Viv Craske

30 Days To Confidence
Your Personal Success Journal To Beat Anxiety And Build Self-confidence Now!

By Viv Craske

Copyright Viv Craske 2009 Published by New Reality Books

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Step forward, Tin Man! You dare to come to me for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of kaligenous junk! First, you must prove yourselves worthy by performing a very small task. Bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West. Wizard of Oz The trick is in what one emphasises. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. Carlos Castaneda

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Dedication
How Ive communicated the ideas in this workbook are unique the techniques behind them are not. A big thank you to the masters, mentors and friends who have also played with these ideas of language and change to bring understanding and transformation in peoples lives. Your influence is contained within my words. Thank you also to those of you who have helped me find my own path to happiness and confidence while making this book.

Greta Absalom Andy Austin Richard Bandler Matt Bartsch Andrew Cain Michael Carroll Karen Clark Cazzie Dare Roberts Dilts Bruce Di Marsico Terry Elston Milton Erickson Richard Flook John Grinder Robert Holden

Susan Jeffers James Lavers Paul McKenna Michael Neill Sue Pullen Michael Richmond Anthony Robbins Al Siebert Jose Silva Jamie Smart George Stevens

And to Joan Craske (1931-2008) who taught me that love is the best therapy.

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How to use this book

This book is designed to take you from where you are in your life right now to wherever you really want to get to. Whether you feel stuck, dont know where youre going, have anxiety or worries, or just want to build more selfesteem and confidence, 30 Days To Confidence will be your guide to show you how you can move forward now. To get the most from your journey, Id suggest that you take a moment to get really clear on what you want see Know Your Outcome, p22. Each day I invite you to discover a new technique to boost self-esteem and confidence and beat anxiety and nerves. Youll be using some of the most advanced psychological mindconditioning methods available and all are simple to use and highly effective. Feel free to return to your favourite techniques at any time whether to deal with obstacles, or to re-fresh and get a deeper understanding.

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If you have any questions relating to these techniques, please feel free to email me at: viv@vivcraske.com
Disclaimer: If you are unsure about using these techniques for reasons of mental or physical health, please consult your doctor and/or a qualified NLP practitioner in your area.

Ps. Youre eligible to discover the secret extra tips and techniques available to my friends in the members area of my website. To find out more, you can skip to Page 98.

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Contents
5 6 10 16 30 33 38 40 41 44 46 47 48 50 Dedication How To Use This Book My Journey Welcome And Congratulations Day 1 Your Confidence Audit Day 2 Sizing It Up Day 3 Your Perceptual Power Day 4 What Do You Want? Day 5 Stop Stopping Yourself Day 6 Future Confidence Now Day 7 The One Minute De-stress Day 8 Valuing Confidence Day 9 Change Your Brain For A Change Day 10 Rapport For Instant Comfort And Success Day 11 Juggle Away Anxiety Day 12 Ditching The Bad Day Filter Day 13 Feeling Good Is In The Details Day 14 Ditch The Dont Day 15 (Part 1) Check-In

51 52 54 57 60

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Contents
65 67 69 70 71 73 75 78 81 83 84 85 87 88 89 92 98 Day 15 (Part 2) How Much Can You Love Yourself Day 16 Moving Beyond The Problem Day 17 Believe Whatever You Want Day 18 Tuning Out The Talk Show Host Day 19 Noticing How It Feels To Feel Good Day 20 Find Your Passion Day 21 Your Coat Of Confidence Day 22 Noticing the no problems Day 23 Dealing With First-Time Jitters Day 24 Find Your Inner Compass (Part 1) Day 25 Find Your Inner Compass (Part 2) Day 26 Learn Something (Else) New Day 27 Breathing In Happiness And Confidence Day 28 Mental Freedom Day 29 What Do You Want Now? Day 30 Celebrate! Day 31 Whats The Secret?

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My journey begins
The director shouts action, and the lights glare into my face as half a dozen assorted crew and cast members wait for me to perform. The only problem is the lines dont sound right in my head. And as I open my mouth it dries up in a flash. My heart races and I deliver what must have been some of the least convincing lines in the history of cinema. The director yells cut and, crouching next to me, he suggests I say the lines in my own way, and perhaps well try again. Its not until the premiere of the movie that I confirm what I already knew in my head my part is cut from the movie ---------------My confidence hit rock bottom in late 2003. As the 29-year-old editor of respected dance music magazine Mixmag, I was successful, earning good money, employing a team of 12 and allocating a third of a million pound annual budget. Id also been offered a part in a movie a documentary-style film about a superstar DJ, Frank E Wildee who loses his 9

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hearing, played by Paul Kaye (the comedian who became notorious for taking the mickey out of celebrities as fake celebrity interviewer Dennis Pennis. The movie was called Its All Gone Pete Tong and my character, originally named Woodly, was, like me, editor of Mixmag. I had nine lines in the movie, as one of a number of talking heads chronicling Franks rise and fall to fame. All I had to do was be me, and I was finding that impossible. ---------------Action! the director calls, and my mouth dries up again, all eyes on me where were crammed into my office in Central London. The song became one of those summer anthems you cant stop hearing, I force out. Everyone had it on their set list. And then it struck me. The words didnt fit right, because I no longer knew who I was. The passion I used to have for my job had been replaced by stress, the confidence I had at the start of my career eight years before had been chipped away, and here I was, exposed

