coefficient of variation, histogram, parameter, Bayes' Theorem, extrapolation, bias, median, outlier, standard deviation, probability 1.

the value halfway through the ordered data set, below and above which there lies an equal number of data values - MEDIAN 2. measures the spread of a set of data as a proportion of its mean. It is often expressed as a percentage COEFFICIENT OF VARIATION 3. calculation of the value of a function outside the range of known values - EXTRAPOLATION 4. a quantitative description of the likely occurrence of a particular event; conventionally expressed on a scale from 0 to 1; a rare event scores close to 0, a very common event close to 1 - PROBABILITY 5. an observation in a data set which is far removed in value from the others in the data set; an unusually large or an unusually small value compared to the others; an extreme deviation from the mean OUTLIER 6. a value, usually unknown (and which therefore has to be estimated), used to represent a certain population characteristic; any factor that defines a system and determines (or limits) its performance PARAMETER 7. term which refers to how far the average statistic lies from the parameter it is estimating, that is, the error which arises when estimating a quantity - BIAS 8. the measure of the spread or dispersion of a set of data; the square root of the variance - STANDARD DEVIATION 9. a way of summarising data that are measured on an interval scale (either discrete or continuous), often used in exploratory data analysis to illustrate the major features of the distribution of the data in a convenient form, divides up the range of possible values in a data set into classes or groups; a bar chart representing a frequency distribution; heights of the bars represent observed frequencies - HISTOGRAM 10. a result that allows new information to be used to update the conditional probability of an event; describes how the conditional probability of each of a set of possible causes, given an observed outcome, can be computed from knowledge of the probability of each cause and of the conditional probability of the outcome, given each cause - BAYES' THEOREM Word of the week: Booboisie (n) class of people regarded as stupid or foolish This little ripper is a blend of boob and bourgeoisie and was coined by H. L. Mencken.

1. passionate - VEHEMENT 2. cautious - CIRCUMSPECT 3. painful - POIGNANT 4. puzzling - ENIGMATIC

5. treacherous - INSIDIOUS 6. liberation - EMANCIPATION 7. disparaging - DEROGATORY 8. taciturn - RETICENT 9. poor - IMPECUNIOUS 10.harmful - PERNICIOUS

The Travails of Travel Writing You would think that a conference entitled "Writing the Journey: A Conference on American, British and Anglophone Travel Writers and Writing" would actually be a safe place for travel writers. That type of thinking, surprisingly, would be misguided. At various points during the University of Pennsylvania-sponsored conference last weekend, travel writing was referred to as "the last refuge of the hack" and "nothing if not formulaic" and "journalisms tiramisu." Travel writers were called "talentless freeloaders" who were asked to "unlearn their habit of mapping the world as other." Patrick Holland, a scholar from the University of Guelph in Ontario who recently co-wrote a book called Tourists With Typewriters, summed it up like this: "Travel writing, it is suggested, is reprehensible in its insensitivity, obsolete and, in the age of globalization and virtuality, redundant." Mighty bizarre conference to say the least. Most of the weekend sessions consisted of sitting in Sheraton University City meeting rooms listening to esoteric, academic papers with such captivating titles as "Travel, Identity and the Spectacle of Modernity," or "Narrating Other Times and Spaces in a Postcolonial Age," or "The Commerce of Travel: Gender, Genre and the 18th Century Traveler" or "Exploring Liminality: The Spatial Politics of Travel and Gender Identity in Lady Mary Wortley Montagus Turkish Embassy Letter." Apparently, travel narratives have become the most recent darling for the trendy humanities and lit-crit set, who scour travel books, both well known and hopelessly obscure, for evidence of postcolonialism, postimperialism, patriarchy and other evils. The hundred or so scholars who attended retain hopes that "Travel Studies" will soon become a valid field of scholarship within the academy. After all, travel writing as a genre contains all the hegemony, diachrony and gender politics that contemporary scholars live for. Actual living and breathing travel writers did appear at the conference, including famed British author Colin Thubron, who gave the keynote address on "The Travel Writer Today." "Travel writing," Thubron said sheepishly, "is relegated to something people do in the gap between adolescence and maturity." Thubron, however, reminded the audience that at home in Great Britain, travel writing enjoys a long popular tradition in the likes of books by Graham Greene, D.H. Lawrence and many others. "There is much less inspection of (travel writing) than in the United States," he added, politely. Yet perhaps the most interesting and telling session took place on Saturday afternoon during a panel called "Travel Writers Talk About The Trade." The panel consisted of Thomas Swick, travel editor of the Sun-Sentinel of Fort Lauderdale, and Howard Shapiro, travel editor of the Philadelphia Inquirer. These travel writer/editors were the harshest critics of all. First, Swick ridiculed the professional travel writers jargon. How its no longer a weekend trip its now a "getaway." Or to continue the criminal motif, an "escape." How cities with a proven track record

