THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

The Impact of Divorce on Children Allison McChristial Liberty University

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

Abstract This research paper is on the impact of divorce on children under the age of 18. Unfortunately, divorce is a common practice in this day and age as adults do not respect the covenant of marriage as the generations before us have. When children are involved it becomes more serious and complicated. Divorce can be experienced differently depending on a childs age, gender, personality, and relationship with their parents. The effects of divorce on children are life changing, and sometimes can be catastrophic as they go through the cycles of the divorce process.

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

Divorce is prevalent in the United States and not only effects the non-Christian population, but the Christian population as well. It is estimated that nearly half of the married couples in the United States will end their union in divorce. Statistics obtained by the North Carolina State University College of Agriculture & Life Sciences include the following: It is estimated that 2 of 5 children will experience the divorce of their parents before they reach 18. About 25 percent of all children will spend some time in a step-family. A couples marriage lasts about 7.2 years prior to divorcing. Divorce rates leveled in the 1980s and are now about 11 percent lower than in 1979. There are about 1,250,000 divorces in the United States. Every year, over 1 million children under age 18 are involved in a divorce. (Matthew, 1998) These are staggering statistics.

The dissolution of a marriage is not just a one-time event, it is a process. Unfortunately, children all too often are caught in the middle of the divorce and suffer through the aftermath and process of the situation too. (Wallerstein & Kelley, 1980) Childrens responses to their parents divorce will vary according to age and temperament. Intelligent, socially competent, and responsible children seem to cope better in a divorce situation. Research shows that children who are confident socially are better able to utilize their social networks as they filter through this time of change. (Wallerstein, Lewis & Blakeslee, 2000)

According to Christian researcher George Barna, 35 percent of what he calls bornagain Christians those who have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord have experienced divorce. (Chapman, 2005) There is a lot of transition and stress that comes along with divorce,

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN and although it is difficult on the adults, children seem to be the most effected by it. According to Zill, Morrison, and Coiro (1993), Children of divorce are three times as likely as children from intact families to be referred for psychological help by teachers. The conflict that exists

between the parents is definitely a stressor to the child and his environment. This itself can cause feelings of insecurity, instability, and numerous changes in a childs life. The effects of divorce are not only found in behavioral problems but also in emotional problems. (Emory, 1988) More than twice as many adolescents from divorced families have seen mental and health professionals compared to children from non-divorced families. (Hines, 1997) Children can be overwhelmed with the emotions stemming from the divorce and could benefit from support groups with other children to work through their feelings. They need to be able to work through the all too common feelings of loss, change, and blaming themselves. One major loss in a divorce is that the children do not get to experience their parents open love for each other, which can affect them in their own marriage relationships. Instead, there is an assumption of mutual negative views held by each parent. A childs self image is being formed at a young age and is based on the images they have of each parent. They will have different traits from each parent and it is important that they feel the acceptance of each parent because of this. (Hines, 1997)

Depending on the age of the child or children, reactions will vary. In very young children under the age of 18 months, developmentally they are bonding with their parents and learning to trust them and their surroundings. They are young, but can easily acknowledge the change in their parents tone, actions, and attitude. If a child this age is suddenly left with one parent more than the other, bonding will be prohibited to the one who is not in constant contact. (Wolf, 1998)

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN Preschool children do not understand the concept of divorce, but are well aware of the

changes in their household. They are aware there is a separation between their parents. This can bring on feelings of anger that are expressed by tantrums. Separation anxiety is common at this developmental stage, but can be escalated due to divorce. Divorce tends to intensify the childs dependence and accelerate the adolescents independence. Preschoolers may interpret their parents separation as their own fault and feel a sense of rejection or abandonment. (Hetherington, Stanley-Hagan 1999)

School aged children; ages 6-12 begin the stage of fitting in with their friends and not wanting to be the different kid. They are old enough to discuss their feelings and insecurities, but do not most of the time. Children in this age category tend to feel responsible for the divorce and blame themselves. This age also can become more sensitive to their parents feelings by not wanting to hurt their parent by appearing to be more allied with the other parent. In their eyes, this could cause them to lose the other parent. (Hetherington, Stanley-Hagan 1999)

