapy where people who don't really want help hook therapists into being Rescuers and eventually Persecutors and Victims. To avoid the Drama Triangle and the Rescue game that goes with it, TA therapists insist on establishing a contract in which the person specifically states what he/she wants to be cured of. This protects both client and therapist: the therapist knows exactly what the person wants, and the person knows what the therapist is going to do and when therapy is to be completed. In any case, the best way to avoid the Drama Triangle is to stay in the Adult ego state.

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CHAPTER 8: TURNING PEOPLE INTO FROGS Eric Berne said people are born princes and princesses and their parents turn them into frogs. What this means is that TA therapists see people as basically OK and in difficulty only because their parents have placed damaging injunctions on them. In Figure 9 we see a Script Matrix which is a diagram used to figure out people's scripts. In it we see two parents and their offspring. In this case Sunny Kutlo was, as are all healthy little girls, happy, fun-loving and trusting. Her father Adolph Kutlo had been married various times and was known in Upper Valley Trailer Park for being a "lady killer." His Child was sex hungry and his Parent was down on his Child for it. As soon as Sunny began to mature as a woman, Adolph's Child began to have sexual thoughts about her. He wanted her to be sexy and feared she would be promiscuous. Because of this, he told her to watch out for men because they were no good. The message from his Child to hers was, "You are sexy. Too much sex is bad. Men are sex hungry. Stay away from men." This message became the Parent in Sunny's Child, or the Pig Parent. Meeting a man activated her Pig Parent which fed her her father's message: "Stay away from men." With these messages Adolph effectively programmed - or scripted - Sunny's life on the basis of his own problems and fears. Her scriptfree tendency as a youngster was to approach people freely and trustingly. However, due to Adolph she grew to be fearful and distrustful of people, particularly men. On the other hand, both Adolph and his wife, Eva, from their Parent ego states, encouraged their daughter to find a young man, and to settle down and get married. Because of this, Sunny's life alternated between failures in finding a man- as in her episode with Bill -- and attempts to get married and settle down. In a person's script there are always periods in which the person appears to be evading their unhappy fate. This period of the script is called the counterscript. The counterscript is a period of time in which the person's unhappy life plan gives way to a happier period. This is, however, only temporary and invariably collapses, giving way to the unhappy script. For an alcoholic, this may be a period of sobriety; for Sunny (whose life plan is to commit suicide) it is a brief period of happiness and involvement with a man; for Bill it is a period of time in which he loves and trusts his wife. In the Script Matrix we see that the script injunction "Stay away from men" goes from the Child of Adolph to Sunny's Child, while the counterscript message goes from the Parents of Adolph and Eva to Sunny's Parent. Sripting can affect people in several ways. Scripting that affects people's capacity to love by preventing them from exchanging strokes causes depression. The injunctions are: "Don't ask for, don't give, don't accept strokes." And "Don't stroke yourself." Sunny's is an example of such scripting for Iovelessness. Sometimes the parents' injunctions prevent the child from thinking its own thoughts and figuring out the world with its intelligence. Messages like "You're too young to know," "Don't get smart around here. You can't understand, Youre stupid" and "That's crazy" are called discounts and cause powerlessness and incpacity to think or to figure things out. A third type of scripting affects people's capacities to enjoy and make healthy use of their bodies. People are afraid that children will harm themselves if they experience too much bodily pleasure. Others are simply annoyed by exuberant children or emotions. As a result they interfere with their expressions of joy and pleasure with messages like "Don't touch, .... Masturbation is dirty, .... Don't laugh so loud," but especially by example when they disapprove of emotional expression and are careless with their own bodies. Such scripting for joylessness interferes with people's awareness of their body powers and pleasures. It causes incapacity to relax and enjoy sex and the need to abuse drugs such as alcohol, coffee, heroin, cigarettes, marijuana, aspirin, sleeping pills and stimulants to bring about well being. It causes people to neglect their body's physical environment so that they can tolerate polluted air, water and food and work at jobs that damage their health. Parents also script their children according to their gender. This sex-role scripting makes boys into strong but unemotional men and girls into loving but weak women. Americans, especially, script their children to be competitive so that they have trouble cooperating and living with each other.

