Freedom of Speech is a Zombie Written by: None of Your Business Freedom of speech is a zombie!

What the hell does that mean? Well, freedom of speech is a) dead, even though it seems alive, and b) that is scary. Yeah, I hear you. You're saying, "What are you talking about, Harry? I can say whatever I want. Allow me to demonstrate: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, mother fucker, tits! Mother fucker, tits!" Well, sir, that does sound like freedom of speech -- in fact, I can see the majestic, bald eagle over my head -- but ultimately it is not. (Um, sort of.) You see, to me freedom of speech is much more than that. It's much more than being able to swear and say naughty words. Freedom of speech is about the pursuit of expression, and, being able to say whatever you want, without facing repercussions, other than equally evocative words returned in kind. But of course that cannot exist in a world that itself is very complicated. Death threats and hate speech for example are, almost unanimously, not covered/protected under free speech laws. That is because of conflicting ideas. It is a matter of choosing life or liberty, and in the end life wins out. But I get that. Death threats, and hate speech can lead to real life, deadly consequences, and can alter an individual's life to an unfathomable extent. So then, you say, "Everything else is okay, right?" NO. FUCKING NO. Look at my CAPITALS goddamn it. Everything else, outside of death threats and hate speech, is hardly okay. There is a pile of shit of laws that restrict what people say, even if it's non-threatening, or humorous. And this doesn't extend only to the Chinese, or communist countries, or dictatorships, or some ass-backwards country. I am talking about "1st world," developed countries, in which we pride ourselves on freedom, and choice. Well, all of that is an illusion, because you are not free. Governments, powerful minority groups, and big businesses control you. You step out of line and say or do the wrong thing, and it's your fat, dirty ass on the line. We do not live in a world, or a country, where free speech is real. As of now i's illusion, an ideal that only exists in our mind. Just think about when and where you are free to say whatever you wish, without consequences or extreme detriment to your life. Let's begin from the top (or is that bottom) from when you were younger. What about school, a place of education and higher thinking? Can you say what you want there? Fuck no. You say the wrong thing, and you get an ear-beating, and chores or extra homework to do, and detention -- which is basically jail for children. Okay. Now, where else do you spend your time, as a fully grown adult? Work, of course. Can you say what you please there? HA! You'll get fired. You'll have your livelihood taken away, and your future will be ruined. You'll become homeless and die from the cold. "But hey," you say, "that makes sense. You have to have a positive work environment... You can't go around gossiping, and slinging your muds around your co-workers, asshole." Alright, fine, I'll grant you that. Maybe you shouldn't be the idiot who complains about his boss at work, or uses the words "nigger" and "faggot" casually. Leave that filth for home. Yes, but what about when you're at home? Let's say on the internet? Minding your own business, and talking to your friends? Surely, you can do as you please there? Surely, you can gossip and sling your muds about work there, right?!?! Wrong. You can't. You can be penalized for what you say outside of work, and this is no shit pulled out of my ass. If you say anything negative, or offensive, on a social network, such as Facebook, you can be punished. If your employer finds out that you've bad mouthed someone, or something, you will be fired. It doesn't even matter whether it's gotten out in public or that it's only for your friends, and family, all they have to do is get angered, and then down comes the axe. Case in point: Ashley Warden, a waitress from Oklahoma City, who worked for Chili's. [1] (You know, that allegedly terrible restaurant franchise.) Anyway, so she posted a comment that was exactly

