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HER LL

FIRST B
KATHERINE MANSFIELD

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E X A C T LY w h e n t h e b a l l b e g a n L e i l a w o u l d h a v e f o u n d i t h a r d t o s a y. P e r h a p s h e r f i r s t
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real partner was the cab. It did not matter that she shared the cab with the Sheridan gir ls and their brother. She sat back in her own little corner of it, and the bolster on

Comment [LS1]: This is the upper-class family featured in The Garden Party. Leila is their country cousin. Comment [LS2]: Leila has a vivid imagination. The animism and enchantment of things around her serves to capture Leila's zeal. It's a kind of projection of her own uncontainable excitement. Comment [LS3]: Whereas the S h e r i d a n g i r l s li v e a t t h e t o p o f a hill in suburbia, Leila is a rural girl, f ar more na v e.

which her hand rested felt like the sleeve of an unknown young man's dress suit; and
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away they bowled, past waltzing lamp-posts and houses and fences and trees.
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" Ha ve yo u re a l ly n ev e r b ee n t o a ba l l b ef or e, L e i la ? B ut , m y c hi l d , h o w t oo w ei r d " cried the Sheridan girls.

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Our near est n eig hbo ur was fiftee n miles ," said Leila softly, gently opening and shutting her fan.
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O h d e a r, h o w h a r d i t w a s t o b e i n d i ff e r e n t l i k e t h e o t h e r s ! S h e t r i e d n o t t o s m i l e t o o
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m u c h ; s h e tr i e d n o t t o c a r e . B u t e v e r y s i n g l e t h i n g w a s s o n e w a n d e x c i t i n g ... Meg's
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tuber oses, Jose's lo ng lo op of amber , Laura's little dark head, pushing above her white
Comment [LS4]: Mansfields creation of a dreamworld is revealed in the way Leila views every little thing with wide eyes and astonishment. Mansfield is constructing fairy land as the setting of the story through Leilas Comment [LS5]: We see, but Leila can't, the absurdity of her over-romaticisings.

f u r l i k e a f l o w e r t h r o u g h s n o w. S h e w o u l d r e m e m b e r f o r e v e r. I t e v e n g a v e h e r a pang to see her cousin Laurie throw away the wisps of tissue paper he

pulled from
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the fastenings of his new gloves. She would like to have kept those wisps as a keepsake, as a remembrance. Laurie leaned forward and p u t h i s h a n d o n L a u r a ' s knee.
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"Look here, darl ing," he sai d. "The third an d the ninth as usual. Twig?"
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O h , h o w m a r v e l l o u s t o h a v e a b r o t h e r ! I n h e r e x c i t e m e n t L e i l a f e l t t h a t i f t h e r e h a d been time, if it hadn't been impossible, she couldn't have helped crying because she w a s a n o n l y c h i l d a n d n o b r o t h e r h a d e v e r s a i d " Tw i g ? " t o h e r ; n o s i s t e r w o u l d e v e r say, as Meg said to Jose that moment, "I've never known your hair go up more successfully than it has to-night!"
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B u t , o f c o u r s e , t h e r e w a s n o t i m e . T h e y w e r e a t t h e d r i l l h a l l a l r e a d y ; t h e r e w e r e c a b s in front of them and cabs behind. The road was bright on either side with moving fan2 3

like lights, and on the pavement gay couples seemed to float through the air;
Comment [LS6]: The narration
blends into Leilas voice; because everything is so new to Leila she makes unusual connections, like a child.

Comment [LS7]: Laura

recognises that her cousin is floundering, so looks after her.

satin shoes chas ed eac h other lik e birds.

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Hold on to me ,Leila; you'll get lost, " said Laura.

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"Come o n, g irls, let's make a dash for it," sai d Laur ie.
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Leila put two fingers on Laura's pink velvet cloak , and they were somehow lifted past
Comment [LS8]: The story has an overtly feminine feel to it. Leila focuses on female fashion, age, customs and traditions the sorts of things an 18 year old girl would notice.

t h e b i g g o l d e n l a n t e r n , c a r r i e d a l o n g t h e p a s s a g e , a n d p u s h e d i n t o t h e l i t t l e r o o m marked "Ladies." Here the crowd was so great there was hardly space to take off their things; the noise was deafening. Two benches on either side were stacked high w i t h w r a p s . Tw o o l d w o m e n i n w h i t e a p r o n s r a n u p a n d d o w n t o s s i n g f r e s h a r m f u l s . And everybody was pressing forward trying to get at the little dressing-table and m i r r o r a t t h e f a r e n d .
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A g r e a t q u i v e r i n g j e t o f g a s l i g h t e d t h e l a d i e s ' r o o m . I t c o u l d n ' t w a i t ; i t w a s d a n c i n g a l r e a d y. W h e n t h e d o o r o p e n e d a g a i n a n d t h e r e c a m e a b u r s t o f t u n i n g f r o m t h e d r i l l hall, it leaped almost to the ceiling.

