Chapter 1 My name is McKenzie.

I grew up in the suburbs of Richmond in England, it is a weird town as most of it seems to be built on a hill this is annoying when you are always walking because it means that you are constantly going up or going down banks. Coming home from school as a young child it seemed like I was climbing Mount Everest just to get to my house. We werent a particularly rich family however we werent poor either. We were a simple middle class family. Our house has 2 floors and a small basement and we had converted our garage into a study for my mother. She was the boss of his own rosettes company and she produced labels, sashes and much more from that cold, rectangular room. I didnt have any brothers or sisters because my parents were afraid that they wouldnt have enough money to support a family of four. However, despite the odd money problem we were happy most of the time. I went to the local school which was a converted church with a huge modern extension, the extension part of the school was warm and colourful with students paintings hanging from every wall however the old church seemed to never have heating turned on and ignoring the odd computer and whiteboard it still looked pretty much like a church. One lunchtime, in year 7 my best friend Sam and I went to the old church to finish off some homework. An old teacher with wrinkles and died ginger hair sat at a desk at the top of the room observing everyone working in front of her. She raised her eyebrows slightly as Sam and I entered. Youre not allowed in here she said in a stern voice. We approached the old teacher with curiosity and as soon as we were in front of her emotionless face Sam said: We have a note from out teacher saying we can do some work. No. the teacher replied instantly. This rooms is for GCSE students and Prefects only We would like to be prefects then! Sam explained in a half sarcastic, half serious voice. Sam often has a lack of self control and most of the time hardly thought about what she was saying. After Sams comment we realised how unwelcome we were by the teachers squinted eyes which glared at us. We retreated to the dining hall where there were luckily a few spare tables which we could work at. Like all 11 years olds we soon got distracted and started talking about what we wanted to do when we were older. Sam talked about joining the police force she reckoned that she would be brilliant at solving mysteries and noticing evidence however I objected. Apart from having a big mouth, Sam also wasnt very observant. She is one of those people who will spend hours looking for something and then realise that it was in their hand all along. She was smart though; in both maths and science she was the top of the class even beating the boys! I was pretty average in all of my lessons, occasionally getting a right answer in maths or spelling a complicated word right in English. After Sam had finished enlightening me about the positives of being a police woman I started telling her what I wanted to do

I know it sounds boring; however I want to be a doctor. I like the idea of helping people You cry when you see a little bit of blood McKenzie! interrupted Sam. Well maybe not a doctor who deals with blood then! I replied swiftly. So you want to be a doctor who is afraid of blood thats like a fireman who is afraid of fire! she laughed. Thanks for your support then. I replied to Sam sarcastically. The school bell went and we went to our next lesson. The bell went and we both went to our next lesson I was still determined to become a doctor. During the next 7 years, Sam and I became closer and closer friends finishing secondary school with over a dozen GCSEs to our name each. By this time I had decided that physiology was the thing I wanted to do so I started studying it in college. During the time between secondary school and college I got a part time job working in a local supermarket. The job wasnt well paid and it wasnt interesting however it was the best I could get. My first step of independence was just as college started as Sam and I decided to rent a small apartment in Newcastle so we could both go to a college there. We lived on baked beans and pot noodles the whole time we were there however I enjoyed it because I liked living with a friend and not having parents telling me what to do. One Tuesday lunchtime, Sam and I decided to go and get some lunch together at a local cafe as we always do. I ordered my usual ham and cheese toasty and Sam ordered a coronation chicken sandwich with a cup of tea. I think we were talking about our tragic prom night where I failed to get a date and Sam got stood up by hers. Youre guy clearly wasnt going to turn up I said to her in a voice which made her realise I was winding her up. Well at least I got a date in the first place! She replied giving me a dirty look. I took the final bite out of my toasty. The gorgeous melted cheese had just finished going down my throat when all of a sudden Sam stopped moving. Her mouth, full of food, fell open and she started coughing blood. Her first splutter threw dark red blood all over out small, circular table and with the second splutter came out all of her sandwich which was in her mouth. With only a small amount of the blood/food mixture on me I grabbed my phone out of my breast pocket and dialled 999. People all around the caf were watching me as I requested for an ambulance all of them had looks of fear yet curiosity. A man from behind the counter ran up to our table and put his arm on Sams back, lifting her back up so she was sat upright. She was still throwing up. The man looked like the manager of the caf, he had dark skin and an Indian accent. It wasnt the food! Dont say it was the food the man shouted selfishly. By the time the ambulance got here Sam had passed out and the caf had almost emptied. The 3 paramedics took Sam and me away in the ambulance. In the cramp, white van there was a sence of urgency as they hooked Sam up to a heart rate monitor. Luckily she was still breathing. I listened to the high pitched beep of the monitor all the way to the hospital no body said a word until we arrived and they slid Sam out and into A&E. I was following eagerly to find out what was wrong with my best friends however a nurse stopped me just before I got through a large set of double doors.

