OWS Meets TEA Despite their numerous differences (and believe me, they are innumerable), it seems as though

the only clear similarity between the TEA Party and the OWS movements are their conditional anti-power, anticorruption sentiments. What do I mean by this? Neither group is against power in general, only a very specific, selective power: the TEA Party against powerful and corrupt government and the OWS people against powerful and corrupt corporations. Theyre practically cousins, right? Nope. Many political commentators in the lame-stream media have tried to convince us that both movements have stemmed from the same feelings of helplessness, many people still wanting the hope and change that never came. To help cut through the confusion of this political schism, heres a little parable Once upon a time there were two populist movements, one generally supported by conservatives and libertarians, the other by authoritarians. Each movement claimed to speak for the American people and devised their own solutions to fix our countrys problems. One day, supporters from each movement coincidentally met while walking down the street and noticed that part of the street was blocked off to be re-painted. You see, from one streets corner to another was formerly painted the word Crosswalk. However, the paint had worn away throughout the years. The weather is awfully nice today, isnt it? asked one conservative to his libertarian friend. Ah yes, a nice clear sky, birds singing A long-haired, tight-pantsed authoritarian abruptly shouted, I cant believe the government hasnt done something sooner about this sign! People could jaywalk, get hit by a stream-roller and die if they dont realize theres a crosswalk here! Rather taken back by the authoritarians exuberance, the conservative remarked um okay. But the government shouldnt be forcing us to act on common sense. Thats why we have brains The libertarian joined in and said, Yeah, where do you think the government derives its authority from to force us to do anything? The young authoritarian quickly sighed and exclaimed, well unlike some people, were intellectuals! Our afternoons arent wasted on going to work. Ha, thats silly! Working is what those greedy onepercenters do! Our only need and want is to be brainwashed, where we can learn all about disproven and defunct progressive political theories. Unlike you guys, we know whats best for people. After all, were classically brainwashed in the tradition of geniuses like Vladmir Lenin and Saul Alinsky! The conservatives and libertarians all looked at each other, each with one eyebrow raised and a grimace to match. You see, our role models combined liberal progressive quasi-intellectualism with central planning and authoritarianism- er, I mean um ha, ha ahem. Well What he means to say interjected another authoritarian is that were not afraid to embrace tyrann Well, we simply have faith that our representatives will faithfully and competently operate a large central government that can help people makes decisions that are good for them, you know like a nanny. Have you ever seen that show with the British nanny? Shes brilliant! I just love how she tells those stupid American families how to raise their kids and- Youre getting off track! cried a conservative. A libertarian stepped forward and asked But where in the Constitution do you find the authority to force people to read signs? Where in the Constitution or the documents of our Founding Fathers does it say the government should be taking care of people? I like to think about what Captain Constitution always says- One of the idiots interrupted, Constitution, Shmonstitution Who cares! Besides, we need to change with the

times, roll with the punches baby! And I dont know who this Constitution guy is but he sounds like hed be part of the military industrial complex (which is evil and ruining the world by the way)! Then, a conservative said Well, hes not. And you still havent answered the question. How do you justify telling people how to live their lives? The authoritarian suddenly became defensive and started sweating. Who says we need authority or justification? Its justified if we get away with it! After all America is a democracy and in a democracy all that matters is majority rule. Power to the people! Then turning to face his friends he cried, show me what democracy looks like In rhythm, this is what democracy looks like!!! A libertarian replied, Ah, sure Were actually a constitutional republic, but whatever. But anyways, using that same logic if we decided to deregulate all industry by a democratic vote in the Congress and got away with it, that would be okay with you? If we gave people the freedom to choose which schools they send their kids to, whether or not to partake in government-run Social Security, whether or not to join a union, or whether or not to have insurance, and we got away with all of this, giving people the choice would be okay with you? A small tear could be found in the eye of the authoritarian wannabe-intellectual who was mouthing the word mommy again and again without realization of his suddenly soiled underpants. A comrade comforted him saying, Here now, its okay and then turned to the conservatives and libertarians: How dare you offend this poor fellow creature with our own logic! Logic only works when its on our side! Not the other way around! And we need to win this argument for the sake of team morale! Dont we comrades? A metrosexual cheer came from the group of bright-eyed hipsters. Its not fair! Its just not fair! You people havent contributed your fair share of logical fallacies! We on the other hand have been more than generous! It just sounds like youre trying to redistribute the blame here a conservative said. But anyways, my friends and I are going to be late for work. Our conversation was certainly um, unusual. And were off to protest people like you not giving poor people like us the jobs we deserve! said one of idiots. One of the reasonable people responded, Well, my firm happens to be hiring right now if youre interested in a job. Were short a few janitors. The job pays ten bucks an hour, above the minimum wage, and it comes with benefits. Astounded, and displaying his over-dramatic offence, the hipster replied That, sir, is beneath my dignity! I could never accept a job like that! Very well said the reasonable businessman. The conservatives and libertarians decided to head off to work, seeing how time was passing quickly. Ha, we showed them, didnt we?! A generally high-pitched mumbling could be heard throughout the group. The nave authoritarians made their way across the street, stepping in and subsequently smearing the street paint as they obliviously walked through it. Their footsteps could be traced first to the nearest Pac Sun store by which they purchased numerous

fluorescent hoodies with their parents credit cards and then moved on to an OWS rally down the street to protest the same big banks who issued the credit cards and who owned the PacSun.