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D a r k g i r l s , f a i r g i r l s w e r e p a t t i n g t h e i r h a i r, t y i n g r i b b o n s a g a i n , t u c k i n g h a n d k e r c h i e f s down the fronts of their bodices, smoothing marble-white gloves. And because they w e r e a l l l a u g h i n g i t s e e m e d t o L e i l a t h a t t h e y w e r e a l l l o v e l y.
Mans f i el d w ri t es f rom Leilas point of view, the voice is of a mature lady rec allin g her memories .

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Comment [LS9]: Although

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"Aren't there any invisible hair-pins?" cried a voice. "How most extraordinary! can't
humour, at Leilas expense. She cannot see the absurdity of this

Comment [LS10]: A touch of

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see a single invisible hair-pin.

statement.

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"Powder my back, there's a darling," cried some one else.

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"But I must have a needle and cotton. I've torn simply miles and miles of the frill," wailed a third.
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T h e n , " P a s s t h e m a l o n g , p a s s t h e m a l o n g ! " T h e s t r a w b a s k e t o f p r o g r a m m e s w a s tossed from arm to arm. Darling little pink-and-silver programmes, with pink pencils and fluffy tassels. Leila's fingers shook as she took one out of the basket. She wanted to ask someone, "Am I meant to have one too?" but she had just time to read: "Waltz 3. Two, Two in a Canoe. Polka 4. Making the Feathers Fly," when Meg cried, "Ready, Leila?" and they pressed their way through the crush in the passage towards the big double doors of the drill hall.
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D a n c i n g h a d n o t b e g u n y e t , b u t t h e b a n d h a d s t o p p e d t u n i n g , a n d t h e n o i s e w a s s o great it seemed that never be heard. Leila,

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when it did begin to play it would

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p re ss i n g c lo s e to Me g, l o ok i n g ov e r Me g' s sh o u l de r, fe lt t ha t e ve n t he l i ttl e q u iv e ri n g coloured flags strung across the ceiling were talking. She quite forgot to be shy; she forgot how in the middle of dressing she had sat down on the bed with one shoe off and one shoe on and begged her mother to ring up her cousins and say she couldn't go after all. And the rush of longing she had had to be sitting on the veranda of their
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f o r s a k e n u p - c o u n t r y h o m e , l i s t e n i n g t o t h e b a b y o w l s cr y i n g " M o r e p o r k " i n t h e
Comment [LS11]: The
mo rep ork is N ew Zeal a nds nat iv e owl, named after its call. This is its European name. In Maori the native owl is known as ruru.

m oo n l i g ht, w as c ha n g e d to a r us h of j oy s o sw e et t ha t i t w a s ha r d to b ea r a l on e . Sh e clutched her fan, and, gazing at the gleaming, golden floor, the azaleas, the lanterns, the stage at one end with its red carpet and gilt chairs and the band in a corner, she thought breathlessly, "How heavenly; how simply heavenly!"
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A l l t h e g i r l s s t o o d g r o u p e d t o g e t h e r a t o n e s i d e o f t h e d o o r s , t h e m e n a t t h e o t h e r, and the chaperones in dark dresses, smiling rather foolishly, walked with little careful steps over the polished floor towards the stage.
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"This is my l ittl e country cous in Le ila. Be nice to her. Find her p artners; she's und er my
Comment [LS12]: Leilas

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" s a i d M e g , g o i n g u p t o o n e g i r l a f t e r a n o t h e r.
naivety makes Meg feel very worldly and important.

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S t r a n g e f a c e s s m i l e d a t L e i l a s w e e t l y, v a g u e l y. S t r a n g e v o i c e s a n s w e r e d , " O f c o u r s e , m y d e a r. " B u t L e i l a f e l t t h e g i r l s d i d n ' t r e a l l y s e e h e r. T h e y w e r e l o o k i n g towards the men. Why didn't the men begin? What were they waiting for? There they stood, smoothing their gloves, patting their glossy hair and smiling among themselves.
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T h e n , q u i t e s u d d e n l y, a s i f t h e y h a d o n l y j u s t m a d e u p t h e i r m i n d s t h a t t h a t w a s w h a t
Comment [LS13]: Leila does
not know the social conventions. The men wait until it is appropriate to come forward, but Leilas excitement makes her impatient.

