UNIVERSITI TUNKU ABDUL RAHMAN FACULTY OF ARTS AND SOCIAL SCIENCE UAPC1004: INTRODUCTION TO COUNSELLING YEAR 1 SEMESTER 1 (201110)

Title of the Research: Pre-marital Sex

Name of Group Members:

NAME
CAROLYN TEO AI TING ELVARA A/P AROCKIYASAMY JESSICA CHANDRASAKARAN LAI PO MING NIEW KAH MAN ZURAIDAH BT KAMARUDDIN

STUDENT ID NUMBER
1107292 1107013 1107227 1006766 1104076 1107100

Date of Submission: 15 November 2011 (WEEK 15)

Table of Content

No 1. 2.

Content Introduction to premarital sex i. Background of those involved in premarital sex ii. Impact of premarital sex to family and social system

Page number/pg 1-2 3-5 6-7 8-9 10-13

3. 4.

Factors that contribute to premarital sex Type of existing social organizations and methods employed by them to address premarital sex

5. 6. 7. 8.

Your suggestion of how counseling can help premarital sex Conclusion References Appendices

14-15 16-18 19-20

PRE-MARITAL SEX I. Introduction Premarital sex also called non-marital sex, youthful sex, adolescent sex, or young-adult sex has been an issue that caused anxiety among us. It issexual activity between two persons of the opposite sex which including vaginal intercourse, oral sex, and anal sex that are practiced by both persons before marriage. Nowadays, millions of people are seeking "true" love and many of them have engaged in premarital sexual relationship because they thought they found what they wanted. Do these people really do it for love or merely to satisfy their sexual desires? Due to the increase of this kind of relationship, discussions of premarital sex today often focus on the seriousness and widespread problems resulted from premarital sex such as sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies before marriage, baby dumping and issues such as prevention of baby abandonment, abortion, and sex education. This brought about the debate of the various issues related to premarital sex, a basic issue is around whether premarital sexual relations will foster or hinder the integral development of persons and growth in true love. This question have brings up a lot of moral issues including whether or not engaging in premarital sexual relations is or ever can be responsible(Paul, 2003). Resulting from media influences these days, most people involve in premarital sex since they have the perception that everyone is doing it. Media has given such a big impact on premarital sex that research found that 95% of Americans engage in premarital sex before the age of 44 (Warner, 2006). It is now considered a type of modern lifestyle led my mostly city people. Peers might even think it is weird that the person still has not done it.

People do not take premarital sex as much of a hassle but they do not consider that one small thing can lead to bigger thing and it is much easier to put the blame on others than themselves. Based on the seriousness of this issue, our group has done a research on premarital sex. In the following pages we will discuss the background of which party that was involved, the impact it has given on family and the society and suggestions of how this issue can be overcomes. Also be included are the types of organizations that are helping to cope with this issue.

II. The seriousness of premarital sex i. Background of those involved in premarital sex Premarital sex also called non-marital sex is sexual activity practiced by persons who are unmarried. Although it has been practiced in Malaysia it has increased in dominant. Historically considered taboo by many cultures and considered a sin by numerous religions, it has been become more commonly accepted in the societies. The term premarital sex referred to sexual relations between two people prior to marrying each other. The meaning has since shifted, referring to all sexual relations a person has prior to marriage, this removes emphasis on who the relations are with. It is not clear whether sex between individuals legally forbidden from marrying, or the sexual relations of one uninterested in marrying could be considered premarital. Physically there are some risks in facing the problem of premarital sex. It can be a disaster vector, HIV, gonorrhoea. As such it is recommended that practitioners of premarital sex use a condom.