this -- "Stupid Cops better hope I'm not their server FDP" -- and she then got fired. (FDP stands for "fuck da police" by the way.) Apparently, she was pissed off because a cop gave her a $2,500 ticket on the grounds that her toddler took a piss in front of his grandmother's front lawn. First off, fuck that shit. In what world is it okay to make someone pay $2,500 for accidentally letting a toddler take a wee on his grandmother's private property? Second of all, who the fuck does Chili's think it is? Spying on its own employees? They should not be able to spy on anyone and not be able to punish them for things they said on their own time, to their friends, and family. Yet I doubt it will ever stop. If the government is spying on its citizen, and recording their phone-calls, what makes us think a business will be any better? That being said, you see my point. Your employer, these big businesses, control your livelihood, and therefore your speech. You say the wrong thing, whether at work, or away from work, and you're burnt toast. Luckily for me, however, I am unemployed. And this is why I have the opportunity to write this most informal essay. And moving on, we've found that you cannot say what you want at school, or work, or on the internet, so what avenues do you have left to be heard, or truly express yourself? I know! Out in public, on the streets. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you not see this coming? If you start shouting shit on the streets you will be beaten to a pulp by an angry minority, or probably the police. You will get shut down. You will be arrested for disturbing the peace, and if you have anything substantial to say, you will probably be pepper sprayed in the face, assaulted with an electroshock weapon, and throw into jail for however long they can keep you. Again, this is not shit I've pulled out of my ass. There have been numerous police brutality cases, in which the officers suffered no consequences, in which protestors were (ironically) unlawfully assaulted. Now, I'm not a cop hater. I'm not painting them all out to be bad guys, but it does in fact happen. I "Googled" it and I found a ton of evidence. The first image that comes up is a chunky police officer, with a ridiculous moustache, pepper spraying students as they sit down for a protest. [2] This also known as the "UC Davis pepper-spray incident." I hear you out, people. You're saying, or probably might be saying, "Big deal. It's just a little pepper." It's not just fucking pepper! This shit is made to burn. It stings the shit out of your eyes, and gets into your lungs and makes you cought it up. This isn't like getting a bit of black pepper in your throat. The pepper spray they use is powerful stuff. It is used to incapacitate, and cause extreme pain, and discomfort. If you don't believe me get some Sriracha, and drop some into your eyeballs. Hurts like fuck, doesn't it? And that's just a tiny bit of hot sauce, designed to delight your taste buds. It's not pepper spray. Pepper spray burns like a mother fucker. I don't care whether they say it's less than lethal. It certainly feels lethal, and police should not be using it all willy-nilly, especially against people, students, trying to freely express themselves. What's most annoying is these aren't dumbasses picked up off the streets. They're potential intellectual, trying to study, and expand their minds. Yet they are treated like criminals for trying to use their brain, and say what's on their mind. Come to think of it, that is the case for most assaults against free speech. Most times, at least in this modern day and age, it's idiots railing against intellectuals, trying to improve the world in one way or another. It's usually not people who swear ceaslessly for no reason, who get in trouble. No. Stupid, dumb, aimless comments get away scotfree. What gets in trouble is those who challenge authority, or thsoe who challenge our ideals. Bradley Manning is a good example. [3] He was a soldier, who went above and beyond his duties, by finding hideous information about the military's atrocities, and releasing it to the public via WikiLeaks. Now, he is being put through the legal wringer, being tried for treason and endangering the nation (of American, no less). Now, I might be cynical, but I'm sure he will pay dearly for what he did. Edward Snowden as well. [4] Right now he's the latest whistleblower, the latest proponent of

freespeech, and America's latest target. He is on the run for his life, for exposing massive government spying on its citizens. We're all hailing him as a hero, but what are we doing about it? When do we step in and fix these laws that suppress self-expression and truth -- if it ticks off the wrong person or group? Can we not be reasonable about it? Apparently not. Suppression of freedom of expression is rampant, and alive, and I don't know whether it will stop. It's gone so far as to even accuse kids of terrorism, and ruin any life ahead of them that they had. I bring up Justin Carter. [5] Justin Carter is facing up to 8 years in prison for expressing himself. Though not in the most friendly of manners, that is what is happening when broken down objectively. ...So, what did he say exactly? Well, after playing League of Legends, a sometimes frustrating online video game, this is what he said when called insane: "Oh yeah, Im real messed up in the head, Im going to go shoot up a school full of kids and eat their still, beating hearts." After which he said "JK" (just kidding) and "LOL." It was clearly a fucking joke! Yet there he is, caught in some sort of legal web, trying to avoid spending the better part of his youth, rotting within the concrete walls of prison. I mean Jesus Christ. How stupid are these people? Does someone have a vendetta against him? Or his family? Or is this just absolutely retarded? Why are they keeping him in jail right now? For a stupid, crappy joke? I cannot be clearer when I say: Fuck that shit. Justin Carter should be out, running around free like an organic chicken. He should not be detained, and persecuted like this. Especially in a country like America! Land of the free my ass! You're free to bow down, suck a little dick to get to the next rung of the ladder, and that's it! This is straight up bullshit. What an incompetent justice system. But let's not point our fingers at the USA. There are other countries just like it that act the same way. Even Canada. Yes, Canada. My beloved country too is too full of asshats. I'd like to point to Guy Earle, a comedian. [6] So, this is what happened. a homosexual woman, named Lorna Pardy, goes into a restaurant with her girlfriend. Guy Earle is on a stage, trying to tell jokes. She interrupts him and starts heckling. Well, what do you do as a comedian? You turn it around and retaliate. He starts telling some lesbian jokes -- like how lesbians who use strap ons are still cock crazy, etc -- and then they go back and forth. Insults are hurled left, right, up, and down the whole joint. Finally, it escalates when she throws two, not one but two, glasses of water in his face. Which as you all should know is assault. So what's he do? What's Guy Earle do? In the heat of the moment, he takes her sunglasses, and breaks them. The night ends, and she returns by trying to sue him...and she wins. She won the fucking case. After several years her case turned out in her favor, after accusing the comedian of hate speech, and she got awarded a total of $22,000. $15,000 from the comedian himself, and $7,000 from the restaurant. Okay, in a twisted fucking world, I get why the comedian had to shell out -- but the restaurant? So the restaurant was $7,000 responsible for what someone else said? This is an outrage. You shouldn't have to pay anything to an idiot, who dropped in on your comedy show, and decided to heckle. Hey, you can't take it, don't dish it out, mother fucker. And why are you throwing water at people? Does that get no repercussions? This is a case of a bitchy, ugly, stupid, miserable lesbian of a woman, and a broken justice system. Lorna Pardy, you big, fucking, nasty, diseased cunt. Ahem, wait, I don't want to pay her $22,000 or face up to 8 years in prison. Fellas, that was a clearly a joke. LOL. JK. No, fuck that! I stand by my comments. She's not going to see it, becaues an idiot like that probably doesn't read. I'm guessing she's as illiterate as she is a miserable-fucking-cow-bitch. How did you manage to twist the law into getting your way? Into making tasteless jokes, and a minor altercation into hate speech? Either you're a fucking, self-interested, asshole of a genius, or the laws in place, in Canada, in British Columbia, allow for dumbasses like you to thrive. I'm guessing it's more of the former, huh? Oh, but it's not just Canada that's fucked up either. This extends all the way to the United