are "gems." How any place with palm trees immediately becomes a "paradise." How any hotel in the city becomes "elegant" and any hotel in the country becomes "rustic." He opened a recent Sunday travel section of the New York Times, and defied the audience to find a story that didnt have some variation of the line "my wife Heidi and I" at some point in the opening paragraphs. Shapiro was surprisingly candid in his own lecture. "Travel editing these days is really like catching manna from heaven," he said. About the deluge of travel manuscripts he receives each week, he said: "We know most of them are going to be dreck." As for why most of the travel stories he receives are so bad, Shapiro said simply: "We dont pay enough." And then, in case the point hadnt been driven home entirely: "We probably treat the writers as our last priority." Shapiro said freelance writers are paid $200 for stories reported from the far reaches of the world, anywhere from Mongolia to Madagascar to Majorca. At the same time, he mentioned that the weekly Sunday travel section rakes in roughly $18 million a year in revenue. That, unfortunately, didnt stop him from railing further against the writing he receives. In fact, Shapiro, with great comedy, began opening some recent unsolicited manuscripts and reading them to the audience with of course, much eye-rolling and snickering at the bad, bad, bad writing. "We have a stable of writers who are lawyers," he said. "They are probably our best writers. First of all, they can afford to go to these places. This may sound elitist, but its true." ___________________________ act foolishly, as by talking nonsense - FOOTLE From the Latin futuere, which has nothing to do with what happens tomorrow ... this is the Latin word for sexual intercourse. It makes you proud to call yourself a carbon-based biped, and I think this willingness to drop everything and help out is one of our most endearing qualities, don't you? self-styled; so-called - SOIDISANT (from the French soi 'oneself' and disant, 'saying') Daedal (adj) ingenious and complex in design or function; intricate; finely or skillfully made or employed; artistic This one comes from the Greek daidalos 'to work cunningly' and from the cunning Athenian inventor, Daedalus who created the Labyrinth of Minos. The same Daedalus who made wings for himself and his son to escape the labyrinth ... remember what happened to his son, Icarus? wash - perform ablutions 3. bridesmaids - pretty servitors 4. bell - tintinnabulary summons 6. have a drink - partake of liquid refreshment 7. speech - flattering ovation 8. cows tail - bovine continuation 9. gave - tendered Etiquette refers to the rules governing social behaviour and next to duct tape, it's what holds society together. Without some consideration for others, we're doomed, boys and girls, doomed. Check : http://www.bartleby.com/95/ As soon as people launch into these accounts of their ailments, I'm tempted to use that wonderful line from the Absolutely Fabulous series, "There you go again ... confusing me with someone who cares." It's all matter of propriety, isn't it? You remember propriety, don't you? It's that quality of being able to recognise what's appropriate behaviour for different social situations and then choosing to act in a way that is socially acceptable. And

like all social mors, there's a jolly good reason why certain subjects are (or were once) taboo ... Subjects such as the workings of the human digestive tract, f'r instance. Do I care if complete strangers move their bowels once a day or once every bloody year? NO! propriety in language. As well as choosing words that are real words, you also need to choose the right word for the right spot ... and that's basically what propriety in language is. Foreign phrases Expressions such as ad infinitum, ad nauseam, cest la vie, crme de la crme, fait accompli, in loco parentis, je ne sais quoi, joie de vivre, mea culpa, mirabile dictu, modus vivendi, ne plus ultra, non compos mentis, par excellence, persona non grata, quid pro quo, raison dtre, sine qua non, trs, verboten, and vive la diffrence, though perfectly good foreign words and phrases, are, when used by English-speaking people, simply wearisome. Grammatical gimmicks Quite simply, and everything is a babblers way of describing what he was unable to. This phrase and so many others like it and everything like that; and stuff (things); and (or) stuff (things) like that; and this and that; anyway; I mean; (and that) kind of stuff (thing); or something or other; or whatever; this, that, and the other (thing); you had to be there are grammatical gimmicks that we use to make up for the misfashioned words that precede them. These are devices that we resort to whenever we are unable to adequately explain our thoughts or feelings. Grammatical gimmicks attest to just how dull and dimwitted we have become. Ineffectual phrases Ineffectual phrases are the expressions people use to delay or obstruct, to bewilder or make weary. The intent of those who use ineffectual phrases is to make it appear as though their sentences are more substantial than they actually are, but not one sentence is made more meaningful by their inclusion: (please) be advised that; Ill tell you (something); it has come to (my) attention; it is important to realize (that); it is interesting to note (that); make no mistake (about it); (to) take this opportunity (to); the fact of the matter is; the fact remains; the thing about it is; what happened (is) . How a person speaks often reveals how he thinks. And how he thinks determines how he behaves. A person who speaks ineffectually may think ineffectually, and a person who thinks ineffectually may behave ineffectually perhaps badly. Ineffectual phrases add only to our being ineffectual people. Inescapable pairs In an inescapable pair, the first word means much the same as the second or so often accompanies the second that any distinction between them is, in effect, forfeited. Only occasionally, that is, do we see the word allied without the word closely; asset without valuable; baby without beautiful; balance without delicate; distinction without dubious; error without egregious; tied without inextricably; missed without sorely; poverty without abject; principle without basic. And only occasionally do we see the word aid without the word abet; alive without well; effective without efficient; hope without pray; hue without cry; pure without simple. When two words are treated as though they were one the plight of every inescapable pair our keenness is compromised, our discernment endangered. No longer does every word tell; the words themselves have become witless. Infantile phrases Any thought or feeling in which these expressions are found is likely to be made instantly laughable: absolutely, positively; all of the above; because (thats why); because why?; (as) compared to what?;

