HOW TO ADMINISTER THE ROD OF DISCIPLINE (PT.

2)
Proverbs 13:24
(July 8, 2001) REVIEW

1. Biblical Necessity for child Discipline (Why we need to discipline our children). 2. Biblical Motives for Child Discipline (What is the objective or goal in disciplining children) 3. How To Administer the Rod of Discipline What Is the Rod? Tedd Tripp
The rod is a parent undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death. It is not child battering or child abuse. 1. USE THE ROD.

Not the hand. And apply in the bottom, not the face. Apply the rod by faith. Swindoll: We have one of these paddles for each of the children. Onto our main paddle, my wife has glued the familiar prayer:
God grant me the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept those I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. But God, grant me the courage not to give up on what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless. 2. START EARLY IN LIFE. 3. EXPRESS LOVE 4. APPLY SUFFICIENT FIRMNESS 5. BE CONSISTENT. 6. DISCIPLINE PRIVATELY.

Illustration By Charles Swindoll Dealing with Rebellion and Disobedience

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Here are a few guidelines from Chuck and Cynthia Swindoll to ensure that your discipline will be reasonable. I want to explain the process my wife and I have developed in disciplining our children. Granted, they're young. But we have discovered a method that is working, and I'd like to pass it on to you. 1. Make sure whenever the rod is administered, it is always on the basis of prior instructions. The standards or rules are clear and known in advance. Swindoll: First of all, whenever we administer discipline, it is always on the basis of prior instructions. As a father, I have made every effort to establish (after counsel and discussion with Cynthia) the standards for our home. Certain things are permissible; certain things are not. When we are in other people's homes or out in public, that standard is exactly the same. Our children understand that. When there is willful disobedience, a breaking of the standard, when our prior instruction is refused, then we have a disciplinary encounter. 2. Explain the violation and its consequences. Swindoll: We do not usually talk about why they disobeyed. That's an endless verbal excursion that easily leads to lying and rationalization. We talk -about what was done. We quickly (and calmly, if possible) explain the precise act of disobedience. We spell out what they did wrong. Then we admonish them with the rod. 3. Do not allow the child to scream with rage. Swindoll In the application of the rod, we do not allow the child to refuse to cry nor to scream in a wild rage. He knows that. When the child cries, he flushes out his guilt; he clears his conscience. But when a child screams with rage, he is expressing anger. We don't permit that. On one occasion we had to spank one of our children four times. The first time for the disobedient act, the next three times for the rage until he cried softly. You say, 'Wow! That's unfair." No. That's biblical. It is also quite effective. It helps curb and break that stubborn assertive self-will. As soon as the discipline had ended, there was a submissive spirit. We do not quit until there is. Then love is instantly applied. Affection. Grief may show on our faces, but never is there the rejection of the child. 4. Apply sufficient firmness. Swindoll: When the child cold-bloodedly chooses to challenge those known boundaries in a haughty manner, give a good reason to regret it. We do not spank lightly. We do it strongly. The rod is to be administered not halfheartedly but severely in the proper place on the body We make sure we strike them on the right place without the cushion of a lot of clothing. 5. Tenderly hold your child after spanking. Assure your child of your love and concern. At all times, demonstrate love, affection, kindness, and understanding. Swindoll: Never do we spank the child and then walk out of the room. We stay with them. In the time we spend with them (occasionally as much as thirty minutes) we assure them of our love. We mention our desire that they never ever do that again. Once the encounter is ended, we do not mention it again. We never review it in public. It's over and done with.

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You know what? I've noticed lately that our younger children, as soon as the discipline is administered and is over, turn and reach up. They don't turn around and run. They reach for our affection. 7. BE REASONABLE.

Our model for correction as parents is God. Ps 103:13-14 declares, Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. Why? For He himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust. We must learn the frame of each one of our children. They are each unique physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Individual factors must be considered when we are dealing with them. Are they physically capable of meeting our expectations? Are they all enough? Are they strong enough? Are they coordinated enough to do what we ask? Not every spilled glass at the dinner table is the result of being careless. Sometimes it is a lack of physical coordination. As parents we need to be able to discern the true cause. Was our child being careless, or is he going through this period of physical awkwardness so that he sometimes bumps into tables and drops things? We must be sensitive to the individual development of each one of our children. We must also ask if they are mentally capable of meeting our expectations. Obviously I cannot expect my three-year old son to tie the strings of his shoes and then spank him when he fails to obey? Do we ask them to do things which they are incapable of understanding or of coordinating mentally? Biblical discipline must be applied according to reasonable expectations. This lead me to the question that was raised a few weeks ago. Illustration What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?
Obsessive-compulsive disorder, also known as OCD, is an illness that traps people in endless cycles of repetitive thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions). Although we all have habits and routines that help us organize our daily lives, people with OCD develop patterns of behavior that take up too much time and interfere with their daily lives. It causes people to suffer in silence and secrecy and can destroy relationships and the ability to work. It may bring on shame, ridicule, anger, and intolerance from friends and family. Although it has been reported in children, it strikes most often during adolescence or young adult years. The illness can affect people in any income bracket, of any race, gender, or ethnic group, and in any occupation. Most people with OCD know that their obsessions and compulsions are ridiculous and make no sense, but they can't ignore them. But, if people recognize the symptoms and seek treatment, OCD can be controlled.

