This is for all women and the men ballsy enough to read it.

DINNER TABLE OF CONTENTS

I. Introduction CHAPTER 1: I Wear My Heartand My Pasta Sauce on My Sleeve CHAPTER 2: Food Is Love CHAPTER 3: Stop Being So Uptight About It: My Approach to Food and Body Image CHAPTER 4: Get Sexy: How to Sizzle in the Kitchen CHAPTER 5: MANifestation: Make Him Fall for You CHAPTER 6: Going with the Flow CHAPTER 7: Eat Your Broken Heart Out: Mastering The Misery Dinner CHAPTER 8: Get off the Pity Potty: Choosing Happiness and Celebrating You

CHAPTER 9: Let it Simmer: patience in cooking and life CHAPTER 10: Recipes for Friendship CHAPTER 11: Happy Endings (Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter) AFTERWORD: More Recipes for Self-Love

Hello, Gorgeous! If you're craving a hearty helping of luscious food, good life advice, and a heaping plate of laughter, just sit back, relax and leave the cooking to me. Im a self-taught cook who wears her heart and her pasta sauce on her sleeve. Im an old soul with a young heart and a dashing pair of red stilettos that I wear in the kitchen. I put a little bit of funand a lot of my soulinto everything I cook. I put my emotions and my imagination into the food. And I want you to do the same. Life is all about savoring each bite; each moment. Its about living deliciously and realizing that its okay to have a good time. My dear friends, I honestly believe that when we kick back, let go and allow ourselves to enjoy life, we become sexier, more radiant, more magnetic, and more of a pleasure to know. I invite you to roll up your sleeves, put on your apron, and cook with me. Were going to make a mess, learn a lot and have a blast. So, dont be shy! Come into my kitchen and have a seat. Lets dish it out. Ill share my personal experiences in love, life, self-esteem and girl power. After each story, Ill teach you how to whip up a fresh, delicious, healthy, simple, beautiful and affordable Italian-American meal that celebrates friends, family, and the star of the show: you.

This book is filled with my quirks, quips, funny and empowering stories as well as witty wisdom to help you enjoy life, enjoy your company, and enjoy your food. So, put on your stilettos and whip out your spoon. Its time to stir things up.

CHAPTER 1: I Wear My Heart (& My Pasta Sauce) on My Sleeve Sicilian-American girls are known for being loud, emotional, and, well, zesty. I'm a little bit of each. Every drop of my love, my tears, my joymy passion for friendship and romancegoes into every meal I cook. Sometimes, I'll be wearing a white shirt (dumb enough, I know) and the sauce will decide to bubble and erupt like lava, all over my sleeve or right where the shirt covers my boob. Sometimes I yell at the sauce and smack the lid so hard that the walls shake. But then I'll forgive it and doctor it up with some salt and pepper. I mean, how could you not unconditionally love a sauce made from delicious "liquid gold" olive oil with fresh garlic, chopped onions and red pepper flakes sizzling with the juiciest Campari tomatoes in a gorgeous, lush red frying pan? There is nothing...and I mean nothing...that can soothe me better than these simple, fresh ingredients that just seem to be making love on the electric stage of a stovetop. And sharing a good pasta dish with people I love totally makes up for the stain on my boob. Ill tell you: licking a good red sauce is like watching a hot Sicilian man pluck blood oranges in a sunlit field. Giving heaping bowls of pasta drizzled with sauce and garnished with herbs is a way to show my loved ones how much I really care about them; how much of myself I devote to every spoonful. And although it's often a drag for many people, the act

of cleaning up after the meal can sometimes be one of the happiest experiences for me, even when I'm alone in the kitchen and there's nothing left but plates and forks to be scraped, scoured and scrubbed. While picking up the wine-stained napkins and washing plates after a party, I dissolve into the memory of laughter tickling the kitchen walls and the clanking of goblets during the few hours my friends gathered to celebrate a birthday, a girls' night in, or an evening with nothing else better to do than sit, eat, drink and chat about reality TV. When I was a little girl, I always got so upset when everyone had to say goodbye at parties; I loved sharing food and ice cream cake and hugs with them. Warm bodies in chairs and crumbs on the table meant that life was being lived. I hated being left alone after a party. I always wanted company. I still do. Not just to have somebody there, but to share a special connection with another human being. To do that is one of the most magical abilities we possess as a species. That's why I love having you here reading my words. I feel like I'm sharing something with you; I'm connecting with you. I may not know who you are or what you look like, but that really doesn't matter. I feel like I'm making you feel warm and welcome and whole. When I moved into my own apartment during graduate school, I was living off of saved birthday money, student loan refund checks and any change I could find on the ground. I was just a girl in search of purpose and meaningand quarters to do my laundry. Unlike most women my age, I wasnt interested in buying shoes, clothes

or accessories. My little red stilettos always got me where I needed to go. I walked in them so much that I wore the heels down to the nubs. I wanted to spend the little money I had on food and wine; I decided my new place would be a bachelorette pad where I would serve nothing but food, laughter, and l-o-v-e. So, I invite you to take your home with you wherever you go. This means to bring love, comfort, friendship and support to others you already knowand to those you meet in your journey through life. Here are my principles for living that will make your journey a bit yummier. Print em out and stick em on your fridge for easy access when you need a boost!

PRINCIPLES FOR LIVING A DELICIOUS LIFE

1. Honor Your Body thats your permanent home for the rest of your life. 2. Heels high. Head held higher. 3. Love Your Neighbor not just the hot guy next door. Show love to everyone you meet along the way, even if theyre not so nice. 4. Make the world a better place. This could be as easy as helping an elderly woman find the pet food aisle at the supermarket. 5. Be childlike, but not childish. Allow yourself to be a kid every now and then. Play. Laugh. Have fun. But dont be the playground bully. That would be simply ridiculous.

6. Make sure the volume of your heart exceeds the volume of your hair. Tease your hair, but dont be a tease. 7. Filter out the bullshit. Ignore everyone whose message doesnt serve you or your highest good. 8. Think positive. Life is what you make it. Go ahead and bake it. And if you cant bake it, decorate it. 9. The only people who dont deserve to be happy are the ones who think YOU dont. 10. Speak up. Ladies, when you say you want 18 karats, specify that youre not talking about vegetables. 11. Love with all your heart and tell your ego to put a sock in it. 12. Be zesty. Unseasoned fresh food is like a face without makeup. When you add salt, pepper and herbs, you enhance its natural deliciousness. The same is true when you take good care of your body. Youre already beautiful, but living a healthy lifestyle and putting on some makeup to bring out your strongest features can only help you! Dont be boring! Be tasty. Be zesty! 13. Tune into your soul. Dont listen to critics and people who think they know whats best for you. Only you can determine that through soul searching and tuning in to that higher wisdom; your soul. 14. Shine like a disco ball. Remember: the way others act toward you and treat you will eventually become a mirror of the way you treat others. Everything around us is a reflection of who we are.

CHAPTER 2: Food Is Love Theres a paper sign in my grandmas kitchen that reads, Were just a few clowns short of a circus. That pretty much sums us up. I grew up in a family of single, divorced, and (seemingly always) pre-menstrual Italian-American women. Every night at my Grandparents house, my two aunts, my mother, my sister, my female cousin and I would squeak around the table in our chairs, making room for each other in Grandmas muggy little kitchen. Somehow, wed always find a reason to yell, tease each other about our hairdos, whine about life, bitch about work and do a little man bashing while nibbling on meatballs. The absolute only thing we could agree on was that the food was delicious. My grandfather, the only male in the family, would sit at the head of the table. Hed roll his eyes and sing, Heaven can wait, this is paradise. Grandma would desperately mumble a prayer, make the sign of the cross and say, Does anyone want another dish of pasta? We held out our plates. All was right with the world as soon as forks reached mouths: everyone finally shut up. Theres nothing like a delicious homemade pasta sauce to dissolve a fight. In my opinion, instead of making war, we should all just make pasta. You bring the wine, honey! But Ill tell youIve learned so many life lessons at grandmas dinner table, whether it was my beautiful bighaired, 40-something-year-old aunt Dale tap dancing on the kitchen floor and posing for every possible camera, my aunt Darlene laughing at herself while making up pun-packed

riddles and jingles about the food on the table, or my grandma shouting all the answers to every history question on Jeopardy. I know in my heart that part of me has been shaped by these feisty women in my family. And Im forever grateful for their presence in my life. They may be a few clowns short of a circus, but they sure put on a good show. And despite the fact that we didnt (and still dont) always get along, my immediate family membersprimarily my mom and my grandparentswill go to any length to make sure Im living my dreams. When I had no money to put a security deposit on my new apartment, the people I most often fought with at the table are the ones who made sure my dream came true: they pawned all their gold jewelry scraps for cash so that I would have enough money to pay my first month of rent. My grandfather took his favorite, very valuable gold chain off his neck and handed it to the jeweler in return for cash just so that I could move to New York and, as everyone says, make something of myself. He had so much faith in me that he gave away his most valuable possession. I thought, Who am I to receive such a wonderful gift? Then I said, Ill spend the rest of my life making up for it by feeding people with delicious food and lots of laughter; Ill spend my life making people extraordinarily happy. And thats what I plan to do. The recipes Im going to share with you in this chapter, and every chapter of this book, are very simple, uncomplicated, delicious recipes. Because thats exactly how life should be

It's All Gravy (Well, at least, according to Grandma it is!) My family members say she was The Boss--The Extreme Ruler. But I don't know much about her, except that she was short and stout with large, meaty hands and a plump nose. She'd throw her shoe at you from the balcony if you didn't go to her when she called you inside. And she'd always get you. Always. This tough woman I speak ofmy great-great Nonna Vincenzacame to America at age 23, but never learned a word of English. According to Grandma, though, Nonna's suppers were virtually indescribable; the only language at Nonna's tables was a combination of sounds: cheeks bulging and contracting, teeth chomping on farm-fresh chicken and potatoes, and forks clanking against one another as my great aunts and uncles fought over the pan-scrapings. But arguably, Nonna Vincenza's best recipe is the socalled Sunday Gravy she passed down to my greatgrandma Evelyn (Mama Ev), who taught Grandma how to make it. I was lucky enough to learn the recipe, and I'm excited to share it with you today. First, though, let's get one thing straight. I have to use the word "gravy" because my family would chase after me and hit me with wooden spoons if I called it "tomato sauce." They think "sauce" is an American ("middigon") word, and they'd gag me with a "mopeen" if I said it in their presence. Contrary to what you might believe, not all Italians think alike. Many believe gravy is the stuff you pour over

turkey and stuffing. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of gravy is "a sauce made from the thickened and seasoned juices of cooked meat." When it comes to the red, tomatoey substance with which you eat pasta, many people say, "It's sauce, baby!" This is enough to strike up a civil war. My opinion? It doesnt matter what its called. If it tastes good, eat it! So here's the recipe. Try it! As they say in my family, just sit down, shut up and eat. And I mean that in most loving way.

Grandma's "Don't You Dare Call It Sauce" Gravy Recipe What you'll need: 1 yellow onion, sliced Extra virgin olive oil 1 lb. boneless spareribs 3 cans crushed tomatoes (preferably from San Marzano, but always imported from Italy) 2 cloves garlic, chopped Fresh basil Fresh parsley Salt and pepper to taste What to do: In a large saucepan, on high heat, caramelize onion in about 2-3 tablespoons olive oil. If necessary, add an extra 1/2 to 1 tablespoon of olive oil and sear the boneless spareribs (they should be

golden brown on the outside). Add tomatoes, garlic, basil, parsley, salt, and pepper. While this mixture simmers, get ready to prepare your meatballs in a separate bowl and fry them up in a separate, long pan. For the meatballs, you'll need: 1 lb. fresh, lean ground beef mixed with part ground pork (I usually substitute with lean ground turkey...just as delicious) 2 eggs Freshly chopped parsley 1 chopped clove of garlic Salt and pepper (as much as you think you'll want) Grated parmesan cheese (same here--as much as you'll want) Canola or olive oil for frying--enough to coat bottom of pan and sear the meatballs. What to do: 1. Combine all ingredients in bowl, mix with clean hands, roll into 2-3 inch-long balls and fry in vegetable or canola oil until outsides are crispy. 2. Turn off the heat.

3. Add meatballs to simmering gravy and slow-cook on the stovetop for 3 hours. 4. Spareribs and meatballs will become tender and begin to break apart. 5. Serve over pasta, and try not to fight over the spareribs! BUT, before we go any further, let me tell you how to correctly cook pasta. First of all, you must use a large pot of well-salted water. Dont be afraid to add salt to the water. Or else, as my grandma says, your pasta will taste like crap. And who wants that? Cook your pasta for about 10-11 minutes or until al dente. This means it will be mostly cooked but have a slight bite to it. Always use a bit of the pasta water when preparing the pasta with the sauce. And remember to always, always cook the pasta in the sauce. Never just dump the sauce over the pasta. Why? Well, youll never really coat all of the pasta with sauce if you do it that way. You may or may not have heard these tips before, but its always a great idea to refresh your memory. After all, too much Italian table wine can cause brain fog! Farfalle Pasta with Roasted Root Veggies What youll need: 1 box farfalle (bow-tie shaped pasta), cooked

 Mixed roasted veggies 1 clove garlic, chopped 2-3 tablespoons olive oil 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes Salt and pepper to your liking lots of grated Grana Padano or parmesan cheese Fresh basil What to do: 1. In a medium-sized saucepan or frying pan, saut your garlic clove in about 1 tablespoon olive oil and crushed red pepper flakes. 2. Add your roasted veggies to the garlic and olive oil, then stir. Add the cooked pasta, along with your grated cheese and fresh basil. Mix well and serve!

