February

14,

2005

Volume

76

Issue

Professor Lead Tsunami Relief Effort

Bags and boxes lay heaped over the tops of desks and sporadically displayed in various corners of the room dominating the presence of the University Relations office. MSU-B students helped put them there. Taking a break from the daily routine of classes, Student Volunteers, Jacket Ambassadors, and others gathered outside McMullen Hall Friday, January 28, to help unload a large truckload of tsunami supplies from Cody, Wyoming. Two teachers, from Eastside Elementary, drove the truck to campus to deliver supplies for MSU-Bs tsunami relief effort, which was started by Associate Professor of Early Childhood and Special Education Dr. Suneetha DeSilva. Growing up in Southwest Sri
Continued on page 3

Fisherman in Sri Lanka repair their boats following the Dec. 26 Tsunami. MSU-Billings has joined with other groups to assist in the island nations recovery. Photo courtesy Reuters India

Legislature Seeks a Fix to Healthcare Problems

Last week when news broke that Senator Corey Stapletons Senate Bill 273 proposed plans for a medical school at MSU-Billings, people began talking. Stapletons Senate Bill 273 would establish a school of rural medicine at MSU-B. Talk immediately erupted with sounds like, We could never afford a medical school, its a money pit! and Whats wrong with the WWAMI program, its just fine! One school secretary used one word, ridiculous. For those unaware of the WWAMI program, it is a 32-year-old program that helps students from Montana complete their first year at MSU and then finish the remaining three years at the University of Washington in Seattle. Its participants include the states of Washington, Wyoming, Alaska, Montana, and Idaho. Montana spends about $3 million dollars a year helping its students afford out-of-state tuition. Senator Corey Stapleton states, We have an obligation to spend money wisely here. He feels that keeping our money in our state is a place to start. Its not just the $3 million going out of state every year that Stapleton is trying to address. The fact that only half of the medical students who enter the WWAMI program return to Montana to start their medical practice is another factor Stapleton is trying to address with Bill 273.
Continued on page 2

Is a medical school in the future for MSU-Billings? One state Senator wants to study the idea

L e g i s l a t u r e
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He believes that if students go to medical school here in Montana they will stay here afterwards. Currently nine counties in Eastern and central Montana do not have working physicians. This is a serious health service issue that concerns our Legislature. Dr. Carl Hanson, Dean of the College of Allied Health Professions is in favor of exploring the idea of a medical school at MSU-B. He doesnt know if its feasible or not but, he states, Senator Stapleton is opening up a dialogue concerning healthcare and how to serve the needs of the community. Hanson has a point. How many people even knew there was a crisis in health care services in the smaller towns in Montana? We take it for granted that if you get sick you drive 20 minutes to the hospital. How would it be to have to drive an hour, or even two, just to get to a doctor? What about in the case of an emergency? It could make a serious difference. Stapletons plan calls on the 2005 Legislature to appropriate $250,000 to create a planning council for the rural medical institute. The council would formally establish the school, develop plans and pursue endowments and donations. Stapleton predicts $30 million in start up costs for the school and ten years later only $5 million in state support annually. Critics say that these costs are considerably lower than reality permits. North Dakota contributes $14.7 million a year and South Dakota contributes $9.8 million a year to their respective medical schools. Critics say we should establish more residencies in Montana because 70 percent of residents set up practice where they do their residencies. They say we should offer other incentives to invite doctors to our rural communities. They do not believe a medical school at MSU-B is the answer. Others are just happy the Legislature is trying to find answers to some of our states problems. As Senator Stapleton states, When our state continues to struggle with health services issues, when the rural areas are in jeopardy of being left behind, we need to find new ways to address those shortcomings. Whether a medical school at MSU-B is the answer to this problem or not is unknown, but at least someone is offering solutions and encouraging dialogue about the serious health care issues in our state.

Chancellors Statement on SB 273

Dr. Ron Sexton, Chancellor of Montana State University-Billings Mr. Chairman, members of the committee, Senate Bill 273 has much potential, not for what it can do for Montana State UniversityBillings, but for what it can do for Montana. Montana mirrors many other rural areas where medical specialists and general practitioners cluster in the major cities, leaving the rural communities medical needs to be met largely by a smaller number of primary care providers. Statewide, according to data from the Montana Medical Association, there are 553 physicians in the state. Nearly 1 in 5(or 20 percent) are in two urban areas Billings and Missoula. The rest are scattered throughout the state, meeting the needs of an aging

population. And, as the current number of physicians near retirement, the demand grows to fill their shoes. While many of the details of SB 273 can be debated and they should be the opportunity it presents should not be allowed to go to waste. The time is now to have an elevated level of discussion about the future of medical education for Montanans, in Montana. There are health care shortages in the state now(nine counties do not currently have a primary care physician, for example), but no overall discussion is taking place to determine if we are dealing with that issue as well as we could. Senator Stapletons bill is the first step in that process. Given the right opportunity, Montanans can be very creative and visionary in addressing challenges of the future. This is one such opportunity.

Tsunami (cont. from pg. 1) TheSciencebehindtheTsunami

Lanka, DeSilva initially was shocked DeSilva plans to give all donations and by the devastation of the December 26 money directly to the Sacred Heart Contsunamis. According to DeSilva, the vent in Southwest Sri Lanka. first thing she did was try to contact As DeSilva, Van Atta, Pipinich her family, which took a week. When and others have collaborated in this efshe spoke to them she learned from a fort nothing has impressed them more cousin that her village had been flat- than what Van Atta calls an outpourtened and another cousin had been ing of love from children. DeSilva swept away in the waves. What pen- spoke of a five-year-old girl who came etrated DeSilvas heart most was the to her from Blue Creek School, who children of Sri Lanka. DeSilva says the spearheaded her schools donations. It nuns of Sacred Heart Convent, where just shows the kindness of the children, she attended school until grade five, DeSilva says. She looks forward to the described the children as dazed and impact these donations will have on the frightened, hanging onto buses hav- children in Sri Lanka. According to ing seen their parents washed away. DeSilva, most Sri Lankan children DeSilva knows that amidst the destruc- grow up with a negative image of the tion and pain, what children need most West because of government censoris education. Education is highly ship. With children writing to children, prized [in Sri Lanka], says DeSilva. DeSilva says, they will see the other According to University Relations Di- side of the world. Pipinich, reflecting rector Shelley Van Atta, who has on childrens genuine interest to give, worked closely with DeSilva in the noticed that their thinking is simpler relief project, the children need sup- than that of adults. While adults will give plies and clothing before they can re- money and nice items, children think sume their education. DeSilva took it I have an old pair of shoes; I wonder if upon herself to begin they could use gathering school sup- the children were dazed them, he says. Its plies. Before long, her and frightened hanging this same simplicity efforts were recognized onto buses...having seen that sophomore by local newspapers R.A. Mandy their parents washed and then caught the atCrichton realizes is tention of KULR8 away. needed. Anything News. Then people Description of the tsunami can make a differfrom all over started by a Sri Lankan Nun. ence, says calling me, from WyoCrichton, who sugming to Deer Lodge, Montana, says gested tsunami donations as a dorm acDeSilva. According to Van Atta, who tivity for the fifth floor of Petro Hall. has helped coordinate the outpouring The students on floor five have filled at of response from the community, they least three boxes in less than two weeks have seen a number of elementary, to benefit the children in Sri Lanka. middle, and high schools, from Colum- Most college students dont have a ton bus to Wyoming lend a hand. of stuff. I think its awesome theyre doSkyview, for example, brought in nating what they can, says Crichton. $2000. Other community groups and For students who still want to individuals also have helped, includ- help, DeSilva says they need boxes, ing home daycares, service clubs, the people to help sort and label supplies, local P.E.O. chapter, and Costco, which and especially money for shipping. As contributed 85 pairs of glasses. More a possible way to pay for shipping, help came from MSU-B organizations: Pipinich challenges MSU-B students University Relations, the Office for to donate $1 each, which could add Community Involvement, Admis- up to thousands of dollars if everyone sions, Student Volunteers, Jacket Stu- participated. Further donations can be dentAmbassadors, and Residence Hall taken to the University Relations ofAssistants. Matt Pipinich, a student fice on the second floor of McMullen working in University Relations, says Hall. DeSilva hopes to get supplies it impresses him how people can mailed by the end of February. Even come together like that and take initia- with supplies being shipped to the heart tive. Pipinich has worked with of the destruction, DeSilva is consciDeSilva and Van Atta making phone entious in making sure they really get calls to inform people of the relief ef- there. She plans to visit Sri Lanka this fort, helping to organize the incoming summer to ensure the donations made response, and coordinating pickup. He it safely and to help rebuild schools. originally planned to donate to the Red Van Atta adds of the involvement Cross, but when he learned of started on campus, I dont want it to DeSilvas effort, he was more inter- be a one-time shot. We need to follow ested because he knew the donations up on it, make sure theyre still all would go directly to the children. right.

