Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Obama on
CSM Campus!
Tuesday, 9/16
Lockridge Arena
9:30 AM speech
Oredigger Staff
Sara Post
Managing Editor
Emily Trudell, Staff Writer Hugo Chavez called for the Venezu- light fabrics, metallic cloths, and vi-
Hilary Brown elan ambassador to return home and brant colors for next season. Country
Copy Editor expelled the American ambassador music star Kenny Chesney was
Hurricane Ike battered Texas office.
from Venezuela. nominated for seven Country Music
Josh Elliott while an estimated 90,000 residents Chile made its territorial waters on
Facebook switched over to its Award nominations, more than any
Business Manager ignored the evacuation warnings the Pacific Ocean a whale sanctu-
redesigned site, despite the protests other artist this year.
and planned to ride out the storm. ary, banning whale hunting on the
Lily Giddings of many of its 90 million users. Pop The “Bunny Suicides”, a series
Meanwhile, Americans mourned 3,400 mile coast. After suffering from
Design Editor Singer Pink said of Vice Presiden- of darkly humorous picture books,
the loss of thousands of citizens on a stroke last month, North Korean
tial Candidate Sarah Palin, “This were pulled from shelves of the
the seventh anniversary of 9/11. leader Kim Jong Il had brain sur-
Richard Walker woman hates women.” Bookuu Book City store after a
Webmaster Swimming icon Michael Phelps gery and could have partial paralysis
Rapper Kanye West and his 12-year old from Shanghai commit-
hosted the comedy show Saturday on one side of his body; the North
manager Don Crowley were ar- ted suicide. Leonid Stadnyk, the
Cericia Martinez Night Live. Korean government has called these
Asst. Design Editor for Layout rested in Los Angeles after allegedly tallest living man, acquired a second
Republican presidential candidate reports a “conspiracy plot.”
smashing two paparazzi cameras. world record for having the world’s
John McCain and VP candidate Ford Motor Co. announced its
Ryan Browne Fashion week in New York City largest hand, with a palm that spans
Sarah Palin battled with rival Ba- plan to introduce new hybrid cars to
Asst. Business Manager for introduced a mix of feminine styles, a whopping 31 centimeters.
rack Obama using “lipstick” analo- the market in order to compete with
Database Management
gies. John Ramsey said that he has rivals General Motors and Toyota.
Abdullah Ahmed forgiven the media for the “lynching” Oil worker deaths have risen by 70
Asst. Business Manager for of his family, after prosecutors recent- percent since 2002, with 598 deaths
Sales and Marketing
Mike Stone
Fool’s Gold Content Manager
ly cleared the Ramsey family of the
murder of their 6 year-old daughter
Jon-Benet in 1996.
Democratic Vice-Presidential
B
from year 2002 to 2007.
Bolivian President Evo
Morales expelled Ameri-
can ambassador Phil-
E M B E M
Jason Fish candidate Joe Biden and his wife ip Goldberg for
A D Z A D Z
Content Manager released their personal tax records allegedly provok-
covering the last decade. Ten pas- ing violent pro-
Kevin Duffy sengers were killed and many others tests. At the
Content Manager were injured Friday when a freight train same time,
and a Metrolink train collided head-on Venezuelan
Tim Weilert in suburban Los Angeles. President
M C Q M C Q
Content Manager
Pirates off the coast of Somalia
Matthew Pusard captured nine ships, keeping 100
Content Manager people hostage for ransom. An
earthquake measuring 6.1 on the
David Frossard Richter scale destroyed nearly 200
Faculty Advisor
P U Y P U Y
small villages, killed at least six, and
injured at least 46 in southern Iran.
Didier Bourguet, a former U.N.
employee, was convicted of rap-
ing about 20 teenaged African girls
during his tour in Central African
B E M T N O
Republic and the Congo between
1998 and 2004. Ehud Olmert, the
current prime minister of Israel,
announced that he will resign his
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September 15, 2008 n e w s Page 3
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Page 4 f e a t u r e s September 15,2008
Geek Week
wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. book titled Twenty Spy Gadgets
What activities or for the Evil Genius caught my eye.
of clubs are you in-
volved in?
I didn’t end up buying that book.
