Polytechnic University of the Philippines Sta.

Mesa, Manila College of Engineering

How does Gay/Lesbian Parenting Affects Their Children?

An Undergraduate Research Paper Presented To Professor Erwin Cipriano

In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for ENGL 1023

By Dela Fuente, Darlene Gayle D. Ramos, Jon Pauline M.

i TABLE OF CONTENTS PAGES CHAPTER 1. Introduction 2. Questions 3. Definition of Terms 4. Body of Research 5. Summary of Finding, Conclusion and Recommendation 6. Work Cited 2 4 5 8 18 22

How does Gay/Lesbian Parenting Affects their Children?

I. Introduction Homosexuality has been common in most cultures throughout history. Despite tolerant periods, however in ancient Greece, homosexuality has been widely condemned. Both Judaism and Christianity historically view homosexuality as sinful. This tradition was put into written law. As a result, homosexual activity was considered a crime.

Nowadays, Filipinos cant deny the fact that gay and lesbian are increasing every now and then. Of course, gay is impossible to become pregnant but how come that they are multiplying? There are some instances that children have a father who is a gay, or a mother who is a lesbian. How do they react on it? What will be the possible affects to their children? Will they ignore about it? Does it affect their gender identity?

The word Homosexual was first used by Karl Maria Kertbeny in an 1869 pamphlet in which they argued for the repeal of Prussias ant homosexual laws. Homosexual combines the Greek word for same with the Latin word for sex. In contrast, a Heterosexual is a man or woman whose feelings of sexual

3 attraction are for the opposite gender. Bisexual is differs from Homosexual. A Bisexual person has significant feelings of sexual attraction for both men and women. These feelings may be stronger for the same gender or for the opposite gender.

The purpose of this research paper is to become aware and fully understand what the problems might be face by the lesbian and gay parents. It will also discuss the development of the children from a gay and lesbian parent. This paper will also help us to think and analyze the situation of the children whose parents are Gay and Lesbian.

4 II. Questions

How does Gay/Lesbian parenting affects their Children?

1. Is homosexuality a mental illness? 2. Is homosexuality a sin and/or immoral? 3. Is it better to tell children about a homosexual parent or hide the truth? 4. How do children react to gay parents? 5. Do gay and/or lesbian raise their children gay? 6. Does the children of gay/lesbian parents are growing under scrutiny? 7. Do children raised by gay/lesbian parents suffer Sexual identity confusion? 8. Do homosexual parents pose risks to children? 9. What kinds of special problems do children of gay or lesbian parents have? 10. What are some of the ways in which mental health experts and doctors have tried to cure homosexuals?

5 III. Definition of Terms The following terms are defined to give full grasp on the meaning of the words used in this study.

AIDS

Acquired

Immune

Deficiency

Syndrome,

cause

by

Human

Immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and transmitted through blood fluid. Agape Gods love for man; love for the undeserving; love in-spite-of Ambivalent to have conflicting feelings, such as love and hate at the same time Chaste pure in moral sense Condemned officially and strongly disapproved; officially pronounced unfit for use or consumption; Taken without permission or consent especially by public authority Crossing over when a person, because of childhood trauma, begins to think of as of the opposite sex, in order to cope Custody (a) holding property under ones control (b) In domestic relation, a courts determination of which parent (or other appropriate party) should have physical and/or legal control and responsibility for minor child Dystonic psychologically and emotionally uncomfortable

6 Gender identity ones inner feeling of being a male or being a female. It is based on the persons psycho-social environment, attitudes, behavior, and other attributes that are usually associated with masculinity or femininity. Harlot a bad woman; prostitute Heritability The proportion of variation in a phenotype (trait, characteristic or physical feature) that is thought to be caused by genetic variation among individuals. Studies of heritability typically estimate the proportional contribution of genetic and environmental factors to a particular trait or feature. Heterosexual a person whose sexual desire is for opposite sex Homophobia irrational fear or hatred of homosexuals and homosexuality Homosexual A person, physically either male or female, who experiences a sustained sexual attraction to persons of the same sex Indispensable absolutely necessary Non-gay Homosexual people who feel they have homosexual tendencies and want to overcome this condition Norm standard or average Nurturance to train, educate, and promote the development of a person particularly a child Rhetoric the art of using words in speaking or writing

