WHO IS R TYLER, AND HOW HAS HE EXPERIENCED JESUS?

COPYRIGHT JANUARY 14, 1996; Revised 1/7/2004

All rights reserved.
by R. L. Tyler
oldservant@gmail.com, oldservant8@aol.com;
Jabez1Chr4@hotmail.com
This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of
computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so
inclined AS LONG AS IT IS NOT CHANGED.

Dear Daughters,
It is popular nowadays to talk about personal miracles
and angel experiences. Christmas is such a miracle of Love.
During this Christmas miracle time,I would like to share with
you some of the miracles and angel experiences God used to
keep your old daddy alive long enough to allow you girls to be
born. I never meant to be such a handful for God, but I seem
to have a knack for it. So bear with me and consider what God
did to let you be born, to have the gift of Life so you too could
experience, know, have and give the gift of Love.

#1 DELIVERED FROM ELECTROCUTION

There was the time when 10 year old me was in the bathroom
standing barefoot on a very wet floor. There were two neon
lights about 3' long, one on each side of the 3' mirror, running
vertical to the floor, and both were turned on. Somehow I
slipped and caught my self spread eagle style, putting my left
hand through the left neon light and my right hand through the
right side neon light. Both neon lights broke and did I get a
shock! But not even bad enough to see a doctor (brain damage
doesn't count :), and my dear Uncle Joe could only shake his
head as he tried to figure out what had happened.

#2. DELIVERED FROM SUICIDE

I was raised in a home where my dad was an active California
supporter of the KKK and White Citizen's Council, who would
proclaim loudly at home that Hitler was one of the greatest
men that ever lived. He partied and drank with his cronies
when both Kennedys and Dr. ML King were killed. He hated Jews,
Catholics, AfroAms, Mexicans -- almost anyone who wasn't WASP.
He was from a factory working family in Missouri. My mom was
an abused, neglected and sexually exploited Ohio farm girl
who looked like the young Mary Tyler Moore and whose
prejudice ran like this -- "You can go to school with
them, work with them, go to church with them, live next door
to them, but never date or marry one."
My dad was a functioning social drinking alcoholic, and was
addicted to porn, so porn was hidden in many places in the
house. By the 4th grade I was becoming sexually addicted
through the National Geographic magazines pictures of
topless African women and nude South American Indians. Between
National Geographic (National Pornographic according to
my students) and my dad's porn my sexual orientation
was completely integrated with a full blown appetite
for all women irrespective of race and ethnicity
before the age of 12.

I was twelve years old and I had just begun the seventh grade
in San Diego, California, September 1953) I
was almost 5' 10" tall and weighed about 140 lbs. and I had a
pretty bad record in the community. I had a "D" average for
grades K - 6 but was never flunked because the teachers
knew I could do the work if I wanted to do it. I was
spanked at least each month by the
principal for misconduct and I was either suspended or
expelled each semester starting with the fourth grade through
the sixth grade. In the seventh grade I had a "C-" average
with a lot of "D's" in conduct and I was getting into trouble with
the girls. I committed a couple of nonviolent felonies but was
never caught. I was miserable, confused, lonely and horny
as could be, already sexually addicted, relationship starved
and headed for real trouble.

I had been kicked out of my church's youth group

because I kept on breaking up the meetings by goofing off and
clowning around. I believed in God and the Bible, but I sure
didn't know Him personally and I figured He was unhappy
with me like everybody else. I figured, at 12, that there was
no Love in the world, that every body only had user unfriendly
conditional love, selfish “love”, and I decided I didn't want to live
in a world where there was no Love. I didn't believe there was
any Love on earth and for sure I didn't believe that my mom
and dad loved me. My mom was so desperate to salvage her
first born son that she decided to force me to go to the church's
September Palomar camp in hope of a miracle. On the way to
Palomar on the church bus, I decided that since there was no
Love on earth, I would either jump off Laurel St. Bridge in
Balboa Park or join the local street and motorcycle gang,
drinking, smoking marijuana and fooling around with the girls
until I got killed like some I knew.
That night at camp I saw people doing something I had
never seen before, i.e. consistently and sincerely Loving on each
other sincerely, unselfishly and joyfully. I wanted what they had
desperately so I decided I would imitate them so maybe I could fit
and they would accept me into their joyful and loving society. I
knew what they had was real when I got up that next freezing
morning on Mt. Palomar, walked into the men's room and saw
guys really joyful and really loving each other, heart to heart
and eye to eye -- like a loving and joyous family reunion on
a Sunday afternoon. All the more I decided that I wanted what
they had and tried to imitate them so I could at least be
accepted by them, if I couldn't have what they had.
On a noon hike that Saturday I was hanging out on the
edge of the group, trying to fit in and catch what they had. I
tripped over a Manzanilla root and meant to say "shoot" but
said "sheet" instead, and said it loud enough for THEM to hear.
I knew that "sheet" was "shit" with a Mexican accent to THEM
and I felt I had totally blown my cover and that THEY all now
knew that I wasn't really one of them. I believed they saw me
for the faker and “great pretender” that I was. I blew up
over that Manzanilla root, kicking it and hitting the bush while
verbally overflowing with stuff like "Doggone it! What's wrong
with me! I can't do anything right! I always mess up! Just
about the time I think I got it right, then I mess up! What the
heck is wrong with me!"

Now I don't know if she was an angel or not. I never saw

her before or after that encounter with the bush. I never got
her name. Later when I tried to figure out who she was, I
thought that maybe it was a young lady at church who looked a
lot like her, but she denied that it was her. Well whoever she
was, she came gently over to me as I was kicking the root and
hitting the tree and verbally dumping. She quietly stood
beside me and asked me if I would like to know why I do
things like I was doing, why I mess up. Well you know that I
wanted to know that, because I was sick and tired of messing
up, especially after messing up in the presence of the first real
joyful and loving people I ever knew. So she asked me to sit
down on a big rock over looking Don Valley on Palomar Mt. and
she proceeded to explain to me why I messed and how Jesus
could still Love a jerk like me, that He wanted a personal and
intimate relationship, to be my God and King, my Shepherd and
my Deliverer, and to make me a forever son of His Father. For
the next three hours she showed me, gently and patiently, how
and why Jesus Loved me.
I believed Jesus was real, but I sure didn't think that He
Loved me. The proof that persuaded me that God not only
could but actually did Love me was that Christ died for me,
died in my place, took my rap and punishment. I
could argue with most other points, but I couldn't deny that
Jesus died. Even unbelievers believed Jesus lived and died.
To me that was a historical fact that few disputed. So when I
saw that I had solid historical evidence that Jesus died, I was
ready to seriously consider that just maybe He Loved me
enough to really die for me. I respected and believed the
Bible, so when she showed me book after book, chapter after
chapter, verse after verse that plainly stated that the reason
Jesus died (that solid historical fact), was because God so Loved
me and the world and because He wanted to Love me as my
Father, as Shepherd, as King, as Deliverer in a very intimate
and personal relationship, - - - - my eyes began to see, my
mind to understand, and my heart wanted that Love. When she
showed me why He let them kill Him, that it was His choice,
that He died to take my place in the court of Divine Justice-----
-- well she had me. I couldn't deny that he died, and she
persuaded that God so Loved me that He sent His only begotten
Son to die in my place so that I could be His forever child ----
Eureka! Yahoo! Hot dog! I had discovered the Love I was looking
for, a Love that I could live for, a Love to give my life to and for.
I already believed that He rose from the dead and was coming
back. Now I could have a relationship with the GOD who was
real, unselfish and compassionate cherishing Love.

I believed her, accepted Jesus Christ as my God revealed in a human

body, Lord, King, Deliverer and Saviour and got all excited. I told
her that I had to check all of this out with the youth sponsor,
Chuck Hill, to make sure that all that she told me was right on.
If she were an angel, then I can see why I had to check it out
with Chuck, because the Bible makes it plain that soul-winning
is the work, not of angels, but of the Spirit and his human
servants. After Chuck confirmed everything the woman had
told me, I tanked him and went up the other hill side to pray
my prayer of thanks, believing, receiving and trusting Jesus as
my God and Saviour. I was such a babe I didn't realize that I
had been born again as soon as I talked to Chuck, because
I believed and had faith in Jesus and His Word as soon a Chuck
confirmed it all. I believed and was born again even before I
made my big formal acceptance prayer.

Talk about a radical life change! Within a month of my

8th grade year (Oct. or Nov.) my grades averaged "B", I was a
leader in my church youth group, my school's Bible club (the
girls had a hard time believing I had changed), and I
determined to do what I could do for my messed up family,
especially my mom and dad.

I don't know if that young lady was an angel, but I never

saw her again at that camp after that three hour talk. I never
saw her again anywhere at anytime. Nobody else knew about
her. But God used her to keep your Dad from jumping off the
Laurel St. bridge or dying with the street and motorcycle
gangsters, perhaps so I could be your dad.

SEX JESUS AND ME

Jesus and I had a beautiful honeymoon of three years after

He saved and regenerated me. I went from being a delinquent
and sex addict (yes by age 12) to being the Bible club leader
at school and youth group leader at my church. Then came
Ruth Naomi Bruce. Great Biblical names right? Well her name
might as well have been Delilah because one day towards the
end of the ninth grade (1955) she “wiggled the bait” and
flirted with me and we struck up a conversation that led
to a friendship. Well one day at school she asked me to walk
her home, which meant a lovely walk through Balboa Park.
She said she wanted to show me something off the road and
down among the trees and bushes. In a secluded and private
spot she asked me if I knew how to kiss a girl, and how nice it was to
do so. I admitted my lack of experience and said I really didn’t know.
She asked me if she could show me how to and how nice it was. She
was looking so good and smelling so good and was so friendly I
accepted her offer. Well before we were finished she had
introduced me to necking and petting and the “sex monkey”was back
on my back after three wonderful years with Jesus.