But I later bought a book called
the I’m involved in a
couple. The first is Jiu
Fifteen Electronic Products for the
Evil Genius. It contained one of the
Jitsu Club, which is most interesting electronic gadgets
Alyssa Volk
...Adam Smiley, Senior: Electrical Engineering a form of martial
arts. I’m also the
I’ve ever seen. It’s a portable elec-
tromagnetic pulse generator. It’s
co-president of something you can build out of
Staff Writer Fighting American your home from parts bought
nerdiness, which is hereditary. In as much as possible.
[Oredigger] What are you fact, my dad is a complete geek Do you have any phobias? Military Engineers. at Radio Shack. I haven’t con-
PHOTOS
studying? Do you enjoy it? himself. Every Friday he goes to Nothing out of the ordinary, but Starting this Friday, structed it yet, but at some
[Smiley] I’m studying electrical the local comic shop, where he I do have a fear of spiders. I’ll also be a mem- point I will.
COURTE
engineering, which is fantastic. I has two or three comic books on What is your favorite mov- ber of the Assassins What is the geekiest
really enjoy it! I’ve never changed backorder. He never fails to stop in ie? Club. thing you’ve seen or done
majors and I’ve wanted to be an and read them. I’m a huge science fiction movie What is the As- at Mines?
SY ALY
electrical engineer since I was eight What is the geekiest thing junkie. My favorite science fiction sassins Club? It was the last week
years old. you own? movie is a toss-up between the It’s something that of class this past semes-
SSA VO
Do you consider yourself a It’s a toss-up between two original Star Wars and Gattaca. I’ve has made headway ter. The class had big lab
geek? things. The first always been a HUGE Star Wars fan, on campuses nation- benches with the electrical
LK/ORE
In some that comes to but I love the movie Gattaca. It’s one wide. You basically get outlet placed directly in
senses I really mind is a cof- of my favorite movies of all time. a bunch of people to- front of you. It occurred to
DIGGER
do. You couldn’t fee table comic What is your favorite geek gether and have a role- me that no self-respecting
pick me out in a pop-up book. joke? playing scene. You’re electrical engineer could
crowd because It’s Star Trek’s Have you ever heard of the assigned a target and really call himself self-
I don’t buy into 50th anniversa- Heisenberg joke? you have to end that respecting unless
the stereo- ry edition that No. But go ahead and ex- person’s life in a pretend he had some mi-
typical notions, tells The Next plain. fashion, like jabbing them nor electrical inci-
but I’ve been Generation of Dr. Heisenberg is driving down with a spoon. Thinking deep thoughs: dent. So, I found
a g e e k f ro m the Voyager. the road. A cop flips on his lights What do you Adam wears his “smartest” a paper clip and
birth. I’m sure We don’t have and pulls him over. The cop strolls do in your spare insulated it with
shirt
my first con- a coffee table up to Dr. Heisenberg’s window and time? one of the guards
scious thought at my place, says “Sir, do you have any idea I’m an avid reader. It can be you find on a pencil. I then jammed
was something but I have it how fast you were going?” And Dr. detrimental because I don’t have it into the electrical socket. After
nerdy. sitting on my Heisenberg replies “No, but I can tell any time. But I will read anyway. It’s all of the dust and small molten
Te l l m e dresser. That you exactly where I was.” all pretty much science fiction. The pieces of metal settled, the instruc-
something geeky about your- way, anyone who comes to the Why did you choose Mines? last book I read was called Ghost tor walked in. Nobody apart from
self. apartment can see it. I’m pretty After Brigades by John Scalzi. The book me and a couple others know that
I started watching Star Wars into Star Trek. Captain Jean-Luc I toured before the incident went down. However,
when I was six or seven years old. Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise is the cam- that was it later intrigued me to figure out
I used to go out to my parent’s car my favorite character. pus and the Third exactly how much energy had dis-
in the middle of the day and pretend Do you have any nick- had the Ly n x b y sipated into that particular paper
I was in a star fighting scene. I’d sit names? o p p o r- Timothy clip. The next day, I used basic
behind the steering wheel already “Smiley.” It’s my last name, so it tunity to talk to some of the grad Zahn. analysis techniques to determine
having the scenario plotted out just kind of fit. I suppose “Frownie” students, I realized its dedication What is your favorite elec- the exact amount. I calculated that
in my mind. The windshield was pops up occasionally. It’s mostly a to science, math and engineering. tronic device? somewhere in the order of 4,000
my shield and the air conditioning joke though because if you know That convinced me that it was the I went to the Borders book to 5,000 joules of energy was put
button was my ‘Engine On’ but- me, you know I don’t frown too place for me. I felt it was a place store and immediately spotted the through the paper clip in the short
ton. That’s pretty indicative of my much. I try to live up to my name where I could be a dork and it engineering reference section. A time it was in my possession.
