DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN: AWARENESS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION

Report cards, progress reports, awards ceremonies, graduation information – all are designed to keep parents
informed and involved with their child’s academic environment. However, some parents refuse to share this
information and the children with the other parent. This is known as alienation of affection and parental alienation.

Parent alienation, according to Douglas Darnall, Ph.D 1., is “any constellation of behaviors, whether conscious or
unconscious, that could evoke a disturbance in the relationship between a child and the other parent.” Further,
children unknowingly experience parental alienation syndrome (PAS) – a type of brainwashing. According to Jeff
Opperman2, “The concept of PAS is pretty simple: one parent deliberately damages, and in some cases, destroys, the
previously healthy, loving relationship between his or her child and the child’s other parent. In severe PAS cases,
the alienating parent and the child work together to successfully eliminate the previously loved mom or dad from the
child’s life.”

As stated, parental alienation destroys a child-parent relationship. It is harbored by one angry parent, who serves as a
control mechanism aimed to punish the other parent by forbidding the children to have contact with the other parent
and not sharing child information with the other parent. Thus, children must be loyal to the controlling parent, who
enmeshes the child’s perceptions, beliefs, and feelings toward the other parent with his/her own. Sadly, as children
grow in this environment, it becomes their lifestyle and reality to have no contact with the other parent. It then
becomes a generational and societal problem.

The generational problem jeopardizes relationships. The societal problem encompasses the academic environment.
Often, educators are unaware of the student’s home conditions. Therefore, educators should be aware if their
students display the following signs of PAS:

• Good students continue to fail classes, repeatedly do not complete homework assignments, lack motivation
to academically succeed, and decline involvement in school activities
• Students are repeatedly ill, miss school, or habitually tardy
• Students’ grades continually decline over semesters
• Students stay to themselves for prolonged periods -- appear unusually quiet or withdrawn
• A child’s parents are separating or divorcing; one parent has sole custody and listed as the only parent for
emergency notification.

Because of PAS, the lifelong effects on children could result in:

• Missed educational opportunities due to poor academic success
• Students could become school drop-outs
• Students’ income potential is hampered due to their poor educational performance
• Students’ relationships are hindered, and they could become parental alienators.

Through awareness of parental alienation, a child-parent relationship and often, child-grandparent relationship can
be mended for a lifetime. This awareness is crucial. Parents should be alarmed regarding the following signs and
note the frequency of PAS:

• The marriage is breaking up and one parent repeatedly exhibits hostility, violence, abuse, anger, or extreme
control of the children. These symptoms may grow stronger with time.
• The child repeatedly exhibits hostility, violence, anger, abuse, and denigration toward one parent, and does
not exhibit guilt over the cruelty toward one parent.
• One parent repeatedly states, “The children and I will divorce you.”
• One parent repeatedly “guards” or withholds the children from the other parent
• One parent repeatedly buys the child’s love and affection
• One parent repeatedly tells the child that the other parent does not love him/her
• One parent repeatedly excludes the other parent from family and child activities
• One parent repeatedly excludes the other parent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc, from the child’s life.
• One parent repeatedly fabricates or exaggerates untrue stories regarding the other parent
• Parental alienation does not spring up overnight. It centers on consistent, yet repeated, indoctrination (e.g.,
brainwashing) of negative statements and actions toward the other parent. This social change involves
 breaking into the existing child-parent relationship, which results in intellectual and emotional changes for
generations.
• There are three levels of parental alienators:
o Naïve Alienator: Unaware and no malicious intent
o Active Alienator: This alienator is deeply hurt. Children benefit from both parents receiving
counseling from counselors who understand parental alienation.
o Obsessed Alienator: This parent has had success in alienating children and others, blocks child
access to the other parent, and thus, the child refuses to have contact with the other parent. The
obsessed alienator is intent on destroying the other parent and seeks all ways to destroy the other
parent. The obsessed alienator will violate court-ordered visitation, and eventually destroys the
child-parent relationship. This alienator is self-centered, overly involved with the child, disregards
all rules, and extremely controlling. Thus, this is a generational problem.

The above symptoms are signs of parental alienation. Once a campaign of denigration begins, parental alienation is
difficult to stop, gets more evil, and is accepted as time progresses. Thus, knowledge is essential. Listed below are
some helpful websites regarding PAS:

• www.parentalalienation.com
• www.rachelfoundation.com
• www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-darnall
• www.rgardner.com

Given the above information, where do we go?

• Teachers and School Administrators:
o If the student’s parents are separated or divorced, maintain contact with both parents, and verify
the student’s residency (e.g., who the student resides with)
o Ensure both parents are on the mailing list to receive their child’s academic information
o Parents should be made aware of school resources to access student information
• Parents:
o Maintain contact with your child, and attend child’s school and other functions
o If necessary, seek an attorney who is highly knowledgeable and has experience in cases regarding
parental alienation / high-conflict cases
o Become aware and knowledgeable regarding PAS (e.g., read, research, attend seminars)
o Observe your child’s ongoing behavior and attitude toward both parents
o Obtain access to the school’s EDLINE to track your child’s academic progress
o It is in the child’s best interest to maintain a relationship with each parent. Else, the child is at risk
of growing up and being an alienator, since the alienating parent has been the primary role model.

The intention of this document is to bring awareness of parental alienation / alienation of affection to educators and
parents regarding this social and generational problem. After all, children need both parents, all grandparents, and all
extended family members to succeed in education, life, love, and relationships. Please be aware – Do it for the
Children. Written By: Diane Groth, PTSA member, Bel Air High School, Bel Air, MD

1. Divorce Casualties, Protecting Your Children from Parental Alienation. Douglas Darnall, Ph.D.
2. Parental Alienation Syndrome: the secret killer of parent-child relationships. Jeff Opperman, “For
Counseling Today”