The Earth is made of pieces of land called tectonic plates, like a round jigsaw puzzle. These plates are all moving in one direction or another. In what is called subduction, the Indian plate beneath the Indian Ocean is slowly being pushed under the Burma plate, which has its western boundary just off the coast of Indonesia. The Indian plate usually moves about two and one half inches per year. The slow moving plates build up tremendous pressure as they slide by one another. On December 26, 2004 the Indian plate slipped by as much as 50 feet along 750 miles of the plate boundaries. This earthquake measured 9.0 on the Richter scale. It is like trying to put on a glove that is too small. If you push hard enough you can get your hand to go into the glove, but it doesnt slide in gently, it gives way suddenly. The Indian plate sank suddenly and the Burma plate was thrust upward. This sudden movement thrust the ocean water above the Burma plate upward creating waves. These waves moved away from the earthquake zone at about 500 miles per hour in all directions. The waves moved under water and as the tsunami waves neared the shore the depth of the water decreased, the waves got taller, and slowed down. Tsunamis are usually three or more waves, each larger than the one before it. Three waves hit most of the coastal cities around the Indian Ocean causing tremendous damage and killing more than 160,000 people. The earthquake that caused the tsunami did have t w o o t h e r e ff e c t s o n t h e Earth. It tilted the Earth off its axis by two centimeters. North America is that much farther south, and the Asian

continent is that much farther north than on Christmas Day. Also, having 50 feet of ocean floor disappear into the center of the Earth made the planet that much smaller. This had the effect of speeding up the Earths rotation by three one millionths of a second. It is like a figure skater pulling their arms into their bodies to spin faster. According to Ivan Semeniuk of Discoveries this Week on the Science Channel, these effects have not yet been confirmed as happening to the Earth. The mathematical models that physicists have created to tell how the Earth should behave according to the laws of physics say that the Earth shifted on its axis and sped up in rotation. The three one millionth of a second speeding up is actually too small to be measured by current science. This effect will be neutralized by the moons gravity pulling on the Earth within three to four months. The two-centimeter shift in the axis may be measurable. This is the f i r s t e a r t h q u a k e l a rg e enough in scale to be used as a test for the mathematical models since their creation, and physicists are busy right now doing just that. The loss of life on the coasts around the Indian Ocean is nearly Biblical in scale. Some of that tragedy may have been avoided had the Indian Ocean contained tsunamiwarning buoys. The West Coast of the U.S. is equipped with such buoys, and recently the Bush administration has approved $37.5 million to have 32 new buoys placed in the Atlantic and Caribbean. These new buoys will be in place by mid 2007, and will be instrumental in alerting American science teams to any tsunami activity.

Dear Dad, Iraq Sucks: Letters Help Ease War Stress

new campaign called Dear American Soldiers is asking college students around the world to take a few minutes out of their day to send e-mails of encouragement to American soldiers. All you have to do is log on to DearAmericanSoldiers.com and simply write what you feel. These e-mails will be collected and sent out to soldiers around the world, especially those in Afghanistan and Iraq. Family members of those who have given their lives for freedom will also receive these emails. E-mails can be sent directly from your computer to Letters@DearAmericanSoldiers.com or at the website for the Dear American Soldiers endeavor at www.DearAmericanSoldiers.com. Please take this opportunity to provide U.S. troops with some greatly needed words of encouragement, by way of letters from home. Alex Dougal, organizer of the Dear American Soldiers campaign states, These men and women are away from their families, away from their friends and have very little hope of reaching homeIf one e-mail can make a difference I think America owes it to them.

National guardsman Tony Pietsch had been stationed in Afghanistan and Iraq for 15 months when he finally decided to put his thoughts down on paper. I have personally been afraid for my life more days than I can count. I spent many nights lying awake after mortar rounds had just struck areas nearby, some close enough to throw rocks at my tent. Whether or not you agree with U.S. involvement in Afghanistan and Iraq, many of our friends and family members spent this past holiday season fighting what President Bush calls the War on Terror around the world. Now, there is a way you can show your support, and its never been easier. A

National Guard Specialist Bradley Porter is one of many American soldiers currently stationed overseas, and in need of an encouraging word from home. Photo courtesy of Niki Porter

Students Concerned About Rising Book Costs

Prices Are Forcing Some Students to Draw the Line
Instructors often review many texts before deciding which best reinforce the material they want to present in a course, but do they ever look at the cost to students? When Denae Ronish, the book manager of Beezers, was asked how often instructors asked to know the prices of the books they were requiring, she said, very rarely. Some do consider price, though. Dr. Patricia Vettel-Becker, an art history professor, says she takes many things into consideration before she requires texts. She tries to find the books that are both up to date and studentfriendly, while also being affordable. Vettel-Brecker tries to stay under $100 for a book if she can, and chooses the paperback edition if there is one. If an affordable book is not available, she will not require a text for a specific subject, but will require readings out of a book that is on reserve in the library. Once an instructor has decided on texts for the following semester, Beezers will be told before buyback time. Ronish assures that if possible, the store will buy back as many used copies as possible to supply the next semester. Sometimes, though it is a rarity, an entire supply of a particular book will be used. The bookstore is also capable of acquiring used books from wholesalers all over the U.S., however it must compete with other bookstores for them. This sometimes makes getting in used editions very difficult. Oftentimes students wonder why they are getting back so little for some books. Many students are amazed to receive as little as $1, $2, or $3 for a book they spent over $20 on. This is because if the bookstore does not need the book, a wholesaler may buy it, but usually only paying up to 33 percent of its value. Many will argue that if the bookstore wants to offer used books, why are there so many new books on the shelf? The blame can be placed on the publishers. When a publisher decides to issue a new edition of a book, the new ones have to be sold, and the old editions usually have no buyback value. This often happens every year or two for many books. A question that arises from the book price debate is if the cost is even worth arguing. Can a price tag be put on the knowledge acquired from a text? The philosopher in every student should want to answer no, but the realist in students is forcing them to decide how much is too much. With book prices rising, and buybacks often providing little payback, many students are seeking other options for obtaining books. Students can sell to each other, which is usually a better deal on both sides of the transaction. Also, there are hundreds of wholesalers online of which students can take advantage. And regrettably, some students just dont buy them at all. One thing is for sure, the cost of books is not going to be going down any time soon.

The scene is a familiar one. A student, anxious for a new semester to begin, heads to the bookstore to buy the required books. It is a week or two before classes begin. In order to get the most coveted prize, all college students head to the bookstore for used textbooks. While wandering through the rows of books, searching in vain for the right ones, there is an astonishing sightlots of plastic covering shiny new books. It seemed that this semester more than ever before, used books were a rarity and flew off the shelf fast. Another dreaded incident is where students find used editions in the books they are looking for, only to discover that the used price is higher than they wanted to pay. Or, how about this one? Students find the books required for their course and they take up an entire row on the bookstore shelf. Thats right, three or more books for a single class. All of these situations equal one scary outcomecollege textbooks are expensive, maybe too expensive. Students are asking why. Many are ignorant of the textbook process itself. To put it simply, instructors decide which books to require, the bookstore gets those books in, and students buy them, but there are many factors that can make that process a lot pricier than it would seem to be.

Should all this really cost $360?? Photo by Jed Barton

What

will

you

do

for

grade?

What would you do to get a B in a class? What more will you do to get an A? Students at MSUB need to be asking themselves these questions when they register for classes. A philosophy class is being offered here at MSU-B that requires a little more enthusiasm than most. The course is Philosophy 105: The Religious Quest. The syllabus states that in order to get a B, Students will join Circle K from Jan. 31 to April 30 for weekly one-hour meetings, will perform 10 hours of service per month in the community If you cannot attend meetings on Monday nights, you will receive information from the meetings and the agenda via email, and will perform an additional four hours of service per month. This courses requirements include a rigorous amount of reading ranging between 30 and 50 pages a night, 30 hours of community service, and 12 hours of meeting commitments throughout the semester in order to receive a B. This is all in addition to the regular scheduled class time of three hours a week. Amber Johnson, a student

who was enrolled and recently dropped the courses said, Ive always been an A student and there was no way I was going to get an A in that class. I dont have much spare time, and this class doesnt even count toward my major. When Lisa Kemmerer, the instructor of the class, was questioned about her motivation for creating such a tough course with so many extra requirements, she explained that she chose this to connect religion to how we live and also because diversity helps in the learning process. As to how she feels about the strenuous volunteer work she said, Its like going home and doing your homework. Kemmerer stated that she designed the curriculum to work around her students. The volunteer work is just that, voluntary; getting an A

one thing to do homework on your own time; its another to do it on someone elses schedule. Another student, Justin Weibe, gave his opinion on the course and stated, I think its a fair work load; it seems like jumping through a few hoops though. Its not that much different than an education practicum though. When Provost Janie Park was questioned on the matter she thought it was an excellent syllabus. Where there is more challenge, there is more to be gained. Park thought that the course was right in track, and if

there was a problem with the level at which the class is ranked, the instructor must be approached and the course can receive a new level of recognition. Park said, Id rather get value out of a difficult course than an easy course. That class looks like a good value. All in all, the student body as well as professors seem to be split on the opinions of the level of difficulty and amount of time required to earn a B in a 100 level class. As for now, the course stands strong and looks to be offered in the coming year.