Chilled Broccoli with Lemon & Garlic A family favorite appetizer that gets gobbled up faster than it takes to make! What youll need: 2 heads of fresh broccoli Juice of 3 lemons Sea salt Pepper

 Olive oil Fresh garlic

What to do: 1. Chop up your broccoli into long, pretty looking pieces. Leave the stem on for presentation. Steam the broccoli in the microwave. You do this by adding about cup of water to the bottom of the plate, placing the broccoli on top and covering with plastic wrap. Microwave about 20 minutes, or until the broccoli is fork tender. You could also do this over the stovetop, replacing the plate with a saucepan and the plastic wrap with a metal lid. 2. Store in a glass plate and allow it to chill. 3. Add the juice of three lemons, sea salt and fresh garlic to the mixture. Pour it over the broccoli and drizzle olive oil over the top. Mix everything together, then cover with plastic wrap and allow it to absorb the juices. Place your dish of broccoli in the refrigerator for a few hours, or even overnight. Serve cold as an appetizer.

Grams Crispy Mac & Cheese What youll need: 1 pound cooked elbow macaroni (you can use glutenfree if youve got a wheat allergy or intolerance) 3 cups milk (my grandma uses whole milk, but you

can absolutely substitute with a lower fat milk or even unsweetened almond milk!) 1 teaspoon salt teaspoon black pepper 2 eggs 1 stick of margarine 1 pound American or cheddar cheese (you can mix the both together) cup shredded Gruyere and Swiss cheese Bread crumbs for sprinkling over the top (those who are allergic to wheat can use crushed rice cerealhas a very similar effect to breadcrumbs!) What to do: 1. Mix eggs and milk, salt and pepper. Set aside. 2. Chop your American cheese, cheddar cheese and butter into cubes and scatter this cheese-butter mixture over the cooked elbow macaroni. 3. Pour the eggs and milk over the top of the macaroni, cheese and butter. 4. Stir everything together and top with the SwissGruyere mixture or some Parmesan cheese. Sprinkle breadcrumb over the top for an added crispy texture. 5. Bake for one hour at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Allow the baked mac and cheese to settle for about 10 minutes before serving.

Fig, Prosciutto and Red Pepper Sandwiches What youll need: Prosciutto slices (as many as youd like) 1 loaf Ciabatta or foccacia bread 1 jar of fig jam or fresh figs (you can also use dried figs) 1 large sliced Bosc or red pear Goat cheese (to your liking) Roasted red peppers (the ones in the jar work well) Homemade balsamic dressing (recipe to follow) What to do: 1. Slice open a loaf of ciabatta or foccacia bread. Drizzle olive oil on top and toast it under the broiler for a few minutes. Dont burn it! 2. On both sides of toasted ciabatta, spread a thin layer of the fig jam (or thick if you want more). If you dont have fig jam, use fresh figs or sliced dried mission figs. 3. Add fresh arugula on top of the fig jam. 4. Layer your prosciutto, on top of the arugula, then add the pear slices 5. Next, add your red peppers and goat cheese. 6. Drizzle with balsamic vinaigrette.

7. Slice into rectangles or squares and hold together with toothpicks if serving as an appetizer. Easy balsamic vinaigrette: 1 tablespoon honey 1/2 cup olive oil cup balsamic vinegar 1 teaspoon spicy Dijon mustard (optional) Shake mixture in a recycled jar or blend in a food processor until everything is well incorporated. Again, add your olive oil slowly until well combined with vinegar. Grandmas Restaurant-Style Eggplant Parmigiana What youll need: 1 large eggplant, skin removed Slice thinly 2 eggs, beaten 1 cup flour Canola oil (enough to cover the bottom of a shallow frying pan) What to do: 1. Slice eggplant extremely thin 2. Dip each slice in egg, then flour, then immediately into the frying pan

3. Fry in the canola oil (add more as needed, you dont want to soak the eggplant in too much oil) 4. Cook until browndo not burn! 5. Drain on paper towels 6. Coat a glass oven-safe dish with basic marinara sauce. Add the cooked eggplant slices, marinara sauce, ricotta cheese, and fresh mozzarella, almost like youre making lasagna. Drizzle sauce and cheese between each layer and on top. 7. Bake at 350 degrees F until cheese is golden brown and bubbly HollyDay Antipasto This popular appetizer is a true conversation starter thats filling enough to serve as the main course. In my opinion, a nice glass of oaky pinot noir with notes of cherry and plum pairs perfectly with the cheeses and smoky meats of this platter. Altogether, the ingredients are a bit pricey, but this is a special holiday dish you serve to show people you love and appreciate them. So, dig in and celebrate life. Indulge! What youll need: 1 lb. cold cut ham 1 lb. cold cut turkey 1 lb. prosciutto 1 lb Provolone Cheese Wedges of parmesan cheese

 Mozzarella cheese rounds 1 jar roasted red peppers 2 small jars artichoke hearts 1 8 oz. package of sun dried tomatoes, julienned cup pitted Kalamata olives jar pickled peppers cup pickled eggplant 1 cup Portobello mushrooms, julienned Arugula (lots of it!) Balsamic vinegar and olive oil What to do: 1. Scatter arugula all over a very large serving platter. The arugula is a beautiful and delicious base for the antipasto. 2. Place the artichoke hearts in the very center, followed by the sun dried tomatoes, olives, and cheese rounds. Roll the ham, turkey, and prosciutto so that they look almost like cigars. Line them around the edges of the serving platter whichever way youd like. 3. Sprinkle pickled peppers, pickled eggplant and some Portobello mushrooms all over the top, and scatter fresh basil over everything. 4. Serve cruets of balsamic vinegar and oil on the side so your guests can add however much dressing they like to the antipasto. This antipasto goes beautifully with

crusty bread and a glass of red wine. I like a good Chianti with it!

CHAPTER 3: Stop Being So Uptight About It: My Approach to Food and Body Image Love Your Body and Tell Society to Shove It I love to cook. And I love to eat. But when we women talk about cooking and eating, of course one of the first ideas to come up is the one about weight and body image. We often believe somethings wrong with us if we enjoy food. We view ourselves as immoral for licking the chocolate sauce off the back of a spoon. We immediately think this act alone will cause us to become obese. I, for one, used to punish myself for eating sweets by running several hours on the treadmilland pissing off everyone at the gym who wanted to use a machine. As someone who suffered eating disorders for several years, I used to be so embarrassed to eat in front of people. I would think of myself as a pig if I ate passionately. But now I know thats absolute nonsense. In fact theres something wrong, in my opinion, when people dont savor their food. Think about medieval times, where people ate with their fingers! The only thing they were missing was a moist towelette to clean off their hands. So come on, ladies, its time to stop being so uptight about food. Its time to stop being so uptight about our physiques, too. We need to nourish ourselves with foods that make our minds, bodies and souls sing instead of depriving ourselves of delicious, home-cooked meals filled with the nutrients we need to maintain good health. We need to slow down; to take time to celebrate suppers with the people we love. We must eat food made with love

rather than gobble junk food made on an assembly line and zapped in the microwave! We also, as Ive learned, need to stop criticizing our bodies. We compare ourselves to airbrushed celebrities and uber-fit women at the gym who are either genetically prone to be a size double zero or StairStep their way into kid-sized pants. And then we go home, look in the mirror and say, "Youd better turn those cinnamon buns into buns of steel, girlfriend. We punish ourselves for being human. We think we're not enough. We skip a meal or two and just eat veggies because, after all, we can't afford the extra calories. Ive seen people do this in college. I remember a girl I barely knew came up to me in the cafeteria and said, That calzone is full of calories. You shouldnt eat it. I wanted it so badly. But because someone else had problems with her own weight and food intake, I chucked it into the trash like an idiot. I watched the thing slump to the bottom of the garbage bag among scraps of food. A perfectly good, delicious calzone had gone to waste. I hadnt even taken a single bite to know whether I liked it! Maybe the girl was right, I thought. Maybe I would get fat. Oy. Why did I listen to her? One calzone will not make anyone fat. Theres no possible way. Twelve? Maybe. One? Not a chance. This is the problem with our society: we listen to others who have no flippin' idea what they're talking about. There are so many voices buzzing around us and inside our heads that we can't even hear our inner cry to do what we want and be who we are. Why? Because a lot of us dont accept ourselves on our own terms; were constantly seeking the approval of others in order to be considered

lovable or acceptable. This is especially true of us women. We despise our bodies. Deep down, we want to savor our food as much as we want to savor our lives, but instead we gulp it down guiltily and then shamefully go and confess to our friends (or maybe even the priest) that we ruined our diets with that last dish of pasta primavera. We need to stop, step back and breathe. Then we need to take action. The first step, accepting yourself even before you put on your fake eyelashes, darlingIs the key to developing a lifelong sense of self-confidence. Do this every day for a month and you'll be surprised to see how much more you start liking yourself. And yes, its okay to like yourself. I promise. Second, use your spare time to make a quick fix. If you're feeling incompetent about your looks, your office, work ethic, relationships or friendships, stop complaining and do something about it. Make the effort to use those extra ten minutes a day to go for a quick walk, call your funniest friend, vacuum the crumbs out of your computer keys, or fix your hairdo in the ladies' room. A quick fix works wonders on your emotional well-being. Ive discovered that a five-minute dance break every hour or so perks me up. I love me some Donna Summer oldies or techno club hits! Third, exercise. Eating and exercising go hand-in-hand. Why? Because food is fuel for your body. Food gives you the adequate energy you need to be the active person you want to be. But please, dont feel the need to hit the gym after every bite of food. Some women go crazy and think they need to burn every single calorie they put into their bodies. Thats irrational and seems very inhuman to me. Youve got to find a healthy balance thats right for your body. And be creative with exercise so you dont get

bored. The treadmill and elliptical are great, but why not try bopping around your bedroom to some old school 80s or 90s tunes on your iPod for at least 30 minutes? Fourth, drink lots of water throughout the day. Flush the toxins out of your body by drinking tons of H20. Bring a reusable water bottle to work and be sure to chug all day long. You'll have a lot more energy and feel a lot lighter. Finally, allow yourself the occasional time to veg outespecially on the weekends. Do not allow society to make you feel like a criminal if one afternoon you decide to throw on sweatpants and lounge on your couch with a gelato. It's part of being human. It's part of being real. Tomorrow, eat lots of veggies and lean protein, drink water and have a nice workout. Don't be the way I used to be; don't punish yourself for living on the edge once in a while. It's obviously UNHEALTHY to eat junk every day, but once in a while, you're entitled to a "fat day." Go to that tailgating party and eat those chicken wings. Don't you dare let someone tell you to stop eating those spicy, delicious things because of the calorie content. That person needs to just shut up. Loving yourself means knowing when its okay to give yourself an occasional treat. Remember, its not the medicine that makes you sickits the dose. When you overdo anything, its bound to affect you negatively. But a small amount of Grandmas apple pie isnt going to stick to your thighs. Balance it out with a healthy dinner of veggies, protein and complex carbohydrates. Am I suggesting that this means Id recommend making a routine of looking into a hand-held mirror and saying, I love you so much! while stuffing your face with

chocolate nut fudge? NOT! Come on. Get real. Bingeing and eating unhealthily on a regular basis (and were not talking about the occasional splurge) is the total opposite of self-love. A lot of people use food as a drug to shut off their emotions and mask a bigger problem in their lives. A person might do this because he or she is hurt or offended at something their boss said to them at work and then suddenly theyre jonesing for jellybeans and (dun dun dun) wind up shoveling down two bags when they get home. This becomes a vicious cycle; the person suddenly feels a surge of guilt, shame and self-hatred, says eh, what the hell? and finds something else to gorge on. Please, my friend, dont use food as a weapon against negative emotions or thoughts. Instead, eat slowly and mindfully. Be aware of the texture, color, and flavor of what youre eating. It takes time for your brain to register the fact that youre eating. Give yourself time. And then allow yourself to experience the taste and the emotions that come up when you chew and swallow. If you slow down and savor each bite, youll digest food much more easily. Youll feel more satisfied and probably eat less, too. If youre a career diva (or divo) and think you have zero time to stop and smell the spaghetti sauce, you may be rolling your eyes at what I just said. You might be saying, I eat lunch in a busy office behind a computer screen while checking emails, damn it! Regardless, youve got to value yourself and take time to nourish your body, your BRAIN, and your soul. If you at least give yourself three minutes to close your eyes, breathe deeply and reflect on the taste of the food, its nutritional value and the hard work that went into its creation, eating will be an entirely different experience for

you. And then you can get back to work. You may even find yourself a lot happier throughout the day and less inclined to throw your hard-earned cash into the snack attack vendor down the hall. Eating is about nourishment and pleasure! Its about feeding your brain and your belly with love. While you need not be uptight about eating, you need not be uptight about cooking, either. Being messy, freespirited and willing to try new things in the kitchen makes cooking way more fun. Perfection is Boring: Why Im Okay With Being a Kitchen Klutz And speaking of being free-spirited in the kitchenyouve got to be willing to try new things and make mistakes. Heres an example. During an appetizers and desserts cooking class that I taught to adults, I could barely get the lid on the food processor. It took me about ten tries to properly set the timer on the oven. And I nearly tripped over a few drops of olive oil on the floor. But I was doing more than making a fool of myself; I was showing the students that its okay to relax and be human. I was showing them Its okay to mess up in the kitchen. We do it all the time in our lives. Mistakes are inevitable! So why not just laugh at them? Why not just be goofy and nerdy? Sometimes I pretend I have oranges for eyes or cherry tomatoes for cheeks. Sometimes I sing Ole Sole Mio but make up the lyrics because I have no idea what the real ones are. I once was on a News 8 (WTNH New Haven, Connecticut) kitchen segment in which I couldnt get the electric mixer to workthen suddenly, I accidentally flicked the notch to full speed and heavy cream splattered all over my red dress. It

was hilarious. The host and I had so much fun. So heres the message: stop forcing yourself to be perfect. Accept and embrace your little quirks. Others will, too.

RUSTIC-STYLE RECIPES (THEY DONT HAVE TO LOOK PERFECT!)