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t h e y h a d t o d o , t h e m e n c a m e g l i d i n g o v e r t h e p a r q u e t . T h e r e w a s a j o y f u l f l u t t e r among the girls. A tall, fair man flew up to Meg, seized her programme, scribbled something; Meg passed him on to Leila. "May I have the pleasure?" He ducked and smiled. There came a dark man wearing an eyeglass, then cousin Laurie with a friend, and Laura with a little freckled fellow whose tie was crooked. Then quite an old man fat, with a big bald patch on his head took her programme and murmured, "Let me s e e , l e t m e s e e ! " A n d h e w a s a l o n g t i m e c o m p a r i n g h i s p r o g r a m m e , w h i c h l o o k e d black with names, with hers. It seemed to give him so much trouble that Leila was ashamed. "Oh, please don't bother," she said eagerly. But instead of replying the fat man wrote something, glanced at her again. "Do I remember this bright little face?" he said softly. "Is it known to me of yore?" At that moment the band began playing; the fat man disappeared. He was tossed away on a great wave of music that came flying over the gleaming floor, breaking the groups up into couples, scattering them,
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sen din g them spin nin g

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L e i l a h a d l e a r n e d t o d a n c e a t b o a r d i n g s c h o o l . E v e r y S a t u r d a y a f t e r n o o n t h e boarders were hurried off to a little corrugated iron mission hall where Miss Eccles
time in New Zealands history when

Comment [LS14]: This was a

N e w Z e a l a n d e r s l o o k e d t o w a r d s The Mother Country as a model. A teacher from London would have been quite a prestigious privilege.

Comment [LS15]: A pillbox, or

a small round womans hat

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London) held her "select" classes. But the difference between that dusty-smelling hall w i t h c a l i c o t e x t s o n t h e w a l l s , t h e p o o r, t e r r i f i e d l i t t l e w o m a n i n a b r o w n v e l v e t
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w i t h r a b b i t ' s e a r s t h u m p i n g t h e c o l d p i a n o , M i s s E c c l e s p o k i n g t h e g i r l s ' f e e t w i t h h e r long white wand and this was so tremendous that Leila was sure if her partner didn't come and she had to listen to that marvellous music and to watch the others s l i d i n g , g l i d i n g o v e r t h e g o l d e n f l o o r, s h e w o u l d d i e a t l e a s t, o r f a i n t , o r l i f t h e r a r m s and fly out of one of those dark windows that showed the stars.
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" O u r s , I t h i n k " S o m e o n e b o w e d , s m i l e d , a n d o ff e r e d h e r h i s a r m ; s h e h a d n ' t t o d i e after all. Someone's hand pressed her waist, and she floated away like a flower that is tossed into a pool.
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" Q u i t e a g o o d f l o o r, i s n ' t i t ? " d r a w l e d a f a i n t v o i c e c l o s e t o h e r e a r.

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"I think it's most beautifully slippery," said Leila.

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"P ar d o n!" Th e fa in t vo ic e s o un d e d s ur pr is e d . L e i l a sa i d it a g ai n . A nd th er e wa s a t in y pause before the voice echoed, "Oh, quite!" and she was swung round again.
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H e s t e e r e d s o b e a u t i f u l l y. T h a t w a s t h e g r e a t d i ff e r e n c e b e t w e e n d a n c i n g w i t h g i r l s and men, Leila decided. Girls banged into each other and stamped on each other's feet; the girl who was gentleman always clutched you so.
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The azaleas were separate flowers no longer; they were pink and white flags
Comment [LS16]: Leila is
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st re a mi n g b y.
get t ing us e d t o h er env ir onme nt, becoming more comfortable at the ball. She is no longer noticing every little thing like an adult, the details of her environs blend into each ot her t o c reat e one ex pe ri enc e.

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"Were you at the Bells' last week?" the voice came again. It sounded tired. Leila wondered whether she ought to ask him if he would like to stop.
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"No, this is my first dance," said she.

