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Responsibility
My Role
Having responsibility is the duty or obligation to act. Taking responsibility is acknowledging and accepting the choices you have made, the actions you have taken, and the results they have led to. True autonomy leads to both having responsibility and taking responsibility. Taking responsibly is fulfilling your role in life. Responsibility is an essential element of integrity; it is the congruence of what you think, what you say, and what you do. Responsibility is essential for reciprocity, trust, and for maintaining symmetric relationships.
Definitions
1. Having a duty or obligation to act 2. Acknowledging and accepting the choices you have made, the actions you have taken, and the results they have led to. 3. Able to meet commitments made to yourself and others 4. Keeping the promises you make. 5. Doing everything you say you will do, or have lead others to expect from you. Do what you say!
Responsibility is a Choice
Responsibility without choice is torment. This is the tragic curse suffered by scapegoats and other innocent people falsely accused and wrongly blamed. Choice without responsibility is greed. This is the selfish attempt to get something for nothing that is the wasteful and harmful excess of cheaters, playboys, egotists, and tyrants. Escaping responsibility is at the root of the tragedy of the commons . Taking responsibility for our choices provides the symmetry of reciprocal exchange and the basis for trust. Responsibility is a congruence between the actions we choose and our values. Responsibility unleashes choice. Whenever we think, decide, choose, and act we are exercising our personal responsibility. Deciding to accept responsibility for our choices increases the range of choices considered acceptable by others. It allows autonomy to increase without decreasing relatedness. We always have more responsible and less responsible options to choose from. Here are examples of choices we have:
More Responsible
Facts, realism, reality, and learning what is. Inquiring, investigating, seeking, and embracing facts and truth. Reason and sanity. Honesty. Focusing our thoughts and attention. Orderly. Thinking through alternatives and consequences. Clear and consistent thinking and expression. Learn from history. Seeking out expertise. Working to understand. Self-discipline. Impulse control. Behaving true to your values. Saying yes to your values and no to the rest. Do what you say.
www.emotionalcompetency.com/responsibility.htm
Less Responsible
Fantasy. Avoiding reality; embracing fantasy or magical thinking. Denying or escaping reality. Rumors. Rejecting facts. Insanity. Dishonesty. Drifting, rambling, unfocused, flighty, chaotic. Relying on habit or taking the easy way. Obscurity, vagueness, hedging, inconsistency, waffling. Revise, ignore, or dispute history. Dismissing expertise. Whatever. Acting on impulse. Going along with whatever. Situational ethics. Do whatever. Evade reciprocal obligations. Cheat.
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Fulfill reciprocal obligations. Open to new ideas and information. Curious. Wise. Willing to accept blame for errors. Consistent, congruent, and reliable. Rationality, valuing reason, respect for facts, and valid logic. Gathering, validating, and studying evidence. Developing and applying a coherent theory of knowledge. Considering a variety of points-of-view. Rigorous, careful, attentive. Adaptation and flexibility. Adjusting beliefs and actions to accommodate newly understood facts. Competence. Autonomy. Courage. Seeking solutions. Integrity. Awareness and wisdom. Adherence to evidence, values, and choice. Entrepreneurship. Participant. Entitled to my own opinion. Talking to people. Building enduring relationships based on who we are. I choose to . . . I decided to . . . Ideas, choices, and actions do matter and do have consequences. Believing that effects and outcomes have causes. Internal Locus of Control
Evade reciprocal obligations. Cheat. Closed to new ideas. Stubborn and closed minded. Ignorant. Infallible, arrogant, dismissive, obstinate. Inconsistent, chaotic, unreliable. Fallacies, distortions, assumptions, misinformation, and unrepresentative data. Accepting a one-sided view. Sloppy, careless, distracted. Rigid and misfit. Manipulation. Dependence. Cowardice. Assigning blame. Betrayal. Unawareness and ignorance. Blind obedience. Bureaucracy Bystander. Entitled to my own facts. Talking about people. Seeking instrumental relationships based on what we do. I had to . . . I had no choice . . . It's all up to fate, destiny, and chance. Attributing results to chance or destiny. There is noting I can do; I am helpless. External Locus of Control.
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yourself if they are manipulative, and carefully evaluate what you are being told and asked to do. Decide for yourself what you believe, what you accept, what you value, and what you are willing to do. When rules are understood as a reasonable means toward achieving a goal they can help increase autonomy rather than decrease it. We understand the value of driving on the right (or left, depending on your country) and stopping at red lights because these simple rules promote order and help keep us safe. We understand that waiting our turn in line provides fair and orderly access. We choose to obey these helpful rules. Committees and well-run organizations choose to adopt rules that help each person better contribute to the shared goals, meet the reasonable expectations of others, and perform better as a group. If the purpose for the rule is understood and judged to be reasonable and valuable then the rule is adopted voluntarily. The rule becomes integrated. In this case the rule increases order and improves results without reducing autonomy or responsibility.
