A recount of My Life Experiences

Dedications
When children are born, they are like blank slates on which
their parents’ help to script the beginning of their life
stories. Every child grows up and ultimately charts his own
destiny, but his parents lay the foundations. These
recollections are dedicated to the memories of my parents,
a set that passed on the gift of being to me and watched my
first irresolute steps in life.
A WALK THROUGH THE RAIN
For some time – I think since I was
a child – I have been possessed of
the desire to put down the stuff of
my life.
- LORRAINE HANSBERRY-

“A man's memory is bound to be a

distortion of his past in accordance
with his present interests, and the
most faithful autobiography is likely
to mirror less what a man was than what he has become."
- FAWN M. BRODIE -

This is a true recount of both my

childhood and early adulthood life with
no changes in names and specifics safe
for very minor omissions and/or
modifications.
 Preamble
A perfectly healthy sentence, it is true, is extremely rare for the most part we miss the
hue and the fragrance of the thought, as if we could be satisfied with the dews of
dawn or twilight devoid of their insignia, or the heavens without their azure. I struggle
to put the bits of my life together so that one soul might be influenced into doing what
is right to another when he has got the opportunity to do so. I feel so obliged; having
faced all the odds with the arduous task of bringing up my siblings, to employ my
time into improving others verve with my writing so that they shall come easily by
what I have labored so hard for. Sharing our stories is a means of healing. Grief and
gloom may isolate us, and anger may alienate us. Shared with others, these emotions
can be powerfully uniting, as we see that we are not alone, and realize that others
suppurate with us. I have a duty to speak the truth as I see it and share not just my
triumphs, not just the things that felt good, but the pain, the intense, often unmitigated
pain. It is important to share how I know endurance is survival and not just a walk
through the rain.

But keep in mind, as a good reader, do not ignore your master of discontent:
experience, for if you do, you are tempting fate. Experience will show you great
things of eternal worth, knowledge that lasts longer than that of mere temporal
pecuniary or material gain. Herein, if you examine and listen well, is knowledge
tinged with wisdom and indulgence, at hand for you and your posterity's gain. But if
you do not learn, like the horde, you will brush up against loss and failure again and
again without purpose or gain. Insanity and time wasted is of that which is done over
and over without adjustment for attainment.

What do you want of your life? Reflect on long and well before you decide, for you
may conquer what you seek. Is it affluence, power, love and affection, peace of mind,
admiration, respect, position, name it. Whatever your aspiration may be, fix them in
your mind and never let loose. Understand that even this may not be sufficient
because life is unfair. You may work diligently and be more enduring than the biblical
Job and still never rise above mediocrity unless plans are drawn and aims established.
No ship ever lifted anchor and set cruise without a destination. No olive tree ever
displayed its flowers without promise of the fruits to come. It is impractical to
advance in life properly without goals. Life is a game with few players and many
spectators. Those who watch are the multitudes that drift through life with no dreams,
no goals, no plans even for tomorrow. Do not pity them. They made their choices
when they made no choice. To watch the battle from the stands is safe. Who can
stumble, who can fall, who can be heckled if they make no effort to participate? Are
you a player? As a player you cannot lose. Those who triumph may carry the day and
yet those who are defeated, today, have learned valuable lessons that may turn the tide
for them tomorrow. Take heart! I have done it, somehow.
- Tonny Felix Otieno -
A Walk Through the Rain
Here is my story.
Reminiscences, even extensive ones, do not always amount to an autobiography. For
autobiography has to do with time, with sequence and what makes up the continuous
flow of life. Here, I am talking of a space, of moments and discontinuities. For even if
months and years appear here, it is in the form they have in the moment of
recollection. This strange form -- it may be called fleeting or eternal -- is in neither
case the stuff that life is made of.

A Child is Born - My Life With both Parents

I was born on Tuesday June the 5th 1979 to my
late parents as the first child in Kisumu –
formerly “Port Florence”, Kenya. My mother,
Linet Apondi Tonny was 23 and my father,
Joseph Tonny Onyango was 28. I am 28 today.
We lived in a small house. It had a living cum dinning room, a bedroom and a small
store with a kitchen on a separate roof and shared outside toilets for two houses. It
was conveniently within the school where my father worked as a primary school
teacher. We slept in the living room and bathed in the make-shift outdoor bathroom.
Lighting was paraffin lamps - one hurricane lamp and tin lamps. The hurricane lamp
was preserved for the living room. We had a wet-cell battery to power the 14 inch
black and white great wall TV set, an affectation of the middle class then. Life was
generally good. This simple and tranquil life with my parents was in a small district
town in the shores of Lake Victoria. We changed locations a couple of times to move
with dad every time he was transferred to a new station. As a child I was very active,
upbeat and cheerful. I learnt most of the household chores as early as primary three. I
did more as a kid than an average child. My mother hated to cook, so she made me
cook most of the time. I then become engrossed in cooking. I started doing the family
cooking as soon as I was old enough. I still love to cook, only now, stews! Thanks
mum! I could prepare a decent meal for the family, spending most of my time in the
kitchen while the other household members are glued to the TV, waiting for me to set
the table. These chores ranging from fetching firewood, fetching water, shopping
including the in-house routines, I did enthusiastically without showing faces. On one
hand, I considered it imposed child labor whilst on the other; it taught me a great deal
of independence.

I was the least favored child in the family and I got the slightest provision, attention
and concern from my parents. Instead, all the concentration and preferential
indulgence went to my followers. My immediate follower, a sister, was the most
favored. I was inducted into business by my mother when I was about ten. As a
student, this was a very costly exercise. It ate into my school hours a great deal. Most
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I forfeited half-day schooling to be in the market.
These were mandatory market days and I would miss out on all my afternoon classes
to be in the second-hand clothes souk. My absenteeism notwithstanding, I was gifted
academically and that gave me a competitive edge in class. Throughout my primary
education, I emerged the best in all the end-of-term exams. I recognized at this early
age that there is no substitute for hard work and the will to do springs from the
knowledge that we can do with a stance that few things are impossible to diligence
and skill.

My father, tall and fine-looking, a chivalrous man of light complexion was an

accomplished primary school teacher and an astute Sabbath school superintendent. He
was loved by all and held in high esteem by his pupils. He had a great passion for his
children and the church. He watched my first faltering steps to school and showed me
the way to church. He knew when to be strict, not embracing nonsense at the expense
of etiquette. We had excellent decorum. At the time of his death, he was charged
deputy head teacher of Adhiro Primary School, the same school we were enrolled. He
was thirty six when he died. To this day, I keep the cherished memories of the loved
and lost. He loved us, he cared for us, and he stood by our side always. This has made
me overly protective of my siblings craving to show an evident positive identification
with my father. Until his demise, we were so tight despite the jousting that he was not
in fact my natal father. I was proud of him, a gentleman indeed, and did not want to
cloud my mind with the quest for answers as to who actually sired me at that tender
age. There was a lot of gibberish on this issue at clan level with whispers from every
quarter but I did not stoop to the gossipers chagrin. I held my head high and defied all
odds turning a deaf ear to their unsolicited twaddle. This was meant to be a big
emotional set back in my life as a child but it never did. Today I feel a bit humiliated
to write about this here, one of my many secrets I have well fortified over time. But at
one point, every one of us has to rid of their closets of all the skeletons and seek out
consecration at the covert’s glum.
My insolence will forgive me in the eyes of my late parents, a pair who is the
custodian of this legitimacy. There was a lot of disquiet and quarrels between my
parents, months before my father’s demise. The fissure was so loud, even as a child, I
could tell all was not well. To a certain extent, I did not understand the cause of their
dissension but I sensed meanness and cruelty with mum. She acted bizarrely and time
after time she neglected her responsibilities as a mother and a wife. I was not very
happy with her and she was so upset at my audacity and stance on the subject. She
developed hatred for me and many strange things started to happen. One night when
dad was away, a fight ensued. It was a bout dad and my position on their differences.
Then she told me on the face that I shouldn’t be boastful of a man who is not in fact
my father. I was in rude shock. I could not stand her meanness and malevolence any
longer. She cared less about my feelings and how they would impact in my emotional,
mental and social health and development as a child. I felt useless and unworthy of
living every time she gorged me, her own child, in verbal brawls. I was determined to
leave. Rage consumed me like fire consuming dry grass. I needed hope when “dad”
showed up, rebutted mum’s claims and showered me with love. I kept to his side most
of the time and he was there to comfort me when I needed it. He wanted to erase it
completely off my memory, that truly he wasn’t my father. I found true love in him
and in fact, he was a man of great magnificence. May be he wanted to say something
at the most opportune time, to clear the air, but he never had a chance. Or may be he
would have preferred status quo. His death was a big blow. Now that they are both
gone, I will never find out and the legitimacy cannot be told, never. No one means all
he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is
viscous.

The Turning Point - The Death of my Parents

JOSEPH TONNY, and LINET his Wife, both lie here interred.
They lived lovingly together in their formative years of marriage.
Without an asset, or any gainful service, by constant toil and
diligence, with God's blessing,
they sired seven children, and comfortably brought up six of them
reputably.
From this instance, reader, be encouraged to assiduousness in your
calling,
and doubt not destiny.
He was a virtuous and discreet man;
She was an astute and worthy woman.
 Their first child, Felix, in filial regard to their reminiscence, places
this epitaph.

