Dumb People Stories A true story out of San Francisco: It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Ban of America,

wal ed into the branc h and wrote "This iz a sti up. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to wor ry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Ban of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After wa iting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stic up note because it was written on a Ban of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go bac to Ban of America. Loo ing somewhat defeated, the man said "O " and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line bac at Ban of America. Also from San Francisco: A motorist was un nowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his s peed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a tic et for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of handcuffs. Seattle..... When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home par ed on a Seattle st reet, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spo esman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and pl ugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tan by mista e. The owner of the v ehicle declined to press charges, saying it was the best laugh he'd ever had. A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phon e in it. The policeman ta ing the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. T hey arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested. 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic repo rted to police that 18 pac ages of marijuana were pac ed in the engine compartme nt of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechani c would have to raise the hood to change the oil. David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after allegedly no c ing out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed h im to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him fro

m behind. Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Mich igan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the offi cer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jac et could have b een a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jac et that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge d iscovered a pac et of cocaine in the poc et and laughed so hard he required a fi ve-minute recess to compose himself. Clever drug traffic ers used a propane tan er truc entering El Paso from Mexico . They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truc concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright . They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truc . O lahoma City... Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a dis trict court this wee when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Lar ry Jones said Newton, was doing a fair job of defending himself, until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quic ly added, "-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury too 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence. R.C. Gaitlin, 21, wal ed up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he as ed how the system wor ed, the officer's as ed him for a piece of identification. Gaitl in give them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.