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in front of a crowd of my peers as a nervy, unconfident man whod lost direction in his life. This was a revelation to me, and I didnt have any of the skills I needed to get my life back on track. I quit my job, split up with my girlfriend and moved to Brighton to re-think my life. ---------------I did many things in Brighton that changed my life for the better. I started running along the seafront and going to the gym. I learned how to cook (even appearing on BBC cookery show Masterchef). And I met a girl who was a hypnotherapist, who lent me some of her books something clicked and I knew intuitively I wanted to study the psychology of feeling good. As I read books and went on professional training courses, I had a second lifechanging revelation. I realised that virtually every institution Id moved though, from school, to university, to international media companies, had one thing in common: they encouraged people to be average. Success in the eyes of traditional psychologists is a bell curve, and those 11

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who appear to get along fine sit squarely in the bell. Perform poorly and you need remedial teaching (or therapy), perform too well and there are queues round the block of people ready to knock you down, put you in your place, and tell you why you wont succeed. I never had wanted to be average I always wanted to be if not the best at something, then my own take on being the best. And years later, after Id hit my lowest ebb, I stumbled across a technology called Neuro-Linguistic Programming that promised just that. ---------------Forged by John Grinder, a linguistics professor, and Richard Bandler, a psychology undergraduate, at the University Of California in the early 70s, NLP has many definitions, but my favourite is that it is a physiology of excellence. As I studied these advanced psychological techniques it became clear to me that these were nuggets of gold tools that allow you to change your thoughts, emotions, goals, and outlook on life radically. I digested everything I could on the subject of NLP and hypnosis, and started to put this physiology of excellence

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into practice. I entered running races, set myself targets in the gym, launched a new career as a therapist and set myself goals so big and bright, that I could see myself becoming an even bigger success in the field of self-improvement than Id been as a journalist. ---------------Which brings us, more or less, to the present, and this success journal youre holding in your hands, your eyes scrolling across the page, perhaps wondering if this is going to be just another self-help product or whether there really are nuggets of gold within this pages that will allow you to upgrade, improve and enhance your life. Within these pages are the very tools and techniques that turned my life around from teetering on the verge of depression (and what I now like to jokingly describe as my third-life crisis I was too young for a mid-life crisis after all), to discovering that confidence was within me all along. ---------------The bottom line is this: If you use these techniques and act on them, you can

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have success in whatever areas of your life you wish. When I was a teenager, I once read an article in a scientific magazine that suggested you could only ever change up to 5% of your personality. I believed it at the time and enjoyed telling people this fact that we were stuck with ourselves forever no matter what. The truth is this: no matter how shitty youve felt in the past, the past is gone. No matter how unsure you feel about the future, it is a future with limitless possibility. And whether you believe me right now or not doesnt interest me. What does interest me, is that you use these techniques in your life and test them out for yourself. As tried-and-tested techniques that Ive used time and again with my private clients, I know they work. Now its your turn

Viv Craske The King Of Confidence

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Hi, its Viv, Welcome to your personal success journal 30 Days To Confidence
Before we begin this journey together, Id like to congratulate you on two points: Congratulations No.1 Congratulations I imagine youre here, reading this because youve successfully managed to feel unconfident, anxious, nervous, depressed, unhappy, lonely, afraid, ashamed, worthless, or otherwise stuck in life. Youve learned to do this perhaps over a long period of time. And now youre here to make important changes in your life, so you can move forward, feel more positive or get unstuck. And the only thing I need from you is to continue to feel unconfident, anxious, nervous, depressed, unhappy, lonely, afraid, ashamed, worthless, or otherwise stuck in life until we have identified and you have tested alternative ways to do for you what those old behaviours, 15

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thoughts, feelings and emotions currently do for you Feeling those things is a stuck state of mind and Im here to show you how to get unstuck and to develop the same mindset that the worlds most confident and successful people have. Congratulations No.2 Congratulations for buying this product that means you recognise the need to change, whether thats to get away from things you feel and things you do that you no longer want, or to move towards a more confident, happier you. Im not here to tell you what to do after all youre not here to hear what others think is right or wrong in youre life. While we might not have met in person, its safe for me to assume that its now time for you to choose to start making some important changes When I work with my clients in my private practice, I recognise that they are paying me quite large sums of money to work with them and get them a result. Im there to find out why the things they want to change werent changing how theyd like, and then show them how to change them as quickly as possible.

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I use the most cutting edge and powerful psychological mindconditioning coaching techniques, including hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. The techniques I use get results for my clients the vast majority of the time. And while we havent yet spoken in person, Im going to share with you the same powerful techniques here, over these pages. But before you leap in and get to work with making the changes you want, Id like to share with you a secret that other therapists would prefer I didnt share with you. As The King Of Confidence, I dont mind putting a few noses out of joint I consider getting you the best result possible the most important thing, not protecting the trade secrets of a bunch of fusty old therapists. Its the secret that all successful therapies share in common, and its the structure of change the same structure Im going to employ here, that youre welcome to embrace too. Here goes (sorry fellow therapists). The secret is this:

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There are only really 3 questions to ask yourself to make any change in your life. Thats right. Whether you want to change a small detail or overhaul your past, present and future, you only need to consider the following

Secret change question 1:

Whats the problem?