I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. In my head all sorts of horrible thoughts were swirling round: Is she going to be OK? Has she been doing drugs? Was it my fault? When the clock striked 2 Oclock a nurse came to get me and told me to follow her. She took me through a maze of corridors and different rooms until we came to a room marked ICU. Sam was laid asleep with needles stuck into her arms and a pipe down her neck. Sam, are you okay? I whispered as a bent down next to her bed. I wasnt expecting a reply and I didnt get one. I started crying, her face seemed so blank, she wasnt showing any emotion and she looked as white as a ghost. Two men and a woman wearing doctors coats entered the room. One of the men had long curly hair, a large nose and brown eyes which seemed to make him look wise somehow although the rest of his face made him look only slightly older than me. The other man had short strawberry blonde hair and looked slightly plump under his tartan jumper and his white doctors coat. The woman was slim, tall, had brown hair however looked extremely concerned compared to the two men. Patient is called Sam Jones, 17 years old and from Richmond. read the woman doctor, She coughed up blood whilst at a caf. She looked at me, Im Jenifer Knights by the way, this is Doctor Stephenson, she pointed at the man with the curly hair, and this is doctor Jonathon Weirs, she pointed at the plump man. I nodded at them all and gave a half smile as if I was thanking them for helping Sam. I am McKenzie White; I was with her when she got took away. I replied. The 3 doctors seemed quite arrogant though since that brief introduction was the only engagement I got with the 3 of them. She could have a Pulmonary edema exclaimed Doctor Stephenson looking at his two fellow colleagues. It would have showed up on the chest x-ray said Doctor Weirs showing off his superiority. He was obviously the boss of this team. What about Cystic fibrosis? asked Doctor Knights in a quivering voice. Wait you dont even know whats wrong with her! I exclaimed whilst getting up off the floor and looking at Doctor Weirs. I was ignored by everyone. Yes, that could be possible if our patient was under 2 years old! snapped Doctor Stephenson back to her. They were throwing around ideas as if it was a game. As soon as one doctor said something another doctor would disagree. Bronchiectasis announced Doctor Stephenson. Also would have shown up in the chest x-ray! Doctor Weird pointed out. What if the bleeding didnt come from her lungs or heart? he added. It is rare however if a brain tumour in her temporal lobe it would cause pressure to build up and blood to come into her mouth. Confirm it with a head MRI. Doctor Weirs looked at me, then looked to the floor and walked out. He didnt need to spell it out. I knew a brain tumour was bad. I was left in shock for the next few hours Sam had been taken away for more tests and I was just waiting for the results back. When her parents turned up they had already been informed of Sams situation so they just sat with me in her room in

silence. Sams mother was crying and needing to be comforted by her father. Her father had her eyes. When Doctor Stephenson and Doctor Knights returned with a file, I could tell by the depressed look on Doctor Knights face that the news wasnt good. The MRI scan showed that there was a brain tumour however it is too big to remove. stated doctor Stephenson. How long has she got? cried Sams mother. Maybe weeks, maybe months, we cant tell at the moment. declared doctor Stephenson. How didnt we see this coming? I added swiftly, Wasnt their any signs? A tumour in that part of the brain would have caused memory loss and lack of good judgment. Sam always had a bad memory even with basic things like remembering where she put things. Im surprised she was so good in school if she had a tumour affecting her memories. And for Sams judgement she could never keep her mouth shut; she always said what was on her mind. She was honest however lacked self control. I broke into tears and ran out of the room. I kept running until I was out of the hospital. The sun was setting now and I could see the light slowly disappearing behind the Newcastle skyline. What could I do now? In my pockets I felt my mobile phone and a few pound coins. I had left my bag in the hospital room. Without thinking twice about it I ran over to the nearest bus stop and got onto the next bus. I didnt care where it was going to. I sat at the back of the bus and looked forward to see other passengers. The bus was only occupied by an old woman looking out of a window and a man in a suit listening to