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September 15, 2008 f e a t u r e s Page 5
Communications Center
hones speaking skills
Consultants offer presentation tips to students
Roby Brost Speaking, Business and Profes- to acknowledge the technology of
Staff Writer sional Communication, Psychology communication in the twenty first
Communication, Argumentation century… we continue to evaluate
The art of communication has and Advocacy and has a Certificate programs and designs that would
always carried certain hazards that in English as a Second Language. be most useful and appropriate
leave even veteran public speakers Rose Pass, currently a professor for for CSM.”
a little short of breath, clutching a Nature and Human Values courses, Meanwhile, the Communica-
prepared speech in cold, clammy also offers her valuable services to tions Center is available to help
hands. Now, in the 21st century, help students “realize their public students develop speaking and
the multifaceted nature of com- speaking potential.” Several other presentation skills, which helps
munication, including the use individuals offer their time and sup- them avoid using multimedia, such
of multimedia in presentations, port to the Communications Center as PowerPoint, as a crutch.
has made public speaking more community. Room 410 of Stratton Hall also
daunting than ever. If the thought The center offers a variety of ser-offers a relaxed atmosphere in
of a public speaking brings out the vices, all aimed at enabling the Mineswhich students who wish to im-
desire to crawl under a convenient community to speak with confidence prove their mastery of the spoken
rock or hide behind a carefully and authority. Rose Pass summa- English language can converse
crafted PowerPoint, fear not; with other students with similar
the Communications Center “We can help you become a more goals. “Whether English is your
is here to help. first language or your fourth, the
Located way up in room successful, effective speaker” Communications Center is a
410 of Stratton Hall, the Com- valuable resource for feedback
munications Center is well worth rized the program simply when she on your presentation,” according to
the climb. Since professor John said, “We can help you become a professor John Leydens.
Hogan created it last year, the more successful, effective speaker. The Communications Center is
Communications Center has gath- That could mean anything from a open every Friday from one to five
ered a host of talented consultants better grade on a project to more in the evening. No appointment is
to help the Mines community confidence in a job interview, [and] necessary, and a scheduled weekly
become effective and successful even more career options. ” time is not required. Although the
public speakers. Although the program is still new Communications Center may be
This year, consultants for the to the Mines campus, the Commu- relatively new to Mines, its staff has
center include Sue Tyburski, who nications Center is already planning realized that the Mines community
has a background in law, literature for expansion. “We envision and is an intelligent lot. The center ex-
and the humanities, and Mary Van are planning to include writing, oral, pects growth to coincide with the
Zet, who has a master’s degree visual and electronic communication increasing number of students
from the University of Denver in assistance,” said Pass. “We hope to seeking to take advantage of a
Mass Communications and is have the capacity to offer more ser- great opportunity to speak with
a certified instructor of Public vices to the Mines community and excellence.
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Page 6 f e a t u r e s September 15,2008
Career
PATRICK BESEDA/OREDIGGER
Recap
PATRICK BESEDA/OREDIGGER
Day
PATRICK BESEDA/OREDIGGER
BREE WALTMAN/OREDIGGER
PATRICK BESEDA/OREDIGGER
Obama tickets
gone fast
David Frossard
work we’re doing here at Mines,”
said Scoggins. “I am proud we were
Obama campaign head-
quarters, Golden Ridge
Road
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September 15, 2008 l i f e s t y l e Page 7
For some reason, most sports movies pale in comparison to the ones related to boxing. Perhaps
it’s the raw emotion and exertion that these warriors put into their fights. Perhaps it’s the age-old story
of an underdog overcoming the odds. Perhaps it’s that most of the stories are based on real people.
Whatever it is, these three films best portray the sport of boxing:
1. Raging Bull (1980)
Considered to be Martin Scorsese’s best film, Raging Bull chronicles the life of Jake La Motta
(portrayed by Robert DeNiro). Throughout the film, we watch Jake’s rise through the ranks of middle-
weight boxing. We also get a look into his tumultuous personal life, in conflict with his wife and brother.