Secret change question 2:

What would you like instead?

Secret change question 3:

What are you going to do about it? And thats it. With these three simple questions you can solve any problem starting today! Now I know that some of you will be saying to yourself something like, That cant be right. Thats just too simple. Some of you may have tried a whole range of therapies or been in and out of counselling or psychotherapy for weeks, months or years.

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And thats right. These questions are the structure of making changes. These 3 secret questions are the ones therapists use to discover the problems and reorientate you to the solutions, so that youre already in the right mindset for the changes you want to happen. And you can use these questions on yourself too. Of course, just asking these questions doesnt make years of feeling unconfident or anxious go away, does it? And thats fine. Im not here to make bold claims or to suggest your problem can be changed simply and quickly. But as you run through these 3 questions in your head, its useful to notice what thoughts and emotions occur as you ponder them. If you find yourself resisting any of these secret change questions, Id suggest that would be the place to keep on looking until you find a solution to that internal struggle it makes manoeuvring through to the next stage of your personal change process much easier and faster! Some of you may already be raring to go, and thats great. And for those of you who might be thinking Ive lost my mind to suggest such a reductionist view on your personal problems, Id like to share with you anther secret from the 19

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therapy world about how change happens easily. (Again, if youre a fellow therapist reading this and youre not happy that Im revealing trade secrets well, to be honest, I dont give a monkeys).

The 7 Steps of Lasting Therapeutic Change

1. Know what you want the end result or goal 2. Create a powerful mindset and physicality for success 3. Find the resources you need to change 4. Be true to yourself 5. Take action! 6. Be aware of you and your world 7. Be flexible Again. Its simple. Whatever your problems, concerns, issues, wants, needs or desires, the underlying process to change is always

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the same. And no matter how complicated your stuff is, youll be glad to know that the process itself the roadmap to getting what you want is simple. Youll notice that the 3 Secret Change Questions cover this model too. Whats the problem? Is included in Know what you want. What would you like instead? is included in points 2. through to 4. What are you going to do about it? is covered by points 5. through 7. So before we begin making any powerful and lasting changes, Id like to suggest you take the next minute to walk through each of The 7 Steps of Lasting Therapeutic Change so that when you move on through the exercises in this success journal, you already have that roadmap unconsciously embedded, making the journey even easier for you than you can imagine it now. 1. Know what you want Whats the problem? What is it not? When and where do you have it? When and where do you not have it? 21

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The more specific you can be here, the better. Now, what do you actually want? State your outcome, goal or result in positive terms. Make it something thats specific and achievable that you can also check back on once the changes are all made. And what would making the changes youre about to make actually get you now and in the future? Finally, check on all the consequences of making this change positive and negative. Make sure youre happy to accept all the possible effects of making these changes in your life. If not, re-work your outcome. What I want:

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2. Create a powerful mindset and physicality for success To begin with, make sure youre ready to commit to this journey. Know that you are willing to do something every day, every week to get the result you want. To do that, you may need to start making some adjustments to how you think, how you deal with feelings and emotions and how you act and move and thats okay, the methods in the following pages will make this process clear. If you want to be a certain way, nows the time to start thinking and acting as if youre already changing. 3. Find the resources needed to change Change is not something you do alone, and only in your mind and body. No one ever succeeded with anything on their own and in a vacuum. Now is the time to identify what you need to go on this journey. Think of it as packing a case for a long trip what do you need to take with you, and what would you prefer to leave behind? Some of the things you need might be practical life changes, others might be emotional, mental or even spiritual sources of help. Your resources can be internal 23

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such as useful memories or feelings or external, such as connecting with mentors, coaches and friends who are most likely to help you achieve your results. Anything you dont need for the trip, leave out. Anything you forget you can always pick it up at the airport 4. Be true to yourself In therapy jargon, this is being congruent. This means making changes that fit with who you are the core of you. Now there might be some things in that core some things you currently believe, things you value even that currently hinder your progress, and you can choose whether to keep them or swap them for even more useful thoughts as you move through your success journal. And whatever you choose has to be right for you. After all, how can you not be you? Perhaps its time to start being the best you you can be 5. Take action! Or rather Take Massive Action. Once youve got points 1 through 4 in place, you can navel gaze or you can worry about changing, both of which are likely to cause unnecessary stress or achieve very little. Or you can go and do it. A journey of a thousand

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miles begins with a single step, right? Why pack your suitcase and go to the bother to getting to the airport if youre not going to get on the plane? 6. Be aware of you and your world Sometimes theres so much going on in our lives we miss a lot of stuff. Because of that we miss a lot of good stuff too probably. And we can only do so much, right? Our senses can only process a tiny fraction of whats going on in our world. And if thats a scientific fact, you want to make sure youre taking time and energy to notice more of the good stuff and less of the stuff that holds you back. Once youve set your goal and worked through the techniques on Day 1 and Day 2, you should be super clear on what you want to be focussed on and where youre headed. Imagine you have laser focus and are able to hone in on what you want lock the target in your sights and be aware of everything around you and inside you thats useful to make your journey as smooth and speedy as possible. Remember, the journey itself might not be super smooth life is more like 25