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H e r p a r t n e r g a v e a l i t t l e g a s p i n g l a u g h . "O h , I s a y, " h e p r o t e s t e d .
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"Yes, it is real ly the first da nce I've ever be en to." Le ila was most fervent. It was such a relief to be able to tell somebody. "You see, I've lived in the country all my life up till
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now
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At that moment the music stopped and they went to sit on two chairs against the wall. Leila tucked her pink satin feet under and fanned h e r s e l f , w h i l e s h e b l i s s f u l l y w a t c h e d the other couples passing and disappearing through the swing doors.
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"E n jo y i ng yo ur se l f, Le i l a ?" a sk e d Jo se , no d d i n g he r g o ld e n h e a d.
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Laura passed and gave her the faintest little wink; it made Leila wonder for a
longer feels that her cousin is her

Comment [LS17]: Leila no

s uperi or bec aus e she is now quite at home at the ball herself.

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moment whether she was quite grown up after all. Certainly her partner did not say

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v e r y m u c h . H e c o u g h e d , t u c k e d h i s h a n d k e r c h i e f a w a y, p u l l e d d o w n h i s w a i s t c o a t , took a minute thread off his sleeve. But it didn't matter. Almost immediately the band s t a r t e d a n d h e r s e c o n d p a r t n e r s e e m e d t o s p r i n g f r o m t h e c e i l i n g .
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" F l o o r ' s n o t b a d , " s a i d t h e n e w v o i c e . D i d o n e a l w a y s b e g i n w i t h t h e f l o o r ? A n d t h e n , "Were you at the Neaves' on Tuesday?" And again Leila explained. Perhaps it was a l i t t l e s t r a n g e t h a t h e r p a r t n e r s w e r e n o t m o r e i n t e r e s t e d . F o r i t w a s t h r i l l i n g . H e r f i r s t ball! She was only at the beginning of everything. It seemed to her that she had never known what the night was like before. Up till now it had been dark, silent, beautiful very often oh yes but mournful somehow. Solemn. And now it would never be like t h a t a g a i n i t h a d o p e n e d d a z z l i n g b r i g h t .
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" C a r e f o r a n i c e ? " s a i d h e r p a r t n e r. A n d t h e y w e n t t h r o u g h t h e s w i n g d o o r s , d o w n the passage, to the supper-room. Her cheeks burned, she was fearfully thirsty. How sweet the ices looked on little glass plates and how cold the frosted spoon was, iced t o o ! A n d w h e n t h e y c a m e b a c k t o t h e h a l l t h e r e w a s t h e f a t m a n w a i t i n g f o r h e r b y the door. It gave her quite a shock again to see how old he was; he ought to have been on the stage with the fathers and mothers. And when Leila compared him with her other partners he looked shabby. His waistcoat was creased, there was a button off his glove, his coat looked as if it was dusty with French chalk.
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" Co me a l o n g, l itt l e la d y," sa i d th e fat m an . He s ca rc e ly tr o ub l e d t o c la s p h er, a n d th ey moved away so gently, it was more like walking than dancing. But he said not a word ab o u t t he f lo o r. "Yo ur f ir st da n ce , is n' t it ?" he mu rm ur e d.
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"How
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did

you know?"

"Ah," said the fat man, "that's what it is to be old!" He wheezed faintly as he steered
Comment [LS18]: The older, unattractive man frustrates Leila. He has arrived in the story for a specific purpose: to uncover Leilas superficiality. Leila is unable to see life as it really is, immersed in her dreamlike fairy land. The older man has a much more realistic
view on life.

h e r p a s t a n a w k w a r d c o u p l e . "Yo u s e e , I' v e b e e n d o i n g t h i s k i n d o f t h i n g f o r t h e l a s t thirty years.

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"T hi rt y y e ar s? " cr ie d L e i la . Twe lv e y ea rs b e fo re sh e wa s b or n !

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" It h a r d l y b e a r s t h i n k i n g a b o u t, d o e s i t ? " s a i d t h e f a t m a n g l o o m i l y. L e i l a l o o k e d a t h i s
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Comment [LS19]: It is likely

ba l d h e a d, a nd sh e fe lt q u it e so rr y fo r h im .
the old man feels equally sorry for Leila. He understands that it is all down hill from here. She will never be this excited again.