Stylistically, this movie is beautiful, shot completely in black and white. Somehow, this style intensifies
the fights in the ring, producing some powerful fight sequences. Even with all his success, Jake ends
up working a nightclub, quoting Marlon Brando’s famous speech from On the Waterfront (1954). Re-
cently, Raging Bull rose to #4 of the American Film Institute’s top 100 movies of all time, which should
definitely put it on any must see list.
2. Rocky (1976)
With the exception of Rambo: First Blood (1982), this movie defines society’s perception of Sylvester
Stallone. Rocky Balboa (Stallone) is a relatively unknown boxer in Philadelphia who garners enough
attention to catch the eye of heavyweight champion Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers). Creed puts on an
exhibition match against the unknown Balboa (nicknamed “The Italian Stallion”) in which Creed figures
he is a shoo-in to win. Unfortunately for Apollo, Rocky does some intense training montage work, run-
ning up museum stairs, drinking raw eggs and punching meat locker goods. Throughout this movie,
the somewhat slow Rocky develops a relationship with shy Adrianna “Adrian” Pennino (Talia Shire).
After the big fight, she’s the only one he can think of, yelling out, “Yo, Adrian!” This classic underdog
story is a staple of AFI’s top 100 list, being currently placed at #57.
3. Cinderella Man (2005)
This Depression-era film tells the true story about Jim Braddock (portrayed by Russell Crowe). Di-
rected by Ron Howard, we can see a similar fight sequence style to that of Raging Bull (perhaps as a
tribute). Despite being somewhat washed up, Jim works his way up the ranks of boxing because he
has a greater motivation: to feed his family. The poor and huddled masses can’t help but idolize
Braddock as their hero, as someone who can overcome their circumstances and prove to be
successful. The Depression was so hard on Braddock that the audience can’t help but root
for him to win the big match at Madison Square Garden. Ron Howard’s skill in building
suspense and emotion will have you on the edge of your seat and your heart in your
throat for most of this great film.
HILARY BROWN / OREDIGGER
For Homework – See Million Dollar Baby (2004)
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Page 8 l i f e s t y l e September 15,2008
Music Review
Narrow Stairs, Death Cab for Cutie
Tim Weilert
Bringing in
the harvest
Content Manager
Last spring, as the days began
to grow longer and thoughts of
warmer days occupied students’ helps play
minds, an album was released.
Even before its release, Narrow
out the
imagery and storyline.
lyrical
A review of Blue Moon Seasonal Ale, Harvest Moon
Stairs had generated a decent Song to Skip: drinkability, which adds to the sub-
Akira Rattenbury deep amber, copper orange color
amount of publicity. When the disc The first four minutes of “I Will tle, yet present flavors of the beer.
Staff Writer is reminiscent of a Killian’s Irish Red
finally dropped, it was not quite Possess Your Heart.” Building to- “Initial taste is good,” commented
ale, but brings a host of new and
what many people expected. ward something epic is great, but As a 2008 inaugural sampling Alec Anderson, a rugby player and
exciting flavors to the table. The
Background: after two minutes of listening to the of Golden’s offerings into the select senior at CSM. “It releases the flavor
Harvest Moon, a watered-down re-
Death Cab for Cutie, a Seattle same bass riff the song becomes beer market, Blue Moon’s Harvest in your mouth, but I don’t need an
incarnation of Blue Moon’s Pumpkin
band that has been creating music dry. The lyrics are catchy, but de- Moon delivers where other mass- orange.”
Ale, brings a lively mass-produced
for the better part of the last ten pend too much on repetition. By produced seasonals fail. The dis- The Harvest harbors a slightly
edge to the typical microbrew smor-
years, began small, but has since the end of the song the listener is tinct aftertaste and pleasing color acidic fragrance and taste. It offers
gasbord of seasonings. Coriander,
grown in standing and sound. The ready for the next track. give the ale a desired finish. Molson a light dose of pumpkin to tease
reminiscent of its big brother, the
first mainstream success Death Final Thoughts: Coors claims the ale is a “full bod- the senses. The beer can be bitter,
Blue Moon “white ale,” brings a
Cab for Cutie saw was their 2003 The first time listening to this ied” ale made “with the flavor of vine and several tests confirm different
punch to the mix. Combined with
album Transatlanticism, followed record, do not expect it to be Plans ripened pumpkin,” hinting to bolder batches properly mix the sweet
typical autumn seasonings such as
two years later by the even more 2: The Electric Boogaloo. While forays into the fruit-flavored beer and spice with the forgiving taste
nutmeg, cloves, allspice, and cin-
popular album Plans. Plans had an almost perfect and variety. Seeking the perfect blend of of a Blue Moon. The slight bitter
namon, the Harvest hosts a unique
Those records did more for the surgical attention to detail, Narrow sweet and spice, the Harvest falls can almost give way to a woody
twist on a fall brew.