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a slightly bumpy plane take off, right? but as long as you are paying attention to where youre going, its okay to go a little bit off course now and again. Did you know that 99% of the time the navigation computer in an airplane has the plane going off course?! It plots the next place to get to and heads off, negotiating round other planes or weather conditions, and in the process diverts from the as the crows flies route. And you always land where you want right, because the computer is continually paying attention and adjusting the next leg of the journey. And perhaps that next part of the journey overcompensates a little. What you have is a gentle zig-zag to your destination, but youve never taken your laser focus of where youre headed. 7. Be flexible If youve ever seen a child throw a tantrum in the middle of a supermarket, then youll already know the truth behind the phrase the person with the most flexible behaviour wins. I like this idea so much, Ive included it as one of the

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Jokers in my best-selling Creating Happiness And Confidence Playing Cards. The way to get a kid to stop having a tantrum is often not to try to confine their behaviour, or to reason with them about whats socially acceptable and what isnt, or to lecture them about being a good boy or girl. The way to stop tantrums forever is to be even more flexible in your behaviour than they are. What would happen if you threw an even bigger tantrum than them? Do it convincingly enough, and I bet theyll stop their own tantrum mid-cry to figure out what on earth you are doing. Now youve got their attention, you can move forward. As adults, there are parts of our mind that still act like a 5-year-old in a supermarket. Sometimes we say to ourselves were going to buy brown bread and we buy cake instead. Sometimes, we say weve had enough of a person or situation, but we go back for more. And sometimes we just want to show the world that were not having a good day.

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So guess what? If youve ever said to yourself, Im only going to be 100% happy and confident from today and not succeeded, thats your inner child kicking and screaming. And thats okay. As an adult, we know that tantrums and emotions pass. Even if what you do today means flying a little bit off course, you can re-adjust the controls tomorrow. Sometimes you start out with a fixed destination in mind, only to discover that something better or different comes along, as long as youre open to being flexible and adaptable in life. When I left my job as a journalist, I didnt know Id end up here. I thought I was going to write a novel. And maybe I will. But I was open to what came along and helping people to be who they want to be fired me up. You can be flexible too, if you choose to

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Day 1 Your Confidence Audit Its okay being aware of our problems, as long as we start to notice how we can move forward. Its also important to notice all the things going on in our lives that arent a problem, the things that are okay or actually pretty good right now. Lets do a mental stock check and create your own confidence and selfesteem audit: Whats good in my life?
(Start your list with I am breathing. Now continue with I have food to eat, etc. Make sure you keep listing all the things that are not a problem or are good in your life. Dont scrimp on the details, such as I love my partner/home/cat or I know I can overcome challenges.)

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(You can keep writing on a separate sheet if you want to)

What needs improving?

(Make this list as specific as you can. Relationships, for example, isnt as good as getting specific with the problem, e.g. jealously. Make sure you write down how you can improve things around that specific problem, e.g Learn to be feel secure in romantic relationships.)

2
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 Take a look at which list is longer. Now list one improvement youd like to focus on during Days 1-10 Improvement 1.. Improvement 2.. Improvement 3.. List 1 or 2 improvements youd like to focus on during Days 10-30 Improvement 1.. Improvement 2..

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Day 2 Sizing It Up Confidence, self-esteem and anxiety arent things that we either totally have or totally dont have it makes more sense to think of them as being on a scale, say from 1 to 10. Using a scale means you can check in where youre at, when things are less comfortable, and when they are better. Many of us could do with more confidence in at least one area of our lives. And many of us, if we really take notice, will admit were more confident in some areas more than others. Lets start measuring where youre at today (circle one number on each line): My confidence at work is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence with family is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence with friends is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

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My confidence in romantic relationships is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My self-esteem at work is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem around family is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

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My self-esteem around friends is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem in romantic relationships is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

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My level of anxiety/nerves at work is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around family is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around friends is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves in romantic relationships is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

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My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

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Day 3 Your Perceptual Power Would you like to have a way to switch off that voice that repeats bad stuff to you, or to insulate yourself from bad feelings and situations? You better be ready, this is powerful stuff! 1. Pick a spot on the wall above eye level and start to relax your gaze by relaxing the muscles around the eyes. 2. Keep relaxing your eye muscles, noticing that you can see much more into the periphery of your vision. 3. Relax those eye muscles until you can see up to 180 degrees (and even the tip of your nose). 4. Now, as you keep hold onto this calm, powerful state, think of a bad time. Notice how you can remember the event, but the bad emotions are gone as if youre insulated from those old feelings. In fact, using this technique it is impossible to have a negative emotion!

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Play with this technique. You can use it to: 1. Review bad events from the past without the emotional weight the memory once had. 2. Instantly use your Perceptual Power when someone says something hurtful or something goes wrong. 3. Remove critical internal chatter. 4. Keep calm.

