INTERNATIONAL ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY MALAYSIA

CCFM 2052 Family Management & Parenting

Presentation report: Strategies to Poor Family Management*

Prepared by*: 1.Nur Diana Shafikha Rosli 2. Nur Mazidah 3. Salma 4. Farha Salim

Contents 1. Introduction to Poor Family Management and Parenting 2. Definition of Family Management and Parenting 3. Importance of Family Management and Parenting 4. Factors Contribute toward Poor Family Management 5. Strategies to Overcome the Problem 6. Conclusion 7. References

Introduction to Poor Family Management and Parenting

``The soul of your child is like an uncut precious jewel entrusted into your care by Allah.To you is given the awesome responsibility of shaping that precious jewel into a beautiful form,pleasing to the eye of Allah swt (Imam Al- Ghazali) It is your sacred duty to ensure your child grows up to be a good and right human being (Muslim). The oneness (tawhid) of Allah is also expressed in the unity of Islamic life. Raising your children to be good and right human beings is part of the necessary Islamization of world society. The simple fact is that it is very difficult, perhaps impossible, to raise your children to be truly good and right human beings in the world as it is at present. Only in a fully Islamic world will the conditions exist where children will naturally develop into the good and right humans beings desired by Allah. That is the beautiful future we can offer our children, but to do this we must do battle with the influences of the present wrong world as we create that promised future for our children. We do this by learning the knowledge and skills it takes to be an effective Islamic parent, and developing in our hearts the unstoppable desire to put these skills and knowledge into practice in our everyday life as we aid our children in their development. We are greatly blessed by Allah to be Muslims at this particular time in world history. The unique social and historical conditions, combined with new the knowledge and technology now available, make it not only possible but highly likely that within a generation or so we will live in that long unfulfilled dream of all Muslims, a truly Islamic world. These unique conditions existing today are: the fact that the prevailing dominant world culture, the Western culture, is undergoing a widespread social collapse due to the inherent wrongness within its belief systems and behaviours; that the conclusions of modern science have finally reached a point where one must acknowledge science now supports the traditional beliefs in God and His works; that we have recently come to understand the laws of learning by which all human characteristics are developed; and, that we now have a worldwide communication network so effective that any important new idea could reach virtually every person in the world within days. The result of these existing conditions is that: those suffering from the collapse of the Western way of life and thought are desperate for some solution to their distress and will see in Islam that much needed answer; atheism and secular materialism will lose their power to take the faith in Islam from our youth; through the spread of the knowledge of learning theory each new generation will come closer to the perfect expression of Islam in the physical existence; and, through the right use of communication technology a unified ummah of 1.2 billion Muslims will be able to effectively offer the traditional scholarship and knowledge of Islam to all the people of the world.

In the coming years there will occur many new opportunities for all Muslims to take an active role in the creation of this truly and fully Islamic world of the future. As a most important beginning to this momentous task it is necessary for every Muslim parent to learn and practice the techniques of effective Islamic parenting. The path to effective Islamic parenting consists of two parts, necessarily inseparable. They are an objective, accurate and positive worldview, combined with a good understanding of the laws of learning by which all human characteristics develop. This is necessary because the laws of learning are much too powerful to be used without a clear positive direction in which to influence the child's development. Islam most certainly provides this clear, correct and positive direction, as Allah would never mislead us. All laws in this physical universe belong to Allah, and the laws of learning, to the degree we correctly understand them, by which all human development takes place are created by Allah just as are the laws of physics which hold the moon, sun, and stars in place. These laws of learning provide the most powerful tool for directing the development of the individual or any social group that has ever existed. For a Muslim to be a truly effective Islamic parent it is necessary to understand Allah's laws of learning. Just as Allah has made our religion easy for us, Allah has made the laws of learning easy for us to understand and use. Actually, these laws of learning in their entirety can be quite complex, and to fully comprehend these laws and understand their widest application can take many years of study. Nevertheless, all thanks to His Mercy, Allah has allowed anyone hearing a brief and simple explanation of these laws of learning to be able to use most of their incredible power. This easily understood knowledge of the laws of learning is more than enough to enable a parent to raise their child as a good and right human being. It is important that knowledge of these laws of learning and their use should never be seen as somehow separate from the unity of Islamic life. To be most effective in helping you raise your children, these laws of learning are not to be 'applied' like some mechanical tool, but they must be incorporated deeply into the innermost reaches of your consciousness until they become a natural part of your unique style of interpersonal communication and interaction with your child.