band than simply providing extra Stairs is more of an exploration of squarely in the sweet tooth arena of aftertaste. The affordability of the
The beer hits initially with fra-
money or even allowing them to sound. The lyrics are poetic and seasonal offerings. beer allows its spice, but recovers
grant spices and entices a charm of
sell out venues across the globe. the overall sound is warm and The beer aims to please the likes with the sweet and almost watery
comfort when enjoyed on an over-
Ben Gibbard, Death Cab for Cutie deep. On some tracks (“Grapevine of discriminating tastes while not taste.
cast fall day. It does not encapsulate
front man and lyricist, became the Fires” and “Your New Twin Sized clashing with the natural sentiments It does not overcompensate
a Colorado feel, but is worth a try.
indie-rock equivalent of Jack Kerou- Bed”), Narrow Stairs will cause the of a smooth finish enjoyment. Initial for its seasonal offering by being
Whether sampled at Coors lab or by
vac. At the same time, Chris Walla, listener to think of a dreamy, warm fragrance is mute, but an efferves- excessively bold or overpowering.
the bottle, Harvest Moon refreshes
Death Cab’s lead guitarist and summertime afternoon while other cence of the carbonation gives a The light finish and complimentary
the palate with a soothing dose of
multi-instrumentalist, branched out tracks (“The Ice Is Getting Thinner” familiar feel to the Coors-brewed flavors give the beer an even four-
bitter malt. When poured, the beer
into the world of production and has and “Talking Bird”) are slightly more beer. The finish really entices a out-of-five for overall enjoyment.
offers a moderate head of quickly
been behind the scenes on some chilling. Fortunately for Death Cab, drinker to another sip to discern dissipating carbonation, which lin-
of the top indie records produced they have not let their mainstream what spices are at play. gers throughout the glass.
in the last five years. successes dictate their sound, so The beer sure is charming. The Hesitant samplers noted the
Best Song: they still have credibility as musical
“Cath…” is the best representa- artists. Overall, it is not the type of
tion of the current Death Cab sound. record that can be taken in pieces,
Catchy guitar riffs and a good dose but must be listened to as an entire
Movie Reviews
of percussion keep this song from composition.
dragging. The track has a warm feel
and an excellent music video which
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September 15, 2008 o p i n i o n Page 9
Andrew Aschenbrenner
Opinion Columnist
Palin in Comparison
There is no doubt that Republi- something that is rare in today’s me- She showed her lack of knowl- ters to turn this project or any other eventually fired most of them, ac-
can vice-presidential nominee Gov. dia atmosphere. So, instead come edge on foreign policy in her first into something that’s so negative.” cording to a Time Magazine article.
Sarah Palin of Alaska has taken over stories about mislabeled quotes interview with ABC’s Charles Gib- Information from the Tax Foun- She brought national wedge issues
the political scene. The past two (Obama’s comment of lipstick on son on Thursday, which is the only dation (www.taxfoundation.org) to a local campaign, and divided the
weeks have been all Palin, all the a pig), Palin’s MILF status, hockey time she has talked to the press shows that small town.
time. Now, the attention seized by moms, and pregnant teenagers. since she was named the nominee A l a s k a r e - Palin obviously has ambition, Forget the
Palin mania is threatening to trivial- Seriously? for vice president. How can the ceived $1.84 media circus
ize this election season. Allegations fly around on the country decide if Palin is qualified if from the gov- but she has also consistently and the alle-
The me- she never talks to the media? How
dia circus is
Sarah Palin has brought out the Internet, and
sifting through dare the McCain campaign criticize
ernment for
every dollar warped her positions and her w a t c h t h e
gations. Just
understand- crowds for John McCain and them all is not the press for vetting Palin? Isn’t the in taxes paid campaign.