Roasted root veggies Fennel, tomatoes, carrots, onions What youll need: Cauliflower Fennel Red potatoes Carrots Yellow Onions Thyme Rosemary Olive oil Coarse sea salt Fresh ground black pepper

What to do: 1. Coat all the veggies in olive oil, then sprinkle salt and pepper over the top. Cover with foil and roast for about 15 minutes at 400 degrees Fahrenheit. 2. Remove the foil, stir the veggies with a spoon and roast for another 15 minutes with the foil off. 3. Allow veggies to cool, then serve! Simple Hearty Tomato Sauce with Campari Tomatoes This is an easy, easy, easy sauce that takes only a few minutes to prepare. So any excuses to use jar sauce no longer exist! What youll need: Extra virgin olive oil 2 garlic cloves 1 chopped yellow sweet onion 2 medium packages of Campari tomatoes (about 3 cups, halved) Fresh basil and parsley Salt & pepper to taste Red pepper flakes (optional) Cooked (al dente) pasta of your choice About 1 teaspoon of butter (optional) Parmesan cheese

What to do: 1. In about 2 tablespoons of olive oil, saut one chopped onion and 2 cloves minced garlic in a frying pan. Were not talking about a pot, but a pan thats deep enough to hold a good amount of tomato sauce. 2. Cook on medium heat until the onion is caramelized, but not burned. Be sure not to burn the garlic, either. If you like red pepper flakes, now would be a good time to add it to the pan. 3. Add your Campari tomatoes along with a generous pinch of sea salt and black pepper. Cook until the tomatoes become softuntil the skins start to shrivel. The tomatoes will eventually break apart and form a saucy consistency. Sprinkle fresh parsley and basil over the tomatoes. 4. Pour freshly cooked al dente pasta into the pan. Al dente means to the tooth in Italianso its important that your pasta has a little bite to it. It will continue to cook in the hot sauce, so you dont want your pasta to become soggy. 5. Mix the pasta in the tomato sauce. To be sure that all the pasta gets coated, never pour the sauce directly over the pasta, but instead always pour the pasta into the sauce in a shallow frying pan. For extra flavor, add a dab of butter, mix together, sprinkle more parsley and basil, then serve. Take your pan off the heat and add the Parmesan cheese.

Roasted butternut squash with apples, onions and rosemary This is a phenomenal rustic side dish that you can serve with pork, chicken, or even sausage. Its very versatile, and sometimes, I like to eat it just on its own without any meat. The choice is yours. Experiment and see what you like to serve it with best! What youll need: 1 whole butternut squash, peeled and cubed 3-5 Gala apples, sliced (because I prefer the taste of Gala apples. But you can use any kind you prefer) 2 large yellow onions, sliced Olive oil Rosemary Salt and pepper What to do: 1. Mix the butternut squash, apples and onions in a large bowl with a drizzle of olive oil and a sprinkle of salt, pepper and dried rosemary. 2. When everything is well-incorporated, spread onto a baking sheet lined with aluminum foil and roast for 25 minutes at 375 degrees Fahrenheit. This side dish pairs deliciously with pork, chicken or turkey! Fresh cherry tomato and white bean salad with olive oil and oregano I used to make this in my dorm room in college. Id keep cans of cannellini beans in a big tub under my bed and

tomatoes in the fridge so I could easily whip this up whenever I didnt feel like trekking over to the dining hall on a rainy or snowy day. Its so satisfying and simple. What youll need: 2 pints cherry tomatoes 1 can white beans (cannellini), rinsed and drained Olive oil Salt and pepper Fresh or dried oregano What to do: 1. Mix tomatoes with the white beans, olive oil, salt, pepper, and oregano. 2. Place in the refrigerator and allow everything to meld in a bowl for a few hours before serving. Serve on top of crackers!

CHAPTER 4: How to Sizzle in the Kitchen The kitchen is not just for bored housewives or harried mothers with a truckload of children to feed. This is a new day. Cooking isnt just for those who have nothing better to do or have time to do it. It can be a comforting, calming, spiritually healing and revitalizing activity, especially after a long day at work. Cooking can also help you to feel sexier and stimulate your senses. Let me show you how to put some chic sensuality into it. You come home exhausted after a long day of ruling the world in three-inch stilettos with a non-fat mocha latte in one hand and a smart phone in the other thats blaring all day with instructions from your boss, or (in my case)your mother. Around, say, 6pm, you crave a home-cooked meal, yet nobodys going to do it for you unless youre lucky enough to still live at home with mommy dearest or have an incredible significant other who expresses his love for you by feeding you oysters and nibbling on your earlobe. Oh, come on. Lets get real. Its time to put on your big girl pants and take charge of your hunger. And a hearty, healthy, freshly prepared meal will make you feel so much better, regardless of what kind of day youve had. Maybe youd like to take off your work clothes and slip into something comfy. But once in a while, its nice to try something new. Here are my suggestions on how to refresh your body and mind after a busy day at work. 1. Hang up your hat. Put todays troubles and disappointments aside. Or as we Italians say,

fughettaboutit! Its time to cook. And please, dont think of cooking as kitchen slavery. Thats not the point. The point is really choosing to celebrate the basic human desire of food by feeding yourself (and/or people you love) something delicious. Its time to reduce the pace of the day and savor the moment right now. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Or two. 2. Dance to music in the kitchen. Theres nothing like a playlist of good tunes to put you in the mood for steamy love. And theres nothing like a good playlist of music to get you in the mood for steamy Bolognese sauce. I love listening to a compilation of oldworld Italian songs while Im a cooking. Rosemary Clooneys Come Ona My House, Dean Martins Volare, and Louie Primas Buona Sera (Kiss Me Goodnight) are a few of my personal favorites.
My late great-grandma, Evelyn Vernuccio, a.k.a. Mama Ev

When I listen to good old Italian music, I feel like my great-grandma, Mama Ev (pictured above), is with me in the kitchen. I imagine that her spirit dances around me while olive oil and garlic swirl around on the hot frying pan. 3. Light some candles. If you really want sparks to fly, candles are your best bet. And even if youre alone in the kitchen, you absolutely deserve to pamper yourself with the comforting glow of a beautifully scented candle. Vanilla scented ones are always fabulous. Just dont burn yourself.

4. Wear a sexy apron. You dont want to ruin your flirty cocktail dress, so buy yourself an adorable apron and get your sexy on. 5. Use a hair clip. Your hair may be gorgeous, but theres nothing sexy about strands of it in your arugula salad. Clip your hair up when cooking. 6. Lube up with lip gloss. Pucker up. Make em kiss the cook! Even if theres nobody around to kiss, a little bit of flavored lip gloss will make you feel sexier. 7. Spray on your favorite perfume. A little spritz can make you feel sexy in seconds. Perk up, baby! Its time to sizzle. 8. Use your favorite utensil. Whether you prefer a wooden spoon, plastic spoon or good old-fashioned spooning, the choice is yours. Keep that special utensil at arms reach! Never know when you might need it. 9. Wear your stilettos. Not only do they give you a boost of confidence, but they also give you a little extra heightjust in case you need to smack the smoke detector or reach for the saffron on the top shelf. 10. Grab a partner. Have someone to cook and dance withand make a mess with. And let the sizzlin begin in your kitchen.

CHAPTER 5: MANifestation A pan with only a few lingering driblets of red sauce is like the messy bed after a night of ravenous lovemaking. - Holly Pinafore The Neighbor Story Theres a scene in the movie Meet Me In St. Louis (1944) where Esther Smith (Judy Garlands character) swoons over the guy who recently moved in next door. She sits on her windowsill, twirling her hair and gazing at him from a few yards away. Of course, he doesnt see her. He doesnt even know her. But shes already in lovedetermined to find a way to strike up a romance with John Truitt, the sweet-eyed cutie pie who lives at 5133 Kensington Avenue. And now its my turn. The second I moved into my apartment and shook his hand, I knew I had to bake him brownies; I was in love. I had done everything from listen to the wall with the back of my martini glass like a stethoscopeI pressed my back against the wall to feel his footsteps in the next room. I was so pathetic! But hey, I was lonely. I was hungry for one thing: romance. So I decided to cook it up. I arrived at the neighbors door one evening wearing a pink and black cheetah print dress, carrying a steaming plate of pasta. Boy, was he confused. But he sure was happy

THE RECIPES:
Shock the Pants off Your Man Sauce

Cloaking bland pasta in a warm, spicy red sauce is like slipping into a smooth, silk gown and saying, "Look at me, baby. Give me a whirl. Give me a twirl with your fork." I took Grandmas Gravy (chapter 1) and va-va vamped it into my own version of smoky arrabbiata with bits of shredded pork tenderloin. That's right. Mama's got a brand new man-grabbin' sauce. Arrabbiata means "angry" in Italian, but this crushed red pepper-and-tomato sauce is the gastronomical equivalent to world peace, or simply, make-up sex. Try this recipe tonight. It'll blow stars out of the sky, and absolutely, positively stun your guy (and if you're a guy reading this, make the sauce for your lady and other things will be happening in the kitchen that dont necessarily involve utensils or frying pans). This is called "Shock the Pants off Your Man (or Woman) Pasta Sauce" What Youll Need: 2 cans crushed tomatoes (preferably from San Marzano, because theyre sweeter and juicier) 1 large white or Vidalia onion, diced 1 fresh pork tenderloin--1 lb. (can serve up to 4 people) 1-2 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil

 1-2 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes (or more) Fresh basil (dried, if you must) Fresh parsley 1/4 to 1/2 cup red wine (good, drinkable quality) Semolina or brown rice pasta (I like it because I can digest it much more easily) What To Do: 1. In a large saucepot over medium-high heat, sear your pork tenderloin in olive oil and brown it on all sides. 2. Then, you can choose to: (a) wrap the tenderloin in foil and bake at 325 for 45 minutes per pound or (b) set the tenderloin aside to rest, then add to sauce in a few minutes so it cooks in the sauce for a few hours. Choose (a) if you're short on time. 3. Add a bit more olive oil, then add the onions and some of the red-pepper flakes. Allow the onions to become soft and translucent. 4. *I don't use garlic in this sauce. To me, there's nothing too romantic about garlic breath on a date night. But if you must, you can add a few crushed garlic cloves to the onions as they're sweating in the olive oil. 5. In order to de-glaze your pan, turn down the heat and pour 1/4 to 1/2 cup red wine in the pot. Turn the heat back up.

6. Add the tomatoes, basil, parsley and a few more red pepper flakes (if desired). 7. Cover and occasionally. simmer on medium heat, stirring

8. You may allow the sauce to simmer while the pork bakes, and then once the pork is completely cooked, shred it and add it to the sauce. 9. OR let the seared pork finish cooking in the sauce for 1-2 hours on medium low-to-medium heat. It will become tender and fall apart in the sauce. 10. Cook your pasta in boiling water until al dente (about 12 minutes). 11. Ladle some of the sauce onto a skillet over medium heat, adding the cooked pasta and a bit of the pasta water to prevent it from sticking. Then toss in some extra basil and parsley. To make it even spicier, sprinkle even more pepper. Mix everything together, then turn off the heat. Serve on a clean, warm plate with a glass of red wine. Jaws (and perhaps pants) will be dropping right about now.

New York Sizzlin Strip Steak & Sweet Potato Fries with Fig-Balsamic Reduction What youll need:

 2 New York strip steaks (please do your best to use humanely-raised beef with no hormones or antibiotics. Get your beef at a natural, local market!) 3-4 sweet potatoes, sliced into thin strips Salt and pepper 2 tablespoons olive oil For the balsamic reduction: 1 bottle balsamic vinegar cup dried mission figs Sprigs of sage Rosemary For the steaks: 1. Generously rub your steaks with salt and cracked pepper 2. Sear or grill the steaks in a drizzle of olive oil for about 5-6 minutes on each side, or until a nice crust forms on the outside of the meat. Allow the meat to rest. Do not cut into it right away; give it a few minutes to sit or else the juices will flow out of the meat, leaving it dry and flavorless. For the sweet potatoes: 1. Wash and cut sweet potatoes into julienned pieces

2. Coat the sweet potatoes with olive oil, salt and pepper. Mix until well-incorporated. 3. Roast them at 400 degrees on a foil-lined cookie sheet for about 20 minutes or until theyre to your liking. 4. Serve the steak with the sweet potatoes and some fresh baby spinach, arugula or any other greens you like, on the side. 5. Drizzle some balsamic fig reduction over the steak. Garnish with a sprig of fresh rosemary. 6. Serve. And get ready for some strippin! Tease Me, Please Me Turkey Burgers Stuffed with Mozzarella (Topped with Roasted Tomatoes & Pesto) What youll need: 1 lb. ground turkey 2 eggs 1 handful of breadcrumbs Fresh parsley 1 mozzarella ball per patty (so have about 5 or 6 mozz balls on hand!) Basil 3 chopped garlic cloves 1 finely chopped onion Olive oil

For the roasted tomato-pesto mixture: Pick up some fire-roasted tomatoes from the deli bar at your local grocery store. You can even use sun-dried tomatoes (my favorite) for this recipe! This recipe doesnt require a homemade pesto sauce. Why go out of your way to make it when you can find something perfectly delicious in the sauce aisle? After all, were only using it as a condiment here. And its going to be yum-a-licious. What to do: 1. Mix ground turkey with breadcrumbs and eggs, then add the garlic, onion, chopped parsley, chopped basil, 1 teaspoon of salt and teaspoon black pepper. I also like to add a teaspoon of olive oil for extra flavor. Use your hands to mix everything together nicely. 2. Form medium-sized patties in the palms of your hands, then press a small mozzarella ball right into the center of the burger patty. 3. Bake your patties on a non-stick cookie sheet for about 15 minutes at 350 degrees, or until the burgers are golden brown and cooked thoroughly on the inside and outside. The mozzarella will ooze out of the burger when you cut into itdelicious! 4. Top with your roasted tomatoes and store-bought pesto sauce. This turkey burger is so delicious that it doesnt even need a bun. But if you need your carb fix, be my guest. And enjoy!