The struggle with sex sin and sexually sinful thoughts and
pornography returned with great intensity. I went to my pastor
to ask him what to do about it. He was a dear, sincere and
godly man who meant well. He told me to read my Bible more,
pray more, exercise a lot and take cold showers. I did all of
that but I still was losing the battle to control my mind and
desires way too often for my own peace of mind in Jesus.
I was the typical highly testosteroned adolescent who had
great difficulty seeing, smelling and/or touching a good
looking girl without being filled with sexual desire and
thoughts --- many times througout the day and night. My
struggle to resist the temptation of all of my dad’s porn in the house
was a daily struggle, too often lost.

NO ONE told me exactly what heterosexual sex sin was or

consisted of except that genital to genital sexual intercourse
outside of marriage was sinful. NO ONE showed me from
Prov 5 and Ezek 23 with 1 Cor 6 that not only the genitals
of a female but also her breasts are to be intimately done
and enjoyed ONLY BY HER OWN MAN/HUSBAND. NO ONE
showed me from Ezek ch 16 and ch. 23 that it was sinful
for me to see, handle and or feel a female’s genital if she
was not my own woman/wife. So for 15 years of my walk
with Jesus, of teaching Sunday School, of teaching Daily
Vacation Bible School, of leading my church’s youth group,
of being a Christian Camp Counselor, of helping missionaries
in Mexico, and of working with orphanages in Mexico, I
scrupulously and consistently avoided genital to genital contact
with my girls, but way too often there was heavy petting
and nudity which I enjoyed immensely but about which I was
plagued with doubts and a lack of peace --- but I sincerely
believed that as long as there was no genital to gential contact I was
not sinning.

NO ONE told adolescent Christian me that God had a plan for

those of His children who were struggling with sex sin and
losing too often. Even the King James Version hid God’s
plan from me, with its old English and unclear translation
of 1 Cor 7.
“1* ¶ Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good
for a man not to touch a woman. 2* Nevertheless, to avoid fornication,
let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own
husband. . . . . 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But
every man has his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and
another after that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is
good for them if they abide even as I. 9* But if they cannot contain, let
them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”

To Christian adolescent and Bible student me and my understanding

of “let”, that passage meant this:
“1* ¶ Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good
for a man not to touch a woman. 2* Nevertheless, to avoid fornication,
ALLOW every man have his own wife, and ALLOW every woman have
her own husband. . . . 9* But if they CANNOT contain, ALLOW them TO
marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”
Well of course I knew that my pastor and my churches ALLOWED
people to marry, especially if they were in need of marital sex.
Furthermore I knew that any good Christian CAN CONTAIN since
we are told that we CAN DO ALL THINGS, including containing
or sexual drives and desires, by Christ who enables us (Phil
2:13; 4:13). Tragically for me and all the wonderful Christian
girls I sex sinned with, that is NOT what the Word says.

It wasn’t until 15 years after Ruth Naomi Bruce that the Spirit
used the Greek and clearer translations to enlighten me that
marriage is COMMANDED to avoid sex sin, especially when one
is struggling to “contain” and not always succeeding. So finally
after these sex snares caused me to stumble, grieve and offend
many Christians and caused my first marriage to fail, I came to
understand the fuller meaning of 1 Cor 7:
***1Cor7:1 ¶ But concerning the things of which ye have written to me:
It is good for a man not to be touching a woman; 2 but ON ACCOUNT
OF SEX SINS, each one SHOULD BE HAVING his own woman, and each
woman SHOULD BE HAVING her own man. . . . 4 It is not the wife, but
the husband, who exercises authority over her body; and so, too, it is
not the husband, but the wife, who exercises authority over his body.. .
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, It is good for them that
they remain [unmarried] even as I. 9 But if they are NOT HAVING
CONTINUING CONTROL OF THEMSELVES [to keep from sinning sexually
once in a while], THEY SHOULD MARRY; for it is better to marry than to
burn.

The “SHOULD” represents the Greek imperative, which means

it is as much a COMMAND TO BE OBEYED as “YE MUST BE BORN
AGAIN” that a married couple be having each other, and that the one
who fails to keep COMPLETE CONTROL of himself is COMMANDED BY
GOD TO MARRY. Finally I learned that His solution for avoiding sex sin
and for those too often loosing the battle against sex sin and
temptations --- is not more Bible reading,
more praying, a lot of exercise with cold showers. Finally I
learned that MARRIAGE is His solution for avoiding sex sin and for
those too often loosing the battle against sex sin and temptations.
Finally I learned that when under His command to marry I should
marry any willing godly and Spirit filled mate He provides and about
whom I have no godly doubts (Rom 14:22 - 15:5), without waiting until
some Christian comes along who meets all my preferences and/or
requirements.

RACE, JESUS AND ME

My Jr. and sr high schools (1953 -1958) were integrated. Since Jesus
was
my role model and I considered God my Father, I knew right
away that racism and hatred were sins before God and a large
part of my parent's sickness. I had friends of every race
and nationality by the life changing work of Jesus in
my life. I was still contaminated by my parent's bigotry and
the pressures to conform to my peers enough to believe that
I should Love and be kind to all people, but EuroAms should
never date or marry an AfroAm or MexAm woman.

The first time I ever saw a real live AfroAm woman as a

sexually desirable female that I wanted to know personally
and intimately was when my running buddy, AfroAm Betty
Pryor, IMPRESSED me with her femininity. Betty and I sat
next to each other in our high school 1957 French class and
were the class clowns, passing notes, goofing off and generally
driving the teacher to distraction. I never thought of
her as a sex object/person but we were best buddies in
class. Then one day we all were acting stupid and
tried to all get out the door at the same time. Betty
and I were together and the fronts of our bodies were
firmly pressed onto each others' body. Betty's AMPLE
breasts were FIRMLY pressed across my chest and Betty
and I were face to face. My reaction caused Betty to
almost fall down laughing as she tried to go on to her
next class, because as soon as I realized that I was
getting a "royal boob press" my mouth fell wide open,
my eye almost popped out and I froze like that outside
the door and in the hall---as
if in shock and my body’s reaction embarrassed me.

I had never thought of her sexually but I had to and did then. All I
could do was stagger toward my next class, shaking my head in a
daze, trying to process what had just happened. I must have looked
drunk or drugged (we had marijuana back then) but I didn't care
because I wanted to understand what had just happened. I couldn’t
figure it out and put it on a “figure out later” list in my mind. After that
Betty and i were still clown partners, but now I saw her as a woman
and she enjoyed teasing and tempting me. I went into my parents'
"Look but don't touch" rule and mode when it came to AfroAm women.
I was hypocritically dating EuroAms and/or trying to date
Asians, "discretely" (for sinful fear of social pressures) dating
MexAm girls, but I couldn't bring myself to "cross the line" and date
AfroAm girls “discretely” or otherwise -- until 1964 and
Elea Gray of Altadena. So in high school we all just stayed friends and
goofed off together. Even though saved in Jesus I was still snared in
some of the racist and sinful beliefs and thinking of my parents -- until
1964 and Elea Gray of Altadena..
#3 DELIVERED FROM ELECTROCUTION AND HERBICIDES
Then there was the time my dad told me to cut the electric
wire with the all metal scissors and bare hands (no insulation
at all). I asked if the current was off and he said he had turned
it off. Well he hadn't and instead of me getting the shock of my
life, the current just blew as 3/16ths" hole through the cutting
blade of the steel scissors and killed the fuse. My dad and I
could hardly believe what we saw.

In 1960 my mother sent me to Ohio for the summer,

and my hero, Bob Shaw, sent me to the family’s bottom land
to clear trees away from the border of the corn field, using an
herbicide on the stumps of the cut trees to keep kill them to keep them
from growing back. So for about two months, at least four
hours a day, Monday through Friday, my hands were covered
with the tree killing herbicide. After about two months while working in
the bottom land, I went blind. All I could see was
bright white --- a white out like being in a blizzard. I was
very frightened because I was all alone in the bottom with no
one to help, no one to hear my cries for help, and who knows
what kind of animals were around me. I cried out to Jesus for help
and began praying like crazy. After a while my sight came back
but I knew I needed help so I raced to the truck and drove it wildly
across the fields until I got to the nearest friendly farmhouse, where I
called Bob. Bob came and while he was driving me to the
hospital I went “white out” blind again. This kind of blindness
had happened once before when I had chicken pox with a very high
fever. I knew something was very wrong. They kept me in ICU in the
hospital for a week. Here I am, 45 years later, and the only
lasting after effect of all that exposure to a deadly herbicide is
a damaged and weakened liver, that prevents me from using many
helpful medications. I could have died, been permanently blinded,
or had cancer as a result, but Jesus spared me and brought me
out of the experience with only a damaged and weakened liver.
Praise God for His many mercies.

#4 DELIVERED FROM MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING 1962

The driving miracles are the ones I like the best. There was
the convenient driving miracle. I was helping drive a medical
"missionary" and his large family from Sacramento CA to the
county of Belize (British Honduras). We arrived a Laredo Texas
with some tire problems. The garage mechanic, unfriendly
from the start, told us we needed two new front tires and inner
tubes (1962). He and his crew were sullen and unfriendly and
seemed to resent the Christian words the medic had on his big
bus and on the little van I was driving. So they put two new
tires and inner tubes on the front of the van I drove. We were
glad to leave such hostile people and spent the rest of the day
driving into Mexico and to Ciudad Victoria of Tamaulipas.

Just before sunset and after a long hot day driving over
hills, along the side of cliffs with deep drop offs, very rough
roads and rough country (with no AAA help
available) I began to drive up a bridge that arched over
another highway on the outskirts of Cd. Victoria. With a full
load of kids and luggage I slowed to under 30 mph going up
the arch, probably the safest driving situation all day, when
both front tires popped and went flat. There I am at the top of
this arch bridge with two flat front tires. What is the chance
of that? What to do?