music from his iPod. This was the most selfish and dangerous thing I had ever done in my life however I didnt know what to do. I knew I was being irrational and not thinking straight however I didnt want to just sit and wait for Sam to die and I didnt want to look at her parents because Sam was their world. After debating what to do over and over in my mind I eventually fell asleep. In my sleep I dreamt of Sam and some of the good times we have had together. I was in a field near Richmond where I used to walk with my mother as a child. Sam was there however she was running away from us. Sam! I shouted. Come back! No matter what I did I could not get her to stop. She ran away over the golden, autumn meadows and she kept running until she was out of sight. I didnt know what to do. Chapter 2 I woke up abruptly on the bus. There was a semi-balled man shaking my shoulder. Last stop, honey he croaked. I got my things together, wiped my wet face and stood up. I followed the man out of the bus and around the bus station until we got to the exit. There was a small clock above the door telling me that it was 12:30AM. Where was I and where was I going to go? The street I walked on to was busy even at this early hour of the morning. Loud cars, tucks and vans sped along the wide road. Shops and houses lined the side of the

street, all with their own individual colours and logos. I wasnt wearing many clothes so the nip of the cold soon hit me. I pulled by jacket tightly shut and started walking towards the end of the street where there were a group of people in a huddle. As I walked past them swiftly however I could hear them gossiping about a fight which happened earlier this week. All of a sudden on of them looked at me. Well hello there, I havent seen you around here recently. The rat looked me up and down. I wouldnt usually do this however I stopped walking and replied Im new to this area. Why dont you hang around with us for a bit then? The rat coughed. Everyone in his group was now looking at me. I dont think it was even a question more of a command with a question mark at the end. Before I knew it, the sun was rising again and I was drinking and drinking, talking and talking. I think I even injected myself with something. Only thing I remember was shouting a lot and drinking a lot. And whatever I injected into myself was nice. Made me see the world in a completely new light; it was so simple. I didnt know how though. Everything seemed so confusing and so simple at the same time. Nothing made sense yet everything made sense. Alarms were going off in my head telling me what I was doing was wrong however I was happy. In the morning, stoned out of my head, one of the young men offered me a place to sleep. In my high state I said yes and fell asleep on a sofa. I wasnt even sure where I was. I woke up slowly several hours later with an extreme headache and a mouth as dry as the Sahara desert. I would have liked to say that my head was clear and I could think straight however that wasnt the case. Morning said a deep voice from behind. Startled, I turned around to see a 20-ish year old man walking around with no t-shirt on. His hairy belly hung over his dirty tracksuit bottoms and his unshaved face made him look like a true drug addict. His green eyes were still dilated and they had bright red rings around them. He had another bottle of beer in his hands which he looked like he was about to crack open. What time is it? I asked him. He got out his phone and checked the screen: Two-forty five. He paused then took a sip of his beer and said: Do you even remember anything from last night? What, no, I need to go. I shifted my body forward about to stand up when I realised that I wasnt wearing any trousers. Where are my jeans? I demanded. His drunken happy look turned sinister Youll get them back if you come out partying again. What! When? I wanted to tell him that he couldnt make me do anything however I figured that would only end badly. Now, clean yourself up, Joe text telling us to meet him in the alley opposite Baker Street. He leaned down to the floor, picked up my jeans and threw them at me. I swiftly put them on as the man left the room with his beer hopefully to put a t-shirt on. The second he was gone I stood up and tried to open the door quietly. It was locked. I turned around and looked at his small, cramped living room. I could see one key on a shelf so I picked it up and tried to open the door with it. I was a hamster encaged in 4 walls, nobody knew I was here. Unfortunately, the key didnt even fit in the door however I kept it anyway thinking I would be able to use it as a blade if I had to.