Easy Baked Ziti for your Sweetie What youll need: Campari tomato marinara or Grandmas Gravy (recipe from chapter 1) 1 pound cooked ziti (al dente) Ricotta cheese Parmesan cheese Fresh mozzarella Basil and parsley What to do: 1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit 2. Line the bottom of a glass baking dish with your premade pasta sauce 3. Add a layer of cooked ziti 4. Add a layer of the cheeses and sauce 5. Repeat steps 3 & 4 until you get to the top of the dish 6. Top it off with more sauce, cheese and basil 7. Bake for 25 minutes, or until cheese and sauce are bubbling and golden Finger Lickin Chicken Thighs What youll need: 6 fat-on chicken thighs  1 cup sun-dried tomatoes in olive oil, sliced thinly

 4-5 cloves garlic, chopped  1/2 cup fresh basil, chopped  Chicken rub dry seasoning  Coarse sea salt  Black pepper  Paprika  Dried oregano What to do: 1. Using clean hands or kitchen tongs, place chicken in a food storage bag. Leave the fat on. This will give it tremendous flavor.  2. Marinate the chicken in all of the ingredients, and add a little bit more of the sun-dried tomato oil/olive oil to the bag. Massage the chicken with the spices and herbs, then seal the bag and refrigerate for a few hours or overnight. If you're in a bit of a hurry, you don't have to marinate the chicken. Just rub the skin with the ingredients. 3. To infuse it with flavor, add some of the garlic cloves, sea salt, and sun dried tomatoes UNDER the skin. You peel back the skin, season the thigh underneath, then replace the skin. Season the tops of the chicken thighs very well. 4. Place each thigh on a pan lined with aluminum foil for easy cleanup. Then roast on the bottom rack at 350 degrees F for 40-50 minutes or until the chicken reaches an internal temperature of at least 165 degrees

F (at the innermost part of the thigh). This is what the USDA recommends for safety. Juices should run clear. 5. Serve your finished chicken with a side of mac & cheese, broccoli, spinach and / or something colorful and pretty. Sprinkle fresh basil over the top! Coo-coo for Couscous Wow your friends and lover with this easy, colorful and scrumptious summer lemon-basil couscous dish. It can be served warm, but preferably chilled when the weather is smokin' hot! What Youll Need: Olive Oil  1 shallot, chopped  1 clove garlic, smashed  "Brittany Blend" green bean and carrot mix (freshfrozen) 1 jar oven-roasted tomatoes (or roast Campari tomatoes yourself at 400 degrees for about 20-25 mins) 1 cup grilled artichoke hearts (you can do these on an indoor grill as well) Zest of one lemon, juice of two lemons  Sea salt & freshly ground black pepper  Ricotta Salata cheese (a very salty block of Italian cheese - almost like Feta, but much more dry)

 1 7-ounce box of brown rice or whole wheat couscous, cooked Fresh basil What to do: 1. Into your frying pan, add your chopped shallot and garlic, then saut. Don't burn it, though. Remove from the burner and set aside. 2. Add the green bean and carrot mix into the pan and season with salt and pepper. You may add some more spice (e.g. red pepper flakes) if you like it hot. 3. In a bowl, add your warm or chilled couscous, artichoke hearts, tomatoes, lemon zest and lemon juice. 4. Be sure to season the couscous with salt and pepper. 5. Incorporate the green bean-olive oil-shallot concoction into the couscous-tomato-artichoke mixture. Stir well. 6. Taste it to see what it needs, then sprinkle some basil and Ricotta Salata over the top for a final touch. 7. Serve chilled on a nice platter. Makes a perfect light lunch or dinner!

Fennel-arugula salad with citrus-basil vinaigrette What youll need: 2-3 medium-sized fennel bulbs, sliced thinly (save the tops as a garnish)  2 medium-sized navel oranges, skin peeled off and sliced into rounds  1 red grapefruit, skin off, sliced into rounds 2 lemons, skin off, sliced into rounds  1/2 head red cabbage  Fresh arugula (as much or as little as you want) Citrus-Basil Vinaigrette Juice of: 2 lemons, 1 orange, 1/2 grapefruit 2 tbsp. white balsamic vinegar (optional)  1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil  1 tsp dried basil  Salt and pepper to taste What to do: 1. Whisk liquids in a bowl with the salt, pepper and basil. Drizzle over fennel, arugula, nut and fruit mixture. Toss everything together, then cover with plastic wrap and leave in the fridge for a few hours so the flavors can meld.

2. Line a serving platter with red cabbage leaves, then spoon the salad right on top. Sprinkle with some more of the nuts and dried fruit, then lay the salmon over the top and garnish with fennel fronds. 

TIPS: Eating & Cooking with Your Lover So many of you women are too shy or embarrassed to eat passionately in front of guys. You have this fear that men will think youre an unladylike heifer. Ladies, come on. Have you seen the way guys get beer stains and grease all over their shirts while eating? I know this is a gender stereotype and it may not be true for all dudes, but it is for some. Dont allow eating to be a double standard. Women have the right to eat just as passionately as typical men do. Be sexy and sensual about the way you eat. Roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty. You can wipe em up later. Youre not getting anywhere by pushing lettuce leaves around with your fork. Lets say you and your man are in the kitchen together. Youre worried about getting steak sauce on your white dress. Take the damn thing off. Theres nothing better than strip steak (recipe to follow!). Cooking is a lot like having sex. If youre too worried about screwing it up (pun intended), your meal might turn into a disaster. If you just go with it and let your creativity take control, you never know what amazing things just might happen. And by the way, the age-old clich of handfeeding grapes and cheese to your lover is not simply an act of subservience, but more of an act of honoring your lover

CHAPTER 6: Going with the Flow Ever have one of those days where work was a drag, someone said something to annoy the crap out of you, and now you just want to hurl a shoe across the room? I sure as hell have. If youre a guy, Im sure you know a woman who has done it to you! You can blame it on my passionate, hottempered, stubborn Sicilian selffueled by estrogen and extra virgin olive oil. The women in my family have been known to break into verbal warfare at the dinner table, their mouths full of fettuccine and foul words. Much of the time, fights began over things someone said out of anger or frustration at life in general...not really targeted at the other people in the room. In general, some of us have been known to react dramatically to many situations, insults or arguments that really, truly aren't that bad, and actually, have nothing or very little to do with us. Sometimes, meltdowns happen because (yes) we're self-centered and think the universe is out to make our lives terrible or to punish us for something we've done in the past. We think everything is about ME, ME, ME...and it doesn't take much to throw us into an angry, bitter, selfpitying frenzy. Before we know it, we start throwing things or eating too much chocolate ice cream and yelling at the TV as if the cast of a Beverly Hills, 90210 rerun could hear us. Believe me. I've been there. I've felt like a victim for

most of my life. I've been known to take things seriously. Way. Too. Seriously. I often don't know how to handle myself in an argument, disagreement or instance where someone makes a negative generalization that may or may not have anything to do with me. I either a) react before thinking OR b) over-think a situation and react to the fantasy in my mind. I've learned the hard way by taking everything personally and breaking into heaving, gasping sobs only to find out, most of the time, that the situation had nothing to do with me. And if someone had insulted me, the insult wasn't as much about me as it was about the other person's insecurities or anger about things he/she experienced that day. So, when you, too, are feeling like a victim and start to have a meltdown, ask yourself this question: am I really the victim? Or am I making myself the victim? Do I feel sorry for myself? Why? Is it because I want attention (even negative attention)? What is it? The answer might come right away. It might not. The important thing to do is remove yourself from the movie and make yourself the spectator. You've got to PAUSE, REWIND, and REPLAY, asking yourself, "Is this really what happened? Or am I making it up? Is it really that big of a deal?" Here are a few scenarios: You think: "Oh, God. She made a comment about overweight women who shouldn't wear certain clothes. Oh my God, she's probably talking about me! She thinks I'm overweight!" I say: PAUSE. REWIND. REPLAY. Just because she

said something about someone else, doesn't mean she's talking about you. Actually, she may be insecure and referring to herself. A solution? You could stop taking everything personally. Its as simple as that. Dont let your ego make you trip when youre not looking. You think: "Oh no! He came home from work and said, 'You know, some people really piss me off.' Uh oh. He's definitely suggesting that I piss him off, and therefore doesn't want to be with me anymore. He probably hates me and in fact doesn't want to see me ever again but is just hanging around because he pities me. I mean, I don't know why he would pity me, but apparently he does, because why else would he be staying with me?" I say: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Slow down, girlfriend! PAUSE, REWIND, REPLAY! Look at how the current in your mind is pulling you under. Sometimes, there's no need to look deeper into something someone says. Sometimes, that's what they mean and it has nothing to do with you or anything you said/did today. These kinds of tangential thoughts that get tangled in your head are going to crowd your brain and lead you to insanity. If you've done something wrong to contribute to his bad day and you know you have, apologize with sincerity and then move on. Stop blaming yourself. You're only sabotaging yourself by thinking negative thoughts. Stop it right now. Because when you blame yourself, you feel guilty. Guilt only leads to remorse and self-hatred. Forgive yourself, forgive the other party, and let it go. You think (and this was me in college the type A worrywart): "The professor just made a comment about how most of us didn't work hard enough on our term papers. Oh no...I'm one of those people. He's

talking about me. I need to work harder. UGH! EPIC FAIL! I'm going to ask for a re-do. I'm not going to rest until I have the perfect paper. I want to be on good terms with my instructor. So I'm willing to do anything." I say: Who says the professor was talking about YOU? Are you everyone else? Didn't think so. If you're feeling like you didn't put your best effort into the term paper, then maybe talk to him/her about it. But beating yourself up before you even know the results of the test (and even WHEN you know them) is a form of selfsabotage that needs to be stopped. You can only do the best you can do with the time and energy you have at the moment. Study hard, work hard, take care of yourself. And don't beat yourself up if you flop once in a while. It's part of life. Sometimes the mess-ups make us who we are. Yeah, yeah. Clich, but true. Here are my five ways to survive stressful events:

1. Write it all down. Get a piece of paper. Write down the problem exactly as you see it in your mind. Then ask yourself what might be wrong with the way you're thinking. Sometimes answering the question by writing with your non-dominant hand will give you a good answer. It's really interesting. 2. Realize that the subconscious mind plays a huge role in how we think. Movies, music, television shows and the Internet are very powerful mind manipulators. The negativity we see in fictional dramas and reality TV shows may seep into our minds and cause us to believe that these things are true for us, too. But often, they're not true for us. Our imagination

plays tricks with our heads and turns us into crazy, emotional beings! 3. Let yourself cry if you need to. Punch a pillow. Work out. Release the negative energy in a healthy way. Whenever I suffer a breakup or disappointment, I hide in my closet, pump out the Barbra Streisand songs and weep myself weary (yes, my gay roommate continues to make fun of me for this). And then I go cook up the most delicious meal for everyone I know. TIP: COOKING is my way of releasing emotion and getting the creativity juices flowing. Channel the rest of the emotion into something creative, whether it's dance, music, painting, drawing, writing, etc...you'll find that some of the most fascinatingly beautiful creations emerge from moments of pain and from moments of joy. 4. Unlearn old patterns. If people in your family taught you to behave a certain way, it doesn't mean you're doomed or destined to be that way forever. You can always change. Remember that. It takes a lot of work, but hard work will always make you a better person. Just forgive yourself, apologize if you've offended anyone, and then make the necessary changes. Focus on the positive and move away from your past errors. 5. Try approaching your life in a different way. Albert Einstein once said, The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results. If you keep living your life the same way, for example, expecting to feel better about yourself although you repeatedly hang around with the same people who

make you feel bad about yourself, youll drive yourself crazy. Youve got to make the conscious choice to switch your life around to make positive changes. Spend time with different people who make you feel better about yourself. Do different exercises at the gym if the ones youve been doing arent getting you results. Take a different path. Im only telling you this because I learned it the hard way and I dont want you to have to experience unnecessary frustration.

For the Nutty Ones and Those Who Need a Date: Raw Almond, Hazelnut & Date Tart with Strawberries Here's a yummy, good-for-you dessert that'll have friends and family knocking down your door for more! What youll need for the HEALTHY RAW CRUST: 1 cup of raw almonds and cup hazelnuts (pulverize them in a food processor or mini chopper until they start to look like breadcrumbs) 1 cup pitted dates (you could also use pitted prunes if you prefer) cup shredded coconut What to do: 1. Pulse ingredients together in food processor until a dough-like mixture forms. It should have a sticky consistency. Remove the dough and press it into a pie plate, then pop it into a freezer for about 15 minutes to solidify the crust. But you could serve this right away if youd like.

CHOCOLATE SAUCE (you could buy it from the store or make your own): 2. In the microwave or over the stovetop: Melt 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips or chocolate hazelnut spread, 1/2 tsp. cinnamon and a few tablespoons soy or almond milk (this is the trick to giving the chocolate hazelnut spread a drizzly consistency!) FINISHED PRODUCT: 3. Spoon fresh, sliced strawberries onto the pie crust, crumble in some extra nuts and drizzle the chocolate hazelnut sauce all over the top of the pie. Go to town!! 4. Garnish with fresh mint if available and serve over ice cream, frozen yogurt or frozen soy yogurt.

Im so mad I want toI feel like I couldbake something.

Baked caramel apples with toasted nuts What youll need: About 10 medium apples, peeled and cored Cinnamon  Nutmeg (fresh)  Ground cloves  Lemon juice  Maple syrup  Pure vanilla extract 

 1/2 stick butter  Store bought caramel sauce or homemade caramel sauce  Toasted walnuts and pecans What to do:  1. Slice your apples to about 1/4 inch thick and mix in a bowl with lemon juice to prevent from browning. 2. Add cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and if possible, some all-spice. Add 1 teaspoon vanilla extract. 3. Pour in about 1/4 cup maple syrup or caramel sauce or use apple cider if worried about calories. 4. Mix together and pour into a baking dish. At this point, you can either throw in the nuts or add them roasted and candied at the very end. 5. You can also include oats to make it an apple crisp. You do this by combining 1 cup of quick oats with room temperature butter and forming little clusters of butter and oat with your hands. 6. Then you sprinkle this over the top, add more caramel sauce and bake it off! 7. If you're not using the oat-butter mixture, cover with cubes of butter and bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees or until apples are tender and juicy. When apples come out of oven, drizzle with the caramel sauce and sprinkle with cinnamon. 8. Top with ice cream or frozen yogurt.