J. T. Died 19thJune 1991,

L.T. Died 24th June 1995,
By
F. T. Born 5th June 1979…

All was going on well. It was the year 1991. The year the Legion Maria sect’s
“messiah” aka Ondeto, was pronounced dead. I was in my final year of primary
education. Midway that year, dad passed on to glory. The impact, big and
instantaneous, hexed a critical turning point in my life. Until their untimely demise in
a four-year succession, I had lost complete touch with mum. Dad was always there for
me, he was my true friend. When he bid us farewell on that fateful night, I could not
come to terms with the fact that he was no more. I felt lonely. On 24th June 1995, the
sinister devil of death came back knocking. Mum was the next in line. She too was
painfully robbed of the right to life by this dark fate. Death had taken them both. We
were ushered into orphan-hood at these tender ages. My last born brother was only six
when mum left us. I was fourteen. We are six siblings, four brothers and two sisters.
The days preceding my mum’s death were not very easy for me either. Lynette, my
mother, was a stubborn lady. Her obsessive stubbornness – her stubborn obsessiveness
had very nearly driven my father to a breakdown in his final years. I suffered a great
deal of her meanness. I still grieve for what I didn’t have and I wish I did – motherly
love. Always I’m running around trying to fill the hole in my life with mother figures.
It has made me so drawn to female characters that are keen to help me. I seek out their
attention and try to find support and compassion from them. I never got support and
sympathy from my own mother, for some reason. Most of these women have provided
me with the motherly-love and the caring that I totally crave.

My mother’s health deteriorated at home and no one cared to take her to the hospital.
I still believe she could have lived longer, somehow, if some attempts were made to
save her. We were desperately deprived to afford a doctor’s consultation let alone a
sick-in bill. A glimpse at her suffering made us come to grips with a difficult reality,
of the unnatural heart ache and grief that accompany loneliness for the loved and lost,
of facing the difficult decisions of what comes next, of recalling cogent memories, of
learning to struggle. My siblings were the helpless, horrified witnesses to my mother’s
humiliating demise – utterly isolated in our mud-walled house that was now in
patches. I was in my second year of secondary school. At her funeral, by the grave
side, I looked at my brothers and saw pity for them. I was so frail, I felt fear consume
me. I was like a morsel of flesh socketed in bones. They needed assurance that all was
not lost. I wanted to promise them that but not with tears well in my eyes. I felt
mockery. It was a big blow to us. Misfortunes were taking their toll in our lives and at
that rate, I surmised, tomorrow would never come. I endured defeat. However, in
every adversity there lies the seed of an equivalent advantage. In every defeat there is
a lesson showing you how to win the victory next time. I was in boarding school
when mum died. The interment came to pass and it was time to go back to school.
There was no way I was going to leave my siblings all alone with no guardian. They
were very young and tender. They needed someone to take care of them. I was that
someone. I decided to quit boarding and commute to school while contemporaneously
looking after them. It was hectic but I had to face it. Sufficing to say, some have been
thought brave because they didn’t have the courage to run away from problems. I am
able to see a lot of sense in my choices today. I found out that I could not escape the
truth of it. I have just recently realized that I find nothing more moving, more
inspiring, or more beautiful than sacrifice. I believe life can only be understood
backwards, but it must be lived forward and in the end, it is not the years in my life
that count but the life in my years. Indeed, we learn more about a road by traveling it
than by consulting all the maps in the world.

Top Secret – The Untold of My Childhood

I’m disposed to tell my life’s story with
honesty and shameless openness that requires
not only brilliant clarity but also the strength
of words that must go with it. This brings me
to this delicate clandestine that have really
affected my sexual posturing and
development. The sexual molestation I went
through as a child in the hands of my aunt is
unsullied in my mind yet untold, not even to my late parents.

Gosh! How can that be true? Small wonders! Oh yes, it is a honest recount. I was
exposed to female nudity at five. Not just the occasional glimpse of female flesh, but
a complete full frontal nudity which leaves nothing to the imagination. She trained me
to appreciate nakedness and I started to see beauty in ugliness. Sex, almost always
disappoints me in reality, somehow. Everything about sex can be said or done now,
and that's what I acquired in my childhood: everything, a feeling of generality or
dispersal. But in my experience as an adult, true sex is so particular, so peculiar to the
person who yearns for it. Only he or she, and no one else, would desire so very much
that very person under those circumstances. In many instances, I am haunted by the
relived sense of terrific sex specifics of my infancy. If the sex scene doesn't make you
want to do it - whatever it is they're doing - it hasn't been portrayed right. I discovered
that with my monster aunt. I was only five – just a toddler. For two consecutive years
I went through things I’m embarrassed to put in the pages of this recount. My late
parents had no knowledge of the happenings and my shrewd yet wicked aunt made
sure that my mouth was kept shut. I have never spoken about it for the many years but
the alienation is still strong in me. I could not speak to mum about it because we were
not close and always I was being threatened by my abuser.

Often we are all looking for something of extraordinary importance whose nature we
have forgotten; but I am writing the memoirs of a man who has not lost his memory.
What an insidious drug memory can be, especially the memory of unhappiness. All
these reminiscence breeds in me strange loneliness. As a victim, I would advocate that
part of sexual revolution should aim at bringing rationality to sexuality -- because
when we don't embrace our sexuality in a normal way, we acquire the twisted and
perverted kinds - the kinds that obliterate and heinously destroy lives of the innocent.
This should not be misconstrued as crusading for an ideal society for that is next to
impossible in the present day given the ingrained vices engulfing our humanity and
compassion. Practically it has been my experience that folks who have no vices have
very few virtues.

The isolation is real although a paradox. Perhaps the insecurity has been horrendous
hence forever seeking sympathy from the women folks instead of keeping them at
bay. To date, I’m so inclined to women, persistently in pursuit of their companionship,
young and old alike. I’ve been looking up to other women to give me something I
didn’t have as a child. Eighty percent of what I dub friends in my life today are
women mysteriously getting more favors from them compared to men. I find this very
bizarre. I love women. I love their grace, their beauty, their babbling and strength. I
view them as fundamentally the same creatures as men, and yet ineffably and
wonderfully different. I look at women as more thespian, less draped and a more
vibrant sex. On the contrary, the abuse from my mother and my aunt spelt doom and I
ruefully thought I would not be like the other children. To a great extent, this has
shown negative pretentious and ostentation to my dispositions, attitudes and social
orientation in reality.

Orphan hood – Life without Parents

As a youth, I lived a rather onerous life having to assume those chores that are best
delegated to parents. I literally had no source of income and we had to till the small
family land for survival. Mostly we lived an abysmal life; torn blankets, tattered
clothes, ravenously hungry and desperately in need of bath, at least with soap. We
faced a lot of financial predicaments especially with my school fees and I ruefully
thought I would drop out in my second year having accumulated huge balances from
first year in arrears. In many instances I would be out of school because of
nonpayment of fees. Our subsistence was quite awful and life was tough but I
acquainted my brothers with the fact that there was no giving in. Opportunities are
usually disguised as hard work, so most people don’t recognize them. I started to see
things differently. We had to act with positive thoughts. We initiated a small scale
horticulture project and mainly planted kales and tomatoes. We spent after-school
hours and morning dawns tilling the vegetable garden. I then started little savings. My
most important money management tool was not figuring out how to get more but
rather discovering how little we really needed and how much we already had. Sure I
looked for practical ways to save even though we were barely surviving. But how I
saved money is not the point. What was important then was knowing that we could
not get everything we needed and that want was a luxury. I took a hard look at our
needs and got ruthless about separating them from the wants. We needed food; we
never wanted steak! Having less made me much more grateful for what was in front
of me and I realized that surely being poor does not make one noble. It surely doesn’t.
But poverty made me more careful and grateful. I started feeling the urge to take
charge of our situation. I was not naïve enough to think that people do not make bad
choices neither was I mean-spirited enough to believe that poor people are poor only
because they are pathologically incapable of wealth. We were in that state of affairs
because of a dearth of opportunities and more. However, in my lineage, I know not of
any rich man. I once joked to my brothers that our family has been practicing “how to
be poor” from time immemorial.

Our horticulture project suffered a great deal of deficiency in terms of input even
though labor was in abundant. We were a hard-working family team. At some point, a
family friend whom I regard as our foster parent to this day, was moved by our
courage and purpose. This charismatic lady of great splendor then started to inject
into our project little hand-outs. She would give us seeds and fertilizer and this was a
big boost. From then on, she never left us on our own, at least chipping in once in a
while. I present my homage to Mrs. Beatrice Otieno, a woman who nurtures and
raises a child that is not biologically her own. I found her a character whose heart is
generous enough to take responsibility for children who are not in principle hers. She
is a woman who truly evoked a feeling in me that is usually reserved for a mother.
The same goes to her husband, Mr. Dickson Otieno. They are an exceptional couple
and I thank them profusely for coming into our lives when we needed them most.
Dickson has been like a father, fully in-charge of my brothers’ schooling. Even when
he did not have a child of his own in school at that time, he was intrepid enough to
represent my brothers and even took up a more strenuous responsibility of a PTA
head. He played a vital role in securing admission for my two brothers in a boarding
school when they were sent back home by their guardians. When my brother called
me on telephone to convey the sad news that he had been returned home, I could not
hold back my tears. I had nothing at all and I did not know where to start. I was in my
third year of study at the university. I had to act with speed to salvage my brothers
from the apparent academic ruin. At this point, I should say it was like a miracle.
Many people sympathized with my situation and I got a full year’s school fees for
two. Tears of joy flowed freely. This is when Mr. and Mrs. Dickson became full time
parents again.