Providentially there were nice motel accommodations 100 yds

further along and one block from the "motel" was a tire factory.
I love the good Lord's planning. So it was easy and convenient
to get the tire fixed and get some rest.
The next morning the guys at the tire factory changed the
tires and were perplexed by what they found. They found that
the inner tubes were at least three sizes too big for those tires,
that had caused there to be creases in the inner tubes and
there were 3 to 5 cracks in the creases big enough to slip a
50 cent piece through. He didn't understand why any mechanic
would put such large inner tubes in our tires, and he didn't
understand how we had managed to drive so far before having
any problems. If the tires had given out at any other time that
day at high speeds on rough roads the results could have been
tragic, or at least very inconvenient and difficult to deal with.
We thanked Jesus in amazement for His deliverance from the
malice or carelessness of those hostile mechanics in Laredo
and His care for our safety and convenience.

***************************************

#5 DELIVERED FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING

There was Mexico's Yucatan jungle driving miracle of
1962 during the Kennedy-Krushev-Cuba-Missles crisis.
See the picture below. I was driving a van #2 with some
of the medical missionary’s kids aboard and the medical
missionary was driving the big bus #1 in the same direction
with the rest of his family .
[Set this to Helvetica or Palatino 12 to view]
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====^^=====~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===B#1BB===~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===BBUSB===~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===BBUSB===~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===B#1BB===~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====..^^..===~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====V#2.===~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====VAN===~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====VAN===~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~###
###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~###

When we came to this stretch of dirt highway under construction

suddenly the bus caused dust to come up so fast an so thick. In the
thick dust I became confused and drove on
in the dust of his bus #1. I could see only a few feet and
knew that what I had seen before the dust was a straight
stretch of three lane wide dirt road elevated about 8' above the
surrounding swamp. I did the dumb thing of deciding that I
should try to catch up to the bus in the dense dust and keep it
in sight. I was driving blind and getting more alarmed by the
moment. I didn't know for sure where I was on the road going
that fast (35 mph +).

Suddenly I see this large dirt moving diesel truck #3

directly in front of me #2 headed right at me---- head on collision
imminent. All I could do was pray/cry out His name, “JESUS!”
***Rom 10:13 For every one whosoever, who shall call on the name of
the Lord, shall be saved.

[Set this to Helvetica or Palatino 12 to view]

###~~~==========~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~==========~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###.~~~===truck!!!==~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###.~~~===tr#3ck===~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###.~~~===truck!!!==~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###.~~~===truck!!!==~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###.~~~===VvvV===~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~===========~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~===========~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~====..^^.====~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~====V#2====~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~====VAN===~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~====VAN===~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~===========~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~===========~~~swamp~~~###jungle###

God* worked* in* me* ----------------------------------------------

****Phil 2: 12 ¶ So that, my beloved, . . . . WORK OUT YOUR OWN
salvation with fear and trembling, 13 FOR IT IS GOD WHO WORKS IN
YOU BOTH THE WILLING AND THE WORKING according to his good
pleasure.
***Heb 13:20 But the God of peace, . . . . 21 PERFECT YOU in every
good work to the DOING OF HIS WILL, DOING IN YOU what is pleasing
before him through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for the ages of ages.
Amen.
------------------------------so that I wanted to and actually did instinctively
turn hard to the right only to realize that would
send me and the kids into the swamp, so while I was in
terror of crashing into the swamp, God worked in me so that
I wanted to and actually did make a hard left and slammed on
the brakes because I had no idea where I was on the road
which I couldn't see because of all the dust. He had worked
in me to will and do that which I couldn’t do to save us.

My heart was racing and I was praying hard that we were

safe while trying to regain my composure so as not to alarm the kids
any more than necessary. My hands were sweaty and trembling as I
waited for the dust to clear. After what seemed to be forever, I could
see our predicament. I had parked perfectly parallel to the edge of the
dirt road with only 2" or 3" from the right side of the van’s tires to the
drop off into the swamp! He had worked in me to will and do that which
I couldn’t do on my own to save us.

[Set this to Helvetica or Palatino 12 to view]

###~~~=============~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~=============~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###.~~~=========.^^..~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~=========V#2.~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~=========VAN~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~=========VAN~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~=============~~~swamp~~~###jungle###
###~~~=============~~~swamp~~~###jungle###

I could not have parked that well even if I could have

seen the edge of the road! I can't park parallel that well even
today! And if I could have seen what I was doing, I would
never have parked so close to the edge of the road. So I figure
Jesus used my foolish, panicky and sweaty hands driving blind
to miss the truck and park perfectly with no damage to
vehicles and no injury to persons.

So I sat there waiting for my heart and breathing to slow

down, and began to realize I had another problem. This dirt
soft shoulder was so soft it even looked soft and I realized that
with the rear drive wheel on that soft shoulder just 2" from the
drop off, that soft shoulder could give way under the weight
and the van still could fall into the swamp. Afraid to do anything on the
swamp side of the van, we all got out the driver's door.

The dirt truck #3 came back to see what happened to us and

the medic #1 came back to see what was the problem. They
agreed with the assessment of the problem and tied tow ropes
to the side of the van and the dirt truck so that when I drove
the van away from the edge, the van would not fall into the
swamp even if the soft shoulder gave way. This experience
gave the idea of "leaving the driving to Him" a whole new
meaning and made me learn the hard learned lesson to never
drive blind again, and that---
“every one, without exception, who calls on the name of the Lord shall
be saved.” Rom 10:13

*******************************************`

By the age of 20 (1961) I had helped some missionaries in Mexico,

and I had fallen in love with the virtuous Mexican people,
especially the ones who really loved Jesus. My dating life
now included Mexicans but I could never let my parents know
because my racist dad was dangerous with his guns and threats.
I still had plenty of AfroAm friends at school, but I just couldn’t handle
the thought of dating an AfroAm lady. My dad had really done a job on
my mind and gradually Jesus was fixing it, one issue at a time.

By '63 I was in college, vice chairman of SNCC (Student NonViolent

Coordinating Committe-Civil Rights), and active in civil rights
activities in SD. Then there was Elea Gray of Altadena at SDSU. One
day walking between classes I saw a thin/slim, light brown, long haired,
Lebanese nosed young lady coming towards me and I literally lost my
breath and emotionally went into TOTAL FEMALE ALERT mode. She had
me from the first time I saw her, but she didn't even notice me.

So I plotted her course. I learned of the times she came that route and
the other routes she used. Then one day I made sure I was going the
same way as her at the same time, and i struck up a conversation.
That led to 20 to 30 hours of face to face and phone conversation for
each of two weeks. At the end of those two weeks, I learned that she
was AfroAm-IndiAm, and by then I didn't care if she was a Yaqui Indian
or a Zulu maiden. I was totally hooked and my heart was captured with
her beautiful sweet smile and twinkling eyes. She had become the
Love Tar Baby of my heart, and every move I made towards her got me
more and more stuck and attached to her. I could hardly focus on my
classes.

I was in my senior year (1965) at SDSU and i had already had some run
ins with my prof's. One had given me a C when all my grades were B
because I didn't believe some of his assumptions and conclusions for
evolution and against creation. Now I was madly in love with Elea and
dating her every chance i had. I was very afraid of further reprisals by
my profs and feared
that they might mess up my senior year if they saw me openly
dating an AfroAm lady. I was going to school on borrowed money living
in a one two room shack in an alley about five miles from school. I had
no car and had to borrow one to date. My school and work
transportation was my trusty racing bike. Elea saw and understood my
fears of reprisal for dating her and tried
to help me through them. When we dated on campus, we did it
discretely going and being where the profs didn't go. I was so
worried about reprisals that Elea and I realized that i was headed for an
ulcer. By the gracious work of God I finally outgrew the fear as my trust
in Christ was restored and Elea became more precious to me than
graduation, career or economic success.

Amazing how fear cripples and undermines both love and faith.
Amazing how love and faith can overcome fear. He gives us that
choice. My fear of racial reprisal by my profs was vague and
ill defined and it blind sided me. In 1962 in the jungles of Yucatan
Mexico the fear of death was clearly focused and so present I thought I
could feel it. After getting the missionaries across the Mexican-Belize
border I had to rest for a couple of days before returning to California
by Mexico’s “Greyhound Bus”, Tres Estellas de Oro. I was totally alone
there in Quintana Roo except for a Mexican native pastor that
befriended me and drank Mexican hot chocolate with me as we
fellowshipped. When my strength had
returned I knew it was time to get on the bus and go.

It was night and the bus was full mostly of Mexican Indians and
farmers, all of whom seemed to have knives and machetes, but there
were two Cubans seated about six rows behind me. Kennedy and
Krushev were on the brink of nuclear WW3 over the Russian missles in
Cuba. Tension was high world wide. Those Castro loving
Cubans spent hours behind me shouting sweet little nothings like
“Kill the Yankee Pig!!!!!!!” “Cut that Yankee’s throat and throw him to
the dogs!!!!!!”, “Kill the Yankee spy!!!!!!”. I didn’t say a word, and
every once in a while looked around to see how the armed Mexicans
were reacting, with a benign and resigned smile on my face. They
looked grimly at me and then looked away. I was so tired, so alone that
night on that bus in that dense Yucatan jungle it was clear that the
situation was totally out of my control and I was totally dependent on
Jesus for continued life on earth. I chose to trust Him with my life,
made my peace with Jesus, and prepared to die or live, whichever
Jesus worked. So when we came to a rest stop in the middle of the
jungle at a small Cantina, I had to use the restroom. As I surveyed the
situation I knew that if I went into the Cantina’s restroom it would be a
perfect place to be stabbed in the back, so I chose to put my life in
God’s hand and cautiously stepped into a dark jungle, a jungle I knew
to be full of big spiders and snakes and jungle cats, to take care of
business. Finally dawn and Merida appeared and I had lived through
the night and the Cubans and God had spared me one more time. Faith
had won over fear.