going on (19); Ill bet you any amount of money; in no way, shape, or form; intestinal fortitude; it takes one to know one; me, myself, and I; mission accomplished; mutual admiration society; never (not) in a million years; real, live; really and truly; (you) started it; (I) take it back; the feelings mutual; the (L)word; (my) whole, entire life; with a capital (A); without further ado; (62) years young; (a) zillion(s) (of). Also included among these phrases that strike all but the dimwitted as derisory are notorious advertising slogans (inquiring minds want to know; wheres the beef), song and film titles (a funny thing happened to me on the way to; I cant get no satisfaction), and alliterative or rhymed phrases (a bevy of beauties; chrome dome). Other infantile phrases are more disturbing, for they reveal an adolescent, unformed reasoning. Explanations like in the wrong place at the wrong time, it just happened, its a free country, and everythings (its all) relative are as farcical as they are possibly fallacious. Moribund metaphors Metaphors, like similes, should have the briefest of lives. Their vitality depends on their evanescence. Yet must we ever endure the dimwitted (its) a jungle (out there), an emotional roller coaster, a stroll (walk) in the park, (like) being run over (getting hit) by a (Mack) truck, (as) cool as a cucumber, everything but the kitchen sink, (as) hungry as a horse, leak like a sieve, light at the end of the tunnel, out to lunch, over the hill, pass like ships in the night, (as) phony as a three-dollar bill, (a) piece of cake, rule the roost, window of opportunity, (every parents) worst nightmare , and countless other metaphors that characterize people as dull, everyday speakers and writers, indeed, as platitudinarians? Nothing new do they tell us. Nothing more do they show us. Moreover, if it werent for our plethora of metaphors, especially, sports images above par, a new ballgame, batting a thousand, do (make) an end run around, down for the count, hit a home run, off base, pull no punches, stand on the sidelines, step up to the plate, took the ball and ran with it and war images a call to arms, an uphill battle, battle lines are drawn, draw fire, earn his stripes, first line of defense, in the trenches, on the firing line, take by storm men and, even, women would be far less able to articulate their thoughts. We would speak and write more haltingly than we already do; our thoughts and feelings more misshapen than they already are. Moribund metaphors interfere with our understanding not only when we use them singly but also, and especially, when we use them simultaneously, that is, when we use them together, metaphor on metaphor. Frequently incongruous, these metaphors disfigure any sentence in which they are found. - And by last Christmas, for any defense contractor, the dwindling Soviet threat had evolved from meal ticket into writing on the wall. - Our restaurant cost me and my wife an arm and a leg, but we didnt build it without planning and we certainly wouldnt let it go down the drain. - Right now, USAirs problem is trying to determine whether this is a soft landing for the economy or a recession, and the jury is still out. - For 20 years she was a rising star in the business, but by last year her success had gone to the dogs. - In the face of mounting pressure to gut or eliminate the IRS, it continues to shoot itself in the foot by biting the hands that feed them. - Looking at those things, it didnt take a rocket scientist to see there was something rotten in Denmark. - Thanks to Clinton, Lewinsky, & Co., Im off the hook and its on the table. - Things were already bad, but when we saw those things coming down the pike, that was the last nail in the coffin. We rely on metaphors not because we feel they make our speech and writing more vivid and inviting but because we fail to learn how to express ourselves otherwise; we know not the words. In truth, the more of these metaphors that we use, the less effective is our speech and writing. Neither interesting nor persuasive, their expression fatigues us where we thought it would inform us, annoys us where we believed it would amuse us, and benumbs us where we hoped it would inspire us.

