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Savannah Clark 9201 University City. Blvd. 401 Sanford Hall Charlotte, NC, 28704 Email: sclark90@uncc.

edu

April 11, 2013

Dear Parents of America, Have you ever noticed how many overweight children you see? Its really not uncommon to see quite a few heavy children whenever you are at work, out running errands, or wherever you might be. It is a known fact that childhood obesity is on the rise in America. I read an article titled Michelle Obama Speaks Out Against Childhood Obesity by Angela Haupt. It was about a keynote address that the First Lady Michelle Obama made on Friday March 8, 2013 in Washington, D.C. Her address was regarding family responsibility, but mainly focused on childhood obesity. She pointed out many factors that can lead to children becoming overweight, such as not eating healthy or not getting the proper amount of exercise. The First Lady also spoke of various ways in which these children can be helped to prevent them from suffering from health problems at such a young age. I could not help but agree with most of the problems and solutions that Michelle brought up, and if you will allow me to share some of these facts with you, I would be willing to bet that you would agree with me. Michelle Obama started off her speech with what I thought was a great point and that was how parents are a childs first and best role model when it comes to different things, especially their health and eating habits. It has been proven in countless studies that if a kid has at least one obese parent, they are more than twice as likely to become obese when they are an adult. We
Comment [BC3]: Consider revising this sentence, since it is a bit long and wordy. Comment [BC2]: Keep in mind that using first names in quite informal. The use of the last name is a more formal way to go and shows that you feel that the person is credible. Comment [BC1]: Although your writing is clear, so far, you use similar sentence structures and shorter sentences. Try varying your sentence structures and lengths to alleviate choppiness.

cant lie around on the couch eating French fries and candy bars, and expect our kids to eat carrots and run around the block (Obama as qtd. in Haupt par. 2). Im sure you know exactly what she means by that. Your children often eat the same things you do or similar things. They learn these eating habits and diets from you more than they do anyone else. I can remember as a young child how much I paid attention to what my parents ate and also how they were careful to feed my sister and me healthy foods. These healthy habits will most likely last your child the rest of their life so why not try to teach them what really is good for them? When you have a busy day, think about what your family typically has for dinner. Is it a healthy home cooked meal or is it something you were able to pick up in a drive thru quickly? Michelle Obama flashed back to her family before her husband became the President of The United States. She was talking about how she had to balance a job with two small children, and a husband that traveled all at once. Even a simple trip to the grocery store required a plan of attack (Haupt par. 4). I feel like a lot of families feel like they have to juggle jobs, kids, money, time, and health all at the same time and sometimes get stressed out by it all. Its easy to understand how you might often feel like you do not have enough time to cook healthy meals, but that does not mean you should result to buying or ordering foods that lack nutrition. Lacking time should not result to poor food choices. This is your kids health we are talking about. It is extremely important. What they eat today might affect them tomorrow. Parents, it is time to take time to make good decisions when it comes to your familys health and the food your children will be consuming. Have you ever thought about how simple things such as TV characters can play a role in your childs diet? The First Lady spoke of an interesting study that was conducted by researchers where children were given a choice between chocolate and broccoli. As most people would
Comment [BC6]: Work on creating a smoother transition. Right now, this paragraph seems to very quickly jump into a new idea. Comment [BC5]: Consider how you might use a stronger word choice throughout your letter. Although your writing is generally clear, there is much you can do to strengthen it. Comment [BC4]: Try reversing the structure of the sentence. The way you have it, you are asking them to wait until they have a busy day, then think about what you have posed.

expect, 78 percent chose a bar of chocolate over broccoli. The researchers then slapped an Elmo sticker on the broccoli. This had a great impact on childrens minds, as more than half then chose the broccoli over the chocolate. The power of Elmo (Obama as qtd. in Haupt par. 8 ). That study proved that we can get kids excited about eating healthy foods. She has also tried to urge media companies to watch product placement. It is apparent that if a common TV character drinks or eats a certain food, it can have an effect on the foods children may request to eat. Some programs, such as Disney, are beginning to cut advertisements for unhealthy foods. As a parent, I think it is important that you monitor what your kids are watching because it too can play a big role in what a child will decide to eat and try. The food industry plays a critical role in family responsibility. As a parent, you cannot just let a child skip eating healthy simply because they would rather eat something with more sugar or calories. You have to encourage them to try new things such as vegetables and fruits instead of things like chips and candy. I especially like Obamas vision about healthier children and families: Imagine our kids begging and pleading, throwing tantrums, to get you to buy more fruits, vegetables, and whole grainsyes! This is possible! It is possible to create this world. And the truth is, it isn't rocket science. We have everything we need right here and right now to make this happen. We just have to summon the focus and the will (Obama as qtd. in Haupt par. 11). I must say I that I strongly agree with the First Lady because she brings up some good points. She refers to reducing childhood obesity as both a moral obligation to our children and a patriotic obligation to our country (Obama as qtd. in Haupt par. 10). If we all step up and truly
Comment [BC8]: What do you think of the PediaSure commercials where the mom doesnt worry if her daughter eats at mealtime, since theres PediaSure for snack time? Does this promote healthy eating? Comment [BC7]: Can you give examples here?

try to help these children, we can do it. So what do you say parents, will you help your child to a healthier future by providing nutrient foods and monitoring their eating habits? Sincerely, Savannah Clark
Comment [BC9]: Savannah, You certainly do have a convincing argument, but you do seem to go through your points quickly. Your audience wants to know more! As you look to revise, include more sources (of which you have few here) to demonstrate your point. Also work to give examples to further illustrate the ideas youd like to convey. Also, be sure you are working to strengthen your language and word choice. You already have the audience on your side, so all you have to do is strengthen what you have to say and how you say it. -Ms. C

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