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"I think it's marvellous to be still going on," she said kindly.
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" K i n d l i t t l e l a d y, " s a i d t h e f a t m a n , a n d h e p r e s s e d h e r a l i t t l e c l o s e r a n d h u m m e d a bar of the waltz. "Of course," he said, "you can't hope to last anything like as long as that. No-o," said the fat man, "long before that you'll be sitting up there on the stage, looking on, in your nice black velvet. And these pretty arms will have turned into little
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s h o r t f a t o n e s , a n d y o u ' l l b e a t t i m e w i t h s u c h a d i ff e r e n t k i n d o f f a n a b l a c k b o n y o n e . " T h e f a t m a n s e e m e d t o s h u d d e r. " A n d y o u ' l l s m i l e a w a y l i k e t h e p o o r o l d d e a r s up there, and point to your daughter, and tell the elderly lady next to you how some d r e a d f u l m a n t r i e d t o k i s s h e r a t t h e c l u b b a l l . A n d y o u r h e a r t w i l l a c h e , a c h e " t h e fat man squeezed her closer still, as if he really was sorry for that poor heart
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b ec a u se no o n e w a nt s t o ki ss y ou n o w. An d yo u 'l l s ay h o w u np l e as a n t t he s e po l i sh e d
Comment [LS20]: This story
highlights a few political issues. This is one of gender: the women in this society live their lives determined by the men they will marry and have children with. Tonight marks the beginning of Leilas journey along this path after all, she is now 18 and must attend balls in order to find herself a husband. What are his motivations? Is he malicious, facetious or just thinking out loud? Whatever the case, his assessment of the dance a Comment [LS21]: The epiphani c moment f or t he reader, not for Laura, necessarily.

f l o o r s a r e t o w a l k o n , h o w d a n g e r o u s t h e y a r e . E h , M a d e m o i s e l l e Tw i n k l e t o e s ? " s a i d the fat man softly.

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L e i la ga v e a li g h t l i ttl e l a u gh , bu t sh e d i d no t fe el li k e la u g h i ng . Wa s i t c ou l d i t a l l b e
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t r u e ? It s o u n d e d t e r r i b l y tr u e . Wa s t h i s f i r s t b a l l o n l y t h e b e g i n n i n g o f h e r l a s t b a l l ,
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a f t e r a l l ? At t h a t t h e m u s i c s e e m e d t o c h a n g e ; i t s o u n d e d s a d , s a d ; i t r o s e u p o n a g r e a t s i g h . O h , h o w q u i c k l y t h i n g s c h a n g e d ! W h y d i d n ' t h a p p i n e s s l a s t f o r e v e r ? F o r ever wasn't a bit too long.

12 13 metaphor for life itself has a deflating effect on Leila. 14

" I w a n t t o s t o p , " s h e s a i d i n a b r e a t h l e s s v o i c e . T h e f a t m a n l e d h e r t o t h e d o o r. "No," she said, "I won't go outside. I won't sit down. I'll just stand here, thank you." She leaned against the wall, tapping with her foot, pulling up her gloves and trying to smile. But deep inside her a little girl threw her pinafore over her head and sobbed. Why had he spoiled it all?
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"I say, you know," sai d the fat man, "you mustn't take me serious ly, little la dy."
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"A s if I s ho u l d! " s ai d L e i l a, to ss i ng he r sm al l d a rk h e ad an d s uc ki n g h er un d er l i p
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A g a i n t h e c o u p l e s p a r a d e d . T h e s w i n g d o o r s o p e n e d a n d s h u t . N o w n e w m u s i c w a s given out by the bandmaster. But Leila didn't want to dance any more. She wanted to be home, or sitting on the veranda listening to those baby owls. When she looked
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through the dark windows at the stars they had long beams like wings
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B ut p re s e nt ly a s oft , me lt i n g, r av is h i n g t un e be g a n, an d a y o un g ma n wi th cu r ly ha i r bowed before her. She would have to dance, out of politeness, until she could find Meg. Very stiffly she walked into the middle; very haughtily she put her hand on his sleeve. But in one minute, in one turn, her feet glided, glided. The lights, the azaleas, the dresses, the pink faces, the velvet chairs, all became one beautiful flying wheel. And when her next partner bumped her into the fat man and he said, "Par don," she
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Comment [LS22]: The ending

P e r h a p s L e i l a s y o u t h f u l , u p b e a t spirit triumphs over the fat mans attempt to discourage her. Or, Leila has gone from being hyperconscious of her new environment to being semi-conscious of it. The ball is normal to her now. She is fulfilling the fat mans prophecy, mindlessly going along with what is expected of her, losing her personality, losing her perspective.

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s m i l e d a t h i m m o r e r a d i a n t l y t h a n e v e r. S h e d i d n ' t e v e n r e c o g n i s e h i m a g a i n .

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THE END