Definition of Family Management and Parenting,

Family; - A group, consisting parents and children. - A combination product of nikah (marriage) process and legal blood ties connection. Management; - The act or skill dealing with people or situations in a successful way.

Family Management; - The process, ways, approaches, and activities undertaken by parents and family members to manage the family and guide its development from the very early stages of its establishment Parenting; - The process of caring children by their parents planning, methodology, hereditary, also religion teach. Hammudah Abd. Al Ati defined family as a special kind of structure whose principles are related to one another through blood ties and/ or marital relationships and whose relatedness is of such nature as to entail mutual expectations that are prescribed by religion, reinforced by law, and internalized by the individual.

Importance of Family Management and Parenting

Factors Contribute toward Poor Family Management The effects of bad parenting can be measured in many different ways. One of the things that we all forget about is "lead by example". What we as adults, teach our children, is what our future generations will be as people. Kids learn by watching adults and other children do the things that they do. You're not going to be to convincing, if you tell impressionable children not to do something when they themselves are doing what they preach not to do. Parents who fail to connect with their children and engage them on their level. Some parents do not do so because they don't know how; others because they are indifferent parents. If you do not know how because you did not enjoy a close, loving relationship with your parents, this is a skill that you can learn. Parents who are too busy to spend time with their kids. If you'd rather stick your child in front of a television or computer screen, then you're missing the opportunity to get to know your child and learn how he or she sees the world. Although you may not realize it, children have as much to teach us as we have to teach them. Parents who hit, scream or humiliate their kids in an effort to get them to behave. Although this may be how your parents treated you, choose not to pass on the torch of dysfunction. Children do not need to be treated poorly, so they can learn. Punishment only teaches children what not to do, rather than teaching them what to do. Parents who react to their kids and believe that their kids make them behave in ways that are harsh or cruel. While it's true that children trigger poor parenting behavior, they can only bring out in you what is already there. This is your cue to stop the cycle of abuse and create change in your family by working on your parenting skills. Traditional values is of the greatest importance is within the realms of young children. The impact of environment and instruction on children, as it pertains to their development in all aspects of physical, emotional, intellectual, and social behaviours, is the fundamental issue of how society will continue to evolve in future. Poor parenting is inheritted, it would seem, because Those who haven't had good parents as role models themselves often struggle to create a nurturing environment for their own children. (Franklin 2008). Parents who are themselves poor examples, and who do not learn how to help their children grow to be responsible adults, support an endless cycle of bad behaviour. Aggression and anti-social behaviour in childhood can be a forefunner of crime and violence, substance abuse, unemployment and mental health problems in later life. (Franklin 2008). Studies have discovered that the impact of parenting is seen very early in childhood. A cross-party study said failure to intervene in the first few years of primary school created a vicious circle of bad behaviour, poor qualifications, drug abuse and crime in later life. (Paton 2008)

Paton (2008), summarising a recent study, wrote that "Poor parenting is strongly linked to a multitude of problems for children: delinquency, drug use, school failure, family violence, abuse of children, poor mental and physical health, and continuing social disadvantage for children as they grow up. Some people blame the school system, their kids friends, society, television, video games, the Internet, and being from a different culture but they never blame themselves for the poor behavior their children grow up to have. Raising children anywhere has to be a full time job, and being a positive. Strategies to Overcome the Problem

