History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it - Winston Churchill Im not a product of my environment, my environment is a product of me - Jack

Nicholson as Frank Costello in The Departed Every day, we wake up and experience the stories of our lives. The history that has shaped us, and the potential that we shape. Few of us realize that these stories are not fact, but interpretation. And the way that we interpret our own stories can be liberating and confidence-inspiring, or confining and inhibiting. No doubt youve had the experience of disagreeing with a friend about the details of a past event. Certain as you were of your version of the story, your friend insisted that the truth was otherwise. When the details are minor and the experience insignificant, this matters little. But when the details are major and the experience is significant, your interpretation can have a profound impact on every subsequent moment of your life. The story of your life is truly the foundation of your beliefs, and as such, exerts tremendous subconscious influence over your actions and your interactions with others. This begs a very important question: is the story of your life the one that you tell yourself every day helpful to you? If not, its time to write a new script. MEMORIES & BELIEFS How are our beliefs formed? Typically, we go through a particular experience, and the way that we handle this experience tells us something about who we are. When bullies picked on me at school and I didnt defend myself, I told myself that I was passive. When I had the opportunity to kiss a girl in fifth grade, but wimped out, I told myself that I sucked with girls. We often give more weight to experiences from our childhood and early teenage years these reference experiences are particularly poignant for the emotional impact they have on us. As time goes on and the mold of our identities begin to harden, we interpret subsequent experiences as confirmation of the beliefs weve develop from these reference experiences. Before long, we are fully living in our identities and our beliefs, allowing ourselves to be controlled by mere interpretations of the past. When I think back to these pivotal moments, I wonder how my life would be different if I had stood up to the bullies, or if I had kissed the girl. Would I have formed a belief that I was assertive, or that I was great with girls? If youve been struggling with beliefs that hold you back, its time to examine where they came from and how you can start looking at them differently. Every great story has a protagonist. Some are valiant heroes who triumph over adversity. Others are tragic victims who suffer defeat after defeat often at their own hands. So which one are you? Are you a champ who can rise to meet the challenges of life? Or are you a chump who shrinks from the world?

One of these perspectives offers a rich life, and experiences that are full of opportunity. It often requires that we face our fears and push beyond them, growing into our potential. The other perspective offers a slow, miserable path towards death. Which path will mark the story of your life? The good news? The mere fact that you are reading this now means that youve made a decision to push beyond. Youve determined that you will overcome. Thats the mark of a champion. The following questions are meant to be dwelled upon and considered this isnt about getting it right for me or any of your coaches, or even a woman. This is about getting it right for yourself and developing the confidence that comes from knowing and trusting yourself. The following exercise is meant to unearth the root of your beliefs. This isnt always pleasant, but in this case, its very necessary. Take as much space as you need to write out your answers. True or False: Women are fortunate to have me in their lives. Why? True or False: I have compelling things to share with other human beings. Why? True or False: I can bring women intense pleasure. Why? True or False: I have a great personality. Why? True or False: I am assertive and go after what I want. Why? If any of the above are false, lets do a three-part exercise. 1.) Are there times in the past when they have been true? 2.) What are you doing to change them into true things? 3.) What experiences would you need to have to believe them to be true? Ive never met someone who, after a little bit of soul -searching, didnt discover that the limiting beliefs theyve placed upon themselves are weakly founded. But in case youre still struggling with this, lets go a little further in understanding what youre all about. The following fill-in-the-blanks are intentionally vague. You are encouraged to be thorough with these. If everyone was a little more __________________, __________________, and __________________, the world would be a better place. Its fundamentally unhelpful when people are __________________. I want to be more __________________, because __________________. Everyone should try __________________ at least once, because __________________.

I used to be __________________, but Im no longer that way. Regarding women, the biggest thing that keeps me awake at night is __________________. When I see a beautiful woman, my initial thought is __________________. In order to feel like I truly deserved an incredible woman, I would need to be __________________. A time that I screwed up royally was __________________, but I learned __________________ from it. A time that I truly came through was __________________, and it happened because I __________________. Three things Ive done that very few others have done, and would probably like to do, are __________________, __________________ and __________________. The three people whose approval has meant or currently means the most to me, are __________________, __________________ and __________________. In my life, I give others approval when they __________________. Something that happened in the past that killed my self esteem was __________________. Things I have done to seek approval and esteem from others have included __________________, __________________ and __________________. The thing that makes me excited to get up in the morning is __________________. I would love it if I was able to __________________ more. The things that I would truly love to share with others are __________________, __________________ and __________________. Life is fair\unfair, but __________________. Good\Bad things happen to me more often than not, because __________________. Im \ Others are responsible for my happiness, because __________________.