Kingdom. I bring up the case of Pyschic Sally. [7] So, what happens is the Daily Mail accuses her of fraud, potentially ruining her lucrative career. They tell readers that she wears an earpiece to do her shows, and that is how she is fed information. Not necessarily illegal to say that, but illegal because they didn't have enough evidence. Yes, but what evidence do you want? Photographs, video, or the earpiece itself? Are eyewitnesses no longer enough to substantiate claims and write an article? Now you have to be like a detective to say anything against someone, who is masquerading as a person with supernatural powers? Is there not freedom of the press? Apparently not, as Daily Mail had to pay out 125,000 to this idiot named Psychic Sally. Man, that's a lot of money. That's nearlly $193,000! What gets me is she thinks she actually deserves it. To quote: "It was an unjustified and unfair attack and it has been a very difficult, costly and painful process to get where I am today and to rectify that wrong. There will always be sceptics who attack my work and I understand and accept that. However, to libel me and falsely accuse me of a con trick does not constitute rational commentary or debate. I hope now this settlement and apology will repair the damage that has been done." You know why they accused you of a con trick? BECAUSE IT IS A FUCKING CON TRICK, YOU CUNT FACED FRAUD. There is no evidence that you are psychic. None at all. Actually, there is no evidence that there are any psychics at all. Here you are, Psychic Cunt, exploiting people's emotions, fooling the foolish, and making a mint off people's ignorances. If you genuinely believe that you are a psychic, then why don't you prove it? Yeah, fucking prove it, you cold reader. Do a scientific test on live television why don't you? Call up the James Randi foundation, and take his challenge. You could win a million bucks. But you won't do that, because you know you're a phoney. You are a representation of all that is wrong with this world. Your ugly face is a symbol of the law's ineptitude, and protectionism of absolute morons, and greedy, selfish people. Everyone's rights are erroding, so that you, or someone else like you, can make a living doing useless bullshit. I hope you're happy. Now we don't have freedom of speech anymore, because there are individuals out there, who think that -- should they get offended or be vaguely threatened -- they can make people pay in blood. This nanny state shit has got to stop. What happened to these countries? Canada, America, and the UK? What made them turn into communist land? This is the thing we used to fear. We used to fear and rebel against being like the "reds," being monitored at every second, and having free speech eroded. But now we are no better. Sure, you're not being sentenced to death, like in, say, China, or Zimbabwe, but those things don't seem to be out of the question anymore. A teenager is potentially facing 8 years, almost a decade, for making a a simple joke. What if far worse was said? Where would he be now? Lying dead in the gutter, because some official, or other person assassinated him? It sure sounds far fetched, but in this mucky day and age it isn'tt impossible. Fin.

Sources: 1. Chili's Waitress Fired Over Facebook Post Insulting 'Stupid Cops' http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2013/05/16/chilis-waitress-fired-facebook-post/ 2. UC DAVIS PEPPER-SPRAY INCIDENT http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UC_Davis_pepper-spray_incident 3. Bradley Manning http://www.bradleymanning.org/ 4. Edward Snowden submits asylum applications http://wikileaks.org/Edward-Snowden-submits-asylum.html 5. Texas Teen Facing Eight Years After Violent League of Legends Threat http://www.forbes.com/sites/insertcoin/2013/06/29/texas-teen-facing-eight-years-after-violent-leagueof-legends-threat/ 6. Slurs force comic to pay $15,000 for tirade of ugly words against lesbian patron after appeal falls flat http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/06/23/supreme-court-upholds-decision-to-force-comedian-to-pay15000-for-tirade-of-ugly-words-against-lesbian-heckler/ 7. Daily Mail payout to Sally Morgan over psychic 'scam' article http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-22988215