Back to 1963 I had a falling out with SDSU’s SNCC when the local
AfroAm chairman decided to accept financial support from
representatives of communist nations and groups. As resigning
coChaiman I told him the communists were as much my enemies as
the KKK, and I quit. So I joined the largest AfroAm Baptist Church in
town, became active with the young people's groups, and became the
Sunday School teacher of the college age class. This was during the
marches and demonstrations being led by my "elder brother", M L
King. I delighted in taking the subject for the Sunday School lesson
from the headlines, showing my college age class what the Bible says
about racism, hatred, bigotry, prejudice, social injustice, oppression
and exploitation of the poor, and how M. L. King's strategies paralleled
the instructions in the Bible for dealing with those who wrong you. The
class grew from five to 25. City council man George Stevens took over
the class after I left to marry my first AfroAm wife.

I was a "true believer" but I really got screwed up with my morals

and my horniness. I had fallen into the trap of "leaning to my own
understanding". I decided to accept the current Webster's College
Dictionary definition of fornication, instead of prayerfully seeking God's
definition of fornication. Webster's said that fornication was "Illicit
sexual intercourse with a harlot". Like several other church youth group
leaders i knew at the time, that definition left a lot of wiggle room for
testosterone driven young Christian men. I figured that if i didn't have
“sexual intercourse”, genital in genital union, then it wasn't fornication.
I erred by leaning to my own understanding of fornication and I was
like a little kid who just was given free access to all the candy in the
store, AfroAm female chocolate candy.

I tragically had and failed the honor and privilege of celebrating the
awesome physical beauty of way too many nice, lovely, intelligent,
sweet, awesome AfroAm women, many of them devout Christians, in
total nude petting and oral sex while carefully avoiding “sexual
intercourse” (i.e. genital in genital union). They bought into my
understanding of the definition of fornication, and trusted me because I
seemed to know so much of the Bible and seemed to be such a
devoted Christian. After all I was a Sunday School and Daily Vacation
Bible School teacher and Christian camp counselor. This was tragic for
me and for them because I learned later from Prov 5:19,20 and Ezek
23 that the Bible makes it clear that such love making free of genital in
genital “intercourse” is as much fornication/sex-sin as actual genital in
genital intercourse.
Tragic because I should have unselfishly and compassionately
cherished the awesome and precious hearts and beauty of those
wonderful AfroAm women only in the context of marital commitment,
as a child of God. I didn't get that right until my first
marriage to my first wife, AfroAm Carol Lynn McIntyre of Oceanside, a
marriage which failed within fourteen months because of my fears,
anxieties and misunderstanding of the Bible’s sexual morality. Fears???
Fear of failing to be to my wife all that she thought me to be, of failing
to be man enough for her, of failing to be good enough for her, of her
finding out that I was just an ordinary guy with ordinary hang ups and
problems, of not being able to keep a good enough job to provide her
with all that I wanted her to have, and fear of incredibly wonderful and
beautiful her falling out of love with so imperfect me when she found
out how inadequate and fault ridden I felt I was. Fear cast out perfect
Love and death followed.

*******************************************
Jesus, Patty and me
Making a lemonade life out of life’s bitter lemons

Then there was my little, slim and delicate cousin Patty.

My cousin was saved while married to her male chauvinistic, arrogant,
proud, rich and unfaithful Greek Orthodox husband. He really believed
that her place was pregnant, bare foot and in the kitchen. They found
out after their second child that her heart was weak and she could die
during childbirth and so was told to have no more children. He got her
pregnant seven more times for a total of 8 kids. Soon after being saved
the Lord used these times of great
peril to lead my cousin into submission and obedience to His Word in 1
Peter 2 + 3

1Pet 2:19 For this [is] a grace, if for conscience [toward] God anyone
endures grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory [is it] if you
patiently endure [while] sinning and being buffeted? But if you suffer
[while] doing good, and patiently endure, this [is] a grace from God. 21
For were you not called to this? For Christ also suffered on our behalf,
leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps, 22 He who did
no sin, nor was guile found in His mouth, 23 who when He was reviled
did not revile in return. When He suffered, He did not threaten, but
gave [Himself] up to Him who judges righteously. 24 [He] Himself bore
our sins in His own body on the tree, that dying to sins, we might live
to righteousness; by whose stripes you were healed. 25 For you were
as sheep going astray, but now you are turned to the Shepherd and
Overseer of your souls. 1Pt3: 1 ¶ IN THE SAME WAY[--- as the servants
of 2:18-25] , wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands, ------------
with all reverence, not only to those good and forbearing [husbands],
but also to the perverse ones.

>>>>>>>>>>>PARAPHRASED FOR APPLICATION

1Pt2:19 For this [is] a grace, if for conscience [toward] God anyone
endures grief [because of her husband], suffering wrongfully. 2:20 For
what glory [is it] if you patiently endure [grief from you husband while]
sinning and being buffeted? But if you suffer [grief from your husband
while] doing good, and patiently endure, this [is] a grace from God.
2:21 For were you
not called to this [marital suffering]? For Christ also suffered on our
behalf, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps [when
your husband causes you to suffer], 22 He who did no sin, nor was
guile found in His mouth, 2:23 who when He was reviled did not revile
in return [so when your husband verbally abuses you, do not verbally
abuse him in return]. When He suffered, He did not threaten, but gave
[Himself] up to Him who judges righteously [so you also shouldn't
threaten your sinning husband but instead give
yourself up to His care].

---------------so that if any [husbands] do not obey the word, they may
also be won without the word by the conduct of the wives, 2 having
witnessed your chaste behavior in [the] fear [of God]. 3 Of whom let
[it] not be the adorning of garments, or outward braiding of hair and
wearing of gold, or of putting on clothing, 4 but [let your adornment
be] the hidden One of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, the
meek [strength controlled] and quiet [peaceful] spirit, which is of great
price in the sight of God. 5 For so once indeed the holy women hoping
in God adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands
[by their own choice]; 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord;
whose children you became, doing good and fearing no terror.

She became a faster and a prayer, leading all 8 kids to be beautifully

saved. Her husband was not stupid or blind,
and soon realized and was told by his buddies that he had a great wife,
an awesome wife, and appreciation and respect began to sink in to his
male chauvinistic pig head. He was crazy proud of his precious and
well behaved children, the envy of his buddies. Sometimes when he
had one on his lap, his beloved child would
say something like, "Daddy, do you love Jesus? Are you going to be in
Heaven with us? Daddy, I want you to be in Heaven with me.
Please??????????!!!!!!!!!! Daddy?????????????!!!!!!!!!!". He was deeply
moved.

In the meantime, all Patty's prayer and fasting had resulted in her
having such a close and beautiful
relationship with Jesus that He had given her the gifts of discernment
of spirits, healing, prophecy, tongues and interpretation of tongues.
She eventually became a part of the Kathryn Khulman ministry team.
He gave her a large teaching and counseling ministry at Lloyd
Ogilvie’s Hollywood Presbyterian.

Finally all her children were grown, and her rich husband was a much
better father and husband ---Jesus was breaking up the hard ground of
his heart. Then Jesus blessed him with leukemia, a very slow cancer,
which humbled him and he accepted Jesus, giving Jesus his body, soul
and spirit. He became one of the gentlest, sweetest, nicest and most
gracious Christians I have ever known ---- and then Jesus took him
Home. He honored His Word and used Patty's obedience to 1 Peter 3 to
save and take Home a precious son of God. Have faith. Trust God. Little
is much with God's blessing on it. Weakness is strength and power with
Jesus' blessing on it. If you have a Nabal for a husband, be an Abigail (1
Sam 25)

Patty gave me a prophecy about a key issue and phase in my life,

specifically in my first marriage eight
years later. She told me that one day three crows would enter my life.
At that time Jesus would
try me in a trial that could cost me my life if I failed it, or could release
me to blessed service
and victory in Jesus if I passed the test. About eight years later,
EuroAm me failing miserably in fear and faithlessness in my first
marriage to an incredibly beautiful and intelligent AfroAm-IndiAm
young lady, I walked out of the back door of my classroom and looked
out on the large green field --
and there were three crows --- and they stayed in my life until the
turning point. That story is for another time.

***************************************************

>>>>>>A different kind of miracle<<<<<<<<<

About 40 years ago when I was attending college in San Diego, CA, I
met one of the most beautiful women in the world. She was a light
brown skinned Filipina with a movie star face. She was on campus that
night and needed a ride home and I volunteered. As we got near to her
neighborhood she began to take off all of her clothes. With clothes on
she was a stunning cover girl beauty. When she sat there next to me
with absolutely nothing on, begging me to get her pregnant, I was
stunned and my heart was racing. She said that I looked very much like
her navy husband who had just gone out to sea for an extended
period. She said that they had been trying to have a baby but weren't
succeeding. She said that if she had a child by me the child would look
enough like her husband for him to think the child was his. During all of
this I am looking up and down at her, but especially at hereyes. She
seemed very sincere and every male molecule in my body wanted to
celebrate her beauty, child or no.

My belief in Jesus is the primary force in my life. He gave me the

presence of mind to see beyond the immediate reality of her incredible
beauty and my burning desire, to see the burning end of adultery---
and that sobered me up. I thanked her profusely, telling her how
incredibly beautiful she was and how honored I was that she would
share with me the wonder of her beauty ------ but I feared/loved God
more than I desired her and I couldn't do it for her. I begged her to put
her clothes back on and let me drive her home. Slowly she did,
appearing confused and disappointed. Thanking her profusely and
praising her awesome beauty she let me take her home and drop her
off------------------ never to be seen again but never to be forgotten. Only
Jesus working and willing in me was able to keep me from such
incredible temptation.

***********************************************************

A DEDICATION:
AfroAm CAROL LYNN MCINTYRE,
of Oceacnside, California
the first wife of EuroAm me- 1968

She is “black” and so many delicious shades of brown. Her skin

looks more delicious than anything I have ever eaten. She
moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps,
unaware of her awesome beauty. I call out her precious name,
almost to make sure she's real and not a dream. She turns and
looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so radiantly I
almost lose my breath. It seems as if she glows! I drink her in
as she flows towards me with her arms open wide. The face I
see is Love.

