Christ-like Politicians, and What We Got Stuck With

by Dominic Varni

There comes a time when men and women stir and attempt to rouse the sleeping giant to look to them and follow. When these few seem to speak with voices that shake the cave we sleep in, and with their words reverberating in our ears, stir within us all a need to act. To get up. To get out. To go to the polling places and standletting our loud impassioned voices be heard through silent scribbles and the pressing of touch sensitive screens. When men and women publically declare themselves to hold your principles, while suggesting that others are less so committed to fighting for these selfsame ideals. There is a thrill that takes the air like an electric current heralding far and wide: Campaign Season has come at last! Here, at last, comes the time when campaigning politicians jostle for the head positions before the masses, expressing their heartfelt kinship with the massescommunicating their singular belief that Christ is closer to them than their competitionand asking your support for their campaign to bring God back to these prospective offices; as though no one else could do so. I am more Christ-like than my rival, they seem to say, and I will bring your morals, your ideals, and your wishes to this office, letting them stand alone, to see your faith touted above all others to the world. With Christ in their hearts, the masss zeal overtakes them, for the chance to have their own voices count more than all the others, they put their faith in their leader and follow blindly onward, without ever questioning whether or not his words and thoughts are the same. No one asks How many people have they also promised these selfsame things to? or, What happens when these promises do not coincide with the promises to another constituent? No one asks what these Christ-like politicians actually are.After all, once in office, these selfsame politicians move with an air of indifference toward their own promises and with pick and hammer, carve unflattering grooves into the great works of office that surround their halls and seats like rebellious children, lashing out with impunity; serving the special interests of the lobbyist and

failing in their promises to the voting masses that elected them and leaving the political landscape marred and devoid of conscience.And yet, amid the din of declarations of patriotism and Christian values, this question is lost, and the prospective voters are left with the shaky platform of the politicians declaration of faith and kinship were real, else he would not have stated them. No one defines the Christ-like politician. And by not doing so, court the unknown. A Christ-like politician is, in all actuality, the politician that seems to mirror your beliefs and ideals so totally, you feel a kindred spirit to the person who usually claims to live this ideal, and strive toward a greater perfection of it, daily. The masses pandered to usually applaud and wipe their eyes in gratitude that, finally, someone who stands a chance of being elected shares their valuesat least until he or she loses the election or secures a second term, whichever comes first. The irony is that no person stirs to resist the hypnotic stare and penetrating words [usually written for the speaker by someone with actual talent in turning masses toward them] of the politician running for (or seeking to preserve tenure in an) office. No one fights against the convention of the mob and drinks in the most stagnant libation offered them as if it were the finest of wines. The one aspect of politics that must be made fearfully clear is when politics enters into the arena of religion, there is little the congregation can do, but believe. In truth, there is no conscionable way we can hold the politician accountable for his words, because all they are to a politicianis words. He did not write them, he is not even paying attention to what he is saying. He is reading. And for most people, reading and speaking for effect at the same time, is seldom a means for retention. The only thing the speaker knows is, Okay, the audience laughed here! This shits good!; Okay, the audience looks moved, here! I got em!; Okay, the audience looks downright pissed, here. What the fuck did I just say?

The one thing you can count on is the politician will betray youbut not in the way you thinkthe politician will tell you one thing and do another; but thats just because he didnt promise you anything. The writer, promised you. And since hes not running for office, youre pretty much screwed. But lets just say that the politician you put in for is elected into noble office of austere design and crude management. Let us say that the Christ-like figure proves to be just as fallible and plastic as you. The disquieting and unseemly aspects of a political figures person or actions should in no way obscure, or outweigh, the good works [if any] they have wrought, or contributed to, for the sake of our society and civilization. It is often the whim of the gallery to judge and hiss with the most detestable narrowmindedness; applying all manner of venom to their thoughts and words against those who hold positions in agencies and offices of governmentwhich are often deemed to be noble and greatfor not living a more Christ-like existence. Of course, the candidate will express his interest in serving your interest as a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim or a Wiccan. The man needs the vote, for heavens sake! In a nation where a religion had developed (or devolved) into a special interest group, a candidate has no other choice, than to appease the lobbyist in greater order to secure both campaign contribution and vote. By the way, if you are of the opinion that your pastors praise of a certain political figure around Voting Tuesday has absolutely nothing to do with a large figure contribution to his/her personal nontaxable charity fund, or shocked to learn that this is the political transitive norm, please see to the following diagram and follow accordingly: [See hole. See head. Reinsert now.] You have no place in this argument. We all know there are more agnostics of political clout in the pew, than devout before the altar. And it is usually the greatest sinner who wishes evil on their neighborcursing the tax collector, thanking God for keeping them in the hollow of His heartthat spits the most malignant and mindless hatredall the while, confirming that while the penitent kneel before God, the pious stand and critique Christ on the Cross for not looking quite enough like themselves. Let us make this clear, there is no Christ-like man

or woman in Washington, or Congress, the Senate, the Supreme Court, the Governors Chamber, City hall, the local municipal court, or in either the back or front seat of a patrol car. We all will claim a dedication to God, and either one sacred text or the other, but as members of the human condition, we fall constantly in trying to live in Christs or Muhammads or Abrahams or Buddhas sandals. For those of you, who worship other entities, if I forgot your savior; please interchange between Mea Culpa and Carpal Tunnel until you are satisfied with my profound, if half-assed apologies. However, for the sake of this argument, let us keep the savior as Christalthough feel free to scratch out this name and put whatever God you wishas the focus character. Please bear in mind how ludicrous it is to ascribe such holy attributes to anyone whose civil function is to put on the finest business suit before dipping back into the primordial ooze and slap box with opposing party members while forcing their own addendums onto the backs of both ally and foe in order to pass a bill that would ideally serve society in the most utilitarian way, if not for the subtle manipulation of language that allows a select few to legally stealwith malice and without fear of prosecutionwhile the overall bill is dedicated to research for the eradication of childhood illness or funding for education.