able, con- easy. Sources press allowed to do its job? in 2005, the campaigning to fit what was What really irks
sidering how energized the GOP’s conserva- like the Associ- The McCain campaign has most recent me is the bla-
unknown na- ated Press and made some untested claims about year of data.
politically expedient
tant lies and
tionally Palin tive and evangelical base Factcheck.org Palin, including one about how The state also distortions.
was before are helpful in she has fought earmarks. The evi- ranks first in federal spending per What bothers me is the diversion
being named as John McCain’s run- order to make intelligent conclu- dence points to the opposite truth. resident. This contrasts with the from the issues. What annoys me
ning mate. It’s also plainly seen that sions. Assertions that she de- The state where she is Governor, state’s status as having the lowest is the flippancy and the trivializing of
there have been quite a few issues manded books be banned from Alaska, received $155 million in state and local tax burden in the facts. What troubles me is what the
raised about Palin’s experience, the Wasilla, Alaska library when she federal earmark money in 2008, nation. selection of Sarah Palin says about
beliefs, and even her integrity. was mayor there are false, and she which equates to $231 per resident At first, I thought Sarah Palin John McCain.
She has caught flak on many never pushed for teaching creation- – more than any other state. was a good pick for John McCain. I don’t care who you vote for. If
fronts. Her claim in her stump ism in Alaska schools, contrary to Palin appears to be no fiscal She has a reputation for getting you want to vote for McCain, go for
speeches that she “told Congress some reports. conservative. She supported and things done, and has consistently it. Same for Obama, and Barr, and
thanks, but no thanks” on the Bridge Sarah Palin has brought out the welcomed the “Bridge to No- defied expectations. However, once Nader, and McKinney, and whoever
to Nowhere has been exposed as a crowds for John McCain and ener- where” before it became clear that I looked at the record, I saw just else might be on the presidential
lie, or at best, a distortion. The re- gized the GOP’s conservative and it wouldn’t be awarded. After the another politician. Palin obviously ballot. But do me a favor: be in-
peated assertions by John McCain evangelical base. Despite this, there bridge option fell through, Congress has ambition, but she has also con- formed. You owe your country. Look
that she never has sought federal are major red flags concerning her still offered Alaska the money, which sistently warped her positions and hard at the candidates.
earmark money as Governor of record and she accept- her campaigning to fit what was People like Sarah Palin are
Alaska are false. Palin is also under her qualifica- How can the country decide if ed. In fact, politically expedient. definitely new and different. That’s
investigation in Alaska regarding tions. What even after Her history as mayor of Wasilla great. Now look behind the fa-
possible illegal influence in the firing m a k e s h e r Palin is qualified if she never it had been concerns me. While she didn’t cade. Is there any substance? If I
of an Alaska state trooper. ready to be nationally demand that books be banned, compare the presidential tickets,
Looking hard at a candidate, vice presi-
talks to the media? maligned as as was previously noted, she did I don’t see Sarah Palin and John
especially one in the public eye, dent? I fear an example inquire about the issue. When she McCain representing anything
requires patience and dedicated for our nation the day this woman of government pork, she said that took office, she placed a gag order new. To me, McCain-Palin pales in
reporting. Unfortunately, this is has to talk to world leaders. she would “not allow the spinmeis- on the city department heads and comparison.
strong in AFC
Matthew Pusard Raiders were that bad. The Raid-
Content Manager ers have been a dysfunctional
team since 2003, posting a 19-
It took one week for the entire 62 record since 2003. But that
AFC to turn upside down. means they have gotten some of
The Patriots lost reigning MVP the best picks in the draft since
Tom Brady to an ACL and MCL then, including JaMarcus Russell
tear for the entire season. and Darren McFadden in the past
The Colts lost to an offense- two years. Yet their best position
less Bears team while their own of- is cornerback, with Pro Bowlers
fense looked old and banged up. Nnamdi Asomugha and DeAn-
The Chargers lost a close gelo Hall leading the way. For the
game to the Panthers and then Broncos passing game to make
lost Shawne Merriman for the them look foolish lends credibility
season. to the team, even if the rest of the
Just like that, the three stron- Raiders squad is subpar.