Its one thing to do homework on your own time; its another to do it on someone elses schedule. Amber Johnson, former Religious Quest student
in a class is also voluntary, nobody is forcing anyone. This gives students the choice of where their time is committed and what grade Dr. Lisa Kemmerer requires students to join a public service organization as part they choose to earn. of her Religious Quest class. As Amber Johnson said, Its Photo by Niki Porter

Here
Regional

for
Conference for

the
the
White will serve as conference chairman and JimiLou Marchwick-Wix will be housing chair and head of registration. Brittany Quade will be hospitality chair and MSU-Bs own Paula

Party
RHA
Lundstrom, RHA advisor, will head as conference advisor. Invitation Only? The students are chosen by the General RHA Presidents of each school, the National Communications Coordinator, and the Honors Society. These students are hand picked and ready to come here for lots of work and lots of reading, say Brian White. Where do they get to crash? Students will be given rooms at the local Howard Johnson Hotel and will receive such perks as discounts on Beezer merchandise and a chance to mingle with our amazing student body on their scheduled breaks. How to get invited to the next Bash? The next conference is going to be held in November. At this conference, more students will be allowed to attend. For more information or questions about this conference talk to Brain White-RHA President 6572479.

awards for the RA of the year, programming o0f the year, etc. will be given at a banquet for the attendees. The MSU-Billings ResiWho is throwing the dence Hall Association (RHA) party? MSU-B student Brain has recently won the bid against Arizona State University to house the Intermountain Affiliate of College and University Residence Hall (IACURH) Regional Conference. 80 students from chosen Colleges and Universities will be sent to join MSU-B to discuss business. So whens the Party? The conference will be held February 17-20 in the MSU-B Student Union building. Joining our own RHA will be students from Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, Arizona, Canada, and New Mexico. Can anyone say FIESTA?!! Well, not exactly. The attendees of this conference are sent here to get down to business. They will discuss legislation in a boardroom meeting and throughout the conference,

MSU-B , RMC Join Forces to Present Career Fair 2005

New Employers and Workshops Added to This Years
It is our responsibility to connect students and employers in a variety of ways. Were just trying to make that happen. Patricia Reuss, Career Services and Cooperative Education
Cooperative Education at MSU-B, says that they try to be responsive to student feedback in deciding who and what will be at the Fair each year. A student will never attend the same Fair twice. Although it is a great idea for juniors and seniors to attend the Career Fitness Fair, because they will soon be looking for employment, Ruess urges freshmen and sophomores to attend as

Roster

From the time a student begins his or her university studies until graduation day, many questions are to be expected. What am I going to do after graduation? What can I do with my degree? Are there many jobs in my field of study? What can I do to prepare? For most students, these questions can become worrisome, but there is hope. Career Services and Cooperative Education of Montana State University-Billings has teamed up with Rocky Mountain College to present the Career Fitness Fair 2005, which is open to students, as well as members of the public. This will be the eighth annual event which brings in more students and employment opportunities each year. At the Career Fitness Fair students have the chance to talk with potential employers to see what jobs are available and the processes required to get them. It is also a great networking prospect, where students can set up internships. Aside from talking to employers, students can attend workshops related to different professions throughout the day. Many students actually find their job after graduation through the Fair. According to the Class of 2003 Graduate Data, which was printed by Montana State University-Billings, a recent graduate in the fields of Marketing and Psychology said, Through my involvement with the Career Services office and by attending the Career Fitness Fair, not only did I learn of all of my options here in Billings, but I actu-

114 in McMullen Hall, and get a list of the employers and workshops. Also at the Career Services office, students can get assistance in organizing a rsum or practice with a mock interview. A full list of services is available at www.msubillings.edu/careers. The Career Fitness Fair 2005 will be held on Feb. 24 from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. in the ballroom of the Student Union Building. The workshops will run from 12 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. in the Lewis and Clark room. Of the Career Fitness Fair, Ruess says, It is our responsibility to connect students and employers in a variety of ways. With the Fair, Were just trying to make that happen.

Career Workshops to Be Offered

12-12:30 p.m. Sell Drugs Legally! Careers in Pharmaceutical Sales 12:45-1:15 p.m. Careers for English Majors & Other Smart People 1:30-2:00 p.m. Cutting Edge Technology Careers 2:15-2:45 p.m. Becoming Masteror Doc torof Your Career 3:00-3:30 p.m. Montanas Best-Kept Secret: Employment with Yellowstone County 4:00-4:30 p.m. So You Want to Work for the State of Montana......

KPMG Accountants are just one of the many businesses that will be on display at the Career Fair on February 24. Photo from Retort Archives

ally got a job that I love in my field of study! Of the students who attend, 49 percent receive interviews, and of those, 65 percent get offered a job. Many students feel that after attending the Fair once, there is no need to return the following year. This is not the case. There is a 15 percent increase in the number of employers that will be there, many of which are new. All of the workshops are new, too. Patricia Reuss, director of Career Services and

well. It is a great way for a student just beginning their undergraduate education to get an idea of what classes are beneficial to take, the importance of GPA, trends, and the availability of internships in his or her desired field. This increases his or her ability to more effectively prepare his or her plan of study. Before attending the Career Fitness Fair, there are several things one can do to get prepared. Anyone can stop by the Career Services office, room

American Indian Business Leaders Rise to Leadership

American Indian Business Leaders (ABIL) main purpose is designed to provide peer support, leadership/mentoring opportunities, career guidance, business networking connections, and career placement opportunities. Student chapters provide an extended family support system to help students facilitate the transition of being away from home while attending school. The ABIL also holds a conference that provides students with leadership training, concentrating on such areas as Learning to Lead; Effective Team Leadership; Team building Techniques; Effective Decision Making; Goal Setting; Conflict Resolution; Managing by American Indian Cultural Values and Building Self-Esteem/Self-Worth. The Leadership Academy provides plenary presentations, panel discussions, and workshops that focus on contemporary themes surrounding Indian business and tribal economic development issues. There are no prerequisites to join American Indian Business Leadership (ABIL). The club is open to the students and faculty here at Montana State University at Billings. For the Spring 2005, there are at least seven ABIL members: Julia Plain Bull, President; Kenneth Douville, Vice surer; Daylight/Kim Irons, SecrePresident; Beau Prairie Bear, Trea- taries; and AJ Otjen, Advisor.

Everybody
There are only five instructors in the United States trained in the martial arts and HE is one of them. There are only five Caucasian instructors in the world trained in the use of their special weapon, the Leung Pole, and HE is one of them. He is second only to one in the entire United States, and hes here to save your life. Sound like the lead to another bad Kung-Fu flick? Could be, but in truth it describes Steve Brandon, Sifu of the Montana Wingtsun (pronounced Wing Chun) Kung Fu Headquarters tucked away in an assuming little gym at 1233 Central Avenue. And his mission really is to save your life- by empowering you to protect yourself. Steve and his wife, Brandy, have chosen Billings as their outpost, although he does have a school in Seattle and is getting ready to put one up in Portland, OR. His wife, Brandy, is a Primary Level Instructor the first woman in the U.S. to be awarded the title. After seeing this frail, 108 lb. woman knock her 350 lb. husband to the ground in less than half a second in an unrehearsed attack, you can appreciate why she won the honor. Wingtsun is the largest Kung Fu organization in the world today, with schools in 64 countries. The strength

was

Kung

Fu

Fighting
check out their web page at www.wtdefense.com/Montana or you can reach him by Email at sifustevebrandon@hotmail.com.

of Wingtsun is in its simplicity. It is not a sport and there are no belt rankings. You need not learn 10,000 moves to master the art of survival, nor kick above the waist. This is simplified common sense, with small movements that have nothing to do with your physical prowess, but allow you to react effectively when threatened, whether youre 110 pounds, disabled or out of shape. It is stripped of fancy movements that require thought and planning, which allows you to react reflexively with minimal movement in an adaptable streetworthy manner. It doesnt require a lifetime commitment, and even an hour seminar will leave you more prepared to protect and defend your person. Raising awareness and community involvement are Brandons top priorities. In that effort, Montana Wingtsun is a representative of the Yellowstone County Rape Task Force at the YWCA, and they teach Stun nRun, a womens self-defense class. Theyve held seminars and demonstrations at local schools, the National Guard, Rocky Mountain College and local churches. Brandon has also developed the S.A.V.E. program, which stands for SafeAgainst Violent Encounters. It was developed to provide free self-defense lessons for victims of violent crimes that are unable to afford the cost of lessons. Increasing interest on campus has initiated the formation of a Wingtsun Club, which will be holding

its first informational meeting on Feb. 18 from 1:00 -3:00 P.M. and 6:00 8:00 P.M. For more information you can contact Steve at 256-6121 or

Brandy Lewis, a 1st Technician Instructor of Wingtsun give a demonstration with a club member

New Class Paves the Way for

MSU-Bozeman and even MSU-Northern offer majors in Outdoor Recreation. Now Associate Professor of Health and Human Services, Jay Shaw, and Program Manager for Experiential Adventure Learning, Adam Sundstrom, are taking steps to develop such a program here at MSUBillings. New this semester is an outdoor program focused on educating students about the history and background behind the Outdoor Industry in the United States and Montana specifically. Outdoor Recreation in the United States is offered through the MSU-Billings Department of Health and Human Performances, as stated in the press release from January 12 on the program. It is offered on a Tuesday, Thursday schedule and will be taught by Adam Sundstrom on the main campus in the Physical Education Building. There are students currently enrolled in the class from several different majors, says Adam Sundstrom. We have a business major, an environmental studies major and a few education majors. Its not a backpacking, or skills, class, says Sundstrom. This class is focused more on the academic side. Its focused on the historical scope, current and future trends, and its also an introduction to the outdoor industry. We had a chance to do some different things and now that were a part of the MSU-Billings College of Allied Health Professions, it gave us a chance to get some fingers out in new areas, said Jay Saw in the press release. Outdoor recreation is a growing industry and there is a demand for people with skills in outdoor activities such as whitewater rafting, rock climbing, backpacking, and management of ski lodges and various resorts, says Sundstrom. That is why MSU-Billings is developing its outdoor program. This spring course will include guest speakers and hands-on activities made possible by the collaboration between MSU-Billings and many other public and private organizations including Montana Department of Fish, Wildlife and Parks, the Yellowstone

River Parks Assocciation, ZooMontana, the Montana Outfitters and Guides association, Aerie Backcountry Medicine and Rim Country Land Institute. There are many souces of knowledge and experience in the Billings community, and this program hopes to take advantage of this availability. It will also provide an introduction to the history, scope and depth of outdoor recreation in Montana and the United states, but will also offer insites into adventure, leadership and education as well as public and private land issues. Outside of developing an outdoor recreation major, students from many majors can benefit from a class like this. Jay Shaw and I both agree, says Sundstrom. These classes are an enhancement for education. According to Sundstrom, coaches and outdoor guides use the same techniques in the course of their jobs. These methods are also helpful in the world of business management. They are used not only in education, but can also work for therapy. Other than MSU-Bozeman, there are other colleges that offer degrees and even masters programs in outdoor rec-

a New Major
reation and leisure. The focus of these different programs vary, but they are all based in forestry. Im excited for this program, Sundstrom says. Our ultimate goal is to have a degree or minor available sometime in the future. If the outdoor industry someday demands certified outfitters or guides, then MSU-Billings will be situated to fill the need, said Shaw in the press release.

