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http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
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25/01/2013 10:37 AM
Bonding vs the Attachment Bond: Understanding the different ways of connecting with your child
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
Ensuring that the attachment bond between you and your baby is a secure one, giving your child the best start in life, does not require being a perfect parent. In fact, the 2000 study found that the critical aspect of the child-primary caretaker relationship is NOT based on quality of care, educational input, or even the bond of love that develops between parent and infant. Rather, it is based on the strength of the nonverbal emotional exchange that occurs between an infant and the adult who spends the most time taking care of him or her.
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25/01/2013 10:37 AM
Bonding vs the Attachment Bond: Understanding the different ways of connecting with your child
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
You maintain your regular adult pace while attending to your infant. For example, you hurry to change the babys diapers so it will be done in time for you to make an important phone call. You as the parent initiate interaction with your baby. For example, you want to get a cute photo of your baby laughing so you initiate play time.
You focus on future goals by, for example, trying to do everything you can to have the smartest, happiest baby. You concentrate on planning, reading about, and talking about what your baby needs. Is a process that can include many peopleall those who spend time caring for your infant.
Why there is so much confusion about bonding and the secure attachment bond?
The words bond or bonding are commonly used to describe both caretaking and the emotional exchange that forms the attachment process, even though they are very different ways of connecting with your baby. One is a connection based on the care a parent provides for an infant, while the other is based on the quality of nonverbal emotional communication that occurs between parent and child. Both types of parent-child interaction can occur simultaneously. While feeding or bathing your baby, for example, you can also build the emotional connection by recognizing and responding to your babys nonverbal cues.
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25/01/2013 10:37 AM
Bonding vs the Attachment Bond: Understanding the different ways of connecting with your child
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
Before experts understood the radical changes going on in the infant brain during the first months and years of life, both the caretaking process and the attachment process looked very similar. Now, though, they are able to recognize and painstakingly record an infants nonverbal responses to highlight the process of attachment.
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25/01/2013 10:37 AM
Bonding vs the Attachment Bond: Understanding the different ways of connecting with your child
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
have the awareness or sensitivity to provide the positive emotional mirroring an infant needs for secure attachment. Sometimes even a healthy, caring, and responsible caretaker may have trouble understanding and initiating a secure attachment bond with their infant. If, as an infant, you didn't experience a secure attachment bond with your own primary caregiver, you may be unaware of what secure attachment looks or feels like. But adults can change for the better, too. Just as you can strengthen yourself with exercise and a healthy diet, you can also learn to manage overwhelming stress and deal with emotions that may interfere with your ability to create a secure attachment bond.
Nonverbal Cues and How They Can be Used to Create a Secure Attachment Bond
Eye contact - You look at baby adoringly and he or she picks up on the positive emotion conveyed by this nonverbal signal and feels safe, relaxed, and happy. Your eyes lock and you have a mutual falling-in-love experience that brings joy to both of you and creates a lasting foundation for future
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25/01/2013 10:37 AM
Bonding vs the Attachment Bond: Understanding the different ways of connecting with your child
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
Nonverbal Cues and How They Can be Used to Create a Secure Attachment Bond
positive experiences. If youre depressed, stressed, or distracted you may not look directly into baby's eyes at all, and eventually baby will stop making eye contact. Facial expression - If the face baby looks into is calm and attentive, baby will feel secure. But if your face looks distressed, angry, worried, sad, fearful, or distracted baby will pick up on these negative emotions and feel stressed, unsafe, and unsure. Tone of voice - Obviously, an infant doesnt understand the words that you use, but he or she can understand the difference between a tone that is harsh, indifferent, or preoccupied and a tone that conveys tenderness, interest, concern, and understanding. Movements - The way you lift, wash, carry, and set down your baby conveys your emotional state to the childwhether youre attentive, calm, tender, relaxed, or disinterested, upset, and unavailable. Some babies enjoy more vigorous movement while others prefer to be moved more gently and less often. Follow your babys cues. Touch - Some infants prefer a firmer touch while others prefer a lighter, softer touch. By being attentive, you can recognize your infant's preference and make him or her feel secure and understood. Pacing, timing, and intensity - The pacing, timing, and intensity of sounds, movements, and facial expressions you use with your infant can reflect your state of mind. If you maintain an adult pace, or are stressed or otherwise inattentive, your nonverbal actions will do little to calm, soothe, or reassure your infant. You need to be aware of your infants preferences for pacing and intensity, which are often slower and less forceful than your own.
VIDEO
Creating Secure Infant Attachment
Informed by leaders in the new field of infant mental health, the Helpguide video, Creating Secure Infant Attachment, demonstrates what a secure attachment bond looks like from the perspective of the infant as well as the parent. Additionally, the video examines the obstacles that explain why a loving parent may not be able to create a secure
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25/01/2013 10:37 AM
Bonding vs the Attachment Bond: Understanding the different ways of connecting with your child
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
attachment bond or why an infant may not be able to participate in the two-way emotional exchange that creates this bond. The video also describes how parents can reach out for help when it becomes necessary.
Related Articles
Related Articles
Building a Secure Attachment Bond With Your Baby Tips for new parents on how to create a secure attachment bond with your newborn.
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25/01/2013 10:37 AM
Bonding vs the Attachment Bond: Understanding the different ways of connecting with your child
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
(video) Creating Secure Attachment A special video for parents on how to help your child get the best possible start in life.
Attachment Milestones and Your Baby Learn about developmental milestones related to secure attachment.
When Baby Won't Stop Crying Discover time-tested strategies for comforting and soothing an upset or colicky baby.
Separation Anxiety in Children Learn how to make the separation process easier and identify and deal with separation anxiety disorder.
Attachment & Reactive Attachment Disorders Explore the warning signs of attachment disorders and learn what you can do to help a child overcome attachment problems. Postpartum Depression Learn the signs and symptoms of postpartum and how new moms can get help and support.
Understanding Depression Understanding depressionincluding its signs, symptoms, causes, and treatmentis the first step to overcoming the problem.
Quick Stress Relief Identify your own stress responses and learn how to quickly and effectively reduce stress in the middle of any challenging situation.
Relaxation Techniques for Stress Relief By practicing techniques that activate your bodys relaxation response you can effectively combat stress and ease tension. Anxiety Attacks and Anxiety Disorder Anxiety treatments and self-help strategies can quickly help you reduce your anxiety symptoms and control anxiety attacks.
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25/01/2013 10:37 AM
Bonding vs the Attachment Bond: Understanding the different ways of connecting with your child
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bonding_attachment_bond.htm
calm and focused much of the time. Not all loving parents have these skills, but they can be learned. Helpguides Bring Your Life Into Balance Toolkit teaches parents the skills they need to create secure attachment with their infants and children.
Authors: Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Marti Glenn, Ph.D, and Lawrence Robinson. Last reviewed: November 2012.
Helpguide.org. All rights reserved. This reprint is for information only and NOT a substitute for professional diagnosis and treatment. Helpguide.org is an ad-free non-profit resource for supporting better mental health and lifestyle choices for adults and children.
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