7 Scrutiny a close examination; careful inspection Sexual orientation refers to a persons tendency in sexual response, sexual object of choice (whether to a man or woman), and sexual fantasies

8 IV. Body of Research Many people say that homosexuality was started a long time ago. Based on the bible, Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed because of homosexual sin. This seems implied in Genesis 19. After all, the term sodomy or anal sex is derived from the word Sodom. However, there are other references to Sodom and Gomorrah in Scripture. Isaiah 1 has a long list of sins that characterized Sodom and Gomorrah: trampling of the courts, meaningless offerings, hands full of blood, evil deeds, and wrongdoing. The city has become a harlot. Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because their people were wicked. Their sins included homosexual acts, but we should not say that homosexual acts are the worst sins. Hypocrisy, spiritual pride, and self-righteousness certainly are worse (Luke 18:9-14). People believed that after Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed, gay and lesbian was spread.

Some people ask, does homosexuality is a mental disorder? The psychiatric, psychological, and social work professions do not consider homosexual orientation as a mental illness or disorder. In 1973 the Committee on Nomenclature of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) declared that homosexuality might be regarded as a discrimination diagnosis.

Homosexuality is no longer to be regarded as a disorder, except if the homosexual is conflicted and dystonic to this condition. There is no reliable evidence that homosexual orientation per se impairs psychological functioning,

9 although the social and other circumstances, in which lesbians and gay men live, including exposure to widespread prejudice and discrimination, often cause acute distress. The consequence thus is that non-gay homosexuals are now discriminated against and marginalized.

It was in mid-1950 that the late psychologist Dr. Evelyn Hooker first demonstrated in a landmark study that homosexual men and heterosexual men were no different psychologically. In other words, gay men were on average just as sane in their non-gay counterparts.

Homosexuality is highly condemned by religious group. Homosexuality is neither a sin or immoral. Is homosexuality a sin and/or immoral have been the center of attention of great debates. The results of the debates were enormous conflicts within the nations mainstream religions and the non-stop heated discussions within the society. The following thoughts came from one of the many people who have offered definitive pro gay responses to the questions of morality and sin.

Frank Kameny, Gay Rights Pioneer, who was fired from his job at the U.S Army map Service in 1957 because he was gay, first examined the morality question as part of his fight to get his job back. Kameny pursued his case right

10 up to the U.S Supreme court, and in preparing his petition to the Supreme Court in late 1960 he concluded that homosexuality was moral. The Supreme Court refused to her Kamenys case and in 1961 he founded a pioneering gay rights organization in Washington, D.C. In part because of Kamenys dogged efforts, the federal government officially stopped excluding homosexuals from government employment in 1975.

Honesty is the best policy, a quotation that is always uses. It reflects those gay and lesbian parents who cant decide if they will tell or hide the truth from their children. If gay and/or lesbian parent is embroiled in a custody battle in which the sexual orientation of the parent could affect the outcome, then hiding the truth is indispensable. For gay and/or lesbian parent who are not faced with this kind of dilemma, whether or not they share this information with their children is a matter of personal choice.

The best thing that gay and/or lesbian parent should do is to tell the truth from their children. Its best to be honest about the homosexuality of the parents to their children. At the early age of the children, they are adventurous, curios and always ask some sort of questions. If theres a secret to be found out, theyll make an effort to uncover the truth. It is better to tell the children than hearing the truth from the others. For those gay and/or lesbian parents who choose to come out to their children, the rule of thumb is: the sooner the better.

11 How children react to a parents sexual orientation depends to a large degree on when they found out a parent is gay. When children are raised by gay or lesbian parents, and later one of the parents comes out of the closet, children react in a variety of ways, from shock and rejection to relief that their parent has finally confirmed what they already knew. The worst scenario might happen are those children will hate their parents. They will refuse to ever see their gay and/or lesbian parents. They also might ashamed their family background.

As a result, they will not anyone to know about their situation because they are afraid to be discriminate and tease by peers. Children may also be concerned about the possibility of a gay father contracting AIDS. In some cases, when the kids found out that their parent is gay or lesbian, it was okay. They will accept their parents for who they are. They would have some problems but would eventually come around. Its something that needs a lot of attention and work and commitment, like any relationship.

One of the popular questions to homosexual parents is Do gay parents make their children gay? The answer is not all children that are raised by gay and/or lesbian parents will not automatically grow up to be gay. The dialogue around this issue, needs to go beyond simply reassuring everyone that children of gay parents are no more or less likely to be gay that any other

12 children. The discussion needs to be extended to why it matters at all. The preoccupation with this issue has more to do with homophobia, stereotypes and politics than with innocent curiosity.