One-on-One with your ASMSU-B Leaders

ment, and student civic engagement, I never thought that I could be a leader myself until I took the Student Leadership Development class with Jeannie McIsaac & Curt Kochner. What do you like most about ASMSU-B? I like the feeling of being able to make a difference, whether it is helping a student resolve a problem they have, or planning an event to serve children in the community. What issues do you focus on? Students, that is why all of us are here, I feel that every aspect of my day is communicating and helping students. One day I may be using my hand to engage students, another I may be rallying them up to help for a volunteer project. Lewis Rife is a Senator-atLarge, and is in his sophomore year. He is pursuing a business degree. Lewis has been involved in ASMSU-B since summer of 2004. What got you involved in ASMSU-B? Primarily just to appease my aspirations to get better acquainted with the inner workings of MSU-B, and the state and local political systems.

Shelley Tanskanen is a Senator-at-Large, and is in her sophomore year. She is pursuing an art education degree. Shelley has been involved in ASMSU-B fall of 2003. What got you involved in ASMSU-B? An interest in the workings of government. What do you like about ASMSU-B? The people interaction between other senators and people in the student body recognize you as student leaders. What issues do you focus on? Any of the student bodies issues, integrated with my own interests. What would you say to the average student about getting involved? Becoming involved with whatever your passions may be and to pursue your dreams to the fullest extent. What clubs at MSU-B are you involved in other then ASMSU-B? I am also a SOS mentor, part of SOSAC. Kevin Majewski is a Senator-at-Large, and is in his sophomore year. He is pursuing a psychology degree. Kevin has been involved in ASMSUB since spring of 2004. What got you involved in ASMSU-B? I have always been interested in student govern-

Kevin Majewski

his senior year. He is pursuing a mass communications degree. Steven has been involved in ASMSU-B for five years now. What got you involved in ASMSU-B? A suggestion from my freshman orientation leader and to try something new which benefited me as well as others. What do you like most about ASMSU-B? The ability to voice student concerns, as well as represent my fellow students. What issues do you focus on? I try to focus on what is best for the students. What would you say to encourage other students to be more involved? When you are involved on campus and in the community, you will be able to network with people. This network will not only benefit the organization(s) you are involved with, but give you contacts that you will be able to use in the future. What other organizations are you involved in? I am on several campus committees; however, I am only involved with one student organization at this time (ASMSU-B). I do work two other jobs on campus though. What got you involved in ASMSU-B? A suggestion from my Freshman Orientation leader and to try something new which benefited me as well as others. What do you like most about ASMSU-B? The ability to voice student concerns, as well as represent my fellow students.

What would you say to encourage other students to be more involved? You can
Steven Jordan

What do you like most about ASMSU-B? The ubiquitous attitude of the ASMSU-B senators, the integrity of the student populace, and the concept of forthright representation of the students. What issues do you focus on? Due to my position on the legislative/ legal committee, and my representation of the students as an ambassador to the legislature I focus on the political agenda of the newly elected legislature. What would you say to encourage other students to be more involved? We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit (Aristotle). What other organizations are you involved in? I sit on the Career Services Student Advisory Board, and the Academic Foundations Committee. Steven Jordan is the Student Resolutions Officer and the Public Relations Committee Chair, and is also working on

Lewis Rife

gain many skills from engaging yourself. You can feel good about yourself and what you are doing, knowing that you have made a difference, the people you can meet, these things I would not give up these things for anything, because I love what I do, and the person that I have become because of it. What other organizations are you involved in? Circle K, International Studies Club, Student Volunteers of MSU-B, United Campus Ministries, and Raise Your Voice.

Shelly Tanskanen

Yep! That Time of the Year is Here Again

ASMSU-B Pres, V. P. Elections to be Held February 16 & 17.
Passion and Experience. I have always taken my role as a representative of the students of MSUBillings very seriously. Professionalism is a foremost priority for me and I decree to the students of MSU-B that you have thus far been represented in a professional and articulate fashion. I have served as your student body president this last year because I have a passion for MSU-Billings. It is this passion that motivates me to adequately represent you all and continually explore new opportunities available to make your college experience memorable and rewarding! Finally, I have the experience as a leader on this campus that you can count on. From being a student senator, to being an RA, to being the ASMSU-B Business Manager, to being an orientation leader, to being elected as your student body president, I have come to know this campus in and out. I will decree to you once again, you can count on my experience above any others as you consider casting your vote forASMSU-B President. Its time to get serious, MSU-Billings, about your student representation. As a person, a fellow student, and a professional, rest assured: you can take me seriously! As you consider your representation for ASMSU-B President and Vice President, I ask for your vote for Adam Lucido for President and Jacquelyn Polla for Vice President. Jac and I are a dynamic team rich with skilled, proficient, and gracious qualities to effectively lead the Montana State University-Billings student body. Jac and I would love the opportunity to serve you in the 05/06 school year! Adam Lucido

Tracie Overberg running for President

Sean Fucci running for President

Adam Lucido running for President

Tracie Overbery MSU-Billings has been my home these past four years. I have been active in Cross Country, Cheerleading, and many other campus organiations. Next year I would like to serve the students as their President. Always open and honest with my peers, I would be an assertive, effective and receptive President. I would work hard for every students needs. Thank you.

Sean Fucci I will strive each day to: -Be Visible -Be Accessible -Work Hard for You -Communicate with you as often as possible -Maintain and improve Communication with Administration, Board of Regents and Legislature. As a non-traditional student and a USAF Veteran, I realize and respect the importance of listening and responding to the needs of every MSU-Billings student. Thank You.

Its time to get serious about your representation. This past year as ASMSU-B President, Ive made it my priority to serve you all with pride and dignity. I am running to be your student body president because Ive seen what can be accomplished, and am excited about leading this body into a future that is bright and full of opportunity! I feel that it is of paramount importance in this election that the students of MSU-Billings consider the role of the ASMSU-B President. What many do not realize is that the ASMSU-B President is often the sole student representative of this campus on a myriad of levels. Additionally, the ASMSU-B President is the final oversight of over $250,000 of your student fee money. As is often said in jest, this isnt student council. This is student government, and there is much to be entrusted in your elected student representation. With that in mind, I offer a threepronged covenant to the students at MSU-Billings Representation,

Jacquelyn Jolla running for Vice President

Dan Hansen running for Vice President

Letha Broere running for Vice President

Steven Jordan running for Vice President

Jacquelyn Jolla My name is Jacquelyn Polla, and I am running for the position of ASMSU-Billings Vice President. This is my second year at MSU-Billings, and I am majoring in business management. In the past, I have been involved in Habitat for Humanity, the Honors Club, and Student Volunteers. I see Student Senate as another opportunity to get involved on campus and assist in making MSU-B a great place for students. I am running with Adam Lucido in a partnership to successfully become president and vice president of ASMSU-Billings. Any support of myself and Adam would be greatly appreciated.

Dan Hansen After serving the student body as a Senator, active in the College of Education, and a veteran, I have made it my life to serve others. With the support of the student body, I will continue to serve and assist MSU-Billings in their endeavor to continue academic excellence.

Letha Broere As Vice-President I will strive to become a leader who is accessible, visible, and eager to listen and work hard for every student. I would also like to see my fellow students become more involved in our campus, communities, and state. As a non-traditional student I understand the trials we all go through to make it in college. Thank you.

Steven Jordan I will do my best to combine the experiences I have gained out of the two Executive Cabinet positions as well as the three and a half years of Senate experience, to represent student views, be a resource for the students and voicing concerns. I enjoy serving the students and making MSUBillings a better place in any way I can. I encourage you to vote for me, Steven Jordan as the next Associated Students Vice President!

Guess what? You probably werent worried about your stuff over the break, but hopefully it was all locked and secure because crime was on the rise over the winter vacation. Its unfortunate that theft occurs as often as it does on our campus, but the reality is that it does, and students need to be responsible for the security of their belongings. This is your public service announcement for the issue,

brought to you by your campus police. 1-2: And starting the year off, there was a theft of a boys bicycle in family housing. The bike is a blue, white, and pink Masquerade worth $200. Please keep your eyes open because that just plain sucks to steal from a kid. 1-3: Another incident in family housing when a noise complaint was made. Turns out it was the case of the child who refused to go to bed. After a visit with security however, he probably was asleep 10 minutes later. 1-12: There was a bit

of a snafu between a seller and a buyer for e-bay when a problem occurred over a refund that wasnt being made. Security was called and a few phone calls later, the buyer was fully reimbursed. 1-25: A burglary was reported when a student left their door unlocked and was gone for 20 minutes. When the person returned, they discovered DVDs and X-BOX games missing. The case is ongoing. 1-26: There is apparently a perv out there, so ladies beware. Someone has been calling several female students and leaving creepy

messages on answering machines. If anyone receives one, please let security hear it so they can continue investigating. 1-27: Loud people in the parking lot. Blah, blah, blah. 2-1: More panhandlers were found on campus. They were told our policy about begging and asked to leave. Well kids, thats the news from the front. Hopefully everybody had a nice break. If you like the police blotter, check out this issues senator profiles!