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Day 4 What Do You Want? Heres the thing: I think what you really want is not more confidence and selfesteem, but what more confidence and self-esteem can get you! Time to make a list of what you really want as you find your confidence and self-esteem naturally increasing With less anxiety, worry and stress I can be/have/do With more confidence I can be/have/do With greater self-esteem I can be/have/do

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Day 5 Stop Stopping Yourself Are there things in your life, things you do or say, that are stopping you from having the life you want, and being the best you you can be? Is there a specific behaviour you do in an area of your life thats not getting you the results you want? Write it down: Notice how you feel as you remember times youve done this. I feel.. Imagine youve led a long life and youre now reminiscing as an old man or woman. What were the consequences of holding onto this behaviour?

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Weird question alert: What do you get from doing this behaviour? Even though I dont like what Im doing, is there a positive or enjoyable side effect from doing it? (e.g. Arguing with a partner, allows me to make up later and feel really loved.) What do I really want? Whats the ideal outcome? How many ways can I work towards my preferred outcome now? 1.

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2. 3. 4. 5.

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Day 6 Future Confidence Now Is there an event or situation coming up where youd like to swap nerves or worries for confidence or calmness? Heres how you can have that... 1. What mental state or feeling could you have that would help you in the future event? e.g. calmness or confidence. 2. Remember a specific time youve had that feeling before. 3. Really notice what you saw, what you heard and what you felt. I saw I heard.. I felt 4. Go back into that experience and imagine re-living it vividly now. As the feeling peaks, squeeze together a 43

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thumb and forefinger. Let go as the feeling subsides. 5. Think of the future event where you want to feel differently. Imagine looking through your own eyes and notice what you might see and hear. 6. Squeeze together your fingers notice how the good feeling returns. Notice how what you see and hear changes for the better. 7. Practice just before or during the event.

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Day 7 The One Minute De-stress When we are excited or nervous we breathe quicker, increasing oxygen flow to our organs and muscles. When we are relaxed, our breathing slows and creates a more relaxed physiology. Heres how to consciously use your breathing to relax and recharge. 1. Close your eyes. Breathe in as you count from 1 to 5. 2. Breathe out, counting from 1 to 7. 3. Continue this rhythm for as long as you like. As little as 30 seconds will get you great results. Longer will really revitalise you. 4. Take a few moments to use this powerful technique whenever you need to de-stress or would like to relax. After youve noticed any nerves, fears, anxiousness, or negative self-talk, use this technique to come back to centre.

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Day 8 Valuing Confidence It may seem an odd question a week into this programme, but its an important one: Why do you care about increasing your confidence and selfesteem now? What do I value about feeling more confident and good about myself? Whats important to me about increasing my confidence and self-esteem is: I most value my confidence when I am 1 2 3 Ask yourself, How can I have more of these kind of experiences in my life?

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Day 9 Change Your Brain For A Change Heres an easy way to kickstart your brain into knowing its time to make some quick and permanent changes in your life: 1. Start letting your brain know its time to make changes in your life. The easiest way (and most fun!) to do this is to change several small details in your life to let your brain know that change is fun. 2. I have a challenge for you: How many habits can you break this week? Buy something different in the supermarket, go a different way to work, listen to different music. What else can you do differently: 1... 2... 3 4 5 6

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7 8 9 10 3. Tell yourself: These new experiences show that I am changing many things in my life. 4. What even bigger things can you change next week?

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Day 10 - Rapport For Instant Comfort And Success We get into rapport with people naturally (as least with people we are comfortable with and like). Perhaps youd like to be able to make instant connections with anyone you meet. Heres how 1. Next time you want to build speedy rapport with someone, take time to notice how they hold their posture and how they talk. 2. Is their voice deep or high-pitched, soft or booming, gravely or singsong. Without mimicking, adjust your voice a little to be more in tune with theirs. 3. Now do the same with posture. Without mimicking every single gesture and pose, notice what a difference it makes to sit or stand like them. 4. Notice the different gestures and postures they have when they are describing things they like. (Extra Tip:
You might want to mirror them back to them when you talk about something you like and see what effect it has.)

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Day 11 - Juggle Away Anxiety When were anxious, the emotional right hemisphere of our brain is working overtime, while the logical left side isnt tuning in. Heres a fascinating technique that keeps both sides of the brain in touch to reduce anxiety or nerves in seconds. 1. If youre anxious now, go to Step 2. If not, remember a specific time you felt anxious. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is having hardly any anxiety, and 10 is feeling very panicky, where are you now? 2. Get a tennis ball (or anything you can pass between your hands easily. Throw it between your hands for 30 seconds as you think of the problem. 3. On a scale of 1 to 10, where are you now? Repeat until the feeling is much better. 4. Use this method whenever you want to beat anxiety fast

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Day 12 Ditching The Bad Day Filter We all have bad days where things dont seem to go our way. The question is: Is it really true that nothing is going right, or are we filtering the world through a bad day filter? 1. Notice what you believe when you are having a bad day. e.g. No one likes me or Everything is going wrong. Bad Day Belief 1 Bad Day Belief 2 Bad Day Belief 3 2. Challenge that old statement. Useful questions are: No one? Everyone?, Always?, Never? etc. 3. Look for evidence that contradicts your bad day filter. 4. What is going right, right now? What is the reality of your whats going on for you right now? Ask,