CHAPTER 7: The Misery Dinner Heartbreak. It aint pretty. When someone breaks up with you, cheats on you, decides he/she doesnt want a relationship, or simply treats you like poo, youll eventually have to move on. But not without a pity party. Or, should I saya Misery Dinner. Now, before I take credit for it, I must tell you that the Misery Dinner idea comes from one of my favorite people in the world, Dr. Leo Buscaglia, who was often referred to as the "Love Professor" because he actually taught a college course on love. Buscaglia spoke of times where his large Italian family was so poor that they could barely afford to put food on the table. But they somehow managed to work as a family and pull everything together. One evening, his mother decided to prepare a huge feast. When his father came home from work wondering why and how she could possibly do this, Mama said, "The time for joy is now!" Just remember this when you're experiencing times of sadness! Mama Buscaglia's "Misery Dinner" was an inspiration for the meal that got me through a really tough breakup. Leo Buscaglia passed away years ago, but his memory lives on. Man, would I love to have cooked with this passionate, loving human being! The two of us would have had a blast in the kitchen. Heres the misery dinner I created when my boyfriend broke up with me. Im so excited to share it with you: So, lets say your boyfriend dumped you. Does that

mean you should be sitting alone on your couch eating the entire tub of chocolate ice cream? NO! It means you invite your friends to your place and have a damn dinner party. And save the ice cream for dessert (everyone gets a spoon). Dry your eyes and put down the Kleenex. Now is the time to make a few joyful memories out of the "misery." You can do this one of two ways: a) cook everything you have in your apartment or b) have each friend bring a dish and/or a bottle of booze make it a pot-luck party. Here are some ideas for recipes. And yes, of course they've got to be themed. Because after all, love can really bite. So, why not sink your teeth into something delicious?

THE RECIPES
"Screw You, We're Through" Stew Got a slow cooker? Then this dish is the easiest of all to make. Pick up a beef brisket at the supermarket. Brisket makes the most delicious, tender pot roast. Please trust me on this one. Cook it early in the day on low heat and serve 7 hours later for a meal that will make any ex-boyfriend want to eat his words. Add olive oil to your non-stick frying pan. Coat each side of your brisket with sea salt and black pepper, then sear each side for a few minutes. You want to get a nice, golden crust on the outside, but you don't want to cook the inside. Immediately transfer the brisket to your slow cooker. At this point, all you do is add 2-3 whole onions (skin-off, of course), a few handfuls of baby carrots and chopped celery, and about 1/4 cup of water. Sprinkle in a

few more pinches of sea salt and whole peppercorns. And THAT'S IT. Cook for 7 hours on low or about 3-4 on high if you're short on time. Slower and longer is always better, but either way is delicious. The brisket should be falling apart when done. JERK Chicken This recipe is so easy that the jerk himself can pull it off. Marinate about 8 chicken tenders for 30 minutes in pre-bought Jamaican Jerk spice (you can find it in the international section of any grocery store). Bake at 350 for 30-45 minutes, or until the internal temp of the chicken reaches 165 F. Serve with rice and peasthe traditional way to eat it! Heart Breakin' Bacon BBQ-Cheddar Chicken Another incredibly simple recipe that'll have your ex begging to come back for a bite. Take some more of those chicken tenders, slather them with natural barbeque sauce and bake at about the same time as the jerk chicken recipe. At the very end, turn on the broiler and top with some pre-cooked, drained bacon strips (use turkey bacon for a healthier treat) and sprinkle with shredded sharp cheddar cheese. Allow the cheese to melt and get nice and bubbly on the top. You can serve this with a nice baked potato if you want. "You'll Be Sorry" Calamari, Shrimp and Scallops in Arrabbiata Sauce And he will be when he hears through the grapevine how delicious this recipe was. Purchase a bag of frozen calamari rings with shrimp and scallops. You can find this at Trader Joe's (who, by the way, is about to become my new

boyfriend. That man has it all!). Thaw the contents of the bag in a bowl of cold water. Then, get ready to make your simple arrabbiata sauce (appropriately enough, "arrabbiata" means "angry" in Italian. So you can express your emotions toward your ex in the sauce). In a shallow non-stick pan, saut 2 chopped cloves of garlic, a medium-sized Maui sweet onion and some red pepper flakes in about 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Don't burn the garlic. You just want it to become translucent. Immediately add one can of plum tomatoes. Squeeze the juice out of each one and add just the tomatoes to the pan. Break them up with a wooden spoon and add some salt and pepper to taste. Then add some cayenne pepper to make it extra spicy. Stir everything together and allow this to cook over medium heat for a few minutes. Drain your thawed seafood and add it to the sauce. Stir everything together over the heat and cook for about 2-3 minutes until the calamari is firm and the shrimp start to turn pink. Do not over-cook. Sprinkle with fresh basil, a little more olive oil, and of course, more red pepper flakes.

Here are a few more ideas for your party: Whip up themed cocktails such as the "Mind Eraser." Get him off your mind with a few sips of this baby, made with vanilla vodka or any other coffee liqueur and club soda. Stir it up and drink to freedom! Serve pre-bought brownies and call 'em "BOO-HOO" Brownies. Serve lollipops. Because relationships can really suck if

they go wrong. They can also be sweet. Bake some heart-shaped cookies and break them all in half. Serve them just like that. Buy "Cry Baby" candies and give them to your friends as party favors. If your ex is really an idiot, you can have a raffle and let the secret prize be an actual douche bag...ya know, the kind you get at the drug store. Give out mini shampoo bottles as a reminder to "Wash That Man Right Out of Your Hair." You call it a Misery Dinner. But the point of the party is not to wallow in your misery. It's to celebrate the wonderful, fabulous person you are and to celebrate the friends who will always be there for you even when men decide to bounce. Have fun with it. Be creative. And laugh! Use this dinner idea to create themed dishes for any stressful life event. When someone or something leaves a bad taste in your mouth, you get the chance to turn the negative into something positively delicious.

CHAPTER 8: Choosing Happiness and Celebrating You Flush the toilet and move on. Now that youve gotten your ex, your awful job, or those self-loathing thoughts out of your system, its time to celebrate the amazing diva you are. Heres a story to help you do just that: My 83-year-old grandfather does sets and sets of bench presses in his basement while listening to my mothers old disco records. His favorite song? Bad Luck (1974) by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes. Why? Because he always loses too much money at the casino.

I could picture my mother dancing to this same song at a club in the 70s. I imagine her in platform shoes, spinning on the shiny, smooth floor, watching the warm colored lights whirl around her as she glides between dance partners. The magical feeling dwindles when the man who will one day be my father cuts in and starts to critique her dance moves. There he isa short, skinny 17-year-old with a tequila sunrise in one hand and a cigarette in the other, telling Ma, then 21, how to do the Hustle. Never mind the song. Hes the dude, she says, who brought her bad luck. I only married him for his dancing feet, she always says, rolling her eyes. Somebody should have warned my mother that the lack of good judgment is often disguised as bad luck. My philosophy? Never trust a man with good dancing feet. Hell step all over your heart. I was only five when my parents divorced, and my sister was two and a half. My dad didnt want to be married anymore and decided to be with other ladies. Instead of despising my dad for leaving this beautiful, wonderful woman who brought me into the world, I always wondered what my mother thought about herself when he left. Did she hate herself? Did she feel like a failure because the marriage didnt work? Did she try to improve herself to win him back? I never really asked her. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldnt. I believe women in her situation ask themselves again and again what they did to break the union. What have I done wrong? What could I have done differently? Is there something wrong with me? But often, they fail to get an answer. So, they start to hate themselves and/or the entire male species. Some women think the breakup (followed by

Gloria Gaynors overplayed yet appropriate I Will Survive) will make them stronger and more powerful single women. Others might sing man-bashing songs, slash tires and become bitter human beings. Many of them stay that way for a lifetime. Others become depressed and listless forever, swearing off any type of relationship. Theyre petrified to trust anyone ever again. I didnt want to wind up sad and heartbroken like Mom, so I refused to date anyone. For years. And when I did pursue guys, I always gave up or turned 'em down, fearing thered always be some bitch whod be prettier, thinner, smarter, sexier (and less of a cornball) than me to shut me down and take my place. Shed win, Id lose. Done. Oy. I think half the battle here is to believe were lovely and worthy of love instead of being too afraid to accept it. Its like the fear I always had of holding a beautiful piece of glass; I always thought Id drop it and cause it to shatter in a zillion shards. I think were afraid we dont deserve good in our lives. I also think were afraid of the pain of getting cut by this glassof breaking down. I know we've all heard that pain is necessary for growth. But I'm going to take a stand today and risk getting laughed at; I'm going to admit that JOY is necessary for growth, too. If we live in joy by stopping the self-pity and appreciating what we have, there's no doubt that we'll become stronger and more beautiful. We have to nurture ourselves with joy. This means the first relationship youve got to work on is the one with yourself. This is something I, too, must work on every day. Just because Im giving you the advice doesnt mean I always do the right thing. Were all works in progress.

And that's okay. Whats wrong with our few little foibles? Do they not make us who we are? Do they not make us memorable and unique? Regardless of what other people say to you and regardless of how they make you feel, know that I think you're wonderful. Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I can't stand how fabulous I am!" Say it every day. And you will start to believe it. Trust me. I'd like to finish by saying that you must trust. Trust that you are attracting the right people into your life. That these people are making you healthy and whole. That these people are going to be there for you when you need them and even when you don't. That these people will tell you the truth, as brutal as it may be, then serve as your vertebrae to hold you up during the tough times. These people will stay with you. Yes, I have experienced heartache and loss. I even threw myself a pity party, as youve read. But I also believe in true happiness. So, my dear, my advice to you (and me) is to shut up (I mean this in the most loving way!) and follow your bliss. Follow what self-help guru Louise L. Hay calls "your inner ding"your gut. Don't listen to the negative people who cause you pain by telling you awful things. You deserve so much love and so much joy today and every day. Deep down, beyond all your pain and your worries and your fears, you've got the ability to sparkle like a disco ball. Shine, baby, shine. And no, I'm not a walking Hallmark card. I'm a realist who believes in real love and real joy.

Celebrating Your Independence (Whether Youre Single, Dating, or in a Relationship!) This, my dear, is the age of do-it-yourself. And Maya Angelou couldn't have said it better: "I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." So, celebrate life and honor your independence as both an American and a female who knows what she wants and doesn't need anyone else to obtain it for her. Be the girl who pushes obstacles out of your way and kicks down doors with her high heels, sneakers, or high-heeled sneakers. Here are my 20 favorite ways to celebrate freedom today, other than the obvious fact that our amazing Founding Fathers, Mothers and brave soldiers fought for it and won): 1. Write yourself letters of self-love and post them all over your bedroom. Because you're cool like that. 2. Cook yourself a delicious, healthy, non-processed meal and actually have the leftovers for lunch and dinner the next day - and it saves you money. Whaaaaat?! 3. Screw in a light bulb, swat a fly and fix a broken kitchen sink without the help of a cranky, incompetent dude. 4. Sing and dance around your apartment at all hours of the day and night without having to worry about annoying the crap out of anyone else (except your neighbors). 5. Buy a vibrator if you want and know that the pleasure

will always be yours. 6. Wear sports bras and linty underwear on the days you feel like scrubbin' it- without feeling obligated to change into something, shall we say, sexier. 7. Stop worrying about which bath towel or toothbrush may or may not be yours. 8. Watch back-to-back reruns of Sex & the City and The Golden Girls without having to share the TV with anyone. 9. Cuddle up with your favorite stuffed animal at night and not have to worry about getting farted on or whacked in the face with a flailing arm. 10. Take bubble baths and buy yourself the most beautiful flowers as often as you like. 11. Flirt guilt-free with the construction workers down the street, the bartender, the club bouncer, and the hot Italian guy who stuffs cannolis at the corner bakery. 12. Hang out with your gay male best friend who will always tell you the straight-up truth and tell you when you truly need to change your outfit...your hairstyle...and your attitude. 13. Choose to give the would-be birthday gift for your would-be boyfriend to a random homeless person who'd appreciate it more than you'd ever know. 14. Tack posters of celebrity heartthrobs to your wall the way you did when you were in the fifth grade. Prince William, anyone? Jonathan Taylor Thomas (J.T.T.)? 15. Throw as many girls' night soirees as you want. Have every girl bring a different bottle of wine and a different

dessert item. Some healthy, some unhealthy. 16. Date a different guy every day of the week. Send flirty text messages to the cute ones. 17. Go to Toys R' Us and buy yourself a game or a toy. 18. Eat a nice sized chocolate gelato without worrying that your ex will make a comment about it going to your ass. 19. Order the Original "Buns of Steel" from 1987 and do the workout in your living room whenever you feel like it. You'll burn extra calories by laughing hysterically at the workout crew's awful too-tight leotards, leg warmers, headbands and crimped hair. 20. Spend time with the people who make you feel your best and bring out the best in you!

THE RECIPES
Bake-and-Break (rosemary pork tenderloin recipe) Ever have one of those days where everything seems to fall apart?

A few years ago, while I napped on my couch, I woke to a thud-crash in the kitchen. No one was there. Nothing had fallen. I panicked. I was certain a burglar or rabid animal had somehow taken a tumble inside my oven. Armed with my heat-proof glove, I crept toward the stove and opened the door, expecting something other than my pork tenderloin to attack me. I imagined how I'd retell this saga on one of those bizarre, late-night reality shows. You know, the ones intended for insomniacs whose minds brim with Snapple facts and urban legends. I peeked inside. There it was: my late greatgrandmother's (Mama Ev's) old baking dish, cracked in half like the San Andreas Fault and splayed on the bottom rack. I don't know how it happened; all I know is that it was enough to make poor Mama Ev turn in her grave. I pulled out the balsamic pork tenderloin just before it could fall through the shards. I lucked out. Or should I say, I was smart enough to wrap it in aluminum foil beforehand. I couldn't save the pan, but I did save the recipe for you. The aluminum foil not only prevented it from splattering all over my oven, but it also made the pork and vegetables so savory; so succulent. Make this meal, enjoy it, and keep yourself together if your dish falls apart.