Table I. Distribution of respondents by background characteristics and sexual experience, Malaysia. Sexual experience Characteristics n All respondents Gender Male Female Ethnic group Malay 2,332 51.8 2,182 94.5 127 5.5 2,089 2411 46.4 53.6 1,892 2331 91.7 97.1 172 70 8.3 2.9 4,500 % 100 No 4,243 % 93.8 Yes 242 % 5.4

3Chinese Indian Others Religion Muslim Buddhist Christian Hindu Others Location Urban Rural Family structure Both parents Single parent

1,314 771 83

29.2 17.1 1.8

1,238 730 73

94.7 95.1 90.0

69 38 8

5.3 4.9 9.9

2,355 1,120 221 693 111

52.3 24.9 4.9 15.4 2.5

2,202 1,068 209 652 92

94.5 95.5 94.6 94.5 87.6

129 50 12 38 13

5.5 4.5 5.4 5.5 12.4

2,325 2,175

51.7 48.3

2,191 2,032

94.7 94.4

122 120

5.3 5.6

3,983 477

89.3 10.7

3,778 130

94.9 87.8

205 18

5.1 12.2

Above this table, shows the distribution of respondents by background characteristics and sexual experience, in Malaysia. As you can see in this table there are 4500 respondents who dont involved in sexual experience. Female has the highest percentage of not involving in sexual experience which is 53.6% and male were 46.4%.In another group there are 4243 respondents which also dont involved in sexual experience. Again the female has the highest percentage of 97.1%and male were 91.7%.But there are some respondents who also involved in sexual experience and the total was 242.Male has the highest percentage of involving in sexual

experience with the percentage of 8.3% compared to female 2.9%.(Lee, Chen, Lee and Kaur, 2006) In terms of ethnic group distribution, there were 51.8% malay,29.2%chinese 17.1% Indians, and 1.8% from other ethnic groups. This happened because the ethnic breakdown of the population in Malaysia. The proportion among males who had sex was 8.3%compared with 2.9% of females and the difference was statistically significant. Above this table showed that there was significant difference in sexual intercourse as compared to those staying with their parents only 5.1%had sexual intercourse. There were no significant differences in sexual experience by ethnic group, religion or urban rural location (Lee, Chen, Lee and Kaur,2006) In terms of religion the Muslim has the highest total of not involving in sexual experience with the total of 2355,the Buddhist 1120,Christians 221,hindu 693 and other 111.The Muslim holds the highest percentage of 52.3%,followed by Buddhist 24.9%,Christian 4.9%,hindu 15.4%and others 2.5%.The next group also who dont involved in sexual experience again the Muslim has the highest total of 2202.Then followed by Buddhist of 1068,Christian 209,hindu 652,and others 92.Buddhist holds the highest percentage of 95.5%,followed by Christian 94.6%,muslim and hindu shared the same percentage of 94.5%and others 87.6%.129 of Muslims are involved in sexual experience. The second highest is 50 from Buddhist, the third highest is hindu with a total of 38,others 13 and Christian 12.The highest percentage of

involvement is 12.4%from other religion, Muslim and hindu shared the same percentage of 5.5%,Christian 5.4%and Buddhist 4.5%.This situation happened because the adolescents might dont have moral values in themselves and they tend to influenced by movies specially or by close friends.(Lee, Chen, Lee and Kaur,2006).

ii. Impact of premarital sex to family and social system Premarital sex has become a serious issue is Malaysia recently. People who are involved in premarital sex are from different range of age. These immoral attitude are totally unacceptable in our society but now days we are living in a modern society where these activity has been a trend among the people mostly youngsters who are easily influenced by their friends and the environment they are living in. According to McCarthy, Sex before marriage eating rice before the bell, as it was sometimes called is now the norm (Mensch, Clark, & Dang, 2002) They are many impact on premarital sex, one of them are the perspective of others towards the family will cause stress to the family. People around them will have a bad thought and will not have respect for the family. The stress will make their life miserable and will cause lack of happiness. Furthermore the relationship among the family member will get spoiled due to the pressure of societal view (Mensch, Clark, & Dang, 2002) As we all know the concern in our Asian culture about having premarital sex relationship before getting married is unacceptable. These individual who are involved in premarital sex will not gain any respect from the society. They will be contempt and will be insulted. These things later on will lead to stress and the person will face loneliness because the society rejected them. The individual will feel inferior and became a person with low self-esteem and because of this the particular individual who are involve in premarital sex will became mentally unstable. In addition for women who get married after involving in premarital sex most probably will not be accepted by the husband. This will cause misunderstanding among them and they will not be able to continue their life in harmony and peacefulness.

