Domestic Abuse A girl I have known for many years, well call her Tina, has been in a complicated

relationship for a few years with a boy named Jason. Unfortunately, Jason was never a faithful boyfriend. He cheated many times, never apologizing, never taking any responsibility for his actions. He made Tina feel as though it was her fault he was cheating, calling her a slut and behaving as though she was the unfaithful one. When Jason graduated high school, he and Tina planned to have a baby. After a few months of Tinas pregnancy, Jason began to call Tina names, insult her appearance, deny the paternity of her child, and later left her for another girl. Tina had her baby and Jason moved to another state with his new girlfriend. He saw his son, Noah, only a handful of times during the first year of his life. Then, out of the blue, Jason moved back to town and decided to reunite his little family by living together. He continued to cheat on Tina regularly. Soon, Tina talked about moving out. She said that Jason locks their son in his room for hours on end. She said he threatens to call child services if she moves out of the apartment. He pushed her a little too hard. He threw things at Tina and her son. He snapped Tinas phone in half. I told Tina that this behavior is, under Missouri law, domestic abuse. But she saw nothing wrong, she wanted to be with this boy and she only allowed herself to see why she needed him and not his negative behaviors. Domestic violence can be difficult to recognize, especially from the outside. There are two main types of domestic violence, and Tina is experiencing them both. Physical violence is fairly easy to recognize because it leaves visible damage such as cuts and bruises. Jason is being physically abusive when he throws things at Tina and her son,

or when he pushes her Psychological damage is harder to recognize. There are almost no physical signs of psychological abuse, as it is almost all internalized. This can be difficult to overcome because physical wounds heal over time, but the psyche can be damaged permanently. Because psychological abuse is less easy to recognize, many people do not even realize they are in abusive relationships. Being insulted, threatened, or manipulated by a significant other is domestic abuse. When Jason told Tina that he would call Child Protective Services if she moved out, he was committing a form of psychological abuse called coercion. The majority of the victims of domestic abuse are women. Many are mothers, and some victims are children. Even if the child is never abused, witnessing the abuse of a parent can leave lasting damage resulting in abusive relationships as an adult. Men who witnessed domestic violence as children are twice as likely to be abusive when they are adults. It is likely that Noah, Jason and Tinas son, will grow up to be abusive to his significant others, perpetuating a cycle of abuse. The best thing Tina could do for her son was to get him out of the abusive environment to protect him from being the kind of man I know she doesnt want her son to be. It is a parents job to make sure their child is exposed to things that do not give the impression that women are to be controlled, especially violence in the household. Portrayal of women in popular culture can also contribute to domestic violence against them. It can be assumed that Jasons love of video games and violent movies contributed to his abusive behavior by the way women are portrayed in such media. It is depicted that women are meant to be passive, obedient, and domestic, and this can breed anger in some men when the woman proves to be a human being with free will, more

than just an object to be used for pleasure and procreation. The pervasive idea that women should be kept barefoot and pregnant contributes to the idea that women are just baby machines, which leads me to another type of abuse. Reproductive abuse. Most women are capable of having babies, but not all women want to have a baby. For some it could be the 9 months of weight gain and mood swings followed by an excruciatingly painful delivery, while for others it may just be that they dont particularly like children. Whatever the reason, women have the right to decide if they want children. Some men dont agree, and its not only male politicians in Washington DC. These men exist in every town. They will force or trick their wives or girlfriends to get pregnant at inopportune times. They search for birth control pills and throw them out. Some poke holes in condoms. Other men force their wives or girlfriends into an abortion if they find out they are pregnant. My mothers best friend was in a relationship with a man that was so violent towards her that she lost the ability to ever have any children. A baby can trap a woman in an unhealthy relationship, as with Jason and Tinas, for financial reasons or purely shame. It is very hard to support a child on one salary, especially as a woman. Some women feel that if they have a child with a man that they must be with him forever, or that it is better for their child to have both parents. To have children with multiple men is seen as taboo for women, though somehow the men are exonerated in these situations. Female victims of reproductive manipulation are stuck in abusive relationships with no way out. Domestic abuse is definitely a cultural problem. The way society views women, as entertainment and vehicles for reproduction, is a breeding ground for violence against women who choose to act like the human beings they are. Fortunately, there are ways we

can overcome this problem. Shelters for battered women exist, and access to these shelters reduces incidence and severity of re-assault by 60-70%. Parents can also help to prevent violence in future generations. By monitoring what their children are exposed to, they can show their children that women are equals and it is not necessary to control them. Men are not inherently violent towards women, so the best way to treat a social problem of abusive men is to raise a new generation of men who respect women, women who respect themselves, and parents who will raise their children the same way.