Obsessions
OCD plagues people with obsessions. Obsessions are unwanted and intrusive ideas, images and impulses that run through the person's mind over and over again. Sometimes these thoughts come only once in a while and are only mildly annoying, but at other times the thoughts come constantly and cause great distress. People who have these obsessions recognize that they are senseless. Still, they are unable to stop them. Common obsessions are the following: Worry about becoming contaminated by dirt or germs and believe they will be tainted by touching doorknobs or common objects.

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Disgust with bodily waste and excretory functions Worry that a task has not been done correctly or has been done poorly, even if they know this is not true A constant need for reassurance Others may fear becoming violent or aggressive, or they may have an unreasonable fear they will unintentionally harm people. Some may struggle with blasphemous or distasteful sexual thoughts. Others become overly concerned about order, arrangement or symmetry. (exactness, and balance) The obsessive thoughts may vary with the age of the child and may change over time. A younger child with OCD may fear that harm will occur to himself or a family member, for example an intruder entering an unlocked door or window. The child may compulsively check all the doors and windows of his home after his parents are asleep in an attempt to relieve anxiety. The child may then fear that he may have accidentally unlocked a door or window while last checking and locking, and then must compulsively check again. An older child or a teenager with OCD may fear that he will become ill with germs, AIDS, or contaminated food. To cope with his/her feelings, a child may develop "rituals" (a behavior or activity that gets repeated). Sometimes the obsession and compulsion are linked; "I fear this bad thing will happen if I stop checking or hand washing, so I can't stop even if it doesn't make any sense."

Because victims of OCD realize their obsessive thoughts and behaviors are senseless and unnecessary, they may try to hide their problem. They fear people will think they are "crazy" or silly. And they may feel that theyre all alone.

Compulsions
In an attempt to ease the anxiety related to their obsessions, people often develop compulsions. A compulsion is a behavior that is performed on purpose in response to an obsession. People perform these compulsive behaviors according to "rules" they make up themselves to try to control the nervous feelings that come along with the obsessive thoughts. Sometimes compulsive behaviors are called rituals. For example, a person may have a profound fear of germs and spend hours washing his or her hands after using a public toilet. Rituals like this do make the nervous feelings go away, but usually only for a short while. Then fear and discomfort return, and the person repeats the routine all over again. Often, compulsions reflect the patients obsessions. For example, an obsessive fear about contamination often leads to compulsive handwashing, even to the point where the persons hands bleed. Others repeatedly touch a specific object or say a name or phrase in response to an obsession. An extreme and intrusive fear of making mistakes on the job may result in a person completing tasks extremely slowly, even to the point that the job is never finished. Obsessions may also result in compulsive collecting of useless items such as magazines and newspapers until they clog entire rooms of homes and endanger occupants safety. Other compulsions include: Excessive showering, hair-washing, tooth-brushing, etc. Checking rituals involving drawers, door locks and appliances, to be sure they are shut, locked or turned off Arranging items in a certain way Counting over and over to a certain number

Causes of OCD
Researches discovered that the biggest cause of OCD is an imbalance in the brain chemical called Serotonin. This chemical serves as a "bridge" in sending nerve impulses from one nerve cell to the next, and in regulating repetitive behaviors. The fact that OCD patients show great improvement when taking medications to prevent this imbalance further supports this theory.