My siblings, though young, were very instrumental in our fight. Godfrey, the
physically powerful – worked with ruthless might. Rodgers, the innovator and leader
– was exceptional. Victor, the magnificent – showed amazing perseverance
incomparable to his age. Beatrice, the tranquil and moderate – faced it. Lillian, the
timid and gullible – was a powerful flame that doused hurriedly. Sometimes I felt I
was subjecting them to too much labor but on the contrary, they showed determination
and steadfastness in place of relent. True, those who aim at great deeds must suffer
greatly. When an egg breaks by a power outside, a life ends but when an egg breaks
by a power inside, a life begins. Great things always begin from the power inside.
Seen often are people with a dream but society convinces them that achieving it is a
"pipe dream" or impossible. I strived towards that dream and never gave up! Dreams
aren't merely thoughts we fantasize about, they are the force that gives grit its
necessary strength to fight opposition and win successfully. And that alone is what
makes or breaks a person. Listen to your inner self – it speaks wisdom.

An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; yet a pessimist sees a calamity in

every opportunity. In fact, we did what we could, with what we had, with where we
were. Things were working out and life was getting better. As fate would have it, I
secured a supply tender for fresh produce with my school through the Head teacher
who was equally compassionate. He felt much empathy with my needy situation
having been persuaded by my hard work to affray the odds. Accordingly, much of the
produce we supplied to the school and the proceeds were credited to my fees account.
At this point, school fees became less of a yoke. I recognized that life becomes real
only when we begin to face and solve our own problems. Until then, we only swim in
circles in a large fantasy world which tends to make us very weary of living. I started
to train my mind to desire only what the situation demanded. Facing it, always facing
it, that’s the only way to get through. I did not know luxury in high school. I was
barely surviving. Sometimes I would be in school barefoot because my first and only
pair of black shoe I got from a friend when I was joining form one had succumbed to
wear and tear. That did not deter me from attending school, sometimes in torn trousers
and on an empty stomach.

As a student, I have been through tough phases. I may have shrunk or may have given
up but the motivation acted as a fuel to my emotional engine, getting me through it
and giving me a call of the bliss. Life, a four-letter word, includes in it a juggernaut
bowl of emotions, experiences, thoughts, and beliefs. It carries on like an incessant
brook, flowing sometimes through the hilly areas or a plain but it carries on until it
meets the destined water body. I had a lot of concessions in my former school, Our
Lady’s Mercy Ringa Boys Secondary School. I’m greatly indebted to the school
administration at the time for their leniency. I was the last to arrive in school and the
first to leave. I was exempted from the morning manual work as well as games and
clubs in the evenings. I needed these hours in the garden. Despite all these, my
academic work was impressive. I developed a strong rapport with my teachers who
were very instrumental in shaping my destiny. Life was hard at school and at home it
was even more demanding. I did not have even a minute of lamentation and
decadence. I faced it. I realized that no condition in life is permanent, that there are
seasons in life just as in nature. No situation which confronts you, good or bad, will
last. I made no operational plans which extended beyond a year. In life, as in war,
plans of long range have no significance. All depends on the way unexpected
movements of the enemy, that cannot be foreseen, are met, and how the whole matter
is handled.

During this time, when things were almost getting even, I made more enemies than
friends, especially with my relatives. In the face of all these, I still have a lot of
respect for my uncle Philip, the only brother to my father. In spite of the pressure,
stress, blackmail, inadequacy and all, he tried to out-live the say in Luo, “Chan
man kowadu ok dak moni nindo”- (your brother’s dearth cannot deprive you
of sleep).He is the only person who cared to know how we faired on even when he
could do less about it. We were almost on our own when I enrolled in forth form, the
final year of secondary education. The enmity was getting worse but I did not take my
eyes off the goal instead it gave me the momentum to work even harder. Your enemy,
if you are not prepared, can be the cycles in life, mysterious rhythms of ups and
downs like the great seas that rise and fall on the shores of the world. High tide and
low, sunrise and sunset, wealth and poverty, joy and despair – each of these forces
will prevail in their time. Always I said to myself: Not what I have, but what I see;
Not what I see, but what I choose; Not what seems fair, but what is true; Not what I
dream, but what I do; Not what I take, but what I give; Not as I pray, but as I live.
My worst challenge during high school was how to deal with my monster
“grandmother”. She was terrible, dreadful, mean, loud and cruel. I could not stand her
hounding and the constant gratuitous wrangles. She sheared us of many rights and
privileges. Rumors even had it that she had something to do with my father’s death. I
have never let superstition take control of my thoughts though. Many instances we
were in dire need but my grandma would even deny us that which was rightfully ours.
It did not stop me. I struggled even harder. I was impeccably resolute to face all odds
with calm. Repression, humiliation, oppression, deprivation and mistreatment – all
these were not forces strong enough to impede me from protecting my siblings. They
were all I had left and they looked up to me. Sharing a homestead with my grandma
was like living in a hole with a poisonous python. She was nicknamed Mama Kelele,
a Swahili phrase for “a querulous woman”. I detested every single day we shared with
her in the same homestead. One day when I was away to school, my sister went to her
potato farm to harvest some kales because we did not have anything for dinner that
evening. My sister thought that it was all right to do so given that she, my grandma,
would in many occasions, take something from our backyard without our knowledge.
That evening, when she came back and found out that my sister had visited her farm
without her consent, hell broke loose. She went to the farm with vehemence and rage,
uprooted all the kales, and carried the bundle to our doorstep so that we could eat
even the stalks plus the roots. Shameful! Sheer wickedness and profanity according to
the Luo tradition. We could not eat even the portion we had cooked. We went to bed
hungry and famished that night and it came to pass. On a separate incidence, I had
many hens that I needed to lay fertilized eggs to brood. However, there was no
cockerel in the homestead so I decided to buy one from the market. According to the
Luo custom, a cock is not supposed to be in a son’s house if he is still in his father’s
homestead. Accordingly, there was no way I could take the cockerel to our house. I
therefore took it to my grandma’s house. However, out of jealousy she faked that the
cockerel was sick and therefore would spread the flu to her chickens. She declined to
have the cockerel spend the night in her house so I had to take it back to our house. I
was tempting fate by prevailing over tradition. There was a lot of talk that I should get
rid of the cock but I never yielded. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months
but nothing strange happened to us. These are just but a few of the many sacrileges
from my grandma we triumphed by faith.

My ambition in life was to become a competent business executive with a bias in

accountancy despite the many contentions and persuasions from friends that teaching
was my sanctified career. I hated a routine profession; moreover, teaching was less
rewarding compared to other noble occupations. That made it less appealing. I was
resolute to study accountancy. In fact, accounts was my favorite subject in high school
and I scored grade A (minus) in the national examination. I was then hired by the
school board, my former school, to teach accounts to forms three and four. That year,
the year 1999, I emerged the best accounts teacher in the district tally. That proved
two points, my friends’ assertions of making a good teacher and my own dream of
being an accomplished accountant. I was firm on the latter. I had been lucky enough
to improve the method of instruction and the general performance of students, and this
encouraged me to think I might possibly in time come to be a tolerable Executive
Accountant, of which I was extremely ambitious.

In the year 2000, a Spanish decent married to an aunt of mine, my mother’s first
cousin, offered to sponsor, in part, my accountancy course. I was enrolled in
Strathmore College, now Strathmore University and studied part one of CPA
(Certified Public Accountant). In Nairobi, I could not find accommodation. My only
hope, Collins, a cousin who lived just a stone-throw away from the college, declined
to take me in. He was sharing a three-bedroom flat with a friend and they were both
single. There was plenty of room but he could not let me in somehow. I needed
somewhere to stay if I were to take up the sponsorship. I talked to my aunt who then
took me in as a houseboy. Luckily enough, I was enrolled for the evening classes and
therefore it did not conflict with my houseboy chores. I worked in the day and
attended classes in the evenings.