WE WANT YOU! To Be an RA, We Really, Really Do!

issue of room and board. Consider it taken care of. We figure if youre going to give us your time and energy, we should show you the best possible hospitality. Along with your room and board, you will also have a stipend posted to your U-Card that helps with the costs of your books and other miscellaneous supplies. On top of all of that, youll get another $100 for whatever you feel like. To top it all off, youll be able to sign up for desk hours, which essentially means you get paid for most of the extra hours and you can do your homework if it doesnt interfere with the desk work you do. Q: Well that sounds good what about the hours? How much will I be working? What else will I do? Is it worth it? A: The RA position is definitely a full-time job, so it is not for everyone. In a basic sense, you are responsible for the livelihood of your respective floor as well as the general wellbeing of the Halls. Youll have to make some sacrifices. RAs have a curfew. There. I said it. But, before you get all freaked out, hear me out. On weeknights, (Sunday through Thursday) youll need to be back by 11pm so you are not neglecting your floor community. All things considered, its not that bad at all. Youll have a rove schedule, and that means that youll walk through the halls once a week on an assigned night socializing with other residents and just making sure the place isnt getting burned to the ground. You would also be responsible for two or three rove weekends where you would rove on a Friday and Saturday night. As an RA, you plan social and educational programs and encourage people to attend. Simply put, it is a lot to do but speaking as an RA, it is worth it. Q: Oh yeah? Prove it! That sounds like a ton of work. A: The job is demanding and requires time management/organizational skills, but it is undoubtedly one of the most rewarding things you can do as a college student. Financial benefits aside, heres what you can look forward to. First of all, the connections you make on campus will help you out for the rest of your life as friends, mentors, references and resources. You have access to anything you need here on campus within five minutes because of your contacts. You meet more people than I have fingers and toes and other appendages to count. You make a lot of new friends, and then you make some more. You work with a professional staff that cares about your wellbeing and are as dedicated as you. You grow as a person, and that growth cannot be measured in economic or academic terms. You learn how to deal with different situations, you gain confidence from working as a student leader, you become a decision-making, problem solving, time management ber-student who will, at the end of the day still find time to relax and do the things you enjoy doing. And by the way, RA looks very impressive on any resume. Q: Okay, Im convinced where do I go from here? A: There is a social that will address all questions, concerns and any other issues you might have on February 15th at 7:30pm in the Lewis and Clark Room in the Student Union Building. Come if youre even the least bit interested. Therell be food, fun, and of course, a skit or two to show you what our lives (and maybe someday yours) are all about. Youre wanted. The reward is unbelievable. The challenge will make you a stronger person. So the real question is, will you be riding off into the sunset with the RA staff, or stuck hiding in the corral shovelling manure? Okay, maybe not manure, but you get the point. The choice is up to you.

Housing and Residential Life is now getting ready for its annual hiring of new Resident Assistants for the Residence Halls for the 2005-2006 school year. It is not an easy job, but thats why we want you. You know who you are. A leader. A visionary. A person with a better sense of humor than most, a person who works well with others and works well under pressure, a person who wants to give something back to people because they feel they have been given to. Heres the deal: its kind of like an old western movie, and you fit the description of the silhouette on the poster. Youre wanted. It is time for you to cowboy up, and in this case, turning yourself in means you get the reward promised on the poster, not jailtime. Its not $25,000, but it is close. The benefits of being an RA are almost too good to be true. Heres a list of frequently asked questions and their answers. This oughta make you change your tune. Q: How much do I get paid? A: Well, for starters, there is the

Is

there

Really

It is 5:30 p.m.; classes are done for the day, and you plop down in a chair to take it easy before you hit the books. You turn on the TV to watch the news. How do you know this is news and who picked the stories being aired? OK, so maybe it is impossible for a network to show every event that happens in the world, but they can help shape options by choosing what news they cover and what words they use to d e s c r i b e a s t o r y. E d i t o r s choose the stories aired and the words to describe the stories based on their biases, morals and point of view. Biases, morals and points of view are not bad; in fact, they contribute to making you an individual. There is no way a writer can publish an article without inserting some of his or her values or biases into the article. Ill even go even further and say those biases play a role in determining whether you are informed about Abu Ghraib or a boy in Sanandadj. What? You have not heard of the boy from Sanandadj, the one who received 85 lashes and died for breaking the fast of Ramadan? You most likely didnt hear about that. Ill bet you are still hearing about Abu Ghraib. That happened almost a year

ago, which hardly makes it a current event. If the medias interest lies in checking old stories, why not look into what went on in Abu Ghraib before the U.S. military took over there? To the best of my knowledge, no prisoner has died in Abu Ghraib while in the hands o f t h e U . S . m i l i t a r y. W h y doesnt the media point out how many fewer prisoners have died at Abu Ghraib since the U.S. took over? If the media jumps to report the atrocities committed by the U.S. m i l i t a r y, l i k e A b u G h r a i b where no one died, it makes one wonder why the media failed to report the lashing to death of a boy for breaking the fast of Ramadan (which can be broken in many ways). I refrain from condoning or condemning the tactics of the U.S. military in the case at Abu Ghraib because I know little of the surrounding circumstances, but I question the necessity of reporting the Abu Ghraib story. The media needs to look for the more important stories out there, because they usually decide what gets reported. Next, the reporter or editor decides whether to give the story a positive or negative tone. Lastly, we individually decide what value to place on the reporters word. So is there media bias? Ill let you decide.

Bias

in

our

WANTED
OUTSTANDING PROFESSORS ...
Is there a professor who has pushed you to do your best? If so, why not reward him or her? ASMSU-B Student Government is awarding five OUTSTANDING FACULTY AWARDS (one for each college) for the 2004-2005 school year. These awards will consist of a $250 grant given to the MSUBillings Library in each of the five professors names. The Library will match ASMSU-Bs $250 grant. This allows each professor to choose $500 worth of books for the library. Students must nominate a faculty member on the appropriate form. Please return your nomination form to the Student Government office, SUB 213, or mail to Box 127. All nomination forms must be returned by March 16, 2005.

Is there bias in the media? The answer, of course, is yes. Youd have to have been living under a rock not to be at least somewhat familiar with the shrieks, cries, arm flailing, and fingerpointing coming from both sides of the fence in the matter of media bias. Both the left and right are more than willing to offer up evidence that support their positions of bias one way or the other. Television, the market for the masses, is usually at the forefront of the critiques. Leftists, like myself, point to the Fox News spin machine while the other side points to the Rather-gate debacle at CBS. [In September of this past year, Dan Rather and the CBS program 60 Minutes were rebuked for airing a story attacking President Bushs National Guard attendance. As scandal homage to Watergate the incident has been nick-named Rather-gate.]After television, the list quickly grows to include a wide variety of print journalism, trash (excuse me) talk radio, and the cesspool commonly known as the internet. The fact of the matter is, when human beings are involved, there is bound to be some bias despite our best efforts. It has been suggested that in our on demand world, conglomerates are merely meeting the perceived needs of the public. It is quick and easy to place the blame on individual journalists, various editors, and journalism schools. Now this certainly does not excuse any manipulation of facts or journalistic errors made in the rush to get the story first before getting it right. Individual, as well as, professional integrity also plays a role. For example, at least two conservative commentators/columnists, Armstrong Williams and Maggie Gallagher, have recently found themselves in trouble for admittedly receiving government funds to promote the Bush administration agenda positions. [Williams owns a public relations firm that received $240,000 from the Department of Education to help promote

the No Child Left BehindAct. The FCC is currently investigating Williams to find out if certain laws were broken. Similarly, the Government Accountability Office has been asked to investigate Gallagher for a $22,000 contract with the Department of Health and Human Services in relation to an initiative aimed at encouraging marriage.] The real brouhaha has come about because neither Williams nor Gallagher were immediately upfront with their readers. Both Williams and Gallagher violated reasonable expectations of forthrightness to their audience. President Bush has responded by saying, all our Cabinet secretaries must realize that we will not be paying, you know, commentators to advance our agenda. Our agenda ought to be able to stand on its own two feet. However, what about the responsibility of the audience? We live in a world where it is increasingly easy to shut ourselves off from viewpoints that differ from our own. There is a principle that as individual observers we will come to find whatever it is we are looking for. If youre looking for a liberal bias, you will likely find it. If youre looking for a conservative bias, you will likely find it. If youre looking for evidence that suggests drinking zucchini milkshakes through a curly straw while dressed as a clown will improve your overall health, youll probably find that too. Would having known about the money paid by the Bush administration earlier have influenced how Williams and Gallaghers opinions were received? Perhaps, but as individuals we have a responsibility to look at information from a variety of sources even if it is contrary to our personal inclination. It would be irresponsible to turn in a research paper based on only one source and expect a good grade. As individuals, we should be willing to apply that same responsibility and ethic to our daily news and information gathering. Mae West once said, Too much of a good thing is wonderful. While her sentiment might be great for chocolate, its not so great for news or having well rounded perspective.

Media?

Upcoming Events Feb. 14-28

15Quatrango at the Alberta Baire Theater, 7:30 p.m., 256-6052 17-19Twelve Angry Men at the BST, 248-1141 19Billings symphony presents Journey of Discovery, 7:30 p.m., 252-3610 19Montana Mandolin Society performs at Cisel

Nomination forms can be picked up in room 213 of the Student Union Building, the Library, Beezers, the College of Technology, and in the Residence Halls.