Overworked words The broader your knowledge of words, the greater your ability to express yourself precisely and persuasively. So many speakers and writers, however, rely on certain words overworked words like action, actively, amazing, appreciate, approach, attitude, awesome, basically, crisis, definitely, devastate, effect, excellence, great, impact, implement, incredible, interesting, lasting, major, meaningful, mindset, natural, nice, ongoing, parameter, pretty, really, scenario, significant, situation, strange, thing, unbelievable, very, weird. Words, when overworked, diminish the meaning of all that they are used to describe. Our declarations, assertions, and questions are all enfeebled by these tired terms. Nothing that we express with these overworked words has the force or effectiveness of less habitually spoken, less repeatedly written words. Moreover, since a person understands little more than what the words he is knowledgeable of convey a word means only so much to rely on so few words reveals just how limited a persons understanding of himself, and those about him, is. Our knowledge of the world increases as our familiarity with words does. Plebeian sentiments Plebeian sentiments reflect the views and values of the least thoughtful among us: be nice; (I) gave (him) the best years of (my) life; (it) gives (me) something to do; (these things) happen to other people, not to (me); I (just) dont think about it; I just work here; Im bored (hes boring); (it) keeps (me) busy; (its) something to look forward to; there are no words to describe (express); you think too much; what can you do; why me? Whats more, these expressions, base as they are, blunt our understanding and quash our creativity. They actually shield us from our thoughts and feelings, from any profound sense of ourselves. People who use these expressions have not become who they were meant to be. Popular prescriptions Powerless to repeat an authors epigram, unfit to recite a poets verse, more than many of us are utterly able to echo a societys slogans and clichs: absence makes the heart grow fonder; actions speak louder than words; a picture is worth a thousand words; beauty is in the eye of the beholder; better late than never; do as I say, not as I do; forgive and forget; hope for the best but expect the worst; it takes two; keep (your) nose to the grindstone; live and learn; misery loves company; money isnt everything; neither a borrower nor a lender be; take it one day (step) at a time; the best things in life are free; the meek shall inherit the earth; the sooner the better; time flies when youre having fun; two wrongs dont make a right; what goes around, comes around; you cant be all things to all people; you cant have everything. Popular prescriptions are the platitudes and proverbs by which people live their lives. It is these dicta that determine who we are and how we act; they define our intellectual and moral makeup. Dull-witted speakers and writers depend on prescriptions like these to guide them through life. For this poor populace, life is, we may surmise, laid out. From the popular or proper course, there is scant deviation; a stray thought is, for them, a gray thought. Popular prescriptions endure not for their sincerity but for their simplicity. We embrace them because they make all they profess to explain and all they profess to prescribe seem plain and uncomplicated. Inexorably, we become as simple as they we people, we platitudes. Quack equations This is the sort of simplicity much favored by mountebanks and pretenders, by businesspeople and politicians: a deal is a deal; a politician is a politician; a promise is a promise; a rule is a rule; bald is beautiful; bigger is better; enough is enough; ethics is ethics; fair is fair; God is love; it is what it is; less is more; more is better; perception is reality; (whats) right is right; seeing is believing; talk is cheap; the law is the law is the law; what happened happened; whats done is done. Quack equations too readily explain behavior that the undiscerning may otherwise find inexplicable and justify attitudes otherwise