We met Joe, the gang leader in the alley half an hour later. The man whose house I slept in had tied my hands so I couldnt try and get away. I injected, sniffed and drunk so many things that night I didnt even know my own name by morning, it was like I was having an outer body experience or I was my own fairy god mother watching over myself. The next morning it was the same process, asking if I could go and the answer being no. Each day with the man looking more evil and every day I was getting more and higher. One day I didnt even have a hangover, I was still so high in the morning. That is when it begun. All of my days faded into one, weeks became months and months became years. After a while I stopped arguing with the man who I lived with and I just went to meet Joe and his gang out of my own choice. It made me happy. I had completely forgotten about Sam, my family, her family and everyone else in my life. Drugs were my only friend now. There seemed to be many girls my age who unfortunately had been trapped in the world of drugs and gangs. Once all the men had passed out with drinking too much we often talked, inside we were normal people despite the other girls being quite dumb. Most of them hadnt even finished secondary school. Most of them were just your average slag or women who like me had just got addicted to drugs however there was one girl called Lucy. She was determined to escape however she didnt know how. She had been arguing a lot with Joe recently and all the other girls just wished she would shut up until one day when she vanished out of thin air. Nobody asked questions because everyone was too scared. It was 2 months later when her body was apparently found at a landfill sight. Nobody has talked about her or talked about leaving ever since. Joe was some sort of legend in the town I was in. He got us into every nightclub straight away and he never needed to pay at bars he went into. I liked to think he was secretly the boss of all of them however really, in my heart, I knew that he probably has bribed all the managers. Joe was young however acted double his age, every time I saw him he was with a different woman and every so often he would disappear and come back claiming it was a business trip. One night, I was dancing with a man in an extremely busy night club. I was wearing a short skirt and some kind of vest top with a cheesy slogan across the middle and he offered me a type of pill I had never seen before. A type of pill that seemed large however somehow soft. Without thinking, I took it. Chapter 3 Hello? McKenzie, can you hear me? A bright light shined into my eyes. My head aching more than ever and my ears were ringing loudly. I tried to blink and open my eyes however they were too sore to move. Try and open your eyes McKenzie. A soft voice said to me. McKenzie I want you to try and open your eyes.

