Research Paper Assessment Name: Jennifer Dryden Date: 9/27/12 Student ID: Email: jpadryden@comcast.

net

Complete your 2000 word research paper and insert it in the space below. Then email this document as an attachment to assessment@icoachacademy.com

Finding Your Voice

Contents
Introduction .............................................. 4 The Process ............................................. 6 The Exercise ............................................ 6 Discovering Your True Feelings .................. 8 Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs ................... 9 Voicing Your Fears ................................ 10 Focusing on Quality ............................... 10 Voicing Your Opinion ............................. 11 Conclusion ............................................ .12 References ............................................ 13

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

Introduction Often times, when we are uncomfortable in a situation, we may find it difficult to speak. We might start talking in a choked & nervous or shrill, high-pitched voice. We may find ourselves prefacing our statements with "I know this is probably wrong, but..." Or, perhaps, we may be unable to speak at all, our voices literally 'paralyzed' with fear. If you find yourself frequently in these kind of situations at work or in your personal relationships, then it is important for you to start learning how to find your True Voice. This is the voice you use when you are feeling, safe, relaxed, sure and confident. Your voice is the mechanism you use to convey your thoughts, feelings, opinions and passions. It reflects your individual personality and expresses how you feel about yourself in the world. The sound of your voice, rather than the words you are speaking, is what most people are likely to be listening to. According to Dr. Joan Kenley, author of Voice Power: A Breakthrough Method to enhance Your Speaking Voice, the way you say something can have over 5 times the impact of the actual words you are using. She states that the sound of your voice is what communicates your own positive qualities, inspires people and energizes organizations. 4

Anne Karpf, in her book The Human Voice, points out that Throughout our lives we make decisions, often unwittingly, on the basis of the sound of a persons voice: lovers as well as political candidates get selected for vocal reasons. One study conducted at the University of California at Los Angeles indicated that up to 93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues. Another study indicated that the impact of communication was determined 7 percent by the words used, 38 percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by nonverbal communication or body language.1 In his book Vocal Power: Harnessing the Power Within, Arthur Samuel Joseph asks Have you ever noticed that there are very few successful people with bad voices? A bad voice might be one that is shrill, whiney, plaintive, petulant, weak and breathy, defensive or bellowing. These types of voices are annoying and repellant, discouraging others from wanting to interact with or truly hear what the speaker has to say. There is also the ineffective voice - one that conveys hesitation, feelings of insecurity, or even worthlessness. It is hard to respect someone or take them seriously when they are speaking in this way. Conveying the qualities of warmth, humor, sureness, patience, compassion and confidence inspires others to listen to and trust you. Practicing speaking in a way that conveys these qualities can help you to feel more self-assured, which, in turn, will allow others to take you more seriously and treat you with respect.

The Process Finding your Voice involves learning to speak in a way that truly expresses your sense of self. This process will probably require some soul-searching, in order to discover your authentic feelings and desires, along with any beliefs that might be preventing you from speaking and communicating with confidence. It will also involve identifying your fears and insecurities, so as to be able to let go of them and move forward. Practicing pacing your words, speaking more clearly and deliberately, and eliminating fillers such as like and um will also help to create a stronger sense of confidence. Later in your journey, you may find that speaking up about things you feel are important or voicing your opinion on a difficult issue, will help you to solidify your sense of inner strength, assurance and power. We will cover each of these areas more in-depth.

The Exercise According to Dr. Joan Kenley, Communication of your personal energy is vital for your health, well-being, and self-expression. But exactly how is it communicated? To a great extent, it is by your vocal quality. However, in order to communicate your personal energy, you first need to get in touch with it, which isnt always easy. Stresses caused by work, family and health issues can cause one to feel drained of energy and caught in a cycle of worrying and negative thought that, in turn, lead to ever more stress. The results will be reflected in your body, your thoughts and the way you speak to others, which can adversely affect your relationships at home and 6

at work. The best way to break this cycle and start tapping into your personal energy is through the breath. Breathing deeply and consciously in stressful situations and at regular intervals throughout the day is a simple way to relax and become energized, thus enabling your most authentic way of speaking. According to Dr. Edward Steiner2, breathing deeply sends powerful doses of oxygen to the brain and every single cell of the body." As oxygen enters the blood stream, health and mental clarity are improved. Along with recharging the bodys oxygen, the physical act of breathing correctly can relax and re-align the body. It is hard to slouch or stand rigidly while taking a deep breath. Releasing tension is the next step. While focusing on the breath, start to notice any tension in your neck, shoulders, or other parts of your body. Identify each area of tension and release it. Especially tune in to the muscles in your throat and jaw. Allow them to relax and open. Speaking with an upright but relaxed posture allows your voice to flow freely and produces a richer, fuller, more confident sound. Now, begin to relax your mind. Just as you tuned in to where the tension was being held in your body, you can now tune in to your thoughts, and how they might be causing you stress. Is there a running dialogue in the back of your mind, saying things like This is going to sound stupid, They are never going to respect my opinion, I know Im going to say something wrong, She doesnt love me or Hes going to be so angry at me? 7

Negative thoughts will block your ability to experience your true self. This kind of thinking will cause your throat to close and your voice to express confusion, fear or anger. You may hesitate or even begin to stutter. Not only is this frustrating and humiliating, but can also cause others with whom you are speaking to feel tense or nervous. In order to communicate in a healthy and satisfying way, the negative dialogue needs to be turned off and your mind cleared. Working with a coach to reframe your perspectives is an effective way to enable this process.