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CHAPTER 9: DECISIONS In a healthy home environment parents will give unconditional protection to their children regardless of what they may do. In this kind of a situation children will do what their parents want (within reason) out of love for them. When parents make their protection conditional on children's submission to their injunctions, the children are likely to develop life scripts. Scripts are based on conscious decisions to obey parental injunctions, even though they go against the child's best self-interests. It is at this point that the unhappy prince trades autonomy for parental protection and becomes a comfortable frog. The decision involved is a switch from an I'm OK position to an I'm not OK position. It also often involves a decision about whether other people are OK. Sunny came to the conclusion she was not OK and neither were men and decided, "Ill never get close to a man." When people make such decisions, they often take on the role of a character out of a fairytale, a novel or a movie. Sunny had a very sympathetic reaction to Melody Blue, the tragic heroine of Soaring Hearts Hospital, a daytime TV series she watched with her father. When Sunny was twelve she decided to be like Melody and began to imitate her posture, walk, speech and mannerisms- Sunny might have acted out Melody's life until her suicide date had she not met Dr. Feelgood, with whose help she was able to discard her script and begin to pursue an autonomous life course. CHAPTER 10: SCRIPT CHECKLIST When a person has a script it is useful to fill out a checklist which includes some of the most important aspects of the script. 1. Life course. What short sentence best describes the person's life? Example: Drinking myself to death. Being unloved. Going crazy. Never having fun. Taking care of my husband or family until they leave me. Never succeeding, Working hard. 2. Counterscript- This is a period of life dominated by the Parent. What does the person do when he seems to be escaping the life-course? Examples: Drinking socially (for a while}. Falling madly in love {and out}. Going on a gay ocean cruise (next week}. Being creative {pottery lessons}. Succeeding {for a day}. 3. Parental Injunction. In what way did the Child in mother and father interfere with the person's OK-ness? What was the simple command which they made over and over, such as "Don't think," "Don't ask for anything," "Don't bother me," "Don't be assertive," "Don't be selfish," "Don't get too smart." It is also important to know whether it was the Child in mother (the witch) or in father (the ogre) who gave the injunction. Good questions to find the injunction and its source are: What did your father tell you? What did your mother tell you? What did they want you to do? What didn't they want you to do? 4. The Game. Every script is based on a major game. A suicide script requiring depression stamps might have RAPO as a script game. 5. The Pastime. How does a person structure most of their spare time with others? An alcoholic may spend much time playing "Whisky, scotch or rum" or "What do you do for a hangover?" 6. The Tragic Ending. Certain people have extremist, self-destructive scripts. These scripts are called hamartic as opposed to the less extreme scripts called banal scripts. Lovelessness, when taken to an extreme, ends tragically, just as in Greek dramas, with suicide or murder. Powerlessness can end with madness in a mental hospital "back ward." Joylesshess can end with drug addic tion. In the case of tragic scripts it is important to know what these hamartic script endings are to be able to avoid them. Tragic endings can be temporarily postponed or averted with a script antithesis by a trusted person or therapist who says: "Don't kill yourself," or "Never go to a mental hospital" or "Stop drinking." 7. The Therapist's Role. The therapist must know how his behavior might promote the script. The therapist who behaves in a way required by the script will be unable to be of any help. For instance, people often

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laugh while talking about how they are destroying themselves. This is called a gallows laugh. Anyone can go along with a person's self- destruction by joining in the laughter. Bill Winnerton loved to entertain people with anecdotes about his failures with women. Dr. Feelgood, however, never even smiled these stories and made sure the members Bill's therapy group understood the difference between gallows humor, which encouraged Bill's script, and fun which is necessary for good therapy. In an alcoholic script, the therapist may be expected to play the roles of Rescuer, Persecutor or Victim. A good therapist is aware of roles and how to avoid them. CHAPTER 11: GOOD AND BAD GAMES and SCRIPTS Sometimes people do things that are bad for themselves but good for other people. Even though games are crooked they can sometimes be useful. For instance, a game called Busman's Holiday is when a bus driver spends a vacation being polite and helpful because he knows of no other way of getting strokes. People who encounter him are pleasantly surprised, so although it's a game, it's a good game. But it is a poor source of strokes and he would do much better if he were straight about wanting strokes and pursued intimacy rather than playing a game. Also, certain scripts, even though they restrict their owner's freedom and autonomy, may have socially redeeming features and are therefore called "good scripts." For instance, a man whose script is working hard and never having any fun became the best surgeon in his city and saved many lives in the process. This script, although advantageous to others, created a great deal of unhappiness for the surgeon because he was unable to love his wife and children and eventally had a heart attack. Some scripts are tragic and some scripts are banal. Tragic scripts are highly dramatic, like suicide or "mental illness." Banal, or garden-variety scripts are less dramatic but more common. They are the melodramas of everyday life. They usually affect large sub-groups of people such as men, women, blacks, teenagers, etc. People in these sub-groups are scripted to live their lives in certain set ways: women are supposed to be emotional, illogical home-makers, and have no permission to be Iogical, strong or independent; men are supposed to be logical, strong, bread-winners, and have no permission to be childlike, scared or needy. A banal script's life course may be: going from bad to worse, never having fun, taking care of only others, perfectionism. CHAPTER 12: TAS THREE Ps: PERMISSION, PROTECTION, POTENCY Permission is a very important part of Transactional Analysis. It's a situation in which the educator or therapist says, "You can do what your parents or other people told you not to do" or "You don't have to keep doing what you decided to do as a child." For example, if a person who is now very shy was told "Don't ask for anything" one permission would be to ask for what is wanted or needed. Sunny Kutlo was told by her father not to expect anything good from men or anyone and her injunction was never to ask for anything. Dr. Feelgood's Permission was "Ask for strokes, you deserve them." When a person takes a therapeutic Permission and goes against parental and social demands and wishes, their Child is apt to get very frightened. That is why Protection is a very important part of change. Protection is given or offered by the teacher or therapist, preferably in a group, to a person who is ready to change his or her script. The therapist and the group offer protection to the person when they say, "Don't worry, everything's going to be all right. We'll take care of you when you're scared." Permission and Protection increase the therapeutic Potency of a Transactional Analysts by introducing the Nurturing Parent into the situation. Use of the therapist's Parent and Child (as when having fun during therapy) makes the transactional analyst 300% more effective than the professional who uses only onethird of his personality, and relates to clients only with his or her Adult. Since people are born princes and princesses and turned into frogs by their parents, it stands to reason that with competent help they can return to their original OK position. Good therapists or teachers are not magicians, they just know what to

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do and when to do it. The capacity to be OK is waiting in every person ready to be released from the prohibitions of the Pig Parent. Transactional analysts know that by effectively analyzing peoples transactions and powerfully giving people permission to change and protecting them from their fears, it is possible for everyone no matter how joyless, loveless or powerless to become happy, loving and productive.