I took a deep breath in and then tried to open my eyes as wide as I could. I could see Doctor Stephenson from the Newcastle hospital leering over me. Was I dreaming? Or dead? Where am I? I moaned quietly. You are safe now, you are in a hospital replied Doctor Stephenson. I tried to ask another question however my throat felt tight and I just ended up coughing loudly. Nurse, we need some water in here. shouted Doctor Stephenson to one of the nurses. He looked back at me and said Did you know what you took last night? I shook my head slightly. Youre lucky your alive you know! I took a sip from the cup of water which was handed to me. We need to transfer you to a rehab facility, we need to get you clean and if we let you go now youll probably end up taking drugs again and you might not be so lucky to end up in a hospital bed again. I assumed he meant that I could die if I went back on drugs. Youve completely destroyed you liver by the way, his voice turned from soft to serious. My head is killing me! Sorry, there is nothing I can do about that at the moment. Thats why youre going to rehab. Is there anyone you would like us to contact? My parents were the first names which came into my head however I couldnt see the point in telling them that I was going into rehab, which would just stress them more. I made a promise to myself though that I would contact them after rehab if that time ever came. No. I mumbled. Doctor Stephenson looked at me and then he stood up and started unwiring me. Ill get an ambulance to take you there now. said Doctor Stephenson. It was over; I was no longer under pressure from anyone. For some reason Doctor Stephenson accompanied me all the way to the rehab facility in the middle of the countryside. It was a big old house which had obviously been converted into a hospital. It had vines growing down the outside and stone pillars at both sides of the entrance. It looked like a calming place however it had something weird and eery about it. Doctor Stephenson went ahead to check the files were complete and everything was okay, he came back two minutes later and helped me out of the ambulance. My whole body was in excruciating pain now and it was crying out for drugs and pain killers. My head was being trampled on my elephants, my ears had an orchestra playing in them, my eyes felt like they were made out of sandpaper and the rest of my body had lost all strength. Although I had been sat down for the last 40 minutes I was sweating pools of water as though I had just ran a marathon. As I drew closer to the big wooden doors of the rehab facility I saw a sign saying Redmond House however you struggled to make out the numbers underneath as they were covered in vines. The outside of the building makes you think that the interior is going to be extremely old and retro looking however as soon as I entered the main reception I saw modern technology, smooth blue walls with painting hanging from them and nurses everywhere all wearing the same pale green gown. Just remember, you need to do this. Doctor Stephenson said from behind me. I looked at him and forced my mouth into a smile.

Bang!! My legs had lost all power from underneath me and I went crashing into the marble floor. Immediately nurses from all angles helped pick me up and started to take me towards a set of doors. This time Doctor Stephenson wasnt following. I managed one final look at his concerned face before the doors swung shut behind me. I was locked in a room with cream cushioned walls, a sink and a toilet. I spent the first 2 hours of my visit to Redmond House screaming in agony and throwing up in the toilet. It was probably the worse 2 hours of my life. During this time I noticed all the puncture holes in my arms where I had previously injected a needle. Every so often a nurse would come to the door, open the small hatch and look at me to see if my condition was improving at all. Once my body felt like it had no more liquids or solids to puke up I lay on my back on the floor breathing heavily. I was still sweating and so much my clothes were sticking to my back. After 3 hours I could hear the nurses debating outside whether to give me something to eat or not, they feared I would just throw it up again in an hour or so. Despite this worry they slipped an egg sandwich through the hatch in the door. Egg I thought to myself good choice, lots of protein to help me recover and carbohydrates in the bread to give me energy. Unfortunately it didnt even take an hour until the egg came hurtling back up my throat and into the toilet. My first night there was sleepless, I couldnt think about anything but the pain I was in. By this time I thought I would be getting slightly better however it seemed I was only getting worse. My tiredness only made me weaker and by the time it came to morning I couldnt move from my position laid on the floor. I was gasping for air making the occasional croak for help. It must have been around midday when I finally got some sleep and that was only because my body was deprived of it however it only lasted 3 hours. When I woke up I was in the same torturous pain. This continued for the next 3 days. The 4th day I woke up in a puddle of my own sweat, it was cooler than usual. I felt slightly better however everything still hurt. Inside my head at least I could start thinking clearly. My problem was that whenever a nurse came to the hatch, I couldnt get my words out. I had rehearsed them over and over in my head, I was going to ask for another pillow and some more water however from my mouth only came slurred noises. 4 nurses later and about 100 confused looks I decided to give up and I went to curl up on my bed. Finally the 5th day I woke up, my head had stopped feeling like it was being banged against a sheet of steel. Although my joints still ached I felt a lot better. By the time lunch came they all seemed to notice that I was thinking clearly as I could now talk properly and I wasnt begging them for pills to make me feel better.

