Who am I?

Whenever I am asked to reveal my identity, I say neeraj srivastava masking a smile. Never did it occur to any one that is it really me or just a name, a plain name. I have been entirely different in my life. You could say a person wandering in dark fields of life with no enthusiasm but a beating heart that tells every moment yes, I am living. I am born with a silver spoon. I have list of hobbies just like everyone or just like anyone. Reading and writing are my hobbies which sway me away from reality. Whenever asked that who I am, I say I am person born in 21st century but does it make me any different. There millions born in it. So I would say I am born on October, 31 but again there are thousands. So I would likely add a place but then again there are hundreds. So my futile efforts never make me different. Everyone once in their life has to answer this question -who am I? to their self conscious. I am a person who is hardworking, career oriented, careful, helping, selfless, sacrificing yet I am unconfident, short tempered, violent and adamant. I become altogether a different person for different people. I am a little shy around strange people and I personally find it difficult to understand that how well people mix up with others without knowing them. I tried it multiple times but to no gain. I never possess any ill will towards anyone but sometimes people mistook my quiet nature to be my weakness. My eyes convey them that dont judge book by its cover. My sister used to say that my face is a open book and I used to tell her that it is written in a language that no one other than her can understand. I love to go to adventure camps and activities such as mountain climbing, paragliding etc. memories of such camps have resided in my heart so well that it flash on my inward eye whenever I am in doubt or uncertain. Is it only me who can see that that there are millions who are running in lifelong race chasing nothing or paper. When I try to tell people they say it is competition and it isnt paper but money. I laugh and they murmur idiot under their breath. It took a long time for me to understand that this very feeling distinguishes me from rest. I have a dream of owning a house as large as a city that provides shelter to people who have no one and nothing to call their own. I have a habit of keeping my dreams to myself because when I tell them, they blink hard and become utterly and unresponsively paralyzed. I am usual in every aspect and way of living but unusual in thoughts. I have grown up listening stories of Mahatma Buddha and mother Teresa; these people have sacrificed their whole life for reducing the worlds pain. Both of them belonging to a rich family who could have lived just like another king but their life had other plans. I have a dream of leading their paths. After living half of my life, I have come to conclusion that nothing is mortal and nothing can be brought back once gone time or words. I believe that actions speak louder than words but at the same time I know words have power what no other thing can posses. These ironies keep my life moving. When people ask my

religion, I say blend and they frown seizing the discussion. But when I have to fill forms, theres no option of blend and one cannot leave it blank. Is it so difficult for one to live without religion? Cant one be just born, just plainly born. I follow the selective rituals of every religion, those which I understand. So I call myself blend, blend of Hindu, Muslim, and Christianand so on. I have seen success as well as failure but the only respite is the support of my family. I cannot be defined without my family. They are the ones who make me. My upbringing is done in a state of orange Confused? Nagpur. I spend plenty of time at my garden seeing the oranges hidden in greenery and childrens enjoyment in plucking them. Yes, you are right. I am a nature lover. Natures lap is my secondary residence. I am not Keats or Wordsworth but an admirer of beauty. I love standing on top of hill and looking down at thousands of trees, a cold yet warming wind blowing and touching me as it is here to whisper a message of angel. I am an average looking girl. I have straight hair, black eyes and a fair complexion. I am never praised for my looks yet I am never worried about it. There are thousands things to worry for. I love curling in bed, reading a novel and then vanishing in another realm. I occasionally watch television. I watch daily soaps mainly youth oriented channels. Movies arent my interested subjects but I do watch them when I have nothing else to do. I believe movies are a source of inspiration for present youth generation. I have a talent in journalism as well but never had an opportunity to show it off. Remorse is left in my corner of heart but I brush it off. Everyday there is tumble of emotions that sway me away from reality and every day I push myself back. I am a person who believes in eternal truth god. I am a precognitive person. I can sometimes see in dreams and realize what is coming for me. I mediate for hours in search of myself. Every living being longs to be perpetually happy, without any misery. Since in everyone the highest love is alone felt for oneself and since happiness alone is the cause of love, in order to attain that happiness, which is one's real nature and which is experienced daily in the mindless state of deep sleep, it is necessary to know oneself. To achieve that, enquiry in the form 'Who am I?' is the foremost means. 'Who am I?' The physical body, composed of the seven dhatus, is not 'I'. The five sense organs and the five types of perception known through the senses are not 'I'. The five parts of the body which act and their functions are not 'I'. The five vital airs such as prana, which perform the five vital functions such as respiration, are not 'I'. Even the mind that thinks is not 'I'. In the state of deep sleep vishaya vasanas remain. Devoid of sensory knowledge and activity, even this [state] is not 'I'. After negating all of the above as 'not I, not I', the knowledge that alone remains is itself 'I'. The nature of knowledge is sat-chit-ananda. If the mind, which is the cause of all knowledge and all actions, subsides, the perception of the world will cease. [If one perceives a rope, imagining it to be a snake] perception of the rope, which is the substratum, will not occur unless the perception of the snake, which has been superimposed on it, goes.

NEERAJ SRIVASTAVA A 156, Sector 41 Noida, 201303 999474795 arushisrivastava95@yahoo.in

REFERENCES:

Tushar Parashar Sihani, Ghaziabad Phone: 9971038517 Familiar with writing experience

Ashok kumar lal Pillibheet, Uttar Pradesh Phone: 09411819926 Familiar with supervising skill

Arushi srivastava Noida, Uttar Pradesh Phone: 9716721217 Family friend amitshastri88@gmail.com Can discus my expertise in education