Balsamic Rosemary Pork Tenderloin (Serves 4) What youll need: 1 pork tenderloin 2 onions, sliced

 1 cup baby carrots 3 celery stalks, chopped roughly 1 cup balsamic vinegar Fresh rosemary Extra virgin olive oil Salt and pepper

What to do: 1. Preheat oven to 375 2. Season your pork tenderloin with salt and pepper on all sides. This will help give it a tasty crust. 3. In a shallow frying pan over medium-high heat, sear the tenderloin in 1 tablespoon of olive oil until it becomes golden brown on all sides. 4. Remove the pork and set it aside to rest. 5. Add another tablespoon of olive oil, then add your onions, carrots, celery and rosemary. 6. When veggies start to cook down and stick to the pan, pour in the balsamic vinegar. 7. Lower heat to a simmer. Allow the veggies to soften and the balsamic to thicken. 8. Line a glass baking dish with two semi-long sheets of aluminum foil and fold the sides of the foil upward to make a pouch.

9. Carefully and slowly pour the balsamic vinegar reduction and vegetables into the foil pouch and nestle the pork tenderloin in between so it absorbs the juices. Wrap the sides of the foil over the top, leaving a slight gap so steam can escape. 10. Bake for 45 minutes per pound (e.g. if your pork tenderloin weighs two pounds, bake for about 90 minutes). Not sure if its done? Stick a meat thermometer in the center (or the thickest part). When it reaches 145 Fahrenheit, it's ready. Wait a few minutes before slicing into the meat, though. You dont want the juices to flow out; youll end up with parched pork. REMEMBER: For every piece of trash life throws at us, we find at least one treasure. Mama Ev's baking dish may be useless, but this superb supper and oh-so-strange kitchen saga are two sure-fire dinner party hits. If we stay calm amid chaos and find the funny in our misfortunes, we just might survive.

Dont go stir crazy. Try the next recipe

Brown Rice and Chicken Stir Fry What youll need: 2 tablespoons olive oil  2 garlic cloves, chopped  1 yellow or white onion, chopped

 Salt and pepper  4 cups cooked brown rice (any kind of brown rice or brown rice couscous)  1 jar store-bought pesto sauce Juice of one large lemon  1/2 cup slivered almonds  Pre-cooked grilled chicken (could be leftover chicken or store-bought and cooked) 1 jar of marinated artichokes  Any colorful veggies, including carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, etc... dried cranberries  What to do: 1. Drizzle olive oil into a shallow frying pan. Add the garlic and watch it sizzle. Don't burn it. 2. Caramelize the chopped onions in the pan. Add some salt and pepper. 3. Next, add the slivered almonds so they toast nicely and take on the delicious flavors of the garlic and onion. 4. In a separate bowl, I whisk together the store-bought pesto sauce with the lemon juice and a little more salt and pepper if necessary. Pour some of this mixture into the frying pan and allow it to spread across the pan. At this point you could throw in your artichoke hearts and allow them to sizzle in the pesto, or wait until the end to add them with your pre-cooked chicken.

5. Fold in the rice and add the rest of the pesto mixture. 6. Add your cooked chicken to the dish (tofu or shrimp would be delicious as well!) 7. Make the dish colorful by adding broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, red peppers or whatever you like. Sprinkle on some toasted slivered almonds and some dried cranberries, which go really well with the tanginess of the lemon juice and the saltiness of the pesto sauce. Sounds like an odd combo, but tastes really delicious. But you could leave the cranberries out if you want. 8. Garnish with lemon slices and fresh herbs if you have them. Sage & Butter Chicken with Walnuts and Pecorino Romano What youll need: 4 chicken breasts, sliced thinly 1 tablespoon olive oil 2-3 tablespoons butter Fresh sage leaves cup walnuts Pecorino Romano cheese What to do: 1. Coat your chicken breasts with plenty of salt and pepper on both sides.

2. In a frying pan on medium high heat, sear the chicken breasts in 1 tablespoon olive oil until golden brown on each side. Cook your chicken until the juices run clear. No red or pink color should be visible at all. When done, set your chicken aside to rest. 3. In a separate, smaller frying pan, Melt 2-3 tablespoons butter, making sure to add your sage leaves and walnuts. Cook until the butter turns slightly brown. Add a splash of balsamic vinegar, then place your cooked chicken into the frying pan and allow it to absorb the butter-sage sauce. Remove from the heat and sprinkle Pecorino Romano all over the top. Garnish with more fresh sage and serve. Holly's Gluten-Free Granola What youll need: 5 cups gluten-free quick oats Shredded coconut Toasted almonds Dried cranberries Golden raisins Dried bananas Any other dried fruit

1 tsp. sea salt Pinch of cinnamon 1/2 tsp. dried chamomile flowers, crushed (optional, but you can find these in many grocery stores!) Moist ingredients: 3/4 cup olive oil

 1/2 cup raw honey What to do: 1. Mix wet ingredients with the dry ingredients. Stir till well incorporated. Spread on a baking sheet lined with parchment so the oats don't burn. If you don't have parchment paper, just be sure to grease your pan well enough. 2. Bake at 350 degrees F for about 10-15 mins, then mix the granola on the tray and bake for another 10-15 minutes or until the granola is golden brown. Watch it, you don't want blackened granola! 3. At the end, after your granola has cooled, add in the following: Dried apricots Crystallized ginger Chocolate chips Dried cranberries Any other dried fruit such as dates, bananas, chopped dried apples, raisins, etc. A little bit of dried lavender and some wildflower honey would be so soothing to add, too! 4. Serve as a classy, chic parfait by layering the granola with dark chocolate frozen yogurt and fresh berries. Drizzle with honey and serve!

CHAPTER 9: LET IT SIMMER: Patience in Cooking & Living Life is not an episode of Bewitched. You cant cook a meal or make your bed in seconds by wiggling your nose and twitching your chin. If only it were that easy. Wed all be walking around looking like we have nervous tics or itchy faces. And yet, society expects us to get things done in turbo speed. So, naturally, we want instant gratification. We want our wishes fulfilledyesterday. We wake up caffeinated and motivatedhigh on espresso and expectationsbut we get angry at ourselves if we cant get everything done in a day. We feel sad and worthless because we cant seem to land the perfect job, find our soulmate, lose ten pounds in a week, or instantly meet the demands of everyone around usfriends, family, coworkers, etc. I used to feel this way. Id experience panic attacks and gnaw on my nails, worrying that I was never accomplishing anything quickly enough. For example, in high school it took me a little longer than my peers to learn things. I was a straight-A student, but I always needed more time to read and comprehend information. Also, I was a pretty good cheerleader in high school, but it always took me much longer than the rest to learn the routines. Whether I struggled with a slight learning disability is questionable, but its not the point. The point is that the faster I tried to force myself to get things, the more I slowed myself down. But when I worked diligently, paid good attention to instructions and took deep breaths, I always noticed

positive changes. I always learned what I needed to learn. Sometimes its worth it to do your best, then take a rest; to allow things to simmer. Give yourself a break, my dear. Love passionately and dont demand immediate reciprocation. Trust your gut and dont demand an instant answer. You wouldnt stand over a pot of soup, snap your fingers and expect it to cook immediately. But you know that after a while, all the flavors are going to blend deliciously if you just give it some time to do its thing! The same is true about you. Maybe you expect yourself to be and do everything you want to be, right NOW, but instead, you feel like a carrot stick floating in an un-boiled pot of water. I say, Simmer down! Lets slow it down and stop running away from our lives. I believe we could live better lives if we stopped trying so hard to escape those stagnant floating periods in our lives when were waiting for something to happen. Heres the problem: were afraid of uncertaintythe not knowing whats going to happen next and waiting for changes to occur. We want so badly to move to the next level and take the next step that we often fail to listen to our inner guidance and our intuition. Instead, we listen to what other people tell us. We listen to the messages from the media, from friends and other people we admire. We sometimes fail to stop for a second and wonder whether what they ask of us or suggest to us is really for our highest good. Stop watching the pot and go do something else! Remember, if you add too many ingredients to the pot or stir it too much, youll ruin the recipe. The best approach is to follow the instructions, put some love into it, then leave

it alone until its ready to eat. This is true of everything in life. Never rush things or force things. Let em simmer.

THE RECIPES: SLOW-COOKIN COMFORT FOODS

Grandmas Italian Chicken Soup What youll need: 1 whole chicken, cut up into legs, breast, thighs and wings. Remove some of the fat, but not all. About 10 large carrots, chopped into rustic pieces, but small enough to fit the mouth About 10 large celery stalks and celery leaves, chopped same way as the carrots 4 large whole yellow onions, peeled but left whole Fresh parsley can crushed tomatoes (from can) this, I suppose, is what makes it Italian. 1 generous handful of salt Fresh pepper What to do: Place chicken parts into a large pot. Cover with water. Add carrots, celery, onion, parsley and crushed tomatoes. Fill with water until all ingredients are completely submerged. Bring to a boil, then skim off the excess fat from the chicken. Continue to cook for 2-3 hours and serve with cooked noodles or rice.

Cousin Debbies Braciole (Rolled steak) What youll need: 5 or 6 Round steaks, cut to inch thick (ask the butcher to slice the meat as thinly as possible) Fresh parsley, chopped finely Fresh basil, chopped finely Parmesan cheese, grated Pignoli nuts A simmering pot of Grandmas Gravy (as seen in chapter 1!) What to do: 1. Lay each thin slice of steak flat on a piece of wax paper. Pound it with a meat mallet until its as thin as it can possibly be (go ahead, take everythingall your frustrations and anger at the ex boyfriend or girlfriend--out on the meat!). 2. Sprinkle fresh parsley, basil, Parmesan cheese and pignoli nuts inside each slice of meat. 3. Roll each thin steak so that it looks like a fat cigar, and then tie it with kitchen twine (I would use three pieces of twineone in the middle, one on top and one on the bottom of each steak) so it doesnt fall apart when you cook it in the sauce. 4. Sear the meat in 2 tablespoons olive oil in a hot frying pan. Get a nice golden brown color, then turn off the heat and add the braciole to Grandmas Gravy recipe. Allow the braciole to cook for hours in the sauce, simmering on low. Just wait until you try these babies!

Roast chicken and red bliss potatoes with sage, rosemary and Vidalia onions. What you need: 1 whole chicken Extra virgin olive oil Coarse salt and cracked black pepper About 3 Vidalia (sweet) onions, sliced 6 garlic cloves, whole Fresh sage Fresh rosemary 1-2 cups red bliss potatoes, cubed What to do: 1. On a large cutting board, rub the entire chicken with olive oil and coat it generously with coarse salt and pepper. Season the inside of the chicken as well. You could also opt to use a traditional chicken rub for the outside of the chicken. That would be perfectly fine! 2. Stuff the cavity with some of the onion, and slide a few of the garlic cloves under the skin to flavor the entire chicken. Its always a good idea to add salt and pepper underneath the chicken skin, too. We want lots and lots of flavor! 3. Pick up your roasting pan. Coat the entire bottom with olive oil, then add your potatoes and onions. Season them well with salt, pepper, and some dried herbs. I like to use lavender, sage, and rosemary. You

can use whatever you like. Just be sure your potatoes are coated with enough olive oil so they cook evenly. 4. Place the chicken on top of the potatoes and make room so everything fits neatly in the roasting pan. 5. Place the roasting pan in a 400-degree oven and bake for about 90 minutes, or until the thickest part of the chicken reaches an internal temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit. This may vary depending on your oven. Allow the cooked chicken to rest before serving. Some people like a squeeze of lemon on top. I know I do! Serve with a delicious, crisp white wine.

CHAPTER 10: Recipes for Friendship Secrets Dont Make Friends. Cocktails Do.

Catty, jealous, and rude girls. Raaaaaaawr!!!! We all know someone like them. And some of us can relate to one or a few of these character types: Insecure Isabella: Gives every girl the head-to-toe body scan, hoping to find some imperfectiona roll of fat, a clubbed foot, a lazy eye. Only then can she feel good about herself and rate the others on a subpar level. Oh yeah, and she tells her friends they look great in those jeans when they really don't (e.g. their muffin tops are billowing over), just so she can look better than they do. Desperate Daphne: Waits until other girls are single so she can grab their boyfriends, or tries to nab the guys from them while they're still dating. She may smile at these girls, but when she turns around, watch out! She's got a handbag full of secrets and a shoebox full of selfishness. Jealous Judy: Her blood pressure reaches Mount Everest heights when a female close to her age (especially her best friend) gets a job or becomes successful. She's "got to" do everything she can to top other women. Gossipin' Gretchen: Calls, texts or Facebook IMs her friends to talk about how terrible Susie Shortcake

looked in a miniskirt, and how DARE she wear that color with her skin tone. Snobby Samantha: For no apparent reason, she gives you the snake eyes while you're browsing the perfume section at Lord & Taylor. She'd probably like to knock you off a sidewalk with her vintage Louis Vuitton bag and then finish you off by "accidentally" stabbing your baby toe with the heel of her Jimmy Choo. Bitchy Brenda: The 20-something-year-old human resources employee who tries to tell you you're not qualified for the management job you've been schooled six years to do. She asks you a series of questions she has no idea about, yet tries to prove that you're not worth the job. Why is it that we women are constantly behaving this way? Why?! If you're like any of the ladies mentioned above, have a listen to what I've got to say. If you're constantly surveying other women, worrying about what other women think of you, bitching at other women in public, or can't stop gossiping, you really need to do a self-evaluation. Many people say we act this way because we're only human. But I think humans have the potential to really connect with people, especially fellow females, in a positive way. We need to band together instead of competing with one another. We need to STOP trying to outdo other girls to make ourselves feel better, whether it's the amount of miles we run on a treadmill compared to other people, the price of the clothes we wear, the job we have, etc.