unjustifiable. No remedies for shoddy reasoning, no restoratives for suspect thinking, these palliatives soothe only our simple-mindedness. Equally distressing is that there is no end to these quack equations: alcohol is alcohol; he is who he is; math is math; money is money is money; people are people; plastic is plastic; prejudice is prejudice; their reasoning is their reasoning; the past is the past; wrong is wrong. Forever being fabricated and continually being merchandized, shoddy thinking is far more easily dispensed than sound thinking. Suspect superlatives In dimwitted usage, superlatives are suspect. That which seems most laudable is often least, that which seems topmost, bottommost, that which seems best, worst: an amazing person; (Im) a perfectionist; area of expertise; celebrity; class; gentleman; great; personal friend; pursuit of excellence; the best and (the) brightest; the rich and famous. Torpid terms Torpid terms are vapid words and phrases that we use in place of vital ones: a majority of; a moving experience; a number of; a step (forward) in the right direction; cautiously optimistic; (take) corrective action; degree; effectuate; extent; (a) factor; incumbent upon; indicate; input; leaves a little (a lot; much; something) to be desired; move forward; negative feelings; off-putting; operative; prioritize; proactive; pursuant to; remedy the situation; represent(s); send a message; shocked (surprised) and saddened (dismayed); significant other; subsequent to; utilize; weight in proportion (proportionate) to height. Formulas as flat as these keep us dumb and dispassionate. They elicit the least from us. With these unsound formulas, little can be communicated and still less can be accomplished. Torpid terms interfere with our understanding and with our taking action; they thwart our thinking and frustrate our feeling. Withered words There are many rare and wonderful words that we would do well to become familiar with words that would revitalize us for our revitalizing them words like bedizen; bootless; caliginous; compleat; cotquean; hebdomadal; helpmeet; logorrhea; quondam; wont. Withered words, however words like albeit; amidst; amongst; behoove; betwixt; ergo; forsooth; perchance; said; sans; save; thence; unbeknownst; verily; whence; wherein; whereon; wherewith; whilst are archaic and deserve only to be forgotten. People who use them say little that is memorable. Wretched redundancies Reckless writers and slipshod speakers use many words where few would do: advance planning; at this time; consensus of opinion; dead body; due to the fact that; first and foremost; free gift; just recently; in advance of; in and of itself; in spite of the fact that; in terms of; make a determination; on a ... basis; on the part of; past experience; period of time; (the) reason (why) is because; refer back; the single best (most); until such time as. Yet for all the words, their expression is but impoverished; more words do not necessarily signify more meaning. Life is measured by its meaning, and a good deal of that meaning is inherent in the words we use. If so many of our words are superfluous and thus do not signify so much of our life is, ineluctably, meaningless. In the end, we are no more superfluous than are the words we use.

1. abstruse -hard to understand 2. banal b. monotonous 3. capricious c. done on a whim

4. catharsis - release 6. enervate f. to weaken 7. exacerbate g. to make worse 8. facile h. glib 10. flout j. to disregard with contempt Word of the week: Laconic (adj) using or marked by the use of few words; terse or concise dictionary.com explains this word's origins: unimaginative; pedestrian - PEDANTIC Dol (n) a unit for the measurement of the intensity of pain Like so many of our words, this one comes from Latin - from the word dolor, meaning 'pain.' And before you ask, dolimetry is the measurement of pain. Word of the week: Fungible (adj) interchangeable (n) something that is exchangeable or substitutable This refers to items that are freely interchangeable ... F' instance, if you were at the beach and your children were playing with other children, each child could carry buckets of sand from pile to pile, and your kids could freely mix sand from their part of the beach with sand from where the others were playing and no-one would really care, because the sand is fungible. However, when it came time to go home, you'd probably check to make sure you were taking your own heirs home and not someone else's, because kids aren't fungible. cacography - bad writing. You know that there are plenty of words that have the suffix (bit on the end) 'graph.' Words such as autograph, telegraph, photograph. All these words have something to do with writing - written by oneself; writing that travels afar; light that is written ... A word that has the prefix (bit at the beginning) '-caco' is cacophany - an ugly sound. So-o-o, now you put all this together and have a bit of a guess - cacography ... umm ... bad .... writing? Yes! 2. incarnadine - Again, think of words that are similar ... incarnate - made into flesh; carnival - a celebration of the flesh; carnage - slaughter with lots of blood ... OK, something more pleasant ... carnation - originally red or pink flowers. All of these then, relate to the colour pink or red (in a roundabout sort of way). If you're a Macbeth fan, you know this word already. Poor Macbeth was driven to distraction by the knowledge that he'd never be able to rid his hands of the blood of Duncan, who was the ... (You haven't read it yet? OK, I won't spoil the plot - it's a great yarn!) He felt that not all "great Neptune's ocean" could wash the blood from his hand, but that his hand " ...would rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red." 3. lycanthropy - One word that is very similar is anthropology - the study of people ('-ology' is the suffix for 'the study of'). So it's something to do with people ... but what? Would it help if I reminded you that lykos is the Greek word for 'wolf'? Man-into-wolf! Lycanthropy is a condition where people believe they've been transformed into wolves ... or act as if they have. Obviously much more common in times past! 4.phenology - this one is similar to the word phenomenon and has the suffix '-ology'. So, it's the study of natural phenomena, such as birds roosting in the same place year after year. 5. tautochrone - this word comes from the Greek tauto, "the same" (which we have inherited in words like tautology) and chronos, "time" (as in chronometer). It means a curve of equal time or a curve on which an object falling under gravity will reach the bottom in the same amount of time, no matter from where it starts.