Discovering Your True Feelings Releasing stress, getting in touch with your personal energy and blocking negative thoughts are the first steps to expressing your authentic self. Understanding how you truly feel is what you will need to discover next. Feeling powerless, stuck, resentful or guilty in a situation will negatively affect the way you speak and interact with others. But examining the causes of these feelings can be scary. It is easier to discover why we feel frustrated than it is to initiate the positive changes necessary to transform those feelings. This is especially true when a situation involves other family members or co-workers. Examining (Transforming, Improving) these types of issues are at the heart of coaching, and being supported by a coach in the process of discovering what is true for you is the most effective way to clarify your desires and make them a reality.

Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs An important part of this process is letting go of limiting beliefs. As Lion Goodman says in his wonderful method The Belief Closet Process, If you want to change your outer circumstances (your work, your financial situation, your relationships, etc.), you need to change your internal state. How you feel, what you think, and how you react to the situations and people around you are determined by your beliefs. Your attitude, your focus of attention, and the energetic signals you put out to others are all determined by the beliefs stored in your subconscious mind. If you feel limited in any way, you have beliefs that are limiting you. In order to change any aspect of your life or circumstances, you must first change your beliefs. 3 Many of these subconscious beliefs were formed during childhood, as you reached conclusions about who and what you were, how you were supposed to act, the world around you, and your place in it. This understanding was gained and the resulting beliefs formed from your inexperienced, childhood perspective. Such beliefs might include I am too demanding, I need to be a good girl and always do as I am told, I am pretty but not very smart, or I will always have to fight for what I want and sensitivity equals weakness. It is important to identify the various beliefs that are hindering your ability to maintain a positive self-image and interact with others in a natural, satisfying and fulfilling way. Once you have discovered, examined, and made the decision to release those 9

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beliefs, you can move on to forming new ones that are beneficial, healthy and relevant in your adult life.

Voicing Your Fears Along with letting go of your limiting beliefs, you will also find it helpful identify your fears, so as to be able to release them and move on. Meditating, journaling, working with a coach or speaking with a close friend are all good avenues for determining, working through and releasing fears and limiting beliefs. Take time to clarify what it is about a situation or relationship that is causing you to feel uncomfortable. Identify where your anxieties might be coming from, and whether they are legitimate or based on past assumptions. Often, simply discussing your fears out loud or writing them down allows you to see them in a different light, and perhaps realize how irrelevant or ridiculous they might be. Investigate alternate ways of viewing the situation and try to shift your perspective to a more empowering one. This shift requires that you be willing to understand that there is more than one way to look at a given situation. Its about opening thought and showing a fuller range of possibilities. 4

Focusing on Quality Once you have gained clarity, try doing some role-playing with a coach or friend. Sit or stand up straight with your head lifted. Practice speaking in a measured, 10

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confident way, breathing deeply from the diaphragm and relaxing your shoulders. Focus on expressing your true feelings, keeping discouraging and negative thoughts out of your mind. As Dr. Joan Kenley puts it, Contact with the finer energies in your body will bring natural aliveness and personal uniqueness into the sound of your speaking voice.. Awareness focused attention with curiosity and acceptance is the key to experiencing these finer body energies. She says that speaking with this kind of attnement will reveal the essential personal qualities of : Strength and support Self-sufficiency Will power and determination Love and compassion Self-expression and creativity Mental clarity Joy

Voicing Your Opinion As you become more practiced and confident with your Voice, you may find yourself wanting to speak up in situations you might previously have avoided. Expressing yourself in an assertive (not aggressive) way will reaffirm your self-assurance and inner strength. Lin Burress defines assertive communication as the ability to speak and interact in a manner that considers and respects the rights and opinions of others while also standing up for your own rights, needs and personal boundaries. 5 11

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Becoming comfortable with voicing your personal opinion on matters you feel are important can be the final step in learning to truly express your authentic self.

Conclusion Discovering your Voice can change the way you experience every aspect of your life. The process will be ongoing it cannot happen overnight. But by identifying your authentic feelings and desires, getting rid of outdated beliefs and negative thought patterns, moving through your fears, and tuning in to your body, you will be able to convey to others your passion, strength and creativity. You will gain a stronger sense of self- confidence, cultivate richer, more satisfying relationships with family, friends and co-workers, and experience an improvement in your overall wellbeing.

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References
Kenley, Dr. J. Voice Power: A Breakthrough Method to enhance Your Speaking Voice: Dodd, Mead & Company, Inc., 1988 Karpf, A. The Human Voice: Bloomsbury Publishing, 2006 Samuel Joseph, A. Vocal Power: Harnessing the Power Within: Jodere Group, Inc., 2003
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Lochner, B. 8 Tips for Improving Your Communication Skills: Cornerstone Coaching & Training, 2010 (http://www.cornerstone-ct.com/8-tips-for-improving-your-communication)

Steiner, Dr. E. Importance of breathing correctly, 2010 (http://www.livestrong.com/article/75706-importance-breathing-correctly/#ixzz270D5KOJt) Goodman, L. Transform Your Beliefs, 2010 (www .transformyourbeliefs.com) International Coach Academy Reframing Perspectives: International Coach Academy, Pty., Ltd., 2002 Burress, L. Assertive Communication Skills, 2008 (http://suite101.com/article/assertive-communication-skills-a44334)

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