Other than that the parents may blame themselves because they did not educate their children properly and they will feel bad and embarrassed about themselves. Due to work pressure parents will have lack of time to spend with the children during the period when the children need attention, love and care from them. This causes those to associate with the person they dont even know mostly from social networking sites. Unfortunately they might have chosen the wrong person who just wants to take advantage of them and not because they have true love feelings towards the victim will lead to the problem of people involved in premarital sex. This intimate relationship is not a good moral value to practice in this society. Another important part when comes to premarital sex is there will be a increase in the number of baby dumping cases which have been a serious issue in our country. Day by day more babies are dumped mainly cause premarital sex. These people who are involved in this activity will face pregnancy and will feel afraid to take responsibility to the baby due shame and burden. At the end they came out with the decision to throw away the baby (Mensch, Clark, & Dang, 2002) Moral values are an important thing that should be instil in every single human being. Unfortunately the rate of having good moral values are decreasing as time goes and conversely the rates of social problems in the community will increase due to moral decay. The country will lost good generation in the future who have good qualities to be a leader.

III. Factors that contribute to premarital sex Premarital sex would not just occur without any sources. There must be certain factors that gives these people who engage in premarital sex the extra encouragement to act out to their sexual desires. Now let us explore the few factors that leads to premarital sex. The following factor is having are a steady boyfriend or girlfriend can contribute to premarital sex. When physical expressions of affection begin early in the relationship, strong attachments and feelings of individuality invite nature to take its course. This is a particular risk in a situation where the boy is more than two or three years older than the girl. If a teen romance appears to be getting hot and heavy and a lot of physical contact is already displayed, you will need to speak with both boy and girl diplomatically but sincerely about the physical process they are setting in motion (Focus on the family,1999) . The next factor is little parental monitoring. Less parenting monitoring such as leaving adolescents alone for hours at a time or not requiring responsibility at home for example can setup for sex (Focus on the family,1999). Perhaps the most domineering factor is the view of parents on premarital sex. There are parental beliefs that adolescent sex is appropriate. In their opinion,

premarital sex is alright and the adolescent also have similar thoughts as them. So this naturally allows the adolescent to act according to what is belief. On the other hand, some parents believes that adolescent sex is totally unavoidable. Parents who disapprove of teen sex have concluded that it is as certain as death and humiliation that they carry out this act. Their approach to this subject might be interpreted differently by their children as "Don't do it, but in case you do, use condom or other

preventive measure." Adolescents get the message loud and clear. This will always play in their mind and they are likely to act accordingly (Focus on the family,1999). Another factor that cause premarital sex is a low grade-point average/ or a low attachment to school. School performance is affected by a variety of factors, a basic desire to do well in school reflects a more promising and brighter future and a willingness to put off immediate gratification for long-term goals. Teen sex usually reflects ignorance of or little regard for consequences. There are biased views about how every scholar in a school can be regarded as the model example for all students and those who are not academically oriented are destined to be immoral and wild. What concern most is a person's commitment to basic values such as responsibility, self-respect, the effect of today's decisions on the future and others (Focus on the family,1999). Lastly are the history of physical or sexual abuse. These acts against children and adolescents violate their bodies, minds and hearts. Sexual abuse creates a disgusting distorted view of sexual behavior that destroys boundaries, and drives a deep sense of worthlessness into the childs emotions. Whether the abuse occurred in the distant or recent past, adolescents with this history need our support, counseling and prayer to help them develop healthy attitudes about sex and about themselves (Focus on the family,1999).