My Life as a Maid - Second Generation Domestic

Living a maid’s life is hell especially if your master is comparable to
my aunt. Pleasing her was almost next to impossible. Everything had
to be perfect and however much I tried, I faced her wrath more often
than not. Many instances she would scrutinize my laundry, checking on the pressed
shirts and any tiniest crease, she would throw the shirts on the floor so that I have to
start all over again. For a year I was fulltime maid and part time student. I could do
anything to keep in college. These were my sponsors. A very kind lady, always ready
to help those in affliction, yet she proffered as very complicated. We were three
maids; two house girls and me. I was assigned laundry, lawns and the garden while
the ladies did the interior including the kitchen. Babysitting the two children was our
collective responsibility and they were second to none. Messing with them was like
putting your own big toe in a mortar and grinding away. The cleanliness of the two
cars was in my jurisdiction. I had to make sure they were clean before seven in the
morning. The twelve months were like a decade in incarceration. I missed home with
all its deprivation. As a second generation domestic, I lived without sick time or
health insurance. I earned three thousand Kenya shillings a month. Nairobi, as it is, is
horrendously expensive and how maids live on that kind of money, let alone send
some home, is beyond my understanding. Because of the work conditions, the
turnover rate was very high. Many maids came and left. I would have preferred to
leave too, but I had no option. It was standing between me and the college certificate
that I badly needed.

My Love Life – The Romantic Side of Me

“Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” is an old cliché: that beauty
is a subjective matter which depends on individual prejudices. If
beauty were truly subjective, if it depended entirely on our perception, it could not be
studied. The personal aesthetic is not formed in a vacuum. Society, culture, past
experience, all these have a role to play in determining what an individual considers
beautiful and therefore appropriate. And this personal aesthetic does have some
coherence, as it is not an entirely personal choice. Instead, it is conditioned by those
around you, your education, the art to which you are exposed and most importantly,
the opinion of others. Inevitably, many personal aesthetics invariably tend towards a
communal aesthetic, a fashion or a trend; a common ideal of what beauty is or should
be. I never wanted to arouse love. I was so preoccupied with matters at hand. But
when I was retained as a maid at my aunt’s house, I met Terry, a very soft-spoken and
stunning lady nonetheless a house girl. She was approaching her twenties and she did
not proffer as underprivileged. Her whole figure stood seven heads high, with the
crotch placed midway between the top and bottom of the figure. Her lotus petal eyes,
a pair of black beans floating in milk, were placed two-thirds of the way up her
wrinkle-free face. Her figure assumed a particular posture called the tribagha by the
ancient Indians. In contemporary India, this is referred to as a “pose of the three
bends”, bent at the hips, waist and breasts to provide an S like shape. I saw true
seduction in the grotesque female body of this exalted beauty of a humble housemaid.
Starting at the time when she took up her job here, this lady of high hips went towards
the abode of my heart. As time passed by, her two well-developed and finely tapering
breasts adorned with a golden chain, celestial unguent and also with fragrant sandal
paste began to make me tremble with lust. In consequence of the weight of her breasts
coupled with her Spartan dressing style, while doing her chores, she had to slightly
stoop forward at every step, for it displayed the beauty of her waist lined with three
folds. She had a nice rack. Her fair, high, round and matchless hips were the charming
abode of the god of love which was capable of shaking the saint-hood of celestial
rishis, being covered with thin attires, almost always. She looked highly gorgeous.
Exhilarated with her beauty and excited also by desire, I crossed the social bridge. I
was in love with a maid! But was I anything better? What difference did it make
cleaning toilets and trimming fences to a relative so my brothers could eat? She
worked for less than two months before she left. Within that short time, we became
close acquaintances and I would greatly miss her company. However, as fate may
have it, Terry was hired by Strathmore College, the same college I attended. She
worked in the college cafeteria as a server. Here, we even got to know each other
more and everyday I would visit the cafeteria for drinks and snacks before classes.
She handed me staff privileges and I did not have to pay a shilling for what I
consumed. We had our chit chats but I didn’t quite understand her. All said and done, I
could not meet many of Terry’s demands, which fortunately were not materialistic.
She needed night outs, discos and clubs but as a boarding maid, I was under
supervision and in any case, I think I was not ready for this. There was no leaving the
compound without permission and I needed a good reason to be away. In fact that was
just out of the question. It was like living in a prison. Before our love could get so
entrenched, she left the country for the Netherlands, more or less disappointed in me.
She later on met a Dutchman and wedded. She sent two post cards before finally
going quite. We have since lost touch. She revealed to me truth beyond falsehood,
plain speech beneath cosmetic rhetoric and essence beneath appearance. She prepared
me for my next love life. The whole experience was an opening up of the soul and
spirit for me. I was enthusiastic, and for life, as it has turned out, I was a late bloomer
who was still growing up. I didn’t get started on life until I was about twenty-four,
which was good because I was old enough to appreciate it. I had it all ahead of me.

In the mean time, while at the University, I met Doreen, having on my own account
lost many friends and possible acquaintances. I was often in distress, and used to send
for her or invite her to my room after our first meeting. I asked of her of what she
could spare to make me happy. I grew fond of her company, and being under no
restraint whatsoever, and presuming upon my appealing to her and her penchant of
me, I attempted arousing her love, another erratum, which she endorsed with eager. I
was in love again, but this time, a wrong match even though of the right class. I
acquainted her with my behavior while deep inside I knew she was not the right one. I
showered her with lots of affectation mixed with affection. This made a strong
bonding between us; and when she boldly betrayed my trust, I hoorayed with
reprieve. I let her know I had cancelled all the obligations she had been under to me as
a lover. I found I was never to expect her repaying me what I had lent to her, or
advanced for her including my most treasured possession – my first mobile phone.
This, however, was not of much consequence, as she was totally unable; and in the
loss of her love I found myself relieved from lumber and encumbrance. I now began
to think of getting another lover beforehand, expecting a better love life – cozy and
more flowery. It was time to send her offing. I damped her for her best friend –
Pauline. She had been genteelly bred, sensible and lively, and of most pleasing
conversation. She has gifted eyes that inspire love, and with eyelashes like polished
blades. I could not resist her brilliant girdles and provoking smiles plus her amorous
ways, which awaken my desires. My heart burned with love's fire; I felt demoralized
with a feeling of servitude, derision and misery when I couldn’t win her swiftly. I
suffered under the vicissitudes of her passion: and all this was as a consequence of my
burning desire for contact with her. Yes, I worked hard to win her heart. I needed the
company of an understanding woman like her. In the month of June in the year two
thousand and one, we got together. I dedicated my life to her and we spoke in detail
about my life and my brothers. It was not going to be an easy task for her to help me
love my brothers back given her background.

My University Life
Having gone through much anguish in my secondary school life, I barely made it to
the university. Abused by my aunt at 5, suffered parental cruelty as a child, a “parent”
at 14 – there was little in my traumatic childhood to suggest I would become an
emerging star in my family’s horizon. A total orphan at 14, struggling to feed my 5
siblings by doing many odd jobs for a series of exploitative employers, I had little
time to devote to studies or to contemplating the harsh reality of my existence. Tears
of joy drooled freely and no words could express my gratitude to The Almighty when
I got my results. I had attained the minimum grade for university admission. My
prayers had been answered. In spite of the notable breakthrough, life challenges were
growing even bigger in proportion each day.

I was wedged in a serious financial quandary but the worst of my dilemmas was the
thought of our severance. The idea of separating with my brothers consumed me like
fire consuming dry grass. We had bonded as a family and living it, taking one day at a
time. Once again I suffered ridicule and defeat. I was a useless putrid piece of wood,
discarded in the hub of the oceanic. Nights were no longer periods of rest but
protracted sessions of relentless agony. Leaving these kids behind me on their own as
I went to the university was more than I could bear. I kept wondering whether it was
the best thing to do, giving up our oneness for the pursuit of education. I rummaged
through my mind for answers but it was so tormenting. Then I reasoned that if I
forfeited my degree and stayed with them, we will never rise above mediocrity and
poverty. He whose ambition creeps instead of soars; he who is always uncertain; he
who procrastinates instead of acts, struggles in vain against failure. Is he not
imprudent who, seeing tide making toward him will sleep until the sea overwhelms
him? Is he not foolish who, given the opportunity to improve his lot, will deliberate
until his neighbor is chosen instead? Only action gives to life its strength, its joy, its
purpose. The world will always determine your worth by the deeds you do. Who can
measure my talents by the thoughts I have or the emotions I feel? And how would I
proclaim my abilities if I were always a spectator and never a player? I took heart
when I realized that activity and sadness are eternal opposites. When my muscles
were straining and fingers were gripping and feet were moving and my mind was
occupied with the task at hand, I had little time for self pity and remorse. Action is the
balm that will heal any wound. I dreaded a life of mediocrity and poverty for eternity.
We had had our rightful share of deprivation and I was resolute to end it. I took up the
opportunity for further studies. They understood with pain as I handed each one of
them to different relatives. It was so painful to see them go their different ways.
However, I hoped for another reunion when the dark clouds were gone. My plea to
their new guardians was to send them to school but not all of them heeded to this
solemn plea. Correcting ignorance in the young, I believe, is the job of every civilized
man and woman. It is, indeed, humbling to be in the presence, even virtually, of so
many who take it upon themselves to correct such ignorance. It takes a special kind of
a person to bring out the best in people. I fixed it in my mind that patience is the art of
waiting, with faith, for the life we deserve through our good works, but action is the
power that makes good works possible. Even the length of the wait, for the good
things I have earned, seemed less because I was busy. No one could act for me. My
plans could have remained no more than an idler’s dreams if I didn’t rise up and fight
against the forces that would keep me small. To take action is always dangerous. My
brothers really suffered while I was at the university. But to sit and wait for the good
things of life to fall into my lap is the only calling where failures excel. I had no idea
about tomorrow but I kept thinking of my brothers for a better tomorrow. Everything
that lied between my cradle and my grave were constantly marked with uncertainty. I
laughed at my doubts and moved on. I acted before I could be acted upon!
At the university I knew character was chief to success. This I had been told by one of
my loving Aunt, a nemesis and a mentor. She reminded me that it is always fortunate
to be of high birth, but it is no less so to be of such character that people do not care to
know whether you are or are not. On my last day with her before going to Nairobi to
enroll at the university, she gave me these maxims: That men of genius are admired,
men of wealth are envied, men of power are feared, but only men of character are
trusted. I realized how vital character meant to her and I took it upon myself to polish
and shape my disposition to a level that would earn me more credit. She taught me
good worth encouraging all my virtuous dispositions, telling me to exercise them
whenever an opportunity arose, being assured that they gain strength by exercise, as a
limb of the body does, and that exercise makes them habitual. This was an arduous
task given the college lifestyle and peer influence. But the great pleasure in life is
doing what people say you cannot do. Her words were my guiding mantle and I swore
not to let her down, but more so, my brothers. As John Wood, an accomplished
philosopher once said: Talent is God given--Be Humble. Fame is man given -- Be
frank. Conceit is self given -- Be Careful. I am so humbled at what I have been able to
do with my life to this point, having started from scratch. Genius is one percent
inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. And now I speak of thanking God, I
desire with all humility to acknowledge that I owe the mentioned accomplishments of
my past life to His kind providence, which lead me to the means I used and gave them
success. My belief of this induces me to hope, though I must not assume, that the
same goodness will still be exercised toward me, in continuing that happiness, or
enabling me to bear a fatal reverse, which I may experience as others have done: the
complexion of my future fortune being known to Him only in whose power it is to
bless to us even our afflictions.

