10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband

Prepared by Muhammad Alshareef.

[NB: additional notes in brackets are additions from a sister]

1) Dress Up

Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last
time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband
wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to
dress up for her too. Remember that Rasulullah (‫)صسلي ال عليسه وسسلم‬
would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved
the sweetest smells.

(Dress up for your wife when you are at home also. Some brothers only
dress up when they go out and that is not a good practice. A husband
should dress up for his wife when they are at home. it makes a wife
feel special.)

2) Sweet Names

Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasulullah (‫ )صلي ال عليه وسلم‬had
nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the
most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their
feelings.

(Remember, you are your wife's best friend and she shares a halal
relationship with you. Express your love to her. A woman likes to be
told that she is loved. Call her from your work to make sure she is
doing fine. I have seen my dad calling my mother several times a day,
just to make sure she has been eating well. And my husband calls me at
least twice from work to make sure I am doing well. These things are
very important in a relationship.)

3) Reward Her Actions

Don't treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily
lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day -
which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something
to 'bug' him. Don't treat her like this; recognize all the good that
she does and focus on that.

(Whenever there is a fight or argument, just remember all the things

she does for you. she cooks for you, she takes care of your home, she
takes care of your children and the most important thing is that she
guards her modesty. So do not upset her if she is upset with you. Hold
her and tell her that you love her. Only your love can repel her
anger. Communicate with her and discuss with her if there are any
misunderstandings.)
4) Remain Silent

If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment!
This is one of the ways Rasulullah (‫ )صسلي ال عليسه وسسلم‬used when he
would see something inappropriate from his wives (ّ‫)رضال عنه ن‬. It's a
technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

(Do not criticize her all the time. Trust her and trust her decisions.
If she is doing something that you don't like, or that goes against
the teachings of Islam, then do advice her gently.)

5) Smile!

Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling
is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine
life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those
Ahadith when Rasulullah (‫ ) صلي ال عليه و سلم‬would kiss his wife before
leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

(Do let your wife know that you are very happy and blessed to have
her. A wife always wonder how her husband feels about her. She may
have some insecurity about you, so make her feel secure. Always give
her a hug whenever you come back from work. appreciate her and thank
her for taking care of everything whole day. If you are not too tired,
go out for star gazing for an hour or so.)

6) Acknowledge Her

Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take
for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the
home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only
acknowledgment she receives is that there needed to be more salt in
the soup. Don't let that be; thank her!

(Write thank you notes for her and place those notes in her books, her
purse, her socks, and anything else that belongs to her. You can use
your own creativity to thank her. You can thank her by writing
something on a mirror with her lipstick, so that she can read it when
she wakes up in the morning. You can also thank her by arranging a
candlelight dinner AT HOME, you be the cook and let her rest. So far I
have learned that a nice romantic dinner at home is much better than
going out for dinner. This way a couple saves themselves from many
fitnahs. You can thank her by writing her letters and emails.
Remember, in Islam, everyday is special. So celebrate wife's day with
her, and do it very often without having a particular date. She will
always wonder when the wife's day is going to be.

You can also give her a certificate of appreciation, or a Best Wife

Award on wife's day. Do everything by yourself that day and let her
rest, this way you will also know how difficult it could be to do
household chores. Thank her by building a webpage for her, write a
note there and a poem and then ask her to visit your webpage. Thank
her by recording a voice message on a cd for your wife. She will love
it!

Thank her by giving her a gift, and a gift does not have to be
expensive. Be creative! You do not have to give her Roses, you can
give her a leaf too! (My husband gave me a leaf once, instead of
roses, and I was very happy and surprised, and I appreciated his
creativity). So remember, thoughtful and creative gifts makes a wife
feel secure and happy. Thank her by ordering a halal pizza for her,
ask the restaurant to cut it in a heart shape and have it delivered
with a personalized note. Thank her by thanking her in a family
gathering. A woman likes it when her husband gives her attention.