IV. Type of existing social organizations and methods employed by them to address premarital sex Premarital sex problem is seen as a common issue in youths today. Many governmental and non-governmental (NGO) organisations had looked upon on to address this problem. Above of all organisations, a NGO known as Mizoram Synod launched an awareness drive on premarital sex in Mizoram. The Mizoram Presbyterian Church Synod constituted a commission to look into the working of the Church in general and the Theological Education Board in particular, and the commission felt the need to strengthen and widen the Ministry of the Church especially in the Society. A Commission was therefore set up by the Church to explore the potentiality of the Aizawl Theological College in fulfilling this need. By that, Mizoram Synod Social Front Committee was thus set up in the year 1979.The Mizoram Presbyterian Church Synod (MPCS), established in 1896.The Mizoram Presbyterian Church is one of the member of the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church of India, which has its headquarters at Shillong in Meghalaya manned by three Administrative Secretaries. The administrative set up of the Mizoram Presbyterian Church Synod is highly centralized. It is also a member of the of the North East India Christian Council (NEICC) and the National Council of Churches in India (NCCI). It is also a member of World Communition of Reformed Churches (WCRC), the Christian Conference of Asia (CCA), and the Council for World Mission (CWM) through PCI. Mizoram is largest church in Mizoram located in North-East India .Mizoram is one of the States of the Indian Union. It is flanked by Bangladesh in the West and Myanmar in the East. Mizoram occupies a very strategic position in the Indian Union having an international boundary of 630 kms. with Myanmar and Bangladesh. It is a

small state which covers an area of 21,087 sq. kms..It has a total population of 891,058 . MPCS has also engaged in many other services. Examples are as such in medical service where it has a 300 embedded Presbyterian Hospital, 39 health centres, and an orphanage. It also organises a mobile clinic. Moreover, it organises Theological School, The Calvin Study Centre which is affiliated to Serampoore University and 2 bible schools. Other than that, MPCS established institution training in various fields, such as pastoral care and Counselling Centre, It also organises training course agriculture, poultry farming and carpentry courses. Also, there are more than 30 book distribution centres in Mizoram. (Walter, 2005) Synod Social Front, a voluntary agency sponsored by the Presbyterian church, is on a mission to make the youths aware of the pitfalls of this permissive way of life. The Synod Social Front Committee was set up as a sub-committee of the Synod Executive Committee and its members were selected by the SEC. At present the structure of the Committee is that it has a chairman (Moderator) and a secretary (Executive Secretary i/c Social Front). While, its members are as such that a member from each Presbytery of the Synod and 5 members nominated by the Synod. Moreover, it has also ex- officious like Synod Secretary (Sr.), a co-ordinator and a director, Synod Rescue Home. The committee has its own objectives and visions. The Synod Social Front strives for the prosperity, solidarity, and harmony of Church, Economics, Politics, Education, and Society in all its aspects. First, to provide guidance and educate people on the issues of politics, economics, education, family issues in accordance with the Scriptures and Christian faith through Seminars, awareness campaigns, pamphlets and others. Next, to educate the masses on the interrelated dimension of

Church and culture of the society, to facilitate relief and rehabilitation work in case of need, by networking with donor agencies and other relief organizations and to provide help and rehabilitation to the victims of alcoholism and substance abuse. Also to take steps so that all the development programmes of the state is evenly distributed and to take steps so that class and caste systems do not permeate the community. When premarital sex is looked at its own depth, SSF coordinator Robert S. Halliday, a doctorate in social counselling, told this correspondent over phone from Aizawl that a state wide survey conducted by his NGO among 31,202 youths between 17 and 27 years of age, had found that 43.27 per cent of them had had pre-marital sex, a practice not ordained by the churches of the state and considered to be a social taboo. Asked whether they thought it was morally wrong, 87.43 per cent of the youths who had had pre-marital sex, had said it was morally repugnant while 9.88 per cent said there was nothing wrong about it. Halliday claimed that his NGO had succeeded in reaching out to a large section of Mizo girls and boys on the evils of premarital sex, which gives rise to stigma and social problems such as the birth of unwanted babies. Halliday said during the campaign a set of socially accepted ethical guidelines were propagated. He claimed that the campaign had succeeded in making a positive impact among the youths. He said his NGO had opened counselling centres in association with other NGOs of the state, including the Young Mizo Association, to educate the youth about the evils of pre-marital sex. On an average, 15 youths visit these counselling centres on a working day. Regular church-goers expressed concern over the rise in pre-marital sex among Mizo youths. In conclusion, those who thought that premarital sex as a taboo was a thing of the past might find this uncomforting. More than a thousand young people should vowed to refrain from sex before marriage. The MPCS is an effort done by the