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Whats the most useful way to think about this now? Bad Day Reality 1 Bad Day Reality 2 Bad Day Reality 3

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Day 13 Feeling Good Is In The Details Its easy to pay attention to the big ups and downs of life, isnt it? And you can also notice the small details of your day, week or month that allow you to feel good about yourself or confident in yourself. 1. Make a list of mood boosters that make your life better, e.g. a hug, walking in the outdoors, a cup of tea whatever works for you. I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... 53

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I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ...
(You can keep writing on a separate sheet if you want to)

2. Make a week planner. Write your mood boosters next to it. Plan to actively have between 3 and 5 of these mood boosters each day. 3. At the end of each day this week, mark your mood boosters off on your planner. If youve noticed even more things that make you feel good inside, write them down too: I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ...

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I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... I feel good when.. ... 4. How can you experience even more good stuff tomorrow and the rest of the week?

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Day 14 Ditch The Dont Have you noticed how many of us find it easy to describe what we dont want, but sometimes we dont clearly know what we would like instead? Forget I dont want to be lonely, I cant get a better job or I cant find a decent partner. Time to start focusing on what you do want! 1. Pick an area of your life youd like to experience differently. Ask yourself, Whats the problem? As you speak your answer out loud, notice any donts, cants, must nots and shouldnts you say. Write down what you said word for word: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 2. Ask yourself, What do I want instead? Write down your answer (and re-write it as often as you

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need on a separate piece of paper) until all the linguistic negatives are replaced by words that describe what you do want and can have. (Extra Tip: See how
concise and clear and concrete you can make your answer i.e. instead of I want a boyfriend you might write something like I want to meet a man this year who I feel comfortable with, who finds it easy to talk through problems and who loves cuddling)

What I want is ... ... 3. What are the first steps I am now willing to take to move towards that This week..... ... ... This month..... ... ... 57

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***Congratulations***
Hey its Viv, Youre halfway through your 30-day transformation already your personal journey to creating less anxiety and worries and more self-esteem and confidence in your life. Because youre here, reading this, it means that youre showing to yourself that youre committed to positive changes, and that each positive change is a reflection of how much more youre willing to like yourself and feel confident about who you are and what you can do now. If youve come this far, imagine what you can do if you continue to make changes, this month, this year, the next five years even And I wonder what the biggest thing is you can imagine that you can start to plan to do or have now youre making these changes Well done, keep going and be happy! Viv Craske

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Day 15 (Part 1) - Check-In Remember the exercise you did on Day 2, where you took stock of where you were on a scale of 1 to 10? Its time to check-in with your progress. Go through the list below as before, then, once youve completed it, check in with your old scores from Day 2 I wonder whats different for you now? My confidence at work is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence with family is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence with friends is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence in romantic relationships is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

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(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My self-esteem at work is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem around family is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem around friends is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

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My self-esteem in romantic relationships is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My level of anxiety/nerves at work is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

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My level of anxiety/nerves around family is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around friends is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves in romantic relationships is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

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My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

I know my confidence is increasing because.. I know my self-esteem is increasing because.. I know my anxiety/nerves are decreasing because..

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Day 15 (Part 2) How Much Can You Love Yourself Seriously... How much pleasure, enjoyment, euphoria, confidence, selfesteem and joy can you handle? Ask yourself the following: What do you want to get from using this personal success journal? If you could feel happier and more confident today, what would you be doing to make that happen? Whats stopping you from having even more happiness and confidence today?

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 Maybe you cant and if you could, how would you start to solve those blocks? What will it feel like with more of the feelings you want now?

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Day 16 Moving Beyond The Problem What would it be like if you could move beyond a problem, or find a new solution in the details? Think of something thats making you unhappy or unconfident. 1. Whats limiting my self-esteem and confidence is. 2. What I would like to have instead is... 3. If I did have that now, what would it get for me? What would it allow me to do? What purpose would it have?

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 4. What alternative ways can I get that, allow myself to do that, or find that purpose? 5. What specific small steps can I put in place to move towards those alternatives now? 1 2 3 4 5

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Day 17 Believe Whatever You Want When you say, Im useless at X, Im not good enough or Im too Y, these are just phrases that limit you and you use to make yourself feel bad. Why would you want to do that? Is it time for you to ditch them? 1. State the belief out loud, e.g. Im rubbish at relationships. Notice how you feel inside as you say it. 2. Take a deep breath and let it out. 3. What is your favourite food, animal or holiday destination? 6. Now change your belief to include this word, e.g. Im rubbish at chocolate cake. 7. Give yourself 2 minutes to talk about that old belief, substituting your new word. Are you laughing yet? 8. Say your old belief out loud again (with the original word). Notice how it feels differently inside as you say it.

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Day 18 Tuning Out The Talk Show Host Do you ever get that inner voice that says, Im rubbish at this! or Youre too this or Youre not enough that? These critical internal thoughts are like a well meaning but slightly misguided radio talk show host. Get ready to change the channel! 1. Notice the kind of things your inner critic says to you. 2. Ask yourself, Is this useful for me to hear this right now? 3. Think of a voice you really cant trust the more daft, the better, e.g. Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck or someone youve heard with really a silly voice. 4. Repeat the words your inner critic says in the new silly voice, out loud and with as much silliness as you can! 5. Notice how the inner critic starts to sound different.

