On Gratitude In the mid 90's I reviewed my having always been grateful when it seemed as though I would have been

discontent instead. I considered that I may be abnormal to be so grateful and to always be able to sincerely count my blessings. I considered that I may have been stupid to be perpetually appreciative. I knew my enemies wanted me to feel bad about the situations they had orchestrated and forced me into, but that was a reflection on them and "their" psychopathy. I tried to gin up a feeling of being dissatified with my lot in life, but found I couldn't.

I was grateful even as I deliberately tried to feel ingratitude. The reason why was because I was born with a thorn in my side. The thorn in my side is Thalassemia Minor and it's inconvenient, unpredictable manifestation of single or multiple symptoms. I was immediately struck with gratefulness that I didn't have a migraine and could review this mindset of mine pain free. It was impossible because I could continue to recount the nausea and dizziness, the inconvenient occurances, etc. Whiting out while in the middle of socializing while attempting to conceal

what I thought of as a weakness to the predatory animals who would accuse me of trying to pretend in order to gain favor or pity. That was their game and not mine, I was/am only interested in explaining it to people so they won't misunderstand me and cultivate bad feelings that may lead them to sin by misinforming others about their perception of me. When I was asked about my yawning or shivering people usually bark at me that they are anemic too or under more strain than I could ever have. Their anemia is different, but they refuse to accept the facts because there are no ribbons and fuss about my particular disorder. I figured it was intentional.

I never considered using it as an excuse or a disability and they were not trying to toughen me up, they were attempting to murder me! The murderous ingrates meant to conceal my blood disorder and it's symptoms to people so they can slander me to everyone they could while attempting to use my blood disorder against me. Plausible deniability. Monsters who think they are slick and I still am happy and count my blessings. My symptoms keep me busy being grateful because I have experienced chronic pain that was occurring at inconveinient times with little to no warning.

There was no way I was going to allow myself to be caught off guard and faint in a world that already was treating me shabbily shortly after I was born. There was no mistaking that I had no one. Not one person to care about or for me. I was treated as a thing a punching bag and someone to shout their vile projections at and displace their aggressions onto. They hadn't compassion or empathy, just a sadistic glee that made their eyes light up. I think it's like a drug for them because they appear glassy eyed. I would get the occaissional look of pity, but it was more like my Mother's sadistic

look of being glad that I was born for them to displace their aggression onto. Control. The control they desperately wanted over a person or people that they decided to obsess over. They are spoiled and delusional to think that they can control people. They are non humans to want to. Deceiving or forcing people and manipulating their lives isn't powerful. Not being afraid to live your own life while intentionally not impeding anyone's progress (unless it's stopping a genuine crime) is true power and fearlessness. The biggest rush and thrill.

The powerlusting freaks need to hide their fear of living and self loathing behind their jealous acts against the living. They are perpetually ungrateful, the complete opposite of me. The Asch Experiment and Marshmellow test failures.