Poverty is not a new problem for man. Islam has treated poverty with its wise verdicts and moral teachings and with supplications and with strengthening the moral aspects of man and family. We feel sorry for most Muslims who have virtually said to Islam: stick to the limits of books and lectures and do not enter our practical life especially in our closed rooms!! Therefore, they have brought upon themselves different problems in their lives. Society, with its poor and rich, has kept away from the wide mercy and abundant blessings of Allah. Whoever divorces piety, Heaven divorces him. Allah says, (And if the people of the towns had believed and guarded (against evil)[104] We would certainly have opened up for them blessings from the heaven and the earth, but they rejected, so We overtook them for what they had earned). The poor commit some disobediences that bring them poverty and the rich commit some disobediences that bring them distresses, and thus poverty increases in the society. Imam Ali (a.s.) has said, There is no abundant blessing, unless there is a lost due beside it. Panting after the desires of this life, material pleasures, and lavish expenditures is failure to know the facts to which Allah has invited us. From amongst the poetry ascribed to Imam Hasan (a.s.) is the following verse: O people of a transient world, Adhering to an evanescent shadow is silliness. Observing this fact, the economical life of a family must be well organized. The husband, his wife, and the other qualified members of the family can manage the income of the family in the best way and spare some of it for emergencies. It is useful to quote here what I have read in the al-Waiy al-Islami magazine, vol. 414: Many problems happen to families because of disorganization of the income between the two spouses or the income does not cover their needs.

Nowadays, these problems have become more complicated because of the rise in prices, the high level of living, the change of lifes luxuries of yesterday into essential needs today, and the increasing number of population that leads to an increase in consumption. The circumstances and the disagreements that emerge because of money and defects in managing the income and expenditures may be different from one family to another, but there are some important concerns such as the changes that affect the lives of the spouses are such that each of them will not have his/her own independent opinion about the financial matters. In fact, the opinion of the other side will be important, especially if the wife has a job and a personal income. Some modern families suffer from serious financial problems, and some husbands may belittle the material needs, which may increase the disagreement between spouses. But how can spouses face these financial crises? 1. Each spouse has to inform the other of his/her actual income so that they conduct all their affairs clearly and with fidelity. 2. The spouses, together, have to specify the most important points of expenditure. 3. They have to agree that the income of the husband and the income of the wife become one to build the family and not to satisfy their personal wishes. 4. They have to agree to balance their joint incomes so that nothing disturbs their expenditure. 5. They must avoid participating in different projects and many installments in order to not be overwhelmed by the great expenses required from each of them. 6. If one of them faces a financial problem, he/she has to frankly inform the other spouse so that they can make the necessary changes to their budget. Each husband and wife should not place money and financial problems in the first position of their life, for the pillars of a happy family stand on mutual understanding and respect before all. Money alone does not bring happiness and tranquility, but it is a means to achieve the requirements of life. There are many Quranic verses and supplications to be recited to invoke Allah for livelihood. They are mentioned in the books of supplications. What I mention here is something that I myself have experienced. It is reciting the second and the third verses of the sura at-Talaq (65), (and whoever is careful of (his duty to) Allah, He will make for him an outlet, and give him sustenance from whence he thinks not; and whoever trusts in Allah, He is sufficient for him; surely Allah attains His purpose; Allah indeed has appointed a measure for everything) three times after every prayer, attentively and sincerely[105].

Conclusion The roles and responsibilities of families in the 21St century is far too complex and highly demanding. Parents are required to equipped themselves with sound parenting knowledge and understanding of children's biological, spiritual and socio--emotional needs and requirements. These skills are essential in developing positive self-concept, possess high selfesteem, have strong internal locus of control, able to delay gratification among children. These social skills are important in opposing, rejecting and abstaining children from being attracted to social ills and moral decadence. Abu Hurayra (R) reported that the Prophet said There are three individuals in which Allah confirm his support for them; a Mujahid (fighter for Allahs cause), a Mukatib (slave who made a contract with his master to earn his freedon), and the one who seeks to preserve his/ her chastity through marriage Ahmed/ al Termidhi/ al NisaI, described as Hasan by al Albani, Sahihul al jami, No. 3050

References

1. http://islamic-world.net/papers/parent.htm 2. http://darulhadith-parenting.blogspot.com/2011/01/ccac-family-management-andperenting-8.html