Communication Intro Unhappy couples are likely to perceive the impact of a message as critical and disrespectful Interpersonal gap:

p: when the senders intentions differ from the effect on the receiver

Nonverbal Communication Nonverbal behavior provides information Plays a role in regulating interaction Helps define the relationships we shared with others

Components of non-verbal communication Facial Expression Display rules: cultural norms that dictate what emotions are appropriate in certain contexts At least four ways to modify expression Intensify expression Minimize expression Neutralize expression Mask feelings Gazing Looking at someone communicates interest, and people with friendly expressions who catch our eye and keep looking are considered more attractive and likeable compared to those who just glance away Visual Dominance Ratio: eye contact while speaking divided by eye contact while listening Dominant people are 60/40, where as normal people are 40/60

Body Movement Touch Can convey closeness or affection Can also convey dominance Use of gestures o Differ between cultures (contrary to facial expressions) Body language is harder to control than facial expressions High status people use asymmetric and open stances that take up space

Interpersonal Distance Defined as the physical space that separates two people

Intimate zone: a foot and a half away from chest Personal zone: 1.5-4 feet away, friends to acquaintances Social zone: 4-12 feet more businesses like Public zone: 12 feet+, structured interaction (lectures)

Paralanguages All variations in a persons voice except the actual words used

Combined Components These components might be involved in mimicry o If you enjoy the interaction, you mirror movement o Its rewarding for people to be met with mimicry

Nonverbal Sensitivity Husbands in unhappy marriages send more confusing messages and made more decoding errors Poor communication is usually the husbands fault Preoccupied or fearful attachment styles tend to be vigilant about the facial expressions of others

Verbal Communication Self-disclosure Theory of Social Penetration o As relationships develop, verbal communication becomes deeper and broader (breadth and depth) o Sustained intimacy hinges on responsiveness o Intimate self-disclosure and selective secrecy contribute to marital satisfaction Blirtatiousness: Differences in verbal style Instrumental Communication: conveying information Expressive Communication: conveying emotion Kitchen-sinkinng: addressing several topics at once Off-beam: wandering from topic to topic without resolving anything

Miscommunication Unhappy people are poor at saying what they mean Kitchen-sinking Off-beam Unhappy partners do a poor job of hearing each other Mindreading: occurs when people assume they know others thoughts and feelings without asking

Unhappy partners interrupt more in negative ways Unhappy couples listen poorly by finding something wrong or unworkable with anything the partner says Yes-butting (Finding something wrong or unworkable with anything their partners say) Cross-complaining (Instead of expressing interest in what their partners have to say, they just respond to a complaint with one of their own) Unhappy couple display negative affect too much Starts with criticism or contempt Responded with defensiveness and stonewalling Belligerence

Saying What We Mean? Behavior description: identifying as plainly and concretely as possible a specific behavior that annoyed us Use I-statements that specify our feelings XYZ statements o When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z