Sometimes, when people find out that someone has lesbian and gay parents, it is common to think they are entitled to ask about the childs sexual orientation. A childs sexual orientation will not be influenced by their parents. And a parents sexual preference should not be the basis of their parenting abilities, skills and capacities.

Children of homosexual parents are just normal kids but sometimes they are not treated normally and sometimes some people asked them the most ridiculous questions about their parents being gay. The children from gay/lesbian parents are growing scrutiny. People ask questions like why children shouldnt be raised by gay parents: its abnormal, its deviant; the children will grow up confused, lacking values and morals; the children will be recruited into homosexuality. This rhetoric is what stands in the way of gay and lesbian parents gaining rights equal to those of straight parents.

13 In 2003, the Vatican releases a document opposing gay marriage which stated: allowing children to be adopted by persons living in such unions would actually mean doing violence to these children. This cruel allegation completely ignored the fact that there are children who are already in these families. This Vatican statement is a recent and highly visible example of the homo-hostile rhetoric to which children of homosexual parents are subjected every day.

Bringing the gay and lesbian parents and their children into the public eye is necessary for there to be mainstream awareness of gay and lesbian families. These real families show the public that concerns about children raised in gay and lesbian families are based upon prejudice and homophobia.

Gay and lesbian parents need to consider how this public discourse-both positive and negative-affects their children. Inevitably their children consume the same media, which in turn shapes how these kids think and feel about their families.

There is growing evidence that children raised in such households headed by homosexuals are more likely to engage in sexual experimentation and in homosexual behavior.

14

In some studies, children raised by homosexuals were found to have greater parental encouragement for crossing over and greater amounts of crossdressing and cross-gender play/role behavior. The adolescent and young adult girls raised by lesbian mothers appear to have been more sexually adventurous and less chaste. In other words, children (especially girls) raise by lesbians appear to depart from traditional gender-based norms, while children raised by heterosexual mothers appear to conform to them.

A number of studies claimed that children raised by gay and lesbian households fare no worse than those reared in traditional families. However, much of that research fails to meet acceptable standards for psychological research; it is compromised by methodological flaws and driven by political agendas.

On the other hand, there is an abundance of evidence to demonstrate the dangerous consequences of homosexual behavior and the unstable nature of homosexual relationships. And despite the weaknesses of the research focused specifically on homosexual parents, there is significant evidence that their children suffer, particularly in the area of sexual adjustment.

15

The world is not always a very friendly place for gay and/or lesbian people, and that makes it a challenging place for their children as well. As a reported by Daniel Goleman in the New York Times, according to a review of new studies in the current issue of the journal Child Development, children raised by gay parents are no more likely to have psychological problems than those raised by heterosexual parents. Children may face teasing or even ridicule, especially in adolescence, the studies show that, over all, there are no psychological disadvantages for children being raised by homosexuals.

The children affect negatively by their gay and/or lesbian parents in such a way that they were being bullied and lose their self-esteem.

Some mental health professionals who believed homosexual people were mentally ill or physically sick tried to cure gay men and lesbian by using a variety of techniques, including electroshock therapy, brain surgery, hormone injections, and even castration.

The non-gay homosexual must navigate between these two extremes, to search for a community that can accept totally and help in resolving their ambivalence and conflicts. There must be a personal confrontation of the truth;

16 inner healing that involves forgiving hurts and overcoming bitterness, and determination in spite of temptations and setbacks.

Long term change will require the following elements: Self acceptance of ones homosexuality and of ones worth and have a faith in God. Understanding of the homosexual condition, including why and how this condition developed. There may be other related issues that contribute to or aggravate the homosexual condition such as anger, lack of forgiveness, resentment, bitterness, negative self-fulfilling prophecies, and defensive maneuvers against past abuses and hurts. The willingness to let go of the male and female mixture in the homosexual condition. This involves the retraining ones self patiently and to act accordingly to ones heterosexual identity. A supportive environment committed to help the homosexual in the journey of change. A growing spiritual relation with God. Father and Redeemer whose grace, power, and presence accompany the homosexual in their journey towards finding their real self, and experiencing Gods design for a fulfilling. Gods love for us agape.