Treatments for OCD

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Antidepressant medications. Researchers have found that certain antidepressant medications, help alleviate obsessive behaviors by increasing the amount of serotonin and improve communication between the nerve cells. As with all medications, antidepressants have some side effects. It is important to ask your physician about potential side effects whenever taking medication. Antibiotic therapy. Antibiotic therapy may be useful in cases where OCD is linked to streptococcal infection. Behavioral Therapy. Behavioral therapy can be used to lessen unwanted compulsions. First, people are exposed to the situations that produce obsessions and anxiety, and then they are encouraged to resist performing the rituals that usually help control the anxiety. Over time and with practice, OCD symptoms gradually go away. The person with OCD must really want to use this method, though, to be able to tolerate the high levels of anxiety that result. For example, a compulsive hand-washer might be encouraged to touch an object that she fears is contaminated, and then be discouraged from washing her hands for several hours. The ultimate goal of this therapy is to eliminate the anxiety and show the patient that nothing bad will result if he/she fails to perform the compulsive task. Family Therapy. Family therapy is a way to educate the relatives of a person with OCD about their part in the recovery process, and how to deal with their own feelings of frustration and unhappiness. Families may participate in therapy by attending information sessions about the situations that may cause symptoms to worsen and the ways that loved ones can help the patient overcome the illness.

(Note: Read the sermon, Bibles Solution to OCD in the next teaching.) Having said the above, I must give this clarification. We are not to allow sickness, tiredness or illness to be allowed to remove the sanctifying influence of the rod. Tiredness or illness may tend to make the child sluggish or cranky, but disobedience must still be seen as a basic manifestation of the sin nature, and every manifestation of the sin nature must be corrected.
Example: Movie: As Good as It Gets This movie is about the character Melvin (played by Jack Nicholson) who has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which makes him a virtual 'slave' to his anxieties, and the repetitious actions they involve. At one point he is despairing because he wants to cure himself of OCD so that he can have a relationship with Helen. Nayano in South Australia It is NOT an aspect of OCD to be mean or make 'crass remarks'. Indeed, a more typical picture of a person with OCD is a 'people pleaser' - but his character trait is also not part of the obsessive compulsive disorder. Please pray for those with this disorder - it can be a 'living hell'.

A failure to maintain the rod under these circumstances will produce negative results. For one, the child will learn to feign tiredness or illness in order to avoid a spanking when he is disobedient. Some will become convincing young actors. If he doesnt fake it we may, in order to cover up for him. Oh, shes so tired today. I wont spank her this time. But Sally, dont do that any more. Thats a serious mistake, because the child will learn that hes not spanked when hes tired or not feeling well. Then when he disobeys and we come toward him in order to spank him he will come to us and say, Mommy, my head hurts, or Daddy, Im tired, and think that he can thereby escape the rod. Weariness or illness must never be acceptable excuses for sinful behavior. We will want to apply the rod proportionately, recognizing that his illness may be contributing to his disobedience. Perhaps the firmness of our spanking will be somewhat milder, but the rod must still be applied consistently lest he find a way of escape. Do not hold back

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discipline from the child, although you beat him with the rod, he will not die (Pr 23:13). That is just as true when he is tired or sick as it is when he is energetic and well.
8. ACCOMPANY WITH VERBAL REPROOF.

Too many parents spank their children without ever actually telling them why. One man told me that whenever his mother became angry with him she spanked him and then gave him the cold shoulder treatment for days and even weeks at a time. If he asked her what he had done to upset her so, she would reply matter of factly, You know. But he really didnt know. He didnt understand because she never told him. In cases such as this one the rod may have been applied, but there was no biblical discipline. Biblical discipline is correction, and that means that the pattern of the childs behavior must be changed by instruction in righteousness. HE must be shown the error of his way, and then directed to the proper path. This requires explanation and instruction. Biblical discipline demands words. Discipline can in some ways be likened to preaching a sermon. It is a message revealing the nature of God, the sin of man, and the consequences that necessarily follow. Spanking without words is like preaching without words. It is utterly useless as a means of grace. It cannot have its desired effect. The rod and reproof give wisdom (Pro 29:15). Neither one can do the job by itself. The rod without words fails to teach our children the difference between right and wrong. Words without the rod become shallow, empty air. We must be certain that our children always understand the exact reason they are being disciplined. It may not be possible each and every time, but whenever circumstances permit we ought to have a full discussion with our child incorporating the following elements. 1. First, be certain that he understand what he did that was wrong. Let him figure it out: make him think. If he needs a little help, then give it to him. Jimmy, what did you do? I hit Susan, or I called Fred a bad name. Have him be specific. Dont settle for I disobeyed. Or I did something I wasnt supposed to do. Those very general answers dont tell us that he really understands. They may simply be his reaction to the circumstances. He knows that he is disciplined when he disobeys. He is being disciplined; therefore he must have disobeyed. If he does not know specifically what he is being corrected for, he will not be corrected. If he doesnt understand, you can count on him to do it again. 2. Second, bring the authority of God to bear on him directly. Ask him a question. What does God say about that? Again, give him the opportunity to respond. Let him search his mind to see if he can recall the teaching of Scripture. If he cannot, then we need to help him. This is our opportunity to apply specific text directly to his behavior. Jimmy, why did you punch Susan? Dont you remember that God says, A gentle answer turns away wrath? When hes broken a commandment of the Lord, remind him of that commandment and what it means. Help him to see that by what he