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Day 19 Noticing How It Feels To Feel Good Some people are adept at spotting good feelings coming from others, but arent as good as noticing them in themselves. Heres a simple way to change that, and start to really notice when youre feeling good. Make a list of times when you remember being happy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10.
(You can keep writing on a separate sheet if you want to)

Imagine being in one of those times one when you feel really good. How does feeling good feel in your body? Where does the feeling start in my body? . . 2
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It feels . .
(e.g. warm, cool, fuzzy, etc)

Where does it move next in my body? . . When else do I have this feeling? 1 2 3 4 5 How often do I have this feeling each week? (Give it a percentage, even if its small) % Now, what can you do to increase that percentage this week?

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Day 20 Find Your Passion Do you already know what makes you passionate? Want to get clear? Activities I enjoy most are: What adds meaning to my life is: What gives me more energy is: Whats most valuable to me is:

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What makes me feel most alive is: What goals would I like to work towards? If I could wave a magic wand tomorrow how would my life be? What do I need to do right now to feel even better about myself? Now act on your answers.

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Day 21 - Your Coat Of Confidence >>>Newsflash!>>> No one is 100% confident 100% of the time The thing is, the smart people know two things: - First, how to fake it. - And second, that if you fake it so, you soon enough make it so. Even when you dont feel confident, if you take a moment to create a confident physiology youll start to feel confident too. (And even if you still feel a little
bit nervous, no one will ever know, because youll look confident!)

1. Think of someone who has total confidence in the same situation youd like more confidence in, e.g. if you want confidence when youre on a date, who do you know who is totally at ease and charming with the other (or same) sex? 2. It can be someone you know personally or a celebrity and someone who youve seen acting confident in the way you want.

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What do you notice they do to get their result? Only notice the things useful to being more confident. 3. Think about this persons posture. How do they stand, sit, hold themselves? Practice using the same posture. 4. How do they gesture? What kinds of gestures? Are they big or small? How do they hold themselves as they gesture. Practice doing the same 5. How do they talk? What kind of things do they say that shows they are confident? How do they talk? What tone do they have? What quality gruff or clear or sing song, for example. Do they speak fast or slow? When do they pause? Do they deliver their words:

>>>>>>>>>>>> in a long stream with lots of energy!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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Or do they deliver them: in chunks with pauses? Now, make your voice more like theirs. The aim here is not to mimic their voice, but to notice the qualities that give their voice energy and confidence and borrow those to give your natural speaking voice a tune up. 6. Practice doing all these things together, to create a new physiology of confidence. Imagine that when you step into the situation you will be putting on your new Coat Of Confidence. 7. Now go and use it. Practice it. Then practice it some more!

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Day 22 Noticing the no problems Our brains are good at noticing problems, but not so good at remembering the times there were no problems. Time to change that. 1. Think of something that has been stopping you from having more selfesteem or confidence. When is it a problem? When is it not a problem? Make a list of all the times you dont feel that way. Its not a problem when. Instead I feel .. Its not a problem when. Instead I feel ..

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Its not a problem when. Instead I feel .. Its not a problem when. Instead I feel .. Its not a problem when. Instead I feel .. Which parts of the problem experience are specifically the problem? How I feel: Problem Less of a problem

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How I act: Problem Less of a problem How I talk: Problem Less of a problem What I hear: Problem Less of a problem

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Day 23 Dealing With First-Time Jitters People are often nervous about doing new things, and thats natural. And just imagine what it would be like if you could approach a new skill without the same first-time nerves. Heres how: 1. Imagine something youd either a) like to do for the first time Or b) like to do in an unfamiliar setting for the first time. Notice any nerves or worries you have as you imagine stepping into that event or situation. 2. Forget about that for a moment now. Instead, remember one of the greatest achievements in your life, or a time when you were very pleased or proud with yourself. Notice how that feels. Get that feeling nice and strong. 3. Now back to your first time event. Imagine travelling to 15 minutes after the event. Congratulate

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yourself on having had a new experience. Now fire off the feeling you felt in the step above. Hold onto it as you imagine yourself 15 minutes after the event. Notice how you feel now youve overcome your old concerns. 4. Travel back from after the event, through the event to the present, holding onto that good feeling, and noticing what you did to achieve this result.

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Day 24 Find Your Inner Compass (Part 1) Many of us would like to feel more sure of ourselves. Heres a simple way to be more confident about your thoughts and decisions. 1. Start by asking yourself some questions youre 100% confident you know the answer to, such as: Q: Whats my name? Q: What year was I born in? Q: What car do I drive?
(Ask anything you can answer without even needing to consider the answer you just know the answer is true)

As you answer, notice how it feels as you say the answers. Get a feel for how you intuitively know things that are definitely true. 2. Think of some ideas or beliefs about yourself youd like to believe are true, but youre not sure. Say them to yourself and see if they feel and sound the same as the definitely true statements. 3. If they dont sound the same, tweak the sounds and feelings in your body until you intuitively know they are true.
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Day 25 Find Your Inner Compass (Part 2) Babies and young children know they are brilliant. They communicate Arent I amazing! with ease. What would happen if you borrowed a bit of that child-like brilliant-ness today? 1. Remember what it was like to be a child, when you learned new things easily and changes were effortless. Remember (or imagine) times when you were very young and being playful, curious, creative, happy and confident. 2. How can you bring some of those qualities into your adult self today in a way that will help you get more of what you want now?