In the university, throughout my five-year stay I endeavored to: Watch my thoughts,

because they become words. I watched my words, because they became actions. I
watched my actions, because they became habits. I watched my habits, because they
became character. I watched my character, because it has become my destiny.
To many university students, life is supposed to be full of fun and enjoyable. Most
viewed themselves as having achieved and therefore indulged in prestige and high-
handedness. Mine was not colorful. I distinguished myself from the hordes. Except
for being in the same lecture halls, we had nothing in common. My understanding of
life pursuits was completely skewed. I had nothing to show and everything to fix. I
had to do it somehow, fix it – always fixing it. Through thick and thin I struggled to
turn things around. I did menial jobs available in campus just to earn a near-decent
livelihood in campus. I lost face and many students looked down upon me. Moreover,
I had few friends in deed but it mattered less to me and that did not deter me from
working hard in any way. At the university it was “pay as you eat”. I skipped several
meals when I couldn’t afford it. Breakfast was a luxury and mostly I had one meal a
day. Surprisingly, I was not so emaciated except for a little protruding jaw bones. My
body somehow adapted to this and therefore the deprivation was less extreme. I was a
good student, generally speaking. I maintained good decorum and I was never I
disciplinary case until one fateful semester. It was to be my last semester of my
studies. I was involved in “examination irregularities” and as a consequence I was
suspended from the university for one academic year. This was a big blow in
academic life as the set back was real. My life was on hold again. However, the one
year came to pass and I was readmitted to finish my studies during the 2004/2005
academic year. I graduated with second class honors, upper division at a graduation
ceremony in the year 2005. I had missed the first class honors. My aunt whose
husband had sponsored my accountancy course continued to be very supportive
throughout my university life but I had to do something in return for the hand-outs.
She hired me again but this time as a part-time gardener.

My Life as a Gardener
"Watch your mouth." Control of speech is very important." Words are
spoken thoughts, and thoughts are things we attract out of the Quantum
Ocean.

----- Original Message ----

From:
To: Onyango T. Felix Otieno <tonieotieno@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, April 25, 2008 9:50:21 AM
Subject: Re: That an interesting clip

Hi Felix,

You know I am very sensitive and I am a dreamer. I have dreamt

true dreams in the past. Even my coming to America I dreamt when
I was still in high school. Do not loose direction. The country needs
you, your community needs you and I have lots of reasons and fact
to back my reasoning. Remember, when I told you that God must
have planned for your fiance to go back to Kenya and I knew that
she was going to get a would be husband immediately and if she
has not told you , then know it fro me. Please Felix I love you and so
pray day and night so that God could give you wife. It is God that
gives. But remember, a snake's child will aways remain a snake and
so if you do not want to regret, then listen to this advise.
Hey ……….,
Why? Why? Why?

I don't seem to understand. Really you've scared me. Well, I have

never thought of it that it would be possible for me to step in
American soil one day but everyday in pursuit for happiness and
affluence, all points to America. Although some people in America
do cry fowl, a significant majority with right thinking minds still
believe it is a land of opportunity and that is the school of thought I
dream to be identified with.

Well, about my girlfriend …………, its so hard to believe that. We've

been together for 7 years now and I did not want to throw that to
the dogs. I love her and I believe she loves me too. But if she
chooses to walk away, I cannot stop her, because may be the
waiting is too long. However, should that happen, my guilt
conscience will never be clear and I will never forgive myself in one
way or the other given the sacrifices she's made in the past to be
with me.

But all said and done, I still would want to know what exactly is your
opinion and advice. Any way in life for me, the ultimate is my
brothers. That is my late parents call that I am obliged to heed.
Please do no hesitate to tell me what I need to do.

Thanking you so much though scared and confused.

Onyango, Mr. Tonny Felix Otieno

Srinagarindra The Princess Mother School, Si sa ket
68 Moo 6 Tombon Phoe, Muang District
Si sa ket 33000 THAILAND.
Mobile +66814209465
www.swsk.ac.th

Some passages of Scripture have a razor-sharp focus, like a surgeon’s knife that cuts
right
the point of the problem. Last week’s reading from Romans 5 is one such example.
“While we
were still sinners, Christ died for us.” You can analyze that from any angle you want,
but in the
end the inescapable truth of those words will burn through with laser-like precision.
Other passages, however, take a broader view of our human condition. While no less
truthful or effective at bringing about the spiritual healing we need, these passages
function less
like a surgical scalpel and more like a full-body scan, intending to give us a wider
picture of
what is going on in us and around us.
***********************************
What is Quantum Physics?
Our 21st century scientists have finally caught up with what are
called the Ancient Wisdom Mysteries. Quantum Physics now tells us
what the ancients knew about god, god's mind, creation, co-creation
and in general how our universe works. They have out it in a modern
day language for all to understand. No more mysteries, hidden
meanings, occult secrets, etc. It is all out there for those who have
eyes to see. Before I tell you about the Laws of Quantum Physics,
and how you can use them, I will answer the question ... Why now?
Why now in the 21st century are the secrets of the universe being
given out to the average man and woman?

Age of Aquarius
We must first look at the Ancient Science of Astrology for the
answer. But, we must take a wider look, a Galactic look. There is a
Creator God, a Big "G", A Prime Mover, A Grand Architect of the
Universe. Someone started it ALL!
Whatever his/her ultimate idea of plan for the universe is, it is far
beyond our present ability to understand. We do know that the
Universe is under law.
All is under law! Since we don't know everything that is going on, let
us look at what we do know. We have just entered the Age of
Aquarius which will last for 2000 years. What is the Age of Aquarius?
It is a physical space in our Milky Way Galaxy. Basic Astrology tells
us that our Solar System has a zodiacal grid. This is a circular grid
divided into arcs of thirty degrees each. Like a round pie that has
been cut up into twelve pieces. The twelve thirty degree pie wedge
shapes are what is know as the Astrological houses of the zodiac.
We have the first house on the eastern horizon, followed by the
second house, etc all the way through the twelfth house. We have
given names to these houses. The first house is Aries; second house
is Taurus; third is Gemini; fourth is Cancer; fifth is Leo; sixth is Virgo;
seventh is Libra; eighth is Scorpio; ninth is Sagittarius; tenth is
Capricorn; eleventh is Aquarius and finally the twelfth is Pisces.
These twelve names are known as the twelve astrological signs.
Each one of these signs has a ruling planet.
Our individual Solar and Natal astrological charts are based upon
the movements of these planets around our sun, as they pass
through the twelve houses. An instantaneous photo is taken of the
heavens the instant you are born. This is your particular mapping of
your Astrological Chart or, as I like to call it, your astrological energy
matrix. All astrology readings are based on the relationship between
your personal astrological energy matrix and the constant
movements of the energy matrices of the planets around the sun.
The only real thing that is happening in the Universe is Energy in
Relationships. The Laws of Quantum Physics tells us about the
energy relationships between our individual energy matrix (our
minds, emotions, bodies and souls) and the infinite energy matrix of
the Quantum Ocean (Mind of God.)
Galactic Sun
Our Milky Way Galaxy has a central sun with thirty degree arcs
extending outward exactly like those of our solar system. And the
Galactic thirty degree arcs are also named Aries, Taurus, etc. The
major difference is one of time and scale. Our planet Earth moves
around our sun in one year, spending one month in each sign. Our
entire solar system moves around the Galactic sun in approximately
24,000 years. It spends 200 years in each sign. We have just
recently moved out of the Galactic sign of Pisces into the Galactic
sign of Aquarius. We will stay in Aquarius for the next 2,000 years.
What Does This Mean? We as a people and as a solar system have
never been in this part of the galaxy before. We are in an entirely
new S.T.E.M. (space-time-energy-matter) configuration. Since two
apples on a desk cannot occupy the same space, they both possess
different S.T.E.M.'S. But they are so close that we cannot tell or
measure the differences. But in a thirty degree Galactic arc which
takes 2,000 years to transcend the differences are very significant.
S (space) - We as a solar system are in an entirely different physical
space in this Galaxy. We have never been here before. T (time) - We
have no idea how our man-made concept of time will be affected.
But there will be a difference. For myself, I can feel that time as we
know it is speeding up. E (energy) - Einstein tells us that E = MC
squared. We have no idea at this point in time (less than 50 years
into Age of Aquarius) if this will hold true for the future. M (matter) -
This is the substance that our physical reality is made of. It is the
stuff we use to create our thoughts. We have used up all the
MATTER (mother substance) allowed for the past 2,000 years. We
have built the forms and functions of the Age of Pisces with it. This
means the forms and ideas of the past 2,000 years supply of Mater
is gone. The religions, institutions, organizations, etc will now fall for
they have no power left. They received their power from the S.T.E.M.
of the position in the Galaxy called Pisces.