If you visit her parents or your parents, hold her hands and tell your
parents how happy you are after marriage. Give your wife an Islamic
book as a gift after praying Tahajjud. Use your imagination and think
about unique gifts. Remember, she does not need a diamond, she needs
your sincerity and your heart, so always give her the gifts that are
thoughtful. Whenever you do something to make her happy, observe her
facial expressions and ask yourself about how you feel when you become
her happiness.)

7) Ten Blessings From Allah

Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made
her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what
gives your wife pleasure. You don't have to play a guessing game--ask
her and work on repeating those things in your life.

(Also ask her to write down the things you did that she did not like,
or the things you did that made her unhappy. Try to not do those
things in future. If she falls ill, let her lay down, and read
different surahs from Qur'an while placing your hand on her forehead.
When I got sick, my husband recited Qur'an for me, it really helped a
lot mashaAllah. Remember, a wife needs her husband the most when she
is not feeling well. Take good care of her because a healthy wife
makes a healthy family. Do not expect too much from her when she is
sick.)

8) Validate her Feelings

Don't belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look
down upon the requests of their wives. Rasulullah (‫) صلي ال عل يه و سلم‬
set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (‫ )رضال عن ها‬was
crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped
her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

(If there is a time of sadness, give her your shoulder to cry on. Hold
her and tell her that everything will be fine. Alhamdulillah, my
husband and my dad are amongst those Muslim husbands who would even
have tears in their eyes if their wives are sad. Remember, a woman
does not like to cry alone in a corner. She needs someone to hold her
when she is sad, so never let her feel lonely. Remind her the verses
from Qur'an that talks about Patience and Piety.)

9) Have Fun!

Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at how Rasulullah (‫صلي‬
‫ )ال عليسه وسسلم‬would race his wife Aisha (‫ )رضال عنهسا‬in the desert.
When was the last time we did something like that?

(A sense of humor plays a very important role in a marital

relationship. Most women wish to have a husband who has a good sense
of humor. Tell her decent and modest jokes that make her happy. A wife
appreciates it very much if her husband makes her smile. You can play
various games at home. Play with crayons, or have a pillow fight. Or
hide different notes in your bedroom and ask her to find it. Think of
different games you can both play. Let her win sometimes!

Adopt interesting hobbies, such as reading, cooking together and

gardening (grow a surprise rose plant in your garden, when you have
the first rose blooming, take her to the garden and show it to her.
Newspaper and Sports Issue! Men like to watch sports, or read
newspaper. Most Pakistani wives consider newspaper as their co-wives.
So be very careful. If you are watching sports, turn the TV off if
your wife comes around. Give her attention. Do not spend too much time
reading newspaper, and do not read newspaper on the breakfast table,
rather have an Islamic discussion. If you want to get her to like
newspaper, then try to find something that interests her. Such as, try
to find a news about Hijab. Or try to find a news about Muslim women
for her.)

10) Be The Best

Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger (‫)صسلي ال عليسه وسسلم‬:

"The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am
the best amongst you to my family." Try to be the best! In conclusion:
Never forget to make Dua to Allah (‫ )سبحانه وتعال‬to make your marriage
successful. And Allah ta'ala knows best!

(And once again: your wife is your best friend, and your girlfriend.
Share everything with her. Remember she is your garment and you are
her garment, so hide her faults and mistakes. Learn to forgive her.
Also communicate a lot with her family. It really makes a difference
if husband communicates with his in laws. It helps both husband's and
wife's family to share a beautiful relationship. Respect her parents
and show your love to her family. This will inspire her to love and
respect your family. If her family is not muslim, do dawah to them in
a beautiful way.)
Spend lots of time praying to Allah swt. Do fast often even if it is
not Ramadan. Fasting brings patience and taqwah. Lead her in the
prayer. There is nothing better than praying together. Remember Allah,
so that Allah remembers you.

May Allah bless us and guide us all. Ameen!