How do you do this? Learn to be happy with yourself, your quirks, your flaws and the things that make you, YOU. No matter how hard you try to be like someone else or be better than someone else, you'll always end up being yourself. But depending on how you act and think, you can end up being your worst self, or you can be your best self. To be the best you, stop the self-criticism and stop comparing yourself to the Victoria's Secret supermodels (it can be hard, I know! but who says they're any better than you?). Stop competing with other women. Sure, competition can give some of us an adrenaline rush and motivate us to do better, but when we base our lives around trying to have a better car, hairdo, wardrobe, boyfriend, or body than everyone else (e.g. your best friend), all it does is screw you over in the end. Realize this: when you base your happiness on winning people over, having more things than others, stealing other people's lovers, gossiping about other girls, or just being rude to people to make yourself feel better, you're really not making yourself happy. Real happiness comes when you learn to not only accept but adore the little quirks and crazy, wonderful things about yourself and this journey we call life. Talk it out. If you're angry with a female friend or you think someone is acting catty with you, talk to that person instead of fighting or gossiping about her. Talking and being

honest about what's on your mind really helps solve problems that later manifest themselves in vindictive, or just plain mean, behaviors. Talk. It. Out. Like I say, put on your big girl panties and do it already. Remember that we ladies need each other for support. We are the nurturers and the caregivers. Doesn't mean we are any less of a gender than men. It just means that we can relate to one another on an emotional level, and sometimes we let each other get so emotional that we have the urge to a) say nasty things about female friends b) rip out another girl's hair extensions or b) throw her Tiffany's ankle bracelet down the drain. Those of us who devise devious plots against other womenstealing their job, their man, their creative ideas, their business plans or anything else that belongs to them are setting themselves up for total failure in the future. I promise you that Karma can be a bitch if you're a bitch to her. What you give out to the universe comes back to you. And what you take away, might some day be taken from you. Just remember that. Anyway, by doing something to wrong a fellow female, you're disgracing not only the female gender, but you're also disgracing yourself. By giving yourself permission to treat other women that way, you're giving other women the permission to treat you that way. This creates a domino effect among women, casting them apart instead of bringing them together. Also, I ask you ladies to stop comparing yourself to others. Stop saying, "This one's prettier than me - that one's thinner and has more friends than I do..." Nonsense. Start

embracing the little things about YOU that make other people want to be in your presence. When you focus on how you can add YOUR little special touches to make this world brighter, there is no need to compare or compete. Everyone brings something "delicious" to the table. The same is true for the guys! So please, if you're tearing away at the fabulous diva you were meant to be, just stop. The only thing competition and cattiness does is cause you stress, which takes a toll on your life. And although you may be acting catty, you don't get nine lives. You only get one. So start living like you mean it and loving people the way you want to be loved. This isn't a bunch of sappy motivational B.S.; it's the truth, straight up, like the world's dirtiest martini. And yes, sometimes it does hurt more than the hangover.

LETS HAVE SOME COCKTAILS Blackberry Bad Gal This fruity, bubbly twist is perfect to serve at a morning or afternoon party, any time of year. Dont let the name Blackberry Bad Girl fool you; blackberries are full of antioxidants that may help prevent cancer and reduce intestinal inflammation. Mangoes are full of vitamins A, C and E as well as other nutrients and amino

acids. Raw honey (it has to be pure and unpasteurized) has been known for centuries as a natural antibacterial agent. This is actually a PRO-health cocktail. Make it your own; embellish it with your special touches. You could even keep it G-rated and leave out the booze. To make the Blackberry Bad Girl, blend the following: 8 oz. chilled prosecco 1 ripe mango (diced) 2 tbsp. raw honey 1/2 cup frozen blackberries A few handfuls of ice Pour into champagne flutes and garnish each with a sprig of fresh mint. Now, stop texting and Twittering. Put down that BlackBerry and make this drink!

Red Stiletto Cocktail Add the following to your blender: Sparkling white wine Frozen raspberries Pomegranate juice Puree and serve in tall, chic glasses with a garnish of mint!

Guava Goddess Martini Add the following to your blender: 1 container of guava nectar Frozen peaches Vanilla vodka Blend until peaches are pureed, then serve in frozen martini glasses. The key is to freeze your martini glasses before serving! I like to run them under tap water then place them immediately into the freezer about fifteen minutes before I serve any cocktail. A chilled glass is the selling point to any delicious martini!

Chocolate Brandy Martini In your shaker, add: cup coffee flavored brandy 1 teaspoon cocoa powder 1 pinch of cinnamon 1 cups almond milk cup chilled Kahlua Shake with ice and pour into fancy martini glasses. Garnish with a cinnamon stick and chocolate shavings.

Classic Flirtini Shake the following with ice: Pineapple juice Chambord Vodka Pour into chilled martini glasses, top off with Champagne and drop a few raspberries into the glass for a pretty garnish! Orange-Strawberry-Peach Smoothie In your blender, add: 1 cups orange juice cup frozen strawberries cup frozen peaches 1 cup Coconut rum (or sparkling peach flavored wine) - 1 cup Strawberry flavored yogurt Blend everything together, pour into glasses and serve with festive straws. This is a never-fail crowd pleaser! The key to a nice, cold drink is frozen berries. When you use frozen fruit, you never have to use ice. Therefore, youll never water down your drink Kiwi Razzmatazz Add to blender: cup sliced Kiwi

 Frozen raspberries 1 cup apple juice As much vodka as you like Puree everything in the blender, then pour into a tall, thin glass. Top it off with ginger ale and a slice of squeeze of lime. Garnish with a slice of kiwi. Trust me; there will be no more secrets between you and the ladies when youre done drinkin these cocktails!

THOUGHTS ON FRIENDSHIP Like the clich goes, before you can be anyones friend, youve got to be your own BFF. Avoid emotional drama at all costs. Spend minimal time with people who talk negatively about every single aspect of their lives. Empathize, but don't take other's mishaps and misfortunes as your own. Your trajectory is very different than others'. The path of your life is laid out by the thoughts you think. Thinking you'll have a great day and taking the steps to have a great day no matter what will help you enjoy the day. There's a lid to every pot; a solution to every problem. There's nothing that can't be solved. And sometimes, by forgetting about a problem and going to do something else, the problem will solve itself. Don't blame yourself for thinking negatively in the past. "Oh my God, I'm such a loser. I should think more

positively. I'm the one who's ruining my life with my bad thoughts" is only going to make you feel worse. Never blame or punish yourself for anything. Just keep working on yourself and forgiving yourself each time. How many times did you fall off the bicycle before being able to ride like a pro without the training wheels? How easy did it become when you finally got the hang of it? You can't be everyone's therapist. Friends who constantly call you to complain (and talk only about how terrible life is) probably need professional help. That's not something you should have to deal with. Friends are supposed to be there for you through good times and bad, so it's only fair to listen to them and be there to hug them when they're sad. But when someone is constantly calling you with endless soap opera stories and never ever talks about anything positive, it may be time to let that person sob to your voicemail. At a certain point, you've got to preserve your sanity. You do not need to let them weigh you down with their bag of bricks. The friendship between you two should never zap anyone's happiness. It should increase the happiness between both of you. Most importantly: by choosing to be happy no matter what, you are setting the example to people. You are being the best friend you could possibly be. Once they realize that you're happy even though your life may not be perfect, they'll feel as though they have permission to be happy, too! Appreciate the wonderful people in your life who do love you. And make them a big ol table full of delicious food.

LOVING RECIPES FOR FRIENDS

Hakuna Makata Baked Frittata with Caramelized Red Onions and Spinach What youll need: Ideally, you need an oven-proof frying pan for this recipe. Olive oil in a pan (enough to coat the pan) 3 medium-sized red onions, sliced Sea salt and pepper 2 cups frozen spinach or broccoli, completely thawed 6 eggs, beaten in a large bowl Parmesan cheese What to do: 1. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. 2. Saut red onions until caramelizedthis means they will be slightly golden brown, but not burned. This takes about ten minutes. If the onions begin to stick to the pan, add a few drops of water and stir. You can do this multiple times before the onions are cooked properly. 3. When onions are sauted, add your spinach and/or broccoli, then pour in the eggs slowly. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese all over the top. 4. Place the whole pan into the oven for about 15 minutes, or until the frittata is golden brown and

starts to puff up (again, make sure your pan is ovensafe. Many are not). Fettuccine with Sausage, Pesto and Parmesan What youll need: 1 onion, sliced 1 tablespoon unsalted butter 4 Italian sausage links, removed from casing 8-10 minutes Cooked fettuccine (enough to fit your frying pan) Pre-made pesto sauce of your choice (or homemade pesto, which is simply a puree of basil, parmesan cheese, walnuts, pignoli nuts and lots of olive oil) Heavy cream about 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese for sprinkling on top Fresh parsley for garnish What to do: 1. Saut onion with sausage in 1 tablespoon unsalted butter 2. Break sausage into small pieces with your spoon and cook until golden brown 3. Add cooked pasta and stir 4. Add pesto sauce and heavy cream. Mix everything together over the heat

5. Remove from the heat, sprinkle with parmesan cheese and garnish with parsley!

Tip: To turn pasta into an appetizer rather than an over-filling meal, serve in martini glasses instead of plates!
Sausage and Chicken with Roasted Broccoli, Tomatoes and Fingerling Potatoes over Fresh Arugula This dish is really something special. People go crazy over it! Thats because the rich flavors of Italian sausage, caramelized onions, roasted garlic, chicken and veggies make it especially delicious and so irresistible. For best results, serve this meal with a glass of chilled fruity white wine. What Youll Need: Olive oil 1 head of garlic (not a clovethe whole head!) Red pepper flakes (optional) 1 medium-sized sweet yellow onion 4 medium-sized Italian sausage links, removed from casing and broken into pieces 4 chicken breasts, cubed or sliced thinly into stir-fry strips 4 vine-ripened tomatoes, cubed

 1 cup fresh broccoli, chopped 5 or 6 fingerling potatoes, cut into medium-sized pieces Salt and pepper 4 cups fresh arugula What to do: 1. In an oven heated to 375 degrees Fahrenheit, roast an entire head of garlic. You do this by wrapping the garlic in aluminum foil and placing it on the top rack. 2. On a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper or aluminum foil, roast the broccoli, tomatoes, and potatoesall coated in about 2 tablespoons of olive oil and sprinkled generously with salt and pepper. This cookie sheet filled with veggies goes on the bottom rack while the garlic stays on top. 3. Roast for about 30 minutes at this temperature, or until all veggies are soft and have a nice golden color. Stir them halfway through, at about 15 minutes, to make sure all sides get a nice caramelization. 4. While your veggies and garlic are roasting in the oven, heres what youll do: 5. In a large-sized shallow frying pan, saut chopped onions in about 1-2 tablespoons of olive oil. Dont add too much because the onions will become soggy. Sprinkle teaspoon of salt on topand some pepper, too. You may also add red pepper flakes if you and your guests like it hot. Turn up the heat on your stovetop to medium high, stir your onions and cook until they start to become soft and slightly brown. Dont burn them, though. If you need to, add a few

drops of water while cooking the onions so they dont stick to the pan. There really is no need to add more olive oil at this point. 6. Add the sausage and chicken cubes. The sausage and chicken will eventually start to stick to the pan, so at this point you should add about cup water, chicken stock, vegetable stock or white wine to de-glaze the pan. Stir, add more salt and pepper, then cook until all the meat is completely browned and all juices run clear. Mix in your roasted veggies and cloves of soft, roasted garlic removed from the skin. When everything is well-incorporated, turn off the heat and serve immediately over a bed of fresh arugula. Table Centerpieces & Place Setting Smashed Plate Centerpiece Broken plates dont have to go into the trash! Use them for a centerpiece. Carefully place shards of mismatched broken plates or cups into a see-through bowl or vase. Place in the center of your table! You can also do this with any random trinkets you have lying around the house, apartment or dorm room. Random things in a vase = fun! Stick a Cork In It Centerpiece Fill an empty applesauce jar with wine corks and label the jar Stick a Cork In It. Great for wine night with the girls or as a gift for the significant other who just wont shut up! Theyll get the picture! Place setting idea:

Collage a piece of cardboard with pretty colored magazine clippingswords, pictures, slogans, etcanything that goes in tandem with the mood of your party. Glue the clippings to the cardboard, allow it to dry and then laminate both sides with clear contact paper. Your guests will feel super special!

CHAPTER 11: HAPPY ENDINGS (Get Your Mind out of the Gutter)

Move Over, Cinderella: Redefining the Glass Slipper One afternoon while at the dollar store, after trudging past the knockoff Oreos, bins of expired mascara and leftover Christmas decorations, I somehow found the party aisle. There's something about paper hats, kazoos, confetti and festive drink napkins that turns me into a giddy fiveyear-old and makes my troubles melt like icing on a hot cake. Then I turned around, and there it was: the huge display of wedding stuff: everything from bobble-head brides and grooms to polyester rose bouquets and plastic toasting goblets--a smorgasbord of cheap inanimate objects. Yuck. And that was when, still in the wedding section, I discovered a pack of plastic glass slippers. I doubt they were intended for people like me to place them around my apartment, wishing that someday, like Cinderella, the right guy would slip the right shoe on my foot. Ever feel like that? Ever get trapped in the fantasy of a fairy tale, wishing and hoping and dreaming? Well, I did. And I decided to buy two packs of the glass slipper party favors and give them to my single female friends.