We are now in a S.T.EM. position in the Galaxy called Aquarius. It will

take 2-3 hundred years for all the old intuitions to fall but they will
fall. And it will take 2-3 hundred years for us to create the new
forms, forces and functions of Age of Aquarius. We live in interesting
times. All is under law. Do not be concerned about the falling of the
old (the dinosaurs fell). But get out from under them so when they
do fall they don't take you with them. Look to the future. Look to the
Age of Aquarius and help build it. Good News! We now have 2,000
years of New Mater substance to create our new forms, forces and
functions and new worlds with. The Age of Pisces was ruled by the
powerful words: "I Believe!" We needed middle men for the past
2,000 years to tell us about God and we called them priests, rabbis
and mullahs. We needed middle men to tell us about our health and
we called them doctors. We needed middle men to tell us what to
think and we called them teachers. And everything that the priests,
rabbis, mullahs, doctors and teachers told us "we believed." It was
the age of believing what others told us. Now, in the Age of
Aquarius, in this new and exciting part of the Galaxy, we are ruled
by the powerful words: "I Know!" We will no longer need to ask a
priest, rabbi or mullah who or what God is. We will know. We will no
longer need to ask a doctor to tell us how to heal ourselves. We will
know! We will no longer need to ask a teacher what to think. We will
know. We have 1,950 more years to create new stuff and unlimited
energy and matter to do it with. And this new space in our Galaxy
with it's new S.T.E.M. has given us our first two tools to use, two
tools to use to know who and what God is; how to heal ourselves;
and how to think for ourselves in order to think and create a new
and better reality.

Mind of God
Down through the ages man has sought the advice, the wisdom, the
protection and the rewards of GOD. Great religions have sprung up
and then died out, all with one embracing desire: To Know God and
His Works. We have had masses, rituals, sacrifices, etc all geared to
get God's favor. God has been called by many names: God the
Creator; Primal Being; Grand Architect of the Universe; Prime Mover;
First Cause; Odin, Zeus, Jesus, Allah, etc. The secrets in God's mind
as to the creation of the universe, and who we are, where we are
going and where we came from were hidden from us. They were
hidden in the Mind of God, the Akashic Records; the Secret
Brotherhoods; The Hidden and Sacred Books; the Runes; the Tarot;
the Jewish Alphabet; the Stars; etc, etc, etc. Choose the one you like
or make up your own. (Deuteronomy 29:29)

Quantum Physics finally pins it down. It tells us that all the energy in
the universe, all the information about creation in God's mind exists
in an infinite ocean of energy called the Quantum Ocean. Everything
is there. It exists there in a timeless/space less ocean of manifested
substance. There is no past, present nor future there, only the Now.
There is no physical space there only the potential for being. And in
all rights it should be called The Mind of God! Why? Because it is an
infinite ocean of thinking stuff. It responds to thought. Millions of
people down through the ages knew that God responded to their
thoughts (prayers). The Quantum Ocean responds to our thoughts
as if they were prayers.

God's Story
The story is that once upon a time God wanted to know what all was
inside of his mind. He knew that everything that could possibly be
was inside. But it was in one great mass. He wanted to see
everything in a series of events in time. He needed to create a
playing field. So he created the universe and all that it contains so it
could work itself out. He took everything, every thought and image
in his mind and placed them in an infinite ocean of energy called the
Quantum Ocean. He then sat back and watched, Oh! He did one
thing more before he started the show. He gave the infinite energy
in the Quantum Ocean the power to think and respond to thought.
With a smile he sighed and said, "Let creation begin!"

Quantum Ocean
The Quantum Ocean is an infinite ocean of intelligent thinking
substance. Within this thinking substance there are archetypes or
blueprints or patterns of everything that makes up our physical
reality. There are Divine Blueprints placed there by the thoughts of
the Creator and man-made blueprints placed there by man’s
thoughts and emotions. The Divine Blueprints have no errors in
them. They are perfect. Man-made blueprints have many errors.
This is because man has free will and can think whatever he wishes.
He seldom stops to think of the consequences of his thoughts. He
very rarely says to himself "Just because I can do this ... should I?"
The Divine Blueprints are what we can call The Natural Order Way of
Things. The natural way of things will lead us to higher states of
consciousness, to health, wealth and happiness. The man-made
blueprints with their erroneous thoughts lead to bestiality, sickness,
poverty, fear, depression and lower consciousness. Not all of man’s
man-made blueprints are erroneous or harmful. But as a great
teacher once said, "by their fruits ye shall know them."

Look at the fruits of war, poverty, disease, fear, depression running

rampant on the planet today. You can trace all of them back to the
thoughts of the people who created them, consciously or
unconsciously. But, let us look at the Divine Blueprints. They will put
us back on their road to the Natural Order of Things. There is a
Divine Blueprint in the Quantum Ocean for perfect health. It is a
blueprint, pattern, overlay of the energy vibrations that will produce
perfect health in any human who brings them into their world. Each
of us is a soul, who came on a special journey out of the Quantum
Ocean (Mind of God). We came for a specific purpose to do a specific
job. When a soul leaves the Quantum Ocean (Mind of God) it 'blinks'
out and into the physical world. A new incarnation! When the soul
finishes (or does not finish) its mission, its life purpose, it 'blinks'
back into the Quantum Ocean (Mind of God). It makes its report and
prepares itself for its next 'blink' out (reincarnation). The soul has
already chosen its family, its environment, its attributes, its
problems that it will encounter on its journey through life. It has free
will to pick and choose what thoughts it will think, what emotions it
will experience and what actions it will take.
Here is where the problem arises. If the soul were born into a
conscious family who had lived according to the Natural Order of
Things, the soul could make good choices in its life according to
Divine Blueprints. But, if the family were mostly unconscious and
made most of their choices according to the erroneous man-made
blueprints, the soul will most likely make the same choices. The lack
of good spiritual teachers teaching the Natural Order is part of the
problem we face today.
Another problem is the power of attraction put out by the media, the
schools, the religions, the doctors that push the man-made
blueprints. Young souls (you and I as well) need time to get their
bearings. They need to be shown the set of Divine Blueprints and
what they will produce. And also the set of man-made blueprints
and what they will produce. Given both, they can make better
choices. But, are they now being given out in equal measure? The
new laws of Quantum Physics and an understanding of the workings
of the Quantum Ocean will give them that choice.

Thoughts Are Things

Keep the thought that there is a Divine Blueprint for perfect health
in the Quantum Ocean. Bring this energy of perfect health out of the
Quantum Ocean (Mind of God) into your energy configuration (aura).
This new perfect health set of energies will overlay and override
your present set of health energies, which have blockages in them.
Eventually this new set of perfect health energies will become your
personal set of health energies. And, you will experience perfect
health.

How? What Are We?