17 Change does not necessarily mean a complete reversal, but it can mean a growing ability to cope with homosexual temptation. Its not easy to do all of this in one day, week or month. But, if they have determination they will apply it in their day-to-day walking in newness of life.

18 IV. SUMMARY OF FINDINGS, CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATION This chapter presents the summary of findings, conclusion drawn and recommendation offered by the researchers.

Summary This part is made to show the summary of findings of this study. This study is intended to determine how does Gay/Lesbian Parenting Affects their Children. A descriptive type of research was used. The research was conducted by means of using survey questionnaire which has been given to the respondents.

At the end of the research, the researcher found out the affect of gay/lesbian parenting. First, children of lesbian or gay parents were being bullied or teased by peers. Sometimes people are concerned that children raised by gay/lesbian parents need extra emotional support or face unique social stressors. Second, children from gay/lesbian parents also face discrimination in the community. Third, children of gay/lesbian parents were ashamed to tell other people of their family background. They might think that they are not normal than the other children because they have gay/lesbian parent.

At the last part of the research paper the researchers have formulated some suggestions on how to solve this problem.

19

Conclusion Based on the research entitled, How does Gay/Lesbian Parenting Affects Their Children? the researchers found out that Gay/Lesbian affects their children negatively in such a way that they were being bullied, discriminated, and teased by their peers. Some people think that gay gene is heritability, but it turns out that their children are just doing fine and very normal. There is no difference between children raised by gay/lesbian parents and children raised by heterosexual parents. Also with having gay and lesbian parents doesnt mean that they are not given the love and affection that they need. Gay and lesbian parents give just as much love and affection as heterosexual parents do. Being a parent is one of the hardest, toughest and one of the most important roles to play. But the good thing about being a parent is that it does not choose a gender, it is a role like no other in which anyone can play anyone who is responsible, mature, caring and loving enough that they can sacrifice their own sake for the sake of others. Good parents are good parents, no matter their sexual

orientation. And being a good parent will result in raising also a good child.

Nurturance is a way to help children so that they will not be dystonic and ambivalent. Children are growing up in a changing society, where there are few certainties and no blueprints. The most important lesson is to teach children to value diversity, to be empathic with people who are oppressed and not to be

20 afraid that they are differs from the other. Parenting by gay and lesbian families is just as good as others, if not better, at being a parent. But, at the end of the day, what matters to kids is far deeper than parents' gender or sexual orientation.

Recommendation One major concern of the proposed study is the people to benefit from it. The researchers recommend this study, to serve as their reference for the group of people which the topic is referring to and for all the people who are interested and also for the ones who are affected in the topic. To all the gay and lesbian parents to help their children 5 ways are recommended as follows: Prepare the children to handle questions and comments about their background or family. Allow for open communication and discussions that are appropriate to the childrens age and level of maturity. Help children come up with and practice appropriate responses to teasing or mean remarks. Use books, web sites, and movies that show children gay and lesbian families. Consider having a support network for the children, e.g. having the children to meet other children with gay or lesbian parent. Consider living in a community where diversity is more accepted.

21 Like all children, most children with lesbian and gay parents will have both good and bad times. They are not more likely than children of heterosexual parents to develop emotional or behavioral problems.

22 Work Cited Marcus, Eric. Is it a Choice? 3rd ed. HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., New York City. 2005 Magalit, Isabelo F. Is Gay OK? 4th ed. OMF Literature Inc., 7776 Boni Avenue Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila. 2011 Holmes, Singco Margaret Go. A different love: Being gay in the Philippines 2 nd ed. Anvil Publishing Inc., Pasig, Metro Manila. 2008 Patterson, et.al. Lesbian and Gay Parenting American Psychological

Association. 750 First Street, NE Washington DC. 2005 Children with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender parents Facts for Families American Academy of the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. 3615 Wisconsin Avenue, NW Washington DC.. 2011 Peter Sprigg and Timothy Dailey. Getting it Straight: What the Research Shows about Homosexuality Family Research Council. 801 G Street NW, Washington DC. 2004 Garner, Abigail. Families like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell it like it is HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., New York City. 2005 www.colage.org. http://www.colage.org/resources/kot/ - Kids of Trans Resource Guide www.pflag.org. http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=282#K PFLAG:

Parents, Families, Lesbian and Gay Parenting www.nclrights.org. http://www.nclrights.org/site/PageServer