Hall, 8 p.m., 587-7198 23Reception: Stillwater Society Exhibit at Northcutte-Steele Gallery, 79 p.m., 657-2324 25Jim Brickman at the Alberta Baire Theater, 8 p.m., 656-6052 25-27Winter Carnival: Mexican Fiesta at RLM, 1800-444-8977 or 446-2610

Samuel L. Jackson Slam Dunks with Coach Carter

I recently saw a movie that I have anticipated since its release. Coach Carter is set on the mean streets of Richmond, California. The story depicts a local sporting goods store owner, Ken Carter, (Samuel L. Jackson), who takes a job coaching basketball at the high school from which he graduated. Richmond High is a difficult environment for faculty, as well as students, in that academics have come second to basketball for years. Carter is aware of this academic leniency, but has developed a plan for change and is intent on seeing it through. The story takes an immediate swing when Carters son, who previously attended another high school, transfers to Richmond to play under his father, his lifelong coach. Throughout the movie, challenges arise, and the consequences of poor decisions create seemingly unconquerable hardships. This movie creates a Remember the Titans-esque improbability which I believe captured the hearts and hopes of audiences from the opening scene. I give the movie a nine out of ten for the telling of a great story that needed to be heard. The role of Coach Carter was molded for Samuel L. Jacksons hands, and his dynamic performance will certainly be appreciated and remembered.

Ken Carter (Samuel L. Jackson) talks to his players during a scene in the new film Coach Carter. Photo courtesy Paramount Pictures

Ahoy Mateys: All Merrymakers on Deck!

Schlesser. Initially created as an outlet for like-minded people to share poetry and short stories, Monday Poetry Night has been a success from the beginning. The scene can get raucous sometimes, like the time Schlesser actually stood on the counter and screamed at everyone to stop screaming and yapping and sit the fuck down! Sometimes the mood can be somber and emotional, too. For the most part, however, Monday nights are fun, wild, and almost out of control. In addition to poetry, the evening has come to include spoken word, essays, and even staged short plays. Billings has quite a good crop of talent out there, so come down next Monday night at 7:30 to Artspace, 2719 1st Avenue North. Pets arent allowed, so leave the parrot at home.

The Jolly Roger flies high over Artspace each Monday night for an evening of spoken word and poetry. Photo courtesy Paul and Carls Daily Dia Tribe

960 S. 29th St W 656-0808

656-0808 The Party Starts Here!

Dust off your cutlass and clean up your eyepatch! By law of the high seas, a decree has been issued that calls for all poets, pirates, villains, troubadours and dramatists. All are to gather Monday evenings at 7:30 p.m. for open-mic poetry and spoken word. Where you might ask? Why at Artspace, of course. This April, Artspace will celebrate 11 years of hosting the now infamous Monday night poetry readings. If youve never been to Artspace, you really are missing out on a funky little piece of the Billings downtown scene. Owned by Doug and Rita Oltrogge, Artspace recently moved to its new digs at 2719 1st Avenue North, and they are upholding the long standing tradition that was created by original owner, Joe

20% off any regular Priced Item

Limit 1 Per Customer Offer Expires MAY 15, 2005

Bright Eyes can Look Forward to a Bright Future

The little known Bright Eyes just released two studio albums simultaneously this month: Digital Ash in a Digital Urn and Im Awake, Its Mourning. The band thats not so well known might be turning a few heads this year. The band has a very valuable asset in Conor Oberst. The lead singer/ songwriter is getting wonderful reviews, leading people to believe that he may well be the best songwriter of his generation. Oberst is only 25 and has a howl that is ready to shake some people up. Originally from Nebraska, Oberst now resides in New York. His lyrics are deep and poetic. He confronts drug addiction, alcoholism, as well as love and politics in his songs. The band is yet another anti-Bush administration protestor. The Bright Eyes played the Change the Vote tour alongside Bruce Springsteen and R.E.M. this election Mouse. There are no other bands I liked both albums and look forward year. The bands new releases are catch- can think of that display their unique to seeing more work from these arting some attention because of the di- talent and fresh vocals. All in all, I ists. versity of the two albums. Digital Ash in a Digital Urn is a small deviation from the normal. Its a bit technoelectro-pop all mixed into one. The album is a compilation of crude lyrics pressed against a variety of rigid melodies that in some cases wouldnt be considered songs. This album contains the hits Take It Easy and Easy/ Happy/Free and I must say, I did love the songs. Im Awake, Its Mourning is found in the alternative rock section of any music shop, but is actually a swing-style country and folk music combination. This album has tracks that are more likely to be called songs. The music and vocals definitely come to an agreement in this album. Overall I enjoy Im Awake, Its Mourning a little more than DigitalAsh in a Digital Urn Bright Eyes recently released two new albums, one of which is Digital Ash in a because of its softer quality. Bright Digital Urn. Eyes can be compared to Modest Cover Art courtesy of Saddle Creek Records

Stillwater Society to be Featured at Campus Gallery

Northcutte-Steele to Showcase the Works of Local Artists
local artists who wished to meet occasionally for mutual support and to view one anothers worksin-progress. Today the society has grown to become sixteen professional artists/art teachers, all of whom have exhibited widely, and many of whom have won national recognition. The Society adopted the name from the fact that all of the original members either lived or had summer homes in the Rock Creek/East Rosebud/Stillwater River region. They found the landscapes of the mountains there a rich source of subject matter for their artwork, currently several of the Societys members live parttime or full-time in the Beartooth Mountain country. Mediums range from oils and watercolor to steel and wood. Assorted subjects consist of landscapes, portraits, and wildlife paintings. Three dimensional works includes welded steel sculptures, and woodcuts. The members of the Society create in a number of different styles and in several mediums. Whatever the style, and whatever the medium, each artist tries to portray an original vision, that compliments the work of the other artists. The Northcutte-Steele Gallery Committee along with the Art Department is looking forward to an interesting show of creativity, variety and originality.

The Northcutt-Steele Gallery will be presenting the Stillwater Society exhibit on February 23 to March 25. Montana State University-Billings own Professor John Pollock is a current member, who has shown his kites and awards recently in the Northcutte-Steele Gallery. Other society members include Elliott Eaton, Mel Fellerup, James Haughey, Marilyn Beth Hughes, Nellie Israel, Dennis Kern, Donna Loos, Maggie Mackay, Robert Morrison, Diana Mysse, Denney NeVille, Lyndon Pomeroy, Nellie Rafn, Ben Steele, and Carolyn Thayer. The Stillwater Society was formed in 1985 by a group of five

Petro Theatre Doubles up on Spring Plays

If you find yourself on an iceberg in the middle of the North Atlantic, chances are you are involved with the stage play Marco Polo Sings a Solo. The Communications and Theatre department, in association with the Student Senate-funded Drama Committee, has approved the production of this play. The play is about the self-involvement of society and its personal quest for glory while ignoring the important issues that affect everyone. The show opens with an astronaut on a quest for intelligent life in the great void and moves to an isolated iceberg floating somewhere off the coast of Norway. The characters in the show are running for president, curing cancer, and reliving better, younger days while showing indifference toward continents and cultures being destroyed by mother nature. The time period for the play is the days leading up to the millennium in the year 2000. The paranoia about this event is noticed, but treated with nonchalance by the characters. Underlying the seriousness of the characters situations is a great deal of comedy. The characters are all struck by lighting in one scene of the play, and even they cannot take it seriously. The play does make statements about societys shortsightedness, but reveals its strength of will and ambition to do the right thing, no matter what that Trina Cerrone and Tim McMurtry-Hauptman rehearse a scene for the play Marco might be. Polo Sings a Solo. Kirsten Horn is directing Marco Photo by Paul Jangula Polo and is excited about doing this play because it has never been done in Billings before. She hopes that her audiences will get a sense that it is impossible to make other people love you unless you treat them with respect and dignity. The only characters that find happiness are those that find it in themselves, says Horn about her production. The hardest part [of the production] is organizing the actors and staff in the way necessary to manifest my artistic vision. Kirsten studied drama in North Dakota, and has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communication and Theatre with a Theatre Therapy minor from MSU-B. Horn has been involved in seven other MSU-B productions including her directing debut for the play Laundry and Bourbon, as her senior project. We are lucky and grateful to have such a seasoned veteran to accept the responsibility of a project of this size. The cast includes veteran actors Trina Cerrone, Patrick Wilson, LeviBlack Eagle, Lauren Moreno, and Josh Payne. This production also welcomes a trio of new comers to the Petro Theatre stage. Tim McMurtry-Hauptman, Natalie Pallard, and Sarah Benson join the long tradition of acting and excellence on the campus of MSU-B. Marco Polo Sings a Solo will appear in Perto Theatre on February 23rd through the 26, at 7:30 P.M. Tickets are $8 general admission and $5 for students, seniors, and the MSU-B community. Frankensteins monster will also be appearing in Petro Theatre in April. Dr. Frankenstreudels Lemon Fresh Laboratory of Horrors is a childrens play set in a Halloween style haunted house with a mad scientist and monsters. A young girl named Alexis goes job hunting at a doctors house only to be captured by Dr. Frankenstreudels experiments gone wrong. She discovers three other children there in need of rescue. The four children spend the rest of the play rescuing each other from everincreasing horrors. This play is scheduled to appear April 14 through the 16 at Petro Theatre. Show times and ticket prices will be posted when those details are hammered out. Jessica Verzatt will be directing the play. The cast has not been chosen as yet, but if you happen to be interested, auditions are February 14th and 15th in room 620 of the LiberalArts Building at 6 p.m. The director will be looking to cast six female roles and five male roles. There are parts available for both youth and adults. Verzatt is looking forward to directing Frankenstreudel and plans to use innovative directing techniques to enhance the project. She hopes to make her audience laugh, as well as learn about anatomy and other sciences that are cleverly written into the script. The show runs about 50 minutes and Verzatt says, its long enough to develop a plot, but not long enough for an audience full of children and parents to get bored. Verzatt is a Communications and Theatre major and will graduate this spring. This will be Verzatts first directing project, but she has collaborated on five previous productions at MSU-B, as well as having an extensive background in music and dance. Verzatt is also the current president of the Drama Committee, and wishes to thank the Student Senate for this opportunity to give back to the community.