You'll find all these phrases here: http://www.tiscali.co.uk/reference/phrases/french/data/phrase_finder.html Ad astra, per aspera. Pavlovian response very large and/or strong - ANTAEAN Antaeus was a giant athlete who was slain by Hercules. outcast, a rejected and despised person - PARIAH 2. not talkative; silent - TACITURN 3. resentment at being slighted - PIQUE 4. excessively ornate; swollen or bloated - TURGID 5. to punish, hold up to public scorn - PILLORY 6. hard and inflexible; unyielding - ADAMANT 7. varied, motley, greatly diversified - MULTIFARIOUS 8. lethargy, sluggishness, dormancy - TORPOR 9. an invocation of evil; a curse - IMPRECATION 10. hairy, shaggy - HIRSUTE Flummery (n) Empty compliment; unsubstantial talk or writing; mumbo jumbo; nonsense. Foudroyant (adj) Dazzling, flashing; thunderous, noisy, stunning ... The Latin word for "lightning" is fulgur, which gave us the French foudre, as well as foudroyant literally, "striking with (or like) lightning." (Foudroyant is also used in medicine to describe a disease that strikes with sudden severity.) 2.. to disregard with contempt - flout 5.. to weaken - enervate 6.. monotonous - exacerbate 8.. to make worse - facile 2. vacillate - WAVER 5. ubiquitous - UNIVERSAL 6. vicissitude - VARIETY 8. vernacular - INDIGENOUS 9. paroxysm - ATTACK 10.perspicacity - ACUMEN 1. affirm, assert, prove, justify - AVER 2. fearless, brave, undaunted - INTREPID 3. without feeling, not affected by pain - IMPASSIVE 5. gloomy, sullen - MOROSE 6. low, vulgar, base, tawdry - RAFFISH 8. agreeably pungent, stimulating - PIQUANT 9. to hesitate, raise objections - DEMUR 10. equal distribution of weight; equilibrium - EQUIPOISE Soi-disant (adj) self-styled; so-called. 1. Passionate - VEHEMENT 2. Cautious - CIRCUMSPECT 3. Painful - POIGNANT 4. Treacherous - INSIDIOUS Liberation - EMANCIPATION Taciturn - RETICENT Puzzling -ENIGMATIC expression of blame or disapproval; a rebuke - CENSURE ostracize, banish, outlaw - PROSCRIBE a trite or banal statement; unoriginality - PLATITUDE

having sudden energy, impulsive, thrusting ahead, forceful - IMPETUOUS mournful, melancholy, sorrowful - PLAINTIVE a break-up, overthrow, sudden disaster - DEBACLE boldness, impudence, arrogance - EFFRONTERY the superscript sign used to indicate the omission of a letter or letters from a word, the possessive case, or the plurals of numbers, letters, and abbreviations - APOSTROPHE 8. listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom - ENNUI Boeotian (adj) Boeotia is a region of Ancient Greece noted for its moist, thick atmosphere and the dullness and stupidity of its inhabitants, so it's used to describe anyone who's stupid; dull; obtuse. Just the sort of word the B. & B. scriptwriters might use about their viewers ... Idiolect (n) the language or speech of one individual at a particular period in life; a person's own personal language, the words they choose and any other features that characterise their speech and writing

coarse twilled cloth, usually cotton, used for jeans, overalls, and work uniforms - DENIM This ubiquitous fabric takes its name from the town where it was originally produced. Serge di Nimes was later shortened to di Nimes, which in turn became denim. 2. an ideally perfect place, especially in its social, political, and moral aspects - UTOPIA And how sad is it that this word that means 'a perfect place' comes originally from two Greek words ou (not) and topos (place) that mean no such place! 3. period of merrymaking and feasting celebrated just before Lent; travelling amusement show usually including rides, games and sideshows - CARNIVAL This word comes from the Latin carne (meat) and levare (to remove) and originated in the days before fridges and freezers when people held a feast to use up all their meat before they fasted for Lent. 4. an expressive style that uses fictional characters and events to describe some subject by suggestive resemblances; an extended metaphor - ALLEGORY (From Greek allos meaning 'other' and agora meaning 'gathering place' (especially the market place). If you were discussing something important in a public place, you probably wouldn't want anyone to eavesdrop, and ancient Greeks felt the same. So they developed a method of speaking indirectly, so they'd appear to be chatting about the newest hairy goat that one had bought that had turned out to be a dud, when in actual fact they were discussing a politician who was proving to be a disappointment. It's easy to see how the two words joined and came to mean the act of speaking about one thing while meaning another. 5. destructively or frenetically violent; mentally or emotionally upset; deranged - BERSERK This charming condition is derived from the chaps who made madness an art form ... the berserkers. These Old Norse warriors took their name from berserkr (bear shirt) and were the original storm troopers who were wound up to fever pitch before a fight so that they became "frenzied in battle, howling like animals, foaming at the mouth, and biting the edges of their iron shields" (dictionary.com) It was once thought that they worked themselves into this state with the help of alcohol laced with bog myrtle ... a spice that apparently creates one giant hangover and leads to aggressive behaviour, or by using the fly agaric mushroom (magic mushies!) However, tests conducted in the UK in 2004 suggest that any artificial stimulants actually reduce the ability to fight, so present thinking is that the berserkers just worked themselves into a collective frenzy before storming off to kill anything that got in their path. (Read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berserker) Not the sort of chaps you'd want as neighbours! 6. one who murders by surprise attack, especially one who carries out a plot to kill a prominent person ASSASSIN We get this word from the Arabic hassasis meaning 'hashish user.' It seems that in the 11th