Finally at around 3PM the heavy door was swung open and I was allowed to limp out. First I was given a change of clothes and then I was put into another room where there was a girl laid on a bed reciting poetry to herself. I gave her a confused look and then carried on with my business of changing clothes. The new room I was in had a large window behind both of our beds and a bedside table each too. There was one big cupboard next to the door which seemed to look like it had been recovered from a 1970s apartment. Despite this I was happy to be out and be able to see proper sunlight. Once I had got changed into an oversized white t-shirt and some new jeans I looked at my roommate who was still talking to herself and said: Hey She stopped and looked at me I told them I didnt want to share a room! she snapped back at me. Why not? I asked curious to see why a person could take such an instant disliking to me. I dont want you touching my stuff. She replied twisting her head even more so she could get a better look at me. Im not going to as long as you dont touch my stuff I said. You have no stuff Ive heard your story, you are living off the stuff they give you here. I do have one thing that is mine, my mind. She glared at me and then turned around and returned to reciting her poetry. The second she did a nurse came in: McKenzie, Doctor Cane would like to see you. I sighed, got my body off the bed I was sat on and followed the nurse slowly until we got to a shiny, wooden door marked Doctor Cane MD on the front. The nurse opened the door for me and I walked in. It was a large room with a huge window occupying a whole wall. On the other wall were paintings that looked like kids had drew them. Directly in front of me was a cluttered desk surrounded by plants, papers and various objects sat at the desk was a slightly obese, white haired man with eyes too close together and stiff, dry lips. McKenzie he started How are you feeling? I cant complain considering the circumstances I said surprised at how intellectual I sounded even after being on drugs for ages and in a dark room for the last week. Please take a seat Cane nodded. The seat I sat on was low to the floor and it had arms too high for my liking. It was facing another seat which I assumed was Doctor Canes chair. At the moment we are planning to keep you here for another 4 months, slowly introducing you back into society. He paused The right society. Cane came and sat down opposite me on the chair I thought was his. Im assuming he did this so I would feel more comfortable talking to someone who wasnt sat behind a desk. I think at college it was called Getting to the same level as the person you are talking to. That was such a long time ago. We are going to help you find alternatives to drugs and most of all we are going to assist you morn the loss of your friend Sam. Oh my god Id completely forgot about Sam, that was the reason I started drugs in the first place. Without thinking I put my head in my hands and looked to the floor. Was Sam still alive? Were my parents okay? Obviously expecting this, Doctor Cane started a short yet well rehearsed speech which he obviously says to all patients in my position. Im not going to lie or deflect to you, you can trust me. Whatever you are thinking, I want you to say. Everything which you tell me is completely confidential and shall not go out of this room.

Together we are going to work hard to get you back on the right track. I lifted my head up and re-established eye contact with Doctor Canes emotionless face. There was a long pause as I recomposed myself wiping my damp eyes and pushing the hair back behind my ears. Do you believe in God? he asked. No never seen the point in it. He reached for a bit of paper. I hear that you studied Physiology for a while at college? If he knew that, what else did he know? Would I be made to see my parents again? I nodded at him. I think we should continue that in the four months you are here. It will keep you occupied and I will be able to teach you it myself if youd like. Are you still interested? he asked. Yes defiantly I smiled; at least doing this would put some meaning back into my life even if I dont get a qualification at the end. I unfortunately need to go now Sam however if you ever need me, I will be in my office most of the time so feel free to call by. I shall start the tutoring next week; Ill give you some time to settle in and meet the other patients living here. I smiled. This was the first time I was happy in ages. Even with my soar joints, painful eyes and blocked ears. Thank you Doctor Cane I exclaimed as we both stood up and shook hands. Please, call me Edward. He grinned. As I left I heard him say behind me Im glad youre here McKenzie. Chapter 4 The next four months went extremely quick and easily. As long as I ate all of my meals, took my medication and joined in at group sessions the nurses let me stay up late and go outside as much as I liked. Although I enjoyed being outside, I still wasnt allowed of the Rehab premises and to be honest, the small garden the rehab facility had to offer wasnt that spectacular. It had cricket stumps pained on one wall and 2 basket ball hoops situated at either end of the grassy area and apart from 4 picnic tables in either corner. It wasnt much however I liked it. Eventually my room mate even started talking to me, I think its only because I persuaded the nurses to let her stay up later too however I didnt mind. The fact I was talking to her made up for not being allowed of the premises. The lessons from Doctor Cane were going extremely well, I learnt so much from him and he seemed to be a really nice person. After each lesson we would sit down together and discuss what was going on in my life and how my body was coping with being off drugs. I was coping okay, each day I would feel better than the last. My life seemed to be very structured now. Every day at 10AM I would need to attend a group session where everyone would talk about their problems in a group. At 12:30PM it was lunch where we would all sit at long tables and eat the same thing. At 1:30PM I had my lessons with Doctor Cane and then at 4PM I got some free time when I could use a computer or write however usually I just talked to various nurses and ate snacks. 5:30PM was tea, same routine as lunch however sometimes the Doctors would eat with us. The end of the day was 9PM, we were sent to our rooms where would could bathe, wash and sort our selves out for lights out which was usually around 10ish however I often stayed up until midnight talking.