Its a long way from the reservation to the University of Montana campus. Fortunately for many Indian students, the first person they met at UM was Sweeney Windchiefuntil recently. As minority admissions counselor, Sweeney wrote the first chapter of a lot of made-in-Montana success stories. I encouraged folks to come to UM to get an education, to succeed and then return to their communities to make a difference, Sweeney said. Think about the resilience it takes for a single mom to get through college when her parents cant afford to help. Think about the example it sets when her family celebrates its first college graduate. Education uplifts the next generation, and the next. This program makes school possible, Sweeney said. It finds ways to help bridge folks into higher education. Sweeney Windchief recently left Montana for a better salary at Idaho State University. Montana needs competitive salaries to keep quality public employees. The legislature is discussing university budgets and state employee salaries right now. Were asking the legislature to find the revenue to keep people like Sweeney Windchief doing the work that matters for Montanas people.

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T h a t d a y w a s g r a y. A thick, enduring pall of clouds blanketed the sky, filtering out all but the dreariest, most depressing form of light. The temperature hovered around 32 degrees. Rain fell steadily from the heavens, freezing as it hit the trees, cars, and sidewalk. A half inch sheet of ice covered everything. The perfect day for a funeral, I thought as I stared out over the dreary landscape, frowning at the cars speeding by on the four-lane highway despite the slick conditions. I bit my lip in anger at the stupidity of those drivers. If it werent for them, I wouldnt have to be stewing over the funeral going on a half-hour out of my reach. Life was going on. Id scrambled past the chapter of saying good-bye to a good friend of mine. The sun was

set for him, and the book of his life on the Epilogue. But the book of my life was continuing. So what would happen when the story of my life was over? Thats when I realized that the book of existence is a never-ending story in which each life may only appear as a sentence at most. It was a hard pill for me to swallow. Im still not sure Ive gotten it down, but Id be willing to bet its a hard fact for anyone not faced with impending eternity. The mark we make on this world is not long-term in the grand scheme of existance, no matter how famous we are. Out of the millions of people that lived through the ancient times, how many do we remember? Not many. We are just passing through to a destination that modern man (including myself in this capacity) is often not willing to say. It is such a tiny thing compared to the billions of years that the Earth has been around, or even just the short

amount of time that has been recorded in human history. To some extent its pointless to do some of the things we do. More than likely our children wont even remember our names in a couple generations. Those of us who never have children wont even live that long in memory. So, why do we bother to live at all? The time we have on this earth is so precious whether youre Islamic, Jewish, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, or a member of any other of the world religions. (Especially if youre atheist. After all this life is all you have.) All of us are interconnected in a mas-

sive web of time. Each choice we make effects many other lives, and though those influences are fleeting and transient, they can be profound for the time being. Those you live with now will remember you and sometimes thats all that matters. As I stood there, contemplating my finite nature, my mind wandered back to the funeral. Everyone lives as surely as they die, but death is one moment in a million that constitute life. So live life while you have it. Live it well and not necessarily to the fullest, because drinking life to the lees can give you alcohol poisoning.

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Lady Jackets 15-5 on Season with win over St. Martins

points on the evening as well. The Lady Jackets then defeated Saint Martins 53-42 in Lacey, Washington on Feb 3. J e n n y L a n g f o r d a n d Ta n y a Petersen were both in double digits in the scoring category. Petersen had a strong game with 8 rebounds, 3 assists and 4 steals also. Michelle Lieber had a career night rebounding 13 boards. Robyn Milne broke the record books with three blocks on the game to become 21 st in NCAA Division II all-time. The Lady Jackets will return home to Alterowitz Gym Saturday, February 12 th, to face North Dakota State University again, as a part of a three game home series with North Dakota State University and Grand Canyon State University. The Lady Jackets have eight games left in their season before they hopefully head out to the NCAA Division II Western Regional Tournament.

Robyn Milne
Hometown:Richey,MT (Richey High School) Year: Senior Major: Education Robyn Milne is in her fourth season as a Montana State University Billings Yellowjacket. She has played all four years here in Billings and will graduate with a degree in education. Milne maintains a high level of study along with here basketball schedule and also is in the running to set be ranked in the record books in two areas: blocks and rebounds. Currently Milne is ranked 27th in the NCAA Division II for rebounds per game (9.8) and 7th in the nation for blocks per game (3.6). Milne is also on course to break a few records for career blocks for the NCAA Division II. Currently ranked 21st, she is only 10 blocks off of the top 20 of all time in NCAA Division II Womens Basketball. Here is a list of the accomplishments Robyn Milne has earned while at Montana State University Billings: Individual Honors: Daktronics All-West Region Second Team (2003-2004) CoSIDA District VII Academic Second Team (2003-2004) Most Outstanding Player of Glacier Classic Tournament (2003-2004) MSU-B Career Records: No. 23 for points scored (705) No. 4 for field goal percentage (52.9) No. 7 for rebounds (667) No. 3 for rebounds per game (8.8) No. 2 for blocked shots (174) Single Game Highs: Points: 31 points vs. Ohio Valley College (11/26/2004) Rebounds: 22 vs. AlaskaFairbanks (12/20/2003) Blocks: 8 vs. Northwest Nazarene (1/3/2005) Assists: 8 vs. Western Washington (11/20/2004) Steals: 4 vs. Rocky Mountain (2/6/2003)

The Lady Jackets took on undefeated Division I North Dakota State in Fargo on Jan. 29 and could not pull off the upset they desired. After shooting only 33 Percent for the game, the Lady Jackets lost to NDSU by the score of 82-56. The Lady Jackets seamed to be out of sync in the contest, with only two players post double digit points on the night. Senior a n d ca p t a i n R o b y n M i l n e only played 13 minutes in the game due to the flu, but she posted two assists and three blocks. These three blocks helped move her up two positions in the NCAA Division I I Wo m e n s B a s k e t b a l l Rankings for Blocks; Milne now has an average of 3.6 blocks per game and 242 blocks for her career. She is ranked 22 nd in the NCAA History of Womens Basketball. Leading the Lady Jackets was Tanya Petersen (Jr. Billings, MT) with 19 points and 1 assist. Petersen shot 9-20 from the line and kept the Lady Jackets in the game in the first half. Lisa Jellum (Jr. Gillette, WY) contributed 16

The play of Jennifer Skrifvars (11) Robyn Milne (41) are among the reasons the Lady Yellow Jackets are on the verge of a trip to the post season. Photo by Bryce Skjervem

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Womens Locker Room Expansion Proposed

AD seeks feedback from campus about proposal to expand softball and volleyball locker room
which they] would like a place to prepare and clean up after practice and games at Cenex Stadium. Gray agrees that the needs of the softball team, as well as the volleyball team, are important and will benefit from any new space that is created. Other groups will also benefit from locker room expansion. Gray explains that the Physical Educational Building accommodates several departments: Academic Health and Human Performance, Recreational Activities, Athletics, and Employee Wellness. Gray says, The key is to synchronize a multiuse facility to many, many constituents. Several options have been proposed as to how to best utilize this space. These options include using the vacant mens team room to the right of the mens locker room entrance, the adjacent vacant womens team room to the left of the womens locker room entrance, the faculty/staff locker room (in between the two vacant team rooms), or the old storage room which can open up into both the mens and womens locker rooms. Gray says he asked specifically about use of the faculty locker room in his memo posted Jan. 7 because it could happen with no renovation. Some faculty members, however, still use this space and would prefer a different option. Dr. Craig Wilson, Department Chair of the Political Science Department, says of this proposed change, If you had to use the restroom, you would probably have an extra 50 steps to goIts just not convenient. Wilson was not satisfied that use of the faculty/ staff locker room was the only proposal clearly stated in Grays memo. He says this prop o s a l , i f it is eventually enacted,wouldconfiscate the most highly used area of the mens locker room, as well as force all male users of the locker room into a much smaller and less amenable area. He would like to see other options considered and shared with students and faculty members. Gray admits he has not taken the issue broad campus yet. He states of his m e m o , We r e s t i l l i n t h e brainstorming stage. My letter was to get feedback, which Ive gotten. According to Gray, he does plan to open this issue more widely to students and others on campus, including the Student Senate (whose members are voted into office as student representatives) as well as partnering with Director of Recreational Activities, St e v e J o h n s o n , C h a n c e l l o r Ronald Sexton, and Director of F a c i l i t y S e r v i c e s, E a k l e Barfield. He also encourages students and others interested to give him feedback via email at ggray@msubillings.edu. Gray says, I think weve got a good beginning. Im looking forward to having discussions with all the groups. No specific timeline has been set for locker room changes at this point. According to Gray, it depends on what has to be done and whether or not renovations and building are involved.