We need to look into the trends of political campaigners and staff by examining the pandering phenomena of appealing to the masses religious or otherwise spiritual inclinations as a means of entry into the consciousness and more effectively ensuring their votes. This is a delicate subject to discuss, because the way into the hearts and minds of the masses varies depending on their interests, desires and spirituality, which usually shapes their political leanings. For the sake of this discussion, we will be using the Megachurch as an easy example of a politician achieving a wholesale audience in the shortest amount of time with the greatest amount of success in securing a significant number of votes and campaign contributions.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this revolution in religious organization, it can best be summarized as the franchising of Christianity by establishing stadium seating churches and satellite churches where the congregations watch the minister preaching on broadcasts for miles around. These satellite churches help form what is referred to as the McChurches, as the faithful gravitate away from smaller ministries to the larger communities to be found in this much larger organization. The key to the success of the megachurch is that the limitation of its exponential growth relies solely in the degree and speed with which patrons turn toward these larger communities. With the donations of new members, so comes the need and newfound funding for more satellite churches, expanding the franchise further. So what is the message that the candidate carries? The message of the constituents that bring the greatest number of votes and financial contributions. A politician is not against being saved to further their campaign budget. I mean, if we look back a few decades, we find Tom Delaya man of questionable past, and by questionable, I mean he was state hopping to avoid having to pay peoplejoining a megachurch, not to be saved, but because that was where the largest number of votes and financial support could be found gathered in one place. He joined a church, he conveniently was saved and then he ran for Congress with his new constituents. Its like the Hollywood leech understanding of Alcoholics Anonymous: these leeches do not go to the meetings because they have drinking or drug disorders. Rather because that is where they can find all the A-List Actors, Directors and Producersand they have a greater chance of ingratiating themselves on their companyand might find themselves more effectively positioned to either get a job or sell a script or produce a movie or album. But lets fast-forward to after the election, and assume your candidate that your pastor/reverend/priest/minister/imam/rabbi/communal spiritual leader or palmist endorsed has

indeed won the election that you took part in and voted for that man/woman [Go, Hillary! I still have faith!That youll be elected in your late sixties/early seventiesDo you think shell look like Joan Rivers after the cosmetic surgery, or Tori Spelling before and after the plastic surgery by that point? But I digress.] that visited your Church/Temple/Mosque/Synagogue/Commune. Lets say that after the election the politician you voted into office spends three to six months adding sound bites that seem to almost mirror your beliefs. And once in a great while, they enact some obscure policy thatmight/maybe/vaguelycould be related to a promise that the politician had made at the pulpit/altar/podium/commune love-in you heard them speak at. You should not be surprised that in six months he/she enacts a slew of policies that have no bearing on your personal desires or interests. He/She has already pandered to you with his/her silly little bill, and whether it passes or not hardly matters. If it fails, he/she can shrug, smile and say, We tried, and then ignore you outright until the next campaign time rolls around. These new bills that fail to represent your interests for your community/government should not surprise you. To a politician, the attempt is enough. The results are inconsequential. And consider, you are not the only special interest group he/she has pandered to. A politician in office is under extreme pressure to make speeches and have bills put forward and policies enacted that appeal to all his/her constituents and only has four years to accomplish all of it, or risk alienating the same people who might vote for him/her, again. Still, the disquieting and unseemly aspects of a political figures person or actions should in no way obscure, or outweigh, the good works [if any] they have wrought, or contributed to, for the sake of our society and civilization. It is often the whim of the gallery to judge and hiss with the most detestable narrow-mindedness; applying all manner of venom to their thoughts and

words against those who hold positions in agencies and offices of governmentwhich are often deemed to be noble and greatfor not living a more Christ-like existence. Christ was a man of peace and an inspiration for millions, constant and strong, throughout the generations since his death, and I see no sign of this inspiration diminishing with the passing millennia, God willing. The idea that Christ would come back and be anything more violent than the lamb is a horrendous deceit we carry in our hearts when we dislike another, disagree with their opinion or beliefs, or fail to understand, or even comprehend how another person lives or chooses to exist. Any man who would use Christs name to further ignorance, violence and betrayal of trust and theft of dreams and hope will find themselves one day stirring in their casket, unable to turn away from Christs weeping. And to the man who denies the possibility of hell in his future, I would ask you to bear in mind the Devil, himself, could conceive of no finer punishment than Gods disappointment. Still, people confuse the fighting spirit of the politician and see the savior raising the golden cross high, the image of HIMSELF nailed to it like a banner for the faithful to rally under, and follow this leader to their own rendition of the utopian dream. Christ is ill suited for public office. Turning the other cheek in politics is merely a repositioning of oneself to afford your enemys greater access to your most horrific violations. The politician seeks to wear the cloak of Christ to fool the lambs and will discard it quickly if not after the votes are counted, then most assuredly after they achieve high likeability polls and definitely after the second election. Still, bear in mind that the politician holding office has the potential to create great change, and will, eventually, affect something positive, however

minute. The office they hold is one to revere and honorthe man or woman holding the office, far less so. I stop just short of sleight-of-hand references, but remember, the great works of civil servants are likened to the pillars and edifices before which our highest offices stand. .The bad shit happens in the alley out back.