Love or Infatuation "You can tell that it's infatuation when you think that he's as sexy as Paul

New man, as athletic as Pete Rose, as selfless and dedicated as Ralph Nader, as smar t as John Kenneth Galbraith and as funny as Don Rickles. You can be reasonably s ure that it's love when you realize he's actually about as sexy as Don Rickles, as athletic as Ralph Nader, as smart as Pete Rose, as funny as John Kenneth Galb raith and doesn't resemble Paul Newman in any way--but you'll stick with him any way." -Judith Viorst (1) Do I treat the other person as a person or a thing? If you go out with him/her because he/she is good looking (a "prize" to be with) or a way out (a ticket to the movies), that isn't love. (2) Would you chose to spend the evening alone with him/her if there were no kis sing, no touching, and no sex? If not, it isn't love. (3) Are the two of you at ease and as happy alone as you are with friends? If you need other friends around to have a good time, it isn't love. (4) Do you get along? If you fight and make up a lot, get hurt and jealous, tease and criticize one an other, better be careful, it may not be love. (5) Are you still interested in dating or secretly "messing around" with others? If so, you aren't in love. (6) Can you be totally honest and open? If either or both of you are selfish, insincere, feel confined, or unable to exp ress feelings, be cautious. (7) Are you realistic? You should be able to admit possible future problems. If others (besides a paren t) offend you by saying they are surprised you are still together, that you two seem so different, that they have doubts about your choice, better take a good l ook at this relationship. (8) Is either of you much more of a taker than a giver? If so, no matter how well you like that situation now, it may not last. (9) Do you think of the partner as being a part of your whole life? If so, and these dreams seem good, that is an indication of love. Infatuation vs Love Love and Infatuation are both intense emotions that one feels for another person . These feelings are most often confused for each other by many people. But the two feelings differ in their actuality of love, intensity and final outcome. Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of relatio nship when sexual attraction is central. Love can be described as feeling of int ense affection for another person. It is most often talked about as an emotion b etween two persons. Hence is also sometimes referred to as interpersonal love. MARRIAGE 1. The formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by w hich they become husband and wife. 2. A relationship between married people or the period for which it lasts. 3. a legally, religiously, or socially sanctioned union of persons who comm it to one another, forming a familial and economic bond: Anthropologists say tha t some type of marriage has been found in every society, past and present. 4. 2. 5. a. 6. the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decis ion to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc. 7. b. 8. a similar institution involving partners of the same gender, as in gay m arriage; same-sex marriage .

9. 3. 10. the state, condition, or relationship of being married; wedlock: They ha ve a happy marriage. Synonyms: matrimony. Antonyms: single life, bachelorhood, s pinsterhood, singleness. 11. 4. 12. the legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of two peop le to live as a married couple, including the accompanying social festivities: t o officiate at a marriage. Synonyms: nuptials, marriage ceremony, wedding. Anton yms: divorce, annulment. 13. 5. 14. a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other in the manner of a husband and wife, without legal sanction: trial marriage. The Differences between Love and Infatuation (For Parents of Children with Developmental Disabilities) The distinction is not just lost on youth. So many adults get this one wrong tha t we thought we d better tell you the differences between love and infatuation bef ore your child gets their first crush. And be prepared. Most children and teens experience infatuation and mistake it f or love, so you re probably not going to escape dealing with this one. Love is when you care very strongly and very deeply about another person. When y ou love someone, you are there to support them, you work together to solve probl ems, you re willing to stand by this person in good times and bad, and you wish no thing more than to watch and help this person grow. Infatuation (also referred to as lust ) has a few great things going for it too. In fatuation gives you goosebumps. It puts that silly smile on your face that you c an't seem to shake. It fills your mind with wonderful daydreams. And, of course, many love relationships start out as infatuation. It all sounds so wonderful that we may not see the problem when infatuation is m istaken for love. But it's a big problem, and that's why it s so important to unde rstand the differences between love and infatuation. Here they are: o Love develops gradually over time. Infatuation occurs almost instantaneo usly. o Love can last a long time. It becomes deeper and more powerful over time . Infatuation is powerful, but short-lived. o Love accepts the whole person, imperfections and all. Infatuation flouri shes on perfection you have an idealized image of your partner and you only show your partner your good side. o Love is more than physical attraction. Infatuation focuses on the physic al. o Love is energizing. Infatuation is draining. o Love improves your overall disposition. Infatuation brings out jealousy and obsessiveness. It causes you to neglect other relationships. o Loves survives arguments. Infatuation glosses over arguments. o Love considers the other person. Infatuation is selfish. o Love is being in love with a person. Infatuation is being in love with l ove. Again, there s nothing wrong with two people being infatuated with each other, jus t as long as both people recognize the relationship for what it is. Teens often use failed lust relationships to assess the undesirable aspects of such relationsh ips. If you ve seen enough TV and movies, you may have already figured out one reason w hy so many people get confused about love and infatuation. When you re watching ro mantic shows or movies, most of what you see is infatuation people meeting and h aving a strong, immediate physical attraction. Unfortunately, they almost always call it love. It isn t, and we should never try to base our own relationships on such nonsense. Sorry, but there s no such thing as love at first sight. There s infatua tion at first sight which can be amazingly fun and thrilling and someday it may e ven lead to love.

Here s one script for talking with your child about the differences between love a nd infatuation. Notice that we substitute the word crush for infatuation. One of the biggest problems for just about everyone who finds themselves interes ted in someone else is trying to figure out if you really, really like them, may be even love them, or if you just have a crush on that person. What do I mean by a crush ? Many people start out by having a crush on someone and then they fall in love wi th that person. But sometimes people get crushes and stay with someone even thou gh they never fall in love with them. That can cause big problems. Let s compare love and crushes. [Write Love and Crushes at the top of a piece of paper . Draw a dividing line between the two.] What does it mean to love someone? [Listen to your child s responses and write appropriate ones under the word Love. On the other side of the line, write the crush comparisons (see below). Add addition al love and crush comparisons, if necessary. Your final list should look something l ike this:] Love Crushes Love takes a long time to develop. Crushes occur right away . Love can last a long time. Crushes don t last very long. Love is powerful. Crushes are powerful. Love lets you be yourself. Crushes are all about being perf ect. Love accepts the other person s flaws. Crushes hide the other p erson s flaws. Love is more than physical attraction. Crushes are all about ph ysical attraction. Love gives you energy. Crushes tire you out. Love makes you happy. Crushes make you jealous. Don t get me wrong crushes can be a lot of fun. It s only a problem when you mistake a crush for love. So when you first meet someone whom you like, don t worry if it s true love or just a crush. It s too soon to tell. But if you ve been with someone for quite a while an d you feel jealous and you feel like you lose all of your energy when you re aroun d them, then maybe it s time to figure out if you really like the person or if it was just a crush. What would you do if it were just a crush?