gest forces in the AFC had gigan- Regardless of the outcome of
tic question marks surrounding the week 2 San Diego game, the
them, promising to make it a very Broncos are looking at a much
interesting season. That opened easier schedule due to injuries.
the door for a surprisingly potent The Patriots without Brady will
Denver Broncos team. play the Broncos in week 7 and
It was only one week, but the the Broncos play San Diego again
Broncos offense looked like the in week 17. Jacksonville also looks
most potent in the league. Jay less potent than last year after a
Cutler and rookie wide receiver low-scoring loss to the Tennessee
Eddie Royal cut up the Oakland Titans. Before, those looked like
Raiders for 41 points. Royal, who unwinnable matchups, but hurt
has earned the moniker of “Mr. and underachieving superstars
Clean” from his teammates for have leveled the playing field.
his straight-laced personality and Emerging stars on the Broncos
impeccable integrity, posted the have leveled the playing field as
sixth-best NFL debut for a wide well. With Royal’s breakout, teams
receiver with 146 yards receiv- will be less inclined to double-
ing, behind the NFL-record 217 cover Brandon Marshall and that
yards Anquan Boldin posted in will lead to some touchdowns be-
2003. Cutler also impressed with cause of Marshall’s incredible size
his 299 yards with 2 TDs, leading and speed. Combined with the
to a 137.5 QB rating, second- still-improving Cutler, the Broncos
best in week 1. What makes it all offense could echo that of last
the more impressive is that the year’s Colts or Saints. It’s too soon
Broncos were without starting to tell on the defense, although
wideout Brandon Marshall due to the unit shut out the Raiders for
a suspension. 3 quarters, but if nothing else,
The question is whether the the Broncos will be competitive
Broncos are that good or the in 2008.
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September 15, 2008 s a t i r e Page 11
1 7 2
water was produced the same way as much of my brain.” This observa- tivity to ultraviolet light, fear of the
that all other bottled waters are: a tion led to testing. opposite sex, and the uncontrollable
garden hose. Unfortunately, the truth
7 4 9 6
Using laboratory mice, the side urge to curl into a fetal position in the
behind Genius Juice is much more effects of Genius Juice were ex- darkest corner of the cage.
disturbing. amined. Compared to the control, The lead scientist of the inves-
3 1 7 8
Each week, Mines students of mice who regularly drank Genius tigation commented, “These are
various disciplines and backgrounds Juice exhibited symptoms that are amazing results, but what I find most
take strenuous exams to test their
6 3
interesting are the statistics on the
knowledge of the subject matter at decomposition of the fluid.” Certain
hand. Understandable byproducts exams will provide more stress
7 2 1 5
of these exams are the sweat and for students, and thus make for a
tears of the students. Collected and larger percentage of the collected
bottled, this is the basis on which secretions. “Chemistry is the lead
Genius Juice is made. Puzzle by websudoku.com
producer at 28%, followed closely
“Most students don’t realize by Physics at 23% and Physical
that every room on campus slants
towards one corner,” says Genius
Activity at 20%.” The least amount of solution
product came from the Liberal Arts
Juice creator, Brian Frieze. “During 6 2
department, with a total combined 4 8 1 9 3 7 5
every test, the students’ secretions contribution of 9%.
make their way to a drain in the 3 6 2 4 8 5 9 7 1
Little has been said about mar-
corner of the room. All of these 7 9 5 1 6 2 8 3 4
keting Genius Juice as a temporary
drippings are then collected and intelligence booster, but the idea has 2 3 7 8 5 4 6 1 9
processed into Genius Juice.” In been explored. Plans are underway 1 4 8 3 9 6 7 2 5
order to hide the salty origins of the to install vending machines with 6 5 9 2 7 1 4 8 3
drink, the collected fluids must be Genius Juice at both the University
processed through many stages 9 7 6 5 1 3 2 4 8
of Colorado at Boulder and Colo-
including desalinization, homogeni- BENJAMIN M. WEILERT / OREDIGGER
rado State University campuses. 5 2 3 6 4 8 1 9 7
zation, ionization, and purification. Genius Juice. Not an ad- CU and CSU refused to comment 8 1 4 7 2 9 3 5 6 COURTESY MINES ATHLETICS
The resulting concoction is the con- equate source of good on whether they would accept the
Puzzle by websudoku.com
Jeff Duggan. The military
centrated anguish and frustration of English skills machines. wants its haircut back.
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