Christians. As Christian teachings emphasize on cleanliness of body and soul, we have to concentrate more on cleaner lifestyles to avoid deadly diseases (Lal Thanhawl, 2011).

V. Your suggestions about how counselling can help to those who engage in premarital sex. As the growing rate of premarital sex becomes a worrying issue, we came up with a few ideas of how counselling might those who have this problem. It is not surprising that the client knows that premarital sex is not accepted by the older societies these days and received many advises, education and criticism to refrain from having premarital sex but the rate of premarital sex is still peaking. This is where counsellors should interfere. When a person engages in premarital sex and are known by the society, they will be discriminated by the society, including the family. In this situation, they lose their identity, self-esteem, confidence and self-respect. The counsellor can help them to build back their confidence and self-esteem slowly. When the client finally learns to respect themselves again, counsellors can encourage their clients to follow a religion so that they will not lose their identity and learn to respect themselves more in the future. Having a religion can help greatly for the clients to cope with the problem of premarital sex. Next, in a counselling session counsellors can start with the clients by using the free association technique, the client might uncover the repressed material of what stem them to engage in premarital sex. From what the client have shared counsellors might sometimes find that the problem of premarital sex perhaps are not from the own sexual desire but from peer pressure or media influences. Counsellor can understand more why the clients have premarital sex, is it because they wanted to be accepted by their friends or the media have too much of this elements and they think it is the norm of todays society. In this case, we would recommend that the client receive Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy(REBT) to dispute the irrational thoughts that it is alright

to engage in premarital sex as everyone are doing it these days. Through the therapy, clients develop skills that allow them to identify their own irrational beliefs. In conjunction of increasing HIV or AIDS cases, we suggest that premarital sex counselling be given to client as a preventive strategy. Sometimes the client does not know the risk involved when they engage in casual premarital sex. They are not really committed to their partners, so by helping the client think of the consequences of having premarital sex, they might take this matter more seriously and stop doing it. Premarital sex counselling can also help couples to prepare for their married life with a common understanding on sex issues and to appreciate the need of effective communication (Mwale & Kakompe, 1998). Following this, the counselling might help them to learn how to refrain and resist their sexual desire. By helping them practice self-control the client learn to turn down urges from peer pressure and have self-respect for them. In some cases, the person who engaged in premarital sex might have low self-esteem. Family counselling also helps to solve premarital sex issues. If the parents raised their children in a comfortable and loving environment, the children will not think about pleasing others just to fit into the society. A good family up bringing can determine how the child will grow, whether they choose to respect themselves or not. In conclusion to this, premarital sex is a complex society issue and we can never stop it since majority of the people engages in it. The solution to this problem is not trying to educate them or make them guilty by bringing in religion issues, as counsellors, we must understand why this problem arises from the very beginning and from there we can slowly change them so that they develop into responsible people.