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has done he has offended God. After you have done this a few times, you will be genuinely surprised at his response. We are establishing a pattern and giving spiritual direction to his conscience. Soon he will be able to recognize his sins himself, and he will see them as sins against the Lord. This is exactly what we want to accomplish in discipline. Third, help him to evaluate his own actions in the light of Scripture. Ask him another question. Well, then, has your action been right or wrong (good or bad) according to the Scriptures? We need to teach our children how to discern right from wrong. Many people never learn how to do that. They seem to think that discernment is a gift that some people have and that others lack. Our children need to be trained in this from their earliest days. By this procedure they will learn that you are not judging them; God is, through His Word. And remember, If we judged ourselves rightly, we should not be judged [of the Lord] 1Co 11:31). Fourth, help him to see that when he sins he needs to be corrected. Another question: What happens when you disobey? His answer again ought to be something specific: I need to be spanked, or I need to be disciplined. It is important for our children to recognizeand verbalizethat discipline is something that they really do need, as much as they need three meals a day and a good nights sleep. Correction is essential to their development and something that they will experience all of their lives. The Lord disciplines us for our good (Heb 12:10), and our children need to see discipline as a good part of their lives. Fifth, show to him your obligation to be Gods agent in correction. I always make it a point to ask my children, As your father, what must I do under Gods authority? My children reply, You ought to spank me. Now its clear. Our child has violated Gods commandments, and he therefore needs to be corrected under Gods authority delegated to us parents. He realizes that we dont have any choice. We are under authority, just as he is. We are required to correct him when he errs, and if we dont, then we will ourselves be disciplined by the Lord. Our children need to know that we discipline them as agents of God, and not because we enjoy using the rod. Finally, after we have spanked him and loved him, we can explain to him what he ought to do so that he may avoid having to be corrected in the future.

Here are those questions again: What did you do? What does God say about this? Was what you did right or wrong according to the Scriptures? What happens when you disobey? What must I do as a parent under Gods authority? What ought you to do in the future? We will, of course, have to adjust the details of such a discussion to suit the different ages and circumstances of our children, but the thrust of what we say must be the same whether we are dealing with a child of fourteen months or fourteen years. Little children and big children, even grown children, must hear words that tell them why they are being disciplined by their parents, or by the Lord.

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9. DISCIPLINE BY MEASURE

Biblical correction must be proportionate in its application. The fact that physical discipline must be sufficiently firm to impress the lesson does not mean that it must be equally firm for every lesson. I must be careful not to either over-correct or under-correct. The severity of the spanking ought to be in proportion to the seriousness of the departure. If it is only a minor departure, a glance, a snap of fingers, a word, or a normal spanking may be sufficient to bring him back onto the proper path. But if it is a very sharp departure, it may require a very severe pressure to bring him back onto the proper path. Charles Bridges has well said that the rod is medicine, not food; the remedy for the occasional diseases of the constitution, not the daily regimen for life and nourishment. To convert medicine into daily food gradually destroys its remedial quality. If every time you put your child across the knee you spank him as hard as you possibly can, he becomes accustomed to that level of spanking and it becomes very, very difficult to impress upon him the seriousness of a future offense. In our home we normally use a ruler, and we reserve the belt for more serious offenses. Bridges, further warns us that children become hardened under an iron rod. Sternness and severity of manner close up their hearts. It is most dangerous to make them afraid of us. Our children ought to have a healthy respect and fear of the rod. They ought to fear being spanked. They ought to fear bringing displeasure to their parents and to God, but it is a very dangerous thing to make our children afraid of us. The rod needs to be administered in a context of love proportionately according to the frame of the child. It may be difficult, but we must learn to gear the rod to the seriousness of the offense. To continually bear down on our children with a heavy hand without making any distinction between offenses will frustrate them, exasperate them, and cause them to lose heart. Paul had all this in mind when he wrote to parents in Collose, saying, Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouiraged (Col 3:21). When we over-correct, our children lose hope. They begin to feel that we are always hard on them and that they can do no good in our sight. Use great care and caution: we dont want to run them off the road.

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