After the recent expansion of the womens basketball team locker room completed this fall, Director of Intercollegiate Athletics, Dr. Gary Gray, hopes to expand team areas for both the womens softball and volleyball teams as well. According to Gray, the new womens basketball team room replaces the previous area where these two other teams prepared. Currently, the softball and volleyball teams are using the womens locker room space. But according to head softball coach Jeff Aumend, he and his team look forward to more space. Aumend says of the womens softball team that they have more sport-related equipment than any other student-athlete, other than golfers. He also says the teams cumulative 3.34 grade point average makes them fine ambassadors for the institution [in

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Yellowjackets

headed

for

the

Heartland
will consist of Dallas Baptist University, St. Edwards University of Austin Texas, University of the Incarnate Word, and St. Marys University, both located in San Antonio, as well as Lincoln University of Jefferson City Missouri, Oklahoma Panhandle State University, MSU-Billings and WNMU. Conference champions will earn automatic NCAA tournament bids in Volleyball, Mens and Womens Cross Country, Mens and Womens Basketball, Mens and Womens Golf, Mens and Womens Tennis, Softball, and Baseball. Perhaps the biggest change for MSU-B fans is the fact that Yellowjacket womens basketball will have a league for the first time since 2000 when that sport as well as soccer were dropped by the Pac West, following the departure of several Seattle area and Alaska schools. Mens and womens soccer will still however be without a conference as only five schools in the Heartland sponsor soccer and the necessary number for an official league according to NCAA regulations is six.
7. Western New Mexico University Location: Silver City, New Mexico Enrollment: 2500 Mens Sports: Cross Country, Football, Basketball, Golf, Tennis Womens Sports: Cross Country, Volleyball, Basketball, Golf, Tennis, Softball Nickname: Mustangs Colors: Purple and Gold

In announcing the move MSU-B athletic director Dr. Gary Gray said, This is the result of good faith efforts by many people. Gray The MSU-Billings Athletic continued, In meetings we held D e p a r t m e n t h a s d e c i d e d t o with the public last fall, we releave the Pacific West Confer- ceived very favorable responses ence and accept an offer to join the Heartland Conference beginning in the 2005-2006 school years. Fellow Pac-West member Western New Mexico is also set to join the Heartland. Talks about the MSU-B and WNMU joining the Heartland began last fall when that conference found itself faced with the departure of two of its current members, Rockhurst a n d D r u r y, f o l l o w i n g t h i s school year. The negotiations continued off and on for the next four months, at one point a p p e a r i n g t h a t f o u r Te x a s schools: Dallas Baptist, St. Edwards, University of the Incarnate Word and St Marys would join the Pac-West. This plan was ultimately rejected and the Yellowjackets and Mustangs decided to join the Heartland. About the Heartland Conference The Heartland Conference currently consists of Dallas Baptist University St. Edwards University, University of the Incarnate Word, St. Marys University , Rockhurst University , Lincoln University , Drury University, and Panhandle State University. Following the end of this school year Rockhurst and Drury will be leaving the league. In order to make up for losing the teams those two institutions field the Heartland Conference has added MSU-Billings and Western New Mexico University beginning in fall 2005. The following is a guide to the various schools that will along with MSU-Billings make up the Heartland Conference Bold= Sport in common with MSU-Billings
1. Dallas Baptist University Location: Dallas, Texas Enrollment: 4538 Mens Sports: Baseball, Golf, Tennis, Soccer, Cross Country, Track & Field Womens Sports: Tennis, Volleyball, Cross Country, Soccer, Golf, and Track & Field Nickname: Patriots Colors: Red, White and Navy 2. University of the Incarnate Word Location: San Antonio, Texas Enrollment: 4300 Mens Sports: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Golf, Tennis, Track/ Field, Soccer Womens Sports: Basketball, Cross Country, Golf, Tennis, Volleyball, Soccer, Softball, Synchronized Swimming Nickname: Cardinals Colors: Red, Black and White 3. Lincoln University Location: Jefferson City, Missouri Enrollment: 3600 Mens Sports: Baseball, Basketball, Football, Golf, Track/Field Womens Sports: Basketball, Cross Country, Softball, Tennis Nickname: Blue Tigers Colors: Navy and White

to the potential move. I believe the Heartland is happy to have us because we are a long standing member of NCAA Division II, and we are glad to join the Heartland and its many outstanding programs. The revamped Heartland

4. Oklahoma Panhandle State University Location: Goodwell, Oklahoma Enrollment: 1300 Mens Sports: Baseball, Basketball, Football, Golf Womens Sports: Basketball, Golf, Volleyball, Cross Country Nickname: Aggies Colors: Red, White and Blue 5. St. Edwards University Location: Austin, Texas Enrollment: 4500 Mens Sports: Baseball, Basketball, Golf, Soccer, Tennis Womens Sports: Basketball, Volleyball, Soccer, Softball, Tennis Nickname: Hilltoppers Colors: Navy and Gold 6. St. Marys University Location: San Antonio, Texas Enrollment: 4500 Mens Sports: Baseball, Basketball, Golf, Tennis, Track/Field, Soccer Womens Sports: Basketball, Cross Country, Golf, Tennis, Volleyball, Soccer, Softball Nickname: Rattlers Colors: Blue and Gold

Outlook
MSU-Billings head mens basketball coach Craig Carse thinks that despite losing all three games during an early January road trip to face PacWest opponents Hawaii-Hilo and Chaminade, his team benefited from the Hawaiian journey nonetheless. He said, referring to the fact that prior to the start of this season only three players had seen playing time in a Yellowjacket uniform. The first trip is always hard for a young group like ours. Carse continued it was a good experience and allowed some of our newer guys to gain valuable playing time. Perhaps Carses assessment was right, because since returning from the islands, MSU-B has only lost one game. A one point overtime heartbreaker to defending Pac-West champion BYUHawaii. While winning two each from Hawaii Pacific and Western New Mexico, the Jackets averaged 109 points over those five games. While familiar faces such as senior Justin Hassell as well as juniors

Bright

for

Jacket
grow as a team they should become a fun group to watch. The Jackets will conclude their 2004-2005 home schedule with a pair of games next week. On Feb. 24 the Jackets will face MSU-North-

Basketball
ern, and on Feb. 26 Johnson and Wales comes to Alterowitz Gym. Tip-off time for both contests is 7 p.m. The season finale will come on Mar. 3 when MSU-B travels to Silver City N.M. to face WNMU.

Cameron Munoz and Buddy Windy Boy are close to the top in many key statistical categories, several underclassmen are making significant contributions as well. Freshman Lucas Walker is second on the team in rebounds averaging 6.2 per game and third in points per game with 16.3 while sophomore Jonathan Wiley leads the team in assists with 64. Freshman Carlin Hughes has also stepped up, managing to be sixth in scoring with 10.3 points per game and second in assists with 58 despite appearing in only 13 games. Though at 13-6 overall 5-4 in Pac West play, The Jackets are a long shot to make this years postseason. Carse is optimistic about next season, MSUBs first in the Heartland Conference, saying. we only lose one guy (Hassell) to graduation and return two veteran leaders in Cameron (Munoz) and Buddy (Windy Boy). Turning to the younger players such as Walker Hughes and Wiley, he says. These guys are just getting started on their college careers and you can see some hint that championship talent and attitude both on and off the court is already there. As they

Justin Hassell battles for a rebound during a recent game against Western New Mexico. Photo by Bryce Skjervem

For one reason or another, through some unexplained genetic defect, I was born without whatever gland that secretes the secretions that allow the male brain to act in a mechanical manner. This has been quite the obstacle to overcome. I guess I first realized this as a young boy, where when I wasnt breaking things, eating bugs or something, Id usually be bouncing off the walls after eating breakfast, more often than not some cereal with a name like Frosted Lumps O Sugar-Now with Marshmallows!!. I remember vividly, I was recently given a model airplane, a fighter jet that was a gift from my father in exchange for my not destroying something expensive.After almost seventeen painstaking minutes of gluing, snapping together and painting, the finished product looked nothing like the picture on the box. It looked so bad, in fact, that Tom Cruises character from Top Gun might stroll out onto the flight deck, take one look at this monstrosity, and then turn around and punch me in the face before riding off on his motorcycle to have sex with Kelly McGillis. With age, nothing has changed. In fact, I only own one tool-a screwdriver-and thats for when I buy a bookcase or a futon or so something that has something that needs to be screwed in. (To this day, SOMEASSEMBLYRE-

QUIRED!! Is as frightening to me as listening to AM radio on a cross country road trip). But still, I look like someone who should know to, say, fix an automobile, even though I have to refer to the instruction manual before adding windshield washer fluid. As matter of fact, whenever I have to have my vehicle manual before adding windshield washer fluid. As a matter of fact, whenever I have to have my vehicle repaired, and I go talk to the mechanic, I have to act like I know what Im doing, and that HE is the idiot. It goes something like this. Mechanic: What seems to be the problem, sir? Me: Well, old chap, ( I usually talk in a British Accent) Ive noticed the number two engine has frequent flameouts, and the Flux Capacitor squeaks whenever I accelerate to 88 miles per hour. Mechanic: Flux Capac Me: Yes, you simpleton. Where did you get your certification, Granada? Mechanic: Well, sir, it looks like you hit a tree. Look here. The front end is smashed and the engine block is currently in your passenger seat. Me: Thats what I said, you bugger. Still, some people assume that Im as proficient as those guys in beer commercials, and have to stroll out, trusty screwdriver in hand, a man on a mission, a real pro who drinks cold filtered beer when he isnt fighting Gary

Sock it to Me

Oldham or someone over control of the free world. Ill poke and prod, bent over under the hood for a few minutes, occasionally yelling Try it Now! smearing grease up my arms to the elbows when no one else is looking. Then Ill turn to the person I agreed

to help, and then tell them that its a lost cause, and to sell the car for scrap and ride the bus. They usually get upset, but it served them right. After all, I wouldnt ask ME for advice. In the meantimewanna borrow my screwdriver?

Now
1

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