How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with

kindness and gentleness----from which I fear no hurt or
unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We
touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on
her delicious skin. She is so delicious it is hard to keep my
mouth off of her. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and
oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange,
yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. I love the feel
of her light brown skin as my tanned skin caresses hers. She is
sooooo soft and firm, so full of life!

We look into each others' eyes, hers sparkling----we look long

and deep and our souls touch---and then suddenly it seems a
cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, or haunting
memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her
eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so
close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul and
bathe her in my love, wanting to make it all right for her.
Hesitantly I look again hoping her radiance has returned and
Yes! the cloud has passed and her face is radiant again. What I
see in her face fills my heart. All is well. We two as one set
out together to face and deal with our world.

We faced our world together so much in love. I thought she

was so incredibly wonderful moving there before me bare and
beautiful that honeymoon night. I thought I had been given
the most wonderful queen for my heart to love. I worshipped
her in her dark beauty. How could I be so blessed? In ecstasy
she said she could make love all night long that Halloween
weekend. Halloween darkness and death covered my eyes
and blinded me. It polluted my mind and it whispered "You
are not good enough for her. She will find out that you aren't
good enough for her and she will leave you for another." The
hissing lie believed, my heart deceived, my soul backed off and
the work of death began. My queen now became my torment,
her excellence rebuking me for being so presumptuous
as to dare to mingle with the gods by loving one of their own.
My heart was chilled with fear that my wonderful goddess
would suddenly see me as I really was and her passionate
desire would turn to loathing. Couldn't she see I was all
crippled and broken inside?

The golden spell that had blessed our courtship was

cracking apart as some dark frozen glacier, one small piece at a
time. She said she loved me for my voice before we met.
When we met I was so amazed my mouth hung open in
amazement and my eyes couldn't open wide enough to behold
her glory. Her laughter rang like bells and chimes all about us.
She flowed to me and into my life. My heart opened wider
than my eyes and welcomed her in, pouring my love upon her
in every way I could imagine. She felt more loved than she
had ever felt before. She gave herself to me in our engagement
and our bodies merged into oneness as our souls had. I
accepted her love without reservation and gave her my love
without reservation. She blessed me in the same manner. I
felt my soul could fly no higher.

I forgot she was a mere mortal with a tender heart and a

history of adversities. I forgot that her heart was as tender as
her breasts. I forgot that though she was bold and out going
like her breasts, she was as sensitive as they and in need of
support and protection. Blinded by unreasoned love I thought
her to be a goddess and worshipped her, when she wanted me
to lead her in the worship of my Jesus. Blinded by unreasoned
love she thought me above weakness and fear. So when that
Halloween darkness crept into my soul, and in its brokenness
and open wounds the darkness found a hiding place, a place for
it to root and grow. By that honeymoon night my soul became
the prisoner of the fear of losing her love, fear of failing her,
fear of not being enough for and fear of losing her to another.
All she wanted me to do was just to keep on loving her as we
had since our engagement. I stepped from the glorious light of
our love into the wretched darkness of my fear. My darling
Carol Lynn couldn't believe that her prince charming was dying
within. She didn't feel the chill and darkness that had just
entered the room.

Fear leaves such devastation. In her torment she felt she was
to blame for the cold iceman that I was becoming. She sought
counsel, tried to provoke me, tried to make me jealous---each
resulting in a veil of tears for her. Then my tormented goddess
sought to kill herself if our love could not be restored. I asked
her parents to come and get her since I was afraid to leave her
alone----------they dragged her away from me as she wept
and wailed begging me not to let them take her. I just stood
there and watched. Oh God have mercy on my Welsh-Irish
soul!

The damned darkness of damned divorce crept between us.

I begged her to return, begged for forgiveness and apologized
for failing her-------but when she didn't answer for a week I
sought the loving I yearned for in the arms of another
wonderful dark queen. I had given up. I thought she would
never come back to one so unworthy as I. I felt I had to have
the love of a wonderful dark queen so that I could know that I
was still lovable, that I could know the love of a wonderful
dark queen again. My Lynn came that night and found me
with the other. Her last words were "Oh no, Ron!!!!!!!! I
never had another chance with her.

Hollywood got her and messed her up so badly she had to have
a total hysterectomy and was in pain daily taking powerful
pain killers. She sought shelter and help in her childhood home
with her parents. She built her nest in her childhood bedroom,
her heart broken, her spirit twisted, her soul so gravely
wounded that no one knew if she could ever fly again-------my
Lynn who had soared in the heights with eagles and falcons.
Her pain. The pain wouldn't stop.

"Oh please make this pain stop! Let me take my pills. I have
eaten and I'll just take these pain pills and lie down to rest.
Oh! My soul is so weary! When will the pain stop? To sleep,
yes sleep. I'm so tired. I'll just sleep a little. It's so good to be
home where I can feel safe, with Dad here. I love him so
much." And my beloved Carol Lynn McIntyre laid herself
down to sleep in the bed of her childhood bedroom----so safe--
--safe at last.

"What's wrong! I can't think---I feel so groggy. What's

happening?! Oh God, I'm going to vomit! Help!----------"
And as she inhaled that last time-----My queen! My goddess!
My darling young wife-------------she inhaled her vomit and
died. Oh God! Dear God! Would that it were I! Oh turn back
the clock and take my soul instead! Oh God------my heart is
broken! Why should I be above the ground and my brilliant
and beautiful young Lynn, my dark queen, be there beneath
the ground? Oh God be merciful to me! I feel the millstone
around my neck. I don't deserve your forgiveness but I
would die without it.
Yet she lives and is loved in the deepest depths of my
soul though the grief and pain wont let me dwell on my
wonderful memories of her and us--- My Scotch-Irish-Welsh
heart grieves over my dark Queen. God gave me a daughter
who could pass for Lynn's sister, a wonderful woman, a
daughter upon whom I can pour out all the love I feel for Lynn.
And God showed me what I did wrong with Lynn and taught
me how not to make those terrible mistakes again. My three
wonderful daughters are the products of His Love working
through me. I lost my dark queen, and He gave me three
wonderful dark queens to help heal my grief. Thank you, Jesus!
Dear God, please heal the hearts of Lynn's family.

**********************************************
I lost my Lynn. I failed my Lynn. I called out to Jesus to save me.

I was saved/born-again at age twelve. My dad's porn got

me addicted to porn by age 9. When He saved me at age
12 He completely broke the porn addiction so much so that
it wasn't even an issue. Then, three years later, Ruth
Naomi Bruce (a hot Jewish girl) asked me to walk through
the nearby Balboa Park with her on her way home. She led
me to a secluded place in the bushes and trees and invited
me to lay down next to her. She introduced me to petting
and necking and the porn addiction returned. The battle
raged between the Spirit in me and my flesh. Webster's
college dictionary at that time defined fornication as "illicit
sexual intercourse with a harlot". Trying to figure this thing
out by my own understanding with Webster’s Collegiate
Dictionary, I came to the conclusion that as long as I
abstained from “sexual intercourse”, coitus/coition/
sexual-penetration, whatever else I did with a girl wasn't fornication.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but the ends

thereof are the ways of death. God used the chaos and
consequences of fifteen years of HEAVY &/or nude petting,
oral sex and the death of my first marriage to work and will
in me so that I was driven to my knees, ready to hear from
God and obey Jesus no matter what He said. During those
fifteen years He had never left me nor forsaken me, and
He was chastening me all along the way, but sparing me
from death apparently because I was sincerely trying to do
His will as His young man, Sunday School teacher, youth
leader, Christian camp counselor, missionary assistant,
orphanage volunteer in Tijuana (Mexico), etc etc etc.
But in my snared condition I had come more and more to
the point that I was deceived into thinking that it was okay
to let images and ideas into my mind and spirit from books,
movies, magazines, people and places that were not
true, worthy of respect, just, pure,
lovable, of good reputation, virtuous,
worthy of praise [Phil 4:8]. I had become
ensnared with pornographic magazines,
rationalizing their use by thinking it was
okay as long as I didn’t think of coitus,
sexual intercourse, with the women whose
images were in the magazines [2Tim2:24-26’
Prov 16:24]. I had lost my beautiful and
wonderful AfroAm wife, Lynn, and already I
was involved again in nude petting etc. with
“Christian” women I knew, careful to observe
my snared rationalization of avoiding coitus at
all costs so as not to sin in fornication.

He allowed the consequences of my sins and self-deception

to drive me to the desperation I had when I was originally
saved, not wanting to live if I couldn't live, love and Love
right and well. He worked a reckless desperation in me so
that I threw myself into the Esther fast (no food or drink
for three days Esther 4:16) for three days without preparing
my body for such an ordeal. He was working and willing in me so
that I had to know what I had done wrong, know how not
to ever hurt anyone like I had hurt my wonderful AfroAm Lynn, and
learn how to be the EuroAm husband and man Jesus wanted me to
be. I knew my life hung in the balance. I realized the recent
two week hospitalization for undiagnosed fever, the earlier
two week bout with pneumonia were His chastening of me.
I remembered the prophecy of the three crows and they
were present asprophesied, the symbol of impending doom
if I didn’t come
out of this crisis right in Jesus.

On day three of my total fast, He worked in me so that I

was kneeling in prayer just going over the issues in my life,
asking "What about this, Lord? What about that, Lord?"
Without expecting anything He worked and willed in me to
say, "What about the porn, Lord?" Instantly there was this
deep powerful thundering voice saying "It has to go!" I
was startled and jumped up in a storm of emotions, ran to
all the windows and doors to see if someone had just walked
by and said that ---- no one there ---- how could a human
have such a powerful voice ------ and then very shaken I
returned to my knees and He worked in me to say, "Lord if
that is you, I hear you. I understand that to mean You want
me to get rid of the box I have in the closet full of porn
($200 worth in 1969, $1000 today). Lord, I'll get rid of it now and
all I ask is that You show me in Your Word why my using porn
is sinful, since I'm so careful to NOT “fornicate” by thinking of
coitus/coition/sexual-penetration with the women when looking
at the pictures of the women."