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Day 26 Learn Something (Else) New

Hey, its Viv Sssh, dont tell anyone theres a super secret mission in your 30 Days To Confidence success journal, and it starts it a moment its optional if youre not up to the challenge Ever wish you could start over again? Where you could be a different person in some way, try something new, have a new skill, talent or hobby? Well, heres your chance.
Learning new things is the easiest way to grow as a person. Even if something seems scary at first, you can always find something useful in new experiences. 1. Make a list of (legal!) things youd like to do, but youve previously been too nervous or busy for. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

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9 1/2 .. 10... 2. Spin the book around, shut your eyes and randomly put your finger on your list. Congratulations youve picked your new mission activity! 3. Research into how you can do this new activity in the next two weeks. 4. Commit to doing it, even if you feel nervous or silly. 5. Congratulate yourself on deciding to live and learn.

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Day 27 - Breathing In Happiness And Confidence Visualising while you relax and breathe allows you to calm down quickly and fill your body with confidence and composure. This is a technique Ive adapted from a simple Buddhist mediation if youre not into any of that, dont worry its not weird or anything, I promise. 1. Close your eyes and allow your breathing to settle into a rhythm. 2. With each out breath, imagine breathing out any bad feelings, stress or negativity from your body. See it in your minds eye as a grey mist that disperses into the air. 3. Continue for a minute or two, until you decide its time for the last breath of grey mist to disperse. 4. With each in breath, imagine breathing in a pure, white light of happiness and confidence for as long as you like. Notice it filling your body and, as it does, what it feels like.

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Day 28 Mental Freedom Sometimes words are magic. Have you ever read a novel, a poem, or listened to song lyrics, or to some kind words someone said and felt uplifted or freed from something? And like magic, words can also have a dark side, where certain phrases can imprison us with limited choices in life. 1. Think of a time when you said I should or I cant. Ask yourself, Even though I cant or I shouldnt, what would it be like if I could or did? 2. Imagine that theres nothing you cant do, and nothing you should do. What if there were only ever choices with consequences? 3. What if you swapped cant, wont, should, must and ought to with I can, I choose to and I will?

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Day 29 What Do You Want Now? Remember all the way back to Day 4, when I asked you what you wanted to do with more confidence, greater selfesteem and less anxiety and worry Well, now that youve been learning all these ways of taking charge of your life, heres what Im wondering if youre wondering now Now I know how to clear anxiety, worry and stress, I have begun to: and I can be/have/do

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Now I know how to increase my confidence, I have begun to: and I can be/have/do Now I know how to feel more selfesteem, I have begun to 89

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and I can be/have/do

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Day 30 Celebrate!

Hey, its Viv

You made it!

Congratulations!
I really mean that it takes real guts to change your life. And it appears youve got deeper inner reserves that you may have thought. Maybe there were obstacles, maybe some things were a lot of fun and easy to do, and others were a real challenge for you and pushed your buttons. And, whats important is you made it! Youre here and as you look back on the last 30 days, I wonder what you notice about yourself and the experience. I wonder if youre already beginning to get a sense of what you might achieve if you were to practice these tips on a regular basis. Whether you do, is up to you, of course Now youve been successful in using this book, moving through the exercises and keeping a journal of your thoughts and

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feelings, perhaps its time to take stock one more time.

As before, go through the list below, then, once youve completed it, check in with your old scores from Day 2 I wonder whats different for you now? My confidence at work is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence with family is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence with friends is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence in romantic relationships is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

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My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My confidence.is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not very confident Very confident

My self-esteem at work is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem around family is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem around friends is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem in romantic relationships is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

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(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My self-esteem .. is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Not feeling good I feel really good about myself

My level of anxiety/nerves at work is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around family is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

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My level of anxiety/nerves around friends is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves in romantic relationships is (if any): 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

(Add any other key areas youd like to focus on) My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

My level of anxiety/nerves around ...is: 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 10
Low High

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My biggest achievement in the previous 30 days is: My greatest change in the previous 30 days is around: My biggest challenge in the previous 30 days was: My favourite technique in the previous 30 days is:

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Day 31 Whats The Secret? Congratulations! Youve identified you want to focus on having a better life. Heres the thing If youve got this far, youre doing something many things right. What you do now is up to you. And Id thoroughly recommend getting on your computer and going to: www.king-of-confidence.com/secret When you arrive youll be invited to join my special members area. In the members area youll find secret extra tips and techniques that you can use to make all the changes youve made so far happened even faster. To access the members area, youll be asked to enter your email address and the following password:

purplecrown
Thats purplecrown all one word Ill see you there for the special stuff. 97

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