One of the major causes for many of the problems we face .... is an
erroneous premise. If we start with 2+2 = 5, then all else that
follows will be false. That erroneous premise is: We are physical
bodies encasing a soul! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! We are souls who
have built several bodies around ourselves. When we 'blinked' out of
the infinite thinking, Quantum Ocean .... we did it as a soul, not a
physical body. We are in reality non-physical. We are spiritual beings
made of the same spiritual material that exists in the Quantum
Ocean. We gather to ourselves all the materials we need to build our
bodies. Our physical body houses our five senses. We need these to
experience the physical world of space and time. The major error is
in believing that we are physical and the answer to all our problems
is a physical one. Wrong! We are spirits encased in a physical body,
and all the answers to our questions lie in the spiritual world. In this
example the spiritual world is the Quantum Ocean (Mind of God).
Since the Quantum Ocean is an infinite ocean of thinking substance
we can connect ourselves and communicate with it --- by thinking. It
is our thoughts that, by the Law of Attraction, pull the building
blocks that make up our reality out of the Quantum Ocean. Our
individual physical reality is our health, our wealth, our relationships,
our level of consciousness, our home, our job, etc, etc, etc. If the
pieces of our physical reality are not to our liking --- well it is so
because of the choices we have made, the thoughts we have
thought, the emotions we have emoted, and the actions we have
taken. Obviously we took them from the man-made set of erroneous
blueprints of life.
But the good news is: We can start now to switch our thoughts,
emotions and actions to the Divine Blueprints of Life. If we are
unhealthy it is because we have been sending unhealthy thoughts
into the Quantum Ocean and received such back. Stop! Start
sending thoughts of perfect health into the Quantum Ocean and
make contact with the Divine Blueprint of Perfect Health that exists
there. Once you change your thinking from one of ill health to one of
perfect health, the Divine Blueprint of Perfect health will flow into
your aura, driving out all the blocked energies that cause ill health.
The Frenchman Coeur' said, "Everyday in every way I am getting
better and better." By changing your thoughts from ill health to
perfect health everyday in every way you will be getting healthier
and healthier. Remember you are not a physical body with a soul.
You are a soul which has built a physical body. You are not solid, you
are spiritual. You are energy. Perfect health is a free flow of Divine
Energies flowing throughout your body. Ill health is a blockage of
these energies. These blockages were caused by erroneous
thoughts. The Divine Blueprint of Perfect Health needs to be inside
of you.

How? I AM Statements
There are two magic words which open the doors of the Quantum
Ocean for you. Whenever you think or speak or write using these
two magic words you attract those actual energies out of the
Quantum Ocean into your aura. I Am Healthy -- attracts health
energies out of the Quantum Ocean and into my aura. I Am Wealthy
-- attracts wealth energies out of the Quantum Ocean and into my
aura. I Am Happy - attracts happiness energies out of the Quantum
Ocean and into my aura.

Your aura is your panty hose shield that separates and protects you
from every other energy and vibration on the physical plane. IT IS A
MAGNET! What ever energies or vibrations or thoughts you allow
into your aura will attract the same energies and vibrations to you
from the Quantum Ocean. Law of Attraction --- like-to-like. Secondly
whatever energies you allow into your aura will flow into every
organ and cell in your body. How do you attract better energies and
vibrations into your life? BETTER THOUGHTS! What you think fills
your aura. What you think attracts the building blocks of your life
out of the Quantum Ocean (Mind of God). What you think creates
your health, wealth, love, etc. If you constantly think of ills, ill
health, disease then you fill your aura with these thoughts. If you fill
your aura with these thoughts of ill health then you will attract
energies of ill health (from man-made blueprints) out of the
Quantum Ocean (Mind of God) and into your aura. Your aura will fill
with energies of illness which will fill your organs and cells with
energies of illness. And the process will repeat like a perpetual
motion machine.
Good News Again! Repetition is heaven's first law. When you start
to think of perfect health you fill your aura will thoughts of perfect
health. You attract out of the Quantum Ocean (Mind of God)
energies from the Divine Blueprint for Perfect Health. These
energies of Divine Perfect Health in your aura will flow into all your
organs and cells. Behold! You will become perfectly healthy. How do
you start these marvelous changed thoughts? "I Am" Thoughts.
When you think about what you want in life always start your
thoughts with the "I Am _____________" statement. When you speak
and write about what you want in life start your thoughts with "I Am
_____________" statement. Do not, never (Yes I said never) attach the
words "I Am ____" to anything you do not want. Such as I Am sick. I
Am poor, etc. There are many ways of attracting energies that you
want out of the Quantum Ocean. Here is a great magical key
affirmation to attract health, wealth and love now: Several times a
day sit in your favorite chair, relax and mentally say to yourself: "I
am manifesting my Divine Blueprint for my perfect health out of the
Quantum Ocean (Mind of God) now." Visualize this Divine Blueprint
of Perfect health flowing out of the Quantum Ocean and filling your
aura. Then say: "I am now breathing this perfect health energy that
is in my aura into every cell of my body." Feel the healing energies
renewing, regenerating, rejuvenating and revitalizing every cell. Do
this breathing exercise several times a day. Think that perfect health
is here now. This is how you use the Quantum Ocean to attract
health, wealth, now into your life now. You can also use this exercise
and the Quantum Ocean to heal different parts of your body. There
is a divine blueprint for a healthy heart; healthy teeth; healthy eyes;
etc existing in the Quantum Ocean. Pick out the want you want to
use and breathe it into your aura. "I am now manifesting the divine
blueprint for my perfect teeth and gums out of the Quantum Ocean
(Mind of God) and into my aura." See and feel this flow of energy.
Then: "I am now inhaling the divine perfect teeth and gum energies
in my aura into the cells of my teeth and gums." Feel the cells of
your teeth and gums being regenerated and renewed. Choose a
different divine blueprint out of the Quantum Ocean (Mind of God)
for whatever you want out of life. They are all there waiting for you
to come and take them. You can do it for your fearful emotions by
saying:
"I am fearless and I am breathing courageous energies out of the
Quantum Ocean (Mind of God) and into my aura." Your depressed
emotions: "I am happy and I am breathing happiness energy out of
the Quantum Ocean (Mind of God) and into my aura." Poverty? "I am
wealthy and I am attracting the energies of wealth out of the
Quantum Ocean and into my aura." We have just started to learn
about the gifts of the 21st Century. Use the Quantum Ocean (Mind
of God) to attract anything you want out of life. Use it to create
something new, something that has never before been on the
planet.
 ************************************

As an orphan, life is not a bed of roses if you approach it grudgingly and recklessly. I
passed through many hands in my struggle for liberation and I came to the realization
that the world we live in has only two inhabitants: the good and the bad; the merciful
and the merciless; the selfless and the selfish; the kind and the unkind; the rich and the
poor and the list goes on and on. Pity the rich man, riding the high tide of what seems
an endless chain of great accomplishments. When calamity strikes he is ill-prepared
and comes to utter ruin. Always be prepared for the worst. Pity the poor man buried in
the low tide of failure after failure, sadness after sadness. Eventually he ceases trying,
just as the tide is changing and success is reaching out to embrace him. Never stop
trying. Always have faith that conditions will change. Though your heart be heavy
and your body bruised and your wallet empty and there is no one to comfort you –
hold on. Just as you know the sun will rise, so also must you believe that your periods
of misfortune must end. It was always so. It will always be. These are the things that
blight or bless the profusion of human delight and ultimately lead to hoarding or
munificence. And if your work and your patience and your plans have brought you
good fortune, seek out those whose tides are low and lift them up. Prepare for your
future. The day may come when what you have done for another will also be done to
you. One of my favorite movies is The Fisher King. In this movie, Jeff Bridges looks
at a homeless person with disgust. Robin Williams challenges him by saying that this
homeless person can be Bridges most profound teacher. That he was placed on his
path to teach him and all of humanity compassion. Remember that nothing is constant
but treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and
good-health have vanished. And plan to lose even that love, after a time, knowing that
one day you will be reunited for all eternity in a place where there are no cycles, no
ups and downs, no pain or sorrow, and above all, no failures.

You are wiser than most, once you realize that adversity is not the permanent
condition of man. And yet, as an orphan, this wisdom alone is not sufficient. Hardship
and failure can devastate you while you wait patiently for your destiny to change.
Deal with them in only one way: Accept them both with open arms! Since this
injunction goes against all logic and reason, it is the most difficult to comprehend or
master. Let the tears you shed over your hardships cleanse your eyes that you might
see the truth. Realize that he who wrestles with you always strengthens your nerves
and sharpens your skills. Your opponent is always, in the end, your best helper. Hard
times are the rain in your life, cold, comfortless, and unfriendly. Yet from that season
are born the lily, the rose, the date, the pomegranate. Who can tell what great things
you will bring forth after you have been perched by the heat of tribulations and
drenched by the rains of affliction? Even the dessert blooms after a storm. An
intelligent orphan sees the hardship as the greatest teacher. You will learn little from
your victories, but when you are hard-pressed, beleaguered, and overwhelmed you
will acquire great knowledge for only then will you become acquainted with your true
self since you are free at last, from those who flatter you, those who abuse you, and
those who disparage you. And who are your friends? When hard times engulfs you is
the best time to count them. I use to remind myself in the darkest moments that every
failure is only a step towards success, every detection of what is false directs you to
what is true, every trial exhausts some tempting form of blunder, and every adversity
will only hide, for a time, your path to peace and fulfillment hence munificence.
In my upstream journey, there were numerous obstacles and I met some very mean
people along the way who in one way or the other greatly mired my impetus. I judged
them as very mean and egocentric characters. However, the mind in its place and in
itself can make a haven of hell or a hell of heaven. Why do I still think of the love that
my own foolishness and temerity caused me to lose, long ago? Will that memory help
my digestion this morning? Why do I still grieve over my failures? Will tears improve
my skills while I labor for my family, today? Why do I commit to memory the face of
he who harmed me? Will the thought of sweet revenge enable me sleep better tonight?
Parents dead, friends lost, jobs failed, words that wounded, grudges undeserved,
money lost, sorrows unhealed, goals failed, ambitions destroyed, loyalties betrayed –
why have I allowed such cobwebs of infamy to gather in the attic of my mind until
there is scarcely room for a happy thought about this day? I have since swept out the
tragic strands to the past that have accumulated with the years. I realized that there
festering entrails can choke me, in time, if I’m not diligent. The ability to forget is a
virtue, not a vice. And yet, to know that yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, its
pain and tears, has passed forever and cannot harm me, is not enough. I also
recognized that so must I believe that I can do nothing about tomorrow, with its
possible heartaches and blunders, until the sun rises again. All I have that I could
fashion as I wished is the hour at hand. I also learnt a big lesson never to let worry
about tomorrow cast a shadow over today. What madness is it to be expecting evil
before it comes. I have since never wanted to waste a moment thought on that which
may never happen. It’s important to be consciously on your path to success, and
equally important to prepare your mind, spirit and body for the success you seek.
I started to concentrate and concern myself only with the present because he who
worries about calamities suffers them twice over. I leant to forget what is past and
trusting God to concern Himself with the future because I believe He is far capable
than me. Certainly He has brought me this far. From the works of Buddha, he said
“…what we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts
build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind…..” Buddha (563
BC – 483 BC) It’s not enough to be an anonymous member of society, who lets
others decide your fate. To allow life to “pull you along” creates conflicts,
resentments and lost opportunities

