Should a Christian always forgive?

April, 2011

I am sure we have all heard that as a Christian one must forgive at all cost. No matter what, you as a Christian must forgive someone who sins against you. While this has the sound of being correct, a closer examination is needed. What exactly is meant by forgiving in this context? I can think of at least two general scenarios to explain the different acts of forgiveness. First, someone sins against you and then this person seeks and asks for your forgiveness. In this case, one is obligated to forgive according to my reading of the NT. But suppose someone sins against you and this person never repents, seeks or asks for your forgiveness. What then, are you obligated to forgive? Many Christians, in an attempt to look pious or perhaps simply out of ignorance of the scriptures, would answer this in the affirmative without actually thinking about what that means exactly. Lets put this into perspective. God himself offers forgiveness to everyone, but not everyone is forgiven. That is, not everyone is forgiven into salvation. You might say that this is because not everyone accepts Gods forgiveness. But this is irrelevant, is it not? If God has made a decree that everyone is now forgiven, then accepting it or not makes no difference and we should all go to the Universalist church where they teach that everyone will be saved in the end. There is no need to preach salvation or forgiveness, because in the end everyone will be forgiven and saved anyway. But if we agree that this is not what the NT teaches, then how does God extend forgiveness to his people? The answer must be that we get to the point where we repent and want Gods forgiveness and we ask for it of him. At that point God grants it to us because he is merciful and loving. Does God ever forgive anyone that does not

repent and ask for forgiveness? The answer must be no, because if the answer is yes, then universal salvation is here and there is no need to preach the gospel. So if we agree that God only forgives those of us who have begged his forgiveness, then why are we asking people to do what God himself does not do? Why are we asking people to forgive those who have trespassed against them and then never asked to be forgiven, never acknowledged their sin against us, never repent, never tried to make it right? Why do we put such unbiblical burdens on people?

Now this is the type of forgiveness that benefits the offender, for the most part. That is, once the offending party has been pardoned then they no longer owe you anything and the burden is lifted, so to speak, off their shoulders. They have been freed of the debt they owed you. They have sought release from their burden of guilt and they have found mercy and love in the granting of the pardon. But what about the person who does the forgiving? In the case of God, one could argue that he requires nothing, but I would probably say that God feels joy when he forgives a sinner that has repented. One could argue that God is no longer grieved by the broken relationship. In the same way a forgiving person may feel great joy or feel a release from feelings that could be disruptive to life, causing internal turmoil. So one may conclude that this act of forgiving actually brings benefits to both the offending person and the forgiving person. But what happens when the offending party does not seek forgiveness? Clearly the offending person will not get the benefits of having their guilt removed, their debt forgiven, etc. But what about the person that was sinned against? Is there a way for the grieved and

offended person to experience the benefits of forgiveness without actually having granted forgiveness to someone who does not repent or did not ask for forgiveness? And here is where a second kind of forgiveness comes into play: releasing. It is clearly known that in a broken relationship both parties are deeply hurt by what one person might have done. Even the innocent party will sometimes feel hatred at what was done to them and feel a burden and guilt at not having pardoned a guilty person. The innocent party may carry an emotional burden as a result of the broken relationship that disrupts life. We have cases of extreme violence against a person where the guilty one will not repent or ask for forgiveness. Our churches today lay an additional burden by asking these people to forgive. I can think of the case of a spouse of a murder victim, being asked by the church to forgive the murderer even thought the murderer says he would do it again if he could. And many other such cases. How can one forgive? In this case, the murderer, or offending party, has not repented, has not asked for forgiveness and will not, or should not, receive the benefits of such forgiveness. But what about the spouse of the murder victim, what can this person expect? Should this person live her life in bitter hatred of the person that murdered her spouse? Clearly the NT teaches that we should love and not hate, to live in peace and not quarrel; to live free of burdens that we may be free to worship God. We can then psychologically release the offending person and actually release ourselves from owing anything to that personsuch as forgiveness; so that we may enjoy the benefits and the healing power of forgiveness in ourselves. God does not suffer from emotional breakdowns and feelings of hate, but we do. This is clearly a psychological exercise and does not actually release the offending person of their debt, but clearly it offers the advantage

that the offended party no longer feels that he/she owes anything to the offender or to God himself. The offended party can let go of the transgression.

From the NT, the injunction for the Christian to forgive is clearly one of disposition. One must be willing to forgive and have a forgiving attitude towards others. One must not be easily offended, nor hold grudges against people. When someone asks our forgiveness we must forgive out of a forgiving attitude knowing that God forgave our sins. But release yourself from the burden of forgiving those who do not repent or ask to be forgiven. Not even God forgives the unrepentant, why should we? Or are we better than God that we can forgive where God does not? So release the specter of the unrepentant, let go and feel the freedom of not carrying the guilt and emotional baggage associated with forgiving an unrepentant offender. His offense is not forgiven, it remains in him or her, but by releasing, you let go, you release your own baggage, you give it to God. Let God deal with the unrepentant, let go of the need you have to deal with it, you are done. Release it to God and become liberated in order to live the abundant life that Christ has promised his followers.

So should the Christian forgive? Yes, the Christian should forgive and release; forgiving those who ask and releasing those who do not.

Sergio N. Longoria BSEE, BSE, MA, MATS