century, there was a secret order whose members saw it as their religious duty to murder their opponents. By killing their enemies, they were promised a place in paradise, and in order to give them a little taste of what to expect, each was given a turn on the Magic Pipe before heading off to do their worst. 7. exhibiting a lack of wisdom or good sense; foolish - SILLY I've always been rather fond of this word because it's a good-natured little thing when you get down to the nitty-gritty, and it seems my instinct was right. The word comes from the Middle English silli, meaning 'blessed, innocent, hapless,' and that in turn comes from the Old English gesailig, meaning 'blessed.' It's nice to be blessed with silliness at times. 8. one who is psychologically and/or physically dependent on a habit-forming substance or a compulsive activity; a devoted adherent; a fan - ADDICT From the Latin addicere (to sentence). One theory I came across was that in Roman times, once the general had successfully conquered a town, he had all the remaining populace brought before him and declared them all to be slaves. This announcement was called the addictum (from ad to and dictum speaking) and from this the meaning developed that if you were a slave to anything, you were an addict. 9. line of ancestors; a lineage; family tree - PEDIGREE This has come from three Latin words: ped (foot) de (of) grue, crane that gave us the French term pe de grue meaning 'crane's foot.' Now if you're scratching your head wondering how bird feet come into all this, linger longer and all will be revealed! The term comes from the symbol that's used to show the lines of succession on a genealogical chart. If you've ever seen them you'll instantly recognise the crane's foot ... or not. 10. a person appointed to settle a dispute that mediators have been unable to resolve; an arbitrator UMPIRE This also comes originally from Latin, but took the long way round. It started from the Latin non (not) par (pair) then detoured to Old French where it became nonper (not equal), because the impartial arbiter was not meant take sides with either party.

defence (the noun), defense (verb); practice (noun), practise (verb). Maybe we should go with that 60s mantra: "If it feels good, do it!" News is NOT formed from the abbreviations for North, East, West and South, and I feel it's my civic duty to set these gooses right! (And before you write to tell me that the plural of goose is geese, that's only the feathered variety. The human, two-legged, ding-bat variety are gooses!) Survival of Mankind So I was at this party, and I wound up at a table where three attractive single women were complaining about - Surprise! - men. Specifically, they were complaining about the pickup lines that had been used on them in a bar a few nights earlier. One woman said: ''This guy comes up to me and says, 'Are you a teacher?' I mean, is that supposed to be romantic?'' All three women rolled all six of their eyes. Another one of them said: ''This guy says to me, 'I've been looking at you all night!' So I go, 'Hel-LO, we just GOT here.''' At this point all three women - and I want to stress that these are intelligent, nice women - were laughing. Not me. I was feeling bad for the guys. I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s. So I grant that it is not easy being a female.