Still shaken, fully alert and tingling, God worked and willed in
me to get up off my knees, wrap up the box fullof pornography
in all the tape I could find in
my house, take it out to the dumpster and bury it in the trash.
I realized something awesome had just happened but He
enabled me to know that I was walking in faith and not
according to my own understanding, so I just accepted it all
and was amazed. Finally the three day fast came to an end.
My body was so incredibly weak I couldn't do anything
strenuous, but my spirit and soul were soaring.

Within two weeks He answered my prayers and showed me

in the scriptures (Ezekiel 16 & 23; Prov 5 and 1 Cor 6) that
petting and touching the genitals and breasts of a woman
who is not my own woman in marriage, and that seeing the
pudenda/vulva/vagina of a woman who is not my own
woman in marriage were just as much fornication as actual
coitus/genital penetration. He showed me in those scriptures
that the only person who had any business intimately and
passionately seeing and enjoying a woman's pudenda, vulva,
clitoris and vagina is her own husband, and for me to be
seeing those parts of a woman’s body without being married
to her was sex sin, fornication. Since then He has shown me
by Romans 1:24-32 that it is a grievous sin worthy of death
for me to even enjoy and take pleasure in the women, or
pictures of the women, who intimately show their genitals
to others than their own men, who allow others to touch/
press/feel/caress their breasts and/or genitals outside
of their own marriages, even if they are fully clothed or
appropriately covered by bathing suits or lingerie. That
eliminated from my enjoyment most of the movie stars,
rock stars, recording artists and celebrities since they
openly and admittedly have sex with people other than
their own mates, and most have exposed their genitals
publicly.

It has been thirty years since that experience and the

addictive/compulsive power of porn in my life has been
broken and remained broken. That is not to say that if I let
my eyes linger on the magazine racks too long I will not be
tempted. Since sin now has NO DOMINION over me (Rom 6)
and the devil and demons can’t MAKE ME do anything (Eph
2:1-10), I am free to choose to not sin and to obey Jesus.
If I choose to sin by "setting evil before my eyes" I will
be sorely tempted, and I might sin by taking pleasure in
the awesome beauty of the evil sinning women, and I may need
to again “call on the Name of King Jesus” to save me and work
and will in me to run back to Jesus in repentance and confession,
agreeing with Him about the sin.

But still the sin of porn no longer has power over me, no longer
compels me, no compulsion, no irrational yearning, no monkey
on my back driving me to do the porn thing. By the grace and
power of God working in me it has no power over me unless I
choose to give it the power and the opportunity in my life. Yes
the addiction to female beauty, the powerful combination of
endorphins, testosterone and adrenaline always lay in wait just
below the surface and are always ready to respond, but now
I am enabled by Him to control those mental forces whereas
before they controlled me.

That is His miracle in me. I sometimes fail to walk in the freedom

Christ has given me, especially when I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely
and/or Tired (see Biblical 12 Steps). In those times I sometimes
fail to run to Jesus for His comfort and deliverance. In those times
I sometimes choose to lean to my own understanding
and I choose to run to sweet and needy women for comfort
and reassurance. He's in the process of working and willing in
me to deliver me from that "ritual", that false solution, that
inadequate solution, that idolatry, and I thank Him for that.
I know that all I have to do is “call on the Name of Jesus” to
be saved when in HALT mode and sorely tempted to run
to a sweet and needy sister for comfort and affirmation.
One step at a time with Jesus. One temptation and victory
at a time with Jesus. One day at a time with Jesus for
“Every day has trouble enough of its own. Enough for
each day are its own troubles.” Mt 6:34.

After the deliverance from the power and domination of porn, He

showed
me His plan and His will for us to avoid and live free from sex sin.
1 Cor. 7:2 but on account of sex sin, each one should be having his own
wife, and each [woman] should be having her own husband. 3 The
husband
should be rendering to the wife the benevolence that is due her, and in
like manner the wife to the husband. 4 The wife has not authority over
her
own body, but the husband [has authority over her body]: in like
manner
also the husband has not authority over his own body, but the wife
[has
authority over his body]. 5 Do not deprive one another [of the use of
this
sexual authority], unless, it may be, by consent for a time, that ye may
devote yourselves to prayer, and again be
together [exercising authority over and having each other's bodies],
that
Satan tempt you not because of your lack of self-control. . . . 9 But if
they are not having control over themselves [sexually], they are under
command to marry; for it is better to marry than to burn [sexually and
in the day of judgment].[1Cor 7] Just like with the porn, I had to call on
Him to enable me to yield myself to Him and marry/accept the woman
He wanted for me, instead of the one I wanted. Like Jesus in the garden
I had to come to the place of knowing I was under His command to
marry
in order to avoid fornication, so it had to be “Not my will, but Yours be
done”.
It had to be ‘Not the woman I prefer, not the time I prefer, not the way I
prefer,
but I commit to accepting the godly woman You provide, when You
provide
her, however You provide her. That's the testimony I have of my
second
wife, AfroAm Beverly, the mother of my children, for another time.

*********************************************************

#6. AN "ORPHAN" FINDS A LOVING HOME A THROWN

AWAY "ORPHAN" FINDS A LOVING HOME
Then there is the Felicia miracle. God didn't save my life but
He used me to save Felicia's life. She was a 16 year old hippie
run away from an Arizona foster home. Her parents
didn't want her. She ran away to LA and
she landed up at the Christian Communal Home that three
Christian "Hippies" got after they were born again in Jesus.
They wanted a place where they and their hippie friends who
were coming to Jesus could come, stay, be comfortable, meet
and grow in Jesus. It was a big house with about 8 bedrooms.
The police knew about this hippie halfway house and
approved of runaways like Felicia staying there. After about a
week or two, Felicia got mad about one of the rules of the
house, had a temper tantrum and stormed out of the House
during a Bible lesson with about 25 people present. She said
she was leaving and not coming back!

It was dark and it was an integrated low income neighborhood

with a lot of prostitution, drugs and violence. She was a small
white hippie girl walking out into the darkness and into all of
that spiritual darkness. I tried to decide what I should do since
she wouldn't listen to reason. I prayed.

I figured either I could stick with her and keep on trying to

reason with her, but I was concerned that we'd both land up in
a situation where we would both be in danger. So I decided
the best place for her was the Christian Hippie House. So I
believe God* worked* in* me* ----------------------------
****Phil 2: 12 ¶ So that, my beloved, . . . . WORK OUT YOUR
OWN salvation with fear and trembling, 13 FOR IT IS GOD
WHO WORKS IN YOU BOTH THE WILLING AND THE
WORKING according to his good pleasure.
***Heb 13:20 But the God of peace, . . . . 21 PERFECT YOU
in every good work to the DOING OF HIS WILL, DOING IN
YOU what is pleasing before him through Jesus Christ; to
whom be glory for the ages of ages. Amen.
------------------------------------------to want to and then to actually
run after her, to try one more time to persuade her to stay, but
when she refused to just pick her up and put her across my
shoulder with her screaming, hitting my back and trying to
kick loose of my arms all the way back to the House, through
the evening Bible Lesson and into the prayer room where the
House elders were having a meeting. I still believe that God
kept the neighbors from calling the cops and enabled all the
people in the Bible study group to continue that Bible lesson.
I sat her down in the midst of the House elders and told them
what had happened. We talked and we prayed until Felicia
was past her crisis and was willing to stay.

A couple of months later, a much more godly and spirit-

filled Felicia announced to us that God had worked and
willed in her so that she felt led to go back to Arizona, end
her run away status, turn herself in to her social worker and
trust God for the consequences. The few elders who were
present said they agreed with her, had no doubts about it
(Rom 14:22,23) and had peaceful and confident conviction
about it (Phil 4:3-8). A little later that Saturday evening God
was working and willing in
her so much so that she said she felt she HAD to go that
night and asked if I could drive her over to Hollywood to
catch the last Greyhound bound for Arizona that night.
I said sure, gathered some of the brothers and sisters to
see her off that night.

We got to the bus stop shortly before

the bus arrived. She tried to buy the ticket but found she
didn't have enough money. We all chipped in everything we
had but we still didn't have enough money to get her to her
social worker’s town. God was still working in to want to go
so she felt she HAD to go on that bus at that time. We
prayed and God worked in us so that we decided that she
would buy a ticket to get her into Arizona Sunday morning
and then she would have just enough change to call her
social worker and have her pick Felicia up sometime later.
We all prayed for and over her and our sweet 16 year old
little barefoot hippie girl in a granny dress with flowers in
her hair got on the bus and left in a cloud of prayers and tears.

Later we got her letter and "the rest of the story". She
arrived in a small Arizona town around 9 am Sunday morning.
She had only enough money for the phone call and her social
worker didn't answer her phone. So God worked in her so that
she decided to walk around town, bare foot in a granny dress
with flowers in her hair, that bright sunny Sunday morning. A
little into her walk she heard people singing and she thought
she knew the song. She came up to a small town steepled
church and realized it was church time and the church service
was just beginning. So little Felicia walked her little barefoot
self into the back of that church, probably with some flowers
in her hand or hair, and joined in the service.

After the service was over, God worked and willed in the the
pastor so that he asked her what she was doing in town and
where she was staying. Felicia told him the whole story of
parents not wanting her, running away from foster home,
living on the streets of L.A. and being born again in a Christian
Hippie House. God worked in the the pastor and his wife so
that they asked her if she would like to come home with them
for lunch and stay until her social worker could come. By the
time lunch was over, God worked in the pastor and his wife to
tell Felicia they would love to have her as their daughter and
would she please let them be her parents. She could hardly
believe it and
God worked in her so that she joyfully accepted their offer.
God worked in her social worker to approve, and they adopted
her and sent her through Bible college where she prepared for
full time Christian service.