To me, the glass slipper represents a few amazing gifts that I wish for you and all the women in the world. Instead of sending you the glass slipper as a promise that you'll find the right guy right away (if you're looking), I send you this glass slipper because I want you to know that your foot is totally worth it. You are beautiful, talented, independent, strong, smart and pretty damn amazing. You are so important in the world not because of what you look like or what you do, but simply because you are able to breathe. You are important because you exist. Period. Life is full of broken relationships, broken homes, broken fingernails and, dare I say it, broken hearts. Yes, this is true. But I know in MY heart that if you really want a lasting, true relationship, you will absolutely find one. First, remember one thing. This might sound weird, but the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. If you don't believe you're the best thing since a stellar bottle of red wine, nobody else will. Do you really expect someone else to show the world how great you are? You've got to do it yourself. But you've got to do it with class and taste. Just hold tight to this little slipper and remember the following points: The glass slipper is transparent you can see right through it. May you be allowed to see through people, especially men, who come into your lives. May you know for sure if a person is genuine and full of loveor full of crap. May you also be transparent: let people see who you are on the inside. Don't go walking

around butt naked, and don't go around singing your phone number to the tune of "867-5309." My definition of being transparent is being the genuine person you are inside and not just the gorgeous diva you are on the outside. When you're transparent, theres no way you can ever be fake; when you're transparent, you are not embarrassed or afraid to let people see you for who you are. The glass slipper is breakable Be careful and tread lightly on the path of life. Don't put too much weight (ahem...STRESS!) on your feet. Don't step hard on anything or anyone, because doing so will only cause YOU pain. The glass slipper fits you and only you. Enjoy it! It was custom-made for you with the wand of your loving, compassionate Fairy Godmother. Another woman (or man...hey, anything's possible) can try to squeeze into or walk in your shoe. But her (his) feet won't stand a chance. Nobody's foot fits into YOUR shoe the way YOUR foot does. You've got to walk in it. Others don't. Interpret this the way you want, but think in terms of your life, your dreams and your hopes of finding true love in a cynical, chaotic world. There are a lot of negative, jealous brats in this world who will tell you your dreams are farfetched and impossible. It's much easier when you wish these people well and weed them out of your life. No matter what happens, you will always have the other slipper. These same negative, jealous brats who can't fit into the slipper will try to shatter it so you can't try it on,

either. But just remember, you have the other slipper right in your pocket. The other slipper is your unique personality, your inner beauty and your love. THAT slipper is unbreakable. Let the slipper I'm sending you a symbol of the other slipper--the one you'll never break. So, despite the nasty people in the world, YOU be the graceful one. Defy them with your kindness, intelligence and humor. Never silence or censor your emotions. If you do, your insides will erupt. Sing out loud, even to the occasional spider dangling from your ceiling if theres no one else around. Don't be afraid of tripping and falling down the stairs when you enter the ballroom. Be aware of how great your feet look in the shoes. Don't obsess about what your heart desires. Just trust that in time, you will receive it. Because, my dear girl, you work your own magic just by being yourself. Just by working the runway; just by strutting your stuff.

THE RECIPES:
Mini Glass Slipper Shortcakes with Raspberries, chocolate shavings and Chocolate Cannoli Mousse What youll need: About 1 cup container part-skim ricotta cheese cup honey or agave nectar About 1 cup mascarpone (sweet Italian cheese)

 1/3 cup heavy cream Zest of one lemon or orange (optional, some people dont like the citrus flavor) What to do: 1. Combine all ingredients in mixing bowl on medium speed and then add a spoon of chocolate sauce to the mix. 2. At the very end, stop the mixer and feel free to fold in sliced toasted almonds if you wish. 3. Spoon mixture into miniature shortcake cups and top with shaved dark chocolate and chocolate sauce. Add your plastic glass slipper on top (as if the cannoli mixture were a pillow for the shoe) and garnish with fresh raspberries.

The Best Hot Cocoa Ever What youll need: 4 cups vanilla flavored almond milk (naturally sweetened so you dont have to add sugar) 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder 1 whole vanilla bean pod or 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract Pinch of cinnamon What to do: 1. Combine all ingredients in saucepan and bring to a

simmer. 2. Serve immediately with a garnish of cinnamon!

More Recipes for Self Love

Good People Do Exist A lot of people carry their childhood heartache with them into adolescence and adulthood. I was bullied a lot by snooty little girls and had a hard time making friends until the middle of high school. Ill never forget the time a bunch of girls slammed the door in my face when I was on my way into a birthday party at my friends house. Uh, hello? Did they not know I was the coolest first grader ever? They didnt know what they were missing. I was a sensitive, shy seven-year-old with a mullet and paint-spattered overalls (dont be too shockedthat was the style back in the 90s). Apparently, I wasnt cool enough or wealthy enough to be friends with these other girls. Who the hell knows why they didnt like me. I did not have leprosy, nor did I have a permanent case of the chicken pox. And I really dont think I had B.O., since I was always borderline obsessive-compulsive with my hygiene. Still, I remember the sight of those brats laughing through the front window after locking the front door and refusing to let me into the party. Over their dead bodies would they allow me to snag a slice of birthday cake, lay a hand on their My Little Pony dolls or play musical chairs with them to the theme song of Rainbow Brite. This incident crushed me for the rest of my childhood

and through most of my adolescence. Until I learned to let it be. Because guess what? Kids will be kids. And sometimes kids are mean. And nine times out of ten, they really have no reason for their behavior. The frontal lobes of their brains have not yet been fully developed, so theyre not ready to make the most rational decisions. And of course the most rational decision of all would have been to let me compete against them in musical chairs. God knows I suck at that game because I am usually the one to get caught in between the chairs mid-song. Nonetheless, holding onto bad memories and the image of hurtful people is like dragging a heavy bag of trash down a never-ending road in sticky, 90-degree heat. Eventually, if you dont throw it into the dumpster, itll start to stink and the unbearable heat wont make matters any better. So let the trash collector take your stinkin (literally) bag away and incinerate it. Close your eyes and mentally throw all your negative childhood memories into a large trash bag. Tie the strings, take it outside and throw it in the dumpster. Then, imagine the trash collector coming to take the bag away and throwing it into a pit of open flame where it all melts away and the smoke floats into the clouds, disappearing forever. Just because I was a dorky little kid back then doesnt mean Im the same way now or ever will be again. Just because people were rude to me and made fun of me doesnt mean I have to walk around with a face like Eeyore for the rest of my life. People can be hurtful, but many times they dont even realize it, nor do they mean it. Sometimes they do, but we could be putting our time to much better use by focusing on the people who love and support us rather than the people who belittle us. I didnt have many true friends growing up, but

throughout the past five years or so, Ive met some of the kindest, most inspiring human beings who've ever lived. Among these are my best friends from college, graduate school and unexpected travels. So, please, if you were ever picked on or bullied as a little kid, dont think you will be treated that way for the rest of your life. Practice the visualization technique and focus on the good people who want to make your life better; who want to see you happy. It has always been my belief that if youre looking for something, youre eventually going to find it. Search for caring people who will support you even when you, like me, have embarrassed the hell out of yourself by chugging too much sangria (because man, it really tasted like juice) until you begin hurling into the depths of a trashcan in the middle of a stranger's back yard, realizing there may have been something more than Welchs white grape in that plastic red cup of yours (yes, Im guilty of this one). Never in my life did I think Id find people who would hold my hair back when I got sick or give nosy onlookers the snake eyes when they tried to self-righteously judge my lack of judgment. Never in my life did I think I'd find friends who would call me to check on me every other day until they knew I'd recovered from whatever slump I was in at the time. Trust that good people do exist. Trust that you will find them. Remember that nobody...and I mean NOBODY...has the right to make you feel unworthy of love, money, success or anything that makes you happy. Lesson #2: Cooking is a Metaphor for Living A few years ago, while shaking cracker crumbs out of

my backpack, a crumpled slip of paper drifted to the floor. It was a fortune cookie message that had settled to the bottom. I picked it up and read it: "Do not give up; the beginning is always the hardest." Its the same in cooking as it is in life: If you screw up, start over. It's okay to begin again. And yeah, you do know how to start over. If babies know how to get back up after they've fallen on their Pamper-padded butts, so do you. Lesson #3: Dissolving fear and worry: self-help techniques that really work I'm not going to pretend I don't get scared sometimes. I'm talking outside the realm of ghouls and spooks; I'm not referring to the paranormal. I'm referring to the NORMAL. The thing we call human existence. For example, I used to be afraid of the smoke detector. Ironically, I wasnt afraid of the smoke. Just the smoke detector. Every time I opened my oven the darn thing would start blaring like a foghorn. My three friends would have to run when I was about to open the oven so they could flag the thing off with dishtowels. It was hilarious. But Id jump three feet every time the smoke detector went off. My heart felt like it was about to explode! Like most of us, I sometimes struggle with fear. Most of the time, my fears are irrational (i.e. thinking that zit on my chin will be permanently positioned there). Sometimes, they're based on reality (e.g. what if I don't have enough money to pay my rent this month? What if I get sick from the little kid who coughed next to me on the train? What if my guests don't like what I'm cooking for dinner? What if I fail miserably at my attempts to please people and make others happy? What if people think I'm not GOOD ENOUGH?).

I've learned that obsessing 24/7 about my problems or perceived problems is bound to do nothing but give me an ulcer and eat away at my sanity. Thinking about negative things has really made me sick in the past. I remember getting severely nauseous and anxious just by thinking over and over again that I'd fail my English course. I ended up getting an A. We can't control everything in our lives. Sometimes, we might get a cold if we're sitting next to a sick kid the entire train or plane ride home. Sometimes, people might not like what we're wearing or what we're cooking for dinner. Sometimes, people and pets we cherish may become ill. I don't wish any of these things on you! But the reality is that these events are virtually uncontrollable. Why worry about things you cannot control? The best way to deal with worry is to do the best YOU can to prevent a problem. If you feel like you're going to get sick, rinse your face and nose out when you get home, get lots of sleep and eat lots of fruits and veggies. You may get a cold. You may not. But taking care of yourself is the best way to make sure you stay healthy! If you're afraid of being lonely, go out and make as many friends as possible. Practice little acts of kindness. Join social groups at the library. Talk to people at the coffee shop. Thank people for holding the door for you. These minor acts will help you feel good and take your mind off of some of the fears you have about being lonely or feeling not good enough. Don't let fears, worries and insecurities drag you down. There's a good chance your fear will never even come CLOSE to coming true.

If we fear that we're incapable of attracting or keeping good people/things in our lives, we might change our own self-perception and act as if we're total losers. Therefore, we may stop taking care of ourselves, or we may become clingy, dependent, bitter, jealous individuals. If you choose to dwell on the awful possibilities life can bring, your life is going to be awesomely awful. So, why not make your life simply awesome? Instead of worrying about things you can't control, control the things you can. Take good care of yourself and of your body by eating healthy foods, drinking lots of water, getting adequate rest, taking a daily multivitamin and seeing your doctor when you don't feel well. Doing kind things for other people, laughing a lot, working hard on all your tasks and allowing time for play will help dissolve fears, too. Be as loving as you possibly can. Instead of dwelling on your own fears, do something to help dissolve the fear of others around you. Keep a support group of friends, coworkers and family members that will help you come to terms with reality in a bearable way. Love as much as you possibly can. I'm telling you: love always dissolves fear. Always. And baby powder always dissolves grease. Just a little family secret Lighten up, put on your big girl panties and "light up the world" When I was 18, I started to go through one of my many loathe-my-body phases, eating too many pretzels and

exercising to the point of agony to burn them off. My therapist, Stacey H., helped me pinpoint a bunch of different fears that seemed unrelated to my eating disorder. I admitted to her that I'd never, ever in my life, used a cigarette lighter. I'd never even struck a match. If I wanted to enjoy the scents of a birthday cake-scented candle, I always had to ask my mom to light it for me. It's not like I hadn't tried to do it. Every time I'd try to light a candle, my hands and feet would tingle...as if I were about to fall out of a plane without a parachute (and I think it would be scary even WITH the parachute). Strangely, there was never a fire trauma in my childhood. The fear of using the lighter was just another fear I'd created inside that stubborn, curly-haired dome of mine. I was afraid of what could happen when I actually lit the lighter. Would I burn my finger? Would I drop it and set the floor on fire? A psychologist reading this might cast me off as an obsessive-compulsive headcase. But I'm not. What I am is comical. And sometimes, when I'm in my frenzied state, I fail to realize this. One afternoon at therapy, Stacey told me it was safe for me to let go and strike up a flame. She handed me an orange cigarette lighter and told me she'd be right there with me when I was ready. The anxiety, the pain and the dread tangled into knots throughout my body and I felt a lump in my throat when I put my thumb on the top of the lighter. I took the deepest breath I could possibly take. On the exhale, I flicked the little wheel with the tip of my thumb. It seemed so easy; much easier than I'd thought. And there it was, this beautiful, amber-colored flame, performing its little dance to celebrate my success. There I was, doing the simple

commonplace task of striking up a flame. And I felt freer and more powerful than I'd ever felt in my life. It was probably one of the most emotional moments for me so far. Letting go and doing the thing you're petrified to do can sometimes turn into the most beautiful experience. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at life. Laugh even at the misfortunes. They can be FUNNY when you really think about them in a different way. You can turn anything into comedy! Some of the funniest stuff comes out of pain. Use this thought to your benefit. Choose to love instead of to fear (unless you somehow come in contact with the Loch Ness Monster). Choose light instead of darkness (unless, of course, you're in the bedroom). You've got what it takes to really light that flame whether it be the flame of success, the flame of happiness, the flame of love, or the flame of your overall personal power. You've got the goods to really light up your world and set it on fire...if only you'd put on your big girl panties and realize it.

About the Author Danielle Holly Travali is a writer, editor, entrepreneur, cook, food & wine enthusiast, YouTube video producer, life coach and former personal trainer who holds a master's degree in Journalism from Quinnipiac University in Hamden, Connecticut. The founder and CEO of Holly Pinafore Magazine, Danielle teaches the principles of journalism and solid, ethical reporting to more than 30 interns. She is an adjunct academic writing professor at Manhattanville College, where she teaches and consults writers on a regular basis. Her articles and blog posts have been published on the Connecticut Post, the Hartford Courant, Behind the Burner.com, The Examiner, and on several women's empowerment sites across the Web. Danielle is an advisory board member of the Dressing Room Project, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping women develop a healthy body image and to prevent eating disorders. She is also known to many as the TV persona "Holly Pinafore," and has been a frequent guest on Connecticut Style, a lifestyles show that airs on WTNH News 8. In addition to receiving the "Sisters in Rebellion" award from the Dressing Room Project, Danielle is the 2010-2011

recipient of the Faculty Award for Academic Excellence, M.S. in Journalism, from the School of Communications at Quinnipiac University. Aside from her passion for lifestyles journalism and women's issues, the most important things in her life are food, laughter, love and of course, stilettos. She currently hosts a radio show on City World Radio titled Dishin It Out. She lives with her two fabulous roommates and her darling cat, Ginger, in New York City.