The first group session seemed weird for two reasons, one because people seemed to open up so much to complete strangers and tell them their life problems and the second reason is for the lack of manners the people had. If someone had a problem with you; they would make it clear in the group session. People would complain about their room mate who was sat next to them and the nurses would need to try and get them to agree. This was awkward for everyone else however it was the best entertainment they would get. I remember my last day at rehab so clearly, I woke up early and started packing my things away quietly, being careful not to wake my room mate. Then I went downstairs for some cereal and saw Doctor Cane waiting for me. Morning he said in a jolly mood. Morning I replied, smiling at him. I have all the papers in here for you he handed me a small file wallet And we have rented you a small apartment across the city. It is in a good area. Thanks, but I want to move out of the city completely. Are you going to go home? No, not yet. Im going to go to London. And live where? he gave me a concerned look. Dont worry! I laughed My parents have a house down there which Ill be able to use. Well send you off at midday some come by my office then and Ill sign you out. He turned around and left them room in a slow walk. I got a bowl of Shreddies and set about reading todays newspaper. My eyes were skimming past the letters and words however I wasnt talking any of it in. I was too excited that I was leaving in only a few hours. I greeted everyone happily as they came down from their rooms in a steady trickle to get breakfast. Some of them had made me cards; others just gave me a goodbye hug or handshake. After breakfast we had our usual group session where we discussed what it is like loosing someone from our lives. It made me feel guilty for leaving Sam and I wish I didnt even get on the bus in the first place however I didnt want to know if she was dead or alive. She lived on in my memories. Finally midday came so I strolled down to Doctor Canes office walked in and saw my parents sat down where I and Doctor Cane usually sit when we talk to each other. I was speechless and I didnt know what to say or do. There was an awkward silence until Doctor Cane stood up from his desk and said: McKenzie, Ive invited your parents here. I looked at my mother and she was about to burst into tears. She probably thought I was dead or missing or something. Please, take a seat. Said Doctor Cane in a calming voice as he moved a chair out of his desk. My heart rate increased and my head started spinning. I tried to say no but my mouth was opening and closing without any words coming out. McKenzie, calm down. They have only come here to make sure you are okay. He edged forwards towards me; I tried and failed to take a step backwards however I couldnt move my body. It was like I was having an outer body experience. He gently

held my upper arm and slowly dragged me forwards. I was in shock that they were here and my eyes were fixated on my mother and fathers faces. I sat down still in shock that they were here. I finally build up the courage to speak. Hello I croaked. Hello my father replied. We dont want to pressure you or anything said my mother We just wanted to check you were ok. explained my mother. We here you are going to live in our London home for a while. She paused. That should be fun Look, I made a bad decision, I am so sorry, I didnt want to see Sam die, I couldnt look at her parents, I didnt know what to do, the bus went to far, I had no money, please forgive me, I love you both still very much and Im sorry I didnt contact you however I was scared. I blurted out in a quick rush. I was surprised that they actually understood a word I said it so quick. We understand. said my father in a kind tone Doctor Cane explained that you were here and he told us your story the week you arrived here.