The little broken thrown away girl, unwanted by her parents and
foster parents, who ran away to find Love and Life, found Love,
Life and a home with parents who loved and cherished her
dearly, by the compassion and mercy of God working in her life
and in the lives of all involved. If He hadn't worked in me to bring
her back that night ----- if He hadn’t willed in her so that she
would obey His leading to leave that Saturday night ---- if He
hadn’t will in me and enabled me to drive her that night ------
if He hadn’t worked it all out so that we had only enough
money so that she landed up in a different town than originally
desired----- if He hadn’t worked it all out so that her social
worker didn’t answer her first phone call ---- but He did work
it all out in all involved so that the miracle happened and the
once homeless, unloved, grieved and lonely little girl found
a home, Love, Joy and family. What a wonderful miracle and
evidence of the fact
that our God WORKS EVERYTHING ACCORDING TO THE
COUNSEL OF HIS OWN WILL FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE
WHO LOVE H IM IN DEED AND TRUTH AND ARE CALLED
ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE (Ephes 1:11 & Rom 8:28).
The miracle happened and the homeless, unloved,
grieved and lonely little girl found a home, Love, Joy and
family. What a wonderful miracle.

Some time later, Tirzah Lelah and Talitha Cumi were born.

**************AND THEN THERE WAS BEVERLY*****************

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ
A DEDICATION: BEVERLY TYLER, My second wife and the mother of my
children

Unknown to me, a mysterious young lady, looking so very sweet,

she stands there calmly and quietly between Lisa and Shauna,
Sunday morning between Sunday School and Church, there in Watts.
She is black and so many delicious shades of brown. Her dark brown
skin
looks more delicious than anything I have ever eaten. She
moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps,
unaware of her awesome femininity. In fact she didn't even think she
was
attractive and she was mystified by my desire of her. At first she
couldn't even believe that I felt such deep romantic and affectionate
love for her. She was so gentle, so humble, so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet I
could hardly keep my mouth and hands off of her. To the world she
wasn't a cover girl beauty, but to me the beauty in her eyes flooded
out
and over her so that she walked in beauty to me. She filled up my
heart
and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It was 1971.

She turns and looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so
radiantly my heart leaps for joy. It seems as if she glows! I drink her
in as she flows towards me with her arms open wide. The face I see is
Love.

How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with

kindness and gentleness----from which I fear no hurt or
unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We
touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on
her delicious skin. She is so delicious it is hard to keep my
mouth off of her. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and
oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange,
yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. She is
sooooo soft and firm, so full of life!

We look into each others' eyes, hers sparkling----we look long

and deep and our souls touch---and then suddenly it seems a
cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, or haunting
memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her
eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so
close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul and
bathe her in my love, wanting to make it all right for her.
Hesitantly I look again hoping her radiance has returned and
Yes! the cloud has passed and her face is radiant again. What I
see in her face fills my heart. All is well. We two as one set
out together to face and deal with our world.

We faced our world together so much in love. I thought she

was so incredibly wonderful moving there before me bare and
beautiful that honeymoon night. I thought I had been given the
most wonderful queen for my heart to love. I worshipped her
in her dark beauty. How could I be so blessed? In ecstasy we
celebrated and enjoyed each others bodies, soul and spirit. Every part
of
her body was a delight and I delighted in celebrating her and pleasing
her. She was my perfect sexual helpmeet. I had learned in losing Lynn
that as long as she was happy I should just keep on loving her in every
way I could, not worrying about my inadequacies. She rejoiced in our
loving and our loving filled my heart.
I accepted her love without reservation and gave her my love
without reservation. She blessed me in the same manner. I
felt my soul could fly again.

I learned that she was sensitive and in need of support and

protection, that she had a heart breaking childhood. Though I loved
her dearly, affectionately and passionately, I failed to accept her just
as
she was. I failed to accept the fact that somethings I wanted her to do,
she simply could not do. I felt that she was being stubborn and
uncooperative and I began to resent this in her. Our love became
clouded by my failure to accept her just as she was and her heart
began
to hurt. The seeds had been planted that would break her heart and
drive her to leave me. Oblivious to the pain I was causing her, I
thought we would be together for ever. She left me the day after
Christmas after sixteen years of marriage and three darling children.
ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

#7. DELIVERANCE FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING

It was in the mid 1970's. The road out of Valley Center to
Escondido was just a two laner, one lane each way. I had had a
long had day at my job on Mt. Palomar at the La Jolla Indian
Reservation. I wanted to get home to my wife and kids. I had
just driven out of the flat area of Valley Center and was at the
top of the two lane two way descent to Escondido. There was a
big diesel milk truck with two full milk trailers followed by
three passenger cars and lastly myself. Real quick I realized
that the truck was using his gears to brake his speed down the
hill and he was going to be very slow going all the way down. I
couldn't figure why none of the other passenger cars passed
the truck since the oncoming lane was clear.
Full of stupidity and impatience I decided to pass all

three passenger cars as well as the milk trailers and diesel.

Just as I pulled out to make my pass, the car in front of me
pulled out in front of me to pass all the others. I had to swerve
hard to the left to avoid hitting that car. The last thing I saw
was the retaining 2' wall and the drop off about 6'-8' in front of
me closing very fast. I don't recall ever making any move to
avoid hitting the wall and going over the cliff. The next thing I
knew was that I was about 100 yards ahead of the diesel, milk
trailers and the three passenger cars which were still behind
the milk truck. I have no idea why I didn't hit the wall and go
over. I have no idea of how I got in front of the milk truck and
cars. I never cease to be amazed at how Jesus can drive my car
when I am asleep, have fainted or whatever. I am unable to
doubt this kind of Jesus who rescues even the stupid from their
own deep pudding. Doesn't it make you afraid to be on the
road with me? It does me! Thank God for God!

#8. TALITHA'S MIRACLE 1974 +/-

We were having one of our many park experiences at an
Escondido park. Tirzah was four and Talitha was two. Bev
was pushing Tirzah on the swing and I was pushing Talitha.
Talitha and Tirzah both had their backs to us. Both were
laughing and carrying on. Talitha stopped laughing and
talking. I though she was just enjoying the swing, when
suddenly on one of the forward swings Talitha just tumbled
forward out of the swing, hit the ground on a roll, rolled on
down the bank, and started crying. She had fallen asleep in the
swing and fallen off. She could have broken her neck, had a
severe concussion, broken an arm or leg or both. We rushed
her to the hospital to see if she had a concussion. Talitha was
so hysterical we couldn't hold her still enough for them to get
an adequate X-ray. They expressed their
regrets and we took our hysterical Talitha home and did the
best we could. We noticed some changes after that fall, but we
were just so very thankful that she hadn't damaged her spinal
column or had a severe concussion. For us that was a miracle
because we couldn't forget the sight of her as she flew out of
the swing and rolled down the bank that sunny day in
Escondido. We couldn't forget how badly she might have been
hurt, how easily she could have broken her neck.

Philema Beth-shua Tyler was born a few years later.

#9. DELIVERANCE FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING 1970s

Then there is my Home Federal miracle. Perhaps this added to
the demise of Home Federal????? :) :) I worked three 12
hour graveyard shifts each week as a mail and message courier
driving company vehicles. It was my third shift and I used
everything to keep me awake (coffee, coca cola, hamburgers,
chocolate, etc.) to help me stay awake because I was so very
tired. It didn't work. One morning after my shift, I drove my
wife to work and then tried to drive my self and my three
daughters home. The sun was rising and was in my exhausted
eyes as I tried to drive us east to El Cajon from downtown San
Diego. The sun was too much for my exhausted eyes so I had
to stop at 70th/Lake Murray Dr. and sleep in Denny's parking lot
until I could drive the kids and I home. It was very hard for
them to understand but they watched over sleeping me for
almost two hours before they woke me up because they were
worried what the Denny's employee in the parking lot was
thinking (he was staring at us for so long).
It was 5:30 am and sunrise (the sun finished off my
eyes). I was driving the 1/2 ton pick up Toyota truck south on
163 going downtown with a full load of mail, tapes, microfiche,
print outs and reports for branches up the coast. I had just
cleared Hwy 8 heading south on 163. The next thing I
remember or knew was that the left front wheel and the left
rear wheel were on top of the elevated center divider and I
was somewhere on 163 under Washington or University or
Robinson. I can't believe what I see or where I am. The fence
on the elevated divider is angled so that you can't drive on the
divider. I'm going about 50+mph and the fence is closing on
me giving me the choice of hitting it at 50+ mph or driving off
of the divider at 50+mph with traffic all around me. I shout-
prayed JESUS!!! , held on to the wheel for dear life, and drove
off of the center divider before hitting the fence. The truck
rocked hard but miraculously amateur driver (not stunt driver)
me managed to maintain control and come out of the whole
incident with no damage to the truck, the contents or me. You
couldn't pay me enough to try that trick again awake driving
anything but a stunt car with big roll bars, safety gear and no
more than a quarter gallon of gas. Again I left the driving to
Him.

So Jesus saved your dad one more time so you could have a
dad to help you grow up good and strong like you are today.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++
Bev left me in 1986. I knew there was no hope of reconciliation.
During a wonderful divorce recovery group series I met wonderful
Diane and fell madly in love with her. I committed to each other
maritally.
Then she put me in a situation where I had to choose between being
with
her or being with my AfroAm-EuroAm daughters for Thanksgiving and
Christmas, because her dad was a racist bigot. I chose my daughters
and we broke and reconciled two very painful times. I couldn’t do it
again.
I was fleeing from what I thought could destroy me, my grief over
having to choose between a woman I loved with all of my being, and
my beloved daughters who mean more to me than my life. She was
trying to force me to choose between her and them and the struggle
was more than I could bear ---- so I fled. I called out to Jesus because I
was so incredibly horny I knew I was under His 1 Cor. 7:1,2,3,5,9
commands to marry and I had just fled from the woman I thought He
wanted me to marry. I called out to Him and told Him I had failed
miserably choosing my own lovers and wives, that I wanted and
needed to obey His command to marry, that I would marry whoever He
chose and I asked Him to bring us together. The year was 1990.