Here are four of my success strategies. Make them part of your "quest for success".
1) Just as you did when you learned to ride a bicycle here is only one way to
accomplish anything today -- set your mind to focus on doing it and let nothing get in
the way with your progress. Obstacles, whether they be training wheels on a bike or
lack of resources (money, time, lack of skill, etc.) are quickly overcome by the person
that sets out to accomplish their heart's desire. Those who have the desire, "the fire in
the belly" so to speak will out distance and out perform those who do not.
2) No matter what anyone says, "Size does matter." When you first learned to ride a
bike, you were a child. As you grew to adulthood, of course you were faced with
greater and more challenging situations. On your road to success, remember this quote
from my Success System book, "The Power Of Concentration ' How To Take Control
Of Your Life"...
"The "bigger" you are, the smaller the obstacle appears. If you think of yourself as
"small" the greater the obstacle will appear to you".
Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and it will give you
the needed "size" and courage for the conquest ' now and in the future.
3) Do not expect that you will always have a smooth road, free of potholes, speed
bumps and detours. Parts of your journey are likely to be rough. The way you
navigate the bad roads shows exactly what you are made of. Always persist and
continue ahead with your journey and view the smooth roads that are in front of you.
4) Do not be stopped by obstacles or setbacks. Just like when you skinned your knees
and elbows learning to ride, think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome
before you can reach your goal. Learn from it and use the lesson to move ahead.
Success IS like riding a bicycle. Learn my strategies of success outlined above, and
you will ALWAYS be up to the challenge, regardless of the size.

About the Author

Keith A. Shaw is the founder and President of
http://www.MindBodySpiritCentral.com . Keith is an authority on motivation, self
improvement, success, health and wellness. Keith is the author and creator of three
Motivation and Success Systems that have helped women and men to achieve more in
life than they ever dreamed possible.

The only constant in the whole Universe is ‘change.’ We as a Solar

System, have rotated through the Milky Way Galaxy to a new place
in space.

Our Solar System rotates around our Galactic Sun, the same way as
our Earth rotates around our Sun. We have called this new place in
Space around our Glalactic Sun “The Age of Aquarius.” We will be
moving through this space for 2000 years.

There will be many changes. For the past 2000 years formal
religions were to the front and Science took a back seat. The people
will still have a strong need for religion, but it will be more
individualized. The huge formal religions, in the next 100-200 years
will disappear.

Each man and woman on the planet will be given the chance to
discover God in their own way. They will not have to BELIEVE any
one any more. They will ‘KNOW’ who and what God is.

The masters who have gone before, understood a great deal more
about the workings of God and each of them abstracted out of the
‘ALL’ the best way to teach their followers.

The Age of Aquarius has revealed to us the gift of the Laws of

Quantum Physics. These Laws tell us that there is an infinite Ocean
of intelligent, thinking energy called the Quantum Ocean. This
Quantum Ocean is the Mind of God made manifest. There is no past,
present, nor future in the Quantum Ocean, only the NOW. There is
no space in the Quantum Ocean, only the HERE.

So in reality there is only the HERE-NOW.

The Quantum Ocean responds to man’s thoughts and emotions. The

great thinkers and mystics of the past used the power of their minds
and emotions to penetrate deeper into the Quantum Ocean, Mind of
God, than the average man was able to do.

Higher levels of consciousness are synonymous with this deeper and

more powerful thought. These higher Consciousness thinkers
created our religions. And this was good for the ‘Age of Pisces.’ At
this time man was not sufficiently advanced in consciousness to
understand the workings of the ‘Mind of God.’ He needed someone
who could somewhat penetrate the Mind of God, and bring forth a
teaching. The average man needed something and someone to
“BELIEVE IN.’

Not any more. As we spin through the section in space called ‘ The
Age of Aquarius’ each of us will be given the tools to penetrate the
Mind of God and create our own individualized religion.

The Great ones, Jesus, Moses, Mohammad, Buddha, Odin,

Confuscious, and Lao Tze will still be remembered and thought of,
but as pioneers not Gods.

The Laws of Quantum Physics will show us that they understood

these laws, but expressed them differently to the different races of
people in their environment.

Let us look at the words of Lao Tsze. He was born in the year 604
B.C. in China. He was called ‘The Old Philosopher.’

The teachings of Lao Tze, though ancient, are still quite new and
modern. In that they are still just as true today as they were then.

His complete work ‘Tao - Teh Kng’ consists of only 5,000 Chinese
characters.

“Tao” is the absolute, the unmanifested one (Mind of God).

“Teh” is the manifestation of Tao in the objective world (Quantum

Ocean.)

Fundamentally, there are four distinct senses in which it can be

understood. We can relate these to the modern day Quantum
Ocean, Mind of God.
1. Tao is the Supreme God, the Absolute and Unmanifested One.
(Quantum Ocean, Mind of God.)

2. Tao is the All - Creative Logos, The Name, The Word, The Father-
Mother.
(Quantum Ocean is an infinite Ocean of thinking energy that creates
all.)

3. Tao is the Way of Heaven, The Law, The Dharma, The Divine
Providence, The Inexhaustible Store. (Quantum Ocean, Mind of God
is infinite and shows the way back to God.)

4. Tao is the Root and Final Possession, The Ultimate Goal of All, The
Abode of Peace and Security, The End and Home of all Beings.

We ‘Blink in’ and ‘Blink out’ of the physical plane with each new
incarnation. With each new incarnation we are to raise our level of
consciousness and become more God-like.

When we reach this stage in our development there will be no more

need to ‘Blink out.’

We will be home to stay in the Mind of God, The Quantum Ocean.

"Take care of your every day life, it is a jewel." What you do today
affects your tomorrow and all the rest of your tomorrows.

Rest all you can. To raise your level of consciousness, you need to
build the resonant frequency circuits within yourself. To do this, you
need Prana, Life-Force. Resting stores them up.

"Refuse to tune in to the masses." The masses or the Race Psyche

as I.F. called them, are not interested in higher teachings or
spirituality. Look at the media and see where they are placing their
attention. Don't resonate with them. A great teacher once said,
"Come ye out from amongst them and let the dead bury the dead."

"Patience is a form of training." Where are we rushing to? We have

eternity, handed to us in small one at a time incarnations, to work
things out.

My Biostatistics
Tarot Card
(Equivalent of "6/05/1979")
The Hermit: Withdrawal from events and relationship
to introspect and gather strength. Seeking the inner
voice or calling upon vision from within. A need of
understanding and advice, or a wise man who will
offer knowing guidance. Personal experience and
thoughtful temperance.

Public Role
(Equivalents of "tonny" my middle name)
Words that embody your presence are "Factory,
Vanguard, Vision, Volume, Window". Words that embody the
causes of your circumstances are "Cage".

Rune
(Equivalent of "otieno" my last name)
Tyr is the symbol of the warrior. This rune most
represents masculine force and potency, and frequently
victory in battle. Beware though, for this rune
represents directly the Norse god whose name it bears -
Tyr stands out in legend for having sacrificed his hand
that he might bind Fenrir, a monstrous wolf that threatens to
swallow the world. As such, this rune is known to portend a great
victory that can be bought with a terrible sacrifice. Tyr is also the
god of law, frequently placed in such position above Odin. In this
aspect, protection of justice may be had by this rune.

Private Persona
(Equivalents of "ombazo" my nick name)
Words that embody your presence are "Amulet, Bullet, Cathedral,
Despair, Failure, Fashion, Lover, Lust, Money, Pilot, Reason, River,
Rocket, School, Slut, Sweet, World".
Words that embody the people or things that you interact with
are "Dance, Hand, Job, Red".
Words that embody people or things in your periphery are
"Obsession, Porcupine, Spotlight, Stability, Torture, University".