My instructor reviewed my essay and provided me with constructive feedback on how to improve my introductory paragraph.

She stated that I could specify on how outsourcing affects peoples lives, categorize the ways it affects peoples lives, and specify exactly which peoples lives are affected. Throughout the body paragraphs, my instructor mentioned some grammar and punctuation errors that needed to be corrected. My instructor also advised that one of my statistics, data shows that Ohio has imported 242,000 jobs, Indiana 163,000, and Michigan 244, 000, needs a bit more explanation such as if jobs were gained because companies in other states have outsourced jobs to them, or are those jobs created because the companies used outsourcing to save costs, enabling the creation of additional jobs. In my concluding paragraph, my instructor advised that my conclusion needs more summary of the major facts. I reviewed the peer review checklist from one of my classmates and was pleased to hear the comments that were mentioned. The feedback started off by stating the strongest part of my essay was statistical facts and figures. My classmate also advised that specific examples were given from accredited sources which make the information provided seem logical. The comment about my introduction stated that it provides a definition of the essays subject and a thesis statement outlining two conflicting opinions on the subject to be expanded upon in the essay. The readers interest is obtained by encouraging them to read on and discover more about a prevalent issue in America. My classmates stated that more facts relating to the predicted future impact of outsourcing in the United States would add to the essay. If specific expected figures were added this paragraph would be stronger.

I submitted my essay to the Center of Writing Excellence for further review. The plagiarism checker notified me that my paper had a similarity index of 13%. It identified the quotes and references I used as being from websites. The grammar checkpoint highlighted areas that needed grammar and punctuations corrections. The information regarding my introduction was helpful. I will revise my thesis statement to indicate who is impacted and how. This will improve the introduction making it attentiongrabbing and informative. I will submit my essay to the Center of Writing Excellence one last time to eliminate any grammar or punctuation errors. Finally, I will do a better job to incorporate the main points of my essay in the concluding paragraph. The feedback improves my essay by providing me with constructive feedback from another persons point of view of my paper. The feedback highlighted the stronger parts of my paper, but also gave helpful suggestions to improve the weaker parts. I believe that this feedback will make my essay more interesting for the audience. I will incorporate all of my instructors feed back to my essay. My classmate advised that I need more facts relating to the predicted future impact of outsourcing in the United States. I will not incorporate this change to my essay. I reviewed the paragraph and believe the facts provided are sufficient.