There are aspects of a childs wellbeing impacted by family structure. These include internalizing behavior which affects depression and anxiety; and externalized behavior which affects delinquency and aggressiveness; and trouble with peers not being liked, and social withdrawal. (Vandewater and Lansford, 1998) For the child in this age group, divorce tends to weaken the trust in depending on parents who now seem to behave in an undependable way. The family unit has now been divided into two households and has created unfamiliarity, instability,

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

and insecurity. The child must be apart from one of the parents in this new division. (Pickhardt, 2006)

Teenagers obviously are older and have better coping abilities, but still go through anger and sadness like any other age. A teenager struggles with independence at this stage in their life already, and a divorce can catapult them into premature independence as they separate themselves even more from their parents. This can be a time when rebellion reaches its peak and a teen experiments with drugs and alcohol to help cope with the family division. Even adolescents who had no prior problems can enter this stage and problems can be heightened. Research suggests that behavior, establishment of autonomy, academic and vocational achievement, and future intimate relationships can actually take longer to develop for children of divorced parents. (Hetherington and Stanley-Hagan, 1999) As the parents are progressing through the family changes, it can impact their ability to support their children as before during this difficult time and can negatively impact the childs wellbeing. This can result in diminished ability to provide consistent support, authority, and emotional stability that is so crucial in divorce situations. (Alice, 1993)

Divorce in a family is an unfortunate reality that occurs more often than some may realize. The vow in a marriage that says, until death do we part seems to have added until I decide I dont want you anymore to the end of it. Marriage just does not seem sacred anymore, and children get hurt in the process of divorce. Children are innocent victims when it comes to divorce and parents should do all they can to create stability and security for a child during a

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

divorce. They should assure their child of the unconditional love they have for them and provide opportunities to discuss their feelings to help their child work through their emotions. The priority should be to establish security, family order, and predictability. According to Carl Pickhardt (2006) in his book The Everything Parents Guide to Children and Divorce, he promotes the three Rs to restore a childs trust in security, familiarity, and dependency Routines, Rituals, and Reassurance. He explains the parents should establish visitation Routines so the child knows what to expect. The child is allowed to create Rituals to feel more in control of their life. And the parents provide continual Reassurance that they are lovingly connected to the child, and committed to making the new family arrangement work. This will help establish the much needed stability and security in a childs life.

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

References

Matthews, W. (1998). Long term effects of divorce on children. North Carolina: North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service. Retrieved from http://co.forsyth.nc.us/ces

Wallerstein, J., & Kelley, J. (1980). Surviving the break-up: how children and parents cope with divorce. New York: Basic Books, Inc.

Wallersten, J., Lewis, J., & Blakeslee, S. (2000). The unexpected legacy of divorce: A 25 year landmark study. New York: Hyperion.

Chapman, G. (2005). The marriage youve always wanted. Chicago: Moody Publishers.

Zill, N, Morrison, D.R., & Coiro, M.J. (1993). Long-term effects of parental divorce on parentchild relationships, adjustment, and achievement in young adulthood. Journal of Family Psychology

Emery, R. E. (1988). Marriage, divorce, and children's adjustment. Beverly Hills: Sage.

Hines, A. (1997). Divorce related transitions, adolescent development, and the role of the parentchild relationship. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 59(2), 375-388.

Wolf, A. (1998). Why did you have to get a divorce. New York: The Noonday Press.

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

Hetherinton, E., & Stanley-Hagan, M. (1999). The adjustment of children with divorced parents. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 40, 129-140.

Vandewater, E. A., & Lansford, J. E. (1998). Influences of family structure and parental conflict on children's well-being.

Pickhardt, C. (2006). The everything parent's guide to children and divorce. Avon, MA: Adams Media.

Alice, K. (1993). The dispassionate discourse of children's adjustment to divorce. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 55(1), 23-28.