Ava Seidelson Professor Hagood English 460 19 September 2012

Its interesting to think about what makes a person smart, and how as a society we measure intelligence. Just how many kinds of intelligence exist anyway? There is certainly the type where people can remember facts, or spell any word you give them. What about the people who can spell anything but cant function in everyday life? They drive badly, or they dont have any interpersonal skills. Are they still smarter than me because I have a disability? When I was a child my grandfather always read books to me. For a second grader, especially at the rundown school I attended, I had a great vocabulary. The issue came when I had to read on my own. Sometimes I had no trouble reading the words on the page, other times it was like I couldnt read at all. I didnt understand why my eyes were deceiving me. I had perfect vision and I knew how to read. The teacher would call on me to read in class and Id say, Sarah came form the farm to school. Ava, that word is from not form. Oh, ok Id say. Finally, I was tested and my parents and teachers realized that I have a mild form of dyslexia. It is helpful to know that Im not crazy but it is still very frustrating not being able to trust what I read. Why did the clock always look like it said seven when I knew it had to be a two? Did I mention that this affected the way I read numbers as well? Math classes became even more frustrating than English classes. At least when I was reading the context of the sentence would help me realize that I had misread something. With math however, it was not until I had miscalculated the equation that I realized I had made a mistake.

Needless to say my elementary and secondary education was quite challenging. Not because I was not capable or smart enough, but because dyslexia made everything more frustrating. WHY CANT I READ LIKE EVERYONE ELSE? I wanted to freak out everyday because I felt helpless, like no one understood what I was going through. Finally I changed school districts and the new school I was attending had a program to help kids with disabilities. At first I resented going to the class because I thought of it as a remedial class for kids who were stupid. I was not stupid; I was dyslexic. But I figured the alternative, that is, no one understanding, was no better, so I started getting help. My teachers name was Mrs. Lambert and she helped turn things around. She was super quirky and had red hair that had been dyed too much, but she was also trained to help kids with dyslexia so I figured Id give her a chance. Every other day Id go to this class with this teacher who reminded me of a living caricature, and kids who had problems worse than mine. We started out learning phonics. Now I know that most people probably learned phonics when they learned how to read in kindergarten or the first grade, but I attended really bad schools, and I had never been taught phonics. Consequently, dyslexics really, really need to know phonetics because it helps us make certain cognitive connections between symbols and meanings. We also read ALL OF THE TIME, and had to complete these strange word puzzles with symbols that had no meaning, alphabetic letters and Arabic numerals. I remember she would hold flashcards in her hand and all I could think about were her long, red, witch-like fingernails holding the cards (shudder). I took the class for two years and it really helped me overcome a lot of my issues with symbol recognition. I also learned to appreciate Ms. Lambert and what she was doing for me, and the kids in the class.

The class did help me, and they let me into college and everything, but I still have issues I have to work around ALL THE TIME. Ill write or type a word and I wont recognize it, and thats super irritating. Scared wait, what the hell is that? Is that how you spell it scred? Scaired Jesus no thats totally wrong. Then Ill say to my friend Jonathan, you spell scared S.C.A.R.E.D. yes? and hell say ah, yeah like Im ridiculous. This kind of interaction used to make me feel stupid, but I figured someone who was stupid wouldnt think to ask or even care. So then I took a foreign language and they expected me to learn how to spell and read in French. It occurred to me: reading a foreign language is what its like to read as a dyslexic. You recognize some of the words and most of the letters, but theyre all mixed up and make no sense. At first it felt really daunting, but all that crap Mrs. Lambert taught me helped me get through it. I had in a sense re-learned English with phonics, so I knew I could learn to read and write in French as long as I learned the phonetics. Maintenant, je lis en Francais et en Anglais (Now I can read in French and in English) Cool story bro, whats your point? Well, I guess my point is just because I have a disability, Im not less intelligent than someone without dyslexia. I might mix up letters but theyre kind of subjective anyway. What one letter combination means or sounds like in English is completely different in French. And isnt a real measure of intelligence ones ability to learn? I think if Im able to learn, with a disability, what everyone else learns, could that even mean that Im especially smart? Or perhaps intelligence is as subjective as language.