VI. Conclusion In this premarital sex research report that we discussed, it is shows background of those involved in this problem and the given research table to show the responds in Malaysia. As we can observe from the table, there are many different background characteristics and sexual experience of those involved in premarital sex, whether it is different gender, different culture or different background in family structure. The data that shown in the table are unexpectedly high. Besides that, there are also many impacts on premarital sex to family or social system which we have discussed in this research report. We found that the impact of premarital sex have quite a big effect in terms of the rate of having good moral values, which are naturally instilled in every single human being but it is unfortunately decreasing and the rate of social problems in the community increased. However premarital sex will happen whether we want to stop it or not, it will always find ways to influence people to involve in premarital sex especially the youngsters. We have also discussed the factors that gives these people who engage in premarital sex the extra stimulus to act out on their sexual urges and the reason why the rate of social problems in the community will continue to increased. To solve the problems of the increasing premarital sex problems and the impact of it, we have to find some methods to address this matter. Therefore, many governmental and non-governmental organisations had looked upon this case to address this problem. From all of the organisations we have discussed above, we found that organisations like a NGO known as Mizoram Synod have put much effort to resolve this matter by launching an awareness drive on premarital sex in Mizoram which we discussed in the research. Apart from this, those who thought premarital sex as a taboo was a thing of the past might find this

uncomforting and more than a thousand young people should vowed to refrain from sex before marriage. (Lal Thanhawl, 2011) After discussing about the factors and the methods employed by NGO to address premarital sex, we have gave some suggestions about how counselling can help those engage in premarital sex. As premarital sex is a complicated society issue, we can hardly stop it since many people engages in it. We need to understand why this problem occurred in the first place and from there we can gradually alter and shape them so that they develop into more responsible people. Finally, premarital sex experience may benefits us both physically and psychologically conducive to health, and maybe they can temporarily relax the sexual energy produced by having sex, which can give them a happy feeling, and a sense of achievement. However when the sexual desire are gone, and something unexpected happens, some of them will psychologically fear the consequences or self-contempt. Premarital sex occurred in the majority of those who lack the knowledge of sex and experience, they may be pregnant after having sex, which may do great harm to these women physically and psychologically. (Dustzilla, 2011) When this happen, they will have to pick up the pieces where they left. A failure to take responsibility of their actions are the major causes of baby dumping happening in the country. And some of them may have sexually transmitted diseases and once they are infected, there is no way to treat the disease, such as AIDS. In conclusion to this, premarital sexual experience has many pros and cons, the benefit of premarital sex is far less than the disadvantages. It all depends on how the people view this matter, whether this is morally wrong or correct, one can argue about both of it. There is no point trying to blame anyone from causing this to happen, our consciousness are the vital key to address this problem. As to how premarital sex

behaviour can be solved, it still remains a hard task and a problem for us to tackle for remaining years. (Dustzilla, 2011)

References

Paul, J. P.F. (2003). In the Light of Human Experience and Following Jesus. Premarital Sex and Love, p. 16

Warner, J. (2006). Premarital Sex the Norm in America. Retrieved from WebMD website: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20061220/premarital-sexthe-norm-in-america

Lee, L. K., Chen, P. C. Y., Lee, K. K., & Kaur, J. (2006). Premarital sexual intercourse among adolescents in Malaysia: A cross-sectional Malaysian school survey. Singapore Med J, 47(6), 477-478

Focus on the family. (1999). Risk Factors for Premarital Sex. Retrieved from Focus On The Family. website: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing_for_marriage/why_wait_for_s ex/risk_factors_for_premarital_sex.aspx

Mwale, T., & Kakompe, R. (1998). Pre-marital sex counselling as a preventive strategy for HIV/AIDS/STD. Retrieved from NLM Gateway Search website: http://gateway.nlm.nih.gov/MeetingAbstracts/ma?f=102232177.html

Dustzilla, (2011). What are the advantages and disadvantages of premarital sex? Retrieved from dustent.blogspot.com website: http://dustent.blogspot.com/2011/04/premarital-sex-advantage-and.html

Walter, L. B. (2005). The development in self-understanding of the CCAP NKHOMA SYNOD as church during the first forty years of autonomy: An ecclesiological study. University of Stellenbosch, pp. 10-15

Barbara, S. M., Wesley, H. C., & Dang, N. A. (2002). Premarital sex in Vietnam: Is the current concern with adolescent reproductive health warranted? Policy Research Division, pp. 3-271