But I contend that nature has given males the heaviest burden of all: the burden of always having to Make the First Move, and thereby risk getting Shot Down. I don't know WHY males get stuck with this burden, but it's true throughout the animal kingdom. If you watch the nature shows on the Discovery Channel, you'll note that whatever species they are talking about - birds, crabs, spiders, clams - it is ALWAYS the male who has to take the initiative. It's always the male bird who does the courting dance, making a total moron of himself, while the female bird just stands there, looking aloof, thinking about what she's going to tell her girlfriends. (''And then he hopped around on one foot! Like I'm supposed to be impressed by THAT!''). Male insects have it the worst. The Discovery Channel announcer is always saying things like: ''After the mating, the female mantis bites off the male mantis' head, and then she and her girlfriend mantises use it to play a game that looks a lot like Skee Ball.'' Because I live in Florida, my patio is basically a giant singles bar for lizards. On any given day during mating season, I'll see dozens of male lizards out there making their most suave lizard move, which consists of inflating and deflating a red pouch under their chins. They seem to think that female lizards really go for a guy with a big chin pouch, but I have never once, in 14 years of close observation, seen a female respond. They just squat there looking bored, while all around them males are blinking on and off like defective warning lights. Every now and then you'll see an offbeat TV news story about some animal, usually a moose, that has for some reason fallen in love with, and decided to relentlessly court, something totally inappropriate, such as a lawn tractor. This animal is ALWAYS a male. On the TV, they show it hanging around the lawn tractor with a big, sad, moony look, totally smitten, while the lawn tractor cruelly ignores it. My point here is that, in matters of the heart, males have the brains of a walnut. No, wait! That is not my point. My point is that perhaps you women could cut us males a little bit of slack in the move-making process, because we are under a lot of stress. I vividly remember when I was in 10th grade, and I wanted to call a girl named Patty and ask her to a dance, and before I picked up the phone, I spent maybe 28 hours rehearsing exactly what I was going to say. So when I actually made the call, I was pretty smooth. ''Hello, Dance?'' I said. ''This is Patty. Do you want to go to the Dave with me?'' Fortunately Patty grasped the basic thrust of my gist and agreed to go to the dance. This was a good thing, because if she had shot me down, I would have been so humiliated that I would have never have been able to go back to school. I would have dropped out of 10th grade and lied about my age and joined the U.S. armed forces, and as a direct result the Russians would have won the Cold War. That is the awesome power that you women have over us men. I hope you understand this, and the next time a guy walks up and uses some incredibly lame, boneheaded line on you, I hope that, instead of laughing at him, you will remember that he is under the intense pressure of wanting to impress you enough so that you might want to get to know him better and maybe eventually, perhaps within the next 15 minutes, marry him, thereby enabling the survival of the human race, which believe me is the only thing that we males are truly concerned about. In conclusion, let me just say to all females everywhere, on behalf of all males everywhere, that you are very beautiful and your eyes are like two shining stars, unless you're a female fly, in which case your eyes are more like 2,038 shining stars. So please give us a chance. And if you're not interested, could you introduce us to your lawn tractor? *************** Haiku Error Messages Our stack runneth over. The 21st Challenge received entries from over 200 of you, with most poets contributing multiples. Everything is gone; Your life's work has been destroyed. Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

-- David Carlson H O N O R A B L E __M E N T I O N S: I'm sorry, there's -- um -insufficient -- what's-it-called? The term eludes me ... -- Owen Mathews -----------Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. -- Peter Rothman -----------Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have a pen handy? -- Pat Davis -----------A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. -- David J. Liszewski -----------http://archive.salon.com/21st/chal/1998/02/10chal2.html *********** http://desimediabitch.blogspot.com http://onetimetoomany.blogspot.com/ English language http://www.fact-index.com/e/en/english_language.html ****** LIZARD BIRTHING STORY If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?" I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"

"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!) "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together). "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "OH, Gross!", they shrieked. "Well, isn't THAT just Great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too, don't you?) We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged. "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results. "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically. "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron." We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just...just...Excited," my wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that... I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter. 2 - lizards - $140... 1 - Cage - $50... Trip to the Vet - $30... Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's wanker .....Priceless

It's a list of homonyms ... the raw material from which to fashion puns: http://www.cooper.com/alan/homonym_list.html Some wonderful word plays we've looked at before called Tom Swifties:

"I'm wearing my wedding ring," said Tom with abandon "I'm halfway up a mountain," Tom alleged. "These are the propulsion systems used by NASA for the moon shots," said Tom apologetically. This one is clever: "I'm losing my hair," Tom bawled. the lowest temperature to which air can be cooled at constant pressure without causing condensation and hence the formation of cloud - DEW POINT Writing humour "Humor is the product of a surprise ending applied to a normal situation, and the more unusual the surprise ending, the more intense will be the humor. Charlie Chaplin best described what was funny. 'You take a woman walking down the sidewalk. Show the audience a banana peel in front of her. Everyone knows that she is going to step on the banana peel and do a pratfall. At the last instant, she sees the banana peel, steps over it and falls into an open manhole that neither she nor the audience knew was there.'" This is an extract from an online book on how to write humour: http://www.jimforeman.com/Books/WriteHumor/humor_menu.htm Tips about how to write in a humorous vein from columnist, David Leonhardt: http://www.shawnolson.net/a/556/

Word of the week: Auld Lang Syne Old times gone (the good old days) This is traditionally sung to farewell the old year and welcome in the new, and for best effect, should be sung while standing. (Since this singing takes place at the end of a night of celebration, you don't need to look far for the accompanying tradition of holding hands with the person next to you ... someone has to hold you up!) One tradition many of us will encounter this weekend is the clinking of glasses. This one has an interesting origin ... Our ancestors were a superstitious lot (not like us!) and were always worried about evil spirits possessing them and the devil knocking on their doors. They recognised the potential of alcohol to leave them open to attack, so every time they had a drink, they used to clink glasses to make a loud noise and frighten away the devil!