Irresponsible Gambits
Many people are very skillful in disguising or obscuring the responsibly they hold for the choices they make and the actions they take. Here are some of the most common tricks: Playing the Victim You are playing the victim and shirking your responsibility when you are acting like you have no choice, choosing to remain powerless, declining to act, blaming others, or failing to see constructive alternatives. These are all ways to play the victim and deny the responsibility you can take. But what can I do? is the typical victims disingenuous protest as they act helpless and decide to do nothing. Blaming the Victim Often the poor are blamed for their poverty, battered spouses and children are blamed for causing their own abuse, and rape victims are accused of asking for it. Instead of blaming the victim, look more deeply and more broadly for the true causes of the problems. Blaming the victim distracts attention from the true cause and attempts to shift responsibility. It is a form of scapegoating.
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Speak with candor and don't tell lies, speak disingenuously, or mislead, Are trustworthy, not manipulative; respect others and play by a fair set of rules. Children often cheat and expect to win at any cost. Choose wisdom over ignorance, Value reason over power, the pen over the sword, Confront problems and transcend conflict, rather than deny and avoid problems, instigate quarrels, become vindictive, or seek revenge, Accept responsibility for their actions, admit mistakes, accept their share of the blame, and apologize to others, Accept and assimilate facts, rather than dismiss, distort, ignore, spin, self-justify, or fantasize, Maintain a balanced perspective; adults tolerate trivial transgressions while courageously upholding the most vital principles, Attain an authentic humility and keep their egos in check. Are authentic, not phony, Are autonomous, competent, and value their interdependence with others, Are helpful, not helpless. Are sober, not strung-out, Enjoy fun, but never at the expense of others. Our world requires adult supervision; take responsibility to act your age. Children choose easy over hard, simplistic over complex, and fast over slow. But significant contributions are often difficult, complex, and slow to achieve. Forego the cheap thrills to achieve satisfaction and significance. You are a competent, autonomous adult. You are fully responsible for all your words and actions, as are other competent adults; it is time to put away childish things.
A Central Role
Many emotions reflect how we attribute responsibility. We are especially quick to assign blame, often attempting to dispose of our loss. Here are examples of emotions related to attributing responsibility: Assigning responsibility for a loss is the definition of blame. Pessimists blame themselves for bad outcomes. Pessimism contributes to depression. Optimists blame others for poor results, but claim responsibly for good outcomes. Optimism is the basis for hope. Shame results from taking personal responsibility for not meeting your own expectations. Guilt results from taking personal responsibility for not meeting another's expectations. Revenge and resentment seek to hold others responsible and accountable for your loss. You accept responsibility for causing another's loss when you apologize to them. Forgiveness frees others from responsibility for your future well-being. Hate blames the enemy and holds them responsible for your troubles. Sadness turns into anger if you blame someone for your loss. You feel betrayed if someone does not meet the responsibilities you expect of them. Compassion turns into contempt if you blame the person and hold them responsible for their hardships. Reciprocity acknowledges our responsibility for maintaining symmetry in relationships. Autonomy is taking full responsibility for your own decisions. But because another's intent can never be accurately attributed, responsibility often remains ambiguous, and the resulting emotions may not be sending reliable information.
Quotations:
We've gotten to the point where everybody's got a right and nobody's got a responsibility. ~ Newton Minow. With great power comes great responsibly. ~ Spiderman With freedom comes responsibility. ~ Edward Deci The price of greatness is responsibility. ~ Winston Churchill Responsibilitytrue responsibilityrequires that people act autonomously in relation to the world around, that they behave authentically on behalf of some general good. ~ Edward Deci The disappearance of a sense of responsibility is the most far-reaching consequence of submission to authority. ~ Stanley Milgram Where respect says Don't hurt, responsibility says Do help. ~ Thomas Lickona Do what you say. ~ Responsibility without choice is torment. Choice without responsibility is greed. ~ Leland R.
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Responsibility without choice is torment. Choice without responsibility is greed. ~ Leland R. Beaumont Citizens are grown-ups. Consumers are kids. ~ Benjamin R. Barber. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. ~ St. Paul in the New Testament.
References
Six Pillars of Self-Esteem , by Nathaniel Branden Consumed: How Markets Corrupt Children, Infantilize Adults, and Swallow Citizens Whole , by Benjamin R. Barber
Fear, Sadnes s , A nger, J oy, Surpris e, D is gus t, C ontempt, A nger, E nvy, J ealous y, Fright, A nxiety, G uilt, Shame, Relief, H ope, Sadnes s , D epres s ion, H appines s , P ride, L ove, G ratitude, C ompas s ion, A es thetic E xperienc e, J oy, D is tres s , H appy- for, Sorry- for, Res entment, G loating, P ride, Shame, A dmiration, Reproac h, L ove, H ate, H ope, Fear, Satis fac tion, Relief, Fears - c onfirmed, D is appointment, G ratific ation, G ratitude, A nger, Remors e, power, dominanc e, s tature, relations hips
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