Weeks later, while at my easy and comfortable teaching job, I found

myself with nothing really important to do that day and found myself
under compulsion to call the district office to see if they needed a
substitute teacher anywhere. My supervisor and peers thought I should
stay and have an easy day, but I couldn't rest until they called to see if
a sub was needed somewhere.

Finally they gave in, called and found that just then a school in the
ghetto was in desperate need of a substitute since the regular teacher
couldn't finish the day. I landed up being there for three days. In
another class there open shouting, insulting and reviling had broken
out between the teacher, the students and the parents. They let the
teacher go, and asked me to take her class for the rest of the year. I
accepted. These events were not by luck or accident, but were being
worked by Him who works all according to the counsel of His own will
(Eph 1:11).

A couple of weeks later it was time for my class to spend a week in the
Science Lab. I took my class as scheduled and met the teacher of that
class. I thought she was a pretty cute little Irish Canadian, tried to
make conversation with her even though I knew she wasn't my type,
and found her to be totally uninterested. I learned later that she
thought I was a fat, bald and old man who wore polyester priest pants
(she was raised Catholic). Since she didn't respond, I figured I had done
my duty of wife hunting for the day and went on about my business.
Sometime later that period I passed by her desk again while
supervising my class and she asked me where I had taught. I told her I
had been teaching at Christian schools. She had been recently born
again and was open to dating Christian men, few and far between
though they be, so she opened a conversation with me. I invited her to
go to church with me because I found that a good way to weed out the
unacceptable marital prospects.

She and her daughter met me at church that Sunday and we enjoyed
the service together. We began to talk frequently on the phone. I
decided to do my best to discourage her by telling her all my problems,
that I was searching in my horniness for my Rebekah at the well who
would become my wife, that my mother was into seances, Ouija board,
astrology, reincarnation; than my brother was a practicing New Age
sorcerer/channeler with his own personal demon ("spirit guide"), about
my sister's outrageous conduct, and my three AfroAm-IndiAm-EuroAm
daughters. After two weeks of going to church with me and hearing my
testimonies and all about my crazy and complicated family members,
she decided she would give me the Dear John "Thanks, but no thanks"
deal the following Sunday after church.

So we met at church again and were enjoying the praise and worship.
She was planning on how to break the word to me after church, but
had really got into the service. As we stood to praise and worship, she
had put her hands on the back of the seat in front of her. I
affectionately reached over and put my hand gently on her hand, and
noticed an emotional reaction. I didn't find out til after the service, but
when I put my hand on her hand her whole body felt like it had been
electrically shocked, her body hair stood up and she got goose bumps
and heard a strong and powerful voice tell her, "You chose your first
husband. This is the husband I have chosen for you." Her mouth
dropped open in wonder and amazement. I thought she was just
deeply moved by the worship.

After service I walked her out to her car. Just before she stepped off of
the curb to get into her car, she turned to me and said, "I'll be your
Rebekah. I'll be your wife." I was dumbfounded and amazed, mouth
hanging open in shocked surprise. We hadn't even known each other
and been dating for more than a month. She was tickled with my
response and drove off with a big
smile on her face. I felt I had stepped into a time warp. The world
seemed muted, distant and in a haze. In this trance like state of shock,
amazement and wonder I finally found my way back to my car, sat
down and tried to understand the meaning of what had just happened.

We were engaged a month later after a very unusual exchange in the

parking lot outside the restaurant in a Fashion Valley parking lot. We
were discussing becomng engaged in the restaurant. After we finished
eating I told her that there was one more obstacle to our becoming
engaged. I told her that since I was a genuine Jesus believer, and if Bev
was a genuine Jesus believer, that I was maritally bound to her for life,
until death ends our marital bond (Mark 10:1-12; Rom 7:1-3; 1 Cor
7:10,11,39). I told her that if Bev was genuinely saved it would be
adultery for me to maritally repudiate her to marry her (Mat 5:32; 19:1-
19; Mark 10:1-12). I knew that polygyny (one man with more than one
wife informally, unofficially, privately and discretely) was not sin and
was legislated by Jehovah-Jesus in Ex 21:7-11; and Deut 21:15-17. I
knew that God never portrays Himself as sin or as a sinner and that
God can't sin, so when He described Himself as having two wives in
Ezek 23, I knew He did not consider polygyny to be sin. I knew that
USA state and federal laws (Rom 13) allowed a man to practice
polygyny as long as he did it informally, unofficially, privately and
discretely, as in Rom 14:20-23. Bev agreed to let me formally and
officially divorce her since she didn't want to be married to me
anymore, and I was careful to make it clear to Bev that the divorce in
no way ended or voided our marital covenant. If she ever wanted to be
my wife again I would readily accept her back, but she would have to
share me with Ruth. I told Ruth the only way we could marry was if I
was careful not to maritally repudiate my marital bond with Bev, and
that I would have to accept Bev back maritally if she ever wanted to be
reconciled and reunited with me -- in polygyny.

Ruth said she had to think about it, so she did so in complete silence
for five minutes in my arms. It was a beautiful clear and moon lit night,
but those were very tense five minutes. Finally she told me she would
marry me anyway, because she was quite sure Bev would never want
to be my wife again. We became formally engaged. We had a glorious
courtship and wedding.

And there are many more testimonies I could tell, but this
will have to do for now. The rest of the story is in lock box 903
at El Cajon's UBC on Second Ave, with the loan notes. So
girls, the Lord and his angels have been pretty busy first to
make sure you were born to Ron and Bev, and then to let Ron
and Bev raise you. I thank God for you girls. You are the joy
and the crown of my life. I thank God for saving me so many
Ûtimes so I could be your dad. I thank God for the honor of
having, raising and loving you three precious ladies. I hope
you girls will walk close enough to the Lord so you can see His
mighty miracle working power in your lives too. The closer
you walk with Him, the more miracles you'll. When you get to
fasting, meditation and praying, you get to the miracle
highway. I have all the proof I'll ever need to know how very
real Jesus is. I wish that for you too.
Love,
Your Dad.

P.S. My darling daughters, there was one,before you were born,

whose sacrifice and suffering was used to build into my
character those attributes that you love and hold dear, that
enabled me to cherish you far better than I could have without
the lessons learned from the tragedy, and that enabled me
to raise you under the enabling and shepherding the God who
is Unselfish and Compassionate Cherishing, The Truth, The
Life, The Light and The Way---Jesus. Here is how he raised
me from the dead, where I belonged.

EDUCATION - T��ÛEACHING - HUMAN RESOURCES

Classroom Instruction ... Training/Staff Development ...
Program Development ... Employee Relations
Customer/Community Relations ... Social Casework ... Client
Counseling/Training ...Mail Courier

Over 17 years experience in teaching and program

development working with youths (K-8) of all races and socio-
economic backgrounds, developmentally disabled adults and
teens in rehabilitation programs, and adult traffic violators
(Traffic Violator School) ... experience includes documenting,
evaluating, revising and reporting progress towards identified
goals ... reporting to governmental agencies and nonprofit
vendors ... a proven record of success in dealing with
disorderly and negative social settings and restoring them to
positive situations ... strong organizational and administrative
skills coupled with the ability to work calmly and decisively
under pressure .. excellent communication skills complemented
by the ability to motivate, train, and focus others' energies on
learning...seeking a position where training, organization, and
administrative skills can contribute to a company's goals.

KEY STRENGTHS

Hard working achiever - delivering results, not excuses

Effective communicator and writer - motivating and
training others
Resourceful problem solver - decisively calm under
pressure
Working well with people - able to win confidence and
cooperation
Precise thinker - detailed, organized, practical

EXAMPLES OF EFFECTIVENESS
Organized a team teaching modular schedule for 4-6th

graders in a troubled school in a violent inner-city ghetto

school---involved winning respect of students and staff, being
sensitive to needs of teachers, parents and students, and
resolving conflicts in a quick and positive manner ... resulted in
a highly successful program which gained state-wide
recognition and the favor with administrators, teachers,
parents and stude��;nts.

As on-site supervisor and teacher for projects for

developmentally disabled adults, identified and implemented

all licensing and vendor requirements and procedures,

prepared Hallelujah Corp. for accreditation by CARF

(Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities) ...
resulted in the granting of proper licensing and accreditation
which ensured the continued growth and expansion of the
programs.

Successfully intervened in a highly volatile Afro-

American 5th grade class situation where the teacher had lost
control ... resulted in making a major change in the mood of the
class within 30 days ... within five weeks the class had made
such a dramatic turn around that it no longer needed the
services of the District Counselor, and developed a real
bonding between students and teacher. These interventio��n
skills were instrumental in restoring order and program to the
Indian tutorial program after the former teacher had lost
control. Again these same intervention skills were
instrumental in turning around a predominantly Hispanic
(many commuted from Tijuana, Mex.) 2nd grade class which
was experiencing deep depression due to the mid-term loss of
their beloved and gifted teacher.

EDUCATION &amp; CREDENTIALS

SAN DIEGO STATE UNIVERSITY - San Diego, CA

Bachelor of Arts (Soc. Anthro. &amp; Spanish) with honors 1965
Teaching Credential = 30 units 1967

http://www.groups.yaho��o.com/group/BiblicalSexVsPornSex,
http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/ChristiansWithSTDSHIVAIDS,
http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/DivorceAndRemarriage,
http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/JesusVsRacialEthnicBias,
http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/Prayers4OppressedAndNeedy

The Eternal Father of Love gave His only Son born of

woman to die for your failures so that you do not have
to be lost to Death, but can Live with Jesus forever
by trusting Jesus alone to save you from Death and
failure, and make you right to Live with the Eternal
Father of Love forever.